Original subtitles

[theme song]

[piano playing]

FATHER: Kathy!

Yes, dad?

FATHER: Do you got an extra pillow?

There's one on the shelf in your closet.

Anything else you need?

Nothing but a good night's sleep.

Goodnight, kitten.

Goodnight, dad.

Uh, that, uh, tha-- that wait, that

thing you're fingering there, is that,

uh, that tune hard to play?

Not particularly, why?

It's hard to listen to.

All right, all right.

You're going to get a lot of rest while you're here.

You got a whole week off, take advantage of it.

Yeah, you bet I will.

I'm gonna make a new record for sleeping

and tell the kids that anyone who makes a sound near my room

before noon tomorrow gets cut out of my will.

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

Night.

Sure looks tired, doesn't he?

He sure does.

But he's due for a good rest.

Let's see that he gets it while he's here.

Let's just kinda walk around on tiptoes for the next few days,

huh? - OK.

I'm gonna cut off the phone tonight.

Real good idea.

Oh, go away!

Just because I have--

[interposing voices] - Hey, now!

Come on! Will you cut it out?

- Go on! - Here, here!

Don't bother me!

What's the matter with you two?

There are only two cookies left and Rusty took them both.

Why don't you give her a cookie for heaven's sake?

Oh, dad!

Can't she even go get her own! - Now, stop it!

Your grandfather is very tired.

Now he's come here to visit with us and we want him to rest,

do you understand?

While he is here, I want this place as quiet as a church.

You hear?

As quiet as a church!

Surprise!

Grandpa's here!

Hello!

Where did you come from?

Where I come from?

What are you doing here?

That is silly question.

I am here!

Why I come to visit my favorite family.

And my favorite nephew, Daniel.

Oh, little Linda.

You know, you grow more beautiful every time I see you!

You really think I'm beautiful, Uncle Tonoose?

Sure!

You're getting to look more like me every day.

Oh, Rusty.

My boy.

Let me look at you.

Oh, you've grown to be fine young man.

Now that the nose is here, the fun begins.

And I got good news for everybody.

I can stay a whole week!

I thought recognized the big noise from Toledo.

How is old goat cheese?

How's old goat?

Why didn't you tell me he was here?

I wouldn't have come!

We didn't know you were coming, how could we tell you?

That's no excuse!

Now that you know I'm here you can go!

Why I go?

Why you go!

Now you stop that!

You're both here and you're both welcome.

Why, certainly you're both welcome.

There's no problem, Henri, Tonoose.

You'll both share the guestroom.

We'll get a nice folding bed for you.

A bed for him?

Why don't you just spread some sand on the floor?

Why, you corned beef and cabbage, you!

My people was sleeping on beds of silk

before your people discovered pigs for pillows.

Here!

Now there's not room for the two of us in this house!

You're right, get out!

No, you get out!

I was here first!

You, you, you keep your big nose out of it.

[interposing voices]

Henri, sit down.

Sit down!

I'm ashamed of you.

Really I'm ashamed.

Dear.

Linda, Linda, you better go on up and get to bed now.

Come on.

Oh, I want to stay up and see who wins.

Never mind who wins.

Well, I tell you now who wins.

He and me fight, I gonna win.

That's his story.

Uncle Tonoose, why are you always fighting?

It's just a habit with both of you.

Yeah, a silly habit and you've got to, got to break that habit

and soon.

And you're both part of the family.

Let's all be happy together.

Now come on, Henri.

Shake hands. [BOTH GROANING]

- No way. - Dad.

Oh, come on, dad.

Shake hands now.

Be a man, what's the matter with you?

You, too.

Come on.

All right.

You shake, I shake.

All right, I shake.

Shake.

You know as a matter of fact as

much as I hate to admit it I'm, I'm glad to see you, Tonoose.

Well, I'm glad to see you too, Davy.

Well, now that's better.

Come on and sit down.

Uncle Tonoose, you sit next to him and have a nice visit.

Yeah, you're looking good.

Thank you.

You're looking good too.

How things been with you?

Fine.

How have things been with you?

Fine.

I like it better when they're fighting.

You're a big help.

Come on, you get to bed right now.

Yeah.

Come on, Rusty let's take Uncle Tonoose's things upstairs.

Now listen, you two roosters.

You're doing just fine like you are.

Now keep it that way, huh?

Why don't you talk over old times and stop fighting?

Ah, you know.

It seems strange to be sitting here

face-to-face like this without snarling at one another.

[both laughing]

[SCREAMING] Uncle Tonoose!

You've come for a visit?

That's right I come for visit.

Yeah?

Uh, how come you two ain't fighting?

Or did I come in here between rounds?

Oh, no.

We're not going to find any more.

We going be friends. Look, cheers.

Right.

From now on, everything is peaceable between us.

- Yeah. - Yes!

Would one of you two gentlemen open

this ketchup bottle for me?

- You want it open? - Yes, please.

Open. Uh, yeah.

I'm, I'm fixing a meatloaf for tomorrow.

Oh, wonderful!

I teach you how to make Lebanese meatloaf.

We put in some whole wheat, yes?

We put in some whole wheat, no.

Yeah, but that's the favorite dish of Lebanon!

You from Lebanon and I'm from Tennessee.

And in my kitchen, them twain ain't never gon' meet!

Ah, you'd better pour some hot water on it.

Let me try.

Wait, but wait a minute.

If I couldn't open it, what makes you think you can?

That's what makes me think I can.

Well, thank you.

You only got it open because I loosened it for you.

Well, Tonoose don't need nobody loosen bottle.

Next time you want ketchup open, you come to strong man.

Meaning you?

Well that's the proof!

What's proof about that?

I loosened it for you.

Why, I got my strength in my little finger

than you have in your whole flabby body.

Flabby bo--

Yeah!

Why, I strong like I can take a rock in that hand

and I'll squeeze it, comes out sand.

Feel that muscle! Feel, go on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, keep working on them, they might

get to be as big as your mouth.

Oh, is that so, wisest guy?

You like to wrestle?

Well, you're looking for a fat lip

to go with that fat head of yours?

[interposing voices]

Oh, Gentlemen!

Gentlemen! Please don't--

Stand back a little ways.

[interposing voices]

Mister Williams!

Mister Williams!

[inaudible]

That ain't no cha cha they doing.

Here!

Here, here, here!

[music playing]

[music playing]

You can do that?

Like shooting a duck in a barrel.

Eh!

Look at him [inaudible] so strong.

Them puffing like steam engine puffing--

his eyes is popping out of his head.

Me got don't even take one extra breath.

With that nose, you don't have to.

Stop acting like spoiled children.

Now shake hands and make up.

Yeah, come on. Shake it.

- Shake hands. - Come on.

- Shake hands. - Go on.

Come on.

No more fighting.

All right.

All right, Daniel.

You said it, no more fighting.

No, no no more fighting.

But we're going to have Olympics contest.

All right. Olympics.

[interposing voices]

Now just a minute!

No, no, with running and jumping

and we're going to do that.

You got yourself a deal.

We're gonna show who's the better man.

Tomorrow morning, in the park, early.

You going to keep the score, Daniel.

I am not going to keep the score.

Are you two out of your mind?

I mean, running and jumping at your age?

Oh, Kathy.

Don't take them seriously.

These two old fossils in an Olympics contest?

One fast game of hopscotch and they'd both keel over.

Keel over?

I strong as ox!

And just a stupid.

[music playing]

Holy smokes.

They've been out since 6:00?

Oh, I'd better get dressed and get those guys

before they kill themselves.

Here they are, Jim Londos and Gorgeous George.

Just be quiet.

Rusty, you read the score.

Yeah, add them up.

All right.

Um, the winner of the 100-yard dash, Grandpa Daly.

Yeah, but there's a woman with a baby carriage get in my way

and I got to jump over.

You had to jump over?

I had to jump over and strong wind at high altitude

hold me back.

And the race around the reservoir

ended in a three-way tie.

How could they have a three way tie?

It was a dead heat between Uncle Tonoose, grandpa,

and the policeman after them.

Policeman?

What was he chasing you for?

Probably wanted to get him for indecent exposure.

What is indecent exposure?

The only thing is bad is these pretty legs.

Running around with that face of yours bare

is indecent exposure.

Rusty, read the total score.

50 points each.

You're all tied up.

We are tied?

Yeah, you should be tied in a straight jacket.

I don't know about these two kids but I'm beat.

I'm going back to bed.

That's a good idea.

Why don't you both go to bed and get some rest?

Really now, now the score is tied

and I declare that the contest is over.

Right.

The contest is not over.

The main event is this afternoon.

The main event?

Yeah, wrestling match to a finish.

Yeah, with no holds barred.

Winner take all.

And loser take bus back Boston.

Danny, you've got to stop them before they really get hurt.

Come on, honey.

What are you talking about?

Look at them, they can barely move.

What you mean?

You want to see me do something strong again?

All right.

I show you.

Now, I, I don't want to see you do anything strong.

[interposing voices]

Now, look that's not necessary.

I did it once, I do it twice this time [inaudible]..

Oh, for goodness sake.

Be careful now.

I, I wouldn't break nothing.

Including me.

Here.

All right now I [inaudible] still plenty strong.

And I go upstairs now and get ready for main event.

I take a shower.

Yeah, well.

Don't turn the water on too strong,

it might knock you over.

Dad, you don't have to go through.

We believe you. - Oh now, dad!

We believe you!

Oh, ah, stop.

Wait a minute.

Oh, dear.

Danny, Danny.

This is getting out of hand.

And it's dangerous at their age.

You've got to stop them.

Yeah but how? How?

I don't know.

Showoffs.

They can barely drag themselves around.

They still have to show how strong they are by, by lifting

a chair with one hand.

As if that proved anything.

Well, it does to them I guess.

Hey.

Hmm?

Why don't we give them the gas light treatment?

Gas light treatment?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, that chair is a symbol to them.

They lift it with one hand.

Suppose the next time they try it,

it's too heavy to lift with one hand.

Well, how's it going to get heavy?

I know a fellow could put some lead weights in the bottom.

Who?

Me.

[music playing]

Sit down.

Now look, dad.

There's, there's a limit to the energy you can put out now.

Sooner or later you're going to run out of gas.

Oh. Now, come on.

Don't worry about me.

I'm in great shape. Great.

Of course you are now.

But you're only human.

And the time's going to come when

your body is going to rebel at the treatment you've

been giving it.

That's right.

And then all of a sudden, just like that,

you're going to find out that you can't run races,

and that you can throw javelins, and that you can't

even lift that silly old chair.

That's right, that's right.

Well you don't have to worry about me for a long time.

I never can tell.

Well, I'm in perfect shape!

Well, when it happens, dad, it happens just like.

That's right, that's right.

One minute you can lift that chair like a feather,

the next minute you're can hardly lift a feather.

That's right.

Listen, honey.

I'm going to go, uh, fix a bite of lunch.

Fine I'll, I'll help you, dear.

Yeah, dad.

It happens just like that.

So if I were you, I'd stop trying to lift chairs

with one hand, if I were you.

Don't be silly.

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

Tonoose, all this exercise, all this running, and jumping.

You know, eventually it can make you very weak.

Weak?

[LAUGHS] I strong like bull.

Go ahead, showoff.

Show us how you can lift the chair with one hand.

You're so strong.

I can lift that little with one finger.

Listen to me.

After all the exercising you've been

through, all that Olympic nonsense and everything.

You don't want to know something?

I'm not so sure you can to lift that chair.

You're getting pretty old, you know.

And if I were you, I wouldn't even

bother with lifting anything.

I've done it twice already.

Now, well, I just don't, I don't--

You want to see me-- all right.

You want to see--

All right.

Go ahead.

Go ahead.

Wait, I lift something heavier.

No, no.

Lift the chair.

Chair!

Lift the chair!

Let me go!

[music playing]

Tonoose still plenty strong, huh?

OK.

Big deal.

So it proves your muscles are still in good condition.

What do you mean my muscles?

My everything is in good condition!

You're getting old. Why don't you admit it?

What do you mean?

Getting old?

My eyesight is perfect!

I can see a, a freckle on the nose of a little fly.

And my earsight is perfect.

Earsight?

Sure, I can hear the grass growing.

You remember what they say in the old country, Daniel?

The man who's healthy in the ears

he's gonna live yet plenty years.

Yeah, yeah.

That's an old saying in the country, papi.

That's really why I'm worried about you, Unk.

What do you mean worried?

Well, when I talked to you today, you didn't answer me.

So I knew you didn't hear me.

When I didn't answer you?

I didn't hear you?

After you came back from that ridiculous Olympics

in Central Park, I spoke to you twice, you didn't answer.

I had a feeling that your hearing was failing.

What do you mean my hearing failing?

I hear you now!

Yeah but that's true you hear me now.

But in the beginning, uh, when your hearing begins to fail,

it fades in and out, in, in and out.

And that's the first indication that a man

is losing his strength.

When it begins to fade out and fade in.

What do you mean?

That never happen to me.

Happened to a man much younger than you for overexercising.

Poor fellow.

He could hear for a few seconds, then

a few seconds he couldn't hear.

Kept going in and out.

You know anybody like that?

Of course, and you listen to me and listen to me good, Unk.

Now I'm sick and tired of this nonsense.

You're a full grown man and I've just got to warn you.

One of these days, you're going to keep up this nonsense--

[silent]

And you can believe that!

Oh, I believe it.

I believe it.

You better believe it.

You remember that fellow it happened to.

That fellow at [speech fading in and out]..

The jokes they used to tell about him!

Everybody used to laugh.

What about [silent] the time when the [silent]

[silent]

Oh, What funny stories you--

[silent]

But of course, after that.

[silent]

Oh, that's funny!

That is funny!

What's funny about it?

He died.

Well I sure like to continue this interesting conversation

with you nice people but I think I go upstairs and lay down now.

Quick.

You said something to me, Daniel?

No, I didn't say anything.

Kathy did.

[music playing]

Look, you've been resting for two days.

All right already, get up and get out.

- Quiet. - What?

I'm sick.

I'm even more sick than he is.

Oh, I'm twice as sick as you are.

I'm 10 times as sick as you are.

Listen, if you was already dead,

I'd be sicker than you are.

How many pains you got?

How many pains you got?

I got all the same pains you got plus one more.

The one you give me.

Oh, is that so, wiseguy?

You want to know something? - What?

I got pains in my back.

I got pains in my head.

My neck hurts.

My chest hurt.

My elbow hurt.

My fingernails hurt.

Every hair on my head is killing me.

That's how sick I am.

I'd give a million to charity if I could feel that good.

All right.

All right.

All right.

We're a failure.

We are a complete failure.

We tried every way we knew how to trick them

and to stop competing, now they're in competition to see

who's sicker than the other.

Kathy, well you-- my guess is well tell them.

Tell us what?

Well, we might as well tell you that we tricked you.

- You tricked us? - Mhm.

Yeah.

We gotta tell you before you talk

yourselves into a sanitarium.

You couldn't lift that chair because I

had it weighted down with lead.

You had that weighted down with lead?

Yeah, I framed you.

Oh, dear.

And you too.

Your hearing is fine.

It was going in and out because I was talking sometimes then--

just move my lips we-- it was a trick.

Well what kind of trick is that?

You make me think I so sick that I go to bed!

We had to do something to make you stop

this ridiculous competition.

Well, what for you want to stop us?

Yeah why do you want to butt in for?

Because we didn't want you to wreck yourselves!

That's why!

Silly as it may seem we, we love you two, you, you

over-aged juvenile delinquents!

[LAUGHS]

Well, I'm glad you think it's funny.

How about that?

Making me think I'm too weak to lift the chair.

Making me think that I don't hear good.

Well, you kids certainly taught me a lesson,

I'll remember for the rest of my life.

Yeah, me too.

You know, you know you got to admit though,

Daly, that those two young snapper-whippers

they smarter than we are.

[music playing]

[music playing]

All right.

Come on, Daly, let's, let's get dressed

and we go down to the park and get some fresh air.

Come on, let's be friends first today, OK?

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Come on.

Sure, go get some fresh air so you can

get some more energy to fight.

Well, don't worry.

From now on, no more fight.

Oh, that'll be the day.

[interposing voices]

I'll believe it when I see it.

Look, I want to apologize to you two kids

for acting like a big fool.

I got apologize for acting like great big fool too.

Yeah, but, uh, not a bigger old fool than me, no.

Oh, I was much bigger old fool than you are.

But not that bigger old fool than me!

You are little fool!

You are little, I am big!

If anybody is a big fool, it's me!

[arguing]

[music playing]

[credits song]