Original subtitles

[Static crackles]

-I don't think they do heroin right in the movies.

I don't think your eyes bug out

and you start doing reverse somersaults

under the interstate bridge after shooting some Horse.

You know, I really think it's more like you become

a limp vegetable,

like a lima bean that's been soaked in sunflower oil,

but it feels like you're floating through the air

on the back of a unicorn. You know what I mean?

You look at a hardcore junkie who's just injected,

what's your first thought?

"Hey, is he alive? Somebody punch him."

Right? I mean, Those opioid ODs in rural West Virginia --

opioids are forms of heroin, right?

Those opioid ODs, how do they find em?

Their car is pulled over to the side of the road

next to the Autozone and they're kinda catty-corner

to the steering wheel,

passed out like they had too much fried chicken.

That's why -- people, listen to me --

everybodyshould keep a Narcan sprayer in their car.

you see a zombie fried on the sidewalk -- spray that dude!

You don't need medical training for that and it works instantly.

I don't know why it's not required safety equipment.

Okay, I'll get to that in a minute.

Darcy, I'm way off topic here. Help me.

-You haven't even started the topic.

-Right.

Um, "Fried Barry"!

"Fried Barry"! That's the second movie tonight.

And it all starts with heroin.

Darcy the Mail Girl is here

to field your tweets and messages.

Darcy, how much heroin do you do in an average day?

[Laughs] Well, exactly.

We don't know about the inner life

of the heroin addict, do we?

'Cause we don't do enough heroin.

You know, but three years ago, Ryan Kruger in South Africa

made an experimental short film called "Fried Barry"

that's just a tall guy with wild hair shooting up

in a crummy warehouse in Cape Town,

and that's the whole movie --

what he's thinking, what he looks like,

what he thinks he looks like,

how his head feels with that ka-thumpa ka-thumpa

electronic dance music on the soundtrack because,

hey, the guy's head is exploding,

let's dance! [Laughs]

So "Fried Barry" the short went to 57 film festivals

all over the world and won 12 awards,

and I'm not surprised, because what are you doing

when you take your seat at an indie film festival?

You're screaming "Juice me up, man!

Show me something! Thrill me!"

I mean, you're not literally screaming that,

but film festivals are places where,

whoever puts the audience into a sensory overload trance

gets the award.

So that's why Ryan Kruger, the writer/director,

decided to turn "Fried Barry" into a full-length feature film,

and not only do we have it on the show tonight,

we have the world streaming premiere

of "Fried Barry" tonight.

This is our first world premiere since "Scare Package"

-[Tuts] Not true!

-What?

-"Hogzilla" was after "Scare Package."

-Hogzilla! Hogzilla! Hogzilla! Hogzilla!

Hogzilla! Hogzilla!

-Guys, guys, guys --

Darcy, I've told you to never mention that film on the show.

-Mention what?

-"Hogzilla"!

-Hogzilla! Hogzilla! Hogzilla! Hogzilla!

-Do you -- guys -- you see what you've created?

-And it's beautiful. Love it.

-[Sighs] It's annoying.

So before we start the movie,

I wanted to correct some misconceptions about heroin.

-So... -Really?

-[Laughs] -Okay.

It all starts with the poppy, right?

Right? I mean, you gotta go to Turkey or Afghanistan or Iraq

to get the full story on this flower --

you have to go to places that are on the State Department

"do not go here or guys named Sameer will cut your head off

on Youtube" warning list,

because people in those areas have been growing it

for 7,000years,

but basically these Neolithic party dudes

established the recipe that's never changed --

they cut the pods, they wait for the latex to seep out,

they collect it, and then they extract the good stuff.

Now, the "extracting the good stuff" stage,

that the important part.

You gotta have the finesse of Jimmy Russell,

master distiller at Wild Turkey, to know just how to do that.

So, whether you work for a criminal organization in Baghdad

or a pharmaceutical company in Switzerland,

you gotta know how to extract the happy.

That's why hippies were disappointed in the --

in the '60s -- when they -- remember when they imported

a bunch of poppy seeds and thought they could make heroin

up in Big Sur right alongside their weed farm?

Turn a hippie loose on the extraction stage

and you get permanent brain damage, okay?

So you got three basic ways to use the opium.

Medicine -- that way came later, you know,

but they did eventually use it to kill pain.

As a sleeping pill --

'cause the Latin name for the poppy is uh, uh,

"papaver somniferum," meaning it puts you to sleep.

You know, don't they run through a poppy field

in "The Wizard of Oz" and the Cowardly Lion falls to sleep?

Am I remembering that right? You know.

And then -- and then the third use is "Let's party!"

And that's why Thomas Jefferson had 9,000 poppy plants

and a whole poppy processing set-up

at his estate in Virginia.

That stuff was still there as late as 1987,

when the DEA had to go in there with axes and flamethrowers

as part of the war on drugs.

I would imagine those ladies in the gift shop at Monticello

in period costume were not amused by that.

Okay, jump ahead to 1806.

The Germans figure out a way to isolate the happy part of opium,

and they name it "morphine,"

after the god of dreams, Morpheus.

Now, pretty soon, doctors are just passing this stuff out

like candy -- they're using it for pain, mental problems.

They went through so much of it in the Civil War

that all the survivors came back home

shaking like bobblehead dolls --

they called it Soldier's Disease.

Okay, key moment in heroin history -- 1853. Why?

The hypodermic needle is invented.

They start using it in surgery, you can mainline it,

nobody has to throw up from eating the poppy paste.

And one more date -- 1898 --

invention of heroin.

They synthesized it from morphine.

Again, it was the Germans, specifically the Bayer company,

and they started selling it as a cough suppressant!

Who knew you could get high andstop coughing on heroin?

But I've actually seen coughing heroin addicts

so we need to check the science on that.

So, anyway, 11 years, heroin is legal.

Golden age of heroin.

1909...

Opium Exclusion Act --

bad news for heroin.

That kicks off the war on drugs.

1916, Bayer stops making heroin 'cause of bad PR.

But those wily Germans come up with something better --

oxycodone.

They made this stuff at the University of Frankfurt

as a way to get all the benefits of morphine andheroin,

as a way to continue the party.

And then Bayer heroin was totally banned in 1924 --

big surprise, you know, since alcoholic beverages

had been banned in 1919, so heroin was a no-brainer.

And then starting in 1950, we divide into two camps.

If you're a musician, you just keep taking heroin.

If you're a banker, you take Percodan which becomes Oxycontin

which becomes Percocet -- basically heroin in a bottle,

so that people with fear of needles

can still party like Thomas Jefferson.

Hence Heroin Nation, which is what we have today.

But as far as I know, nobody ever did heroin quite the way

Fried Barry does heroin,

and that's why we're honoring our indie-film colleagues

from South Africa tonight with the world premiere

of the ultimate heroin-addict, alien-abduction,

freeform road movie with the world premiere of...

"Fried Barry."

"Fried Barry" basically asks the question,

who has more moral authority, a junkie or a space alien?

And answersthat question.

The whole movie is set in the seedy back alleys

of Cape Town, South Africa,

which has quite a bit in common with the seedy back alleys

of Dayton, Ohio,

which we know from "Deadbeat at Dawn."

And one thing I can promise you --

you have never seen a movie quite like this.

So let's look at those drive-in totals and get started.

We have...

3 dead bodies.

3 breasts.

1 whangdoodle.

1 child army.

Chainsaw through the gizzards, with blood spray.

1 disgusting content warning.

1 accelerated pregnancy.

1 loony-bin escape.

Metal-rod head-bashing.

Wheelchair racing.

Motor vehicle chase.

Hooker-beating. Roof-jumping.

Space car floating through a fire.

2 fistfights. 1 back-alley beatdown.

Multiple Puke-a-Rama.

Heart attack healing.

Heart Attack inducement.

Loan sharking. Heroin cooking.

Full frontal.

Remote-control eye-blinking.

Attempted bar sex, with National Anthem.

Massive molly consumption, with alien rave dancing.

Bloody tooth-pulling with pliers.

1 alien abduction, with chest-lasering, brain-lighting.

Penis surgery.

Multiple red-water drowning scenes.

Gratuitous psychedelic intermission snack bar ads.

Blue Jean Jacket Fu.

Bloody Needle Fu.

Vortex Fu.

Water Hose Fu.

Electrocution Fu in the imaginary portion

of a homeless tent.

Drive-In Academy Award nominations for...

Bianka Hartenstein as the purple-haired prostitute

who will never again have sex without a condom.

Chanelle de Jager as the bitchy wife,

uh, Johnny Pienaar as the sadistic sex trafficker

with a chainsaw,

Gary Green, in the title role,

for learning what sound to make while having sex,

and Ryan Kruger, the writer/director

and would-be pimp who can't keep his ladies together.

Two and a half stars.

Joe Bob says check it out.

You know what?

I'm -- I'm -- I'm feeling good about "Fried Barry".

Three stars!

Joe Bob says check it out.

But I might be high.

You know, Nick Tosche --

You know, God bless him,

he found the last opium den.

You guys know Nick Tosche? He was a great writer --

rock 'n' roll writer for Rolling Stone.

Died very recently.

Nick was obsessed with finding a real opium den.

So about, I don't know, 20 years ago, Nick went in search

of this -- of the old-school opium dens, you know,

where you lie on couches and they serve you,

and he found the last one still legally operating --

it was in Thailand.

And what I didn't understand until Nick informed us

about opium dens is that they were always brothels.

You know, the opium pipe was half the experience,

but whileyou're doing the opium pipe,

you're being serviced in a second way by a woman,

if you know what I mean, and I think you do.

And I guess the same went for women using the opium den --

I guess you had a man or a woman doing some kind of sexual act

on you while you sucked on the pipe.

But the guy who ran the last opium den in the world,

he was really old, and when he died,

the whole art of it was gonna die.

But Fried Barry, though, would nothave liked an opium den,

'cause Fried Barry wanted a quick hit,

whereas in the opium den, you stayed there the whole day --

it was sort of like wrapping your brain in a hot towel

for a few hours, whereas heroin was like

stabbing your brain with a fire poker.

Not that I have anything against that.

♪♪

[Static]

-When you watch this film, you need to be sure

that it's suitable for the audience around you.

This film has been classified 18,

which means it's for adults only and no one else.

It's an offense for anyone to supply this film

to anyone under that age.

18 films may contain explicit language,

nudity, and strong scenes of high-impact sexual violence,

which could be graphic and disturbing to those at home.

Certificates are there for you to make the right choice

and to inform others to have knowledge of the film

before viewing.

Thanks for listening and enjoy the film.

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-Where the hell have you been, Barry? Hmm?

Sticking that needle inside of yourself again, eh?

[Speaking Afrikaans]

Huh?

Come hell or bloody high water,

I promise you the next time you leave us alone like this,

I'm gone. You hear me?

"Yes, Suz, it's going to be better.

I promise you it's going to be better."

Every time, "Yes, Suz. Yes, Suz."

It's getting worse! Bullshit!

It's getting worse!

Do you think it's easy for us alone here?

Do you think it -- we -- we don't need you?

-He doesn't even look like me.

He doesn't even look like you!

♪♪

-So now, all of a sudden, you're not the father?

You're absolutely fucking right, you're not the father!

You don't feed him, you don't clothe him,

you don't love me, nothing! [Stammers]

[Speaking Afrikaans]

Useless piece of shit! Useless!

[Plate clatters]

-Fuck this shit!

I don't need this.

-Barry.

Barry, baby, please!

Jesus Chris, please don't. Barry!

Come back.

-It's okay.

-I can't get another? -Not any more.

-I wish that was the case, you know. [Speaking Afrikaans]

-[Scoffs]

-Then I work up to the [Speaking Afrikaans],

like yes, I was like, how much did I fucking drink?

-Wait. Hey, Barry. -Where's my money?

-I was actually coming to see you right now. Ask her.

-We were on the way! -I want my fucking money.

-Listen... -We -- we were fucking coming.

We were coming, okay? -I'll have it on Tuesday.

-Where is it? -Tuesday.

-Just fuck him up.

-Better have it Tuesday.

or...that.

-What?

-Should have fucking taken that out, man. Fuck.

What does this fucker know?

-Fuck. Let's go.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Barry! Same as usual?

-Yeah.

-How's the wife?

-Ah.

-That bad, huh?

♪♪

♪♪

-Barry.

[Speaking Afrikaans]

...Baz, everything all right?

-Ach, it's okay.

-Okay.

-Glad you're here, been having this thought all day --

Barry, Barry, focus.

Why do cartoons have gloves?

-You tell me. -I don't know, Barry,

I'm asking you. Think about it.

Pinocchio, gloves as the puppet, little boy, no gloves anymore.

Disney said it was because of the fingers -- too hard to draw.

I get that, totally.

Mickey Mouse though, okay, gloves.

But in the beginning, he didn't have gloves.

So 1927, in Plane Crazy, like Felix the Cat,

black feet, black hands.

Alright, 1928, Steamboat Willie, had shoes for the first time.

1929, on the piano -- love that tune. [Whistles]

Fucking brilliant, right? Suddenly, he had gloves. Okay?

But he's not a human, is he? Okay? Is he a man?

-Well, he's not a woman.

-No! No! No! No! He's a mouse, alright,

so why does he have fingers and gloves and everything else?

But here's the thing that freaks me out the most.

Barry, if he's a mouse, why does he have a dog?

He's got Pluto, it's a dog.

Now, Disney will say it's anthropomorphic, okay.

Gloves make him look more human so you can understand.

But I go deeper.

I think that Disney was around during vaudeville, right?

So I think he was a little bit racist.

I know it, cause I'm a little bit racist --

that's why I like coming here, okay?

So he would watch minstrels -- black face, white gloves.

What's Mickey Mouse? Black face, white gloves.

Hey? Hey?

-Yeah. Yeah.

-[Imitates explosion]

Do you know what I like about you, Barry?

You don't say much, but you're a good listener.

You got any plans today?

-No. I don't.

-Me neither. My place.

-Lofty, thanks, bud.

Buy yourself something pretty.

Thanks, Lofty. Let's go.

-[Speaking Afrikaans]

-Okay, Lofty.

-Who's going to pay for this?

♪♪

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♪♪

-[Distorted] You used to be a runner, didn't you, Barry?

-[Distorted] Yeah, 100 meters.

[Normally] Uh, 400 meters track.

Trail running at night in the mountains.

-[Normally] Nice.

[Laughs] I always think heroin addicts

would make the best nurses

'cause they can always find a vein.

-Yeah, a little closer, Barry. You don't mind sharing, do you?

-Needles are expensive.

♪♪

[Distorted] Some things you just can't run away from.

♪♪

You answer that.

Goodbye, Barry.

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[Thunder claps]

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[Electricity crackles]

[Distorted noise]

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[Electrical buzzing]

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[Distorted screaming]

[Whirring]

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[Chimpanzee screeching]

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[Distorted screaming]

[High-pitched chattering]

[Electricity charging up]

♪♪

[Whirring]

[Electricity oscillating]

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[Motor grinding]

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[Beeping]

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[Distorted screaming]

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[Distorted screaming]

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[Dog yelps]

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-Like, this happens every single fucking time.

Like I'm the one who forgets my wallet.

-And then you check her out.

-You check out that stupid bitch in there.

-There's no way on Earth. -Oh, please.

Let's go. Looks fucking weird, come on.

-Let go!

-Hey, hey. -Whoa! Stop! Whoa!

-Hey, Jeff. hey.

-Both: Hey.

-Hey! -Dude!

[Laughter]

-Oh, sorry, man.

-Hey, um, I'll be your dude.

I mean, I'm --

-He will.

So, um...

Do you make chicken sandwiches, bro?

-Maybe... -Chips?

-Two of them.

-Milkshake.

-[Speaks indistinctly] -[Laughs]

-Bleugh. -[Laughs]

-You're a -- you're a good listener, man.

He's a good guy. You're a good guy.

-We're just -- we're just messing with you, right?

-Hey, I think it's our Uber.

-Uber! Uber!

-You want some good stuff, man?

-It's really good stuff. The Charlie, man. It's Charlie.

-Claire, come on, let's get back inside.

[Speaking Afrikaans]

-I'm feeling so sick, I don't wanna --

-What did you eat?

-[Crying]

-What the hell are you looking at?

Come. Come. -No!

Come, come, come, come! -I don't wanna go!

I don't --

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[Laughter]

♪♪

-Unh-unh. [Laughs]

You will never, never get the pussy.

You wear your face like a baboon and expect the pussy

to come running towards you. [Laughs]

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

On this day, pussy has alluded you, my friend.

♪♪

-Two beers, please.

Catching flies there, lad, better close your mouth.

You two boys look like you need a bit of Strange.

-Strange? What is Strange?

-What? You don't know what strange pussy is?

I picked her up about an hour ago,

she's gagging for it.

This one here, she's special, you know?

She's fucking special.

You know I would hide every fucking chair in the world

just for her to sit on my face. You know what I mean?

-What are you guys talking about?

-Oh, nothing. Uh, Football 2-1. Definitely gonna win.

-So Danny, boy, uh, we got to go.

-Oh, what, why?

-Work, thanks for the drinks. Bye.

-Oh, no! Just wait.

♪♪

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The toilet is that way.

♪♪

[Gasping]

-[Humming]

♪♪

-[Moans]

-[Humming continues]

-Hey, hey! What the fuck is this, now, huh?

-No sucky, sucky here. Come, come, come, come.

Go, you, go!

And you, it's the second time today!

♪♪

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-Hey, good looking guy! Lots of ladies in here tonight.

You buy one, you get two. It's free entry, free entry.

Come on in there, my guy.

[Indistinct shouting]

[Club music playing]

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Hey! [Giggles]

Are you having a good time?

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Do you want to have a better time?

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-How many can I get you?

[Indistinct conversation]

One, two -- [Gasps]

No, no, don't!

What the hell? Are you fucking crazy!

What the fuck is wrong with you? Shit!

[Haezer's "Ghetto" plays]

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♪ Ghetto ♪

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-Make some noise, whoo!

♪ Ghetto ♪

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-Man, the one time I came to this club,

and there was a beautiful girl,

and she had the biggest tits you've ever seen,

and she walked up me on the dance floor --

she grabbed hold of me and she put my face in her tits.

I didn't know what to do because I could hardly breathe

but I didn't care, so I grabbed them,

and I said, "Let's go." We went for a dance

on the dance floor again and then I broke down

and sat down and got up and then we came back to the bar

and she gave me a shooter, and was just like mind-blowing, man.

And then she took me back to her place

and we got back to her place. I got inside.

I didn't know what to do because I was so scared

because she was a big girl.

And all of a sudden she jumped on me

and smothered me with her boobs. -Hey, uh...

and I couldn't breathe.

And then she whipped it out -- she was a man!

I didn't know what to do with myself.

What kind of music are you into, man?

You into oldies or newbies? Let me guess, oldies.

-Oldies. -Oldies.

I love the oldies, man.

Love the oldies.

-Newbies. -Newbies!

Newbies, I love the newbies, too.

Don't get me wrong I also love the newbies.

You know, when you get down on the dance floor,

and the beat's --

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-Fuck off, fucking faggot.

-Pst, come here. Hey, come here.

Yeah, man. Hey, what's your name, man?

You like -- like to play? Hello?

[Splashing]

[Shouts]

Ahhhh, God!

Argh! [Hissing] Argh!

[Shouting continues]

-So, you coming back to my place?

-My place?

-No, man, I live around the corner, it's closer.

-Yeah? -Yeah.

[Static]

-Apparently one of the advantages

of being abducted by aliens

is that everybody you meet will want to offer you

either drugs or sex.

You know, I have a question, though.

When they did the alien surgery,

they went in directly through his dick?

You know, tell me if I'm describing this accurately.

First, Barry is enveloped in a misty red light.

Then some force lifts him up into the air,

he loses his shoes, his arms start twitching,

he ends up floating in space, he screams in agony,

he runs around in a loin cloth,

he encounters a two-faced monster with a puffy face,

he lies nekkid on a bier,

he sees a masked man approaching,

and then "something painful" gets inserted into his penis

so that the aliens can then laser his chest,

stick stuff in his butt and his mouth,

and envelop his brain in blue light so that he thinks of

himself drowning in red water --

and all that makes dogs afraid of him

once he's back in Cape Town. Did I get that right?

Oh, and every woman now wants to have sex with him.

Does that about sum it up?

-Yeah, that's about it.

You know what we have to do.

I mean, it wasn't a mangled dick,

but it was one of the most prominent dicks

we've ever seen in a feature film,

so I think it's time to call Felissa Rose,

star of "Sleepaway Camp",

our resident Mangled Dick Expert.

What do you say? Let me call her up here...

Got her on speed dial...

[Dialing, line ringing]

-Mangled Dick?

-Felissa, this is a little different movie.

We're watching "Fried Barry" from South Africa,

and we have an alien abduction scene, and um...

-Ohh, where they laser the dick?

Yeah, well, maybe that's what they do.

They insert some kind of probe directly into the end of it.

-Those are Proxima Centaurians. Yup, that's what they do.

-Those are what? -Those are aliens

who live on Proxima Centauri B.

You know, they're only 4 light years away from us

so they're always raping us.

-Say what now?

-[Laughs] Really?

Well, uh, why do they do that?

-They're just perverts.

-[Laughs] That's it?

-Yeah. They, you know -- they want to experience every kind of

human sex, and they alwaysgo for the dick.

[Laughs] Is that a good thing?

-Going for the dick? Uhh, it's a great thing.

But they're not fun people.

-Well, it seems like they puke a lot.

-Ugh, they definitely have fetishes.

-Okay, Felissa.

Your -- your Dick Knowledge is amazingly deep.

-So... -Oh, you know [Laughs]

You know we can always go deeper.

-Alright, thank you, Felissa.

-Oh, thank you, Joe Bob.

You know, I do enjoy dick even when not mangled,

so I appreciate the opportunity.

-Okay, somehow, we already knew that, Felissa.

Bye 'til next time.

Well, there you have it.

There you have it -- Fried Barry,

played by Gary Green, is inhabited by

a kinky creature from outer space,

and unbeknownst to him, he's landed in

one of the kinkiest cities in the world --

underground Cape Town.

Back to the movie.

[Sighs] You know, I've never been to Cape Town,

but the only acting award I ever won

was from the South African Horrorfest,

for a role in a short film,

so obviously, these people know what they're doing, you know?

I was gonna go accept the award,

and then you look at the flight possibilities to Cape Town

and it's like, fly direct for $30,000

or do connections for $300, but it'll take 4 days and 16 hours,

and you'll change planes nine times,

including changing at airports where they have guys in camo

with AK-47s greeting the planes.

So, yeah, I'm just gonna wait til I have a couple years off

before I go down there.

Did you notice in that one scene with Fried Barry's wife,

she was speaking Afrikaans?

You know, I-I need time to study my Afrikaans phrase book

before I go.

And I always do that, by the way.

I always learn the local lingo before I travel.

I can say the sentence "I don't speak your language"

in 45 different languages.

[Static]

-It was such a jolt tonight. Those tunes were wicked.

I fucking love that DJ. [Laughs]

And then I saw your crazy ass on the dance floor.

You ready to have some more fun?

[Laughs]

It's been a while since I've fucked someone.

[Laughs]

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Hey, big boy.

[Woman panting, moaning]

Do you like that you see?

So why don't you come over here?

[Laughs] Always the shy ones, isn't it?

♪♪

[Moaning continues]

Don't be shy now.

I want you to fuck me like that.

[Laughs]

[Fabric rustling]

Oh, come on. There we go.

Oh, oh, oh.

Come on. Oh, yeah, that's better.

♪♪

♪♪

[Moaning intensifies]

[Moans]

♪♪

[Moaning intensifies]

Fuck's sakes, make some noise.

-Whoo!

-Ah. -Whoo!

-[Moaning]

Oh!

[Moans, panting]

[Laughs] Fuck, I needed that.

[Laughs]

Mm. [Sighs]

You're gonna have to go now. You can't stay here.

♪♪

♪♪

-Oh gosh, really?

-Oh, wait a second. Check, check, check.

-Oh! Oh, look. Mm.

Hello, handsome.

Want to have some fun?

♪♪

I'll take that as a "yes."

[Gasps]

-It's cold tonight, isn't it? -Bye, mate, have fun.

-Why don't you want me?

What is wrong with me? -No, man.

-Is it this? -Listen!

Why don't you like me?

-Sticky Vicky, no!

-You liked me on Friday.

-No! It's fucking Thursday, man.

Do you know what I get up to on Thursdays?

-What does it matter what day of the week it is?

-Listen here, lollipop, I'm waiting for fucking her.

[Sucks teeth]

Hey, hey, where the fuck have you been?

-Fuck off, Peter. -Okay. Okay.

Bye-ee, see you later you fucking bitch!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Moaning]

♪♪

♪♪

[Moaning, panting]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-[Strained shouting]

-[Gasping, panting]

Oh, my God!

You're quite the organ pusher, aren't you?

♪♪

♪♪

Oh.

♪♪

Oh! Oh, shit.

Argh!

Jesus Christ, what the fuck?

Oh, fuck! Oh, oh, oh!

Oh, shit.

Oh! Argh!

[Screams]

Oh, fuck!

[Screaming]

[Groaning]

[Moaning]

♪♪

♪♪

Oh!

[Groaning]

♪♪

[Baby crying]

Oh, shit. What the fuck?

[Baby crying]

[Groans]

♪♪

Oh, shit.

What the fuck?

Oh, my God.

What the fuck?

♪♪

-What the fuck happened?

Whose baby is that?

-It came out of me,

b-but it's not mine.

Oh, my God. What the f...

-Get the fuck out. Get out.

Get the fuck out.

-What the fuck?

♪♪

-Okay, one more important consumer tip

if you're thinking of soliciting an alien abduction

so you can have random sex --

If you don't wear a condom,

you can not only get the hooker pregnant,

but she can go through all three trimesters

and give birth before you can get your pants back on.

I don't think we need to ask Felissa Rose in order to say,

that's some powerful alien dick.

And I like the fact that alien Fried Barry

has learned to say "woo woo" while having sex.

All right, let me give you some background on "Fried Barry."

Ryan Kruger is the writer and director.

Ryan was born in Wallasey,

which is across the River Mersey from Liverpool,

and he's half-English, half-South African.

He started making movies at age 14.

He attended the Guildhall School in London

because he wanted to be an actor.

He got a reputation making music videos for metal bands.

He got some minor acting roles in TV series and soaps,

and then he moved to Cape Town in 2008

to attend AFDA,

which is the main film school in South Africa,

and he started doing music videos again,

and he did some amateur boxing and wrestling.

And then the first project he did

that gained international attention

was the "Fried Barry" short in 2017.

Now, one reason it gained attention

is that Ryan Kruger is a tireless self-promoter.

He had it all over social media,

he entered it in 57 different film competitions,

and he got it reviewed by some major genre publications.

I really admire these guys who say,

"Okay, here's my movie.

Now I'm gonna get out there and make people watch it,

one person at a time," and they make that work for 'em.

So he was tireless with that, and it started to pay off.

He won some awards, some artists started doing

paintings and drawings of Fried Barry,

mostly because the actor, Gary Green, looks so weird.

And a couple of critics said,

"You know, it would be interesting

to see this as a feature."

Now, I saw the short, and I would never have said

"would be interesting to see it as a feature."

But anyway, that happened, and so he decided to make a feature.

The problem was, he didn't have a script,

and Gary Green is not really an actor.

He had mostly done extra work

when people needed a frightening look.

So Kruger comes up with the idea of an alien who can't speak

because he doesn't know the language,

and he said, "We don't need a script.

I'll just do a scene breakdown,

and we'll improv the whole thing."

And so that's what he did.

He never told Gary Green what was going on in the movie

until right before they shot each scene.

The result is "Fried Barry," and in some respects

it's exactly what you would think you would get

from that story -- a 100-minute music video.

But it grows on you just by sort of overwhelming your senses.

There are more than a hundred actors in this film.

Um...

This is the first and last time I'll ever be using this word,

so savor this moment --

It's Felliniesque.

[Laughter] Yes, I said it.

You know, he even does the distorted-image close-ups

of faces getting into Barry's face, you know?

Although Ryan never mentions Fellini as an influence.

He mentions John Carpenter,

he mentions David Cronenberg, Steven Spielberg.

You figure that out.

I can't see any resemblance to those guys.

But yes, I said Felliniesque,

so I have to go be ashamed of myself, but, um,

let's just roll the movie.

Go.

You know, I think "Felliniesque" is even worse than "Kafkaesque."

You know?

Nobody knows what either of them really mean,

but I think it means "this guy must be a weirdo."

Or you can just say, "It was surreal, Joe Bob."

It's not really surreal. You just don't understand it.

[Laughter]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Horn honks]

♪♪

[Horn honks]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Coin clinks]

-There are monsters. -Thank you. God bless.

-I'm telling you. I'm warning you.

-Is that it? -It's the end of the world.

Yeah, the end of the world. -Have you got any money?

-Don't walk into the light 'cause they'll suck you up.

The aliens are going to take over.

You can't trust the aliens.

If you see a light from the sky...

If you see a light from the sky, don't go near it.

That's aliens. Aliens.

A...

I'm telling you. You can laugh.

I'm telling you, there's aliens.

Aliens are amongst us! The end of the world is coming!

Aliens, I'm telling you. They're coming.

♪♪

-Look at all the kids playing on that.

Oh, one day you'll be on those swings.

-Alright, buddy?

-Oh, look what dad's got for you.

-Hush.

Oh, there we go.

♪♪

-I love you. -I love you, too.

Got food.

Yes, look what dad's got for you.

Ahh.

♪♪

-Hey, buddy.

-[Groans] -Hey. Hey, pal.

Yes, you are. You guys are gonna have to send some help, please.

There is a guy on the sidewalk here.

I think he's having a heart attack.

Yeah, you're going to need to send an ambulance.

♪♪

-Aah! Aah! [Indistinct shouting]

-Hey, back off, buddy.

-Hey, hey. Hey, back off.

-[Gasps]

-Are you okay?

-Uh...

-Are you okay?

[Vehicle approaches]

-Back off, man! Leave my husband alone!

-Thank you! Thank you!

How am I ever going to repay you?

-Fuck off! -Thank you.

How am I going to repay you?! Thank you!

-[Speaking Afrikaans]

Fuck off, man. Leave my husband alone.

Leave us alone.

Don't you have anything to say for yourself, huh?

Don't you have anything to say to me?

Like, "I'm sorry, baby," or, "I love you, baby."

Nothing. Nothing.

Just sitting there like a zombie, Barry.

One day, I'm going to be hurtful.

One day, I'm going to have had enough,

enough of your...dicks and stuff that you pull.

You know what? I'm a good mother.

I know I'm a good mother.

I take care of our son. I feed him.

Jesus, he's not here in the car.

Let's go. I have to go get my child.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-I love you.

-Oh.

Oh, Barry wants to play?

Come. Come with me. Come.

♪♪

♪♪

[Moaning ecstatically]

♪♪

-Whoo! -[Moaning continues]

-Whoo! -[Moaning continues]

Oh, my God.

-Whoo!

[Can thuds]

[Indistinct conversations]

I couldn't find it the other time.

[Speaks indistinctly]

Can you see it?

♪♪

-Excuse me, sorry. Sorry, yeah.

-Can I help you? -Check the damage on the tins.

What kind of discount can I get for that, please?

-Ah, so, we don't do a discount, unfortunately.

-But they're literally all damaged.

All of them are damaged.

Look, there's two tins on the floor.

I don't think I'm going to pay full price for this.

-How about this one? -I'm not paying --

-This one's not broken.

-That's also got a fucking big dent in it.

[Cans thud]

♪♪

♪♪

-Oh, bup! [Laughs] Hello!

Hi.

Want to try some of my cheese?

[Laughs]

Say ah. [Laughs]

Say ahh! [Laughs]

Mmm.

[Smacking lips] Mmm. Yum.

[Laughing]

Mmm! It's nice, eh?

Oh. Ugh.

[Laughs]

-Barry? Barry?

[Whistles] Barry, come on, man.

I've been walking around and around for days in this store.

Come!

Wow. She is so beautiful.

You know, she has been in the show for a very long time now.

She's definitely my favorite one in that whole show.

So beautiful.

Um, Scorpio.

"The inner changes --

the inner changes that you experience,

it's much to your annoyance.

Old debtors resurface, and it's giving you sleepless nights.

You're...

You are now ready to reshape impact in your outer world.

You are now ready to reshape your life."

It's not bad.

Gemini.

But a bit expensive.

Oh.

-[Speaks indistinctly]

Yeah, no?

You're just sitting in silence, eh?

Heh!

[Television turns on]

There you go.

♪♪

-Definitely put hairs on my chest.

[Laughter]

♪♪

-[Speaking Spanish]

-He's fucking you!

-Champion, boy, would he like --

-♪ With grown-up stuff ♪

♪ So when you're moody -- ♪

-♪ My lover, love ♪

-I live moment to moment,

and right now in this moment I am doing --

-According to South African media,

the total number of children

missing at this time stands at 18.

-Little beast.

-Look, I am sorry.

-The morning newspaper --

♪♪

-France.

-Oh, I'm alright for decoration,

but you find tinsel in all your port towns.

-Now, you listen here and you listen good.

I don't give a rat's ass about any of it.

-Oh, I know what kind of man you are, John.

-Why I ought to...

You're the only girl for me, honey.

♪♪

-[Gasps]

Oh, Jack.

-Now, how about that drink?

-Hey. I want to show you something.

Come with me.

Hey. Barry.

Come, baby.

Come on. Come, baby.

-Come on.

-Come.

[Chuckles]

♪♪

♪♪

[Chuckles] That was different.

[Clears throat]

Thank you, my love.

I can see you're really trying, eh?

Thank you.

I really do love you.

I really do.

-You're the only girl for me, honey.

-[Chuckles]

Oh, this is -- you're on fire.

Oh, Barry?

Barry, you okay?

It's not normal. I'm running you a bath.

-[Groaning] -Calm down, babe.

Stop it, man.

Just relax, just relax.

It's those bloody needles, I tell you!

It's those bloody needles. Come on.

That's not good, it's not good.

I'm taking you to hospital, and I'm getting some doctors.

Fuck!

♪♪

[Sighs] Which way is it again?

How do I get to that side?

♪♪

Barry!

Barry, man, where the fuck are you going?!

Barry!

Fuck! No!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-[Laughs]

What the hell happened to you, mate?

You don't look so good.

-What's he wearing?

-I've got just the thing for you.

There you go, mate. Ooh!

Hey. Hey.

Hey, mate, I have to fucking dress you.

You can't be lying in the street in your underpants.

You'll get locked up.

The cops will put you in jail, mate.

And it is no fun being in your undies in jail.

[Laughs] Believe me.

Oh, hey, I ran into Shazza the other day.

You remember Shazza. -Yeah.

-Me mate Dennis, he says, "Oh, you got to come to South Africa.

They got amazing heroin. Good heroin."

And so the missus and I, we come over.

And we ran out of money, and she fucks off with Dennis.

You remember Dennis, right? -Yeah.

-So, I'm down the road

and I hear this, "Hello?"

And...

Here. Here you go, mate. Pop it in your mouth. Nice.

Here you go. Take it all in. Take it, take it.

Give me your hand, give me your hand.

Come on, come on. There you go.

There's a good boy.

Yeah, choo-choo train, hey.

Hey, there you go, hey.

-[Gasping and groaning]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Stay in touch, Barry. We'll give you a call, mate.

♪♪

[Up-tempo music playing through headphones]

♪♪

-♪ Pump it, pump it, pump it ♪

♪ Pump it, pump it, pump it ♪

♪ Pump it, pump it, pump it ♪

♪ Pump it, pump it, pump it ♪

♪ Pump it, pump it, pump it ♪

♪ Pump it, pump it, pump it ♪

♪ Pump it, pump it, pump it ♪

♪ Pump it, pump it, pump it ♪

♪ Pump it, pump it, pump it ♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-♪ Pump it, pump it, pump it ♪

♪ Pump it, pump it, pump it ♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-[Gasping]

♪♪

♪♪

Help.

Help me.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-What the fuck is this?

Hey, man. You look a bit lost.

What are you doing this side of the railway tracks, stoned boy?

You got a cigarette for me?

♪♪

I asked, do you have a fucking cigarette for me?

-He's talking to you.

Yo.

-What the fuck's the matter with you, man?

-[Laughs] This guy's cooked.

-You've been chasing the dragon, man.

He is so fucking far gone.

Do you even realize what the fuck you're doing,

where you are, huh?

What's going on in this pretty mind of yours?

-He's talking to you.

-Fucking moron.

-[Grunts]

♪♪

[Men grunting]

♪♪

Let's go.

♪♪

-[Grunts]

♪♪

♪♪

[Static crackles]

♪♪

-So Alien Barry can stop a heart attack

or he can give you a heart attack.

He can go either way.

I'm thinking that real-life Barry is now trying to break out

of alien Barry because he got that bad cheese

in the grocery store and then he got beat up

and then he got the bad weed in the weird beard greenhouse

because, doesn't Barry go back to the same place where

the spaceship sucked him up?

You know? It's E.T.!

He's trying to phone home!

It's E.T. on heroin!

The one I don't understand is the checkout girl

who can't control her body as she mimes sex with Barry.

I guess we're supposed to think he's emitting these

alien pheromones like he's a walking, talking

date rape drug.

And it wouldn't be farfetched to imagine that Ryan Kruger thinks

he's making some version of "E.T." because he claims there

are 80 references in this movie to other movies that he admires,

including "Starman," "The Terminator," "Aliens,"

"Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom,"

"Flight of the Navigator," "Explorers," so obviously,

he's an '80s guy, but he's obviously not

doing homages to those movies.

He's twisting them like an avant-garde art project.

He's sticking them in a black box

and shining pink light on them to make a point.

The only time this story intersects with reality

is at the very beginning.

I wasn't sure whether that warning about

the adult content was some real thing that they have in

South Africa or whether it was a parody.

I now know it was a parody of a straight-to-camera warning

voiced by Simon Bates, the British disc jockey,

that was required on VHS tapes in the UK during the '80s.

So, anyway, Ryan wrote the scene breakdown for the movie

in three days, and then he worked out the dialogue

and the blocking on the set, which he sees as

an expression of freedom, because he says he's not tied to

anything already written down.

But I say, you know, "Why not do both?"

Why not write it down but be willing to change it?

You know, one reason we're showing this film is that,

many of you remember that speech I made at the end of

"One Cut of the Dead" last season where I encouraged

extreme low budget indie filmmakers to get out there

and kick ass and make their films no matter what,

and this is one of those kickass films where the guy said,

"I don't care what anybody says, I'm making my feature."

And then tirelessly self-promoted and got it

distributed, but I would not recommend working without

a script, guys.

I mean, I hear young filmmakers saying they're gonna do that,

and I kind of cringe.

I mean, do that when you're 70 years old and you're trying

to be John Cassavetes.

Don't do that when you're 25

and you're trying to be John Carpenter, okay?

One of the great things about this movie is the music, though.

Just as an experiment, I watched some of the scenes

without the music, and, wow, you are really being manipulated

by the soundtrack on this thing.

And that artist is Haezer, the artist who does the music.

He does bass-heavy electronica there in Cape Town.

I have to imagine he met Ryan Kruger when Ryan was doing

his music videos.

Okay, let's get back to "Fried Barry"

because he's really fried now, and he wants to go home.

So roll it.

And, you know, speaking of electronica,

I want to get this off my chest.

Darcy was kind of poking fun at me.

You know that road trip that she immortalized on Youtube

where we went to Boggy Creek, you know?

I went on this mini-rant in the car about how it made me

sad every when an Avicii song comes on because

he committed suicide in that lonely hotel room in Bahrain

or Oman.

I think it was Oman, actually.

So was 28 years old, and so Darcy thought it was

weird that Avicii makes me sad.

But I think the other reason it makes me sad,

besides him being just 28, and that's expressed

in this movie, is that raves, where everybody is

supposed to be happy, are usually sad.

You know, you're dancing to the Avicii music,

but it's not working so you're popping the mollys, too.

You know, is this making sense?

You know, alien Fried Barry sucks down a whole cup of mollys

and just dances like a son of a bitch,

and everybody wants to be with him because

he's less sad than they are.

You know, because he's from Alpha Centauri

or wherever the fuck.

Because basically his mind is blank,

he's incapable of sadness.

Is any of that making sense?

Maybe not.

[Laughter]

Darcy, have you got any mollys?

[Laughter]

[Static crackles]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Women laugh]

-Definitely puts hairs on my chest.

[Laughter]

♪♪

♪♪

-Would you like one or two sugars?

♪♪

Do you want to be my friend?

♪♪

You're going to leave me like the rest of them, aren't you?

♪♪

Nobody stays here.

My mom always told me it's rude to stare.

They'll come back for me one day.

He says my mom doesn't love me.

But I know.

[Metal clangs]

♪♪

♪♪

[Speaks indistinctly]

♪♪

[Squeaking]

♪♪

[Groans]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-He's special.

-I ain't special.

-Wow.

I mean, not that you're not special.

I mean, you're very special. You're my angel.

[Inhales deeply]

But he's from somewhere else.

Aren't you?

Huh?

What? What did you say?

Sorry, hey, hey, hey.

I can't hear you.

What are you?

Huh?

'Cause, you know, when I dragged you in here,

you were all beaten up.

You had cuts and bruises all over you.

And now look at you.

You're all fresh.

[Chains rattle]

[Metal thuds]

Oh.

Oh, oy, oy, oy.

Come on.

Come to pappy.

[Groans]

Put you over here.

[Inhales deeply]

Now, let's see.

Fuck, you're ugly.

I thought I was ugly, but I mean, you,

you're going to give me nightmares.

Ooh.

Let's see, alright.

Hmm.

Oh, later, later.

[Humming]

Here comes the train, open up the train.

Here comes the train, you've to open up the train.

Open your fucking mouth.

Copy me. Open wide. Copy me.

Copy me, copy me. Ah. Like this, ah.

Ah...

Yeah, yeah.

-[Groaning] -There you go, there you go.

-Ahhhh!

[Muffled screaming]

-Stop, don't hurt him!

-I said shut the fuck up.

-[Screams]

-No!

No!

No! Stop!

-Oh, that was a big one.

Wow, you're a big boy.

[Laughs]

Now, let's see if another one grows back.

♪♪

♪♪

I'm feeling quite sad. I don't know about you.

♪♪

It's just not the way it used to be.

Let's pick this up tomorrow, okay?

-No! -I said shut the fuck up.

-No!

-[Gags]

♪♪

Fuck.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-[Screams]

Ow!

[Screaming]

Help!

Help me!

[Screams]

-I hate you right now.

I hate you right now.

What, do you prefer him to me?

[Metal clangs]

♪♪

-I'm stuck.

♪♪

-[Speaks indistinctly]

♪♪

Run away. Run.

♪♪

[Howling]

♪♪

[Howls]

♪♪

♪♪

[Chainsaw whirring]

♪♪

Come on!

♪♪

-Come on. It's this way.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Come on, he's coming.

-[Grunting]

♪♪

-Shh.

♪♪

♪♪

-[Growling]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Keys jingle]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-[Groans]

♪♪

-Aaaah!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Siren wails]

[Groans]

Yeah! Yeah!

♪♪

[Camera shutter clicking]

♪♪

[Static crackles]

-Well, I have to admit,

of all the sequences in this movie,

the Chainsaw Daddy with the child prisoners,

I got to assume he's a pedophile, right?

The guy who rips out Barry's tooth with pliers so he can see

if another tooth will grow back.

That's the most confusing sequence to me,

but I have to think they're implying that the only person

on Earth who could recognize Barry as being an alien

is basically the person who deserves to die the most

of any character in the movie.

Very satisfying chainsaw through the stomach,

although I'm really tired of seeing chainsaws in movies.

It's not a very intelligent weapon.

All right, I'm gonna read two reviews that will show

the baffling array of opinions surrounding this movie.

"Fried Barry" was showcased at the Cannes Film Festival

last year in the sidebar event, the "Un Certain Regard" part

of Cannes.

I can't pronounce French.

Buy anyway, they have this part of Cannes which was --

it was actually Virtual Cannes last year.

And Dread Central reviewed the movie and said

the following.

"Fried Barry authentically exposes the core of

the human struggle and addiction

and also gives hope for recovery."

Does anybody really watch this and think it's

a "say no to drugs" movie?

That is an interesting, very literal take.

And then listen to this one.

"Fried Barry is a first for South Africa cinema.

It combines elements of horror, comedy, and sci-fi into

a unique, hard-hitting narrative that's destined for

cult status."

Sounds like you would read that and congratulate

Ryan Kruger for a rave review,

except that's Ryan Kruger describing his own movie!

So, Ryan, Ryan, listen to me.

We are the cultists.

We decide what gets cult status, okay?

Trying to achieve cult status by being culty, not a good idea.

Actually he's given several interviews where he's asked,

"What genre is this movie?"

And he says "cult classic."

[Laughter]

And he's not saying that in a joking way.

All right, let's see just how culty "Fried Barry" can get

as we encounter the legal system and the mental health system

of Cape Town, South Africa, as they try to deal with

a voiceless alien with really bad hair and makeup.

Roll it.

Cape Town is the capital of South Africa, right?

Does anybody know?

What's the capital of South Africa?

Or is it Pretoria?

I seem to remember Pretoria as the capital.

Anyway, Cape Town is, like, the number one destination

for South African tourism if you're just visiting,

but something tells me the national tourism agency

will not be featuring this particular movie

in any of its brochures.

It's named after the Cape of Good Hope.

Where ships "round the cape," right?

I have no idea what it means to round the cape,

but it happens right there, somewhere around Cape Town,

hence the name.

Somebody 500 years ago rounded the cape,

and they're still talking about it.

I'm assuming it takes some level of professional seamanship

to round the cape in the proper way.

Darcy, we should go to Cape Town and round the cape.

Would you go to Cape Town with me?

-I love Cape Town!

-You've been to Cape Town?

-Yeah, I did volunteer work there and went cage diving.

-No way.

What did you just say? You were a volunteer cage diver?

-I went for the volunteer work.

It's just the cage diving...

-Volunteer work where?

-At an AIDS organization in South Africa.

-Really?

-Yeah. Somewhere online, there are pictures.

I taught the kids how to make the "Weezer" sign.

So I have pictures of that.

-And part of that was cage diving?

-I mean, they're not related. I did both of them.

-Like, where you dare the sharks to eat you

and they bounce around the cage?

-Exactly.

-What kind of sharks were they?

-Great white.

-You're making this up!

-I am so not.

-You worked at an orphanage, and on your days off,

you went cage diving in Shark Alley

in Cape Town, South Africa.

-Basically, yeah.

-I bet you didn't go to all the various abandoned warehouses

and bridge abutments where "Fried Barry" was filmed.

-No, I did not.

-Okay, so there are still things you need to do in life, Darcy.

-I'll get on that.

Road trip to Cape Town any time.

-You know, suddenly I want to go to Cape Town.

Who knew? Darcy, you're fascinating.

[Static crackles]

♪♪

[Snapping]

-We can do this all day, Chudder.

What is your name?

-Hey.

Hey!

Say something.

-Guy probably pleads insanity, goes to the loony bin.

-Oh, yeah.

-How many kids, eh?

You sick fuck.

-5? -10?

-20? -35?

-100. -100 fucking kids?

Jesus.

-Sick.

-Sick fuck.

-What do you think?

-Fried, definitely fried.

[Thud]

[Snapping]

-We're done here.

We're sending you to the loony bin.

[Elevator chimes]

-We have another four of these guys coming in today.

-[Sighs]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-All I know is we're going to have to get

some more tranquilizers.

No, I'm not sure about what they're capable of just now.

Okay.

I will do that.

[Receiver clicks]

-Hey, Tam, we have another one for you.

-Oh, is this our John Doe?

-Yep, he is.

-Okay, so you know what to do, just sign him in right there.

♪♪

Follow me.

♪♪

-Let's go.

-Down, please.

-So there, you're all done for me now.

-Can you just seriously hurry up?

-Yeah, here we go.

There, sit.

-Right, here's the file. -Awesome, bye.

-Just make sure you give him

an extra dose of that as well, please.

I actually haven't got time for this today.

-[Sighs] Okay.

Hi, doc.

-What have we got?

Oh, oh, our John Doe.

-Mm-hmm.

-Not much information about him,

where he was found, no medical record,

no next of kin.

Where is he?

-Here he is, doc.

♪♪

-So...

Don't worry. You are safe now.

We're going to look after you,

and we're going to look after you as best we can.

Just keep an eye on him.

♪♪

-Come on, let's go.

Let's go.

♪♪

♪♪

Time to meet your new friends.

Have a seat. Sit down here.

Hey, Ronald?

-Ainsley.

-I want you to look after your new friend.

-What's his name?

-I don't know. Doesn't have a name.

Have fun.

-How's it, man?

[Laughs]

I know this, it's Michael, John, Gary, Barry!

Hey, hey!

-Queen. -[Chuckles] Queen.

So what are you doing here, man? How did they catch you?

You did something bad, eh?

You killed somebody?

I was in the army for like two years, man.

There was like so many bodies

and just, like, blood everywhere, man.

It was nice, man.

I mean, I wanted to join the TF, man,

but they said that I was like boss for fucking ill,

and they just kicked me out and...

[Laughs] -Queen.

-[Chuckles] Queen.

There's something special about you, man.

I can see it.

I can feel it, man.

You're on a mission, just like me.

♪♪

So do you have any, like, hobbies?

Like, things that you like to do like for fun?

Like, I used to like dog fighting.

I had a killer poodle. Her name was, uh, what was it?

Was Winnie, and she'd, like, fucking slaughter

all these other fucking dogs, and there was, like, blood

and tufts of hair like feathers all over the place, man.

[Laughs]

I'm being so rude, man.

My name's Ronald with an "R."

This is Martini. Martini, don't be rude.

Introduce yourself, man.

-How's it, Larry?

Larry the sandwich maker.

-It's Barry, man, you fucking idiot.

He's always going on about the fucking sandwiches

and the onions.

[Laughs]

You know, this is actually a great place.

The people, they treat us so well, man.

-They don't feed us.

I haven't eaten in three days. It's a horrible place.

-You're fucking scaring him, man!

-Sorry.

-[Laughs]

Barry, my friend Lawrence is coming today.

He's coming to get me out, man.

I'm not supposed to tell you.

It's a secret.

I'm a time traveler.

Lawrence is gonna get me out.

We're gonna get to the portal.

We're gonna get out of here, man.

So you came at the right day.

Hey, Martini, do you remember what day it is?

-Sandwich day. -No, fuck!

-Oh!

Shh!

-Shh.

Barry, the show's about to begin, man.

Just hang in there.

Martini, you look after Barry, okay?

-Okay. -I'll be back now, okay?

Okay.

-How's it, Larry?

Are you really the sandwich maker?

Because I'm really hungry.

They used to give us onion sandwiches.

I miss those onion sandwiches, because they had --

-This is it. Let's get out of here.

Martini, grab Barry.

-Come Larry. Come! Come on!

[Alarm ringing]

-Sorry, Ronald, you're not going to get out here.

Ronald! Ronald!

♪♪

-Martini, get the gun.

Martini, get the gun.

The gun, pass it to me.

♪♪

Pass me the gun!

♪♪

♪♪

Okay.

♪♪

Let's go!

-[Screaming]

♪♪

What the fuck?

-[Groaning]

♪♪

♪♪

-[Screaming]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Barry, you got to go. The exit's that way.

I'll take it from here, okay?

You're on a mission. You're more important than us.

You have to save yourself.

Now, when you see Lawrence,

tell him that Ronald can't make it, okay?

When you see Lawrence, tell him Ronald can't make it.

Okay, go, go! Go, go!

♪♪

[Imitating gunfire]

-Ronald, what are you doing? -Come on, man.

-Come on. -Let go of me! Don't touch me!

-Look, we're gonna take you to the room.

-Martini!

-You need to calm down, calm down and sit.

♪♪

-Yo! Over here!

Come on.

Hurry up, man!

Where's Ronald?

-Tell Lawrence Ronald couldn't make it.

-Well, come on, get in, man, for God's sake.

Get in, we'll go.

Get in, damn it!

♪♪

If Ronald has sacrificed himself for you,

you must be very important.

We've been planning this breakout for some time now.

♪♪

You still seem a little zonked out from all the shit

they fed you inside there.

Trust me, I know,

I was in there for a while.

♪♪

Oh.

This is gonna make you feel much better.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

I've just taken a mouthful of these.

♪♪

♪♪

-10, 9, 8, 7, 6...

5, 4, 3...

2, 1, fire!

-Fucking whoa, fuck, Jesus!

-Aah!

-[Screams]

♪♪

♪♪

-[Gasps]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-[Gasps]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Man singing foreign language]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Singing continues]

♪♪

♪♪

[Static crackles]

-When I was watching this the first time, I kept thinking,

"If this is gonna turn out to be all in Barry's head,

and it's all a drug trip and none of it really happened,

I'm gonna be pissed."

And this is the part that scared me right here

because it's getting really fantastic, surreal,

separated from the gritty streets where it started.

If you look at all the great drug movies, like "The Trip,"

"Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas," "Rush," "Blow,"

you eventually get to a point where you have to show

what's going on in the inside of a person's mind,

and there are two ways you can do that.

You can show the outer behavior that reveals

an inner disturbance, like in "Scarface,"

or you can go into the editing booth and go full-bore

Ray Harryhausen inside the brain.

This movie does both.

Fried Barry on the outside is scary.

But Fried Barry's brain is scary, too, because it's fried.

And then you put him with people who are genuinely crazy,

or casually day-to-day crazy, and you get a feeling of

free fall and constant danger,

and that's where Barry is headed.

So let's not stop him.

I would say Barry at this point is about half and half

Alien Barry and Earthling Barry, and the two are fighting to see

which one wins, and we're about to find out

in the wacky conclusion to "Fried Barry."

Roll it.

I really think this is one of those where you

have to be on drugs.

I mean, we should have given out the recommended

controlled substances like we did for the "Phantasm" marathon.

You know, 'cause this is definitely a movie

better enjoyed in Colorado and/or Oregon,

if you know what I mean, and I think you do.

You know, 'cause heck, every time we go back to the movie,

this whole cabin here glows with Bic lighters.

You know, I know what you guys are doing.

You don't fool me.

We're isolated here, no high sheriffs watching.

We're gonna get fried with Fried Barry.

Yeah, we are.

[Laughter]

[Static crackles]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Indistinct talking]

-Hey, you're not even looking at the fucking picture.

You're not even looking at the picture!

-[Mumbling indistinctly]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Shut up! Shut the fuck up.

Fucking bitch, my fucking business.

I own fucking all you girls on this fucking street.

You ain't messing with my fucking business.

You understand me?

You shut the fuck up.

Now, where are you going?

-Nowhere. -Shut up.

Where you fucking going? Nowhere. You understand me?

You're fucking going nowhere, 'cause I own you.

I own you all, you fucking girls,

and that kid of yours is gonna be fucked.

-Please don't hurt him. -Shut up.

-Please don't hurt him. -Shut up.

[Clang]

[Thuds]

[Thuds]

-[Gasps] It's you!

♪♪

Mummy, look!

-Oh, geez.

What the fuck were you doing on the streets last night?

♪♪

-Sh-ka-sh-ka-sh-ka-sh-ka-sh-ka.

♪♪

-Okay, my boy, come on, put down your toys,

I made your favorite, dippy egg and soldiers.

Jean, you want to grow into a big boy, don't you?

Oh, Jean.

Hey, come.

[Pounds on table]

Put it down. Put it down.

-Here you go. -Milky mug.

-Mnh-mnh. No, no milky mug.

Come here, dippy egg and soldiers, your favorite.

-I want milky mug.

-No milky mug.

Dippy egg and soldiers, that's it.

-Milky mug!

-Okay, um, okay.

Okay, okay, fine.

Oh, whoa, shit, whoa.

Ow!

Ow!

♪♪

Fuck my life.

♪♪

♪♪

They always told me I could never have kids.

How's this possible?

-Fishies!

-You -- you know he's your son, right?

-[Gasping]

♪♪

-We're struggling to keep his vitals up.

-Can you get me one blood level one transfusion and call the OR?

-Can you tell me what happened?

-I have no idea. He literally just had a seizure.

-One, two, three.

♪♪

-He's got no airways. -There's no chest sounds.

-I'm not getting a pulse. -Let's go to CPR.

♪♪

♪♪

-Guys, his stats are dropping. -Start ventilating then.

♪♪

♪♪

-Defibrillator. Everybody stand clear.

-Clear!

[Defibrillator charging]

[Electricity pops]

-Please, please, you must help me,

I've been to six different hospitals.

I can't find my husband. Please help me.

This man. Is he here?

-Yeah, somebody just brought him in there.

-Yes? Okay. -Wait, you can't go in.

-[Defibrillator charging] -We're going again.

Stand clear. -[Electricity pops]

-Still nothing.

♪♪

He's gone.

Just let him go.

♪♪

Time of death.

-10:32.

♪♪

♪♪

-[Gasps]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-I'm -- I'm sorry.

He's gone.

We did everything that we could.

I'll give you a moment with him,

but I do have some questions.

♪♪

♪♪

[Chair scrapes]

♪♪

-It's a fuck up.

It's a fuck up, Barry.

Just when things were starting to get better,

just when I could see you starting to change.

And now I'm alone.

♪♪

Now I'm alone with Robert.

[Sobs]

I'm scared. I can't do it without you.

♪♪

It's over now, it's over now.

You rest, my love.

[Sobbing]

♪♪

♪♪

[Man singing in foreign language]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-You're not my husband, are you?

Oh, God.

♪♪

Okay.

I'm gonna get you out of here.

♪♪

-What are you doing? -Who the fuck are you?

-Very long story.

-Please help me. I need to get him out of here.

Come on, okay.

[Groans]

♪♪

-Hey, where are we going?

-I've got you, babe.

-He can't leave!

-Whoo-whoo! -Aaaah!

-[Laughs]

-Let's go! whoo!

[Laughs]

-Oh.

-Which way? Right? Left?

Straight or right, I think we know,

I can't go straight.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

There's nothing here, Barry!

-What's going on?

[Electricity crackling]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Thank you for everything.

It's been a wild ride, eh?

And I'm gonna miss the hell out of you.

Take care of yourself, okay?

Go home, go home.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-[Sighs]

Sure.

So, how do you know Barry?

-Sure, uh, well, that's um...

-Ah! -[Thud]

-Barry?

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Static crackles]

-Hey, guys, let's go to Cape Town!

Over 60 locations in Cape Town, South Africa,

and all of 'em make me go,

"Nah, I think I'll skip this bar.

Or street. Or warehouse."

'Cause obviously the flick is open-ended,

but I think Earthbound Barry really did die,

but Alien Barry was still inside,

and he telepathically told the two women what was going on.

I'm assuming that Gene, the love child of Alien Barry

and the hooker, is a half-alien half-human new species

that will star in the sequel!

"Son of Fried Barry." Right?

Or "Fried Son of Fried Barry."

Anyway, kudos to a true indie film that broke through

and got an international release.

Congratulations to Ryan Kruger and his team.

So, Darcy, um...

what's your verdict?

I'm guessing this is not your kind of movie.

-Ooh, that would be so correct.

This one is not in my wheelhouse.

-Any redeeming features at all?

-Well, Fried Barry himself is really great.

And the alien stuff was cool.

-You mean the two minutes of alien stuff in the spaceship?

-Pretty much, yeah.

But I appreciate that you gave us the chance

to expand our horizons.

[Laughter]

-What does that mean?

You've never said anything like that before.

-I just mean I would have never watched this on my own.

-Well, nobody would watch this on their own.

It's from South Africa, and it's experimental.

That's why we bring new stuff to the public.

-Yeah, and I'm not in a rush to watch it again.

-I think it's meant to be watched on heroin.

-That would help.

-So, okay, it's a love-hate thing.

But moving to the love side of the equation,

it's time for another Silver Bolo Award tonight.

-Yes, it is, and this week's winner of the Silver Bolo is...

Doctor Wolfula, the monstrous horror host.

-I've heard of Doctor Wolfula,

but will Doctor Wolfula let us use his real name...

-Uh-huh. -...for the award?

-He is created and portrayed by Cyd McClenahan of Orlando.

-And I know he's on YouTube, and people love him.

-Yes, they do.

He covers all horror movies, great and small.

He has an amazing sense of humor.

He always wears broken sunglasses.

His news segments are animated.

He's utterly obsessed with Scooby Doo,

like all good hearted people should be.

And, you'll like this.

His favorite horror film is "The Texas Chain Saw Massacre."

-I did not know that about Doctor Wolfula.

-He's a hybrid of the traditional horror host

and the modern online critic.

-What does that mean? What do you mean modern?

-Well, you're a traditional host, right?

-Oh, right, okay. I'm not modern.

-Well, you're post-modern.

-Okay, I'll take it.

Yuki! I have here the latest Silver Bolo

to be created by our resident silversmith.

Will you please see that it gets to its certified recipient

in Orlando, Florida?

And that's it for tonight.

You really hated "Fried Barry."

-"Hate" is a very strong a word.

-No, it's not. Not for the way you feel about it.

'Cause I know how you feel about it.

-I don't hate anything.

-You do. -No.

-Okay, that's all the time we have to re-examine the source

of Darcy's hatred for "Fried Barry."

I'm Joe Bob Briggs, reminding you that a bumble bee

is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

And the drive-in will never die.

Okay, fortunately for you, Darcy,

I know a good heroin joke.

-You're kidding.

-There may only be one good heroin joke in the world.

-Let's hope so.

[Laughter]

-Cute little rabbit happily running through the forest --

-Hold on.

Your heroin joke starts with a cute little rabbit?

-It does.

A cute little rabbit happily running through the forest

stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint.

And the rabbit says, "Giraffe, you're my friend.

Why do you do this?

Come with me running through the forest!

You'll see, you'll feel so much better!"

So the giraffe looks at the rabbit, he looks at the joint,

tosses the joint away, and he goes off running

with the rabbit.

So the giraffe and rabbit come across an elephant

snorting coke, so the rabbit says,

"Elephant, you're my friend. Why do you do this?

Think about your health.

Come running with us through the pretty forest!

You'll see, you'll feel so good!"

So the elephant looks at both of them, he looks at his razor,

he looks at his mirror, he tosses all his stuff out,

and he starts running with the rabbit and the giraffe.

So the three of them come across a lion who's about to

shoot up heroin, and the rabbit says,

"Lion, you're our friend. Why do you do this?

Think of what you are doing to your body!

Come running with us through the sunny forest!

You'll feel so good!"

So the lion puts down his needle, he picks up the rabbit,

and starts beating the crap out of the rabbit.

And the giraffe and the elephant, they watch in horror,

and they start pleading.

"Mister Lion, why did you do this?

He was merely trying to help us all!"

And this Lion says, "This rabbit always makes me run around

the forest for hours every time he's on ecstasy!"

[Light laughter]

-Waiting on that good joke now.

[Laughter]

-♪ We are drive-in mutants ♪

-♪ Drive-in mutants ♪

-♪ We are not like other people ♪

-♪ Other people ♪

-♪ We are sick ♪ -♪ Sick ♪

-♪ We are disgusting ♪ -♪ Disgusting ♪

-♪ We believe in ♪

♪ Yeah, we believe in ♪

-♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

-♪ Yeah, we believe in ♪

-♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

-♪ If life had a vomit meter ♪

-♪ Vomit meter ♪

-♪ We'd be off the scale ♪

-♪ Off the scale ♪

-♪ As long as one drive-in remains on the planet Earth ♪

♪ We will party like jungle animals ♪

♪♪

♪ We will boogie till we puke ♪

-♪ Boogie till we puke ♪

-♪ The drive-in will never die ♪

♪ We will boogie till we puke ♪

-♪ Boogie till we puke ♪

-♪ The drive-in will never die ♪

-♪ We believe in ♪

♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

-♪ We believe in ♪

-♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

-♪ Yeah, we believe in ♪