Original subtitles

Someone's coming.

Santa's buried here.

They're going to blow it up.

Juuso!

Juuso, wait!

Santa's been buried.

Juuso, is Santa Claus dead?

What a baby. You still believe in Santa?

Come on.

They've been lying to us. - To you.

Who was the Santa who came to our house then?

Mr. Piiparinen. Haven't you figured that out yet?

Do you think Dad knows?

Your dad pays him for it.

Don't you get it? This whole Christmas thing is just a bluff.

the truth about santa claus

The first Santa Claus

Who's been naughty?

Santa walking barefoot in the snow

Ancient Santa by his cauldron

Pietari!

Wake up, son!

Pietari! Are you awake?

Yeah, yeah!

Then go and get washed!

Vuppe, bad boy. You were supposed to keep watch.

Dad!

Come here, Dad!

Come inside if you have something to say.

I don't want to.

You shouldn't be out there alone.

Really, I've got something important to tell.

Really, the wolves will gobble you up.

And I'm not kidding.

Dad, I'm coming in now.

Close your eyes, child. Daddy's working.

You shouldn't have turned the lights off.

Who'd ever look at them at night?

Have you been on the roof? - What?

Outside my window?

I'm too busy to answer stupid questions.

Have you or haven't you? - No, I haven't.

Maybe the chimney sweeper...

Go and get dressed! We're leaving soon.

Where to? - Don't you remember what day it is?

Oh yeah, the round-up. You're taking me along?

I thought you'd be dressed by now.

He's spying on us.

This is yours now. - Is it loaded?

Of course. Or it'd be useless. And take those goggles off.

Have you got a light?

Where's your dad? - They had to take the snowmobiles.

Piiparinen couldn't get the chopper started.

Keep away from the fence! 3, 2, 1!

You really think you can use that? - Of course I can.

You gonna shoot Santa Claus? - He was outside my window last night.

I thought you said he was dead.

Electric fence. - How do you like it?

Protection. The explosions in the mountain -

have sent the wolves on the prowl.

Wonder what they're digging there? - Just samples, I guess.

Look!

They're coming!

Dad, Dad!

They're coming!

Our freezers will soon be brimming with meat.

Open the gate. - Out of the way!

Come on!

Get in here, now! What's keeping you?

Two thin runts. - Something's wrong.

Maybe the others got lost.

No, they didn't.

Merry Christmas.

You stay here.

Me too? - Keep an eye on Pietari.

What kind of wolves would do this?

Big and nasty ones. Come and take a look.

Those morons and their blasting!

Now we have to deal with Russian wolves as well!

They found the hole.

This was cut with pliers.

This is our fault.

If you go crying to your dad, I'll whoop your ass.

We were never anywhere near the gate.

We should shoot that lot of idiots.

They've probably gone by now. It's been quiet for days.

If it wasn't for that fucking border I'd make minced meat of them.

We have insurance, right? - No, we fucking don't.

433 carcasses.

Aimo, how much is that worth?

Around 85000.

Plus 22% VAT.

All that money's been rotted away.

He sure was hungry.

What do we do?

We'll pay them a little visit.

Fuck!

The guards have been paid to shoot anyone who comes near.

Crossing the border is not a small thing.

Neither is bankruptcy.

Pietari! Come on!

This was one hell of an idea.

These boys have left in a hurry.

Come and see!

They found him, Vuppe.

Seismic researchers, my ass. They've excavated something.

What the hell did they dig up?

So much for that.

What are you doing? Aren't you going to open it?

No.

Tape these on your butt. - Are you serious?

How do I look? - Like a kid in diapers.

You brought me here just for this?

Look.

The real Santa was different. The Coca Cola Santa is just a hoax.

These are from some fairytale. - This isn't.

What is this? - Proof that some fairy tales are true.

What am I looking at here?

The real Santa Claus. He spanks naughty kids to pieces.

Not even their skeletons are left.

How did he end up there?

The Sami people got angry and lured him onto the ice.

The ice broke under him.

The lake froze solid and Santa was trapped.

Come summer they dug out the huge ice block -

and buried it under a sky-high pile of rocks.

And it became Korvatunturi Mountain? - Yep.

You're such a fool.

When did you last get spanked? - When I was little, I guess.

Do you think we should confess?

Listen, you brat.

You have any idea what your dad will do -

when he hears that those reindeer died because of you?

Are you making gingerbreads?

Are you hungry? - Yeah.

Were you playing hockey? - No, it's just this game we play.

Pretty rough game, eh?

Yeah.

These are good.

Just like Mom used to make them.

I'm glad to hear it.

Dad, what if I didn't exist?

What do you mean? - If I disappeared?

You should disappear.

To your bed. It's late.

Dad, do you think I've been good?

All good boys are in bed by now.

Merry Christmas, Dad. - Merry Christmas, Pietari.

Stay there, I have to check it.

Do you think this is funny? I almost got killed.

You are not going skating now! You're grounded this Christmas.

I have to pee.

Come on, Vuppe. Let's go out.

Dad! Dad!

What is it? - The bait's gone!

Careful now.

Stay there.

Did you hear me?

Stay!

Some kind of bird.

What is it? - Nothing.

Can I look? - No.

Some bird took the meat.

I want to see it! - There's nothing down there.

Why can't I look then?

Because we haven't even had breakfast yet.

Is this really all we're having?

These are good.

If I eat these, can I go and look down the pit then?

Then you'll have some more.

Are you angry with me? - No.

Wait here.

Did you hear me?

You're grounded.

What the hell?

Just preparing for my Santa gig. - Shut up and follow me.

Come, Vuppe.

He shouldn't have come snooping around in people's yards.

Greene, Brian Jonathan.

Born 1952.

Must be one of those wackos from the mountain.

Not even 60 years old.

What are you going to say? - To who?

Everyone.

Nothing.

You know those wolf pits are illegal. - Damn it, Piiparinen!

Like it or not, you're in this too.

I should... - Shut up.

And think. If you know how.

I have an hour to my first Santa stop.

Vuppe, stay.

Did you see that?

He's breathing. Tough old bastard.

What is he doing?

He's scenting something.

Pietari.

You were supposed to stay inside!

Pietari, come back here now!

Did Pietari see him? - What do you think?

I have to go. What do I do with him?

Have a little chitchat.

Shit! The cops.

Pietari, Pietari!

Goddamn it.

What's he up to?

Howdy. - Hi.

Why the fancy dress? - What?

Is everything in order? - What do you mean?

What a morning. I've been all around the village.

Strange stuff going on.

Well, everything's fine here. Right, Pietari?

Then you're an exception.

You brought the whole murder squad?

What's the problem here? - My sideline.

A couple of hundred sacks of potatoes, my whole harvest.

I'm here because of some damned potatoes? - Yes, and no.

They only took the sacks.

I'll be darned.

Almost every house got their radiators stolen last night.

Torn off the walls.

It's going to be one damned cold Christmas.

My wife's hairdryer was stolen from the bathroom.

Who'd want an old piece of shit like that?

It's high technology in Russia.

Pietari, we should be getting home. - No!

Where's Juuso? - Still sleeping, I guess.

Not so fast. Let's take a look at your car.

Juuso.

Juuso, wake up! He's at our place now.

Juuso!

Juuso's been taken!

What the hell is that? - It was in Juuso's bed.

Maybe he's out chasing girls.

When we were your age -

we'd stack up some pillows, and pretend...

He'll be back by nightfall.

Don't you get it? - Pietari, that's enough!

Can I go now? - Well, go.

Aimo, you speak English, right? - How come?

We need an interpreter.

Bloody hell!

Son of a bitch.

Gingerbread?

What do you want me to translate? I've got stuff to do.

We've got visitors from Korvatunturi Mountain.

Visitors? - American visitors.

Now in you go.

Daddy! We have to help Juuso. - Nonsense. Juuso is a big boy.

So?

We can't go back in there. It's not human.

Not human? - Not human!

The old devil bit me! - Look at that.

I have to see this. - I'm not kidding.

See for yourselves. There's something really weird about him.

Don't you think? - He's a foreigner.

Go talk to him.

Be careful.

I'm not going there alone.

Right.

Cover me.

He's harmless.

Sorry to disturb you on Christmas Eve but is Hemppa in?

Oh, he isn't.

OK. Thanks anyway.

No, I haven't seen him.

Merry Christmas. Bye.

Give me the broom.

Ask him what they were digging in the field.

He's acting deaf. An old trick.

Tell him we'll keep him here until someone pays up.

You mean as a hostage? - Yes.

Tell him!

You're making him angry. He doesn't understand you.

This was just phase one.

What the fuck was that? - Dad!

What does he want now?

Dad, I have to talk to you!

I'm just doing a little job with Piiparinen. What is it?

You need to spank me.

What? - I deserve to be spanked.

Fifteen good lashes should do.

What's the matter with you? - I've been naughty.

What have you done?

Juuso and I went up to the mountain -

and we made that hole in the fence. - You did what?

I'm the only one left, Dad.

All the others have been taken. Juuso, too.

What are you talking about? - All the kids.

Rauno, you have to see this.

Wait here.

He's up to something. And look.

He bit it in half.

Look at his eyes.

What is he looking at?

Pietari!

Don't!

Do you know this guy from somewhere?

He seems to know you. - He knows all the kids.

Who is he? Come on, speak up!

He's been spying on us.

What do you mean? Tell me!

He's Santa Claus.

He's come to get me. They dug him up from the mountain.

A goddamn fairytale character.

I knew there was something fishy going on.

He's going to attack! - Daddy, don't let him take me!

On the ground! Tell him in English!

He has his own language.

He's not afraid of you. - He sure is.

Wrap him up.

No way. - Now!

What was that?

It's coming from that jacket.

Careful!

What did he say? - They want him back.

Don't they? - What are you doing?

This is Rauno.

Tell him we have Santa for sale.

How much are you going to ask for him?

Enough to cover the debt. - At least.

Maybe we should think it over. - Are you scared?

We're giving him up too easily.

Just think what he could be worth.

The original, real Santa Claus.

Someone is going to get rich with him.

That's the plan.

Dad! - Stay here, we won't be long.

My wife's hairdryer! - What the fuck...

Put that hairdryer away. Keep cool.

What a fucking dwarf.

Say something.

How much do we want? - 85000.

At least a million. - Shut up.

The last door.

What did he say? - We need to keep quiet.

What the fuck helper? - He claims it's an elf!

Cut the bullshit! Give us the money!

What's up with him?

Is someone there?

What the fuck is running there?

What the hell is happening here?

Pietari! Pietari!

The elves have built a nest for Santa.

For what?

Is that? - Yes.

They're trying to defrost him.

Dad! - What was that?

Daddy, help...

Juuso. They're all here. And soon they will get spanked.

Juuso, where are you?

Get rid of the heat! - Juuso, say something.

Piiparinen, the door won't hold!

What should I do? - Barricade the door.

Let's carry these there.

Aimo, leave the kid and come and help us.

Daddy's little boy...

Let's go home, Daddy. - Don't worry, we'll get home soon.

We are all going to die!

Dad!

Aimo!

Piiparinen!

Listen to me!

As long as the kids are here the elves won't leave the hangar.

It's either me or Santa.

I suggest Santa.

It's Piiparinen. Pietari, do you read?

I do.

Copy that.

Why is it me who has to go in the sack?

Because it's my plan. Let's go!

Here's one more. - Not Juuso!

All the kids have to go. Or this won't work.

Daddy, I'm scared. - Piiparinen, the package is ready.

Won't they get cold there? - Stay out of this.

Don't worry, Dad. I'll be fine.

Ready to go!

You do your bit, I'll deal with this!

Slow down, we'll wait here.

Piiparinen, look down!

They're following us! - What did I tell you.

Let's turn around, Piiparinen! - What?

Towards the pens! - What for?

Pretend they are reindeer!

Reindeer! Fucking A!

That's what we'll do.

Looks like we've been naughty.

If you ever wondered how Santa can be -

in a zillion places all at once, now you know.

That's the magic of Christmas.

Piiparinen, the gate's closed!

Damn! We need a new plan.

There isn't time! I'll go and open it!

You're not going anywhere!

I can't land there to bring you back up.

I'm not coming back.

Pietari, can you hear me?

Pietari!

Piiparinen!

Tell Dad what I did.

Daddy.

Have a peaceful Christmas.

And happy fucking New Year.

How do you like that, bastards!

What happened? - The miracle of Christmas.

Congratulations, Pietari! Congratulations!

You just put the elves out of a job.

Take the kids home. It's their bedtime.

Roger. Over and out.

198 Santa Clauses.

Juuso, what's that worth?

How much for one?

85000.

Around sixteen million eight hundred thousand.

Plus 22% VAT.

You're quite a guy. - So are you.

Nothing in there for you, hairy face!