Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,251 --> 00:00:04,630
Do you just get up in the morning
and figure out ways to make me crazy?
2
00:00:04,796 --> 00:00:06,506
Is that what you do?
You plot it out?
3
00:00:06,673 --> 00:00:08,383
How can I make Alan
miserable today?
4
00:00:08,550 --> 00:00:10,344
How can I reach into his chest...
5
00:00:10,552 --> 00:00:13,472
...rip out his heart, and suck it dry?
6
00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:17,559
- Mom or ex-wife?
- Ex-wife.
7
00:00:17,935 --> 00:00:20,270
- Hi, Judith.
- Charlie says hello.
8
00:00:20,437 --> 00:00:22,940
She says hi.
You're evil and selfish, you know that?
9
00:00:23,941 --> 00:00:26,109
No, no. l... I think that is
a helpful comment.
10
00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:29,738
I pay you alimony and child support
so that you can have a nice house...
11
00:00:29,905 --> 00:00:32,574
...a nice car, every weekend free
because I've got Jake.
12
00:00:32,783 --> 00:00:36,620
And yet you're telling me
you need a vacation?
13
00:00:36,787 --> 00:00:40,374
Oh, really? Oh, really? And what exactly
is stressing you out, Judith?
14
00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:43,252
Is it the weekly manicure?
The housekeeper?
15
00:00:43,418 --> 00:00:45,379
- Boob lift.
- The boob lift.
16
00:00:45,587 --> 00:00:47,547
- That you paid for.
- That I paid for.
17
00:00:47,756 --> 00:00:50,467
- And never got to see.
- And never got to see.
18
00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:53,679
No, no, no. You listen to me.
19
00:00:53,845 --> 00:00:55,889
I think you live a damn fine lifestyle...
20
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:58,350
...that I work 60 hours a week
to support.
21
00:00:58,517 --> 00:01:02,688
So if anybody needs a vacation,
it's not you. It's me!
22
00:01:03,271 --> 00:01:05,232
All right, then.
23
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:07,734
Goodbye.
24
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:12,781
Judith's going to Hawaii for a week.
25
00:01:14,866 --> 00:01:16,243
So Jake's staying here.
26
00:01:16,702 --> 00:01:18,704
I'm shocked.
27
00:01:29,246 --> 00:01:31,749
Come on, Jake.
It's time to get up for school.
28
00:01:31,916 --> 00:01:33,334
I can't go to school.
29
00:01:33,500 --> 00:01:35,419
- I'm sick.
- What's wrong?
30
00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:38,672
I think I have acid reflex disease.
31
00:01:38,881 --> 00:01:42,760
Really? Acid reflex disease?
32
00:01:43,594 --> 00:01:45,387
Where does it hurt?
33
00:01:46,847 --> 00:01:48,557
My head?
34
00:01:49,350 --> 00:01:51,435
- Nice try.
- My throat?
35
00:01:51,644 --> 00:01:53,062
Get up.
36
00:01:54,772 --> 00:01:56,190
All right, all right.
37
00:01:56,357 --> 00:01:59,485
I just want you to know,
I'm starting my day really stressed out.
38
00:01:59,693 --> 00:02:02,821
Oh, I'm sorry. Would you like me
to send you to Hawaii?
39
00:02:03,030 --> 00:02:05,074
That would be nice.
40
00:02:09,161 --> 00:02:11,914
What's taking you so long?
41
00:02:12,456 --> 00:02:15,376
- I can't find my other shoe.
- So put on a different pair.
42
00:02:15,542 --> 00:02:16,919
But this one's on already.
43
00:02:19,964 --> 00:02:22,257
Hey, what are you doing up so late?
44
00:02:22,716 --> 00:02:24,510
It's 7 a.m.
45
00:02:25,886 --> 00:02:28,931
- What am I doing up so early?
- Where have you been?
46
00:02:29,139 --> 00:02:32,977
Searching the kingdom
for the woman who fits this shoe.
47
00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:35,187
Hey, that's mine. Where was it?
48
00:02:35,479 --> 00:02:36,647
In the driveway.
49
00:02:37,523 --> 00:02:39,400
Oh, yeah!
50
00:02:39,775 --> 00:02:41,110
Okay, let's go.
51
00:02:41,276 --> 00:02:43,028
- Got my lunch?
- Lunch?
52
00:02:43,237 --> 00:02:46,615
- You're supposed to make me lunch.
- Oh, crap.
53
00:02:47,491 --> 00:02:50,077
This isn't helping my stress level.
54
00:02:51,537 --> 00:02:54,039
I forget. Why are you here
in the middle of the week?
55
00:02:54,248 --> 00:02:57,334
- Because my mom's on vacation.
- From what?
56
00:02:57,751 --> 00:02:59,169
Me.
57
00:03:02,965 --> 00:03:06,009
A word of advice: Don't date women
who live near the airport.
58
00:03:06,468 --> 00:03:09,054
It's impossible to sleep in.
59
00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:12,099
I'll try to remember that.
60
00:03:12,307 --> 00:03:15,352
Wish I knew her well enough
to bring her back here.
61
00:03:15,519 --> 00:03:17,813
Well, maybe next time.
62
00:03:17,980 --> 00:03:19,690
Next time?
63
00:03:20,232 --> 00:03:23,068
- My lunch ready?
- It's right here. What are you doing?
64
00:03:23,235 --> 00:03:25,696
- That was for Jake.
- I don't see his name on it.
65
00:03:31,827 --> 00:03:34,329
Okay, fine. You'Il...
You'll have half a sandwich...
66
00:03:34,496 --> 00:03:38,667
...and a banana,
and maybe an orange, and...
67
00:03:38,834 --> 00:03:41,462
...what the hell, an artichoke.
68
00:03:42,963 --> 00:03:44,006
An artichoke?
69
00:03:45,382 --> 00:03:47,634
Maybe you can trade it
for something good.
70
00:03:48,385 --> 00:03:50,679
With who? One of the slow kids?
71
00:03:50,888 --> 00:03:53,307
Give it a shot. Tell him it's a puppy.
72
00:03:54,558 --> 00:03:56,310
Come on, let's go.
73
00:03:57,269 --> 00:04:01,064
I forgot. I have to write five insightful
questions I'd ask George Washington.
74
00:04:01,273 --> 00:04:03,525
What? Last night
you said you had no homework.
75
00:04:03,901 --> 00:04:06,361
Dad, I just said I forgot.
76
00:04:08,572 --> 00:04:13,368
- Okay, fine. You'll do it in the car.
- I was planning on doing math in the car.
77
00:04:15,537 --> 00:04:17,039
President Washington.
78
00:04:17,206 --> 00:04:19,041
Question number one:
79
00:04:19,208 --> 00:04:23,128
"Have you ever thought of coming
back from the dead as a zombie?"
80
00:04:24,755 --> 00:04:27,466
Jake, I don't think that's
what your teacher had in mind.
81
00:04:28,091 --> 00:04:29,676
Do you wanna do it?
82
00:04:30,302 --> 00:04:31,720
No, no. You're doing fine.
83
00:04:32,471 --> 00:04:34,431
Question two:
84
00:04:34,598 --> 00:04:37,893
"Can you eat human flesh
with wooden teeth?"
85
00:04:39,561 --> 00:04:41,897
Hi, Lorraine. I'm running a little late.
86
00:04:42,064 --> 00:04:46,235
Could you move my 9:30 to 10,
my 10 to 10:30...
87
00:04:46,401 --> 00:04:49,071
...and, well,
you see where this is going.
88
00:04:50,155 --> 00:04:51,782
You don't?
89
00:04:52,783 --> 00:04:55,118
Hang on, I've got somebody
on the other line.
90
00:04:55,744 --> 00:04:57,204
Hello.
91
00:04:57,371 --> 00:05:01,708
Oh, hi, Mom. Look, I can't talk
right now. I'm driving Jake to school.
92
00:05:01,917 --> 00:05:04,503
Well, Judith's in Hawaii.
93
00:05:05,045 --> 00:05:07,839
No, that does not make me
a doormat.
94
00:05:08,966 --> 00:05:12,010
Patsy is just another word
for doormat, Mom.
95
00:05:12,386 --> 00:05:15,555
l... Lo... I gotta go. I'll call you later.
96
00:05:17,307 --> 00:05:18,725
Hi, Lorraine. I'm back.
97
00:05:18,934 --> 00:05:20,936
No, no, don't put me on hold.
98
00:05:21,436 --> 00:05:22,854
Question three:
99
00:05:23,230 --> 00:05:26,608
"Do you think the Revolutionary War
would have been won sooner...
100
00:05:26,775 --> 00:05:29,653
...if you had an army of the undead?"
101
00:05:32,155 --> 00:05:34,658
This is actually pretty easy.
102
00:05:35,409 --> 00:05:38,286
Lorraine, this is Dr. Harper.
103
00:05:39,079 --> 00:05:42,207
Listen, I'm... I'm gonna be there
in about 40 minutes.
104
00:05:42,624 --> 00:05:45,002
What do you mean,
you're going home?
105
00:05:45,210 --> 00:05:48,797
Oh, come on.
You were premenstrual two weeks ago.
106
00:05:49,464 --> 00:05:51,508
Yes, I keep track.
107
00:05:52,217 --> 00:05:53,844
Question number four:
108
00:05:54,011 --> 00:05:58,265
"What's your opinion of the new,
faster-walking zombies?"
109
00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:00,350
No, no, no. Lor... Lorraine.
110
00:06:00,517 --> 00:06:02,269
Don't cry. Please don't cry.
111
00:06:08,275 --> 00:06:10,694
Charlie, I'm going home.
112
00:06:31,006 --> 00:06:34,718
How many times
have I asked you not to do that?
113
00:06:35,135 --> 00:06:38,472
- I'm going home.
- I suppose you want me to pay you.
114
00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:41,767
Not necessary.
I took the money out of your wallet.
115
00:06:43,393 --> 00:06:46,771
- Fine.
- Guess what? I got a raise.
116
00:06:47,981 --> 00:06:49,608
Congratulations.
117
00:06:49,816 --> 00:06:54,863
- You wanna know why I got a raise?
- No, I'm sure I had my reasons.
118
00:06:56,198 --> 00:07:00,076
Because when I took this job,
all I had to do was clean up after you.
119
00:07:00,285 --> 00:07:03,205
And while that may
have been disgusting, it was doable.
120
00:07:04,289 --> 00:07:09,127
And then your brother moved in, which
I accepted with my usual good humor...
121
00:07:09,294 --> 00:07:13,590
...because he cleans up after himself
like a neurotic raccoon.
122
00:07:14,799 --> 00:07:16,468
This is about the kid, right?
123
00:07:16,676 --> 00:07:19,763
Good for you.
That's why you're the boss.
124
00:07:20,972 --> 00:07:24,100
He's just here for a week.
It's a temporary situation.
125
00:07:24,309 --> 00:07:27,020
And yet my raise is permanent.
126
00:07:27,979 --> 00:07:29,439
Sounds fair.
127
00:07:29,898 --> 00:07:31,942
God, what a horrible day.
128
00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:34,611
- Tell me about it.
- Show of hands:
129
00:07:35,070 --> 00:07:37,614
Who spent their day
pre-soaking the shorts of a kid...
130
00:07:37,822 --> 00:07:40,784
...who leaves more skid marks
than a getaway car?
131
00:07:42,535 --> 00:07:44,120
That's what I thought.
132
00:07:44,287 --> 00:07:46,748
Now, if you ladies will excuse me...
133
00:07:47,457 --> 00:07:50,919
...I have three buses to catch.
134
00:07:54,422 --> 00:07:56,967
I bet she catches them by hand.
135
00:07:58,176 --> 00:08:00,387
Yeah, well, I have my own problems.
136
00:08:00,553 --> 00:08:03,431
I was late for work,
my receptionist went home early...
137
00:08:03,598 --> 00:08:07,644
...because, apparently, she has
the reproductive cycle of a jackrabbit...
138
00:08:08,103 --> 00:08:11,690
...and then I had a large,
drunk Samoan man walk in...
139
00:08:11,856 --> 00:08:16,319
...who thought that chiropractor means
"massage with happy ending."
140
00:08:17,862 --> 00:08:21,908
I kept trying to crack his back and
he kept rolling over and winking at me.
141
00:08:22,909 --> 00:08:25,161
- Wow, that's creepy.
- Tell me about it.
142
00:08:25,578 --> 00:08:27,664
So you're gonna see him again?
143
00:08:28,373 --> 00:08:32,252
Or should I say,
are you gonna see him Samoa?
144
00:08:35,088 --> 00:08:36,423
Oh, come on. That was funny.
145
00:08:36,589 --> 00:08:38,842
Oh, yeah. It's hilarious.
146
00:08:39,592 --> 00:08:41,594
You know what your problem is?
147
00:08:41,761 --> 00:08:45,348
- You don't drink enough.
- You're probably right.
148
00:08:45,515 --> 00:08:49,894
This is the first time today I've had a
chance to just sit down and decompress.
149
00:08:52,063 --> 00:08:54,482
- Cheers?
- Oh, cheers.
150
00:08:55,817 --> 00:08:57,235
Oh, that's good.
151
00:08:57,402 --> 00:09:00,238
I keep having this nagging feeling
that I forgot something.
152
00:09:00,447 --> 00:09:03,867
- lf you forgot it, it wasn't important.
- Yeah, I guess.
153
00:09:19,731 --> 00:09:22,234
I can't believe you forgot me.
154
00:09:22,442 --> 00:09:24,778
I said I'm sorry.
155
00:09:24,945 --> 00:09:26,363
You forgot me.
156
00:09:26,530 --> 00:09:28,782
I know. I feel terrible.
157
00:09:28,949 --> 00:09:31,368
How many kids you got?
158
00:09:32,786 --> 00:09:35,372
- There's a towel on the floor, buddy.
- I'm okay.
159
00:09:35,873 --> 00:09:40,127
I want you to sit on it so you don't leave
a wet ass-print on my leather seats.
160
00:09:40,460 --> 00:09:41,837
You forgot me too.
161
00:09:42,045 --> 00:09:43,672
Yeah, but I'm just your uncle.
162
00:09:43,839 --> 00:09:45,257
He's your father.
163
00:09:45,465 --> 00:09:47,009
Yeah, my own father.
164
00:09:47,384 --> 00:09:48,719
Thanks, Charlie.
165
00:09:48,886 --> 00:09:50,804
Is there any way
I can make it up to you?
166
00:09:50,971 --> 00:09:54,016
- You wanna go out for a special dinner?
- No.
167
00:09:54,182 --> 00:09:55,767
- How about a movie?
- Why?
168
00:09:55,934 --> 00:09:57,519
You're gonna leave me there too?
169
00:09:58,854 --> 00:10:01,940
For the last time, I am sorry.
170
00:10:02,149 --> 00:10:04,109
Won't be the last time.
171
00:10:04,568 --> 00:10:06,737
I just wanna go home.
I'm cold and I'm wet.
172
00:10:06,945 --> 00:10:11,450
If you kick the back of my seat again,
you're gonna be colder and wetter.
173
00:10:12,534 --> 00:10:14,328
Ease up on him.
He's had a rough day.
174
00:10:14,536 --> 00:10:17,289
Yeah, my dad left me out in the rain.
175
00:10:17,914 --> 00:10:19,791
I'm sorry.
176
00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:21,543
What did I tell you?
177
00:10:24,129 --> 00:10:25,797
What's all this stuff on the floor?
178
00:10:25,964 --> 00:10:28,925
I don't know. Junk mail.
Parking tickets.
179
00:10:29,092 --> 00:10:31,803
- What's this?
- Satin blindfold.
180
00:10:33,180 --> 00:10:35,724
- For what?
- What do you mean, "For what"?
181
00:10:35,891 --> 00:10:37,225
In case I run into...
182
00:10:39,353 --> 00:10:40,854
...a pi�ata.
183
00:10:42,522 --> 00:10:44,691
- You're unbelievable.
- Don't judge.
184
00:10:44,858 --> 00:10:47,402
You felt up a Samoan dude.
185
00:10:48,862 --> 00:10:52,949
Hey, this is for me. From the IRS.
186
00:10:53,116 --> 00:10:55,744
It was mailed a month ago.
187
00:10:57,079 --> 00:10:59,456
Damn post office.
188
00:11:00,666 --> 00:11:02,751
Oh, perfect.
189
00:11:02,918 --> 00:11:05,837
- Just freaking perfect.
- Good news?
190
00:11:07,172 --> 00:11:08,924
I'm being audited.
191
00:11:09,091 --> 00:11:10,675
They wanna see me tomorrow.
192
00:11:11,051 --> 00:11:13,178
Oh, well, look at the upside.
193
00:11:13,553 --> 00:11:15,347
What upside?
194
00:11:16,765 --> 00:11:18,392
Yeah, okay, you got me.
195
00:11:19,309 --> 00:11:21,353
How could you forget
to give this to me?
196
00:11:21,937 --> 00:11:25,399
I don't know. How could you
forget your only son in the rain?
197
00:11:25,774 --> 00:11:28,193
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Watch the cleats.
198
00:11:34,366 --> 00:11:38,328
Let's go, sleepyhead.
Rise and shine, up and at 'em.
199
00:11:38,537 --> 00:11:42,499
Get out of my room
or I'll kill you with my bare hands.
200
00:11:42,707 --> 00:11:45,544
I'm being audited today.
You have to take Jake to school.
201
00:11:45,752 --> 00:11:47,587
Put him in a cab.
202
00:11:47,921 --> 00:11:49,881
Oh, please. I am counting on you.
203
00:11:50,090 --> 00:11:52,717
Then you're headed
for disappointment.
204
00:11:53,176 --> 00:11:56,096
You need to get Jake dressed,
make him his lunch...
205
00:11:56,263 --> 00:11:59,224
...and get him to school by 8, okay?
- Okay.
206
00:12:00,267 --> 00:12:02,435
- You're not moving.
- Yes, I am.
207
00:12:02,644 --> 00:12:04,771
I'm flipping you off under the covers.
208
00:12:07,357 --> 00:12:09,484
Get up!
209
00:12:11,319 --> 00:12:13,363
All right, I'm up.
210
00:12:13,780 --> 00:12:15,949
So you know what to do with Jake?
211
00:12:16,116 --> 00:12:18,702
You have to be responsible.
You have to be me today.
212
00:12:18,869 --> 00:12:22,122
- Think you can handle that?
- You left him out in the rain yesterday.
213
00:12:22,289 --> 00:12:24,207
It's not like you set the bar real high.
214
00:12:25,208 --> 00:12:26,668
- Charlie.
- Relax.
215
00:12:26,835 --> 00:12:29,212
I think I'm capable
of getting your kid to school.
216
00:12:29,379 --> 00:12:32,174
Good, because I really need your help.
217
00:12:32,966 --> 00:12:36,887
So... So I'm gonna leave now.
218
00:12:38,597 --> 00:12:40,557
You're all set, right?
219
00:12:40,765 --> 00:12:42,267
Charlie?
220
00:12:51,192 --> 00:12:53,778
Get up!
221
00:12:59,367 --> 00:13:01,202
Get dressed.
I'm taking you to school.
222
00:13:01,661 --> 00:13:03,955
I can't. I'm sick.
223
00:13:04,414 --> 00:13:06,750
Yeah, well, bite me.
224
00:13:07,500 --> 00:13:09,669
- Hey.
- Don't... Don't screw with me, shorty.
225
00:13:09,836 --> 00:13:12,213
I only got, like,
nine hours of sleep last night.
226
00:13:14,007 --> 00:13:17,052
- Now get dressed.
- I'm supposed to take a shower first.
227
00:13:20,764 --> 00:13:22,098
Sit near a window.
228
00:13:25,977 --> 00:13:29,439
- Here, put these on.
- I wore these yesterday.
229
00:13:29,648 --> 00:13:32,901
They're still extremely stylish.
Put them on.
230
00:13:33,943 --> 00:13:37,238
- Can I have some privacy, please?
- For what? You're 11.
231
00:13:37,447 --> 00:13:39,824
That's close to puberty.
232
00:13:40,784 --> 00:13:42,786
Okay, okay.
233
00:13:44,746 --> 00:13:46,081
I'm leaving.
234
00:13:51,586 --> 00:13:53,755
What am I, nuts?
235
00:14:05,809 --> 00:14:08,144
Get up!
236
00:14:10,980 --> 00:14:12,816
I could have dressed myself,
you know.
237
00:14:12,982 --> 00:14:15,318
You had your chance.
238
00:14:15,485 --> 00:14:17,612
I look stupid.
239
00:14:18,071 --> 00:14:20,990
Yeah, well, you're close to puberty.
240
00:14:21,199 --> 00:14:22,575
Oh, I forgot to comb my hair.
241
00:14:22,784 --> 00:14:25,537
No, no, no. I'll do it.
242
00:14:27,038 --> 00:14:28,498
That's spit.
243
00:14:28,706 --> 00:14:32,585
Hey, one man's saliva is another
man's mousse. Now shut up.
244
00:14:33,253 --> 00:14:35,213
There, you're beautiful. Let's go.
245
00:14:35,797 --> 00:14:38,425
- What about lunch?
- Sorry, I have plans.
246
00:14:39,843 --> 00:14:41,553
No, you're supposed to
make me lunch.
247
00:14:42,637 --> 00:14:44,931
Oh, all right, come on.
248
00:14:46,766 --> 00:14:49,561
You're not really a morning person,
are you?
249
00:14:49,727 --> 00:14:52,564
You're just saying that
because I spit on your head.
250
00:14:54,482 --> 00:14:57,318
- You like cold pizza, right?
- Sure.
251
00:15:03,575 --> 00:15:05,827
- This is frozen.
- Yeah. If you sit on it...
252
00:15:05,994 --> 00:15:08,037
...it'll thaw by lunch.
253
00:15:11,833 --> 00:15:14,544
My butt is freezing.
254
00:15:16,379 --> 00:15:17,714
You wanted pizza.
255
00:15:19,924 --> 00:15:21,885
All right, I'll put the seat warmer on.
256
00:15:22,051 --> 00:15:24,262
Cook it from both sides.
257
00:15:24,470 --> 00:15:28,224
- I like it better when my dad takes me.
- Oh, gee, you're not having fun?
258
00:15:28,391 --> 00:15:30,894
Because I'm farting rainbows
over here.
259
00:15:31,728 --> 00:15:34,439
First, he forgets me.
Now he leaves me with you.
260
00:15:34,898 --> 00:15:36,232
Hey, you know what?
261
00:15:36,399 --> 00:15:39,360
Your father works like a dog
to make sure you have everything.
262
00:15:39,861 --> 00:15:41,279
If he's not there for you...
263
00:15:41,446 --> 00:15:45,283
...it's just because he's trying
to stay out of federal prison.
264
00:15:48,870 --> 00:15:50,622
I think he needs to have sex.
265
00:15:52,290 --> 00:15:53,958
I was kidding about prison, Jake.
266
00:15:56,711 --> 00:15:58,504
What do you mean
he needs to have sex?
267
00:15:58,880 --> 00:16:00,673
Well, he's been really grumpy lately.
268
00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:04,052
You're usually in a good mood.
I figure it's because you have sex.
269
00:16:05,428 --> 00:16:09,432
Jake, it takes more than sex
to make a man happy.
270
00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:11,935
You also need money.
271
00:16:16,272 --> 00:16:17,982
All right, have a good day.
272
00:16:18,149 --> 00:16:20,693
- Learn something.
- This isn't my school.
273
00:16:21,653 --> 00:16:25,031
- What do you mean?
- I mean, I don't go to school here.
274
00:16:26,741 --> 00:16:28,743
Well, where do you go to school?
275
00:16:28,952 --> 00:16:30,828
Woodward Avenue Elementary.
276
00:16:31,037 --> 00:16:35,083
- And where the hell is that?
- Woodward Avenue, I guess.
277
00:16:36,501 --> 00:16:39,879
I don't know why you can't
tough it out here for one day.
278
00:16:40,046 --> 00:16:42,048
Make some new friends.
279
00:16:43,675 --> 00:16:45,218
Hey, Alan, it's Charlie.
280
00:16:45,385 --> 00:16:49,347
Look, I wanna ask you something but I
don't want you to read anything into it.
281
00:16:49,555 --> 00:16:51,516
Where exactly is Jake's school?
282
00:16:51,683 --> 00:16:54,060
You don 't know where his school is?
283
00:16:54,227 --> 00:16:56,145
What the hell is wrong with you?
284
00:16:56,312 --> 00:17:00,066
- Are you trying to kill me?
- You could be right about the sex thing.
285
00:17:02,944 --> 00:17:05,238
Okay, Woodward Avenue
Elementary School.
286
00:17:05,446 --> 00:17:06,906
Looks like they're closed.
287
00:17:07,073 --> 00:17:11,619
That's because I'm an hour late.
Even the crossing guard is gone.
288
00:17:13,663 --> 00:17:17,458
How about this? Why don't you just
bag school and we'll go catch a movie.
289
00:17:18,126 --> 00:17:21,254
- I can't skip school. I'm in the play.
- What play?
290
00:17:21,462 --> 00:17:23,923
The founding fathers' play.
You'll be there, right?
291
00:17:24,424 --> 00:17:26,676
Why would I be there?
292
00:17:26,968 --> 00:17:31,597
Because Mom's in Hawaii and Dad's got
that tax thing and you're all that's left.
293
00:17:32,807 --> 00:17:34,434
Oh, I'm all that's left.
294
00:17:34,642 --> 00:17:36,728
Hey, I'm not thrilled about it either.
295
00:17:38,354 --> 00:17:40,231
Okay. Where and when?
296
00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:42,400
In the auditorium after lunch.
297
00:17:42,608 --> 00:17:44,527
Oh, yeah. I need
a Ben Franklin costume.
298
00:17:45,194 --> 00:17:46,737
You're telling me this now?
299
00:17:46,946 --> 00:17:48,948
I told Mom but she's in Hawaii.
300
00:17:50,116 --> 00:17:51,909
All right.
301
00:17:52,201 --> 00:17:55,705
Let's see.
Washington, Jackson, Lincoln.
302
00:17:55,872 --> 00:17:58,207
Here we go. Benjamin Franklin.
303
00:17:58,708 --> 00:18:01,002
Why can't you be Lincoln?
304
00:18:01,335 --> 00:18:03,921
A beard, a mole, a top hat,
we're done.
305
00:18:04,130 --> 00:18:06,799
Because Lincoln
wasn't a founding father.
306
00:18:08,593 --> 00:18:10,553
Okay, I'll see what I can do.
307
00:18:10,761 --> 00:18:12,805
Now get out of here.
308
00:18:15,892 --> 00:18:17,435
Hey.
309
00:18:19,020 --> 00:18:20,980
You forgot your lunch.
310
00:18:21,147 --> 00:18:22,940
Hey.
311
00:18:29,113 --> 00:18:31,657
God, what a day.
312
00:18:31,824 --> 00:18:33,576
I don't wanna hear it.
313
00:18:33,743 --> 00:18:36,078
You know why I was being audited?
314
00:18:36,579 --> 00:18:40,917
Not because I have unsubstantiated
deductions. Which I have.
315
00:18:41,083 --> 00:18:44,086
Not because I take the occasional
cash payment from a client...
316
00:18:44,253 --> 00:18:46,923
...and forget to report it. Which I do.
317
00:18:47,089 --> 00:18:49,550
It was because no one at the IRS...
318
00:18:49,717 --> 00:18:54,263
...could believe I was paying
as much alimony as I claimed.
319
00:18:55,389 --> 00:18:58,309
It took me three hours
to convince them that, yes...
320
00:18:58,476 --> 00:19:01,103
...I am that big a schmuck.
321
00:19:01,938 --> 00:19:04,482
Oh, boo-hoo.
322
00:19:05,566 --> 00:19:07,818
You want a real fun time?
323
00:19:07,985 --> 00:19:10,613
Try finding an extra small
Ben Franklin costume...
324
00:19:10,780 --> 00:19:12,448
...at 9:00 in the morning.
325
00:19:13,199 --> 00:19:16,619
Oh, right. The play. How was it?
326
00:19:17,245 --> 00:19:19,914
Boffo. A smash.
327
00:19:21,082 --> 00:19:24,627
Among the highlights were a 12-year-old
Chinese George Washington...
328
00:19:24,794 --> 00:19:27,630
...with a powdered wig
and a snot bubble...
329
00:19:28,422 --> 00:19:30,967
...and your kid in a bald cap
and granny glasses...
330
00:19:31,133 --> 00:19:35,846
...holding a Tweety Bird kite and
announcing he's discovered elasticity.
331
00:19:36,555 --> 00:19:38,933
- Oh, I wish I'd seen it.
- Don't worry, you will.
332
00:19:39,100 --> 00:19:41,978
It was videotaped
from about 150 different angles.
333
00:19:42,311 --> 00:19:44,313
I should tell him
I'm sorry I wasn't there.
334
00:19:44,522 --> 00:19:47,191
- Yeah, you should.
- Is he in his room?
335
00:20:17,771 --> 00:20:19,898
Here you go, pal. Your favorite.
336
00:20:20,065 --> 00:20:22,108
Bacon double cheeseburger
and cheese fries.
337
00:20:22,275 --> 00:20:25,487
And for dessert, I got fudge brownies
with that ice cream you like.
338
00:20:25,695 --> 00:20:28,031
Is this supposed to
make up for everything?
339
00:20:30,075 --> 00:20:31,952
- Yeah.
- Pretty much.
340
00:20:32,953 --> 00:20:35,914
Look, Jake, I know it's been rough
and I'm sorry.
341
00:20:36,122 --> 00:20:38,583
We're human, we make mistakes.
But I promise you...
342
00:20:38,750 --> 00:20:42,629
...neither of us will ever,
ever forget to pick you up again.
343
00:20:42,796 --> 00:20:45,298
Yeah, I still wanna go back to Mom's.
344
00:20:45,465 --> 00:20:48,301
When is she coming home
from Hawaii, anyway?
345
00:20:51,346 --> 00:20:53,181
Oh, crap.
346
00:21:22,335 --> 00:21:24,421
Subtitles by
SDI Media Group
347
00:21:24,587 --> 00:21:26,673
[ENGLISH]
26637
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof