Original subtitles

Billie, I'm gonna teach you the secret

to winning your first mortal snowball fight.

It's all about the element of... [grunts]

Dang it! As I was saying,

it's all about the element of...

[yelps]

Double dang it! Whoo!

The element of what?

Never mind. It doesn't matter.

No, I want to know the secret

to winning a mortal snowball fight.

Fine. It's all about the element of...

Surprise!

Nothing says "Merry Christmas"

like pummeling someone with a snowball.

One might argue saying "Merry Christmas"

says Merry Christmas just fine.

What are you doing in that snow globe?

Uh-oh.

You're lucky I didn't shake this thing

or we'd all be spending Christmas in the emergency room.

[sighs]

[whooshes]

[Milo] Hey, Billie, think fast!

- [Billie gasps] - [Justin groans]

[Milo] Uh-oh.

Yeah, "uh-oh" is right.

What are you guys thinking

transporting yourself into a snow globe two days before Christmas?

Are you trying to get on the Naughty List?

Please, that's not gonna get us on it.

Yeah, because the Naughty List isn't real.

Oh, no, it's real. But Santa doesn't care about going into snow globes.

That wizard's way too busy.

It's almost Christmas.

Wait, what did you just say?

It's almost Christmas.

No, no. The part about the Naughty List being real?

And Santa being a wizard?

Of course he is.

The man delivers billions of toys around the world in one night.

How do you think he did it?

[scoffs] Christmas magic.

[both] Oh.

Kind of makes you question your behavior for the past year, doesn't it?

In light of this new information,

I would like to apologize to everyone for everything.

Dad, can you talk to Santa for us?

You're on the Tribunal, that's got to be worth something, right?

Dad? Dad!

[Winter] Any second they'll remember I'm in here.

Any second.

Any second.

[♪ opening theme song playing]

♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ When you can have what you want by the simplest of means ♪

♪ Be careful not to mess with the balance of things ♪

♪ Because everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ You could run into trouble if you go to extremes because ♪

♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ Yes, please ♪

♪ What it seems ♪

[♪ dramatic music playing]

Let's see, June 7th, I was pretty nice that day.

June 8th.

Also nice.

Ooh. June 9th, the crossing guard debacle.

Salty language was used, but I believe it was justified.

I'm gonna put that in the "nice" category.

What are you doing up so early?

This whole Naughty List revelation kept me up all night.

I just laid there in bed, wondering if I was nice enough to get the tablet

I asked Santa for. But then I realized there's no need to wonder.

You're Roman Russo, you journal every day.

- You do? - Oh, yeah, I do. It really centers me.

But I've been going through my journals to make sure I've been nice all year.

Six months in and ya boy's feeling pretty good.

Please do not call yourself "ya boy."

Funny, you said the exact same thing on April 16th.

You didn't have to spend hours going through your journals.

Any wizard could just check the Naughty List out.

Let me see that.

Yes, Roman Laritate Russo on the Nice List.

Come tomorrow morning, I'll be journaling about the moment I found out

I was getting a new tablet on my new tablet.

Let's see. Milo's on the Nice List and Winter's on the nice list.

Don't even bother looking for me.

I've been on the Naughty List so long

they should call it the Billie List.

- I don't want to brag... - Yeah, you do.

Yeah, I do.

This'll be my 10th straight year on the list. It's a record.

I hate to give you bad news.

- No, you don't. - No, I don't.

You're on the Nice List.

[♪ dramatic music playing]

[screams] What?

But I've done tons of naughty stuff this year.

I ruined your date with Karina.

Turned you into a baby, gave you duck feet.

You never gave me duck feet.

Oh, man, I spoiled it.

Well, despite everything you just said, you're on the Nice List.

No way.

I have until midnight tonight to get back on the Naughty List.

Let the naughtiness begin.

Yah!

You know, you could do naughty things to other people.

Babe, you are never gonna believe

why the Tribunal called me in this morning.

To downgrade your phone plan?

This is the Tribunal Santa Phone, and for the next 12 hours,

it's the most important thing in the entire house.

That's right, ya boy is on call this Christmas.

I love it when you call yourself "ya boy."

Merry Christmas, babe.

This is such an honor.

I'm the youngest Tribunal member ever

to be asked to man the Santa Phone.

So if Santa gets in trouble, the J-Man has got his back.

What trouble are we talking about?

Santa needs every last drop of magic

in order to deliver the presents on Christmas.

So if any wizard uses magic on Christmas Eve...

Christmas is canceled?

- Exactly. - Oh.

Has that ever happened?

- Not one time. - Oh.

Now, if you'll excuse me, my mission... [sighs]

awaits.

Oh, I get it. The rest of the Tribunal enjoys Christmas

while the new guy gets stuck babysitting the phone.

I didn't get stuck. This is a very big deal.

Of course it is. If it rings, which it never has.

But it might.

But it hasn't.

But it might.

But it hasn't.

But it might!

You're right. It might.

But it hasn't.

Careful.

Careful.

What you doing?

[screams]

What do you think I'm doing? I'm doing something I'm not supposed to be doing.

You were opening your presents.

Yeah. I bragged to everyone at school that I'd beat the new

Super Giuseppe Bros. Game by winter break.

But I haven't found it yet.

This has to be it.

[sighs]

[paper crinkling]

The Curious Boy's Guide to His Changing Body?

Mom and Dad gave me that book when I was your age.

The pop-ups inside are...

disturbing.

What was the point of putting it on my Christmas list

if Mom and Dad weren't gonna come through?

Well, I think you're forgetting someone very important.

Old. Loves to give gifts.

Big white beard.

Grandma?

No, Santa.

Okay? You're on the Nice List.

You put the game in your letter, so he'll get it for you.

What letter to Santa?

The ones we wrote together last week?

The ones you promised I could trust you to mail.

Doesn't sound like me.

If I remember correctly your exact words were "Yeah, dog, I got this."

Ooh, that does sound like me.

So did you mail them?

I want to say, "Yeah, dog."

But I'm thinking, "No, dog."

Okay. I shrunk Roman's Christmas PJs in the dryer,

popped the inflatable snowman in our yard

and licked all the candy canes and put them back on the tree.

[gags]

That explains why this wasn't wrapped.

What? I did all that and I'm still on the Nice List.

Well, I'm on the Nice List, and it works out pretty well for me.

Yeah, but you got me to give you street cred.

So when you think about it, I'm being naughty for two.

Aw, that's nice.

Aw, man, it is, isn't it?

If I'm gonna get off this Nice List, I need to go big.

As your friend I support you in anything you want to do.

As your friend, I do not support this.

Attention, shoppers! Who's got two thumbs

and is about to go on the Naughty List?

This girl... Whoa!

Okay? Never mind. This girl is keeping her thumbs on the tree.

Billie, why didn't you tell me "going big" meant

you were gonna climb the mall's Christmas tree?

Because I didn't want to get you in trouble.

Oh, that's nice.

Stop saying that. I'm going for naughty.

[groans] Not another one.

Ooh, a security guard.

This is escalating nicely.

Hey, security guard, look how naughty I'm being.

Can you even believe it?

I work at the Staten Island Mall.

Our pet store sells sewer rats.

Nothing shocks me.

Now get down from there.

No, not until you write me up.

And if you give that to Santa ASAP, that'd be great.

Santa's not my supervisor. Lance is.

They both have beards, though, so I see why it's confusing.

Just please write her up so we can get out of here.

Tell you what, I'm chock-full of Christmas spirit,

so I'm gonna let you off with a warning.

What? A warning?

You think I climbed all the way up here for a warning?

I'm going for the star.

She's going for the star.

Back away from the star.

Whoops.

Sorry. That was an accident.

Well, unless you got me on the Naughty List,

in that case, it was on purpose.

All right, that's it.

I'm reporting you.

To Santa?

No. To Lance.

You do know I'm not a real elf, right?

I can't believe you didn't mail our letters to Santa.

I must have. I remember it like it was yesterday.

We had just finished our letters

and I put them in an envelope and I licked it like this. [licks]

But with both letters in there, it popped open.

So I licked it again.

A real slobbery one this time.

[licks loudly]

But I licked all the glue off, so I went to the desk to look for tape.

I couldn't find any, but I did find a piece of gum.

Please tell me you didn't seal our letters to Santa with chewed gum.

Make no mistake.

That was my plan.

So I started chewing the gum, but it lost its flavor in like, two seconds.

Isn't it weird that we can put a man on the moon

but we can't make a piece of gum that...

Milo, focus!

Right. So I was looking for something to spit my flavorless gum out in,

and luckily, I was holding a piece of paper and...

Oh, no!

- Oh... - Do you know what this means?

Santa never got our letters. He doesn't know what we want for Christmas.

I'm not getting my video game!

And I'm not getting my tablet.

You need to find a way to save Christmas.

Why me?

Because you're the one who ruined it, dog.

You make a good point.

[snaps]

I'm sitting at the top of a mall Christmas tree.

That has to be enough to get me on the Naughty List.

What? I'm still on the Nice List?

Oh, you're not gonna get rid of me that easy, Santa.

I'm staying here until the mall closes.

- [electrical buzzing] - What?

Uh, Billie, I think the mall's closing.

Christopher H. Kringle!

I guess my streak really is over.

[rope snaps]

Oh, no. Winter?

Any chance the mall just started swaying?

No. We're pretty stable down here.

Okay, it's the tree.

Just use a spell to get down.

I can't.

If a wizard uses magic on Christmas Eve, Santa's sleigh could crash.

I'm naughty, not a monster.

I'm gonna go get Mr. Russo.

No need.

- I've got... - [wood creaks]

everything...

[wood creaks]

under control.

[wood creaks]

Six hours till midnight.

Not a peep from the big man.

Talk about a silent night. Am I right?

I'll say it again when someone's around.

[sighs in frustration]

What am I doing?

I haven't sung a single carol, eaten a single cookie.

I'm wasting my Christmas Eve staring at this ridiculous phone.

Giada was right.

This was never a big deal.

Nothing bad is gonna happen today.

Usually when I say stuff like that,

someone bursts in with bad news.

Mr. Russo, Billie's stuck on the top of a 50-foot Christmas tree.

There it is!

Roman. I've been looking for you everywhere.

I figured out how to fix our problem.

We go to the electronics store,

turn ourselves into mice so we can sneak in through the vent.

Then turn ourselves into spiders

so we can lower down to the ground,

then turn ourselves into kangaroos

so we can carry out your tablet

and my game in our pouches.

[exhales]

Yeah. No, you lost me at

"I figured out how to fix our problem."

You got a better idea?

In a shocking turn of events to no one, I do.

I found a gift-conjuring spell.

We can just conjure the gifts.

Wait, and you let me waste my time with that stupid animal plan?

Get casting.

"Made a list and checked it twice.

Now bring me gifts that will suffice."

[exclaims] Magic for the win.

Never has a downside.

[both whoop]

[phone ringing]

Oh, no.

Uh, Justin, you know that Santa Phone that never rings?

[chuckles nervously] Well, it's ringing,

Justin!

What am I supposed to call him? Sir?

Mr. Kringle?

Your Jolliness?

[screams] Giada!

Pull yourself together. You can do this.

Just pick up the phone and talk to Santa Claus.

What am I doing? I just hung up on Santa!

Please don't call back. Please don't call back.

- [phone rings] - [Giada gasps]

Okay. [whimpers] Russo residence!

[chuckles nervously] I'm sorry.

Justin's not here right now, but I can help you.

No. Shouldn't have said that. I can't help you.

Careful, sweetheart. Just take your time.

Oh, great. You found a ladder.

I was gonna get it.

But there was cake.

You know, you look really familiar.

I get that a lot.

My mom says it's 'cause I have a smile that lights up a room.

[exhales]

I'm so happy I could kiss the floor.

But this is the Staten Island Mall. So I will not be doing that.

Now that I know you're safe, I should probably get home.

My family has this Christmas tradition where we, you know, spend it together.

So that's the day. Good to know.

Merry Christmas.

Well, that was fun.

We should probably get home too.

Ah, ah, Billie, what were you doing in that tree in the first place?

- Why would you do something so reckless? - [cell phone ringing]

It's Giada. We're not done talking about this.

Hey, babe, I... Oh, no!

Oh, no!

Oh, no!

Any chance those were good "oh no's"?

Oh, no.

Santa called the emergency line.

His sleigh went down.

- Christmas is in serious trouble. - Oh, no!

Wait. Santa's sleigh crashed?

Yeah, he said he was just cruising along, spreading joy.

And next thing he knew, he was boots up in a ditch in Greenland.

Some wizard somewhere must have used magic.

Why are you looking at me?

I mean, I know why you're looking at me, but this time it wasn't me.

Who could've done something so irresponsible?

So diabolical, so naughty.

Mom and Dad can never know that we used magic to conjure these gifts.

[chuckles] I won't tell if you... Whoa!

Hey, look, the gang's all here.

Justin, you didn't tell them they're not supposed to use magic on Christmas Eve?

I was a little busy manning the Santa Phone.

Which kind of turned out to be a big deal when you think about it.

You were right, I was wrong. Merry Christmas.

What's going on?

You used magic and it made Santa's sleigh crash.

So you're telling me I ruined Christmas for everyone?

[scoffs] Not everyone.

I am loving this.

- What is that? - It's the Emergency Santa Kit.

[suitcase unclips]

[groans]

[exhales]

Okay.

"In the event of a full-scale Christmas crisis,

initiate Operation Wizmas."

Where's Milo?

Guys, there are a ton of presents in here.

I think we have to deliver them for Santa.

Around the whole world? We'll never be able to do that.

We'll have help. Check this out.

Global Wizard Phone Tree.

How fun is that?

Are you asking me how fun a phone tree is?

Because my answer is "very"!

Giada, do you remember that road trip we took when the boys were little?

I remember flooring it to get to a bathroom

because somebody swore that 32 ounces of slushy isn't too much slushy.

Life comes at you fast, dog.

I need you to drive like that.

Roman, Milo, bring these gifts into the car.

Billie, you're in charge of distribution.

These are all the letters kids in Staten Island wrote to Santa.

- Not all the letters. - Let it go.

There's only one thing left to do.

[♪ upbeat festive music playing]

Time to suit up.

The J-Man's coming to town.

And I thought Dad couldn't get any cooler.

Let's ride.

[engine revs]

Justin, we can't drive to every house in Staten Island

by Christmas morning.

Oh, we're not driving.

[Milo] We're flying!

This is amazing.

I don't have to pay attention to stop signs up here.

Yeah, Up here.

- [all groaning] - [Billie] Whoa!

Minister Cravensbeard,

this is Tribunal member Justin Russo.

Yes, the new guy.

Yes, I know. I know it's Christmas Eve. Sir, this is not a drill.

I repeat, this is not a drill.

Operation Wizmas is a go.

Okay, Milo,

we need a soccer ball and a stuffed turtle.

And a stuffed turtle.

Fine.

I'll always love you, Turt-Turt.

You got a problem, man.

Yes. Another bull's-eye.

Sign me up for basketball

because I haven't missed a house yet.

The presents fall in the chimneys

because they're enchanted, not because you got great aim.

Oh, thank goodness.

I hate basketball.

A skateboard.

- Skateboard. - Skateboard.

[Billie and Milo] FunStation 360.

And a yo-yo.

A yo-yo? Forget that. You're getting a FunStation.

Minister Wobbletooth. This is Tribunal member Justin Russo.

Yes, the new guy.

[engine revving]

- [sighs] - I can't believe Mom tailgates planes.

Well, I wouldn't have to tailgate them if they flew faster.

Thank you, Mrs. Claus.

We sleighed it, didn't we?

I'm sorry, ma'am. I'm just nervous to talk to you.

Merry Christmas.

We actually did it.

We saved Christmas.

Yep. Not bad for the new guy.

The Tribunal's lucky they had their best member on call.

[yawns] Should probably get to bed.

[yawns] The bed is so far away.

[yawns] I'm gonna take just a little nap.

Look, Justin, I'm sorry I climbed up that tree at the mall.

And shrunk Roman's PJs.

And popped our inflatable snowman and licked all the candy canes.

What? I had three of those.

Billie, what was really going on today?

It's just I've always been on the Naughty List until this year.

I guess I was just, you know, freaked out not to be.

That's not what this is about.

No, it's not.

At WizTech, I was always scared I wouldn't have presents under the tree.

But if I was on the Naughty List then that would be why.

Not because I was alone.

It's just... Christmas is for family, so...

And you didn't have one.

Billie, you're not alone anymore.

And you never will be.

Not on Christmas, not ever.

[chuckles]

Besides, I don't know if you noticed,

but, like, ten of those gifts under the tree, those are for you.

[sighs]

Yeah, I guess Giada and I did go a little overboard this year.

[snoring]

Should we wake them?

Nah. Let them sleep.

Hey, Justin.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas, Billie.

[♪ Christmas music playing]

[bells ringing]

Guys, wake up.

Billie, I know this is your first mortal Christmas,

but the rule is we don't open any presents

until Mommy and Daddy have coffee.

Don't get too excited.

The gifts are mostly socks and books about our changing bodies.

Milo! Did you sneak a peek at your presents?

Huh. Guess I am a curious boy.

Where did all of those extra presents come from?

Huh?

[Justin] Oh!

Guys, listen to this.

"Dear Russos, thank you for helping me out last night.

Forever grateful, ya boy Santa Claus."

Told you it was cool.

Yeah, when Santa says it.

He made it here after all.

Whoo! Those are a lot of gifts.

Maybe being on the Nice List isn't so bad.

But Roman, why don't you put on your Christmas PJs?

Oh, I put them on...

But it's gonna take a Christmas miracle to get them off.