All language subtitles for The.Danny.Thomas.Show.S09E12.Teacher.for.a.Day.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD2.0.H.264_track3_[eng]

[theme music]

Honey!

Hey, Clancy!
- Yeah?

Guess what?

I'm going to be the toastmaster
at the Sportswriters Luncheon.

No.

And guess who's going to sit
at the table right next to me?

- Who?
- My son.

- Rusty?
- How about that?

- Oh, how nice.
- How nice.

Wait till he hear him.

He's going to jump
out of his shoes.

You know who's going
to sit next to him?

- No.
- Johnny Unitas.

Oh, Darling, that's wonderful.

Wonderful, I should say.

Who's Johnny Unitas?

He's a beer salesman
from Milwaukee.

Who's Johnny Unitas?

He's only the star quarterback
for the Baltimore Colts.

Well, darling, how do
you expect me to know that?

I never go to basketball games.

Johnny Unitas is
a football player.

Well, what's the difference,
basketball, football?

I mean, one wears long
pants, one wears short pants.

You know, something's
been puzzling me

for the longest time.

Hm?

How a brilliant
fellow like me got

hooked by a dumb girl like you.

Well, Darling, I
think I can answer that.

And I can cook too.

Hey, kid, have I
got news for you.

Guess what?
- What?

Guess who's going
to sit next to you

at the Sportswriters Luncheon.
- Who?

Johnny Unitas.

Well, let's have a
little animation.

I said, you're going to
sit next to Johnny Unitas.

Well, Rusty, he's a
very important football

player on the Baltimore Horses.

Colts.

Well, what's the difference?

Mom, I know who
Johnny Unitas is.

I also know I'm not
going to sit next to him.

Why not?

I have to stay
after school tomorrow.

Oh, not tomorrow.

Rusty, what happened?

What did you do now?

You'll never believe this,
but I didn't do a thing.

Then why do you have
to stay after school?

Oh, Miss Johnson's
keeping the whole class.

Why?

A couple of the kids
were fooling around

so now everybody's got to
stay for an extra hour,

and she had to pick
tomorrow of all days.

Well, Rusty, don't you
think if you told her

you had to go to an
important sports luncheon,

she'd let you off?

A lot she cares about sports.

All she knows about
football or basketball

is in one of them
you wear short pants.

Can you imagine
anyone that dumb?

Well, you run into that
type once in a while.

Oh, this is awful.

This is absolutely awful after
all the trouble I went through.

Maybe if I talk to her, maybe
I could reason with her.

Reason with old Pickle Puss?

Here now.

Don't be disrespectful.

Students shouldn't call
their teachers Pickle Puss.

Well, that's what
everybody calls her.

She's the toughest teacher
in the whole school, Dad.

She loves to hand
out punishment.

No teacher loves to
hand out punishment.

Pickle Puss does.

When she starts
handing out punishment,

it's like someone
eating salted peanuts.

There's no stopping.

You think she's
still at the school?

She might be.

Why?

Well, I figure maybe if
I go over and talk to her

and use a little tact,
a little diplomacy,

maybe I might get her to
let you off this one time.

You want to bet?

Now, Russell, you
just leave this to me.

I mean, after all, she's human.

You want to bet?

You're not in
the wrong, are you?

No.

OK, your cause is just.

Yes.

Couple that with my
ability to handle people,

I'm pretty sure that
in no time at all

I'll have your teacher
eating right out of my hand.

I wouldn't try, Dad.

- What have I got to lose?
- Your hand.

All right.

Yes, won't you come in?

Thank you.

Thank you.

I'm Danny Williams,
Mr. Williams.

Oh, of course, you're
Russell's father.

That's right.
That's right.

I hope I'm not intruding.

No, no, no.

I was just finishing up.

Just finishing up.

My goodness, a teacher's
work is never done, is it?

Well, I can always
find something

to do if I look hard enough.

You know, I
always say it's too

bad that more parents don't
appreciate you teachers,

you know?

Hm, is that--

is that what you say?

Yeah, I always say that.

Yes, and I say it because
I mean it sincerely.

I'm glad.

For a moment, I thought you
were leading up to a request

to excuse Rusty from staying
after school tomorrow.

Now, Miss Johnson,
is that fair?

I'm sorry.

Is that all, Mr. Williams?

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess so.

Although there is one thing.

I'm a little surprised to see
a teacher of your caliber,

I mean, punishing a whole
class just because a couple

of the kids got out of line.

I mean, you are doing a
great job outside of that one

hasty, thoughtless, unjust act.

I just thought I'd
mention that in passing.

Well, let's consider it
passed, shall we, Mr, Williams?

Now see here, Pickle Puss.

I mean, Miss Johnson.

Now this sports luncheon
means a lot to my son.

It may be trivial to
you, but it isn't to him

and it isn't to me either.

And I think you ought to let him
off tomorrow so he can attend.

I don't agree with you.

I didn't think you would.

I wouldn't be doing your son
any favor if for one minute

I let him think
that the rules that

apply to the other children
don't apply to him.

Look, I'm not asking
not to punish him,

just don't punish him tomorrow.

Punish him some other time.

Mr, Williams, before
a teacher can educate

a roomful of
students, she must--

she must get control of them.

If I fail to maintain
discipline over my students,

I fail as a teacher, because
knowledge must be crammed

into their stubborn
little minds against

considerable resistance.

Like any other
healthy young animal,

a child would rather
play than work.

Yeah, but--

My methods of
maintaining discipline

may seem harsh to you,
but they work for me.

I've been using them
for over 30 years.

30 years?

That's a long time.

We have a saying
in show business,

don't go too long without
changing your act.

It might get a little stale.

You're not the only one who
thinks I should change my act.

The principal of this
school agrees with you.

Excuse me.

As a matter of fact,
for some time now

he's been wanting to discuss
the question of my retirement.

He feels too that my policy
of firmness with my students

is a little old fashioned.

Well, there's a
little difference

between firmness and harshness.

I mean, I should imagine you
could accomplish just as much

by being kind and gentle.

Mr. Williams, my grandfather,
who came from the deep south,

used to tell a
story about a farmer

who was stuck on the road with
a mule who wouldn't budge.

He was having a
dreadful time with him.

A stranger came along
and said, can I help you?

And the farmer said,
well, maybe you can.

He says, I got a mule
here I can't move.

And the stranger said,
well, that's because you

don't understand mules.

I do.

You got to treat him gentle.

You got to treat him kind.

And so saying, he leaned
over, picked up a log

and smacked the mule
right between the eyes.

The farmer was pretty
upset, and he said, how

come you hit my mule like that?

I thought you said you
got to treat him gently.

You got to treat him kind.

And the stranger
said, that's right.

That's right.

But first you got to
get his attention.

Well, these kids aren't
mules, and I guarantee

if I were their
teacher, I could get

their attention
without clobbering

them between the eyes.

Mr. Williams, I get
the distinct impression

that you think you can do
my job better than I can.

I didn't say that,
but since you did,

I won't argue the point.

Good day.

Mr, Williams, how
would you like a chance

to, um, to prove your point?

Huh?

Quite coincidentally,
this week Friday

there's a school-wide experiment
in cooperation with this

Parent Teachers Association.

So?

On that one day,
interested parents

will be given an opportunity
to conduct classes.

They can become acquainted
through actual experience

with some of our problems.

Now, since you are such
an interested parent,

I think you'd make an
excellent candidate.

You want me to
teach your class?

That's right.

And in a phrase that's more
succinct and scholarly,

it'll give you a chance to put
your money where your mouth is.

I'll be here Friday.

Good.

And your program
will include algebra,

current events, and biology.

You are to give Mr. Williams
your undivided attention.

His authority is
the same as mine.

Now, I can stay and help you
get started, if you wish,

and find a place at the back
of the room, or I can leave.

No no, no.

- It's entirely up to you.
- It's all right.

It's all right, Miss Johnson.

You can go right ahead
and have the morning off.

I'm pretty sure we'll get along
real fine, won't we, kids?

Oh, yes.

Well, if you should
run into any trouble,

I suggest that you try some
of my antiquated methods

of discipline.

You mean, get his
attention first?

They can get out of
hand pretty quickly.

Well, I'm not
expecting any trouble.

Well, I'll be
back later to check.

All right, fine.

Now, class.

[sighs of relief]

Attention, class.

Attention.

Class, we are supposed to
take biology first today.

Yes?

Oh, we don't have to waste any
time on biology, Mr. Williams.

Why not?

Because we know
the whole book.

Is that so?

[SINGING] For instance,
the ankle bone's

connected to the shinbone.

The shinbone's connected
to the knee bone.

The knee bone's connected
to the thigh bone.

The thigh bone's connected
to that hip bone.

All right.
OK.

The hip bone's connected--

All right.

Thank you.

Sit down.

All right, I know what the
backbone is connected to, OK?

All right.

Just simmer down.

Simmer down.
Simmer down.

Yes?

What is it?

I have a current
events question.

Current events?

We're supposed to
take biology now.

But, sir, this is
an important question.

Oh?

On current events?

Yes.

Well, if it's important.

What's the question?

May I leave the room?

[laughter]

All right.

Hold it down.

No, you may not leave the room.

Stand up, young fella.

What's your name?

Henry.

Henry.

All right, Henry, now
suppose we get to biology.

Would you please tell me
how does osmosis work?

Don't ask me.

I didn't even know he had a job.

Young lady, hand
that note back to him.

You mind standing up, Mr. Bones?

I take it that note
is being passed around

for the whole class to read?

Yes, sir.

Suppose we do
it rather quickly

and have you read
it out loud to them?

You want me to
read it out loud?

That's right.

I want you to read it out loud.

It says, is that his nose
or is he eating a banana?

You kids are wonderful.

You know, you took me back
a lot of years just now.

This must be a pretty
tough school, then, huh?

I like it.

I like it tough because I
was raised in a tough school.

Oh, a real tough school.

You, you kids should have
seen the school I went to.

You talk about tough.

The seediest looking
characters you ever saw.

You'd walk down the
corridors of our school,

and you'd see them there leaning
against the lockers, you know,

with the black leather
jackets and a cigarette

dangling down a lip and
the scars on the faces.

And those were the teachers.

Ha, you never saw such
tough kids, you know.

And the toughest
kid in our school

was a kid named Fingers Patman.

Fingers Patman was
the toughest kid

I ever saw in my whole life.

Hated anybody with a face.

Hated them.

We used to call him
Fingers because he

was fast with the fingers.

He could empty out the
five and dime faster

then they could fill it.

You read today where kids think
it's smart to steal hubcaps.

Fingers would never stoop
to such a low thing.

As a matter of fact, he was our
leader, would never let us do

it.

We never thought of
stealing hubcaps.

I mean, people in
our neighborhood

get up in the morning,
walk to their cars,

they always found their hubcaps.

No car, just hubcaps.

We were plenty tough, I want to
tell you, but real tough kids.

But we outgrew it, like
every generation did.

But for a while there, we got
to believing our own publicity,

and that's what's the matter
with the teenagers today,

you know.

They believe their
own publicity,

and they're getting
too much publicity.

You can't pick up a Sunday
newspaper or a magazine

without reading the
inevitable article what's

wrong with our teenagers today?

I read a magazine
article the other day

that asked the stupid question,
can the children of today

be the mothers and
fathers of tomorrow?

I mean, isn't that the silliest
question you ever heard?

Can the children of
today be the mothers

and fathers of tomorrow?

All I can say is they
better because nobody

else is warming up.

But I got to go along with
public opinion against you

on one point.

That's your music.

Oh, your music is sick.

Oh, your music,
have you seen you

kids going down a
street with a transistor

radio stuck in your ear?

Now nobody knows what
you're listening to,

but you're going like this.

If I ever went home like
that, my father would have

sprinkled flea powder on me.

Your music-- let me
give you an idea.

Let's have a sample
of your music.

And 1, 2, 3.

[scatting]

[SINGING] Well, it's Saturday
night and I just got paid.

Fool about my money,
don't try to save.

Come on, dance.

[scatting] Gonna rock it up.

Gonna live it up.

Gonna shake it out.

Gonna ball it up.

Gonna rock it out
and ball tonight.

And the old man said,
yeah, you need a partner.

Miss Johnson will
be here any second.

It's almost 12 o'clock.

Now, come on, get to your seat.

Now, look, kids, we didn't
get very much work done today,

you know?

We didn't get any
work done today.

Well, let's kind of keep
that our little secret, huh?

Now, look, I want
to level with you.

I'm not here today just because
it's parents as teachers day.

I am here because, well,
I bragged to Miss Johnson

that I could handle the
class better than she could.

And, well, I would like it very
much if you'd be looking rather

studious when she comes in.

And remember what I told you
earlier about how to greet her?

So, help me out, will you?

Sure.

[interposing voices]

Thank you.

Get your noses in
your books now.

Look very studious, and--

Class, Miss Johnson is here.

Good afternoon, Miss Johnson.

Well, this is a surprise.

Surprise?

Well, frankly, it isn't
quite what I expected.

Well, I hope you're
not disappointed.

You haven't had any trouble?

Look like I've
had any trouble?

No.

No, it doesn't.

Congratulations, Mr. Williams.

I take my hat off to you.

Oh, well.

This is quite a revelation.

You were right and I was wrong.

Hm?

Well, if you'll
excuse me, there's

a subject the
principal's been wanting

to talk to me about
for some time,

and this certainly looks
like the right time.

Oh, no, no.

Wait, wait a minute.
Miss Johnson, wait a minute.

Miss Johnson, please.

Kids, on your honor now, just
be quiet till I get back.

Miss Johnson?

Miss Johnson, please?
- Yes?

Just a minute.

I hope I haven't
hurt your feelings.

Oh, don't apologize.

You may have done me a favor.

What?

The principal is
constantly telling

me that I've fallen
behind the times,

and I didn't believe him.

But if a person like you,
completely without teaching

experience, can
walk into a class

and achieve with ease the
thing that I battle for daily,

a well-behaved, receptive,
cooperative class,

then my contribution isn't as
indispensable as I thought.

Now, wait, Miss
Johnson, please?

Don't be too hasty about this.

Mr. Williams,
there comes a day

when even the most
stalwart battleship

heads for the mothball fleet.

Yeah, but--

And now if you'll
excuse me, I'm

going down to the
principal's office

and suggest that he lay in
a good supply of mothballs.

Wait a minute.

Now, wait a minute.

Now you promise to come back
and check on me, remember?

Mr. Williams, I have
already conceded your victory.

I know, but you
haven't checked on what

I've done with the class.
Now, be fair--

Mr. Williams--

Will you please just check
and see what we've done.

I know what I want
to do [inaudible]

Oh, class, oh, nice
to see you so attentive.

Miss Johnson has returned
to check up on our work

this morning, so we're
going to have a little quiz.

Mr. Bones, will
you get up, please?

And tell us what we
covered in biology today.

Biology?

Biology.

Well, sir, we didn't
get around to that.

Oh, my, so we didn't.

Wait, wait, Veronica, how
did we do in algebra today?

Today?

Today.

Well, sir, we didn't
get to that either.

My goodness.

We didn't get to that either.

We kind of sort of blew
current events too, didn't we?

Mr. Williams,
just what has been

going on in this classroom?

A ball.

We've been telling jokes
and dancing and singing.

I did part of my
nightclub act for them.

Told them all about
the tough school

I was raised in, a lot
tougher than this one.

Well, there's a
postscript to that story

I was telling you about,
Fingers Patman and the guys.

You know where Fingers wound up?

One of the greatest
surgeons in our country,

and the rest of my class,
judges, lawyers, doctors,

merchants, and regular working
joes, all solid citizens,

and one nightclub entertainer.

Yep.

That motley looking group,
that incorrigible bunch

of tough guys in my class,
all became solid citizens

because of the miraculous work
of the Miss Johnson of our day.

We had a ball in school,
lots of fun like your having.

Only your generation
doesn't have the luxury

that our generation
had, and your teachers

have a much tougher job
than our teachers did.

You see, they're
racing against time

because the enemies
of the free world,

the enemies of our way of life,
are using education as a weapon

to destroy our way of life.

And you young people
have got to use

the same weapon, education,
to defend our way of life,

to safeguard it.

Don't goof off, kids.

Prepare yourselves, for
tomorrow's America with all

its rich rewards will be yours.

Well, if you're going
to get prepared,

I better get out of here
and let you get at it.

Mr. Williams, where do
you think you're going?

I'm going to get a hot dog.

I'm starved.

Mr. Williams, I
should expect you

back here right after lunch.

You want me to come back here?

Your agreement was to conduct
this class for the entire day.

Come on, I'm not a
teacher, and you know it.

Yes, I know, but on my salary,
I can't afford nightclubs,

and I want to see the show too.

It's not fair!

What's the matter with you?

I have to stay
after school tomorrow.

What?

Teacher says I was
whispering in class.

Well, were you whispering?

Well, not very loud.

I can't stay after
school tomorrow.

The Brownies are
going to the zoo.

Daddy, can't you
write Teacher a note

and excuse me just this time?

You want me to write
a note to your teacher

and get you out of it, huh?

Yes, please?

Let me see, what
will I say in my note?

Dear Nice Teacher--

Yes.

If my wonderful,
adorable, little

darling Linda broke the rules,
she deserves to be punished.

Very truly yours,
Danny Williams.

Well, don't expect
much for Father's Day.

[theme music]