All language subtitles for The.Danny.Thomas.Show.S09E31.Baby.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD2.0.H.264_track3_[eng]

[music playing]

Hey Chuck, Chuck.

Got a great idea
for a dance routine.

It's the old
fashioned and the new.

Now the girls, we got the
cross girls split in half, see?

They're the modern girls,
and the old fashioned girls

are behind.

Now the light's on the
modern girls first,

and they're really
giving it this stuff.

You know, dum, dum dum dum.

Hi, hi, hey hey.

[inaudible] You
know all the things,

and wearing out the
clothes on the inside.

You know [inaudible]

[laughing]

Then, then the lights
go off on them,

and the old tiller
girls come out.

You know, you remember
the Rockettes?

[imitating music]

And then back to--

[imitating music]

Lights go out, and
the girls come out.

And everybody of course
stands and applauds,

because it's a very old
show business, you know.

[imitating music]

How about that, Chuck?

Do you think a routine
like that could work?

Oh, hiya Danny.

[laughter]

What do you mean hiya, Danny?

What are you puffing about?

Charlie, I'm talking
about the show.

Will you pay attention?
This is important.

- That's important?
- Yeah.

My wife's going to have
a baby any second, you

call something else important?

I'm waiting for her to call me.

Charlie Char-- will
you please relax?

You've been as nervous as a
bubble dancer in a pin factory.

Will you sit down?

Danny, I told her to call me.

I told her to keep me informed.

Why doesn't she call me?

I'd better call her.

Charlie, you
don't have to call.

Believe me, when your wife
is ready to have the baby,

she'll let you know.

Maybe she'll forget.

[laughter]

That's-- that's one of
her big, big faults.

She forgets.
She forgets.

If I don't remind her, she
never remembers anything.

- Charlie.
- Now look, I tell you.

When I left, I should've
pinned a note on her.

Have baby.

[laughter]

If you don't
settle down, they're

going to pin a note on you.

Now sit down.

[phone ringing]

Charlie, Charlie.

Charlie, answer the phone.

Charlie?

Charlie, what are you going?

You never answered the phone.

Where are you going, Charlie?

[inaudible]

I got to go.

Go where, Charlie?

Hospital, the baby.

Charlie, for goodness
sakes, answer the phone.

You told her to call you.

Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh, yeah.

Hello.
My darling.

Listen my darling.

Don't-- don't panic.

I'll be right there.

Yes, to to stroke your
brow, to hold your hand,

to kiss your cheek.

Oh, I'm sorry sir.

[laughter]

What?

You want to make a reservation?

Look, will you
please-- don't bother

me with reservations now.

And would you get off the phone?

You're tying up the line.

How did he get my
private number?

This may come as a
complete shock to you,

but you just hung up
on a cash customer.

Who cares about cash?

Who cares about customers?

Charlie, will you
settle down please?

Sit down.

Sit down like a nice fellow.

You've got a business coming.

You're not the first man in the
world to have a baby, you know.

I know, I know.

But I'm the first
man to have my baby.

[laughter]

She said she'd call
and she didn't.

She's not going
to call you now.

Will you please sit down?

She can't call you now.
- Why?

Why not?

She's not going to
have the baby now.

Why?

It's only 2 o'clock
in the afternoon.

What difference
does that make?

It's an unwritten law.

Babies are never born
during normal hours.

Always 3:00 4:00 in the morning.

That'll make it more--

What?

Bonnie is a heavy sleeper,
she's liable to sleep right

through it.

You know something?

You're out of your mind.

Charlie, pay attention.

Sit down, will you?

Will you relax?
- Yeah.

Get your mind on
business please?

On business.

Take a deep breath.

Good.

Stretch out.

Now get it out of your mind.

Out of your mind.
- Out of my mind.

- It's out of your mind?
- Out of my mind.

Beautiful.

Now, about the show.

[phone ringing]

[charlie babbling]

Charlie, will you
answer the phone?

Charlie, were you going?

That's the closet.

[inaudible]

The hospital.

Wait a second for the
hospital, and find out first.

What's going on?

Hello?

Hello.

Oh hi, Kathy honey.

Oh?

Just stand around talking.

How's Bonnie?

She's with you.

Well it's wonderful.

Hey, wait a bit honey.

You can relax.

Bonnie is at our house.

Oh, wonderful.

Yeah honey--
- At your house?

I don't want her to have
the baby at your house.

She's got to have the
baby in the hospital.

Charlie, wait a minute.

Taxi!

Honey, I better go before
Charlie has a baby in a cab.

And I saw these
in the store window,

and I couldn't
resist buying them.

Aren't they darling?

Oh, they certainly are, Bunny.

But these are all
the same things

that you got at your shower.

Well, yes, but, you know,
you can never tell when you'll

need doubles of everything.

Listen, do you think
when a woman waits

as long as I have to
have a baby she gets

a little nuttier than usual?

Yes.

Yes, I do.

But you just go ahead and
be as kooky as you like.

Yeah.

You're going to have plenty
time to get down to earth

after your son is born.

Well, Louise, what makes you
so sure it's going to be a boy?

What else you going to have?

A set of dishes?

Louise, isn't there the
slightest possible chance

I might have a little girl?

Uh-uh.

Well, Louise, you
must know something

Dr. Clark doesn't know.

He doesn't know whether it's
going to be a boy or girl.

Oh, you paying
attention to them doctors?

All they do is examine you.

I look, and I see a boy.

I'm telling you, she's here.

She's here.
- [inaudible]

- Bunny?
- Bunny, Bunny, Bunny!

Will you kindly tell your
husband that you're all right?

Look at thim.

Tell him, will you, please?
- Bonnie.

- I'm fine!
- Hello, sweetheart.

Don't worry about anything!

I got a cab downstairs!

The motor's running,
we won't waste a minute

Charley, what's with you?

I told you she's not going
to have the baby today.

You're not going
to have the baby yet?

Well, honey, Dr.
Clark said it was going

to be a couple of days yet.

A couple of days?

What's it coming
on, a slow freight?

Oh, Charley, you
can't rush nature.

Nature has nothing
to do with this.

It's her!

I think you're doing
this on purpose!

You're holding back
just to aggravate me.

Y- y- you're
holding back my boy!

Charley, I am not doing
it to aggravate you!

Can't just see the
suspense is killing me?

Why can't you have
the baby right now?

Well, I have a reason.

What's the Reason?

I can't have it now,
because this afternoon,

I'm entered the high
hurdles in a track meet.

Oh, you're beautiful.

Oh, go ahead!

Make with the jokes, be smug.

You know I can't have
the baby without you,

so you're going to play it
for all it's worth, huh?

Oh, Charley, calm down.

You're going all to pieces.

You two are together.

You're all together!
You're women.

Oh, boy!

You've got a monopoly on it.

A monopoly!

Nobody can have
babies except you!

You want to know something?

I don't think you
should be trusted

with the responsibility.

With everything that modern
science has invented,

why can't they come up with a
simple little thing like a way

so men could have babies?

If they only could.

Thanks a lot.

I like it the way it is.

Why don't you go lie down
for a little while now?

You need some rest.

That's a good idea, Danny.

He hasn't had a decent
night's sleep in weeks.

Yeah, come on, Charley.

You just get [inaudible].

Everything'll be fine.

[inaudible]

[musical flourish]

All I have to
say is I just can't

wait until you're able to
cross the street by yourself!

Well, I don't think it's
fair to argue with me!

Why didn't you
tell Mommy of that?

Shh!
Hey, kids.

Hey, hey, hey, hey!
- Why should I talk to Mother?

You're the one who's
got to cross the street!

Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, stop it!

Hey, Potash and Perlmutter,
come down here and be quiet.

Uncle Charley is trying
to get some sleep.

He's very nervous.

Now, be quiet.

Why is he nervous?

Because he's going
to be a father.

And that's why he's nervous?

Yeah, that's why he's nervous.

You be quiet now.

He's been very upset.

Were you upset
when I was born, Dad?

Upset?

I sweat you out something awful.

Oh, that explains it.

Explains what?

What you've been
doing all these years--

getting back at me.

Go put your things
away, will you?

And be quiet.

Charley, what are you doing up?

Oh, it's no use, Danny.

I just can't sleep.
I can't.

Where's Bunny?
Where did she go?

Where'd she go?
What happened?

To the hospital?

Hey, every time
you-- will you relax?

- What?
- She's with Kathy.

They went to the supermarket.

To the supermarket?
In her condition?

What's the difference?

That's all I need for--
for her-- for the baby

to be born in the supermarket!

Supermarket!

Oh my gosh!

What if there's a mistake--

there's a mixup?

A mixup?

I'm liable to become the
father of a plucked chicken!

Boy, you need something
to calm you down.

Here, here.
Sit down.

I'll get you something.
Just relax.

Uncle Charley?

When the baby's born,
may I play with her?

No, you can't play with her.

Well, why not?

Because it ain't going to be
a her-- it's going to be a him.

No offense, honey.

I mean, how would it sound--

now playing quarterback
for Notre Dame--

Gladys Halper?

Ech!

But Johnny Halper?

Oh, I can see it all now.

He comes out on the field.

The folks-- the whole stand
get up on their feet--

all the people.

And they start
cheering, yay, Johnny!

Yay, Johnny!

And-- and-- and then they--
they line up for the kickoff--

hey?

The referee raises his whistle.

A hush falls on the stadium.

That boy better be born soon,
or he'll be late for the game.

What are you trying to
do, sneak up on people?

What, are you some
kind of wiseguy?

Boy, are you ever a wreck!

Yeah, I'm glad I'll
never be a father.

All right, children, children.

Leave Uncle Charley alone.
Now, don't bother him.

Go on, run off.

Do your homework
or something, huh?

Here, here, Charley.
- What is it?

- Take one of these.
- What?

- Tranquilizers.
- Tranquilizers?

Yeah.
Here, take one.

Good for her.
Here.

Do you some good.

You're so nervous.

Generally, one is
enough, but in your case,

two-- two'll be better.

Here, you think--
it won't hurt you.

Take it.

And I'll tell you
what else I'll do--

I'll put a couple in an
envelope here for you.

And tomorrow, if you still
feel nervous-- high-strung--

you take another one.
Understand?

Yeah, yeah.

Gee, thanks, Danny.

I tell you, I'm ashamed of
myself for behaving like this.

It's all right.

There's nothing
to be ashamed of.

Here, put them in
your pocket there.

Look, you should have seen me.

When Rusty was
born, I did sillier

things you never dreamed of.

Yeah, like what?

I run all through
the maternity ward

passing out cigars.

What's silly about that?

To the babies?

- Oh, Danny.
- No, I mean it.

Oh, no, you're just
trying to make me feel good.

No, I'm not, Charley.

Oh, there they are.

It's about time!

You picked a fine
time to go shopping!

And what are you doing
carrying heavy bundles?

You are-- you are like a kid!

I can't let you
out of my eyesight!

[interposing voices]

Would you come downstairs?

Let's get a newspaper, and
we'll get some fresh air.

What do you say?
- I can't, I can't!

Yes, you can.

What if it happens?

Oh, Charley, I
will be all right!

- Sure, she will!
- Yeah, OK.

But promise me one thing.

What?

Don't have anything
till I get back!

Oh, I promise, I promise!

Come on, will you?

Leave her alone.

Kathy, I do not know what
I'm going to do with that man.

I don't know which is going
to come first-- my baby

or his nervous breakdown.

Oh, honey, don't
worry about him.

They've never lost a father yet.

Oh.

Oh, dear, I've
told Danny 1,000

times not to leave
pills around where

the children can get them.

Pills?

Tranquilizers.

Oh.

Bunny.

Why don't you give
Charley a couple of these?

You know, it'll calm him down.

Well, I don't know
if he'll take them.

You know, Charley wants
to be alert-- ready

for the big event.

Well, couldn't you slip them
in a glass of milk or something

like that when he
goes to bed tonight?

Hmm.

If you do, he'll never know.

[musical flourish]

[music playing]

You know, I've been
[inaudible]---- oh, help me.

Is there-- is there
any signs yet?

No, no, no, no, no, no, honey.

Everything is fine.
- No signs?

And look, I heated up
some warm milk for you--

it'll help you sleep.
Go on, drink it.

I can't sleep.

How can I sleep?

I'm one big peeled nerve.

Oh.

Please, just try.

No, no, no, no.

All the way-- let me see
the bottom of the glass.

Go!

Oh, good.

Good boy.

Now, that'll help
you relax, darling.

Now you go ahead.

You go on and go to sleep,

Good night, honey.

I-- I don't understand people.

What am I getting
excited about it?

I got to get rest.

This is ridiculous.

I'll drive myself to the
grave when the baby's born.

I find myself all--

oh.

That's great.

I'm really a wreck.

Oh, boy, I got to
pull myself together.

This is wrong.

This is wrong.

You're in no shape, [inaudible].

[inaudible] baby [inaudible].

I-- I'll take a pill.

Take a pill-- and I'll
be like a new man.

Ah!

Mmm, that's nice.

Boy!

If I just get--

if I could j--

[mutters nonsense]

I-- I'll never.

I'll take another pill.

[inaudible] Ah,
this is ridiculous.

What am I taking tranquilizers?

They won't put me to sleep.

I know the way I--

Whoa!

Charley?

Ch- Ch- Charley?

Ch- Ch- Charley?

Ooh hoo, Charley?

Charley, ooh hoo?

Ooh.

Charley.

Charley, dear, wake up.

Wake up.

Charley.

Charley.
Ch- Charley!

Huh?

What?

Ch- Charley!

Charley?

Are you awake?
- Huh?

Are you awake?

Sure.

Oh, thank heavens.

No!

Charley, dear!

Charley, I- I- I
think it's time.

T- time for what?

For the baby!

Hmm?

Charley!

Charley, we have to
get to the hospital!

I'm having the baby right now!

Good girl.

Charley!

Charley!

Look, I'm going
to have the baby.

Now we have to get
to the hospital.

Well, you-- you
go-- you go ahead,

honey, and have a good time.

Oh!

Charley, come on, now.

Get-- get out of bed, honey.
Upsidaisy.

- What?
- Come on.

Come on, upsidaisy, now.

Ah!

Now, Charley, look, dear.

This is the
telephone-- telephone.

Yeah.

Now, call-- call the
doctor, and I'll go

get my things ready.

Oh, my!

Nobody home.

Oh, Charley!

Oh, what is the m--

wh-- what could have done this?

I only gave him
two tranquilizers.

Come on, Charley, dear.

Let's walkie, walkie, now.
Come on.

Huh?

Upsidaisy!

Upsidoodle, now.

Let's just walk a
little bit here.

You'll-- calm on.

Calm on.

Calm on, dear!

Ooh-ee!

All right, now.

Hey, you're a--

you're a good dancer!

Oh!

Cha-cha!

No cha-cha, Charley!

Ah, cha-cha!

No cha-cha!

The only way to fly!

[music playing]

H- how do you do?

I'm Mrs. Halper, and
I'm having a baby.

And has anybody asked for me?

- No, no.
- Oh, I see.

All right, well, honey,
why don't you stand over

here till Danny and Kathy come?

Stay right there.

It's Mrs. Charles Halper,
and I have a [inaudible]..

This is Charles--

Yes.

This is the father?

Yes, he's very nice--
honey, shape up and look

like a father, will you?

[inaudible]

Yes, and [inaudible].

Bunny, your phone call
scared me half to death!

What's the m--

Oh, I'm glad you're here.

[gasps] What
happened to Charley?

Well, I don't know.

He has been a nervous wreck
for nine months waiting

for this baby, and now the
night of the big event,

he suddenly lost interest!

Where's Danny?

Oh, he'll be here.

He's just parking the car.
- Oh!

- What's the matter?
- Oh, honey, um--

Look at Charley!

What's wrong with Charley?

I don't know-- he's
just not interested!

Not interested?

Oh, he's just suffering
from shock, that's all.

Hey, boy, the baby's coming.
- Huh?

What?
- Hey, [inaudible].

- The baby's coming.
- The baby.

Baby?

Going to have a baby!

[interposing voices]

- Baby, baby!
- Baby, baby!

[interposing voices]

Hey, yeah, the baby's coming!

Baby, baby, baby!

No, listen.

Charley, Charley,
Charley, Charley.

Listen to me, boy.
Come on, come on.

Pull yourself together, man.

You're going to be a father.

Here, here, here.
Prop yourself up here.

- Bunny, has he been drinking?
- Come here.

Come on.
Prop yourself up here.

He acts drunk!

I wish he were drunk--
he'd make more sense.

Uh, M- Mrs. Halper
have any hospitalization?

Yeah, yeah.

Give me-- give me
the car, honey.

I'll take.

It's in his pocket--
the card's in his pocket.

In his pocket, OK.

[inaudible]

It's a pocket-- in
the inside pocket.

[inaudible] Will you
hold still, Charley?

Oh, hey, I got it.

I got it.

The father will have
to sign [inaudible]..

Charley?
Charley!

Hey!
Open up!

Open!

I got to have him.

[inaudible] I need this one.

Hey, Hey!

Come on, Charley.

NURSE: Th- th- the father has
to sign the admission papers.

All right.
Get up off your knees.

You got to sign the
administration papers.

[inaudible]
- Oh!

Will you please come on?

Get up.

Can you sign the paper?

Here.

Sign your name, Charles Halper.

How do you do?

How do you do?

Look, could I sign for him?

Oh, please sign for him!
Charley, do me a favor.

Here, here.
Sit down, sit down.

There we go.

All right.

[loud crashing]

It seems we have a
reckless driver in our midst.

Oh, Dr. Clark, am
I glad to see you?

Well, what happened
to Mr. Halper?

Well, I don't know.

He was just kind of nervous,
you know, and all upset.

Oh, sure.

I-- I guess it might have
been the tranquilizers he took.

Oh.

Oh, it can't be.

I only gave him two.

Oh, no.

Well, what's the matter?

Well, I-- I gave
him two in some

milk before he went to bed.

That means he's had four!

Well, no wonder he's goofy
with four tranquilizers in him.

Four?

He's had six?

I gave them two for the
road, and-- and they're gone.

You mean this man has
had six tranquilizers

in the last few hours?

I'm afraid so.

Nurse, you better cancel that
reservation for a single room.

We're going to need a double.

You mean Charley's
going to be with me?

Yes, but I'm afraid
he won't be much company

with six tranquilizers in him.

Chances are, he won't
wake up until long

after the baby is born.

Oh!

What?

What's the matter, Bunny?

I'm going to pull a
dirty trick on Charley.

What, what?

When he wakes up, I'm going
to tell him he had the baby!

[music playing]

You know, between the
innocence of babyhood

and the dignity of manhood,
we find a delightful creature

called the boy.

And boys are found everywhere--
on top of, underneath,

inside of, climbing
on, swinging from,

running around, or jumping to.

Mothers love them.

Little girls hate them.

Older sisters and
brothers tolerate them.

Adults ignore them, and
heaven protects them.

A boy is truth with
dirt on its face,

beauty with a cut on his
finger, wisdom with bubble gum

in its hair--

and the hope of the future
with a frog in its pocket.

And when you're busy, a boy is
an inconsiderate, bothersome,

intruding, jangle of noise.

And when you want him to
make a good impression,

his brain turns to
jelly, or else he

becomes a savage,
sadistic, jungle creature

bent on destroying the
world and himself with it.

Nobody else is so early to
rise or so late to supper.

Nobody else gets so much fun out
of trees and dogs and breezes.

Nobody else can
cram into one pocket

a rusty knife, a half-eaten
apple, three feet a string,

an empty Bull Durham sack, two
gumdrops, $0.06, a slingshot,

a chunk of unknown substance,
and a genuine supersonic code

ring with a secret compartment.

A boy is a magical creature.

You can lock him out
of your workshop,

but you can't lock
him out of your heart.

You can get him
out of your study,

but you can't get
him out of your mind.

Might as well give up.

He?

Is your captor, your jailer,
your boss, and your master.

The freckled faced, pint-sized,
cat chasing bundle of noise.

But when you come home at night
with only the shattered pieces

of your hopes and dreams,
he can mend them like new

with the two magic words--

hi, Dad.

In case you haven't already
guessed, the Halpers had a boy,

and mother and son
are doing just fine.

And, uh, oh yeah,
Papa's all right, too.

[music playing]