Original subtitles

Hey Giada, I'm looking back at the inventory I did

for the Tribunal and I never checked off the Eye of Evilini.

You think I made a mistake?

[Giada] Oh, yeah!

That's what I was worried about.

Check! Check!

Check it out!

I guess I could go check it out.

I can't hear you!

I said I guess...

You can't hear me.

Giada.

- Giada! - [gasps]

Sorry, I just got caught up making the playlist

for the school dance tomorrow night.

I just want Billie's first mortal dance to be special.

Me too. With all the weird magical things

happening lately, I just want Billie to have a night

where she can be a normal teenage girl.

[light flickers]

What was that?

Oh, hey guys!

What happened to you?

I was just getting ready for the dance.

I've been practicing on the electric slide I conjured.

[both laugh]

Billie... and I can't believe we're still having these conversations...

In the mortal world, the "Electric Slide" is just a dance.

It's not a low-voltage thrill ride.

That is disappointing.

But I guess it'll still be fun.

Yeah, it will! We're gonna tear that place up!

[DJ horns blare]

No, we won't.

Anything we tear up, I have to put back together.

[♪ opening theme song playing]

♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ When you can have what you want ♪

♪ By the simplest of means ♪

♪ Be careful not to mess with the balance of things ♪

♪ Because everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ You might run into trouble if you go to extremes ♪

♪ Because everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ Yes, please ♪

♪ What it seems ♪

So if there's no Electric Slide,

then what do you guys do at a mortal dance?

Mostly the guys stand on one side of the room

and the girls stand on the other side

until the girls realize we got dressed up for nothing

and decide to dance with each other.

What do the guys do?

They pretend to be on their phones

so they won't look stupid for not asking us to dance.

Roman, you better make sure your phone is charged.

I won't need to because I'm not going. I have plans.

- What plans? - To not go to the dance.

[PA system crackles]

[Quentin] Hello? Is this thing on?

Hello, Greenwald Middle.

That sounds like that cute boy you met in detention.

I didn't meet a cute boy in detention.

Yeah, you did. Kevin.

It's not Kevin, it's Quentin!

I think. You know, I could be wrong.

This is Quentin Thompson,

and I want to ask a very special girl to the dance tonight...

- Please say Billie... - Please don't say Billie...

- Billie... - No!

Will you...

You can't be in here!

What were you thinking?

I think it's pretty clear I wasn't thinking, sir.

You are in so much trouble.

Give me that microphone!

Stop running from me!

[Quentin] I'll stop running If you stop chasing me!

[Justin] I'll never stop chasing you!

What are you gonna say? Are you gonna go with him?

Well, technically, he never asked me,

so I never have to answer.

Billie. I don't have much time. You. Me. Dance. You in?

You. Him. Dance. Don't even think about it.

Keep it moving, Mr. Thompson.

Shaggy haired...

Oh, that was so embarrassing.

Well, yeah, it was.

A dance-posal, in public, over the PA system.

Come on, that was the cringiest thing ever.

Who would that ever work on?

Good to know.

Hey Mom, since you guys will be at the dance,

Roman and I need money to order dinner.

Tonight's the night we find out

what that square pizza's all about.

Oh, honey, I forgot to tell you,

Anita Bianchi's on the dance committee with me,

and she didn't have anyone to watch Bella...

I'm gonna stop you right there.

I am not babysitting Bella Bianchi!

Well, of course you're not. You're 11 years old.

Also, every time she comes over here,

we end up having to wipe her memory.

I told Anita that I would bring a friend

for Bella to hang out with at the dance.

[laughs] Who's that poor sucker?

Mom, why are you looking at me like I'm that poor sucker?

Milo, it's only a few hours.

You're acting like it's dental surgery.

Well, dental surgery is less painful. Also, I get a toy at the end.

So if I give you a toy, you'll do this?

Obviously, yes.

I can't believe Quentin did that

in front of the whole school.

It was... it was...

The most romantic thing I or anyone has ever seen in their entire life?

There's nothing "romantic" about Quentin Thompson asking me to the dance.

[Giada screams] What?

You got asked to the dance?

How did you hear that? You were downstairs.

I have ears like a bat when it comes to romance.

I once heard someone propose in a hot air balloon,

and I was on the ground.

This is huge.

This is your first date!

It's nothing. You know, I haven't even told him my answer yet.

Why not?

Oh no, is he weird?

He's not weird. But he is annoying.

He's always making jokes, and he thinks he's so charming

and he's got this dumb shaggy hair

that falls into his dumb sparkling eyes...

- You got it bad. - Real bad.

Look, even if I did want to go to the dance with him,

which I don't, it doesn't matter.

Justin doesn't want me to.

Well, don't worry. I'll talk to him.

What do you want to do?

I guess... I kinda... sorta... maybe... wanna go.

[screaming]

Giada?

[Giada] Justin! Let me in! Let me in! Let me in!

[waves wand]

It's Billie!

What happened? Is she okay?

She got asked out by a boy.

Oh that.

She also said you don't want her to go.

Yeah, that's because I don't want her to go.

Well, I told her I would talk to you

because you're a reasonable person

who doesn't jump to conclusions.

What is this?

That's my Board of Conclusions.

I told you, there's a lot of weird,

magical things happening lately.

The Changeling. The oracle.

I even went to the Crypt, and the Eye of Evilini wasn't there!

Do you know what this means?

- Do you know what this means? - No idea.

But I'm sure it's all connected.

I just gotta figure out how.

Until then, I've got these.

[laughs] Hex-Ray Glasses.

They let you know if magic is being used.

Pretty cool, huh?

Definitely the coolest Hex-Ray Glasses I've ever seen.

Justin, come on,

let Billie go to the dance with Quentin.

I'm telling you, the kid is trouble.

Do you know what he did today?

Broke into my office and used the PA system to ask Billie out!

Aww!

That better be an "I can't believe

he disrespected the school principal" aww.

Justin, he's not some evil wizard.

He's a middle school boy with a crush.

Is he? We don't know anything about him.

I'm telling you, he is up to something.

In fact...

[waves wand]

He's going on the board!

Oh, I get what's going on here.

You see Billie as a daughter now.

And you're feeling overprotective.

But Justin, this is Billie's first crush.

I know it's hard, but it shouldn't be about how you feel.

It should be about how she feels.

Fine!

But I want to get to know the kid better first.

- That's a yes. - It's a maybe.

It's enough to start shopping for a dress.

You really think Mrs. Russo can talk Mr. Russo

into letting you go to the dance with Quentin?

Well, I saw her talk him into wearing leather pants once.

If she can do that, she can do anything.

[phone ringing]

[gasps] It's Quentin! What do I do?

- Answer it! I'll take care of the rest. - Okay.

- [phone connected] - Hey, Billie.

Looks like you've been waiting for my call.

[scoffs] What?

Why would you think that?

Because you have glam lighting on you right now,

and your hair is blowing

like you're in a shampoo commercial.

[fan blowing]

Hi, Quentin. I'm gonna go now.

- No, you're not. - No, I'm not.

So, did you hear about that guy

who asked that girl to the dance

over the PA system

and she didn't give him an answer,

even though he got a month's detention?

Well, after that big show he put on,

he'd look pretty stupid if she said no.

So, that's a yes?

Mmm... it's a "I got nothing better to do."

You guys are bantering at a tenth-grade level right now!

- So I guess I'll just meet you there? - [necklace glows]

Or, unless you wanna meet at my house, or your house.

- But I don't know where you live... - Yep! Sounds good!

See you there!

[green glow]

What's happening? I did it! She said yes.

Why are you doing this?

[Lord Morsus] A reminder of what happens if you fail me.

Once you've gotten Billie away from the Russos,

push the button and it will bring her to me.

I won't fail you Lord Morsus.

I promise.

What are you doing?

Preparing for close contact with Bella Bianchi.

I gotta cover all my soft spots in case she starts biting.

I still can't believe mom's making you go to the dance.

Why aren't you going? The whole eighth grade class is gonna be there.

That's the problem. Karina Kowalski and I have been talking

ever since she came over a few weeks ago...

She's still talking to you after Billie covered her in mustard?

It actually brought us closer.

It's good to have a common enemy.

But if I go tonight, Karina's gonna want to dance.

[faux outrage] At a dance? How could she!

Yeah, yeah. It's just... I can tap and waltz

and don't even get me started on my tango.

Is that an option? 'Cause I'd love to not.

It's just I need rules and structure.

But eighth grade dancing is chaos.

Nobody knows what makes it good,

but everybody knows what makes it bad.

Like that time dad wore leather pants.

What? No! Dad looked amazing in those.

Dancing is easy.

Step one is turn your brain off.

Step two is I can't remember 'cause I turned my brain off.

So I'll just... I'll just turn my brain off.

On second thought, maybe you should just stay home.

You do not want Karina seeing that.

I wish I hadn't seen that.

What am I doing? There's gotta be a spell

that can make me a good dancer.

I'm going to the lair!

Wait! I need you to tape this Price-Co catalogue to my back.

I'm completely unprotected!

- [both laughing] - [knock at door]

So listen, Billie.

I've been thinking...

why don't you invite Quentin over later

- so I can get to know him better? - [both squeal]

- Really? - Thank you.

You've made us very happy.

I mean, Billie.

No, I was right the first time.

It's us. We're very happy.

Don't get too excited.

I want to see a different side of him,

and if I do, you two can go to the dance later.

[door slams]

He wants to see a different side of Quentin?

We'll show him a different side.

Yeah, you will.

You just said "we" didn't you?

I can't invite the real Quentin over.

Justin will just find some reason not to like him.

So, I'm gonna use magic to turn you into Quentin.

Billie, there's a million reasons why that'll never work.

Name one.

Let's do this!

[casts] "Transform this figure, deceive all eyes,

cloak her in the right disguise."

[grunts]

How does he pay attention in class with his hair in his eyes?

Remember, just be pleasant and polite.

And don't say anything Winter-y.

Like what?

Man, I'm so nervous my tongue is sweating.

Like that. Just don't say anything like that.

This is ridiculous!

Not a single spell that'll make me a good dancer.

- Maybe it's a sign I should stay home. - [text dings]

"Hey loser!

Better not see you at the dance tonight."

"You won't, 'cause I just decided not to go."

- "I'm kidding! LOL." - Dang it!

"Me too! LOL."

"Save me a dance?"

"Uh, you know I will, 'cause I am an excellent dancer."

Oh no. Why did I just say that?

Come on, there's gotta be something.

"Jerry's Enchanted Boogie Shoes...

For Use In Case of Dance-mergency."

Well, that's exactly what this is.

Wait, wait, wait.

I'm using a magical shortcut to avoid the hard work

of learning to dance so I can have fun.

This is what Billie always does,

and it always blows up in her face.

So it's a good thing I'm not Billie!

- Okay, Winter, you've got this. - Yeah.

Justin! Quentin's here!

Mr. Thompson. Thanks for stopping by.

Who's Mr. Thompson?

- [both] You! - Right!

That's me. Mr. Thompson.

Mr. Quentin Thompson. Q.T.

Aw, my initials are "cutie"!

Focus.

Are you okay?

Sorry. Just a little nervous.

Nervous? I don't think I've ever seen you nervous before.

It's almost like you're seeing a different side of him.

Huh.

So, Quentin, why don't you tell me about yourself?

Well, I'm a 14-year-old boy, as you can see...

My locker's in the South Hall.

And... I like soup!

You like soup?

I mean, I hate soup.

Who hates soup?

I don't know. I'm so confused.

Tell me how to feel about soup.

I just want you to like me!

Justin, stop grilling him.

He's the one who brought it up.

Look, I know it took a lot of courage to come here,

and I do respect that.

Maybe I was a little wrong about you.

See? I told you.

Can I get you something to drink?

What do you want water? Lemonade?

Oh no, you're out of lemonade. Mrs. Russo forgot to buy more.

How do you know that?

Uh, how do I know that, Billie?

Hold on, I'm thinking. This is a weird one.

Something's not right here.

What's going on?

[laughs nervously] Nothing! Nothing's going on.

[Justin gasps] Winter!

What? Who's Winter? Never heard of her.

[casts] "Reveal-us!"

Billie!

I can't believe you tried to trick me.

I'm sorry. But you were never gonna give Quentin a chance.

How do you know that?

You never gave me the chance to give him a chance.

I can't get detention for something I did outside of school, right?

- Winter... - I know. I know. I'm going.

Okay, fine. I won't go to the dance with Quentin.

Oh, you're not going to the dance at all.

Who's excited to go to the dance?

Oh man, the vibe in here is... it's weird.

Billie, you used magic as a shortcut,

and it blew up in your face.

You're grounded.

This is so unfair!

[Justin sighs]

[Roman sighs]

When is she gonna learn?

I know, I know, I'm going.

[♪ instrumental music playing]

Hello, Milo.

Bella. I see they got you out of the zoo for the evening.

Don't try to sweet-talk me.

I don't want to be here any more than you do.

- What are you doing? - It's these magazines.

I'm wearing them in case you start biting.

Wait, I'm wearing magazines in case you start biting!

[both laugh]

It is pretty silly, isn't it?

Yeah. Besides, if I was gonna bite you,

I'd just bite you in your face.

Good to know.

Look, if we're both stuck here,

- we should try to enjoy it. - What do you have in mind?

We steal a charcuterie board and cram our mouths with cured meats.

I don't hate that idea.

[Justin chuckling]

So, the dance is going pretty great, don't you think?

Yeah. Yeah. I just wish Billie was here.

I know why you grounded her, but I just feel bad

she's missing her first mortal dance.

I know. I feel bad, too.

But she tried to trick me.

Besides, it's probably best she's home where we know she's safe.

I just can't shake the feeling that something bigger is going on.

- That's why I brought these. - Ah!

Glasses...

I was really hoping those were a "lair only" thing.

What is that? [gasps]

I knew it!

[giggles]

Your date stand you up? That's embarrassing.

I'm trying to think of a comeback,

but all I can come up with is...

you look beautiful.

That's a good comeback.

[♪ soft music playing]

Um, so... do you wanna dance?

Um...

Actually, maybe we should dance back here.

So, why do I get the feeling

you're not supposed to be here?

Because I'm not supposed to be here.

And they say I'm trouble.

All right. this is it.

Time to get my dance on.

Thanks, Grandpa Jerry. I owe you one.

Oh no! I look ridiculous!

[♪ disco music playing]

Whoa. What is happening?

I can't go in there looking like this.

Why can't I stop dancing?

[♪ disco music continues]

[exclaims]

Stop, I can't go to the dance!

[exclaims]

Bad Boogie Shoes! Bad!

[♪ slow music ends]

[♪ fast music playing]

I think the slow song ended.

It did? I mean... I mean, I know it did.

So, should we stop dancing?

I will if you will.

Okay, let me start by saying, you guys are adorable!

I could watch you all night. And I have been.

Winter, you interrupted us to say that?

No. I interrupted you to say Mr. Russo's coming this way.

If Justin sees me here, I'm in big trouble.

Then I guess he better not see you. Come on.

I'll stay here and stall...

- Mr. Russo! - Not now, Winter!

Well, I tried.

[gong sounding]

[♪ disco music playing]

C'mon, shoes, why are you doing this to me?

[crowd laughing]

Please don't let Karina see me,

please don't let Karina see me.

- Roman? - Karina! Hey.

Did you just get here? 'Cause I just got here.

I was just about to get some punch.

Punch. That sounds great!

Or we could check out this photo booth.

Forget the photo booth.

Did you think this was a themed dance?

That's the least embarrassing explanation, so let's go with that.

Wanna dance?

Sure, I'll try and keep up.

[♪ disco music continues]

[crickets chirping]

I'm really glad you snuck out to meet me tonight.

Me too.

Justin didn't want me to come to the dance with you in the first place.

He thinks you're trouble.

He's not wrong.

He used to think I was a troublemaker, too.

If he would just give you a chance,

he'd see that you're more than that.

You don't know that.

Yes, I do.

'Cause I see the real you.

No, you don't.

Trust me I do.

I mean, don't get me wrong, You're annoying and obnoxious.

But you're also sweet and and caring.

I mean, who else would throw themselves out of a vent

so that way I can sneak back into detention?

You have a good heart.

Don't say that.

- Why not? It's true. - It's not true.

Billie.

I was sent here from the wizard world

to get you away from Justin.

What are you talking about? Who sent you?

His name is Lord Morsus.

And if I push this, it'll take you right to him.

So...

asking me to the dance, pretending to like me,

none of that was was real?

It wasn't supposed to be.

But then I got to know you, and Billie, I really like you.

That's why I'm not gonna push this button,

Even if it means I'll stay an Orc forever.

Wait! You're an Orc?

Get away from him! He's a monster!

- Billie, I'm sorry... - You stay away from her!

- Justin, no! - Billie.

[Justin pants]

You let him get away? He was gonna hurt you.

No, he wasn't. You don't know what you're talking about.

There's something bigger going on and he is a part of it.

I know. He told me everything,

but... but he didn't go through with it.

- Just trust me on this... - Trust you?

He convinced you to lie to me, to sneak out of the house,

to... to put yourself in danger.

I told you he was trouble and I was right.

Congratulations, you were right.

I guess that's all that matters.

Billie.

[sighs]

[♪ dance music playing]

You know what I like best about these tiny pickles?

They make you feel like a giant?

They make me feel like a giant.

You know, I thought hanging out with you was gonna be awful.

But it's been fun.

Yeah, this was surprisingly un-terrible.

Aw, look at you two!

It's like you're on a little date.

- Date? - Gross!

- I'm outta here. - Not if I'm outta here first!

Oh.

This could be such a fun story to tell at their wedding.