Original subtitles

RUTHERFORD: Ooh! I'm pooped.

Working on ocean planets really takes it out of you.

- [grunting] - I love cataloging algae as much as anyone,

but keep it to a thousand mutations or less.

Yeah, I think I'm not gonna come back to Piskes Nine

until at least tenth contact.

What are you talking about? That was fun.

Hmm. Well, you don't have a fever.

Oh, stop, stop. Sure, it was a lot of work

that old Mariner would have definitely hated

but, hey, that algae glowed in the dark.

Oh! I love bioluminescence too.

Mariner! I never took you for a seaweed girl.

Mm, not when you phrase it like that, I'm not.

I-I don't know, I guess I'm just starting to enjoy missions

without trying to fight the system or whatever.

Doing granular science is what Starfleet's all about

and wow, I sound like a real Boimler right now.

Yeah. Uh, cool as hell. [chuckles]

[grunts] Oh! Aah!

You've really come a long way, Mariner.

I find it inspiring.

- [alarm blaring] - Ooh, I like red alerts, too.

Come on, danger time.

Captain, we dropped out of warp

due to a navigational malfunction.

Captain to Cetacean Ops.

Lieutenant, what's your status?

[screaming]

Computer, shut down nav processing.

We are supposed to be at a captains' conference

on Casperia Prime in 24 hours.

I'm hosting their first annual scatting battle.

Well, we aren't gonna be anywhere

unless we get the nav repaired.

Mr. Boimler, are there any starbases within impulse?

BOIMLER: Yes, but you're not gonna like it.

The only station within reach is

Starbase 80.

- [crew gasps] - MALE: Damn. Starbase 80?!

- That's the worst starbase in the quadrant! - [grunts]

No, no, I am not going back to the hellhole.

I'm a positive person now. I love algae.

There's nowhere else?

I mean, at full impulse

we could get to Deep Space Six

in 400 years.

That. Let's do that. Mom, please. Right?

We-we can't go to Starbase 80.

Let's just, you know, put out a distress call

and drift until we get rescued.

As much as I would love to never set foot on that station,

we need a navigation processor.

It's our only option.

Mr. Boimler, Starbase 80, full impulse.

No...!

Are you gonna do that the whole way there?

[Mariner continuing]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪

♪ ♪

Absolutely not. You can't make me go back.

Put me in the brig. Shoot me into space.

I don't want to be on SB80 any more than you do.

When we crossed dimensions,

the other me ran this pile of junk.

- Now, you've been here. - Because you banished me!

And I apologize for that.

Is it really infested with fleas?

Denobulan lice. And they itch like [bleep].

This place is cursed. I've already been here too long.

We'll be in and out as fast as possible.

I'm sure it won't be that bad.

Hey, Captain, Starbase 80's transporters

aren't safe for organic use.

They want us to rub down with some kind of gel.

Ha! See? The curse begins.

Check me out. I'm a total T'Pol over here.

Mare-Bear, get my back.

Not if my life depended on it.

Also, why do we have to decontaminate?

They're the ones who are cursed, not us.

Come on, you can't really believe in curses.

I didn't used to, but I've seen it.

A regular smart person spends too much time here

and somehow, through mysterious forces,

thy turn into a total buffoon.

That's a little unscientific.

- Can science explain Q? - Probably.

You gonna use all your gel?

Ooh, hey, man, I wouldn't use too much of that stuff.

I think there's a reason they got rid of it.

I like to lay it on thick.

Oh, yeah, that's the stuff.

Mariner, the ground isn't gonna fall out from under you.

Last time I was here, I fell into an open ditch.

Now, I know what you're thinking.

You're like, "How can there be an open ditch on a starbase?"

Well, anything's possible in hell.

- Hiya, Cerritos crew! - Aah!

[laughs] Welcome to Starbase 80.

Kassia Nox, diplomatic liaison.

We're so relieved Starfleet finally sent someone

to repair our flux spectrometer.

I'm afraid there's been a misunderstanding.

The Cerritos was forced here

due to a navigational malfunction.

We need a new processor, if you have one.

Oh, I see.

Well, I'm sure we have a nav processor or two

in storage, as long as you don't mind an older model.

[all exclaim]

Well, the Cerritos isn't exactly cutting edge either.

So, older-- it-it should be fine.

I'm sure my chief engineer can help you.

He's down on level 15.

Mariner, why don't you go see if you can help

with any station repairs

while we go and get the processor.

Ooh, alternate idea.

I would love to go back to the Cerritos

and not help with anything.

That's an order.

Looks like you're with me.

Mom, come on. Please, please, look, give me-give me

holodeck waste removal duty.

Anything that takes me

back to the Cerritos. Please.

Ah, man, these systems are all old and weird.

I was dreaming about working on something new.

Have you dreamed of being cursed?

So, what crime did you commit

to get you banished to Curse Town?

None. I volunteered.

That's weird. You sure that's how it went down?

SB80 might not be the most glamorous starbase

in the Federation, but it grows on you.

Like a fungus.

Welcome to Engineering. Watch your step.

- Uh... - [all exclaim]

RUTHERFORD: Whoa, we're on the ceiling.

Oh, yeah, well, we're having a little trouble

with the gravity plating. [chuckles]

Oh! The fusion reactor is so cute.

Oh, my gosh. And do you use wall comms?

- [boatswain's whistle blows] - The base hasn't experienced

many upgrades since the 2260s.

That's why it's so retro cool!

See, Mariner? No curse here.

Just a minimalist reactor room

with a... corn dog vendor?

- KASSIA: That's Chad. - Oh.

You have to try his corn dogs-- they're incredible.

Mmm, mmm, mmm!

They have food vendors all over the base

instead of replicators.

We've actually found that the absence of replicators

has livened the station's culinary scene.

Looks like the gravity stabilizer's working,

just, you know, in the wrong direction.

Rutherford to Commander Billups.

[low moaning]

SB80's got some problems with their grav plating.

Can you help out? Aah! Static.

Yep, this place is charged up.

Don't walk around in your socks.

What was up with that incoherent moaning?

Guess the breakfast burrito didn't sit well.

Looks like I'm on my own.

Well, we still have the old schematics in storage

- that came with the station. - Awesome!

Wait, I thought Billups only ate hot cereals.

Well, he's been working on his pickiness. I'm proud of him.

Proud or concerned for out of character curse behavior?

It was a burrito, and Billups isn't even on SB80.

He's back on the Cerritos.

That's true. All right. Maybe we're okay.

♪ ♪

[growling]

[thud]

[sniffs] Oof! My, this place

does have a signature stink.

Mmm! All I smell is gel.

- [shouting in distance] - Do you hear that?

- [alarm blaring] - [gasps]

Is that man dead?

- Aah! - [gasps]

Oh.

Howdy.

Y'all must be from the 'Ritos, aren't you?

Sorry, dozed off there.

With all these alarms going off?

Oh, hell, I don't have the tools to reroute their microcircuits.

Don't worry, you'll get used to it.

[sighs]

[laughs] Hot damn! Y'all got

them really good modern tricorders.

Happy to help. We're looking for the chief engineer.

He has a navigation processor for us.

Oh, hell, that's Jakobowski.

Great guy. Hell of a throwing arm.

Uh-huh. And where is he?

Probably in the arcade.

We don't have any fancy holodecks,

so Chief spends a lot of time there.

Yeah, it's up on, uh, 33.

He'll get you that nav thingy you want.

[groans] Wha... We just came down from 33.

Y'all have fun.

- [snores] - All right, Captain,

let's follow this napkin.

Oh, dang gel. I got it, I got it.

Oh, please.

♪ ♪

[low growling]

Wow, that's a lot of growling and glaring.

Fun fact: SB80 actually has

the largest population of Acamarians

outside Acamar III due to an old negotiation hiccup

that surrendered half the starbase to their authority.

Yeah, this place is basically controlled

- by a knife gang. - [whimpers]

We've sort of been hoping

Starfleet might renegotiate the treaty.

But I guess it's low on the diplomatic to-do list.

[gasps] Ruthie!

No, that's cursed sauce. Don't touch that.

Wha? I eat those every day. They're great.

Uncovered and unrefrigerated? Ugh, that's a pass.

Oh! These are cozy.

How did you make them without replicators?

They're the uniforms of long-dead men.

Vintage.

KASSIA: The grav-plate manual should be in here somewhere.

It's a mess!

Oh, my God, we're never getting out of here.

Okay, don't worry. We'll divide and conquer.

Rutherford, how about you take that pile on the left?

[groaning]

Everything okay, buddy?

- Yeah. - BOIMLER: Whoa!

What are you doing? Stop that.

Rutherford's cursed! He's got the 80!

There's got to be a rational, scientific explanation...

[snarling]

[roars]

- [gasps] - Ew.

Okay, maybe there's a curse.

[chuckles] Oh!

A twist-handle control.

Did you use these as an ensign?

- I am not that old. - Oh.

Well, I think we turn it to use voice command.

[both exclaim]

Computer, Arcade.

COMPUTER: Maintenance labyrinth.

I said Arcade.

[exclaiming]

COMPUTER: Maintenance labyrinth confirmed.

This is definitely not the Arcade.

COMPUTER: Arcade.

Get back here! Damn it.

Should I call the Cerritos for help?

No. This place got the better of my alternate universe self.

It won't do the same to me.

You're still worried about that?

Yes!

[growling]

[shouts]

Look at 'em,

all vacant, weird.

They've all got Starbase 80 curse.

Uh, Dr. T'Ana? - [growling, meowing nearby]

- Ow. - MARINER: [gasps] It got Dr. T.

KASSIA: Huh, that's weird.

While your crew's affected, none of us locals are.

Yeah, 'cause you're already cursed.

Come on, our doctor will get to the bottom of this.

What if he's cursed, too?

Well, you sort of don't have a choice.

[groans]

Hello?

- Lt. Jakobowski? - [growling]

- [roaring] - [gasps]

[muffled roar]

FREEMAN: Gene?

Why is your head in that tube?

GENE: I'm just trying to fix

an oxygen leak and I got stuck.

Hold on, I've got some gel that should help with that.

- [grunting] - [screeching]

[laughs]

Way too many bats around here.

Gene, we need to find your engineer.

I feel like we've been just wondering around the station

fixing things.

Well, since you mentioned it...

What now?

I don't have the know-how

to get this oxygen leak sealed. Could you...

Yes. [grunts]

There. Done.

Now, will you please point us to Lt. Jakobowski?

Oh, happily. Let's get you to that arcade.

[laughs] Stairs! Boom!

Don't see these in space very often.

The perfect workout.

Yeah, 30 stories and you'll hit the arcade.

Can't miss it.

I'm not letting this place win.

You're welcome.

Ha, ha, my glutes. You feel that, Cap?

The power of stairs!

[growling]

Ugh, Tendi, Rutherford keeps trying to lick the walls.

Can you help, please?

- [growling] - MARINER: [gasps] No!

Tendi's cursed, too.

Ensigns Mackler and Gorm,

I need your help at my location now.

[Mackler growling]

Oh, you were right, this curse is getting to everyone.

Hurry, follow me!

[shrieks] Who the hell are you?

Station doctor Harrison Horseberry.

We must get these officers to Sickbay.

Posthaste. Pip-pip, on your way.

[growling]

Um...

Wh-What is happening with your doctor?

Oh, yeah, he gets that a lot.

[whispers]: He's British.

Does he have one of those Tarchannen parasites

that mess with your DNA?

I used to have one.

I got it from sharing a toothbrush

with one of my colleges.

How did you know? I was told it was hardly noticeable.

Yeah, it was... it was little noticeable.

HORSEBERRY: [gasps] Oh, my word.

- This can't be right. - W-What's wrong?

Nothing. No pathogens or biochemical phenomena

and no Tarchannen parasites,

which I always check for, just for fun.

Oh, my God. You're right. It is a curse!

All right, [bleep] this. I'm calling for evac.

Stop! Give me that combadge.

- You'll get it, too! - Hey!

[gasps] I knew you were up to something.

[grunting]

[grunting]

Holly [bleep]. How are you so good at fighting?

I'm El-Aurian. I think I know how to fight.

Wait, like Guinan?

What, so you're, like, 400 years old?

No, I'm in my 30s. But I pay attention.

A young El-Aurian is just a regular person!

I'm trying to protect you.

Sure doesn't feel like it.

Have you noticed your crew only starts acting weird

after using their combadges?

- So? - So, what if that's why

your crew's affected and ours isn't?

Everyone here's acting weird as [bleep].

They're goofy and excentric, but not licking walls.

- [grunts] - We don't have combadges.

We use old wall comms. That has to be it.

Boimler just contacted his ensigns.

[grunts] And he's fine.

- [growling] - Oh, [bleep],

Oh, my God, you were right. It's the combadges.

But that means the curse is from the Cerritos?

Sorry, Boims. [grunts]

[panting]

[whoops]

[grunting]

[groans]

RANSOM: Wow, that's a lot of Acamarians.

Careful, Cap. These guys can get pretty rough.

You lost, Starfleet?

We don't get a lot of your kind around here.

Unless they're going to...

the arcade.

We are going to the arcade.

Oh, awesome. It's right over there.

Here's some extra tokens. On the house.

[grunting]

- BOTH: Gene? - Oh!

Howdy, friends.

That is it.

I don't know what you've been up to, buddy,

but it ends now.

No more runarounds.

Where's Lt. Jakobowski?

Aw, calm down, lady.

- That is Jakobowski. - What?

Chief Engineer Gene Jakobowski at your service.

You better have a damn good explanation, Gene.

I know, apologies, apologies for the subterfuge.

I've been asking Starfleet to send someone

to help with repairs for months, see?

I couldn't miss a chance to get help fixing

the alarms and oxygen pipe.

Starfleet lying to Starfleet? That is messed-up, Gene.

Well, if you help me clear out the bats

in subsection five, I'll give you

your navigation processor.

No way are we helping you with that.

You go get it right now.

Captain?

No, I-I get it.

The Cerritos isn't the flashiest ship,

so it's easy for command to ignore.

You know what, I haven't been exactly fair to you today.

Let's get those bats.

[screaming, clamoring]

[both exclaim]

[gasps]

[exclaiming]

Oh, I can't believe I messed this up.

You didn't do anything.

Getting kicked off my ship and being transferred here--

that was my rock bottom.

Being back made me feel like I was still that person.

If I'd been on my game,

I would have seen what was happening.

Hey, this isn't rock bottom for anyone.

Starbase 80's for second chances.

That's why I love it.

[gasps] What the... What is that?

[shouts]

I mean, when you put it like that,

I'm kind of into Starbase 80.

We're not perfect, but that's why it works.

Damn. Okay, so it's not a curse.

Something is piggybacking on our combadge signals.

We have to find the source.

[gasps] There's a biological energy signature.

Then your comm logs can tell us how this started.

Yeah, they're back on the ship, which will be full

of cursed crew. How are we gonna get through that?

With the help of two of my biggest weirdos.

♪

We need to get to the bridge. Let's use caution...

- COMPUTER: Self-destruct sequence activated. - What?!

Self-destruct sequence aborted.

Oh, thank God.

Self-destruct sequence activated.

What the hell is happening on this ship?

Forget caution! New plan: reckless abandon!

Self-self-self-self- self-self-destruct...

self-destruct- self-destruct sequence...

[hisses]

Pardon me!

[moaning]

Livik.

[grunts]

- Nice. - Happens all the time on our base.

Whoa!

My stars!

There's no way through. We have to go back.

Looks like this is a job for Chad.

Corn dogs, ho!

Chad, no!

Keep going.

Chad'll be okay.

[moans, grunting]

Chad!

Self-destruct- self-destruct se...

self-destruct sequence...

self-destruct sequence ac...

Self-destruct sequence aborted.

- [exhales] - KASSIA: I isolated

the source of the combadge signal.

- Where is this? - What?

No way.

You have whales?!

They do stellar navigation and they also

- throw really crazy parties. - Shh!

Get down!

- What's he doing? - I don't know. That's new.

Okay, good news.

Pretty sure it's not Tarchannen parasites.

Has he been off the ship lately?

He was on an away mission on Piskes Nine.

HORSEBERRY: I'm reading an anaphasic conscious controlling his body.

It appears to have spread throughout

the entire Cerritos crew, but its central mind is here.

So, everyone is licking and touching the walls

because they're like his fingertips,

- reaching out in the dark. - Finger and tongue tips, yeah.

Can you reverse the effects, Doctor?

Perhaps, if I could just get close enough.

Not an option. We can't lose anyone else.

[groans] I spent all day thinking you guys were idiots.

Now it's my turn to be the biggest idiot of all.

Come and get me, you crazy energy ghost!

[shouts, whimpers]

[shouts, grunts]

Hurry, I feel myself getting moronic. [moans]

Mariner!

[gasps] What are you doing?

Giving you a second chance.

[both grunt]

[shouts]

[both moaning]

[whimpering]

Stop! Doctor's orders!

[whimpers]

I've studied the most advanced medicines

in the quadrant, but some problems need an old-fashioned

bonking!

[retches]

[grunting]

[both grunting]

What? Where am I?

Oh, Doc, how'd you do it?

[clears throat] Um, uh,

complicated doctor stuff.

Oh, boy.

[gasps]

[all gasp]

[moans] Wha...

What happened? Eh...

Chad lives to dog another day.

KASSIA: Base commander's log, supplemental.

With the anaphasic entity contained,

Dr. Horseberry was able to set up

a stable vessel for it to inhabit.

CLEM: My designation is Clem.

I am sorry for the trouble I've caused.

Thank you for not destroying me.

No problem, Clem.

Welcome to Starbase 80.

I can't believe you're letting it stay here.

We'll be fine as long as Clem

doesn't try to inhabit anyone.

CLEM: I will not.

Why did you possess anyone in the first place?

CLEM: To prove to my superiors that I'm capable

of communicating with corporeal species.

Hold up, so you're, like, a junior anaphasic alien?

CLEM: Correct, but the amount of mind merges overwhelmed me.

I took over too many hosts.

Spread myself too thin.

But now we're communicating, so it's a win for everyone.

CLEM: I hope my bosses see it that way.

They can be real dicks.

Well, Mariner, I guess that solves the curse

and your navigational problems.

It's been a pleasure having you on Starbase 80.

Oh, we aren't done yet.

[chuckles] We aren't?

[grunts]

Okey-dokey, that should do it.

Everyone hold on to something.

[rumbling, whirring]

Oh, thank you for fixing the grav-plating.

It's gonna feel real good not to fall to the ceiling in here.

Yeah, maybe fixing up all your little problems

will help make up for me being such a jerk.

You were just watching out for your friends.

And, hopefully, now you see

we're just a bunch of scrappy underdogs.

Arf, arf! [chuckles]

Now, that I can understand. [gasps]

Wait, has anyone seen the captain?

Uh, someone told her we don't need

the repair materials anymore, right?

[shouts, grunts]

You don't have anything more to prove, Captain.

- Let's get out of here. - No!

The alternate Freeman must have failed at this

and I won't! There's still the big one.

[growling]

But it won't even fit in the cage!

Yeah, not with that attitude, it won't.

How about I just forge the signature?

[shouting]

No giant [bleep] bat

is keeping me on this goddamn station!

- [bat screeches] - [Freeman grunts]

RANSOM: Look out for the claws, Captain!

- [Freeman screams] - RANSOM: The claws!

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org

[man imitates weapons firing]

Chirp.