All language subtitles for Two Doors Down s07e03 Ians Friend.eng

What about that chicken
with the mushroom sauce and rice?

Mm, not sure.

Yeah... Pasta?

We're
always having pasta.

HE SIGHS

We
could phone something in.

On a Tuesday?

Well,
what do you want, then?

Oh, I don't know,
just something a bit different.

Egg and chips?

DOORBELL RINGS

Mrs Baird?

Yes?

You
don't remember me, do you?

Um...

Darren.
Darren McNaughton.

Ian's
friend from school?

Oh, yes. Darren!

I'm just back for a few days and
I thought I'd try and catch him,

but I don't have his number
or anything.

Um...

Well,
listen, why don't you come in,

and I'll give him a ring?
See where he is.

I'm amazed you remembered
what house it was.

No,
no, I spotted it no problem.

Really? It's ages
since you've been here.

Oh, yeah, but all the others have
had stuff done to them

but
yours is exactly the same.

Ach,
I'm sorry to hear that.

Aye, she was a good age,
though, Mr Baird,

do you know what I mean?
Was it your mum's mum?

It was, aye.
That must have hit her hard.

Oh, it did.
color="#00ff00">She took a half day yesterday.

OK,
see you shortly, bye.

He's going to pop over.
Oh, brilliant.

So how
long are you up for, then?

Just till the weekend,
then I'm back down the road.

Ah, right. Well, I'm sorry it's
under such rotten circumstances.

Ah, it's fine.

But as my mum says, "Darren, she'll
be up there now with your papa,

"so we just need be thankful for
all the good times we've had

"and get her house on the market
before that boiler dies as well."

Right...

KNOCK ON DOOR

Excuse
me a moment, Darren.

Ah, Christine.

That's them been.

Er, sorry?

Rentokil.Oh, right, OK.
What didthey say?

Aye,
it's mice, Beth.

Oh, dear.
So he's laid traps

and he's put my Frosties
into a Tupperware.

Oh,
well, that's good.

It's the
humane ones he's put down.

Right, right.
And if they don't work,

I'll just go back to smashing
them with that sandal.

Right.
Are you sure

you've not had any signs
of them in here, Beth?

No,
I don't think so.

Do you want me to come in
and have a quick look round?

Well...
It's no problem.

All I'll need's a magnifying
glass and a flat-soled shoe.

And cos my gran had workedat the
bus station for years, a fewof the drivers came as well.

Ah.
color="#00ff00"> My mum said to them,

"She's not seen hide nor hair
of you lot for years,

"and then six of you
turn up at once!"

Oh! Aye!

And the only reason they made it
at all was cos they got a taxi.

Ah...

Oh, hello.
Who's this?

This is Darren,
Ian's friend from school.

I'm actually just in checking
if she's had any droppings.

What?
Have you seen any?

They're like wee pieces
of black rice, Eric,

but
they're not rice.

They're
actually wee pieces of shit.

No...
No, no, we haven't seen any.

Aye, but would you know
what you're looking for?

They're very small.

Well, I would hope so, if they're
coming out a mouse.

Sorry about this, Darren.
Christine's had Rentokil in.

Mm-hm.Oh, right.
And where are theycoming in from?

The
vent at my tumble dryer.

And the guy says that
he thinks they're using

the
fluff residue as bedding.

Oh, they know what
they're doing, don't they?

They do.

See, I used to have hamsters,
so I've seen it all.

Oh...Right, well, it's
good thatyou've got the professionals in.

I'm sure they'll get on top of it.
So, um...

who'd like a cup of tea?
Oh, yes, please, Beth.

Right. Darren, cup of
tea?Or coffee?

I wouldn't say no to a cup of tea.
Of course. How do you take it?

Milk
and two, please, Mrs Baird.

Here, Beth.

Check your lino
for any debris lying about.

That guy says they will
hoover up any leftover food.

Bit
like this one here, Darren.

Aye...

SHE SIGHS

So you were at school with
Ian,were you?

Yeah,
the academy, yeah.

Hmm.Did
you do better than him?

He
had very poor results.

Excuse
me, Ian did OK.

What did he get?

Well, he...

I remember
he got a B in English.

Ach!
It's no' like it used to be.

I mean, they practically
give them away nowadays.

Spell your name right
and you get pass marks.

Ach, you're talking rubbish,
isn't she?

I
mean, what did you get?

A D.

Oh, it was maths that
my daughter struggled with.

Oh, really?

Although she always had
the right change

when the
ice cream van came round.

What
school did she go to?

Queen Margaret's.

Oh, Queen Margaret's. That's all
right, that place, isn't it?

Yeah,
she did quite well.

Certainly surprised a few of
thoseteachers she had.

And
what does she do now?

She's a homemaker
in North Wales, Darren.

Oh, OK.

So
where are you staying now?

Manchester.
Ah.

Oh, Manchester?

You're
a Granada man now, eh?

SHE CHUCKLES

Do you remember
The Krypton Factor, Eric?

Oh, aye, aye.

That
was Granada, Darren.

I... I
don't think I've seen that.

Oh,
it was a game show.

They used to put people
through challenges,

sort of
tested them to their limits.

A bit like she does
when she comes in here.

I was very good at
the observation round, Darren.

Oh, OK.

Hmm. Mind you, that was when
I had the old specs.

So what brings you
back up here, then?

My gran's funeral.

Oh, no.

Oh, dear.
I know.

I am
sorry for your loss, son.

Had she been fighting
poor health for quite a while

or
was she taken quickly?

It was
quite quick in the end.

That's
what I hope for myself -

no lingering,

just
a swift and painless exit.

You
can do one now, if you want.

It's been a tough time,
but we've all sort of

pulled together
and we're getting there.

And you can take great comfort
in the fact

that she is now in
a far, far better place.

Where was the funeral?
St Luke's.

Oh,
well, in saying that...

DOORBELL RINGS

I'll get it.

Have
you got rats, Beth?

What? Um, no.

Well, we just saw the van. We
thought you had a wee problem.

Is it a nest? Have you got a rats'
nest in your house?

No, I don't, Cathy.

They were actually in
at Christine's.

Has she got them?
Oh, well, a couple of mice.

Oh, mice, is it?
What have they put down?

Um..
. These sort of bait boxes.

Oh, look, why don't you come in
and she'll explain it herself?

At Pat's funeral?

No, no. It wasn't.

It was.
It was not.

I'm
telling you it was.

No, it wasn't.

It was 50-50
with the crusts cut off.

Torpedo rolls are no way to
showrespect, Darren.

Hey...

Oh, hello.

Who's he?

Are
you a rat-catcher?

I'm not, sorry, no.
I work in digital marketing.

SHE SCOFFS

This is Darren,
an old friend of Ian's.

He's
up from Manchester.

Oh, Manchester?

Which
bit do you live in?

Just near Canal Street.
Hmm.

Oh, yeah, I see.

You've got it
right on your doorstep.

Remember
I had my photo taken there?

She made me stand in front of
the C,so it just said...

Right! I was just telling
Cathy and Colin

about
your mice, Christine.

Oh, yes. I've had pest control
in earlier.

Aye, we saw the van.

We thought maybe Beth
was having Eric dealt with.

THEY LAUGH

They live next door, Darren.
He's a cheeky wee shite,

but he
can be funny occasionally.

So where have these mice
come from, then?

Well, he says they're
field mice looking for food.

Poor wee souls.

Just trying to
put food on the table.

Well,
not a table, but...

COLIN:So what have
they done?Have they put traps down?

Bait boxes.

That's what they do nowadays,
they're a bit kinder.

Oh,
they are, Beth, they are.

But I've put down some
cubesof bread

soaked
in bleach as well.

Remember we had them when
we lived in Deanston Drive?

Oh, yes.
color="#00ff00">How did you get rid of them?

Oh, I just put down the
oldsnap traps.

Oh, see, you know where you
arewi' them, eh?

Yes.They're
not very humane,though, are they?

Oh,
you're telling me!

I nearly lost
the tip of a finger in one.

So, Manchester, eh?

What made you want
to live there, Darren?

Don't know, really.
Lots going on, I suppose.

Lots of cafes,
bars, restaurants...

COUGHS:
Cock!

SHE CLEARS THROAT

I'm sure there are lots
of good reasons

to
live in Manchester, Cathy.

Aye, it's a big, bustling
city,isn't it?

It is, uh-huh.

Aye. So you'll be getting
itevery night.

Oh, for God's sake, give the boy
a bloody break, will you?

I
am so sorry, Darren,

you must wonder
what you've come into.

It's not always like this in here.
SHE CHUCKLES

DOORBELL RINGS
Oh, that'll be Ian. Excuse me.

Darren,
what's this monkeypox?

Eh...

Hi.Hi.
Oh, thank God you're here.

So you've got Darren McNaughton
in there?

Oh, yes, and he's through talking
to Christine and Cathy and Colin.

Oh, that's nice.
What are they doing here?

Christine's got mice.
What?

Just go through.

He did.
No!

I'm telling you.

He also killed
some heterosexual men.

Although, it was only the gay ones
that got their dinner made for them.

DOOR OPENS

Ohh...

Hello!
Hello, you!How are you doing?

I'm good, aye! Yeah.

Are you OK?
color="#00ff00"> Uh, good, yeah.

Oh, my God.
I can't believe this.

I know.
I'm sorry just to drop in,

I-I don't think I have
the right number for you.

No,
it's maybe changed.

And you're not on Facebook
oranything, are you?

No. I can't be bothered
with social media.

Anyway, listen,
sorry, this is Gordon.

Hi,
how are you doing?

Hi, I'm fine, thanks.
Pleased to meet you.

That's
his boyfriend, Darren.

Honestly!

Uh...
color="#00ff00"> OK.

So
how come you're back?

My gran died, so it was
the funeral yesterday.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

That cemetery at St Luke's
is a fucking disgrace.

No
disrespect, Darren.

Where
is it you're living now?

Manchester. I was in London
for a couple of years

and then I stayed in Bristol
for six months,

but I just bought a flat
in Manchester.

Oh, right. Whereabouts?
Just off Whitworth Street.

Oh, yeah.
color="#00ff00">Oh, do you know Manchester?

Not really, no.

COLIN:She took my
photo just roundfrom there, didn't you?

Aye,
made me stand right...

Yes,
thank you, Colin, we know.

ERIC:You used to go for
the oddweekend to Manchester, did you not?

Oh, aye, back in the day,
but I'm a homebird now.

I've literally just been
painting a ceiling, haven't I?

Yeah,
it looks really nice.

We've
splashed out on Crown.

CHRISTINE:
Ooh.

So how long has it been? I can't
remember the last time I saw you.

Pfft.
God knows. Years.

Aww, it's so nice
you got back in touch.

Aye, the two of you
were such great pals.

In fact, I remember, did you not
stay over once or twice?

Eh...

CATHY:
Oh, did you, Darren?

I think he might have.
I can't remember.

Did
the two of yous bunk up?

Honestly, I can't even remember
why you ended up staying.

It was just crashing over
at friends.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just friends.

Yeah.
Close friends?

Cathy.

Oh, aye? Wee bit of the old
Brokeback Mountain?

COLIN CHUCKLES
IAN LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

You weren't...?

I mean,
we were, like, 16, 17.

Oh, so you were
just experimenting?

Oh, Beth, experiments happening
up in your boxroom.

SHE MOUTHSI
think you can date a lot of this

back to the gay kiss
in EastEnders.

You know, it's nothing to
beembarrassed about.

I
was the same at that age.

I'd
have stuck it anywhere.

And then again,
not long after that,

you had
the two women in Brookside.

Do
remember that, Beth?

I do, yes.
Aye.

One of them buried a man under
the patio and then became a lesbian.

Or was
it the other way round?

CATHY:So,
Ian, come on,spill the beans.

Was he your first?
Cathy!

Yes,
Cathy, that'll do us.

Oh, come on, Beth! Don't say
youdon't want to know.

Hmm? Ian, was that your first
timewith a boy, was it?

Up in the boxroom?

Well, yeah.

And
what about you, Darren?

I had a wee try at a hand job
on the French exchange,

but Ian was my first proper
full go at it.

Aww.
.. Isn't that nice?

Mine
was in someone's porch.

Oh.

Aye, well,
everybody had a first time.

Very
good, there we go.

DARREN SLURPS

Where
was yours, Beth?

GORDON GASPS

Eh...

I don't think that wasthe
first time.What?

When I stayed over, I don't
think that was the first time.

Remember the day we came back, and
your mum and dad had gone to Asda?

Ah...

Oh! And where did you
do itthat day?

Come on.
Was it in here?

Oh,
my God, it was, Col!

Whereabouts?
Where did you do it?

SHE GASPS
COLIN SNICKERS

Cathy, that's enough.
You're embarrassing the boys.

Look, we were all young once,
let's just leave it there.

I've got a coupon for the
Rug Doctor if you want it, Beth.

TOILET FLUSHES

So...
Oh!

This is a nice surprise.
Huh?

You didn't mentionthat he
was your ex when you said wewere coming over.

He's
not really my ex.

Well, you had sex with him.
Oh, my God!

You can't just say that anybody
you've had sex with is your ex.

Yes, you can.You can if
you've onlyhad sex with about three people.

Four...

..if you count that thing
that happened at the urinal.

So did anybody at school
know that you had a wee thing?

No. Oh, God, no.

School
was a nightmare.

Sunday
nights were the worst.

I used to sit in the bath and thinkof
excuses for why I wouldn't haveto go in.

Hmm. Diarrhoea has never
let me down, Darren.

God, I know. It was terrible,
wasn't it?

Eh...you didn't have
any trouble at school, did you?

Er, yeah.
Did you?

Oh, aye. I mean, you didn't want to
be known as gay at our school.

Did
you get teased about it?

Teased? It was bullying. Full-
onbullying every day.

What...? I mean,
what were they doing?

Oh, just constantly getting picked
on, calling you names.

It was a nightmare.

Poof. Bender.

Gay boy.
color="#00ff00"> Jobby-jabber.

CATHY:
Jobby-jabber?That's very bad.

Fairy. Bum chum.

Arse bandit.Oh,
that's terrible.Yeah.

So it is, Beth.
So it is.

What about turd-burglar?
Did you ever get that?

I don't think we need to hear
any more of these.

It's
just abuse and prejudice.

You see, I always thought that
shirt-lifter wisnae quite as bad,

cos, technically, you could
just be having a look.

I used to get picked on
at school too.

Oh, did you, Gordon?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

What
did they call you?

Lanky Legs.

ERIC:Well, I'll
tell you something,see if I'd have known

all
that was going on...

Oh, aye, what would you
havedone about it?

I'd have gone up
to that bloody school!

Oh, they never listen
to the parents!

The amount of times I was
upat Sophie's school

complaining about
the poor range of hot desserts!

If you'd gone up to the school,
it would just have made it worse.

Anyway, I couldn't really talk
to you about stuff like that.

Eh?We would
always have listenedto you

if you wanted to talk to us.
Yeah, you say that now.

Christ,
up until I was in my 20s,

he was still asking me if
I hada girlfriend.

Eric!

You've never said any of
thisto me either.

Well,
I'm fine with it now.

Do you need a hug?

Eh,
no, I don't need a hug.

COLIN:
color="#00ff00"> See, back then, Ian,

there weren't as many
of you around.

Yeah.
Not in day-to-day life.

I mean,
they were on the television.

Aye, on television.

They
make for great entertainers.

But we didn't know
anybody personally.

Er, I think you did.
Who?

Remember David Walker that lived
in the house on the corner there?

Aye.
He was gay.

No!

IAN CHUCKLES

Aye.

I used to see him
in town regularly.

You're joking?!
Oh-ho-ho!

God, I took him for a game
of golf once.

I took my trousers off
in front of him.

Oh, well, he did well
to hold himself back, eh?

Can
you believe that, Cathy?

Well, I mean, his wife
always did look quite fed up.

Oh, my God!

Well,
you just never know.

I
got fitted for a bra once

and the woman that did it cupped
mejust a wee bit too long.

Listen, I'm really sorry if you
feel you couldn't come to us.

I feel awful.

I'm sorry. I feel like I've come in
and put the cat amongst the pigeons.

Well,
you have, actually.

Look, no, it's really good
that you got back in touch.

It's so good to see you.
Next time you're here,

you'll need to come to our flat.
We're nearly finished doing it up.

It's
looking good, isn't it?

Yeah, it's...OK.

Ceiling
needs a second coat.

How long
have you two been together?

Oh, God, about...

..three years?
Three years, two months.

Oh, my God. That's three years
longer than my longest relationship!

Aww, really?

CATHY:Ah,
you see, that's morelike it.

That's a proper gay.

So
what is it, Darren?

You never met the right person,
or do you just like

a constant stream of anonymous
sexual encounters?

It's...
Have you ever done groups?

Anyway, who'd like another
cup of tea?

CHRISTINE:Oh,
yes, please, Beth.Aye, on you go.

No, I'm OK, thank you.
Just a tiny wine, Beth.

Er, Darren?

No, thanks.
color="#00ff00">I think, eh, I'd better not.

CHRISTINE:It was
the academyyou two were at, wasn't it?

The academy, aye.

And what did they offer
in the way of hot desserts?

Here, what did you make of
what Ian was saying?

What about?

About him at schooland feeling
he wasn't able to tellus what was happening.

Yeah, well...

..we really should
have known what was going on.

But I didn't even know
he was gay.

Oh, come on.
What, did you?

Well, yes.
I think I did.

Well,
why didn't you tell me?

Because I wasn't sure
what you'd say.

You never tried it
wi' a woman, Darren?

Eh, once.
Did you not like it, no?

No.Maybe
you didn't do it right.

No, I...I think I put it
in the right one.

I've not.
Hmm?

I've
never done it with a woman.

Nah. It's
always been boys for me.

Boys,
boys, boys, boys...

CHRISTINE:Where
does itcome from, homosexuality?

Well, I mean...

..I don't know,
it's just part of you.

COLIN:
So, do you just know?

Oh, yeah.
Yep. 100%.

You remember the first time
we talked about it?

What a relief to know there was
someone the same as you.

I know.
I know, I was the same.

And did you just start shagging
straight away, aye?

Here, Beth,

they're both saying that they
always knew they were that way.

Did
you know Ian was?

Well, yes.

I had a fair idea.

COLIN:So did we.
Eh?

Oh, aye. Remember he went out
for Halloween as George Michael.

He
just nailed it, no bother.

I remember that.

I gave him a Braeburn apple and
a fun-size Milky Way.

I actually think my father
might have been.

What?!
Your father?

Yes. Looking back,
I think he probably was.

You see, maybe it's something
that's passed down genetically,

like flat feet.

That might explain why my dad
was so weird when I came out.

Was he? What did
he do, Darren?

Did he...
Did he slap your face?

Well...

..no.
Oh.

ERIC:Your
father, Beth?You think so?

Yeah.
And what makes you think that?

Well, he had a close friendship
with a guy who wasn't married,

and looking back, I think
there was maybe more to it.

Beth, you should tell
more people about this.

It makes
you sound interesting.

Well, you had to keep it
under wraps back then.

I mean, it was illegal.
I mean, not like with you boys

with your piercings
and your own bit on the beach.

Pat saw two men going into
the disabled loo

in the old BHS once.

Not a wheelchair
or a stick between them.

Mind you, she said one of them was
kind of hobbling when he came out.

CATHY SNICKERS

COLIN:
color="#00ff00"> What about you, Gordon?

Any history of it
in your family?

No.

See, this pair,
they've got it in their blood.

Remember the first time
we went to a gay pub?

Oof. Delmonicas.
Is that still there?

No,
not any more, no.

Yes, it is.

Actually, it is.

Remember Diane? Mad Diane.
She worked behind the bar.

Oh, my God,
she was off her head.

Remember the night she cracked open
the fruit machine to get coins out

cos
she'd run out of change?

THEY LAUGH

I remember that. Oh, Tuesdays
nightswere the best.

That was karaoke.
Oh, that was such a laugh.

# Do you believe
in life after love? #

God, that was a big
one,wasn't it?

Yeah, she's quite obvious
though, Cher, in't she?

Hmm?I always tried
to go forsomething a bit more original

at the place I used to go to
down in the gay quarter

on the
outskirts of Harrogate.

Right.
So what did you do, then?

Classic hip-hop.

Did you, Gordon?

Let's hear a bit.

Yeah, come on, Gordon,
let's hear you.

# I said a hip-hop,

# The hippie, the hippie
The hip, hip-hop-a

# You don't stop the rockin'
to the bang-bang boogie

# Say up jump the boogie to the
rhythm of the boogie the beat. #

Thursday nights were
goodas well.

We had some brilliant nights.
Oh, we did.

The best.
Honestly, just the best laugh.

CATHY:
Do you know, it's so strange

to see Ian all happy
and smiling, isn't it, Col?

It's good that it's still going.
Oh, aye, it's still going,

but we don't really go out
in town now, do we?

Let's go now.
Eh?

Let's go. Let's go into town.
Darren's come all this way.

Let's all go out into a gay bar
and get totally fucking fucked.

CATHY:
Yes, Gordon, come on!Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Come on, let's do this.

We're
up for it, aren't we, Col?

Well, aye...

..as long as you stand outside
the toilet in case I need to go.

Beth, do you want to come and get
shit-faced in a gay club?

No, Cathy.

Eric, you up for it?

Come on, Eric,
get your hot pants on.

No.
Christine, what about you?

Well, I'd like to, but I'd better
go in and check my bait boxes.

Come
on, let's do this!

Let's go and hit the booze
with other gay men!

I
can't go out like this.

CATHY:Well,
just goand get changed, then.

I don't
have any stuff with me.

You've still got
some tops upstairs.

I'll need to go
and get changed as well.

Darren, come with me and
help me decide what to wear.

I'm
hopeless with clothes.

Well, just come
and give me attention. Come.

Where's
this stuff, then?

Er, right,
I'll come and show you.

This is great!

Can't wait to get into town
and get strutting my stuff!

Do... Do they have locks on
the toilet doors, Gordon?

I 'ope not,
cos I am ready for action!

I...I might just walk about
with my flies down all night.

Yeah,
let the old cock hang out.

Yep,
cocks, cocks, cocks!

I
absolutely love them!

Are you all right,
Gordon?Hmm?

You
seem a bit wound up.

Me?
No, no, I'm ready to go.

You really
want to go to this place?

Does
sound quite lively, Eric.

Are you sure you're no' just
trying to prove a point, son?

What do you mean?

Well, cos this Darren boy's shown
upand they've been talking

about all the stuff
that they used to get up to,

you're
wanting to do something

in case Ian thinks that your
life'sa bit boring.

I mean, Gordon...

..
you're painting ceilings.

You know something?

I wish
I'd been more switched on

and a bit more supportive of Ian
when he was growing up.

So
let me tell you something.

It's OK just to be the person
you are, Gordon.

To hell with what anybody
else says, just be yourself.

IAN:
Right, how we doing?

You all set?

SHE INHALES DEEPLY

What's happening?

Do you know what, I think
I might just give it a miss.

Huh?
But it was your idea.

Yeah,
but you and Darren go.

I
think I'll just go home.

Well, listen, I'm not bothered
about going either.

Are you not?

Nah.
I'll just come home too.

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

OK,
are you going to get a taxi,

or will I get your dad
to run you in?

Change of plan.

DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

I mean,
bait boxes are all right,

but
see the old snap traps?

There's a... There's a satisfaction
in it,

from actually hearing
the impact of the metal

on the mouse.

Have
you got the poppers?

Oh, aye, sorry.

# The other man's grass
is always greener

# The sun shines brighter
on the other side

# The other man's grass
is always greener

# Some
are lucky, some are not

# But I'm so thankful
for what I've got

# Yes, the other man's grass
is always greener

# The sun shines brighter
on the other side. #

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