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1
00:00:23,291 --> 00:00:27,416
And what the case
here clearly needs is...
2
00:00:28,375 --> 00:00:30,666
My daughter! He's got my daughter!
3
00:00:31,166 --> 00:00:32,416
Judge, you're mistaken.
4
00:00:33,208 --> 00:00:34,541
The only need is me.
5
00:00:36,583 --> 00:00:38,583
[suspenseful music]
6
00:00:41,416 --> 00:00:44,250
- This way!
- No. This way.
7
00:00:47,750 --> 00:00:50,750
[high-octane music pumping]
8
00:01:09,416 --> 00:01:10,250
Hey!
9
00:01:14,708 --> 00:01:15,708
Where's her daughter?
10
00:01:24,583 --> 00:01:27,250
Watch out! It's gonna blow!
11
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:31,000
[explosion]
12
00:01:35,833 --> 00:01:36,832
[director] Cut there.
13
00:01:36,833 --> 00:01:37,916
- [flames flickering]
- [assistant] Reset.
14
00:01:39,458 --> 00:01:41,291
- [bell ringing]
- What are you doing?
15
00:01:41,416 --> 00:01:42,957
You know me.
I never do my own stunts.
16
00:01:42,958 --> 00:01:44,040
Clarky boy. You're up.
17
00:01:44,041 --> 00:01:46,125
Well, maybe if you worked out
once in a while, Brad.
18
00:01:46,916 --> 00:01:48,665
Some of the biggest stars
do their own stunts.
19
00:01:48,666 --> 00:01:51,875
Not this big star, but if you wanna
talk about it further over drinks?
20
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:54,874
Mm. Can my husband
and two small children come too?
21
00:01:54,875 --> 00:01:57,040
You're cute. I'll take a rain check.
22
00:01:57,041 --> 00:01:58,750
- Alf.
- Brad.
23
00:01:59,333 --> 00:02:01,125
Wonderful work today.
24
00:02:01,458 --> 00:02:04,999
It's a Killing Time 7'sgonna
be fresher than4and5.
25
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:06,082
Well, thanks, buddy.
26
00:02:06,083 --> 00:02:08,458
But I still have concerns
over scene 22.
27
00:02:08,583 --> 00:02:10,624
I think I'm coming off a little...
unlikeable,
28
00:02:10,625 --> 00:02:12,207
and the woman's really underwritten.
29
00:02:12,208 --> 00:02:14,040
- Well, I may...
- Not now, sugar.
30
00:02:14,041 --> 00:02:16,083
You know what?
I'm gonna sort that for you.
31
00:02:16,250 --> 00:02:17,250
You're my man.
32
00:02:19,708 --> 00:02:21,166
[Alf] Stand by, everyone.
33
00:02:22,666 --> 00:02:24,124
Good luck, Maggie.
34
00:02:24,125 --> 00:02:25,625
It's Martha.
35
00:02:26,166 --> 00:02:27,416
[loud explosion]
36
00:02:28,375 --> 00:02:29,583
Who cares?
37
00:02:29,833 --> 00:02:31,250
[light music playing]
38
00:02:38,375 --> 00:02:39,208
Hey.
39
00:02:40,208 --> 00:02:45,375
I'm so sorry to ask, Mr Mac,
but would you say it, please?
40
00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:48,791
The only need... is me.
41
00:02:49,916 --> 00:02:52,040
I'm going to miss these movies.
42
00:02:52,041 --> 00:02:54,541
Miss? What do you mean, miss?
43
00:02:55,541 --> 00:02:57,624
I don't believe it.
They don't wanna makeKilling Time 8?
44
00:02:57,625 --> 00:02:59,665
Still. You had a good run.
45
00:02:59,666 --> 00:03:01,290
We only made seven films.
46
00:03:01,291 --> 00:03:03,458
Each one better than the last.
47
00:03:05,333 --> 00:03:06,833
You know what, forget it. Fine.
48
00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:08,041
What's next?
49
00:03:09,083 --> 00:03:10,790
Listen, Brad, I'll level with you.
50
00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:12,499
There is no next.
51
00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:16,041
Er, the bottom line is people
don't want to hire you.
52
00:03:16,958 --> 00:03:19,749
What? Why?
'Cause I'm too expensive?
53
00:03:19,750 --> 00:03:21,665
Er, because you're difficult.
54
00:03:21,666 --> 00:03:24,999
You're late on set, and you refuse
to do your own stunts.
55
00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:26,290
You don't remember names.
56
00:03:26,291 --> 00:03:27,749
You failed your medicals.
57
00:03:27,750 --> 00:03:29,916
Oh, my God.
How many times do I have to say it?
58
00:03:30,125 --> 00:03:32,040
It was the day after the Super Bowl.
59
00:03:32,041 --> 00:03:34,458
When me and the boys get together,
stuff goes down.
60
00:03:35,541 --> 00:03:38,333
There's gotta be
some kind of romcom I can do.
61
00:03:38,958 --> 00:03:40,416
Or a biopic.
62
00:03:40,958 --> 00:03:44,165
We could use this as an opportunity
for me to really stretch.
63
00:03:44,166 --> 00:03:47,832
With the right makeup artist,
I could play Barack Obama.
64
00:03:47,833 --> 00:03:49,124
Christ.
65
00:03:49,125 --> 00:03:51,665
Yeah. Probably still too young, huh?
66
00:03:51,666 --> 00:03:53,790
Look, there is
one thing knocking around.
67
00:03:53,791 --> 00:03:54,875
What?
68
00:03:56,458 --> 00:03:57,958
Theatre in England.
69
00:03:58,958 --> 00:04:00,249
In front of a live audience?
70
00:04:00,250 --> 00:04:01,332
Exactly.
71
00:04:01,333 --> 00:04:04,208
Well, it's something
I've always wanted to do, but...
72
00:04:04,750 --> 00:04:07,874
you and I both know I only ever took
that one film acting class.
73
00:04:07,875 --> 00:04:12,332
I mean, I might be a natural,
but theatre kind of scares me.
74
00:04:12,333 --> 00:04:14,832
- You, scared?
- I've only ever done films.
75
00:04:14,833 --> 00:04:18,374
Well, it's exactly the same.
Just louder.
76
00:04:18,375 --> 00:04:20,332
- Really?
- Yeah.
77
00:04:20,333 --> 00:04:21,916
Are you sure that's it?
78
00:04:22,625 --> 00:04:23,665
Trust me.
79
00:04:23,666 --> 00:04:25,041
Huh.
80
00:04:25,875 --> 00:04:26,875
Louder.
81
00:04:28,541 --> 00:04:30,582
You know what? Count me in.
82
00:04:30,583 --> 00:04:33,874
Great. Now we are talking
about a very traditional production,
83
00:04:33,875 --> 00:04:35,999
but with your name on the marquee,
it'll sell out in seconds.
84
00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:37,124
Me, a sell out!
85
00:04:37,125 --> 00:04:38,749
You said it, kid, not me.
86
00:04:38,750 --> 00:04:41,499
And doesn't your daughter live
in England?
87
00:04:41,500 --> 00:04:44,874
Yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't get to
see her as much any more.
88
00:04:44,875 --> 00:04:46,832
Well, this is a chance to reconnect.
89
00:04:46,833 --> 00:04:50,457
We're connected. I just don't get
to see her as much as I want to.
90
00:04:50,458 --> 00:04:52,499
So. Theatre in England?
91
00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:53,915
Yes!
92
00:04:53,916 --> 00:04:54,999
You know what?
93
00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:57,916
We're gonna show the whole world
what Bradley Mac can do.
94
00:04:58,416 --> 00:05:00,625
Because when push comes to shove...
95
00:05:01,708 --> 00:05:03,208
the only need is me.
96
00:05:06,333 --> 00:05:07,708
Oh, Jesus.
97
00:05:09,250 --> 00:05:10,708
[exhilarating music playing]
98
00:05:14,833 --> 00:05:16,541
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
99
00:05:17,125 --> 00:05:19,041
Would you like to have
a look at the menu, sir?
100
00:05:26,666 --> 00:05:27,833
[music fades]
101
00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:35,957
I'm sorry to disturb you,
102
00:05:35,958 --> 00:05:40,041
but we've been watching you
the whole flight. My husband and I...
103
00:05:43,416 --> 00:05:46,791
We're just huge fans of
theKilling Timemovies.
104
00:05:47,041 --> 00:05:48,915
Thank you. That's very kind.
105
00:05:48,916 --> 00:05:50,749
It's so inspiring to see
106
00:05:50,750 --> 00:05:55,000
a man of your age
still throw themselves around.
107
00:05:55,708 --> 00:05:58,749
In-in all fairness,
I like the first one
108
00:05:58,750 --> 00:06:02,749
much more than the last one,
but who cares?
109
00:06:02,750 --> 00:06:04,666
- They're fun!
- Yeah.
110
00:06:05,500 --> 00:06:09,333
What kind of woman doesn't love
a cuddly older man?
111
00:06:09,833 --> 00:06:13,166
- Chocolate chip cookie?
- No. I'm good, thanks.
112
00:06:13,708 --> 00:06:14,708
Have a good flight.
113
00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:19,125
[aeroplane landing]
114
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:21,540
Hello, Mr Mac.
115
00:06:21,541 --> 00:06:22,500
Hi.
116
00:06:23,416 --> 00:06:25,541
Hi again. I'm just in the limo.
117
00:06:26,291 --> 00:06:29,416
- Rented, but still a limo.
- Where are you?
118
00:06:29,541 --> 00:06:30,625
No, I'm outside.
119
00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:32,874
I've got a sign. You won't miss me.
120
00:06:32,875 --> 00:06:33,957
Where outside?
121
00:06:33,958 --> 00:06:35,875
Just outside arrivals, mate.
122
00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,375
[airport Tannoy announcement]
123
00:06:38,083 --> 00:06:40,749
Mr Mac, I'm Nigel Brand.
124
00:06:40,750 --> 00:06:42,499
Here to take you to the Savoy.
125
00:06:42,500 --> 00:06:44,250
The Savoy again.
126
00:06:46,541 --> 00:06:49,208
I gotta say, I'm a huge fan.
127
00:06:49,750 --> 00:06:51,083
I just lovedTop Gun.
128
00:06:52,125 --> 00:06:55,916
Oh, heated seats as requested.
129
00:06:57,083 --> 00:07:01,000
Oh, and here's your natural
volcanic water, sir.
130
00:07:01,208 --> 00:07:02,041
Thank you.
131
00:07:05,875 --> 00:07:06,875
[Christmassy music]
132
00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:17,625
♪ Snow is falling all around me ♪
133
00:07:18,458 --> 00:07:22,333
♪ Children playing, having fun ♪
134
00:07:23,125 --> 00:07:24,874
♪ It's the season ♪
135
00:07:24,875 --> 00:07:27,790
♪ Love and understanding ♪
136
00:07:27,791 --> 00:07:31,750
♪ Merry Christmas, everyone ♪
137
00:07:32,708 --> 00:07:36,750
♪ At the parties and celebrations ♪
138
00:07:37,458 --> 00:07:41,333
♪ People dancing all night long ♪
139
00:07:42,083 --> 00:07:46,624
♪ Time for presents
And exchanging kisses ♪
140
00:07:46,625 --> 00:07:50,708
♪ Time for singing Christmas songs ♪
141
00:07:52,416 --> 00:07:56,500
♪ We're gonna have a party tonight ♪
142
00:07:57,208 --> 00:08:00,708
♪ I'm gonna find that girl
Underneath the mistletoe ♪
143
00:08:00,833 --> 00:08:03,208
♪ And kiss by candlelight ♪
144
00:08:03,375 --> 00:08:07,208
♪ The room is swaying
Records playing ♪
145
00:08:08,041 --> 00:08:11,958
♪ All the old songs we love to hear ♪
146
00:08:12,541 --> 00:08:17,166
♪ Oh, I wish
That... every day was Christmas ♪
147
00:08:17,458 --> 00:08:21,415
♪ What a nice way to spend the year ♪
148
00:08:21,416 --> 00:08:22,500
♪ Whoo, yeah ♪
149
00:08:36,833 --> 00:08:38,833
And on your left,
Mr Mac, you're gonna see...
150
00:08:40,041 --> 00:08:41,041
Mr Mac?
151
00:08:41,916 --> 00:08:45,916
♪ We're gonna have a party tonight ♪
152
00:08:46,541 --> 00:08:50,707
♪ I'm gonna find that girl
Underneath the mistletoe ♪
153
00:08:50,708 --> 00:08:52,375
♪ And kiss by candlelight ♪
154
00:08:52,791 --> 00:08:54,707
♪ Snow is falling ♪
155
00:08:54,708 --> 00:08:56,583
♪ All around me ♪
156
00:08:57,458 --> 00:09:01,458
♪ Children playing, having fun ♪
157
00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:03,500
♪ It's the season ♪
158
00:09:03,958 --> 00:09:06,666
♪ Love and understanding ♪
159
00:09:07,041 --> 00:09:10,583
♪ Merry Christmas, everyone ♪
160
00:09:11,708 --> 00:09:15,416
♪ Merry Christmas, everyone ♪
161
00:09:16,041 --> 00:09:20,416
♪ Merry Christmas, everyone ♪
162
00:09:28,291 --> 00:09:32,125
♪ Snow is falling all around me ♪
163
00:09:33,041 --> 00:09:37,041
♪ Children playing, having fun ♪
164
00:09:37,791 --> 00:09:39,250
♪ It's the season ♪
165
00:09:39,625 --> 00:09:41,916
♪ Love and understanding ♪
166
00:09:42,541 --> 00:09:46,208
♪ Merry Christmas, everyone ♪
167
00:09:46,875 --> 00:09:51,208
♪ Snow is falling all around me ♪
168
00:09:51,958 --> 00:09:55,583
♪ Children playing, having fun ♪
169
00:09:56,500 --> 00:09:57,833
[fading]♪ It's the season ♪
170
00:09:58,125 --> 00:10:01,000
♪ Love and understanding ♪
171
00:10:01,458 --> 00:10:05,541
♪ Merry Christmas, everyone ♪
172
00:10:05,958 --> 00:10:08,416
♪ Oh, snow is falling ♪
173
00:10:08,750 --> 00:10:10,750
- [music stops]
- [keys jangle]
174
00:10:19,458 --> 00:10:22,541
All right. Mr Mac.
175
00:10:24,041 --> 00:10:24,875
Mr Mac.
176
00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:27,250
Mr Mac, we're here.
177
00:10:32,666 --> 00:10:35,083
[yawns]
178
00:10:42,625 --> 00:10:44,041
What are you talking about?
179
00:10:45,625 --> 00:10:46,665
Where's Big Ben?
180
00:10:46,666 --> 00:10:48,250
Harrods? Downton Abbey?
181
00:10:48,375 --> 00:10:50,750
Nah, we missed all that, sleepyhead.
182
00:10:51,083 --> 00:10:54,541
But welcome, Mr Mac, to the Savoy.
183
00:10:56,125 --> 00:10:58,582
Now there is currently
no running water,
184
00:10:58,583 --> 00:11:01,165
but you don't mind
skipping a shower day, do you?
185
00:11:01,166 --> 00:11:02,707
Is this some kind of a joke?
186
00:11:02,708 --> 00:11:04,291
Is what a joke?
187
00:11:05,750 --> 00:11:07,291
Where the hell's London?
188
00:11:07,958 --> 00:11:09,916
Well, it's three hours that way, sir.
189
00:11:13,333 --> 00:11:15,416
[laughs]
190
00:11:15,708 --> 00:11:18,165
- You are good, my friend.
- [chuckles]
191
00:11:18,166 --> 00:11:20,415
So this is some kind
of hidden camera show.
192
00:11:20,416 --> 00:11:21,666
I got it from here.
193
00:11:22,375 --> 00:11:25,541
Hey, Jimmy Kimmel, come out
from wherever you're hiding, dude.
194
00:11:29,875 --> 00:11:33,165
Yeah.
Erm, this is your hotel, Mr Mac.
195
00:11:33,166 --> 00:11:35,915
All the big turns stay
at the Savoy Guest House
196
00:11:35,916 --> 00:11:38,583
when they're performing
at Stoneford's Theatre Royal.
197
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:46,541
Yeah. I'll-- I'll show you.
198
00:11:49,333 --> 00:11:50,791
Fine. I'll play along.
199
00:11:51,291 --> 00:11:54,791
- [Christmassy music tinkling]
- [toy train whistles]
200
00:11:56,916 --> 00:11:58,291
[Nigel chuckles]
201
00:11:59,625 --> 00:12:01,333
- Wow.
- What the...
202
00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:09,291
♪ It's beginning to look
A lot like Christmas ♪
203
00:12:10,666 --> 00:12:11,541
[boy] There he is!
204
00:12:12,916 --> 00:12:14,750
[children] Get him! Get him!
205
00:12:18,958 --> 00:12:20,541
[children calling out in excitement]
206
00:12:24,708 --> 00:12:27,291
[indistinct chatter]
207
00:12:35,250 --> 00:12:37,749
Excuse me. Hello. Um...
208
00:12:37,750 --> 00:12:42,125
Darling, Brad,
here you are at last. Erm...
209
00:12:42,791 --> 00:12:46,999
- Welcome to Stoneford,
- [all chant] Welcome to Stoneford.
210
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,040
He's even more gorgeous in the flesh.
211
00:12:49,041 --> 00:12:52,500
I'm Callum. The prince.
Massive fan, mate.
212
00:12:53,083 --> 00:12:55,083
The only need is... yeah.
213
00:12:55,500 --> 00:12:56,416
Yeah.
214
00:12:56,708 --> 00:12:58,665
Not exactly sure
what's going on here,
215
00:12:58,666 --> 00:12:59,749
but obviously there's been
216
00:12:59,750 --> 00:13:02,333
- some kind of--
- Brenda. Fairy godmother.
217
00:13:05,833 --> 00:13:07,375
Izzy, Cinderella.
218
00:13:09,125 --> 00:13:11,040
- Fanny.
- And Annie.
219
00:13:11,041 --> 00:13:12,790
- We're the ugly stepsisters.
- We do it every Christmas.
220
00:13:12,791 --> 00:13:14,707
- Yeah, and on birthdays.
- Oh, you are filthy!
221
00:13:14,708 --> 00:13:15,624
[laughter]
222
00:13:15,625 --> 00:13:19,541
Bababa, Bababa. Russell.
Baron Hardup.
223
00:13:20,416 --> 00:13:21,708
Hilda from box office.
[giggles]
224
00:13:23,541 --> 00:13:24,875
Jean the cleaner.
225
00:13:26,208 --> 00:13:27,208
Jonty on sound.
226
00:13:28,291 --> 00:13:29,375
Frank on lights.
227
00:13:30,666 --> 00:13:31,875
Neigh.
228
00:13:32,250 --> 00:13:35,415
Your distinguished director,
Cassandra Collins, OBE,
229
00:13:35,416 --> 00:13:38,291
- under me, over me.
- [all laugh]
230
00:13:39,833 --> 00:13:42,791
- And you are?
- Jill, the choreographer.
231
00:13:43,833 --> 00:13:46,749
And I hate to be a realist,
but we've only got a few days
232
00:13:46,750 --> 00:13:48,290
to get this show on the road.
233
00:13:48,291 --> 00:13:49,999
So if everyone's finished fawning,
234
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:51,625
let's take it
from the top of act one.
235
00:13:51,791 --> 00:13:53,458
You'll need these tap shoes.
236
00:13:53,708 --> 00:13:57,916
Er, stop. Everybody.
Just stop for a second, please.
237
00:13:58,458 --> 00:14:00,915
Again, not sure
what's happening here.
238
00:14:00,916 --> 00:14:03,040
But I definitely
did not sign up for this.
239
00:14:03,041 --> 00:14:04,708
Sorry, for what, duck?
240
00:14:04,875 --> 00:14:06,958
This, whatever this is. What is this?
241
00:14:07,083 --> 00:14:09,249
A low-rent production ofCats?
242
00:14:09,250 --> 00:14:11,833
Darling. It's a pantomime.
243
00:14:12,041 --> 00:14:13,333
A panto-what?
244
00:14:13,583 --> 00:14:14,957
[extravagantly] Cinderella!
245
00:14:14,958 --> 00:14:17,000
And you are our Buttons.
246
00:14:17,208 --> 00:14:18,874
Oh, no, I'm not!
247
00:14:18,875 --> 00:14:20,791
[all] Oh, yes, you are!
248
00:14:21,791 --> 00:14:24,500
Is it the large padded horse
that's throwing you off?
249
00:14:25,583 --> 00:14:30,000
Okay. Uh, Brenda, darling,
why don't you show him?
250
00:14:30,208 --> 00:14:31,333
Show me what?
251
00:14:32,708 --> 00:14:35,708
- [Christmassy music]
- [indistinct chatter]
252
00:14:40,166 --> 00:14:44,666
Pantomime, Brad, or panto for short,
253
00:14:45,125 --> 00:14:47,624
is an annual British tradition.
254
00:14:47,625 --> 00:14:49,875
A quintessential part of Christmas.
255
00:14:50,041 --> 00:14:52,707
Think fairy tales, but fun!
256
00:14:52,708 --> 00:14:57,500
Aladdin, Cinderella,
Dick Whittington...
257
00:14:58,208 --> 00:14:59,208
I beg your pardon?
258
00:14:59,625 --> 00:15:02,957
You've got men dressed as women.
Women dressed as men.
259
00:15:02,958 --> 00:15:07,625
Horses played by people plus
pop songs and pyrotechnics.
260
00:15:07,750 --> 00:15:08,583
[explosion]
261
00:15:09,250 --> 00:15:11,500
Always a happy ending
262
00:15:11,625 --> 00:15:16,416
with an enormous explosion
covering the whole auditorium.
263
00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:20,791
Brenda, try not to be so crude.
There are children present.
264
00:15:22,250 --> 00:15:26,666
Double entendres too, Brad,
you like those, I'm sure.
265
00:15:26,791 --> 00:15:28,416
Mind you,
266
00:15:29,750 --> 00:15:31,583
there're a lot
to get your mouth around.
267
00:15:31,833 --> 00:15:35,333
[theatre voice]
Alright, my darlings, we begin.
268
00:15:35,833 --> 00:15:38,291
[jaunty music]
269
00:15:41,958 --> 00:15:43,208
Oh, my God.
270
00:15:45,916 --> 00:15:48,457
♪ You look like fun to me ♪
271
00:15:48,458 --> 00:15:52,624
♪ You look a little like
Somebody I know ♪
272
00:15:52,625 --> 00:15:53,957
Come on, sheeple!
273
00:15:53,958 --> 00:15:59,040
♪ How this ends because
I'll be in your head all weekend ♪
274
00:15:59,041 --> 00:16:01,624
♪ Shivers and butterflies ♪
275
00:16:01,625 --> 00:16:05,624
♪ I get the shivers
When I look into your eyes ♪
276
00:16:05,625 --> 00:16:08,707
♪ And I can tell that you're all in ♪
277
00:16:08,708 --> 00:16:11,290
♪ Because I can hear
Your heart beating ♪
278
00:16:11,291 --> 00:16:14,291
♪ Padam, padam, padam ♪
279
00:16:14,750 --> 00:16:16,457
♪ I hear it and I know ♪
280
00:16:16,458 --> 00:16:20,333
♪ Padam, padam,
I know you wanna take me home ♪
281
00:16:20,458 --> 00:16:23,916
Keep up the energy.
Remember, people are paying for this.
282
00:16:24,541 --> 00:16:26,916
♪ When your heart goes padam ♪
283
00:16:27,958 --> 00:16:30,749
It'll all make sense
eventually, dear.
284
00:16:30,750 --> 00:16:34,124
♪ I know you wanna
Take me home, padam ♪
285
00:16:34,125 --> 00:16:37,500
♪ And take off all my clothes,
Padam, padam ♪
286
00:16:37,916 --> 00:16:41,541
♪ When your heart goes padam ♪
287
00:16:42,625 --> 00:16:45,166
- [delighted] Ha-ha! Yes!
- Right. Thank you.
288
00:16:45,875 --> 00:16:46,708
Thank you.
289
00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:49,916
Thank you for wasting my time.
290
00:16:50,208 --> 00:16:51,041
Good luck.
291
00:16:51,750 --> 00:16:54,041
Never say good luck
in the theatre, Brad.
292
00:16:54,250 --> 00:16:55,083
Yeah.
293
00:16:55,375 --> 00:16:56,708
We're cursed.
294
00:16:57,500 --> 00:17:00,165
Brad. What's the problem?
295
00:17:00,166 --> 00:17:02,083
You're kidding. What's the problem?
296
00:17:02,583 --> 00:17:05,290
Okay, here's the problem.
I'm stuck here in Hookeyville
297
00:17:05,291 --> 00:17:08,499
somewhere north of nowhere,
surrounded by singing sheep
298
00:17:08,500 --> 00:17:11,707
and ageing alcoholics.
Okay. You are my agent.
299
00:17:11,708 --> 00:17:14,707
You need to get me out of here
as quickly as possible.
300
00:17:14,708 --> 00:17:18,249
Oh, but Brad,
you did read the script, right?
301
00:17:18,250 --> 00:17:19,749
No, not, not...
302
00:17:19,750 --> 00:17:22,124
- And the terms of the contract?
- [horn honks]
303
00:17:22,125 --> 00:17:23,458
Get out of the road, you idiot.
304
00:17:23,958 --> 00:17:26,624
Exactly. Look, honey,
305
00:17:26,625 --> 00:17:29,415
I've been your agent for years,
and the fact of the matter is,
306
00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:30,707
you're lazy, ungrateful,
307
00:17:30,708 --> 00:17:33,374
and I've had just about enough
rider requests for one lifetime.
308
00:17:33,375 --> 00:17:36,833
Nobody needs a new pair of briefs
every single day.
309
00:17:38,458 --> 00:17:41,832
Brad Apollo Mac,
it gives me the greatest of pleasures
310
00:17:41,833 --> 00:17:44,082
to finally say, you're fired.
311
00:17:44,083 --> 00:17:47,832
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You are fired.
312
00:17:47,833 --> 00:17:49,665
Too late, buster.
You're already off the books.
313
00:17:49,666 --> 00:17:51,415
You're gonna hear from my lawyer.
314
00:17:51,416 --> 00:17:53,624
Who cares?
Your lawyer hates you, too.
315
00:17:53,625 --> 00:17:55,583
Merry Christmas, Buttons.
316
00:18:00,500 --> 00:18:03,582
I wouldn't worry about it, mate.
Gandalf's done it too.
317
00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:06,999
- He still does, in fact.
- Sir Ian McKellen's done pantomime?
318
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,999
Oh, yeah. All the big names.
319
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:13,207
David Hasselhoff, Pamela Anderson,
Barry offEastEnders.
320
00:18:13,208 --> 00:18:15,083
- Eh?
- [mutters] I'm dead.
321
00:18:17,875 --> 00:18:20,583
All right then. Here we are.
322
00:18:22,833 --> 00:18:23,833
Wow.
323
00:18:26,541 --> 00:18:28,249
I-- I don't really need a
themed room,
324
00:18:28,250 --> 00:18:29,291
a regular one'll do.
325
00:18:30,041 --> 00:18:31,625
What you mean, themed?
326
00:18:41,666 --> 00:18:43,249
- [car door slams]
- Hello, girls.
327
00:18:43,250 --> 00:18:45,124
Kieran, what are you doing here?
328
00:18:45,125 --> 00:18:47,665
I'm not gonna let you walk home
in the dark on your own, am I?
329
00:18:47,666 --> 00:18:50,499
- So jump in the motor.
- It's a short walk. We're fine.
330
00:18:50,500 --> 00:18:51,624
It's winter, Jill.
331
00:18:51,625 --> 00:18:53,290
There's a lot
of naughty people knocking about.
332
00:18:53,291 --> 00:18:54,541
You know, like burglars.
333
00:18:54,750 --> 00:18:56,291
Oh, you've heard
about that, have you?
334
00:18:56,708 --> 00:18:58,999
Of course, I have.
Everyone's talking about it.
335
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:01,250
Yeah, well, I hope
you're not mixed up in any of it.
336
00:19:01,625 --> 00:19:04,000
Put the top up, Kieran.
It's freezing.
337
00:19:04,416 --> 00:19:05,415
How's my baby?
338
00:19:05,416 --> 00:19:07,082
I'm 13.
339
00:19:07,083 --> 00:19:09,290
Well, you'll always be my baby.
340
00:19:09,291 --> 00:19:11,124
You're looking forward
to spending Christmas
341
00:19:11,125 --> 00:19:12,458
with your old dad this year?
342
00:19:12,791 --> 00:19:14,374
- What?
- It's my turn.
343
00:19:14,375 --> 00:19:16,665
She's got a part in the panto.
344
00:19:16,666 --> 00:19:18,208
We discussed this.
345
00:19:18,708 --> 00:19:20,582
Well, that was before I knew
that you were both working
346
00:19:20,583 --> 00:19:22,166
with that, uh, Killing Timemug.
347
00:19:22,416 --> 00:19:25,707
So, yeah. Christmas
with all your London cousins.
348
00:19:25,708 --> 00:19:27,291
You'd like that, wouldn't you, Cara?
349
00:19:28,041 --> 00:19:29,750
[police siren in the distance]
350
00:19:31,250 --> 00:19:32,750
Oh, well, I'll give you a bell.
351
00:19:34,250 --> 00:19:35,333
Love you, baby.
352
00:19:51,166 --> 00:19:52,582
[water gurgles]
353
00:19:52,583 --> 00:19:56,000
No, that's disgusting.
354
00:19:56,208 --> 00:19:57,916
[phone rings]
355
00:19:59,250 --> 00:20:00,416
Oh, crap.
356
00:20:06,083 --> 00:20:09,041
- Hey, Grace, how are you?
- Oh, Brad, are you in England?
357
00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:14,291
Er, yeah,
I'm at a silent shamanic retreat.
358
00:20:15,166 --> 00:20:17,916
Mmm.
359
00:20:18,916 --> 00:20:20,415
Mmm.
360
00:20:20,416 --> 00:20:22,791
Any plans to see
your daughter at all?
361
00:20:22,958 --> 00:20:25,207
Can't really talk right now.
Gotta stay quiet.
362
00:20:25,208 --> 00:20:28,832
- Convenient.
- Emma, darling, it's Daddy.
363
00:20:28,833 --> 00:20:32,290
Okay, fine, Grace.
I was supposed to do a play here.
364
00:20:32,291 --> 00:20:33,915
Okay? In the theatre.
365
00:20:33,916 --> 00:20:36,499
Exciting times.
Who's the playwright, Brad?
366
00:20:36,500 --> 00:20:39,249
- Oh, Spencer, you're there too?
- Marlow? Jonson?
367
00:20:39,250 --> 00:20:41,416
It's gonna be
down in Stoneford, okay?
368
00:20:42,458 --> 00:20:44,374
Hey, Em. Hi, sweetheart.
369
00:20:44,375 --> 00:20:46,875
Hi, Dad.
Mum says you're in England.
370
00:20:47,041 --> 00:20:48,374
[British accent]
That's right, governor.
371
00:20:48,375 --> 00:20:49,457
Don't do the accent.
372
00:20:49,458 --> 00:20:51,957
Yeah. Okay. Look,
sweetheart, the sad thing is,
373
00:20:51,958 --> 00:20:54,125
I don't think I'm gonna
be able to see you on this trip.
374
00:20:54,375 --> 00:20:56,124
Well, but you said that last time.
375
00:20:56,125 --> 00:20:59,165
- And the time before that.
- And the time before that.
376
00:20:59,166 --> 00:21:02,457
I know, I know, okay?
But this time is not my fault.
377
00:21:02,458 --> 00:21:03,833
I'm not gonna be here long.
378
00:21:04,083 --> 00:21:05,374
I've been conned.
379
00:21:05,375 --> 00:21:06,915
They weren't even gonna
give me a Winnebago.
380
00:21:06,916 --> 00:21:09,416
But what about Christmas?
381
00:21:09,541 --> 00:21:11,083
[sighs] Christmas.
382
00:21:11,416 --> 00:21:13,957
Ugh. Oh, honey, I am so sorry.
383
00:21:13,958 --> 00:21:16,041
I promise I'm gonna
make it up to you, okay?
384
00:21:16,625 --> 00:21:19,582
Hey, you liked that Amazon gift card
I gave you last year, right?
385
00:21:19,583 --> 00:21:21,500
That way you can get
exactly what you want.
386
00:21:21,625 --> 00:21:22,583
Don't worry, Dad.
387
00:21:22,791 --> 00:21:25,041
Mum always told me
to manage my expectations.
388
00:21:25,458 --> 00:21:26,958
A pretty good life lesson, actually.
389
00:21:27,833 --> 00:21:29,165
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
390
00:21:29,166 --> 00:21:32,458
Please don't be mad at me, okay?
I promise, I will make it up to you.
391
00:21:33,083 --> 00:21:35,291
But now you sleep tight,
my little angel.
392
00:21:42,333 --> 00:21:43,666
[alarm clock beeps]
393
00:21:45,041 --> 00:21:46,958
[church bell rings in distance]
394
00:21:49,833 --> 00:21:53,125
Oh no, this is actually happening.
395
00:21:54,458 --> 00:21:56,291
[whimpers]
396
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:04,500
[Nigel] Wait, Mr Mac.
397
00:22:06,750 --> 00:22:07,915
I gotta say, Mr Mac,
398
00:22:07,916 --> 00:22:10,500
I'm surprised you didn't flee
in the middle of the night.
399
00:22:10,916 --> 00:22:12,416
[laughs]
400
00:22:13,083 --> 00:22:14,332
Imagine that.
401
00:22:14,333 --> 00:22:17,665
Mad dash to the airport,
straight onto a private jet.
402
00:22:17,666 --> 00:22:20,125
But then again, I know you
wouldn't do that to us.
403
00:22:22,916 --> 00:22:24,875
That's a big bag
for a rehearsal, innit?
404
00:22:30,625 --> 00:22:32,833
[man] Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
405
00:22:35,875 --> 00:22:36,708
Excuse me?
406
00:22:37,541 --> 00:22:39,416
Sign in please, Mr Mac.
407
00:22:41,166 --> 00:22:43,457
It's ten past ten.
You are late.
408
00:22:43,458 --> 00:22:45,458
It's fine. I won't be staying.
409
00:22:46,125 --> 00:22:48,291
Why is my name
not at the top of the list?
410
00:22:48,875 --> 00:22:51,041
Well, it's alphabetical, Mr Mac.
411
00:22:52,583 --> 00:22:53,416
Huh.
412
00:22:54,916 --> 00:22:57,125
The name's Albert, by the way.
413
00:22:58,291 --> 00:23:00,125
Albert with an A.
414
00:23:01,083 --> 00:23:02,583
I know your game.
415
00:23:07,291 --> 00:23:08,291
Yeah.
416
00:23:08,666 --> 00:23:10,041
[sighs]
417
00:23:13,625 --> 00:23:14,625
Pbrrr.
418
00:23:18,041 --> 00:23:21,540
- Ciao, Brad.
- Yeah, I know. Hello. Goodbye.
419
00:23:21,541 --> 00:23:22,624
So sad.
420
00:23:22,625 --> 00:23:24,582
Now, I take it
you've read the script.
421
00:23:24,583 --> 00:23:27,790
Sandra, if I had read this script,
I wouldn't have gotten on the plane.
422
00:23:27,791 --> 00:23:29,665
You are hilarious.
423
00:23:29,666 --> 00:23:31,374
So we're gonna be starting
with scene three.
424
00:23:31,375 --> 00:23:32,707
It's a tricky one, mind.
425
00:23:32,708 --> 00:23:35,458
Wonderful. Places, please, darlings.
426
00:23:36,166 --> 00:23:39,165
Oh, hello, Buttons. There you are.
427
00:23:39,166 --> 00:23:41,290
Weren't you supposed to be
with the fairy in the dairy?
428
00:23:41,291 --> 00:23:42,499
The fairy in the dairy, Fanny?
429
00:23:42,500 --> 00:23:44,707
That's right, Annie.
Far better than being on the hunt--
430
00:23:44,708 --> 00:23:47,041
Wait a second.
Why is there plastic on the floor?
431
00:23:47,541 --> 00:23:50,333
And why are you wearing a wig?
In the script it says--
432
00:23:50,500 --> 00:23:51,416
[squelching]
433
00:23:52,291 --> 00:23:54,332
- [punch lands]
- [thudding]
434
00:23:54,333 --> 00:23:55,750
[furious] Son of a bitch!
435
00:23:56,333 --> 00:23:58,291
You should have known
from my contract.
436
00:23:58,583 --> 00:24:01,541
I don't do my own stunts.
Somebody call me a car!
437
00:24:01,750 --> 00:24:03,790
- You're a car.
- You're a jerk.
438
00:24:03,791 --> 00:24:05,915
Don't worry, Bradders.
It was an absolute honour
439
00:24:05,916 --> 00:24:07,499
to be punched in the face by you.
440
00:24:07,500 --> 00:24:10,999
- You can even do it harder next time.
- Oh, yeah, Brad, she likes it hard.
441
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:11,915
Ooh, Fanny.
442
00:24:11,916 --> 00:24:15,540
Okay, that's it. I quit.
I'm on the red eye tonight.
443
00:24:15,541 --> 00:24:17,415
[Jean]
Have you got pink eye, darling?
444
00:24:17,416 --> 00:24:19,624
I've got a cream
that's good for that.
445
00:24:19,625 --> 00:24:21,332
What's wrong with you people?
446
00:24:21,333 --> 00:24:24,415
Actually, Brad, darling,
you, erm, you can't quit.
447
00:24:24,416 --> 00:24:28,999
- [chuckles] Excuse me?
- Oh, yes. Cassie's right, darling.
448
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:32,040
Your clever little agent
added in a liability clause.
449
00:24:32,041 --> 00:24:32,958
Yep.
450
00:24:33,250 --> 00:24:35,415
If you fail
to perform even just one show,
451
00:24:35,416 --> 00:24:38,541
you're liable to be sued for
loss of proceeds for the entire run.
452
00:24:38,791 --> 00:24:42,624
Ooh, I think I might be able
to muster the six bucks.
453
00:24:42,625 --> 00:24:46,082
Mm. The last time I looked,
I think it was two million pounds.
454
00:24:46,083 --> 00:24:47,875
Three million, actually.
455
00:24:48,500 --> 00:24:50,332
You see,
Christmas pantomimes make the money
456
00:24:50,333 --> 00:24:52,040
that keeps theatres open
all year round.
457
00:24:52,041 --> 00:24:54,665
Without that revenue,
a lot of theatres would be forced
458
00:24:54,666 --> 00:24:57,041
to close down.
This one included.
459
00:24:57,166 --> 00:25:00,916
Yeah. Sorry, sorry. Yeah.
That is £3,000,000, not dollars.
460
00:25:01,625 --> 00:25:02,458
Okay, darling.
461
00:25:04,666 --> 00:25:06,208
I'm gonna need some privacy.
462
00:25:06,666 --> 00:25:09,375
Oh. Please don't go, Brad.
463
00:25:10,916 --> 00:25:14,916
Hate you, Brad? No.
Why would I hate you?
464
00:25:15,041 --> 00:25:17,457
Your NDAs alone paid
for my new pool.
465
00:25:17,458 --> 00:25:19,332
Okay, good. Good.
466
00:25:19,333 --> 00:25:22,916
That's great. So... am I free?
467
00:25:24,500 --> 00:25:28,250
Well, sadly, Brad,
the contract's pretty tight.
468
00:25:28,750 --> 00:25:31,374
Unless there's some kind
of force majeure.
469
00:25:31,375 --> 00:25:34,665
An explosion, tsunami,
collapse of the Western world,
470
00:25:34,666 --> 00:25:37,375
which, let's face it, isn't far away.
471
00:25:37,958 --> 00:25:39,665
You're doing this, I'm afraid.
472
00:25:39,666 --> 00:25:42,375
No, no, no, Sukie, please. I can't.
473
00:25:43,125 --> 00:25:44,582
Why is this happening to me?
474
00:25:44,583 --> 00:25:47,375
Well, your agent made
a pretty solid deal.
475
00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:48,832
Judas.
476
00:25:48,833 --> 00:25:50,833
No, Julie.
477
00:25:51,166 --> 00:25:53,916
You really gotta get better
at remembering people's name.
478
00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:55,833
Hey...
479
00:25:59,041 --> 00:26:01,249
What if I just walked,
got on a plane and went home?
480
00:26:01,250 --> 00:26:04,624
Oh, then they will sue
and trust me, they will win.
481
00:26:04,625 --> 00:26:07,333
But, hey, look on
the bright side, Brad,
482
00:26:07,500 --> 00:26:09,915
this pantomime thing's
surprisingly well paid.
483
00:26:09,916 --> 00:26:10,833
It is?
484
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:15,707
Sure, and given
the state of your finances,
485
00:26:15,708 --> 00:26:17,208
I would stay put if I were you.
486
00:26:17,416 --> 00:26:18,957
What about my finances?
487
00:26:18,958 --> 00:26:20,374
Oh, Brad, please.
488
00:26:20,375 --> 00:26:25,915
Five houses, one divorce,
200k a year on tulips.
489
00:26:25,916 --> 00:26:29,708
- Your spending is out of control.
- Why can't anyone get this right?
490
00:26:30,208 --> 00:26:32,499
It was $200,000 over two years.
491
00:26:32,500 --> 00:26:35,665
And they weren't tulips.
They were orchids from Namibia.
492
00:26:35,666 --> 00:26:39,707
Well, Namibia it in the butt,
pal, because the bottom line is,
493
00:26:39,708 --> 00:26:42,875
it's Buttons or bust.
494
00:26:47,166 --> 00:26:48,375
[whimpers]
495
00:26:51,708 --> 00:26:52,958
I'm screwed.
496
00:26:56,541 --> 00:26:57,958
[indistinct chatter]
497
00:26:58,708 --> 00:27:00,291
Everybody's a comedian.
498
00:27:02,041 --> 00:27:04,708
Right then, what can I get you?
Oh, hello, Brad.
499
00:27:05,250 --> 00:27:07,540
- So you work here too?
- Course I do.
500
00:27:07,541 --> 00:27:09,665
Cost of living, mate,
can never have too many jobs.
501
00:27:09,666 --> 00:27:10,707
You're telling me.
502
00:27:10,708 --> 00:27:14,000
I used to be the face of Breitling,
Gucci, Constipate.
503
00:27:14,625 --> 00:27:15,707
Exactly as it sounds.
504
00:27:15,708 --> 00:27:18,332
Anyways, I'll have
a sparkling kombucha,
505
00:27:18,333 --> 00:27:20,374
a pistachio quinoa power bowl,
506
00:27:20,375 --> 00:27:23,165
and a side order of organic kale,
low-alkaline please.
507
00:27:23,166 --> 00:27:25,291
- Yeah, we don't have that.
- Which part?
508
00:27:25,458 --> 00:27:26,458
Any of it.
509
00:27:28,166 --> 00:27:31,291
Fine. I'll take your average,
run-of-the-mill sushi. Thank you.
510
00:27:34,750 --> 00:27:35,833
Hi, Brad.
511
00:27:36,416 --> 00:27:38,125
Hello, teenage girl.
512
00:27:39,500 --> 00:27:41,957
I'm in the pantomime. Cara.
513
00:27:41,958 --> 00:27:44,333
[disinterested] Of course, you are.
514
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:46,166
For the Gram.
515
00:27:46,458 --> 00:27:48,791
Oh, God.
I wish I had a gram right now.
516
00:27:49,583 --> 00:27:50,583
[camera shutter clicks]
517
00:27:56,375 --> 00:27:59,749
Listen, Brad, I just wanted
to apologise for yesterday
518
00:27:59,750 --> 00:28:01,250
for being a bit rude.
519
00:28:01,375 --> 00:28:03,499
It's just we don't have
much time to rehearse.
520
00:28:03,500 --> 00:28:06,374
And you being five days late
wasn't exactly helpful.
521
00:28:06,375 --> 00:28:09,790
- I'm five days late?
- Oh, like you didn't know that.
522
00:28:09,791 --> 00:28:12,499
Of course not.
'Cause I'm not supposed to be here.
523
00:28:12,500 --> 00:28:14,000
My agent tricked me.
524
00:28:14,166 --> 00:28:16,250
I'm supposed to be playing
Macbeth at the Globe.
525
00:28:16,791 --> 00:28:21,666
Oh, well, you'd freeze your tits off.
That place doesn't even have a roof.
526
00:28:22,666 --> 00:28:26,458
Okay. This was my chance to be
taken seriously as an actor.
527
00:28:26,750 --> 00:28:30,957
- And now that's not gonna happen.
- Pantomime is serious.
528
00:28:30,958 --> 00:28:33,541
I'm starting to think
you might be a little serious.
529
00:28:35,083 --> 00:28:37,540
You have a daughter,
don't you, Brad? Emma.
530
00:28:37,541 --> 00:28:39,333
Yes. I may have Wikipedia-ed it.
531
00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:43,582
Can you just imagine
her looking at you on the stage
532
00:28:43,583 --> 00:28:46,582
putting massive smiles
on everyone's faces?
533
00:28:46,583 --> 00:28:48,457
Yeah, that's not gonna happen.
534
00:28:48,458 --> 00:28:51,041
Not exactly
the world's greatest dad right now.
535
00:28:51,333 --> 00:28:54,500
Kids are for life, Brad,
not just for Christmas.
536
00:28:56,041 --> 00:28:57,832
And think of Stoneford too.
537
00:28:57,833 --> 00:29:00,625
Do you honestly think
anyone's gonna care?
538
00:29:01,250 --> 00:29:04,791
- Er, hello. Look around.
- [camera shutters clicking]
539
00:29:05,458 --> 00:29:08,790
So if you're thinking of leaving us,
Mr Mac, better do so soon
540
00:29:08,791 --> 00:29:11,083
'cause we'd need
to find another Buttons.
541
00:29:12,666 --> 00:29:15,207
- What the hell is that?
- Sushi.
542
00:29:15,208 --> 00:29:16,333
I googled it.
543
00:29:17,125 --> 00:29:18,333
[doors swing open]
544
00:29:20,708 --> 00:29:23,416
Well, it looks like you win.
545
00:29:24,458 --> 00:29:29,165
I, Bradley Mac, three-time
Razzie nominee, will be your Buttons.
546
00:29:29,166 --> 00:29:31,290
- Bravo!
- Marvellous!
547
00:29:31,291 --> 00:29:33,040
Hey, it's dead flattering that, Brad.
548
00:29:33,041 --> 00:29:34,457
Welcome to the madhouse, darling.
549
00:29:34,458 --> 00:29:36,750
- Who wants a gin?
- Brenda. Not now.
550
00:29:37,166 --> 00:29:38,165
First things first.
551
00:29:38,166 --> 00:29:39,540
I wanna start
with the motivational speech
552
00:29:39,541 --> 00:29:41,124
between Buttons and Cinderella.
553
00:29:41,125 --> 00:29:45,166
Er, sorry, darling...
Erm, motivational speech?
554
00:29:45,291 --> 00:29:46,874
Yeah.
Where he tells her to stay strong
555
00:29:46,875 --> 00:29:48,125
in the face of adversity.
556
00:29:48,458 --> 00:29:50,957
I've done it a hundred times.
- Remember?
- Killing Time 2.
557
00:29:50,958 --> 00:29:53,416
- I was four when that came out.
- Yeah, same.
558
00:29:54,458 --> 00:29:56,790
All I have to do
is get my head in the character
559
00:29:56,791 --> 00:29:59,000
and it should be
smooth sailing from there.
560
00:29:59,250 --> 00:30:02,041
Absolutely, darling,
give us your best shot.
561
00:30:05,583 --> 00:30:08,415
Oh, heavens. He's gonna go
all Method on us, Brenda.
562
00:30:08,416 --> 00:30:09,708
He's not the only one.
563
00:30:12,041 --> 00:30:13,875
[softly] Don't cry, Cinderella.
564
00:30:14,875 --> 00:30:19,165
Your stepmother and stepsister
are mean because that's their nature.
565
00:30:19,166 --> 00:30:21,041
Things will get better.
566
00:30:21,625 --> 00:30:23,041
You just have to believe.
567
00:30:25,833 --> 00:30:27,500
And magic will happen.
568
00:30:30,208 --> 00:30:33,790
Can I just, er,
stop you for a moment, Brad?
569
00:30:33,791 --> 00:30:36,333
Too good?
I don't wanna show up the others.
570
00:30:36,541 --> 00:30:38,666
- Almost too good. Yup.
- Ah.
571
00:30:39,125 --> 00:30:41,500
Now, Brad, darling,
you are used to film
572
00:30:41,916 --> 00:30:44,165
where the camera can give you
a lovely big close-up
573
00:30:44,166 --> 00:30:45,915
with the microphone and the edits.
574
00:30:45,916 --> 00:30:48,374
Hey, I'm ready
for my close-up, Mr Mac.
575
00:30:48,375 --> 00:30:50,207
No one's interested
in your muscles, Callum.
576
00:30:50,208 --> 00:30:52,624
- Speak for yourself, love.
- Want a go on that?
577
00:30:52,625 --> 00:30:54,665
But on stage,
it is completely different.
578
00:30:54,666 --> 00:30:58,624
You have to project.
You have to go big.
579
00:30:58,625 --> 00:30:59,541
I know that.
580
00:30:59,666 --> 00:31:00,500
I know that.
581
00:31:00,666 --> 00:31:01,666
Louder.
582
00:31:02,208 --> 00:31:04,708
Louder. Okay. Big, big.
583
00:31:04,916 --> 00:31:06,166
Gorgeous.
584
00:31:06,958 --> 00:31:09,958
And... action!
585
00:31:10,833 --> 00:31:13,582
[sobbing] Don't cry, Cinderella!
586
00:31:13,583 --> 00:31:15,999
Your stepmother
and stepsisters are mean to you
587
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:17,791
because it's their nature!
588
00:31:18,291 --> 00:31:20,708
Things will get better!
[sobbing continues]
589
00:31:23,041 --> 00:31:24,125
Something like that?
590
00:31:24,458 --> 00:31:26,249
Mm-hmm. Mm.
591
00:31:26,250 --> 00:31:27,333
We're screwed.
592
00:31:29,250 --> 00:31:31,250
[phone buzzes]
593
00:31:33,208 --> 00:31:34,999
Grace.
How's my favourite ex-wife?
594
00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:36,500
Oh, what do you care?
595
00:31:36,708 --> 00:31:40,374
Now, listen,
you can pick Emma up tomorrow.
596
00:31:40,375 --> 00:31:42,874
You should consider
yourself very lucky.
597
00:31:42,875 --> 00:31:44,416
- Tomorrow?
- Yes.
598
00:31:45,041 --> 00:31:47,790
And do not let her down this time.
599
00:31:47,791 --> 00:31:50,165
- What do you mean, this time?
- Oh, come on, Brad.
600
00:31:50,166 --> 00:31:51,332
Forget the Oscars.
601
00:31:51,333 --> 00:31:54,583
You are literally first in line
for Worst parent of the year award.
602
00:31:55,625 --> 00:31:58,125
Some parents are
just so selfish, aren't they?
603
00:31:59,166 --> 00:32:00,083
What the...?
604
00:32:01,833 --> 00:32:02,833
- I'll be there.
- Good.
605
00:32:03,791 --> 00:32:05,416
[exhilarating music]
606
00:32:09,125 --> 00:32:11,874
Oh, Brad, I'm so sorry, mate.
Come here.
607
00:32:11,875 --> 00:32:13,208
- Don't.
- Yeah, no, fair enough.
608
00:32:13,791 --> 00:32:15,415
- We've been broken into.
- What?
609
00:32:15,416 --> 00:32:17,166
Yeah.
Your suite's been ransacked.
610
00:32:17,291 --> 00:32:19,499
Why don't you just get me
another room with a bigger lock?
611
00:32:19,500 --> 00:32:22,707
I would love to, but we,
we are chock full of Santas
612
00:32:22,708 --> 00:32:24,166
and we're the only hotel in town.
613
00:32:25,208 --> 00:32:27,124
Well then, Mr Mac,
614
00:32:27,125 --> 00:32:29,125
you'd better come
and stay at my place.
615
00:32:29,916 --> 00:32:32,290
Thank you, Albert.
But I don't want to put you out.
616
00:32:32,291 --> 00:32:34,333
Oh, it's fine.
617
00:32:34,958 --> 00:32:38,000
We'll find a way to,
uh, squeeze you in.
618
00:32:40,500 --> 00:32:42,250
I could bring whatever's
left of your stuff.
619
00:32:43,250 --> 00:32:44,125
Thanks, Nigel.
620
00:32:45,666 --> 00:32:47,083
Yeah, you're welcome, mate.
621
00:32:49,083 --> 00:32:50,166
Stay safe.
622
00:33:00,291 --> 00:33:03,207
Wow.
It was very thoughtful of you, Alby.
623
00:33:03,208 --> 00:33:05,083
Hey, Albert, please.
624
00:33:05,666 --> 00:33:08,583
Really like the electric car too.
Very green of you.
625
00:33:09,375 --> 00:33:10,208
What's all this?
626
00:33:11,166 --> 00:33:13,791
This is my life,
627
00:33:14,333 --> 00:33:15,833
my whole life.
628
00:33:16,583 --> 00:33:18,625
- Huh.
- [bells jingle]
629
00:33:20,416 --> 00:33:22,665
Er-- er, you're upstairs.
630
00:33:22,666 --> 00:33:24,166
Er, first floor.
631
00:33:39,583 --> 00:33:41,916
- I've got a question.
- The answer is yes.
632
00:33:42,125 --> 00:33:46,041
Madly in love with each other,
but no, neither of them has a clue.
633
00:33:46,375 --> 00:33:47,708
[both laugh]
634
00:33:48,625 --> 00:33:49,957
- I'll get it.
- Yeah.
635
00:33:49,958 --> 00:33:51,041
I'll get it.
636
00:33:51,333 --> 00:33:54,625
Right. Brad. Dare I say,
we're gonna attempt to put you in.
637
00:33:54,833 --> 00:33:56,499
- God help us.
- Fine. Just remember,
638
00:33:56,500 --> 00:33:58,000
I don't do my own stunts.
639
00:33:58,500 --> 00:34:00,875
You don't do your own stunts.
Got it.
640
00:34:01,708 --> 00:34:03,915
Right. To save time,
we're gonna divvy up
641
00:34:03,916 --> 00:34:05,958
some your lines to other people.
642
00:34:08,416 --> 00:34:09,708
I'm a light tenor.
643
00:34:10,916 --> 00:34:11,916
How about you?
644
00:34:12,583 --> 00:34:14,291
A little heavier, but I can sing.
645
00:34:14,916 --> 00:34:17,249
Jill, is this a good time
to tell you that I can actually sing
646
00:34:17,250 --> 00:34:18,833
and I'm a pretty good dancer?
647
00:34:19,333 --> 00:34:20,500
Of course, you are.
648
00:34:21,708 --> 00:34:24,000
['It's the Most Wonderful Time
of the Year' plays]
649
00:34:24,916 --> 00:34:25,750
Callum.
650
00:34:30,291 --> 00:34:35,500
♪ It's the most
wonderful time of the year ♪
651
00:34:37,333 --> 00:34:41,207
♪ With the kids jingle belling
And everyone telling you ♪
652
00:34:41,208 --> 00:34:43,333
♪ Be of good cheer ♪
653
00:34:43,958 --> 00:34:49,541
♪ It's the most wonderful time
Of the year ♪
654
00:34:50,625 --> 00:34:56,291
♪ It's the hap-happiest season
Of all ♪
655
00:34:57,666 --> 00:35:01,582
♪ With those holiday greetings
And gay happy meetings ♪
656
00:35:01,583 --> 00:35:03,958
♪ When friends come to call ♪
657
00:35:04,791 --> 00:35:10,750
♪ It's the most wonderful time
Of the year ♪
658
00:35:11,166 --> 00:35:15,457
♪ There'll be parties for hosting
Marshmallows for toasting ♪
659
00:35:15,458 --> 00:35:18,290
♪ And carolling out in the snow ♪
660
00:35:18,291 --> 00:35:22,249
♪ There'll be scary ghost stories
And tales of the glories ♪
661
00:35:22,250 --> 00:35:26,208
♪ Of Christmases long, long ago ♪
662
00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:32,125
♪ It's the most wonderful time
Of the year ♪
663
00:35:33,875 --> 00:35:37,499
♪ There'll be much mistletoeing
And hearts will be glowing ♪
664
00:35:37,500 --> 00:35:40,250
♪ When loved ones are near ♪
665
00:35:40,750 --> 00:35:43,416
♪ It's the most wonderful time ♪
666
00:35:44,333 --> 00:35:47,582
♪ Yes, the most wonderful time ♪
667
00:35:47,583 --> 00:35:51,666
♪ Oh, the most wonderful time ♪
668
00:35:52,375 --> 00:35:56,541
♪ Of the year ♪
669
00:35:57,000 --> 00:35:58,875
- Bravo!
- [applause]
670
00:36:00,291 --> 00:36:04,082
♪ It's the most wonderful time ♪
671
00:36:04,083 --> 00:36:07,540
♪ Yes, the most wonderful time ♪
672
00:36:07,541 --> 00:36:13,375
♪ It's the most wonderful time
Of the year ♪
673
00:36:13,500 --> 00:36:14,915
[cheers and applause]
674
00:36:14,916 --> 00:36:17,874
Ah, this is gonna be
our best panto ever.
675
00:36:17,875 --> 00:36:19,415
Yeah,
that was supposed to be my song.
676
00:36:19,416 --> 00:36:21,249
Oh, Russell, darling, don't worry.
677
00:36:21,250 --> 00:36:23,791
- You can take a lead on another one.
- Yeah. Only if I get to pick.
678
00:36:24,791 --> 00:36:27,457
I'd like to do
Engelbert Humperdinck's
679
00:36:27,458 --> 00:36:29,625
Lonely Is a Man Without Love.
680
00:36:30,208 --> 00:36:33,540
- Hmm. That'll really get them going.
- It used to, darling.
681
00:36:33,541 --> 00:36:37,582
- [whispering] Izzy. What's going on?
- Oh, no. It's all right, Brad.
682
00:36:37,583 --> 00:36:39,958
- We don't have to do this.
- Do what?
683
00:36:40,541 --> 00:36:42,540
Well, I know
you like to date your co-stars,
684
00:36:42,541 --> 00:36:45,875
but seriously,
you're old enough to be my granddad.
685
00:36:46,750 --> 00:36:47,583
Wow.
686
00:36:49,416 --> 00:36:50,416
Wow.
687
00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:52,332
Truth is, I was just gonna ask you
688
00:36:52,333 --> 00:36:54,415
what's going on
between you and Callum.
689
00:36:54,416 --> 00:37:00,333
Oh, oh, sorry.
That, erm, well, nothing, I guess.
690
00:37:00,875 --> 00:37:02,540
Every year we do the panto
691
00:37:02,541 --> 00:37:05,332
and every year
we just sort of grow apart.
692
00:37:05,333 --> 00:37:07,124
Too much brawn, not enough brains.
693
00:37:07,125 --> 00:37:09,000
I hate those guys.
694
00:37:10,125 --> 00:37:13,000
Well, at least I now know
what I need to ask Santa for.
695
00:37:13,500 --> 00:37:14,499
What, brains?
696
00:37:14,500 --> 00:37:17,958
No. Something
to stuff your stocking with.
697
00:37:18,083 --> 00:37:21,249
[chuckles] It's double entendre.
You're getting it.
698
00:37:21,250 --> 00:37:24,416
No, you're getting it from Callum.
[chuckles]
699
00:37:25,250 --> 00:37:26,250
Too much?
700
00:37:27,291 --> 00:37:28,915
Bren, darling. What's the matter?
701
00:37:28,916 --> 00:37:32,875
- It's my digs. I've been broken into.
- No, not another one.
702
00:37:33,500 --> 00:37:36,415
Digs is what they call
the accommodation actors stay in.
703
00:37:36,416 --> 00:37:38,000
Gosh. Thanks, Gillian.
704
00:37:38,291 --> 00:37:42,166
- Hey, don't call me Gillian.
- Stoneford just isn't what it was.
705
00:37:42,750 --> 00:37:44,750
I mean, we were a community once.
706
00:37:45,375 --> 00:37:47,957
Now look, blighted by petty crime.
707
00:37:47,958 --> 00:37:50,208
Yeah, we all know who's behind that.
708
00:37:50,333 --> 00:37:52,915
How else can he drive that car?
Hey, Kieran!
709
00:37:52,916 --> 00:37:54,833
Leave him, Brenda, please.
710
00:37:55,541 --> 00:37:58,249
I don't know why you
are sticking up for him.
711
00:37:58,250 --> 00:37:59,166
[emphatically] Jill.
712
00:37:59,875 --> 00:38:04,540
Jill, that ex-husband of yours is
a bad 'un if ever there was one.
713
00:38:04,541 --> 00:38:06,749
Right then, who's getting this round?
714
00:38:06,750 --> 00:38:08,457
Are you serious?
You work here too?
715
00:38:08,458 --> 00:38:10,207
Yeah, cough up, rich boy.
716
00:38:10,208 --> 00:38:12,499
Oh, 200 grand for orchids.
717
00:38:12,500 --> 00:38:16,124
It was a hundred grand a year,
and they were from Namibia.
718
00:38:16,125 --> 00:38:17,500
- Oh.
- Oh.
719
00:38:18,041 --> 00:38:21,125
- Another round for everybody on me.
- [cheers and applause]
720
00:38:23,666 --> 00:38:26,999
Well, I'll see you tomorrow, I guess.
721
00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:30,207
Yeah. Not too many late night bars
around here, are there?
722
00:38:30,208 --> 00:38:32,166
Around here? Nah.
723
00:38:32,916 --> 00:38:34,583
I do have a bottle of wine
in the fridge though.
724
00:38:36,125 --> 00:38:37,458
Oh. Erm...
725
00:38:39,791 --> 00:38:42,208
Mind you, hey, carbs innit.
726
00:38:43,041 --> 00:38:45,208
Right. Gotta look after the temple.
727
00:38:45,458 --> 00:38:46,291
Yeah.
728
00:38:50,166 --> 00:38:52,040
- Here he is.
- Oi, oi!
729
00:38:52,041 --> 00:38:54,250
Stoneford's action hero.
Look at him. Look.
730
00:38:54,625 --> 00:38:56,374
Come on then, show us
some of your moves, huh?
731
00:38:56,375 --> 00:38:57,625
The only need is me.
732
00:38:57,750 --> 00:39:00,375
- I don't want any trouble. Come on.
- Course you don't. You know why?
733
00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:03,000
'Cause you're a little scaredy cat,
ain't you?
734
00:39:03,666 --> 00:39:05,374
You couldn't even block that...
735
00:39:05,375 --> 00:39:06,916
[all laugh]
736
00:39:07,541 --> 00:39:09,291
No wonder you ended up in this dump.
737
00:39:10,666 --> 00:39:14,250
- You're a hopeless loser.
- Go home, Kieran. Now.
738
00:39:14,833 --> 00:39:16,041
I'm having a laugh, Jill.
739
00:39:17,666 --> 00:39:18,665
Let's go, boys.
740
00:39:18,666 --> 00:39:20,332
- Alright, Kieran, come on.
- [sighs]
741
00:39:20,333 --> 00:39:21,500
[laughing]
742
00:39:25,916 --> 00:39:26,833
Jill.
743
00:39:28,750 --> 00:39:30,250
I'll see you tomorrow, Brad.
744
00:39:37,583 --> 00:39:39,165
[muttering] Never do nothing right.
745
00:39:39,166 --> 00:39:41,208
All you have to do
is stand up for yourself.
746
00:39:43,375 --> 00:39:44,250
Huh?
747
00:39:45,291 --> 00:39:47,333
- Hey!
- [suspenseful music]
748
00:39:47,875 --> 00:39:50,333
- Stay where you are! Stop!
- [man] Leg it!
749
00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:52,291
Somebody stop them!
750
00:39:52,750 --> 00:39:55,166
- [music crescendos, stops]
- [panting]
751
00:39:57,250 --> 00:39:58,458
What's going on?
752
00:40:00,791 --> 00:40:02,375
He's behind you.
753
00:40:03,583 --> 00:40:04,750
Don't come any closer.
754
00:40:09,125 --> 00:40:11,916
Ah! Ah, ah, me sole!
755
00:40:13,625 --> 00:40:16,250
- Stay down.
- [man] Mate, you saved us!
756
00:40:16,916 --> 00:40:19,166
- I got it all on video too.
- [grunting, groans]
757
00:40:19,875 --> 00:40:22,499
Well done, sir. Nice one.
Thank you.
758
00:40:22,500 --> 00:40:25,374
Arms behind your back. Police.
We've got his accomplice as well.
759
00:40:25,375 --> 00:40:27,416
Looks like
the Stoneford crime spree's over.
760
00:40:29,291 --> 00:40:31,249
Hang on a minute, aren't you...?
761
00:40:31,250 --> 00:40:32,250
I am.
762
00:40:33,208 --> 00:40:34,291
[man] I think I broke it.
763
00:40:34,791 --> 00:40:37,249
247 to base. You'll never guess
who I've just seen.
764
00:40:37,250 --> 00:40:38,874
[woman]
Go ahead, 247. Surprise me.
765
00:40:38,875 --> 00:40:42,207
Hollywood movie star, Brad Mac,
put his trademark action moves
766
00:40:42,208 --> 00:40:43,707
into action last night.
767
00:40:43,708 --> 00:40:45,790
Not on some Hollywood studio lot,
768
00:40:45,791 --> 00:40:49,540
but here in the sleepy town
of Stoneford in England.
769
00:40:49,541 --> 00:40:51,874
Mr Mac may not have been
kung fu fighting,
770
00:40:51,875 --> 00:40:55,582
but his unusual routine is said
to have been inspired by this:
771
00:40:55,583 --> 00:40:57,582
Stoneford's Theatre Royal,
772
00:40:57,583 --> 00:41:00,957
where in just a few days' time,
Brad Mac takes to the stage
773
00:41:00,958 --> 00:41:03,290
- as Buttons inCinderella.
- [reporter 2] Here he is! Here he is!
774
00:41:03,291 --> 00:41:06,625
Oh, Mr Mac, can I ask
exactly what happened?
775
00:41:07,375 --> 00:41:10,707
Well, I think I did what
any concerned citizen would do.
776
00:41:10,708 --> 00:41:14,999
Er, I saw two men trying to rob,
uh, a home, and I chased them.
777
00:41:15,000 --> 00:41:16,415
And apprehended them?
778
00:41:16,416 --> 00:41:18,374
No, the police did that.
779
00:41:18,375 --> 00:41:20,540
But I like to think
that I did my part.
780
00:41:20,541 --> 00:41:22,540
Two men are now in custody.
781
00:41:22,541 --> 00:41:24,124
It turns out they were
part of a criminal gang
782
00:41:24,125 --> 00:41:26,624
that have been targeting
towns in the local area.
783
00:41:26,625 --> 00:41:29,249
Police are confident
that further arrests will follow,
784
00:41:29,250 --> 00:41:31,332
and that the gang's
crime spree has been put to a stop.
785
00:41:31,333 --> 00:41:32,875
All thanks to you, Brad Mac.
786
00:41:33,583 --> 00:41:36,082
- How's the panto going?
- Oh, great. Thank you for asking.
787
00:41:36,083 --> 00:41:39,166
Thank you. Erm, yeah,
strength to strength like my career.
788
00:41:39,458 --> 00:41:41,207
And if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna go spend
789
00:41:41,208 --> 00:41:42,832
the rest of the day
with my daughter. Thank you.
790
00:41:42,833 --> 00:41:43,749
Thank you.
791
00:41:43,750 --> 00:41:45,040
[journalist] Mr Mac?
792
00:41:45,041 --> 00:41:46,957
Quick, Brenda,
why don't you tell them
793
00:41:46,958 --> 00:41:49,665
about your one night encounter
with Ozzy Osborne in 1985?
794
00:41:49,666 --> 00:41:52,125
Oh, with pleasure.
795
00:41:55,833 --> 00:41:57,000
[gentle melody]
796
00:42:11,041 --> 00:42:12,458
[doorbell chimes]
797
00:42:16,791 --> 00:42:19,250
- Spencer.
- Grace!
798
00:42:20,166 --> 00:42:21,415
Spider-Man's here.
799
00:42:21,416 --> 00:42:23,540
- Wasn't inSpider-Man.
- No?
800
00:42:23,541 --> 00:42:26,250
I wouldn't know.
I don't watch mainstream movies.
801
00:42:26,500 --> 00:42:30,457
I prefer Cinéma Français.
Films with subtitles.
802
00:42:30,458 --> 00:42:32,208
I like French films.
803
00:42:32,375 --> 00:42:34,375
[In French] But I don't need
subtitles.
804
00:42:36,166 --> 00:42:37,166
Move, Spencer.
805
00:42:42,250 --> 00:42:44,082
Dad, you finally made it!
806
00:42:44,083 --> 00:42:47,332
Oh, sweetheart,
I am so happy to see you.
807
00:42:47,333 --> 00:42:49,208
We're gonna have
a fabulous day, okay?
808
00:42:50,208 --> 00:42:51,374
When do you need her back?
809
00:42:51,375 --> 00:42:52,791
Oh, after lunch is fine.
810
00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:54,666
Well, that's not gonna give us
a lot of time.
811
00:42:55,500 --> 00:42:57,083
After lunch on Monday.
812
00:42:58,041 --> 00:42:59,541
Three whole days!
813
00:42:59,958 --> 00:43:00,958
Yeah!
814
00:43:02,041 --> 00:43:03,999
Can Daddy talk
with Mummy privately please?
815
00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:05,666
Oh, let's.
816
00:43:06,250 --> 00:43:07,500
[whispering] We'll be right back.
817
00:43:12,625 --> 00:43:14,290
Okay. I can't do three days.
818
00:43:14,291 --> 00:43:15,374
I'm rehearsing.
819
00:43:15,375 --> 00:43:16,290
I'm sure you can get
820
00:43:16,291 --> 00:43:18,332
one of your little minions
to sort it out.
821
00:43:18,333 --> 00:43:21,374
Okay, Grace. Minions are cartoons.
Everyone knows that.
822
00:43:21,375 --> 00:43:24,249
No, no, no.
Tough, tough, tough.
823
00:43:24,250 --> 00:43:28,290
We are going to Paris
because, newsflash: we are exhausted.
824
00:43:28,291 --> 00:43:30,665
Yeah.
I only get a bonus four times a year.
825
00:43:30,666 --> 00:43:34,499
Okay. Newsflash: Spencer,
your bonus is $25,000 a month
826
00:43:34,500 --> 00:43:37,707
I pay her in alimony.
Grace, you cannot spring this on me.
827
00:43:37,708 --> 00:43:40,916
[Grace] You haven't seen her
twice in the last two years.
828
00:43:41,666 --> 00:43:43,582
This is finally your chance.
829
00:43:43,583 --> 00:43:47,041
- I'm working.
- You're always working.
830
00:43:47,583 --> 00:43:48,916
You're a big boy.
831
00:43:49,166 --> 00:43:50,333
Figure it out.
832
00:44:06,875 --> 00:44:09,750
Well, kiddo, looks like it's
you and me for three whole days.
833
00:44:11,291 --> 00:44:13,874
- Where are we going?
- To the North, me little mucker.
834
00:44:13,875 --> 00:44:15,583
- Dad!
- I know.
835
00:44:16,041 --> 00:44:16,875
Come on.
836
00:44:18,083 --> 00:44:19,416
[Christmassy music]
837
00:44:32,500 --> 00:44:33,832
So this is it.
838
00:44:33,833 --> 00:44:36,125
Stoneford Theatre Royal.
839
00:44:37,416 --> 00:44:38,707
[delighted] You're in a pantomime?
840
00:44:38,708 --> 00:44:40,541
Yeah. Sorry.
841
00:44:41,416 --> 00:44:43,665
What do you mean, sorry?
I love panto.
842
00:44:43,666 --> 00:44:44,750
You do?
843
00:44:45,916 --> 00:44:49,166
But why are you so young?
Is it set in the past?
844
00:44:49,750 --> 00:44:50,750
How dare you!
845
00:44:51,125 --> 00:44:52,458
- Ah!
- [giggles]
846
00:44:52,833 --> 00:44:55,083
I wanna introduce you
to a man named Albert. Come on.
847
00:44:57,000 --> 00:44:59,416
Oh, hello, Emma.
848
00:44:59,791 --> 00:45:01,416
My name's Albert.
849
00:45:01,791 --> 00:45:04,625
Yeah, well, come on in, love.
Make yourself at home.
850
00:45:05,833 --> 00:45:06,750
Thank you.
851
00:45:38,666 --> 00:45:39,500
Wow.
852
00:45:39,833 --> 00:45:41,333
Talk about a hint of colour.
853
00:45:42,708 --> 00:45:43,791
I like it.
854
00:45:45,875 --> 00:45:46,750
Yeah,
855
00:45:48,250 --> 00:45:49,958
we should probably close it up.
856
00:45:54,250 --> 00:45:56,333
- [indistinct chatter]
- [laughter]
857
00:46:17,333 --> 00:46:20,041
Don't worry, sweetheart.
Happens wherever I go.
858
00:46:22,500 --> 00:46:24,250
Dad? It's December.
859
00:46:24,875 --> 00:46:25,875
You're right.
860
00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:31,916
Thank you.
861
00:46:32,916 --> 00:46:35,500
It's that awful man
from those dreadful films.
862
00:46:36,791 --> 00:46:39,332
- Brad. Hi.
- Gillian.
863
00:46:39,333 --> 00:46:42,040
- Jill!
- Big fan of your work.
864
00:46:42,041 --> 00:46:44,915
Oh, thank you very much.
This is my daughter Emma.
865
00:46:44,916 --> 00:46:47,540
This is my daughter Cara
and her friend Bella.
866
00:46:47,541 --> 00:46:48,957
- Hiya.
- Hi.
867
00:46:48,958 --> 00:46:50,790
Do you wanna go
and grab hot chocolates?
868
00:46:50,791 --> 00:46:53,332
- Yeah, sure. Dad?
- Yeah, of course.
869
00:46:53,333 --> 00:46:54,875
- I'll catch up.
- Great. Let's go.
870
00:46:55,833 --> 00:46:57,249
Jill. Can I have a word?
871
00:46:57,250 --> 00:47:00,165
So Emma's here all weekend, right?
But we're rehearsing.
872
00:47:00,166 --> 00:47:03,291
And I'm really scared
she's just gonna be so bored.
873
00:47:03,791 --> 00:47:06,083
Don't worry.
Cara can look out for her.
874
00:47:06,333 --> 00:47:08,040
- Really?
- Yeah.
875
00:47:08,041 --> 00:47:09,957
She can hang out
with all the kids backstage
876
00:47:09,958 --> 00:47:13,208
and then we'll get her on the stage
for that big ballroom scene.
877
00:47:13,708 --> 00:47:17,041
Oh, my God. That sounds fantastic.
You are a lifesaver.
878
00:47:17,500 --> 00:47:18,333
Whoa.
879
00:47:21,125 --> 00:47:23,499
Actually, Brad,
I have a favour to ask you.
880
00:47:23,500 --> 00:47:24,832
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
881
00:47:24,833 --> 00:47:27,125
On Monday,
the school's holding an event.
882
00:47:27,666 --> 00:47:29,332
The choir will be singing carols.
883
00:47:29,333 --> 00:47:32,291
- There's a tombola.
- Is that like Ebola?
884
00:47:32,500 --> 00:47:34,666
Not quite. One's an African disease.
885
00:47:34,916 --> 00:47:37,999
Erm, then there'll be
a prize-giving, like, fun things,
886
00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:39,707
like Best Christmas jumper.
887
00:47:39,708 --> 00:47:40,708
What?
888
00:47:41,791 --> 00:47:43,750
Oh, no, jumper means sweater.
889
00:47:44,291 --> 00:47:45,458
Oh, thank God.
890
00:47:45,958 --> 00:47:48,833
Little dark for Christmas, right?
Aha. Splat.
891
00:47:49,291 --> 00:47:53,000
So we were hoping someone real famous
might wanna hand out the prizes.
892
00:47:53,500 --> 00:47:55,375
Yeah, I'll do it. What's the fee?
893
00:47:55,875 --> 00:47:57,875
Er, cup of tea and a bourbon.
894
00:47:58,000 --> 00:48:01,124
Huh. You're cute.
I don't drink when I work.
895
00:48:01,125 --> 00:48:04,040
Hot nuts. Come and get your hot nuts!
896
00:48:04,041 --> 00:48:07,916
- Nigel. Don't you sleep?
- Of course not, mate. On the house.
897
00:48:08,250 --> 00:48:10,040
- Thank you.
- [hollers] Hot nuts.
898
00:48:10,041 --> 00:48:12,416
Warm your hands on me hot nuts.
899
00:48:15,791 --> 00:48:19,832
One and two and three
and four and five.
900
00:48:19,833 --> 00:48:21,082
- Ah.
- [Jill] Okay. Stop.
901
00:48:21,083 --> 00:48:24,832
Stop. I want Prince Charming,
but it's a bit Prince Alarming.
902
00:48:24,833 --> 00:48:28,832
Sorry, Izzy. Got two left feet.
Toned feet, but...
903
00:48:28,833 --> 00:48:30,665
No, it's me. Really.
904
00:48:30,666 --> 00:48:32,083
Callum, do you mind?
905
00:48:33,125 --> 00:48:34,375
Jill, may I?
906
00:48:36,458 --> 00:48:39,791
- From the top.
- Right. Okay. Watch and learn.
907
00:48:42,083 --> 00:48:44,333
['It's the Most Wonderful Time
of the Year' plays]
908
00:49:11,416 --> 00:49:12,416
Oh.
909
00:49:41,625 --> 00:49:43,624
[cheers and applause]
910
00:49:43,625 --> 00:49:45,165
Bravo, Jill!
911
00:49:45,166 --> 00:49:47,707
Brenda, please.
I wasn't even warmed up.
912
00:49:47,708 --> 00:49:50,416
All right, my darlings.
Back to the top.
913
00:49:50,750 --> 00:49:52,750
['Santa Can't You Hear Me' plays]
914
00:49:57,250 --> 00:50:00,125
♪ Keep the snow and sleigh rides ♪
915
00:50:00,583 --> 00:50:02,083
Come on, let's go!
916
00:50:03,708 --> 00:50:06,708
♪ Keep the gifts beneath the tree ♪
917
00:50:08,083 --> 00:50:10,333
Oh, this is the best casting!
918
00:50:11,500 --> 00:50:13,000
Come on, hurry up!
919
00:50:13,166 --> 00:50:14,750
- Jill.
- Thanks, Richard.
920
00:50:18,916 --> 00:50:21,708
Yeah, come on! Let's go!
921
00:50:24,125 --> 00:50:26,916
♪ 'Cause all I ever wanted ♪
922
00:50:27,250 --> 00:50:29,415
♪ Was nothing I got ♪
923
00:50:29,416 --> 00:50:35,458
♪ And Santa, can't you hear me? ♪
924
00:50:36,333 --> 00:50:40,207
♪ Oh-oh, oh, oh-oh, oh ♪
925
00:50:40,208 --> 00:50:45,000
♪ I don't need a thing ♪
926
00:50:45,250 --> 00:50:48,124
♪ I sent a letter to you ♪
927
00:50:48,125 --> 00:50:53,207
♪ On how to make my dreams come true,
Yeah, yeah ♪
928
00:50:53,208 --> 00:50:57,915
♪ What I want for Christmas ♪
929
00:50:57,916 --> 00:51:01,249
♪ Hasn't come and I've been so blue ♪
930
00:51:01,250 --> 00:51:06,000
♪ Tell me, what can I do? Oh, yeah ♪
931
00:51:06,250 --> 00:51:11,374
♪ Keep the mistletoe ♪
932
00:51:11,375 --> 00:51:15,207
♪ Unless below is what I need ♪
933
00:51:15,208 --> 00:51:17,165
♪ What I need ♪
934
00:51:17,166 --> 00:51:24,916
♪ Santa, can't you hear me? ♪
935
00:51:26,500 --> 00:51:28,041
[laughing happily] Yes!
936
00:51:28,375 --> 00:51:31,083
[cheers and applause]
937
00:51:33,666 --> 00:51:34,833
You was amazing today.
938
00:51:35,125 --> 00:51:36,125
You were too.
939
00:51:36,833 --> 00:51:39,375
Can I buy you a drink?
940
00:51:40,541 --> 00:51:41,375
Sure.
941
00:51:43,041 --> 00:51:43,875
Great.
942
00:51:57,666 --> 00:51:58,791
Good morning, Albert.
943
00:51:59,666 --> 00:52:01,041
Yeah. Morning, Brad.
944
00:52:01,416 --> 00:52:03,166
How's young Emma doing?
945
00:52:04,250 --> 00:52:07,249
She's good, thank you. I think
she's really enjoying herself.
946
00:52:07,250 --> 00:52:09,375
- Ah.
- She'll be down in a minute.
947
00:52:09,541 --> 00:52:12,166
- May I?
- Yeah, of course. Yes, of course.
948
00:52:14,666 --> 00:52:15,500
Wow.
949
00:52:17,000 --> 00:52:18,083
[chuckles]
950
00:52:21,666 --> 00:52:24,166
- Albert, can I ask you a question?
- Yeah.
951
00:52:25,000 --> 00:52:27,165
When did she pass?
952
00:52:27,166 --> 00:52:29,416
Your wife?
Emma and I saw the dresses upstairs.
953
00:52:30,833 --> 00:52:34,750
My husband passed nine years ago.
954
00:52:35,791 --> 00:52:39,583
New Year's Eve, in fact. On stage.
955
00:52:41,541 --> 00:52:44,416
Malcolm and I were pantomime dames.
956
00:52:44,875 --> 00:52:46,458
Rivals at first.
957
00:52:47,583 --> 00:52:50,958
But, er, 1979...
958
00:52:51,708 --> 00:52:54,125
we got asked to work together.
959
00:52:54,708 --> 00:52:57,791
Cinderella, Oldham Coliseum.
960
00:52:58,666 --> 00:53:01,083
He was a cocky little thing.
961
00:53:01,541 --> 00:53:03,583
I suppose that's why I liked him.
962
00:53:04,333 --> 00:53:06,625
- Cheeky, like you.
- [chuckles]
963
00:53:07,583 --> 00:53:09,458
We toured every year.
964
00:53:10,500 --> 00:53:12,375
Made all our own frocks.
965
00:53:15,000 --> 00:53:16,333
Birmingham.
966
00:53:16,750 --> 00:53:17,915
Newcastle.
967
00:53:17,916 --> 00:53:19,166
Hull.
968
00:53:19,791 --> 00:53:20,958
Nottingham.
969
00:53:22,250 --> 00:53:24,540
Until 1992.
970
00:53:24,541 --> 00:53:26,458
What made you stay in Stoneford?
971
00:53:27,291 --> 00:53:31,415
Oh, we were so damn popular,
they put us in every year.
972
00:53:31,416 --> 00:53:35,291
Most pantomimes have
one dame, you see?
973
00:53:35,625 --> 00:53:38,875
But here, there were always two.
974
00:53:40,000 --> 00:53:44,790
And people in the town,
oh, God, they loved us.
975
00:53:44,791 --> 00:53:46,915
We couldn't go anywhere.
976
00:53:46,916 --> 00:53:49,582
Year round, autographs.
977
00:53:49,583 --> 00:53:51,750
Then selfies.
978
00:53:52,291 --> 00:53:55,541
- The Stoneford Christmas lights.
- [laughing]
979
00:53:57,291 --> 00:53:59,000
Until that Christmas.
980
00:54:06,541 --> 00:54:08,291
Last show of the year.
981
00:54:09,250 --> 00:54:10,666
Poor Malcolm.
982
00:54:11,708 --> 00:54:13,666
As the final curtain fell,
983
00:54:14,333 --> 00:54:17,041
he was out like a light himself.
984
00:54:19,875 --> 00:54:21,916
I never went on stage again.
985
00:54:24,375 --> 00:54:26,041
Albert, I'm so sorry.
986
00:54:30,416 --> 00:54:33,708
Why do you work the stage door?
You don't need the money.
987
00:54:34,375 --> 00:54:37,291
Theatre's not about money, lad.
988
00:54:38,291 --> 00:54:42,250
Theatre's about love,
passion, people.
989
00:54:45,291 --> 00:54:47,500
I devoted my whole life to it,
990
00:54:49,375 --> 00:54:54,416
and I haven't regretted it
for one single moment.
991
00:54:57,208 --> 00:54:59,082
Come on, Dad.
Let's get you to rehearsals.
992
00:54:59,083 --> 00:55:00,250
Good morning, Albert.
993
00:55:00,750 --> 00:55:02,833
Good morning, my dear.
994
00:55:03,375 --> 00:55:04,625
Thank you, Albert.
995
00:55:08,083 --> 00:55:09,000
Thank you.
996
00:55:09,166 --> 00:55:10,083
Take care.
997
00:55:18,250 --> 00:55:20,333
You are a complete
waste of space, Buttons.
998
00:55:20,458 --> 00:55:22,290
I have no idea why we pay you.
999
00:55:22,291 --> 00:55:24,040
But you don't pay me, Baron Hardup.
1000
00:55:24,041 --> 00:55:25,415
That's because I am hard up.
1001
00:55:25,416 --> 00:55:26,875
[both, comically] Oh, matron.
1002
00:55:27,125 --> 00:55:30,207
Yeah. Why do you need money
anyway, Buttons?
1003
00:55:30,208 --> 00:55:34,333
Yeah, that's right.
We all thought: The only need is me!
1004
00:55:34,583 --> 00:55:35,499
What?
1005
00:55:35,500 --> 00:55:37,583
Why else would you be
killing time in panto land?
1006
00:55:37,708 --> 00:55:39,749
Yeah, we're not
in Hollywood now, are we, Buttons?
1007
00:55:39,750 --> 00:55:42,166
Yeah, that's right.
Has anyone seen your career?
1008
00:55:42,291 --> 00:55:43,999
[both, comically] It's behind you.
1009
00:55:44,000 --> 00:55:45,582
Why are you saying that? Stop it.
1010
00:55:45,583 --> 00:55:48,040
Oh, no, darling.
It's just topical jokes.
1011
00:55:48,041 --> 00:55:50,165
It's the same
with the star turn in every panto.
1012
00:55:50,166 --> 00:55:51,665
Just a little light ribbing, dear.
1013
00:55:51,666 --> 00:55:54,207
Well, I'm proud of those films,
okay? So you can take that out now.
1014
00:55:54,208 --> 00:55:55,707
What are you gonna do? Quit?
[chuckles]
1015
00:55:55,708 --> 00:55:57,666
- I don't think so, ducky.
- [laughter]
1016
00:55:58,666 --> 00:56:00,749
Oh, that's right.
Swan off to your agent.
1017
00:56:00,750 --> 00:56:03,500
- What agent?
- [both laugh wickedly]
1018
00:56:03,750 --> 00:56:04,666
Oh, he's gone.
1019
00:56:08,500 --> 00:56:10,874
Oh, Mr Mac. Mr Mac?
1020
00:56:10,875 --> 00:56:12,958
- Sign out, Mr Mac.
- [Emma] Wait!
1021
00:56:14,125 --> 00:56:16,291
Miss Mac. Er... Miss Mac! Uh...
1022
00:56:25,166 --> 00:56:26,000
Dad.
1023
00:56:27,125 --> 00:56:29,457
Emma, please just go back inside.
Okay?
1024
00:56:29,458 --> 00:56:32,166
No. I'm starting to think
that Mum was right about you.
1025
00:56:32,625 --> 00:56:34,207
All you care about is yourself.
1026
00:56:34,208 --> 00:56:35,332
What?
1027
00:56:35,333 --> 00:56:36,833
She says you keep trying to run away.
1028
00:56:37,791 --> 00:56:40,415
I didn't really understand until now.
1029
00:56:40,416 --> 00:56:42,874
That's not true, okay?
And it's not fair.
1030
00:56:42,875 --> 00:56:44,458
Come back in, okay?
1031
00:56:45,041 --> 00:56:47,375
For me, please.
1032
00:56:48,291 --> 00:56:50,041
[soft emotive music playing]
1033
00:57:02,625 --> 00:57:03,458
Hey.
1034
00:57:05,458 --> 00:57:06,291
Ah.
1035
00:57:08,291 --> 00:57:10,750
I really want to thank you
for making me come back inside.
1036
00:57:11,708 --> 00:57:14,958
You know,
I wanna do this play because of you
1037
00:57:15,416 --> 00:57:17,165
and I think I really had fun.
1038
00:57:17,166 --> 00:57:18,666
You were really good, Dad.
1039
00:57:18,875 --> 00:57:19,875
Thank you.
1040
00:57:20,166 --> 00:57:22,458
Salted caramel surprise?
1041
00:57:22,666 --> 00:57:24,124
What's the surprise?
1042
00:57:24,125 --> 00:57:26,582
Erm, soft in the centre.
1043
00:57:26,583 --> 00:57:27,958
Ha ha ha.
1044
00:57:29,208 --> 00:57:32,290
Maybe they could go a little easier
on me with the jokes about my career.
1045
00:57:32,291 --> 00:57:33,708
They were really funny.
1046
00:57:35,666 --> 00:57:38,624
I might be
being oversensitive about this,
1047
00:57:38,625 --> 00:57:41,374
but I just don't think
that I'm ready to start joking
1048
00:57:41,375 --> 00:57:43,540
about the career I'm about to lose.
1049
00:57:43,541 --> 00:57:44,916
What are you talking about, Brad?
1050
00:57:45,458 --> 00:57:47,958
The jokes only work
because you are a star.
1051
00:57:48,791 --> 00:57:49,957
It's a thing we do in England.
1052
00:57:49,958 --> 00:57:51,625
It's called taking the piss.
1053
00:57:52,291 --> 00:57:55,165
Now come on, it's time
for the school prize-giving.
1054
00:57:55,166 --> 00:57:57,791
Not quite the Oscars,
but we should get going.
1055
00:57:58,083 --> 00:57:58,916
You ready?
1056
00:58:01,000 --> 00:58:04,040
♪ Deck the halls
With boughs of holly ♪
1057
00:58:04,041 --> 00:58:06,958
♪ Fa la la la la la, la la la ♪
1058
00:58:09,375 --> 00:58:11,375
[indistinct chatter]
1059
00:58:21,458 --> 00:58:24,666
Mr Mac, this is an honour.
1060
00:58:24,833 --> 00:58:26,790
Martin. The head.
1061
00:58:26,791 --> 00:58:27,707
Pleasure.
1062
00:58:27,708 --> 00:58:29,040
- Mulled wine.
- Actually--
1063
00:58:29,041 --> 00:58:31,083
It's a British tradition, Mr Mac.
1064
00:58:31,541 --> 00:58:34,166
Well, German. But still.
1065
00:58:34,708 --> 00:58:36,582
Hey, Cara.
Why don't you show Emma around.
1066
00:58:36,583 --> 00:58:37,500
Thank you.
1067
00:58:39,333 --> 00:58:40,541
Gonna earn my keep.
1068
00:58:41,416 --> 00:58:42,250
Good luck.
1069
00:58:43,125 --> 00:58:45,666
[loudly] Hello, Stoneford!
1070
00:58:48,083 --> 00:58:51,874
Today I'd like to welcome
Hollywood actor Brad Mac...
1071
00:58:51,875 --> 00:58:54,040
- [cheering, applause]
- ...who is here
1072
00:58:54,041 --> 00:58:55,874
to present our Christmas awards.
1073
00:58:55,875 --> 00:58:58,665
[cheers and applause continuing]
1074
00:58:58,666 --> 00:59:00,207
Now, it's so important
1075
00:59:00,208 --> 00:59:03,708
that children be inspired
by the theatre.
1076
00:59:04,333 --> 00:59:07,457
That's why our students take
their annual trip to London
1077
00:59:07,458 --> 00:59:11,500
to see the best theatre
this country has to offer.
1078
00:59:12,208 --> 00:59:15,333
Macbethat Shakespeare's Globe.
1079
00:59:16,041 --> 00:59:16,916
Emma.
1080
00:59:18,708 --> 00:59:21,915
Still, if you're looking
for something a little more fun
1081
00:59:21,916 --> 00:59:24,249
this Christmas,
be sure to catch Mr Mac
1082
00:59:24,250 --> 00:59:27,040
in Stoneford's Christmas pantomime.
1083
00:59:27,041 --> 00:59:29,124
[cheers and applause]
1084
00:59:29,125 --> 00:59:31,708
Now, shall we get
the prize-giving underway?
1085
00:59:34,583 --> 00:59:37,790
Let's get things started
with this year's highly coveted prize
1086
00:59:37,791 --> 00:59:39,374
for most improved attendance.
1087
00:59:39,375 --> 00:59:41,582
- And the winner is...
- Where's my daughter?
1088
00:59:41,583 --> 00:59:42,583
Grace?
1089
00:59:43,583 --> 00:59:45,457
Emma's around here somewhere.
1090
00:59:45,458 --> 00:59:47,125
- Jill.
- Who? Who's Jill?
1091
00:59:47,291 --> 00:59:48,957
Because she was meant
to be home at 12 o'clock
1092
00:59:48,958 --> 00:59:51,165
and your phone is off
and it's half past three.
1093
00:59:51,166 --> 00:59:52,999
- I was rehearsing.
- Because the hotel said you'd left
1094
00:59:53,000 --> 00:59:54,457
and I can't get a hold of your agent
1095
00:59:54,458 --> 00:59:56,249
because it turns out
you don't have an agent any more.
1096
00:59:56,250 --> 00:59:59,207
- [Emma] Mum.
- Oh, darling. Oh, sweetheart.
1097
00:59:59,208 --> 01:00:01,458
[Grace] Oh, okay.
1098
01:00:01,750 --> 01:00:03,249
Sweetheart,
we're gonna go to London now.
1099
01:00:03,250 --> 01:00:04,583
Grace, please don't do this.
1100
01:00:05,083 --> 01:00:06,915
We're having
such a good time, right, Em?
1101
01:00:06,916 --> 01:00:10,207
- I'm going to be in the pantomime.
- [panicked] No, no, no, no.
1102
01:00:10,208 --> 01:00:11,874
That's not
something to be proud of, Em.
1103
01:00:11,875 --> 01:00:14,040
What is it we say about pantomimes,
Spencer? What's the...
1104
01:00:14,041 --> 01:00:15,582
Lowest common
denominator entertainment.
1105
01:00:15,583 --> 01:00:17,332
Well, that's not true.
They're hugely popular.
1106
01:00:17,333 --> 01:00:19,332
That's good you're popular somewhere,
eh, Brad?
1107
01:00:19,333 --> 01:00:20,874
Come on, let's go.
1108
01:00:20,875 --> 01:00:22,249
I don't want to.
1109
01:00:22,250 --> 01:00:23,375
I'm sorry?
1110
01:00:24,416 --> 01:00:25,583
I want to stay with Dad.
1111
01:00:26,541 --> 01:00:28,708
Your father abandoned you, Emma.
1112
01:00:29,125 --> 01:00:32,207
So he could stay in Hollywood
and make sequel after sequel,
1113
01:00:32,208 --> 01:00:34,833
and buy orchid after orchid.
1114
01:00:36,250 --> 01:00:37,332
He promised.
1115
01:00:37,333 --> 01:00:40,083
But your father makes
a lot of promises, Emma.
1116
01:00:41,166 --> 01:00:43,750
Promises he always breaks.
1117
01:00:44,875 --> 01:00:49,166
So, no,
you will not be in the pantomime.
1118
01:00:49,666 --> 01:00:52,125
He probably won't even make it
to opening night, will you?
1119
01:00:52,875 --> 01:00:53,957
So, come on, let's go.
1120
01:00:53,958 --> 01:00:55,832
Grace, please just stop.
1121
01:00:55,833 --> 01:00:57,499
This is not fair.
1122
01:00:57,500 --> 01:01:00,332
We both agreed Emma would stay
with you because you told me
1123
01:01:00,333 --> 01:01:02,125
that's what was best for her,
1124
01:01:02,416 --> 01:01:04,915
and now I'm just starting to think
that that's what's best for you.
1125
01:01:04,916 --> 01:01:08,040
I get it. I've been a bad dad. Okay?
1126
01:01:08,041 --> 01:01:13,458
Thoughtless, selfish.
Emma, I promise that stops now.
1127
01:01:14,375 --> 01:01:16,375
I will never run away from you again.
1128
01:01:18,458 --> 01:01:20,375
Most improved attendance.
1129
01:01:22,041 --> 01:01:22,875
It's ironic.
1130
01:01:29,958 --> 01:01:30,958
Mr Mac.
1131
01:01:35,125 --> 01:01:38,791
- Rachel McDonald.
- [man] She's not here.
1132
01:01:39,083 --> 01:01:40,000
Not again.
1133
01:01:43,041 --> 01:01:45,041
[quiet conversation]
1134
01:01:58,708 --> 01:01:59,791
How are you?
1135
01:02:02,458 --> 01:02:03,375
Read that.
1136
01:02:06,125 --> 01:02:09,624
'From Hero to Zero.
Washed-up B-list movie star
1137
01:02:09,625 --> 01:02:11,958
ends career with not a bang,
but a whimper.'
1138
01:02:13,708 --> 01:02:15,125
Where did this come from?
1139
01:02:15,583 --> 01:02:19,415
My ex-agent didn't like
the good press that I was getting,
1140
01:02:19,416 --> 01:02:22,416
so she gave them
an alternative narrative.
1141
01:02:25,000 --> 01:02:29,041
I was hoping that coming here
would change my life and boy has it,
1142
01:02:29,208 --> 01:02:30,458
it has made it worse.
1143
01:02:31,583 --> 01:02:33,999
Come on, cheer up.
1144
01:02:34,000 --> 01:02:35,625
Things will get better.
1145
01:02:35,875 --> 01:02:39,332
No, not for me. Not here. I'm done.
1146
01:02:39,333 --> 01:02:41,750
I'm going home.
I don't care what it costs.
1147
01:02:43,083 --> 01:02:44,250
And what about us?
1148
01:02:45,208 --> 01:02:48,458
This is our life here, Brad.
This is who we are.
1149
01:02:49,291 --> 01:02:51,207
If you run away
and leave us in the lurch,
1150
01:02:51,208 --> 01:02:53,040
we are the ones
who end up paying the price.
1151
01:02:53,041 --> 01:02:55,041
I'm being humiliated, Jill.
1152
01:02:57,750 --> 01:03:00,708
But look at Albert on stage door
putting you up for nowt.
1153
01:03:01,291 --> 01:03:05,000
Cassandra, holding your hand
through every step of the process.
1154
01:03:05,375 --> 01:03:08,458
And then me. Muggins...
1155
01:03:08,625 --> 01:03:10,041
Along for the ride.
1156
01:03:12,875 --> 01:03:13,958
Okay. Forget it.
1157
01:03:14,916 --> 01:03:16,583
Because it's all about you, Brad.
1158
01:03:17,083 --> 01:03:18,791
'Cause that's how it's always been.
1159
01:03:19,500 --> 01:03:20,750
Your wife's right.
1160
01:03:21,208 --> 01:03:22,208
Ex-wife.
1161
01:03:22,500 --> 01:03:24,250
Yeah. I'm not surprised.
1162
01:03:30,458 --> 01:03:32,541
Bar person, one more for the road.
1163
01:03:37,500 --> 01:03:40,208
Oh, where's Nigel?
1164
01:03:40,583 --> 01:03:41,749
It's his day off.
1165
01:03:41,750 --> 01:03:42,666
Oh.
1166
01:03:43,250 --> 01:03:46,082
Only joking. [laughs]
1167
01:03:46,083 --> 01:03:47,875
As if I'd get a day off.
1168
01:03:49,583 --> 01:03:52,375
Anyway, mate,
you wanna take it easy, yeah?
1169
01:03:52,583 --> 01:03:54,624
You gotta turn on
the Christmas lights.
1170
01:03:54,625 --> 01:03:56,375
What do you think I'm dressed for?
1171
01:03:58,625 --> 01:04:01,041
[energised Christmassy music]
1172
01:04:08,125 --> 01:04:09,000
Hello.
1173
01:04:09,750 --> 01:04:11,000
Ich bin...
1174
01:04:11,458 --> 01:04:12,458
German.
1175
01:04:13,250 --> 01:04:14,250
Jesus.
1176
01:04:15,791 --> 01:04:18,290
Brenda, you're a connoisseur
of fine liquid entertainment.
1177
01:04:18,291 --> 01:04:22,875
The biggest turnout we've had
for a Christmas light switch on ever.
1178
01:04:24,416 --> 01:04:25,832
I think you might have had enough.
1179
01:04:25,833 --> 01:04:29,125
Welcome to the stage
the mayor of Stoneford!
1180
01:04:29,708 --> 01:04:31,165
It worked for Burton.
1181
01:04:31,166 --> 01:04:35,833
So let's give the cast
ofCinderellaa huge Stoneford wel--
1182
01:04:36,125 --> 01:04:37,708
Thank you, Mr Mayor.
1183
01:04:39,041 --> 01:04:40,249
Hello, Stoneford.
1184
01:04:40,250 --> 01:04:43,125
Oi, Buttons!
Gonna have another meltdown?
1185
01:04:43,708 --> 01:04:46,041
- Shut up, you loser.
- Ooh.
1186
01:04:46,166 --> 01:04:48,082
I'm Bradley Mac-- Ow!
1187
01:04:48,083 --> 01:04:50,625
[all laugh]
1188
01:04:56,333 --> 01:04:58,332
So that's how it is now.
1189
01:04:58,333 --> 01:05:00,833
I'm just a joke to you all.
1190
01:05:00,958 --> 01:05:02,291
Spiderman's here.
1191
01:05:02,833 --> 01:05:03,666
Okay.
1192
01:05:04,333 --> 01:05:06,125
- [Kieran shouting]
- [all laugh]
1193
01:05:06,791 --> 01:05:09,957
- How's this for laughs?
- [man] Whoa!
1194
01:05:09,958 --> 01:05:11,291
I can be funny.
1195
01:05:12,083 --> 01:05:13,499
Son of a bitch!
1196
01:05:13,500 --> 01:05:15,041
I can be the clown.
1197
01:05:15,166 --> 01:05:16,000
You're fired.
1198
01:05:17,125 --> 01:05:20,915
It seems like the only thing
I can't be is... a good actor.
1199
01:05:20,916 --> 01:05:22,875
- Something like that?
- We're screwed.
1200
01:05:23,291 --> 01:05:24,832
Good father.
1201
01:05:24,833 --> 01:05:28,333
You are literally first in line
for worst parent of the year award.
1202
01:05:28,916 --> 01:05:30,915
Even a good person.
1203
01:05:30,916 --> 01:05:31,874
But he promised.
1204
01:05:31,875 --> 01:05:34,875
But your father makes
a lot of promises, Emma.
1205
01:05:35,125 --> 01:05:37,208
Promises he always breaks.
1206
01:05:38,458 --> 01:05:41,957
- Anyone seen your career?
- [both] It's behind you.
1207
01:05:41,958 --> 01:05:44,958
What are you looking at?
What are you looking at?!
1208
01:05:46,083 --> 01:05:47,333
[explosions]
1209
01:05:49,416 --> 01:05:52,541
You want a villain?
I'll be your villain.
1210
01:05:53,166 --> 01:05:54,166
Yeah.
1211
01:05:55,625 --> 01:05:56,708
Here's this.
1212
01:05:59,541 --> 01:06:00,875
Merry Christmas.
1213
01:06:07,958 --> 01:06:09,207
Aargh!
1214
01:06:09,208 --> 01:06:10,541
- [all gasp]
- [electricity fizzles, blows]
1215
01:06:11,083 --> 01:06:12,166
[shocked gasps]
1216
01:06:14,708 --> 01:06:16,083
[laughs]
1217
01:06:16,333 --> 01:06:19,833
[groans]
1218
01:06:21,291 --> 01:06:23,833
[Nigel]
Mr Mac. You are under arrest.
1219
01:06:24,333 --> 01:06:27,375
And before you ask, yep,
community police officer.
1220
01:06:28,333 --> 01:06:29,875
Help me up.
1221
01:06:30,166 --> 01:06:31,875
- Yeah.
- [groans]
1222
01:06:32,666 --> 01:06:33,750
[policeman] Mr Mac.
1223
01:06:35,583 --> 01:06:37,500
I'm up. I'm up.
1224
01:06:40,791 --> 01:06:42,833
I need to talk to my lawyer.
1225
01:06:43,041 --> 01:06:45,624
They've been contacted. And they want
you to know they're on the way.
1226
01:06:45,625 --> 01:06:47,500
When are they getting here?
1227
01:06:48,125 --> 01:06:49,208
No idea.
1228
01:06:54,083 --> 01:06:56,541
Er, listen, do you mind
if I have a selfie?
1229
01:06:59,125 --> 01:06:59,957
Sure.
1230
01:06:59,958 --> 01:07:00,875
Cheers.
1231
01:07:03,583 --> 01:07:06,916
- Oh... Smile.
- [camera shutter clicks]
1232
01:07:07,083 --> 01:07:08,000
Cheers.
1233
01:07:10,708 --> 01:07:11,708
Are you all right?
1234
01:07:14,000 --> 01:07:14,833
No.
1235
01:07:17,166 --> 01:07:19,708
Yesterday I had everything.
1236
01:07:19,958 --> 01:07:21,500
Friends, a job.
1237
01:07:22,958 --> 01:07:24,500
My daughter loved me.
1238
01:07:25,250 --> 01:07:28,250
And I screwed it all up.
1239
01:07:30,708 --> 01:07:32,250
What's gonna happen now?
1240
01:07:32,791 --> 01:07:35,333
Well, you're up in front
of the magistrates Wednesday morning,
1241
01:07:35,541 --> 01:07:38,333
and normally you'd remain
in police custody until then.
1242
01:07:38,708 --> 01:07:41,040
However, on this occasion,
1243
01:07:41,041 --> 01:07:44,208
a respectable member of the community
has come forward and vouched for you,
1244
01:07:44,708 --> 01:07:47,791
so we're happy to release you
into their care until the hearing.
1245
01:07:49,916 --> 01:07:52,499
A respectable member
of the community?
1246
01:07:52,500 --> 01:07:53,416
Yeah.
1247
01:08:02,166 --> 01:08:05,165
Hey, sorry
about what I said at the pub.
1248
01:08:05,166 --> 01:08:08,416
Well, you're probably right.
Whatever it is you said.
1249
01:08:09,000 --> 01:08:10,000
Officer.
1250
01:08:11,750 --> 01:08:12,750
Downstairs.
1251
01:08:14,208 --> 01:08:15,583
I'll make us a brew.
1252
01:08:16,000 --> 01:08:17,750
[groaning] Oh...
1253
01:08:18,875 --> 01:08:20,500
I was so stupid.
1254
01:08:21,083 --> 01:08:23,916
When Grace took her away,
the way she looked at me.
1255
01:08:24,458 --> 01:08:26,707
I'll never get it outta my head.
She was so disappointed.
1256
01:08:26,708 --> 01:08:28,874
She'll understand. In time.
1257
01:08:28,875 --> 01:08:31,707
That's the thing.
With Emma, I'm running out of time.
1258
01:08:31,708 --> 01:08:33,374
If I'm convicted and I get a record,
1259
01:08:33,375 --> 01:08:34,665
they won't let me
back in the country.
1260
01:08:34,666 --> 01:08:36,625
It'll be years
before I can see her again.
1261
01:08:36,958 --> 01:08:39,916
I'm spiralling downward
and I don't know why.
1262
01:08:41,083 --> 01:08:44,290
'Cause this pantomime,
with Albert and-- and Emma,
1263
01:08:44,291 --> 01:08:47,208
[laughs] even the ugly sisters,
1264
01:08:47,708 --> 01:08:49,666
this is the best time I've ever had
1265
01:08:50,625 --> 01:08:52,000
and it's 'cause of you.
1266
01:08:52,958 --> 01:08:54,125
[knock on door]
1267
01:08:56,333 --> 01:08:57,250
Thanks.
1268
01:08:59,291 --> 01:09:00,874
Cara. Cara!
1269
01:09:00,875 --> 01:09:01,958
She's out.
1270
01:09:02,375 --> 01:09:04,500
You're not supposed
to have a key, Kieran.
1271
01:09:05,083 --> 01:09:06,708
[Kieran]
I just wanna see my daughter, Jill.
1272
01:09:07,416 --> 01:09:09,165
[Jill] Well, she's not here,
1273
01:09:09,166 --> 01:09:10,375
so you gotta leave.
1274
01:09:11,500 --> 01:09:12,708
Got him here with you?
1275
01:09:13,833 --> 01:09:15,332
It's not what you think.
1276
01:09:15,333 --> 01:09:17,166
Since when do you care
about what I think?
1277
01:09:18,750 --> 01:09:20,415
I wanna take Carla
down to London with me.
1278
01:09:20,416 --> 01:09:23,207
No, the pantomime is opening
tomorrow night.
1279
01:09:23,208 --> 01:09:25,540
- You promised.
- Yeah.
1280
01:09:25,541 --> 01:09:27,124
That was when your head was straight
1281
01:09:27,125 --> 01:09:28,708
and not full
of all this Hollywood rubbish.
1282
01:09:29,583 --> 01:09:31,166
She's my daughter as well, Jill.
1283
01:09:31,958 --> 01:09:33,666
She's my daughter as well.
1284
01:09:41,500 --> 01:09:45,165
Only days ago I was standing
outside Stoneford Theatre Royal.
1285
01:09:45,166 --> 01:09:48,749
But there's a rather different stage
set for today; Stoneford Courthouse,
1286
01:09:48,750 --> 01:09:50,540
where the fate of Brad Mac
1287
01:09:50,541 --> 01:09:52,875
and the local pantomime
will be decided.
1288
01:09:54,250 --> 01:09:56,750
Sweetheart, you sure
you're not gonna join us?
1289
01:09:57,833 --> 01:10:01,165
I don't think I can face it
and I have to fetch Cara from ballet.
1290
01:10:01,166 --> 01:10:04,208
- So I'll just meet you here later.
- What if Brad goes down?
1291
01:10:04,750 --> 01:10:07,082
Then you'll have to get
Pierce Brosnan on the phone.
1292
01:10:07,083 --> 01:10:08,208
Hm... mh.
1293
01:10:08,583 --> 01:10:10,833
Hm, alright, darling, see you later.
1294
01:10:11,833 --> 01:10:14,290
Brad's fearsome legal team
flew in overnight
1295
01:10:14,291 --> 01:10:16,665
on an actual private jet
from Hollywood.
1296
01:10:16,666 --> 01:10:20,749
That's right, carbon destroyers,
but hopefully not career destroyers.
1297
01:10:20,750 --> 01:10:22,082
Back to you in the studio.
1298
01:10:22,083 --> 01:10:24,083
[indistinct chatter]
1299
01:10:41,416 --> 01:10:43,791
We got this, Brad. Fear not.
1300
01:10:43,958 --> 01:10:48,500
You know I'm the best defence lawyer
in California. I'm also the cheapest.
1301
01:10:49,791 --> 01:10:51,832
- Really?
- Oh, no, no.
1302
01:10:51,833 --> 01:10:54,166
I'm just making a joke
to lighten things up.
1303
01:10:59,333 --> 01:11:00,250
All rise.
1304
01:11:01,166 --> 01:11:03,166
Will the defendant please stand.
1305
01:11:08,125 --> 01:11:11,290
Mr Theobald Washington,
you have been charged--
1306
01:11:11,291 --> 01:11:12,208
Objection.
1307
01:11:12,625 --> 01:11:14,624
Who the hell is Theobald Washington?
1308
01:11:14,625 --> 01:11:15,750
That's my real name.
1309
01:11:15,875 --> 01:11:16,958
Theobald.
1310
01:11:17,833 --> 01:11:18,666
For real?
1311
01:11:18,875 --> 01:11:20,541
You chose Brad Mac?
1312
01:11:20,666 --> 01:11:22,583
I chose Bradley Apollo McDonald.
1313
01:11:22,958 --> 01:11:23,791
Oh.
1314
01:11:24,375 --> 01:11:25,999
Carry on, Basil.
1315
01:11:26,000 --> 01:11:29,499
...with the destruction
of city property and being drunk
1316
01:11:29,500 --> 01:11:31,041
and disorderly in public.
1317
01:11:31,666 --> 01:11:32,833
How do you plead?
1318
01:11:33,166 --> 01:11:36,624
- Not guilty.
- [cheers and applause]
1319
01:11:36,625 --> 01:11:38,041
Well done, Brad!
1320
01:11:38,250 --> 01:11:40,249
[cheers and applause]
1321
01:11:40,250 --> 01:11:42,791
Silence!
1322
01:11:43,875 --> 01:11:44,791
Thank you.
1323
01:11:45,291 --> 01:11:48,915
Your Honour,
my name is Sukie Huntington III
1324
01:11:48,916 --> 01:11:50,749
from the Los Angeles law firm
1325
01:11:50,750 --> 01:11:54,458
Brown, Johnson, Klein, Robinson,
Ashwell, Lopez, and...
1326
01:11:56,125 --> 01:11:59,083
erm, oh, yeah, me, Huntington.
1327
01:12:00,500 --> 01:12:01,332
Proceed.
1328
01:12:01,333 --> 01:12:03,374
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury--
1329
01:12:03,375 --> 01:12:06,000
Er, this is a magistrate court,
Miss Huntington.
1330
01:12:06,291 --> 01:12:07,375
There's no jury.
1331
01:12:07,625 --> 01:12:10,041
It's Ms. I'm divorced.
1332
01:12:11,125 --> 01:12:14,875
Just like this court.
Divorced from reality.
1333
01:12:15,291 --> 01:12:18,457
For my client has
numerous mitigating circumstances.
1334
01:12:18,458 --> 01:12:21,790
- [phone buzzes]
- Not only is he a celebrity,
1335
01:12:21,791 --> 01:12:24,458
he is also a member of a minority.
1336
01:12:25,375 --> 01:12:27,541
Which minority are you referring to?
1337
01:12:28,166 --> 01:12:30,541
He's American, Your Honour.
1338
01:12:31,916 --> 01:12:34,833
Mr Magistrate,
can I please say a few words?
1339
01:12:34,958 --> 01:12:35,958
If you must.
1340
01:12:37,041 --> 01:12:40,207
Two weeks ago,
I didn't even know Stoneford existed.
1341
01:12:40,208 --> 01:12:42,874
And then someone will throw a plate
1342
01:12:42,875 --> 01:12:45,957
of shaving foam
directly into your face.
1343
01:12:45,958 --> 01:12:46,999
- And then...
- [dialling tone]
1344
01:12:47,000 --> 01:12:49,208
Mr Brosnan?
1345
01:12:50,333 --> 01:12:51,291
Mr Brosnan?
1346
01:12:51,958 --> 01:12:54,000
[Brad] I certainly didn't know
what a pantomime was.
1347
01:12:54,666 --> 01:12:56,915
And, er, so to find myself
on stage playing Buttons
1348
01:12:56,916 --> 01:12:59,625
inCinderellacame as quite a shock.
1349
01:13:00,666 --> 01:13:02,916
That's not an excuse
for losing control.
1350
01:13:04,458 --> 01:13:07,125
More my attempt at an explanation.
1351
01:13:07,625 --> 01:13:09,707
You have to let him off, Your Honour.
1352
01:13:09,708 --> 01:13:14,249
The Panto needs Brad Mac.
Stoneford needs Brad Mac.
1353
01:13:14,250 --> 01:13:16,082
Don't be too hard on him,
Your Honour.
1354
01:13:16,083 --> 01:13:19,125
- Yeah, that's our job.
- Don't bang up Buttons!
1355
01:13:19,458 --> 01:13:21,582
[all] Don't bang up Buttons!
1356
01:13:21,583 --> 01:13:24,874
Don't bang up Buttons!
1357
01:13:24,875 --> 01:13:26,249
[judge] Silence!
1358
01:13:26,250 --> 01:13:28,415
I've had quite enough
of this nonsense.
1359
01:13:28,416 --> 01:13:29,790
[both] Oh, no, you haven't.
1360
01:13:29,791 --> 01:13:31,499
Oh, yes, I... have. Enough!
1361
01:13:31,500 --> 01:13:32,749
[both laugh]
1362
01:13:32,750 --> 01:13:35,207
You're turning
this courtroom into a pantomime,
1363
01:13:35,208 --> 01:13:36,790
and this case into a joke.
1364
01:13:36,791 --> 01:13:38,374
Pantomime is not a joke, Your Honour.
1365
01:13:38,375 --> 01:13:39,375
Excuse me?
1366
01:13:41,541 --> 01:13:42,665
The pantomime.
1367
01:13:42,666 --> 01:13:44,041
It's not a joke.
1368
01:13:44,916 --> 01:13:48,207
The Christmas pantomime brings
entire communities together,
1369
01:13:48,208 --> 01:13:49,458
young and old.
1370
01:13:50,250 --> 01:13:52,040
For the young people,
it's probably the first time
1371
01:13:52,041 --> 01:13:53,333
they'll ever see a theatre.
1372
01:13:53,750 --> 01:13:56,958
And for the older people
in the community, like myself,
1373
01:13:58,333 --> 01:14:00,750
it gives us a chance
to reconnect with the young ones
1374
01:14:01,916 --> 01:14:03,833
through a shared smile or a laugh.
1375
01:14:04,958 --> 01:14:06,957
Besides, the Christmas pantomime
makes enough money
1376
01:14:06,958 --> 01:14:09,583
to keep Stoneford's theatre going
all year round.
1377
01:14:10,166 --> 01:14:12,165
Without the pantomime,
the theatre would probably close
1378
01:14:12,166 --> 01:14:13,500
and be gone forever.
1379
01:14:14,625 --> 01:14:15,875
Thank you, Mr Mac.
1380
01:14:16,458 --> 01:14:18,166
Can I please just say one more thing?
1381
01:14:20,416 --> 01:14:25,458
I know you think the panto is silly,
and-- and in places it is, by design.
1382
01:14:27,541 --> 01:14:29,915
But I beg you to come seeCinderella,
1383
01:14:29,916 --> 01:14:32,290
not just to see
what's happening on stage,
1384
01:14:32,291 --> 01:14:35,125
but to look around
at the faces of the audience.
1385
01:14:35,791 --> 01:14:38,000
You'll see something
that's so special, so...
1386
01:14:39,333 --> 01:14:40,291
rare.
1387
01:14:41,125 --> 01:14:42,541
You'll see pure joy.
1388
01:14:44,166 --> 01:14:45,750
And at the end of the day,
Your Honour,
1389
01:14:46,125 --> 01:14:48,415
isn't that what
Christmas is supposed to be about?
1390
01:14:48,416 --> 01:14:50,082
Nice words, Mr Mac,
but shall we get back
1391
01:14:50,083 --> 01:14:50,999
to the matter in hand?
1392
01:14:51,000 --> 01:14:52,083
[Brad] Yes, sir.
1393
01:14:53,000 --> 01:14:55,540
And I have no intention
of banging up Buttons.
1394
01:14:55,541 --> 01:14:56,665
I never have.
1395
01:14:56,666 --> 01:14:58,790
The crimes he's charged with
aren't even jailable.
1396
01:14:58,791 --> 01:15:02,375
- Really?
- Public intoxication: £200.
1397
01:15:02,666 --> 01:15:04,332
[dramatically] Justice at last!
1398
01:15:04,333 --> 01:15:05,957
[cheers and applause]
1399
01:15:05,958 --> 01:15:07,750
- [cheering]
- For heaven's sake, clear off.
1400
01:15:12,250 --> 01:15:14,750
My daughter, he's got my daughter!
1401
01:15:14,875 --> 01:15:16,791
[all] Oh, no, he hasn't!
1402
01:15:17,500 --> 01:15:18,915
What is wrong with you?
1403
01:15:18,916 --> 01:15:20,958
It's Kieran. He's got Cara.
1404
01:15:21,125 --> 01:15:23,166
Jill, I'm here for you.
Whatever you need.
1405
01:15:25,083 --> 01:15:25,916
This way.
1406
01:15:26,833 --> 01:15:27,666
No, this way.
1407
01:15:27,833 --> 01:15:30,500
No, Brad. It's literally this way.
I'm tracking his phone.
1408
01:15:33,791 --> 01:15:35,999
Nigel,
we need your help to save Cara.
1409
01:15:36,000 --> 01:15:36,916
You got it, boss.
1410
01:15:38,041 --> 01:15:40,083
- Everybody in.
- Come on. Hurry up.
1411
01:15:40,666 --> 01:15:41,958
[dramatic invigorating music]
1412
01:15:43,916 --> 01:15:45,582
Can you go a bit faster?
1413
01:15:45,583 --> 01:15:47,125
He's heading for the motorway.
1414
01:15:49,666 --> 01:15:52,874
Emma, darling,
time for pottery class.
1415
01:15:52,875 --> 01:15:53,791
Emma?
1416
01:15:54,291 --> 01:15:55,166
Emma.
1417
01:15:55,708 --> 01:15:56,541
Emma!
1418
01:15:57,125 --> 01:15:57,958
She's gone.
1419
01:15:59,000 --> 01:16:02,875
She's gone. Spencer, get the car!
We're going to Stoneford!
1420
01:16:03,791 --> 01:16:05,083
[dramatic invigorating music]
1421
01:16:08,208 --> 01:16:11,707
Brad, I just wanna say
I'm very grateful you're doing this.
1422
01:16:11,708 --> 01:16:13,291
Of course, we're friends.
1423
01:16:15,083 --> 01:16:16,374
- Cara could be dead.
- Dead?
1424
01:16:16,375 --> 01:16:17,374
- Dead?
- What?
1425
01:16:17,375 --> 01:16:19,000
I thought
it was only a custody battle.
1426
01:16:19,625 --> 01:16:21,832
Somebody say custard? [laughs]
1427
01:16:21,833 --> 01:16:24,000
'Cause custody. No? No.
1428
01:16:26,708 --> 01:16:28,583
[Danny]
We've left Cassandra behind.
1429
01:16:30,708 --> 01:16:32,624
A part in next year's pantomime.
1430
01:16:32,625 --> 01:16:33,540
Are you serious?
1431
01:16:33,541 --> 01:16:36,374
- Absolutely, darling.
- I mean, that would be wonderful.
1432
01:16:36,375 --> 01:16:38,624
I've always thought there might be
a pantomime in me.
1433
01:16:38,625 --> 01:16:40,583
And I've always thought the same...
1434
01:16:41,250 --> 01:16:42,458
- about a judge.
- Hm.
1435
01:16:45,166 --> 01:16:45,999
- [elevator bell dings]
- [judge] Mm-hmm.
1436
01:16:46,000 --> 01:16:47,166
[Cassandra] Hm.
1437
01:16:50,000 --> 01:16:51,291
That's his car.
1438
01:17:06,208 --> 01:17:07,333
Everybody stay here.
1439
01:17:08,291 --> 01:17:09,125
Cara.
1440
01:17:10,583 --> 01:17:11,416
Cara.
1441
01:17:13,250 --> 01:17:14,083
Cara.
1442
01:17:14,916 --> 01:17:17,540
[all] Cara! Cara! Cara!
1443
01:17:17,541 --> 01:17:19,749
- What's all the shouting about?
- [shouts for Cara continue]
1444
01:17:19,750 --> 01:17:21,000
Where's her daughter?
1445
01:17:21,541 --> 01:17:22,374
What do you mean?
1446
01:17:22,375 --> 01:17:24,208
Tell me where her daughter is, now.
1447
01:17:24,458 --> 01:17:25,957
What are you talking about?
1448
01:17:25,958 --> 01:17:28,083
Stop screwing around, Kieran,
or so help me God.
1449
01:17:28,833 --> 01:17:31,458
Or what?
You gonna go and get your stuntman?
1450
01:17:33,500 --> 01:17:35,416
Yah!
1451
01:17:39,250 --> 01:17:40,250
What are you doing?
1452
01:17:41,833 --> 01:17:42,791
Under arm.
1453
01:17:43,750 --> 01:17:45,708
- [grunts, groans]
- Get him, Brad!
1454
01:17:46,458 --> 01:17:48,750
[dramatic Christmassy music playing]
1455
01:17:54,958 --> 01:17:55,790
[thud]
1456
01:17:55,791 --> 01:17:56,958
- [laughter]
- [shocked gasps]
1457
01:17:57,791 --> 01:17:58,791
What are you doing?
1458
01:17:59,041 --> 01:18:00,250
That's humiliating.
1459
01:18:01,916 --> 01:18:03,666
[dramatic choral chanting]
1460
01:18:06,708 --> 01:18:07,832
- Ooh!
- Ooh!
1461
01:18:07,833 --> 01:18:08,791
[gasping] Ooh!
1462
01:18:10,083 --> 01:18:10,916
[groans]
1463
01:18:14,833 --> 01:18:15,791
[all] Ooh!
1464
01:18:23,375 --> 01:18:24,208
[groans]
1465
01:18:27,791 --> 01:18:30,583
- Why are we doing this?
- Because you kidnapped Cara.
1466
01:18:31,208 --> 01:18:32,291
What are you talking about?
1467
01:18:32,875 --> 01:18:34,625
I just dropped her
at the train station.
1468
01:18:35,500 --> 01:18:36,333
What?
1469
01:18:36,833 --> 01:18:38,666
Train... Where is she going?
1470
01:18:39,250 --> 01:18:42,041
Nowhere.
She said she had to meet a friend.
1471
01:18:42,250 --> 01:18:43,249
Yeah, I don't believe you.
1472
01:18:43,250 --> 01:18:45,291
I heard you tell Jill
you were taking her to London.
1473
01:18:46,291 --> 01:18:47,125
I was.
1474
01:18:48,458 --> 01:18:50,083
It's my turn to have her this year.
1475
01:18:52,583 --> 01:18:53,874
Promised her
she could do the pantomime.
1476
01:18:53,875 --> 01:18:55,500
I didn't wanna disappoint her. So...
1477
01:18:57,750 --> 01:18:59,083
I'm a crap dad to Cara
1478
01:19:00,250 --> 01:19:02,083
and I was a crap husband to Jill.
1479
01:19:02,708 --> 01:19:05,250
You're not a crap dad, okay?
1480
01:19:07,166 --> 01:19:08,250
You're there for her.
1481
01:19:09,250 --> 01:19:12,375
That's a lot better than I can say
for myself over the last five years.
1482
01:19:13,333 --> 01:19:15,166
One thing I learnt here in Stoneford,
1483
01:19:15,708 --> 01:19:17,708
life isn't gonna go
the way you want it.
1484
01:19:17,916 --> 01:19:20,458
It is what it is
and you cannot run away from it.
1485
01:19:22,541 --> 01:19:25,374
You just have to embrace it
for all its unpredictability
1486
01:19:25,375 --> 01:19:26,875
with everything you've got.
1487
01:19:32,333 --> 01:19:36,166
Well... you know,
Cara was doing the panto and...
1488
01:19:38,291 --> 01:19:40,166
I would love to see her on stage,
1489
01:19:41,083 --> 01:19:42,083
if it's okay.
1490
01:19:44,500 --> 01:19:45,458
Of course.
1491
01:19:48,083 --> 01:19:50,166
Oh, crap, we gotta go.
1492
01:19:54,708 --> 01:19:55,708
Oh...
1493
01:19:59,416 --> 01:20:02,000
Cara went to see a friend,
she'll meet us at the theatre.
1494
01:20:02,666 --> 01:20:03,916
[sighs of relief]
1495
01:20:07,958 --> 01:20:08,791
Let's go!
1496
01:20:24,875 --> 01:20:27,000
♪ Driving home for Christmas ♪
1497
01:20:29,000 --> 01:20:32,458
♪ Oh
I can't wait to see those faces ♪
1498
01:20:35,375 --> 01:20:38,625
♪ I'm driving home for Christmas
Yeah ♪
1499
01:20:40,166 --> 01:20:42,791
♪ I'm moving down the line ♪
1500
01:20:43,041 --> 01:20:45,499
[laughter]
1501
01:20:45,500 --> 01:20:48,166
♪ It's been so long ♪
1502
01:20:49,583 --> 01:20:51,832
♪ But I will be there ♪
1503
01:20:51,833 --> 01:20:53,625
♪ I sing this song ♪
1504
01:20:55,000 --> 01:20:57,375
♪ To pass the time away ♪
1505
01:20:57,875 --> 01:21:00,250
♪ Driving in my car ♪
1506
01:21:00,791 --> 01:21:02,875
♪ Driving home for Christmas ♪
1507
01:21:06,791 --> 01:21:10,666
♪ Gonna take some time
But I'll get there ♪
1508
01:21:13,458 --> 01:21:19,333
[cheers and applause]
1509
01:21:23,708 --> 01:21:25,541
Er, you're a big movie star, Mr Mac.
1510
01:21:25,666 --> 01:21:27,165
Isn't the role of Buttons
a small part for someone
1511
01:21:27,166 --> 01:21:28,124
of your stature?
1512
01:21:28,125 --> 01:21:29,707
Well,
I'll quote the great Stanislavski.
1513
01:21:29,708 --> 01:21:31,582
There are no small parts,
just small actors.
1514
01:21:31,583 --> 01:21:33,207
And how are you enjoying
your time in Stoneford?
1515
01:21:33,208 --> 01:21:34,166
[Emma] Dad!
1516
01:21:34,791 --> 01:21:37,000
Emma! Excuse me. Sweetheart!
1517
01:21:37,208 --> 01:21:39,207
- What are you doing here?
- [Cara] Mum!
1518
01:21:39,208 --> 01:21:41,040
[Emma] I snuck out
of the house and took the train.
1519
01:21:41,041 --> 01:21:42,374
Cara met me at the station.
1520
01:21:42,375 --> 01:21:46,790
Oh, sweetheart, I'm so happy
to see you, but you're 12 years old.
1521
01:21:46,791 --> 01:21:49,791
You cannot take a train across
the country by yourself, okay?
1522
01:21:50,625 --> 01:21:51,833
Next time, just call me.
1523
01:21:52,416 --> 01:21:53,250
Come here.
1524
01:21:54,000 --> 01:21:56,249
I see you're getting the hang
of proper parenting.
1525
01:21:56,250 --> 01:21:57,541
Better late than never.
1526
01:21:58,000 --> 01:22:00,999
Oh, on that subject,
it's time to get into costume. Ready?
1527
01:22:01,000 --> 01:22:02,083
Show time.
1528
01:22:05,833 --> 01:22:08,000
- [indistinct chatter]
- [Christmassy music]
1529
01:22:19,750 --> 01:22:20,916
It's my first theatre.
1530
01:22:23,833 --> 01:22:27,583
[Brenda]
Once upon a time in a magical land...
1531
01:22:28,375 --> 01:22:30,833
Oh, that must be Buttons.
1532
01:22:31,041 --> 01:22:33,499
My oldest and dearest friend.
1533
01:22:33,500 --> 01:22:35,916
I can always rely on Buttons.
1534
01:22:38,958 --> 01:22:42,041
I said, I can always rely on Buttons!
1535
01:22:44,750 --> 01:22:46,875
- [woman] Has anyone seen...
- You'll do fine.
1536
01:22:49,125 --> 01:22:50,125
Needed the lipstick.
1537
01:22:50,750 --> 01:22:53,000
One, two, three.
1538
01:22:53,541 --> 01:22:55,333
[all] Buttons!
1539
01:22:58,291 --> 01:23:00,333
[cheers and applause]
1540
01:23:14,916 --> 01:23:17,541
Don't worry, mate.
She's been killing time.
1541
01:23:17,791 --> 01:23:19,333
[laughter]
1542
01:23:20,708 --> 01:23:21,999
- Cinderella.
- Hmm?
1543
01:23:22,000 --> 01:23:24,832
- I have a secret.
- [gasps] A secret.
1544
01:23:24,833 --> 01:23:25,915
What is it?
1545
01:23:25,916 --> 01:23:27,665
Well, a secret's something
you tell someone
1546
01:23:27,666 --> 01:23:29,416
that you don't want
anyone else to know.
1547
01:23:30,000 --> 01:23:31,875
- [modest laughter]
- I'd stick to movies, mate.
1548
01:23:32,791 --> 01:23:35,166
Do yourself a favour
and shut your mouth.
1549
01:23:35,458 --> 01:23:37,875
I almost forgot my big run-up.
1550
01:23:38,125 --> 01:23:39,708
[all] Ooh.
1551
01:23:40,833 --> 01:23:43,625
[all laugh]
1552
01:23:44,416 --> 01:23:46,333
I do my own stunts now.
1553
01:23:50,416 --> 01:23:52,333
Just like the other big stars.
1554
01:23:52,583 --> 01:23:53,541
Whoo!
1555
01:24:00,083 --> 01:24:01,958
They're booing you, Fanny.
They're booing you.
1556
01:24:02,375 --> 01:24:04,833
You shan't go
to the ball, Cinderella.
1557
01:24:05,000 --> 01:24:07,916
[both]
You shan't, you shan't, you shan't.
1558
01:24:08,333 --> 01:24:10,333
- Yeah, rip it, rip it.
- [both laugh]
1559
01:24:10,583 --> 01:24:13,708
All you have to do
is believe and magic will happen.
1560
01:24:17,833 --> 01:24:20,916
You shall go to the ball, Cinderella.
1561
01:24:21,125 --> 01:24:24,000
[cheers and applause]
1562
01:24:24,375 --> 01:24:26,624
Tell you what, mate, there'll be
somebody good looking in here
1563
01:24:26,625 --> 01:24:27,915
you can have a little chat with.
1564
01:24:27,916 --> 01:24:30,582
Let's see if we can find-- let's see
if we can find a good-looking fella.
1565
01:24:30,583 --> 01:24:32,499
- There'll be some in here.
- Let's have a little look
1566
01:24:32,500 --> 01:24:35,624
for a good looking fella,
we can find a good-looking fella.
1567
01:24:35,625 --> 01:24:38,207
- See if we can find a...
- Has to be a good-looking fella.
1568
01:24:38,208 --> 01:24:39,707
- A good-looking fella.
- Has to be a good-looking fella.
1569
01:24:39,708 --> 01:24:43,582
Oh, you, sir. You, sir. Can you see
any good-looking fellas in here?
1570
01:24:43,583 --> 01:24:45,790
[all laugh]
1571
01:24:45,791 --> 01:24:47,125
[joyous music playing]
1572
01:24:57,500 --> 01:25:01,915
[both speaking over each other]
1573
01:25:01,916 --> 01:25:03,541
[all laugh]
1574
01:25:07,166 --> 01:25:09,707
Pop it on. The doctor says
I've got the feet of an athlete.
1575
01:25:09,708 --> 01:25:11,790
No, he said you've got
athlete's foot, it's different.
1576
01:25:11,791 --> 01:25:12,875
[all laugh]
1577
01:25:13,500 --> 01:25:15,582
- Toes are curled.
- Look at those chubby feet.
1578
01:25:15,583 --> 01:25:17,375
Hey, you can't say chubby.
That's-- you're fattist.
1579
01:25:17,500 --> 01:25:19,833
I think you'll find
you're the fattest. [laughs]
1580
01:25:20,416 --> 01:25:22,166
Sorry about this, Your Highness.
1581
01:25:23,625 --> 01:25:26,083
- Yes!
- Oh!
1582
01:25:26,208 --> 01:25:29,041
- [uplifting music]
- [cheers and applause]
1583
01:25:31,250 --> 01:25:34,499
- So we didn't get our prince.
- Never mind.
1584
01:25:34,500 --> 01:25:37,708
- Who's ready for the big finale?
- [cheers and applause]
1585
01:25:38,250 --> 01:25:41,791
Thanks, everybody.
We'll see you later. Bye!
1586
01:25:47,166 --> 01:25:50,665
♪ I used to bite my tongue
And hold my breath ♪
1587
01:25:50,666 --> 01:25:54,500
♪ Scared to rock the boat
And make a mess ♪
1588
01:25:54,625 --> 01:25:57,458
♪ So I sat quietly ♪
1589
01:25:58,333 --> 01:26:00,833
♪ Agreed politely ♪
1590
01:26:01,833 --> 01:26:04,999
♪ Guess that I forgot
I had the choice ♪
1591
01:26:05,000 --> 01:26:08,166
♪ I let you push me
Past my breaking point ♪
1592
01:26:08,875 --> 01:26:11,250
♪ I stood for nothing ♪
1593
01:26:11,666 --> 01:26:14,666
♪ So I fell for everything ♪
1594
01:26:15,250 --> 01:26:18,041
♪ You held me down, but I got up ♪
1595
01:26:18,666 --> 01:26:21,207
♪ Already brushing off the dust ♪
1596
01:26:21,208 --> 01:26:24,250
♪ You hear my voice
You hear that sound ♪
1597
01:26:24,625 --> 01:26:27,208
♪ Like thunder
Gonna shake the ground ♪
1598
01:26:27,333 --> 01:26:29,791
♪ You held me down, but I got up ♪
1599
01:26:30,291 --> 01:26:32,374
♪ Get ready 'cause I've had enough ♪
1600
01:26:32,375 --> 01:26:35,250
♪ I see it all, I see it now ♪
1601
01:26:35,625 --> 01:26:38,540
♪ I got the eye of the tiger ♪
1602
01:26:38,541 --> 01:26:42,624
♪ A fighter
Dancing through the fire ♪
1603
01:26:42,625 --> 01:26:45,415
♪ 'Cause I am a champion ♪
1604
01:26:45,416 --> 01:26:49,624
♪ And you're gonna hear me roar ♪
1605
01:26:49,625 --> 01:26:53,415
♪ Louder, louder than a lion ♪
1606
01:26:53,416 --> 01:26:56,041
♪ Cause I am a champion ♪
1607
01:26:56,375 --> 01:26:59,999
♪ And you're gonna hear me roar ♪
1608
01:27:00,000 --> 01:27:02,500
[cheers and applause]
1609
01:27:07,291 --> 01:27:11,166
♪ You're gonna hear me roar ♪
1610
01:27:17,541 --> 01:27:21,708
♪ You're gonna hear me roar ♪
1611
01:27:28,958 --> 01:27:32,041
♪ Roar, roar, roar ♪
1612
01:27:32,500 --> 01:27:36,332
♪ Roar, roar ♪
1613
01:27:36,333 --> 01:27:39,040
♪ I got the eye of the tiger ♪
1614
01:27:39,041 --> 01:27:42,708
♪ A fighter
Dancing through the fire ♪
1615
01:27:43,208 --> 01:27:45,625
♪ 'Cause I am a champion ♪
1616
01:27:45,916 --> 01:27:49,540
♪ And you're gonna hear me roar ♪
1617
01:27:49,541 --> 01:27:53,207
♪ Louder, louder than a lion ♪
1618
01:27:53,208 --> 01:27:55,749
♪ 'Cause I am a champion ♪
1619
01:27:55,750 --> 01:27:59,333
♪ And you're gonna hear me roar ♪
1620
01:28:06,625 --> 01:28:10,083
♪ You're gonna hear me roar ♪
1621
01:28:16,375 --> 01:28:21,832
♪ You're gonna hear me roar ♪
1622
01:28:21,833 --> 01:28:27,833
[rapturous cheers and applause]
1623
01:28:33,000 --> 01:28:35,000
[emotive music]
1624
01:28:38,583 --> 01:28:41,916
[cheering and applause continues]
1625
01:28:51,583 --> 01:28:52,416
So...
1626
01:28:55,000 --> 01:28:55,833
Look,
1627
01:28:56,625 --> 01:28:59,666
I'm no good at talking
about feelings and stuff like that.
1628
01:29:00,041 --> 01:29:00,875
Shut up.
1629
01:29:05,375 --> 01:29:06,208
Wow.
1630
01:29:09,833 --> 01:29:11,791
My God.
My hands are still shaking.
1631
01:29:12,208 --> 01:29:15,540
Ah! Darlings, you were marvellous!
1632
01:29:15,541 --> 01:29:17,124
Thank you, Albert.
That means the world to me.
1633
01:29:17,125 --> 01:29:18,999
Coming from a true panto legend.
1634
01:29:19,000 --> 01:29:20,458
[laughs] You both were.
1635
01:29:21,166 --> 01:29:25,415
Well, that's it. From here on in,
I'm only doing pantomime. I loved it.
1636
01:29:25,416 --> 01:29:27,624
Well, that's good
'cause you still got...
1637
01:29:27,625 --> 01:29:29,666
49 more shows to go.
1638
01:29:29,916 --> 01:29:32,207
What? Are you insane?
1639
01:29:32,208 --> 01:29:34,208
Forty-nine more shows?
I can't do that.
1640
01:29:37,458 --> 01:29:38,416
Just kidding.
1641
01:29:39,458 --> 01:29:40,291
I can't wait.
1642
01:29:40,916 --> 01:29:42,541
[chuckles]
1643
01:29:43,916 --> 01:29:44,916
[bells jingling]
1644
01:29:45,416 --> 01:29:46,416
[sprightly music]
1645
01:30:32,000 --> 01:30:34,583
Brad, wonderful work today.
1646
01:30:34,958 --> 01:30:37,125
It's a killing field 7.
1647
01:30:37,958 --> 01:30:39,208
[laughs]
1648
01:30:42,541 --> 01:30:46,374
Oh, the brake went down.
Sorry. No, I can't...
1649
01:30:46,375 --> 01:30:48,333
Buttons. There you are.
1650
01:30:48,541 --> 01:30:50,749
Weren't you supposed to...
[babbles incoherently]
1651
01:30:50,750 --> 01:30:54,000
If all else fails,
just dramatically faint.
1652
01:30:54,625 --> 01:30:55,458
Really?
1653
01:30:57,541 --> 01:30:58,374
You've missed a bit.
1654
01:30:58,375 --> 01:30:59,957
Oh, God.
She's not even good at cleaning.
1655
01:30:59,958 --> 01:31:01,957
- Oh, she's rubbish.
- Oh, ugly as well.
1656
01:31:01,958 --> 01:31:03,415
- Ugh. Ugh.
- Ugh. Ugh.
1657
01:31:03,416 --> 01:31:04,457
Uh, you've sweeped...
1658
01:31:04,458 --> 01:31:06,540
It's in my direction!
I've got allergies!
1659
01:31:06,541 --> 01:31:09,583
- Look at the state of her.
- Oh, I'm triggered. She triggered me.
1660
01:31:09,791 --> 01:31:13,083
Again,
not exactly sure what's happening.
1661
01:31:13,666 --> 01:31:14,833
Show me what?
1662
01:31:16,375 --> 01:31:18,458
That was much better, wasn't it?
[laughs]
1663
01:31:18,916 --> 01:31:22,208
[pondering] Ooh. Mmm. Mmm.
1664
01:31:26,750 --> 01:31:29,125
- What's happened to Brenda?
- [laughter]
1665
01:31:29,750 --> 01:31:31,957
- We've left Cara behind.
- [all laugh]
1666
01:31:31,958 --> 01:31:34,207
Cassandra, Cassandra.
1667
01:31:34,208 --> 01:31:35,750
Katy Perry just called.
1668
01:31:36,083 --> 01:31:38,332
She said, I wanna see it again.
1669
01:31:38,333 --> 01:31:39,750
I'm gonna fly to Stoneford.
1670
01:31:40,666 --> 01:31:42,124
- [still pondering] Mmm.
- Oh, no.
1671
01:31:42,125 --> 01:31:46,083
- Oh, no, behave!
- [laughs]
1672
01:31:46,666 --> 01:31:50,333
Whoo! I wanna have your babies, Brad.
That was marvellous.
1673
01:31:51,083 --> 01:31:53,541
[groans]
1674
01:31:55,750 --> 01:31:58,291
[groaning] Why are we doing this?
1675
01:31:59,416 --> 01:32:01,125
Because they're paying us.
1676
01:32:07,291 --> 01:32:09,666
- I'm so sorry.
- [laughter]
1677
01:32:12,250 --> 01:32:13,082
Sorry.
1678
01:32:13,083 --> 01:32:15,708
Finally, a blooper you can't use.
116548
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