All language subtitles for Two Doors Down s07e05 Takeaway.eng

They don't.
Well, I'm sure they do.

They don't! It's uplift only,
I'm telling you.

Oh! Oh, hi, Michelle.
Hi, Beth. Hi, Eric.

How are you doing?
Are you off somewhere nice?

Er, just to the dump.
Oh.

Yeah,
a few bits and pieces.

A whole
load of cardboard, Michelle.

Oh, right.
Amazing how it builds up,isn't it?

This is the thing when
you're ordering stuff online -

it
all comes in boxes,

and you end up just absolutely
swamped with it.

OK, Eric.

Yeah,
and polystyrene too,

because of course
everything in the boxes

needs
to be protected.

Eric, Michelle doesn't need
all the details.

I'm just telling her - she's
asking us where we're going.

Yes, but she doesn't need to
know everything we're taking.

Er, I'll maybe just leave
you to it.

No, no, no, sorry.
How are you?

Oh, I'm fine, yeah.

A bit up to my eyes with work
just now, though,

but...listen,
I was going to ask you,

it's pay week, and I was
just thinking, do you fancy

coming over to ours
on Friday night for a takeaway?

We could get, like, a Chinese
or something?

Oh, sounds nice.
Aye.

Say about six?

Er, I'm going to say to Colin and
Cathy and Christine as well.

Well, count us in.

Great, well, I'll see you then.
Enjoy your trip to the dump.

Well, he will.

Hi!

Hello,
Michelle, how are you?

Och, I'm OK.
So glad it's Friday.

This week's been mad.
Oh!

Tell me about it.
Between my good pen

disappearing down the side
of the recliner,

and the batteries in my
remote control needing changed,

I
have been flat out.

Come on in.

All right?

Hello,
Alan, how are you?

All right.

So is it Chinese
we're getting in, then?

Yeah, is that all right
with you?

Oh, yes, I like Chinese.
Where are you getting it from?

Well, we normally get ours
from the Panda Hut.

The Panda Hut?

Aye, it's really good.
Have you no' had one there?

No.
Where'd you go?

Thomas
up at the Golden Blossom.

Oh, right.
I don't know that one.

Oh, it's
very authentic, Michelle.

He
does kebabs as well.

DOORBELL RINGS

Oh!

Excuse
me a wee minute.

Oh, hello, Michelle.

Hi! Hi, Eric.

Made
it to Friday, eh?

Oh,
I know, thank God.

TFI.

Oh, yeah.

What?

I'm saying TFI.

Thank
"mm" it's Friday.

Eh?

Thank
fuck it's Friday.

Oh!

Come on in.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, that's nice.

Hi, Alan.

All
right? All right, Beth?

Hi, Alan.

How yous doing? Michelle said
you were at the dump.

Aye, whole load of cardboard
we had to take up.

It's a nightmare, in't it?
It's all the packaging.

That's
what I was saying to her.

Sit
yourselves down, folks.

When
were you at the dump?

Er...Wednesday.

Wednesday?
How did you no' tell me?

We don't need to tell you
every move we make, Christine.

Did you no' think I might
havestuff to go up?

I mean,
what about my recycling?

Sorry, Christine.

Do they take cooking oil
up there, Eric?

I think so.

Oh, you can just put that
down the loo, Alan.

Right, who fancies a wee drink?
I know I'm ready for one.

Oh, one of those weeks,
eh, Michelle?

Oh, it's crazy at the minute.
The place is doing my head in.

Not even had a chance to go
to thegym or anything.

Aye, and see wi' her,
it goes back on fast.

Well, never mind that,
it's the weekend.

What do we fancy?

Are we no' gonnae order
foodfirst?

Oh, well, I just thought we'd wait
until everybody else gets here.

Oh.

Have you had
fae this Panda Hut before?

The Panda Hut?
That's the Chinesethat we use, Beth.

Oh.You
no' had fae there before,Eric?

No,
I don't think so.

Honestly,
it's the best.

See they ribs, oh!
Loads of sauce on them.

She has to put a dishtowel
over her chest

when
she's eating them.

I don't
think you can go wrong

wi' Thomas if it's Chinese
you're having.

I'm sure they're
much the same, Christine.

Oh, you've obviously
never tried his scampi.

DOORBELL RINGS

Excuse me.

Thanks. There we go.

Hey.
Hi.

Hi, Michelle.

You look nice, Cathy.
Thank you, Michelle.

Absolutely everything I've got on
I'm wearing for the first time.

Come on in.

My mate's just got a job
up at that dump.

Oh, has he, Alan?
What's he doing there?

Rubble.
Oh, right.

I've got a bag of pebbles
fae when I had

the tropical fish.

Do you think he might be
interested in them?

Er...

Hey.
How we all doing?

Hiya, Colin.
Hi. Hi, Cathy.

Oh, hi, Beth.

Oh, I love that top.

That's a real favourite
of yours, isn't it?

Oh, hi, Cath. Right, Michelle,
that's everybody here.

Let's
get this thing ordered.

Let them get in and get
settled, for God's sake.

No, no, no, we can go for it.
Where we getting it from?

Panda Hut.

The Panda Hut?

I know, Colin.
I don't thinkwe've had it from there.

We don't
really eat Chinese food.

We're more Thai.

Oh, you should try Thomas's.
He does a lovely green curry.

Aye?
Oh, see that wi' chips?

We're no' allowed chips
with our Chinese now.

I didn't say you're not
allowed them,

I just don't see
why it's necessary.

So many lovely items
on the menu to choose from.

All your starters, your sides,
all the specialities.

Does that
mean I can get them, then?

Look, we should just decide
what we're doing.

We're happy to get from
Alan and Michelle's place.

Honestly, Beth,
you'll no' regret it.

I've only ever had the squits
once off it.

Well,
we'll give it a go, aye.

Aye, all right.

Where's your menu?

Oh, no, no,
we'll just do it on the app.

Alan,
you got your phone handy?

You'll what?
Do it on the phone.

I've
got Deliveroo Plus.

What does that mean?

It means
he eats a lot of shit.

You don't need a paper menu,
you just do it on the phone.

Oh, bloody phones.

It's getting to the point
you're going to need

a six-digit code
just to wipe your arse.

Honestly, Christine,
it's much easier, trust me.

You want your usual?
Oh, yes, please.

God, I'm so boring.

Oh, don't worry, honey,
we don't mind.

Right,
that's ours done.

Just tick whatever you want
and hit "add".

So what you up to at
the weekend then, squire?

You got.
..you got any plans?

Er, not much.
Saturday's our supermarket day

so we'll go to Morrisons
in the morning.

Oh, we like Morrisons,
don't we?Aye.

We went in to get stuff
for her sandwiches,

we ended up sitting down and having
two full breakfasts, didn't we?

Good big pharmacy they've got,
and their own brand

of pain relief is
in a league of its own.

So
what about you guys?

What
are you up to this weekend?

Oh, quite busy, you
know,Michelle.

Oh, yeah?
What you getting up to?

Well, Colin is going to jet-wash
some stuff in the garden,

and
I am going to have a bath.

Beth, did you order
rice?Yes.

Right, we'll just share one,
then, eh?Right, OK.

You'd better have your fork
at the ready, Beth,

or you'll be scraping yours
aff the lid.

Oh! Oh, right.

What
am I doing here?

Just tick whatever you want
and hit "add".

Right.

It's just starters.

Just
scroll down, you'll...

You'll get your mains
and your sides.

Oh, right, right.
Mm-hm.

Mm-hm.

No burgers.

Thomas has still got the
edgethere, then.

What about you, Michelle,
got any plans?

Yeah, we've got tickets
to go and see Kevin Bridges.

Oh!
Oh, have you?

Oh, he's good.

Aye, he's quite good,
I like him.

Who's Kevin Bridges?

You know him. He's a comedian,
he's a Scottish guy.

Talks about, you know,
hanging about with his mates

and
how they talk to each other.

"Did ye, aye?"

Aye, that's it.

That's right.
"Did ye, aye?"

And you're
saying he's a comedian?

Honestly, Cathy,
he's brilliant. I can't wait.

And see after the week
I've had, I'm needing a laugh.

Aye, he's quite good,
that Kevin Bridges,

but I'll tell you who's
the best there's ever been.

Billy Connolly.

ALL: Oh!

Yes, he's the best.
I love Billy Connolly.

My papa loved him.
Him and Jocky Wilson.

I tell you,
color="#00ff00">he is one of the best comedians

there has ever been.

What's this?

I was just saying
Billy Connolly,

best
stand-up there's ever been.

Oh, yes, Billy Connolly,
he is funny.

I remember him
and Michael Parkinson.

Do you remember
Michael Parkinson, Alan?

No.

It's
like Graham Norton,

except nobody was trying
to flog anything

and you could smoke.

Oh, that sounds quite
good,actually.

I tell
you the best Connolly.

Remember An Audience With.
..on ITV?

Oh, see the bit about
the incontinence pants?

I
mean, that's hysterical.

That was...

Alan, did you see that?
Because remember...

Remember
he did the walk?

I think so, aye.

When he was like...
He was like...

LAUGHTER

Why
is he walking like that?

Because he had seven gallons
of pish down each leg!

Actually,
that's no laughing matter

for those of us who don't have
full control of our pelvic floor.

Ah, they were great,
those Audience Withs.

LWT, they were.

Yes, that's right.

LWT, remember, Eric?

SINGS
THAMES TELEVISION THEME TUNE

No, that's...

Never mind.

Have you placed your
order,Colin?

Eh? Oh, aye.
There you go.

Cathy,
have you ordered?

Colin,
did you order a starter?

I got spring rolls.

Oh, I'll just have
some of Colin's.

I'm
not very hungry, Michelle.

Aww. Right,
well, is that everybody?

Yeah.
Aye.

Right, great. I'll just
call out what we've got,

just stick your hand up
when you hear yours

and hopefully we don't
miss anything.

Right. Spare ribs?

Salt
and chilli squid?

Chicken noodle soup?

Oh... No.

Right, I tell you what,
we'll just hit send, hey?

Of course, Connolly
worked in the shipyards

before
he got into showbusiness.

Michelle? Michelle.

Could you make mine a large?
Eric's off again.

He
was an apprentice welder.

I nearly did that,
but my tutor at the college

said
I was better at digging.

Oh.

You don't see so many welders
around these days,

which is a shame,

because my side gate's
hanging by a thread.

He used to work there
during the day

and then he would do
the clubs at night.

I went to see him live
quite a few times.

Did you?
Oh, aye, aye.

He used to play all over
Glasgow in the '70s.

Oh, thank Christ.

My papa had all the albums.
Him and my gran

would sit and listen to them
on the record player.

That
used to be a big thing.

Aye, you'd sit around and listen to
them with your carry-out.

You'd sit in the house and listen
toa record of a comedian?

Aye,
they were brilliant nights.

Really?
I tell you what,

it was a proper carry-out
you had as well.

No' a Chinese.

Half a dozen cans of lager
and a wee quarter bottle.

Oh, that
actually sounds all right.

Do you remember he
color="#00ff00">used to tell all those stories

about going to partiesand
everyone getting drunk?Oh!

All that stuff
was just brilliant.

And then somebody
would start singing.

Oh, the drunk singing
was fantastic.

IMITATES BILLY CONNOLLY
IMITATING DRUNKEN SINGING

COLIN JOINS IN

#
On a hill far away... #

Come
on, Beth, let's hear you.

Er...

IMITATES BILLY CONNOLLY
IMITATING DRUNKEN SINGING

LAUGHTER

Sorry, what...
What is funny about this?

It's the way he picks up on
how people behave

and
then exaggerates it.

Aye,
exactly, there was always...

It was always good-natured
as well,

it was never at anyone's
expense or anything.

It's amazing just how much of his
stuff you still remember.

He's
the best there's ever been.

He is a legend.

I
mean, I think he's the...

He's the most famous Scottish
person there's ever been.

No, Sean Connery.

Well...

Or Hazel Irvine if they keep
giving her the snooker.

Have you not gotyour
papa's records?Eh?

Aye, somewhere.
Up the stairs, I think.

Why don't you go and get them
and let Eric see them?

Well, I...
color="#00ff00">I widnae mind a wee look.

Here, where's this food,
Michelle?

Oh, well, I think it'll be
a wee while yet, Christine,

but hang on and I'll have
a wee check.

What
did you order, Beth?

Er,
Cantonese chicken.

Oh,
that sounds nice.

Mind
if I try a wee bit?

No, of course.
What did you order?

Oh,
you won't like it.

It's in the kitchen.

What do you mean
it's in the kitchen?

It says it on the app -
"Order status: preparing."

God, technology, eh?

Oh, I've got one that does
absolutely everything.

It tracks your steps,
your calories,

units of alcohol.

Christ, that'll use up
your battery.

Have you not got a smartphone,
Christine?

Oh, I don't know.
What have I got, Beth?

Er, she does, but she only
usesthe basics.

Oh, right.
Aye, it's, er,

WhatsApp, Facebook,

and the wee torch
for looking in my toaster.

You should download Deliveroo,
shouldn't she?

No, I will not.

I like
having the menu in my hand,

then deciding what it is I want
and phoning Thomas.

Though usually it's to
say,"Fuck it,

"just gie me the munchy box
as per, my friend."

Oh, here he is.

Right, come on,
give us a wee look.

There you go.

Oh!

Oh,
my God, look at that beard!

Oh,
Michelle, let me see.

Oh, look at that
big old fanny-tickler.

Cathy!

Check
the length of his hair.

It was the '70s!
Everybody had long hair.

And flares.

Oh, they were terrible for
getting caught in bus doors.

Oh,
my God, I was at this one.

Were you?Me
and a few of my palswent to see it.

We were there
color="#00ff00">the night they recorded it.

Well, stick it on,
let's have a listen.

I've
no' got a record player.

Oh, that's a shame.

You
don't have a record player?

No.
color="#00ff00"> We don't either.

We don't either.

Oh, here,
color="#00ff00">you know what's on this one?

# If
it wisnae for yer wellies

OTHERS JOIN IN:
# Where would you be?

# You'd be in the hospital
or infirmary

# Cos you would have a dose
of the flu or even pleurisy

# If it wisnae for yer feet
in yer wellies. #

Hey!

Michelle, Michelle.

What is it? You want
a wee top-up?

No,
just give me the bottle.

See, my father
went straight from school

into the steelworks.

Oh,
tough work, that.

Oh, aye. I mean, see on the days
that he wasn't on strike,

he would come home and he was
absolutely shattered.

Well, that's how it was
back then. You just...

You came out of school
and you more or less took

the first job you could get.
Yeah.

Er, and when I left school
I could not find a job.

So what did you do?

I
just stopped looking.

People could spend
their entire lives

just
working in one factory.

40 years,
Pat was sewing bras.

40 years?

Oh, my God.
That's incredible.

And she never found one that
fitted her properly herself.

See, Connolly could've been
a welder his whole life

if it wasn't for the fact
he started playing the clubs.

You can just get stuck.
That's how I feel.

Oh, Michelle,
is it as bad as that?

Oh, aye.She's
always going on about it.

Och,
I'm fed up with it,

and the thought of being
stuck there my whole life...

Well, why don't you look for
something a bit more exciting?

Have
you got shorthand?

What I'd like to do
is start my own business.

Oh!
color="#00ff00"> Oh, good for you.

Doing what?
Cupcakes.

Cupcakes?
Yeah, like luxury cupcakes.

Personalised ones,
ones for special occasions.

Yeah, but if your job's
already shit,

why would
you start baking cakes?

Cathy, this is Michelle's
business.

I've done my research and I
think there's a market for it,

and I've got a whole business
plan worked out, haven't I?

Mm.
Do you want to see it?

I'd love to see it, Michelle.
Mm.

I tell you what,
I'm hungry now.

So am I. Alan, what's
your thingamy telling you now?

"Rider is on way
to collect it."

Is
there a wee button in that

to tell him to
get a fucking move on?

Where is it?

Let me see.

Oh,
yeah, here it is.

Oh!
That's my logo.

Oh, "Michelle's
Cupcake Company."

I
designed it myself.

Oh, Eric, look at that.
Oh, it's very good.

And are those ones
you made yourself?

Och,
no, they're just pictures

of some of the onesthat
we sampled.Ah.

I've done quite a lot of
the research, haven't I?

Oh, yes, you have.

Have you ever thought about
bar work, Michelle?

I like these ones.
Oh, yeah!

Those
are the personalised ones

so you can get a little
messageon the top.

Oh, let's see it.

Well,
I think it's a great idea.

You
should definitely go for it.

Oh...

Oh, aye.

And is it just cupcakes you're
going to be doing, Michelle?

Well, yeah, the whole idea
is to specialise.

Mm-
hm, but what will you do

if somebody's looking
for doughnuts as well?

What?
color="#00ff00"> Well, that's a point.

If
somebody's doing a spread,

they might want
different things in it.

Er, no, but I'd be specialising
in cupcakes.

Ah, but you don't want to be
phoning round different places,

you know,
fairy cakes fae here...

No..
.doughnuts fae there,

eclairs fae somewhere else,
I mean, that's a right faff.

I says to her she should be doing
something savoury as well.

Well, yes, Alan,
color="#00ff00">actually that's a good point.

What about sausage rolls,
Michelle?

And you could get
a longer message on them.

Well, that's true.

Er, like... "Congratulations on
passing your driving test."

She doesn't want
to do sausage rolls!

What about pies?

Oh, I like a pie.

I tell you where you'd sell
a lot of pies, the football.

Aye,
but the football grounds

have
got their own pie stalls.

Aye, but she could set up
on the pavement across the road.

I mean, that's what business
is all about,

you know, taking on
the competition.

No, listen...

Get yourself a pump-action
brown sauce, Michelle.

They wee sachets
are a pain in the arse,

especially if you've got
a tea in the other hand.

I tell you one problem
you've got, though.

The name.

You cannae call it
Michelle's Cupcakes.

But that's the name.

Aye, but you're doing savouries
as well.

It's her business,
it's up to her.

Och, it's probably
a daft idea anyway.

It's not a daft idea, Michelle,
don't listen to them.

I think it's great you've put
so much work into this

and I think it would
doreally well.

Thanks, Beth.

She'll need to toughen up
if she's going to serve people

coming
out the football.

DOORBELL RINGS

Alan? That'll be the Chinese,
can you get it?

All right, pal?

Top man.
Cheers, bud.

See you later, pal.
Cheers.

Right, here it is.

Oh!
color="#00ff00"> Yes!

Oh,
halle-fucking-llujah.

Er, can I give you a hand
with anything, Michelle?

Oh, no, no. I mean, as long
aseverybody's OK

just
helping themselves.

No.

There we go.

We've got... Oh!

Oh, yes.

Is...is it written on
the lids,Alan?

See, Thomas always writes
on the lids wi' his Sharpie.

What's that?

Right, that's rice.

Oh, aye, I'll take that,
I've got one to myself.

I think that's duck.

That's me, Alan,
I'll take that.

What's this?

Alan, just put them out
on the table,

let
everybody help themselves.

Oh, a wee rib,
I might have one of them.

There we go, that's it.
What else is in there?

Can I get a bit of
your chicken, Beth?

Yes, of course.

There's a wee spoon there,
that's fine.

There's those ribs, Colin,
they're so nice.

Yeah,
have some of that, please.

Spring rolls.

Here.
color="#00ff00"> Oh, right.

Right.

Oh,
I'm starving now.

Listen, Michelle.
Yeah?

See that idea you've got
for the cakes?

I think
you should go for it.

Aww.
Och, I don't know.

Well,
look at Billy Connolly.

You should definitely
think about it.

And if there's anything
we can do to help...

That's so sweet of you.
But listen,

I can't actually give up my job.
We need the money.

See if you really want
to chuck it? Just do it.

Really?

Aye,
we'll be all right.

I could
just work some overtime.

Alan!

Thank you.

Thank you.

Is it all right if
I have these chips, then?

Actually,
I'm a bit peckish now.

Beth!
What have you got?

Er, Cantonese chicken.
Oh, I'll just...

I'll
just take a bit of that.

Thanks.

Er, is that rice?

Uh-huh.
color="#00ff00"> Mm-hm.

Oh, thanks, Beth.

Mm.

Mm, Beth?

Could you get me
some prawn crackers?

Yeah.

There's a wee spoon.
..There we go.

All good.
Thank you.

Thanks.

Oh, yes.

I tell you,
I was ready for this.

Oh, aye.

How's
your spring rolls?

It's lovely, Eric.

How's yours?

Delicious.
Absolutely lovely.

Mm.

Where did you say
this was from again, Alan?

Panda Hut.

What
do you think, Christine?

Do you know what?

It's
actually not too bad.

Mm.

Not too bad at all.

Well, they're on Deliveroo
if you ever fancy.

Alan can always help you
put it on your phone.

Ah, no, I don't want involved
with any of that.

They've
got everything on it.

Greggs is on it now.

Here.

Wait
till after your dinner.

Here, Alan.

You could
maybe get a bit of money

for
those Connolly records.

Do you think?

Oh,
aye, collector's item.

Get
a few quid for them.

Naw,
I widnae sell them.

They
remind me of my papa.

Do you know what reminds
meof your papa?

Is
it the smell of dog meat?

Perry
Como, Magic Moments.

Oh,
aye, he loved that.

That's
upstairs as well.

Is it?

It's a pity you've no' got
a record player

cos, you know,
color="#00ff00">you could play all this stuff.

It's
all on YouTube anyway.

Really? Aye?

Mm.

And would they have
that Connolly album?

Aye. Probably, aye.

We've
got YouTube, have we not?

Aye. Will
I see if they've got it?

Mm.Yeah,
put it on, why not?

GRUNTS

God,
I remember that night.

There was a group of us,
we were right down the front.

What
a show that was.

Right,
that's him in Australia,

Albert Hall.

What's
it called again, Eric?

Cop
Yer Whack For This.

Mm.

Oh, Cop Yer Whack For This.
1974?

Aye, that's it.

1974.

That was my first brush
wi' glandular fever.

ANNOUNCER:Ladies
and gentlemen, Billy Connolly!

INTRO MUSIC

Yours all right, Christine,
is it?

Aye, not bad.

HECKLER SHOUTS

BILLY CONNOLLY:
The Bears are here tonight!

That's us he's meaning.
We were right in the front row.

No way.

Aye! Pause it,
pause it a minute, Alan.

Can
you go back a bit?

The
Bears are here tonight!

SHOUTING

PUNTER:
color="#00ff00"> Gaun yerself, Big Yin!

I think that's me.

That's me!

You're joking!

No,
no, no, go back again.

The
Bears are here tonight!

Gaun
yerself, Big Yin!

It is!
color="#00ff00">That's me, I swear it!

Did you hear it, Beth?
Yes, yes, I think I did.

You
should get an agent, pal.

Why sit in the dark
handling yourself?

LAUGHTER

Oh!

Now
that - that is funny.

Right.
Just put it off, Alan.

It's
no' as good as I remember.

# If
it wisnae for yer wellies

# Where wid ye be?

# You'd be in the hospital
or infirmary

# Cos you would have a dose
of the flu or even pleurisy

# If you didnae have yer feet
in yer wellies... #

That's the chorus. I want you
to sing it with gusto.

I want you to leap into it
in a mood of gay abandon.

Gasping on the floor,
paroxysms of mirth.

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