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1
00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:21,890
Come over here. Have a look at this.
2
00:00:24,150 --> 00:00:25,850
It's the Penguin Man costume.
3
00:00:27,190 --> 00:00:29,930
You know, from the Penguin Muffler ads
on TV.
4
00:00:31,050 --> 00:00:32,750
I love Penguin Man.
5
00:00:33,530 --> 00:00:37,770
What an honour to be entrusted with the
cleaning of Penguin Man's costume.
6
00:00:38,570 --> 00:00:40,030
I love him. He's brilliant.
7
00:00:40,630 --> 00:00:42,510
I love that little waddle he does.
8
00:00:43,630 --> 00:00:44,810
Penguin Man's crap.
9
00:00:45,970 --> 00:00:47,170
You take that back.
10
00:00:48,350 --> 00:00:49,790
You take that, fuck you lot!
11
00:01:20,430 --> 00:01:22,970
I got the feeling, got a bit of an
inkling.
12
00:01:23,530 --> 00:01:26,730
This is going to be one of those days.
13
00:01:27,250 --> 00:01:30,090
This is a show about me.
14
00:01:30,410 --> 00:01:35,509
And me. And all the things I do and all
the things I see. And also what I see. I
15
00:01:35,510 --> 00:01:37,930
got the feeling, got a bit of an
inkling.
16
00:01:38,550 --> 00:01:41,590
As long as we're together, it'll be
okay.
17
00:01:50,120 --> 00:01:51,560
Do, do, do, do, do.
18
00:02:37,050 --> 00:02:39,230
Why don't we swap? You wash and I'll
dry.
19
00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:44,650
No, thanks. No.
20
00:02:45,420 --> 00:02:48,920
I'd prefer not to get too close to the
sink if you don't mind.
21
00:02:49,980 --> 00:02:51,030
Why?
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00:02:52,620 --> 00:02:53,680
I'm afraid of water.
23
00:02:55,720 --> 00:02:56,920
I can't swim.
24
00:02:58,100 --> 00:03:00,690
Don't be ridiculous, Frank. Come here.
It'll be fine.
25
00:03:01,660 --> 00:03:02,710
Are you sure?
26
00:03:02,940 --> 00:03:03,990
Yes.
27
00:04:05,290 --> 00:04:09,369
and there was... Come
28
00:04:09,370 --> 00:04:16,208
here, you little ragamuffin. Look, your
shorts are all
29
00:04:16,209 --> 00:04:21,489
crooked, and look at your cap, that's
all skewiff, and let me straighten your
30
00:04:21,490 --> 00:04:22,540
goggles for you.
31
00:04:56,270 --> 00:04:57,320
You can do it.
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00:04:58,090 --> 00:05:00,690
That's it, Frank. Do it for me. Make me
drown.
33
00:05:02,190 --> 00:05:03,240
That's good.
34
00:05:04,650 --> 00:05:06,050
Do it, Frank. Come on.
35
00:05:06,830 --> 00:05:08,150
Swimming's fun, isn't it?
36
00:05:09,370 --> 00:05:11,230
Don't get down in the dumps.
37
00:05:11,510 --> 00:05:12,890
It's just a little further.
38
00:05:13,390 --> 00:05:16,170
All right. You've got to do lots of...
Oh, God.
39
00:05:32,091 --> 00:05:39,159
anything I can do? You just stand right
back. I need some room here. Everybody
40
00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:42,099
stand right back, please. Okay, get
right back, please. Give us some room,
41
00:05:42,100 --> 00:05:43,300
please. Stand right back.
42
00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:46,320
Madam, please get right back. Get right
back, please.
43
00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:48,820
You, you, come here. Get right back.
44
00:05:49,460 --> 00:05:52,050
Right back. Thank you. Ladies and
gentlemen, please.
45
00:05:55,751 --> 00:06:01,659
Okay, come on, ladies and gentlemen.
Stand right back, please.
46
00:06:01,660 --> 00:06:04,939
Come on, right back. Come on, ladies and
gentlemen. Please stand right back.
47
00:06:04,940 --> 00:06:05,990
Come on.
48
00:06:06,090 --> 00:06:09,330
Get right back, please. He's a friend of
mine. I'll look after him.
49
00:06:09,331 --> 00:06:12,489
Please get right back, ladies and
gentlemen. Right back.
50
00:06:12,490 --> 00:06:15,260
He's a friend of mine. I'll look after
him. Get right back.
51
00:06:15,710 --> 00:06:17,210
Are my instructions unclear?
52
00:06:17,211 --> 00:06:18,429
Are they a little blurry?
53
00:06:18,430 --> 00:06:19,480
Get right back.
54
00:06:52,330 --> 00:06:53,570
I'm writing in my diary.
55
00:06:54,550 --> 00:06:56,610
All about my new girlfriend.
56
00:06:58,350 --> 00:07:03,830
Frank, she was giving you mouth to mouth
to save your life.
57
00:07:04,630 --> 00:07:07,470
Rubbish. She was kissing me.
58
00:07:08,710 --> 00:07:09,950
You're a noodle nut.
59
00:07:11,170 --> 00:07:12,810
She's wonderful, Colin.
60
00:07:13,850 --> 00:07:15,030
She's wonderful.
61
00:07:16,450 --> 00:07:18,370
Oh, we have a love that is timeless.
62
00:07:19,070 --> 00:07:21,770
We go together like Romeo.
63
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,050
and Juliet.
64
00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:24,600
Samson and Delilah.
65
00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:27,340
Shaggy and Scooby.
66
00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:31,020
Happy anniversary, darling.
67
00:07:31,900 --> 00:07:32,950
Happy anniversary.
68
00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:37,380
Can I take your order?
69
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:39,050
Yeah.
70
00:07:40,500 --> 00:07:41,550
Hey.
71
00:07:42,140 --> 00:07:44,100
I know you, don't I?
72
00:07:45,020 --> 00:07:46,600
I'm Garth Delancey.
73
00:07:47,020 --> 00:07:48,070
Garth.
74
00:07:51,370 --> 00:07:53,910
That doesn't ring a bell, no. The
swimmer.
75
00:07:54,510 --> 00:07:55,830
Swimmer. Swimmer.
76
00:07:56,070 --> 00:07:58,670
I won a gold medal at the Moscow
Olympics.
77
00:07:59,590 --> 00:08:00,640
Really?
78
00:08:01,710 --> 00:08:02,760
But no.
79
00:08:03,490 --> 00:08:10,469
You are Penguin
80
00:08:10,470 --> 00:08:13,790
Man from the deli! You're Penguin Man!
81
00:08:14,670 --> 00:08:15,910
Oh, God!
82
00:08:16,610 --> 00:08:20,100
Yeah, well, I do do some promotional
work for Penguin Mufflers. Whoa!
83
00:08:25,939 --> 00:08:28,880
I really just prefer it if he didn't
make a fuss.
84
00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:35,679
Hey, who wants Penguin Man to do his
almost waddle? Shut up! Shut up about
85
00:08:38,620 --> 00:08:41,900
Okay, Penguin Man.
86
00:08:42,919 --> 00:08:45,320
I need to get shirt.
87
00:08:46,780 --> 00:08:51,520
You large bird characters from TV are
all the same.
88
00:09:03,470 --> 00:09:04,520
to Wendy.
89
00:09:12,150 --> 00:09:14,510
You're giving your toenails to her?
90
00:09:15,110 --> 00:09:19,169
Yeah, some people give locks of their
hair, but I love my hair too much, so
91
00:09:19,170 --> 00:09:20,220
giving her these.
92
00:09:22,290 --> 00:09:28,689
Oh, Frankie, you're so naive. You've got
no idea how to
93
00:09:28,690 --> 00:09:30,030
woo a woman.
94
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:31,650
Don't be crude.
95
00:09:32,590 --> 00:09:34,330
Crude? What are you talking about?
96
00:09:35,670 --> 00:09:36,720
Woo a woman.
97
00:09:38,150 --> 00:09:40,500
Doesn't that mean get with a woman and
go, woo?
98
00:09:41,210 --> 00:09:42,970
No, it means to court a woman.
99
00:09:43,210 --> 00:09:45,980
Well, once I've caught a woman, I hope
we get to go, woo!
100
00:10:04,170 --> 00:10:11,089
frankie but luckily for you you've got
me to teach you the elusive
101
00:10:11,090 --> 00:10:17,909
art of seduction okay frank when trying
to attract women you have
102
00:10:17,910 --> 00:10:22,769
to be delicate but you also have to be
creative you know try something a little
103
00:10:22,770 --> 00:10:29,090
out of the ordinary watch the master at
work
104
00:11:08,930 --> 00:11:10,910
Sorry. Oh, sorry.
105
00:11:12,370 --> 00:11:13,420
Sorry.
106
00:11:45,550 --> 00:11:49,470
you back to the pool to show you how to
win the heart of your beloved.
107
00:11:50,230 --> 00:11:52,460
Hang on, I've just got to get some
sunscreen.
108
00:12:12,781 --> 00:12:19,729
Frank, you better go to the change rooms
and smarten yourself up so that when
109
00:12:19,730 --> 00:12:21,900
Wendy sees you, she'll see you at your
best.
110
00:12:29,670 --> 00:12:36,050
You all right?
111
00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:38,470
No, not really.
112
00:12:39,470 --> 00:12:40,520
Scar.
113
00:12:41,730 --> 00:12:45,910
I just don't know what to say to him to
let him know that I...
114
00:12:46,630 --> 00:12:48,070
what's happened to him.
115
00:12:48,650 --> 00:12:50,130
I still love him.
116
00:12:50,131 --> 00:12:55,829
Maybe if you're finding it difficult,
you could write everything down and let
117
00:12:55,830 --> 00:12:56,880
him know in a letter.
118
00:12:57,690 --> 00:12:58,740
A letter?
119
00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:02,050
Yeah, that's a good idea.
120
00:13:03,190 --> 00:13:04,240
Good. Thanks.
121
00:13:40,010 --> 00:13:46,649
introduce you to the greatest
aphrodisiac known to modern humanity the
122
00:13:46,650 --> 00:13:47,700
pool
123
00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:27,160
Frank, look, Wendy's just come on duty
as the lifeguard for the diving pool.
124
00:14:27,380 --> 00:14:29,240
This is your big chance to impress her.
125
00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:01,080
Told you before, no running by the pool.
126
00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:03,590
She wasn't looking. I'll have to try
again.
127
00:15:35,470 --> 00:15:36,520
No, try again.
128
00:15:44,430 --> 00:15:48,810
It is the emperor of belly whackers.
129
00:15:50,770 --> 00:15:51,820
Okay, my boy.
130
00:15:52,550 --> 00:15:54,330
That doesn't seem to have worked.
131
00:15:56,110 --> 00:15:58,700
I think it's time he brought out the big
guns, Frank.
132
00:15:59,310 --> 00:16:01,830
The ten metre tower.
133
00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:26,740
Frank, come here. Come here!
134
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:34,699
Now, Frank, this is your big chance to
135
00:16:34,700 --> 00:16:37,440
impress Wendy. Now, I've got a plan.
Listen carefully.
136
00:16:38,020 --> 00:16:39,520
You've got to settle yourself.
137
00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:41,410
Good plan.
138
00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:44,100
Walk slowly and carefully along the
rail.
139
00:16:44,660 --> 00:16:46,840
Good plan. Go right up to the edge.
140
00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:49,010
Good plan.
141
00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:53,440
And then jump off, doing a triple back
somersault with four twists.
142
00:17:00,561 --> 00:17:02,529
Bad plan.
143
00:17:02,530 --> 00:17:04,050
Frank, come on.
144
00:17:04,550 --> 00:17:06,589
Do you want Wendy to be yours or not?
145
00:17:13,790 --> 00:17:19,848
Oh, Danny
146
00:17:19,849 --> 00:17:20,910
boy.
147
00:17:21,730 --> 00:17:25,210
The pipes, the pipes are...
148
00:18:11,590 --> 00:18:12,640
What's wrong?
149
00:18:12,910 --> 00:18:14,410
What's the matter? What is it?
150
00:18:14,850 --> 00:18:19,310
At the shopping centre, I did an
experiment.
151
00:18:20,370 --> 00:18:24,749
I asked people to raise their hands if
they knew I'd won a gold medal, and
152
00:18:24,750 --> 00:18:29,230
nobody did. Not one single person.
153
00:18:31,730 --> 00:18:34,070
You know what this means, don't you?
154
00:18:35,650 --> 00:18:37,530
I've become Penguin Man.
155
00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:40,590
I am Penguin Man.
156
00:18:43,100 --> 00:18:47,239
I hate what I've become. I hate Penguin
Man. I hate...
157
00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:50,380
Sweetheart.
158
00:18:53,620 --> 00:18:54,900
Penguin Man.
159
00:18:55,900 --> 00:18:57,740
Nice cup of tea.
160
00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:02,620
I hate... Hey, Wendy, where are the
swimming tickets?
161
00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:04,770
They're on my deck.
162
00:19:05,360 --> 00:19:06,680
I'm going to kill...
163
00:19:15,150 --> 00:19:16,200
their certificate.
164
00:19:17,630 --> 00:19:18,990
All right, guys, here we go.
165
00:19:46,990 --> 00:19:52,470
Dearly beloved, I'm writing this to tell
you how much I love you.
166
00:19:53,030 --> 00:19:56,070
You're the only man I could ever love.
167
00:19:56,930 --> 00:19:59,430
Yours always, Wendy.
168
00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:02,790
She loves me.
169
00:20:05,030 --> 00:20:06,470
She loves me.
170
00:21:11,511 --> 00:21:15,699
realise you were appearing in the pool
today.
171
00:21:15,700 --> 00:21:17,880
I wish my friend Cole was here. He loves
you.
172
00:21:25,740 --> 00:21:27,500
Cole! It's you!
173
00:21:29,060 --> 00:21:34,619
Black wings and they don't fly and it's
hard to move in them. I hate the look
174
00:21:34,620 --> 00:21:35,900
and the tail.
175
00:21:37,120 --> 00:21:38,170
Teresa.
176
00:21:41,140 --> 00:21:43,240
Sweetheart, don't just stay here.
177
00:21:43,790 --> 00:21:45,110
I've gotta find something.
178
00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:27,430
life is just crumbling around me. I
don't know why I'm surprised.
179
00:22:27,500 --> 00:22:29,980
Who would want to love anyone as
pathetic as me?
180
00:22:30,180 --> 00:22:31,520
My life is...
181
00:23:10,250 --> 00:23:14,390
This is all your fault. I hate you,
penguin man.
182
00:23:14,750 --> 00:23:16,610
But darling, you're penguin man.
183
00:23:16,870 --> 00:23:19,070
So it's true. That's how you see me too.
184
00:23:19,350 --> 00:23:25,849
You are my dark nemesis, penguin man. I
knew I must meet you face to face and
185
00:23:25,850 --> 00:23:31,389
battle you for control of my mind.
Darling, what's wrong with you? Now I
186
00:23:31,390 --> 00:23:32,590
kill penguin man.
187
00:23:44,170 --> 00:23:45,220
But you can't hide.
188
00:23:52,730 --> 00:23:54,110
Get back!
189
00:23:55,410 --> 00:24:00,130
It's your daughter's pistol, penguin
man. I used to be an Olympic swimmer,
190
00:24:00,150 --> 00:24:02,440
remember? Before you destroyed
everything.
191
00:25:11,500 --> 00:25:13,000
What are we going to do, honey?
192
00:25:22,940 --> 00:25:24,640
I'm going to kill you, penguin man.
193
00:25:25,140 --> 00:25:26,190
Once and for all.
194
00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:29,380
Do something, darling.
195
00:25:34,060 --> 00:25:35,760
I can see my flat from here.
196
00:26:40,010 --> 00:26:45,969
feelings for me were just a creation of
my own imagination well
197
00:26:45,970 --> 00:26:49,730
i'll never let that happen again
198
00:26:49,780 --> 00:26:54,330
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