All language subtitles for Young & Hungry - 04x09 - Young & Matched.WEB-DL.English.HI.C.orig.Addic7ed.com

♪♪

Oh my god! Look! It's Gabi Diamond!

The best looking, best cooking
chef in San Francisco!

What do you need?

Money? Kidney? Ride to the airport?

Alan's away, and I have Keisha
for the weekend.

So I've got two days to show her
I can be more fun than him.

Mmph, been 10 years and you
still haven't won me over.

So, Gabi... since Keisha loves you,

can you come over tonight?

I'll even pay for your company.

Probably not the first time
you've heard that.

I can't, because I'm going
speed dating at the diner.

Because people aren't
rejecting you fast enough?

Yolanda!

The best looking, best cleaning
maid in San Francisco!

I'm busy, too.
I'm going to someone's apartment

for some wine and some giggles.

Great, we'll see you
at Sofia's at eight.

Pfft! It's not Sofia!

It's--

fine. Bring chips.

So... speed dating, huh?

Yeah.

Well, I'm single.
How come I wasn't invited?

Oh, ho...

I get it. Wouldn't be fair
to all the other guys.

All the girls would pick me.

Smart... charming... cultured.

A millionaire.

Are you implying that I only
get girls because I'm rich?

Oh, no! I'm not implying it.
I'm saying it.

Yeah, you pick girls up
in your fancy car,

and then you take them
to fancy restaurants,

and then they want
to get in your fancy pants.

It's your crutch.

Oh, yeah?

Well, your crutch is...
being really hot.

(gasp)

Excuse me?

Also, thank you, but excuse me?

Oh, come on, Gabi, if you
weren't using your blonde-ness,

your hotness,
and your rockin' bod-ness,

you think you'd really get a date?

Yes! Because I have
a great personality!

Yeah... well, so do I.

Okay, well, mine is better.

Wanna bet?

Hell, yeah, I wanna bet.

Okay, fine. Tonight, you go to
your little speed dating thingy,

and you cover up the hair, the
pair, and the derriere...

and let's see how many dates you get.

Fine. Only if you come, tell everybody
you're poor, and see how many dates you get.

Not much of a challenge.

Okay, well, why don't you
put your big, fat money

where your big fat mouth is, and
if I get more dates than you,

you have to pay my rent for a month.

Deal! And if I get more dates
than you, you have to actually

show up on time for work for a month.

Deal.

But for the record, what time
does work actually start?

(theme music playing)

♪ She in the spotlight ♪

♪ And she turn my head ♪

♪ She run a red light ♪

♪ 'Cause she's bad like that ♪

♪ I like that ooh, baby, ooh, baby ♪

♪ Baby ♪

♪ I like that ooh, baby ooh, baby ♪

Um... excuse me, has a Gabi
Diamond checked in already?

Someone call my name?

Wow! Gabi!

Sweet... tracksuit.

Hey, does that come with
grandchildren that won't call you?

Oh, thanks.
I got it at Forever Fifty.

How do you like me?

I'm gonna tell people
I'm a tow truck driver.

No one will have any idea
that I'm loaded.

Yeah, that $10,000 watch
isn't gonna give it away.

Oh, and the wallet, please,

I can't have you flashing
your Gucci to get some coochie.

(counter bell rings)

Here's how it works.

You have two minutes
to impress each other

before you move on to your next date.

If you meet anyone you like,
then you circle their number.

If they circle yours too,

you'll get an email from someone

who knows how to use email. Go!

(rings bell)

Hi! My name's Josh.

I'm a tow truck driver

with dreams as big as the open road.

Hi. Gabi Diamond, some say
I'm a "diamond in the rough,"

but, you know, I prefer
to think of myself--

Hey... buddy! Eyes down here!

(bell rings)

Some people live to work.
I work to live.

Why? Because I'm poor.

You know, I'm just
not really concerned

with things like "beauty"

or "fashion"... you know, what counts

is what's on the inside, am I right?

Wrong.

(bell rings)

Yeah, sure, I'm a tow truck driver,

but my real passion is...
monetizing media and data base--

Cheating!

Our category is popular music.

Here we go.

This is my basic. He's a
rapper, married to Amber Rose,

friends with Fetty Wap.

Are those people?

Yeah! Come on, he got into
a fight with Waka Floka?

Is he a rapper or a muppet?

(timer buzzes) Oh no... time's up.

It was Wiz Khalifa, how can
you not know who that is?

Please, the only Wiz he knows
is the cheese kind.

Well, we lost the last round because
you didn't know Barbra Streisand.

I never heard of that chick.

That chick?

What do they teach you
in the foster care system?

I give up! We suck as a team.
I wish Alan was here!

Oh my god! How could she not
know Babs?

Great, I've just talked
to the hostess,

and she's sending out the emails
with the matches any minute now.

Wonder how many more
I got than you did?

Please.

This tow truck driver jump-started
a lot of hearts tonight.

Oh, hey, Mr. Fancy. Big success
for the diner tonight.

I told you, ugmo. I'm not interested!

Mr. Fancy, it's Gab-- oh, forget it.

(phones ding)

(gasp) Ooh, the results are in!

Okay... I got... one match?

Oh... honey bunny.

I guess that doesn't compare
to my-- one match?

Wait... we both only got one?

Neither one of us
has won the bet yet.

Yes! That's right. Okay.

Here's what we're gonna do.

First person who gets their match
to agree to an actual date wins.

Deal. I'm gonna call my match
right now. Make her night.

- It's ringing.
- Oh, nice.

Well, I'm gonna call my match, too.

(phone rings)
Oh, no need. It's ringing

from an unknown number right now.

Hello, this is Gabi.

Hey! Monica.
It's Josh from speed dating.

Ohh! Hi, Matt from speed dating.

So I was just, uh, wondering
if you're free Saturday night.

Oh, Saturday would be lovely.

Sounds great, it's a date.
How does dinner sound?

Oh, dinner sounds perfect,
but you know the real treat,

will be the conversation.

Both: See you Saturday!

Both: I got a date! I win! Dammit!

Okay. We're still tied.
What do we do?

I'll tell you what we're gonna do.

We're gonna go on our dates
as "plaid" and "plain,"

not using our crutches,
just our adorable personalities,

and whoever gets a second date wins.

Love it.

You still here, ugmo?

Fine.

I'll throw you one if you turn out
the lights and do all the work.

(heavy sigh)

(heavier sigh)

What's wrong?
Did you finally buy a scale?

No! It's Keisha. Nothing's working.

After that horrible game night,

I got her tickets to Yo Gabba Gabba.

I thought it was a rapper.

Elliot, you're trying too hard. Just
do normal father-daughter stuff.

Just take her to the park
and go play softball.

My days of playing with balls in the
park were over when I met Alan.

I'll tell you what to do. Now, the way to
a black girl's heart is through her hair.

My mom would do my hair
every morning, we'd drink tea,

and I'd tell her all my problems.

Perfect! Your mom
can do Keisha's hair!

Not her, fool, you! You're the one
who wants to bond with Keisha.

Right.

I'll teach you how to do it.

But we need real hair to practice on,

and you're
still making payments on yours.

Hey, what's the WiFi password?

Gabi forgot
to pay the Internet bill again,

and I have to finish
my boss' traffic school,

or I'll have to pick her up from work every...
single... morning.

What? What are you doing?
Why are you stroking me?

Sofia, can Elliot do your hair, drink tea,
and you can tell him all your problems?

No!

I'll pay your Internet bill.

Stroke away.

Ooh, someone's all spiffed
up for their date.

Yep. It's gonna be me... Monica...
and a modest game of baseball.

Aw.

In the luxury box behind home plate?

It's not directly behind home plate!

Know what? It's fine,
if you can't hack it,

I will take that rent check now.

Oh, I can hack it.

But what about you? Where's your wig and that...
hideous tracksuit?

Oh, it's in... my-- okay, fine!

Obviously, neither one of us
can be trusted,

we'll just have to go on our
dates and watch each other.

Fine. We'll go to the same place.

All right, but it has to be cheap,

because you are not a millionaire.

And it has to have
really good lighting,

so we can see you in all
of your tracksuit glory.

- I'm gonna go freshen up, I'll be right back.
- All right.

I'm gonna go pay the check.

- I am so winning this bet.
- No, I'm winning it, he thinks I'm adorable,

despite looking like Edna
from The Incredibles.

No, no, no...
I'm getting the second date.

- No, I'm getting the second date!
- You don't--

- You're not gonna win that bet!
- Do you two know each other?

Both: Uhhhhhh...

- What's going on?
- I think our dates are hitting on each other.

- No.
- No... we're not.

We... know each other.

Yes, that's right.
We're both from... Omaha.

And we met there when we...

Were made into brother and sister.

But why are you both here on a date?

Big bro's really protective, and
you know, you and I just met,

so... he was just kinda
lookin' out for me.

Aw, that's so sweet.

Yep... that's me.

Sweet, protective, bordering
on broke, older brother.

Oh my god, now I see
the family resemblance.

You're kidding.

Listen, Matt, you've already
met my family,

and we haven't even
had a second date yet,

we should have one of those.

Yeah, we should have one of
those first, what do you think?

Uh... well, uh, who's to say
the first date's over?

Yeah, good point.

Perhaps we should
continue this at your place?

My place? Um, I'm not
sure if that's allowed?

No, I-i-it's not, because it's
not your place, it's our place.

It's our little one-bedroom
apartment in the Mission,

where we both live, and can
continue to watch each other.

Yeah, we share an apartment.
Like we shared a womb.

Yes, we're womb-mates.

So... which one of you
sleeps in the bedroom?

Both: Oh, I do.

- Not at the same time.
- 'Cause we're brother and sister.

Hi.

Who's this?

Oh, uh... this is our...
third roommate.

Yeah, it's... been a slow year
for tow truckin'.

Tow trucking?

Okay, Matt, Monica, why don't you
guys, uh, check out the fire escape,

see if the... pizza
delivery guy's out there.

When did we order pizza?

Oh, you know, Matt,
that is a great idea,

why don't you order some pizza
while you're out there?

Okay, what the hell is going on?

Okay, Josh and I
are brother and sister,

and this is my natural hair.
Go with it.

What?

We made a bet, he wanted to
prove he could still get dates

if he didn't tell them he was rich.

And she wanted to prove
she can still get dates

without letting guys know
she had big boobs.

Okay, so you two are using these
two innocent people to win a bet?

- Kinda.
- Yes!

Who are you?

Sofia, it's me, it's Gabi.

Yeah, I know who you are! Okay, I just
think you're-- you're acting horribly,

and trust me, if anyone knows about
people treating other people horribly,

it's me!

(gasp)

Now, I'm going to go to Martina's
salon, and when I get back,

these two better be gone.

Okay, maybe she's right, we shouldn't
be toying with these people.

Yeah, they seem nice.
We're playing with their heads.

- Let's tell them the truth.
- Okay.

Hey! Monica. Matt.

- We did half cheese, half pepperoni.
- Okay.

Don't worry, my treat.

Um, so guys, we actually, uh, we have
something that we need to tell you.

Josh, you first.

Me?

Fine!

Um, but before I do, um, there's
something I'd like to know.

Um... if I asked you on a
second date, would you say yes?

Totally.

What if you found out I was rich?

What?

I'm sorry. Um... I have a
hundred million dollars.

From tow trucking?

No... more from being a tech mogul.

Oh my god... you know,
for the last five years,

I have been in therapy working
through my trust issues with men.

And now I finally meet someone
who seems honest and sweet

and kind, and he turns out
to be another liar!

(crying)

Okay, so no second date, then?

Oh my god, no!

Your turn, sis.

Matt, I have uh...
something I gotta tell you,

but before I do, were you, uh...
gonna ask me out again?

- Definitely.
- Oh.

Well, what if I told you
I look like this?

Wow. Uh, I can't believe it.

Are you mad?

Are you kidding,
can the second date start now?

Ooh! It sure can.

In your face, Josh. I win! I win!

Oh, and can you pay the rent
on your way out,

'cause it's already late,
thanks, buh-bye!

So, date's over already?

Did ya hit it and quit it?

No... she walked out on me.

Look on the bright side, at least
you weren't dating a criminal,

like that dumpy chick
in the tracksuit.

What? What are you talking about?

How do you know he's a criminal?

He filled out a job application
earlier, and he checked "felon."

Next to it he put, "not a murderer."

Oh my god, Gabi's with him right now.

That ugmo was Gabi?

Boy, she's let herself go.

Gabi? Gabi!

(Gabi's muffled voice)

I didn't win.

- Here you go.
- Thank you.

I can't believe it.

Matt didn't wanna date me,
he wanted to rob me!

Hey, I mean...
he didn't take anything.

Well, nothing of mine.

What do you mean?

Do you remember how you...
put your wallet in my purse?

Yeah?

He found it.

Ahh!

It's okay. You know what, everything
in there can be replaced.

What's important is that you're safe.

Uh-huh, do you remember how

you put your really fancy watch
in my purse?

You mean my... grandfather's
irreplaceable Rolex?

Unless you have two!

Nope, just the one,
just the irreplaceable one.

- Are you mad?
- No.

Are you just saying that because
I'm really vulnerable right now

because I was tied up by a criminal?

No.

Josh, if you're mad,
I can take it, you can tell me.

- I'm mad! - (gasp) How dare you!
I could've been really hurt!

That's... the point, Gabi,
you could've been really hurt.

Then why are you yelling at me?

Because none of this
would've happened

if you didn't make me
make that stupid bet!

Oh, please,
you couldn't wait to prove

that I have no personality!

You started this whole thing when you said
I only get girls because of my money.

Yeah, well, that's because you
were being so cocky and arrogant,

I didn't really feel like
telling you how smart and sexy

and incredible you are!

Oh, yeah? Well, let me
tell you something.

You've got a great personality!

(gasp)

And you're sweet, and funny,
and charming--

you're the whole damn package!

Yeah, well... so are you, any
girl would kill to be with you!

Any guy would kill to be with you!

Oh, Elliot... I got your 9-1-1 text.
What's the emergency?

I was afraid...
that were stuck in somethin'...

or somethin' was stuck in you.

Not this time.

This is all her fault.

She tried to show me
how to do your hair...

but obviously
she's a terrible teacher!

It's not my fault
I got the one gay guy

who doesn't know how to do hair!

Why would you wanna learn
how to do my hair?

You and Alan are getting so close,

but you and I
still haven't found our thing.

So I thought this could be our thing.

But obviously I was wrong.

Sorry.

So, you did... this, 'cause you
wanted to spend more time together?

Yeah, I guess.

(sighs) You know...
you're a weird dude,

but at the same time,
I guess you're okay.

Really?

That's the nicest thing
anyone's ever said to me.

Ohhh, it warms my heart.

I know how to fix this!

A makeover.

I'll call a spa, get us
a hair appointment, manicures...

Wait! You think you can
throw around a lot of money

to buy my love?

I'm in!

What was that?

That... was sex.

Really good sex.

Amazing sex.

Oh my god, how many times

did we think this was gonna happen,

and it didn't happen,
but now... it did happen.

How did it happen?

How did it happen?

I have no idea.

But it can never happen again!

Absolutely... never!

Why?

Because we're horrible together.

- But I thought you just said that--
- No, no, no, no.

Not the sex part...
the relationship part.

We suck at that part.

This is true.

So we have to forget
this ever happened, okay?

And we can't tell anybody,
because if somebody else knows,

it keeps it alive...

and we have to kill it! Now!

Agreed.

But it was really good sex.

Amazing sex.

Josh? I just wanted to say
I'm really--

Oh, gross!

You're having sex with your sister?

Is that what they do in Omaha?

I can't believe I came back here
to ask you out again.

Oh, you're disgusting!

(door slams)

I can't believe this.
I got a second date!

Which means, I'll see you,
bright and early tomorrow.

- I win, I win, I win, I win, I win, I win, I win!
- Dammit!

I just have to say you're glowing

after that salt scrub.

And you look like
you lost five pounds

- after that seaweed wrap.
- Oh.

You know... today was more fun
than anything

me and Alan have ever done.

- Thank you.
- Aw, you're welcome.

But it is not a contest.

Alan and I love you the same.

Thank god it was recording.

Send to Alan.

I win.