Original subtitles

Why would Piper sketch this vision of me about to blast Roman?

I can't think of a single reason why I would ever do that.

[door opens]

Stop whatever dumb thing you're doing.

What I'm about to say is way more important.

Okay, there's one reason.

The changeling's back.

The changeling? But we chased it away.

Yeah. Tell that to the purple goo that's splattered all over our bathroom.

We gotta do something!

By "we" I mean "you."

Yeah. Yeah, I know what you meant.

- Justin, there's a... - Changeling. I know.

I tracked it from the bathroom to the boys' room.

And this goo could take the form of anybody.

We've got to do something!

- Heads up, by "we" he means... - Yeah, yeah, I know what he meant.

[squelching]

Oh, no!

- I can't look. - Is that...

The coolest new sixth grader in Greenwald Middle? Why, yes it is.

Roman, that's not changeling ooze. It's purple hair gel.

In my defense, I'm an alarmist.

You all know this.

We gotta clean this up before somebody slips.

[Giada screams]

Why is the floor covered in hair gel?

Hey, nobody says anything. She'll never know it was me.

I think she will.

[singing] ♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ When you can have what you want ♪

♪ By the simplest of means ♪

♪ Be careful not to mess with the balance of things ♪

♪ Because everything is not ♪

♪ What it seems ♪

[whispering] ♪ You could run into trouble if you go to extremes because ♪

[singing] ♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ Yes, please ♪

♪ What it seems ♪

- [TV running] - [all chuckling]

[clicks tongue] I should of made my popcorn.

[sighs] You should have made more popcorn.

I know. That's why I said it.

No, you said "I should've."

The correct grammar is "I should have."

Okay, Roman, if my teachers can't get through to me, you have no shot.

[doorbell rings]

[Justin sighs]

Hey, I didn't know you guys had a doorbell.

Well, we do, And I invite you to give it a try any time.

[laughs] Good one, Mr. Russo.

Uh, listen. I invited a new transfer student over.

I thought it'd be nice if she made some friends before school starts.

Her name is Karina Kowalski.

Karina Kowalski?

Is she related to your boss, Superintendent Kowalski?

You know, now that you mention it...

I think it's his niece.

[laughs awkwardly] What a coinkydink.

Trying to score points with your boss, huh?

No! [laughs awkwardly] Yes.

Listen, last time Kowalski saw me,

I was six inches tall and riding a guinea pig.

Okay? I don't need anything like that happening around his niece.

All right. Got it.

Be nice. Be normal.

Yeah. [sighs]

Normal.

Ah!

Hey, there. You must be Karina.

And look, you've got that neat streak in your hair.

Isn't that neat, guys?

I'll tell you what, I think it's neat.

I don't know how to respond to that.

You're the one not being normal.

I know. I heard it. I'm gonna go into the kitchen.

Hey, Karina. I'm Billie.

- This is Winter. - Hi.

- Hi. - Listen, I was new last year,

so you can ask me about all the important stuff.

Unless it's teachers, classes and homework.

And I am Roman.

Greetings, new Badger.

We're the Badgers, huh? The mascot at my old school was the zebras.

Oh, well, here's a fun fact.

If you shaved a zebra, they'd appear almost entirely black.

The white stripes only appear because the pigment is absent.

No, no, no. A fun fact is, a cockroach can live a week without a head.

I will see your fun fact and raise you the most fun fact I know.

A strawberry isn't a berry, but a banana is.

Mine was grosser, but yours' was fun too.

Karina's cool, right?

- Definitely. - And Roman's...

- Roman? - Sure. Let's go with that.

So explain to me why this is happening?

[Karina giggles] You are so funny.

- I am? - [both] He is?

- [door opens] - Milo, what are you doing?

Mom! You don't knock?

I could have been in here doing something weird.

Well, I'm so glad you're not.

Sweetie, you're gonna be late for school.

Hey, I was thinking maybe I shouldn't go today.

It's just... the vibes are off.

- I get it. - I knew you would.

Can you write me a note?

You know, for the vibes.

Starting middle school is a big deal.

It's normal to be nervous, but sometimes you just have to be brave

and face your fears.

Think of it as an exciting new adventure.

- So no note? - No note.

Now, hurry up, okay?

And don't squat in your closet like that.

I don't know why it's bad. I just don't like it.

All right, egg. I have been sitting on you

since I took you from that dragon's nest, but I gotta go to school.

So if you're gonna hatch, do it now.

Hatch now.

One, two, three, hatch.

Actually, it's probably better if you wait until I'm home from...

Oh, no, it's happening!

I'm gonna be a dragon daddy!

[squeaks]

Aren't you the cutest thing?

What should I name you?

I'm great at naming things.

I know! Milo!

No, wait. That's my name.

You almost scorched my eyebrows!

Hey, should I call you Scorchy?

[chirps appreciatively]

- Then Scorchy it is. - [Giada] Milo!

[squeaks]

Listen, Scorchy,

I need you to stay in my closet until I get back.

[chirps sadly]

Aw, don't cry. You're gonna make me cry.

- [chirps] - Okay, fine.

Taking a baby dragon on my first day of middle school?

I got a good feeling about this.

Oh, wait, actually, I wouldn't use that water fountain.

Brandon S. puts his whole mouth around it.

But don't worry.

I brought you a water bottle.

Okay, I get it.

You're in love with me.

What?

No! [laughs awkwardly] It's just a water bottle.

I'm kidding.

Hey, Karina, how's your first day of school going?

It's school. So, you know, it's...

The best school you've ever been to?

I can see you need this.

So sure.

I... I don't need this.

It would just be nice to, you know, hear it.

And if you happened to mention it to your uncle, that would be...

- Neat? - Super neat.

So where should I sit at lunch?

Well, the cool kids sit by the window, but I sit at a table by the bathroom.

Then I guess I'm sitting by the bathroom.

No, I said the cool kids...

Oh!

[Roman laughing]

Ooh.

I can't believe this is still going on.

Something is definitely up.

Don't you think it's suspicious that a girl as cool

and pretty as Karina is into Roman?

- That's mean. - It's not mean.

I'm just saying, that girl is out of his league.

She's out of his universe.

They're not even the same species.

You hear yourself, right?

Not even the same species.

Wait, Winter. That's it.

They're not the same species.

Karina Kowalski's the changeling.

You know, ever since Piper gave me this sketch, I've been trying to figure out

why I would be attacking Roman What if I'm not attacking him?

What if I'm protecting him from the changeling?

I don't know.

Superintendent Kowalski's niece?

A changeling?

You should totally consider modeling.

It makes more sense than that.

[chirps]

How's my favorite little guy? Did you have a good nap?

[chirps]

Got you some loose meatballs from the cafeteria.

They're a little cold, but...

[exclaims] This is awesome!

I'm never eating cold meatballs again.

[burps loudly]

[laughs, burps]

Aw, your first words!

[school bell rings]

I gotta go to my next class.

You stay here and be good. Okay, buddy?

[chirps]

[dragon chirps]

[laughs]

Winter, you'll never guess what I learned last period.

I was researching changelings.

- What'd you find out? - Well, a changeling's sole purpose

is to take the form of someone in a group and sow dissension.

- Huh. - I know. I didn't know

what "sow dissension" meant either, so I looked it up.

It means to turn everyone against each other.

So what do we do now?

I found a bunch of tests we can do to prove Karina's the changeling.

- [Roman laughing] - Follow my lead.

Hey, Karina. I was thinking, after school, would you want to come over to our house?

That depends. Is this loser gonna be there?

Well, I don't have to be if you don't want me to be.

I'm kidding. I want you to be there.

Then I will definitely be there.

Okay, great. We're all gonna be there.

All right, after school, we prove Karina's nothing

but evil purple ooze out to turn us against each other.

Either that or we're about to start a really weird rumor.

Yes, sir, Mr. Kowalski,

your niece is having a fantastic first day.

She even told me this is the best school she's ever been to,

completely unprompted.

- [rattling] - Uh-oh.

No, I didn't say "Uh-oh." I said "Gotta go-o."

Gotta get back to work. Love you. Bye.

Did I just say "I love you" to my boss?

[loud rattling]

We better not have raccoons again.

[sighs]

I've hunted monsters.

- You think I'm afraid of a... - [screams]

[screams]

That's a dragon. I got to get rid of it before Karina Kowalski sees.

Or anyone, for that matter.

Where'd he go?

Oh!

Ugh, dang it! I'm gonna need help.

But it's got to be someone discreet.

Someone who could blend in.

Someone who could walk the halls of middle school without drawing attention.

Thorn Blazeheart, dragon hunter, at your service!

- [blows horn] - [shushes]

Could you be any louder?

Oh, you want the big horn? Well, that's in my van. I'll go get it.

No, no, no, no, no. Just go get the dragon, quietly.

- [school bell rings] - Well, that's no problem.

Old Thorn Blazeheart has a three part foolproof system.

I find them and I catch them...

You had me find them and catch them.

Good day, sir.

He didn't even let me get to the third part.

That's where I turn them into boots.

[cackling]

Gotta get Scorchy out of that locker.

Argh, of all the lockers, why'd he have to burn a hole in mine?

Oh, right. Because I put him in there.

I'm glad you came over.

Me, too.

You know, I was kind of nervous to start at a new school.

Thanks for making my first day a good one.

Oh, she is good.

This changeling is very good.

You know, if I didn't know better,

I'd think Karina is just some random girl

who actually likes Roman.

But we know better.

He's so lucky he has us.

Okay, while Karina is chatting up Roman, we'll run the changeling test on her.

And what exactly are these tests?

Well, for starters, whenever a changeling smells a Were Cat, they sneeze.

- Do you have a Were Cat? - Oh-ho, better!

Were Cat in a can.

All the stink. None of the shedding.

[video game sounds]

Do you smell that?

It's working.

It smells like a cat fell into a bowl of mushroom soup.

[sniffs]

Oh! That is a perfect description.

[sneezing]

Oh, I can't stop... [sneezes]

I can't... [sneezes]

stop... [sneezes]

- Sneezing? - [sneezes]

Yes.

- [sneezing] - Let's get you some fresh air.

- [Roman sneezes] - [door closes]

Stupid Roman sniffed up all the stink.

Time for phase two.

Another thing about changelings.

They don't show up in pictures.

Winter, go ask for a pic with Karina.

Or you ask for a pic and I'll take it.

I borrowed my mom's sweater without asking.

I do not need evidence.

Hey, guys, I had a great idea.

Let's get a pic with our new friend Karina.

Uh, right now?

On three. Everyone say, "Friendship."

One, two...

[Roman yells]

Friendship!

- [camera clicks] - Got it? Great.

I'm fine, by the way.

How is she in the picture?

Boy, this changeling is tricky.

And nailing her angles.

She's left me no choice. It's time for the

Spray Her With Mustard And Turn Her Into Ooze Test.

- That's where I... - Yeah, I got it.

[Billie] Hey, Karina!

[Karina gasps]

Billie!

How's it feel? Does it burn?

No, but it's gonna stain.

It didn't work.

Roman, I'm just gonna go home.

No, Karina, wait!

Billie, this is the worst thing you've ever done to me.

And you turned me into a baby two weeks ago.

Finally, everyone's gone home.

Gotta find Scorchy

before that Dragon Hunter turns him into boots.

[sighs] Scorchy, where are you?

Milo, what are you doing?

I've been circling the school like I'm at the airport.

- Come on, let's go. - I can't leave.

I... lost my retainer.

You don't wear a retainer.

Darn my perfect teeth.

Milo, what's going on?

[sighs] Fine.

When I went to that dragon's nest

with Billie, I took an egg and it hatched this morning.

So I brought it to school and it got loose

and Dad called a Dragon Hunter.

And that jerk's gonna take away my beautiful baby boy!

I knew you were doing something weird

in your closet this morning.

All right, let's find this dragon.

Thanks, Mom.

Also, I missed, like, four classes.

So I'm gonna need you to write a note.

[sighs] We should've let you get a dog.

Here, Scorchy, Scorchy, Scorchy.

Here, Scorchy, here...

It's your dragon, isn't it?

I should've let him get a dog.

I don't get it.

None of the changeling tests worked on Karina.

I guess I was wrong.

Unless...

No, forget it. It can't be that.

Can't be what? Maybe it is. You know it's got to be that.

Those changeling tests didn't work on Karina,

but they did work on Roman.

Roman. Of course!

The Were Cat made him sneeze.

He practically dove out of that picture.

And he freaked out when I sprayed

mustard all over Karina.

He thought you were gonna get it on him.

Exactly. Classic changeling.

Billie, why would you invite Karina over just to mess with her?

Are you jealous that a cooler girl than you showed up?

Did you just say she's cooler than me?

That's what I heard.

And Winter, why are you helping her?

You're supposed to be my friend.

Now, he's trying to sow dissension.

- What and huh? - Tear us apart.

Right! That's what they do.

I can't believe I thought Karina was the changeling.

Why would you think it was Karina?

Well, she really liked you.

- And she's so... - So what?

I don't wanna say it.

Why not? Tell him what you told me.

There's no way a girl that cool would ever be into Roman.

That's what you think.

- No, I just... - I just thought Karina liked you.

But Billie was like, "No, she's definitely the changeling."

- But now we know it's you. - What?

We know you're the changeling.

- Billie... - Stay back.

I'm not the changeling.

- He's coming for you. - No...

Don't come any closer.

What are you doing?

Banishing you.

- Stay back, changeling. - Billie,

if I were a changeling,

and could be anybody in the world,

you really think I'd pick somebody

whose this does this...

- [elbow clicking] - When he does this?

That is a good point.

Don't listen to him. He's just trying to confuse you.

Billie, please, I'm not the changeling.

Nice try.

Got any last words to say to Winter and I?

"Winter and me."

What?

Grammatically, it should be "Winter and me."

You're correcting my grammar now?

- Just blast him! - Right.

Well, Winter and me say goodbye.

Okay, really quick.

In this instance, it would be "Winter and I."

Would you just blast him already.

You missed. You never miss.

You're right. I never do.

[changeling gurgling]

It was Winter the whole time.

Yes, I am the changeling and I came to sow dissension.

- That means tear us apart. - I know what it means.

It took you long enough to figure it out.

I will destroy you and Roman.

Roman and you?

Grammatically both are correct but either way, not a fan.

I can't believe you brought a dragon to school

on your first day of sixth grade.

Really? You can't believe it?

'Cause it feels very on brand for Milo.

Dad, we have to find Scorchy

before that Dragon Hunter does.

Please. I've never loved anything so much.

It's like a piece of my heart

walking around outside my body.

Aw, that's what the cover of Milo's baby book says.

But buddy, Scorchy is a dragon.

He doesn't belong in the mortal world.

We need to let Mr. Blazeheart do his job.

But he's gonna turn Scorchy into boots.

[gasps] That's what he does?

And you hired this guy? Justin Russo!

I didn't know, okay?

Don't worry, I'll just tell him the job's off.

You can't call the job off.

You signed a contract.

But... you're not really gonna

turn a baby dragon into boots, are you?

- Nah, he's probably too little for boots. - [sighs in relief]

Make a heck of a belt, though. [laughs]

[both laugh]

We gotta find that dragon.

We have to catch that changeling

- and figure out why it's here. - Okay, uh,

one of us could distract it while the other blasts it.

- Oh great, I call blast. - Okay. What? No!

Hey, Winter. So you're a changeling.

That's cool.

Ah! Billie, it's got me.

Yeah, she's got me, too.

Did you know it could do this beam thing?

Obviously not.

Are you sure he's in here?

Only one way to find out.

[burps]

Excuse you.

[Scorchy burps]

Scorchy!

[Milo burps loudly]

[Scorchy burps]

Milo...

[Scorchy squeaks]

Oh, thank goodness! Scorchy, we found you.

Hands off my dragon!

Hey, that almost hit me.

That was a warning shot.

You leave my baby alone.

And my baby's baby.

Come on. Let's get Scorchy home.

Milo, Scorchy already has a home.

Think about it. How would you feel if Scorchy came into your bedroom,

scooped you up, and took you to live

with a family of dragons?

Dad, I know what you're trying to do,

but it's not working, because that sounds awesome.

Milo, Scorchy's a wild animal.

I know you love him. But he doesn't belong here.

[Scorchy coos]

You're right.

[sighs] Scorchy.

You're the best dragon a kid could ask for.

I really wish you could stay but

you have to go home,

where your mama can keep you safe.

[Scorchy squawks]

I know it's hard, but sometimes

you have to be brave and face your fears.

Think of it as an exciting new adventure.

Aw, I taught him that.

Argh, give me that dragon.

Did I say you could move?

No, ma'am, you did not.

Milo, it's time for Scorchy to go.

[sighs] I'll never forget you, Scorchy.

[chirps]

Well, now that we don't have a dragon in our school,

we will no longer need your services.

I suppose you don't.

But I'll be back.

Because you signed up for the Blazeheart Protection Plan.

[chuckles] I'll just stop by twice a year, check the traps.

Y'all have a great day now.

Milo.

That was a very grown up decision, letting Scorchy go.

I shouldn't have had him in the first place. I'm sorry.

Maybe it's time we talk about getting you a pet.

- Really? - Yeah.

In about a month, when you're done being grounded.

You brought a dragon to school.

Why are you doing this?

You Russos are too powerful together.

That's why I'm here, to turn you against each other,

to break you apart.

That's what he wants.

For Billy to be alone, unprotected.

Then no one can stand in his way.

Who's way? Who sent you?

Lord...

[changeling screams]

I did that!

Why'd you do that?

She was just about to tell me who was behind the plan.

Uh, you mean, thank you for saving our lives

with nothing but mustard and my wits.

Yeah.

That's what I meant. Thank you.

And hey, I'm sorry for thinking that you weren't cool enough for Karina.

Well...

Actually, she already texted me

to see if we can hang out tomorrow

as long as you're not there.

So if you think about it,

you're not cool enough for Karina.

I deserve that.

But how did you know I wasn't the changeling?

Only my annoying brother would use his last breath

to correct my grammar.

Aw, you called me your brother.

- I also called you annoying. - Heard it. Choosing to ignore it.

How'd the changeling pretend to be me?

You guys knew I was in Mexico.

- Of course, we did! - Totally!

You forgot I was in Mexico, didn't you?

- Of course, we did. - Totally.

If you forgot I was gone, who fed my cat?

I guess the changeling did.

That was nice.

I hope she did well on my math test.

Oh no, she did not.

She copied off of me.