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?
?
PASTOR:�?�When�the�roll is�called�up�yonder�?
?�When�the�roll is�called�up�yonder�?
?�I'll�be�there�?
Hi,�care�to�give a�donation,�sir?
Please,�ah?
Please,�sir,�could�you...? Oh...
Brother!
Hello,�hi,�brother!
Hello,�hi,�hello,�hi, hello,�hi,�hello,�hi.
-Sorry. -Hello,�brother.
Come�this�way. Come,�come,�come.
Come�over�here.
Care�to�give a�Christmas�donation,�please?
-[sighs]�I�don't�know where�the�donations�go
with�this�type�of�stuff,�man, sorry.
-All�the�donations�go directly�to�the�church.
Is�that�not�good�enough�for�you?
-All�right. "Holy�Moly"?
PASTOR:�Holy�Molly Baptist�Church.
We�are�collecting�funds for�the�less�fortunate�families
to�give�gifts for�this�Christmas.
-Sorry,�man,�I�just�don't have�any�cash�right�now,�man.
I�wish�I�did,�truly. Sorry.
-Don't�worry�yourself.
We�take�tap.
-My�cards�don't�tap,�actually.
-Okay,�well,�then�we�can�swipe.
-My�mag�stripe�is�stripped.
-Ah,�look, then�we�can�take�insert,�sir.
Please.
-Oh,�perfect. -And�thanks.
-My�wallet...
I�don't�have�it.
-Your�phone�don't�tap? You�don't�have�no�smart�watch?
-My�phone's�dead, and�then�my�watch�is...
is�dumb.
Yeah,�sorry,�bro.
-Wait,�wait,�wait,�sir, one�more�thing.
We�can�take�e-mail�transfer.
EVERETT:�Oh,�nice.
-Yes.
-Really?
All�right.�[sighs] Yeah.
-Wicked! All�right,�then,�good!
-I'll�send�you�guys�10�bucks.
-Yes,�nice!
10,�20,�30...
50!
-Ten,�ten.
-Ten. Thank�you�so�much.�Good.
And�the�Lord�and�myself can�count�on�you�for�that?
-Yeah,�y'all�can�count�on�me.
-Good,�good. All�right.
Yes,�take�this�brochure.
It�lists�all the�payment�options�we�have,
e-mail�transfer and�those�things,
and�other�ways�that you�can�donate�to�the�church
in�the�future.
-Yeah,�yeah. Cool.
Yeah,�I'll�send�it when�my�phone�turns�back�on.
-Okay. -All�right,�man.
-Cool,�bless. -Blessings,�blessings.
-Hol'�on�there, hol'�on�there,�one�second.
Um,�lemme�get�your�phone�number so�I�can�put�it�in�my�phone
and�call�ya�back when�we�charge�up�back�again.
-Yeah. Uh,�416...
-Uh-huh?
-152...
-Uh-huh?
-867...
-867...
-Four.
-Four.
All�right.
-Okay,�cool. -[phone�ringing]
-What,�where?
Hmph.
EVERETT:�All�right, merry�Christmas,�brother.
-Bless�up. -Yeah,�man,�yeah,�man.
-You're�going�into�the�store without�no�monies?
-Oh,�no,�yeah,�no,�I�was...
I'm�just�doin' a�price�check�real�quick.
[jazzy�piano�version of�"Jingle�Bells"]
EVERETT:�Bushes�for�$10...
[sighs]
All�right,�boss.
-Ah,�bless�up�here. -Yeah,�yeah.
Yo,�I'ma�send�that�shit�later.
-Watch�ya�bad�word in�front�of�di�kids!
-Oh,�yeah,�yeah. Big�up�Jesus.�Sorry.
EVERETT:�"Directions�to second�nearest�grocery�store."
-?�I'll�be�there...�?
[piano�version�of "O�Christmas�Tree"�playing]
?
-My�old�lady�fucks�heavy with�this�Everoni�champagne,
and�it�reminds�me�of�your�name,
so�I�got�it�for�you for�Christmas.
-I'm�getting�this�one�for�you.
You�work�always�on�the�road to�get�a�coffee,�buy�a�coffee.
Ehh...
When�you�get�this�one�at�home...
you�just�take�this�part...
-Boss,�thank�you�very�much
for�helping�me to�secure�my�papers.
I�secure�papers�for�you,�too.
-You�put�in�the�water�here, until�the�top.
Close�in�here,�put�in the�coffee�right�here.
-I�see�how�fuckin'�stressful shit�can�get�for�you
around�here,�boss.
So,�I�got�you a�little�"Christmas�tree"
to�get�the�edge�off, you�know?
-Close�it�back...
-And�that's�it. -[twinkling�sound]
Boom,�turn�on�the�heat...
You�have�the�coffee ready�at�home.
-All�right,�so�one�of�my�boys in�Peterborough
runs�this�crazy�play where�you�basically�bid
on,�like,�these�mystery�pallets.
Kind�of�illegal, but�it�is�what�it�is.
Basically,�he�intercepts�them
before�they�get�to where�they're�supposed�to�go.
[deep�voice] Intercepted.
[normal�voice] Only�thing�is,�though,
you�have�to,�like, buy�the�whole�thing
before�you�can�see what's�inside�of�it.
All�of�that�to�say...
you're�projected�to�have a�blessed�Christmas.
EVERETT:�Oh,�shit,�a�projector?
-Yeah!
-Merry�Christmas,�Ev.
-Merry�Christmas. -Merry�Christmas,�Everett.
-Guys,�we�said�it�was a�no-gift�Christmas,�man.
You�guys�gotta take�this�shit�back.
-Sorry�we're�in the�Christmas�spirit,�bud.
-And�I�thank�you for�that,�Danny.
I'm�very�grateful.
DOUG:�My�name's�Doug.
HASSAN:�The�only�thing about�this�projector
is�everything�on�the�menu is�written�in�anime,�so...
EVERETT:�Thank�you,�Hassan.
-Everett,�you�see�the�sign I�bring�here?
Feliz�Navidad.
EVERETT:�Thank�you. Thank�you,�Ricky.
Thank�you.
-Yeah,�man. -Thank�you.
RICKY:�Because�you�always�like to�give�it�for�everybody,
and�stuff�like�that.
-Right. -So...
EVERETT:�Yeah.
Right.
[sentimental�music]
-You�really�not�getting nothing�for�us,�man?
For�real?
EVERETT:�We�said�no�gifts!
I�should�be�mad�at�you�guys.
RICKY:�Wow! EVERETT:�What�is�this?
-You�really�thought�we�didn't get�you�anything�for�Christmas?
-That's�what�the�fuck you�said,�Marcus.
-Boss,�give�me�back my�pack�of�my�paper.
EVERETT:�Dawg, you�guys�faked�me�out.
-Nah,�man,�it's...
it's�whatever.
-EVERETT:�Doug... -I'm�turning�'em�off.
-No,�Doug,�don't�turn�off the�sweater�lights.
-No,�Christmas�lights�are�over. The�spirit�is�done.
-Carla�didn't�get�me�shit. -Actually...
-[twinkling�sound] -I�did.
-Fuck,�Carla!
ALL:�Oh...
DOUG:�Yeah,�lights�are�off.
-"Thank�you"�would�be�nice. -HASSAN:�What�a�Scrooge!
-No,�like,�thank�you-�ou�.
-Everett's�just angry�with�himself,
so�he�just�wanna put�it�on�everybody.
Don't�worry,�guys.
ERIC:�Holy�cold,�guy. EVERETT:�Eric.
-ERIC:�What? -Eric�didn't�get�me�shit,�right?
-ERIC:�What? -You�didn't�get�me�jack�shit.
-You�said�no�gifts.
-Well,�Eric�actually�got�us these�cool�corded�headphones.
-Wait,�what? -Yeah.
I�sorted�the�guys,�but...
-[sentimental�music] -What?
-You�said�no�gifts.
EVERETT:�[echoey�voice] Sorted�the�guys...?
RICKY:�Yeah,�I�think�Everett's the�Scrooge�this�year.
-[all�laughing] -Okay,�yeah,�now�I'm�Scrooge.
Now�I'm�Scrooge.
-Scrooge�doesn't�get�any�lights.
RICKY:�Wow,�man. EVERETT:�You�know�what,�guys?
-Scrooge�you,�Everett. -Okay,�guys!
Obviously, I�got�you�guys�a�gift!
ERIC:�Yeah?
EVERETT:�It's a�fuckin'�joke,�guys!
One�sec...
DOUG:�Hah. ERIC:�He�didn't�get�us�shit.
MICHAEL:�Boss�is�so�nice, so...�yeah.
[rummaging�in�office]
MICHAEL:�What�did he�get�us�for�Christmas?
-What�the�fuck?
ERIC:�He�didn't�get�us�anything, I'm�telling�you.
I've�seen�this�shit. DOUG:�Ah,�you�gotta�have�faith
in�the�Christmas�spirit. He�probably�got�us�something.
-No,�this�is�my�brother�here.
I'm�telling�you, he�does�this�every�year.
There's�nothing comin'�out�that�office.
DOUG:�Gotta�be�somethin'.
-Read�it�and�weep.
-Oh,�sweet. A�piece�of�paper?
EVERETT:�Doug,�Shazam's donating�to�a�church,�all�right?
Grow�a�heart.
-What,�are�you�trying�to�get some�St.�Peter's�points?
-What�does�that�mean?
-It�means�lights�off,�buddy. Christmas�spirit's�back�to�dead.
EVERETT:�Doug,�come�on. Not�the�lights.
-You�know�what?
Give�me�back another�pack�of�paper.
EVERETT:�Guys,�I'm�donating my�time,�all�right?
And�it's�on�behalf of�all�you�guys.
Even�you,�Eric. -Hmm?
-So�now�it�looks�like I�got�you�shit
and�you�didn't�get�me�jack�all.
-You�said�no�gifts,�bro. What?
-It's�fuckin'�Christmas,�Eric! Where's�the�spirit?
RICKY:�Everett, what�exactly�are�we�gonna�give
and�when�we�gonna�give�it?
I�don't�really�get�that.
-Ricky...�our�mom...
I'm�doing�a�gift�pickup for�the�annual�Christmas�drive.
All�right?
Now,�how's�that for�Christmas�spirit?�Doug?
-MARCUS:�Good�on�you,�boss. -Yeah,�I�guess,�yeah.
RICKY:�What�are�we�gonna�give? I�don't�understand�that�part.
-I�really�wanted to�make�you�guys�proud
and�make�the�most of�this�gifting�season
by�gifting�you�guys the�gift�of�me�giving
other�people�shit who�are�less�gifted�than�us.
RICKY:�What?
EVERETT:�You�know�what�I�mean?
-Lights�on. -[twinkling�sound]
EVERETT:�Yeah,�they�are.
["O�Christmas�Tree"�playing]
SCOTT:�[TV] My�spine�is�trashed
and�knee's�still in�a�ton�of�pain.
LAWYER:�[TV]�This�guy,�he's�not working�at�least�three�months.
-Three�months�or�two? 'Cause�you�held�out�two.
SCOTT:���������Three. TYCO:���������Prince...
-All�right,�you�ready? -Hmm?
EVERETT:�What�do�you�mean, "hmm"?
You're�helping�me�with the�church�gifts�today.
-No,�I'm�not.
EVERETT:�This�could�be your�gift�to�me.
Me,�you,�Hassan,�Ricky. We'll�bang�this�out�quick.
-Gang,�Hassan�is�in�Oakville with�his�cousins.
-Shit.
-And�I�might�as�well be�there�too,�'cause�I'm�out.
-Bro,�these�families need�our�help.
-Bruh,�it's�Christmas.
-Yeah,�it�is�Christmas, so�grow�a�heart!
-Exactly,�it's�Christmas, so�I'm�chillin'.�What?
VOICE:�[TV]�����Judge�Tyco...
-All�right,�Ricky, what�are�you�doing?
-I'm�gonna�go�visit�my�mother, and,�uh...
you�guys�should go�visit�your�father.
It's�Christmas.
-It's�Christmas�Eve.
Look,�how�about we�do�a�little�church�work,
okay,�then�tomorrow we�both�go�see�our�parents?
-The�donation�wasn't the�gift�for�everybody?
-Yeah,�it�is,�but...
Come�on. Come�on,�Ricky.
["O�Christmas�Tree"�playing]
Please.
[music�stops]
-Okay.
-Later,�twin. -RICKY:�Bye,�Eric.
-Please,�please. -["O�Christmas�Tree"�playing]
Please,�Ricky. Ricky...
-[music�stops] -[door�closes]
-I�guess�I'm�the�only�one with�a�heart�this�Christmas.
-Bro,�the�guys�won't�even�care that�you're�doing�this.
Like,�it's�over,�bro. You're�doin'�too�much.
-I�already�told the�pastor�I'd�help.
He's�a�serious�church�man. I�can't�let�him�down.
-You're�telling�me you're�his�only...
-Hope!
Everybody�cancel�'pon�me!
-Really?
-But�God�sees�your�generosity, you�know?
And�I'm�personally�grateful that�you�decided
to�agree�to�do all�of�the�pickups.
-All�of�them? -God�bless�you,�man.
-Yeah,�man,�anything�for�the...
families.
This�shouldn't�be,�like, an�all-day�thing,�though,�right?
-All�we�need�is�a�pickup over�here,�here,�here,�here,
here,�here,�here,�here, here,�here,�here,�here.
-Oh,�my�God.
-You�can't�say�that inna�di�church.
-Oh,�my�bad,�my�bad. You're�right.
And�then,�what,�come�back to�the�church�after�that?
-Next�two�over�here, and�four�over�here,
and�two�over�here, and�here,
and�then�you�circle�back around�5�o'clock
to�surprise�the�family�dem.
It's�gonna�go�wicked!
-Damn,�I�need�a�Santa�hat, not�a�elf�hat.
-That's�not�appropriate in�the�church!
-What,�wearing�a�Santa�hat?
-It's�what�you�said�before�that.
-Oh,�shit,�you�can't�say "damn"�in�a�church?
Sorry,�my�bad!
-Time�fi�touch�the�road, Everett.
-Yeah,�I'm�out.
Is�the�Lord�gonna�bless�me with�a�gas�money?
Okay.
[upbeat�Motown�music]
[upbeat�Motown�music]
?
-Look�at�this�shit. Look�at�this�shit.
Gifts.
Free�delivery.
On�behalf�of�your�boss.
On�behalf�of�Shazam�Moving.
Supposed�to�be�all�you�guys, but�it's�all�good,�just�me.
Not�even�Eric,�my�own�brother!
He's�probably�at�home beatin'�his�meat.
Where�the�fuck�is�my�truck?
Yeah,�is�this�Brampton?
It's�a�white�fuckin'�giant�truck and�somebody�took�it.
You�can't�see�that�on�your�end?
I�don't�know�my�fuckin' licence�plate�right�now!
How�can�somebody tow�my�entire�truck
but�not�leave�no�contact�info?
Put�a�business�card under�a�rock,�nigga!
It's�a�fuckin'�giant�truck with�a�genie�on�it.
Have�you�seen�it? Why�is�it�in�Mississauga?!
I'm�in�the�middle of�doing�charity�work!
Grow�a�heart!
It's�Christmas!
This�is�why�people�do�bad�shit.
This�is�how�it�starts.
All�right,�where's�your�truck? Lemme�come�take�that�shit.
Yeah,�I�can�hold.
-[phone�beeps] -Fuck!
Fuck�them�kids,�bruh.
Fuck�them�damn�kids.
That's�what�I�shoulda�said.
[sighs]
-The�mandem�are�hoopin'.
[basketball�game playing�on�phone]
Make�sure�the�parlay hits�today,�cro.
-[phone�buzzing] -What�the�hell?
This�guy�never�calls�me.
Yo,�Evs,�wah�gwan?
EVERETT:�[phone]�Yo,�you�gotta be�the�only�guy�I�know
who'd�put�in�work�on�Christmas.
TYCO:�[phone] Come�on,�man.
You�know�I'm�'bout�my�cheese. Talk�to�me.
EVERETT:�How�fast�can�you�meet me�in�Brampton�with�the�truck?
I�got�50�an�hour�for�you.
-I�be�there�pretty�quick.
[knocking�on�door]
DELIVERY�MAN:�Hey, are�you�Eric�Saunders?
-Yeah,�come�in. It's�fuckin'�cold.
DELIVERY�MAN:�Amazing, yeah,�for�sure.
ERIC:�Ah,�it's�cold out�there,�man!
-Yeah,�it�really�is.
-Sorry,�just�gotta check�these�cookies.
-Yeah,�no�worries. -Okay.�We're�good.
Oh,�man.
-Did�you�order�the�Super�Quantum Calm�Shiatsu�Deep�Tissue
Back�and�Neck�Massager with�heat?
-I�did,�yeah,�yeah.
-Amazing. I'll�just�get�you�to�sign�here.
Hold�on�one�second. Let�me�just�scan�it.
-Yeah.
-Oh,�flashlight. This�new�technology.
[scanner�beeps]
I'll�just�get�you to�sign�right�here.
-Yeah. -Hoo-whee!
No�way,�Bluetooth?
ERIC:�Here�you�go. DELIVERY�MAN:�Yeah.
Here�you�go.
-Thank�you,�thank�you. -Wow,�yeah...
This�is�like the�Bentley�of�back�rests.
-Yeah? -Yeah,�yeah,�yeah.
-Wow.�Damn. I�don't�know�too�much�about�it.
I�just�did�a�quick�review, and,�uh...
-Low�voltage,�20�minutes.
Oh!
ERIC:�Yeah.
-Three...�Ooh! Rechargeable,�rechargeable.
-Rechargeable,�yeah, that's�nice.
-Yeah,�you�see�it�comes�with a�little�remote�control
over�there?
-Yeah,�I�do�see�that,�yeah.
-Yeah,�that's�the�one right�there.
-Yeah,�bro.
DELIVERY�MAN:�Man...
Ooh-whee,�the�Super�Quantum Calm�Shiatsu�Deep�Tissue�Back...
Yep,�that's�the�one�right�there.
ERIC:�Yeah.
-Ohhh...
-You�moaning?
-My�bad,�my�bad,�my�bad.
-You're�good. Thank�you,�bro.
Appreciate�it. Merry�Christ-
-Yeah,�I�just�got my�back�blown�out.
I�got�my�back�blown�out. You�see�right�here?
-Oh�yeah,�okay.
-Yeah,�about�a�month�ago on�a�delivery�here.
That's�how�I�know all�about�this.
-Yeah,�you�guys�work�hard.
-Yeah,�I�watch�reviews on�this�non-stop.�Oh...
-Yeah. -Are�you�gonna�open�that�now?
-No,�it's�actually�a�Christmas gift�for�my�brother,�so...
-Oh,�that's�cool. It's�cool,�it's�cool.
My�bad. Ooh-whee.
Yeah,�okay,�okay.
I�wish�I�didn't�hurt�my�back.
Man...
-Yeah.
-Holy�fuck...
I�just�wanted�to�see�it, like,�in�real�life.
Oh... Damn...
Oh,�man.
ERIC:�This�guy's�just�moanin'.
DELIVERY�MAN:�Yeah,�yeah,�yeah.
Yeah... Ho-ly!
ERIC:�So,�we're�good,�yeah? I�signed,�right?
-Oh,�yeah,�yeah. Fam,�my�bad,�my�bad.
But�if�you�need anyone�to�test�it...
-Yeah. -You�know�who�to�call.
You�know�where�to�find�me,�sir.
-I�absolutely�don't. -Have�a�good�one.
-Thank�you,�man. Merry�Christmas.
-Let�me�just�triple�check. I�think�I've�gotta�scan�it-
ERIC:�My�bro,�my�bro,�my�bro!
EVERETT:�Oh,�holy�speed.
Bro!�Yo!
It's�for�the�yout'�dem.
-Oh,�go�fuck�the�yout'�dem! -No,�you�can't�be�doing�that.
-How�you�lose�your�truck,�guy?
How�you�let�a�next�man zoink�your�truck?
-I�know,�I�know. Fuckin'�stupid,�man.
But�yo,�real�talk,�man. Thanks�for�doin'�this,�man.
You're�really�bailin'�me�out.
-Bro,�put�the�hand�down,�man. You're�swingin'�me�bones.
Straight. -What,�yeah.�Easy.
I'ma�pop�the�trunk.
-Yo,�you're�not�poppin'�nothin' until�you�swing�me�back
my�23�bones for�this�stupid�rental,�bro.
-Oh,�yeah,�easy. Easy.�I�got�you.
-Yeah,�I'm�good. -Bro,�easy.
I�owe�you�three.
-Yeah,�you�owe�me�1-0-3, a�bill�an�hour.
I�need�you�to�agree�on�that.
-Bill�an�hour? -Yeah!
-What�happened�to�50�an�hour?
-I�don't�care�what�we�talked about,�'cause�from�then,
I�had�bare�people blowin'�up�my�line
from�frickin'�Owen�Sound, saying,�"Yo"-
Can't�even�tell�you what�they�wanted�me�to�do
over�there, but�just�know,�motion.
So�it's�about�to�be�a�bill an�hour,�and�it�is�what�it�is.
I�don't�wanna�hear no�complaining,�nothin'.
EVERETT:�Holy�smokes.
Okay,�I�don't�have�that�type of�cash�on�me�right�now.
And�you�gotta put�that�shit�out,�bro.
I�can't�be�smelling�like�weed on�these�pick-ups.
This�is�church�shit.
-Kush�is�my�religion,�nigga!
Wait,�are�you�gonna�tell�me I�can't�light�my�tree
on�Christmas? Are�you�blem?
-Shit,�shit,�shit,�shit,�shit! Fuck!
[smoke�alarm�beeping]
?
?
[fast-paced�jazz�music]
?
?
[glass�shatters]
[sighs]
EVERETT:�So,�you�can smoke�and�drive?
-You're�watchin'�me smoke�and�drive,�no?
-So,�what�happens when�you�get�pulled�over?
-By�the�time�they see�me�smokin'�my�tree,
my�tree's�already�smoked,�cro.
-Yeah,�except�now you�smell�like�weed.
-So�what?
They�can't�make�me jump�out�de�whip�for�dat.
And�even�if�they�do,�what?
"What�weed,�officer? Where's�the�kush,�officer?"
-And�then�what�about the�seven�blunts
you�have�rolled�in�the�car?
-They're�not�seein'�dat.
They're�not�seeing dat�at�all,�cro.
-Bro,�how�do�you�even drive�like�that?
Can�you�see?
-Huh?
-How�do�you�drive�like�this?
-Wha...? -Like�a�shrimp.
-Bro,�if�I�knew�this�was�'bout to�be�a�deposition�interview,
like,�I�would�never take�the�job,�bro.
Enough,�bro. -My�bad,�my�bad.
-I�see,�and�my�eye�line is�proper,�bro.
-I'm�just�concerned�about our�safety,�that's�all.
-Fuck,�bro,�you're�bless.
Hold�the�wheel�real�quick.
-What�do�you�mean? -Hold�the�wheel�real�quick.
-Bro,�what�the�fuck? What�do�you�mean?
Dawg,�watch�the�road,�bro!
-I�dropped�my�lighter,�cro.
I�got�it,�I�got�it.
This�guy's�paranoid,�bro.
-Yo,�watch�out,�nigga! -[tires�squealing,�thudding]
-Where?
[upbeat�Motown�music]
?
?
?
EVERETT:�Fuck,�yeah,�man,
just�a�stop�at�Queen�and�Kennedy and�we're�good.
Holy�shit,�we�actually�did�it.
Tyco�and�Everett saves�Christmas,�huh?
-I�showed�you,�fams.
Everything�will�be�bless.
-Man,�let�me�hit�that�shit real�quick,�man.
Let�me�try�that.
-It's�loud�shit,�though, eh,�dawg.
-Bro,�I'm�not�a�baby.
Come�on,�bro, lemme�hit�that�shit.
-Bro,�it's�loud�as�fuck. -Bro,�I've�smoked�weed�before.
-Yeah? -Yeah,�yeah.
Bro,�they�used�to�call�me Horse�Lungs.
-[horse�neighing] -Horse�Lungs,�yeah?
Hold�that�shit,�lil'�nigga.
-You've�been�coalsin' off�this�shit�all�day.
[coughing�violently]
TYCO:�That�one's�extra�spicy, cro,�my�fault.
-Oh,�fuck�the�cherry! -What?
-The�cherry�flew�off.
-Where,�in�the�whip?
-It�flew�in,�but�it definitely�flew-
-Did�it�fly�in,�or�it�fly�out? -[coughing]
It�flew�in,�but�it�flew�out, I'm�pretty�sure.
No,�it's�out, it's�out,�for�sure.
-Whatever,�man.
-Yeah,�man,�we're�good. My�bad,�here's�the�rest.
-Nah,�hol'�dat. I�have�a�fresh�one.
You're�coughin'�up�the�place like�say�you�have�fuckin'�Covid.
-[coughs]�Ah,�is�there anthrax�in�this?
-I�just�put�a�little�bit 'a�grabba�in�that,�man.
-Holy- -I�didn't�make�it�too�spicy!
-Holy�spice!
-Yo,�this�guy's�not�Jamaican!
-Fuck�this�shit.
[fast-paced�jazz�music]
?
Yo.
EVERETT:�Yes,�Pastor, Merry�Christmas.
PASTOR:�God�bless�you.
-Got�it�done.
-Amazing,�amazing. You�got�it�done.
EVERETT:�I'm�happy I�could�save�Christmas
for�the�less�fortunate.
-What's�that�smell,�ganja?
-Oh,�yes,�my�driver,�Tyco, he�has�a�smoking�problem.
TYCO:�[coughing] Holy�shit.
-Maybe�he�could�do a�little�prayer�for�him.
He's�smokin'�a�lot.
-Is�that�truck�smoking? -Yeah,�the�window's�down.
Oh,�fuck,�my�cherry! Oh...!
Yo,�Tyco,�pop�the�back!
Pop�the�back,�pop�the�back?
-What? -The�back,�bro!
TYCO:�Pop�your�back?
Your�cherry?
-My�cherry,�bro,�I�thought it�flew�out�the�window!
No!
-Jesus�keep�me�near�the�cross!
[all�shouting]
-I�told�you�the�cherry wasn't�out,�bro!
PASTOR:�Bonfire!
Look�how�you�mash�up the�pitney�dem�Christmas!
You�is�a�waste�yout',�you�know! You's�a�waste�yout'!
[fire�extinguisher�whooshing]
-It's�bless. -Lord�have�his�mercy!
Everett,�wah�mi a�go�tell�di�family
and�di�pitney�dem,�Everett?
-My�bad.
-You�a�gon'�be�here fi�say�"My�bad"?
You�want�me�fi�say�"My�bad"?!
-Just�say�it�wasn't�my�bad, straight.
-Whether�your�bad,�or�your�bad, or�the�next�bwoy!
You�know,�si�seh�all�a�di�gifts, dem�burn�up!
-Bro,�we�still�did�a�good�deed!
We�spent�all�day picking�up�these�gifts.
We�dropped�it�off�at�the�church.
-And�look�'pon�di�gifts�dem�now! Look�how�dem�crisp�up,�crisp�up!
Ah,�look�'pon�de�bear!
Better�we�did�leave�them at�the�warehouse!
-Yeah,�fuck,�you're�right,�man.
-Enough�with�the�bad�words!
-Okay,�we're�outside. I�thought-
-I�said�enough!
TYCO:�You're�still payin'�me�my�bread.
Give�a�fuck�about�a�holiday.
-[intense�organ�music] -My�fault.
-Errol,�I�might�have�an�idea to�save�Christmas
if�we�still�have�time�to�go to�Oakville�and�Peterborough.
-Oakville?
-Right�now, mi�nuh�have�no�choice.
-That's�exactly�why we�might�be�projected
to�have�a�blessed�Christmas.
-What�that�supposed�to�mean?
-Call�Hassan.
HASSAN:�No�matter�how�far�I�go,
you�manage�to�bring�me back�to�work,�eh?
-But�yo,�break�down this�operation�real�quick
before�we�reach.
-So,�basically,�for�$250�cash... You�have�that?
-Yeah,�yeah.
-For�sure?
-Yeah,�I�got�cash. Pure�cash.
TYCO:�Pure,�eh?
-Bro,�watch�the�road. -Okay.
-What're�you�doing? -All�right.
-Yeah?
-There's�a�bunch�of,�like, mystery�pallets.
-Yeah.
-You�gotta�figure�out which�one�you�want.
-Okay. -And�then�it's�all�you.
-Okay,�and�what's the�worst�thing
that�could�possibly�be in�these�boxes?
-Pssht,�honestly,�it�could�be anything,�which�is�a�sick�thing.
-Mmm.
-But�a�scary�one at�the�same�time.
-I�should�be�scared?
-I�mean,�one�time, one�of�my�boys,
he�got�like�a�thousand drones�in�one�pallet.
-Really? -Drones?
-Yeah. -Drones.
-Mm-hm! Crazy�play.
-What? Wow.
-But�then�he�also�got,�like,
1,000�bottles�of�baby�oil in�the�next�one,�so...
-Really?
-So,�what's�this�guy's�deal? He's�legit,�or�what?
-Yeah,�he's�legit,�man. Super�legit,�super�legit.
-Yeah? Oh,�okay,�bless.
-His�business�model�is completely�illegal,�though.
[intense�organ�music]
[intense�organ�music]
HASSAN:�So�sry�to�do�this to�you�last-minute,�Ram�Riddlez.
-Nah,�Christmas�is�the�blessest time�of�year�for�me,�broski.
Come�on,�no�better�time than�now.
TYCO:�Pure�motion�for�this�guy. EVERETT:�Oh,�wow.
TYCO:�Pure�business�a�gwan.
EVERETT:�Ho-ly,�so�any�one�of these�stacks�for�two�bills?
RAM:�Yes.
Just�give�Ram�the�loot, you�pick�a�stack,�then�scoot.
-And�there's�no�way�we�can�take a�peek�inside�before�we�buy?
-Listen,�you�touch,�you�buy.
Step�aside,�please, please,�please.
Listen,�listen.
It�could�be�a�parts�for�a�Viper.
Could�be�a�thousand�diapers.
I�don't�know.
TYCO:�When�you�say you�intercept�these�packages,
you�wanna�elaborate�on�that just�so�I�understand?
-Yo,�relax.�It's�not- -Don't�watch�Ram,�yo.
EVERETT:�It's�not�the�time,�bro.
-Watch�and�get�out.
TYCO:�I'm�not�watchin' nothin'�but�operation
just�so�I�can�make�my�bread.
You�don't�want�mans�to�eat?
-Yo,�Ram,�don't�give�a�damn.
Pick�your�stack...
and�scram,�yeah!
TYCO:�This�guy's frickin'�dissin',�bro.
-Does�he�always�rhyme?
HASSAN:�Yeah,�yeah,�yeah.
I�think�he�has�authentism or�something.
Okay,�okay,�okay,�okay...
RAM:�So,�which�stack�will�it�be?
Just�tell�Ram-my.
-I'm�gettin'�good�vibes from�this�one�right�here,
you�know,�cro.
-Really? -Really.
-What�is�it? How�can�you�tell?
-'Cause�the�man's�tryin' to�play�a�mental�warfare,
leanin'�on�the�box, thinkin'�we�won't�select�it.
Choose�this�one.
-Yeah? -Yeah.
EVERETT:�You're�sure? TYCO:�Yeah.
-Okay,�fuck�it. Let's�do�two�for�safety.
Let's�do�this�one. And�then...
And�then...
-Yo,�just�do eeny,�meeny,�miny,�moe.
Pick�a�box,�so�we�can�go.
[chuckles] You�like�that�one?
-Ram,�could�you�choose�for�us?
-Not�trying�to�be�a�dick,�but...
it's�kind�of�a�hard decision�'cause...
Ram�doing�a�scan�for�a�man isn't�really�part�of�the�plan
unless�you�got�a�band.
EVERETT:�Oh,�no,�no,�no.
-Talkin'�about�green, no�eggs�and�ham.
-Okay,�okay.
-This�guy�has all�these�rhymes,�bro.
-Okay,�okay... Not�this�one?
TYCO:�I'm�feelin'�another�vibe from�this�one�right�here.
I�don't�know�if�it's�'cause�it's running�right�here�and�here.
-Really?
-Maybe�it's�'cause I'm�in�a�force�field,
I'm�just�feeling�somethin'...
All�right,�just�need�to�trust�me on�this�one,�big�bro.
-Okay,�so�not�this�one?
'Cause�I'm�getting�good�vibes from�this�one,�too.
-Nah,�the�man's smirkin'�way�too�much.
Step�away�from�that�one.
The�man�knows�some�fuckery's in�that�one,�bro.
You�gotta�read�this�guy,�bro. Look�at�his�face,�bro!
EVERETT:�And�you're�firm on�this�one?
-Bro,�I'm�firm,�bro. Trust�me.
These�two,�they�got�me�pumped.
You�never�been in�a�casino�with�me,�eh?
If�you�ever�seen�my�casino�wins, you'd�take�these�two�for�spins.
HASSAN:�Ah! TYCO:�Hail�me,�cro.
Okay,�okay.
[truck�beeping]
HASSAN:�Yo,�let's�just�drop this�off�and�dip�to�be�safe.
TYCO:�What? Bun�that.
Tryin'�to�bust�these�open and�see�wah�gwan.
Take�a�likkle�one,�two for�Tycs.
EVERETT:�Bro,�bust�what?
You're�gettin'�paid for�your�hard�work.
-You're�not�payin'�me�in�items.
-Okay,�but�this�is for�the�families.
-[kisses�teeth] Bun�the�families,�cro.
Like,�who�cares?
-We�should�definitely�check�out what's�what�before-
PASTOR:�Before�what? EVERETT:�Uh...
PASTOR:�What's goin'�on�over�there?
EVERETT:�We�got�more�gifts. Bigger�batch.
Christmas�is�back.
-Ha-ha! Thank�you�so�much.
Praise�God.
EVERETT:�Ah, you�can�stay�there!
You're�good�there, you're�good�there.
You�can�do�your�thing, and�then�we're�gonna
stage�it�out and�figure�out�what's�what.
Get�it�all�organized.
-All�right. Thank�you,�Father.
Yuh�bad,�you�know,�Everett.
EVERETT:�Yeah,�yeah,�yeah. I�told�you,�man.
This�better�be�blessed.
-[intense�organ�music] -EVERETT:�Oh,�my�God.
The�fuck?
TYCO:�What's�that? Let�me�hold�one.
Bro... See�what�I'm�sayin'?
-[quietly]�Bro,�these are�fuckin'�penis�pumps!
-What? -These�are�fuckin'�penis�pumps!
-Ew!�What�the-
What�the�fuck,�bro?
PASTOR:�Stop�the�cursing in�the�house�of�the�Lord!
What's�going�on�here?
EVERETT:�Sorry,�no,�no,�we're just-�we're�getting�situated.
We're�getting�organized. You�do�you,�you�do�you.
-[kisses�teeth] -I'll�call�you�over.
HASSAN:�I�told�you�guys, it's�gonna�be�a�scam�with�Ram,
and�now�we�pissed�off�this�man and�cooked�the�plan!
TYCO:�Yo... Yo,�Ev.
EVERETT:�Bro,�we�got�two�stacks of�fuckin'�penis�pumps,�bro.
Call�your�boy.
-Bro,�he's�not gonna�take�it�back.
-Take�back�what?
Hmm?
Show�me�the�goods.
-You�don't�want to�ruin�the�surprise.
-Show�me�the�goods!
-I'm�just�the�driver,�though.
Just�the�driver...
PASTOR:�But�wait...
How�are�dese?
HASSAN:�Yeah,�so�this�says "manual�resuscitation�tank"
in�anime.
EVERETT:�Yeah,�it's�like a�breathing�apparatus
for�the�families.
-[gasping�for�air]
EVERETT:�Yeah,�the�oxygen.
-What�kinda�fuckery you�a�deal�wit,�eeh,�bwoy?
Hmm?
What�kinda�bloodclaat�fuckery you�a�deal�wit?
What�kind�is�this? Penis�pump?
Body�pump?
Inna�di�church?
Body�pump�yuh�mumma!
Unno�muss�drink mad�puss�piss�tuh�rahtid!
Wah�you�take�dis�ting�fah?
Eeh? Wah�you�take�dis�ting�fah?
-You�shouldn't�be�swearing in�the�church,�right?
-Mi�nuh�bloodclaat�care whey�mi�deh!
Unno�set�ah-
Idiot!
Come�out�da�bloodclaat�church!
Yuh�teef!
Mi�seh�come�out!
Ole�jamcrow�dem!
[jazzy�Christmas�music]
[basketball�game�on�TV]
ERIC:�A�hundred�percent I�could've�went�pro
if�I�didn't�hurt�my�knee.
RICKY:�Hmm.
-You�don't�believe�me?
-I�don't�know,�Eric.
It's�hard.
-No,�I�could've- I�could've�went�pro.
-Oh,�yeah?
EVERETT:�[kisses�teeth] See�this�shit,�man.
[opens�and�closes�door]
RICKY:�Look. ERIC:�Hmm?
RICKY:�Santa's�helper's back�from�his�work.
-Ho-ly.
-EVERETT:�Yeah,�funny,�funny. -[Ricky�and�Eric�laughing]
-Yeah,�they�made�you wear�that�all�day?
-Nah,�it's�just end-of-the-day�shit.
It�was�a�fucking�crazy�day.
Long�story.
What�are�you�guys�sayin'?
-Kick�up,�lazy�day.
-Just�watching�football.
-Basketball.
-I�want�to�watch football,�but...
EVERETT:�I�see�that�shit.
You�guys�are�fuckin' slummin'�it.
-Got�you�something�by�the�door, by�the�way.
Merry�Christmas.
-What,�the�garbage?
-Bro,�that's�your�gift! Bro,�that�wasn't�garbage.
-Oh,�fuck,�bitch.
RICKY:�Wow,�Everett.
You�throw�his�gift�out,�man? Really?
-This�isn't�fuckin'�garbage?
-Bro,�you�know�I'm�not that�good�at�wrapping,�so...
-Yeah,�but�that's a�garbage�bag,�Eric.
ERIC:�It's�����wrapped in�a�garbage�bag,�yeah.
-Everett,�put�this in�there�for�me,�too.
-Fuck�off,�man. You�guys�can�fuck�off.
Let�me�see�you�wrap�something.
Just�fuckin'�open�it.
I�dunno�why�you�guys are�making�me�feel�bad,�like...
RICKY:�Yeah,�what�is�it? ERIC:�I�got�����you�the�gift.
-RICKY:�Wow! -["Jingle�Bells"�playing]
ERIC:�Yeah,�yeah,�yeah,�yeah.
It's�for�you�when�you're in�the�truck,�you�know?
Ease�your�pain. -Fuck,�the�truck,�man!
-[music�stops] -What�happened?
ERIC:�This�guy's fuckin'�dissin',�bro.
-Fuck,�no,�no,�no,�no. This�is�sick.�This�is�all-
-That's�the�Bentley.
That's�the�Bentley of�back�massagers.
EVERETT:�Bro,�I�really appreciate�this,�I�do.
-Three�different�modes, three�different�zones.
EVERETT:�Yeah,�yeah,�yeah. ERIC:�Bro!
EVERETT:�You�guys are�chilling,�right?
Ah,�shit. No,�no,�no,�no,�no.
No,�this�is�fuckin'... This�is�sick.
-Do�you? -No,�no,�this�is�sick,�I�just-
-Do�you? -[box�drops]
-You�guys�are�free right�now,�right?
You�guys�say�you're�chillin', lazy�and�shit?
-Watching�TV,�relaxing.
-We�got�a�quick�Mississauga mission.�All�right,�yo.
-No. -What?
-Throw�the�shoes�on. -I'm�not�going�to�'Sauga,�bro.
-Shoes�up. Ricky,�this�is�your�gift�to�me.
Bro,�let's�go. Throw�your�shoes�on�real�quick.
We�got�a�quick�mission�to�run. -I'm�not�going.
What�mission,�bro? It's�not�a�game,�bro.
-No,�it's�for�me. It's�just�for�the�business,�bro.
Bro,�it's�for the�family�business.
-There. -Fucking�scammers,�bro.
Look�at�'em,�bro. Christmas�Eve?
EVERETT:�There�it�is, right�there.
Right�fuckin'�there.
-Argh...
[jazzy,�madcap�music]
RICKY:�Guys,�guys!
Guys!
Wait,�wait,�wait. Wait,�wait!
Everett,�you're�not gonna�wait�for�me?
Everett! Look,�my�pants�is�too�tight!
?
[truck�starts]
Everett...
Eric!
Guys!
My�pants,�Eric!
EVERETT:�Bro,�why�is�he�sitting on�the�fence�like�that?
ERIC:�Does�he�not wanna�come�down?
-My�pants�is�catching�in�the...
I�can't�move�from�here!
ERIC:�What�is�he�doing?
RICKY:�Guys,�I'm�stuck!
I'm�gonna�be�stuck,�guys!
[both�laughing]
ERIC:�Ricky!
EVERETT:�Bro, why�is�he�like�that?
RICKY:�You�guy�don't respect�me,�man!�Guys!
-[both�laughing] -RICKY:�Help�me!
RAM:�����And�so�the�man who�put�food�in�hands
had�a�plan that�blessed�all�mans.
Although�they�didn't�get anything�on�their�wish�list,
it�turns�out�they�are�projected to�have�a�bless�Christmas.
(Yeah...)
[piano�version�of "O�Christmas�Tree"]
?
?
?
?
[steel�pan�joins�in]
?
?
?
?
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