Original subtitles

- Stop complaining, will you?

- Well, I paid to get in

and I'd like to see a good picture.

- We did not pay to get in.

We got in on a pass for nothing

and this ought to be good.

- Well, yes, it ought to be good for nothing.

- I recommend it to anyone.

- And I think a lot of people should see it, even kids.

- I'm coming back.

- Yeah, I'll be back again too.

- I don't know how the kids feel,

but I really found out

what they're thinking in this picture.

- The best scene to me was...

Well, when they went in together

and got a karate chop right in the neck,

and strike them.

- And I like the ending.

I like, well, it was a sad ending

and I like, well, I get emotional.

- I'm going to enjoy this.

- It's a really big show.

- Say kids, what time is it?

- Howdy Doody Time!

- Oh boy, oh boy, kids!

Look at those purple marbles.

- He hasn't reckoned with Phineas the genius but...

- Fully obnoxious.

- It has taken 2000 years of civilization to allow you

as a consenting adult

to view this motion picture.

- Everything is going to be beautiful.

- Well, Drake and the Indians have got Carson surrounded.

With Carson out of the way,

the rest of our problem is simple.

- Look.

- I'll send Midnight after them.

Midnight, Midnight, come here.

Go get 'em, Midnight.

- Midnight's going after the girl.

- Hiya, boys and girls!

I've got a great show for you today

and you're going to like it.

Get set, you're going to see some of my favorite pictures.

- Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

This is KRKR-TV

and now for the latest news...

Early tonight, the captain of a Swedish icebreaker

in the Barents Sea

reported "Seeing a strange red fireball

come out of the sky," says the captain.

"It hovered above my ship for about a minute,

and then headed south by southwest," unquote.

Radio Cairo reports a herd of camel stampeded

by a comet-like object

streaking southwest across the Sahara.

And in Cape Town Africa, a boar, no doubt,

reports a similar flash across the sky.

And still one more, ladies and gentlemen.

A farmer in Auckland, New Zealand

reported the strange glowing object,

this time moving northeast.

Now let's see, Barents Sea,

Cairo, Auckland,

New Zealand.

Considering the timetable of these reports,

the stranger from space should be over our California desert

in a matter of minutes.

- Harry, Harry!

What'll your wife say?

- She'll say plenty. Tonight, anyhow.

You see the way she tore outta here in that big car of hers.

- She caught us nodding to each other.

- She'll make up for all the things

she hasn't caught us doing. So fed up.

Never should have agreed to go back

to her once we were separated.

- Why did you?

- You know why.

I couldn't pry one nickel out her.

The community property routine only works for women.

Man hasn't got a chance.

- Unless the wife dies.

I didn't say anything.

- You were thinking it.

- Not the same thing.

Didn't you say she was in the nuthouse for a while?

- Private sanitarium.

- What's the difference?

She was off her rocker, wasn't she?

- I suppose so.

Probably got some fancy name for it.

Mostly she'd have these violent headaches

and she got falling down drunk.

Still has 'em to this day.

What are you getting at?

- Oh, come on now, Harry.

Let's not be naive.

You've made a good start now, follow through.

She's on the brink and you know it.

- I don't know it.

Dr. Cushing seems to be helping her a lot.

She's tapering off in the bottle too.

Hardly took a drink all evening.

You saw her.

- All she needs is a little help.

Play the husband right to the end.

Once she's in the booby hatch,

throw the key away.

That'll put you in the driver's seat.

- You'd make a wild driver, Harry,

with 50 million bucks.

- Harry!

Harry, help me!

- Mrs. Archer! Mrs. Archer! - What's the matter?

Here, somebody gimme a hand!

Take her into the office.

Hey chief, chief!

- Mrs. Archer. - Harry.

- Go on, folks, go on, go on.

Nothing you can do around here.

Go find Harry while I take care of Mrs. Archer.

- All right, just break it up.

- Now, come on, Mrs. Archer.

Come on and sit down in the car.

I'll send somebody for some black coffee.

- Black coffee?

You think I'm drunk, don't you?

All of you,

I'm not drunk, I'm not!

- You've got to believe me. - Please.

- It was right the middle of the highway,

30-feet tall!

It left the sky.

- I know that.

- You don't believe me, do you?

- What's new in Colgate Dental Cream

that's missing, missing, missing

in every other leading toothpaste?

It's Gardol and Colgate with Gardol gives up to seven times

longer protection against tooth decay

and a cleaner, fresher breath all day

with just one brushing.

And here's how the Gardol in Colgate works.

Now just as this invisible shield help protect me,

Gardol forms an invisible protective shield

around your teeth

that fights tooth decay all day with just one brushing.

And Colgate with Gardol cleans your breath

while it guards your teeth.

Colgate is safe too,

even for children under six.

So what's new in Colgate Dental Cream

that's missing, missing, missing

in every other leading toothpaste?

It's Gardol and Colgate with Gardol gives up to seven times

longer protection against tooth decay

and a cleaner, fresher breath all day

with just one brushing.

- Hey Mr. Archer. - Mm-hmm.

- Mr. Archer.

- What is it, Charlie?

Oh, all right, I get the message.

- She's over at the sheriff's office.

Kind of bad shape, pretty hysterical.

- You couldn't find me tonight, Charlie.

I took a cab home.

- Sure, sure, I get it, Mr. Archer,

thanks a lot.

- So she's tapering off, hmm?

Hardly took a drink all evening?

- Must have had a bottle in the car, I don't know.

- Found Mr. Archer?

- Well, he took a cab home, Chief.

- Or Charlie, go get the riot gun.

We're taking a ride in the desert with Mrs. Archer.

- Right.

Why the heavy artillery, Chief?

- There's a flying satellite

and a 30-foot giant a few miles out on 66.

- A 30-foot giant?

Oh, no!

- Some for you,

some for you,

and some for you.

- Mmm, that tastes swell.

- It's Colgate Dental Cream.

Watch this wonderful story

about Colgate Dental Cream, Happy Tooth

and the meanest man in the world,

old Mr. Tooth Decay.

Hello, Happy tooth.

I see you're training your dogs to do tricks.

Oh yes, Mr. Colgate Dental Cream.

And this big Saint Bernard dog has joined my training class.

Isn't he friendly?

Ha, ha, ha!

He thinks I'm a friendly Saint Bernard, does he?

Wait 'till he finds out I'm Mr. Tooth Decay.

Let's not take any chances, Happy Tooth,

in case old Mr. Tooth Decay is around.

Let me brush you with my wonderful ingredient, Gardol!

Just brush, brush, brush

and up goes the invisible protective shield

against tooth decay.

Ha, ha, ha!

Now to leap out of this dog's skin

and get that little happy tooth!

It's Mr. Tooth Decay!

Oh, no!

Not Gardol again!

Help! Help me!

To put old Tooth Decay to flight,

use Colgate Dental Cream tonight.

Look for swell tasting

Colgate Dental Cream in the red and white box.

- To fight old Tooth Decay that way,

use Colgate Dental Cream each day.

And for the swellest tasting toothpaste you've ever had,

look for the red and white box

and the name Colgate Dental Cream with Gardol.

- I didn't run all the way to town

just for a lecture, Sheriff.

- We'd be glad to escort you home, Mrs. Archer.

- No thanks.

- She's tearing outta here

like she was heading for the moon!

- Poor, mixed-up Mrs. Archer.

Hmm, feel kind of sorry for her.

- Yeah, well, I feel a lot sorrier for her husband

if she ever catches him with that Honey Parker

he's got stashed at the hotel.

Woo, what a doll!

- Yeah.

Joseph E. Levine presents

Hollywood's biggest star.

- The one, the only.

Groucho!

That's me.

- Well, here I am again

with $1,500 for one of our couples, George.

And if any of them say the secret word, ah,

Ducky here will swoop down and pay 'em $100.

Here's the money right here.

What's the word?

"Heart." Okay, take 'em away, yeah?

What we put on the air...

our studio audience selected a weightlifter.

Mr. John Farbotnik

- and his partner. - Please,

don't make up any names here.

Give us the official names they actually are.

We have enough trouble.

The weightlifter's name is Mr. John Farbotnik

and the housewife is Mrs. Regina Roberts.

And here they are, folks,

meet Groucho Marx right up here.

- Welcome, welcome to "You Bet Your Life", kids.

- Hello, sir. - And if you say

the secret word, you'll divide $100.

It's a common word,

something you always have with you.

Mr. John Farbotnik, that's what it is.

Doesn't seem possible,

but that's what it is.

Gotta keep my trap shut.

You're a weightlifter, right?

- That's right. - Weightlifter, huh?

Where are you from, Muscle Shoals?

- Well, originally I'm from Philadelphia,

but I'm traveling

the last few years - Lemme get my laugh,

would you?

How would you like it if you said something brilliant

and I rode right over it like that.

Just be patient, son.

We'll get all this trivia of you before we're through here.

Where are you from, Muscle Shoals?

Went better the first time I say it.

Where are you from?

- Well, originally I'm from Philadelphia,

but I've been traveling last few years.

Well,

I'm sure that I can't help you out on that.

Have you spoken to the police in these various cities?

You're still from Muscle Shoals, huh?

- No, I'm from Santa Monica right now.

But I've been traveling... Chicago, Philadelphia.

- Santa Monica, that's interesting.

I used to play one of those...

just hang your bag right there

and we'll fill it with oats later on.

You sure you're not from Muscle Shoals?

- No, I'm not.

- It's such a funny place to be from, Mrs. Roberts.

Are you from Muscle Shoals?

- No, sir.

- Where are you from?

- New York, originally.

- And what sort of work does your husband do, Mrs...

- Roberts. - Mrs. Roberts, yeah.

- He was a policeman in New York.

- Oh, how did you meet him?

- My sister was expecting a baby.

And you know how babies unexpectedly come,

try to call the doctor and we just couldn't locate him.

So I had heard that if you call the police department,

they might bring assistance.

So my husband, another policeman,

came and he delivered the baby.

And then after that,

he used to come to visit the baby as a pretext.

He used to say he wanted to see

how the baby was coming along

- And he was really coming there

to see your sister?

- No, he was coming to see me!

And after that time, I never had a sweetheart.

So, that was all right.

- They said sweetheart, Groucho!

- They did.

- That was for the sweet reward!

- You said sweetheart, and you and John,

Mr. Farbotnik, are going to split $100.

Oh, thank you.

- Well, your husband's got $50 tonight

that he didn't have this morning, eh?

I have it.

- Well, there is a difference.

Our... wait, I forgot his name.

Oh, John, I called you John, huh?

I'll call you Farbotnik.

That's easier than John.

Well, there's no point, John,

in having a perfect body if you don't show it anybody.

Would you mind giving us

a peek at your framework?

- Here?

- Why not?

You do it at the beach, don't you?

- Well, the beach, it's all right.

But not in front of an audience.

- Well, this is hardly an audience.

Just look at them, right?

Come on, take your coat off and shirt

and let's see what a real man looks like.

And that goes for you too, Mrs. Roberts.

- We play no favorites here.

Woo!

- Now there, restrain yourself out there.

Woo!

- Are you sure you're not from Muscle Shoals?

Say, are those real muscles?

- They sure are.

- They are, eh?

Now, how often do you have to pump 'em up?

- Well, I exercise 'em three times a week.

- How big are your measurements?

I mean, how big is your chest?

That is your chest there,

isn't it?

About 50 inches.

- 50 inches?

Is that up and down or around?

Well, how much is it expanded, John?

Well, it's 50 inches expanded and 48 normal.

- Uh-huh, is it normal now or expanded?

- Well, it's normal now.

Well, blow it up, will you?

Woo!

- And I was pretty fresh with him

at the beginning, you remember?

- Now Mrs. Roberts, how does your husband

compare with his Greyhound bust?

- He doesn't have those muscles,

but I like him better.

- I see, I like my husband.

But, oh, you Farbotnik...

Say John, would you object

if Mrs. Roberts felt your muscles?

- Not at all.

- Go ahead, Mrs. Roberts.

They won't bite you.

- I feel like giving my husband lessons.

- What do you think, Mrs. Roberts?

Would you be willing to leave your happy home

for this Neanderthal man, here?

- Oh, I'll still keep my husband.

- Well, everyone of his own taste.

Some people even like eggplant.

- We'll be back in a minute with something or other

and now get a load of this.

- Here are the Four Seasons with "Walk Like a Man."

- "Walk Like a Man" was sung by the Four Seasons.

- I think I'll turn on my television set, It'll be-

- Lousy cops, always crowding a guy.

- You know, you're a funny guy, Nick.

You're bundle of nerves.

You never relax,

never ease the tension.

You act like a skittery cold.

Why?

- You really wanna know, baby?

- Yeah.

- Well, I've been drifting since I was 15.

My first memories of an orphan asylum, crowded with kids.

I ran away,

never knew my folks,

but I managed to get by,

pick cotton, hung around hobos.

Nobody ever gave me anything.

I'd lighten on in for a while.

And then, I'd breeze again

and I learned that a rattlesnake is right.

You gotta be first.

Everybody's always crowding.

You're trying to push it with the pack

and you gotta crowd back and break through.

The guy that breaks away from the pack

is the winner every time, baby.

- What are you trying to prove?

- I already proved it,

saved my dough and fixed up that car of mine.

When I get behind that wheel, I'm the boss.

All those horses under the hood running for yours truly.

That's like music, baby.

Exciting music, better than rock and roll.

You're going fast, see?

Faster than the wind

and you're the guy at the reigns.

If somebody crowds you,

you push 'em back

like a guy swats flies.

- I don't understand you, Nick.

- Don't let it worry you.

You'll get gray.

- Are you gonna be around here next Tuesday?

- Hey Laura, I thought we had a date last night.

How come you stood me up?

- There are plenty of other nights just for you, Tommy.

- Well, I'll stand in line.

- You're outta your class, throttle jockey.

She's my girl.

- Take it easy, Sonny.

Easy does it.

Laura and I are old friends.

- You may be old,

but you're no friend.

- Don't push your luck, Junior.

- There's no luck involved.

- Sorry Laura, he asked for it.

- He got it too.

- Yeah.

- When he leaves town,

give me a ring.

- I am sorry, Nick,

you really were out of line.

- Leave me alone.

You're all alike,

always pushing and crowding me.

Everybody's always crowding me.

- You'll never get away with it, Nick.

- Don't crowd me, Joe.

- You try to signal that car?

- No, no, please Nick, don't kill me.

- I told you not to crowd me, Joe.

Everybody crowds me.

- In watching this story,

I want you to pay particular attention

to the three undraped ladies

who danced in the final scene

because one of these young ladies

has since married a titled Englishman

and her face is now quite well known.

Since the splitting of the atom

only a few decades ago

and through his God-given genius of science,

man, at last, has succeeded

in penetrating further and further

into the unknown vastness of space.

- Surface readings register above minimum requirements.

Morrow, go below and bring up the young gargon specimen.

Now the decision depends on its reactions.

- Wait, Captain, I have found evidence

of intelligent beings on this planet.

- Of what concern our foreign beings?

- Of none to you, Thor!

Just as you were so unconcerned

when you destroyed the small creature, so bravely.

- It was no more than an insect.

- But it had life

and that life you had to take

to satisfy your endless hunger for killing.

- Silence!

- It thrives, Captain,

already I can feel it has grown heavier.

- We shall return to our base

and lead the transport ships here.

Soon this planet will be covered with full grown gargons.

- Captain, Captain, something has gone wrong.

- Look here. - What?

What has happened?

- I do not know.

It suddenly fell limp.

- The atmosphere here tested above minimum,

but the gargon species cannot live

due to excessive nitrogen and gas compounds

emitted in our preliminary diagnosis.

- Then, this planet will be reported as unsuitable.

- Repack the instruments and prepare for takeoff.

We will continue our search in another solar of system.

- About that scene I mentioned,

we ran over time

and had to cut it at the last moment.

I'm sure you don't mind.

It had nothing to do with the story,

but it was a lot of fun making it.

There are 8 million stories in The Naked City.

This has been one of them.

A fiery horse with the speed of light,

a cloud of dust, and a hearty "Hi-Yo Silver!"

The Lone Ranger!

With his faithful Indian companion Tonto,

the daring and resourceful masked rider of the plains

led the fight for law and order in the early west.

Return with us now to those thrilling days of yesteryear.

The Lone Ranger rides again!

- Tonto, we'll make camp here tonight.

- Good place to rest for Silver and Scout.

Plenty water, good grass nearby.

- We've traveled hard, big fella,

you'll need a few hours rest.

- We ride to Fort Apache to see Major Harvey tomorrow.

- Yes, Tonto.

If what I've heard is true

about the Indians on Black Eagles reservation

and being able to buy new repeating rifles,

the major may be in for some trouble.

- Ah, one successful attack on town of Fort,

enough encouragement to start whole Indian war.

- That's right, repeating rifles in the hands

of the followers of a chief like Geronimo or crazy horse,

and every settlement in Fort in the entire southwest

would be under constant menace of Indian attack.

- Me not understand why men want to sell guns

when they know what harm they can do.

- Because of green, Tonto.

There are men who place material gain above everything else.

They'll even sacrifice their own personal safety

to satisfy their desire for gold.

- Yah!

- Get down as close as you can.

- Indians, Lieutenant?

- Hold on, I think they're masked!

- Sound like shots come from over ridge.

- That many could only mean one thing, Tonto-trouble!

- Lieutenant!

In a moment, we'll return

to The Lone Ranger and Tonto.

- Down through the ages,

music has been an ever-changing theory,

reflecting the emotions of human hearts.

Its blaring brasses and muted strings

speak a language understood around the world.

Many strange tales are told of composers and their works,

but perhaps the strangest of them all

is the tragic story of Hart Danks

who, as a tribute to his beautiful young wife,

gave to the world one of its most cherished love songs.

- I know it'll be a great success.

You must take it to your publishers

- Then you really like it?

- More than I can say.

It expresses my love for you.

- And it's my promise to love you forever and ever.

No matter what happens.

- What a wonderful thought.

To never grow old in our love.

To always be young and fair to each other.

Oh, my darling.

- Sweetheart.

Sign here, Mr. Danks.

I hope your song will be a success.

Success, hundreds of thousands of copies

were sold the world over.

Its sentimental melody touch the heartstrings

of young and old alike.

You are not going out again tonight, are you?

- Yes, and perhaps I won't be home till late.

- Darling, do you realize

that you haven't spent an evening at home in weeks?

- I'm sorry, but it can't be helped.

My friends insist.

You don't seem to care for that sort of thing.

So, I'm

- Your success has changed you.

We're drifting apart.

Darling, what happened to us?

- I'm in a hurry, dear.

We'll discuss it later.

- But, Hart!

Danks earnestly tried

to affect a reconciliation

with his estranged wife,

but her heart had been embittered by his neglect.

Though he continued to beg forgiveness

through the years that followed,

his pleas were in vain.

For her, it was better to live with her memories

than to try to make them real again.

As his fortune melted away from his reckless extravagance,

he tries to compose another success,

but his inspiration is gone.

The long years rolled by

and "Silver Threads Among the Gold"

became an American classic.

Homeless, friendless, and alone,

Hattie Danks spent her declining years

eking out a bare living as a scrub woman,

separated by an eternity

from the romance of her early youth.

On a side street in Philadelphia,

in a cheap rooming house,

the composer, now a broken old man,

was forgotten by the fame that had touched him

for a few brief years.

For Hart Danks, life at last was fading fast away.

And as it faded, he was leaving

a last bitter message to the world,

"It is hard to die alone."

And so the song that stands as a symbol

of undying love and devotion

shattered the lives of the two whose love had inspired it.

The Applejack alert,

enemy bombers, in theory,

are approaching the world's greatest city.

While the sirens wail their grim warning,

hundreds of thousands of New Yorkers

scurry for shelter against the attack.

Auto traffic is halted.

Riders and drivers taking cover in a realistic drill

for a day all Americans pray will never come.

A pall of restless silence cloaks the streets

and skyscrapers of New York.

One of the main targets of the mythical era,

armada of 400 planes.

8 million people vanished from view,

a lonely vigil over a city paralyzed by atomic attack.

Washington, too, takes part

in the most realistic nationwide civil defense exercise

since the atomic age was born at Hiroshima nine years ago.

President Eisenhower leads his staff

to a bombproof underground shelter.

Beneath the capitol domes clear,

stopped, frozen fast until the all clear

that we'll breathe life into the nation's capitol.

The General Mohamed Naguib inspects officers and men

of his country's rapidly expanding cavalry.

The new strong man of the Nile,

who led the July coup of army officers

that forced ex-King Farouk into exile,

is building Egypt's military strength

while carrying out land reforms.

The eyes of the free world are on the well-drilled

and well-equipped forces of General Naguib.

Egypt could become a powerful link in the chain

of Middle Eastern defense outposts,

being forged to protect the Suez Canal from Soviet Russia.

Pulchritude pursuing

the Miss Press Photographer prize,

posed, primp, and preen

on the Steel Pier at Atlantic City.

Laying down on the job,

our photographer comes up with all sorts of camera angles.

Competing for the crown are pretties

picked by press photogs throughout the country.

A labor of love,

this job of filming the loveliest lady in the lens.

And spectators like it too.

The winner's Leoma Naughton,

19, blonde, blue-eyed, shapely,

a Maryland University sophomore.

Representing the camera clickers from Washington DC,

she's a queen in capital figures.

In Los Angeles,

blonde Keith and brunette Anne

arrive at Griffith Park Observatory

wearing Don Loper's latest creations.

It's their first trip west

and they've never seen Los Angeles before.

It's quite a sight.

Note Anne's molded skirt with tapper depleted inserts.

At the Warner Brothers Studios,

Anne and Keith find themselves

outside Gordon MacRae's dressing room.

Gordon's outfit for a desert song

is just the thing for the Sahara.

Anne and Keith's molded suits

with fitted jackets and sheets skirts

are just the thing for fall.

That evening at the hotel ambassador's Coconut Grove,

Keith and Anne are set for a big night.

Their escorts wear traditional black and white,

and the girls are in Los Angeles Designer

Don Loper's evening dresses.

Keith wears a silver embroidered lace evening gown

with halter bodice.

And Anne, an embroidered netball gown

with velvet flowers at the waistline

for their night out in Los Angeles.

5 million voters go to the polls

in South Vietnam's first free national election

to choose between Premier Ngo Dinh Diem

and Absentee Emperor Bao Dai.

For a people racked by the agonies of war,

poverty, colonialism, and communism,

it is a time for decision

and an overwhelming endorsement of Diem,

who receives more than 98% of the votes.

In France far from his torn country,

the repudiated, fun-loving Bao Dai bows out.

And at 54, Ngo Dinh Diem becomes Vietnam's first president,

a resounding victory for the free world.

- Hi, I'm Ann-Margret.

Earlier this year, I was privileged

to visit our fighting men in Vietnam

and it was an experience that I will never, ever forget.

I'm just very proud to be in the same generation.

Everywhere I went, I found the morale high

and the resolve firm.

So many of you have fought earlier tyrannies before my time

and know what it is like to be far from home

fighting for those near and dear to you.

Our men in Vietnam need your support now.

And the best way you can help

is to follow President Johnson's call

to buy United States savings bonds.

In doing so, you are investing in your country

and in your own future.

Thousands of our soldiers abroad

buy savings bonds every week.

Won't you do the same?

Buy savings bonds now

to help bring them back home soon.

After college, it could have taken years

before Paul had any real responsibilities.

The Army gave him the chance now.

They sent him to Officer Candidate School.

He commands 19 men and 250 tons of power.

See your army recruiting sergeant for an exciting job

in today's action Army.

- Darling, they're doing all this for you.

Does it make you happy?

What? Why dear, you're crying?

- Butler, please drive us home.

Nabisco, your Nabisco cereal.

Nabisco Shredded Wheat

New Nabisco Shredded Wheat Juniors.

New Nabisco Wheat Honeys,

and new Nabisco Rice Honeys presents...

All right.

We take you now to Washington DC

- The lights out, rolling.

Gentlemen, this missile is the US Army Juno II

that launched the Pioneer 4 space probe

on March 3, 1959.

Pioneer 4 is now hundreds of thousands

of miles in outer space

and is in orbit around the sun.

Now you can learn a lot of facts

about America's great defense instruments

from the all new 1959 series of Defenders of America cards.

There's one card free

inside each package of Nabisco Shredded Wheat

with a rocket powered missile with the X-15 on the front.

Learn about the United States' new submarines,

rockets, planes at the same time you enjoy

Nabisco Shredded Wheat! Golden biscuits

of 100% whole wheat toasted just right

and charged with the growing power you need.

Start collecting the complete set

of the all new 1959 Defenders of America cards today.

There's one card free inside each package

of Nabisco Shredded Wheat with the X-15 on the front.

- Of all the honors you men have received,

I know of none higher

than the one you have asked me to present now.

- I think you know what to do with this decor.

- Yes sir.

Private Rin Tin Tin,

being singled out by the 101st cavalry

for courage and devotion,

above and beyond the call of duty,

I hereby sign this decoration in their name.

Nabisco, the new Nabisco family of cereals

have brought you "The Adventures of Rin Tin Tin."

- And you're sure you didn't see anyone leave the station?

- That's the truth, Lieutenant.

I told John he was driving too fast.

Then, we went off into a ditch with a blowout.

We walked back to the station for help.

And then, we found that poor old man.

- And he was dead?

- No, he was still alive,

but he was in great pain.

I tried my best to help him while John was calling you.

Isn't that right, John?

Yes, dear.

- Did he say anything when you were trying to help him?

Anything that would give us a clue as to who shot him?

- Not that I can remember.

- Oh yes, he did.

In his delirium, he repeated several times.

"Don't crowd me, Joe."

Over and over, he kept saying it.

- I'm afraid it isn't much to work on,

but I certainly thank you for your help,

Mrs. Smith and Mr. Smith.

I guess that'll be all right now.

- Come along, John. - Yes, dear.

- Goodbye now.

- Mommy, Mommy, look!

This cereal spells my name!

It's an alphabet cereal.

Yes, it's Post Alpha-Bits,

the new sugar-sparkled, ready-to-eat oat cereal.

- G!

- Good for you!

Post Alpha-Bits are such fun to eat

and so good for you too.

They're made of oats,

one of the best sources of high-quality cereal protein.

And Post Alpha-Bits are sugar-sparkled.

They help provide both quick and lasting energy

that children need.

- Come on, everybody!

There's so much fun!

- Get new Post Alpha-Bits!

- Holy mackerel!

- I'll take the camera, ma'am.

No pictures allowed.

- Look, you have no right to do that.

- Sorry, ma'am, I'll leave your camera at the roadblock.

- Well, I guess I'll go out the creek

and jump in with all my clothes on.

- Hey, where are you going?

- To the jukebox

to drown myself in music.

What would you like to hear?

- It's all right, honey, tell him.

- "Greensleeves," please, if it's there.

- Tears for somebody.

- Guess she didn't hate old men.

- No, just one, one's enough.

- Hi, Mr. Archer.

I was just saying, "Au revoir, thanks!"

- I thought you'd be waiting for me at your hotel.

You know, I don't like you hanging around here alone.

- You're not jealous of that clown, are you?

Too early to go to bed.

Anyways, I'm sick of that flea bag you call a hotel

and I'm tired of waiting.

All I do is wait, wait, wait!

- Maybe you won't have to wait as long as you think.

She's cracking up again.

She's seen satellites and giants.

Not only told me about it,

but she spread it all over town tonight.

Even had the sheriff out looking for this.

- Charlie was telling me about it.

- This could be it.

When Dr. Cushing hears about it,

he'll probably have her committed right away.

He's in Baker.

I'll call him tonight.

- Well, that sounds more like it.

I don't think I could take much more of this set up.

- Well, anytime you get to thinking that way, remember this.

- A Star of India?

- The most famous diamond in the world.

And you play your cards right

and it'll all be yours.

Ah, ah, someday.

- Let's call Dr. Cushing.

How to make a sk'bana nut sandwich.

First, to make this old favorite

now being revived in many fashionable circles,

we place two slices of fresh bread close to each other

so that we can work comfortably.

Next, one jar of Skippy peanut butter chunky style,

the kind that has crunchy little morsels of chopped,

fresh roasted peanuts sprinkled all the way through it, mmm.

And now we're spreading the Skippy

from edge to edge and corner to corner.

Then to complete the treat,

we take one golden banana.

Slice and place,

and now we put it all together.

There we are.

And chunky style or creamy style,

no other peanut butter tastes or spreads

or stays fresh like Skippy

because no other is made like Skippy.

Skippy peanut butter chunky style

for a creamy as well as crunchy sk'bana nut sandwich.

Delicious.

- Hey kids, it's the "Buster Brown Show!"

- Hey, ya kids!

It's "Andy's Gang!"

- Have we got a humdinger of a story today.

Oh, my! We know this is a good story.

Faster than a speeding bullet...

More powerful than a locomotive...

Able to leap tall buildings at a single bound...

- Look, up in the sky!

- It's a bird!

- It's a plane!

- It's Superman!

Yes, it's Superman!

Strange visitor from another planet

who came to earth with powers and abilities

far beyond those of mortal men.

Superman, who can change the course of mighty rivers,

bend steel, and disguised as Clark Kent,

mild-mannered reporter for a great metropolitan newspaper,

fights a never ending battle for truth, justice,

and the American way.

- Someone else is shopping. - And from the inside too.

- There's an all-night drugstore around the corner.

I'll call the police.

- My partner went out the door

as soon as the alarm went off.

You don't have to worry about me though.

I'm not gonna run away.

- You mean you deliberately stay

when you could have gotten away?

- Well, I've never done anything like this before, Superman.

It was all like a dream

until that alarm went off and woke me up.

And I realized that I can run from the police,

but I can't run from myself.

- It's easy to see that you're new at this sort of thing.

Why did you do it?

- Why? That's why I keep asking myself.

Sure, it was the money

but more deeper than that.

I should have learned how to save

and handled money a long time ago.

Then, this wouldn't have happened.

- Well, I'm sorry it did.

But at least you've learned something very important.

- Pretty bad way to learn it, don't you think?

Oh, here they come, Superman.

Gee, I feel a little better for having someone to talk to.

- Thanks. - It's all right, son.

Now you can do me a favor.

Don't tell them I was here.

- Sure.

- Girls, I want to tell you

about the most wonderful hair hairdryer you've ever used.

It's the beautiful Universal Hat Fox hairdryer.

The Lennon sisters know the extra large hood

circulates air evenly, dries hair fast.

When you step up to ask a girl for a dance,

do you have confidence in yourself?

See yourself as others see you

and you'll know that one thing

that gives any man confidence

is a neat personal appearance.

A neat appearance just naturally begins with the hair.

That's why you should use Wildroot Cream-Oil hair tonic.

The one hair tonic that contains

both lanolin and cholesterol.

Wildroot Cream-Oil gives you confidence

because it gives you healthy looking hair,

the way nature intended:

neat but not greasy

for that successful look that's so important.

Whether you're on a date or on the job,

every day use Wildroot Cream-Oil,

the one and only largest selling hair tonic.

Wildroot Cream-Oil gives you confidence.

- To join your band?

- To join us?

Give him a chance, Will.

- What's your name?

- Robin of...

Nothing.

Robin.

- Robin of the hood.

Robin Hood was brought to you by...

Wildroot Cream-Oil,

the one and only largest selling hair tonic.

- Get to your little pipe organ, Midnight.

You'd better get set too, Squeaky.

Kids, today Midnight and Squeaky

are gonna play a tune we all know.

Go ahead, Midnight.

We all like that song.

And now, Froggy,

if you wanna know about good things to eat,

you'd better become visible.

Plunk your magic twanger, Froggy!

- Hi-ya, kids!

Hi-ya, hi-ya.

Hi, Froggy!

Get set for some fun.

Because here comes that international Chef Monsieur Bonbon.

- Merci, merci beaucoup.

It is so nice to see you today.

But first, I must introduce myself.

I am Monsieur Bonbon Maitre D

As you know, maitre D means the head waiter.

- What are you waiting for?

- I am not waiting.

I said I am the head waiter

of the world famous Continental Hotel.

I want you to know that I have served royalty.

- Very badly. - Most so badly.

It is a wonder how I did not lose my job.

Now, when they come into the main dining room,

everybody, everybody stand up right beside their table

and the band plays,

God save the king.

It was I, Monsieur Bonbon,

who led them to their own royal table.

First, I seated the queen.

I quickly, I pulled the chair.

- And she fall, boom!

Right on her...!

What are you saying?

You crazy bully!

Oh, do you think it's so funny

to play a joke on the queen?

Why such a person would be...

- A hero.

- Oui, oui, of course.

That is the reason why I did it.

Oh, you are so impossible!

You are horrible.

I'm a tub.

I work in the bathroom.

My name is Saturday

'cause that's when I do most of my business.

6:45, case in point:

Susie, teenager, late for date,

can't get in bathroom.

No time for bath.

Knows there are excuses for skipping bath.

But no excuse for B.O.

He isn't worried.

In a moment, you'll see why.

Here's why: Lifebuoy.

But when they took out the medicinal loader in Lifebuoy,

they put in a remarkable

deodorizing discovery called Puralin

that protects you from bath to bath,

from B.O. for as long as three full days.

And that's longer than most of us need

for Puralin stays with your skin.

You can't see, feel, or smell it,

but it's there protecting you.

10:30 PM: Lifebuoy still protecting her,

far longer than even highest priced deodorant soaps.

Case closed: These are the facts, ma'am.

There may be excuses for skipping a bath,

but no excuse for B.O.

- Look!

- Eric is dead.

Do you hear me?

It's just you and me.

And we are going to die too.

- No, no, Paul!

Keep away from me.

I tried to help you, Paul!

- Must be another hold up somewhere, I guess.

- Phantoms again, huh?

- Yeah, and they took every cent in the place.

- And Hickok's away as usual.

- Well, where he is, he's doing his duty, Mr. Bruce.

- Well, his duty belongs right here in Abilene,

protecting our citizens!

As he's paid to do by the government.

- Does anybody know where Bill went?

- I saw him riding out of town sometime back

and he seemed to be in a mighty big hurry.

- Wherever Mr. Hickok is, Snake Eyes, I can find him.

- All right, what do you mean?

- I can track him down with this here dog.

- E-OKAY! - E-OKAY!

- Why don't you practice on a chicken?

I'm sure Lassie doesn't understand all this.

- Well, hi, Ms. Miller.

- Hello, Parky, how's your mother?

- Well, she's still coughing, but she's better.

- Oh, that's good.

Now sweetheart, don't torment this poor dog, so.

- What's the matter?

You do something wrong?

- If you're a kid, you're always doing something wrong.

Golly, they never want you to learn anything.

How do they ever expect you to grow up?

- Steve, let me talk to this little girl.

Would you stand up, honey?

You look like you're kind of dressed up too.

What sort of a dress is that?

- A party dress.

- A party dress?

Oh, I thought it might have been a hoop skirt.

What is your name?

- Gaylen Baker.

- Gay Baker, where'd you get that name, Gay?

- From my daddy and mommy.

- Well, which part did you get from your daddy?

- Gay.

- G-A-Y, that's your daddy's name?

And then, where would you get the other?

- No, my daddy's name is Jim.

- Oh, then where'd you get the name Gay, huh?

- From my daddy!

It's the organ specialized induction

of producing new plants.

The most beautiful moment in the life of plant

is the opening of the flower.

Most flowers have an alluring fragrance.

But flowers also have a most practical purpose.

The flower produces seeds

and seeds, in turn, produce new plants.

- Whose idea was this?

The flower starts as a bud,

which develops into the mature flower.

Here is a typical complete flower.

The male parts of the flower are called-

- I love this program.

I never miss it.

- Somebody help!

- Hinsley? Louis?

- Professor Mullen, come along please.

- Now, Hinsley, listen now, make sense.

What's happened?

- Professor Creel, he's dead! - His head!

- What do you mean he's dead?

- How did he die?

Come on, speak up.

What made him die?

- The bust of Plato.

- Sure scored a perfect hit.

- Yeah, awful.

- What's the use of Professor Mullen phoning

the doctor, Lieutenant?

- He's calling the medical examiner's office for me.

Why didn't you call the police when this happened?

Did Plato always stand up, up there?

- Yeah, sure, wrap around those other two.

- Plato stood right behind the desk.

- Junith, oh, Junith.

Oh, my poor darling.

- Please, Mrs. Creel.

- When Professor Mullen told me in the hallway.

- I'm sorry, Mrs. Creel.

- What?

- Oh, oh, it's you.

Lieutenant, what are you...?

- It's not important.

- I warned Junith about those busts,

but he wouldn't listen to me, he wouldn't.

I should have insisted.

I don't suppose there's anything any of us can do now.

- I'm afraid not.

Not until the medical examiner arrives.

Little Hostess Buffet...

Yes, it's every little girl's dream!

You even get dinner plates,

salt and pepper shakers, sherbet glasses,

candlesticks and more!

By Marx.

- I don't know what we're supposed

to be waiting for, Lieutenant Kirby.

- You must be patient with me, Mrs. Creel.

- Mrs. Creel's been through enough.

I don't think it's fair for you to impose on her now.

- Maybe, but I think it's necessary.

- Well, look, you think you can push people around you?

- Why don't you go and sit down?

- Johnson, I think we all ought to cooperate

with the Lieutenant.

- Yes, Dr. Latham, I'm sorry.

- Hinsley, is the chair in the same position

that Professor Creel sat when the bust fell?

- Yes, Lieutenant.

- Good, but if you just sit and watch,

eventually you'll see just what happened here

a couple of mornings ago,

how Professor Creel met his death.

- Water!

- Where it'd come from?

- Up there.

- What does that mean?

- Means that we're almost near the solution of the murder.

Here it comes.

- Right where the professor sat.

- Dear Lord.

- That's how the professor met his death.

Someone placed Plato on the edge of the shelf and froze him.

- Froze him?

- With ethyl chloride.

The bust was placed where it had to fall off.

It was unbalanced.

The murderer took a cylinder of ethyl chloride

and sprayed 'em down.

The ice held Plato until the sun began to shine in.

The sun's heat mellowed the ice and the bust fell off.

The murderer knew, of course, that barring accident,

that Creel would be working at his desk.

- How did you get the idea?

- There was a wet spot in the dust

and the professor just had a minor operation.

- And the doctor froze the part with ethyl chloride.

- Of course.

- That's only supposition.

- Maybe it is,

if it weren't for this.

The ethyl chloride container?

- Yes, the one the murderer used.

It has his fingerprints all over it.

Did I leave anything out of my story, Professor Mullen?

- W-what?

- You heard me.

- Yes, I, I did it.

- But how could you?

- I had to.

- Say, will you stop dreaming of Jeanie

and concentrate on not killing us?

- Relax, will you?

You are just as safe with me

as though you were sitting in your own parlor.

- Hey, watch where you are going!

- Will you stop worrying?

You are making me nervous.

Keep it so.

- That's the wildest route I ever had in my life.

- I got you here, didn't I?

I've been driving for 20 years.

Never had an accident.

- Okay, okay, how much do I owe you?

- 60 cents.

- Here, and why don't you get yourself a pair of glasses?

- And why don't you get yourself a pair?

- But I can't believe I've been chosen Queen. I'm afraid!

- There's nothing to be afraid of, my child.

As long as you obey the wishes of the king,

you have nothing to fear.

You are the envy of every maiden in the land.

But Esther, remember you are not to make it known to anyone

that you are a Jew.

- Wasn't that good?

And now for some more cartoon fun.

Insert to the vagina in this fashion.

But a tampon will be uncomfortable and irritating

if the vagina is small or the menstrual flow heavy.

In these cases,

the external pad is far more satisfactory.

- I'm sure you think that's funny.

In the enormity of the West,

there are still vast and virtually unexplored regions,

bleak and desolate,

where no human ever goes

and no life is ever seen.

It is as though the land had been posted by God.

It is in these lonely areas

of impenetrable forest and dark shadows

that the Gila monster still lives.

How large the dreaded Gila monster grows,

no man can say.

- Sheriff.

- What's the trouble, Mr. Wheeler?

Pat didn't come home last night.

- He didn't?

- No, evidently he was out with Liz Humphreys.

She didn't come home either.

- Oh?

- I want you to find out why

and don't leave a stone unturned in doing so.

Do I make myself clear?

- I understand, Mr. Wheeler.

There weren't any wrecks reported last night.

Your son Pat, he's about 19, isn't he?

- That's right.

Just a year older than I was when I got married.

- You think they eloped?

He wouldn't dare.

- I didn't say that.

But if they were out together all night,

you better hope they have.

- This is a missing person's report

and I wanna know what you're gonna do about it.

- Well, I'll send in an APB on both of them and the car.

I don't think it'll do much good.

If they went off to get married,

they'd already be across the state line.

- Well, if he got married, I'll ring his neck.

Now you locate him or I'll have your job.

- If you want to be the only peace officer

in 10,000 square miles and 1,000 a road,

you are welcome to it.

- Good evening, friends.

It's E. Eddie Edwards speaking on behalf

of the fabulous Judeo-Christian Good Guy Kit.

And I need no introduction to church going people, no.

I've been written up four separate times

in ecclesiastical magazines and they say,

now hear me please,

that there can be no real goodness without self-denial,

self-sacrifice, and pain.

And as you remember,

we brought you the fabulous Judeo-Christian Golden rule.

And millions of you have that

in the privacy of your own homes.

And what you do there, friends,

that's nobody's business but your own.

And today, we have a fabulous,

three-piece merchandise offering

I think you're gonna be very pleased with.

You've got pain, self-denial, and self-sacrifice

right here laid out for you.

Here's what you get.

Item number one, a fabulous set of flesh pinches.

You see they're awfully designed

to pinch any part of your body.

You can use them alone.

Use it with a friend, a relative, a neighbor.

Wait a minute, use that with hubby.

He'll thank you for it

the longest day you live.

For a special treat,

just heat up the edges,

make 'em nice and hot.

By golly, there's one you like.

Item number two, a fabulous, fabulous whip.

The same type of whip found all through the Holy Bible.

And friends have been mentioned 17 separate times,

and they say there's nothing

like a good flogging or broaching.

Friends, you'll get used to that item.

And here's the big one.

Yes, it's stocks and bondage, friends.

You can have it in a harder softwood,

darker light wood, mahogany maple, lime oak,

hog wood cherry, orange, lemon, or lime.

And for those who write today,

here's what you're going to get absolutely free.

We'll call this one free gift number one.

Isn't that wonderful?

Say yes, it makes me feel good.

You see, that's a petition pad friend,

365 pages thick.

One petition for a worthwhile cause

every single day of the year.

And for those people who write the first hundred,

I'm going to send you,

absolutely free of any charge, a special gift:

the wonderful Judeo-Christian Brotherhood poster.

And friends, brotherhood is a great Christian ethic.

Now friends, this is almost as good as having a darkie

for a friend or a companion,

except this poster will never riot, break, or burn.

And by golly, he'll never marry your sister, no.

Now friends, ordinarily, you'd expect to spend

$19.95 for this fabulous three-piece set.

That's worth every penny of it,

now hear me please.

We're going to take that $19.95 price today.

We're going to leave it aside.

We're going to throw it out the window.

We're going to charge you a special price, not of $19.95,

but of $39.95

because it's better to give more than you receive.

And now, friends, while we're going to flash

those telephone numbers on the screen

where you can place your orders,

but before we do that, I'd like you to watch

and see what's going to happen to you when you buy

the fabulous Judeo-Christian Good Guy kit, watch.

More than 1900 years ago,

on the hill called Golgotha,

there stood three crosses,

symbols of the terrible tragedy

which had taken place on that spring day.

The Son of Man still hung limply

from the nails that pierced his hands and feet.

The Savior of the world was dead.

And in Jerusalem,

in the Hall of Judgment

where Jesus' crucifixion had been decided,

Joseph of Arimathea, one of Jesus' secret followers,

had overcome his fears

and had come to Pilate to ask for the body of the master,

that he might give it honorable burial.

- I see no reason for not granting a request, Joseph.

But the law requires that I must know Jesus is dead.

Have the officer in charge of the crucifixion sent to me.

- But I was there, Excellency.

I saw Jesus die.

- I do not doubt your honesty, Joseph,

but I must know from the officer himself.

You are in charge of the crucifixion?

- I was, your Excellency.

- Did you complete your task?

- I did.

- Then, He is dead?

- Yes.

- Jesus of Nazareth, you are sure of Him?

- I will always be sure of Him, sir.

- What do you mean by that?

He is dead, is He not?

- He is, sir.

But truly, He was the Son of God.

- Your request is granted.

You may take the body of Jesus.

After taking down the body of Jesus

from the cross, Joseph of Arimathea and Nicodemus,

another of the Master's followers,

brought it into a new tomb

in a garden not far from the sight of the crucifixion.

There they tenderly wrapped the body of their Master

in linen and spices,

as was the custom of the time.

As the hour for the beginning of the Sabbath drew near...

- Zamba, Zamba! He'll kill you.

He doesn't like anybody but me.

He kills everybody else.

Come on, Mommy, hurry, hurry!

- Tara, come down here quickly.

- Go, Mommy, he won't hurt me.

Go away!

- No, go away!

No! No! No!

- I am Tarzan and I have come to remind you

the most important thing in your life is good health.

Strong, healthy bodies mean a happier

and more adventure filled life.

As you know, I could not live in the jungle

unless I followed the rules of good health,

as you should,

for life in the jungle leads to great adventures.

What kind of adventures does Tarzan

have in the wild African jungles?

See for yourself.

You know them as the Green Berets.

The whole world knows the fame

of the Green Berets.

Now you'll know the kind of men who made the fame.

Colonel Mike Kirby...

Each has a story told in the Green Berets.

- Attention, attention.

This is Fu Manchu.

Stand by for an important message.

- Sock it to me?

- You are very quiet, professor.

- Yes, I was thinking.

I enjoy studying people.

You know, some people's brains would never be missed.

- I have often thought that.

- Give me that gun, Johnny.

- No, I'm gonna kill-

Oh.

- Good morning, Mr. And Mrs. American,

all the ships at sea.

Sociology, quizzes, and sex questionnaires

are on the docket today at Collins College.

Midnight parties and midnight moving pictures,

classified in police files but not in college catalogs,

are catapulting a little college town

into the big city headlines.

The famous newspaper people assigned to this case

make up a who's who of journalism.

At 11:00, just two minutes from now,

a trial will begin That may shake American education.

This case has been likened

to the celebrated Scopes Monkey Trial

when the teaching of evolution in the schools

was being judged.

Now it is sex on trial.

And that is a subject which concerns everyone.

It all started two weeks ago in this small college town

with a couple parked on Lover's Lane,

like thousands of other young couples throughout the world

were doing at that very same moment.

Little did they know

that they would set off a chain of events

that would rock the civilized world.

- What's the matter with you?

- Oh, something's happened to her.

Something awful happened to her.

- Cut that out.

Something awful will happen to her after she gets home.

- She's probably hurt lying somewhere in agony,

calling for me, oh!

- I called the hospital.

If anything happened, we'd have heard it.

Besides, it's all your fault.

You let Sally walk all over us,

do anything she wants...

Get off my pants.

- Oh! Where are you going?

- Where do you think I'm going?

Going out and find her.

- What did you do?

- That's why I have to be your father!

You selfless brat!

Do you know what your mother's been through?

- I'm glad you didn't suffer.

- You're so! - Oh!

- Let me go in and let go!

Now, where have you been till 3:00 in the morning?

- I told you I was going out.

- You complained all afternoon

that you had so much homework to do.

You said you'd be up for hours.

- She's been up for hours.

A good girl doesn't come home at 3:00 in the morning.

It's not 3:00.

- It's quarter of.

- I called the Grovers, you weren't there.

- Now who have you been with and where did you go?

- What difference does it make?

I'm home now.

Besides, I'm not gonna be shouted at.

And why did you call the Grovers?

I thought you might be with Faye,

you both visit so often.

- All you did to embarrass me!

And you promised you wouldn't embarrass me any more

by calling people if I was 5

or 10 minutes late getting home!

- 5 or 10 minutes on a school night,

you're supposed to be home by 10:30.

And here it is, 3:00!

I didn't come in at 3:00!

- Well, a quarter of is just as bad!

Well, who says that I have to be in at 10:30?

- If you were living in a college dorm

where you'd be getting disciplined,

More than you do at home, you'd be in at 10:00!

- Well, it just happens that I'm living at home.

Though you do your best to make it into a jail.

- Oh, I make it into a jail?

Well, what are your complaints, Miss Prisoner?

Matching skirts and cashmere sweaters?

A cell that's more furnished

than any room in this house?

A guard who makes your bed and cleans up your daily mess?

- And even the warden hasn't got the right

to go snooping in other cells!

- No? Who's got a better right?

- Before your screaming broke my eardrums,

I heard you!

- You said, who's got a better right, correct?

- I'm gonna make this house really into a jail

if you don't answer my original question.

Where were you until 3:00?

Almost 3:00 this morning?

Sally, I'm gonna ground you but good if you don't answer me.

I'll see to it you go to your room after your meals.

You don't go anywhere on weekends.

- Mommy, make him leave me alone.

- You'll go to none of the college affairs.

And instead of that formal your mother's asking me for,

I'll use some money it would've cost

to put bars on your windows

and a time lock on your door.

- Why don't you put me to work in the garden breaking rock?

It'll make quite a sight for the neighbors.

- Rather that than some pictures of you in the newspaper

hiding your face from the photographers.

- Oh, you've mapped a great future for me.

Thank you very much!

- Oh, Sally, a person who'd keep you out

till 3:00 in the morning doesn't deserve to be protected.

- Well, I didn't wanna stay out this late.

- Go on.

- But he didn't want me to go home.

- Who?

- Can't we just forget it? I'm upset!

- Upset? Because of us?

Who are you kidding?

Now who are you out with?

Who? Who? Who?

- I won't tell you a thing when you're shouting like this!

- Oh, please Ted.

- Oh, dear offended daughter.

Dear indulgent wife and mother,

will it be asking too much to tell this stupid father

where his daughter has been until 3:00?

Oh, no, no, no,

not 3:00 to quarter of 3:00 in the morning?

Sally, I want an answer and I want it fast.

- Steve. - Steve?

Steve who?

- I guess she doesn't bother

to get the last names of her pickups.

- Oh, that's the trouble.

You are always bugging me.

I've never been out with a pickup in my life.

- You talk like a girl who goes for pickups.

If you talked like a decent human being,

who was getting an education, instead of a beatnik.

Now stop sidestepping me

and tell me where you were!

Who were you out with?

- Steve, Steven McInner.

- Who's he?

- He teaches principles of sociology.

- Principles of sociology.

What are they?

- It's the study of the origin,

history and constitution of human society.

How parents treat their children.

I thought you went to college.

- No, I left after one semester

because I couldn't afford to stay in college.

My inconsiderate parents were too poor.

So I went to work

because I had a glorious vision of the future.

I was gonna give my family advantages

so they wouldn't be ashamed of me,

for not having studied the principles of sociology

until almost 3:00 in the morning.

- Well, he interviewed me.

I'm part of a survey.

Interviewed you till 3:00 in the morning?

- Quarter of, besides we stopped for coffee

after, and- - After what?

- After the interview!

- And just where was this interview?

- He pads in a little bungalow out at the lake.

- You went to his place?

- Well, all the kids do.

It's fixed up with books, records,

low do-it-yourself furniture, wood carvings.

Only I don't really think you can call it carvings naked

because they're savages, aborigines.

Matt calls them creatures of the prime evil.

Anyway, it's a real casbah-ville.

We kids drop over anytime,

even when he is not there for drinks.

I mean the non-alcoholic kind,

which he serves the uninitiated.

- And what goes on if you're initiated?

- You'll have to ask someone who has been.

Not me, we just play his records

and read the books he brought back from Paris.

- I didn't know your French was that good.

- Mommy, they're in English.

Well, don't look so shocked.

They're not as bad as the ones

you've got hidden in the attic.

Anyway, Steve has questionnaires

he asked to fill out,

stuff like that.

Till 3:00 in the morning?

- I felt blue.

I was worried about my grades.

So I thought I'd get some tips on how to study.

So I went to his place.

Well, I thought the other kids would be there.

No one was.

About 9:30, I told him I was ready to cut out.

- And?

- I started for the door

and he was leaning against it.

- He wouldn't let you leave?

- He looked at me with his eye suddenly so strange.

Then, he asked me how much I believed in science.

I said a lot, but, but not in mad scientists.

Oh, Dad, the way he stared,

I suddenly felt frightened.

His voice was odd.

He told me not to be scared that nothing was gonna happen.

And I remembered your words telling me, Mom.

If someone ever trapped me,

I wasn't to look scared or fight or scream,

but I was to kid them

and tell 'em how much I enjoyed their company.

After a while, I knew handling it

would be easy if I kept calm.

So I went back to a chair, not a sofa.

That would give him the chance to sit next to me

and I told him my mind wasn't open, but an empty book.

- Presence of mind.

To be able to think fast,

ensure an emergency is awfully important.

- He wanted to talk

about a really intimate part of his study.

He asked what boys and I say to each other on dates,

if certain words have more meaning than the dictionary,

gives them words like make out or make time.

And if some words stimulated me,

made me feel things.

So I kept answering.

Kidding and laughing

and made him make a coffee and sandwiches.

So he'd be thinking of other things.

He kept talking

as if it was the most natural thing to talk about.

The more and more awful things he kept asking me,

as if I'd ever done any of those things!

Psoriasis: a heartbreak when you have it

and don't know what to do about those crusty patches

on your skin or scalp.

Heartbreaking too if psoriasis leaves your skin

rough and scaly.

- Dave.

Yeah, who is it?

- Hannigan, light a match, I can't see you.

- Go ahead, son, try it.

- I don't want it, Dad.

- I bought it for you.

It's expensive, oh Lord.

- Fred, you're such a good shot.

He'll just feel inferior.

Often, people who are sensitive to others

can be more sensitive to headache pain.

Bufferin is for these people.

It's strong medicine that treats you gently.

Plain aspirin's fine,

but Bufferin goes to work much faster,

yet is gentler to your stomach.

Because tough problems are tougher on sensitive people,

we believe the strong medicine you need

should treat you gently.

Faster, gentler Bufferin.

Strong medicine for sensitive people.

- I'll be patient with her, my boy.

And with the right understanding on your part,

I have high hopes for her eventual recovery.

Oh, I'll be in town for a few days.

If you need me, just call.

- Well, my faithful husband, no less.

You finally decided to come home.

What's the matter, Harry?

Couldn't you stay on the suspense any longer?

Couldn't you wait another minute the psychiatrist's verdict?

What did he say, Harry?

Does he think I'm crazy too?

- No one thinks you are crazy, Nancy.

- How nice.

Then, you believe me?

You believe I saw the satellite?

- It's not the first time someone has seen a satellite.

- Right in the road with a giant in it?

Don't be so condescending.

- I can't figure it.

Everybody talks about law and order

but nobody does anything about it.

The revolver and the nightstick

can now be supplemented by a spray called Chemical Mace.

It renders its victims helpless

but causes no permanent injury.

Technical director for the manufacturer, Allan Litman,

describes how it works.

- Although the effects

are really quite superficial,

the person is very, very concerned with his own wellbeing.

He feels these effects coming on.

They're things that he really hasn't experienced before.

He really is so concerned with his wellbeing

that he completely loses interest

in the attack or what he was doing

that perpetrated the use of the Chemical Mace on him.

To demonstrate, we asked a volunteer

to undergo the actual experience of being subdued by Mace.

This man is not an actor.

What you will see and hear in a moment

are his unrehearsed reactions when the officer squirts

the real disabling mixture in his face.

- What's the matter, pal?

- He doesn't like something around here.

- Oh, my eyes!

My eyes are burning.

Face feels like it's on fire.

I can't breathe.

I'm feeling dizzy.

Oh, oh...

Stop, stop.

David a slight recovery.

- Oh, it's starting to wear off now.

I still can't see.

Will recover 15 to 20 minutes

after an application of Mace,

and illustrates why many US police departments favor it.

Could this be a weapon

in helping police departments to fight

some of the legal restrictions

that have lately been put against them by the court?

- Very definitely.

We here have little agreement with those police chiefs

who have responded to the problem of the court decisions

merely by wringing their hands

and moaning about the police being handcuffed.

We feel, with considerable conviction behind it,

that the effect of the court decisions

in making post-crime detection work more difficult

is really one of offering the police a challenge

to carry out their patrol work more effectively,

a challenge which can be met

with the aid of American technology.

And a very good example is this kind of a defensive weapon.

- Why is this horrible thing happening?

I've searched everywhere for the answer

and I can't find it.

All night, I, I lie awake thinking, why?

Why? Why? Why does it have to happen?

Well, you have to tell me.

- I wish I knew, Carol.

I wish I knew.

- Hi, you know,

if you ask any smoker,

what do you want most out of a cigarette?

You'll get the answer in one beautiful word.

Wait a minute, let's ask.

Excuse me, sir, would you mind telling me,

what do you want most out of that cigarette you're smoking?

- My pleasure, of course.

- You did say pleasure.

- That's what I said, pleasure.

- Thank you very much. - Not at all.

- Well, there you have it.

The beautiful word, the big promise

every cigarette makes to all smokers: pleasure.

Now I'm gonna tell you something

you may or may not believe.

It happens to be effect.

And here it is, plain and simple.

- Every known study by psychologists and psychiatrists

has proven that pornography

is in no way harmful to the adult public.

- That fact has been proved

by the best qualified authorities in the world,

outstanding nose and throat specialists.

So if it's pleasure you want,

just remember in Philip Morris,

it's not just a promise, it's a reality.

- Call for Philip Morris!

- Kid, are you trying to be deliberately dumb?

Walt Disney's "Pinocchio" is coming soon.

Yes, Pinocchio, you saw him in a few scenes tonight.

And soon, all of Pinocchio's wonderful adventures

and beloved cartoon characters

will come to a theater near you.

Figaro, Honest John and Gideon,

Jiminy Cricket, and...

Elsa Martinelli as the Whip Girl.

Anthony Quinn as Kublai Khan.

Christopher Lee, Peter Lorre,

Boris Karloff, Basil Rathbone.

Yeah!

- Poor Smiley, you know something?

I think you're real gone.

Hey, where's Gina?

- She's over there.

- You've been everywhere.

All I do is work here with my mother

and stick around this burg.

- In Chicago, man, that's a swinging town.

Lots of action in the loop.

That's really something.

You ever been to a big league ball game, baby?

- Mm-mm.

- It's the most.

The majors are tops.

Being on top's the most important thing in the world

'cause there's nobody that can kick you in the teeth.

- Why'd you say that?

- 'Cause I know what it's like.

I was in an orphanage.

There was this big guy named Robbie.

He had two guys hold me down

and he kicked me in the ribs and in the face

'cause I hid some cigarettes,

I wouldn't give them any.

They beat me till I passed out.

Robbie said I fell down the stairs.

The super was scared of him.

So he went along with this story.

That's the last time I was on the bottom.

I give the licks now.

- I like you, Nick Barrow.

You are different from the boys here in Fairhill.

You've seen so much.

You know so much more.

I'm gonna leave here someday

and see those big cities,

tour of the town,

have money to spend in,

and a big car.

- victor Shannon.

- Well, Shannon, I guess you just can't take it.

You better go over and sit with the water boy.

All right, boys, try number 42.

- Someday, he'll go to Vassar,

but I don't even think he'll make the team there.

- I think a lot of this is my own fault.

When Austin's mother died,

I should have given him more of myself

instead of turning him over to the petticoat influences

of nurses and governesses.

- I'm afraid that's all water under the bridge.

From now on, it's your duty to give Austin

much more of your personal time.

- What's happened to that old adage,

"Like father, like son?"

When I was Austin's age,

I never ran away from a fight.

- Well, very often, the boy takes on the mother's qualities.

- Perhaps, but I'm stumped.

I thought I was going to get one kick after another

watching him grow up.

My business would present my problems,

but Austin would be my relaxation.

Remember all worn out Halo Shampoo?

Well, we fixed it.

- Mr. Charles Swanson, please.

- I'm Charles Swanson.

- My name is Michael Anthony and I won't be long.

May I come in?

- Oh sure, certainly.

This is my wife, Valerie Janine,

my wife, Val.

- I'm happy to know you, Mrs. Swanson.

You see, I have something for your husband

that he can't tell anybody about except his wife.

And since you are here,

there's no reason why the two of you

shouldn't hear the news at the same time.

- Good news?

- I think so.

- It's a check for a million dollars.

- It's a cashier's check as you see.

All yours, no strings,

and entirely tax-free.

There is, however, a stipulation.

You must sign this paper

agreeing never to reveal to anyone

the exact amount of the money you have just received.

If you do, whatever money or tangible assets

you may have left will be reclaimed on behalf of the donor.

- Sure, sure, but who gave it to us?

- I can't tell you that.

The donor specifically requires absolute anonymity.

You will never learn who he is.

- I don't believe this.

Oh, I can't believe it.

It is impossible.

Things like this just don't happen.

And now this, a check for a million dollars,

what did I ever do to deserve it?

And Val, you can stand... she's fainted.

Val, honey, wake up.

- A million dollars.

- And that's the story of Lucky Swanson

and his million dollars.

I'll be back in a moment

to tell you about next week's millionaire.

Symphonies Under the Stars

of the Hollywood Bowl

always attract screen celebrities.

Here arriving for tonight's concert

is glamorous movie star Jeanne Crain.

- You never know when you'll have your picture

taken in Hollywood.

So naturally, whenever I go out in the evenings,

I try to look my best.

And to make sure my hair shines,

I depend on Lustre-Creme Shampoo.

It never dries your hair.

It beautifies it.

You'll love it too.

Lanolin-blessed Lustre-Creme Shampoo

makes rich lather even in hardest water,

leaves your hair shining eager to curl.

That's why it's Hollywood's favorite.

Why four out of five top Hollywood movie stars

use Lustre-Creme Shampoo.

How about you?

Choose the cream or new lotion form.

See Jeanne Crain

starring in "The Second Greatest Sex,"

A Universal International picture.

Print by Technicolor in CinemaScope.

- Next week, I'll tell you the story of Jane Costello

and how a million dollars affected her life.

- Dan, Dan, if they find us,

they can have the marriage annulled.

They can find us.

Mama's got so much money,

she can hire private detectives

and our pictures will be all over the papers.

- We're not going to let them find us.

We'll go away, far away.

- See you next week with the story of another millionaire.

This is the CBS television-

Oh, goddamn it.

- Oh, just a minute.

Sorry about the door being locked.

Do you wanna see me?

if you're Steven McKenna, yes.

- Yes, I am, come in.

- They're too big for me.

- That's all right, come in.

This is Ms. Laslow.

She's one of our exchange students.

- How do you do?

- I'm Ted Blake, the father of one of your students.

- Well, I guess, this is going to be too adult for me.

- Well, thanks very much for filling out the questionnaire.

- Even though I didn't know all the answers?

- All right.

- College and co-eds have certainly changed since my day.

- Oh yes, indeed.

Customs do change.

Not as formal as in your day or mine.

But I suppose the basic purposes, drivers,

and instincts are very much the same.

- Our classes weren't conducted in this manner.

- Oh, you mean Ms. Laslow

sitting on my desk and the door locked?

I guess some men have been hanged for less.

- Or for more.

- Let's see now.

You are Sally Blake's father, are you?

- That's right.

- Uh-huh, well, Sally's grade is a C.

But I'm sure she can do much better.

How? By keeping her out till 4:00 in the morning

instead of just 3:00?

- I'm sorry, I don't follow you.

- You mean to tell me

you don't have extracurricular contact with my daughter?

- Yes, of course.

She's one of the girls helping with my research project.

- Oh, that's what you call it nowadays, huh?

Well, tell me something

about this so-called research project of yours.

- Well, to put it simply, it's a social study

of college-aged youngsters

and their reactions to a mechanistic environment

that's poised with one foot in space

and the other on the brink of nuclear destruction.

- Social habits? - Yes.

- Aren't you more interested in their sex habits?

- Well, if you want a blunt answer

to your blunt question, yes,

those and other habits.

- So you admit it.

You admit that you're indoctrinating young girls

in sex practices?

- Just a minute.

I'm not indoctrinating young girls into any practices.

This is a survey, a purposeful survey,

that'll be very helpful to society

and I don't like what you imply.

- I'm implying nothing.

I'm accusing you.

This so-called survey of yours,

isn't it some kind of Kinsey report?

Does the college know about it?

- Certainly, the college is entirely familiar

with what I'm doing.

What are you talking about?

The survey covers every aspect of social activity.

For example, a part religion plays

in the thinking of these young people.

Are you aware of the fact

that there are certain religious groups

that have a sex incident before marriage,

that's just one third of norm?

I assume you'd approve of that.

So you see, you can't hide sex under rocks or ignore it.

Hasn't Sally ever explained this thing to you?

- The first I heard of this project

was about 3:00 this morning when you brought her home.

- When I brought her home?

- And took off like a hot rodder.

- You are making a big mistake, Mr. Blake.

- Good afternoon, I am Howard K. Smith.

The program behind the news usually seen at this time

is postponed today

in favor of the special CBS news report to follow.

- Question here! - Question here!

- Go ahead.

Cut that crap out.

- Cut that crap out! - Cut that crap out!

- Hey Murray!

Is that a question?

- You guys are nothing

but a bunch of British Elvis Presleys.

- You must be blind. - It's not true,

it's not true.

Welcome, Elvis.

That was just the great vocal group,

the George Mayor in the background.

Elvis, your new record hit,

I predict it's going to be one

'cause I've heard you rehearse it.

You're gonna record it tomorrow called Hound Dog.

I got you a very cute little hound dog right here.

And away you go, who's that?

- Hello, Dan.

- Oh, hello Eddie, how are you?

- Swell. - Where are you bound for?

- We're gonna spend a weekend up at Briarwood.

- Briarwood? - Yeah.

- Say you can do me a favor. - Sure, Dan.

- You've gotta past Baker Street, see?

- Where's Bagel Street? - Baker Street.

All you have to do is ask anybody.

- It's on our way? - It's on your way.

- Sure. - Look,

I want you to deliver these hats

to the Susquehana Hat Company.

They sent these straws

- instead of Derbies. - Oh sure, that's simple.

- Hi, Dan! - Would you do it for me?

- It's about time you got here.

- Why didn't you wait for me?

We're going up to Briarwood to spend a weekend

and this guy's

- going without me. - Come on.

Would you put your coat?

- Okay. - Okay Dan,

we will take care of it.

- Thank you ever so much.

- Okay, Dan.

- How have you been? - Good.

Hey, keep shop while we're gone.

- I'll be glad to. - Okay.

- Hold this for me.

- What do you doing with the hats?

- You've gotta deliver these to the Susquehana Hat shop.

- Where? - It's on Bagel Street.

- Where's Bagel Street?

- I dunno, we'll ask somebody.

It's on our way down there.

- How much you say they are? - $7.50 a piece.

- How do I look with a seven and a half dollar hat on?

- Let me see.

Hey, kinda spiffy.

- Okay? - All right.

Carry those but don't get it dirty.

- Let's go. - Be careful.

- Bagel Street, eh? - Bagel Street.

- We'll ask somebody. - We'll ask someone.

Here, ask this fellow where Bagel Street is.

- Okay, excuse me,

can you tell me where Bagel Street is?

- Sorry buddy, I haven't got a dime.

- Who's asking you for money?

I'm only asking you where Bagel Street is.

- Do I know where Bagel Street is?

Of course, I know where Bagel Street is.

What do I look like, a dummy?

Do I look like I just got off a boat?

Is there a tag on my lapel, states

that I just came from Ellis Island?

Of course, I know where Bagel Street is.

I was born and raised on Bagel Street.

My brother was born on Bagel Street.

You know my brother?

- Oh, I don't know.

I'm asking you- - Why did you go around

talking about my brother?

I'll have you understand

my brother's one of the finest boys

that ever walked in shoe leather.

My brother was an honor student at school.

Go ahead, say something nasty about my brother.

Say something like he shouldn't get a parole.

- I'm asking you where Bagel Street is.

That's a common ordinary citizen,

just asking another follow of where Bagel Street is.

I gotta deliver these hats

to the Susquehana Hat Company.

- Susquehana Hat Company?

- Let go of me!

Is that a Susquehana hat?

- Yeah.

- You know who makes these hats?

- I don't know, it's just- - It's child labor.

Little girls, 13, 14 years old,

little girls with curls down their hair.

They work 13, 14 hours a day.

They work in a sweat shop all day long.

Here's what I think of a Susquehana hat and look at it.

Look, look at that band!

Imitation leather, just like paper.

And look, I would give you-

- Seven and a half dollars. - Oh, mm!

- What's the matter? - So, you're putting

a wire in there for me to cut my finger?

It's the worst that I ever saw!

Boy, the Susquehana hat, tell me,

that's what I think of them.

- Well, you know that's gonna cost you, don't you?

- Give them back to Dan.

- $7 and 50 cents, you broke one of Dan's hats.

- Look, all I did was put a hat on my head.

Did I ask the guy to take it off?

- That's enough, it's the way you asked him.

- You ask the next guy.

- Come on, never mind.

Let's find Bagel Street.

Here, ask this lady where Bagel Street is.

- Excuse me, lady,

could you tell me where Bagel Street is?

Bagel Street?

Oh, why did you have to remind me of Bagel Street?

My husband was killed on Bagel Street, you hear?

My husband was killed on Bagel Street!

- I mean, but what?

I mean, I don't understand.

It's all like I wanna go

to the Susquehana Hat Company-

- The Susquehana Hat Company?

- He had a Susquehana hat.

That's the same kind of hat

my husband was wearing when he was killed.

He wouldn't have lost his life

if he'd been wearing a good hat

with that safer on that 15-story building.

But no, he was wearing a hat like this one.

Oh, that's the cheapest, worst...

- Oh, my husband's dead!

He's dead! He's dead!

- He ain't dead, lady, he's hiding!

- Now, listen. - That guy.

- Just a minute,

that's two hats you've broken.

Now you know how much you owe Derby Dan?

- How much do I owe Derby Dan now?

- $15. - $15?

- Yeah, and stop insulting women.

- Look, all I asked her is where was Bagel Street?

- Yeah. - Bagel Street?

- Bagel Street! Don't ever mention that name.

I can't stand it!

- Wait a minute.

Come here, hold that still.

- Give 'em back the hats.

- Take that box.

Now go on down there and find out where Bagel Street is.

- Hey Eddie, how much do I owe Dan now?

- $22 and 50 cents.

- I'm gonna try just one more.

- Well, be careful of that one.

Would you please?

- Yes, sir. - Hey, wait a minute.

I've got an idea.

I'm gonna run back to our plumbing shop

and get some of those little business cards of ours

and we give 'em away

to those society people up at Briarwood.

- Very good business that you got, Eddie.

- But find out where Bagel Street is, please.

- Okay, I'll ask another guy that comes along.

I'll ask anybody, I don't care.

Excuse me, mister.

Could you please tell me where Bagel street is?

- Bagel Street.

Don't ask me where Bagel Street is.

A terrible thing happened to me on Bagel Street.

I was walking along minding my own business

and a safe fell from a 15-story building on my head

and killed me.

- A safe fell 15 floors and fell on your head

- and killed you? - Yeah.

- Then as long as you're dead,

there's no use asking you

where the Susquehana Hat Company is.

- Susquehana hat?

That's the hat I was wearing the day when I was killed.

And you asked me about it?

- I didn't. - See this,

that isn't worth worrying.

That's the kind of a hat that would kill you.

You watch me?

- Eddie! Eddie!

- You are asking me about a...

I am so sorry, I think I've broken your hat.

- You think you broke it? - Yes, I'm...

- This is the fourth Susquehana hat

- I- - Susquehana?

- What's going on here?

What are you trying to do?

Hey, police, help! Help!

- What's going on over here?

- This fellow here, that big fellow

is trying to take the little fellow, my friend.

- Oh tough guy, come on.

- You can't take me to jail.

- What now? - I'm dead!

- You can't take me to jail. - Oh yes, we can.

- I'm dead! - Come along now, my boy.

- He's crazy. - He's crazy.

- Yeah, what can I do for you now, Albert?

- Luigi, how can I get to the Susquehana Hat Company?

- Susquehana! Susquehana!

- Susquehana! Susquehana!

- Luigi, Luigi!

- Luigi, stop!

- Who's that?

- Don't crowd me, Joe.

Don't crowd me.

It's a new guy that flew into town.

Ace put him on as his mechanic.

I guess I'll have to show him how to drive.

- Hap don't, let him by.

- Uh-uh.

- That tin can will fall apart in a few minutes.

It's probably put together with spit and glue.

- Don't crowd me, Joe.

Don't crowd me.

- Happy, he's crazy,

but he's trying to kill us.

Do you wanna smash up your car?

- This guy means business.

He wants blood.

- There's nothing to win here.

Beating some nut like that means nothing.

Let him go by.

- What did you do that for?

I could have whipped him.

- Oh, Hap, what makes you do things like this?

We could have both been killed for absolutely nothing.

- Chicken, huh?

You surprised me, Hap boy,

I thought you had guts.

- Well, I didn't want you to lose your car.

You might have flipped over a cliff with.

- You just learned something.

No one crowds Nick Barrow.

Nobody crowds me, Joe.

Well, who's the sweetcakes, honey?

Looks like your cousin.

Oh man, you got good-looking relatives.

Looks like a kissing cousin.

Well, thanks for the victory kiss, Miss America.

You get tired of old yellow up in there,

you look me up.

I'm at Ace's garage too.

Why, that two bit creep,

- one by one! - Oh, cut it out.

Hap, cut it out.

He's just a fresh guy.

I can handle him.

Remember, you have to work with him at Ace's.

- Yeah, I saw how you handled him.

- He caught me off guard.

He might just as well have kissed his old dashboard.

- Oh sure.

- Hap, how stupid can you be?

You know that you're the only one that I care for.

Although I must admit sometimes,

I get awfully tired playing second fiddle to your car.

- Maybe I can correct that.

"Tales of the Texas Rangers"...

Brought to you by new High Puff Corn Kix.

Eat Corn Kix for energy.

It's food for action... Kix!

- I've just seen some of the action scenes

from next week's program.

This is Jace Pearson inviting you

to be with Clay Morgan and myself when you will see more

of the exciting "Tales of the Texas Rangers."

- Say, this is the time of year

for music and singing, isn't it?

I've noticed how often at a holiday party,

you got an impromptu quartet going.

Why just the other night,

I was at a friend's house.

- Ah, that was great.

Let's sing another one.

- Say, we've been saving one for you, Bob.

- Oh?

- Oh, oh, hold it, just a sec.

Let's get in the mood.

Now, just picture yourself at the wheel

of a brand new rocket engine Oldsmobile.

You're flashing along the highway,

king of all you survey.

It's smooth, smooth going with Jetaway Hydra-Matic.

And how you go, go, go with the Rocket T350.

Boy, you feel great

because there's nothing else in the world

like that Oldsmobile rocket ride.

Now, are you all ready?

- Are we ready?

Come on, kids, let's give.

One, two, three...

- Yes, it's a real thrill

to rock it away in a holiday.

And now, after a pause for station identification,

the second act of "Babes in Toyland."

- You the black knight?

- Oh, thank you, thank you.

- Ah, golly boy.

I'd sure like to do that.

- Wouldn't you like something to eat Mrs. Archer?

The doctor said-

- Oh, just quit mincing around and leave me alone.

- Yes, ma'am.

- Ladies and gentlemen, this is KRKR-TV

and now more news of high flyers.

Nancy Archer, the former Nancy Fowler,

heiress to the Fowler Millions

and owner of the fabulous Star of India diamond,

has joined that ever expanding international society

of Satellite Sears.

From the Archer's palatial home away from home

comes a report that Mrs. Archer

has not only been seeing a sociable satellite,

but it's inhabited as well,

a 30-foot giant.

Was he pink with big ears and tusks?

Well, maybe Mrs. Archie,

who has recently been feuding with her husband,

handsome Harry, has finally found a man

from out of this world,

a man who could love her for herself.

Come, come now, Mrs. Archer.

A man can ignore $1 million, but 50?

That's too much to ask even from the man in the moon.

- I wonder if you've got a cigarette

in your hand right now as I have.

Well, before you take your next puff,

there's something I'd like to ask you.

This is sort of a quiz question.

- Well, I don't think we're going to get

any fast answers around here.

Ready? Here I come.

- Oh, it's a breeze!

The fun of planning for a big date

centers on clothes,

jewelry to wear, that sort of thing.

A girl wants to look her best for her date,

but she wants to be in good taste too.

It's a time girls think about new hairstyles.

Still good taste is the best guy.

That night, Joe could not use the family car.

So he called for Wanda in a cab.

He had told her of this arrangement ahead of time.

Because Wanda knew the cab would be waiting,

she was especially careful to be on time.

She met Joe at the door

in order to introduce him to her family.

It would've been awkward

for Joe to have had to introduce himself.

Wanda could do it quickly and naturally.

As Wanda excused herself to get her wraps,

Joe could become better acquainted with her parents.

Wanda remembered to thank Joe for the lovely corsage,

and to let her parents know what time to expect them home.

The prom will end at 1:00, Mother.

- Okay.

- And then, we plan to go to Hank's restaurant

for something to eat with Paul and Jane.

We'll come on home afterwards.

- Okay, have fun.

- Okay, thank you and goodnight.

- Goodnight. - Goodnight.

Wanda thought she had never felt

so elegant in her life.

The prom would be a wonderful evening.

And it seemed Joe's good manners and thoughtfulness

helped make Wanda feel that way.

She suddenly found she was proud,

very proud to be going to the prom with Joe.

They arrived in good time.

It's never fun to be so late.

You miss part of the evening.

After the boys check the wraps,

the girls excuse themselves to freshen up.

A girl should avoid carrying so many things

she has to ask her escort to load his pockets down

with her personal effects.

Wanda and Jane are not going to make the same mistake.

Entering the prom was a big moment.

To Jane, it seemed the theme they had chosen was just right,

Deep in a Dream.

Courtesy goes with poise.

A lack of poise looks discourteous.

Though you may feel at ease,

the lack of poise may appear as though you were showing off.

It makes others feel a little embarrassed.

For Jane and for Paul,

the prom has been a night to remember.

It has been worth all the planning,

the work, and the dreaming that they've put into it.

- Paul, it was a wonderful evening.

- This is one prom I'll always remember.

- And you know something?

I'm glad it's you I'll remember going with.

- Goodnight. - Night, Jane.

Yes, if you plan well

and fulfill your responsibilities to your school,

your parents, and your dates,

you will make your prom a happy memory.

Mr. Cameron, looks like that horse

Look out! He's gonna be stark, raving mad in a minute!

I'd get some help.

Mr. Cameron's horse is trying to kill him.

It's fighting like mad out yonder, come on!

- Dad.

- Oh, oh, let me down.

I'm afraid it's the end.

- No, no. Dad,

- Goodbye, Ruth.

- Blakely. - Yes?

- I want you to promise

you'll see her through the Abilene.

- I promise.

- Poor Mr. Cameron.

- Oh, don't leave me.

Don't leave me!

- Listen to me, folks.

None of us want to turn back, I don't.

But now that Mr. Cameron is dead,

we're without a leader.

I still say this whole thing was doomed from the start.

Mr. Cameron was murdered,

so was lots of the other boys.

Which one is next?

Maybe you or you.

As someone mighty powerful not wanting us to go through,

and I'm urging turning back.

Are we going to ride into death or turn back?

- Listen men, my father died because of an ideal,

the ideal at his home

that your home would be secure

and we Texans would continue to be a people with a future.

When we left our sovereign state,

we did so to save it from ruins.

All Texas is watching us,

for we are pointing the weight of future success or defeat.

We must go onto Abilene, fill our herds,

get the money we need,

and pay off on our homes.

- Just a minute, Miss Ruth,

what good is this gonna do us?

We're all lying out here dead like the rest of 'em.

- Yeah! - Yeah!

This ain't no parade.

We've all had enough out of you.

- When he wants to look,

maybe you'd like to try that on.

- Buddy, come here.

- Are we going back to Texas, Miss Ruth?

- We may have to.

- Howdy, Bill. - Howdy, folks.

- Mr. Hickok, I never was so glad

to see anybody in all my life.

- Camping here for a spell?

- No, we're not camping here, Mr. Hickok.

We're heading back to Texas where we belong.

- Well, maybe you are, Scudder.

But I think the rest of the outfit

will feel a little differently when I talk to them.

- Talk's cheap.

- Now then, you can cut your measly

of critters out of the herd

and backtrack if you like.

But the rest of the outfit's going on to Abilene.

Folks, there's just one question I want to ask.

Are you real Texans?

- Yes. - Yes!

- Well, maybe you think you are,

but you're not the type of Texans

that fought with Davy Crockett at the Alamo.

Why do you stand here

bickering like a lot of old women?

Men up north,

real men are giving their lives

to see that railroad completed.

And it will be complete in a short time

to be ready for you when you arrive.

Now then, what is it to be?

Back to Texas in disgrace

or Abilene with honor?

- Abilene! - Abilene!

- That's the spirit of the Lone Star State.

I've been so busy getting this train started again.

I clean forgot to ask about Buddy.

Is he in one of the wagons?

- That's just it.

He's been missing for days.

- Missing? - Yes.

One of the boys saw him riding away from camp

just after he heard we were going to turn back.

- Oh, Buddy went to look for his little friend, Jerry.

- Do you really think so?

- I'll gamble on it.

The Grey Eagle tribe is not far away.

Now, don't you worry.

I'll have Buddy back here

by the time you make your next camp.

How far does a bullet travel

before it hits a jet?

150 yards?

- Just shot three Japs.

Blew 'em to bits against a wall

and I have no more feeling about them

and if there

- Yeah, I told you somebody was going to get hurt.

- I got three Jap machine guns in that truck

and I'm gonna start using them.

- Mr. Jones.

Easy, my friend, easy.

Inviting the Japanese, most of all,

I have learned patience.

Maybe you have, but I haven't.

- That's it! I can see it!

Oh god, I told you!

I was right!

I was right, it's real, it's real!

- Nancy, Nancy, come back here!

Come back here.

Let's get out of here, Nancy!

- It's real, it's real!

I'm not crazy, I did see it!

- Nancy, come here!

It's a satellite.

- Harry, I can see it!

- No, Harry! Harry!

Harry, help me!

Harry! Harry!

Harry, help me!

- No, get away from me!

- Nobody says no to Barrow, baby.

He takes what he wants.

Or shall I let the air out of you?

- You wouldn't hurt me.

- It could be an accident, you know?

That was just a rehearsal, baby.

This time, it's for keeps.

- He isn't paying too much attention to you,

is he, Goldilocks?

- Be careful, he's got a knife!

- Stay back.

First one that makes a pass at me'll

will taste the bite of this knife.

- You seem to be having a big night, ladies man.

- Yeah, everything's real cozy.

And if tomorrow's your funeral...

- Come on, Hap!

- Come on!

- Look out, Hap, you've gotta drive tomorrow.

- Drop it, Nick.

You're breaking my wrist.

I'll kill you.

I'll kill you, Nick.

- See that, you bunch of yaps?

Nobody crowds Nick Barrow.

You bunch of creeps.

Standing there, gawkin'!

Creeps, that's what you are,

a bunch of hick town creeps!

- What's wrong with Nancy, Doctor, what happened?

- I'll ask the questions, Mr. Archer.

I suppose you tell me what happened.

- I'm in no mood for games, Sheriff.

- Now I wouldn't go up there if I were you, Harry.

There's some possibility

she may have been contaminated.

There's evidence of some kind of radiation.

- Ah! Doctor! Doctor Cushing!

Something's happening to Nancy, Doctor!

Something's happening to Nancy, Doctor!

Astounding growth.

- Meat hooks. Four lengths of chain.

- Well, the chains you were expecting are here, Doctor.

- Good, I'll tell the Doctor at once.

- Meat hooks, four lengths of chain,

40 gallons of plasma,

and an elephant syringe?

- The chains are here.

Well, Heinrich, what do you make of it?

- Fantastic.

- I've missed you.

- Has she talked yet?

- She's still in a coma.

They're looking for me now

to give them permission to operate.

- That's great, that's wonderful.

You just hide out and let her blow up like a balloon.

- You can pull now, Heinrich.

It is a lovely day for a walk

and especially with a wonderful companion

trained in the good manners of a gentleman.

Or is this what happens when you take your dog for a walk?

It isn't luck that makes a well-behaved dog

or one that's a nuisance.

It's just simple training.

Whoa there, who is taking whom for a walk?

And when two of a kind meet,

anything can happen.

But here is the dog that's had some schooling.

His owner doesn't have any trouble.

She can go about her usual activities

while enjoying his companionship.

Any breed of dog can be trained to be a gentleman.

This man bears the hallmark of honor.

He is a Marine Corps officer.

He carries on the traditions of pride and prestige,

which have marked almost two centuries

of military excellence.

If you are a college man,

be a leader of men.

Be an officer of Marines.

- All set, boys and girls,

here comes another one.

Hey, isn't it your move, Faye?

- That depends.

- Depends on what?

- On the rules you wanna play by.

You know those rules you invented last night?

Well, they're just too far out.

- Well, what do you say we compromise then?

I'll give a little and you give a little, huh?

- In chess, the rules are fixed...

and much safer.

- I'll bet your diary reads like...

like nothing.

All right, if you don't want me in your love life anymore,

there are plenty of other girls

who want me in their memoirs.

- You lost your chance.

- How about tonight?

- I'll let you know later.

- Stop here, I wanna talk to my girlfriend Sally.

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- Can anyone here confirm this?

- Yes, I can.

- If even you, Mila, my niece said so,

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- Look Little Elk, it's Bud and Rex.

- Jerry! No, I must be dreaming.

- No, you're not, Bud.

It's sure enough Little Elk and me.

- Huh? - Jerry?

And Little Elk!

Oh, pinch me!

Go ahead, pinch me!

I wanna be sure I'm awake.

- Rusty!

Oh, how you been?

Gee, Rusty.

Oh, it's good to see you again.

I didn't know where you were.

- What am I supposed to do?

Please, Mr. Evans, you got plenty of people working for you.

Me, I got only Johnny.

- Look, Jimmy, would you go

instead of Johnny if you could?

- Sure! - Me too.

I'd give anything to ask whom.

I'm sorry.

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Faster, gentler, Bufferin.

Strong medicine for sensitive people.

- The fact that he was killed without any apparent reason

is the one thing making it tough to crack.

- Yeah, killing does seem senseless.

- Senseless?

All murders are senseless.

But it beats me why anyone

would want to kill an old man like that.

- Well, people do strange things.

It's a supersonic age we live in.

- Here it comes!

- Holy cow.

- Steady...

Now!

Let's get out of here.

- Goof job bringing her back with me.

- Good boy.

- Just a moment, all of you.

Let's get everything straight before we start.

I know Jerry told you the only reason I'm here

is because I wanna get White Cloud.

I need your help and I'm willing to pay for it.

If you put White Cloud on top of your list,

I'll scout for you and do everything else I can

whenever you're about to settle a score with a Yankee.

I'm the only girl in this gang,

so let's get straight on that too.

Bob wants me to marry him and have that settled,

but I'm not interested in marrying anyone right now.

White Cloud killed my family and gave me that.

And until it's paid for,

there's nothing else on my mind.

In the last year or so,

nearly every one of you has asked me to marry him.

If you still feel that way,

I'm ready to make a deal with you.

When White Cloud is dead,

the man who does the most to make him that way

will be the one.

Until then, just remember I've always been straight

and I'm gonna stay that way.

- Now let's go out into the country

where there's room to practice.

- But is it safe?

What about the Indians?

- Shucks, they're peaceful.

They just signed a treaty.

- That settles 'em, Bull.

- There's one wagon train

that won't reach Paradise valley.

- That means we've got to join up

with the wagon yet again

and watch for another chance to wreck it.

- Wait for Skippy! Wait for me!

- Oh, that Skippy is too much for television.

- Yeah, he sure is.

- Hi.

- Marv wants you to find some traffic to play in.

- I'd rather avoid crowds

like you two.

- You're not so funny.

You better get lost.

- Okay?

- You haven't called.

- Well look, doll.

Well, you almost got me in a bad jam the other night.

- I almost got you?

I didn't tell my old man

who I really was out with.

- Yeah, I heard you put the finger on the prof.

- And got found out.

This morning, my father grilled me again to tell him

and I wouldn't.

That's how much I think of you.

- Your old man, he is murder.

- How about tonight?

Oh, I love when we're parked

and you whisper in my ear.

- Ah, too much talk bugs me.

- Have I ever stopped you from being strong and silent?

Let's get together tonight.

- Huh, and play house?

The tired husband home from the grind.

Who can't wait to flop down in front of the TV set?

- Marv, I sure have missed our own very late, late shows.

I'll see you tonight or Friday.

We've got so many programs to catch up on.

- I'm on your frequency, doll,

and achin' to be tuned in.

Come Friday night,

we'll go to McKenna's bash together.

- I can't go there.

My old man said that if I-

- I'm fed up with your old man.

Mac's parties are always fun

and a tight money situation's got me socked into a corner.

Look, doll...

Now, how will Blake senior find out?

And why pass up all that free entertainment?

- I don't need any more of this.

I don't need you!

Motor Psycho.

Ripped from today's devastating headlines.

Bike riding hoodlums.

Black out on their murder cycle.

See Motor Psycho!

- Let's see that again on instant replay.

Motor Psycho.

Ripped from today's devastating headlines.

Bike riding hoodlums.

Black out on their murder cycle.

See Motor Psycho!

- Alex, I'd like you to meet Jim Freeman.

- Hello. - Nice to meet you.

- You've seen the act he does with his wife?

- Yeah, it's pretty good.

Thanks.

- Huh, let's keep sex out of this.

Oh, what am I saying?

- I think we're gonna have a lot of fun

in the next couple of minutes.

We're gonna try a psychological experiment

based on something that most of you'll realize

is one of our national phobias.

Would you bring me the box please, Jack?

- Here it is, Harv.

- Do you know what's in it?

- No.

- Rats.

You take it.

- Now, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Where's our next contestant?

Oh, she's back

in the dressing room, - She?

- where you sent her before the show, remember?

- That's right, it's a lady.

We sent her off stage

because we have a couple of secrets

we don't want her to know about.

We let her, she's busy back there.

Now in this box,

we have two white rats.

One...

Two...

Two women's rats that they put in their hair.

Martha, Washington, okay?

Now you remember that, okay?

Bring the lady back in.

Get her out of the dressing room.

She doesn't know a thing about this so far.

And we wanna see whether a woman's unreasoning fear

will prevent her from getting a prize, all right?

How do you do?

Would you come over here, please?

Right here, you're Mrs...?

- Wade Ruby.

- Mrs. Who?

- Mrs. Ruby, you put up your hand before we went on the air

because you said that you were afraid of mice.

- Yes, I am.

- Why? Anything ever happened to you?

- I grabbed a hold of one at college one time

in my pocket eating crackers

I had taken home from the dining hall...

- And the mouse was in your pocket?

- It was in my pocket getting my crackers in my closet

and I grabbed hold and I couldn't get rid of it.

And the nurse came running and she thought I was dying.

- It gave you practically palpitations.

- I couldn't move.

I couldn't get rid of it.

- Yeah, well now, Mrs. Wilson, is it?

- Ruby. - Mrs. Ruby.

Now, Mrs. Ruby.

Don't leave.

In this-don't leave.

Mrs. Ruby, in this box is a $10 bill.

Would you like to have a $10 bill?

- What's it gotta have holes in it for?

- What they gotta have holes?

Well, you wouldn't think we'd put

any mice in there, would you?

- I think, I think you would.

- No, there are no mice in there, Mrs. Ruby.

There are two white rats.

- Well, that's good.

And now, now don't leave.

Keep, stay over here, Ms. Ruby.

Would you, if I lift this up,

would you put your hand in there and get the $10 out?

- No, I wouldn't. - You wouldn't?

- No. - Come closer.

Would you do it for $20?

- No.

- I'm gonna make a sporting proposition to you, Mrs. Ruby.

If you will just lift your hand up.

And I'll give you $40,

if you just put your hand in there

and pull a $10 bill out.

- Can I put my glove on?

- What?

- Should we let her put her glove on?

Yes!

- All right, put your gloves on.

All right, you can do it.

You can put...

All right, let, let, let,

and put it in.

- I'm not gonna do it with my glove.

- You aren't gonna do it with your glove on?

Come back in here, Mrs. Ruby.

Now, I'll tell you what.

I'll give you, I'll give you $60.

- No. - You won't do it?

- You will not do it? - No, I won't.

- I'll make one last offer to you, Mrs. Ruby.

This is my last offer:

$100 in cash

if you will just put your hand in there

where those two rats are.

- I can do it on my gloves?

- You can do it with your glove.

- I can't get it on, I'm nervous.

- All right, now you reach in there?

- Have you got 'em tied?

- Huh?

No, they're not tied.

- Well, hold it.

- How will I get it without getting...

Oh, it's the rat!

- Huh? Don't-come on over here.

$100 in cash.

Just shut your eyes

and reach right in there.-?

- No hurry up, right now.

All right, come on.

Put your hands in.

- Put it in. - Well, what is it?

They are white rats.

Aren't they?

Mrs. Ruby, you have proven

that you have overcome your fear.

Shake hands and you have got

$100 in cash.

- That's weird.

- Very sad case.

A case not infrequent in this supersonic age we live in.

- I'm afraid I was unwise in advising her

to take Harry back after they'd separated.

- Who knows, my friend.

When women reach the age of maturity,

mother nature sometimes overworks the frustration

to a point of irrationalism.

Harry!

- What was that?

Harry!

Harry!

- I'll get Dr. Cushing.

Harry!

I want out of here!

- Nancy, Nancy, calm yourself.

Morphine!

Harry's asleep in his room.

He'd be right here.

Harry!

...Biblical times man has witnessed

and reported strange manifestations in the sky

and speculated on the possibilities

of visitors from another world.

Today from the skies of California,

the air intelligence command

gathers and sifts data from all quarters of the globe.

97% of the objects prove on investigation

to be of natural origin

but 3% still are listed as unknown.

The Air Force is aware

that the widely held belief that some of these

could be flying saucers from another planet.

While there is nothing conclusive in the evidence,

the probing and digesting of information

about UFOs continues unceasingly.

As a result, headquarters of the Hemispheric Defense Command

in Colorado Springs issued an order.

All military installations are to fire on site

at any flying objects not identifiable.

But even as they did so,

the military wondered whether their scientific know-how

and their best weapons would be effective in any battle

of the Earth versus the flying saucers.

- Do you hear something?

- Hear what?

I don't hear- - Shh, listen.

Pull over.

- Ross, it was a saucer.

- Anything you say, Poopsie.

- Sunday, as it says.

- You want another waffle, Mr. Stonewell?

- No, thanks.

- You, Ms. Stonewell?

- If I eat another waffle, Creole,

I'd turn into one.

You eat them.

- Oh, I can't, I'd just die.

- A waffle or two won't make any difference.

- Oh, I ain't dying for my figure.

I was dying for my mind.

The doctor said if I didn't eat no more starch,

it would take the fat off my head

and ought to improve my mind.

- That's the telephone, Creole.

- Yes, I'll get it.

- Well, she certainly can cook.

That's more than most of them can do.

Hello?

- Hello baby.

- What, you!

Leave me alone!

Cut it out!

You!

Look what you did to me!

- Honey, you never learn, do you?

You're the type that can get run over

with a steam roller and come back for a second.

- He grabbed me.

That's all I could do!

- What's with you?

Can't you keep your hands off any doll that walks by?

You want all the women in the world?

- Baby, you're crowding me.

- No one runs Nick Barrow

and no one owns me.

Look, it's time we get off this merry-go-round.

You think I'd take someone like you along with me?

I'm tired of you.

I know you like a book.

You got nothing new to offer.

Get out of here before I kick your teeth in,

you cheap little tramp.

- Goodbye, Nick.

- Wait honey, wait.

Yeah, honey, wait a minute, wait.

- All right, now I turn the wheel left.

- Left? - Right.

- Which way do you want me to turn?

- To the left!

- To the left? - That's right.

- How can the left be right,

If I turn to the left, that's left.

- No, that's right.

- You want me to turn to the left?

- To the left, that's right.

- How can I turn it left

if you want me to go to right?

The right's over that way.

- No, listen, I don't want you to turn it right.

I want you to turn it left.

- You want me

- to turn it left? - Right.

- Get it right,

- come on now. - Now which way

do you want me to turn the wheel?

- To the left! - To the left.

- All right. - Now look, slicker.

That's the same trouble

I have with my feet in the army.

- Oh, come on! - Come on.

- Attention!

Now I'm gonna get that Nick Barrow

and make him look like he's driving a wheelbarrow.

Let's go, all cars for race number four

on the start grid, please.

,

Looking to send them on their way.

The flag is up, flare up!

Nick Barrow on number 19

moves from fourth to first.

Right behind him, the number 11 is Hap Barley.

- You can't stay mad, huh?

- I never should have tried

to keep this outta the papers.

The poor girl, she's had so much publicity all her life.

I'm afraid now there's no alternative.

We'll have to notify the authorities.

- If you hadn't succeeded in giving her that sedative,

there's no telling what would've happened.

- Well, thank heaven,

we got the chains on her arms and legs.

- How long will the morphine be effective?

- No telling with the size of her body,

but we'll have to keep her under sedation

until the state police arrive.

I'll phone the authorities at Baker.

Operator...

- Dr., Dr. Cushing, it's her!

She's come to again,

Dr. Cushing!

- Head there, nurse.

More morphine!

Operator, operator, operator.

This is your operator.

What's going on there?

What's happening?

- Hurry now, add morphine!

- Morphine!

- Oh, she's large!

- Operator, operator!

- I know where my husband is.

He's with that woman!

I'll find you.

- She's gone!

She's heading to town.

That weekend, Valerie and I

went into the country.

There wasn't very much to do

and so we spent most of the time just running about...

running about all over the place like children.

Goodness, how we ran.

We ran and ran and ran and ran and ran.

Valerie always ran faster than me.

She said it was all the smoking I was doing.

But one day, I remember,

I made a tremendous spurt and caught her.

She slipped and fell,

and suddenly I was sprawling all over her,

tumbling and groping and sprawling all over her.

And suddenly, it came to me,

out of the blue almost,

and I knew it was time a socialist got in.

- And so the Chamber of Commerce has decided to increase

the annual advertising budget here in Las Vegas.

Well, it looks like the FSOOE

that stands for Flying Saucer Observers of Earth

have a competitor in the Seeing Strange Things department.

And this time, it's right here in Nevada.

Now it seems that two motorists driving south on Highway 93

barely missed a collision with, now get this,

a 60-foot giant.

What have you got to top that one?

"The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet"

starring the entire Nelson family.

Here's Ozzie.

Here's Harriet.

Here's David.

And here's Ricky.

Here they are, America's favorite family, the Nelsons.

Whenever Rick and his gang

come over to the house for a party,

we know they always want us

to have plenty of good, cold Milk.

- Boy, those kids sure have a lot of vitality.

- Hey sister, can you stop your motor for a minute?

- Can't stop now, brother.

My brakes need relining.

- All right boys, I got a little refreshment here.

That's- - I just love to help.

- What can I do, Stevie? - No, no.

- Oh please, Stevie.

- Let me help. - No, no, no.

- Need some help, brother?

- You help Gogo.

The professor's had enough help already.

- I gonna show the movie soon.

Say how's the chance of me getting a job

as your assistant on the survey?

I could put your material together.

- How many times

have I told you that those questions

are too personal and confidential

to be handled by anybody in the same age group?

Well, just you ask the questions, eh, Mac?

- There we go.

- Why don't you let him help you?

- Skippy?

The kid's got the dirtiest mind in the school.

You let him handle the questionnaire

and he'd be out of his skull in no time.

- Hey there, partner, how you doing?

You have a lot of fun.

Good for you.

Don't fall in there, and...

Everybody, you wanna wear a lampshade

or anything like that?

Like they do at the parties.

Like anybody want to go through

the medicine cabinet or something?

Whatever you want,

I know what it's time to.

How about a little dance?

I just learned the bunny hug from one the kids.

- Oh, I'd dance with you.

- Oh no.

You're too fast for me.

Uh-oh, uh-oh.

- Oh no. - Oh man.

No wonder I'm mad about you.

- Oh hey, how about something to drink?

What do you say?

Step right up, ladies and gentlemen.

Professor Steven McKinder's elixir.

- This is the worst party of the year.

- Why?

- They're out of Schlitz.

- Don't they have any of the kind?

- Who cares?

When you're out of Schlitz,

you're out of beer.

- Hey baby, that dance got a name?

- Can you see what I'm doing?

- Yeah, you're twisting yourself into a nervous breakdown.

- That's it, brother, the twist!

And if you bruise easily,

oh, stay away from my ifs!

- So that's what they call it, the twist.

- Look at Mac.

His heart's pumping 90 proof blood.

- Yeah, how about us getting outta here

and really going into a high temperature boil?

- And miss any of this?

- That's mighty hot work, Mac.

How about a nice cold drink?

- Oh, yeah. - Women and children first.

- Hey, how you-

- Oh, okay, kill the lights.

- Now this is the kind of atmosphere I go for.

- Too bad you're not my ideal.

- Hi.

- You're not my ideal, in face.

- Crazy title.

- We didn't make that.

- First of all, we've got a house in Washington

which cost $41,000

and in which we owe $20,000.

We have a house in Whittier, California,

which cost $13,000

and on which we owe $3,000.

My folks are living there at the present time.

I have just $4,000 in life insurance,

plus my GI policy,

which I've never been able to convert

and which will run out in two years.

I have no life insurance whatever on Pat.

I have no life insurance on our two youngsters,

Trisha and Julie.

I own a 1950 Oldsmobile car.

We have our furniture.

We have no stocks and bonds of any type.

We have no interest of any kind,

direct or indirect

in any business.

Now that's what we have.

What do we owe?

Well, in addition to the mortgage,

the $20,000 mortgage on the house in Washington,

the $10,000 one on the house in Whittier,

I owe $4,500 to the Riggs Bank in Washington DC

with interest four and a half percent.

I owe $3,500 to my parents

and the interest on that loan,

which I pay regularly,

because it's the part of the savings

they made through the years,

they were working so hard.

I pay regularly 4% of it.

And then, I have a $500 loan,

which I have on my life insurance.

- Fascinating, horrible but fascinating.

- It isn't very much.

But Pat and I have the satisfaction

that every dime that we got is honestly ours.

I should say this,

that Pat doesn't have a mink coat,

but she does have a respectable Republican cloth coat.

And I always tell her that she'd look good in anything.

One other thing I probably should tell you,

because if I don't,

they'll probably be saying this about me too,

we did get something, a gift,

after the election.

A man down in Texas heard Pat on the radio mention the fact

that our two youngsters would like to have a dog.

And believe it or not,

the day before we left in this campaign trip,

we got a message from the Union station in Baltimore

saying they had a package for us.

They went down to get it.

You know what it was?

It was a little Cocker Spaniel dog

in a crate that he'd sent

all the way from Texas,

black and white spotted.

And our little girl, Trisha, the 6-year-old,

named it Chuck.

And you know, the kids, like all kids, loved the dog.

And I just want to say this right now,

that regardless of what they say about it,

we're gonna keep it.

- He's a very funny man.

- Yeah, I can see.

- And now finally, I know that you wonder

whether or not I am going to stay

on the Republican tickets or resign.

Let me say this.

I don't believe that I ought to quit

because I'm not a quitter.

And incidentally, Pat's not a quitter after all.

Her name was Patricia Ryan

and she was born Saint Patrick's Day.

And you know the Irish never quit.

But the decision, my friends, is not mine.

I would do nothing that would harm

the possibilities of Dwight Eisenhower

to become president of the United States.

And for that reason, I am submitting

to the Republican National Committee

tonight through this television broadcast,

the decision which it is theirs to make.

- Well, maybe we ought to get rid of him,

one of the zoos would buy him.

- Let them decide whether my position on the tickets

will help or hurt.

And I'm going to ask you to help them decide.

Wire and write the Republican National Committee

whether you think I should stay on

or whether I should get off.

- How did that get in here?

- That's pretty crude.

- What does he think he can get away with anyway?

- I never thought he would go that far.

- Come on, let's get out of here.

- I think maybe it's time we all left.

- Good night, please.

- Boy, oh boy.

They this time.

- Wait'll my old man hears about this.

- What do you mean your old man?

- I'm gonna tell my mother.

- This is too much.

- This is too much even for me.

- I don't understand, I swear.

- Neither do I.

When I got this assignment,

I was only interested in a story.

- But there's been a terrible mistake.

- This certainly has and I made it.

- Why don't you listen to us?

This college has got to change.

- Agreed. - But not your way.

- All right, I've read it, Greg.

Now can we keep our cool

and I'll get together here at 6:00.

- Okay.

Often, people who are sensitive to others

can be more sensitive to headache pain.

Bufferin is for these people.

It's strong medicine that treats you gently.

Plain aspirin's fine,

but Bufferin goes to work much faster.

Yet is actually gentler to your stomach.

Because tough problems are tougher on sensitive people,

we believe the strong medicine you need

should treat you gently.

Faster, gentler, Bufferin.

Strong medicine for sensitive people.

- Well, look what we got down there.

Look out, girl.

Here we come.

- Look out, Charlie.

- I'm having to watch where I'm going, eh?

I've got an idea.

Why don't we fly over

and drop in on that certain someone, huh?

- You haven't got a son.

She gave him away right after he was born.

She doesn't even know who has him.

You haven't got a son.

She gave him away.

Watch out!

Watch out for laxatives

that foam, fizz,

fall apart in your stomach.

A laxative that dissolves in your stomach

may cause stomach upset.

As you can see,

it's down here where you need the help.

Not in the stomach,

but down here where the lower digestive system is blocked.

That's why you need Carter's Little Liver Pills

because they quickly move past your stomach

right into the lower digestive tract.

Immediately, it starts to unclog the blocked passageway.

Unlike ordinary laxatives,

Carter's is guaranteed not to dissolve in your stomach.

No chance of upset.

Leaves your stomach calm.

It works where it should,

deep in the lower digestive tract.

So watch out

for laxatives that foam, fizz,

fall apart in your stomach.

Get Carter's, the laxative that works where it should,

deep in the lower digestive tract.

Carter's Little Liver Pills

for safe regularity without stomach upset.

Only 54 cents.

- Well, I'm gonna-

...of a surgeon's delicate hands,

trained hands, experienced hands.

It's a tricky case, this one.

The whole lung has been infected.

Everything depends on complete accuracy.

One step could mean death.

To help him concentrate,

Dr. Getty smokes filter tip cigarettes.

- Your eyes are so large and round.

- What better see you with, my dear.

- Why are your teeth so large, grandmother dear?

- What better to eat you with!

- We've been here 20 hours already.

I wouldn't mind being so hungry,

but I can't feel my legs anymore.

- I haven't had any feeling in my legs for five hours.

- I wonder if Harris got through all right.

- Harris will get through if anybody can.

- You know what I wish?

- What?

- I wish I knew what the hell my next line is.

- Why you, saying what?

Oh great!

- God, it's rough making pictures,

but ain't it wonderful?

- Central, central, I'm in terrible trouble.

Get me Ladies Manor.

No, I don't know the number

but it's close by.

- Yeah, yeah?

Good.

That's a call I've been waiting for Ms. Lane.

Everything's been taken care of except you.

- Blinky, don't.

You just got a few years for that jewel robbery.

But for this...

- That's the chance I gotta take.

- No, I don't believe it.

You will, Blinky, you will.

You are just wasting your ammunition, Blinky.

Sit down.

- Hey, let me out, let me out!

- Now a few seconds and it would've been too late, Superman.

- Well, it wasn't this late and that's what counts.

What time is it?

Just about 12:30.

Well, I can't wait for the police.

I have an important date, excuse me.

- The line is dead.

- Captain.

It's landing!

- Men, prepare to fire up!

Fire!

- They set up an electronic screen.

The artillery doesn't penetrate.

- There's got to be an explanation somewhere.

I've got your explanation

- for you Tom. - Ed?

- Now listen, you've known me ever since I came to Paxton.

You know I'm not given to hysteria

and you've got to listen to me with an open mind.

- Take it easy, Ed.

- Locusts.

- What are you talking about?

- I'm talking about giant locusts.

Giant locusts are responsible for all of these.

- Are you not?

- Each one of them has the strength of 10 men.

There are probably 2 or 300 of them.

- So last night, not satisfied with eating a grain,

- they came to Ludlow. - Yes.

- Even if I went for your story about the size,

it'd be hard to believe they'd attacked people.

Sergeant, that report come in from the chemists?

- No, not yet, sir.

- Why won't you listen?

- I am listening.

- We saw Frank Johnson killed by a giant locust.

- Sure, and there are reliable people

who've also seen flying saucers

and weird little men from Mars.

- You are drunk.

- And you are crazy.

But now I'll be sober tomorrow

and you'll be crazy for the rest of your life.

- What?

- Yeah, it's a riot, ain't it?

- Hey, hey, hey Tony.

Something's happened to your lights.

- I got eyes I can see.

- Who needs lights?

- I am a wreck, I am wreck!

- No, you're fine this morning.

- Oh, I've got my interview today.

Where did I leave my eyelashes?

- You'll feel a lot cooler

if you just use some Johnson Baby powder.

- Why did I cut my hair?

I look like a screw.

- Who am I? - I have no idea.

But you'll feel a lot better

if you just use some baby powder.

If it's going to be one of those days

when you need to keep a little cooler,

a little drier and a lot more comfortable.

It was Pure Johnson's baby powder.

- Oh, my baby powder.

Oh boy, do I need that.

Again, number 19,

Nick Barrow almost cut number 11,

Hap Barley, off the course.

And as they go by the start finish line,

it looks to me like these two

are having themselves a personal battle.

Barley starts to pull away.

He leaves by 10 yards,

by 20 by 30.

Barrow trying desperately to catch him.

And I don't think he can do it.

And it's Hap Barley, the winner!

- Yeah! We win!

- We win!

Don't forget the big winner tonight...

- Break it up!

Here come the cops.

- Hey, it's Cody.

- Every man for himself, fellas.

- Oh, there you are, boss.

- You got enough ammunition?

- Get down.

- The Thunder Riders are coming.

Run for your life!

- Gentlemen, this is the last straw.

Where's my Stradivarius?

- Here sir.

- I'll show 'em they can't fiddle around with old fire fly.

Look at 'em run.

Now they know they've been in a war.

- Your excellency!

- They're fleeing like rats.

- But sir, I've got the truth.

- Remind me to give myself the firefly medal for this.

- Your excellency!

You're shooting your own men.

- What?

- You're shooting your own men!

- Here's $5, keep it under your hat.

Never mind, I'll keep it under my hat.

- Did they teach you this one?

- Now we must do something about this,

not just during the holiday season,

but 365 days of the year

- We have run this program for an important announcement.

The giant locusts have reached the Chicago south side

and nearby suburbs.

I repeat, the giant locusts have reached

the Chicago south side and nearby suburbs.

Keep calm, take shelter in basements.

Take shelter in basements.

Do not panic.

Attention, please!

Keep moving.

Do not block the highway.

Great deal traffic here for Country Road, you think?

- Keep going. - Yeah.

Push stall cars off road at once.

Keep all traffic moving.

Do not panic.

- General. - Admiral Sames.

Grab a chair and sit down.

- I sent for you because of a new development.

- The Air Force is standing by,

the B-52 loaded with an atom bomb.

- You can't drop an atom bomb on Chicago.

- Washington has given me authority to do just that,

as the last contingency.

- If the bomb has dropped early tomorrow,

there'll be no loss of life.

The city will be evacuated by then.

- But what about the property?

It'd be a billion dollars worth of damage

in a site that's too contaminated to rebuild on.

- I realize that.

But if we don't drop the bomb,

Chicago will almost certainly fall.

The bomber crew is alerted

for a drop of dawn.

If you are at home

when a surprise attack occurs,

haul beneath the table if it is very near

or drop to the floor with your back to the window.

The immediate danger is over in about a minute.

Unless the explosion occurred

near the ground or water.

In this case, radioactive materials

are trapped in the particles of dirt or water

thrown up by the explosion.

When these particles fall back to earth,

they may be dangerous.

So get indoors immediately after a ground level explosion.

Cover broken windows against radioactive dust

with blankets or cardboard.

Civil defense radiological teams

equipped with radiation survey meters

will check on contamination in any bombed area.

Stay undercover until you hear officially

that it is safe outside.

If you have been exposed to radioactive dust,

wash the exposed areas.

Pay particular attention to your hair.

Get all the dirt from under your fingernails.

If the people of Hiroshima and Nagasaki

had known what we know about civil defense,

thousands of lives would've been saved.

With heavy heart,

we continued our journey,

missing Wayne a hundred times a day.

- Oh, locusts!

- Ager, we'd better camp here tonight

until the locusts had passed.

This bad place to Camp Goanna, this lion country.

- Anyhow, I think this is our best bet.

Light fires tonight and keep a sharp lookout.

- Azudi, Azudi, Simba, Simba, Simba, Simba!

It did seem we were having more

than our share of bad luck.

We ran into swarms of locusts.

We're attacked by animals.

Out of the blue of the western sky

comes Sky King.

- Songbird to flying crown,

songbird deaf flying crown,

come in, please.

Songbird to flying crown,

songbird deaf flying crown,

come in, penny,

come in, please.

Songbird to Sheriff,

come in, Mitch.

Mitch here, Sky, what's up?

- I can't raise Penny at the ranch, Mitch.

I just wondered if something was wrong.

- Nothing's wrong? She came up here with Kent.

- She did? - Yeah.

- I'll have her contact in a few minutes, Sky.

- Thanks.

- But I'm not in danger, Uncle Sky.

I'm not anywhere near the fire.

- Oh now, Penny, listen carefully.

I want you to drive as fast as you can.

Back to the ranch.

Get a box of dynamite

and some dynamite caps out of the storage shed.

And meet me on the air strip.

- Right. - Songbird out.

- Dynamite?

- That's what the man said, dynamite.

- But what does he want Dynamite for?

- No time to ask questions.

He said hurry, let's go.

Now, you can be Batman

in your very own Batmobile by Marx!

Comes complete with package.

No batteries needed ever.

Just back up to wind the powerful spring motor,

set the brake, release,

and holy blast off.

Away you go!

In your very own Batmobile by Marx.

And now look what's coming.

These are Excedrin headaches, listen.

The young Americans are on the screen.

Share their adventures,

their young romances.

A truly different motion picture.

Young Americans, young adventures,

young romances, young Americans.

Young Americans, a truly different motion picture.

Young Americans.

The young Americans are on the screen.

Share the excitement of preview audiences.

There's only one movie

that I've enjoyed more than this.

And that was Julie Andrews in "Sound of Music."

Young adventures, young romances,

young Americans in color.

In color.

In color.

In color.

Here now,

it's just one abomination after another.

The "Shoemaker and the Elves."

A gigantic, glorious spectacle

for children of all ages.

Touched with laughter of angels

and sprinkled with stardust

is the timeless tale of the elves

who take over while the town sleeps.

See the elves make the shoes in the cobbler's shop.

See the elves capture a robber in a barrel of tire.

See the tailor's wife try to capture the elves.

See all the wonders in the big toy shop.

From the magical world of the Brothers Grimm,

K. Gordon Murray brings another wonderful fantasy.

See the "Shoemaker and the Elves"

in color scope.

- Hey, that looks like a goodie.

- What seemed like a joke or a prank,

but a few hours ago has now become a reality,

a reality and a king size package over 60-feet tall.

Police Chief Benson has asked me

to tell you to stay in your home.

Stay in your home.

The army is rushing two doctors to Las Vegas

by way of helicopter.

They apparently know what to do with the giant.

- We will try to pick up some of the action

and excitement through our window.

- We can't see him,

but from a panic out on the street,

he must be, wait a minute,

here he is!

The 60-foot giant in the street to Las Vegas.

Look at the size of that man.

- That's the way it is.

So you'll have to be out by Thursday.

- You know, our kids were born right here.

- Wait till they see a new place.

Often people who are sensitive to others

can be more sensitive to headache pain.

Bufferin is for these people.

It's strong medicine that treats you gently.

Plain aspirin's fine,

but Bufferin goes to work much faster.

Yet is actually gentler to your stomach.

We believe the strong medicine you need

should treat you gently.

Faster, gentler Bufferin,

strong medicine for sensitive people.

Ms. Helen Matthews.

- This is the ideal average figure

of the modern American woman.

And note I said average.

Did I hear someone say figures like that

don't exist outside Hollywood in the art galleries?

But they do.

The physical proportions of this lovely body

are the result of taking neck, bust, waist,

hip, arm, leg measurements

of thousands of average American women

ages 16 to 40.

She's crying too hard and getting nowhere fast.

Oh my, she spoiled another sheet.

In a case like this,

pause from your work for a moment.

Relax that tension.

Enemy number one,

this lady is spreading millions of cold germs

next to all these young trainees

and the instructor

to possible cold infection.

One of the causes of their mysterious suffering

that seems to evade their diagnosis,

but at the same time,

to invade every fiber of their bodies

is unhappy feet.

Unhappy feet can make a pessimist

out of an optimist overnight.

That means foot trouble

and so does this.

First, sterilize the needle with a lighted match.

Then, prick the blister at the lower end,

just open enough to empty fluid from the blister.

Don't remove the skin.

Then, cover the blister with a good sized strip

of zinc oxide plaster and leave it on for several days.

For corns or soft corns,

report to your medical officer immediately

and be sure to report also if you think

you have that painful fungus infection, athletes' foot.

Symptoms: a cracked skin,

painful inflammation between or below the toes.

Athlete's foot can spread to others

as quickly as the seven year itch.

It does them good just to look at her.

Yes, men are simple creatures.

It gives them a lift to see a girl

looking her most attractive on the job.

- But you have the cramps and have to go to bed.

- Isn't something wrong

if your period doesn't come every 28 days?

- Is it abnormal that the amount of flow is always changing?

- Are we expected to suffer

and still go about our business as usual

when we have the curse?

- Let's clear the fog once and for all.

First, I want to say that there's no need

to consider menstruation a curse.

It's just nature's way of readying your body

of its preparation for pregnancy.

This whole process should take place

as painlessly and as easily as digestion.

The fact that it doesn't with some of you

may be due to a variety of reasons.

And that brings to that question cramps.

If you'll notice the position of the uterus

between the rectum and the bladder,

you'll realize that pressure on it from constipation

will cause cramps

and a heavy feeling in the abdomen.

Muscles, good ways to relieve this feeling

are physical activity and application of heat.

They both stimulate circulation of blood

and relax the muscles.

So you see, there are many causes

for irregularities in the menses

beside the obvious ones of pregnancy and menopause.

If your periods are irregular,

it's a good thing to go to the medical officer.

The choice between the external pad and the tampon

is a purely personal one

and depends largely on what you find is a safer

and more convenient protection for you.

So there's no reason why life still can't begin at 40

and it often does.

I think many women would lose their fear of menopause

if once they realized that menopause

means only the end of their childbearing life

and not the end of their sexual life,

their attractiveness or their usefulness.

- Forward march!

- So you see, there's no need to get excited

about normal female functions.

They're just a part of your life.

You can always take them in your stride.

She's learned a lot.

See how smoothly and skillfully her makeup is blended.

She can be proud of that job.

And she certainly is proud of her uniform

and she keeps it in a condition to reflect that pride.

The hang of your uniform depends not only on the fitting

but on what you have to hang it on.

She even sees to it that her dog tags

are warm and well-dressed.

Yes, by keeping yourselves

and your belongings in perfect shape,

you are showing the world and GI Joe

that you're a mighty sharp looking lot.

But more important, you also showing them

that efficiency, endurance, stability,

and courage are by no means exclusively stag affairs.

Here we have a lead pipe

and there's a hole in it.

Now we know that lead doesn't rust and get holes that way.

So we'll get a magnifying glass and see...

Well, we have 'em right here, the culprit.

It's a beetle.

And the camera takes us

to beautiful Washington D.C.,

the national capital of our United States

situated on the broad banks of the Potomac River.

Living is pleasant and leisurely.

- Captain, I want these positions held.

I want them held at all costs if humanly possible.

Captain have your map

people immediately turn out 300 overlays.

Showing the Chicago defense line is tentatively set.

Yes?

- Maybe we can get out along that side.

- That didn't take long, did it?

- No.

- I never even knew I hit him.

- It was horrible.

We must have weapons we've never even dreamed of.

- Well that figures,

they were smart enough to get here in the first place.

- Ran in two squadrons of bombers, Heinkel 111.

Detective cover one squadron a Messerschmitt 110.

The time we intercepted,

we were at the limit of our raid.

Gary, of course, planning the raid,

had figured on that.

But the result that we just couldn't hang on long enough.

I think we got two 110s.

I'm not sure but they are probable.

- Oh!

- Very funny.

Got it.

- Boy, what a great picture this is.

- I'll say it is.

Well, here goes the last reel.

- What happened?

- Was it a giant woman?

- Going to our town?

That's her!

Harry!

- She'll tear up the whole town till she finds Harry.

- Yeah, and then she'll tear up Harry.

- Hey, what's going on here?

Harry!

- Sounds like someone calling your name.

Harry!

Harry!

- Get your wife!

She's wrecking the town looking for you.

Come on, I gotta get you outta here!

- No! You keep me out there,

she'll kill me, she's crazy.

- Come on, Mr. Archer!

We gotta get out of here.

- It's yours, Deputy, do something!

- I can't shoot a lady.

- Give me that gun.

Give me that gun!

- No, no, no, Mrs. Archer!

- Help me.

- She's dead.

- No, no, Nancy.

Nancy, no!

Nancy, Nancy, Nancy, no!

Nancy, no!

Nancy, don't!

- Oh, no.

- Don't Nancy! No!

No! Not for this.

No! Put me down!

You killed Honey, Nancy!

No! You're crushing me, I can't breathe!

- She's got Harry.

She's got Harry.

- Put him down, Mrs. Archer!

- Keep it in your field so it can't fire at us.

- It doesn't make sense.

It's just a bird,

a big bird.

Guns, cannons, rockets, it's just a bird!

- Sure, it's just a bird.

$10 million worth of radar can't track it.

Enough firepower to wipe out a regimen

can't even slow it down.

Sure, it's just a bird.

- What are we going-

- Birds.

- The birds! He rises!

- Mommy.

- She's coming out of it.

- Yeah, little color on her face.

- There it is now,

attacking the United Nations building.

- Ah!

There's more room over there!

- What are you trying to do?

Come on in here.

- Will you watch out?

Look out! Look out! Spread out!

- Here's the dynamite caps.

- Thank you.

All right, Penny, you go back to the house

and get on the short wave set.

- But Sky, can I go with you?

- I'm afraid this better be a solo flight, honey.

You stick with communications, huh?

- All right.

- Thanks for the dynamite, Ken.

You stick with Penny on the short wave.

That way, we'll get all the news.

- And not me, Sky.

I'm one of those on-the-spot reporters.

I'm going with you.

- Uh-uh, this could be a pretty rough run.

- Now, wait a minute, Sky.

I don't wanna pull rank on you,

but you see this press pass?

It's my ticket for this flight.

You can't turn me down.

So what do you say?

- What can I say?

- Open the dynamite.

We'll put the caps on.

- Right.

- Is that right?

- Sure is.

All right, put the lid on.

Hey, hey! Take it easy.

- Hey, get ready, open the door.

I'll count down, Ken.

Five, four, three, two,

one, let her go!

- Your excellency, we can't hold out much longer.

We must have help!

- Man, do you recognize us?

We do not harm you.

Okay, Eric, let's go.

Drive it in hard.

We have to penetrate the bone in the first injection.

I doubt it'll get a second chance.

- You ready?

One, two, three!

- 75 miles an hour around the curve.

That speed crazy fool.

Ozzie cops, always crowding the guy.

Everybody's always crowding me.

- What a wasted life to die like that.

- Well, it had to happen.

- We can't hold out much longer!

- This is Firefight talking,

send the help at once!

- Help is on the way!

- Carry on, man.

Help is on the way!

- Here it goes.

Dropping these bombs,

follow in order.

Dump them all.

- Flying Crown, Songbird to Flying Crown.

Come in, please.

I sure hope Penny's doing her job.

- I am so doing my job, Sky.

That's a fine thing to say.

Flying Crown receiving Songbird, over.

- Well from here, it looks like they got the fire

pretty well under control, Penny.

- Men have succeeded with the gods of faith.

- What did you hit him with?

- My brand new 100% completed hot rod.

- You'd have had to start in the next county

to get up enough momentum to do that to him.

- Not with four quarts of nitroglycerin riding with you.

- You rode across that rough field carrying nitro?

- Yes, sir.

- Do you know what could have happened to you?

- It did, I lost my car.

- Ho, ho, don't worry about that.

Railroad will be glad to buy you a new one.

I thought I told you to keep those kids up at the barn?

- Well, how do you arrest a bunch of kids

going in all different directions?

- Do you realize what had had happened

if that thing had turned back?

Same thing that happened to Pat.

- Sheriff, your job is a much bigger one than I thought.

- Sheriff, you're not going to use that on there.

- What do you want me to do?

Put sonar on her tail?

- She's down!

- Let's take a look.

The present danger is ended.

The present danger is ended.

The present danger is ended.

The present danger is ended.

All units report to your commanders for further orders.

The present danger is ended.

- This stupid pie was the cause of the whole mess.

- In his own twisted and distorted lexicon,

he calls it faith, strength, truth.

But in just a moment,

Peter Vollmer will apply his...

- Huh, this explains why Vollmer and his men were here.

They are the ones that have been selling rifles

to the Indians.

And I'll see to it that they're paid for their crimes.

- Major, who is the masked man?

- Why, he and his Indian friend are gone.

- He saved our lives twice today

and I haven't yet been able to thank him for it.

- I know.

He never stays around to be thanked.

He gets his thanks from helping others.

He's the Lone Ranger.

- It turned into a happy ending for everybody.

- And just to make the ending a little more happy,

I have a present for each of us.

- Cheaper staff albums.

Thank you, Mr. Kent.

- You have an extra one.

Who's that for?

- Oh, just for a friend of mine.

- Yes sir, we're pals!

And pals stick together.

And now gang, don't forget church or Sunday school.

And remember, Andy's Gang will get together

right here at this same time next week too.

So long, fellas and gals!

So long, Andy!

- I leave you gentlemen now...

and you will now write it.

You will interpret it at your right.

But as I leave you,

I want you to know,

just think how much you're gonna be missing.

You don't have Nixon to kick around anymore

because, gentlemen, this is my last press conference.

All three men.

Boy.

- Bye, Zamba! Bye!

- She finally got Harry all to herself.

- What can I say?

- Good night.

- This could mean the end.

- That's what I'm afraid of.

- I am sure glad that's over with.

- That's all, folks!

- A message from the Almighty.

- Goodnight, ladies and gentlemen.

- Goodnight, everyone!

- Goodnight, gents.

- Goodnight, David.

- Aren't we the same?

Goodnight, folks.

And goodnight. Mrs. Calabesh,

wherever you are.

- The world stands out on either side,

no wider than the heart is wide.

Above the world is stretched the sky,

no higher than the soul is high, peace.