Original subtitles

[Wind whistling]

♪♪

[Crow caws]

[Scraping]

♪♪

You know, there's 24 hours in a day and 24 beers in a case.

Coincidence? I think not.

♪♪

♪♪

-♪ Hey, everybody, have you heard the news? ♪

♪ Joe Bob is back in town ♪

♪ He's over at the drive-in, hanging around ♪

♪ Watching crazy movies, so come on down ♪

♪ To Joe Bob's "Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ Blood, beasties, boobies, and more ♪

♪ Joe Bob's "Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ It's a spooky good time with monsters and ghosts ♪

♪ Crazy, kooky fun with the world's greatest host ♪

♪ Joe Bob's "Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ It's gonna be legendary ♪

♪ Joe Bob's "Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ It's gonna be very scary ♪

♪ Joe Bob's "Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ Let's go ♪

♪♪

[Static crackles]

-Okay.

It's here, it's time.

Are you ready?

-No!

[Laughter]

-I'm Joe Bob Briggs, and it's VHS Night,

the episode of "The Last Drive-In"

that Darcy the Mail Girl has been dreading for weeks.

Nevertheless, she's here because she has to be.

She has no other choice.

And she will be fielding your e-mails,

your tweets, your missives yearning to be free

of VHS Night, during which we celebrate

the shot-on-video camcorder revolution of the '80s,

the time when there were skanky forbidden corners of

the mom and pop video store that weren't exactly horror

and they weren't exactly porn and, some would say,

they weren't exactly movies.

They were products of the imagination of

regional filmmakers who discovered,

for the first time in history,

that it didn't take that much money to make a movie.

Of course it was bound to be a crappy movie if for

no other reason than the camcorders themselves

were crappy.

They had a very narrow light spectrum,

which meant you had to blast light all over the screen

or else end up with scenes where dudes in dormitories were trying

to make out what was happening through a beer haze.

You know, "Is she puking right now or...oh, no,

I guess that's just how the light came through that window."

You know, here's one of them that they used.

This was one of the original ones.

As you'll notice, it's guaranteed to be clumsy to hold,

and it's always guaranteed to have at least

one part of the frame out of focus.

The was a PV-610.

The "shot on video" era was from about 1982 to about 2005

because, even though DVDs came in around 1997,

people would not give up their VCRs.

There are still people clinging to their VCRs.

I see them at the conventions.

I have a friend who sells VHS tapes.

She had a booth next to me at a horror convention in Syracuse.

People would literally stop dead in their tracks

and stare with lust in their eyes at the tapes.

You know, "Fright Night 2 in the original

coffin-shaped clamshell?

How much do you want? I'll pay anything."

You know, I understand people devoted to vinyl who still

own record players, because there's a certain

quality to the sound that you only get from a stylus needle.

But nobody ever even started to claim that the image

and sound quality on a VHS tape was superior to film

or any other format ever invented.

So the idea of hipsters rewinding in their

Brooklyn apartments is kind of creepy to me.

At any rate, there was this period in history when guys

would go to the video store.

And I don't think I'm being sexist when I say that.

This was mostly a guy thing.

They would go to the video store and they would watch anything,

but there was a special fascination for

the Bottom Feeder section -- VHS boxes that had

crude artwork, or maybe they had those cartoon covers,

caricatures, or maybe just a black and white still photo

and some giant fonts that looked like somebody had

cut and pasted the letters out of magazines.

And so guys would seek these titles out like forbidden fruit.

Now, I'm not talking about Roger Corman films

or Full Moon films or Cannon Films

or even shot-on-video projects that were done by

indie filmmakers in L.A. like Jim Wynorski and Fred Olen Ray.

I'm not even talking about Ray Dennis Steckler films

or Doris Wishman films.

Those were shot on 35-millimeter film

even if they were later released on video.

So, no, I'm talking about a part of film culture where

somebody bought an HR-C3 or one of these babies,

if you were shooting on VHS, or a Betamovie,

if you were shooting in Betamax format,

and then they wrote, cast, directed, and edited

a feature film.

And here's the amazing part, though.

Actually got it into video stores for sale and rental.

And when you looked at these titles all lined up

in the darkest corner of the video store, you thought,

"You know, this reminds me of that time we got lost

in the bad part of downtown Cleveland and then

we thought we were gonna die, and it was thrilling."

You know, it's like, "I know this is gonna be

a nasty experience.

This guy can't even spell, so let's go there!"

Now.

The first film to be shot on video,

how much are you hating this so far, Darcy?

-Not as much as I thought I would.

Continue. -Alright.

The first horror film to be shot on video

was "Boardinghouse" in 1982.

It was kind of a ripoff of "Halloween," "Carrie"

and "The Amityville Horror" all rolled into one.

But we don't count that one because they only used video

to create the work print and then blew it up

to 35 millimeter film so they could show in theaters.

So that doesn't count.

The kinds of films we're talking about are shot on video

and released straight to video.

You shoot em on Thursday, and the next Monday,

they're in the video store.

And the first movie to do that was "Sledgehammer,"

directed by David A. Prior, starring his brother Ted Prior,

in the story of a supernatural presence

in a vacation home that may contain the spirit of

a 7-year-old boy who is traumatized by

his cruel mother's whoring around and may contain

the spirit of a lumberjack serial killer

in a plasticine happy-face mask and may contain the spirits

of both of them combined into one supernatural presence.

But whoever they are and whatever they are,

they don't like a bunch of airhead, goofball, party-animal

vacationers guzzling Budweiser and having food fights

on the site of a decade-old sledgehammer murder.

Sure we've seen it before, but have we seen it with

a 10-minute sex scene between a guy who looks like a cross

between John Oates and John Holmes --

which is all about the moustache --

and a platinum blonde whose hair has been teased so much

it constitutes bullying, but they apparently

don't realize that gluing each other together

full-frontal nekkid should be followed up with

some sort of motion, otherwise they look like

two nekkid slugs secreting mucus.

I think not.

[Laughter]

So let's look at those drive-in totals

and get this party started.

We have...7 dead bodies.

2 breasts.

1 fake séance.

Multiple brain-bashing.

Knife through the neck.

Neck-snapping. Hammer to the chest.

Stomach-stabbing. Ball-kicking.

Knee-bashing. Butcher knife to the shoulder.

Knife to the back. Closed-mouth kissing.

Writhing thigh close-ups.

Vanishing ghost-like serial killer.

Extended van unloading.

Dead-body rearranging.

Guzzling. Face-licking.

Extended slow-mo romantic stroll interlude,

with beer-can head balancing.

Gratuitous bird-chirping.

Gratuitous relationship conversations.

Ill-fitting pink nightgown Fu.

Coagulation Fu. Budweiser Fu.

Bloody pentagram Fu. Mustard Fu.

Baseball bat Fu. And, of course, Sledgehammer Fu.

Drive-In Academy Award nominations for Mary Mendez

as the Mom from Hell who locks her 7-year old

in the closet so she can make the sign of

the triple-gilled anaconda with a guy who looks like

he sells lawn furniture at Sears.

Ted Prior as the shirtless guitar-strumming jock

bodybuilder who becomes the lead only because

he's slightly less obnoxious than the rest of the cast.

John Eastman as John, the drunk shed-rummaging

beer-can-crushing loose cannon who stuffs an entire sandwich

into his face, chokes, spits, and launches

a seven-minute food fight.

Doug Matley as the lumberjack in a Howdy Doody mask.

And David A. Prior, the writer-director,

for making the first of what would be 50 movies

for a budget $10,000.

Two and a half stars.

Joe Bob says check it out.

You're really are suffering, aren't you?

-The suffering's just getting started.

-Really?

Come on, Lumberjack with a sledgehammer,

grinning through a plastic surgery mask.

You've got to love that guy.

-I do love the killer.

He just doesn't kill them fast enough.

-Okay, well, you have to have an open mind.

-I have an open mind.

You're gonna hear what's going through it later.

I do like the guy that plays Chuck, though.

-The muscle boy. Of course you like the muscle boy.

-It's not just that. He also did the special effects.

-How do you know he did the special effects?

-I worked at Blockbuster.

-You did not.

-Hello?

-That's your actual uniform?

-It is.

-Oh, wow, you did. In Charleston?

-It was my favorite job ever.

Until now, I mean.

[Laughter]

-Yeah, nice save.

♪♪

[Static crackles]

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[Birds chirping]

[Chirping continues]

-Shut up!

You're gonna -- you're not gonna ruin another evening for me!

You're going to go in that closet,

and you're not gonna say a word!

I'm not going to tell you again, you little rat.

You're going to get in that closet,

and you're not gonna say another word this evening.

-I'm not gonna go in the closet. -Shut up!

-I'm not gonna go in that closet.

-You understand.

-I ain't gonna go.

-You're not gonna say another word this evening.

Not one!

♪♪

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[Romantic music playing]

♪♪

So, what do you think?

Sexy enough for you?

♪♪

-What do I think?

Damn.

You look great.

-I know.

-Where's the kid?

-Don't worry about the kid.

I took care of that little bastard.

It won't be bothering us again tonight.

-It's just what I wanted here.

Come here.

♪♪

-Now we can do whatever we want...

all night long.

-Mm, all night long.

-[Chuckles] No more sneaking around corners.

-No dark bars.

-No more lying.

-Roadside motels.

-No husbands. -No wives.

-[Giggles]

Think they know yet?

-Who cares?

-Who cares?

♪♪

-[Chuckles]

♪♪

[Moans] 50 miles from any telephone.

-Mm, keep talking.

-All alone in the country.

[Moaning]

♪♪

-Mm, keep talking.

-All alone in the country.

♪♪

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[Crashing]

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♪♪

[Birds chirping]

♪♪

[Cheering]

-We made it. We actually made.

-Whoo! -[Calling]

-Oh.

-Hey, what you do that for?

-[ Laughter ]

-He ain't nothing but a hound dog.

-Hey, give me that guitar. Don't be playing with my guitar?

-Okay, Chucky boy, let's get this stuff over there now.

Come on. Set that over there.

Oh, come on down, Mary.

Get that stuff -- -I don't want that crap.

Get over there. -He's a ball.

-Okay, princess. Put that stuff over there.

Alright. Now let's get this up.

[Indistinct conversations]

-Yeah, I got your pants hanging.

-Okay, alright. -Here's the junk.

-[Laughs]

-This stuff gotta stop now.

Somebody's got to be in charge here.

-Okay. -Got the tins right here.

-Let's see now. Let's get keep that stuff going.

-I got my roller.

-Whew. -Yeah.

-Okay, Jimmy, get that stuff over there.

Your cup runneth over.

Okay. What...

Get this stuff over now. Come on.

Set that over there.

[Radio playing]

Okay. Let's -- Alright.

Here, catch. -Do it.

-Good. Okay.

Let's put this rag bag over there in the corner.

-Hey, Jimmy, you got to get the ice.

-Okay, got it. Right, Jimmy.

While you're at it, get the ice chest. Okay?

-Hey, alright.

-Let me see your hat there, boy.

-Whoo! -Yeah!

-Okay, now here. You can have it back.

-What are we gonna do with the little twerp in the van?

Anybody got a garbage bag?

-Yeah. -Okay.

-Grab your garbage bags. -Wait, can I have on?

-Beer? -No, I want a soda.

-Soda? [Scoffs] -I'm a little ragged.

-Come on. We're here to party.

-Yeah.

-[ Grunts ] -Hey, let me help you.

-Oh, t-that's okay.

♪♪

-Hey, Chuck, I'm going to around front

and check this place out.

It looks pretty shaky to me.

-Alright, man. Don't get lost. -Okay.

-Come on, Joni. Smile a little bit.

Let's have some fun. It's what we're here for.

Remember? Joni, what's wrong?

-You know what's wrong?

-Can't we just forget about it for the next few days

and have some fun?

-Chuck, spending a few days up here

isn't going to make me feel any different.

So we have fun. It's not going to change anything.

-What do you want me to do?

I just want you to have a good time.

-You know what I want you to do?

-I know. Listen, so what if it doesn't solve anything?

Can't we just have some fun?

-Fun?

[Radio playing]

♪♪

♪♪

-[Screams] Put me down!

-I'll see y'all on Sunday.

And don't worry about your van.

I'll have the transmission shifting gears better

than a good woman on her honeymoon night.

[Laughs]

[Indistinct conversations]

[Engine starts]

[Grunts]

♪♪

-I know it sounds like I'm trying to avoid the subject,

but I'm really not. I'm thinking about it all the time.

-Really? -Really.

I just don't want it to spoil our weekend.

I know being up here is not going to change anything,

but it'll give us some time to think.

-I don't need time to think, Chuck.

I know what I want.

Well, I know what I want too, but I still need time to think.

Now come on.

Promise me you're going to have a good time like me.

-I'm gonna give you a country noogie.

Come on, a little sweet and low, please.

Promise me. Come on, come on. -Okay, okay.

[Laughing] I promise. -Alright, come here.

Give me a hug. Now that's my girl.

Now, do me a favor, will you?

Get this shit out of here. I got to go get a beer.

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[Ominous music playing]

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[Item clatters]

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[Clattering]

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-Licensed by the United States of America

and a government for which we stand, something like that.

I forget how it goes.

Yeah, man.

I think it's time we get pretty shitfaced.

-[Laughs]

[Indistinct conversations]

[Cheering]

-Let's have a drink from puberty.

-Hey, mama. -Ah, you're a little pig.

Look what you did. You got her all worked up.

[Indistinct conversations]

-[Screams]

[Laughs] -Whoo!

-I'll make you wet.

[Laughter]

-Come on. Yeah, right there.

[Radio playing]

[Indistinct conversations]

♪♪

-Yeah!

♪♪

-Ah!

-Now, get it here.

-[Grunting]

And I crushed that sucker.

[Cheering]

♪♪

-Yeah! Do it, do it, do it!

[Chanting "Go!"]

-[Grunts]

-Okay, hands off.

Let's see what you can do.

-Yeah, come on!

Yeah! Come on!

-Drink it!

Drink it, you horse's...

-And that cup.

-[Grunts] -Unh!

[Cheers and applause]

[Indistinct conversations]

♪♪

-Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo

-[Indistinct]

♪♪

-[Grunts]

[Moaning]

[Gags]

[Grunts]

-Now that's a real man.

-You want a real man?

♪♪

You can ride side saddle on my horsie any day, snookems.

[Smooching]

♪♪

-Oh, shit!

♪♪

-Come on. Come on.

[Radio playing]

♪♪

♪♪

-It was all planned, Chuck. We planned it for two years.

Now you say you don't know if you want me anymore.

-Joni, I still want you. That's not what I meant.

-What do you mean?

We've been together all this time,

make plans to get married,

then you say you're not sure that's what you want.

-I'm not sure.

-And you can't be sure you want me.

-Now that's too much. That hasn't changed.

I'm just not sure if I want to get married.

-But you asked me, remember?

-Yeah, I know.

-What's wrong?

Is it that you don't want to be with me?

Are you afraid you'll fool around or what?

-Joni, I don't want anybody but you.

I'm just -- I don't know.

I'm just all mixed up.

-So am I.

-I'm sorry.

-I love you.

-I love you, too. You do know that?

-Yeah.

-You'll hang in there with me, will ya?

♪♪

-Come on.

[Guitar playing]

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[Guitar stops playing]

[Ominous music, guitar playing]

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[Static]

-The way we keep being reminded it's a horror flick

is that synthesizer music,

which sounds like a trombone blat

when you slightly miss the note.

That's Philip G. Slate who did the music,

and it's one of the film's more professional inputs.

But I don't think he's a real person.

I think it might be writer/director David A. Prior,

who freely admitted that he put a lot

of fake names in the credits

so nobody would know just how few people

were behind the camera.

Like the editor is credited as "Ralph Cutter."

I don't think so. [Laughter]

The lighting guy is "Michael Watt."

Anyway, somebody made the decision early on

in the planning of this movie

that everyone would have a beer in his or her hand at all times,

that beer would be Budweiser in a can.

The actors got a direction that was something like

"be wild and be happy," and so you've got seven people

trying to be constantly wild and happy,

and it's just painful.

I've pointed this out before When you're working

with amateur or untrained actors,

but it's easy to cry and it's hard to laugh.

If you wanna test an actor's skills,

ask him to express joy or to laugh without it being cornball.

And by the way, we were having a discussion here about

just who Chuck was impersonating

when he did that impression to kick off the party.

It was either Bill Murray, Ronald Reagan,

Bill Cosby or Sylvester Stallone,

that's -- that's as much as we can narrow it down,

but all that matters, I guess,

is that it ends with "time to get shitfaced."

Okay, so here's how "Sledgehammer" happened.

David Prior and his little brother Ted Prior,

who's the ripped shirtless jock strumming his guitar

on the steps there, the one Darcy has a crush on,

they were both born in Newark, New Jersey,

which will always have a warm place

in our hearts here at "The Last Drive-In"

because that's where we did our first 24-hour marathon,

and the Priors had a very slight connection to showbiz.

Their father was a stand-up comic and their mother

was the stage assistant to Blackstone the magician.

In other words, she was the pretty girl

who gets sawed in half.

But when David was nine and Ted was five,

their parents got divorced

and they moved with mom to Baltimore,

and that's where they grew up.

And David was obsessed with movies.

Ted was obsessed with bodybuilding.

He became Mr. Teen Maryland,

and when he got old enough to leave home,

David moved to L.A. to be a script writer.

Now the problem is, nobody would buy any of his scripts.

He had no desire to be a director.

He just wanted to write,

but when camcorders first came out, he said,

"Well, what the hell?

Maybe I can raise a few dollars

and do one of my scripts on the cheap

just to prove I can write."

And so he put these tiny ads in Hollywood Reporter and Variety,

and sure enough, some guy answered one of the ads

and said he could give him $10,000

and a three-man crew from a production house

that would let him use their camera

and editing equipment in return for part ownership in the movie.

Well, 10,000 bucks was not enough to shoot

on film obviously, so they went with video,

and history was made.

And by this time, David's brother Ted

had moved out to Venice Beach

because he wanted to work out at Gold's Gym

and move on up to the next level of bodybuilding.

And so he got the lead in the movie

because he was there.

So David had no interest in directing.

Ted had no interest in acting,

but they ended up making a film together.

Alright, why is that story important?

That story is important because,

for the first 90 years of film history,

you had to be rich to make a movie

or know somebody who was rich

or have some corporation backing you.

Now, for the first time, working class guys

from Baltimore could make their own movies,

and guys from Scranton and Des Moines and Birmingham

and Colorado Springs.

You couldn't a beautiful movie, you know?

That technology wouldn't come along

for another 25 years or so, but if you had enough

energy and time and ambition,

you could make a statement in fictional form.

So that's what they did.

And is it derivative? Yes.

Is it amateurish? Yes.

But it's earnest and dedicated.

Nobody who has not made a movie

knows how hard it is to make a movie.

The movie exists.

That's why we're honoring it tonight,

and I could point out a lot of things here

that are funny.

The long slow-mo love scene with beers in hand,

the looooooong establishing shots of the house,

the scene where they keep throwing duffel bags

out of the van along with pots and pans,

frisbees and sleeping bags and boom boxes and suitcases

in what I started to think was an attempt at comedy,

but no it was just establishing that they're planning

to stay out in the wilderness for a long time,

even though it doesn't look much like wilderness

wherever they are.

But David A. Prior would go on to direct

36 more movies after this,

and he was surprised

when this movie started getting a cult reputation,

and there were some screenings of it in art theaters

around 2010, 2011.

And so he went to one of those screenings

and he watched it again, and he said it made him angry.

You know, angry because he didn't know what he was doing

and he would have done so many scenes so differently

if he'd had a chance to do them over.

So this was his film school for a guy

who never went to film school.

It was his student film.

His only teachers were his own eyes, you know,

struggling to figure out what works and what doesn't work.

So trial and error.

I wouldn't recommend that as a way to learn filmmaking,

but knowing what we know how, all these years later,

he did not do a bad job.

So let's get back to the flick.

'Cause before camcorders, low-budget guys

had to shoot 16-millimeter film.

There was a great indie filmmaker in Texas

named Eagle Pennell, worked with 16-millimeter film.

But just the film itself was enormously expensive.

I mean, even if you owned the camera,

you had to get somebody to pay for the filmstock

and the post-production,

so you were constantly begging people for money.

But now, $10,000 we're getting to where,

"Okay, I'll just go without a car.

Let's make a movie." You know? So that's revolutionary.

Or, you know, "Should we send our kid to college this year

or make a movie?" [Laughter]

Or you could befriend six dentists

and get 'em to finance a movie.

I guess it's not that different from Indiegogo

or Kickstarter, although I don't really

get Indiegogo and Kickstarter.

You know, "Give me 100 bucks and I'll make a movie

and you'll get a T-shirt." [Laughter]

Shouldn't you get a profit

participation or something, you know?

"Get a part in the movie!

Stand in the background of the movie!

Just $1,000!" You know?

Gee, thank you, yes, I'll bankroll that, so...

There's something wrong with that system.

I can't -- I can't get my head around it.

"Be an executive producer! 2,000!"

Now that one's especially perverted

because that's actually the correct title.

The executive producer's job is to bring the money,

but it's so he can make money,

not be buy the title of executive producer

in return for his money.

Anyway, time for the grossout sandwich scene.

The character of John, an actor named John Eastman,

was drunk during much of the movie,

and you're about to see why.

♪♪

[Static]

-I bet you can't do it.

-Don't waste your breath, Mary. Pigs are pigs.

-How much you guys got? -Come on, guys. Don't start.

-I got five bucks says you can't do it.

-I got another five. -Chuck.

-Don't do it, John.

[Indistinct conversations]

-Five bucks each.

-You got it. -I got it right here, man.

Alright, come on.

[Cheering]

[Clapping]

[Cheering continues]

[Banging on table]

[Chanting "Go!"]

[Laughter]

-Get it!

[Cheering]

-Holy shit!

[Indistinct talking]

[Cheering]

[Cheers and applause]

[Laughter]

-Do you have anything to say about that?

-Of course I do.

-Well, what are you doing now?

-Hey, hey, it's like I always say.

What's a ham and cheese without a little mustard?

-[Screams]

[Laughter and applause]

-Oh, you son of a bitch!

Quit it, you son of a bitch.

You poured mustard on me.

Okay, you like mustard.

-Sit down. -What is this?

-You like mustard?

You're gonna like this.

-[All screaming] -Food fight!

[Laughter]

[Screaming continues]

-Hold it! Hold it!

Everybody hold it... right there!

[Laughter]

-You started this, you jagoff.

-Yeah!

-I didn't mean to!

Hey, it's a new shirt. Oh!

-It was new shirt!

-Whoo!

[Indistinct conversations]

-Look at this. -Does anyone like my new hat?

[Indistinct conversations]

-Quit it!

-Alright, alright!

-Stop it!

You fucking pigs!

-You got a lot of nerve.

[Indistinct conversations]

-I can't believe you.

-Whoo! -You guys started it.

You guys, it's all yours.

-You guys started it.

-We'll clean it up. -Come on, girls.

-Alright, alright.

Hey, this isn't in my contract.

-Get a shovel.

-Hey, wait a minute.

-Look at this shit.

-Look at this mess. -How we get roped into this?

-How the hell knows, man?

-Hey, man, you been getting some of Carol?

-You kidding? All the time.

-Is that right? Shit I ain't been doing so good myself.

-Do you believe that Chuck?

He poured mustard over my head.

I could have killed him right there.

-That's nothing.

John, does things like that and worse all day long.

-I don't know about those guys sometimes.

-Yeah. Well, I do.

I think they're all crazy, if you ask me,

every last one of them.

-I guess that's what makes them fun, though.

But what this say about us? I don't know that.

-You got that right.

-I guess being a little crazy's okay,

but John carries is a bit too far.

-Yeah.

Sure wish I could send Jimmy back.

-What? -Oh, I don't know.

Seems like my whole life I've been fighting guys off.

And now I find one that I really dig,

and, oh, I don't know.

I can't seem to get to second base with him, you know?

-I wish I could say the same about John.

I could use a break.

-[Laughs] Really?

-I have been getting all that I can handle.

-Yes, sir. Is that right, John?

Mary's like she can't wait for more.

-Who said Mary?

I have been getting mine on the side.

-Oh, we know what side you've been getting on too, buddy.

-You don't have to tell everybody, Jimmy.

We know you're a jagoff.

-Hey, hey, man. What are you guys complaining about?

I'm only one up here without a girl.

-Well, at least you got somebody.

-True, but he never stops joking around.

Not even in bed. -Yeah?

-Sounds like fun to me.

-Ah, no. I'm not going to bed with a guy wearing a mask.

-[Laughs] -A mask?

Then how do you kiss him, girl?

-He doesn't wear it on his face.

-Oh, my!

-How nasty.

-[Indistinct] a whole hell of a lot of good.

I've been wearing my prom done to nothing.

[Laughter]

-You got to know [indistinct] huh?

-Yeah. -It's a mess.

-Jesus, man. Man, I got to tell you.

I was on the freeway the other night.

It was serious business, man. And I looked at this girl.

She came driving up in a Porsche.

Man, she looked so good.

-Whoo! [Banging on table]

-She had big tits.

I got -- I got a woody.

Nah, I didn't get a woody.

-Did she have American breast?

-Breast and everything.

I got a throbber, man.

-Bigger than woody, huh?

-So I pulled my sandal out.

There wasn't nothing else, I couldn't help.

I had it up on the seat and I just...

[Banging on table] -Listen to this guy.

-He's crazy. -Nah, I'm serious.

-If you could, I bet you would have shot

for the rest of the week. [Laughter]

-Well... -Nah, you're lying.

No way. You're lying, you're lying.

-But why this? What is this?

-Tell you what.

It looks like Mary in the morning.

-I had a date like this once.

-What a sloppy set. -I know.

You wanna -- you wanna try thirds.

-Whoo. -[Laughs]

-Ah, man.

I definitely had enough of this shit.

You guys take care. -Get out of the town!

-Get out of here.

-I hope the water works.

-[Laughs] -Hey, hey, hey.

Where you going, man? We got to clean up or mess.

-Mnh-mnh. I gonna take a shower.

-We've got to clean up our mess.

-Alright, let's go take care of it.

Where you going? -Clean up.

-[Scoffs]

[Radio playing]

♪♪

-[Laughs] -Oh.

Well, I've had enough of this, ladies.

I'm getting in the shower.

-Save some hot water.

Ask.

[Ominous music plays]

♪♪

♪♪

[Facet turns on, water running]

♪♪

♪♪

[Door creaks]

-[Screaming]

♪♪

-Boo!

-Boo?!

-I couldn't think -- -Boo?!

-I couldn't think of anything else to say!

-You cretin! -I'm sorry.

-You son of a bitch. -I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. -I'll get you, you bastard!

I'll get you!

[Ominous music plays]

♪♪

-These guys are out of their minds.

[Radio playing]

♪♪

-Oh, here's the prize.

♪♪

Mmm.

[Can thuds]

-Oh! I'm sorry.

-That's okay. I was just going to put this clothes on.

-Yeah, you can use it. You're a mess.

♪♪

Wait, wait a minute.

Don't go away so fast.

Jimmy, what's the matter?

♪♪

-[Chuckles] Nothing.

[Chuckles] Nothing's wrong.

♪♪

♪♪

[Rock music playing]

♪♪

-[Laughs]

Easy, easy.

God!

-Yeah.

♪♪

[Record scratches, stops]

-Hey, what the hell you doing?

-Put it back on. That was a good song.

-There will be plenty of time for that later.

Now we're gonna have some real fun.

-Hey, an orgy.

-Alright. That's what I've been waiting for.

-You fool.

-Hey, let's get started.

-Put your shirt on. -Quiet, quiet.

-I'm talking about a seance.

-Hey, that sounds neat.

-Alright.

-A what?

-A seance, you know?

Talking to ghosts and goblins, raising the dead,

stuff like that.

-Alright. Let's do it.

-That stuff's all a bunch of crap.

-So are you, but who's complaining?

-Scared, John?

-Are you nuts? -Is that it, John?

Scared?

-What the hell is this? Pick on John day?

-You ain't fooling no one? Look, your face is turning red.

-Get out of here.

-John, I think your lips are starting to disappear.

-I'm not that lucky.

[Laughter]

-That's okay.

If you're scared, we can wait for Mary

to take you upstairs and tell you a bedtime story.

-Hey, y'all want to hold a scene,

go ahead, hold a scene.

-It's a seance, stupid.

-What? -It's a seance.

A seance.

-That's what I said -- a scene.

-Some of you have probably already heard

what I'm about to tell you, and some of you haven't

so I'll start at the beginning.

It happened 10 years ago this month.

Seems a woman from the valley ran away from her husband

and she came here to meet her lover.

She brought her eight-year-old son.

I'm not gonna tell you again!

You're gonna get in that closet!

Shut up! -I'm not gonna in that closet!

-You're not gonna ruin another evening for me.

-I ain't going that closet! -You're gonna go in that closet

and not gonna say a word!

-I ain't going in that closet.

-Don't say another word this evening!

♪♪

[Ominous music plays]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-They had planned to spend a few days up here

before moving on, starting a new life for themselves.

[Romantic music plays]

♪♪

-So, what do you think?

Sexy enough for you?

♪♪

-What do I think?

Damn. You look great.

-I know.

-Where's the kid?

-Don't worry about the kid.

I took care of that little bastard.

He won't be bothering us again tonight.

-It's just what I wanted to hear.

Come here.

-But they never moved on.

♪♪

Then there was no new life. -Now we can do whatever we want.

-For them, there was no life at all.

-Oh, man. -Mm.

-They left here in bags.

They were killed that night.

Brutally murdered right here in this house.

Right here in this room.

[Crashing]

♪♪

The bodies were found a few days later by a couple of hikers.

It wasn't pretty.

Make no mistake, there was very little left to them.

Their bodies have been crushed, pounded to a pulp.

Their bones had been pounded over and over again

by a madman with a sledgehammer

until all that was left was a bloody heap of mangled flesh

and shattered bones.

It was barely enough of their faces left

to match some teeth with their dental records.

-They never found the boy.

Some think he just flipped out and ran off,

maybe trying to find help in the forest.

If so, he probably died.

Police say he was probably taken off by the killer.

In either case, most believe him to be dead,

that is except for some people around here.

Folks in this part of the county say

he still out there in the night.

Just watching, waiting.

Waiting for his mother's killer to return.

Waiting to take his revenge.

The killer was never caught.

The prime suspect was, of course, the woman's husband.

There was no charges brought against him.

No one knows who did it.

No one.

He just might come back...

♪♪

Tonight.

Tonight, we're going to find out who it was.

We're going to call upon those spirits

and find out who or what killed them.

Everybody ready?

Ready.

Spirits, I call upon you.

Summon those spirits of those killed in this house so long ago

and bring them on to me.

Rise spirits, rise.

Awaken on this night of vengeance

and walk among the living.

Rise and make yourself known to us here tonight,

I command you to rise.

[Ominous music plays]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Rise from your eternal sleep.

Rise, obey my command.

I command you to rise.

Give us a sign.

-Shit. Nothing's going to happen.

[ Roaring in distance]

[ Roaring in distance]

What the hell?

-They're here now.

Speak to us, spirits of the night.

Speak to us and let us know the truth

of that bloodstained night.

I command you to speak.

-How dare you command me?

-Holy shit. -Be quiet, be quiet.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

We wish only to learn the truth

of how you were killed.

-Truth? What truth?

We were murdered in cold blood by a raving maniac.

-Who did it?

I can reveal this to only one.

♪♪

-Who?

♪♪

-John. -M-Me.

-Stand before me.

Stand before me now.

♪♪

I want you.

-For what?

-We want to drink your blood.

-Bullshit.

♪♪

♪♪

-I think we may have lost contact.

-Yeah. Well, that suits this boy just fine.

I'd say we put an end to this shit right now.

-[Roaring] -The hell was that?

-Jesus. -I vote with John.

Let's stop all this now.

♪♪

♪♪

[Static]

-Okay, that was the old Ouija board idea.

Don't mess with Ouija boards as a joke in horror movies.

No Ouija board in this movie, but same principle.

Don't do a séance if you don't want the results

to come back on your ass.

Okay, a few of the things that make you pretty much despise

everybody in this cast --

the sandwich-stuffing scene,

the mustard pouring scene,

the food fight that never ends, the girls talking about

how their men are knuckleheads even though, wait,

weren't they totally into the food fight themselves.

And correct me if I'm wrong, but did Ted Prior,

in the character of Chuck,

make an extended speech about getting

"a throbber" while driving on the highway,

then getting rid of his throbber with a sandal?

I'm not sure of the details on that speech,

or why it appears at exactly this point in our narrative.

And speaking of our narrative,

do we really need an extended flashback sequence

using the exact same footage used in the opening scene

at the 32-minute mark?

Anyway, the kill was pretty good,

especially the part where the body is dragged away

by using the knife through the neck as a towing device.

David Prior, the director, gave an interview

where he said the disappearing sledgehammer

is meant to be the first clue

that something supernatural is involved

and the killer might be more than just human.

He said he was copying the "Friday the 13th" movies

where a lot of unexplained stuff happens.

One interesting thing about all these

shot-on-video directors is that,

if you asked them what their favorite films were,

they didn't choose avant-garde titles

or underground films.

David Prior's favorite director was Steven Spielberg!

The shot-on-video movement was all about guys

trying to make mainstream movies

but they had no money.

There was another one around this same time

called "Black Devil Doll from Hell,"

blaxploitation horror, made by a guy in

the home remodeling business named Chester Novell Turner

for $10,000.

It's about a working class woman

on the south side of Chicago

who gets raped by a ventriloquist's dummy

and has a sexual awakening.

-Oh. -Yes, that's what I said.

But the breakout movie in shot-on-video

was "Blood Cult," 1985.

"Blood Cult" somehow managed to reach the shelves

of every video store in the country,

even though it's pathetically lame.

Oklahoma college students are being stalked and killed

by a psycho who turns out to be part of a cult

that practices human sacrifice.

It's basically "Blood Feast"

20 years later with even worse special effects.

For whatever reason... [Laughter]

and that reason was probably the box art, you know,

'cause it had this giant gleaming cleaver

that was kind of in motion.

But "Blood Cult" became the bad movie

everybody saw at least once,

and that led to "Blood Lake," "Cannibal Campout,"

"Twisted Illusions," "Demon Queen."

Have you heard of all these, Austin?

-No. -Um, "Video Violence."

-Mnh-mnh. "Phantom Brother,"

and literally dozens more because, as I pointed out,

the regional shot-on-video movement went on

for a couple of decades.

A lot of them ended up on the Troma distribution list.

You can still buy them from Troma

at horror conventions and online.

But if I had to sum up what all these films have in common,

it's that one fanatical movie fan

with the idea for a horror flick

and unlimited energy but a person

who had never studied film language

put whatever was in his brain on videotape.

So you know...

It's -- it's like you know when you go to

the Metropolitan Museum or the National Gallery of Art

and they always have this section

called "primitive art" or "folk art"

and it's paintings by people who never learned how to draw?

A lot of times it's guys in prison who are self-taught

or people who lived in remote rural areas

who don't even have the proper materials for painting

or a lot of time it's people making masks or jewelry

or drinking cups,

and the resulting art object looks like maybe a child did it.

You now, the perspective's off and the details are eccentric.

Okay, same thing.

Same thing with shot-on-video movies.

You have to look at it as a guy inventing his own film language.

Does that make sense? You know, probably not.

But at any rate, you're gonna see what I mean

as we return to the 1983 video slasher "Sledgehammer."

Roll it.

What is the one...

Grandma Moses.

That's the one I was trying to think of.

Grandma Moses made up her own rules of painting.

Some of her paintings look like they were done

by a really talented child.

You know how a child puts a line across the middle of the drawing

to separate the sky from the land

and always puts the sun up at the top

and stuff like that?

I don't think it's primitive art,

I think the term is folk art 'cause

primitive art is like Matisse or Frida Kahlo.

Although the term "folk"

that makes me think of Peter, Paul and Mary.

And I don't wanna think about Peter, Paul or Mary

because then I'll think about "Puff the Magic Dragon."

And once I think about "Puff the Magic Dragon,"

that'll be inside my head for the next three months

and I'll have to go smash some Peter,

Paul and Mary records with a sledgehammer,

which will piss off the vinyl collectors.

So let's just not go there.

And see, I just infected the entire

"Last Drive-In" audience.

Nobody will be able to get the tune out of their head.

They have another one like that

besides "Puff the Magic Dragon."

"Blowing in the Wind."

[ Laughter ]

Yep. The answer, my friend.

I better stop because we're out in the woods.

Somebody's gonna come after us with a sledgehammer.

"This Land Is Your Land."

Are the doors locked?

[Laughter]

"Leaving On a Jet Plane."

Austin, stop me.

[ Laughter ]

♪♪

[Static]

♪♪

♪♪

-Good stuff, huh.

-Good.

-[Roaring]

[Laughter]

-If you're trying to turn me on,

it's not working.

-Yeah?

That ghost stuff really had you going, didn't it, tootsie.

-[Chuckles] Me? -Yeah, you.

-You were the one ready to wet your pants.

-Bull. I was just playing along.

-Playing along, huh? Look at this guy.

-Yeah, that's right, ass breath. [Blows raspberry]

-Your ass is lying.

I've never seen anyone so scared.

Another minute of that, you would have ran down

the mountain screaming for mommy.

-Hey. -Mom, mom, mom.

-I'm not talking to you. Enough's enough.

Now knock it out. -Boo-hoo.

-Big bad John shaking in his boots.

Stop it, Jimmy.

[All imitating ghosts]

-I said stop. I'm not gonna tell you again.

Now knock it off right now.

-Anything you say, sweet pea.

-Come on, you guys. knock it off.

-What the hell you doing? It was all a joke.

-A joke? -It was a gag.

Me and Joey set the whole thing up.

-Yeah, well, you scared the hell out of us.

-Wasn't it fun? -Hey, real funny.

-I owe you for this one, buddy.

-I think we all owe you for this.

-Hey, buddy Come on, knock it out.

No. Come on, you guys.

-We all owe you for this, buddy.

[All screaming]

-Anybody got a bar of soap!

[Ominous music plays]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Indistinct conversations]

-Dirty ears?

Dirty big ears. -Cradle, cradle

-What you doing? Come on. Get out of here.

-Baby? Kids.

Kids. -Baby boy.

-I think I'm gonna head up to clean the jeans here, Joni.

-Two points, two girls.

[Indistinct conversation]

Huh? I'm not playing.

-And... --You excited about.

-Yeah.

-Alright.

[Indistinct conversations]

-Let's go upstairs.

-No, not now.

-We can just talk. You won't have to do anything.

-Do we have anything talk about?

-No. You and I, just anything.

-[Chuckles] We're fine. What do you mean?

-Okay.

Alright. You don't want to go upstairs?

I'll just take my off my top right here in front

of everyone and embarrass you.

-Come on. -Yeah?

-Yeah. -Yeah? You don't care?

Really? -I don't care.

-Okay. -Okay, okay.

Come on, let's go.

[Can thuds]

[Indistinct conversations]

-[Exhales sharply] -Joni.

[Indistinct conversations]

-Now, where did he go?

-Probably cooking up another scheme with Joey.

-I they have any sense, they're peaking in

on Jimmy and Carol.

-He doesn't have to that for his thrills.

I see to that. Is that how you get yours?

-Well, love. -You just wait.

-I've been waiting two years.

[Ominous music plays]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Why have you been acting so funny?

-[Scoffs] What do you mean?

I haven't been acting funny.

-You haven't been acting funny?

-No.

-Well, all I know is I think that you've been treating me

like I haven't been here for the last couple of days.

Look.

I even got us a surprise.

-[Sighs]

-Come on, sweetheart. What's the matter?

-Nothing.

Nothing's the matter.

-It's obvious something's the matter.

You're shaking like a leaf.

-Nothing's wrong. Really.

-You never have, have you?

-[Scoffs] Don't be silly.

Of course I have.

[Ominous music plays]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Jesus, you scared the hell out of me!

-[Indistinct] You scared me, too.

-What are you doing here? -Just bite my hat off.

I was looking for you. What else?

-I'm sorry. -

-Chuck, what's the matter?

What's that on your hand?

-I-It's blood. -What?

-There's a lot of it on the floor.

I think it's Joey's.

-What's the joke this time, Chuck?

-This is no -- no joke.

I came here to find Joey,

and there's a lot of blood on the floor.

-That's it?

[Scoffs] You can do better than that.

Joey can be anywhere in this old house.

What makes you think he's not playing a joke on you this time?

-Joni, this is real blood.

I don't know how or why, but I think Joey's

been hurt.

-Okay, let's go tell the others.

-No, not yet.

I want to look for him first, I guess I could be wrong.

I don't want to say anything without being sure.

-You're really serious?

-Very.

[Ominous music plays]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-[Screaming]

♪♪

Oh, my God.

[Sobbing]

-Joni, what is?

Oh, shit.

Listen to me, Joni.

You have to go upstairs and get Jimmy and Carol.

Can you do that for me? Don't tell them anything.

Just bring them down here, but don't tell them anything.

Can you do that? Can you?

Okay, go.

[Ominous music playing]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-What's wrong, man?

-We've got big trouble.

♪♪

I don't -- I don't know how to tell you this.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-[Screams]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Joni, Joni! What the hell's going on here?

-Come on, man! Check it out!

-[Screaming]

-Joni, it's okay. -It's gonna be okay.

-We're going downstairs. Yell if you find anything.

-You'll be the first to know.

My ass will go flying to the first window I can find.

♪♪

[Static]

-Okay, this is the most interesting part of the movie

because you have this necrophiliac sex scene.

Um, isn't that what you call that?

When you try to have sex while acting like a dead body?

I think that's a real fetish.

I mean, their eyes are closed,

they're doing those close-mouthed kisses,

they're hardly moving, there's that slow-mo

shot of their thighs, and then Jimmy is in

such a trance that he doesn't notice her neck

being snapped by the Lumberjack Howdy Doody Railroad

Worker Killer.

Isn't that what you use a sledgehammer for?

Railroad spikes and watermelon destruction?

I think those are the only two things.

Well, breaking rocks in prison I guess.

But anyway, Jimmy is like a zombie

Hall & Oates video with a blank stare

when he gets sledgehammered through the gizzards.

I thought it was a great reveal of the killer, though.

He's giant and he's creepy,

and he's apparently from another dimension.

Sandy Brooke is the name of the actress

who plays the now dead Carol,

who was trying to juice up the hormones of Jimmy.

She's one of the few people in the movie

who was actually in show business.

She'd been a model from the age of 10

since her mom was a model,

and then in her early 20s, she went hippie

and she moved to Hawaii to live in a commune.

And then she came back to L.A. to act in a few cheap movies,

including this one and "Nightmare Sisters,"

the Roberta Findlay movie.

And then in her late 20s she started

a "special event video" business.

I'm not sure what that means.

I think it means you're a videographer

at weddings and stuff, and she was doing so well

with that that she had no time for acting,

and then she really did move

more than 50 miles from civilization

as they say in the movie.

She moved to Grass Valley in northern California

and lived in a log home for eight years

and ran Bear River Retreat,

which is one of those luxury lodges in the middle of nowhere.

And she's still living up there in the Tahoe National Forest

and doing charity work.

Anyhow, David Prior made this movie

in his apartment in Venice Beach,

and that's one of the other amazing things about the movie

because he had two rooms and a kitchen

and he made it look like all the rooms

in that house, which was up in Simi Valley, by the way,

distant L.A. suburb.

I'm not sure why they chose that A-frame house

because it doesn't look like it's 50 miles

from civilization, but alright.

You notice how long those establishing shots

are on the house?

He holds the establishing shot for, what, 10 seconds?

15 seconds?

When I watched this movie for the first time,

I was scribbling notes to myself.

You know, very interesting technique.

He summons the spirit of the killer

because you're watching that house

and the image holds for so long

you're expecting something to appear, you're waiting,

your eye is searching the frame,

you're looking for any kind of movement,

you're nervous, that's exactly what you would do

if you were in a house with a killer who appears

and disappears from another dimension.

But then I read an interview with David Prior

and he said he did that because the running time on the movie

was short so he needed to pad it out.

And I was so disappointed.

But, as they taught us in English class,

we shouldn't fall victim to the Intentional Fallacy.

The Intentional Fallacy is when you take

into account the intention of the creator

instead of simply looking at the work

as its own world separate

from whoever wrote it, directed it, shot it.

So I'm saying that he created a mood and a style

and a below-the-surface feeling by holding the establishing shot

so long it makes you uncomfortable.

I don't care what he intended to do.

And that's the great thing about shot-on-video,

they're inventing new technique.

Did anybody follow that? Intentional Fallacy

[Laughing] Okay, back to the movie.

[Laughter]

Don't get me started on literary theory,

because if you do, I'll start talking about Northrop Frye,

and believe me, nobody wants that.

And if I start talking about Northrop Frye,

I'll start talking about William Blake,

and then we'll really be somewhere you do

not wanna be when you tune in to "The Last Drive-In."

♪♪

I mean, if anybody would like to hear me recite "Kubla Khan"

by Samuel Taylor Coleridge, I'd be happy to do that.

-No. We're watching "Sledgehammer."

It's cool. No.

-See, I told you. They... [Laughter]

You don't want me to...

"In Xanadu did Kubla Khan a stately pleasure dome decree."

-No! [Laughter]

Okay.

♪♪

[Static]

♪♪

-Damn.

♪♪

Jesus.

[Pipe clanks]

Jesus Christ.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Both dead.

-Where you get that? -In the room.

Some crazy bastard used it to tear them to pieces,

and I want his ass.

[Sledgehammer dudes]

-Yeah, I know.

I want him too, but we have to figure out

what the hell's going on and calm down

and figure out what we're going to do about it.

-Calm down? What the hell you talking about?

We got some crazy bastard running around here

mauling our friends to pieces and you want me to calm down?

-John, I don't know about you, man,

but I want to come down with this man alive,

not carried in a bag.

We lose our cool now, we're gone.

-He's right, John.

-I'm not talking to you. Just shut up.

-You go to hell. We're talking about my life, too.

The only way any of us is going to get out of here

alive is to kill this bastard.

We've got to search this house from top to bottom,

find him, and tear his damn head off!

-That's stupid! How in the hell are we going --

-I told you to shut it! -Hold it!

Hold it right there! This isn't gonna solve a damn thing!

-Oh, you're gonna solve it, all right.

-Just listen. I know you want this asshole, man, and so do I.

But how?

If we go after him together, all he's got to do

is stay one step ahead of us, right?

-Yeah. So? -If we split up,

chances are he's gonna get us one at a time!

And even if we find him, do you think the girls can handle that?

I mean, Joni's practically in a state of shock,

and Mary's not far from it, either.

Think about it, John. Just think about it.

-Okay. I'm listening.

-Did you see anything? Any kind of clue?

-Nothing. -Okay. This is it.

I say we stay right here in this room until first light.

That can't be, what, maybe three, four hours from now?

First daybreak, we hike down off this mountain

to the nearest town. What do you say?

-[Sobbing] -What?

-Easy, Joni. -Joni, come on.

-Easy. -Joni, what's wrong?

-I can't stay here! -What's wrong? Come on.

We have to. You have to trust me, okay?

Come on. Come on, Joni. -I don't want to stay here!

-No! -Joni. Joni!

Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me.

We've got to say here. We've got to stay here.

Come on. We've got to stay here, baby.

We've got to stay here. Come on. Trust me.

Okay...

-[Sobbing] -We've got to stay here.

-[Sobbing]

-There's something bothering me, Chuck.

-What? -I mean, what makes a difference

if we wait till morning to hike out of here?

Just because it's daybreak doesn't mean we're gonna be safe.

-At least we'll be able to see what in the hell we're fighting.

-And you think we're gonna be able to hike

50 miles in one day?

And then spend another night out there.

-At least we'll be a damn good ways away from this place.

-Oh, yeah. Okay. I'll tell you what.

We'll do it your way.

But if anything else happens,

we hunt this sucker down and tear his head off!

-Damn right we do.

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-They left here in bags.

They were killed that night.

Brutally murdered right here in this house.

Right here in this room.

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Make no mistake, there was very little left to them.

Their bodies had been crushed, pounded to a pulp.

Their bones had been pounded over and over again

by a madman with a sledgehammer.

Until all that was left was a bloody heap

of mangled flesh and shattered bones.

♪♪

They never found the boy.

Some think he just flipped out and ran off,

maybe trying to find help in the forest.

If so, he probably died.

The police think the killer took the boy.

In either case, most believe him to be dead.

Hey! Hey, wait!

Hey, kid. Come on. Kid. Open the door.

Come on. Open the door. Hey, kid! Open it!

-[Coughs]

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It's the kid. It's the goddamn kid!

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[Static crackles]

-So, the sledgehammer is appearing and disappearing,

the little kid is appearing and disappearing,

but also John is appearing and disappearing.

And I think when he vanishes and then comes back,

he's gone back 10 years,

and he's opening the closet where the kid is imprisoned,

and they're showing us that the kid died in that closet,

therefore the current killer is a spirit being

who can transmogrify into flesh and blood

when he needs to dispatch an intruder.

I think.

See, if you were reading this

in Charleston, South Carolina, in the '90s,

you would have been able to have a discussion

with Darcy the Mail Girl

about, you know, the meaning of "Sledgehammer."

Right? And you would have known

because you were a dedicated Blockbuster employee.

-I don't think anyone knows the meaning of this, though.

-[Laughter] -I was -- I was --

I remember the years when Blockbuster was on every corner.

And you must have been really popular

to have gotten that job at Blockbuster.

-Well, yeah, that's totally what --

It was a total popularity contest.

But mine -- Like, we had one literally across the street.

It was that popular, and we had a giant one

that I worked at, and then right across the street

was another little baby Blockbuster.

-Yeah? Was it really your favorite job?

-Until now. -[Laughter]

-Another reason I thought of to explain the weird fascination

with these shot-on-video amateur movies in the '80s

is that they're like home movies.

You know, home movies are fascinating

because they're people you know,

but they're people you know

who are aware that they're being filmed,

therefore their behavior is different

than the behavior you know.

So the actors in these movies, you don't know these actors,

but you know people like these actors,

and the mundane way of speaking and acting and moving

means that after spending a few minutes with them,

they're all like somebody who lives next door,

and so there's a sort of comfort to it.

And added to that is the video image itself.

It's a dot pattern.

It lulls you into a comfort zone.

It's not like the hard, slick image of film.

It's warm and fuzzy.

In fact, you could use this emotional component

to explain the love of retro VHS in general.

There's something about the way the image flashes

when you turn it on that relaxes you.

It goes well with pot. Okay.

Aren't we being metatextual tonight?

Wait. Are we being metatextual

or intertextual or... extratextual?

I get them all mixed up. And I hate French intellectuals.

So we'll never know.

Most David Prior films -- I mentioned this before.

He was involved as a writer or director in about 50 films.

Most of them are set in Mobile, Alabama.

I'm not sure why.

If any Mobile actors are watching tonight,

send us your reminiscences about working in David Prior films

over the years.

After "Sledgehammer," though, he moved away from horror

because his first love was action,

and he made a movie called "Killzone."

He made one called "Mankillers,"

which is kind of "The Dirty Dozen"

but with an all-female cast.

And he created the genre of aerobic horror.

"Killer Workout," also known as "Aerobicide,"

is about a maniac who terrorizes a health spa

with a giant safety pin.

Much more popular than "Sledgehammer."

Darcy, you told me one time you have a relative

who was in "Killer Workout," right?

-My aunt was in it. -Oh, okay.

Did she wear leg warmers and stick out her butt a lot?

'Cause they had a close-up camera in the movie.

It's like six inches from the girls' butts

when they work out.

-She did. And she showed her boobs.

-Really?! -Mm-hmm.

-Wow! Does the family gather around

to watch "Killer Workout" from time to time?

-No. Honestly, she's so embarrassed of it now.

-Okay. Did they make that

in Mobile, Alabama, or South Carolina?

Or where'd they make it?

-I think it was an L.A. thing,

but we should definitely show that one.

-Okay. You say we should show it?

You're speaking up for a shot-on-video film.

-Hm. I don't think that one was shot on video.

-Really?

Do you know that if David Prior had not made "Killer Workout,"

we would not have "Death Spa," "Dance or Die, or "Slash Dance"?

-And that would be a tragedy.

-Okay, well, probably the most famous movie

of all David Prior films is "Deadly Prey,"

which is a "Rambo" rip-off,

or, as they would say today, a "Rambo" homage.

Many screenings of that in recent years

at places like Alamo Drafthouse

that are devoted to cult curiosities.

And it's especially well-known for a scene

where Ted Prior rips a guy's arm off

and beats him to death with the arm.

Ted Prior -- Chuck in this flick --

starred in many of his brother's films.

And he was -- Well, he was Blow in "Surf Nazis Must Die."

Many of you know that movie.

He was a Chippendales dancer at the time this movie was made,

and he parlayed that into becoming

the PlaygirlMan of the Month for March 1984.

Darcy, we should find his nude layout

and put that online.

-I am all over that one. -Okay.

Linda McGill, who plays Joni,

also had an aerobics connection.

She starred in "Shape-Up for Sensational Sex."

So let's get a still from that one, too.

-On it. -All right.

She was also the dream-sequence nude woman

in "Wicked World."

And then she retired from the screen, sadly,

just like your aunt.

This was the only role for John Eastman, who played John.

The only role for Janine Scheer, who played Mary.

It was one of two roles for Tim Aguilar,

the Geraldo Rivera mullet man,

as the sexophobe Jimmy.

It was one of two roles for Steve Wright, as Joey.

And it was the only role for Doug Matley, as The Killer.

And I have to say, I did laugh when John says,

"It's the kid! It's the goddamn kid!"

Since I think just about 100% of us

had figured that out already,

mainly because there -- there are no other suspects!

It's got to be some version of the kid.

And we'll now find out whichversion

as we return to the action-packed conclusion

of "Sledgehammer."

♪♪

"Semiotics" is actually the word I was looking for.

That's what we're doing here.

We are practicing the science of semiotics.

We are interpreting the signals in this movie.

One of you guys at the universities,

you need to do your PhD dissertation

on the semiotics in "Sledgehammer."

Count the number of beer cans,

get deep into the subliminal text on the food-fight scene,

write about 30 pages on how the sledgehammer itself

is the chosen weapon,

possibly because the young boy

had dreams of becoming a blacksmith, you know,

but his bitch mother turned him into

a sex-hating man-boy who can achieve orgasm

only by watching

the forged-metal end of the implement

penetrating skin, bone, and muscle.

You know, just go full-bore Freudian on this baby.

Or full-bore Lacanian

or whatever they do today in universities.

You guys think I'm kidding, but some guy

at Bowling Green State is taking notes on what I just said.

[Laughter]

♪♪

[Static crackles]

-[Grunting]

[Groans]

-John. John.

-[Groans]

[Coughs]

-John. John.

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Bastard!

You son of a bitch! Where are you?!

♪♪

John. John.

-[Sobbing]

-[Crying] I'll kill you!

[ Speaking indistinctly ]

No! No!

[ Indistinct shouting ]

-No! No!

No!

[ Indistinct shouting ]

No! No!

♪♪

-[Sobbing]

Oh, God!

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-Who are you?!

-Mommy was... I had to kill her.

She kept me away from Daddy. She was a bad mommy.

-That's not your mother.

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-Mom is bad...

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-Give me that knife.

Ohh! You little bastard.

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-No, Chuck! No!

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-Get out of the room.

-Chuck! Chuck! Chuck! Chuck!

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Chuck! Chuck! Chuck!

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[Screaming]

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[Sobbing]

[Screams]

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-[Breathing heavily]

Oh, G-- Oh. Oh.

[Screams]

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[Clattering]

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[Knife clatters]

-[Sobbing]

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Please. No. Please.

[Sobbing]

Please. No.

God. No! No!

[Screams]

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-Come on!

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Unnnnnhhh!

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[Static crackles]

-There were some genuinely nice effects

in that final sequence.

Nice scene where Joni clubs The Killer

with the baseball bat,

which was actually a wiffle-ball bat

painted black.

And a very nice sequence

where we see The Killer get bashed in the head

through The Killer's eye holes in his mask.

I'm not sure why you would switch to Killer point of view

in the final three seconds of his life.

But now that I think about it,

there were quite a few previous point-of-view shots

with The Killer looking through bushes

or approaching doors or climbing stairs.

So the kid is a killer, and he's a shape-shifter.

And if you try to kill the kid,

you can't because there's an invisible wall,

but when he turns into a giant oaf with a sledgehammer,

you can't really knife him,

but you can kick him in the balls to great effect.

I want to mention the music again, too.

They had a fake name on the music credits,

but that type of synthesizer score

would be used on a lot of horror movies in the '80s.

They called that "hum and shiver."

The hum and shiver synth track.

Shot in seven days

inside David Prior's apartment in Venice, California.

Was not released for a couple of years.

They couldn't get a release on it

until David Prior made "Killzone."

And when Shapiro Entertainment picked up "Killzone,"

Prior convinced them to go ahead and distribute

"Sledgehammer" along with it.

So the movie fell into obscurity for about 30 years.

And then Clint Kelly, a Baltimore fanboy,

fell in love with the movie

and made it his life's work

to acquire the rights and get it released on DVD.

He was obsessed.

And eventually he did get it released

on the Intervision label of Severin.

And inspired by "Sledgehammer,"

he became an ultra-low-budget director-writer himself.

Sadly, David Prior was planning a "Sledgehammer 2"

at the time of his death in 2015 at the age of only 59.

And, oh, my God, Darcy,

you're now a homicidal Blockbuster employee!

-I always was.

[Laughter]

It really was my favorite job. Until now.

-Really?

You don't have to say "until now."

-By the way... -We're --

This is late. You owe some fees on that.

-That is probably worth $20 by now.

This is a clamshell.

Where was your Blockbuster? -Charleston.

-So, you know all about

the bottom-feeders section of the store.

What do you really think of "Sledgehammer"?

-It's cute? -[Laughter]

-It's not technically a good movie,

but it's a really fun watch.

I admire that they decided to just go for it

and make their own damn movie like Uncle Lloydy says.

And it's amazing that it's still loved

and talked about all these years later.

-Were you aware of it before now?

Did you know about "Sledgehammer"?

-I was and I wasn't.

I didn't know the director's name.

But turns out he directed

one of my favorite movies, "Raw Justice."

I used to watch that all the time when I was younger.

Oh, and, of course, "Killer Workout," especially

because of my aunt.

-So, "Raw Justice" is, um --

That's the one with Stacy Keach

and David Keith and Pamela Anderson?

-Yes, I was obsessed with Pam Anderson.

Plus, I do have a total crush on Ted Prior.

-The guy who plays Chuck? -Yeah. He's cute as heck.

But, you know, he also did the effects,

so brains plus brawn equals a dreamy combo.

-What was the main thing you liked

about working at Blockbuster?

-I mean, it was just a bunch of us movie nerds

hanging out every day,

and we got all the "bottom-feeder" movies first.

Like, I felt in power.

It's like, "I got this a month early, y'all. What's up?"

-I see what you -- I see the other movie

that you brought me.

-What -- Oh, well. This one's just art, but --

I thought it might inspire you.

-Yeah, well, okay.

Sometime in the late '80s, I went to a convention

of mom-and-pop video stores in Owensboro, Kentucky,

and I had a booth there,

but I had to share the booth with Thomas the Tank Engine.

And Thomas the Tank Engine was much more popular than me.

So, was Thomas the Tank Engine --

Was he a popular Blockbuster rental?

-Always. -Okay.

I think I know who's getting the Silver Bolo.

Is it the one I suggested to you?

-It certainly is.

It's called SOVhorror.com,

and it's a website and a documentary video series

and a podcast.

And it's the most comprehensive guide

to shot-on-video horror on the Web.

-How appropriate for VHS Night.

-Founded 20 years ago by Tony Masiello of San Diego.

They go out and find filmmakers and actors who worked

on shot-on-video films,

including Doug Matley of "Sledgehammer" fame.

-They found Doug Matley?

I was looking for information on Doug Matley.

Did Doug have anything interesting to say about being

the sledgehammer-wielding lumberjack?

-He said they didn't spend a lot of time

on character development.

-Oh, that's so shocking. Okay.

How comprehensive are they at the podcast?

'Cause a lot of this stuff is very obscure.

It's very hard to find. -Very.

-The podcast is called "SOBs Who Love SOV."

They have a YouTube review series titled

"B-Movie Madness!!" hosted by Jonathon Knight.

And they have another video series

hosted by the founder in which Tony discusses

his favorite SOV films while drinking beer.

-Really? That's so irresponsible

to drink beer while you're hosting a show.

-And they sell the shot-on-video DVDs,

shirts, pillows, and other merch.

-What's Tony's day job? What does he --

-Actually, he works on big-budget movies.

He's done visual effects for "The Amazing Spider-Man 2"

"Shrek 2," "Maleficent,"

and, most importantly, "Clownado."

-He did "Clownado" visual effects?!

-He says that SOV horror is his way of saying thank-you

to the genre that inspired him to get into the film industry.

-Excellent. All right.

Yuki, um, please take this Silver Bolo,

awarded for excellence in horror media.

Verify that it's genuine silver

and see that it's transported to San Diego for Tony Masiello,

who now becomes a lifetime friend of "The Last Drive-in."

And now we're going deep, deep, deep

into the pits of straight-to-video hell.

You know what movie I'm talking about.

-Oh, man, I do. -Should I say it?

-No, you should probably keep it a surprise

so people don't leave us.

-Thanks a lot for that

ringing endorsement for our second movie.

All right.

I hope this is not your first time watching

"The Last Drive-in,"

because we're testing the audience tonight.

So I'll just say that I'm Joe Bob Briggs

reminding you that it don't take a genius

to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

The drive-in will never die.

Blonde joke? -Why not?

Three women are on a boat --

a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead --

when all of a sudden they crash on this island.

And they comb the island for anything that might be of help,

and they come upon a magic lamp.

So, all three of them rubbed the lamp at the same time,

so each one of them gets a wish.

So, the redhead goes first and she says,

"I wish to go home."

So, poof, she's home.

Brunette goes next.

Her wish is to be a successful businesswoman in New York.

So, poof, she's transported to New York

as a successful businesswoman.

The blonde goes last and she says,

"I'm so lonely. I want my friends back."

[Laughter]

♪♪