Original subtitles

SICILY EXPRESS

That's enough, stop! Stop it, stop it! Cut it out.

You're not sanding it, you know.

If we don't clean it, they'll trash talk us and say

"this" and "that" of the South.

That's enough, let's put it back over there.

Now!

Okay, there.

Push. Push.

-Okay. -Perfect.

One last spritz.

Enough with the smelly air freshener!

This smelly air freshener, as you call it, sets the mood.

Look, it's lavender and white musk. Okay? It's expensive stuff.

-Great, how classy. -Of course, it's classy.

With this stool, we will win over every single person traveling up north.

Every single person? We agreed on a few people only.

Every single chosen person! Does that sound better?

-Yes, it does. -Thanks, guys, I feel so much better.

-I'm ready to head back to work. -That's great, Andrea! Have a nice trip.

-Hey, hold on. -Yes?

-It's five euros. -Five euros? For a lunch break?

I'm sure you enjoy entering a perfectly clean dumpster, right?

It smells very good in there, to me. Lavender and white musk.

It's expensive stuff.

I've got to say, you Sicilians are wonderful people.

Thank you.

Five euros...

-Pay less and smile more, yeah? -Yeah.

Perfect, thank you.

This stool is great! Good job!

Oh, and, Andrea, when you get to Milan, remember to be quiet walking downstairs.

-Okay? -Yup.

-Okay. -Bye.

-I swear that guy is a real... -Oh, by the way!

Maybe you can offer subscriptions? Eh?

He's a real Milanese entrepreneur! Of course, subscriptions!

The great Milanese! What a thinker.

The stool must be steady and safe for every single person going up.

-Hey! Oh. -They're here! Hurry, go to your position.

-Salvo, only a few chosen people. -Yes, all right!

Not every single person! And keep your phone line open.

Don't worry, okay. See you. Hey, you made it!

Salvo! This is Peppino.

He's a very trustworthy person.

He often goes back and forth, like me.

-Can we really trust him? -One hundred percent.

All right. Peppino, welcome aboard!

But remember... Okay?

Yes, by all means.

Follow me, please! Here is our beautiful magic dumpster!

Ah, my little baby! Muah!

Ah!

You're saying that if I go in here... I'll come out there?

I didn't believe it either, but it really works!

-It does! -How's it even possible?

How is it even possible? Professors, professors!

You teach our young ones the value of culture, and sacrifice, and commitment,

and honesty!

You should also teach them the value of pure luck!

Who got lucky in the end? I did! Oh!

But why can't it speak to me, why? Muah!

-Can I enter? -Go ahead!

Professor, isn't the value of things another lesson you teach? Huh?

Yes, thanks! My life is better than ever now!

I agree, I agree!

-Thanks! -See you!

And... let's not forget his suitcase!

-Milan! -Salvo gave us permission.

This is Peppino.

Peppino? But I told Salvo not to tell every...

Whatever! Don't worry. Peppino, it's not your fault.

Grab your suitcase and leave, but please, be quiet!

Because our landlady lives downstairs. Shh! Keep it down!

Eh...

Shh! All right, let's go.

Shh! Don't roll it! Don't roll it!

Okay, go, Ferdinando! Go, Ferdinando! And please, be quiet walking downstairs!

-Shh! It's because of the landlady! -Yeah.

-Now, go, go, go! -Thank you. Thanks.

Peppino, Peppino, go!

And who are you?

Uh, we're construction workers. We work here, in Milan.

-It's Salvo who said we could use it. -What, Salvo also gave you permission too?

Yeah, we're Peppino's friends, okay.

I came here just to visit my mother. She's sick in a hospital, here in Milan.

I'm friends with these two. They're friends with Peppino.

Excuse me for a minute. I need to call someone very quickly.

Nothing to do with you, I just need to.

Sorry, one moment. I need to answer this.

-Hey, Val! I'm listening. -We had agreed on a few people only!

But more people equals more money! Come on, relax.

This isn't relaxing at all, Salvo!

Peppino knows Ferdinando and these people know Peppino.

Uh, to be honest with you...

this Peppino, I don't know him. I know these guys.

And we know Peppino.

Yeah, okay, but I don't know any of you.

Don't worry! They know Peppino!

Yeah, but I don't, okay? I only know Ferdinando.

What's wrong? Why are you acting like this? Come on!

Salvo, we said it was for a few people only!

Val, I can't hear you!

I... I'm sorry, what's the... I'm sorry, what?

I... can't... hear... you. Hello? Hello? You there?

Uh, this signal is really bad out here!

Hello? I'm going through a tunnel! I'm in a tunnel right now! Hello?

Can't hear you! I am, uh... yeah, screw you.

Ah.

If you keep on letting everyone in, this will end badly.

Would you rather work as a waiter again?

Or maybe you'd prefer working with your father-in-law, instead?

Hm? Mm.

I'll hold on to these.

Thank you for choosing us. Thank you for choosing us!

And where are you going with that?

Uh, to fill it up in Milan.

Because the water shortage here is a pain! We can't even wash ourselves!

-That's true. -Yeah!

One second, please.

Why, hello! Oh, my dear friend, I've got an idea!

This is holy water from Milan's cathedral!

Next please!

-Have a safe trip now! -Thank you.

Ah! A subscriber!

This way! All subscribers have premium access on board!

Thank you for choosing us. Subscribers, this way please. Thank you!

Have a safe trip!

In Milan, you can expect a temperature around 12 degrees

and perfectly clear skies.

-Enjoy! -It's cold up there.

Sicily's water crisis has gone down the drain!

We've got your backs!

Don't worry, Maria Teresa!

We'll have customers very soon. We barely just opened.

Give them some time, it's all gonna work out.

No, it's not that, it's...

It's about Valentino. He's acting strange.

I feel like he's keeping something from me.

I don't know. Usually we tell each other everything.

I know, but...

Maybe it's all those trips, going back and forth.

It's stressful, right?

Yeah, of course, but that's not it. It's something recent.

-Something's off, he's not being honest. -What do you mean?

I can't stop thinking about our phone call the other day

when we were at Guglielmo's with that Santa Claus.

Yeah, that silly phone prank they did? When they were acting jealous?

Honey, come on, they were just playing a joke on us.

Well, Valentino wasn't joking around, I know him.

He really was jealous, and he's never been like that.

Well, tell him to stop.

-Jealousy ruins everything. -Hm.

There's one thing that drives me crazy, it's someone who's jealous.

Thank God Salvo isn't like that.

Actually, you know,

if Salvo was to know that Valentino is acting jealous,

he'd make him cut it out right away.

He never was a jealous person though. And now, all of a sudden, he is?

You know what they say, a thief believes everybody steals.

Are you saying Valentino has a lover?

How else would you explain

that he's been wearing a whole lot of perfume lately?

You're right.

Salvo too! He also had perfume on.

That's why he won't work with my father. Even though he should.

They've got lovers!

How disgraceful!

PLEASE KEEP QUIET WALKING DOWNSTAIRS

Enough!

Seriously, Salvo?

It's not just to clean the dumpster! It's for you too.

I told you already, they're getting suspicious.

-Yes, but this is really toxic stuff! -Don't exaggerate.

Anyway, I'd say everything's perfect. Look at all this cash.

-Perfect, it's all perfect. -I'll hold on to this, okay?

-You'll hold it? -Yes.

Who's going around selling water to everyone?

If it were up to me, I'd sell Milan's whole water system, okay?

The water system. The whole water system is...

What in the world is this sign?

It's so people know to keep quiet,

because the landlady lives downstairs and she hears everything!

Yes, that's understandable, but your grammar isn't correct.

"Please keep quiet walking downstairs."

"Walking downstairs"? Where did you learn your English?

-How do you say it then? -Going downstairs!

You don't walk down the stairs, you go down the stairs, no?

-That's nonsense! -You walk on the ground, okay?

-You walk downstairs. You take steps down. -But you don't say it like that!

Like this dumpster, you roll it because it has wheels.

It's logical.

Because it's on the ground, but if it were on stairs...

Forget it, your grammar is probably your weak spot, all right? So...

Anyway, I've decided to go and tell Maria Teresa all about the dumpster.

Are you sure? Really sure?

-Of course. -And what if she gets upset?

Why would she get upset with me?

Because you're going to tell her very upsetting things.

First, that you got fired, right?

Second, that your job is now to sell trips in a dumpster.

By the time you set foot in Sicily, you'll be working for your father-in-law.

And that's fine by me, that's what I want to do.

Why are you so stubborn? Please, wait a bit!

-Who is it? -I don't know. Landlady?

Well, maybe.

I'll check. You be ready to hide everything.

Shit.

Hey, it's Andrea!

Andrea, going to the beach twice a day isn't healthy.

No, this time it's about Giacalone. Your help is necessary.

No, I won't help anymore. I have more important things to do,

like admitting to Maria Teresa all about the dumpster

and everything else.

-Good luck! -Are you serious?

Shame on you, Valentino.

A nice Sicilian man wants our help and you dare to say no?

Never in Sicily's history has there been such disgrace!

If we Sicilians hadn't always been there for each other,

can you imagine what we would be like today?

Surely, like most Europeans, selfish!

Shame on you!

-Disgraceful. -Mm.

You're right. Sorry, guys.

It was a moment of weakness.

If Sicily needs me, I'll always be there.

Now, let's go find Giacalone.

-Hi, guys! -Hi.

Hey, you're back!

Ah! And what are you doing here?

-We came to say hi to our colleagues. -Ex-colleagues.

Ex!

Is that clear to you?

-How is he? -There you are.

Thank you for coming so quickly.

I'm afraid Giacalone isn't getting any better.

It's not good, we gotta hurry.

-Giacalone? -Mr. Giacalone?

It's us! Guess who else says hello? Your dear Giulio.

I've got freshly baked cannoli, straight from Sicily.

And I have medication, freshly bottled and sealed in Sicily.

-Guitar time. -Guitar time.

-Guitar time. -Guitar time.

-Guitar time. -Give it.

-There isn't much time left. -Give it, give it.

And one, and one, two, three, four.

Nothing. There's nothing left to do.

The patient isn't responding to his usual stimuli.

His clinical condition is compromised.

-Yeah, but we followed his protocol. -This is it, are you sure?

His protocol was very clear. Cannoli, medication, Sicilian songs.

Sicilian songs were our last hope. If they don't work, his fate is sealed!

His fate is sealed.

-Oh no, his fate is sealed. -What terrible news.

Unless we try...

Tell me you're thinking what I'm thinking?

Yes! It might work!

Giacalone, it's time to go back to Sicily!

-Okay, let's go! -All right.

But won't the trip be too long for Giacalone?

They'll find a shorter way to get there.

Hm.

Hm...

What do we do? What do we do?

-Wait. -He's gonna see us!

Where are you going? Come back!

-Now! Now! -But he's right there, it's too risky!

-What do I do? What do I do? -He's facing the other way. Come on!

Are you serious?

No, no, no!

I will not get into a dumpster from Milan!

Actually, this is a dumpster from Sicily.

They outsourced its production.

They're made in Sicily because it costs less.

Can't you tell? Look how nice it is.

And it smells good too. I can smell a hint of jasmine, right?

Jasmine, really?

LAVENDER AND WHITE MUSK

Great guess! It's jasmine straight from Sicily.

I knew it! I knew it was jasmine.

-So recognizable. -Good.

-Jasmine. -Now, can we get in, Giacalone?

-Please, you go first, Mr. Giacalone. -Okay, let's go.

Sicilian trains aren't that bad after all, compared to this.

Okay, get in, Giacalone.

"Please be quiet walking downstairs."

-What?! Who wrote that sign? -I wrote it.

It's not correct.

-Where did you learn to speak English? -Yeah, but...

-Walking downstairs? -That's what I said!

My goodness, it's "going downstairs."

-"Walking downstairs" is fine too. -Right?

-Let's not argue. -It's not, but think whatever you want.

We're nice enough to give you a ride, so don't argue about walking downstairs.

-Let's go, Giacalone. Get inside. -Get in.

-I'm just not feeling. -You can do it.

-Giacalone, get in the dumpster! -No, I'm not getting in!

-I don't wanna! -Giacalone, go!

-Giacalone, get inside! -No, I won't.

-Get in! -Get in, now!

Giacalone, come out of there.

Giacalone, please, you can come out. The worst is now behind you.

Come on!

Don't worry, we're here for you.

Ah! Sicily's sea air!

-It's beautiful. -Yeah.

Yes, it is.

There's no other land like this one. Look at it! It's been this way forever.

Do you know that story, the one about when God created the Earth?

Huh? As soon as he finished,

he realized Sicily was the most beautiful land!

So all the other places in the world,

envious of its beauty, all began to protest.

Every single place. Everyone!

The French, the Spanish, the Americans, Australians,

everyone was jealous!

They all started complaining to the Lord.

They all shouted, "Hey! This isn't fair!"

"Hey! Why did you neglect us?"

"How come Sicily is the most beautiful place ever

and you forgot all about us? Huh?!"

So to make Sicily a little less perfect and a little uglier,

do you know what the almighty Lord did?

He created Sicilians.

Oh, you knew the story.

Yeah, because it's the first story you're told as a little kid.

Right.

And I think it's precisely because

it's the very first story we are told as kids,

that we Sicilians are now convinced that we aren't very good people.

That whenever something goes wrong, or something bad happens,

that somehow it's our own fault and that we deserve it.

And of course, some people go and take advantage of that.

We Sicilians should really start believing that we deserve good things

like everybody else out there.

That's why I've been wanting Sicilian medication!

Why are you two idiots just standing there?

Let's go, it's time to eat!

The sea air has given me quite an appetite.

Yeah, okay, but there's nothing to eat around here, huh?

Good evening.

You live here or what?

Yes. Because I like solitude.

Okay, but why did you order three meals then?

Because I'm a big eater.

And you need three forks to be able to eat everything?

All right, listen, why does this even matter to you?

Why don't you mind your own damn business, will you?

Hey!

Twenty euros!

Go ahead and keep the change.

Ah, look at that.

Mr. Giacalone, I'm warning you,

once you're done eating, we're going back to Milan

because I have to tell my wife everything about our dumpster.

-What? You haven't told her yet? -No, not yet.

You shouldn't be hiding these things from your wife.

I wanted to tell her, but Salvo told me not to!

-So I listened to him, but now... -You really want to argue?

Because we could be eating instead. Let's have dinner first and argue later.

And why are we having dinner here?

You already got enough Sicilian sea air,

so let's have dinner in Milan, where everything's easier to access.

-My goodness. -No way.

The seafood was caught here, so let's eat it here.

-Otherwise, you lose the flavor, right? -Hey!

-You're right, yes. -Eh?

Why are you sitting down?

-I can't eat standing up. -Where's the wine?

Oh, sorry. I forgot about the wine.

Wait a minute, I'll go back to Milan and get it.

Some good wine.

-With good seafood. -Amazing! Mamma mia! Mamma mia!

I got it.

But that's white wine?

I prefer red wine.

-Not with seafood. -What do you care?

If the old man wants red wine, bring him some red wine!

Why is he always so self-involved?

I got the red wine.

Wait! One more thing.

My good old late wife used to put a tiny bit of oil on top.

-Otherwise it's kind of dry. -Of course.

That's true! It needs some.

Hey, my dear friend, can you get the oil?

Oh, and while you're at it, can you get some chili, too?

Personally, I don't want any, but it's for you guys, you know?

Otherwise, you'll just spend your evening going back and forth, eh?

He's right.

Oh, and if you want some music, now's a good time!

What a brilliant idea.

Let's just bring everything over here, then.

Look who's here!

-Dad! Hi! -You made it!

Sorry I'm late, there was a huge lineup at the dumpster.

Hey! I'm back!

-Mommy! You're here! -Give me a hug!

Let's have dinner!

The wine!

The right to decent roads, transportation, healthcare,

and above all, equal opportunities.

So now, please all join me in finally uniting Italy.

Even I believe it!

PLEASE KEEP QUIET WALKING (AND GOING) DOWNSTAIRS

FORENSIC POLICE

-You see? I told you so. -I thought he'd be taller.

-Are you sure that it's him? -Yes!

What do you want now, Alfredo?

I need to access some surveillance footage.

Here are the cities, the streets, the dates, times, everything.

Now they're all glued together. They could stick to the wall.

-You should've eaten it hot. -Yeah.

I wanted to eat it hot,

but you made me go back to Milan every two seconds!

Not to criticize you, you weren't at your best tonight.

-This all seemed very last-minute. -It was very last-minute.

Are you for real?

Oh, so you agree with me then. Great!

I really don't want to nitpick, but there aren't even any toothpicks.

I mean, come on.

Then go to Milan and get them instead of me!

Geez, what's up with Mr. Sensitive?

-Why are you...? -I'm not being sensitive.

Would you look at that? Unbelievable.

Anyway, guys, I really want to thank you for everything.

You saved my life today and I'll always appreciate what you did.

But there's one more thing I'd like.

Is there a bathroom here?

Can't you pee in Milan, though?

Are you being serious right now?

Don't tell me he needs Sicilian sea air even just to go pee?

Look at that man's face! He might not make it to tomorrow.

If it's his last wish, let's give it to him!

We can't let him die with a full bladder.

Could you live with yourself after that?

Giacalone, don't listen to him, okay? We don't exactly have a bathroom, but...

-I gotta go! -At least it's a Sicilian bush.

-You can make do, right? -You're doing it on purpose now.

Each time I wanna tell Maria Teresa about the dumpster,

you keep on getting in the way.

Not true. I also want to tell Claudia but the timing is never right!

Well, perfect timing isn't the issue.

What are you trying to tell me, Valentino?

That you think I'm just putting a spoke in your wheel? Is that true?

I never said that, I'm implying it.

Ah, how cowardly! You should be more like me.

I say things straight to your face, except when I say them behind your back.

I prefer implying to your face.

But maybe you should start doing it behind my back!

Maybe I will, because...

Where is he...

-Giacalone! -Giacalone!

Giacalone!

Giacalone!

-Giacalone! -Giacalone!

On my count to three, okay? One, two and...

-Giacalone! -On three, not two!

-Giacalone! -Giacalone!

ADMISSIONS

What were the two of you doing on a scooter at 3:00 a.m. in Sicily?

And with perfume on, huh?

SICILY EXPRESS