Original subtitles

I'm gonna take that, I use the phone.

Hey, I ain't never gonna go down here.

Oh, boy.

Oh, boy.

Oh, boy.

Yeah, I'm gonna go down here.

Oh, boy.

You're right.

This is better than the health club.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

You're the follower.

You're a man.

You're the man.

You're the man.

You're the man.

You're the man.

You're the man.

I know where we've been now, where you were leading it.

Let's shoot it.

So, let's go.

Let's go.

Wherever you are made of winter.

I'm so proud of you.

You're so proud of you.

Come on, baby.

I'm not gonna go to the show.

So, can you get a doctor?

I'm ready there.

I'll see you.

I'm ready.

I'm ready.

I'm ready.

I'm ready.

So, which one is yours?

I'm just looking.

Pardon?

I don't know.

I don't know that dog anymore.

Hm-hmm.

Whoop, got a Presents!

Villanuea!

Villanuea!

Villanuea!

Villanuea!

Villanuea!

Villanuea!

Villanuea!

Villanuea!

Villanuea!

Villanuea!

Bwhop!

I

Am ugly

We should probably feed it. Yeah

Whatever

Who knows what's going on in there

But there's some flesh touching and some tongues and a little sweat maybe

Well, they're in there. All right. I can practically spell it

This is Christ

Been drunk and had it for days

This isn't friendship wine. This is Lopper's wine

This is a wine for people who can front and throw up and have sex with their socks on

This is a good wine for porn on each other's asses

Andy

You take my dog and you leave a note just because you paid for him doesn't mean that he's yours

Didn't your mom teach any manners didn't your mother teach you to break up with some style?

You gotta just get over it. Okay, just move on with your life get over it. It's been four days. I know you're hurting, okay?

But I'm hurting too. Yeah, right. It's hard to leave, you know

It's hard to just

Wake up one day run a truck move all your stuff out

Takes courage

I'm hurting too

Um, I gotta go, okay

It's not gonna help

Listen go back inside. Okay. Oh man. You don't understand all right I do

Sir you got your slippers on okay. Come on. I do understand I

Understand that love

Is not your faithful friend love is not your confidant

Love is not your scuba buddy

Love is a beast that you chase

You can smell its fur, but you can't quite ever see its face

It's just what I'm thinking

Oh

Hi there, hey, Andy

Listen man, I made you tape last night

Those are the saddest songs in the Western world the only thing that can help you now is country and Western music

Thanks, Jeff. Thanks. You're welcome. Listen, sweetie. You've got your lunch. I did work right here

That is so corny listen. I have a late photo shoot tonight

You have to take the girls to their first class obedience training starts this evening of course

It'll be lots of fun. Won't it gals?

And listen Andy when you can get through that whole tape without crying you're over her man. Thanks, Jeff

Bye babies. See ya

So how to go with Cheryl last night

Did you talk to her sort of and

You really go as planned

Maybe I gave you some bad advice. No, it's not that. It's just that means Cheryl aren't like

Work like you and Jeff, you know, I thought you were a fabulous couple of first time around

Shut up. I

Know it takes work. I know that no no it should be very easy

What do you mean by that? Listen, I sympathize with and understand you need to connect

I know that but you commit so quickly to these women who aren't the one and then it doesn't work out and then you

Try it again even harder the next time and you know, it's a bad pattern. I just like we you and Jeff have you know

We're not

That great. We're good. It's good. You are. Yeah, and you know what you're everybody's favorite couple

Don't make it seem like a responsibility. Hey, it is

Every day

You know how when you're a kid and you think about how good it's gonna be when you're older you guys are just how

I'd imagine it, you know

Okay

Tell me how you met then

You want to hear the story again. Yeah

Okay, I was coming back from a Valentine's Day shoot. He was coming back from divorce court. We had a bit of a fender bender

We didn't have any paper exchange information on so we wrote it down on a big red heart

There was no damage, but he phoned anyway and the rest as they say is history

I'm going to work down. Okay

Hi

Haven't seen you in here before

No, you haven't

I have a ground cap, please great, you know make that double scotch out

I

Excuse me, do I know you

Is that it is that your whole come online? Hey, it's not a come online. Yeah, I thought you smiled at me

I thought I may have known you from college or something excuse me. It's next you can ask me if I'm a model too

Right

Sitting drinking in a singles bar. I don't want any part of that scene. Thanks. I wasn't drinking. I actually just had a bowl of onion soup

At least I have the decency to drink what kind of loser eats dinner in a singles bar me

I don't come here. So what are you doing here?

What I'm saying is I don't usually come here

So if I were to ask anyone in here if any of them knew you none of them would right that's right

Do you know this guy him yeah

Yeah, he's a good guy I can vote

I'm certainly no you can't

Nice to meet you. Thank you

No

What

Shut up

Could you call me a cab please sir, and I'd also like some tequila

First she seals my dog and then they decide to seal my bike without a wheel

Where are they gonna go without a wheel? Where am I gonna go just the wheel?

It's a tough town

They still your dog oh

Yeah, my ex took my dog she didn't even like the dog until we broke up and

Imagine I have a dog

peanut

Yeah, I think that's how I know he is from the dog park

How is peanut?

She's she's great pants the best

So what do you do I work writing classifieds I read your work some of it's very good. Thank you

I miss bookworm

Sure miss bookworm and what is that miss bookworm? Oh the children show miss bookworm the children

Is there a mr. Bookworm miss bookworm no no I'm a little turned around I'm just sort of

In through something myself. I guess

Oh

your attitude and

The sweatpants kind of give you away wearing the uniform of the depressed you know sweatpants in a raincoat

But you look good though you do

What about you?

I've been single for

Four wonderful days. We do have something in common then huh? Yeah

Why do I get the feeling though? This is gonna wind up on a daytime talk show with one of us wearing it to skies

I really have no idea because I'm sure I look terrible in a beard

You do me a favor

Sure, I will

Will you crack my neck?

What I think I slept on it wrong. I pinched it or something. I don't know how to crack a neck

Come on. What are you a sissy crap my neck? Okay. I'll give it a try. I'm gonna try cracking her neck

Yeah, I'll just guess I'll grab you anything

God I said I didn't know what I was doing

What if I kill you though don't worry. I'm already dead. I just it's not moving yet

Just stop laughing for a second. It's kind of hard when you laugh

Should we go to your place or mine

That's it that's your whole come online

Yeah

Do you even know my name mr. Johnson

You know one of those guys are you oh

What guys

You know those guys like talking yeah

And romance you and then just go AWOL

Hmm oh but you know

If if I was one of those guys I'd tell you that I wasn't one of those guys just so you know

That's perfect

What you said it's just perfect

Oh

Some data

Worse

I'm peeking bar snacks. Oh, you're not you're not pathetic. I love your puke and bar snacks. That's okay

Oh

Oh

Hi

Yeah, I just kind of felt like I knew everything about her you know except your name I

Didn't get her name. I call him mr. Johnson, but I don't know what she does. She's miss bookworm

Is that show still on what is she like 50?

You know how to see somebody in a certain light if you like you can tell everything about him, you know

Sounds kind of holding her hair and I saw her and she was she was fantastic

What what

Seth which is the last time you were single great eight seriously

Great eight

well

To put it delicately

Don't you think it's time since you're a grown-up that you should try living single and maybe discovering something about

I didn't want to meet anybody right now. Honestly. That's not so where'd you meet her?

In a bar. Okay, so you met her in a bar. You don't know her name, but she's fantastic

I know it sounds stupid. I know it does, but it's true

All right, Andrew, what do you want to do? I feel like I should send her something

Roses

some roses

I don't know I was see I was thinking about maybe sending her some liquorish and a funny note about her blood sugar

No, honey. No

See I just thought of I thought assholes sent roses. Yes, this I know

But so you're saying it's like kitsch that it's so bad. It's good. No

Actually, it's quite romantic just because traditionally over the years assholes of sent roses doesn't mean a nice gentleman like yourself

Can't send a fine lady of Rose

See to me. It's like hitting on a waitress though. You know, it's so obvious

You shouldn't do it, you know, but you know what waitresses get lonely too waitresses need love to

Trust me I'm the lifestyle editor

That who are they?

Take your child to work day. Oh your idea?

Yeah

If the cat ate the rat and the pig wore a wig

Then who was the beast that got lost in a fog?

He's bigger than a hen

Can't fly like a wren and he must be a

Dog very good very good. Let's all set our bookmarks until next time. We'll say

I feel the need to read

Clear

Lorna you ever need to talk about anything. I'm here, okay. Thanks

Made it. Oh

I'm going home and I'm gonna fry up all the bacon that will fit in a pan

What precisely did you do last night?

What? Come on

What? I went to a singles bar

You don't get out much they don't call them singles bars anymore

Just listen. I met a guy and I went back to his place. You slept with him? No

I almost puked on it

Your skin is a disaster. Thank you. I

Cannot believe you are you going out with him again?

You gotta be kidding if I even see him again on die. I

Don't know, you know, you might want to think about going out with him again

Are you're gonna have to wait like six months? Why?

Because of the dating chain what yeah the dating chain

You know each couple is a part of a link in the dating chain

It's like a romantic ecosystem when a couple breaks up it has a ripple effect and

Causes the breakup of seven other relationships

That's why it seems like everybody breaks up at once because they do

But then

There's like this week where

Everybody recouples

Chain forms again, but this time it's one link shorter

That's why it gets harder to meet people as you get older

See yeah, I think so well the week's over. You know he was your chance

Really? Yes

The dating chain is pure science. Okay. I've been studying it for years. Oh

And don't even think of having an affair because the entire chain to buckle and you'll be waiting around forever

Wow who gave you the flappers for you

My god they're from him or anything

I don't know throw them out. No, I'm not throwing out perfectly good roses

Well, don't you give me a girlfriend? Oh, no way. She'll think I'm trying to make up for something fine. I'll throw them out

What's wrong with her I think she's afraid

Is there anything worse than getting burned by a guy who claims he's not going to burn you like the last guy did

People should have to provide you with romantic resumes

You like to see upon your heart

How old's yours mine's for

Let me guess she's eight she's two

I

Guess she's tired

Yeah

What's her name? Tina great. It's a great name

It's nice to meet you. You excuse me. I just have a little poo in this bag

We

Anything no, I haven't found anything

Thinking I wish they put something in the food so that it glowed in the door. Yeah, it might help. It's a mindy. Yeah

Do where'd you go sweetie where's your poo, baby?

Oh

Yeah, but starting

Oh wait, you kill me with that thing. Yeah, it's all the line of duty

Hi Trevor

Surprise surprise

Hey, to interrupt you but

Well, I figured this was the only chance I'd get to say goodbye since it ended so abruptly

Well, I presume you're not watching this alone

Hi Cheryl. Well, I probably didn't realize he came out my house and picked up these videos

We used to watch them, you know, and now you're watching them

Hmm

Strange

You'll soon find out that most of his experiences are on a loop

As I did

This is the restaurant where he first took me and told me that he loved me

Well if he takes you there to the back booth in order Zuzo beware, okay, I'm just trying to help you

Oh, and did he send you an orchid at work after a few days?

He's such romantic. All right. I'm shutting this off. Well, no, I learned my lesson. Don't want to see it, okay?

I'm gonna take again. I'll return you to your regular programming now

There she is read

Of course

Okay

Energetic outgoing woman who likes long walks

Why do they always put long walks? I mean who wants to go on long walks? I don't even want to go in short walks

Next I'm a man looking for someone to share my life with I can be a loving Facebook companion if you only let me

Only thing is I'm only five foot one

Good things come in small packages. No, they don't

Oh, and here's the saddest part

He uses his name and it's the saddest name in the whole world

Oh

Okay, I'll get a better one single woman if you're into bullshit and head games stop reading

If you're one of those insincere roll in the hay I'll call you later never call jerkwads mom and boy assholes and stop reading

Well, you mentioned that five foot guy five foot one one guy

Reading this and thinking god. I'm so perfect for her, but I love bullshit and head games

Lorna it's fun call for you

Hi, it's me

Handy from the other night. I was just calling to make sure that you got him

The roses I got him

Good

Good I was just calling to make sure you got him. How are you doing?

good

good

I was also gonna ask you if maybe if you wanted to I'm sort of with somebody. Oh, so I'm sorry shit. I'll call you back later

Think I'm okay. I'm sorry. What does that mean?

Don't call

Okay, well you've got my number if you need to get in touch with me and

Like I said, I was just calling to make sure that you got him

Got him and you got him

I

Bye

I

Make message

It's me

Look, I have to talk to you. That's something. Okay, so can you call me as soon as you get this if Trevor answers

How are you

Do

Hi boys and girls at home land

Today we're gonna make something very special we're gonna make money rabbit

Hand underneath

That's our fun for today

Hey mr. Mowgley

I

I realized that I was wrong about a lot of stuff and you're right we made a mistake in

We have a larger responsibility

What?

Mr. Mowgley. Oh, yeah

It's been acting up

Chewing stuff they almost threw out of his opinion. Oh, she mr. Mowgley

How's what's his name doing?

Good

This like I just says that he thinks that eyes has been seen a psychiatrist. No, mr. Mowgley

The guy that teaches the class. He's also an animal therapist and he said that he wants to see you too me

Figure out

Okay women get ready to pull in your pockets with bachelor number 39

This is one fire

What's wrong sad tech can I just can I just hold it no you must pin it on I'll pin on your ass buddy

I cannot believe I'll let you guys talk me into this I cannot believe what a whining in great

You are all you have to do is have one dinner with whom ever purchases you it'll be a whole lot of fun

Well, not fun really actually I think funds an overrated word

Ah, that's a great idea for peace. Thank you. I love to but I can't why

I'm not a bachelor. I'm taken. I'm taken

I

Look neat

Alright, I'm gonna draw now. Let's try a bit of brains number 33 is

Alright

Yes, Nancy right what am I get for this?

All right women better think verbs at verb summon out of key is

All right, let's start the bidding at $40, shall we?

$40 $40 bid by the woman in the world coat. Thank you very much $40

$50

$45 $45

100 $100 thank you very much

Alright, thank you

Oh

What's going on Mowgli

Okay

Where Mowgli

You have to understand that Mowgli wants to behave

He wants to graduate from dog obedience class

But you got to realize it's up to you too

Okay, what does that mean? What that means is the dogs are not our children? I

mean sure we feed them and we teach them and we clothe them and we pick up their poop

But thankfully they'll grow up to be nothing like us

Because we can't imprint our worst upon them

our neediness and our

Greetiness and our

consumptive ferocity

We give them human names, but they're not human

They make us more than that

They make us immortal

Because we will outlive them

So dogs are not our children

They're better

Okay

Can I ask where Mowgli's been staying with me with you

And where in the house has he been sleeping near and sometimes on the bed on the bed

Yeah, and what sort of activity have you and your new partner been engaging in?

Excuse me doctor. That seems like kind of a silly question to have to ask us. I thought this I think Mowgli has seen too many

long and physically aggressive sessions of wild sex

What?

Mowgli's been traumatized. That's clear to me

Cheryl you have to understand Mowgli doesn't know how very pleasurable all that stuff

Can be for you. He only sees the pushing and the pulling and he hears the shrieking and he thinks there's trouble

Now Andy what kind of sexual activity would Mowgli be viewing if he came to live at your house?

I can tell you that it's not this kind of wild at a control sex that it's apparently been taking place with Cheryl, okay

For me, it's more kind of none none or just solo a sexual

But you know I gotta tell you I'm working through some stuff right now on my own. So I'm just trying to look I can't help you

Okay

Mowgli in

Okay, Mowgli here's what we think might be fun if it's okay with you

You're gonna spend half the time with Cheryl

And half the time with Andy

What do you think of that?

He'll do it

You know your dancing just like the video oh

What video oh the video for this song have you seen it no

You're dancing just like it

So let me ask you go to get go I

Was just gonna ask you if you have any brothers or if you have any sisters no

Oh, what am I talking about I have a brother

Oh

What were you gonna ask me

Why do you think women in porn always wear their shoes I

Hadn't thought about that

Really maybe it's so their feet don't get cold maybe

Just like to say that this has been a lot of fun and I'm very flattered that you chose me

But I think we should get going

You want to go back to your place what we want the home bed advantage, right?

I'm sorry what you want the home bed advantage, right? Oh

Oh

Citizen you've got work to do

Oh

She told him you

Forgetting time

Morning princess

Do you think that there's daily horoscopes for dogs?

What well this morning when I woke up Lily was acting kind of

Percnickety so I looked up what would be her horoscope and it said that she was in fact having an off day

Oh

How to go last night. Oh, I got ninja fucked

So that's the piano and like water for chocolate, yes

Oh, right you still have late charges on passion fish. Yeah, I'm gonna watch it again

I can tell you're under a lot of change and stress right now

Really you're having trouble sleeping

Yeah

How do you know your hair my hair? I mean it's beautiful

maybe a little brittle, but that's probably from your diet or or maybe it's from

Forgive me for saying what's happening in your heart and what's happening in my heart not enough

I'm sorry. I I say what's on my mind too much. I'm stupid

I'm Calum bye. I'm Lauren

Hey, you want to go out with me some time

Okay, cool

Oh

Thanks, which one's yours

Mowgli

He's a happy boy. Yeah, he sure is and you are I'm with party

Oh and your name

See if the dog park it's just the dog's names

I

Mowgli get your con get your con

Mowgli

Hey, did you bring your walk and shoes? Yeah, yeah

So what do you want to do tonight? We're doing it right now. We're in it

Hey

You want a groove to my hacky sack vibe I'm not I'm not very good at that. I don't think

Or we could go to a bookstore and look at the magazines or we could eat

my treat

See that's not gonna work for me

If I let you buy me dinner, then you might feel like you're entitled to have sex with me

Oh, I I wouldn't really I don't know

Then why don't you buy me a meal see that's not gonna work for me either

For political reasons

No, I I got no money

Then

Just let me buy you dinner

Okay, okay great great

I'm gonna go to my truck first

And I help you table for two, please. I'll wash up. I'll be right out

You

Know sometimes I feel like I just can't get clean enough

Why do I have the feeling that this is gonna end up on a daytime talk show with one of us wearing a fake beard I?

Don't know why are you so pessimistic? I mean I have this theory about why people meet when they meet and you and I

We met for a reason

You picked me up in a video store, Calum

Have you noticed lately that people are going nuts about angels again? I mean for a while people just forgot about them

But there's a whole lot of I

Don't know gentleness going on around here

Oh

Hey great new webpage there mr. Chong

Kooky stuff

What up? I know what you want to do sex first or to want eat first I

Don't care. What do you want to do?

We could have sex first

What's that sex?

What are you hungry

No, I could eat

And you have sex first

Okay, why don't I get on top of you and then we'll go out for some news a second

Oh, we could go out for a real quick burger and then we come back here and I get on top of you. You know first

You know what we should have sex first

Okay

Okay, let's set

Go away stain

Go away stain

Now

Let's bring back that average grandmother who had that unfortunate tornado stain

On her lovely blouse and let's see how

Hi, it's me Callum look I just wanted to thank you for dinner. I had a really nice time

Play-score edge. I don't know where to start. I know that we really didn't hit it off. It's my fault

I know I'm weird and I can feel myself getting weirder and it feels like there's nothing I can do about it, but

Or I can still see things and there's something special about you Lorna

But you won't let yourself see it. I know it's not me

But Lorna, you gotta let love in

You gotta let yourself melt if you do then one day you'll find them

And when you do

You know what?

you'll rest

I'm Callum. Bye

I

Don't know what to do I mean

I just gets farther and farther away from me, you know, and I feel this kind of weird

Panic creeping up on me and I just

I just become the thing, you know

Okay, so what is it about Mowgli that makes you feel he's becoming distant?

Forget Mowgli. Okay. I'm talking about Trevor here. I don't know like he's becoming a stranger, you know

Well, are you getting enough exercise?

I'm sorry. I don't know what to say to a person. That's another thing sex is completely stopped

I'm sure you're happy about that, huh? Oh, no, I know what sex there is. It's like totally routine, you know, it's like

Left hand right breast clockwise one two three spit on the hand. Hey Cheryl. Oh what that's that's enough

Please I'm only interested in how this altered activity has affected Mowgli. Oh

Mowgli seemed plenty of activity. I'm sorry. I'm confused

Andy yeah, I

I'm been seeing someone

Oh, he's been pumping a nutritionist who bought about an auction Cheryl it's true Cheryl

I think that maybe Mowgli should go outside Mowgli out

Hi, oh, oh you like that. Yes, Lorna. I like that. Yes

Lorna I thought it was mr. Johnson

Hi, hi how's your neck so it's good

That's peanut. Hi peanut. How are you? Peanut?

Um, I

Want to apologize about them

About the flowers. I'd like to apologize to you. I'm very sorry. I shouldn't have sent you those flowers

shouldn't have sent them why

Well, maybe you run around the park would help you

Lorna just a minute. Yeah, take your time

Lorna

Cheryl guys you guys know each other she's

Lorna

She's she's that you're Traverse Lorna

So do your dogs know each other? Yeah, they know we're related by a betrayal. I didn't betray you Andy

I told you I had a hurricane going on in me. Okay. We're related by hurricane

You know I saw you the other day at the dog park you did

Why didn't you say hi?

It was probably with Kieran

So you're seeing someone yeah, you know just like you kind of

Lorna this is Peanut's time

Hi, this is Andy and Kieran we're not right now, but if you leave a message we will get back to you. Ciao

Hi sweets. Hi. How are you? Oh, I'm okay

What are you doing? I'm trying to decide what to wear tomorrow night. I'm excited and I'm nervous I

Mean to the machine. Oh, I was just changing

Why

So when people call

You're mad no, I'm not mad at all. It's just that you know

Yeah, I guess I am kind of mad

Like maybe I should have asked you first. I thought you'd be pleased. I'm not

Well

We could have sex and I could make it up to you us have sex

That's a rare idea

I'll find I'll just change it back

All

We do is have sex and I got the feeling that of someday I can't you know or won't have sex

That you'll kill me honest to God. I feel like you'll actually kill me. I thought you liked me. I do

All we do is have sex and I got the feeling that of someday I can't you know or won't have sex

That you'll kill me

Pretty funny message, I guess

It's general. Can you call me as soon as you get this?

Okay

Okay

class sit

Good good

Alright, we're going to practice some of the skills that we're going to need to graduate from class this weekend

So let's get started with that

And now I'd like the owners to call their dogs over on my queue and

three two one call please

Well

Look your dog doesn't graduate just because you paid the money for the class, you know

She's been doing this lately

Well, I

Don't normally like to do this but try working with this. It's like doggy crack cocaine. They go insane for it

Okay, and again, please Morna come be

This all looks so good does really does what are you gonna?

I don't know. I thought maybe you and I could split a couple of things or we can get a whole bunch of things for the table

How's that sound I would love to but I don't eat most things

So I've been trying to figure something out what's that why do women in porn always wear their shoes?

And he thinks it's so that they don't get cold feet

Just an idea. Yeah, I don't know Diggler. Maybe you should do a piece on that. That is a fabulous idea. Thank you

Hi, you folks ready to order. Yeah, what's good here? The booze

Drinks what a brilliant idea. I'll have a lager in line, please

I'll have a glass of Cabernet. I'd like a lager as well

And you

What do you think about comeartini in a glass of ice water?

Right

Wow, wow good trick

It's not a trick actually

Would you mind terribly if we move tables? Oh sure is it drafty?

No, the waiters my ex-boyfriend, of course

There's another one of my exes over there so

Yes, let's just stay put then

What?

What what I didn't choose the restaurant. What are the odds of running into two ex-boyfriends in the same place?

I don't know 50 50

Oh look, there's another one of the men I've had

I'm kidding

And you didn't tell you I have a great sense of humor. I have a great sense of humor

I'm sorry you can't smoke here

Why don't you fuck off Derek

I'm gonna go co-work

Excuse me. I'm gonna go to the bar and have a cigarette

I

Don't know she just doesn't seem vegan to me

That whole porn thing is just cuz she's uncomfortable. Yeah, let's just she seems like a great girl

But what are you doing with it?

I did the whole auction as a favor to you all right, so and are you dating her as a favor to her? She picked me

right and

Right now, honestly, I don't feel like being alone

I

I

So what'd you think of them who?

Jeff and Jerry, you know didn't you think they were a good couple? Yeah, you're right. She is great

What'd you think of Jeff?

He's having an affair

What

He's having an affair. Well

Why would you say that? I mean what makes you think that?

The way he played with the phone cord at the restaurant

That's it. That's what you're going on

He stroked the phone cord very centrally and then he laughed

You don't do that when you're calling work from a restaurant

Believe me

Says one thing I know it's been he's having an affair

Right he's having an affair. Yeah, right in a fair

All right, uh it's Jeff pick it up if you're there pick it up pick it up pick it up

I'm at this lame thing. I wish I was there. I would rather be there in bed with you. Maybe I'll just come over in the morning and

crawl in

So don't wash. I want you dirty

Oh

No, I'm not asleep

No, you did not wake me

Why are you calling at?

Oh, it's only 1132 and that's okay

You

Is it and

No, he didn't wake me

What he wants

Okay

Hey, buddy, where's your stuff put it on just like to know if it's true is what true?

That's not are you having an affair?

No, of course. I'm not having an affair. So you're not sleeping with another woman. No

Okay, who'd you call last night at the restaurant?

I was calling a friend a friend

Because last night you said you were calling work

I think I said I was calling a work friend. Wasn't I who?

A friend from work buddy

So you're having an affair. Why don't you just say it

Look up at those people

If that was the last thing you're gonna see before you died, would you say you'd had enough had enough for what?

Everything seen enough done enough had all those crazy nights you'd promise yourself you were gonna have

Like that cool little instant when you look at the eyelashes of a woman you hardly know

Or you smell her hair

But that piece of flesh behind your knee and you follow it and if that's evil

I'm evil

Has Jerry heard this philosophy? Shut up. You shut up

You know what Jeff you're wrong

Yeah, because it's not about the other flesh. It's about being with the same woman night after night and cuddling with thirdly where a spot on her back

Getting to know her watching her change and watching how it changes you who are you?

You've been with all these women. You're like a pathetic little climber. Climber. What you won't let go with one hand

You have something else in your other hand. What's the longest you've been single four days four hours

Just because I don't have it doesn't mean I don't know what it is. You never single you're never married

Don't stand there and talk to me about forever. What do you want? Lorna

Lorna who's Lorna

Listen Jerry, I need to talk to you sure

Last night, uh the restaurant you love Jeff. Don't you of course I do

Okay, well

Last night with Karen. You know what I'm so sorry. I woke up feeling so guilty this morning

I think I was rude. I was trying to be funny and no, it's not that what I'm

Hello. Hi, baby

Yeah, I'm just sitting here with Andy. It's Jeff

Okay

All right. Well, okay, then you pick up the girls. I'll meet you at the dog park

Bye

That's weird. He sounded a bit somber. I think he's nervous about graduation

I know I am just on the you know, I feel like I can't sit still today. Do you think dogs get nervous? Listen Jerry

You know what I think I know where you're going with this

Don't

Don't compare your relationships to Jeff's and mine. You know what? We're just really really lucky

Well

I don't know

Look if you have nothing else to say we should just be brave and put our house up for sale. Okay

What our home

We should put it up for sale. Whoa

I know I said it's our home, but it's my house and I ain't selling it

Tell all you have to say we just scratched my back

Hi, hi, I'm up here

I'm there

I'm happy anniversary

This is our will be the 50th time that we've made love so

Happy anniversary

Oh

Um

I really like you

But we need to break up I think

Why?

Because I've been going from thing to thing for a long time. Well, you have a ear with me now. So what's wrong with that?

Well, that shouldn't be I don't think

Why?

I like you very much, but it's not enough

You're not her and I'm not him. You know, I think we both know that

Yeah, yeah, but isn't being together better than nothing

No

I

We're clear

Very nice job. Very good. Hopefully

Good luck. You soccer. Okay. I have to talk to you guys. Okay

Okay

I know what it is. You're going to a network. You have a network show, right?

Of course not. No, you're joining the army. No, no, it's good news

I'm getting married

Veronica and I are getting married congratulations. Congratulations. How pregnant is she Rachel? I'm just being candid

She's not pregnant. Then why are you getting married?

Well because uh

I love her and uh, we're gonna spend the rest of our lives together

Oh god, you're what?

19

You guys are going to change we'll change together, but 53% of all marriages end up in divorce Rachel

But wars won't

How do you know?

Because we know

What was that all about?

What?

Just trying to be helpful

Trying to be helpful Rachel

Let me ask you this. What did you do last night? Watch tv with peanut. Why? You watch tv with your dog

What are you doing?

You know, you're beautiful. You're the funniest woman I know you should get out. No, you should you're watching tv with your dog

It's just an expression fine

Why didn't you go out that guy from the video store again? Calum the eye contact freak

He had a futon. I just don't think it was a match made in heaven. Okay, the guy that sent you flowers. Why didn't you go out with him again?

Maybe I should have but he's seeing someone now anyway. I told you

You know, you missed your chance in the dating chain. There is no such thing as the dating chain Rachel

Oh really? Well when it's on the cover of time magazine like melatonin, you'll go. Oh the dating chain. I knew about that for ages

Dating chain is something you've created to make sense your loneliness Rachel

I'm seeing someone

What

Um

I'm um

Getting off the menu

What are you talking about? I'm seeing someone who's practically married

How did it happen?

He backed into me and we exchanged information

And the next thing I knew

That's okay. Come here

It's okay

Hi

Oh, hi

I need to see moggly, okay. I miss him so much

Moggly

Hi, oh you look so sad

What's in your box? It's just some stuff for moggly

Panties are those yeah

It's just some of my clothes

I know he misses my smell

You want to come stay here?

Oh my god

I just realized for the first time that

I know what I want now, but you left me in the dust

I

This is for you

Oh, it's a card. I made it myself

I know I hurt you. I know now

So yeah, I've I've seen this card before

What?

I mean, it's a little different, but I've seen this card before

I mean, I think the angels used to be blue and now their gold but the border is the same

You've given me this card before and I don't need it

But I know what I want now

Didn't you once give me I know what I want now card too

Fine

Look, are we gonna take moggly to this dog-grat thing or what? Oh, yeah, are you gonna see that through?

Yes

You know, I probably shouldn't drive

The tears in my eyes are blinding me

Hello, stop me before I cut my hair again. Don't do it

You want to do something?

No

You're the funniest girl I know

You should get out more. Oh, no, you have got to shut up

Come on throwing some clothes. I need a date. Peanuts graduating

I hope

Hi

Oh

Looks like a good turnout. Yeah, well bombs away

I

Careful

Good can everyone hear me

Okay

All right, we're gonna get started in a minute

So if they haven't already done so our handlers are going to be taking

Your dogs from you to bring them on the walk of pride so that we can all honor

Our little canine friends for the hard work that they've done

Would you like a nice sample

Would you like a nice mackerel bone sample for your dog?

What are you doing? Oh, let's just say somebody's with team mackerel bone now. Who is this?

Rachel, this is Cal

I heard that

Jerry

Her or not, you know, although they might say simple

Imagine what it's like to be a dog

Back

You know, we look forward to this day with the combination of excitement and regret

As I was saying to my wife just this morning

The more we teach them the more we love them and the quicker they leave us

So let's get started

As our dog students receive their diplomas, I'd like to invite all the owners to come up on stay

And welcome their new

Dog obedient school graduates

So without any further ado, let's get started and our first dog graduate is monty

Monty

So very proud

What it's you

The guy I can see

Oh my god, you're not going to need this

He's my boss in here

I'm gonna go over and kill him

Just be calm, right? Oh, our next dog is mowley

Sadly mowley is a co-custody mowley

Oh

He took a little while to learn how to sit but I love you boy

Congratulations to mowley. I knew that the trust

Okay

Yeah, Anthony the guidance

No, I'm not saying Anthony. I'm saying Jeff

Really? Oh

Our next dog is peanut

Peanut

Oh, all right. Well sit there fine

Our next dogs are due and lilies

I'm gonna stay with you

Really? Now due and lily normally are an inseparable pair of boxer dogs

Uh, but let's bring them out one at a time so they can each have their moment of glory in the sunshine

Um, here's do

Here she is

Oh, all right

Here we rehearse this a few times let's let's um

Okay, she must mow my dog on me

I'm confused which dog is yours again. He's brown and he barks

It's good. I don't I don't know

What

Oh my god

That

Is the reason you've been taking the girls on so many walks recently? No, I can explain really honey. Can you great?

Explain because I'm just gonna have to presume the worst here

I'm gonna have to presume that you blew it because I'm so great and you're lucky to have me

Could we get back on track, please? There are many understandably anxious dogs back there

Come on, digger. Don't do not come on digger me

I really screwed up

If I could have seen your face like this, I never would have done it

But I made one horrible mistake and I love you so much

Let's get married. I'm not saying this just because of this. I've been thinking about this for a long time

Let's get married

I thought

Alright, everyone else just come up and get their diplomas, okay

I don't even know why my father. It is so

It's a little hurt

Right, hi

How long did you know I just found out okay, so don't be mad at me. I'm out of you

I thought if I just kept moving forward and being in love

That we'd be protected

What could have protected us? Nothing

Great

I kept one

One on what?

I kept one of the roses

Why just couldn't throw it out

See I have this problem with romance. I don't know. I just don't trust it

I never got a chance to thank you. You're welcome. And by the way, I liked you holding my hair too

Well

Were you just asking me out or was I asking you? I think you were asking me out

So will you go out with me?

Ah

I can't

What?

I've had too many people in my life for too long and it's like I keep rebounding from some

Relationship back in high school that I don't really even remember

but uh, I'd like to go out with you in 100 days

100 days

And listen

I won't go out with anyone and I won't think about anyone and I won't even be naked for 100 days

That way when I come back I can come to you clean, you know

Okay

Okay, today's the seventh so I guess on

December 15th, will you go out?

Sounds great. How about it eight? You know, it's not real good for me. How's it eight?

Okay. Oh wait

Hi, well, dig regiment. All right. I'm gonna walk you to the car. Okay. I'm gonna walk you to the car

Bye. Nice to meet you

I feel like I'm at the end of a prison movie and you're getting out and I still have to serve my time

Hi, I'm hoping I'll watch you be with over the phone

Hey, oh yeah, it will be the same because of Andy will be beside you

Look it's Owen

I used to the dating chain didn't exist

Once again

Let me ride your home, honey

I don't have a home anymore

Once we do let you ride in front, you know, I think we could all learn something from our dignified canine friend

You're not piercing your navel

You

Hi

I

Did you me a favor

Yeah, will you crack my neck?

I'm not afraid to show

It's coming over you

It's coming over me

Grassing like a dog

Just real to see

I'll be with you

You won't be with me

Compassion like a dog

I don't want to be

Strange

Strange

Stupid

I

Way long enough for the sun to ride

They're here in the heart of the city

It's hard to see the sky

I'm gonna keep my head up. I'm giving in to life

Oh, what you doing to me open up my eyes

Make it easy to stay. Take me by surprise

room

I

Make it easy to keep, let me run my time

What you're doing to me, a bit of my eyes

Make it easy to keep, let me run my time