Original subtitles

THE DICTIONARY DEFINES GRIEF AS,

"KEEN MENTAL SUFFERING OR DISTRESS

"OVER AFFLICTION OR LOSS.

"SHARP SORROW.

PAINFUL REGRET."

AS SURGEONS, AS SCIENTISTS,

WE'RE TAUGHT TO LEARN FROM AND RELY ON BOOKS,

ON DEFINITIONS,

ON DEFINITIVES.

BUT IN LIFE...

STRICT DEFINITIONS RARELY APPLY.

IN LIFE...

GRIEF CAN LOOK LIKE A LOT OF THINGS

THAT BEAR LITTLE RESEMBLANCE TO SHARP SORROW.

"YOU'RE NOT MISSING MUCH. NEW YORK SMELLS LIKE PEE."

GOD, I HATE THEM.

MORE PAIN?

YOUR C.T. RESULTS SHOULD BE BACK SOON.

I'M FINE.

YOU SHOULD GO HOME TONIGHT.

YOU CAN CALL OFF THE 24-HOUR SUICIDE WATCH, YOU KNOW?

HONESTLY, I'M BETTER NOW.

I AM.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK?

I THINK YOU'RE USING ME

TO AVOID MOVING IN WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND.

AM NOT.

I'LL MAKE YOU A DEAL-- YOU MOVE IN WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND,

AND I'LL LET YOU CALL MY MUM. OH, MEAN.

CHICKEN.

OKAY, UH, CLARA, THE C.T. SHOWS

YOU HAVE AN INFECTION IN YOUR SMALL BOWEL

AND YOUR COLON IS INFLAMED.

IT'S MOST LIKELY SOMETHING YOU PICKED UP IN THE WATER.

BUT IT SEEMS TO HAVE FORMED AN ABSCESS,

WHICH MEANS YOU NEED SURGERY RIGHT AWAY.

NO.

UH, IF WE DON'T GO-- NO.

NO MORE SURGERY. I'M NOT BEING CUT OPEN AGAIN.

OKAY, UH-- NO.

YOU JUST TAKE A MINUTE. TAKE A FEW MINUTES.

AND I'LL COME BACK, AND WE'LL DISCUSS IT.

UM, START HER ON PRE-OP ANTIBIOTICS

AND BOOK AN O.R.

MM.

WHAT ARE THE OPTIONS?

CAN YOU GIVE ME DRUGS? CAN YOU--

NO, YOU NEED SURGERY, BUT IT'S A SIMPLE PROCEDURE.

AND IF IT ALL GOES AS PLANNED, YOU SH--

WELL, MY BOAT RIDE DIDN'T EXACTLY GO AS PLANNED.

SO TELL ME, WORST CASE.

WELL, UH, WORST CASE IS...

THAT WE'D HAVE TO TAKE OUT A PART OF YOUR COLON

AND GIVE YOU A COLOSTOMY BAG--

COLOSTOMY BAG? A POOH BAG OUTSIDE YOUR BODY?

MY GRANDDAD HAD ONE OF THOSE. IT WAS--

NO, BUT IT--IT'S A SMALL, SMALL POSSIBILITY.

NO. NO POOH BAG. NO SURGERY. NO.

THE INFECTION WILL KILL YOU, CLARA.

NO.

NO MORE SURGERY.

NO.

WE TRIED PAIN MEDS AND TREATED HIM FOR PYELONEPHRITIS.

BUT IT LOOKS LIKE IT COULD BE SOMETHING MORE SERIOUS,

SO WE DID A C.M.G. YOU DID A C.M.G. FOR A U.T.I.?

WHY WOULD YOU EVEN LOOK FOR SOMETHING-- BECAUSE WE WERE OUT OF IDEAS. THE C.M.G. WAS NEGATIVE.

SO WE WENT BACK TO A POSSIBLE NEUROLOGICAL CAUSE.

SO IF WE COULD GET A BETTER LOOK,

IF YOU COULD GIVE US PERMISSION TO GET A 3-D M.R.I.,

WE COULD MAYBE, JUST POSSIBLY-- CHIEF, THIS KID'S BEEN IN THE E.R. FOUR TIMES

IN THE LAST THREE WEEKS BECAUSE THE PAIN MEDS AREN'T WORKING.

WHY CAN'T WE JUST-- $5,000, KAREV.

SIR? THAT'S HOW MUCH EITHER YOU OR DR. ROBBINS

WOULD HAVE TO PUT UP TO COVER THAT SCAN.

OTHERWISE, YOU COULD COME WITH ME

TO MY BOARD MEETING THIS AFTERNOON

AND EXPLAIN WHY YOU'RE RUNNING THIS HOSPITAL

LIKE IT'S A CHARITY.

DUDE, ARE YOU CRYING? I HAVE AUTHORITY ISSUES.

WALK AWAY, KAREV.

WHERE DO YOU GET OFF KILLING MY PATIENTS, YANG? KILLING YOUR--

WHEN YOU TAKE IT UPON YOURSELF

TO TALK THAT GIRL OUT OF A LIFESAVING SURGERY,

YOU'RE KILLING HER. I DIDN'T TALK HER...

SHE HAD QUESTIONS ABOUT THE SURGERY.

YOU LEFT THE ROOM. NO, I LEFT THE ROOM

TO GIVE A VERY FRAGILE, VERY DISTRAUGHT PATIENT

TIME AND SPACE TO ACCEPT WHAT'S BEING ASKED OF HER.

THEN AND ONLY THEN WOULD I HAVE DISCUSSED

THE POSSIBLE RISKS WITH, I'M CERTAIN,

MORE TACT AND SENSITIVITY THAN YOU HAVE EVER DISPLAYED

IN ALL THE TIME THAT I'VE KNOWN YOU. SHE ASKED--

NO. I DON'T CARE WHAT SHE ASKED YOU.

AND IF SHE ASKS YOU ANYTHING ELSE, YOUR ONLY ANSWER WILL BE,

"LET ME ASK MY ATTENDING."

THESE ARE GOOD. DO THEY SELL THESE IN THE CAFETERIA?

NO.

NO, THOSE ARE THE CANCER POPS.

WHY DO CANCER PEOPLE GET ALL THE FUN?

HOW DO YOU FEEL, IZ? I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD

TO THE HURLING THAT'S ABOUT TO HAPPEN, BUT I FEEL OKAY.

I FEEL GOOD. BAILEY'S ON SOME SORT OF RAMPAGE.

I THINK IT'S POST-O'MALLEY STRESS DISORDER.

SHE'S NOT DEALING WITH HER GRIEF.

YOU SOUND LIKE OWEN'S SHRINK. OWEN'S SHRINK...

IS WITHHOLDING SEX, SO SHE IS GRUMPY AND INAPPROPRIATE.

IS DEREK DOING THAT, TOO, WITHHOLDING SEX?

WHY WOULD DEREK WITHHOLD SEX? ALEX IS WITHHOLDING... EVERYTHING.

IT'S LIKE HE'S AFRAID, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE'S AFRAID OF.

HE'S AFRAID OF THE CANCER SEX. CRISTINA!

HE DOESN'T WANT TO END UP WITH A CANCER POP. CRISTINA!

JUST SHUT THE HELL UP. I'M NOT CONTAGIOUS, CRISTINA.

I KNOW THAT. I WOULD TOTALLY HAVE SEX WITH YOU.

REALLY? NOTHING?

NO. YOU DON'T EVEN WANT A DRAWER?

NO. HOW ABOUT A TOOTHBRUSH, CHANGE OF PANTIES?

NO. DAMN. I LIKE YOUR PANTIES.

I AM TRYING TO FOCUS.

I'M--I'M BECOMING A RESIDENT TODAY.

I NEED TO FOCUS. I'M RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET FROM THE HOSPITAL.

IF YOU CRASH HERE SOMETIMES, YOU'LL GET A JUMP

ON A LOT OF SURGERIES. OKAY, OKAY. WHICH ONE?

IT'S MY FIRST DAY AT MERCY WEST, AND I WANT TO LOOK NICE.

YOU KNOW, SERIOUS, TALENTED, HARD-CORE,

NOT SOMEONE YOU PUSH AROUND.

NICE BUT HOT...

LIKE ME.

THAT ONE. REALLY? I THOUGHT THIS ONE.

MNH-MNH. TOO HOT. BETTER FOR A DATE. THAT ONE.

OKAY. HERE. CAN YOU--THANKS.

OKAY.

OKAY. LESS HOT?

LESS HOT.

OKAY. OKAY, OKAY. GOOD. THANKS. WISH ME LUCK.

OR NOT LUCK, 'COS I'M ALL TALENTED AND HARD-CORE.

YOU'RE AN ATTENDING, TORRES. GO KICK SOME ASS.

SO, UM...

DID YOU FORGET TO MENTION THAT YOUR HOT,

HARD-CORE EX-SEX-FRIEND LIVES RIGHT ACROSS THE HALL?

DID I?

YEAH. YEAH, YOU DID.

AND IT IS ONLY UNDER MY TENURE AS CHIEF

THAT SEATTLE GRACE HAS GROWN INTO ONE OF THE MOST RENOWNED,

LAUDED AND SOUGHT-AFTER SURGICAL CENTERS IN THE COUNTRY.

REPLACING ME...

NO. NO, NO.

DISRUPTING THAT PROCESS WOULD BE AN EPIC MISTAKE.

IT IS FOR THAT REASON THAT I STAND BEFORE YOU TODAY

AND SAY WITH THE UTMOST CONFIDENCE

THAT THERE IS NO ONE WHO UNDERSTANDS

AND CARES MORE ABOUT SEATTLE GRACE THAN...

THAN ME.

LOOK, THIS IS RIDICULOUS. I'M FINE. IT'S A SPRAINED ANKLE,

AND--AND I HAVE A MEETING I HAVE TO GET TO.

LOOK, I SAID I'M FINE. CHIEF?

TORRES. THANK GOD.

YOU WERE IN A CAR ACCIDENT?

OH, IT WAS MINOR. I RAN A RED LIGHT.

I WAS DISTRACTED. I AM FINE.

CAN WE MAKE THIS QUICK? I HAVE A MEETING WITH THE BOARD.

HMM. OKAY. LET'S SEE.

OOH. OOH, I DON'T KNOW, SIR.

THIS LAC LOOKS PRETTY DEEP.

YOU'LL DEFINITELY NEED STITCHES.

AND THE ANKLE--OH, YIKES.

MM.

YEAH. YOU COULD NEED SURGERY.

IT'S--IT'S A SPRAIN, TORRES.

YOU TWO KNOW EACH OTHER?

YEAH. DR. WEBBER AND I GO WAY BACK, HUH?

WE WORKED TOGETHER FOR, WHAT WAS IT, FIVE, SIX YEARS?

YEAH. YOU KNOW, I HATE TO SAY IT,

BUT YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO HAVE THAT LAC REPAIRED.

AND THIS BEING A TEACHING HOSPITAL,

NOT TO MENTION DR. McKEE'S FIRST DAY,

I HAVE TO LET HIM WORK YOU UP. SO YOU KNOW HOW TO DO SUTURES,

RIGHT, DR. McKEE? DAMN STRAIGHT.

GREAT. GOOD SEEING YOU, CHIEF.

LOOK, DOC--D-- SHE'S, UH,

SHE'S JUST KIDDING ABOUT THIS BEING MY FIRST DAY.

IT'S, UH, IT'S MY EIGHTH.

WHAT KIND OF SUTURES ARE YOU USING? UH, 3-0 NYLON?

NO, NO, NO. USE DERMABOND.

IT TAKES LESS TIME AND IT HEALS QUICKER.

YEAH, I KNOW, BUT LIKE, BUDGET CUTS, YOU KNOW?

YOU LIKE WORKING IN THIS PLACE, DOCTOR, UM, McKEE?

I MEAN, YOU THINK IT'S A STRONG PROGRAM? YEAH, IT ROCKS.

LIKE, DAY EIGHT, AND I'M DOING UNSUPERVISED PROCEDURES?

NOT TOO SHABBY.

MM-HMM. NOT TOO SHABBY.

UH, HE TRAINED AT NORTHWESTERN AND THEN AT HARVARD.

UH, HE GREW UP LIKE FIVE MILES AWAY FROM HERE.

UM, NOT RICH, NOT POOR.

COMFORTABLE AND WELL-LOVED BY HIS PARENTS,

BUT, UM, UH, ITCHING TO DO SOMETHING MORE WITH HIS LIFE,

WHICH IS WHEN HE ENLISTED, AT THE AGE OF--

CRISTINA, THIS IS NOT A BOOK REPORT.

I'M TRYING TO EXPLAIN TO DR. WYATT

THAT I KNOW THINGS ABOUT YOU.

CRISTINA-- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. HE KNOWS THINGS ABOUT ME, TOO,

IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE GONNA SAY, 'COS WE TALK.

I MEAN, WE TALK ALL THE TIME. HONEY?

"HONEY"?

CRISTINA, LET ME BE CLEAR.

IT'S NOT JUST THAT I WANT THE TWO OF YOU

TO GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER,

IT'S THAT I WANT OWEN TO FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH YOU.

OH, HE IS COMFORTABLE WITH ME.

IT'S FINE.

YOU CAN TALK TO HER. IT'S FINE.

OKAY.

CRISTINA, UM, HE TALKS TO YOU,

HE'S COMFORTABLE WITH YOU.

DOES HE TALK TO YOU ABOUT HIS TRAUMA?

DOES OWEN TALK TO YOU ABOUT THE WAR?

DOES HE TALK TO YOU ABOUT THE INCIDENT BETWEEN YOU TWO--

THE CHOKING?

OWEN'S POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS IS FED...

BY HIS AVOIDANCE OF TALKING ABOUT ANYTHING IN THE WAR.

IN ORDER TO IMPROVE, TO HEAL,

HE'S GOING TO HAVE TO START TALKING ABOUT IT,

TO YOU AND TO ME.

AND MY CONCERN IS,

IF YOU GET LOST IN THE LUST OF IT ALL,

HE WON'T HAVE TO MAKE A START.

HE WON'T HAVE ANY REASON TO.

HE'LL FEEL THAT HE HAS EVERYTHING HE NEEDS

UNTIL HE DOESN'T.

SO... I'M ASKING YOU

TO WAIT.

FINISHED.

READ IT BACK TO ME.

"HI, MOM. PLEASE PREPARE YOURSELF,

"BECAUSE THIS IS GONNA BE DIFFICULT TO READ.

I'VE BEEN IN AN ACCIDENT." THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID.

"I'VE SUFFERED TERRIBLE INJURIES AND 17 SURGERIES." YOU CAN'T SEND THAT TO HER.

"CURRENTLY, I'M SUFFERING FROM AN ABDOMINAL INFECTION,

"WHICH I'VE REFUSED TO TREAT, SO I'M GONNA DIE SOON.

"PLEASE COME QUICKLY, MOM,

"AND IF I'M GONE BEFORE YOU GET HERE,

"I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU"... STOP IT.

"AND TO THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME FROM SCRATCH." BITCH. YOU'RE A BITCH.

I CAN HIT THE CALL BUTTON AND I CAN HAVE THE NURSES

IN HERE TO TAKE YOU INTO SURGERY,

OR I CAN HIT "SEND"-- THAT'S THE DEAL. I WILL SUE YOU. I WILL SUE YOU AND THIS HOSPITAL.

NO, YOU WON'T. YOU'LL BE DEAD.

PLEASE.

PLEASE.

HELLO. THE NURSES SAID YOU CALLED FOR ME?

THIS IS ANDY.

ANDY MICHAELSON.

I'M SORRY. HAVE I TREATED YOU BEFORE?

DR. ARIZONA ROBBINS REFERRED US. OH.

OH, ANDY. OH, YOU'RE THE--

YOU'RE THE KID WITH THE-- WITH THE THING NO ONE CAN DIAGNOSE.

YEAH, THAT'S US.

OKAY, SO DR. ROBBINS SENT YOU HERE TO MERCY WEST BECAUSE...

THESE ARE COPIES

OF ANDY'S PAPERWORK FROM SEATTLE GRACE.

WE DON'T SLEEP ANYMORE.

WE BASICALLY JUST GO TO THE HOSPITAL, YOU KNOW?

AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO,

'COS I FEEL LIKE A TERRIBLE MOTHER. MOM.

I FEEL LIKE A TERRIBLE MOTHER BECAUSE I'M SUPPOSED TO...

I'M SUPPOSED TO DO SOMETHING, AND I CAN'T. MOM.

YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T GO TO MEDICAL SCHOOL.

I MAJORED IN FREAKIN' HISTORY.

Y-YOU'RE THE DOCTORS, YOU KNOW? YOU'RE THE DOCTORS.

AND BASICALLY, ALL WE'VE BEEN DOING UP TO THIS POINT,

ANY OF US, ALL WE'VE BEEN DOING IS GETTING MY KID

STRUNG OUT ON THESE PAIN MEDS. MOM, STOP.

I CAN'T, ANDY. I CAN'T STOP.

WE DON'T SLEEP.

HE CAN'T SLEEP.

WE CAN'T SLEEP.

AND I'M SCARED.

AND DR. ROBBINS SAID THAT WHAT SHE NEEDS FOR YOU TO GIVE US

IS A 3-D M.R.I. OF HIS SPINE.

AND SHE SAID YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO

BECAUSE THERE'S NO INDICATION OR WHATEVER,

BUT SHE SAYS THAT'S WHAT HE NEEDS.

PLEASE.

I CAN'T BE THIS USELESS.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT? NEITHER CAN YOU.

PLEASE.

THAT'S A LOT OF NECROTIC SMALL BOWEL.

CAN YOU SAVE ANY OF IT?

YESTERDAY I COULD HAVE.

YESTERDAY THIS WOULD'VE BEEN A SIMPLE DRAINAGE.

BUT THAT WAS BEFORE DR. YANG THREATENED MY PATIENT

WITH A COLOSTOMY

THAT THANKFULLY WILL NOT BE NECESSARY,

BECAUSE IT DID NOT ACTUALLY INVOLVE THE COLON.

HOW CAN I HELP?

OH, YOU'VE DONE ENOUGH.

SHE ASKED ME A QUESTION. I WAS RIGHT TO ANSWER IT.

I DID MY JOB.

A PATIENT ASKED ME TO DISCLOSE THE RISKS

OF A SURGICAL PROCEDURE,

AND I AM REQUIRED BY LAW AND MY OATH TO DO SO.

IF YOU KNOW A WAY TO SUGARCOAT A COLOSTOMY BAG,

I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR IT.

IF YOU KNOW A MORE RESPECTFUL WAY

TO SPEAK TO AN ATTENDING SURGEON,

I'D LIKE TO HEAR THAT.

UNTIL YOU DO, YOU DON'T TALK TO ME.

YOU'RE OFF MY SERVICE.

OKAY, OKAY, SERIOUSLY?

WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?!

MORE SUITS?

IT'S FREAKING PEOPLE OUT.

MM. THERE'S TALK OF DOWNSIZING, CORPORATE TAKEOVERS,

RUMORS THAT WEBBER'S JUMPING SHIP.

YOU'VE GOT THE CHIEF'S EAR. WHAT'S HE GOT PLANNED?

HERE'S THE TEST. THANK YOU.

HE'S RETIRING.

THEY'RE MAKING ME CHIEF. NO.

YEAH. REALLY?

YEAH.

REALLY? YEP.

WOW. MM-HMM.

I MEAN, THE CHIEF NEVER SAID ANYTHING TO ME.

I WOULD'VE FOUGHT YOU HARD FOR THAT.

WELL, I GUESS IF THAT'S WHAT HE WANTS...

I GUESS, UH, CONGRATULATIONS ARE IN ORDER.

WAIT, THAT WAS...

YOU'RE MESSING WITH ME? IT'S JUST TOO EASY.

OH. YOU GOT A MEAN STREAK, YOU KNOW THAT?

YEAH. MEAN.

SERIOUSLY, WHAT'S GOING ON?

I HAVE NO IDEA.

OH, I HAVE WINE-- WHITE AND RED.

AND I HAVE CIGARETTES, WHICH IS AWFUL, I KNOW.

BUT I ONLY SMOKE 'EM VERY, VERY, VERY OCCASIONALLY,

AND IT'S ONLY WHEN I KNOW I'M GONNA BE IN TROUBLE, LIKE NOW.

IT WAS INAPPROPRIATE,

NOT TO MENTION MANIPULATIVE AND STUPID.

YOU SMOKE? I KNOW. OKAY, LISTEN.

I KNOW YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE MAD AT ME,

BUT I RAN OUT OF OPTIONS, SO-- IT'S AN EXPENSIVE TEST. THERE WAS NO INDICATION TO DO IT.

THERE'S A REASON WEBBER TURNED YOU DOWN!

SO YOU DIDN'T DO IT?

OF COURSE I DID IT, ARIZONA.

THANK YOU.

NO. DON'T THANK ME YET. THE SCAN DIDN'T SHOW ANYTHING.

WHAT?! COME ON, NOTHING?

NO.

OKAY, NOW THAT. THAT LOOKS A LITTLE FUNNY TO ME. I THOUGHT SO, TOO,

BUT THE RADIOLOGIST SAID IT'S NORMAL.

OH, OKAY, ALL RIGHT. JUST... HERE.

IS THERE ANYTHING PECULIAR ABOUT HIS H&P?

OH!

SORRY! SORRY.

JUST... UH, SORRY. SORRY. WE'RE SORRY. SORRY!

WE'LL BE SURE TO CLEAN THE COUNTERTOP.

UGH. UH, YOU DIDN'T USED TO DO THIS BEFORE,

AND NOW IT'S KIND OF ALL THE TIME, EVERYWHERE.

AND--AND I DIDN'T--

YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW, IT'S... WE'RE MARRIED NOW AND...

THINGS HAVE CHANGED A LITTLE,

BUT, UH, WE'RE SORRY ABOUT THE COUNTERTOP.

AH. UM... SO YOU GUYS ARE-- YOU'RE REALLY--

THAT'S IT? THE POST-IT, THAT'S FOR REAL?

YEAH, THAT'S FOR REAL.

OH.

UGH.

WHAT YOU READING?

YEAH, I GOT THIS PATIENT I'M TRYING TO DIAGNOSE.

IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS. SO TAKE A BREAK. I MISS YOU.

WELL, I'M RIGHT HERE.

NO, YOU'RE NOT.

YOU'RE HERE, BUT YOU'RE NOT HERE, AND I MISS YOU.

IZ, COME ON. I'M TRYING TO WORK.

I'M WISHING FOR A BRAIN TUMOR.

I'M WISHING ALL THE TIME FOR A GIANT TUMOR

THAT WOULD JUST PRESS DOWN ON MY BRAIN

AND MAKE ME HALLUCINATE GEORGE...

SO THAT I COULD TALK TO HIM AGAIN,

SO I COULD LAUGH WITH HIM AGAIN.

I...

I MISS HIM...

SO MUCH.

I MISS HIM ALL THE TIME, AND I JUST WANT TO FEEL BETTER.

EVEN FOR A MINUTE, YOU KNOW?

I JUST WANT TO BE A PERSON WHO ISN'T WISHING FOR A BRAIN TUMOR

JUST FOR ONE MINUTE.

AND I CAN'T DRINK BECAUSE OF THE CANCER MEDS.

I DON'T DO DRUGS. I CAN'T EVEN WORK RIGHT NOW.

I DON'T HAVE ANY DISTRACTIONS.

I'M SAD... AND I MISS GEORGE.

SO PLEASE...

PLEASE... COME INSIDE AND HELP ME FEEL BETTER.

"I MISS GEORGE."

NICE.

REAL SEDUCTIVE.

OH, HEY. IS, UH, MARK AROUND?

HE'S IN THE SHOWER.

OH, THANKS.

HEY, HAVE YOU HEARD ANYTHING

ABOUT WHAT'S HAPPENING WITH THE CHIEF?

THERE'S ALL THESE RUMORS FLOATING AROUND MERCY WEST,

LIKE HE MIGHT BE COMING TO WORK FOR US.

THAT WOULD NOT GO WELL FOR ME. I HAVEN'T HEARD ANYTHING. I'LL CHECK WITH DEREK AGAIN.

THANKS. CAN YOU HAND ME THE SHAMPOO?

THANK YOU. MM-HMM.

ARE YOU REALLY GAY?

LIKE, HOW GAY ARE YOU,

ON A SCALE OF--OF 1 TO GAY?

'COS THAT'S MY BOYFRIEND IN--IN THE SHOWER,

MY HOT, HOT, NAKED BOYFRIEND, AND I...

HO-HOW GAY ARE YOU?

I'M SORRY. IT'S... I'VE KNOWN MARK A WHILE, AND--

BUT I'LL... I'LL TRY NOT TO DO THAT AGAIN--

THE NAKED IN THE SHOWER THING.

OR--OR THE YOU HALF-NAKED IN THE HALLWAY THING?

'COS--'COS EVEN IF YOU REALLY ARE GAY,

HE--HE'S NOT, AND--AND YOU'RE HOT.

HE DOESN'T LOOK AT MY BOOBS ANYMORE.

THE FIRST THING HE USED TO LOOK AT

WHEN I WALKED IN ANYWHERE WAS MY BOOBS.

HE DOESN'T LOOK ANYMORE,

NOT SINCE HE MET YOU.

OKAY?

OKAY.

SHEPHERD.

YOU'RE A HARD MAN TO TRACK DOWN.

I'M BUSY, AS YOU KNOW.

YEAH, SCOPING OUT MERCY WEST.

YOU PLANNING ON JUMPING SHIP?

'COS I ASSUME, AS A FRIEND, YOU WOULD TELL ME

IF THERE'S ANYTHING I NEED TO KNOW.

THOSE ARE RUMORS, DEREK.

THERE ARE A LOT OF RUMORS.

AND JENNINGS ISN'T ANSWERING MY CALLS ANYMORE. WHY ARE YOU CALLING JENNINGS, DEREK?

I TOLD YOU I WOULD FILL YOU IN

WHEN THERE WAS SOMETHING TO TELL.

IF YOU FEEL THE NEED TO GO BEHIND MY BACK, AT LEAST DO ME-- BEHIND YOUR BACK?

BEHIND YOUR BACK? I'M THE ONE WHO'S GOT YOUR BACK.

DON'T YOU FORGET THAT.

DR. SHEPHERD. YES.

DO YOU HAVE A MINUTE? FOR WHAT?

A KID WITH A TETHERED SPINAL CORD.

I JUST SAT UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, AND I THOUGHT,

TETHERED SPINAL CORD, BUT YOU'RE NOT GONNA SEE IT ON THERE.

I NEED TO RUN ANOTHER TEST TO CONFIRM THE DIAGNOSIS. A TETHERED CORD'S PRETTY RARE.

DOES HE HAVE A HISTORY OF SPINA BIFIDA? NO.

LOWER BACK LESIONS, HYPERREFLEXIA? NO AND NO, BUT THE PAIN IS AGGRAVATED

WHEN HE EXTENDS OR FLEXES HIS SPINE.

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GONNA SAY-- THAT THE TETHERED CORD SHOULD'VE

SHOWN UP ON THE M.R.I., BUT WHAT IF IT DIDN'T?

WHAT IF WHAT THIS KID NEEDS IS NOT ANOTHER M.R.I.

BUT A MUCH MORE SPECIFIC C.T. MYELOGRAM? MAYBE. ORDER ONE.

WELL, SEE, I CAN'T, BECAUSE IF I DID, I'D GET FIRED...

AND I REALLY... LIKE MY JOB. DID THE CHIEF DENY THAT REQUEST?

SEVERAL TIMES.

YOU SHOULDA LED WITH THE PART ABOUT THE CHIEF. COME ON.

YOU'RE DOING GREAT. YOU'RE UP, GIRL. I KNOW.

WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT STANDING COULD BE SO HARD, RIGHT?

YOU'RE DOING AWESOME. AWESOME.

PUT ME DOWN. LET'S GO A COUPLE OF MORE SECONDS. YOU'RE DOING--

PUT ME DOWN. THAT WAS GREAT.

TAKE A SEC, AND THEN GO AGAIN FOR ME, OKAY? NO.

I KNOW, CLARA. BUT THIS IS WHERE THE HARD PART BEGINS.

HMM.

McDREAMY.

I'M SORRY?

I GET IT NOW--

THE WHOLE, YOU KNOW, McDREAMY THING.

I DIDN'T--I DIDN'T GET IT BEFORE.

BUT NOW I GET IT.

YOU KNOW THEY CALL YOU THAT, RIGHT?

YES.

I'M INVOLVED, BY THE WAY,

IN CASE YOU THOUGHT THAT I WAS JUST COMING ON TO YOU,

BECAUSE I WAS NOT.

PLUS, WELL, I HEARD THAT YOU GOT MARRIED.

SO CONGRATULATIONS. YES, THANK YOU.

YOU WROTE SOME HOKEY CRAP ON A POST-IT NOTE

IN THE RESIDENT'S LOUNGE.

SORRY, BUT UNTIL YOU'RE SWEATING IT OUT IN A MORNING COAT

WITH A BALL OF WHITE TAFFETA COMING AT YOU,

YOU'RE NOT REALLY MARRIED. OH, OKAY. WELL, I'VE CONSUMMATED MINE.

I CONSUMMATE MINE ALL THE TIME. HOW'S THAT GOING FOR YOU, KAREV?

GIRLS TALK. YOU MIGHT WANT TO CONSIDER THAT

THE NEXT TIME YOU JUDGE MY POST-IT.

I HAVEN'T CRIED YET.

I'M USING WORK AND SEX AS A DISTRACTION,

AND I THINK IT'S WORKING FOR ME.

HAVE YOU SEEN THE GIRL--AMANDA--

SITTING OUTSIDE THE HOSPITAL ON THAT BENCH

ALL DAY LONG, EVERY-- I MISS SEX.

OH, I MISS IT SO MUCH.

WHAT?

MER, WH--

I'M WORRIED ABOUT CLARA. SHE'S DEPRESSED.

BUT LIKE A WHOLE NEW LEVEL OF DEPRESSED.

I-I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT CEVICHE?

THAT...

OH, MY GOD. THAT'S... THAT IS SO RUDE. CEVICHE?

THAT IS SO--THAT--IT-- THAT'S RUDE.

THAT--THAT-- THAT IS SO RUDE.

WELL, ANYONE ELSE I CAN OFFEND?

A TETHERED SPINAL CORD?

MM-HMM. ONE OF THE THREADS IN HIS SPINAL CORD

IS ATTACHED TO HIS TAILBONE.

NORMALLY THE SPINAL CORD IS FREE AT THE END,

BUT WITH IT ATTACHED, WHEN YOU GREW, IT STARTED PULLING. THUS THE EXCRUCIATING PAIN.

SO CAN WE FIX IT? IS IT FIXABLE?

IT'S A MICROSURGERY. I'LL SNIP THE TETHERED CORD, AND HE'LL BE FREE OF PAIN.

SHE'S NOT NORMALLY LIKE THIS.

BEFORE ALL THIS, SHE WAS, LIKE, A NORMAL MOM.

OH!

ANDY, THIS IS A NORMAL MOM.

ARE WE WAITING FOR DR. SWENDER?

NO. DR. SWENDER HAS HANDED YOU OFF TO ME.

WH-WHAT ARE YOU, LIKE, SECOND YEAR?

THIRD.

THAT'S, UM...

CAN WE PAGE DR. SWENDER OR SOMETHING?

STEVENS, THIS IS A GOOD THING.

IT IS.

YOU STILL HAVE CANCER,

BUT NOT ENOUGH TO INTEREST DR. SWENDER ANYMORE.

IT IS A GOOD THING.

YOU'RE SAYING I HAVE J.V. CANCER?

I'M SAYING YOUR METS HAVE SHRUNK WAY DOWN,

AND THERE ARE NO NEW ONES.

YOUR PROTOCOL IS WORKING VERY EFFECTIVELY.

STEVENS.

THIS IS ABOUT AS GOOD AS THE NEWS GETS.

UM... SO WHAT-- WHAT NOW?

WE'RE GONNA USE THE PORT IN YOUR CHEST

TO CONTINUE WITH YOUR I.L.-2 REGIMEN FOR NOW.

AND WE'LL CONTINUE MONITORING THE PROGRESSION OF YOUR DISEASE

WITH PET-SCANS EVERY THREE TO SIX MONTHS.

IS THERE, UH, SOME KIND OF TIMELINE ON THIS OR...

YOUR WIFE IS LIVING WITH CANCER, DR. KAREV.

RIGHT NOW THE CANCER HAS STOPPED GROWING.

WITH A CANCER THIS AGGRESSIVE, THAT'S PRETTY STUNNING SUCCESS.

THERE'S NO TIMELINE.

THERE'S JUST... WE WATCH IT.

WE WAIT.

WE HOPE IT DOESN'T START TO GROW AGAIN.

THAT'S IT?

THAT'S IT.

I SEE CONTRACTIONS IN THE ANTERIOR TIBIALUS.

OKAY. THAT'S THE NERVE ROOT, NOT THE FILUM.

BIPOLARS AND THE MICROSCISSORS, PLEASE.

WANT TO MAKE THE CUT?

NO. I-I DON'T NEED TO.

YOU KNOW, WITHOUT YOU,

THIS KID PROBABLY WOULD'VE BEEN A CHRONIC PAIN PATIENT

AND POSSIBLY ADDICTED TO PAIN MEDS.

HE OWES HIS ENTIRE FUTURE TO YOU.

YOU SHOULD MAKE THE CUT.

OKAY?

OKAY.

PUT THE SCISSOR IN.

THERE. NICELY DONE.

CLARA, DR. GREY SAYS

YOU'RE STILL REFUSING YOUR PHYSICAL THERAPY.

NOW I UNDERSTAND IT'S HARD.

BUT YOU HAVE TO WORK THESE MUSCLES NOW,

OR THEY WILL ATROPHY AND THEY'LL HEAL INCORRECTLY.

CLARA, YOU GOTTA DO THE WORK.

YOU KNOW, YOU'VE JUST GOT TO DO THE WORK NOW.

CLARA, I KNOW WHAT IT IS TO NOT WANT TO LIVE,

TO WISH THAT YOU'D DIED, TO LOSE EVERYTHING...

TO NOT WANT TO... CALL YOUR MOTHER.

BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THAT IS.

I HAVE BEEN THERE.

BUT I AM BACK NOW.

AND AS IMPOSSIBLE AS IT FELT,

EVENTUALLY... I CAME BACK.

AND SO CAN YOU.

BUT YOU HAVE GOT TO DO THE WORK.

YOU HAVE TO GET HER ADMITTED TO PSYCH.

COMMITTED? YOU WANT ME TO HAVE HER COMMITTED?

THERE'S NOTHING MORE WE CAN DO. YOU HAVE TO MAKE THAT CALL.

PEOPLE ARE CALLING YOU "CEVICHE."

DR. GREY, YOU-- I MEAN, THAT'S, YOU KNOW...

YOU CAN'T GO OUT LIKE THAT, CLARA,

WITH PEOPLE CALLING YOU CEVICHE.

CEVICHE?

YEAH, IT--IT'S A MEAL. IT'S... PERUVIAN, I THINK.

I... IT'S CHOPPED UP FISH.

THAT IS REALLY HORRIBLE, ISN'T IT?

IT IS. IT'S...

IT'S--IT'S HORRIBLE.

OH.

IT'S HORRIBLE.

I DIDN'T EXPECT THIS.

THEY SAY "CANCER," THEY SAY "STAGE IV,"

YOU EXPECT TO DIE.

AND THEN YOU START THINKING, WELL, MAYBE I CAN KICK IT.

MAYBE I'LL BE THE MIRACLE.

WELL, YOU ARE THE MIRACLE.

I'M STILL LIVING WITH CANCER.

YOU KNOW, I JUST...

YOU DON'T EXPECT THAT.

ISN'T THAT THE GIRL THAT GEORGE SAVED?

OH. AMANDA. YEAH.

WHAT IS SHE DOING HERE?

OH, SHE SITS THERE, EVERY DAY,

ALL DAY.

OH, FOR GOD SAKES.

WHERE--WHERE--WHAT--

GET UP. I MEAN IT, GET UP.

GET UP.

NOW GO GET A LIFE.

I CAN'T.

GEORGE WAS A SURGEON.

HE HAD A PURPOSE. HE WANTED TO SAVE LIVES.

AND NOW HE DOESN'T GET THE CHANCE.

NOW HE DOESN'T GET THE CHANCE TO DO ANYTHING ANYMORE,

BUT YOU DO.

YOU COULD GO TO MEDICAL SCHOOL, YOU KNOW?

YOU COULD HANG OUT WITH YOUR FREAKIN' FRIENDS.

I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO.

JUST GO DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR LIFE,

BECAUSE YOU HAVE ONE.

YOU LIVED. YOU LIVED AND GEORGE DIDN'T.

AND I KNOW. I...

I KNOW...

THAT THAT FEELS HORRIBLE AND SHOCKING...

AND TERRIFYING.

BUT YOU LIVED.

SO GO LIVE YOUR FREAKIN' LIFE.

I... I DON'T KNOW HOW.

NOBODY DOES.

NOBODY KNOWS HOW.

BUT GOD, HAVE ENOUGH RESPECT FOR GEORGE TO FIGURE IT OUT.

'COS IF I SEE YOU SITTING ON THIS BENCH EVER AGAIN,

I WILL KICK YOUR ASS FROM HERE TO SUNDAY.

I CAN'T GET BACK ON BAILEY'S SERVICE.

I MEAN, SHE'S STILL NOT EVEN LOOKING AT ME. YOU JUST GOTTA GIVE IT TIME.

YOU KNOW, SHE WAS CLOSE WITH O'MALLEY, AND SHE'S WORKING-- YEAH, BUT THE THING IS, IT'S NOT EVEN ABOUT O'MALLEY.

I MEAN, SHE'S MAD AT ME ABOUT CEVICHE. YOU GOTTA STOP THAT.

CEVICHE? OH, IT'S A--IT'S A PATIENT.

A BOATING ACCIDENT VICTIM.

SHE THINKS THAT IT'S OKAY TO CALL HER A SEAFOOD DISH.

IT'S A DELICIOUS PERUVIAN DISH. I MEAN, IS THAT--IS THAT OKAY?

WELL, IT'S PRETTY DARK. OH, COME ON. I'M DARK?

I'M NOT THE ONE GOING AROUND CHOKING PEOPLE IN THEIR SLEEP.

WHAT?

TOO SOON?

I'M NOT THE GUY GOING AROUND CHOKING PEOPLE IN THEIR SLEEP. I KNOW.

IT WAS A DREAM. I...

I CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT I WAS DREAMING ABOUT,

BUT... I WAS TRYING TO SAVE MY OWN LIFE.

I WASN'T TRYING TO HURT YOU.

I WAS...

I WAS FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE.

OKAY.

YOU MADE A START.

YOU MADE A START.

YOU HAVE IT, CLARA. YOU HAVE IT.

YOU'VE GOT THIS.

OH. OH!

YEAH, GIRL. I DID IT.

YOU DID IT.

I DID IT.

LEXIE.

WILL YOU CALL MY MUM?

YEAH.

YEAH.

OKAY, COME ON.

COME ON.

GOOD.

YEAH. YOU GOT IT.

GRIEF MAY BE A THING WE ALL HAVE IN COMMON...

BUT IT LOOKS DIFFERENT ON EVERYONE.

GREAT.

HEY.

IT ISN'T JUST DEATH WE HAVE TO GRIEVE.

IT'S LIFE...

IT'S LOSS...

IT'S CHANGE.

AND WHEN WE WONDER

WHY IT HAS TO SUCK SO MUCH SOMETIMES,

HAS TO HURT SO BAD...

THE THING WE GOTTA TRY TO REMEMBER

IS THAT IT CAN TURN ON A DIME...

WHAT IS THIS? TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS.

IZ, IT'S, UH...

BE MY HUSBAND.

GET UNDRESSED, GET INTO BED AND HOLD ME.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SO MAD ABOUT

AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SCARED OF

BECAUSE YOU WON'T TALK TO ME.

BUT I'M SCARED, TOO, ALEX, AND I-I CAN'T--IF YOU WON'T--

IF WE'RE GONNA HAVE ANY CHANCE AT A LIFE TOGETHER,

THEN I NEED YOU TO... PLEASE.

YOU DIED IN MY ARMS.

YOU DIED IN MY ARMS.

YOU FREAKIN' DIED AND THEN YOU LEFT INSTRUCTIONS

THAT I WASN'T ALLOWED TO SAVE YOUR LIFE.

YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I'M SCARED OF?

I'M SCARED OF EVERYTHING!

I'M SCARED TO MOVE! I'M SCARED TO BREATHE!

I'M SCARED TO TOUCH YOU!

I CAN'T LOSE YOU. I WON'T SURVIVE.

AND THAT'S YOUR FAULT.

YOU MADE ME LOVE YOU, YOU MADE ME LET YOU IN,

AND THEN YOU FREAKIN' DIE IN MY ARMS!

THAT'S HOW YOU STAY ALIVE.

WHEN IT HURTS SO MUCH YOU CAN'T BREATHE,

THAT'S HOW YOU SURVIVE...

MIRANDA.

BY REMEMBERING THAT ONE DAY,

SOMEHOW...

IMPOSSIBLY...

IT WON'T FEEL THIS WAY.

IT WON'T HURT THIS MUCH.

LOOK, I...

I AM AN ATTENDING,

AND I AM A SINGLE MOTHER,

AND I LOST O'MALLEY...

AND UM... I JUST CAN'T--

I-I CAN'T CARE ANYMORE.

STEVENS IS NOT MY CHILD.

O'MALLEY WAS NOT MY CHILD.

I HAVE TO STOP TREATING... I...

I JUST HAVE TO STOP CARING SO MUCH.

'COS I CAN'T KEEP FE--

FEELING LIKE THIS,

N-NOT AT WORK.

I HAVE TO SAVE THE FEELING FOR MY SON, WHO NEEDS IT.

SO I JUST CAN'T KEEP GIVING IT AWAY HERE.

I C--

I WON'T.

GRIEF COMES IN ITS OWN TIME FOR EVERYONE...

IN ITS OWN WAY.

SO THE BEST WE CAN DO...

THE BEST ANYONE CAN DO...

IS TRY FOR HONESTY.

I DON'T WANT TO HURT YOU AGAIN.

MY PROBLEMS, THEY'RE REAL.

AND THIS, THIS MAKES US REAL.

IT MAKES MY PROBLEMS YOUR PROBLEMS.

I'M AFRAID.

I DON'T WANT TO HURT YOU AGAIN.

YOU CAN SLEEP IN THE BATHTUB.

WHAT?

MMM.

THE REALLY CRAPPY THING,

THE VERY WORST PART OF GRIEF,

IS THAT YOU CAN'T CONTROL IT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WE NEED THE SPACE.

THE BEST WE CAN DO

IS TRY TO LET OURSELVES FEEL IT WHEN IT COMES...

HEY.

OH. THANK YOU.

I WAS STUCK WITH THIS INTERN TODAY.

IT TOOK HIM FOUR TRIES TO THROW IN A CENTRAL LINE.

REMINDED ME A LITTLE BIT OF GEORGE, ACTUALLY,

WHEN HE WAS AN INTERN.

AND LET IT GO WHEN WE CAN.

MEREDITH.

THE VERY WORST PART

IS THAT THE MINUTE YOU THINK YOU'RE PAST IT,

IT STARTS ALL OVER AGAIN.

AND ALWAYS, EVERY TIME...

GEORGE O'MALLEY DIED.

IT TAKES YOUR BREATH AWAY.

THERE ARE FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF.

THEY LOOK DIFFERENT ON ALL OF US,

BUT THERE ARE ALWAYS FIVE...

I KNOW YOU ALL HAVE HEARD A LOT OF RUMORS.

AND I'M SORRY FOR THAT. DENIAL...

AND WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SAY WILL BE HARD TO HEAR,

AND I'M SORRY FOR THAT AS WELL. ANGER...

THE ECONOMIC CLIMATE IS... WELL, YOU ALL KNOW WHAT IT IS.

IN THE COMING WEEKS, SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL

WILL BE MERGING WITH MERCY WEST.

BARGAINING...

I WISH I COULD TELL YOU YOU WILL ALL SURVIVE THE MERGER,

BUT THERE ARE ONLY SO MANY JOBS,

AND THE BOARD AND I HAVE SOME TOUGH CHOICES TO MAKE. DEPRESSION...

I'M ON YOUR SIDE, PEOPLE.

I'M ROOTING FOR EVERY ONE OF YOU.

ALL I CAN SAY IS,

PLEASE...

BE AT YOUR VERY BEST.

ACCEPTANCE.