Original subtitles

Hello, out there wherever you are.

And whoever you are.

I know who I am.

I just never know where I am.

But just in case we weren't introduced

in speed dating, I'm Elvira, Mistress of the Dark.

( cheering )

Oh, no, really, please. You're too kind.

You know, I'm kind of like TCM's Robert Osborne only with better legs

and slightly bigger boobs.

Today or tonight, depending on your zip code,

I am giving you all a little head-- I mean heads.

Shrunken heads, that is.

Who I think used to open for The Talking Heads.

Or was it Grateful Dead?

Anyway, the kids in this movie are really deadheads.

And I am grateful that this movie doesn't suck.

Well, I mean, not consistently anyway.

Just during the parts that suck.

And they were placed there intentionally

by the filmmaker so that the movie sucks evenly.

So it's really not that bad.

This is so bad. This is so bad.

Everybody's a critic!

So I'll let you decide for yourself how bad it is.

Me?

I'm gonna go do my laundry 'cause this movie

is definitely shrink to fit.

Now here they are.

Ladies and Dobermans, give it up for the "Shrunken Heads"!

( cheering )

Okay, some potato chips.

And, that's right, some herbal tea.

Oh, here it is.

That'll be $7.75.

Oh, dear.

I could be a few dollars short here.

I'd be happy to put it on account, Mrs. Wilson.

Would you?

There you go.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Larson.

Nice seeing you.

Hey, Tommy, this totally huge shipment of DCs

just came into Mr. Sumatra's.

Finish that dry spot, Tommy.

Then you can go.

Yeah, then you can go.

To work in my sweat shop making fake Adidas.

Here, you want a jelly bean?

Thanks.

Hey, who's that?

I don't know.

Ho, ho, ho, ho!

Hey, kid?

You wanna ride your bike around here?

You gotta pay.

Pay? For what?

For protection.

Come on, you guys.

Look, Sally, could you just

stay the hell out of this, okay?

Hey, let him go, Booger!

( overlapping dialogue )

Hey, hey, hey!

You boys looking for trouble?

I'll give you all the trouble you can handle!

What? You got a friggin' problem, huh?

Get the hell outta here!

Come on, Vinnie, let's go.

Punks! Ought to be locked up!

Yeah, go back to work!

Earn an honest dollar.

( coughing )

( chattering )

You okay?

Come on, get up.

You okay?

Yeah, I think so.

You're new around here, huh?

Yeah. I just moved in down on 35th Street.

Well, I'm Tommy Larson.

This is my sidekick, Bill Turner.

Yeah, right.

Well, my name is Frederick Mariam Thompson.

Here. You want one?

Sure.

Do they always call you Frederick Mariam Thompson?

Well, you can call me Freddie.

That's a relief.

50 cents, my man.

Excellent choice, excellent.

Yes.

Oh, wow, check out the Flash Annual

featuring Argos in the flesh!

I'm gonna get the special Krypto Annual.

And if you get The Green Lantern,

then we can swap 'em after.

What's The Green Lantern?

Oh, man.

Look, The Green Lantern is not a what.

The Green Lantern is a he.

Trust us, you'll like him.

Hey, Mr. Sumatra, this is Freddie.

He just moved down the block.

- Hello, Freddie. - Hello, sir.

Mr. Sumatra to you.

Oh, Bill, I almost forgot.

Something came in that might interest you.

Yeah, man, I'm strung out! I need some beans!

Notwium, a starchy potato-like fruit

that is very popular in my country.

Wow. Thanks, Mr. Sumatra.

Bill's a jellybean junkie. That's all he eats.

Thanks for the comic.

Yes, yes, yes. Thank you.

Let's get out of here.

That guy's kind of weird, huh?

Mr. Sumatra?

He's been around here forever.

He's from Haiti.

He should be a magician back home.

No way. He was a policeman.

A policeman?

That's what my old man says.

Green Lantern is the most amazing superhero in the world.

Krypto is infinitely more cool.

Come on, Bill.

How can you compare Krypto to Green Lantern?

Krypto's a dog. Geez.

Uh-oh. Don't look now.

Heads up, snook!

Hey! Give that back!

( laughter )

- Give it back! - Give me that!

I can't believe you guys are still into this crap, huh?

When are you idiots gonna grow up anyway?

Come on, give it back, Vinnie.

Just give it back to him.

Ooh.

What? Are you gonna go to bat for this twerp now?

I said, give it back, Vinnie!

Oh, what are you gonna do if I don't, huh?

Call your mother?

Look, jerk!

Who are you calling jerk, huh?

Hey, Vinnie, Mr. Sumatra's watching.

I don't care if Mr. Sumatra's watching.

You boys, get out of here!

Hey, why don't you eat this, Mr. Sumatra, huh?

You have heard me?

Come on, Vinnie man. Let's get outta here.

That guy gives me the creeps. All right?

Later, twerp.

Go now!

You shouldn't have done that, Vinnie.

Shouldn't have done that, Vinnie!

Please.

There's got to be a way to get those jerks off of our backs.

The only way to handle those guys is stand up to 'em.

I don't think that's such a good idea.

You used to be a policeman, right, Mr. Sumatra?

Yes. I've had law enforcement experience in Haiti.

Back when you were a policeman,

how would you handle a gang like the Vipers?

I would have collected information on them.

Then transmit that information to a special squad of inspectors

In the Tonton Macoute.

What? Like running surveillance?

Exactly.

When in pursuit of malefactors.

What are those?

Evildoers, criminals, Freddie.

When one deals with malefactors,

one must have great diligence.

Only then may expose soft parts of the evil underbellies.

Leaving them bleeding, soft for the trial.

Cops in Haiti sound pretty scary.

Yes, Freddie.

Cops in Haiti are extremely scary.

Not as scary as the LAPD!

( chuckles )

Hi, Tommy.

Oh, hi.

Hi, Sally.

I just want to let you know that I'm really sorry about yesterday.

Vinnie just gets like that sometimes.

I don't know why.

Maybe he's just got a bad character.

Vinnie has good qualities.

Sure could have fooled me.

He's had a lot of trouble at home.

Having trouble doesn't mean you go out terrorizing the entire neighborhood.

And he's your boyfriend?

What's that supposed to mean?

Think about it.

Hello, Sally. Something wrong?

Uh, do I detect a little girlfriend troubles here, son?

Aw, Dad, it's not like that at all.

( car horn honks )

Ho! Hey! Sally!

Hey, Sally! Come on.

You're not still mad, are you?

Go away!

Oh, come on. Lighten up.

What you did yesterday was really awful.

Come on. That guy's a total wimp!

Tommy Larson's not a wimp.

Oh, what? So you're all in love now?

That doesn't even deserve an answer.

Watch out, Vin!

- Come on, man! - ( speaking foreign language )

( car horn honks )

Sally?

Sally?

Are those boys bothering you?

Nothing I can't handle, Mr. Sumatra.

Achoo!

( tires squeal )

Hey! What are you doing? What are you doing?

Jesus! Stop the car, man!

( shouting )

Shit!

Why don't you watch where you're going, man?

Why don't you shut the hell up, all right?

Where'd you learn to drive, man?

Shut up!

Jesus!

You know they're gonna come after us.

So? What else is new?

Those guys have been after us since kindergarten.

Aren't you getting a little tired running from Vinnie Benedetti?

I've only been here three days,

and I sure am.

Well, hey, if we don't stand up to those guys,

we're always gonna be looking over our shoulder.

I think I better be heading home.

Yeah, I'd better go, too.

All right.

Well, later, Tom.

See you later, Tom.

See you guys later.

Buddy, you think you're bad.

Well, I'm the baddest of the bad.

Yeah.

Hey, Tommy!

What are you doing?

Uh, nothing.

I know it's kind of late.

But you think maybe we could talk?

Sure. You want me to come down?

That's okay. I'll come up.

So how come you're out on a school night?

My mom and dad were fighting again.

I couldn't handle it.

Sorry.

Don't worry about it.

I was thinking about what you said the other day.

I don't know why I thought Vinnie could change.

I'm not gonna see him anymore, though.

Well, it's about time.

And besides, I like someone else now.

Oh, great.

Who's the lucky guy?

Well, he's really, really nice.

And he works really hard in his dad's grocery store.

You're trembling.

No, I'm not.

That's old lady Wilson's car.

( chattering )

Come on.

Tonton Macoute Two calling Tommy.

Tonton Macoute Two calling Tommy!

Tonton Macoute Two calling Tommy. Over.

What's that?

Uh, just Bill Turner.

Come on, Tommy! Would you pick up already?

Sounds kind of important.

What do you want?

The Vipers are pulling apart old lady Wilson's car

on Carter Avenue,

Behind your building right now!

Man, this is it.

What do you think you're doing?

We're gonna bust the Vipers.

Are you crazy?

When Vinnie finds out, he'll kill you.

We're not afraid of Vinnie anymore.

You shouldn't be either.

Tommy?

( clattering )

Get the lamps and the tires. Come on, guys!

Come on, hurry up, already!

We're hurrying! We're hurrying!

( whistles )

All right, you guys know what to do, all right?

Now move, move!

( siren blares )

All right, you guys! Hold it right there!

Oh, come on! We were just walkin', right?

And here you are roustin' us again!

If it isn't Boofer Martin and Podowski too.

Oh, man.

I should have known. Look at the car down there.

See that car?

That car looks like it's been stripped.

You don't see us luggin' any parts, do you?

You got a big mouth.

He's lying, Officer. I can prove it.

- ( siren approaching ) - What?

Here. Push the red button.

What's this?

Holy smoke!

That looks like a felony being committed.

Oh, yes, that is a felony being committed right there!

All right, come on! Come on!

Assume the position!

You're gonna pay for this, Larson! You hear me?

Shut up, Booger!

Aw, look at the tough guys. You guys think you're tough now, huh?

Aw, screw you, Tommy!

We'll get outta jail two hours max!

We're gonna come looking for you and your punk friends!

Tommy, you're dead meat, man!

Take it easy!

- Gonna get you, punk. - We didn't do anything!

We better get used to it. We're dead meat.

If I die, I'm gonna die happy.

Speak for yourself.

You shouldn't be seen here.

Yeah, well, this is my neighborhood too.

Hey, Big Moe, we gotta talk.

So talk.

I got a problem.

All right, my boys all got pinched.

And I need to raise three grand to bail 'em out.

What do I look like? A bank?

Oh, Big Moe, you're so mean.

You keep quiet.

Your whole gang, you say, eh?

How did you manage that?

These kids from the neighborhood growing up

to be a real pain in the ass.

One of 'em,

one of 'em shot a video while we were pulling apart

some old biddy's car.

And he gave it to the cops.

Vinnie, I've been trying to bring you along.

Yeah?

You know, now I gotta know.

( groans )

You're turnin' soft, Vinnie.

No, Big Moe. I ain't turnin' soft.

Good.

Bring them troublemakers here tomorrow night, huh?

I wanna show you how to handle punks.

Count me out three grand.

( chuckles )

Ah, freedom.

Yeah, well, shut up and enjoy later.

'Cause we got work to do, all right?

Hey, Vinnie, how'd you make our bail so fast?

I got Big Moe to spring for it, bud.

Oh, I never knew she cared.

Oh, you're a comedian, Booger.

You're a real fuckin' comedian.

Let's get outta here.

You happy now? The Vipers!

Oh, man!

Where do you think you're takin' us, Vinnie?

Shut the fuck up!

Hey, you're gonna like our friends!

( chuckles )

Come on, come on! Let's go!

Hey, Big Moe!

These are the twerps that got the guys pinched.

Ah, the photographer.

What are your names?

I asked a goddamned question.

My name is Tommy Larson.

And this is Bill.

What's the matter with your pals?

They can't talk for themselves? You.

What's your name?

His name is Freddie.

Well, now you're gonna get off with a warning.

I want you to keep your mouths shut.

What do you say?

I say Vinnie Benedetti's a rat bastard who belongs in a jail cell.

( chuckles )

We've got ourselves a tough guy.

You should think about coming to work for me.

Doing what Vinnie does?

Robbing people? Breaking heads?

It's a living.

I don't think so.

Well, that's a shame.

Now I gotta figure out what to do with you.

Well, right now, I got business.

Is that the last of it?

Yeah. Whole days action. Where do you want it?

In the back.

We'll count it out later tonight.

Yo, Big Moe, your Irish pals just pulled up outside.

Let 'em wait.

I want you should take these punks in the storeroom.

I want you should tie 'em up real good.

Then I want you should get lost 'cause I got business now, huh?

Got any more bright ideas?

I've almost got it loose.

Come on.

Why don't you pull me, Freddie?

I just want to go home.

Come on! You wanna die?

( chuckles )

Yeah.

All right, I'm getting boxes of Maine lobsters for each of you.

Hey, Tommy, what's all this?

They're number slips.

If something were to happen to these, it would really screw up Big Moe's operation.

I just want to get out of here.

I don't care about any stupid pieces of paper.

No, no, listen.

Whoever's got a bet here could say they picked any number at all.

And Big Moe won't be able to tell if they're telling the truth or not.

She'd have to pay them all off.

Look, it's one thing having the Vipers mad at us.

But Big Moe's in a whole different league.

He's right, Tommy.

Now, bring me them snot-nosed kids.

They're coming!

Uh, we can get out through there.

- Put the chairs up here! - It's never gonna work, dude.

Bring them down here. I ain't got all day.

( chattering )

Come on, don't make them do it, Tommy. It's crazy!

Hey, it's locked!

- It's the only way out. - Go!

- Come on, kids. - It's not opening!

You're crazy!

Forget the sacks, we don't need 'em!

Come on, Tommy!

Man, you are crazy!

Open the door! What's with you?

- Come on! - Oh, that's great.

Come on!

Kid, come on back!

I got a nice surprise for you.

Come here, come here!

( chattering )

Hey! Come on, open it!

( banging )

Moe! Moe!

Them punks took the whole day's action from the port district!

- Everything! - My slips?

- Everything! - My slips?

- Everything! - Jesus Christ!

Get 'em back!

( pounding on door )

All right, all right.

Them punks you brought over?

They got loose.

So? I mean, they live here. Where they gonna go?

They took my slips.

You hear me? My slips.

Holy shit.

Yeah.

And seein' as they're from your turf

kind of makes it your responsibility.

The only way that I can see you makin' it up

is by workin' it off.

Whatever you say, Big Moe.

Yeah.

You want me to take care of it like this?

What? You ain't up for it, kid?

Yeah, I'm up for it.

( chuckles )

Man, this is taking forever.

Well, you got a fuckin' problem with it, Booger?

Because if you do, you can take it right to Big Moe.

Because this is comin' straight from her.

Just take it easy, okay? Just take it easy.

Oh, man, there they are.

It's all right.

We don't have much further to go.

If my Aunt Lacey catches me sneaking in at this hour...

Don't worry, Freddie.

After this is over, you're gonna be a hero.

Now, God damn it. Do it now. Do it now!

( guns cocked )

( gunfire )

Get the sacks!

Get the fuckin' sacks!

( shouts )

( car tires squeal )

( police sirens blare )

Tommy!

Oh, you did good, Vinnie.

Broke your cherry, huh?

( chuckles )

What? You getting' a case of the nerves?

Look, them punks we whacked.

I mean, they were just kids, you know.

I was just thinkin' about what would have happened if we got pinched.

Whacked?

What do you mean, whacked?

I thought you were just gonna rough 'em up a bit!

That's right, that's right.

He just gave 'em a couple of slaps.

You know, gave 'em a bunch of whacks.

That's all. What is this?

You think we go around killing kids?

Oh, geez, honey...

But what he said...

Yeah, well, you just forget about what he said.

Now you go on now, huh?

I got business.

- Okay. - Hey!

Take her home.

Okay, okay, I just got a little scared.

- That's all right. - Okay.

Anybody gets pinched, Vinnie, it's gonna be you.

So don't go turnin' punk on me now.

I need you.

Man, this is bad.

This is really fucking bad.

Hey, you did what you had to do.

Now that I can see you can handle it,

I'm gonna make you my right-hand man in the neighborhood, huh?

You'd like that, wouldn't you, Vinnie?

Sure, I'd like it.

Yeah. Sure you would 'cause you're a smart kid.

And your job's gonna be makin' sure that everyone in

the neighborhood that does business with us pays us a percentage.

Think you can handle that?

Yeah, I can handle it.

( chuckles )

Well, look at that.

Come here.

I want you to get you some clothes.

You're workin' for me now.

And, oh, I want you to watch your mouth

around Mitzi, huh?

She's a sensitive girl, Vinnie.

Sure thing, Moe.

( sobbing )

What has happened here, Sally?

They're dead, Mr. Sumatra.

Who's dead?

Tommy and Bill and that new kid.

They're dead, just murdered.

Please accept my condolences, Mr. Larson.

This is a most very tragic loss.

Truly like a dagger in my liver.

Sally?

Here, my boys.

What trouble you've gotten yourself into now.

Oh, well, nothin' to do but this.

Hey, look. I just wanna talk, okay?

I have nothing to say to you, Vinnie.

Just hear me out, please?

Look, I just wanted to let you know that

I'm really sorry about what happened to Tommy Larson.

Yeah, right.

You hated Tommy Larson.

Sure, I was pissed at the guy.

But I didn't want him dead.

You weren't at his funeral.

I didn't exactly feel welcome.

And then I got to thinkin' about what would have happened

if the same thing had happened to me.

And I just didn't like the idea.

What I'm tryin' to tell you is that I've gone straight.

Yeah, right.

You can laugh if you want.

I'm gonna go to night school, become a business man.

Learn how to steal a million all legal like.

Look, I'm just kidding, all right?

Could you smile for me, please?

You have a beautiful smile. You really do.

Good afternoon.

What's up with that freak?

Don't you dare say anything bad about Mr. Sumatra.

I wasn't going to.

Then say you're sorry.

I'm sorry, okay?

You happy now?

Mrs. Berkowitz, what a pleasant surprise.

Mr. Sumatra, there's been a terrible stench coming from your apartment.

As you can see, this cat has not been well at all.

That is the source of that terrible stench.

But, please, be patient.

The doctor of cat has predicted

that he will soon be bursting with health.

Goodnight, until tomorrow.

Hmm, think it needs a little more fourth grader and some dead cat.

There's a nice fat pussy cat for seasoning, my boys.

As you please.

Hmm, now that's some tasty kitty cat soup.

Hmm, needs more nutmeg.

Oh, Flavor Flav's adding some more flavoring.

Ow! Pulled a nose hair!

Now, my boys, it's time for your awakening.

In the most high name of the most high spirit,

in the name of the most high line of Judea Haile Selassie,

in the name of the most high Duvalier

and the Tonton Macoute,

I command you awaken!

( thunder )

Awaken!

What have we here?

A ball.

How rare.

I can't feel my body.

You're a spirit animating flesh now, Tommy.

Behold.

Bill and Freddie are here with you too.

I command you to awaken, William.

I command you to awaken!

Maybe he'd rather stay dead, Mr. Sumatra.

Nonsense. Nonsense, Tommy.

I shall entice him.

Eat the Wizoo.

Eat the Wizoo now!

He awakens! He awakens, Tommy!

Eat it! Eat it!

Eat it now!

Ugh, gross!

Munch, munch!

Waken, Freddie. I command you!

What was that?

You are drawing electricity from the air, Tommy.

It stimulated him.

Look out! They have guns!

It's okay, Freddie. It's all over now.

I feel so weird.

I feel like... Tommy, are we dead?

You're no longer dead, Freddie.

I have boiled you.

And I have lovingly dried you.

I have...

Yeah, and made us into shrunken heads!

Thanks a lot, Mr. Sumatra.

Ah, William, you have awakened fully.

This is so bad. This is so bad.

I want to see my Aunt Lacey.

I won't be like this! I'd rather be dead!

William, you cannot mean such a thing.

If being this way means laying out on a table all the time, yeah.

He means it.

You three will have the power to soar the heavens.

How do we do that?

You gonna get a golf club and knock us around?

You may have lost everything below your chin, William.

But not your sense of humor.

Yeah, right.

So hear me now.

Powerful and unknown abilities await your discovery.

And I shall guide you into this

new and remarkable existence.

Hey! No!

Use your mind.

Use your mind to stay in the air.

Ow! Ow!

Very good.

Great, Tommy, great.

( screams )

Don't push me! Hey!

Fly, my children, fly.

Round, round.

( chuckles )

Good, good.

Come to me, children. Come to me now.

Here in my condominium, you will be safe.

Revenge will be your sustenance.

And as your thirst for vengeance grows and blossoms

and all traces of your humanity begins to vanish,

you'll find yourself not only able to fly.

But to kill.

Time flies when you're a flying head.

Well, what do you know, Mr. Larson.

Is it that time of the month already?

Yeah, you don't mind, do you?

It's really hot out there.

Just take it and go.

The sight of you makes me want to vomit.

Nice to see you, too

( laughing )

( pounding on door )

Yeah?

Hey, there's $1900 in there.

We'll get the rest in the morning.

You handled that thing yet with Mr. Sumatra?

Oh, Mr. Sumatra, no. Not yet.

Come here.

What the hell's wrong with you?

That old freak is the only son of a bitch

in the neighborhood who ain't kicking back a percentage!

You know I hate being near that guy, right?

Look, Booger, you do your job.

Or I'll find somebody who can!

Okay, okay! Jesus.

Get out.

Get outta here!

Awaken, my children.

Are you ready to be tested?

Yes, master.

So go now. Fly!

Rise into the night,

and do what as you've been taught.

And may all of your dreams come true, my boys.

My dear, dear boys.

Hey, wait for me!

Juicy legs and a big butt!

( grunts )

You little cretin!

Shit!

( shrieks )

- Your mistake-- - Jerk!

( woman screams )

( snarls )

( screaming )

( gasps )

Stinky man! What's the matter?

Go ahead, malefactor.

Make our day.

( screams )

Ah!

( screams )

The change comes faster now.

Master said our first kill would quicken the transformation.

And as we continue to nurture our hate,

the loss of our humanity would quicken evermore.

You will now await my return.

The Master was right.

There's nothing more for us in this world now except for revenge.

( horn blows )

Have you drawn blood, my children?

We have found evildoers.

They will do evil no more.

Excellent, excellent, my wonderful boys.

My just and wonderful boys.

( groaning )

We really fucked up this time, Stinky.

( grunts )

A new and frightening disease seems to be

attacking local criminals throughout the city.

The mystery illness is characterized by

a particular shuffling gait, a total loss of bowel control,

and a compulsion to pick up litter

and clean graffiti.

Victims exhibited an alarming drop in blood pressure...

( phone rings )

What doctors call a pseudo walking death condition...

( phone rings )

Hello?

Yeah. I just got out of class now.

Did they give you a ton of homework also?

Well, there's a movie later.

I thought maybe you'd like to go to it.

Yeah, I guess so.

Okay. I'll pick you up around seven.

Okay. Bye, Vinnie.

All right. Bye-bye.

Are you still pulling that girl's chain?

Hey, a guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do, huh?

Yeah, well, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Telling her you're still in school.

Hey, Vinnie, what movie you gonna see, huh?

Don't you fuckin' worry about what movie, Booger, all right?

What you ought to be worried about is what I'm gonna do

to you if I hear you ain't taking care of that Sumatra thing yet!

Look, I'm telling you, man.

That guy's into a real bad scene, all right?

I can't believe that you're actually afraid

of a broken down old loser like that!

What the hell's wrong with you?

You tell him, Vinnie.

Maybe you think it's a little thing, right?

Maybe you think it's a little thing, huh?

I don't think it's a little thing, okay, Booger?

You know why? Because it's principle!

I don't think it's no little thing, Vinnie.

All right, look,

if I had to ask you again, all right, I just might

lock you up in a closet with that old fuckin' freak!

Now how would you like that, huh?

All right, I'll take care of it!

Just lighten up.

Go. Get outta here.

You're learning, kid.

Inquiring minds want to know, Mrs. Wilson.

Oh, Mr. Sumatra.

( chuckles )

And what do you malefactors want?

Relax, Mr. Sumatra.

This ain't gonna take long, all right?

I gotta admit, Mr. Sumatra.

It's been awful peaceful around here lately.

No burglaries, no robberies.

Nothin' bein' run on the shopkeepers.

You mean, the shopkeepers pay for protection.

We do a pretty good job.

And now you come to me for payment?

Look, Mr. Sumatra, you been benefitin'.

Why shouldn't you pay like everyone else, right?

Because I am the one who'll pluck out your tongue

with bolt cutters and roast them.

And I shall take your brains

and chill them for the purposes of garnishment.

Those are some good reasons, huh, Booger?

Yeah.

( laugh )

Oh, man, did you see that?

I didn't see nothin'!

Man, I don't care! No more! I'm outta here!

I don't care! No more!

Hey, where you goin', man?

Fuck Vinnie, man! Fuck him!

I told him Mr. Sumatra's into a bad scene.

And let him take care of it himself!

I don't fuckin' care no more! I don't fuckin' care!

Hey, wait up, Boog!

Two of your enemies were here moments ago.

Where, Master?

There go the malefactors now.

Hey, man, let me hang at to your pad tonight.

I don't know.

Come on, be a pal.

My mom won't let me in the house.

Your own mom won't let you in the house?

She says I scare her.

( laughs )

All right, come on, asshole.

Hey, thanks, Boog. Thanks a lot.

Hey, so Boog, don't you wanna watch TV or somethin'?

No, man. I gotta take a shower.

Don't be whinin' when I turn it off either.

I gotta get some sleep.

I don't wanna have to keep seeing

the old bastard's face no more.

I just don't want to, Vinnie!

I just don't want to, Vinnie!

You think that's funny?

Aw, come on, Sally.

You know how I feel about you, right?

That's not the point.

I'm just not ready.

Well, what do you mean, you're not ready?

I mean, you're almost 16, right?

Look, Vinnie, if you can't wait, then maybe you better

find yourself another girlfriend.

All right.

Walk home.

I will!

I hope you get run over, you dumb ass little bitch!

And reports of sightings of flying heads keep flying in.

Now back to the static show.

Hey, Booger man! You still in there?

Damn.

Man, you been in there for three hours!

What? You fall asleep in here?

Damn! This water's freezing!

You okay, Boogs?

Boogs?

( slurping )

Oh, man.

Oh, man.

( gasps )

What the--

( screams )

( car horn honks )

Hey, Sumatra!

Friggin' moulignon.

( car horn honks )

Sumatra, get out here! I wanna talk to you!

What do you want, doomed one?

Hey, who you callin' doomed?

I'll break your goddamn head.

Now listen.

I'm lookin' for Booger and Pod.

And I know that you seen 'em

because they were on their way over here to see you.

Your friends are suffering the torments of hell

for their terrible sins.

Soon it will be your turn.

Sins? What do you know about my sins?

Your friends are in the alley over there.

All right, all right.

See you later, Afro Pops.

What do you two idiots think you're doin', huh?

You think this is funny?

Hey, Vinnie.

What's happening?

Wanna help us weed the garden?

Mr. Sumatra wants to see you now.

Hi, Tommy.

I know I haven't visited you lately.

But I never forget about you.

I wish I had the courage to tell you how I really felt.

I guess I was afraid you would laugh.

So I'm gonna tell you now.

I love you, Tommy.

Even when we were real little, I think I loved you.

I wish you were here so badly.

I am here, Sally.

( gasps )

Don't be afraid, Sally.

No!

It's me.

It's me, Tommy.

Oh, my God, no!

Mr. Sumatra brought me back from the dead!

It was Vinnie who murdered me, Sally!

No, I can't believe this! I won't!

I will show you, Sally.

I will implant my memories inside your skull

and you will know the truth.

Bear witness, Sally.

Bear witness as my life was so cruelly torn from me

in the prime of my youth.

Mr. Sumatra came to where I lie awaiting burial,

severing my head from my corpse.

He prepared my head so that it could receive

my restless wandering spirit once more.

And then he raised me from the dead.

He taught me...

Blah, blah, blah, blabbity-blah.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Blah, blah.

Now you know what happened that night, Sally.

Our love was cut short.

Oh, my God, Tommy.

Let me be close to you now, Sally.

Let us share our last embrace.

How can we do that?

I will show you, Sally.

Oh, Tommy! What are you doing?

God, I can't stand it!

Tommy, wait!

Tommy, come back, please!

Who is at my door there?

Wow, who's your decorator? Colonel Sanders?

I want to see Tommy. Where is he?

My girl, you're suffering from delusions.

I'm comin' in.

Sally, you've never been at my condo.

Thirsty, perhaps?

Don't play dumb with me, Mr. Sumatra.

I saw Tommy with my own eyes.

And he showed me things.

I don't know how, but he did.

Have a seat, Sally, please?

He said Vinnie Benedetti killed him.

That is true.

I dated Vinnie for nearly a year!

If you knew he was a killer, why didn't you warn me?

Good and wholesome girls in their teens

experience loving feelings in their hearts for evildoers, Sally.

But my three boys will avenge.

Wait a second. How many are there?

You've seen Tommy?

Behold.

The three together.

Jesus God in Heaven, Mr. Sumatra!

How could you be so cruel?

- Cruel? - It is!

It's the cruelest thing that ever was!

No, no, no, Sally.

These boys are no longer human in any sense of the word.

These beings that you confront now shed no tears,

have no sympathy.

Nor do they suffer, Sally.

What animates them now is the desire for revenge.

I refuse to believe that.

Tommy was too good of a person.

He cared about people.

He believed in doing the right thing.

Until it got him killed.

He was a fine boy, that's true, but--

His body may be dead. But Tommy's spirit?

That's a different thing altogether.

Nothing can touch that.

Perhaps you're right, my child.

Love can do many strange, and wonderful things.

Forgive me, Sally.

I know I disgust you now.

No. It was just the shock of seeing you like that.

But you're still Tommy.

And if you disgusted me, I wouldn't be able to do this.

Never have I seen or heard

where a human head made so small

to show affection of this sort.

I told you Tommy's spirit wouldn't just roll over and die.

Wow, I think her boobs shrank, too.

I will leave you alone to afford you privacy.

( clock ticking )

( creaking )

( screams )

No! No!

Vinnie!

Mr. Sumatra wants you, Vinnie.

Let me go! Let me go!

Vinnie!

Vinnie!

( screams )

Come on!

Vinnie!

Mr. Sumatra wants to see you now, Vinnie.

( screams )

Mr. Sumatra, man, call these fuckin' things off, man.

I swear to God I'll do anything, please!

Oh, shit!

Mr. Sumatra wants to boil your head, Vinnie.

Come on. It'll be fun.

( laughing )

Is that really the uniform they wear in the Tonton Macoute?

Oh, yes, my child.

And I wore it proudly back in my homeland.

So, what's the big occasion?

Tonight I wish to settle all accounts.

Are you anxious?

Yeah, but I have a lot of faith in you.

What do you have cooking in here now?

Special recipe for Vinnie and his evil comrade, Big Moe.

Is there anything I can do to help?

Yes, but are you ready,

Sally, for capital punishment,

Haitian style?

Capital punishment?

I don't know.

What would I have to do?

Before we proceed, I must ask you something.

Take care how you answer,

for this is very, very important.

I must know now, Sally,

is your maidenhead intact?

If you're asking if I'm a virgin, yeah, I am.

Hmm.

Only a female who has never had a male member

inside of her body

can complete this particular spell.

You aren't gonna sacrifice me or anything, are you?

Of course not, my dear child.

Go into my bedroom

and dress in the gown in my closet.

And I will wait for you here.

I only wish my old comrades in the political section

were alive to see you at this moment.

They would be greatly charmed.

Thank you, Mr. Sumatra.

( horn blows )

Oh, I didn't know Ray Charles played the horn.

Oh, it's gorgeous! Oh, you shouldn't have!

It's no big deal.

Put it on me. Oh, put it on me!

Booger and Pod are dead! They're fuckin' dead!

They got whacked.

But now they're walkin' around fucked up.

- Be quiet, Vincent. - And now they wanna fuck me up!

- Slow down. - Just like they're all fucked up, okay?

Tell me. Who's dead?

Booger and Pod. It was the fuckin' heads!

What's that you're talkin' about? Heads?

Heads! Little heads! They're flyin' around!

They got ponytails! They got teeth!

They got bugged-out eyes!

They belong to Mr. Sumatra!

They're little and they're brown.

They're flyin' around!

They're chasin' me all over the friggin' place!

And that ain't the worst of it!

At first, they were all messed up, Booger and Pod, right?

But now they're really friggin' messed up!

I mean, they got skin fallin' off of their face!

They're chasin' me around everywhere!

They got maggots fallin' off out of 'em!

They got the lights.

They got the lights! And they're comin' after me!

Listen, Vinnie.

I think you been under a little stress lately.

I think, you know, I know this beautiful little broad.

She's got a condo down in Florida...

You don't believe me? You stupid bitch!

They're comin' for us! We're all gonna be...

Hey, get outta here! Get out!

( screaming )

( gunshot )

Lieutenant Colonel Aristides Pierre de Fete Sumatra

of the Tonton Macoute, retired.

You now will be bound over to my condominium

for zombie vacation.

Kill the old man!

( zombies groaning )

( gunfire )

( grunting )

Hey, get away from me!

( laughing )

Sally! Sally!

Look! You gotta call these things off!

I mean, talk to Mr. Sumatra!

Just get these things off of me!

Sorry, Vinnie.

You're gonna have to answer for Tommy.

For Christ's sake, please!

Let's do it.

Behold our bitchin' chainsaw, Sally.

No!

Now, my children, remember?

Revenge must be consummated at my condominium.

Call them fuckin' things off now!

There's no power on earth to save you

from your day of reckoning, woman.

( gunshot )

Mitzi?

Mitzi, come on outta there.

Somebody tell me what's going on here?

Everything is gonna be all right now, baby.

We'll go on a little vacation, okay?

Let go of my arm. Go get in the car, the two of you, now!

Okay. Yeah, okay.

( whimpers )

Sally.

Careful, boys.

Why is this happening?

Will somebody tell me why this is happening?

Huh? Huh?

I tell you, it's them heads.

Huh?

Remember them kids we whacked last year?

Those are their heads.

And Mr. Sumatra had brought them back from the dead.

You did kill them kids!

- No, Mitzi. - You did!

No, no, Vinnie.

You've been under a lot of stress.

He don't know what he's talkin' about!

Vinnie may have pulled the trigger,

but your gangster friend gave the order.

Keep quiet! Would the both of you keep your mouth shut!

Oh, no! Shit!

You can run, but you cannot hide.

- Hold on. - Sumatra!

( screaming )

You're not getting away this evening.

Not this night.

Slow down! You're gonna kill us!

Will you watch out?

- Vinnie, Vinnie! - Take it easy!

Take it easy, kid!

( cheering on bus )

Are you ready for the Apocalypse?

( booing )

For thy end is at hand!

The moment approaches and

the faithful shall be cleansed, brothers and sisters!

Cleansed in the fire of the Holy Apocalypse!

( shouting )

Slow down!

( screaming )

( shouting )

( screams )

Oh, geez! All them people!

I hope them poor bastards can swim!

You almost got us killed, you egghead!

Hey, I would rather be killed!

Killed! You hear me?

Killed than turn into one of them pus-bag zombies!

Even suicide wouldn't save you, Vinnie.

I want out of the car. Pull over!

- Shut up! - Pull over!

- Shut up, Mitzi! - Pull over!

- Shut up! - Shut up!

He's going to stuff you into an iron pot

he has in his apartment, and he's gonna cook you, Vinnie,

and you're gonna feel at all!

Shut up!

You're not gonna be able to move or scream, not ever cry!

Shut up!

You may as well give up now

because Mr. Sumatra's gonna get you no matter what you do.

Shut your friggin' little traitor mouth!

( laughs )

( overlapping dialogue )

Mitzi, you're makin' a mountain of a mole hill!

Oh, so this is a molehill. You call a bunch of dead guys--

( overlapping dialogue )

Now, my boys, our enemies are in sight.

Go!

( laughing )

Holy shit!

( screaming )

This is the fun of the chase.

Oh!

( screams )

What? What!

( screaming )

Holy shit!

Jesus Christ!

Okay, I've just had about enough from you!

Give it up, lady.

You're under arrest!

Oh, you want some too?

Oh, hey!

Get the rest! Get the fucking rest!

( screaming )

Two down!

One more and we are home free!

( laughs )

( shouting )

Give it to him, Tommy.

Look at me go!

Sally, look at me go! Look at me go, Sally!

Look at me go!

( screaming )

Spit it out, Vinnie!

( screaming )

Get rid of that thing!

Let's talk deal.

You don't want nothin' bad to happen to the little girl.

And I don't wanna be turned into one of them things.

What was done to the creatures is not

for the like of you, woman.

These zombies are able to walk the earth for

a short period of time before they deteriorate into brown liquid.

What I have reserved for you is far more permanent.

Yeah?

Well, then let's all go to hell together, huh?

What are you doing?

I'm not gonna let you hurt no more kids, Big Moe!

Your time has come, woman. Accept your fate!

We'll see whose time--

You're bleeding pretty bad, Mr. Sumatra.

I have healing infusions at my condo, Sally.

We will go there now.

Hey, what do you want to do with me?

You can go wherever you please, fleshy one.

All I ask is that you do not reveal

what you've seen here this evening.

Oh, don't worry, mister.

Nobody would believe this in a million years.

I'll just go. Thanks.

Yeah, I'll just go, okay?

Will you be able to fix them like they were?

Of course, Sally.

They're dead, are they not?

Can I ask you a question, Mr. Sumatra?

Go ahead, Sally.

How come you shot that guy when he opened the door?

( chuckles )

There's an old Haitian proverb.

When the Tonton Macoute comes knocking,

don't answer the door.

Now the real work begins.

( muffled talking )

Bye, Vinnie.

Too bad things didn't work out better.

Hey, Mr. Sumatra, where'd Tommy go?

There with the others.

They're just laying here.

They have completed their mission.

Now they sleep until needed again.

You, Sally, as the new high priestess of

the Vodun, will be their caretaker.

They're yours to take.

You now may begin your incantation.

Top of page 79.

In the name of the most high Duvalier,

in the name of the most benevolent Haile Selassie,

in the name of the Tonton Macoute,

please heed this virgin who beseeches you for your blessing.

( glass crack )

* We're cooking with evil

* Cooking with evil

* Cooking with evil

* Cooking with evil

Welcome to Cooking with Evil with Elvira.

And now here I am, the cherry on top of your sundae.

Your hostess, me, Elvira, Mistress of the Dark.

You're so welcome.

You know, there is nothing better than a nice hot bowl

of mumbo jumbo gumbo to get you going in the morning.

And going in the afternoon.

And going to the bathroom all night.

Just keep those heads bubbling in your crackpot for a year.

Add blood, and serve.

You'll find these and other Haitian voodoo recipes

in Mr. Sumatra's book, "Cooking with Kids".

In it, you'll find dozens of recipes for kids of all ages.

You'll find recipes for Brat Wurst, Small Fries,

Children Chow Mien, Shish Kidbobs,

Children Con Carne, Kid Casserole,

Toddler Tar Tar, Rug-Rat Tat-tooey,

and Steak and Kidney Pie.

You also find dessert recipes full of youth to rot

your sweet tooth like Kiddie Cookies,

Praline Pre-teen Ice Cream,

Boysenberry Pie made with real boys.

And everyone's favorite, Chocolate Covered Children.

Here's how to order.

Just send $9.99 plus $9.99 to 999 9th Street.

Offspring, Colorado 99999.

Well, that's our show.

You can stick a fork in me 'cause I'm done.

Join us next time on Cooking with Evil

when we'll be making Bambino with Bamboo Shoots.

Until then, remember.

Don't forget to marinate your minors.

And unpleasant dreams.

Mmm.

Would you like some coffee?

Yeah, sure.

There's this great place I know.

We take shortcut.

( groaning )

Jesus, what's that?

( whimpers )

Hey, Mitzi.

( mumbles )

( screams )