All language subtitles for Two Doors Down s07e04 The Carvery.eng

KNOCK ON DOOR

I'll get it.

Christine.

Ah, hello, Beth.
Enjoying your Sunday?

Er, yes, not bad.

I just thought
I'd pop my head in

and see if you needed
a wee hand with anything.

A hand with...?

Well,
if you're doing a roast,

that can be quite a lot
for two people.

A
hand with eating it?

Well, sorry, Christine,
we're actually going out today.

You're what?
!Yep.

We're going out for lunch.
Ian's organised it.

It's
for Father's Day.

Where are you going?
The carvery.

The carvery?

Oh,
well, don't let me intrude.

Okey
dokey, right you are.

You know, I do find
Father's Day quite difficult.

Can't help but reflect
upon my own dear father,

snatched
away too soon.

Did you ever get to
meet him,Beth?

No,
I don't think I did.

Oh,
a very considerate man.

Hated seeing anyone
left sitting on their own,

especially on significant
daysof the year.

However, I'll just head back
to my own wee corner

and leave you to it.
You enjoy your meal.

I'll just settle in for
a day of deep reflection.

Would you like to come
to the carvery?

Is it three meats
or just two and a bird?

Thank you.
Thank you, Driver.

Ta.

Oh! Looks nice.

Oh, good
big extractor fan there.

That will be pumping out
the meat fumes round the clock.

I don't think we've been
to this one before, have we?

I don't think so.
Irene has.Oh, right.

What did she say?

Good
selection of draught,

the
toilets were spotless,

but she said the meat
was that thin she didn't know

whether to eat it
or blow her nose in it.

Well, I'm sure there'll be
other stuff on the menu

you
can have, Christine.

But you cannae come to
a carvery and not have a carvery.

Aye, well, you didn't have
to come to the carvery at all.

Look, Ian and Gordon have spent
a lot of time choosing it,

so can we just go in
and enjoy our lunch?

Fair
enough, Beth, fair enough.

Beth, did they do any research
on plate size, do you know?

What?!

Can I help you?

Yes, hello. My son's reserved
a table. It's Baird.

OK.

Erm, B-A-I-R-D,

not B-A-R-E...
Yes, I see it now.

Just follow me.

Excuse me.
Just to let you know,

there's a few wee bits
of sweetcorn

lying
there, my darling.

Right.

That's
you just there.

Hi.
Oh!

Oh, hiya.

Hi, Gordon.

Hello, hello.

Happy
Father's Day, Mr Baird.

Thanks very much.
Hiya, Eric.

Good to see you again.
And yourself.

Happy
Father's Day, Dad.

Aww, come here.

Hello, Sandra, my friend.
Good to see you again.

Hello again.
color="#00ff00">I wasn't expecting to see you.

Neither was I.

No, Beth insisted
that I come along,

what
with it being Father's Day

and my own father
having passed away.

Oh, dear.
Was that recent?

1982, Sandra,

but there is not a day
goes past when I don't think...

Oh, I just got a whiff
of gammon there.

Have you been up
to have a look yet?

Happy Father's Day
to you too, Graham.

Thanks very much, Beth.
Journey up all right, was it?

Oh, good, thanks. Took
our time, stopped at Tebay.

We always go in there for
a soup and a roll, don't we?

Yes, we do.

Oh, it's lovely there.
Everything's home-made.

What was the one
we went into, Beth?

Where we saw the woman changing
the nappy in the Burger King?

Thanks
for organising this, boys.

It's no problem.

It's Father's Day, we wanted
to do something special.

So,
why did you book here?

Well, cos Graham and Dad
like a carvery.

Oh,
he does love his roast.

Oh, yeah, I must say,
I'm a man for my roasts.

Oh, are you, Graham?

I am, Beth, yes.
I do love a carvery.

Although,
I tell you what,

they're going to have
to go some to beat Sandra's.

Aww.Mum's are the best.
She evendoes me a vegetarian one.

Oh!Oh,
I'm sureBeth's are lovely too.

Hit
and miss, Sandra.

Listen,
sit yourselves down.

Oh, yes.
color="#00ff00"> Right, Dad, you go there.

Sure.
Mum?

I'll go just in beside
my good friend here,

in case she's needing anything
on the menu explained to her.

I think I can manage.
Aye, well,

you
say that, Sandra,

but did you know that
what you call a swede,

we call a turnip?

Oh, right, yes.

And
what you call a bap,

we call a roll.

So, when you go up to
the carvery, what do you ask for?

As much as fucking possible,
Graham.

So, did you get up to anything
last night, did you?

Pretty
quiet, to be honest.

Sandra
was tired after the drive.

I was tired.

Yes, it is very tiring sitting
in the passenger seat.

I
keep saying this to Beth.

We
gave them our room

to sleep in, didn't we?
Yeah,we just went on the pull-down.

Oh.We had a nice
breakfast in bedthis morning. Toast,

scrambled
egg, fresh coffee.

Ooh!

Oh, not the full Scottish
breakfast, then, Sandra?

And what about you, Eric?
Have you had a nice day so far?

Aye,
it's been lovely.

What
have you been up to?

Well, Beth was going
to take me up to Dobbies

for
a scone, but then...

Well,
but then I thought

we're coming here, so I didn't
want to spoil our lunch.

Aye, so we just stuck
the telly on.

What
was it we watched again?

Just an old Poirot.

And how have you been,
Christine,

since
we last saw you?

Oh, well, is that
pre or post-MRI, Sandra?

Erm...
I think it was around

last
Easter, wasn't it?

Yeah, it was.
Ah.

Pre. Remind me to tell you
about that later.

It was a good trip, that.
We enjoyed that.

I'm surprised you came back,
to be honest.

LAUGHTERNo,
no, no, we had a lovely time.

Feels like ages
since I last saw you.

Aww.

Oh, how's your neighbours
that we met?

Oh, Colin and Cathy?

Aye, they're fine.
Well, she's away at the minute.

Oh, so he's on his own
for Father's Day?

That's a bit of a shame.
Oh, yeah, it is a bit.

You should have said for him
to join us if he'd wanted.

Well, it's not ideal,
is it?I mean,

people pitching up
at the last minute.

Oh, we don't mind, do we?
No. 'Course not.

Well,
you could drop him a text

and see if he wants to
come,I suppose.

Right.

Er,
do we go up and order or...?

No, she
said she'd bring menus over.

Right.
color="#00ff00"> So, are you going

to
go for the carvery, Beth?

I
think I probably will.

What about you?
Yes,I think I probably will too.

Oh, well, I should
prewarn you, Sandra,

that
I have it on good authority

that they are very stingy
with their meat in here.

Oh, really?

Yes. My friend dropped
a slice of beef on the floor

and
said she could see

the pattern of the carpet
through it.

Oh.

They do a sticky toffee
pudding, Mr Baird.

Aye?
We made sure

before we booked it
that they had those for you.

Oh, yes.

You can have it with cream
or ice cream.

Or both, which Ian said
you sometimes do at home.

Yeah.

Do you make your own
sticky toffee, Beth?

Er, do you know,
I don't think I ever have.

No, you haven't.

Sandra's
is absolutely top class.

Oh.
I've got time on my hands.

We keep saying
she should go on Bake Off.

No soggy bottoms at your house,
then, eh, Graham?

He-hey!

I like Bake Off. We always
watch that together,

don't we, Beth?
Yes, we do.

If anything, though,
she's going backwards.

They're
awful slow in here.

Oh!

CLICKS FINGERS

You see, that's the thing
after Brexit, Sandra,

they're having to employ
local girls.

Hi.
Oh, hello, darling.

Just
get you some menus here.

Thank you.

Just to let you know, you order
atthe bar. Just give them

the table number. If you're having
carvery, you'll get a ticket.

Just take that to the hot counter
and they'll serve you there, OK?

Thank you.Lovely.
Thank you.

Wait
till I get my specs on here.

Terrific selection.

Mmm.
Mmm.

Oh-ho-ho!
Chilli burger, Beth.

Remember
your white top?

Yes.

The veggie options all
right,aye?

Yeah, good.

There's a pastaand
there's a mushroom risotto.Oh?

So, what made you decide
to stop eating meat, Gordon?

It was really just about
the cruelty to the animals.

But the sound of him
sharpening that knife

doesn't
tempt you back?

Well,
the burgers look good, but...

...no, I'm going to have
to go for the carvery.

I think I'm going to go for
the carvery myself, Eric.

Ah, I didn't realise
it was unlimited veg.

Aye,
you know why that is.

They just want you
to load your plate up with peas,

so there's
no room left for meat.

What about you, Christine?
What are you going to go for?

Well,
I am tempted by the carvery,

but I want to go up
and have a look at it first.

What?

I've
had reports, Ian.

Reports about what?

Thinly-sliced meat.

Who from?

A
very reliable source.

Who?

Irene
at the cattery.

Afternoon.

Excuse.

All righty?

Look at where he's down
toon that beef.

Eh?

That's the arse end.

It's not a set of tongs
he's needing,

it's
a pair of fucking tweezers.

Aye.

Ah, there they are.

Hey!
Hello.

Oh!
Ah, hi, Colin.

Hello there.

Hello, Colin.
It's nice to see you again.

Hi, Graham.
Hi, Sandra.

This you up for a wee visit?
Yeah, we're just stopping

with Gordon and Ian
for a couple of nights.

All right, you two.
Need to keep your hands

to yourselves
color="#00ff00">with the parents there, eh?

Wait
till I get this chair.

Right,
very juicy gammon,

quite
generous with his turkey,

but that beef is right down
to the arse end

and he's still slicing it,
so you know what that means.

We're
gonnae have to time our run.

What?
We'll have to wait

till the
fresh beef joint comes out.

Oh, for God's sake.

You all right there, Colin?
How you doing?

Aye, I'm.
.. I'm good.

I've just been up
to the cemetery, Graham.

Oh, right, I see.

Yeah, I just laid

a wee bunch of flowers
down on my dad's grave.

Oh, that's very thoughtful
of you, Colin.

Yeah,
well, you know, it's...

It's a tough day when
they're not around any more.

Plus,
it's on the way to B&Q,

so I was going up
to get a tin of emulsion.

It's
a very emotional day

for those of us no longer
privileged to share the Earth

with our fathers.

Is
your dad buried nearby?

Uddingston, Gordon.

Or is it Bathgate?

No,
no, it's Uddingston.

Listen, shall we
order?Yep.

Colin, do you want to have
a quick look at the menu?

I don't need to, Ian. When
you're coming to the carvery,

there's
only one thing you can have.

Ah!
You're right there, Colin.

So,
how many carveries, then?

I'll have
it, but I'm not going up

until there's another
bitof beef out.

Right,
so seven carveries.

And what does everyone
want to drink?

Erm, Sandra,
do you fancy some wine?

Shall
we maybe get a bottle?

I'd
only take a glass, Beth.

I'll
split it with you, Beth.

Right,
so you're having wine.

Aye, but I'll take
a pint of cider

while I'm waiting on
this fresh bit of beef coming.

Dad?

I'll have a pint.

Oh, that sounds good.
What do you recommend?

If you're looking
to get pissed,

I'd
say Kronenbourg, Graham.

I'll
see what they've got.

Ian! Ian!

Just
having a wee look.

Yeah,
Sauvignon Blanc's fine.

Two glasses, please.

Er, actually, three.

They've
got Old Speckled Hen.

Oh, right, nice one.

How are things
over at the hotplates?

Completely fine. I don't know
what she's going on about.

It was nice of your mum
and dad to bring her along.

I don't think they had
much choice, to be honest.

Aww, well, maybe
cos it's Father's Day,

she might know to take
a bit of a back seat.

Have you ever had
an MRI yourself, Sandra?

Erm, no.

Oh, it's
a very intense experience.

If you can imagine

being wedged into
an extremely tight space,

with nowhere to go

and just a steady
and constant noise

going on and on and on.
And what they do...

So, this is a Father's Day treat
for you, then, is it, Graham?

It is, yes.

Ever so thoughtful,
the boys, aren't they, Eric?

Oh,
aye, they're not a bad pair.

Yeah. Breakfast in bed
they did me this morning.

Did they?
Oh, yes.

Oh,
that's very nice.

And it didn't bother you eating
in the same bed that they...?

The
next time you're up,

you're more than welcome
to stay at ours.

Oh, that's very kind of you, Beth.
Did you hear that, Sandra?

Beth were just saying we're
more than welcome to stay

with her if we come up again.
Oh, yes. And likewise, if you're

ever down Skipton way,
we've always got a bed for you.

Oh.
That's very good of you.

Sandra
does a smashing full English.

There's
sausage, bacon, eggs,

home-made hash browns.
Ooh.

I always like to look
aftermy guests.

Oh, do you, Sandra? How are you
fixed over New Year?

Here we go.

Oh, finally.
Thanks, boys.

Well done, boys.

That's good.
There we go.

Yep, that one's for my dad.
And Colin...

That's the stuff. Thank you.
Right, that's us.

Well done, Ian.
There you go.

And
then one, two, three.

Lovely.
All right, thanks.

Here we are.

Right,
happy Father's Day.

Sure.
Er, Sandra?

Oh, just a small one. I don't really
drink much nowadays, to be honest.

I don't really either,
except at weekends.

And if Eric's out...

..
.and Christine's been in.

Ian, Ian.

It's the same bit.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

So, has everybody got?
Lovely, thank you.

Oh,
now, before I forget...

Och,
you didn't need to bother.

CHUCKLES

Let's see it.

Aww, that's nice.

I'll
tell you something, Sandra.

I'll be very glad when
Card Factory is back to normal.

Oh, right.

That's terrific. Thanks very much.
You didn't need to bother.

No, no.

Let me see?

What
happened to yours, Graham?

He not getting one,
Gordon?No, no,

I got
mine this morning, didn't I?

You did, yes,

but I've got another
little surprise for you.

Oh, have
you done one of your poems?

Oh, he has and all.
Wait till you hear this.

We do this for each other
sometimes.

Oh, Father, Father
Your day is here

For joints of beef
and pints of beer.

Oh.
Good luck with the beef.

That's very good.

So we've
all come to celebrate

Everything that
makes you great.

Aww.

You are the man
who makes us proud

And today's the day
to say it out loud.

You've kicked the balls
and nursed the bruises

You've been there, come wins
or loses... Sorry.

Monday mornings
Lifts to school

Lessons
in the swimming pool

You gave your time
without complaint

You have the patience
of a saint

But a father's job
is never done

And
for that I am grateful

Love from your son.

Oh.

Come here.

Oh, thanks, Gordon, son.
That was lovely.

He must have had a hell
of a sore time at school.

Can I just say, you are the best son
we could possibly wish for, you are?

We couldn't
be more proud of you.

Christ, he's not going to do
a poem as well, is he?

You must be very proud
of your Ian too, Eric.

Oh, yeah, yeah.
Aye, he's done well.

Where is it you're working
now, Ian?

EE.
Doing really well there.

Somebody angling for
an upgrade there, eh, Sandra?

It must be so lovely having him
live so nearby, Beth.

We
really miss Gordon.

Sandra found it quite difficult
when Gordon moved out.

I did, yeah.

He's been away since he was 17.
Haven't you, Ian?

Yeah,
round about then, aye.

Have you?
Mm.

Went first to live with an older guy
that lived in a loft apartment.

Oh.
Then that guy got some

young Brazilian in, and that
was Ian back to theirs.

That's
right, I remember that.

Eric
going to collect him,

and all his stuff
in black bags.

She found a jockstrap
in amongst it.

Aye, well, these are
the things you do

when
you're a dad, eh?

You
don't ask any questions.

I think he had pubic lice
as well, Sandra.

She was out pegging bedsheets
morning, noon and night.

I remember we had to go
and fetch Gordon

from Scout camp up at Keswick
once, do you remember?

He was ever so upset.
Well, what happened?

Daniel Brotherston drew a cock
on my face while I was asleep.

See,
my dad was old school.

You just had to get on with it,
as far as he was concerned.

Oh, mine was the same. You were
frightened to go near him.

Really?

Ach, men in those days, they
didn't take to do with kids.

They went out to work
and when they came home,

they just wanted
to be left alone

in peace and quiet.

What
did your father do, Eric?

He was a bus driver.

Oh, was he?
Mm.

We always thank the driver
when we get off

the
bus up here, Sandra.

Do you do that down your
wayas well?

And his father,
he was a farm hand.

Cos my father used
to tell us stories about

going into the field
to help him pick potatoes.

We
call them tatties, Sandra.

Maybe that's why you like
crisps so much, Eric.

Have you ever done
your family tree, Eric?

Och, not properly. I mean, Beth
and I had a wee look online

and
we traced it back a bit.

Ah.
Yes, I found out

I've actually got
some French blood in me.

Ooh-la-la.
color="#00ff00"> Posh.

Not
that you would know

if you'd ever tasted
her omelettes, Sandra.

Do
you ever watch that

Who Do You Think You Are?
Oh, yes, we do.

Did you see the one
with Paul Hollywood?

His
grandfather was Scottish.

Oh, was he?

Never once seen him
do a crispy roll.

That grandfather'll be spinning
in his grave.

My father's family originally
came from the islands.

Stornoway, Sandra.

Stornoway.
How do I know that?

Black pudding and
broken-down ferries, Sandra.

And what about you, Graham?
You ever

trace your family back?
Well, no, not really.

See, thing is,
I'm actually adopted.

Are you?

You're what?

Yeah, I was adopted
at quite a young age.

So, your grandad,
he's obviously my dad,

but just
not my biological father.

I.
..I never knew that.

Well, we had always planned
to tell you,

but we just never found
the right time.

Right, yeah, sorry.

It's just cos we were
talking about family trees.

I
don't know what to say.

Well,
it doesn't change anything.

Your grandad
is still your grandad

and your dad still thinks
of him as his dad.

Yeah, it doesn't
change anything, really.

Yes,
it's just a secret that's...

Well, not a secret,

erm, a piece of information
that's been kept from you.

And, as Ian says,
it doesn't change anything.

Just
feels a bit weird.

So,
was it all done officially

or was it the old basket
on the doorstep?

Sorry, son,
if it's a bit of a shock.

I didn't mean to quite tell
youlike that.

Well, I don't know about anyone
else, but I'm quite hungry.

Yes,
let's go and get our food.

Yep.
Let's do it.

And
I'll tell you something,

it had better be a proper
gravy boat that they've got

and not just a tub with
a big spoon sticking out it.

Right, got your tickets,
eh?Yeah.

OK.

God, you
pick your moments, Graham.

Well,
I just thought,

"Why am I not telling
the truth about this?"

It
might have been nice

if you didn't do it
in front of everyone.

They're all right.

Christine's more worried
about the bloody beef.

Did
you know that about Graham?

No, I had no idea.

Do you
think Gordon's all right?

Yeah, I think so.

A wee
bit of everything, please.

Risotto.

Hmm?

Are you the risotto?

Er, yeah.

A
few of these, I think.

LOW CHATTER

Right, let's see
what's going on up here.

What?

Oh,
you have got to be joking.

Excuse me?

Are you still hacking
awayat that?

What do you mean?

Well, when's the new
onecoming out?

Whenever
this one's finished.

It IS finished.

It's not a knife you
needwith that,

it's
a fucking razor blade.

SHE SIGHS

Disgraceful.

Trying to palm me off
with his wee dried-up end bit.

Well, I'll tell you what,
I'll beat him at his own game.

I'm waiting on those doors
swinging open

and
a fresh one coming out.

And what's more, he can
go right into the middle of it.

I don't want any of
his silly wee starter slices.

Is
that you got yours?

Mm-hm.

What is it again?

Risotto.

Risotto.

Ooh, look at this!

Oh,
what have you got?

Oh,
just a bit of everything.

Looks delicious.

Did
you take the beef off him?

Yes, we did.

Looks OK.
color="#00ff00"> Mm.

What
about you, Beth?

I just went for the gammon
and the turkey.

You what?

Oh,
that's enough for me.

Oh,
this looks good, eh?

Oh.

Yeah.

All right?

How come you've not
gotyour plate?

Because
I am not a mug.

HE SIGHS

Thanks very much, Beth.
Cheers.

Delicious.
Mm.

Mm.

Mm.

Mm?

No.

Nice, eh?

It's delicious.

Lovely, Eric. Very nice indeed.
How's yours, Gordon?

Fine, thanks.
So, who was your real father?

Sorry?

Who
was your real father?

If Grandad weren't my real
grandad, then who was?

Well, I don't know

too much
about him, to be honest.

As
far as I'm concerned,

my dad's my dad
and that's what matters.

Yes, especially...Father's
Day,Gordon.

But
weren't you curious?

I mean, if you just suddenly
find something like that out,

it's only natural to want
to know more, isn't it?

I only got the basic
information, to be honest.

I was never that interested
in digging around.

So, who was he?

Gordon!
No, I'm interested.

I don't know. I don't have
any more information.

If
I did, I'd tell you.

Would you?

Gordon!

I mean, how do I know?
You could tell me anything.

What else? What other secrets
have you got?

Gordon,
just cool it.

What other things do I not
know? I mean, am I adopted?

What? No.
How do I know that?

For goodness' sake,
of course you're not.

Oh, am I not?
How do I know?

How do I know you won't
just suddenly say,

"Oh, by the way, Gordon,
forgot to tell you

"but we're not actually
your real mum and dad"?

Because
we can prove it!

How?

Because I took
a paternity test.

I
took a paternity test

and
you are definitely my son.

Did you have to wank
into a cup, Graham?

Why would you take
a paternity test?

Well,
the thing is, Gordon,

back
when I first met your dad,

we were living
quite different lives.

I mean, he was working
in an office nine-to-five,

and at that time
color="#00ff00">I was quite heavily involved

in the nightclub scene
in Manchester. You know,

drinking, taking drugs,
staying out all night.

Anyway,
by the time you were born,

I'd
settled down with your dad,

but
because I'd been so active,

we just wanted to make sure
that you were definitely his

and not DJ Lightning
or Rastalad's or...

...Carl Jennings'.

I mean, the dates with Carl
were quite close, to be honest.

And I'd been in Ibiza
round about the same time,

so there
were a couple of Dutch PRs

that I had to rule out as well.
And, um...

Fresh joint is out,
if any of you are wanting.

Oh. Just pause the list
a minute, Sandra,

till
I get a bit of this beef.

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