Original subtitles

We got a lot of problems happening right now, man.

I don't wanna tiptoe around anything.

We got problems looming like the Goodyear blimp, you know?

I don't wanna be cute about it, but it's the reality.

But the thing about it is,

you have to look at it like a challenge.

You know?

Like, this is what...

This is how you show your worth as a filmmaker,

as an artist, you know?

It's hard not to sound pretentious

when you say something like that, but it's true.

I have a lot of regrets in my life.

This is not gonna be one of them.

I'm gonna look back on this with great fondness.

How's it going?

Hi. Hey.

Goddamn. Hold on.

It's okay. How are you? Don't worry. Don't you worry.

Hi. I'm Chase. Chase Bradner.

I'm Rochelle Dupont. Rochelle, nice to meet you.

A pleasure. Come on in. Nice to meet you. Thank you.

Now it's really starting to feel real. Look at this, man.

Here you are,

if you wanna step inside my living quarters?

Oh, shoot, we got the two guns.

These are really pretty, man.

What kind of camera is that?

Uh, I'm Chase Bradner, and I will be

the director of Patterson Project.

So this is your first film?

Uh-- No. Yes. First feature film.

I've done a number of short films before.

Delta Bravo Carter.

This is Alpha Omega Ramos. Do you read me?

They've all performed at the really raw,

untainted festivals out there,

like the Real Cambria Film Festival,

the Salty Earth Film Festival, Exploding Girl Festival.

They perform pretty well out there.

They found an audience, and I think that

it takes a certain number of short films

in order to graduate into

your first full-length narrative feature film,

which is what we're doing here.

So Frank was telling me you've done a few of these.

Uh-- W-What's the story there?

Uh... This is the third in a five-part series

commissioned by Le Musée d'Orange.

We've been following independent production

for almost ten years, I would say.

Oh, wow. Oh, right on.

Frank, would you please give us your name

and your role on the project?

Okay.

Hi, I'm Frank Eikleberry, and I'm the...

Sorry. What am I?

What am I?

Uh...

I'm like a producer. Executive producer.

Executive... Or whatever...

"Executive" sounds stodgy.

Corporate. Yeah. Yeah.

I wanna be a creative.

Because I got input.

I have ideas and stuff. Right, so, um...

Money controller. Money controller.

Creative money controller. Creative money controller.

I like that. Hi. I am Frank Eikleberry.

I am chief creative financier.

- Keep going? - Yes.

How did you meet Chase? I met...

Chase does all the commercials for my store here.

I do used furniture.

He came in and we had a camcorder, uh,

and a couple of crazy costumes,

and I was a little dubious about doing that,

but then I saw that cut.

I mean, I thought, God damn, this is...

I'm dealing with, uh...

like, a Quenton Tarantini guy.

He's got vision. Like, a real vision.

Oh, hi. Good morning. Please, please keep your distance.

I know this looks a little weird,

but the distance is for your safety.

I have these nice kitchen utensils here, and I'm here...

If I could just take five minutes of your time.

Our kids are napping right now,

so I don't think it's the best time.

I'll be very quiet.

My name is Mitchell Chang,

and I'm an associate producer on the Patterson Project.

I don't actually like to say "associate producer"

because, you know, that makes me feel better

and above everyone, which is a sin.

I think the best way to describe it is like

an associate teammate, associate servant.

I've worked with him now on almost a dozen short films,

and I've never seen anybody talk with that much passion.

It was like... without being sacrilegious,

it was like I had found my messiah

out here in Los Angeles.

Can you get a shot of that?

That's the knife from The Dark Knight.

It's one of the Joker's knives.

It's like super legit, man.

I mean, this is pretty much, like, my whole collection, man.

I mean, I've amassed this over my time in Los Angeles,

and also Brown Deer, Milwaukee, which is where I'm from.

Why this genre for your first feature film?

Why this genre? Mm-hm.

I can answer that question.

But why just answer it when I can show you?

Over black.

So I've had the idea

of doing a horror film, found footage,

and then, of course, Bigfoot has always really fascinated me.

I think people want to believe something like that can exist.

They wanna believe something can go bump in the night.

And I'm definitely, certainly one of those people,

and I wanna make people care about a subject like that.

You don't see too many Sasquatch movies, you know.

We've all read the script, and I know, Frank,

you were having issues with your AOL,

but I'm glad Mitchell was able to get you a hard copy.

I want to get one thing straight right off the bat.

This movie is not about the Bigfoot, right?

It's not about some prehistoric creature

that may or may not exist.

It's about a group of prehistoric creatures

who like to call themselves human beings.

Bigfoot.

Bigfoot.

Ah.

Bigfoot. Yes.

We are all the Bigfoot.

And that's why we never find him.

Really good. Amazing.

Uh-- Yes, wonderful.

I think on that note, we can start the meeting.

Okay. Let's do it.

Let's go. Let's work.

Did you get all that, Todd?

- Hey. Hey, everybody. - How we all doing?

Yeah, I don't know. Did you hear that? We're all Bigfoot.

Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

Frank, could we get Todd on a video call?

Todd, you wanna get on a video call?

Uh-- You know, sorry, guys.

I'm actually on the road right now.

I'm just headed to the doctor.

He's got a sty in his eye, so he's self-conscious.

It's, uh-- It's substantial.

Yeah, we're gonna be fine. Audio's fine.

Okay, great, great, great.

Bottom line is, I read the script.

I think I can sell this son of a bitch. Boom.

Boom. Boom.

Boom. Todd's my boom man. That's right, baby.

Boom, boom. I couldn't do it without him.

First thing is location.

You mentioned the other day--

We're good there. That's totally locked.

So it's flexible, right? Yeah, super flexible.

Okay. Well...

Super flexible, yeah. It's good.

You sure? Mm-hm.

I'm Natalie.

I am the first assistant director

and also Chase's girlfriend.

He's such a visionary, and I'm so amazed.

I love...

You know, he's so confident, and I love his,

you know, confidence in himself

and, you know, fast-paced kind of guy with the project,

and, you know, with our relationship as well, and, um--

Oh.

Sorry, sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt that.

No, please. It doesn't matter.

I'm just getting some cups.

Yeah, of course.

Um... Budget. We need this to stretch a lot.

- Financing. - Financing.

Frank, last time we had spoke,

you had mentioned that we are half.

Half-funded.

- Courtesy of you. - Courtesy of me.

The last $10,000 I have to my name.

Frank, God bless you. Not really. It's not...

Very fluid. Very solvent.

And you mentioned also that you had somebody to match you.

Yes, and we're meeting with our angel, Betsy, later today.

It's a lot of money.

Don't stare at her wig.

There she is.

Get up, get up, get up.

Hello.

Hey.

Hello again. All right.

You good? You need help? You need a hand?

Oh, no, thank you. Okay, all right.

I've known Frank for quite a while.

Some of my most interesting treasures

I bought at Frank's store.

I can't remember where I've put my checkbook.

It might be over here.

Hunt for the checkbook. Hunt for the checkbook.

Here we go. Ah!

Here it is. Bingo.

It was here all the time. Victory.

Victory.

So you did say $20,000, am I right?

Huh? Yes, we did.

Yes? Oh, good.

That's what we said, Todd, right? 20,000.

Yes, 20K.

To whom shall I make out the check?

Todd Patrick O'Toole.

Since I'm here, Todd, just Frank--

I'm gonna mute you right now.

To Frank Eikleberry. That's me. Frank.

Frank, to be perfectly frank.

To be perfectly frank, that's $20,000

that is gonna make us a movie.

Oh, but I must just take a moment to ask

because the suspense is killing me.

When shall I make his acquaintance?

Soon.

So it's E-I-K-L-E. L-E.

Because a lot of people do E-L.

Sorry, what...? It's not important.

Meet whose acquaintance? Not important.

Just... So...

Why, Alan Rickman.

Of course. The lead.

I must admit,

I was rather skeptical

about investing in a Hollywood project.

But when Frank assured me

that we could get my favorite actor of all time,

Mr. Alan Rickman,

to be the star... The star.

...I was behind it 100%.

Yeah, 20,000%.

Well, patience, Betsy. Patience.

All right. Just go with it.

What's she talking about?

She's talking about Alan Rickman,

who's gonna be the star of the movie.

Oh, yeah. There we are.

We're really, um...

excited about the Alan Rickman thing.

It's gonna be great. I'm so excited too.

Hey, Betsy. Um--

This is a napkin,

and we'd like it on an actual check.

- No. - Yes.

Oh, my goodness.

Yeah.

- Silly me. - I've done it myself.

You fucked me, Frank.

I fucked you? No, I-- You fucked me, man.

You're totally forsaking the integrity of the movie.

You realize that? If we have no money,

there is no movie. There is no integrity.

What am I supposed to do now about Alan Rickman?

Are you shitting me, dude? Alan Rickman's gonna be great.

- He's gonna be amazing. - Guys...

What's the issue here, guys? I'll call my girl Sarah.

We make the offer to Alan Rickman. Boom.

A-Okay, Todd.

Alan Rickman died, man.

What? 2016.

No.

Okay, guys, I'm gonna cut right to the chase.

I really did you a favor by sneaking you in today.

I've got a packed schedule, so we gotta get right through it.

It's only because I love you, Todd.

Love you too, Sarah. Thank you, Todd.

So I wanna let you know that you have come to the right place.

Okay. This is my bread and butter.

I'm gonna take this project

and bring it to the next level for you guys.

Are you ready for my list? Yeah, yeah.

Leonardo DiCaprio's...

What?

...fling before his last fling for the lead female.

Totally available. Her calendar was wide open, so...

So is it Leonardo DiCaprio or...?

- His fling. - His fling.

- Before the fling right now. - Oh, for the actress.

What about his current fling?

Do you know her? Guys, we're...

Let me move on. Yeah, let's try some more.

I do have one person that's not on this list

that I think you will flip for.

Daniel Radcliffe.

Daniel Radcliffe?

- Yes. - The Harry Potter guy?

Raddy loves independent films.

Financially, financing speaking, I say, stamp yes.

Right? Boom, boom, boom, boom.

Chase? Yeah?

I want you to be excited.

I want you to feel this moment.

Can I get you excited? I'm excited. Yeah.

About Raddy?

Can I get you excited? Are we excited?

Are we gonna write an offer?

It's been a few weeks

since we made the offer to Daniel,

and we still don't even know

if Daniel's even read the script.

So, you know, we're sort of in limbo

until he says yes, if he says yes.

It's like, one day you're making a movie,

and you're feeling it, and it's happening,

and then the next day, you gotta go grind coffee beans

for nine and a half, ten hours a day,

and, you know, like, where's the line, man?

Like, I feel like I'm going crazy.

Like, is this even real?

Is this happening? Am I delusional?

You question yourself, and I think

that's just part of being human, man.

And people ask me, "Like, how are you able

to stay so positive all the time,

especially at the workplace?"

And I say, "Hey, look,

You gotta get through the shitty part

to get to the good part."

And right now, this is the shitty part.

And I know on the other side of this is the good part.

And that's how I do it, man.

For Dakota? Yeah.

Yeah, going to the airport, right?

Let me help you with that.

- What's with the camera? - Thank you.

They're making a documentary about independent filmmaking.

I'm so sorry. I just gotta get this real quick.

Hey, Frank.

Hey, how you doing? What's up?

What? Oh, wow.

Okay. Oh, my gosh.

- Oh, my gosh. Are you serious? - So serious.

We got him? Yes!

I'm so excited.

- I don't know. - I don't even know.

I was second-guessing myself.

I'm so proud of you.

Hi!

Oh, I'm so proud of us.

Yes!

Well, we have a lot to do.

We have mountains of stuff to get done.

Oh, my gosh. Alan Rickman.

No, no, no. Don't freak out about that.

Don't freak out about that,

because I have a really crazy idea.

How are you feeling, Natalie?

Um-- I'm feeling a lot of emotions.

Mainly anxiety and panic.

Um, we have a lot to do.

There's cast and crew and, um...

And, uh...

The location is my parents' timeshare

that they have with all of these other people I've never met.

I offered it as, like, if we really need a location.

Maybe, like, just one scene.

And he, I guess, loved it so much,

he wrote a whole script around it.

But we're doing it, so we just...

When, you know, have...

When you make the lemonade,

when it's not the fruit you wanted.

When it's not the fruit you wanted.

Hey, there.

This is Fernando Lopez reading for Micah.

Rocco. Elliot James.

Morrissette Fair. Hannah Gatsby.

Martha Maxwell. You just want me to, kind of...?

Yeah, why not?

I love your outfit by the way.

I love the whole ensemble going on here.

Thank you so much.

Let's do it.

Thanks so much. Thank you.

Did you see that? That was the fucking walk. Bigfoot walk.

She slung the bag, and then she did this.

She even looked back at you for a second.

Put her down as the Bigfoot alternate. I don't care.

Are you familiar with the Robert Patterson footage?

Of course, yeah, 1967.

You hear a strange sound.

That guy is fucking legit, man.

"Well, now, isn't this a surprise?"

Yes, it is I, Alan Rickman.

Hello, hello.

"Betsy Hannigan..."

Oh...

Betsy. Of course.

And your name, sir? One more time.

It's Alan, oddly enough.

Shut up. Yeah.

This is just a prototype so far. Okay.

All right, so for, like, the top,

this is the type of material that's gonna be used.

This is the material for the mask? Yep.

But not the mask itself, obviously. Nope.

It's kind of hard to see through.

Jamie-Lynn, do you mind? Oh, of course.

I just want you to get a feel of the presence.

- Sure. Yeah. - Wow.

We're like... Yeah. Nice.

And I could just like, you know...

So, like, we're really working with, like,

the texture and the energy of Sasquatch with this.

It's gonna be like... That's gonna be like the top, kind of.

I'm having a weird reaction to this.

What are you feeling, energetically?

It feels, like, scrotum-like in a weird way.

I thought you'd say that.

When do we meet Daniel?

I'd love to speak with my main actor, please.

Danny doesn't do rehearsals or meetings

or anything besides show up on set.

If you told me when I was 12 years old

that I'd be making my first movie

and it would actually be happening,

I don't think I'd believe you.

We're making a movie right now, man.

Go.

Go, go, go.

Let's make a movie.

Oh, it's spooky out here, man.

It is kind of spooky.

- It should just be up here, yeah? - The cabin?

I'm thinking it's up there.

- Oh. - Huh?

Uh-- "Raddy has checked into Raddy's room."

Does that mean he's here?

That's Daniel? Daniel.

That's kind of weird.

It is kind of a weird thing to say.

But he's here? I'll take it.

If I can get in contact with that guy,

that would be amazing.

I don't... Oh!

- Hey, Chase. - Yeah?

We're going ahead to the cabin

for the establishing shot of your arrival.

I just need five minutes to set up the camera.

That's okay? Yeah, you got it. Sure.

Sounds good. See you.

- Just wait. - Yeah, I think we stay put

for a second, and then we'll meet up with them at the cabin.

- That is a location, man. - Oh, dude.

Natalie!

- Yes? - This is so good!

Okay, come on in.

Come on in, guys.

Welcome to The Patterson Project house.

Oh, shoot. Um...

Let's try to find our spots really, uh, quickly but safely.

Someone's going to be turning an ankle

or turn it on me because they turned their ankle.

What are you doing here? You load your gear inside here, too?

Of course. We need space for equipment. Jesus, man.

Chase, I actually need a rough layout if we want a little...

We've decided I can't be here. I love you so much.

I'm gonna explode. Makeup, wardrobe.

Yo, Pete, listen up, my guy. What's up, dude?

You want to be a real asset to this production,

find me a space that can fit two crews worth of gear, understand?

I think I found, like, a room.

If you guys wanna come check it out.

It's pretty cool. It's like...

Yeah, well, watch out.

I think that step down there is kind of scary.

What is that? This is a door handle.

It came off the door. Yeah.

That's probably French, right?

I think we should not touch that area.

I think if there's anything that's already here,

we just don't touch it.

I've been doing this for a very long time.

- Watch out. - There's like a...

There's a director's chair. Okay, yeah.

Hang on.

Natalie, power issue? What is this?

Is this something we have to deal with the whole shoot?

I don't, um...

Can you hear that sound?

Is that like a pipe or something?

Oh.

I think we're fine. I don't hear it anymore.

Let's just keep an eye on it. Yeah. We'll keep an eye on it.

Let's keep working. I don't wanna...

Mitchell, why aren't you staying in the motel?

Oh, it just honestly wasn't in the budget.

Someone had to take one for the team.

Natalie, she told us not to touch any of the beds.

So I'm just happy to do that for her.

Her production. The-the production.

Hi. Good morning. Hey.

Here's your coffee. Car's ready to go.

Elliot's in hair and makeup.

Hannah is with Tabitha right now.

What about Daniel? No eyes on Daniel yet.

Do we have his number?

Can someone please communicate with my lead actor?

We need to talk to each other, man.

Can we get eyes on Daniel? We need to talk!

We need to talk to each other, guys. Come on.

Yep. Just anyone?

Hi. I'm trying to figure out where I'm supposed to go.

Mm. Where are you headed?

Oh, I-I don't know.

Okay, cool. Let me just-- Can I get you over here?

We're doing like a movie.

Jamie-Lynn, has Daniel been through here yet?

No, but I need him to come in.

That's the one with the scar, right?

Yes.

I'm sorry. Just give me one second.

Yeah, no problem.

Hi, Ms. Susan. This is Mitchell

calling again from the Patterson Project.

Please give me a call back when you can.

There's a lady outside. She's looking for Chase.

He's outside. He's outside. Thank you.

Hannah... What?

Have you seen Daniel? He's still not here?

Oh, no.

Where is he?

Chase, I need a decision here.

It feels like...

Just try to think, okay?

Like-- I'm, like, freaking out, man.

We don't have any point of direct contact with them.

Everything went through Susan.

Sarah. Sarah Susan.

What if we shot around Drew

and we picked up his shots later?

We can't do that. I vehemently protest.

If he was holding the camera, maybe,

but he's literally the main character.

Guys, I just wanted to-- Yeah, what is it?

Sorry, there's a woman here to see you.

- Okay. - Her name's Danielle.

Uh, Danielle Radcliffe.

Hi.

Oh, shit.

Buff right out.

Excuse me.

Let me take this. Think about it.

It's a beautiful piece.

Hold on. What?

Just take a breath. Just hold on, Frank. Just listen to me.

We have it handled, okay?

Drew, Danielle, who is playing Drew,

that is now Patterson's granddaughter.

Everything else stays the same.

Danielle? Yeah?

I'm thinking of a quick idea.

Having met you... Mm-hm.

You have this really nice energy about you,

and I'm thinking maybe that I...

I change some of the dialogue in order to match it.

Oh, no. Please, no.

I love what you've written,

and I built my whole character around it.

My whole character.

Oh. Okay, then.

Let's just go for a take, then.

- Natalie, slate, please. - Yep.

Scene 1, Take 1.

Okay. Marker.

And action.

Bro, seriously?

Is that the best equipment the school has?

No. This is mine, brother.

You think the school would let me rent out a camera over break?

Still, that thing is ancient.

Drew, why don't you tell us what we're doing here?

We are driving to my Uncle Ben's cabin.

Sorry, Elliot, can we cut?

Are you recording, man?

So-- Oh...! So I am recording.

Oh, yeah, man. You're filming the whole thing.

You're documenting everything.

Oh, so you're gonna be cutting this into the movie.

No, dude, this is the movie, man.

These guys aren't even here, dude.

I'm sorry. I'm confused.

Yeah, so am I. Can we cut?

Oh, no. You're supposed to film us.

Okay, look at me, man. Yeah, yeah.

Have you held a camera before?

I've never held a camera. Stop it.

I'm sorry.

You press this red button.

That's how you record it? Hold it down.

That's how you record. How do you turn it on?

Just turn it on for me.

Scene 1, Take 1. Marker.

There you go.

Ha!

All right, let's do it.

Action.

Bro, seriously?

Is that the best equipment the school has?

No, this is mine, brother.

You think the school would let me rent out a camera over break?

Dude, dude, dude. I'm sorry.

Prop it there. When she speaks, camera.

When she speaks, camera. Don't worry about anything else.

I have no worries in my head.

Take 2, marker.

Action.

Bro. Bro, seriously? Is that--

Guys! Sorry. What's your finger doing, dude?

Why are you fucking... No, I actually--

This is kind of cool. I figured out

that there's a zoom in and a zoom out.

I figured I wanted to give it my own artistic kind of flavor.

Get-- You hate it.

I don't hate it, but I want you to frame the actors.

So you don't want me to zoom at all?

No, please. This finger is trigger happy right now. I don't want that.

I don't want to direct it,

but can Hannah hold it from the back?

Fuck no, dude.

You're the guy, man. I'm sorry.

I don't know if I'm the guy. I thought I was the guy.

Can I talk to you real quick, my guy?

Absolutely.

It's a bit of a situation.

We missed the fact that Elliot, the actor playing Micah, is...

He was supposed to operate a camera.

Well, he did. I mean, in the audition,

he held his hand up like this,

and he even pressed the button like it was...

The specificity was sort of what drew us to him.

It's my fault. I have to take credit for that.

No, no, no. He tricked us.

Give me your hand. Yeah.

- I think we have... - A workaround.

I think Chase found us a workaround.

That would work. Around.

Action. Ahem.

We're driving to my Uncle Ben's cabin

in Six Rivers National Forest.

And why are we going to your Uncle Ben's cabin?

To get wasted!

Yeah! No, baby!

God, we talked about this.

We are gonna find Bigfoot.

And then we're gonna get wasted.

Yeah.

Everyone's a little bit stressed out right now.

We're behind. There's the Daniel, Danielle situation.

We have camera issues.

People are complaining about catering already, but...

I can't even worry about that

because this house is falling apart

and I feel like it's my responsibility.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Pete, are you okay?

Are you okay? Maybe. My back is...

Just let go of the bag.

No, no, no.

Slatey Tati.

Uh-- Scene 2, Take 1.

Marker.

Ready? Ready? Yeah.

Action!

Should we text him?

Bro, there's no service up here.

Everybody okay? Yeah.

Are you okay? Yeah, I'm good.

Elliot, are you okay? I'm good. No, I'm good.

Elliot, are you all right? Yeah.

Should we text him?

Bro, there is no service up here.

No. Did you get me?

Yeah.

I believe that we can do this. I know we can do this, guys.

Scene 2, Take 17. Marker.

Action.

Should we text him?

Bro, there is no service up here.

He said the door's unlocked. Just come in.

Dude?

Don't be a sissy. It's fine. Okay?

Mr. Patterson?

Oh, Pete, dude, what are you doing, man?

- Oh, God! - Take 18, let's go.

Fuck it, let's go. Fuck it.

Tabitha. Ahem.

Like, this is part of the series

when you follow the other productions.

They experience this kind of stuff day one, too, yeah?

Okay.

Hello?

Argh!

Holy shit, man.

You got me so good. Your face.

Is this it? Uh-huh.

I was really hoping to get some sleep finally tonight

but someone had to do DID

and I'm just always happy to take one for the team.

What is that?

Hey, Winston!

It's that raven. Kept me up all night.

Shut up!

Yeah. I love the movement of the hair.

Yeah. God, that's good.

I'll be honest, the mask goes on...

Yeah. ...you're dealing with Sasquatch.

You okay? Fuck!

That's, um...

Okay.

Action!

Kenneth? Wait.

Oh, shit!

- Kenneth? - Kenneth?

Oh, jeez. Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Are you okay?

Wait, give him space!

Where does it hurt? It's his leg.

Take it off! Take it off! Take it off.

Give him some space.

Fuck!

Oh, my leg!

Get the doctor!

What the fuck? What the heck, man?

What the fuck, dude? I thought it was a Bigfoot.

Thank you.

You're gonna be okay, okay?

Do you think I can come back?

I can't feel my feet.

I'm gonna get you to the hospital first. We're so sorry!

Can the costume stand up on its own?

No, it's a costume. It needs someone in it.

The Bigfoot alternate. What was her name?

Martha. Martha.

She was from around here, right?

Yes. Let's go find her.

I don't think that we should put anyone

in that costume in the forest in hunting season.

Hold on. I have a solution.

Okay. Okay. Um...

Ken is fine. He'll be fine.

He's at the hospital. He's being treated for his wounds.

Most important of all,

he's not going to be suing the production.

He assured me. He says that these things

- come with the territory. - Okay, great.

Mitchell, can you give Martha a call, please? Yes.

I'd love to know who that is.

Bigfoot alternate.

Oh, that one. She's from around here.

Okay, yeah.

Love to hear that workaround. Let's do it.

Okay.

Action!

What the fuck?

And cut!

Got it?

Hey, Pete?

Here, over here. Oh, hey. What's up, dude?

Could you get the catering in the basement, please?

Walking through the forest isn't a scary thing.

It's a weird thing. Like a weird alien.

Yeah, of course. Because it's a mocap suit.

So it's an alien mocap?

No, it's a motion capture suit.

I don't want a suit. I want a Bigfoot.

Frank, you have no idea what you're talking about.

I know what a Bigfoot is.

I don't have time to walk you into VFX 101 right now.

I don't have time to learn about VFX 101.

People are getting shot out there.

What?

We were getting shot out there. Who got shot?

Kenneth. What?

Kenneth got shot. No!

- That's nice. - Aw...

I figured if they're not gonna have a good meal,

at least I can give them a nice presentation, you know?

I'm sure nobody will notice.

We've got lunch coming in, guys.

I noticed.

Oh, Pete, Pete, please.

What's up? I'm sorry.

I'm just super hungry, man. It's okay. Totally.

Ugh.

Oh, what is that?

Oh! Ugh.

What is that?

Oh, my God!

- Oh! - Oh, dude.

Oh, man.

How? How? Oh, God!

Stop, stop, stop! Stop, stop.

- It's all of them? - That's maggots.

That's maggots. That's maggots.

The food was delivered rotten.

You can come and see it yourself.

It's completely black. It's covered with mold,

and we'd like to have a refund at your least convenience, okay?

Action.

Drew. Drew. Is that you?

What is it?

Man...

What's this?

- We're doing the sound in post. - Quiet on set.

Please.

Okay, reset. Action!

What was that?

Bro...

- Cut! Pete, man! - What happened?

I got it. I got it.

Hey! Quiet on set!

Hello?

What the fuck are we waiting for?

Oh, a feather. Nice.

Okay, we're waiting for the feather.

Hey, Chase, we're waiting. Natalie's got her feather.

That's what we're waiting for. Natalie's feather.

Well, can we bring her and the feather back down here, please?

Let's bring the feather down.

Maybe we get a shot of the feather. I don't know.

What is going on with you, dude?

You've got a real piss-poor attitude these days.

I've got an attitude that screams

free commercials for a year.

We don't need you on set here. I need to be here.

I'm executive producer. I should be here.

- Okay. - That's what Todd said.

You don't have to be here.

You can take that outside, please.

Reset, everybody.

We're gonna have a little talk after the scene, okay?

Frank is this close to shutting us down, okay?

We need to be better, all of us.

I want you to go to bed tonight thinking about that.

How can I be better?

How can I be better? I need to be better.

Also get some rest tonight

because we have an incredibly long day tomorrow.

Hands in.

Team Patterson. Team Patterson.

Okay.

Hey.

Sorry, you good? Uh-- Yes.

Oh...

Yeah, I'm just fighting off Sasquatch out here.

Yeah. Really, what are you doing?

Oh, I was just waiting for Winston. Heh-heh.

Oh, you know, we can swap if you want.

I mean, I don't-- Give me a bird-free room.

Oh. I'm okay.

I'm not really that comfortable sleeping with Chase.

Oh, no, no, you wouldn't be. Chase has his own room.

Sleep apnea from the... The vape.

Right? Yeah.

But, um, yeah, so you wouldn't be.

I-I'm happy to sleep here if you want to sleep in my room.

I'm a hundred percent okay.

Okay.

Um...

You know, you can ask me for help.

Thanks.

Have a good night. Good night.

Mitchell, if you would like,

we could set up one of our cameras

in the living room tonight.

Maybe it will help to find a bird.

Yes, that would be good.

Everyone is here but my favorite friends.

We're gonna start this scene right here.

You see this breakfast, you're confused.

You ever seen that movie by James Simmons

in 2016 For What It's Worth?

No. The two main characters

didn't expect to fall in love.

They were so confused by it.

Share that same confusion with this breakfast.

What's going on? I don't know.

That is gonna take you to the foot of the staircase.

You hear Uncle Ben's voice call out,

that's what stops you, this is where the scene takes place.

Make sense? Over there?

Stay put right there. Okay.

- We good? - Yeah.

All right, last looks.

Let's go for a take.

- Scene 4, take 1. - Action.

Drew, you don't wanna come up here, man.

I'm sick as a dog.

Cough, cough.

Yeah, yeah. Cool.

Uh... Cut!

What happened?

Hello.

Oh, hi. Yeah.

You must be...

Yes, people who own this.

And so do my parents, who I do believe--

My parents should have mentioned to you the...

Hi, I'm Natalie.

And you must be just wondering so many thoughts in your head.

But I can assure you that everything is just a-okay here.

Natalie... Yes?

Have you disturbed the oubliette?

No, no, no.

We won't be.

We are not disturbing any...

What do you mean exactly? Over there.

Oh, that.

It's been disturbed.

No. We're using it for storage.

We haven't filmed anything there.

How long has that door been open?

Oh... Five days.

Five days. Five days.

- Five days? - Yeah.

And have there been any unexpected injuries

or spoiled food, perhaps?

Yeah. Oh...

Do you smell that?

Yes, I smell it.

All right, this is all over.

You all must leave this very moment.

No, no, no. Please, please, please.

We're two days away from being over.

We're almost done. Two days,

and we'll be out of here.

You're done now. This is over now.

Okay, this is what we have here.

Just a simple miscommunication between two parties.

- Parties? - We can do this.

Settle this mano a mano. There's no reason to call unions

or, God forbid, law enforcement.

No! You cannot call the police!

You can't involve the police! Okay, okay.

It's not okay! It's not okay!

Listen, look at the bolo.

Look at the bolo.

Button. Yeah.

Button. All right?

Purse your lips. Okay, let's do a little song.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Yeah, little puppies, right? Little puppies.

- Puppies. - Okay.

I'm sorry.

Two more days, was it?

Two days. Two and done. Two days and we're out.

I'm sorry.

You did your very best. You did.

All of you.

These next two days, do your best.

- Your very best. - Thank you.

That's the plan. Come. Start the car.

- Start the car. Start the car. - Have a good time.

Can somebody please see if they're leaving for sure?

I'm fine. It feels like I could lift a car.

I might need a horse tranquilizer or something.

No, I'm good. Sit down.

- Oh, shit. She's coming back. - What?

- I think she's coming back. - She's running?

Yeah. No, she's just coming back.

No. Oh, is she like a...?

Hi.

Check she's actually gone. What?

She's leaving. They're pulling out.

- Back to one. Let's reset. - Let's build on this momentum.

We finally caught a break here. Let's go, everybody.

Mitch, slate. Let's do it. Come on.

I just hope that there is absolutely no confusion

about how important tomorrow is.

Nine pages, eight scenes.

Crucial moments where our lead characters--

Betsy. What?

Betsy is coming to set. Oh, yeah?

And she is going to visit and talk with

her favorite actor of all time, Mr. Alan Rickman.

Right. And that is the only scene

that matters tomorrow. Okay.

Because if that doesn't happen, it is Armageddon.

Oh, hey, guys. Um...

Do you guys have a second, maybe?

Uh, sure, Pete. Nat, could you...?

Oh, yeah. Cool. Thank you so much.

I got Todd.

Okay, so do you remember, like,

that lady who came by, like, a little--

Like, earlier with all the stuff, and she was like:

And said all the crazy-- Yeah, hard to forget.

Right? So she gave me the book, right?

And I was looking through it, and it's, like-- This like--

Dictionary thing, but, like, for demons.

I started, like, reading through it more,

and I realized that, like, uh...

Some of this stuff is seeming, like, super similar to, like,

what's been happening, like, on set and stuff.

And I just wanted to say something,

'cause, like, it gets kind of gnarly at the end, so...

Yes, thank you for...

bringing this to my attention.

Yeah. Make sure you keep it tied up.

Mitchell, would you mind if we showed you

the footage from the other night?

What?

Hey, Natalie.

I need help.

Well, I get it, Betsy.

You know, it's a very long drive.

You just keep going. Keep the faith.

Chase, can I talk to you?

Oh, yes. What's up?

The bridge that you mentioned. In private?

Yeah, the bridge. I see it now.

Good. Just keep going. Keep going past the bridge.

Oh, I see you. I see you, Betsy.

Yes. Oh, and there's the car.

Chase, I really need to talk to you right now.

Okay. I'm pulling up right now.

Betsy's here.

- Hello. Hello. - Hi.

I'll help you up.

Oh, thank you, dear. Got it.

Is he here?

He is not here yet, but he's on his way.

On his way. Yeah, his people

have notified us that he's in transit.

And we have a room for you to wait.

It's temperature controlled, and you can just stay in there.

There's no reason for you to leave the room.

We'll bring you anything you need.

Oh, that's lovely of you.

You'll have audience with Alan. Thank you.

Betsy, how are you feeling internally?

- Internally? - Yes.

Try to explain it.

Everything is shaking.

Hello?

Oh, hi. Hey, are you Alan?

Yeah. Can you keep your voice down?

Okay. Perfect.

You're gonna come with me.

A little quicker, faster.

We're just gonna get you in costume.

So I'm Alan Rickman, but I'm not Alan Rickman.

I'm Uncle Ben.

So every time I call action,

you're Alan Rickman playing Uncle Ben.

Outside of that, you are just Alan Rickman,

and you are especially Alan Rickman when you meet Betsy.

Action, Alan Rickman, Uncle Ben. Betsy, Alan Rickman.

I get it. I get it. But literally,

the entire production is riding--

Chase, I really need to talk to you.

Mitchell's in the production office.

I'm sure he can handle whatever...

No, I need to talk to you-- Nat. Nat.

I wouldn't-- Nat. Nat.

I'm trying. Nat. Nat. Nat.

You hear that?

Uh-huh.

She's revving up right now.

She's freaking out, man.

That is your audience.

Who are you?

I'm Alan Rickman.

Fuck, yeah, you are.

Go get her, tiger.

This is important as fuck, okay? We need to be super excited.

For Betsy to meet Alan Rickman. Okay?

We're not gonna be rolling on this,

but we need to keep that same energy as if we are, okay?

So be excited. Act excited, okay?

'Cause if we don't pull this off, we're fucked.

Pete, go get her, man. Go get her.

Yeah, dude.

Hey, Betsy?

Ahem. Betsy, are you...?

I'm just gonna come in a little bit.

Betsy?

Uh...

Um...

Hey. Hey.

Hey, Betsy. Hey.

Hello.

Oh-ho. Monsieur Rickman, I presume.

You presume correctly.

I must say,

you look more lively than I expected.

Yes, well, one does one's best to appear well.

It was a little...

Real bumpy at the start,

and she's been erratic,

I guess is the word, and I don't know.

It might be a medication thing.

Maybe she forgot to bring it or something,

but, uh, she seems to be...

buying it.

Oh!

Thank you.

Thank you, Alan, from the bottom of my heart.

Oh, mwah! Oh!

And now, goodbye.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Goodbye. Bye.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Bye. See you.

Oh, just one more thing.

Would you give me...

a kiss?

A kiss?

Just a little baby kiss.

A little kiss on the cheek, right here,

from the great Alan Rickman, and then I'll go.

Oh!

Hey, hey, hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Goddamn!

It's been a long day.

Everyone's been through a lot.

Yeah. People get a little cuckoo

when they meet people who they think are famous.

It's a little present from Betsy to the production.

I don't wanna be the captain of the sunken ship, Patterson,

but let's be honest, we're on the SS Titanic right now.

We hit the iceberg, and the ass of the ship

is now vertical, all right?

It's going down, quick. Uh...

This is the situation, folks.

We have one day to get everything, and I mean 20 pages.

I lie naked before you.

If anyone has any clue

as to how we're gonna pull this off, I am all ears.

Yeah, yeah, Natalie. Um...

I-I don't have a solution, but I think

I may have an explanation for some of our delays.

That's what we're here to talk about. What you got?

Okay.

Um...

I have reason to believe

that a lot of the issues we've been experiencing

may be a product of...

demonic intervention.

Okay.

This book was given to me by Pete.

There's a page that is bookmarked with a dark feather.

It is a chapter on the Demon Andras,

the great Marquis of Hell.

Here. That's it.

I read through all of this last night,

and there are a lot of similarities

between his tactics, Andres' tactics,

and the problems that we have been facing.

Like, um, uh-- He's a trickster.

A prankster type who torments his victims

in the following seven steps:

One, introduction.

Sounds, raven-like sounds.

Two, insomnia.

Mitchell.

Three, injury.

Kenneth in his Bigfoot costume.

Four, foul food, which the catering, all right?

And five, possession.

I think we experienced that today.

So you're saying that Betsy was possessed?

She was possessed by this demon, Andy?

Andres, yes. Okay. Betsy's senile.

She signed a napkin and handed it to me

thinking it was a check.

Yeah. Okay, maybe. She's not all there.

But what about everything else? Natalie. Natalie, honey.

No. What about everything else?

It's an open forum. We're naked before you.

Okay. Well, I'm telling you

that I think by breaking into the basement and staging gear,

we may have released a demon onto the set.

And in my opinion, we should leave right now

and start scouting new locations that match this one.

And I-I'm serious.

All right, you heard the little lady.

We're gonna pack everything up, we're gonna gather it all up,

and we're gonna find another location

and shoot 20 pages there. That's fine, that'll be good.

Okay, if you're serious, I agree.

I know you're trying to help right now,

but honestly, I'm not trying to put you down,

- but I'm not also buying-- - No, no, no,

this has been very helpful.

Now, you said that there were seven steps,

but we only heard five.

Well, because...

Folklore says that step six is a paradox,

which is a seemingly impossible twist of time and space.

Wow. Well, an impossible twist doesn't sound so bad.

We could probably stretch that out and finish the movie

if we're in a thing of time and space, right?

We've got infinite time. This is a gift from Demon Anus.

Andres.

What's number seven?

Uh-- "The Grand Jubilee."

"The Grand Jubilee." That sounds like a party.

That sounds like a party. What happens in the Grand Jubilee?

No one has survived long enough to tell the tale.

Okay.

No one lives that long.

- I'm humiliated. - Why?

You just stood there and laughed with Frank.

I'm trying to tell you something that I am dead serious about.

You were laughing at me, and I'm sick of it.

You don't listen to me.

You don't hear what I have to say.

As your girlfriend, but more importantly,

as your first AD, I do not get respect from you.

Come on, I'm not trying-- No. Don't touch me.

Seriously? You're gonna be like that?

Yeah, I am gonna be like that right now.

Come on, Nat. Okay, I'm sorry. Don't do this.

No. I don't-- I don't-- I--

Seriously?

Natalie, come on, hon. Good night.

What are you doing? You're not sleeping here.

Come on. Let's go.

Grab your stuff. Let's go.

Come on, let's go. Oh. Oh, okay.

We're gonna fucking crush balls today.

Action!

Scene 5, take 1. Mark.

Mark. Mark. Mark.

Scene 12, take 2. Mark.

Ugh! There's literally zero alcohol.

Ew! Why does he have a bunch of newspaper clippings

of missing people in the area?

Seatbelts. Yo.

The car isn't starting.

Oh, yeah, that's right. Mitchell, Natalie,

would you mind hoisting it up for the actors?

Oh, bro!

Looks like an animal got in here and tore it up.

Oh, my God.

What are we gonna do?

Oh, shit. Okay.

Cut! We got it, man.

Just give me one sec. Oh, shit.

You find that hairy son of a bitch,

and you put him on the big screen.

What'll they say then?

This is the spot where we saw him, right?

Is it warm?

Action! Bigfoot!

Holy shit! Micah!

Micah!

Uncle Ben!

Help me find his keys.

Wait, aren't those the wires from your car?

I thought a wild animal did that.

Gasp.

Oh, my God.

Oh, shit.

Oh, my God!

This is Drew Patterson.

I took my best friend, Micah Turner,

and my girlfriend, Abigail Gatsby...

into the Six Rivers National Forest

to find a monster.

And we found him.

Ben Patterson.

My uncle.

I think he lost his mind.

I want whoever finds this to know

that what happened out here...

It was not a supernatural event, bro.

My friends were murdered by a lunatic in a Bigfoot costume.

It's my fault.

It's my fault.

Wha--?

What was that?

What was that?

Cut.

Are you crying?

That's a wrap, folks.

I didn't think we could do that. That could apply to anything.

Hey there. You want a drink?

You want something to drink, man?

With the camera, my guy.

You learned how to do it, dude.

How's your wrist doing?

Much better. Much better.

...tell him, as soon as it's just the two of us.

It should be us. It should be me.

Hey-- Hey, guys.

I just want to say that

I am so proud of this team.

We were indomitable.

We rallied and rolled with the punches.

And I just want to say that I am so lucky

to have worked alongside each and every one of you.

So don't forget to put on your seatbelts, you sons of guns,

and I'll see you at the premiere.

Thank you, Chase.

Post-production's gonna make or break the movie.

We gotta find the right sound house

that'll put that Blair Witch polish on it.

Because we're gonna have something special on our hands.

Could we just pull over for a second?

Dude, you can't tell me Blumhouse

won't be in on this kind of a thing.

No, Blumhouse is great, but--

They're gonna want to sell it strictly as a horror film,

and it's just not that thing.

We got this cool Andrea Arnold-like

coming-of-age story thing,

and then we slap you in the face with the horror part.

Chase, I'm having-- I just don't want to end up

on some online ads-every-ten-seconds

binge-tube bullshit. Chase, I'm in love with--

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey, hey, hey.

Did you turn somewhere?

I have no idea what's going on right now.

Hey, guys.

Hey. I don't know.

I have no idea. Um--

Hi, guys.

I think...

I need to pull out of here.

Maybe we took, like, the wrong turn out of the driveway?

No, Natalie, we didn't take any turns.

There were no turns taken. Right, but--

Pete, have you seen the Bigfoot costume?

Yeah, I think it was down in the basement.

Hey. What's up. You guys need something?

Uh... I don't know. We're trying to leave but...

I-- Could somebody get Mitchell over here, please?

Is there another way out of here?

It was a straightaway, I swear.

I'm super confused. So watch the cabin.

It's going that way. It's behind us.

Now look ahead. Okay.

And I'm not turning.

Look at this. No turns. Right.

You have got to be fucking kidding me. What?

Shut the fuck up, dude. Is that--?

That's Frank's car.

I don't understand. I don't know, dude.

It's over there, dude. It's over there.

What is he saying? It's over there, Frank.

No, you're going the wrong way.

No, I just came-- I just came from the cabin.

No, I just came from the cabin. You're going the wrong way.

Turn around. No, I'm not--

It's over there behind you. No, the cabin's back there.

Fuck a duck. Turn around.

Fuck.

Okay, we just have to breathe through it.

Breathe through it.

What are you doing?

Oh, please, please be careful.

I don't remember the driveway going around, is it--?

What's going on, dude?

We literally went in one direction.

Yeah, I know, and then...

Yeah, it's been like this for the past three hours now.

We've been trying a couple of different tactics

to get to the end of the driveway.

We should find a car, right?

You see anything? Yes.

It does look familiar.

Is that the camera?

There's a point where it returns, right?

Like we have to find... I got it. I got it!

I don't think I-- Wait--

Be careful! Wait.

We'll get help. Wait.

He's coming back.

- There he is. - No, dude, it's still us.

No. It's still us here, dude.

No! Dude, there's no way!

Why did you turn around? Don't turn around.

Whose idea was this one?

Oh, my God.

What else?

Just run! Run!

Frank, stop! Frank, Frank. Frank!

We don't know what's going on.

Hey! Hey! Guys!

I think, uh, it's getting a little weird.

I'm thinking that we stay put, stay together,

that's the biggest thing, right?

We get some rest, we wake up first thing in the morning,

we got the sun on our side, and then we look for a way out.

Yes, we are, Natalie.

No. We are not staying here tonight.

Look, I know you're tense, it's super tense.

No, no, no, Chase. Listen to me.

No, I physically cannot listen to you anymore, okay?

You need to listen to me, because you laughed at me.

You all laughed most...

Pretty much everyone, except for a few, laughed at me

when I told you about the seven steps, okay?

And now, look, we can't even drive

down the freaking driveway.

It's like the paradox, yeah.

It's like a whole thing. Yeah, it is, it is.

It's a whole fucking thing.

Andres is here and every single one of us is going to die.

Natalie, Natalie, come on. Stop, stop, stop.

Stop doing that.

I hate it when you do that to me.

You just say my name over and over and over again

just to shut me up.

Nat, Nat. I don't like you anymore.

Do you hear those words?

I don't want to be with you anymore, okay?

And I need you to know that before we all die, okay?

We are done.

We are broken up, and I am with Mitchell now.

I am in love with Mitchell, okay?

We did it in my hotel room, so it--

It--

It's consummated.

Wait, are you serious?

Chase, I'm sorry.

There's literally zero alcohol!

Fuck this! I'm not dying here.

I got bug juice everywhere.

Alan--

Alan!

Alan! Oh, no. Betsy--

I don't think we should--

Okay, she's going. She's just--

- Alan! - Alan!

Alan, come back!

Jerome.

ROCHELLE Are you writing a song?

Uh--

Yeah, yeah, kind of-- Yeah.

Why don't you share with us?

Uh-- Uh--

Okay.

Yeah, I guess I wrote this one

because everybody was saying last looks like all week

and I thought that was kind of stuck out.

Okay.

♪ The sidewalk's lonesome And the nights are bleak ♪

♪ I just came looking For a place to sleep ♪

♪ But what's this now?

♪ Look what I've found

♪ People strange, just like me

♪ Making art And playing make-believe ♪

♪ Man, I love these guys

♪ Mmm-mmm-mmm

♪ They're calling last looks Y'all ♪

♪ We're calling Last looks y'all ♪

♪ Can we slow down, look around Enjoy this moment? ♪

♪ The days may be long And tough ♪

♪ But they're still zipping by Too fast ♪

♪ If this really is The last last look ♪

♪ Let's make it last

Yeah, something like that.

It's me, Alan Rickman.

There's something out here with me. Please let me in.

Oh, Alan, don't worry. I'm coming.

Don't be silly.

It's Alan Rickman.

I must help him.

Alan?

Alan, where are you?

It's me. Betsy.

It's cold out here. Please let me in.

You are all cordially invited

to the Great Marquis' Grand Jubilee.

Oh, fuck! Jamie.

You are all cordially invited

to the Great Marquis' Grand Jubilee.

Nat, Nat, Nat, Nat!

Up there. Out the back door.

Get in my car.

Lock the doors and hide. Just wait.

Fuck.

Okay.

Okay.

Come on, come on, come on! Take it!

Take the--

Chase, I'm coming!

Mitchell, wait. Find a way out!

Please stop! Just stop! Please!

Someone's gotta take one for the team.

Wait! Mitchell!

No! No! Wait!

Oh!

No!

Don't kill us! Don't--

Oh, God! Please don't, please don't, please don't.

Oh, God.

This is the last known survivor

of The Patterson Project massacre.

Millions of people have seen the now infamous footage,

which was retrieved three years ago

and subsequently cut together

by the film committee at the Musée d'Orange.

It is there that this footage plays on repeat 24 hours a day

in the museum's most popular exhibit,

posthumously titled Last Looks.

Some have questioned

whether the entire event was staged

as a publicity stunt by the museum,

as no bodies have ever been found

at the scene of the crime.

In fact, the only living memory

of what actually transpired that fateful night

exists somewhere in this young man's traumatized mind.

However,

Peter Wolznacki hasn't spoken a word

since he was found bound and gagged

alone in that cabin timeshare three years ago.

If any of you recognize

either of these two unknown individuals,

please call the number you see at the bottom of your screen.

1-844-PAT-PROJ.

Or contact your--

What's that?

What's that? Peter, Peter, can you hear me?

We just needed to store our extra gear.

Excuse me, what's going on in here?

And who gave you permission to speak to him?

Oh, we were told that we could set up this interview.

This man needs to medicate and rest.

Oh, please, just a few more questions.

That's enough questions for today.

You should be ashamed of yourself,

taking advantage of a poor,

troubled man for clicks and views.

What's wrong with you? No, please.

Ma'am, please let go of my arm.

The victim's family-- Release!

Me.

Action.

Okay, I'm here now.

Oh, you don't-- Okay, all right.

Hi, Sarah. Hi. Hi.

I have a question. Can you get off the phone for just a second?

Mitchell told me that Danielle Radcliffe has a vagina.

I cannot believe about that miscommunication.

It is just crazy. Uh...

I think it's more of a deception.

Literally on my knees.

Literally on my knees right now.

We're trying to find a solution. Just some guy on his knees.

That's for my lawyer. I appreciate this.

Yeah, no, I'm so sorry.

It's just, it's... I don't know.

I'm gonna write down my lawyer's name.

I have an acting philosophy.

It's this being sexy to booking pipeline.

Like, you have to find the sexiness in the character

if you, like, want to book,

because people don't want to watch unsexy people.

And that doesn't mean that you, like,

have to be sexy, um, like, me,

like, and actually sexy.

You can actually in, like, different ways.

Like Steve Buscemi.

Like, so hot, but, like, is he?

But he is. Every time you watch him.