Original subtitles

♪ Them that's got shall have ♪

♪ Them that's not shall lose ♪

♪ So the Bible said ♪

♪ And it still is news ♪

♪ Mama may have ♪

♪ Papa may have ♪

♪ But God bless the child ♪

♪ That's got his own ♪

♪ That's got his own ♪ Them that's got shall get ♪

♪ God bless the child ♪ Them that's not shall lose ♪

♪ Them that's got shall get ♪

♪ Them that's not shall lose ♪

'Well, as Mrs. Krabappel already mentioned'

'the name of the book that I read was "Treasure Island."'

- What're you watching, man? - "The Simpsons."

"The Simpsons?"

- Bill Cosby's up. - I know, I know.

But I wanna watch this for a change.

- People say it's funny, pop. - Oh.

'Hey, hey neighbors.'

Now, what you do that for?

Now, son, there's somethin' I got to tell you.

Now, I've been tryin' to keep it from you all these years

but I can't hide it no longer.

Son... we're black.

Sorry to break it to you sudden like this.

Must come as a shock.

Enjoy the show.

Now, you listen to me, now.

Mama died, I was happy to have you come live here.

But I pay the rent and it's my TV

and I watch what I want, you understand?

That chair been messing with you, again?

You just better watch yourself or you gonna end up firewood.

- Well, I gotta go. - Oh!

Will you watch "LA Law" for me and tell me what happened?

Oh, sure. But it ain't fair.

Your favorite TV show and you almost never see it.

That's okay, you just make notes

so you can give me a real detailed description.

- Wait a minute now. - What you want, boy? Oh!

Mmh! I ain't got time, honey.

Oh, now it seem like the only chance I get to make love

to my wife these days is in my dreams.

That's okay, you just make notes

so you can give me a real detailed description.

Hey, lady, wanna buy a watch?

- Joey. Oh! - Hey.

Roc is gonna be so thrilled to see you.

- Hey, Joey. - That's it?

You don't see your brother for five years

and that's it? "Hey, Joey."

You're right. Hey, Joey, where's my money?

- Hey, that's pie. Nummy-nummy. - Help yourself.

So where's daddy?

- He's upstairs sleeping. - He okay?

Yeah, no thanks to you.

Daddy's last two birthdays, I sent him cards

forged your signature, so he'd think you remembered.

- Oh? Just cards, no gifts? - Gifts?

I might be forgetful, but I ain't cheap.

- Well-- - Oh, now, Joey, that's okay.

You tell us what you've been up to?

- Where you been? - Well, I did it.

- I put together a jazz group. - Oh.

Yeah, we've been touring all over the place.

Unfortunately, uh, last month in Chicago

I bugged into a telephone pole and split my lip.

- I can't play a note. - Oh, that's terrible.

A telephone pole.

Yep, my girlfriend's husband lifted me up

and threw me into it. Bam!

You crazy.

So I figured it was a good time to come back to Baltimore

see my loving family, spend some time with them.

- Sponge off 'em. - Sponge off 'em.

With no money comin' in I had to give up my flat in New York.

And you're forced to come crawlin' to me.

No, no, no, that's not true now, there are dozens of people

I could've come crawling to, and I chose you.

Hey, come on, Roc, you gonna put me out in the cold?

You swore to our mother on her deathbed you'd look after me.

Yeah, I got caught up in the moment.

Alright, alright, you can stay, but just till the lip heals.

And you gotta find another job. Pay your keep.

- Absolutely. - Bad, baby.

Joey, there's a spare bed in your daddy's room

but I think you better sleep on the couch tonight.

I gotta go to the hospital.

- Uh, you sick? - I work there.

Oh, I thought you was making a fashion statement.

So, uh... you still work on the docks?

I got me a much better job with the city.

Yeah?

I'm a garbage man.

No, seriously, what're you doing?

I'm a garbage man. It happens to be a fine job with great perks.

Yeah, I'd bet.

Oh.

- You see this refrigerator? - Yeah, I see it.

- You see this table? - Yeah.

Well, you come here, let me show you something.

- You see this lamp? - Yeah, I see the lamp.

- You see this rug? - I see the rug.

You see this piano? Didn't cost me a cent.

All stuff that people threw out.

That couch I'm gonna sleep on too?

You bet.

Mind if I watch the used TV?

'Oh, no, you go right ahead.'

You know, that's why they call it an idiot box.

'Did I mention this book was written by a guy..'

How many times I got to tell you...

- Joey. - 'Hey, daddy.'

- Joey! Oh, my boy! - Hey, daddy.

My boy is back.

Well, why didn't you tell me he's here?

You said not to awake you once you asleep

even if Jesus comes rappin' on the door.

Jesus, sure, but not Joey.

Well, what you sitting there for?

Go get us somethin' to celebrate with.

Uh, just a little ice in mine.

My boy. My boy.

Oh, thank you for all those birthday cards.

'You don't think I'd forget my daddy's birthday, would you?'

- You've got a fine penmanship. - Thank you, dad.

- What you watching on the TV? - Oh, that's "The Simpsons."

Oh, I hear it's a real funny show. I'll watch it with you.

♪ Oh whoa oh whoa ♪

Hey, morning, Roc.

Hey, hey, uh, you mind if I see some of that "USA Today?"

- Hmm. - Thank you.

Wait a minute. This is, uh, this is USA yesterday.

That's perks. I get 'em on my route.

What, you mean you read the newspapers from the day before?

Well, you're always a day behind.

And a quarter ahead and a dollar on Sunday.

Oh, what you gonna do with all them quarters, Roc?

Every one of them goes into a special savings account.

A few more years

I'll have enough to put me a down payment

on the kind of house I've always dreamed about.

Semi-detached.

I never lived in a house that had a wall

with no one on the other side of it.

A man comes home from work, tired

wants to get away from the world.

All he has to do is sit up against that wall.

And he's all alone in his castle.

And if I gotta read yesterday's funnies

to get me a wall like that

it's okay with me.

Well, the only problem is

when you finally go to buy your dream house

somebody'll beat you to it because they read the want ads

a day before you did.

I ain't worked that out yet.

Well, I don't feel like waitin' around till tomorrow

to find out how last night's basketball game went.

- Uh, where can I get a paper? - There's a news rack.

- Right out front. - Got it.

- Oh, Morning, Eleanor. - Hi, Joey.

- Hey, baby. Hey. - Hi, baby.

- Now, baby? - No, baby.

- Tired, baby? - Yeah, baby.

- Night, baby? - You got it, baby.

- Night. - Night.

Damn it.

One more basket, I would have won my bet.

God!

One lousy basket.

And I can tell you who missed that basket...

...the white boy.

What white boy?

The white boy on the team he'd bet on.

You don't even know what team that was.

It don't matter.

They all got to have one white boy.

No matter how slow or un-coordinated.

It's a league rule.

Hey, come on, that's crazy, pop.

You tryin' to sayin' there ain't no good

white basketball players?

You tryin' to say

Larry Bird ain't good?

Larry Bird?

Well, sure he's good.

And he's real good, but he's black.

- Larry Bird is black? - Now, you didn't know that?

Sure. They just put white make-up on him.

Straightened his hair

and put those tinted contact lenses in his eyes.

But he's black, alright.

Oh, Larry Bird was born and bred in Harlem.

Real name is Abdul Mustafa.

Well, I gotta go to work, I'll see ya later.

Hey, hey, what you got in there, Roc?

It's Eleanor's birthday tomorrow.

I got her this here VCR machine.

Now, she can watch all of her favorite shows.

Wow, let me see that.

Yep, it's used.

Right, I found it in someone's trash.

Well, whose trash did he find it in?

- Does it still work? - No, Not yet.

But I'm meetin' my buddy Wiz after work

he'll fix it up like new.

What, they call him Wiz 'cause he's

some kinda electronic wizard?

No, 'cause he got a problem with his bladder.

Alright, um...

Eleanor ain't gonna mind, I mean, this being used and all?

Oh, no, no.

- You see this dishwasher? - Yeah.

This is what I gave her for her last birthday.

I found it, Wiz fixed it up.

She was thrilled.

Thrilled huh? What'd she do?

Uh, jump on you and kiss you and...

...make passionate love to you on the kitchen table?

No. That's not our style.

We don't make love on no kitchen table.

Not your kitchen table, you don't know where it's been.

- Wanna make yourself useful? - Sure.

You bring that to me at Charlene's Bar at 6.

Okay.

Hey, Roc, wa-wait a second.

Uh, this is kinda, this is kinda embarrassing for me 'cause, uh...

...you know, I hate to borrow money.

Oh, you know how I hate to lend it?

Yes, uh, it's just, uh...

...I didn't realize it was Eleanor's birthday, man.

I mean, she's been so great, you know, uh

letting me barge into her home and puttin' me up like this.

She's been a real sister to me and, uh...

I-I can't even afford to get her a birthday gift.

I'm sorry. I feel ashamed.

- I feel really ashamed. - Hey, hey, hey, come on.

- I'm sorry. - Hey, c-come on, come on.

Don't do that. No, don't, don't do that, come on, come on.

Look, here, here, here. Here's-here's $20.

You go get her something.

Thank you. Thank you, Roc.

You the best man, I don't deserve a brother like you.

I'mma get my life together, you watch.

Hey, hey, Roc, I love you, man.

Ah!

Yeah, yeah. Mickey?

Yeah, yeah, this is Joey, uh, listen, uh...

...give me $20 on Billy's Hope to win in the third

tomorrow at Pimlico.

Right.

♪ Yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪

♪ Whoa whoa ah ♪

What's everybody in such a hurry for?

It's on fast forward.

Wiz needs some more parts before the other stuff can work

but I wanted to at least show it to Eleanor tonight.

I was just saying white people can't really move that fast.

They might make better basketball players.

Hey, you know what I got Eleanor?

- What? - A framed picture of Malcolm X.

That's what you get her every year.

Of course, I can't disappoint her now.

Hey, hey, hey, hey! Hope I'm not late for the party.

Will you look at this man?

- Is that new? - Of course, it is.

I can't show up for my sister-in-law's birthday

in an old suit and that ain't all that's new.

Hey, daddy.

Come here and try this on.

Can't have my daddy walkin' around in ol' tattered bathrobe.

- Thank you, son. - You're welcome.

Hey, Roc, these are for you.

These are the best work gloves money can buy.

Oh, they're the rage in Paris.

All the garbage men are wearin' 'em.

Where'd you get money for all this?

From the most beautiful filly

in the city of Baltimore.

Where'd you get money to bet on the horses?

You gave it to me. Oh, which reminds me.

- Here's your $20 back. - Oh, no, wait a minute.

I gave you that money to buy my wife a gift.

I can't get no gift for no wonderful lady like Elanor

for no $20. Roc, that'd be insulting.

You cried to me for that money

and I almost cried back!

And then you go and bet it on a horse?

Hey, w-w-wait, now, you not angry.. Wait.

Daddy, can you believe this man?

Now, Joey, you and Roc are both my sons.

So don't go askin' me to take sides here.

Especially when it's so obvious he's actin' like a jackass.

Man, you told me you were gonna get

Eleanor a gift with that money. You lied to me.

I didn't lie, Roc. I got her a gift.

I got her a great gift.

Now, if I did what I said I was gonna do

how can I be lyin'?

Well, I ain't worked that out yet.

Come on, Roc. We got enough bad luck in our lives as it is.

Now, a little good luck comes along

you might as well enjoy it, right?

- Right? - Ah!

- Well, maybe you're right. - Alright.

- What you get her? - Look at this!

I got her...

...a brand new

top of the line, state of the art

cable compatible VCR!

V-V-VCR?

This is a $500 machine.

Some guy named Dwayne down the street sold it to me for 75.

- Can you believe that? - Yeah, I can believe it.

Dwayne's a thief, that's stolen property.

Hey, that's not our problem right?

Anyhow, how you know Dwayne stole it?

Maybe he just looted it in some riot.

Well, stolen or not stolen ain't the point.

How could you get Eleanor a VCR knowing I got her one?

- What that old funky thing? - Exactly.

You go get her this sleek, modern one.

You tryin' to shame me in front of my woman?

'Course not, Roc. I figured we'd say it was from both of us.

It was your $20 that made it possible.

I don't need nobody to buy me

no gift for my wife's birthday. You understand?

- What's goin' on here? - I'll tell you what's goin' on!

My brother and I are comparing gifts

we got you for your birthday, seems like he got you

this brand new, top of the line

state of the art, cable compatible VCR!

And I got you this...

...this.

This!

Alright, now w-wait a second, man. Wait a second.

I didn't know you was gonna take it like that!

'Alright, alright, now, that might've been stupid'

but, hey, I thought it was gonna please you.

But ain't no VCR more important to me than my brother.

Come here.

Well, I don't exactly follow the logic of what's goin' on here

but I sure as hell ain't gonna be left out.

Nothin' personal, Malcolm.

Pop.

Gosh, you really shouldn't have.

Listen to me, fool.

Next time you wanna make some symbolic gesture

of fraternal affection, you smash up your own crap.

- She got a point there-- - And you.

Did it ever occur to you

that when Malcolm X was fighting for the rights of blacks

he was also fighting for the rights of black women?

And one of those rights is to have at least

one wall in her house without a picture of Malcolm X on it.

Y-y-you savin' the best for last, right?

Damn right.

How long I got to wait before you give me somethin'

somebody else didn't throw out?

I'm sorry.

I thought it'd give you a lot of pleasure.

I know.

It was a very sensible

and practical gift.

'Cause we're both sensible, practical people

'who lead sensible, practical lives.'

You emptyin' garbage cans.

Me emptyin' bedpans.

But ain't it possible

just once in a while

to show somebody that you care about

doin' somethin' that ain't so sensible and practical?

'Cause see, carin' for somebody

ain't at all sensible or practical.

It's a crazy thing to do. Crazy.

And, so to remind somebody you do care about them

from time to time, Roc, you gotta do somethin'

that's just a little bit crazy.

Otherwise... they forget.

I'm going to work.

♪ Yeah-ye yeah ye-yeah-ye yeah-h-h ♪

- Hi. - Hi.

Why you up so early?

I really wasn't able to sleep.

I guess I was a little hard on you last night.

No, you were a 100% right in everything you said.

After you left

Joey, dad and me went to Charlene's bar

to drown in our sorrows and try to come up with an answer.

Answer to what?

What's the craziest thing I could do to show you

how crazy I am about you.

- Really? - Yeah.

Everybody in the bar was helpin' out

with suggestions.

Joey thought I should hire you

a gypsy violinist to come and serenade ya.

Wiz said I should take off work today

and fly you to New York to spend a weekend

at the most luxurious hotel in town.

Daddy said I should hire a pony.

A pony?

Well, ever since he was a kid he wanted a party with pony rides.

And that Charlene suggested I hire you a male stripper.

- Bless her heart! - Yeah, but I wasn't satisfied.

I wanted to do somethin' even crazier.

Somethin' you'd never believe me doin' in a million years.

And suddenly it came to me in a flash.

So I decided to go out and buy you a dress!

What do you think of that?

Yeah? That's nice.

But a dress? What's so crazy about that?

Well, not just any dress, a designer original

from the most exclusive shop on Charles Street.

Well, that's really nice.

But I still don't quite see

why you think that that's so crazy.

- Eleanor. - Hmm?

I bought you a dress from that shop...

...that was not on sale.

Not on sale?

- Roc, you didn't. - Yes, I did.

Roc, you never bought anything

that wasn't on sale in your whole life.

I know, it was the weirdest experience I've ever had.

Not on sale!

Oh, I wish you could've been there.

Oh, the sales lady was so nice and helpful

once I convinced her I wasn't there to rob her that is.

She kept showing me all these great dresses

and I'd scratch my chin and consider each one

and then, finally she showed me the dress that I knew

would be perfect you!

Oh! Not on sale!

Not on sale!

- Oh, wow! Oh! - Ah!

It beautiful.

Oh, thank you!

I'm gonna go up to the bedroom and try it on

you give me a few minutes, you come on up.

I wasn't sure about the size, and I hope it fits.

That's okay, I got a hunch it ain't gonna stay on that long.

Now, I know you're not supposed to leave price tags on a gift

but under the circumstances I thought you might wanna see it.

Ten hundred and twenty six dollars!

Ten hundred and twenty six dollars.

A $1,000?

You paid a $1,000...

...for a dress!

A-are you crazy?

W-well, I-I t-thought you wanted me crazy?

Yeah, crazy. Not brain dead.

Thousand dollars of our precious savings on one dress.

- Oh, honey, now come on. - Don't you touch me!

Who the hell is he?

I-I wasn't sure the dress was crazy enough

so I wanted to play it safe.

So you hired a violinist too?

Yeah, yeah, I found him in some Hungarian restaurant.

He, uh, he plays a little flat

but, hey, Itzhak Perlman don't do birthday gigs no more.

I better sit down.

Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh, not there.

Oh, daddy!

Well, I went down and picked him up myself.

Now, they had another one, black all over.

But I didn't wanna use your birthday

to make no political statement.

Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh!

And what have we here, Eleanor.

Check this out.

In that envelope, I think you'll find

two plane tickets to Manhattan.

Reservations for a room at The Plaza Hotel.

'And two tickets to "Miss Saigon."'

I wonder how that got there.

I could kill you.

Ooh, I think this party just turned ugly, uh...

Hey, daddy why don't we show Whitey and Zoltan here

the rest of the neighborhood?

So how much did all of this come to?

Um... a little over $2,000.

Two thousand dollars?

That's a third of what we got saved for our down payment.

- I know, I know. - Two thousand dollars?

You know how many garbage cans you gotta empty to make $2,000?

175,914.

I figured that out waiting for you to come home.

'Boy, you crazy!'

Oh, to hear you laugh like that...

...I'd empty a billion cans of garbage.

That's the most beautiful thing anybody ever said to me.

Hey, where's that male stripper?

You're lookin' at him, baby.

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Keep on walking on ♪

♪ Oh Lord ♪

♪ Oh yeah yeah yeah ♪

♪ Yeah yeah Well well well ♪

♪ Oh good God now ♪

♪ Oh oh ♪

♪ Whoa whoa ♪

♪ Keep on walking on ♪

♪ Oh yeah walk on ♪

♪ Yeah ♪