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1
00:00:09,040 --> 00:00:11,880
You know, of all the weirdos
on our large, green planet,
2
00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:14,520
I never thought I was about
to fly into danger
3
00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:17,760
and die with this one.
4
00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:19,840
If I'm flying into danger
and dying,
5
00:00:19,880 --> 00:00:22,280
I always thought it would be
with these two.
6
00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:26,240
Ah, there they are.
My Nate and my Eight.
7
00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:28,040
The greatest gift of friendship
8
00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:30,120
little me could have
ever prayed for.
9
00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:32,040
Absolute fucking weirdos,
the pair of 'em,
10
00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:33,760
but they're my weirdos, innit?
11
00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:35,320
He's not gonna make it on time.
12
00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:37,960
He will.
He always makes it on time.
13
00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:39,920
He didn't make it on time
last week.
14
00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:42,520
-Oh, yeah.
-Where is he?!
15
00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:44,800
he's nearly here.
16
00:00:44,880 --> 00:00:46,800
Trust us.
-How do you know?
17
00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:48,800
Because we can sense him.
18
00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:51,520
If you're bullshitting me, I'll --
19
00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:54,960
Maccy D's in the house, cuzzie.
20
00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:57,800
Oi, oi, oi, there he is!
21
00:00:57,880 --> 00:01:00,720
Call me, like, Pakistani
Robin Hood from day one.
22
00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:03,440
Hey, everyone,
we've got the burgers.
23
00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:06,360
Although, I did charge them
for food with a markup,
24
00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:08,920
so it was Robin Hood
robbing the people in the hood.
25
00:01:08,960 --> 00:01:10,120
Anyway, let's move on.
26
00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:12,000
We were so worried about you.
27
00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:16,640
, you two worry too much. I'm here.
28
00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:18,800
Most importantly,
I got the money, though.
29
00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:20,240
Oi, Mobeen!
30
00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:25,560
Remember, this is your
first big test, little bro.
31
00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:28,920
Meet me later at the spot,
and don't look in the bag.
32
00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:30,400
Got it?
33
00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:36,160
I can't wait to have a moped.
34
00:01:36,240 --> 00:01:37,920
Well, you can't have one
unless you can spell it.
35
00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:42,200
M-O-P-E-D-O.
36
00:01:42,280 --> 00:01:45,240
-"Mopedo"?
-What's in the bag?
37
00:01:45,320 --> 00:01:47,360
-A dead cat.
-Mobes.
38
00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:49,200
I don't know.
I'm not allowed to look
39
00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:51,120
in the bag, it's a test.
-Like GCSEs?
40
00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:53,280
Whatever is in the bag,
it don't matter.
41
00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:56,360
I'm doing my job.
-It doesn't sound good, Mobes.
42
00:01:56,440 --> 00:01:59,440
Let me tell you
what sounds good, cuzzie…
43
00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:01,080
a Farouk's fried chicken burger.
44
00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:03,480
Ah, it's worth the food poisoning.
45
00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:06,160
Warm like a cow's boob.
46
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:08,720
Told you he was a weirdo.
47
00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:18,400
1999, they were the days, man.
48
00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:21,440
The biggest missions we had
were not treading in dog
49
00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:24,520
and making sure we had
enough for a bag of chips.
50
00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:27,720
Although, Eight did
catch dermatitis off that sofa.
51
00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:30,000
Serves him right
for licking cushions.
52
00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:31,680
Such a weirdo.
53
00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:40,800
Yo, bro, do you think your mum
will ever want to go back?
54
00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:42,600
God forbid.
55
00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:44,320
Mum said she's had it with London.
56
00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:47,000
-Is London in England?
-It's the capital of England.
57
00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:51,640
So, are we still in England
if we live in Birmingham?
58
00:02:51,720 --> 00:02:54,000
You know, I don't think
you even live on Earth, Eight.
59
00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:55,760
Yeah, let me check
for a brain, then.
60
00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:57,560
Yeah, nothing.
61
00:02:57,600 --> 00:02:59,880
Oh, listen, you know if we keep
doing these little missions,
62
00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:00,880
we'll be the king of Brum.
63
00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:03,040
Oh, nah,
64
00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:05,600
cos I don't want to make
money doing dodgy stuff, Mobes.
65
00:03:05,640 --> 00:03:07,120
It is what it is.
66
00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:09,160
We can't get jobs
at Blockbuster Video.
67
00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:11,040
They rent rudey ones
68
00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:12,480
at the back of the shop, you know.
69
00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:16,120
What?! Nah, that's disgusting.
70
00:03:16,880 --> 00:03:18,560
And I didn't know they sold them.
71
00:03:18,640 --> 00:03:20,440
-You didn't know that?
-Nah.
72
00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:22,760
Liar. When I got my copy of
"Free Willy" off you,
73
00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:24,360
there wasn't a killer whale
in sight.
74
00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:25,680
That was artistic.
75
00:03:25,760 --> 00:03:27,320
What time you going Mosque,
Mobs?
76
00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:29,040
7:00, bro. I didn't do my
yesterday,
77
00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:31,320
so today I got extra.
-I didn't do mines neither.
78
00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:33,040
Yeah, I were there
when the Imam clubbed you
79
00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:35,440
with that tube light.
-Still got glass in my arse.
80
00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:38,040
-Oh, a tube light?
-Yeah, bro, like the WWF.
81
00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:41,320
-It was wicked.
-Mosque class sounds…
82
00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:48,640
…really fun.
-Yeah.
83
00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:51,440
Mm. Nate knew not to question
the mosque uncles in the '90s
84
00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:53,680
living out their
WrestleMania dreams on us.
85
00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:55,560
You know, we didn't question
the priest, did we?
86
00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:57,280
Maybe we should have.
87
00:03:57,360 --> 00:03:58,920
Maybe everybody should
have questioned each other.
88
00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:00,720
It would have saved a lot
of people.
89
00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:03,440
All right, listen,
are we going yours?
90
00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:05,160
Yeah, but…
91
00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:07,040
you can't bring that bag
to my mum's cos
92
00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:09,240
nothing gets past her.
93
00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:12,280
It's got to be Eight.
94
00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:14,280
I'll tell him to go home
and watch it.
95
00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:18,520
-Allah!
-Oye, get here.
96
00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:20,680
Check it, check it,
check it, check it.
97
00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:22,400
I'm gonna give you this bag.
98
00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:25,960
No matter what happens,
don't look in this bag.
99
00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:28,640
All right?
-I understand, Mobeena.
100
00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:30,640
The bag is important.
101
00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:32,880
You can rely on me.
102
00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:36,600
Brother, your yard's that way.
103
00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:40,080
♪ Na na na na na na ♪
104
00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:41,880
Shit wheelie alert.
105
00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:45,000
♪ Na na na, na na na na ♪
106
00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:49,400
♪ Here comes the hotstepper ♪
-♪ Murderer ♪
107
00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:51,000
♪ I'm the lyrical gangster ♪
108
00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:53,400
Uppercut, hook, knockout.
109
00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:56,160
Bro, the man like Naseem Hamed,
he's fully on it, you know?
110
00:04:56,240 --> 00:04:58,120
Oh, he's the best Muslim
to ever live.
111
00:04:58,160 --> 00:05:01,360
Yo, isn't that, um…
Isn't that the Prophet?
112
00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:03,560
You're right, you know.
113
00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:04,800
Bro, but, you know,
he came -- he came to the ring
114
00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:06,640
on a flying carpet.
115
00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:09,080
It's a bit -- bit racist, but…
116
00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:12,480
Bro, you know your, um…
your flat in London?
117
00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:15,960
What was it like?
-Flat? We had a house.
118
00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:18,600
Proper lovely one, too, but…
119
00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:20,720
it doesn't matter how nice your
house is if it's a war zone,
120
00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:22,440
you know what I mean?
121
00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:24,400
Yeah. Tell me about it.
122
00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:26,280
You know my mum
can't even get a job
123
00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:28,400
that pays enough for this place.
124
00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:30,680
They pay way less in Brum
than they do in London.
125
00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:33,000
-That's disgusting, man.
-Yeah.
126
00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:34,600
Well, your mum is so…
127
00:05:34,680 --> 00:05:37,960
-So what?
-Oi, oi, oi, she's so hot.
128
00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:40,320
She a bad mamacita, man.
129
00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:41,960
Listen, I always fancied
Nate's mum,
130
00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:43,920
but I could --
I could never tell him
131
00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:45,600
because that's immoral
and he's my boy.
132
00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:47,840
And in Punjabi, there's
a specific term for that.
133
00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:49,280
It's called.
134
00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:50,760
And means mum shagger.
135
00:05:50,840 --> 00:05:52,160
And I don't want to be
a mum shagger,
136
00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:54,040
unless it's Nate's mum.
137
00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:55,880
So, brilliant.
-Yeah.
138
00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:57,800
She's a great mum.
Great mum.
139
00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:01,080
Yeah, so, um, how much did
we make for the Maccy D's then?
140
00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:04,480
-£23.56.
-Oh, really?
141
00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:08,040
Yeah, but we owe, uh,
Fat Ishy money for the hamster
142
00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:10,400
that we bought for Eight's
birthday.
143
00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:12,320
So, minus £1.75.
144
00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:14,400
Oh, that's cheap for a hamster,
don't you think?
145
00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:16,400
Yeah, he stole it from Pets R Us.
146
00:06:16,440 --> 00:06:19,160
But it did a massive
in his pocket, bro.
147
00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:21,680
He was quite happy
to give it away, to be fair.
148
00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:23,520
Do you think Eight
will be all right with the bag?
149
00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:28,800
Don't look at me like that.
150
00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:30,800
I'm not opening you.
151
00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:47,520
Right, that's it.
We're going out.
152
00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:49,080
Come on.
153
00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:51,240
♪ Here's how it started,
Just an example ♪
154
00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:53,360
♪ Of how another brother
can trample ♪
155
00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:55,560
♪ Ruin your life,
sleep with your wife ♪
156
00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:56,640
♪ Watch your behind ♪
157
00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:58,920
Nathaniel!
158
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:00,840
What are you doing?
159
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:03,080
Um… I-I… I was…
160
00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:05,000
And hello, Mobeen, by the way.
161
00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:07,520
Oh, that smile always melted me.
162
00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:10,280
And it made me say
very stupid things.
163
00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:13,320
Uh, hell-hello Nate's,
um, lovely, lovely, mum.
164
00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:14,640
Told ya.
165
00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:17,040
Stealing, Nathaniel?
From your own mother?
166
00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:19,160
No, we were trying
to put money in your purse.
167
00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:22,600
Ha! I could believe that
of Mobeen, but not you.
168
00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:25,000
Nate's mum was always so nice to me
169
00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:27,320
and gave him nonstop grief.
170
00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:29,400
But that's the end.
Mums are the bosses.
171
00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:33,000
It doesn't matter if you're
Somali, Turkish, Nigerian,
172
00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:34,840
one thing's guaranteed,
173
00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:37,800
and that is your
own mum gives you more shit
174
00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:39,720
than anyone else on planet Earth.
175
00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:41,240
Mum, I swear.
176
00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:42,960
And you were just saying
to Auntie Shabana
177
00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:44,400
last night that things were tough,
178
00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:46,160
so -- so I just thought that,
you know --
179
00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:48,320
That's none of your business.
I handle these things.
180
00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:50,920
Listen to me,
stealing is very wrong.
181
00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:54,000
Read your Bible or your Quran.
182
00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:56,840
-Mum!
-Enough! I'm talking.
183
00:07:56,920 --> 00:07:58,360
Sorry for shouting, Mobeen.
184
00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:01,200
-Oh, no, it's all right.
-Now, listen, boys.
185
00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:03,520
There's no excuse
for getting into trouble.
186
00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:06,120
All I need from you two
is to be brothers to each other
187
00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:08,240
and keep each other safe.
188
00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:11,760
My family is yours, Mobeen.
189
00:08:11,800 --> 00:08:14,160
Yes, Nate's lovely mum.
190
00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:16,800
She's right.
Brothers for life.
191
00:08:16,840 --> 00:08:19,240
We're not real brothers,
otherwise that would mean
192
00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:21,400
that I fancied my own mum,
and that is.
193
00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:23,360
That is as gets.
194
00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:25,480
Right!
You have football in a bit.
195
00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:27,560
Yeah. get up and be going.
196
00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:29,800
-Yes, ma.
-Don't be late home.
197
00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:34,720
I love it
when she shouts in Yoruba.
198
00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:38,160
I swear down, man,
in the multiverse somewhere,
199
00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:39,960
I'm Nate's stepdad and me,
200
00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:43,720
him, and his gorgeous mum
all live happily ever after.
201
00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:46,480
I still can't believe this is
actually Eight's yard, you know.
202
00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:49,320
No, man,
his family are all bare clever.
203
00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:52,160
Him and all his
ten brothers and sisters.
204
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,480
-Ten?
-Yeah, Auntie and Uncle
205
00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:57,480
putting in the work, cuz.
206
00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:05,520
Salaam, Six!
-Paper beats rock.
207
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:10,440
Is, uh, Eight ready?
208
00:09:10,520 --> 00:09:13,600
Bear with me, I'll have a check
and double back imminently.
209
00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:16,640
-No problem.
-Why does he talk like that?
210
00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:19,360
He went to Cambridge or Oxford
or something.
211
00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:23,280
Oh, so --
so he's the brown Carlton Banks.
212
00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:25,480
I like that one, you know.
It's a good one.
213
00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:28,480
Yes, Five?
-Hi, Mobeen, he's in his house.
214
00:09:28,560 --> 00:09:31,680
Just knock on.
-Safe.
215
00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:33,640
Did Six change his shirt
or something?
216
00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:35,720
Oh, no, man,
that's his twin brother, Five.
217
00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:38,520
You know what?
Come to think of it,
218
00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:41,280
I don't think I've ever
actually seen them together.
219
00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:42,960
It's true.
220
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:44,960
Eight could have been
his own mum for all we know.
221
00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:47,120
And by "his house,"
they mean his garage.
222
00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:49,280
That's right, they moved him
out there a few years ago.
223
00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:53,720
Just tell him why.
224
00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:55,560
Cos I like living in the garage.
225
00:09:55,640 --> 00:09:56,960
And?
226
00:09:57,040 --> 00:09:58,840
And I set fire to the house
last summer holidays,
227
00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:01,520
trying to see if a microwave
could shrink a hamster.
228
00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:03,480
Like in "Honey,
I Shrunk the Kids."
229
00:10:03,560 --> 00:10:07,960
-Well, did it?
-No, he went to Allah instead.
230
00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:10,240
Right, look, you've got the bag.
231
00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:12,880
I know you've looked inside it,
so where is it?
232
00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:16,120
-I didn't look inside it.
-I'm proud of you.
233
00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:18,080
Well done.
234
00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:20,200
-But I have lost it.
-What?
235
00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:24,800
It kept talking to me, so I had
to take it out to shut it up.
236
00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:26,400
We are still talking
about a bag, yeah?
237
00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:28,240
Yeah, everything talks to Eight.
238
00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:30,240
Where is it?
-Well, we went on the bus.
239
00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:31,960
-We?
-Me and the bag.
240
00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:34,840
I got off the bus
cos there was this fly, Gary.
241
00:10:34,880 --> 00:10:38,480
So, I got distracted by him,
and he flew out of the bus.
242
00:10:38,560 --> 00:10:42,000
So, I followed him and he
hit a windscreen and died.
243
00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:43,640
Poor Gary.
244
00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:45,920
Anyways, I was at another bus stop,
245
00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:49,160
and when the bus came, I got on
the bus and then I realised --
246
00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:50,760
No, no, no.
247
00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:53,160
So, you're telling me
you left the bag at a bus stop?
248
00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:54,560
Sorry.
249
00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:56,120
I actually
don't believe this kid, man.
250
00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:57,720
I absolutely do believe this.
251
00:10:57,800 --> 00:11:00,200
-What are we gonna do?
-We have to go get it back.
252
00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:02,320
I've got to give it in an hour.
253
00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:05,520
-Let's go, then. Come on.
-Aah…
254
00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:09,880
Eight, what are you doing?
255
00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:12,200
Making for Gary, the dead fly.
256
00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:14,120
Brother, can you hurry up?!
257
00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:16,080
♪ Express yourself ♪
258
00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:17,520
An insect!
259
00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:19,400
Look, I'm not saying
Eight's thick,
260
00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:21,600
but me and Nate once convinced him
261
00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:24,160
that a Nissan Micra could get
pregnant and he believed us.
262
00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:25,800
Oh, he's so thick, man.
263
00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:27,960
Rest in peace, that thick bastard!
264
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:30,200
♪ But my technique
is very necessary ♪
265
00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:31,920
♪ Blame it on Ice Cube ♪
266
00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:43,760
We need that bag
more than Eight needs
267
00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:45,240
a brain transplant.
268
00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:47,920
The Bomb Disposal Unit.
269
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:50,320
Bloody hell, we're lucky
this was before 9/11, you know?
270
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:52,520
Otherwise, me, Eight, and Nate
271
00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:55,360
would have ended up
in Guantanamo Bay, cuz.
272
00:11:56,680 --> 00:11:59,280
It's just some kid's drawing!
273
00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:00,800
Wait.
274
00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:04,200
So, inside the bag
they gave you, the big test.
275
00:12:05,240 --> 00:12:07,200
It was a kid's drawing.
276
00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:09,440
What is it, mate?
277
00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:11,160
That's not the bag you gave me.
278
00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:13,440
-What?
-That's my picture.
279
00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:15,280
So -- So you're saying
there's two bags?
280
00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:18,800
Yeah, I made sure not to mix
them up before I left the house,
281
00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:20,520
but maybe…
282
00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:21,920
You mixed them up
before you left the house.
283
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:23,720
This guy is very clever, innit?
284
00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:25,920
Right, uh, so,
you left the other bag at home?
285
00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:27,520
Yes, Mobeena.
286
00:12:27,560 --> 00:12:29,640
Sorry, Mobeena.
-Right, can we go?
287
00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:32,200
Let's go. Come on.
-Can we save my picture?
288
00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:33,920
-No!
-I slap you…
289
00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:38,040
Keep up, we've only got
20 minutes to drop the bag off.
290
00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:40,680
BMXs were actually
an excellent way to travel,
291
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:41,920
you know.
292
00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:44,720
-Oh, shit.
-More like, "Oh, fuck."
293
00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:46,840
Jesus Christ my Father in heaven.
294
00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:49,480
Jesus ain't your father.
295
00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:51,360
My father is my dad.
296
00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:53,280
-Afternoon, boys.
-All right?
297
00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:54,600
Jesus ain't my dad.
298
00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:56,400
Course he's not.
Your dad's Asian.
299
00:12:56,480 --> 00:13:00,760
And -- And Jesus is…
is -- is white.
300
00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:03,280
You know, with the…
with the -- with the blonde hair
301
00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:05,040
and -- and the blue eyes.
302
00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:08,200
Anyways, we're gonna
be late for footy, so…
303
00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:11,000
Hold your horses there, boys.
304
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:12,840
The feds have been bullying
working-class kids
305
00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:14,440
in Brum since 1806.
306
00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:16,400
Now, tell me something, boys.
307
00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:20,960
Okay, I live in a garage
with my dead hamster.
308
00:13:21,040 --> 00:13:22,880
He died in a microwave.
309
00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:27,360
-Don't worry about him.
-I won't. Now…
310
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:28,960
We're doing stop-and-searches
at the moment
311
00:13:29,040 --> 00:13:31,520
because apparently some
young'uns are doing drug carries
312
00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:33,400
for some very naughty people
round here.
313
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,920
Yeah, some very naughty people.
314
00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:38,160
And we all know that
the naughty ones around here
315
00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:41,440
are either chocolatey brown…
316
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,200
or blackety black.
317
00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:45,080
Now…
318
00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:47,480
who's been doing carries
for your uncle or cousin?
319
00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:50,000
They're both the same person,
aren't they, boys?
320
00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:53,160
They used to talk to us
like this all the time,
321
00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:54,840
and it didn't get any better
when we got older.
322
00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:57,240
Oinky pricks.
323
00:13:57,280 --> 00:13:59,680
Bag open. Now.
-Get the bag open.
324
00:14:10,560 --> 00:14:13,600
-Not so fast, bastard.
-♪ La-da-da-da-dah ♪
325
00:14:13,680 --> 00:14:15,920
-Yo, who's that?
-A king --
326
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:20,200
the man, the myth,
the moustache, Uncle Shady.
327
00:14:20,280 --> 00:14:22,440
And let me tell you the legend
out in these streets,
328
00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:24,160
and he knows the law inside out,
329
00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:26,440
unlike Officer and Officer.
330
00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:28,480
Why are you stopping the children?
331
00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:29,680
We're just trying to establish…
332
00:14:29,760 --> 00:14:31,200
You are harassing the children.
333
00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:33,080
No, no, no, we're
not harassing the children.
334
00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:35,800
-Are you feeling harassed?
-I never felt anyone's arse.
335
00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:37,800
Yeah, keep it like that, bastard.
336
00:14:37,880 --> 00:14:40,080
Now you move on
before I report you.
337
00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:41,320
Report us for what?
338
00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:43,160
Blankety blank, chocolatey brown.
339
00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:46,360
These all sound racism to me.
Now you fuck off.
340
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:49,160
Keep moving, keep moving,
police bitches.
341
00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:54,800
It -- It is an honour to
meet you, Uncle Shady.
342
00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:57,920
Yeah, it's my pleasure too.
Only I can be racist to you.
343
00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,840
Now I have saved you from police,
344
00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:03,080
you have to mow my lawn
from back to front.
345
00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:07,080
-, Uncle.
-Now you piss off from here.
346
00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:08,920
You are always smell of shit.
347
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:11,520
Shady's always been a mad bastard,
348
00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:13,280
but he's our mad bastard.
349
00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:15,240
♪ Will the real Slim Shady
please stand up ♪
350
00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:17,640
♪ Please stand up,
please stand up? ♪
351
00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:19,920
♪ Cos I'm Slim Shady,
yes, I'm the real Shady ♪
352
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:22,160
♪ All you other Slim Shadys
are just imitating ♪
353
00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:25,200
♪ So won't the real Slim Shady
please stand up… ♪
354
00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:26,920
We could have gone to prison.
355
00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:30,560
Yeah, like that song,
"Prison is a Dancer."
356
00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:33,080
-It's rhythm.
-Prison is a rhythm?
357
00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:34,400
Don't think so, Mobeena.
358
00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:36,200
Look, look, forget about all that.
359
00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:37,440
Let's just chill.
360
00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:39,160
We don't even know what's in here.
361
00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:41,840
I don't want you doing
anything like this again, Mobes.
362
00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:46,120
Yeah, don't worry.
We don't need money.
363
00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:48,160
We can all live in my garage.
364
00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:51,880
Do you realise how hard we have
to work just for a decent job?
365
00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:53,920
I mean, my auntie applied
for a job at Woolworths,
366
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:56,120
and they took one look at
the name on her CV
367
00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:57,600
and they just went
and chucked it in the bin.
368
00:15:57,680 --> 00:15:59,480
And she's even got a degree.
369
00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:03,600
Man, this one just smacked me
in the tip of the.
370
00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:05,240
Look, this is what most of us
felt like being
371
00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:06,680
in the ends at the time.
372
00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:08,440
We had to work
a million times harder,
373
00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:11,840
but still never got out of
the mud being legit.
374
00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:13,800
We have to find another way.
375
00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:15,880
We've got to.
-What's a CV?
376
00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:18,360
Don't worry, mate.
You'll never need to know.
377
00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:22,120
♪ There's a war goin' on
outside no man is safe from ♪
378
00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:24,560
♪ You could run,
but you can't hide forever ♪
379
00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:26,200
♪ From these streets
that we done took ♪
380
00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:27,840
Oi, oi, oi, Khan looking like
381
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:30,560
he's in a Bollywood version
of "The Matrix."
382
00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:32,200
Otherwise known as "The Matrix."
383
00:16:32,280 --> 00:16:34,840
They probably actually
call it "The Matrix."
384
00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:39,520
Who's your favourite
footballer ever?
385
00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:42,040
-Ian Wright.
-Wrong.
386
00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:43,680
Ainsley Harriott.
387
00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:48,880
Zinedine Zidane.
388
00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:50,200
Bingo.
389
00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:54,560
Smart lad.
390
00:16:56,680 --> 00:17:01,120
There will never be a player
better than Zizou.
391
00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:03,400
Graceful…
392
00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:05,880
powerful…
393
00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:09,040
and a right nasty bastard.
394
00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:10,760
Just like me.
395
00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:14,480
Is he the one?
-Ji, boss.
396
00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:16,000
Bag.
397
00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:18,200
You don't give it like that, you.
398
00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:19,800
It's okay.
399
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:23,680
Relax.
400
00:17:30,760 --> 00:17:33,720
So, you kept this safe for me
all day, huh?
401
00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:36,600
-Yeah.
-You didn't open it once?
402
00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:38,280
-No, no.
-Sure?
403
00:17:38,360 --> 00:17:40,840
and it kept talking to me.
404
00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:48,360
Let's see, shall we?
405
00:17:58,040 --> 00:17:59,960
Yeah, he had me running around
406
00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:03,600
with high blood pressure at
15 years old for a tissue box.
407
00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:05,960
Although, to be fair, this
is not a normal tissue.
408
00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:07,800
It was one that all
the Asian aunties and uncles
409
00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:09,760
used to put in the rear
parcel shelf of their cars.
410
00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:12,160
Legendary, historic,
411
00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:15,240
but still a shitty tissue box
at the end of the day.
412
00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:20,720
You see, son, this is more
than just a tissue box.
413
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:25,880
This is trust between me and you.
414
00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:29,920
You see, trust is more important
than all the money in the world.
415
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:31,680
So…
416
00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:34,960
if you keep going like this,
417
00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:38,960
you'll become someone
I can really trust.
418
00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:57,720
See you soon, son.
419
00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:03,280
Where's he off to?
I'll tell you.
420
00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:05,600
To film "Matrix Reloaded."
421
00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:08,960
Boy, them "Matrixes" were shit
after the first one, innit?
422
00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:11,400
-What just happened?
-I don't know.
423
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:14,600
But it felt good.
424
00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:18,000
♪ Now in my younger days
I used to sport as sag ♪
425
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:21,400
Come on.
I think we can smash these man.
426
00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:25,720
We lost. 17 nil.
Eight was in goal.
427
00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:29,360
♪ Oh, how I wish I could hold
her hand and give her a hug ♪
428
00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:31,680
♪ She was married to the man,
he was a thug ♪
429
00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:33,240
♪ His name was Lee, he drove a Z ♪
430
00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:36,120
♪ He'd pick her up from
school promptly at 3:00 ♪
431
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:39,360
♪ I was on her jock, yes
indeedy, I wrote graffiti… ♪
432
00:19:43,360 --> 00:19:47,240
Yeah, there was always beef
between my mum and my stepdad.
433
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:50,240
But one good thing
did come out of those two --
434
00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:51,800
my little sister.
435
00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:54,800
It's okay, little Aks.
I've got you.
436
00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:56,600
Let's get you away
from all of this.
437
00:19:56,640 --> 00:20:00,280
Whew, she used to do
some dirty, stinky nappies.
438
00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:02,520
♪ Yeah ♪
439
00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:09,320
♪ It could all be so simple ♪
440
00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:11,000
Oh, Mobeen.
441
00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:13,400
♪ But you'd rather make it hard ♪
442
00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:15,320
Do you think you can show me
how to change a nappy?
443
00:20:15,360 --> 00:20:18,680
-Oh, Mobes. Shall I?
-Yeah, go on, help him.
444
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:20,640
What did we say?
445
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,000
My family is your family.
446
00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:25,920
Brothers for life, man.
My real brother.
447
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:28,880
-Of course, man.
-Such a cute baby.
448
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:31,240
-Oh, so beautiful.
-Shall we bring it inside?
449
00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:32,840
Nah, it's all right,
I've got it, go on.
450
00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:35,080
-Are you sure?
-You said it, yeah, go on.
451
00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:39,760
♪ To get some reciprocity ♪
452
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:45,400
♪ See, no one loves you
more than me ♪
453
00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:46,880
♪ More than me -- ♪
454
00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:51,800
-What you doing here?
-Brothers for life, fool.
455
00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:53,800
And you know,
my family is your family.
456
00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:56,880
They are! Get in.
Oh, I'm so happy to see you.
457
00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:58,400
I'm happy to see you too, son.
458
00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:00,320
Yeah, make yourself
comfortable. Get in here.
459
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:02,040
I couldn't let you dickheads
go alone, could I?
460
00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:04,320
Oooh! Oh, this is
the greatest day of my life.
461
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:06,840
Come in here.
Yeah, get your feet up, bro.
462
00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:08,880
Make yourself comfortable.
463
00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:11,960
-What are you lot doing here?
-What are you doing here?
464
00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:13,280
I'm going to Turkey cos it's
465
00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:14,640
a great place to get a.
466
00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:16,600
It is, but who told you that?
467
00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:18,720
-I did.
-What the hell?
468
00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:20,640
Now we are preparing to take off.
469
00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:24,960
So strap on, bastard.
-Oh, Saj, I got your seatbelt.
470
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:28,200
-Thank you.
-Mobeen, you sit near the wings
471
00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:30,800
for weight distribution purposes.
472
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:36,160
Somebody ate too many biscuits.
473
00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:38,000
I'm not gonna eat anything
on the flight, so…
35702
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