Original subtitles

- Yeah? - But it hurts.

All right. We got a couple more sessions. You're good.

Hey, Sarge, get her going.

So, uh, what do you think?

- So fucking cool. - You know what I think, dude.

- I didn't expect anything less. - Oh, you sick fuck. What is this?

- Come on, it's not ready yet. - "Hooray for me and fuck you"?

Jesus Christ. What are you doing with this thing?

What do you mean what am I doing with it?

Humpty gonna go on me.

Mm, okay, you're gonna put it on yourself?

No, you're gonna do it.

Call me if you get bored.

- Yeah - I'll call you.

- I have a number, too. - Get home safe.

Un-fucking-believable, dude.

Enough, listen, we're going to the Emerald, we're grabbing drinks.

- Fuck yeah! - And we're all in, all right?

- You're in? - I'm going, yeah.

Whoo!

Hey, hey, shots right here. Right now. Let's go.

- Oh! - There we go.

- Fucked up or fucked? - Move the fuck on!

I prefer both. Oh, hello. Hey, hey.

Who's got my fucking whiskey?

Whoa, easy. Hey ladies.

- Yeah. Whoo! - Cheers, guys.

To getting fucking naked.

Hey, hey, stop.

Okay! Whoo!

You're Rule, right?

That tattoo guy everyone talks about.

Jordynn

Jordynn?

- Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.

So your friends, they do tats too?

Yeah, that's Lollipop.

She does photorealism and portraits.

And that's Nash.

He's my roommate and does geometrics.

And the kid?

Uh, Jasper.

He does traditional Japanese.

And that's Cora. She does watercolors.

You know, I was thinking about getting a tattoo.

Were you?

Maybe a butterfly or something small and cute.

Like a little heart or something here.

Or a music note 'cause I love music.

I mean, I could come by the shop and just hang out,

look through one of those little booklets or something.

We don't do flash.

We don't do flash art.

We don't do cover-ups. We don't do repeats.

- Okay, Picasso. - Let me give you some advice.

There are four reasons and four reasons only to get a tattoo.

One, to honor someone or something.

Two, because it's fucking funny.

Three, because it says something about yourself

you couldn't express in any other way.

And four, because you just really fucking dig it.

All right?

Not because it's cute or fucking sexy, or you want a butterfly.

All right? It's art. It fucking matters.

Fuck you. You're an asshole.

- You know that? - That's the general consensus.

Cheers!

Hey, Rule,

Got a girlfriend?

Good morning.

You were so amazing last night, mm-hmm.

So hot.

Oops, is this still on?

You know what that means.

Yeah, you're a little bitch.

No.

- Oh. - Oh.

Hello!

There he is. Whoo! Oh, Jesus.

- Sorry, am I interrupting something? - Oh, my God!

I thought you were single, you fucking dick.

I am single. She's just a friend.

- What do you want, Shaw? - Sunday, remember?

I've got coffee in the car. But you're not wrong.

- He so is a dick. - I'm not going.

Yes, you are. Rome came in last night.

No, he didn't. He would have texted me.

Well, I don't know what to tell you.

Are you two fuckers really just gonna stand there

- and talk while he's butt ass naked? - It's no big deal.

She's friends with my twin brother.

Nothing you haven't seen before, right?

Not exactly. The piercing is a nice touch, though.

Okay, you know what? Get out, get out.

- Go. I'm coming. I'm coming. - All righty, five minutes.

Five. Nice meeting everyone, though.

- Yeah. See ya! - Your family's waiting.

Um, hey, I... I gotta go,

so if you want to leave your number or something, then...

Excuse me?

Are you fucking serious right now?

You got to go?

- Yeah. - Oh, okay. Cool. No, I don't know,

thank you for last night. You were fucking awesome.

Or maybe we get lunch. That would be nice.

- I'm sorry, all right? - Or a cup of coffee!

Sundays aren't really my fucking thing.

What is your name again?

Suck my dick.

Hey, you piece of shit!

We should probably go.

Come back here, you little bitch! Fucking asshole.

Fuck you, you fucking cocksucker.

I faked it anyway.

Fucking asshole!

- Charming. - Yeah. Another satisfied customer.

Dude, it's cold as balls in here.

- Don't you have heat? - It's on.

- It doesn't feel like it's on. - Well, it's on.

- Why do you even drive this hunk of shit? - Why do you care?

Because Mama Landon has all the money in the world

and she'll buy you whatever the fuck you want.

Yeah, well like I've mentioned to you a hundred times,

I don't need her money. And I happen to really like my car.

Okay, all right. I'm gonna catch a couple of winks.

All right? Long night!

It's gonna be a long day.

All right. Wake up, Romeo. Time to go

And do me a favor, try to be nice for once.

It was a long ass drive here.

- Bearable! - Casper!

Oh!

Look at you.

What's the good word? What's the deal?

Classes are crazy, two jobs now.

And there's number three if you count driving that one around.

- I know. I'm gonna go help. Okay? - All right!

- What's up, good looking? - Hey, baby.

- Come here. - No, not the...

Come on. You're hurting my hand, Rule.

You're hurting... you're hurting my hand.

Oh, fuck you.

Nice jacket.

That's fair. One second.

I'm seeing, like, fucking six of you now. Jesus.

I thought you stopped drinking, man.

What happened? I thought you're going to California with Chrissy?

Yeah, yeah, we... I...

I just wanted to come home first and figure some things out.

You think maybe just once you could show up and not look like an unmade bed?

- Hey, Dad. - A little respect for the family would be nice.

Hey! He looks fine. He looks fine. Come on.

- Yep. Yep. Dinnertime. - ♪ Jesus loves me ♪

- Hey, hey guys. Family dinner. - Can you just stop?

- Can you just stop? - Hi.

Everyone, sit down.

Food's almost ready. Then we can eat.

Okay, let's say grace.

- Bless us, O Lord for thy... - I'll do it, honey.

Bless us, O Lord,

these gifts we are receiving today

through the Lord of our Christ.

Christ our Lord.

Christ.

Christ our Lord.

- Amen. - Amen.

- Thank you, Mom. - Mmm.

Bon appetit.

Remy was such a good friend, wasn't he, Shaw?

Yes, ma'am.

He was so funny.

He told so many jokes.

He just made everybody so comfortable in any room.

How long has it been since the accident?

Three years, Em.

Three years?

Yep.

He was valedictorian of his class, you know.

Fuck. Mom.

- It's okay. - Oh, Jesus.

- I'm sorry. - Fucking Christ!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

How many times are we going to do this, huh?

I mean, how many fucking wakes can one family have?

- You guys, I apologize. - No, no, no.

Mom's so fucking high she just fell out of her chair.

Are we not going to talk about it?

Are we just going to pretend like it didn't fucking happen?

- Leave her alone. - I'm just wondering, Dad. What do we do?

What do we fucking do? What are we going to do?

- Rule, back the fuck off! - No, what are we gonna do? She needs help.

- Leave it alone. - Are we gonna just let it go?

Mom, you wanna fucking drink? Let's drink. Here. Let's do it.

Don't fucking do this, Rule.

- What are you fucking doing? - Let's fucking drink.

- Back the fuck off. - No, I'm just trying

to drink some goddamn wine with my mom.

- Every time! Every time! - Hey, hey, hey, hey!

- You get out! - Hey! Hey!

- You get out. You come here every time. - Hey, hey, enough!

- Enough. - You get out and you stay out.

Come on, get in. We don't have to talk.

You're gonna hitchhike a hundred miles in the snow? Really?

- You don't got to tell me. - I wasn't going to say anything.

My parents preferred him, always did.

They love you. They're just...

They're in pain.

And you got to admit, you are kind of hard to love.

- Oh, yeah? - Yeah. I mean, you run away

to make sure no one comes near you.

- Is that what I do? - Yeah.

I mean, any time anyone tries to get close, you change direction.

- Thanks. - You're welcome.

Yeah, I appreciate that. I'll keep that in mind.

Good.

Oh, boy. Here we go.

Do you want me stop?

Yeah.

Drove this road a thousand times.

I was wasted and I...

just had to ask him to come pick me up.

Stop blaming yourself.

It was an accident.

Hey, thanks for driving.

Of course.

- Service with a smile. - No, I mean it.

You didn't have to. And thanks for picking me up.

But you don't got to come no more.

No?

Nah, I'm done.

Can't do it anymore.

Okay.

So, see you around?

If you don't give me some fucking ammo right now,

I'm going to fucking kick your ass.

Hey, how'd it go?

- Shitty. I'm exhausted. - Oh.

God, I get there and there's this is girl in his bedroom literally buck naked.

- Really? - And then we get to his mom's house

and he throws another one of his legendary fits.

Rule? Wow, I never would have guessed.

Dude, I don't know why you put up with his shit.

It's not like you like him or anything, right?

Yeah, what kind of question is that, Ayden?

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Hold on a second. You totally do.

- No, I don't! - Oh, my God. Look at your face.

- You so fucking like him. Yes, you do. - I don't.

Yes, you do. Holy fucking shit. How long has this been going on for?

Am I the only person who knows? Does Gabe know?

Nobody knows!

No one knows. Okay?

I mean, I still remember the first day I saw him.

I was going up the stairs at his mom's house with Remy.

And I saw him and it was like one of those dolls

where you press a button and their legs just collapse.

Dude, you've had it bad.

Oh, my God, baby girl.

What about Gabe?

Oh, we're. Uh, taking a break.

Really? Since when?

Oh, I don't know, like three weeks ago, a month maybe.

- Three weeks? - Mmm.

Holy shit, how is he taking it?

Oof, not good. You know, he's just...

I mean, he's super nice and attentive on all the right things, but just...

he pushes, you know? And I couldn't do it.

- I couldn't give him what he wanted. - No sex?

Well, you know what I think you should do?

I think you should do exactly whatever the fuck you want,

not what your mom wants, not what the Archer's want, not what Gabe wants,

- but what you want. - Says you.

I've never seen you with anyone longer than five minutes.

Yeah, because that's how long it takes me to hate them.

Jesus, I don't like anybody.

But the second I do see someone I like

you better know I'm jumping on that shit.

I know.

Oh, so...

- So? - All right, let's weigh it up.

Gabe is smart and rich.

Your mom probably loves him.

- Oh, loves. It's insane. - There you go. Great.

But, Rule.

- Rule, what? - Rule is...

He's nasty,

but like in a hot, broody kind of way. You know what I'm saying?

He's, like, sexy and unavailable, but, like, in a nice way.

- And pierced. - He's pierced?

- Mmm. - Where is he pierced?

Holy shit, bitch.

Yo, I'm not going to give any spoilers, but, yo.

Oooh, okay.

Yeah, I get it. I think you can turn him around.

Yeah, he doesn't even know I exist.

I mean, he still calls me Casper, for Christ sake.

- Casper, the friendly ghost that can't even scare people. - Mm-mm.

- Mm-mm. - Besides, he's got like a million girls.

Bitch, you are amazing.

Are you kidding me, Casper?

Yo, that shit is fire.

Casper I bet it would look very sexy in lingerie.

You know, a little over the shoulder, like, hey, it's me.

I'm all grown up now. Boo. You don't... you don't see that?

Don't you dare say anything to him.

I'm not gonna say a fucking word.

- Aye? Aye, look at me. - Mom.

- Look at me. Look at me. - Can you come pick me up?

I'm so fucking serious. Not a word.

You're so mysterious.

- What the fuck is up, playboy? - Hey, what's up?

What up, lady-killer?

Oh, yeah. Look, who's talking.

- I might just go home at this point. - Oh, shut the fuck up.

- You get every single girl. - I've got shots.

- Oh, Jasper. - Jasper.

- Yeah, coming through. - Well done, Pony Boy.

- Rock the Jasper. - Hold on, hold on.

Hey, this one's on the house.

Ooh!

Casper? Did you get a fucking job here?

Usually I have Sundays off, but my schedule opened up.

What are you guys doing? Chasing girls?

- What's your name? - They'll tell you.

Jet, this is Shaw. Shaw, and Rule, they grew up together.

- Cheers to that. - Cheers.

I don't care what everybody says about you, dude.

- You're a good guy. - Shaw, take a shot with us.

Take a shot. Take a shot. Take one! Take one right now.

- Fuck Rule. - Fuck Rule!

Never mind, Shaw, these ones are on me.

- Can I talk to you for a second? - Mm-mm

Just make it up to me in tips, yeah? And we'll be right back.

- What the fuck has gotten into you, man? - That is Casper?

The one you complain about driving with?

Bro, if I was in a car with her every single weekend.

- Do you want me to... you want to paint a picture? - The back way.

- And what would you do? - Give it to the driver.

Would you fucking stop?

I think I'm asking for all of us.

Why do you even call her Casper in the first place?

Remy brought her home. They were studying together.

- The first time I saw her, she was coming down the stairs. - I'm so hard.

She was this tiny little thing, fucking skinny.

And I said, "Bro, you gotta give her something to eat.

This girl is fucking pale. Like a ghost."

- Casper the friendly ghost. - How sweet.

- I'm here for you, if you love her. - Fuck you!

Hey, hey, Casper, wait.

- This place is no good for you. - Oh, is that right?

- Yeah. - How do you know what kind of place is good for me?

- Because you are a good kid. You should be in school. - A kid?

You should be studying. These meatheads are going to be all over you.

So what if they are? What do you care?

You come for money. You don't need any of this.

Well, my mom has money. I have tips.

Would you just leave me alone?

Look, unless you want your ass carried out of here

by a very big bouncer, I'm gonna suggest you move.

She looks hot when she's angry, man.

I'm gonna get blasted and then bombed.

Hi!

Hi. I have information for you.

- It's pretty fucking good. - All right, what is it?

Well, it has to do with our mutual friend over there. Doesn't she look hot?

Excuse me, Rule,

are you going to introduce me to your beautiful friend?

Uh, Ayden, this is my dumb piece of shit friend.

My dumb piece of shit friend, this is Ayden.

- Hey, Ayden, I'm Jet. - Hi.

Nice to meet you.

You need another beer.

- Interesting girl. - Wait!

- Casper! - Shut your fucking mouth.

- Casper! - It's set time.

- Let's go. Come on, Jet. - There he goes. There he goes.

Rock on, dude.

♪ The sky was made Of amethyst ♪

♪ All the stars are just like Little things ♪

♪ You should learn When to go ♪

♪ You should learn How to say no ♪

- Look at you. - Gabe, what do you want?

Your mom told me I'd find you here.

I bet she did.

I missed you. It's good to see you.

Look, I'm working. I really can't do this right now.

You said you'd give me some time.

Okay, I got it.

I just came by to see if it was too early to talk.

Not yet.

Look, I don't know what I did wrong,

and it is driving me crazy, okay?

- Yeah. - I just like older women, guys.

♪ Go on, take everything ♪

Hey, I'm just crazy right now. I have a lot going on.

Okay. Okay.

Hey, Shaw.

- Did you just signal me? - No.

- I thought I saw you wave. - Did you?

Yeah. Whoa. Who's this, uh, Make-A-Wish George Clooney?

Yeah. We're kind of busy right now, pal.

- Why don't you take off? - You don't look very busy.

- Just go sit down. Come on. - Are you still here?

Yup. That's the fucking problem, man. Always here.

I turn around, and I'm right back where I was.

- I'm not going to ask you again, pal. - Pal?

- Yeah. - Damn. You can't do that.

See, if you keep using the same word...

- Yeah? - ...you just sound stupid.

- Don't do that. - You don't wanna sound stupid, do you?

- Try "friend." - You're not my fucking friend.

- How about "brother?" - Nah, fuck you, brother.

Yeah, you like that? What about "fucking asshole?"

- Yo, who the fuck is this fuck? - I like that one. Yeah.

Gabe, this is Rule. Rule, Gabe Davenport.

You're Rule?

Yeah. I knew I wouldn't like you.

♪ My last day ♪

Shaw, didn't you say you broke up with this doorknob?

- Shaw, you told him we broke up? - Yeah, she sure did.

- Everyone here knows, bud. - Everybody?

- She doesn't want to be with you. - Yeah?

But the good news is, consolation bus right out front.

- Oh, yeah? - Okay, okay, everybody relax. Everyone relax.

Let me buy you a drink, you know?

♪ So I'll take everything ♪

- Fuck him up! - ♪ Take everything ♪

♪ I want you, too ♪

♪ So I'll take everything ♪

♪ Take everything I want you, too ♪

♪ So I'll take everything ♪

♪ Take everything ♪

♪ I'll take you, too ♪

Get off me!

Did you like that?

- Take your hands off me. - Fuck you, bro.

- You ass-fuckers! - Don't you touch me ever!

- Yeah, fuck off. - You fucking pussies.

Oh, God, he's fine.

Are you two dating?

- Nope. - Are you hooking up?

- No. - Well, then can I get his number?

I think I might want him to degrade me later.

Would you just give me a second? I'm trying to cash out here?

Sorry. I just don't want that stallion going to waste.

Knowing him, it won't.

I guarantee Shaw will be sure to let Rule

know that you wanna smash next time she sees him,

but the more important thing is what are we gonna do

next weekend for your birthday?

Another pretentious rich guy who's pissed off about a girl.

- Yeah, groundbreaking. - Whoo!

Move, baby. Ah!

Let's go, guys.

Oh, shit!

Yo, Jasper.

Jasper!

What the fuck are you doing?

You like it?

Yeah. That's a two-man job.

All right? I got rigging gear at the shop.

Get up there next time.

- Fine. But I wanna finish. - Okay. We will.

Yo, bro.

Earth to Rule. You good?

- Uh, yeah. - Let's get the fuck out of here, man.

It's late, bro. We crushed this shit, but let's go.

Hello, darling. Gabe called me.

You really should patch that up, you know?

You're not getting any younger.

He loves you, Shawberry.

He really does. And he's a good one.

And what's the worst that can happen?

Something goes wrong and you're set for life.

I don't care about that.

Well, you should start. Be smart, pumpkin.

I've been rich and I've been poor.

Yeah, I know. Rich is better.

It is. I know you don't want to be anything like me.

You hate me for the way I got my money, but let me tell you something.

All I'm saying is don't be stupid with your life.

Find someone rich.

And when you do, turn them upside down like a Christmas tree

and shake them until all their balls fall off.

By the way, have you spoken to your philandering father?

I can't do this right now. I'll call you later.

Call Gabe.

Happy birthday!

Let's go!

It's not till tomorrow.

I don't give a fucking shit.

Yeah! Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

- We are going to Club Lo Do, baby. - Oh? Who is we?

We is all the girls. It's gonna be fucking sick.

Seriously, I got us bottle service, lights, the DJ.

- I don't know about that. - What?

I'm not really a bar person.

- Plus, I have midterms. - Midterms?

Midterms that I have to study for.

Are you fucking kidding me right now?

Shaw Landon, I will slap the living fucking shit out of you.

Do you have any idea how many fucking shifts I had to pull for this shit?

Dude, you're acting as if you're turning 50.

Even my fucking 50-year-old mother.

Parties harder than you do.

You better get on fucking game.

I don't know. Really, I just, uh...

No, "Oh, you don't know."

Yeah! Whoo!

- Adding up. Adding up. - Yo, more shots!

You know what? I have a feeling that tonight's going to be your night.

How you supposed to know that?

'Cause look at you. You're gonna get laid, bitch.

I don't know.

Yo! Somebody bring me some champagne! Let's go!

I think it's somebody's birthday!

It's my fucking birthday!

Wait, hold on. I'm getting a phone call. I think it's for you.

Hello?

Your ride's here? Oh, shit.

Go forth. Go fucking forth!

I'll be back.

Come on.

You okay?

Jesus Christ.

- Casper, hey. What's going on? - Hey.

It's good to see you. What are you doing here? You hate these places.

Birthday.

Oh, shit. Look at that.

- Happy birthday, Casper. - Thanks.

Look, I'm sorry about how I was at the Emerald.

It's not my place to throw a monkey wrench in your relationship.

I really can't tell if you're being serious right now, but if you are, thanks.

No, I'm serious. He's great. I love the dude.

I mean, Gabe's like my best friend.

- You are so full of shit. - All right.

Look, hey, I... I'm gonna get out of here

You, uh, you want me to walk you home?

No, um, I've gotta stay. I've got Ayden and everybody, so...

Okay, cool. Hey, good seeing you. Happy birthday.

Oh, hey. Excuse me. Sorry about that.

Wait! Okay, I'll go.

Just, um, give me a second to get my stuff, yeah?

Okay.

Ooh.

I just...

- So, remember that feeling you had? - What?

The feeling about like maybe going home tonight?

Well, he kinda wants to take me home right fucking now.

- Who? - Who?

Rule? Holy shit.

- Oh, my God. - I know, but that's like... it's like code, right?

- Right? - Yeah. Yes.

- He doesn't just wanna actually take me home? - No, no, no, no.

He wants to take you home and do absolutely unspeakable things to your body.

Are you ready, though?

Yeah, I think so.

- Wish me luck. I love you. - Mwah.

I'm gonna wish you more than luck. Make good choices.

I love you. Mwah.

You know, I might not be the only one getting lucky tonight.

Fuck off.

You know, snowflakes have six sides.

- Really? - Uh-huh. Call them arms.

That's weird.

Yeah.

Water molecules are shaped like V's.

So when they freeze, they're hexagons.

Wow. You are so smart.

What are you doing?

Why are you laughing like that?

I'm not doing anything.

Well, whatever you are doing,

you should stop because it's fucking weird.

Having fun?

So much fun. You should try it.

- No. No. - Yeah. Try it.

- Try it. Try it. Try it. Try it. - No. No. I don't want to, Shaw.

Stop. What the fuck is wrong with you tonight?

- Jesus Christ. - Oh, you'll find out.

What? What are you staring at?

Me and Remy used to do this when we were kids.

Do what?

- That was so good. - Thank you.

What are you doing? Don't do it, Snowflake.

- No. - Have to.

- Hey, Snowflake. Uh-uh. - Uh. Watch me.

- You ready? Ready? - No. Stop.

I'm gonna do this, and I'm gonna kill it.

Casper! Don't, don't, don't, don't.

Casper. Oh, my God.

You good?

I'm okay. Are you okay?

Yeah. You nitwit.

Come on. Let's go. Snowflake.

All right, I gotta find my keys and then I'm taking you home.

You know, I've never been in here before.

No?

I always come up the back.

Nice.

So, this is where the magic happens, huh?

Yup.

What are these?

- Tattoos. - Tattoos?

Yours?

Mm-hmm.

Maybe I should get a tattoo.

I was thinking something maybe, I think, here.

Or maybe something like right there, you know?

- Maybe you should think about. - Oh, you're no fun.

Shaw.

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

- Seriously, what are you doing? - What are you doing?

- Stop. - Stop what?

Okay, okay, stop. Stop! Stop! Stop! That's enough.

Party's over. All right, party's over.

I'm taking you home.

Meow.

You want me to be a cat?

I can be a cat. Rawr.

Rawr.

Shaw.

Oh, you didn't even get me a present for my birthday.

I will get you... I'll get you a present.

Shhh.

You listen to me, Rule.

I've loved you from the moment I met you,

and I've loved you ever since. I'm not pretending anymore.

- Shaw, this is so wrong. - You and me.

I want you to be my first.

But I'll tell you what.

You tell me there's nothing going on between us,

you tell me you don't feel the same way I do...

I'll stop.

Casper?

Nash.

Of all the people I would have guessed

to be coming out of that room,

you wouldn't have made the top 100.

- But you look fucking awesome. - Thanks.

Hey, Casper.

Hi.

You hungry?

God, no, I am so hung over.

I want to crawl into a hole and never come out.

Thanks.

Look, I know this is weird.

No, no, no. Weird is pancakes and sushi.

This is fucking mind blowing. This is ground shaking.

I know.

I don't know about that. I kind of see it.

It makes total sense to me.

- What happened? - What happened?

What does it look like happened? I mean, she's in her bra and panties, dude.

I don't know, but I have to go before anyone else sees me.

Especially him.

- You all right? - Oh, she's more than okay.

She just had a night full of dick.

Shut up, Nash.

Oh, don't forget your clothes on the way out, huh?

Very funny.

Wow.

- How was last night? - I don't wanna talk about it.

Saw Casper leaving.

- How was she? - I said I don't want to talk about.

How you feeling?

- Dog shit. - Nice.

Have some of this. It'll save your life.

Mm-mm.

So?

It happened.

Nice. Fuck, yeah.

How was it?

Strange.

We walked back to his place.

Had sex.

That's all I'm getting? Two sentences?

You better start from the beginning,

run me all the way through to the end

with all the details, leaving nothing out, slowly.

Well...

at first it seemed like he wasn't really going to go for it.

Fuck you mean he wasn't gonna go for it?

I don't know. I was sending some pretty strong signals, believe me.

I basically crawled into his lap and forced him.

Not forced him, but, you know.

- Huh? - And I, uh...

meowed like a cat.

- You meowed like a cat? - I meowed like a cat.

- What do you mean you meowed like a cat? - Like, physically...

- Wait, what it... - ...it was just sort of like, rawr.

- Wow, okay. - Yeah.

Strong.

But then he relaxed

and it was... great.

- So, sex was good? - Yeah.

Okay, cool. Did you...

- I think so. - You think so?

All right, you think so or you know so, which is a no.

So, I'll let you know it gets better.

Um, what about him? Was he good?

He was amazing.

So incredibly sweet and gentle.

It was... he was perfect.

It was everything I wanted.

Wait, there was no hair grabbing

or like ass smacking or choking or anything?

- No. - No, just... just... just nice and gentle?

Nice, cool, cool.

Um, yeah, you could build up to that.

Uh, ac... foreplay?

- Maybe. - Now we're talking.

No, it was...

it was great, but then...

I woke up in his bed

and reality hit me.

Time to go.

The clock struck 12 and it was over.

And I realized that I was just another thing that happened.

And I don't know.

- Maybe I'm just stressed. - No, no, no, no.

It's okay, trust me.

I mean, he's just my type.

He always has been. Him, exactly.

You think I think he really likes me and I'm gonna be his girl.

We slept together and that's it.

And it's not going to work out and I know that.

It's going to be weird and awkward

and I'm going to have to go back to being just Casper.

Another one of his conquests.

All right. Ugh.

Personally,

I think he likes you.

All right? But like you said, you guys slept together.

It's not like anybody made any promises.

I know, but that's the thing.

He slept with a thousand girls. Why would he ever go back to me?

No, no, no. You can't think of it like that.

It's not like you said I love you or anything.

What?

- Mm. - Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God. You did not. - Fuck.

I... something like that may have slipped out.

Slipped out? What the fuck did you say?

I may have said that I love you

and have always loved you and would always love you.

Ah, okay. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Make it stop. Make it stop.

Okay. What the fuck? What the fuck were you thinking?

I know. It's bad. This is awful, isn't it?

The second you say anything that is remotely

intimate to guys, they run for the fucking hills.

- I know. - You gotta make these men work for this shit.

- Mm-hmm. - Okay look.

The win here is that you slept with a guy you like.

Cool.

And you are cool

and you're awesome and you have a nice hair.

Is that cum?

I feel like you don't want me to answer that.

I can share.

Share? Share?

- No. No. No. Oh my God. Get away. - Be sticky with me.

Take a fucking shower. Go, go, go, go, go.

- Ow, ow. Oh, head pounding. - Go.

My brother would have loved this.

Thanks for doing it.

My pleasure.

You know I knew Brian, right?

He was a couple years older.

We both went to Perse.

Oh yeah. Yeah. I forgot about that.

He was a good dude. Freak fucking athlete.

They say the mine that he stepped on

could've taken out half a city block.

Jesus Christ.

It's crazy.

Somebody could be right next to you your entire life

and then just gone.

Does it get easier?

No.

When Remy died, half of me died with him.

And I just knew I'd never be happy again.

Hey.

How you doing, Rule? You seem weird.

Yeah. I just can't get this girl off my mind.

The one from the Emerald bar?

Yeah. She's off limits, though.

Can't stop thinking about her though?

Nope.

You should go for her.

You should go for what makes you happy.

- Well, well. - Is she here?

Yeah. Come on in.

Uh, you can just make yourself at home. I'm gonna check on her.

Yeah?

You have a visitor.

- Who? - What do you mean who? It's Rule!

- Bitch, it's Rule! - Oh my God. What did you tell him?

Oh my God. I didn't tell him anything!

- You need to tell him something. - Well, he's standing there right now.

- What do you mean he's just standing there? - He's just standing there.

What else was I Supposed to say?

Something. Anything. Literally anything.

- Give me an adjective, a noun, and a verb. - Tell him that I'm...

I don't wanna get involved in anything. I don't wanna get involved.

You're my best friend and I love you so much

and you're gonna handle this for me because love you, love you, love you.

She just needs a second

Fuck!

- Hey. - Hey.

I'm gonna go read a book somewhere.

Good idea.

Sit down.

I just want to apologize for the other night.

- It was a mistake. - Okay.

And I should have called, but I didn't.

It's all right. I get it.

We didn't make any promises.

Yeah, look, I just... I don't want you to be pissed at me.

And I don't want to lose you over some stupid shit.

I just wanna be cool.

And you're important to me.

- I am? - Yeah.

Been thinking about you a lot.

So what do you want to do?

I don't know.

You wanna keep sleeping with me?

No. No. I mean...

of course, yeah, but...

look, you're a great person.

And I care about you. I really do.

But I can't

do the boyfriend girlfriend thing.

I'm too messed up.

Look...

look, it's just... it's never gonna work out.

Can I ask you something?

If you saw me with another guy, would you be okay with it?

No.

And what about you? You dying to see other people?

No.

- But you wanna see me? - Yes.

So, you wanna be together, you just don't wanna call it that?

Look, I... I just... I don't know what I want, okay?

Fuck, can we just...

see what happens and not call it anything

and just try to figure it out?

Sure.

The good news is...

we don't have to do anything we don't want to do.

Don't have to make any promises.

We can just...

see how it goes.

I don't need anything from you.

Just want to be with you.

Me too.

Wow.

I can't believe I just said that.

That reminds me. Do you want to pull my hair?

Ye... what?

Ah!

Ah!

Rule?

Yeah?

Question for you.

What?

How does it feel to be my boyfriend?

Shut up.

You're such an idiot. You're so stupid.

- What? You don't like that word? No? - No, you're so stupid.

Don't tickle me. Please don't tickle me.

Shaw. Shaw. Stop it. Stop it.

- No, I know. - Stop. Get off.

Okay, okay.

I'm hungry.

I didn't eat breakfast, so I'm starving.

You gonna eat?

Yeah.

Nothing? Are you serious?

Dude, the single hottest girl that you've ever seen in your whole entire life

is currently waiting in that lobby for you.

- Sierra? - Sierra?

Yeah. I've been working on something for her.

- Did you miss me? - I did.

Hi.

You know, there's this rumor going around

that you're pretty incredible with your clothes off.

How come I didn't know about that?

I don't know.

So, I was thinking we could start

with this little shoulder piece right here.

Rule. Let me be clear so there's no misunderstanding.

I don't care about the tattoo.

I want you to take me upstairs right now.

Do whatever you want to me.

- Oh, my God. - You can close the windows if you want.

Or leave them open for all I care.

What do you say?

I'm gonna take a raincheck.

Oh, my God! A raincheck?

Can I have two minutes with you just over here?

- Come on. - I'm so sorry. Will you excuse us?

We just need to talk to our friend just a minute.

I'd tap that. I'm not even gay.

Honestly, I swear to God, dude, if you don't do this,

- we can't be friends anymore. - Yeah.

Listen, either you fuck her or I will. Now I'm just gonna do it anyway.

Dude, she's so hot that I would let her fuck me.

- Huh? - What?

Last chance, fuck boy.

So, uh...

I think I'm gonna stick to the raincheck.

So, this is Piet Mondrian.

And every year he would paint the exact same tree.

And, uh, he started out and he's sup...

super realistic.

How realistic?

Like one to ten.

Like a 35.

- Yeah? - Look at this thing. Yeah.

His work would get more and more crazy and, uh,

his reality would get...

just more and more abstract

until his work was just completely deconstructed.

Where'd you learn all this?

- He was Remy's favorite artist. - Hmm.

Anyways, um...

- What are you doing, Shaw? - What? Can't take it?

Not strong enough?

Mm-mm

Mm-mmm. Shaw. Shaw.

Mm-mmm.

Sorry.

Hello, darling.

Don't forget about our little Christmas party on Saturday.

Should be lots of drunken inappropriate misbehaving.

- Okay. - Okay?

It usually takes me 15 full minutes and a bribe

to get you to agree. What's going on?

- I'm just a little in the middle of something. - I suppose.

Just remember it's black tie, so try to wear something nice.

- We're not hobos, you know. - Okay.

I hear noises. Are you in bed with a boy? Is it Gabe?

No. I'll... I'll... I'll call you back later. Bye

What was that all about?

Just a stupid Christmas party. She does it every year.

You should come. You should be my date.

- Nope. Can't do it. - Oh, please?

No. Nope. Jasper's painting a wall. I promised him I would go.

Oh, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty please?

No. I promised Jasper.

I'll make it up to you.

It's unbelievable.

Of course, you have to fly private to get there,

which is a little excessive, don't you think?

Excuse me. Oh, darling.

There's a strict guest list tonight, remember?

And I'm almost sure he wasn't on it.

He's my boyfriend.

Boyfriend? Oh, well, he's gorgeous.

Oh, my God.

You look exactly like your brother.

It's like seeing a ghost.

- Identical twins. - Now, that makes sense.

It's such a shame what happened. Really a tragedy.

Oh, you like it?

Is that a... is that a Schiele?

Mm-hmm. It is.

Oh, my God. It's... it's beautiful.

I've... I... I... I've never seen one in real life.

Joey, sweetheart.

Will you take Mr. Archer to get a drink?

- I'm just gonna talk to Shaw. - Sure.

Joey. What's happening, Joey?

What do you think you're doing? Gabe is here.

Well, I'm sorry, but you didn't tell me that.

Well, I know you said you wouldn't come, but I went ahead and booked us

that trip to Turks and Caicos and Gabe and his family are coming with us.

And when we get there, Gabe's going to propose.

- Mom. - And you're going to say yes.

No. I'm not. And the next time

you try to marry me off,

you might try asking first.

You listen to me, young lady.

Believe me, I understand

that sometimes a girl needs a little low class fun.

But make no mistake, this trip is life-changing.

The Davenports are the wealthiest family in the state.

Gabe stands to inherit half a billion dollars one day.

And believe me, that kind of money doesn't grow on trees.

So you think about it. Think long and hard.

I've been working this last year to make this happen.

And let's face it, sweetheart,

you're not special enough to keep making bad choices.

You are absolutely unbelievable. You know that?

- I try. - Excuse me.

Shaw.

You're seeing that loser and you didn't tell me?

I gotta find out in front of 100 people.

Look...

I didn't know about it.

Sorry.

Whoa.

Looks like you're having fun. Are you ready to go?

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Gee, Mom, look at the time.

You throw a great fucking party, but we gotta go.

See you next year.

Let's go. Go, go, go.

I... I love old people.

I can tell.

- Drugs. Alcohol. - Oh, yeah. You seemed to have fun.

Random sex with everybody.

- Hey. - Hey, Rule, man, where are you?

- What the fuck happened? - Jasper fucking fell.

He just fucking fell. He fell from the fucking building.

- You gotta come to the hospital right now - Yeah, no, I'm on my way.

I'm on my way. Yeah.

Dude, what happened?

Jesus Christ.

Talk to me. What happened?

What?

Jasper fell.

He's in the hospital. I... I don't know. I wasn't fucking there.

What do you mean he fell?

- Just give me a second. - Just calm down.

We'll figure it out, okay?

Please just shut the fuck up?

I was supposed to be there. He needed me.

- I know. I get it. - And I promised him that I would go.

And instead, I broke a promise to show up

to this fuck-all dress-up party that I didn't even want to go to.

What are you trying to say? What, that this is my fault?

Even your old boyfriend was at that fucking party.

- I didn't know he was gonna fucking be there. - I mean, fuck my life, right?

Sounds like you got some stuff bottled up.

Yes, I do. And I don't want any of this shit.

- What shit? - All of this.

I know you said no promises, but that's not what you meant.

- What are you talking about? - Shaw, your life hasn't changed at all.

- And I have given up everything. - Oh, what did you give up?

That you don't get to fuck every single person you meet?

- You're going to go there? Just forget it, all right? - Oh, poor you.

- I'm just not happy. - You're not happy?

I'm not happy.

There.

Maybe we should take a break.

I'm not fucking happy.

No. I wanna get out. Pull the car over.

- We're on the fucking highway. - Pull the car over.

- Stop. - No, I just want to go.

Shaw, stop! Stop!

Hey, Casper.

Look, I didn't mean those things that I said.

This whole thing with Jasper has me pretty undone.

And, um...

it's brought back losing Remy all over again.

Look, I'm not good for anyone right now.

I'm better off alone.

I'm sorry.

Hey, it's me again.

Took me a minute, but I kinda figured it out.

You should be happy.

And if you're happy without me, then I want that for you.

What are you doing?

I fucked it up. Had it all and I fucked it.

Yes, you did.

- What? - Somebody's here to see you.

- It's 2:00 in the fucking morning. - Yeah, I know, asshole.

All right? I told her you were busy.

But she's not taking no for an answer.

She?

She.

Well, hello.

Heard you broke up with your little girlfriend.

Yeah, that's right.

Don't worry.

Mama's gonna make you forget all about her.

He's not in the right...

Um, I don't know. When is it, Wednesday?

Tuesday.

But first, revenge!

He wanted a break, he got a fucking break.

Wait, so are you guys together taking a break

or taking a break, taking a break?

Together.

Really? Doesn't seem like it.

What's that supposed to mean?

Isn't that Rule's hat?

He can't be patient? We are.

Look how much money we're making after that.

Yeah?

Shaw Landon is here to see you.

Should I tell her you're busy?

Uh, yeah, that's okay, Veronica. You can send her up.

Guys, can you give me a second?

Hi.

What can I do for you, Shaw?

I wanted to apologize about the Christmas party.

I know that I hurt you.

I don't know what got into me, but...

I wanted to see if there was any chance that we could try it again.

Try what again?

All of it.

Maybe we could go on that cruise that my mom was talking about.

What about that other guy?

Okay.

It's good to see you.

Wow. It's really you, huh?

Yeah, it really is.

Yeah, yeah. How you doing? How's school?

- What do you want? - What?

Fuck, you don't miss me, Cas?

We both know what you did. About your little affairs.

We were on a fucking break and you ruined it.

But we didn't make any promises, right?

No? Now I'm with Gabe, so that's it.

- Yeah, you guys move pretty fucking fast. - Yeah, I guess we do.

Stop with the fucking nicknames. No more Casper.

It's dead. It's Shaw.

Your mother's doing much better.

Go on inside. She's waiting for you.

What?

What happened?

Jasper lived a life of joy and love,

kindness and compassion.

He was a beacon of light and hope to his family and friends.

Hey, I'm going to use your restroom, okay?

Go ahead.

Hi, it's Rule. If this is about an appointment,

please call the shop, otherwise go fuck yourself.

Hey, it's me. Um...

I don't know how things got so messed up, but, um...

I miss you.

Um, I just wanted to tell you that if you...

ever need anything,

just to talk or anything, I'm there always.

Any time, any place, I am there.

You just have to tell me, okay?

Babe, you all right?

Yeah.

What are you doing in there?

Uh, nothing. Nothing. I'll... I'll be right out.

What are you doing?

Uh, nothing.

I just, uh, I thi... I think I should go.

What do you mean? I thought you were staying here tonight.

I was going to, but, um,

just everything with Rule's been a little much.

- Rule? - Jasper. I... I meant Jasper. Just...

- No, but you said Rule. - Don't do that.

I didn't mean it. I just... I got a little confused.

I don't think you're confused at all.

I think you're in love with that idiot.

I think you've been playing me this whole time.

- That's not true. - You want to go? Okay.

- Come on, let's go. I'll drive you there. - Gabe!

Grab your purse. You two deserve each other.

Are you serious?

Ah, shit.

Shaw! Hey!

Hey, you really wanna do this?

We're at my apartment and you're talking about other guys.

- Don't. - I made a mistake, baby. Okay? I'm sorry.

You wanna know something? I feel bad for you.

You're smart and charming and whatever else.

You're almost a nice guy, but let's face it,

we were never meant for each other.

- I'm not pretending anymore. - That's funny.

Yeah, Shaw, I'm gonna ask you one more time. Get in the fucking car.

This is your loss, Shaw, not mine!

But this is it! Don't come crawling back anymore.

We're done!

You got to go.

I'm gonna kill that motherfucker.

Would've been embarrassed too if I was that.

Yeah, hold on one sec. Yeah, some...

Bro, what the fuck? Are you sure you want to do this, pal?

I'm warning you, this isn't the move.

Leave it alone. Get the fuck out of here. You're a fucking nobody.

I'm done with that little slut anyway.

What happened?

Went to fuck a guy up and it didn't go my way, that's what.

- Yeah, I heard. - Thanks for fucking picking me up, man.

You're a fucking idiot, dude.

You can't just go bum rush a guy in his office

'cause you're jealous he's dating your girl.

What the fuck were you thinking?

He hit her, man.

- He what? - He hit Casper.

Gabe Davenport?

Yeah?

Who the fuck are you?

Just another nobody.

So?

You know, can't go around hitting girls, Gabe.

Those things will come back to haunt you.

Eventually you gotta pay the price for that shit.

Oh, I get it.

You're one of them Archer boys.

The soldier. Yeah, I heard about you.

So, let me guess, you're the price I gotta pay?

Is that right?

That's right.

Okay.

I gotta take care of the whole fucking family now?

All right.

Let's do it, soldier boy.

Get up.

That was for Casper.

Ah!

That was for Rule.

Okay. All right, all right.

This is for me.

Stay away from Casper.

Hello, darling. I'm late. I know.

- Ladies. - Grey Goose martini with a twist,

bleu cheese olives and very well shaken with a side of ice

for when you screw it up and don't make it cold enough.

Okay. And for you?

Nothing. I have to be at work in an hour.

Very good. I'll get that started.

- You're no fun. - That's what they tell me.

So, how are you?

My daughter asks me out for a drink.

To what do I owe this great honor?

I heard about Gabe, by the way. What a psychopath.

Not that I think you should completely rule him out as a husband.

Not that I approve, but let's face it, they are men.

It's our job to rehabilitate them.

- Your father, for example... - Mom, I know you cheated on Dad.

I know it was you and not the other way around.

Well, hmm, he was such a shit.

He hardly ever paid attention to me.

It doesn't matter whose fault it was.

You guys just...

didn't work out.

Look, I don't care how you live your life.

I love you.

It's just not for me. It's not a putdown. It's just me.

And I'm trying to figure out my own life, you know?

I just think we need to have an adult relationship

and be able to say anything and have it be okay.

Oh, good. I want that too.

Did I tell you I met someone?

- Yeah? - A doctor.

I'm having an affair with him, obviously.

Nothing serious, just sex.

But get this, he's a vagina rejuvenation specialist.

- Wow. - Not that you need it, but nip and tuck.

He can tighten you up to any size.

- Mom. - What?

Us girls have to take care of ourselves.

So what's going on with Casper?

Oh, I screwed up, brother.

Yeah.

Do you love her?

It's fucking crazy, dude.

Well, it is what it is then.

If you love her, then do something.

Show her.

Mm.

Hey, Shaw. Um, look,

I know I've made you question a lot of things.

But if you're looking for a sign of how I feel, just look up.

A mural? Really?

So I guess this is the part where we talk.

Saw my mom.

She's out of treatment. She's...

she's doing really good.

That's great. Really.

You guys need each other.

Yeah. Yeah.

Look, I...

I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

I wasn't ready and I

fucking sabotaged the whole thing.

And I knew that a break...

didn't mean I got to do whatever I wanted.

And I know that you'd never do anything like that to me.

But I did it anyway.

I was just scared to feel, you know?

Scared to commit.

To give up my whole life.

And to tell you the truth, it still scares the shit out of me.

But I got to change. Uh, I know I do.

Listen, I suck at talking about feelings

and dealing with anything emotionally hard.

Every time anything comes up, I just run.

But I'm ready now.

And not just to... to try.

I'm really ready to do it all.

Now I fucking wanna make some promises. I do.

And I don't wanna go back to our old way. I just want you.

Look, I'm not a millionaire.

And I don't have a lot to give.

But I want to give you my heart.

And I know it's not much, but it's all I've got.

And it's yours.

And I swear to God, if you try to give it back,

I'm not going to take it.

Is that it?

Yeah. That's it.

Attention, patrons!

Let's fucking party!

All this upstairs?

Yeah. Everything.

Yep.

So I guess it's official, huh?

No more bachelor.

- Yeah. - Yeah,

and I just feel bad Ayden doesn't have a roommate anymore.

Oh, don't worry about it. She found a roommate.

- Who? - Me.