All language subtitles for The Office Movers s02ex1 Blessed Christmas.eng

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Original subtitles

?

?

PASTOR:�?�When�the�roll is�called�up�yonder�?

?�When�the�roll is�called�up�yonder�?

?�I'll�be�there�?

Hi,�care�to�give a�donation,�sir?

Please,�ah?

Please,�sir,�could�you...? Oh...

Brother!

Hello,�hi,�brother!

Hello,�hi,�hello,�hi, hello,�hi,�hello,�hi.

-Sorry. -Hello,�brother.

Come�this�way. Come,�come,�come.

Come�over�here.

Care�to�give a�Christmas�donation,�please?

-[sighs]�I�don't�know where�the�donations�go

with�this�type�of�stuff,�man, sorry.

-All�the�donations�go directly�to�the�church.

Is�that�not�good�enough�for�you?

-All�right. "Holy�Moly"?

PASTOR:�Holy�Molly Baptist�Church.

We�are�collecting�funds for�the�less�fortunate�families

to�give�gifts for�this�Christmas.

-Sorry,�man,�I�just�don't have�any�cash�right�now,�man.

I�wish�I�did,�truly. Sorry.

-Don't�worry�yourself.

We�take�tap.

-My�cards�don't�tap,�actually.

-Okay,�well,�then�we�can�swipe.

-My�mag�stripe�is�stripped.

-Ah,�look, then�we�can�take�insert,�sir.

Please.

-Oh,�perfect. -And�thanks.

-My�wallet...

I�don't�have�it.

-Your�phone�don't�tap? You�don't�have�no�smart�watch?

-My�phone's�dead, and�then�my�watch�is...

is�dumb.

Yeah,�sorry,�bro.

-Wait,�wait,�wait,�sir, one�more�thing.

We�can�take�e-mail�transfer.

EVERETT:�Oh,�nice.

-Yes.

-Really?

All�right.�[sighs] Yeah.

-Wicked! All�right,�then,�good!

-I'll�send�you�guys�10�bucks.

-Yes,�nice!

10,�20,�30...

50!

-Ten,�ten.

-Ten. Thank�you�so�much.�Good.

And�the�Lord�and�myself can�count�on�you�for�that?

-Yeah,�y'all�can�count�on�me.

-Good,�good. All�right.

Yes,�take�this�brochure.

It�lists�all the�payment�options�we�have,

e-mail�transfer and�those�things,

and�other�ways�that you�can�donate�to�the�church

in�the�future.

-Yeah,�yeah. Cool.

Yeah,�I'll�send�it when�my�phone�turns�back�on.

-Okay. -All�right,�man.

-Cool,�bless. -Blessings,�blessings.

-Hol'�on�there, hol'�on�there,�one�second.

Um,�lemme�get�your�phone�number so�I�can�put�it�in�my�phone

and�call�ya�back when�we�charge�up�back�again.

-Yeah. Uh,�416...

-Uh-huh?

-152...

-Uh-huh?

-867...

-867...

-Four.

-Four.

All�right.

-Okay,�cool. -[phone�ringing]

-What,�where?

Hmph.

EVERETT:�All�right, merry�Christmas,�brother.

-Bless�up. -Yeah,�man,�yeah,�man.

-You're�going�into�the�store without�no�monies?

-Oh,�no,�yeah,�no,�I�was...

I'm�just�doin' a�price�check�real�quick.

[jazzy�piano�version of�"Jingle�Bells"]

EVERETT:�Bushes�for�$10...

[sighs]

All�right,�boss.

-Ah,�bless�up�here. -Yeah,�yeah.

Yo,�I'ma�send�that�shit�later.

-Watch�ya�bad�word in�front�of�di�kids!

-Oh,�yeah,�yeah. Big�up�Jesus.�Sorry.

EVERETT:�"Directions�to second�nearest�grocery�store."

-?�I'll�be�there...�?

[piano�version�of "O�Christmas�Tree"�playing]

?

-My�old�lady�fucks�heavy with�this�Everoni�champagne,

and�it�reminds�me�of�your�name,

so�I�got�it�for�you for�Christmas.

-I'm�getting�this�one�for�you.

You�work�always�on�the�road to�get�a�coffee,�buy�a�coffee.

Ehh...

When�you�get�this�one�at�home...

you�just�take�this�part...

-Boss,�thank�you�very�much

for�helping�me to�secure�my�papers.

I�secure�papers�for�you,�too.

-You�put�in�the�water�here, until�the�top.

Close�in�here,�put�in the�coffee�right�here.

-I�see�how�fuckin'�stressful shit�can�get�for�you

around�here,�boss.

So,�I�got�you a�little�"Christmas�tree"

to�get�the�edge�off, you�know?

-Close�it�back...

-And�that's�it. -[twinkling�sound]

Boom,�turn�on�the�heat...

You�have�the�coffee ready�at�home.

-All�right,�so�one�of�my�boys in�Peterborough

runs�this�crazy�play where�you�basically�bid

on,�like,�these�mystery�pallets.

Kind�of�illegal, but�it�is�what�it�is.

Basically,�he�intercepts�them

before�they�get�to where�they're�supposed�to�go.

[deep�voice] Intercepted.

[normal�voice] Only�thing�is,�though,

you�have�to,�like, buy�the�whole�thing

before�you�can�see what's�inside�of�it.

All�of�that�to�say...

you're�projected�to�have a�blessed�Christmas.

EVERETT:�Oh,�shit,�a�projector?

-Yeah!

-Merry�Christmas,�Ev.

-Merry�Christmas. -Merry�Christmas,�Everett.

-Guys,�we�said�it�was a�no-gift�Christmas,�man.

You�guys�gotta take�this�shit�back.

-Sorry�we're�in the�Christmas�spirit,�bud.

-And�I�thank�you for�that,�Danny.

I'm�very�grateful.

DOUG:�My�name's�Doug.

HASSAN:�The�only�thing about�this�projector

is�everything�on�the�menu is�written�in�anime,�so...

EVERETT:�Thank�you,�Hassan.

-Everett,�you�see�the�sign I�bring�here?

Feliz�Navidad.

EVERETT:�Thank�you. Thank�you,�Ricky.

Thank�you.

-Yeah,�man. -Thank�you.

RICKY:�Because�you�always�like to�give�it�for�everybody,

and�stuff�like�that.

-Right. -So...

EVERETT:�Yeah.

Right.

[sentimental�music]

-You�really�not�getting nothing�for�us,�man?

For�real?

EVERETT:�We�said�no�gifts!

I�should�be�mad�at�you�guys.

RICKY:�Wow! EVERETT:�What�is�this?

-You�really�thought�we�didn't get�you�anything�for�Christmas?

-That's�what�the�fuck you�said,�Marcus.

-Boss,�give�me�back my�pack�of�my�paper.

EVERETT:�Dawg, you�guys�faked�me�out.

-Nah,�man,�it's...

it's�whatever.

-EVERETT:�Doug... -I'm�turning�'em�off.

-No,�Doug,�don't�turn�off the�sweater�lights.

-No,�Christmas�lights�are�over. The�spirit�is�done.

-Carla�didn't�get�me�shit. -Actually...

-[twinkling�sound] -I�did.

-Fuck,�Carla!

ALL:�Oh...

DOUG:�Yeah,�lights�are�off.

-"Thank�you"�would�be�nice. -HASSAN:�What�a�Scrooge!

-No,�like,�thank�you-�ou�.

-Everett's�just angry�with�himself,

so�he�just�wanna put�it�on�everybody.

Don't�worry,�guys.

ERIC:�Holy�cold,�guy. EVERETT:�Eric.

-ERIC:�What? -Eric�didn't�get�me�shit,�right?

-ERIC:�What? -You�didn't�get�me�jack�shit.

-You�said�no�gifts.

-Well,�Eric�actually�got�us these�cool�corded�headphones.

-Wait,�what? -Yeah.

I�sorted�the�guys,�but...

-[sentimental�music] -What?

-You�said�no�gifts.

EVERETT:�[echoey�voice] Sorted�the�guys...?

RICKY:�Yeah,�I�think�Everett's the�Scrooge�this�year.

-[all�laughing] -Okay,�yeah,�now�I'm�Scrooge.

Now�I'm�Scrooge.

-Scrooge�doesn't�get�any�lights.

RICKY:�Wow,�man. EVERETT:�You�know�what,�guys?

-Scrooge�you,�Everett. -Okay,�guys!

Obviously, I�got�you�guys�a�gift!

ERIC:�Yeah?

EVERETT:�It's a�fuckin'�joke,�guys!

One�sec...

DOUG:�Hah. ERIC:�He�didn't�get�us�shit.

MICHAEL:�Boss�is�so�nice, so...�yeah.

[rummaging�in�office]

MICHAEL:�What�did he�get�us�for�Christmas?

-What�the�fuck?

ERIC:�He�didn't�get�us�anything, I'm�telling�you.

I've�seen�this�shit. DOUG:�Ah,�you�gotta�have�faith

in�the�Christmas�spirit. He�probably�got�us�something.

-No,�this�is�my�brother�here.

I'm�telling�you, he�does�this�every�year.

There's�nothing comin'�out�that�office.

DOUG:�Gotta�be�somethin'.

-Read�it�and�weep.

-Oh,�sweet. A�piece�of�paper?

EVERETT:�Doug,�Shazam's donating�to�a�church,�all�right?

Grow�a�heart.

-What,�are�you�trying�to�get some�St.�Peter's�points?

-What�does�that�mean?

-It�means�lights�off,�buddy. Christmas�spirit's�back�to�dead.

EVERETT:�Doug,�come�on. Not�the�lights.

-You�know�what?

Give�me�back another�pack�of�paper.

EVERETT:�Guys,�I'm�donating my�time,�all�right?

And�it's�on�behalf of�all�you�guys.

Even�you,�Eric. -Hmm?

-So�now�it�looks�like I�got�you�shit

and�you�didn't�get�me�jack�all.

-You�said�no�gifts,�bro. What?

-It's�fuckin'�Christmas,�Eric! Where's�the�spirit?

RICKY:�Everett, what�exactly�are�we�gonna�give

and�when�we�gonna�give�it?

I�don't�really�get�that.

-Ricky...�our�mom...

I'm�doing�a�gift�pickup for�the�annual�Christmas�drive.

All�right?

Now,�how's�that for�Christmas�spirit?�Doug?

-MARCUS:�Good�on�you,�boss. -Yeah,�I�guess,�yeah.

RICKY:�What�are�we�gonna�give? I�don't�understand�that�part.

-I�really�wanted to�make�you�guys�proud

and�make�the�most of�this�gifting�season

by�gifting�you�guys the�gift�of�me�giving

other�people�shit who�are�less�gifted�than�us.

RICKY:�What?

EVERETT:�You�know�what�I�mean?

-Lights�on. -[twinkling�sound]

EVERETT:�Yeah,�they�are.

["O�Christmas�Tree"�playing]

SCOTT:�[TV] My�spine�is�trashed

and�knee's�still in�a�ton�of�pain.

LAWYER:�[TV]�This�guy,�he's�not working�at�least�three�months.

-Three�months�or�two? 'Cause�you�held�out�two.

SCOTT:���������Three. TYCO:���������Prince...

-All�right,�you�ready? -Hmm?

EVERETT:�What�do�you�mean, "hmm"?

You're�helping�me�with the�church�gifts�today.

-No,�I'm�not.

EVERETT:�This�could�be your�gift�to�me.

Me,�you,�Hassan,�Ricky. We'll�bang�this�out�quick.

-Gang,�Hassan�is�in�Oakville with�his�cousins.

-Shit.

-And�I�might�as�well be�there�too,�'cause�I'm�out.

-Bro,�these�families need�our�help.

-Bruh,�it's�Christmas.

-Yeah,�it�is�Christmas, so�grow�a�heart!

-Exactly,�it's�Christmas, so�I'm�chillin'.�What?

VOICE:�[TV]�����Judge�Tyco...

-All�right,�Ricky, what�are�you�doing?

-I'm�gonna�go�visit�my�mother, and,�uh...

you�guys�should go�visit�your�father.

It's�Christmas.

-It's�Christmas�Eve.

Look,�how�about we�do�a�little�church�work,

okay,�then�tomorrow we�both�go�see�our�parents?

-The�donation�wasn't the�gift�for�everybody?

-Yeah,�it�is,�but...

Come�on. Come�on,�Ricky.

["O�Christmas�Tree"�playing]

Please.

[music�stops]

-Okay.

-Later,�twin. -RICKY:�Bye,�Eric.

-Please,�please. -["O�Christmas�Tree"�playing]

Please,�Ricky. Ricky...

-[music�stops] -[door�closes]

-I�guess�I'm�the�only�one with�a�heart�this�Christmas.

-Bro,�the�guys�won't�even�care that�you're�doing�this.

Like,�it's�over,�bro. You're�doin'�too�much.

-I�already�told the�pastor�I'd�help.

He's�a�serious�church�man. I�can't�let�him�down.

-You're�telling�me you're�his�only...

-Hope!

Everybody�cancel�'pon�me!

-Really?

-But�God�sees�your�generosity, you�know?

And�I'm�personally�grateful that�you�decided

to�agree�to�do all�of�the�pickups.

-All�of�them? -God�bless�you,�man.

-Yeah,�man,�anything�for�the...

families.

This�shouldn't�be,�like, an�all-day�thing,�though,�right?

-All�we�need�is�a�pickup over�here,�here,�here,�here,

here,�here,�here,�here, here,�here,�here,�here.

-Oh,�my�God.

-You�can't�say�that inna�di�church.

-Oh,�my�bad,�my�bad. You're�right.

And�then,�what,�come�back to�the�church�after�that?

-Next�two�over�here, and�four�over�here,

and�two�over�here, and�here,

and�then�you�circle�back around�5�o'clock

to�surprise�the�family�dem.

It's�gonna�go�wicked!

-Damn,�I�need�a�Santa�hat, not�a�elf�hat.

-That's�not�appropriate in�the�church!

-What,�wearing�a�Santa�hat?

-It's�what�you�said�before�that.

-Oh,�shit,�you�can't�say "damn"�in�a�church?

Sorry,�my�bad!

-Time�fi�touch�the�road, Everett.

-Yeah,�I'm�out.

Is�the�Lord�gonna�bless�me with�a�gas�money?

Okay.

[upbeat�Motown�music]

[upbeat�Motown�music]

?

-Look�at�this�shit. Look�at�this�shit.

Gifts.

Free�delivery.

On�behalf�of�your�boss.

On�behalf�of�Shazam�Moving.

Supposed�to�be�all�you�guys, but�it's�all�good,�just�me.

Not�even�Eric,�my�own�brother!

He's�probably�at�home beatin'�his�meat.

Where�the�fuck�is�my�truck?

Yeah,�is�this�Brampton?

It's�a�white�fuckin'�giant�truck and�somebody�took�it.

You�can't�see�that�on�your�end?

I�don't�know�my�fuckin' licence�plate�right�now!

How�can�somebody tow�my�entire�truck

but�not�leave�no�contact�info?

Put�a�business�card under�a�rock,�nigga!

It's�a�fuckin'�giant�truck with�a�genie�on�it.

Have�you�seen�it? Why�is�it�in�Mississauga?!

I'm�in�the�middle of�doing�charity�work!

Grow�a�heart!

It's�Christmas!

This�is�why�people�do�bad�shit.

This�is�how�it�starts.

All�right,�where's�your�truck? Lemme�come�take�that�shit.

Yeah,�I�can�hold.

-[phone�beeps] -Fuck!

Fuck�them�kids,�bruh.

Fuck�them�damn�kids.

That's�what�I�shoulda�said.

[sighs]

-The�mandem�are�hoopin'.

[basketball�game playing�on�phone]

Make�sure�the�parlay hits�today,�cro.

-[phone�buzzing] -What�the�hell?

This�guy�never�calls�me.

Yo,�Evs,�wah�gwan?

EVERETT:�[phone]�Yo,�you�gotta be�the�only�guy�I�know

who'd�put�in�work�on�Christmas.

TYCO:�[phone] Come�on,�man.

You�know�I'm�'bout�my�cheese. Talk�to�me.

EVERETT:�How�fast�can�you�meet me�in�Brampton�with�the�truck?

I�got�50�an�hour�for�you.

-I�be�there�pretty�quick.

[knocking�on�door]

DELIVERY�MAN:�Hey, are�you�Eric�Saunders?

-Yeah,�come�in. It's�fuckin'�cold.

DELIVERY�MAN:�Amazing, yeah,�for�sure.

ERIC:�Ah,�it's�cold out�there,�man!

-Yeah,�it�really�is.

-Sorry,�just�gotta check�these�cookies.

-Yeah,�no�worries. -Okay.�We're�good.

Oh,�man.

-Did�you�order�the�Super�Quantum Calm�Shiatsu�Deep�Tissue

Back�and�Neck�Massager with�heat?

-I�did,�yeah,�yeah.

-Amazing. I'll�just�get�you�to�sign�here.

Hold�on�one�second. Let�me�just�scan�it.

-Yeah.

-Oh,�flashlight. This�new�technology.

[scanner�beeps]

I'll�just�get�you to�sign�right�here.

-Yeah. -Hoo-whee!

No�way,�Bluetooth?

ERIC:�Here�you�go. DELIVERY�MAN:�Yeah.

Here�you�go.

-Thank�you,�thank�you. -Wow,�yeah...

This�is�like the�Bentley�of�back�rests.

-Yeah? -Yeah,�yeah,�yeah.

-Wow.�Damn. I�don't�know�too�much�about�it.

I�just�did�a�quick�review, and,�uh...

-Low�voltage,�20�minutes.

Oh!

ERIC:�Yeah.

-Three...�Ooh! Rechargeable,�rechargeable.

-Rechargeable,�yeah, that's�nice.

-Yeah,�you�see�it�comes�with a�little�remote�control

over�there?

-Yeah,�I�do�see�that,�yeah.

-Yeah,�that's�the�one right�there.

-Yeah,�bro.

DELIVERY�MAN:�Man...

Ooh-whee,�the�Super�Quantum Calm�Shiatsu�Deep�Tissue�Back...

Yep,�that's�the�one�right�there.

ERIC:�Yeah.

-Ohhh...

-You�moaning?

-My�bad,�my�bad,�my�bad.

-You're�good. Thank�you,�bro.

Appreciate�it. Merry�Christ-

-Yeah,�I�just�got my�back�blown�out.

I�got�my�back�blown�out. You�see�right�here?

-Oh�yeah,�okay.

-Yeah,�about�a�month�ago on�a�delivery�here.

That's�how�I�know all�about�this.

-Yeah,�you�guys�work�hard.

-Yeah,�I�watch�reviews on�this�non-stop.�Oh...

-Yeah. -Are�you�gonna�open�that�now?

-No,�it's�actually�a�Christmas gift�for�my�brother,�so...

-Oh,�that's�cool. It's�cool,�it's�cool.

My�bad. Ooh-whee.

Yeah,�okay,�okay.

I�wish�I�didn't�hurt�my�back.

Man...

-Yeah.

-Holy�fuck...

I�just�wanted�to�see�it, like,�in�real�life.

Oh... Damn...

Oh,�man.

ERIC:�This�guy's�just�moanin'.

DELIVERY�MAN:�Yeah,�yeah,�yeah.

Yeah... Ho-ly!

ERIC:�So,�we're�good,�yeah? I�signed,�right?

-Oh,�yeah,�yeah. Fam,�my�bad,�my�bad.

But�if�you�need anyone�to�test�it...

-Yeah. -You�know�who�to�call.

You�know�where�to�find�me,�sir.

-I�absolutely�don't. -Have�a�good�one.

-Thank�you,�man. Merry�Christmas.

-Let�me�just�triple�check. I�think�I've�gotta�scan�it-

ERIC:�My�bro,�my�bro,�my�bro!

EVERETT:�Oh,�holy�speed.

Bro!�Yo!

It's�for�the�yout'�dem.

-Oh,�go�fuck�the�yout'�dem! -No,�you�can't�be�doing�that.

-How�you�lose�your�truck,�guy?

How�you�let�a�next�man zoink�your�truck?

-I�know,�I�know. Fuckin'�stupid,�man.

But�yo,�real�talk,�man. Thanks�for�doin'�this,�man.

You're�really�bailin'�me�out.

-Bro,�put�the�hand�down,�man. You're�swingin'�me�bones.

Straight. -What,�yeah.�Easy.

I'ma�pop�the�trunk.

-Yo,�you're�not�poppin'�nothin' until�you�swing�me�back

my�23�bones for�this�stupid�rental,�bro.

-Oh,�yeah,�easy. Easy.�I�got�you.

-Yeah,�I'm�good. -Bro,�easy.

I�owe�you�three.

-Yeah,�you�owe�me�1-0-3, a�bill�an�hour.

I�need�you�to�agree�on�that.

-Bill�an�hour? -Yeah!

-What�happened�to�50�an�hour?

-I�don't�care�what�we�talked about,�'cause�from�then,

I�had�bare�people blowin'�up�my�line

from�frickin'�Owen�Sound, saying,�"Yo"-

Can't�even�tell�you what�they�wanted�me�to�do

over�there, but�just�know,�motion.

So�it's�about�to�be�a�bill an�hour,�and�it�is�what�it�is.

I�don't�wanna�hear no�complaining,�nothin'.

EVERETT:�Holy�smokes.

Okay,�I�don't�have�that�type of�cash�on�me�right�now.

And�you�gotta put�that�shit�out,�bro.

I�can't�be�smelling�like�weed on�these�pick-ups.

This�is�church�shit.

-Kush�is�my�religion,�nigga!

Wait,�are�you�gonna�tell�me I�can't�light�my�tree

on�Christmas? Are�you�blem?

-Shit,�shit,�shit,�shit,�shit! Fuck!

[smoke�alarm�beeping]

?

?

[fast-paced�jazz�music]

?

?

[glass�shatters]

[sighs]

EVERETT:�So,�you�can smoke�and�drive?

-You're�watchin'�me smoke�and�drive,�no?

-So,�what�happens when�you�get�pulled�over?

-By�the�time�they see�me�smokin'�my�tree,

my�tree's�already�smoked,�cro.

-Yeah,�except�now you�smell�like�weed.

-So�what?

They�can't�make�me jump�out�de�whip�for�dat.

And�even�if�they�do,�what?

"What�weed,�officer? Where's�the�kush,�officer?"

-And�then�what�about the�seven�blunts

you�have�rolled�in�the�car?

-They're�not�seein'�dat.

They're�not�seeing dat�at�all,�cro.

-Bro,�how�do�you�even drive�like�that?

Can�you�see?

-Huh?

-How�do�you�drive�like�this?

-Wha...? -Like�a�shrimp.

-Bro,�if�I�knew�this�was�'bout to�be�a�deposition�interview,

like,�I�would�never take�the�job,�bro.

Enough,�bro. -My�bad,�my�bad.

-I�see,�and�my�eye�line is�proper,�bro.

-I'm�just�concerned�about our�safety,�that's�all.

-Fuck,�bro,�you're�bless.

Hold�the�wheel�real�quick.

-What�do�you�mean? -Hold�the�wheel�real�quick.

-Bro,�what�the�fuck? What�do�you�mean?

Dawg,�watch�the�road,�bro!

-I�dropped�my�lighter,�cro.

I�got�it,�I�got�it.

This�guy's�paranoid,�bro.

-Yo,�watch�out,�nigga! -[tires�squealing,�thudding]

-Where?

[upbeat�Motown�music]

?

?

?

EVERETT:�Fuck,�yeah,�man,

just�a�stop�at�Queen�and�Kennedy and�we're�good.

Holy�shit,�we�actually�did�it.

Tyco�and�Everett saves�Christmas,�huh?

-I�showed�you,�fams.

Everything�will�be�bless.

-Man,�let�me�hit�that�shit real�quick,�man.

Let�me�try�that.

-It's�loud�shit,�though, eh,�dawg.

-Bro,�I'm�not�a�baby.

Come�on,�bro, lemme�hit�that�shit.

-Bro,�it's�loud�as�fuck. -Bro,�I've�smoked�weed�before.

-Yeah? -Yeah,�yeah.

Bro,�they�used�to�call�me Horse�Lungs.

-[horse�neighing] -Horse�Lungs,�yeah?

Hold�that�shit,�lil'�nigga.

-You've�been�coalsin' off�this�shit�all�day.

[coughing�violently]

TYCO:�That�one's�extra�spicy, cro,�my�fault.

-Oh,�fuck�the�cherry! -What?

-The�cherry�flew�off.

-Where,�in�the�whip?

-It�flew�in,�but�it definitely�flew-

-Did�it�fly�in,�or�it�fly�out? -[coughing]

It�flew�in,�but�it�flew�out, I'm�pretty�sure.

No,�it's�out, it's�out,�for�sure.

-Whatever,�man.

-Yeah,�man,�we're�good. My�bad,�here's�the�rest.

-Nah,�hol'�dat. I�have�a�fresh�one.

You're�coughin'�up�the�place like�say�you�have�fuckin'�Covid.

-[coughs]�Ah,�is�there anthrax�in�this?

-I�just�put�a�little�bit 'a�grabba�in�that,�man.

-Holy- -I�didn't�make�it�too�spicy!

-Holy�spice!

-Yo,�this�guy's�not�Jamaican!

-Fuck�this�shit.

[fast-paced�jazz�music]

?

Yo.

EVERETT:�Yes,�Pastor, Merry�Christmas.

PASTOR:�God�bless�you.

-Got�it�done.

-Amazing,�amazing. You�got�it�done.

EVERETT:�I'm�happy I�could�save�Christmas

for�the�less�fortunate.

-What's�that�smell,�ganja?

-Oh,�yes,�my�driver,�Tyco, he�has�a�smoking�problem.

TYCO:�[coughing] Holy�shit.

-Maybe�he�could�do a�little�prayer�for�him.

He's�smokin'�a�lot.

-Is�that�truck�smoking? -Yeah,�the�window's�down.

Oh,�fuck,�my�cherry! Oh...!

Yo,�Tyco,�pop�the�back!

Pop�the�back,�pop�the�back?

-What? -The�back,�bro!

TYCO:�Pop�your�back?

Your�cherry?

-My�cherry,�bro,�I�thought it�flew�out�the�window!

No!

-Jesus�keep�me�near�the�cross!

[all�shouting]

-I�told�you�the�cherry wasn't�out,�bro!

PASTOR:�Bonfire!

Look�how�you�mash�up the�pitney�dem�Christmas!

You�is�a�waste�yout',�you�know! You's�a�waste�yout'!

[fire�extinguisher�whooshing]

-It's�bless. -Lord�have�his�mercy!

Everett,�wah�mi a�go�tell�di�family

and�di�pitney�dem,�Everett?

-My�bad.

-You�a�gon'�be�here fi�say�"My�bad"?

You�want�me�fi�say�"My�bad"?!

-Just�say�it�wasn't�my�bad, straight.

-Whether�your�bad,�or�your�bad, or�the�next�bwoy!

You�know,�si�seh�all�a�di�gifts, dem�burn�up!

-Bro,�we�still�did�a�good�deed!

We�spent�all�day picking�up�these�gifts.

We�dropped�it�off�at�the�church.

-And�look�'pon�di�gifts�dem�now! Look�how�dem�crisp�up,�crisp�up!

Ah,�look�'pon�de�bear!

Better�we�did�leave�them at�the�warehouse!

-Yeah,�fuck,�you're�right,�man.

-Enough�with�the�bad�words!

-Okay,�we're�outside. I�thought-

-I�said�enough!

TYCO:�You're�still payin'�me�my�bread.

Give�a�fuck�about�a�holiday.

-[intense�organ�music] -My�fault.

-Errol,�I�might�have�an�idea to�save�Christmas

if�we�still�have�time�to�go to�Oakville�and�Peterborough.

-Oakville?

-Right�now, mi�nuh�have�no�choice.

-That's�exactly�why we�might�be�projected

to�have�a�blessed�Christmas.

-What�that�supposed�to�mean?

-Call�Hassan.

HASSAN:�No�matter�how�far�I�go,

you�manage�to�bring�me back�to�work,�eh?

-But�yo,�break�down this�operation�real�quick

before�we�reach.

-So,�basically,�for�$250�cash... You�have�that?

-Yeah,�yeah.

-For�sure?

-Yeah,�I�got�cash. Pure�cash.

TYCO:�Pure,�eh?

-Bro,�watch�the�road. -Okay.

-What're�you�doing? -All�right.

-Yeah?

-There's�a�bunch�of,�like, mystery�pallets.

-Yeah.

-You�gotta�figure�out which�one�you�want.

-Okay. -And�then�it's�all�you.

-Okay,�and�what's the�worst�thing

that�could�possibly�be in�these�boxes?

-Pssht,�honestly,�it�could�be anything,�which�is�a�sick�thing.

-Mmm.

-But�a�scary�one at�the�same�time.

-I�should�be�scared?

-I�mean,�one�time, one�of�my�boys,

he�got�like�a�thousand drones�in�one�pallet.

-Really? -Drones?

-Yeah. -Drones.

-Mm-hm! Crazy�play.

-What? Wow.

-But�then�he�also�got,�like,

1,000�bottles�of�baby�oil in�the�next�one,�so...

-Really?

-So,�what's�this�guy's�deal? He's�legit,�or�what?

-Yeah,�he's�legit,�man. Super�legit,�super�legit.

-Yeah? Oh,�okay,�bless.

-His�business�model�is completely�illegal,�though.

[intense�organ�music]

[intense�organ�music]

HASSAN:�So�sry�to�do�this to�you�last-minute,�Ram�Riddlez.

-Nah,�Christmas�is�the�blessest time�of�year�for�me,�broski.

Come�on,�no�better�time than�now.

TYCO:�Pure�motion�for�this�guy. EVERETT:�Oh,�wow.

TYCO:�Pure�business�a�gwan.

EVERETT:�Ho-ly,�so�any�one�of these�stacks�for�two�bills?

RAM:�Yes.

Just�give�Ram�the�loot, you�pick�a�stack,�then�scoot.

-And�there's�no�way�we�can�take a�peek�inside�before�we�buy?

-Listen,�you�touch,�you�buy.

Step�aside,�please, please,�please.

Listen,�listen.

It�could�be�a�parts�for�a�Viper.

Could�be�a�thousand�diapers.

I�don't�know.

TYCO:�When�you�say you�intercept�these�packages,

you�wanna�elaborate�on�that just�so�I�understand?

-Yo,�relax.�It's�not- -Don't�watch�Ram,�yo.

EVERETT:�It's�not�the�time,�bro.

-Watch�and�get�out.

TYCO:�I'm�not�watchin' nothin'�but�operation

just�so�I�can�make�my�bread.

You�don't�want�mans�to�eat?

-Yo,�Ram,�don't�give�a�damn.

Pick�your�stack...

and�scram,�yeah!

TYCO:�This�guy's frickin'�dissin',�bro.

-Does�he�always�rhyme?

HASSAN:�Yeah,�yeah,�yeah.

I�think�he�has�authentism or�something.

Okay,�okay,�okay,�okay...

RAM:�So,�which�stack�will�it�be?

Just�tell�Ram-my.

-I'm�gettin'�good�vibes from�this�one�right�here,

you�know,�cro.

-Really? -Really.

-What�is�it? How�can�you�tell?

-'Cause�the�man's�tryin' to�play�a�mental�warfare,

leanin'�on�the�box, thinkin'�we�won't�select�it.

Choose�this�one.

-Yeah? -Yeah.

EVERETT:�You're�sure? TYCO:�Yeah.

-Okay,�fuck�it. Let's�do�two�for�safety.

Let's�do�this�one. And�then...

And�then...

-Yo,�just�do eeny,�meeny,�miny,�moe.

Pick�a�box,�so�we�can�go.

[chuckles] You�like�that�one?

-Ram,�could�you�choose�for�us?

-Not�trying�to�be�a�dick,�but...

it's�kind�of�a�hard decision�'cause...

Ram�doing�a�scan�for�a�man isn't�really�part�of�the�plan

unless�you�got�a�band.

EVERETT:�Oh,�no,�no,�no.

-Talkin'�about�green, no�eggs�and�ham.

-Okay,�okay.

-This�guy�has all�these�rhymes,�bro.

-Okay,�okay... Not�this�one?

TYCO:�I'm�feelin'�another�vibe from�this�one�right�here.

I�don't�know�if�it's�'cause�it's running�right�here�and�here.

-Really?

-Maybe�it's�'cause I'm�in�a�force�field,

I'm�just�feeling�somethin'...

All�right,�just�need�to�trust�me on�this�one,�big�bro.

-Okay,�so�not�this�one?

'Cause�I'm�getting�good�vibes from�this�one,�too.

-Nah,�the�man's smirkin'�way�too�much.

Step�away�from�that�one.

The�man�knows�some�fuckery's in�that�one,�bro.

You�gotta�read�this�guy,�bro. Look�at�his�face,�bro!

EVERETT:�And�you're�firm on�this�one?

-Bro,�I'm�firm,�bro. Trust�me.

These�two,�they�got�me�pumped.

You�never�been in�a�casino�with�me,�eh?

If�you�ever�seen�my�casino�wins, you'd�take�these�two�for�spins.

HASSAN:�Ah! TYCO:�Hail�me,�cro.

Okay,�okay.

[truck�beeping]

HASSAN:�Yo,�let's�just�drop this�off�and�dip�to�be�safe.

TYCO:�What? Bun�that.

Tryin'�to�bust�these�open and�see�wah�gwan.

Take�a�likkle�one,�two for�Tycs.

EVERETT:�Bro,�bust�what?

You're�gettin'�paid for�your�hard�work.

-You're�not�payin'�me�in�items.

-Okay,�but�this�is for�the�families.

-[kisses�teeth] Bun�the�families,�cro.

Like,�who�cares?

-We�should�definitely�check�out what's�what�before-

PASTOR:�Before�what? EVERETT:�Uh...

PASTOR:�What's goin'�on�over�there?

EVERETT:�We�got�more�gifts. Bigger�batch.

Christmas�is�back.

-Ha-ha! Thank�you�so�much.

Praise�God.

EVERETT:�Ah, you�can�stay�there!

You're�good�there, you're�good�there.

You�can�do�your�thing, and�then�we're�gonna

stage�it�out and�figure�out�what's�what.

Get�it�all�organized.

-All�right. Thank�you,�Father.

Yuh�bad,�you�know,�Everett.

EVERETT:�Yeah,�yeah,�yeah. I�told�you,�man.

This�better�be�blessed.

-[intense�organ�music] -EVERETT:�Oh,�my�God.

The�fuck?

TYCO:�What's�that? Let�me�hold�one.

Bro... See�what�I'm�sayin'?

-[quietly]�Bro,�these are�fuckin'�penis�pumps!

-What? -These�are�fuckin'�penis�pumps!

-Ew!�What�the-

What�the�fuck,�bro?

PASTOR:�Stop�the�cursing in�the�house�of�the�Lord!

What's�going�on�here?

EVERETT:�Sorry,�no,�no,�we're just-�we're�getting�situated.

We're�getting�organized. You�do�you,�you�do�you.

-[kisses�teeth] -I'll�call�you�over.

HASSAN:�I�told�you�guys, it's�gonna�be�a�scam�with�Ram,

and�now�we�pissed�off�this�man and�cooked�the�plan!

TYCO:�Yo... Yo,�Ev.

EVERETT:�Bro,�we�got�two�stacks of�fuckin'�penis�pumps,�bro.

Call�your�boy.

-Bro,�he's�not gonna�take�it�back.

-Take�back�what?

Hmm?

Show�me�the�goods.

-You�don't�want to�ruin�the�surprise.

-Show�me�the�goods!

-I'm�just�the�driver,�though.

Just�the�driver...

PASTOR:�But�wait...

How�are�dese?

HASSAN:�Yeah,�so�this�says "manual�resuscitation�tank"

in�anime.

EVERETT:�Yeah,�it's�like a�breathing�apparatus

for�the�families.

-[gasping�for�air]

EVERETT:�Yeah,�the�oxygen.

-What�kinda�fuckery you�a�deal�wit,�eeh,�bwoy?

Hmm?

What�kinda�bloodclaat�fuckery you�a�deal�wit?

What�kind�is�this? Penis�pump?

Body�pump?

Inna�di�church?

Body�pump�yuh�mumma!

Unno�muss�drink mad�puss�piss�tuh�rahtid!

Wah�you�take�dis�ting�fah?

Eeh? Wah�you�take�dis�ting�fah?

-You�shouldn't�be�swearing in�the�church,�right?

-Mi�nuh�bloodclaat�care whey�mi�deh!

Unno�set�ah-

Idiot!

Come�out�da�bloodclaat�church!

Yuh�teef!

Mi�seh�come�out!

Ole�jamcrow�dem!

[jazzy�Christmas�music]

[basketball�game�on�TV]

ERIC:�A�hundred�percent I�could've�went�pro

if�I�didn't�hurt�my�knee.

RICKY:�Hmm.

-You�don't�believe�me?

-I�don't�know,�Eric.

It's�hard.

-No,�I�could've- I�could've�went�pro.

-Oh,�yeah?

EVERETT:�[kisses�teeth] See�this�shit,�man.

[opens�and�closes�door]

RICKY:�Look. ERIC:�Hmm?

RICKY:�Santa's�helper's back�from�his�work.

-Ho-ly.

-EVERETT:�Yeah,�funny,�funny. -[Ricky�and�Eric�laughing]

-Yeah,�they�made�you wear�that�all�day?

-Nah,�it's�just end-of-the-day�shit.

It�was�a�fucking�crazy�day.

Long�story.

What�are�you�guys�sayin'?

-Kick�up,�lazy�day.

-Just�watching�football.

-Basketball.

-I�want�to�watch football,�but...

EVERETT:�I�see�that�shit.

You�guys�are�fuckin' slummin'�it.

-Got�you�something�by�the�door, by�the�way.

Merry�Christmas.

-What,�the�garbage?

-Bro,�that's�your�gift! Bro,�that�wasn't�garbage.

-Oh,�fuck,�bitch.

RICKY:�Wow,�Everett.

You�throw�his�gift�out,�man? Really?

-This�isn't�fuckin'�garbage?

-Bro,�you�know�I'm�not that�good�at�wrapping,�so...

-Yeah,�but�that's a�garbage�bag,�Eric.

ERIC:�It's�����wrapped in�a�garbage�bag,�yeah.

-Everett,�put�this in�there�for�me,�too.

-Fuck�off,�man. You�guys�can�fuck�off.

Let�me�see�you�wrap�something.

Just�fuckin'�open�it.

I�dunno�why�you�guys are�making�me�feel�bad,�like...

RICKY:�Yeah,�what�is�it? ERIC:�I�got�����you�the�gift.

-RICKY:�Wow! -["Jingle�Bells"�playing]

ERIC:�Yeah,�yeah,�yeah,�yeah.

It's�for�you�when�you're in�the�truck,�you�know?

Ease�your�pain. -Fuck,�the�truck,�man!

-[music�stops] -What�happened?

ERIC:�This�guy's fuckin'�dissin',�bro.

-Fuck,�no,�no,�no,�no. This�is�sick.�This�is�all-

-That's�the�Bentley.

That's�the�Bentley of�back�massagers.

EVERETT:�Bro,�I�really appreciate�this,�I�do.

-Three�different�modes, three�different�zones.

EVERETT:�Yeah,�yeah,�yeah. ERIC:�Bro!

EVERETT:�You�guys are�chilling,�right?

Ah,�shit. No,�no,�no,�no,�no.

No,�this�is�fuckin'... This�is�sick.

-Do�you? -No,�no,�this�is�sick,�I�just-

-Do�you? -[box�drops]

-You�guys�are�free right�now,�right?

You�guys�say�you're�chillin', lazy�and�shit?

-Watching�TV,�relaxing.

-We�got�a�quick�Mississauga mission.�All�right,�yo.

-No. -What?

-Throw�the�shoes�on. -I'm�not�going�to�'Sauga,�bro.

-Shoes�up. Ricky,�this�is�your�gift�to�me.

Bro,�let's�go. Throw�your�shoes�on�real�quick.

We�got�a�quick�mission�to�run. -I'm�not�going.

What�mission,�bro? It's�not�a�game,�bro.

-No,�it's�for�me. It's�just�for�the�business,�bro.

Bro,�it's�for the�family�business.

-There. -Fucking�scammers,�bro.

Look�at�'em,�bro. Christmas�Eve?

EVERETT:�There�it�is, right�there.

Right�fuckin'�there.

-Argh...

[jazzy,�madcap�music]

RICKY:�Guys,�guys!

Guys!

Wait,�wait,�wait. Wait,�wait!

Everett,�you're�not gonna�wait�for�me?

Everett! Look,�my�pants�is�too�tight!

?

[truck�starts]

Everett...

Eric!

Guys!

My�pants,�Eric!

EVERETT:�Bro,�why�is�he�sitting on�the�fence�like�that?

ERIC:�Does�he�not wanna�come�down?

-My�pants�is�catching�in�the...

I�can't�move�from�here!

ERIC:�What�is�he�doing?

RICKY:�Guys,�I'm�stuck!

I'm�gonna�be�stuck,�guys!

[both�laughing]

ERIC:�Ricky!

EVERETT:�Bro, why�is�he�like�that?

RICKY:�You�guy�don't respect�me,�man!�Guys!

-[both�laughing] -RICKY:�Help�me!

RAM:�����And�so�the�man who�put�food�in�hands

had�a�plan that�blessed�all�mans.

Although�they�didn't�get anything�on�their�wish�list,

it�turns�out�they�are�projected to�have�a�bless�Christmas.

(Yeah...)

[piano�version�of "O�Christmas�Tree"]

?

?

?

?

[steel�pan�joins�in]

?

?

?

?

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