Original subtitles

What do you call an old snowman? Oh.

Hmm.

Foresty. What?

What?

Forty with an S.

Foresty, a 40 -year -old snowman.

Mum? Actually, that's quite right.

Okay, that's just weird.

Only Kelby would even think of that.

They wrote the answer anyway.

Water. Ah.

I don't get it.

It smells. Here he is.

Oh, yeah.

My favourite nephew. Yeah, can you lot be quiet, please, or I will have to call

the police.

Call away, we're all in here.

I'm a plus one. Actually, plus two.

Yeah. Haven't you got any Christmas music?

Oh, I'll ask, but Mr Finch isn't a fan. He says it lowers the tone.

Yeah, Finch, they're great.

But I can get more drinks, though, aren't you?

Go on, then.

Same again all round, I think, Robert.

Did he tell you what he's been doing?

He's been saving all his tips for the children's ward Christmas party.

Tell him how much you've got, Bobby. No, I don't want to.

He said it's nearly £2 ,000.

Amazing. Well done, you.

Oh, I'm going to get those drinks.

He's so lovely.

Yeah, he is.

I'm paying you to work and I have a family with you. Sorry, yeah, I was just

taking their drinks and all that.

Um, they wanted to know if they could have any Christmas music.

Well, they won.

Shaker, Stevens, Wham, Wizard.

I asked you to bring the ice there over ten minutes ago. Sorry, sorry, yeah,

I'll do it. Oh, don't bother.

I'll get it myself.

I'm just off for a Christmas tinkle. Uh, Tian, make sure you wash your hands.

Sorry.

Was everything okay?

Oh, yes, it was, darling.

You did me proud.

Oh, good.

Oh, I'd better get back to work.

Oh.

Yeah. Come on, Margot. Yeah, come on. Ready, Margot?

Good King Wendland, let's go now. Look out, the beast of Stephen.

Hello? Sir?

You okay there, my love?

You waiting for someone?

Oh, you're freezing.

How long have you been here?

Do you need something?

One morning in the month of June, down by a rolling river, there a weary

traveler chanced to stay and he bailed his lover.

Her cheeks were red, her eyes were brown, her hair in ring was hanging

had a lovely face without a frown as the tide was flowing.

Okay, so can I ask why you opened the bin? Fish.

You were looking for fish? No, I got fish. I was looking for veg.

Why? They throw it out at the end of the day, see?

There's nothing wrong with most of it. Got a nice bit of broccoli for my

I mean, I had to trim it up a bit.

But the really mangly stuff, I cut up and I use it for feed.

Oh, for the fish?

For the rabbit.

Right. And what time was this?

Quarter to nine. I know that.

Because I had to get the veg back to Janet for five too.

The rabbit? My wife's sister. She cuts up the veg for the rabbit. But she

for work at nine.

Banksy.

She works at the banks?

No. The rabbit's called Banksy.

After that artist fella. The one who draws on walls.

Okay. He's not dead.

I saw him breathing.

Banksy?

No, the bloke in the bin.

Oh.

Oh, that looks nice.

Oh, yes. Oh, for me. Of course, Martha.

This way. Who's your friend?

I found him in a wheelie bin.

His name's Seb.

And he had a bit too much to drink last night, didn't you, Seb?

Well, you know you've had a good night when you wake up in a wheelie bin.

You taking him home?

Not yet.

Can't get his head off.

He said his mates glued it on.

Oh, dear.

You'll need some adhesive remover.

I'll take him.

You go and get some.

Come on. Let's step carefully.

Careful. We will be. Okay.

I've got you.

Mind that.

Layers. Yeah.

Ooh.

There's an exhibition on at the town hall tonight.

Christmas through the decades.

We're going Christmas shopping, remember?

We built replica rooms from every decade.

From the noughties back through the nineties, the eighties, the seventies,

sixties. You need to finish by five.

Okay, I'll try.

You promised.

Right.

Say it out loud.

I will finish at five.

Good.

Let's hope Shipt and Abbott's criminal fraternity don't get to hear about this.

We could have a six o 'clock frenzy.

I'm not sure which question to ask first.

Morning, Margot.

Morning. I, uh, see you brought your friend in.

He's not my friend.

Kelby found him in a wheelie bin.

Excellent.

Oh, this is the exhibition at the town hall.

Christmas through the decade.

I can get you tickets for that.

My stepmum's one of the organisers.

I get a family discount.

Huh.

Margaret? Oh, I'm busy tonight.

What's wrong with this?

Sorry, something wrong with it, I think.

Margot? Why exactly is the snowman here?

His head's glued on, and he's refusing to go home because his new girlfriend's

mum and dad are there.

They've come down for Christmas to meet him.

Oh, worried about giving them the wrong impression.

Or not to, when he dressed in a snowman's suit, smelling a wheelie bin.

Oh.

Problem?

There was a chap sitting on the doorstep when I opened up. His name's David, but

he seems a bit confused.

Got to put him in the interview room with a cup of tea.

That's a very nice thing to do.

Oh, I've been trying to get social services to come and collect him, but

haven't got anyone free.

I mean, I've made it as comfortable for him as I can in there.

Your thing was, this is the only thing he had with him.

Weird.

David, is it?

David, we're just a little bit confused about why you have a photograph of me

in your pocket.

Did I?

You don't recall why?

Take your time.

Have we ever met?

I need to find my sister.

Your sister?

Is that why you're here?

Louise. That's her name.

Can you help me?

We can try.

Do you and your sister live together?

Yes.

Only, it's Christmas, you see.

I really need to find her.

Where do you and your sister live, David?

Is there an address you can give us?

I'm sorry.

I'm not being much help, am I?

Do you live in Shipton Abbey?

I really need to find her.

It's all right.

Don't upset yourself.

We'll work it out.

It would help if we had a full name.

David. I...

I'll

write it down, shall I?

Can you, um... Can you spell it for me?

David... H... A -L -E -G -O -N.

Hilton.

There was nothing else in his pocket at all.

A bit of loose change, no wallet, no credit cards, no phone, nothing.

Why would a complete stranger, someone I've never met before, be sitting on the

station doorstep with a photograph of me in his pocket?

Do you recognise the photo?

Where it was taken, when?

No, but it has to be key.

Maybe it's on social media somewhere, something Martha or Anne posted. I could

look online.

Yes, do that.

In the meantime, let's start with the search, a five -mile radius.

We're looking for a brother and sister living together, David and Louise

Try care homes and sheltered housing first.

Right. And check other divisions for missing person reports.

On it.

Margot? I got a call from the hub.

Fish's wine bar was broken into last night after we left.

No. A uniform was attended in the early hours of the morning.

Took photos and secured the building.

The bath was to follow up.

You're sure you're doing the right thing.

It was something he said when Rosie left about us being on our own and how we'd

have to make do.

It's always been the same for us, all through the IVF and the fostering.

The worry lurking under the surface that we needed something else to be happy,

that we might not be enough for each other on our own.

And... This is the best way I could think of to show him that all I ever

him standing next to me, holding my hand.

This is the best Christmas surprise ever. It will be if we all do our part.

all the boxes are in the kitchen. You need to get them there by four.

Put the closed early sign up outside before you go. OK.

Mum, you need to be at the train station by 2 .30.

This is who you're picking up.

Oh, he looks nice.

He is.

Bring him back here, and if Humphrey comes in, you'll have to hide him. Hide

him? Where?

Use your imagination.

There's room in the stock cupboard.

Will he mind being in the stock cupboard? Just do what you need to.

Humphrey mustn't see him. So, does everyone know what they're doing?

Yeah.

Go team Martha.

So much for Shipton Abbott being Devon's hidden gem.

He's got his scumbags like everywhere else.

I blame the parents.

Yeah, put two morons together.

What did you get?

Surprise, it's another moron.

You were at home when the alarm company called to say there had been a break

-in? No, I was at a friend's in Palmerran.

What time?

About 1 .30.

It's quite late to go visiting.

Well, we're having a party. I said I'd join them when the bar closed.

You can see the door's been jimmied open.

Yes.

Can I ask what was taken?

I asked you to go to the bank this morning, so this week's taking so far.

float, I haven't tied it all up, but I reckon north of 10 ,000.

A lot of cash?

It is Christmas.

People throw in for the bill, but we get more cash than usual.

Can we see inside?

Is there damage anywhere else? No.

Office? No.

Then where did they take the cash from?

From the drawer under the till.

Is it usual to keep that amount of money in the bar overnight?

Can be.

Depends on when I can get to the bank.

Water.

But they're wine bottles.

I guess someone's put water on the bar.

Is that Robert's charity kit, Joe?

Yeah. Is this going to take long? We're nearly done.

Only I need to get this cleaned up so I can open.

Can I ask?

Who else would have known you had cash here overnight?

No one.

No way. Robert.

Robert knew.

I remember him yesterday asking me if I'd been to the bank or not.

I can't believe this was anything to do with Margot's nephew.

No.

Let's check where he was last night after the bar closed and check on this

in Polmarron too.

There.

There we

are, my love.

A nice fresh cup of tea.

Okay, thanks.

Bye.

Okay.

So I spoke to Terry Finch's friend in Palm Maron. He confirmed that Terry

arrived there just after midnight and he was with him when he got the call from

the alarm company about the break -in just after 1 .30.

He took a cab back to the wine bar because he'd had a drink.

I've confirmed to the cab company that they picked him up in Polmarron and took

him to the bar.

The uniformed unit were already at the scene and confirmed the break -in

happened at 1 .30.

So we can rule out Terry Finch?

Looks that way.

I couldn't find adhesive remover anywhere.

You'd think I'd be asking for unicorn poo.

I had to go to the industrial estate.

Don't just leave him sitting there.

What else can I do with him? I don't know, but this is a police station.

in here discussing cases.

I've just got to get his head off and then I'll get him on.

Can't you just cut it off?

No, hang on. He hired it. He can't... He's got a £100 deposit against any

damages. Well, hurry up.

Kelby, can you check CCTV from the high street last night? Say between 12 and

2am. Sure.

What am I looking for?

Ah, well, there's anyone in the vicinity of Fisher's Wine Bar at around 1 .30am.

The unit that attended the break -in sent a report. It's in your inbox.

Thanks, Margot.

And the Grinch sent me a full report of what was stolen.

Around £11 ,000 in cash, plus the contents of Robert's charity job.

There was a big sticker on it, too, saying it was for charity.

And that Christmas.

God, that's well bad.

Any leads on the photograph?

I ran the search online but didn't find anything, so I passed it to IT, see if

they have more luck.

And the sister?

Again, nothing so far.

I'm still waiting on the missing person reports to come back, but I've drawn a

blank with electoral register, care homes, sheltered housing in a five -mile

radius. Looks like we've hit a dead end. Maybe we should just pass it on to

social services.

Well, let's at least keep trying until they get here.

And you're not even going to warn him?

No.

He'll start fretting, and when he frets, he breaks things.

Right, well, speaking of someone surrounded by bottles, no -one wants

Just make sure everything's ready.

It will be.

Hi.

Thanks for getting back to me.

How can one person be on the phone so much?

Every time I call her, she's engaged.

Maybe. She's busy.

I haven't got anything on Fish's Weimar.

There's no CCTV in the alley.

A few passes by at the front just after midnight, then nothing until the police

unit turned up just after 1 .30.

Then a cab arrives.

That's Terry Finch. Oh, still.

We still need to speak to Robert, check his movements?

Mm -hm.

Why?

You don't think he had anything to do with this?

Of course not.

Despite the investigation, Margot.

Ticking all the boxes.

Do you know where we can find him?

Margot? It's burning.

Careful.

Yeah, well, I've got three jobs.

I do mornings here, home deliveries in the afternoon, and business four nights

week.

Can you tell us where you were last night after you left the bar up to about

.30am? Yeah, no, I was at home.

Can anyone vouch for that?

Well, no.

Laura is staying at her mum's with the girls.

Laura's your wife?

Yeah.

Hey, um, is it true that they took that charity money from behind the bar, too?

Yes, they did.

Who would do something like that?

Uh, yesterday, do you recall asking Terry Finch if he'd been to the bank?

Uh, no.

Oh, no, wait, yes.

Yeah, yeah.

I think I did.

Can I ask why?

Oh, no, no reason. I just have to cover the bar if he goes.

Sorry, am I in trouble?

No.

No, not at all.

Just routine questions.

Oh. Can you just run us through your shift yesterday, starting with after we

left? Yeah, well, I mean, I was rushed off my feet.

Mr Pinch, he won't hire any more staff.

He says cutting costs makes us look good to head office.

Hmm.

You didn't notice anything out of the ordinary?

No. No, no, no. We had three parties in.

We called last order not long after you guys left, and, you know, everyone just

drifted off. What time was that?

I think we were empty by about half eleven.

Yeah. I wiped down the tables in the bar.

I put the, uh, thank you, I put the empties in the bottom crate to be

the next morning.

Emptied the bins behind the bar.

Normally I'd run the bin bags out the back, but Mr. Finch told me to go home,

so, yeah.

I think I left by about quarter to twelve.

Then after you left, did you see anyone outside?

Nope. It was pretty quiet.

Oh, now, hold on.

There was this lunatic.

In a snowman suit.

Yeah.

Oh, God.

Are you sure we can't take this head off yet?

Apparently not.

Glue needs to soften for another 20 minutes. And we can't cut it off because

you'll lose his deposit.

Fine.

So, you were at a party.

Yeah. I was at a mate's flat. His girlfriend's birthday.

Clancy dress.

Whoa. How do you know that?

I'm a detective.

And on your way home, you walk through the alley behind the shops on the high

street? Uh, shortcut.

Right. Did you see anyone?

Particularly anyone at the back of Fisher's Wine Bar?

I think I saw a bloke taking the bins out.

Right, what time?

Oh, maybe just before midnight?

Oh, and then there was this bunch of kids.

Kids? Yeah, about ten of them, on bikes.

All started taking the mick, obviously.

How old?

Dunno.

Fifteen? Sixteen?

Anyways, they all start pushing me around, and then one of them goes, oh,

him in the wheelie bin.

And so they did.

Couldn't you get out?

Oh, I was smashed by then.

Plus, it's surprisingly comfortable in there.

Don't remember nothing after that.

Right. What are you thinking?

It's a fresh splinter of wood we found at the scene.

From the back door?

Yeah. But it was only visible once the bin men had taken the bags away in the

morning. Do you remember?

They cleared them while we were there.

So? So.

So surely that must mean the splinter was under the bags. But how can that be?

When our snowman saw Finch put the bags out before he left for the evening.

It doesn't make any sense.

We know the break -in was at 1 .30 because that's when the alarm went off.

Exactly.

I, uh, we, uh, we thought you might be hungry.

It's ham and cheese.

It's ham and cheese?

If you don't like it, we can swap it for something else.

Uh, no rush. Just let me know.

Have you found Louise?

No, David, not yet.

But we're looking, okay?

I miss her so much.

Oh, mate.

Hey.

We know you do.

Don't get upset.

Our inspector, he's looking for her.

And he's amazing.

Got it.

That was IT. They found a match for the image.

It's from the Tavistock Chronicle newspaper.

Coverage of the amateur dramatics train murder. They snapped you at the station,

remember? No idea.

It's definitely the same image.

OK, good. So let's focus our search on the Tavistock area and see what that

throws up.

Will do.

All right. Oh, steady.

You've got a skin there.

Everyone,

meet Seb Branner.

Hello, Seb.

Thank heavens for that.

Oh, thank you, guys.

I thought I'd never get out again.

David got a bit upset.

Started talking about his sister again.

But he's calmed down a bit. Poor love.

Oh, hello, mate.

No, you all right?

Kelby will show you where the bathroom is.

You can get the rest of it off.

Brilliant. Cheers. Oh,

sorry. OK.

You all right?

I've sent an information request to Ayrton Police and the town council.

So, what are you thinking?

The kids on the bikes?

No.

There were three or four bottles of Pinot Grigio smashed on the floor, no

damage. There was no empty beer cans, no witty remarks or pictures of genitalia

etched on the walls. The office was untouched. No, this wasn't teenagers.

I think this was someone who knew the cash was there and where it was.

Robert? So you do think Bobby was involved?

No. Yes, you do.

I can see it on your faces.

We're still trying to work out exactly what happened, Margot.

But Bobby is a suspect.

No. Well, yes, but only until we eliminate him. I'm sorry, Margot. We

it any more than you do, but we have to do our job.

He's the only other person who knew that cash was there overnight.

And he's working three jobs, so we know money's tight for him. And I've known

him his entire life.

There's no way he could do anything like this.

We're sure that's true, but we have to... There's no buts. That boy goes to

children's ward every Christmas morning to take them presents.

Do you really think he'd steal his own charity money?

And yes, he's got three jobs, but that's because he's a hard -working lad trying

to provide for his own family. Not a thief!

The boxes are in the car.

Mum back?

Yeah, she's just in the kitchen making him a sandwich.

You're not having second thoughts, are you?

What if he hates it?

He won't.

He'll love it.

You think?

I know.

All right.

I'd better go and check on our guest.

Sir?

Tavistock Police.

No missing person reports in the past week.

OK, but I still think we're in the right area, so try GP surgeries next, social

services, see if any of them have a patient called David or Louise Hilton.

Sir.

I'm...

Sorry I shouted.

I was a bit cross.

It's perfectly understandable.

But I stand by what I said.

My Bobby's no thief.

So, Kelby, did you get your snowman home?

Seb, yeah. I got to meet his new girlfriend's parents.

Yeah, they didn't suspect a thing.

Well, he did have a rash across his neck, but he said it was only because he

nervous to meet him.

Smooth.

Heat rash probably from being in that suit.

He must have been melting in there.

Oh, hey, it's like that joke from last night.

What do you call an old snowman?

Water.

Ice!

That's it.

Melting ice.

Explain.

An empty crisp packet.

What? Oh, no, sorry.

If this splinter of wood was found underneath the bags of rubbish at the

Fisher's Wine Bar, then the door must have been forced open before they were

out by Terry Finch shortly before midnight.

Except that's not possible, because we know the break -in was an hour and a

later. What if it wasn't?

What if?

Everything was just set up to look like a break -in.

By whom?

Terry Finch. Yes!

Sorry. But if Finch set all this up himself, how could the alarm go off at 1

in the morning when we know he was ten miles away in Palmarran? Because in the

words of a song from my youth, I, I, baby, I remember

the pool of water on the bar.

What about it? I thought it was all at the time.

It was wine bottles that were broken, so how could it be water?

Robert told us he wiped down the bar before he left, and he also said he

the bin behind the bar, yet it had a plastic bag in it.

OK, now you're losing me. I saw a similar bag at the Christmas party.

Sorry. But you'd expect to see a bag used for ice behind a bar, wouldn't you?

Yes, but if Robert emptied the bin, as he said, and I have no reason to doubt

him, why was it there in the morning?

Thank you. Good night.

This is what I think happened. I had to carry you tonight.

Right. Sorry.

Pull your finger out or else I'm going to have to get someone else. Don't say

that. Mr. Finchman, you know I need this job. Well, maybe you should be thinking

more about your kids and less about fawning all over the puns.

It's Christmas. I just wanted everyone to have a good time. I told you,

Christmas is for mugs. All I'm interested in is how much they spend,

less kitschy chatting and more serving. You got it?

Yep, got it.

I think Robert did exactly as he said. After he cleaned the bar, he emptied the

bin. Leave him. I'll take him out. No, no, it's fine. I'll take him out. Leave

him. I'll take him out. I'll do it myself, like everything else. Go on. Go

I'm sick of looking at you.

Night, Mr Finch. And once Robert had left, Finch went straight out to the

door.

Which is how this splinter of wood got in the alley before the bags of rubbish?

It's the only thing that fits.

My suit smells.

I feel really sick.

Cheer up, mate. It's Christmas.

Oh,

what fun it is to watch. Hey, look at this guy.

All right, kids.

All right, boys. Let's chuck him in the bin.

There was no damage anywhere else. No sign of anyone searching the office.

So our thief had to know where the money was.

But this, this was the clever bit.

Ice defrosts at a predetermined pace.

And therefore, makes a perfect time delay switch.

So as the ice melts, the bottles will fall.

Is that enough for your life?

Precisely.

By the time Terry Finch arrived at the wine bar, police were already there and

had found the broken back door and broken wine bottles on the floor. Which

look exactly like a break -in. I think when Terry got there, he took the

ice bag from the bar and simply threw it in the bin.

But forgot to wipe away the water from the melted ice on the bar?

Precisely.

Well, it wasn't Bobby.

No, it was not.

Crikey. Thank you,

Margot. Kelby, go pick him up.

Oh, Tavistock Social Services.

They've reported one of their care home residents, David Hilton, as missing.

He wasn't in his room when his carer went in this morning.

No mention of his sister, but...

His daughter and son -in -law are on their way now to pick him up.

Oh, yes.

So he'll be with his family for Christmas.

Well done, everyone.

Gelby called. They've got him.

And Margot ran a check. Seems he was sacked from his last job for running up

gambling debt on the company credit card.

I see. So he was a gambler.

His luck just ran out.

Hello.

I'm Humphrey.

This is Aston.

He's your dad, is he?

He's been going out of our minds all day.

Yes, I'm sure.

Where did you find him? He found us.

He was sitting on the doorstep when I came in this morning.

Are we going to see Louise now?

Not yet, Dad.

We need to get you home.

Everyone's worried about you.

He's been talking about his sister all day.

I'm sorry.

We'll get him home. I'm sure you've got more important things to do. Not at all.

Can I just ask?

He had a photograph of me in his pocket.

You wouldn't happen to know why.

You're Humphrey Goodman?

Yes. Yes, I am.

Dad, you sit with Keith for a minute, OK?

I won't be long.

Yeah.

It's all right, Dad. It's all right.

Dad and his sister Louise were adopted.

They lost their parents when he was seven.

They were supposed to go to the same family, but circumstances changed and

were split up.

He tried to look for her over the years, but just hit one dead end after

another. So he just sort of locked it away and got on with his life.

Just became that unspoken thing.

And then he started to get ill.

And he was diagnosed as having dementia.

And as his memory started to deteriorate, he started talking about

It was as if of all the things he had in his life, she was the thing he was

frightened about forgetting the most.

So, we decided to try again.

We hit the same dead ends as before, but this time we found her.

Dad was so excited.

We traced her to Gloucester, where she was adopted by a couple on Christmas Eve

in 1968.

They changed her name to Beth, so she became Louise Briggs.

But then she moved away.

And we lost all track of her.

But then, the people who bought her old house in Gloucester found an old bank

statement dated from around the time she moved away. But it showed that she made

a withdrawal from an ATM and shipped another.

Sorry. I still don't see why David would have a photograph of me in his pocket.

So, we were a lot of what to do next.

So, we spoke to Dad about hiring a private detective in the new year.

Someone from Devon who could help us find her.

And Dad... Saw your picture in the paper and thought you looked like a decent

chap, so he was going to call you and ask if you could help.

He can't remember what he had for breakfast, but he can tell you what song

on the radio the day they took Louise away.

It's like he's stuck in that moment, and the hurt is just as real now as

it was then.

OK, everyone, let's run a check on the name Louise Briggs.

Town halls, social services, PNC, any other databanks you can get into, local

HMRC, passport office, DVLA, look into local clubs and organisations.

She must be drawing a pension by now, see if that gives us anything.

Sir?

Should we be making these kinds of checks?

Yes, we should, Sergeant, for two very good reasons.

Firstly, it's a missing persons investigation.

Even though they're not missing anymore? Technically, yes.

And the second?

It's Christmas.

Oh, Marcia called.

She said she's at the winery ordering stock. Can you pick her up from there?

don't be late.

What time is it now?

It's 4 .35.

You've got 25 minutes.

OK, quick as you can, everyone.

Haleton. H -A -L -E -T -O -N.

Although that's her original name, she went on to become Louise Briggs. Have we

got anything else listed under the name Louise Briggs? No, that's all the

information we have. Could we cross -reference her date of birth against

anything else? All we know for sure is she left Gloucester around four years

and we think came to ship the nabbit, or at least somewhere in this area.

OK, let me see if I can find that. I'll come back to you. Thank you.

They need a national insurance number. You'd better go.

Five more minutes.

OK, well, thanks for trying.

Bye.

Nothing.

Say again?

But her adopted name was definitely Louise Briggs.

Is there an address on the record?

If you would.

You got my number.

OK, thanks, Jess.

There was a Louise Briggs married in Paynton Registry Office four years ago.

She declared a former name as Haleson. So it's her.

It has to be.

Her married name is Branner, but they couldn't see an address for her.

They're checking, but, you know, they can't guarantee it'll be the day.

Branner. I've heard that somewhere.

Yeah.

Seb the Snowman.

Oh. Yes. Of course.

You go, we'll do this. Oh, no, I... Go!

Right, let's call Seb.

Come on through.

She should be around here somewhere.

Hello, love. All right, Lou.

Guys, this is my step -mom.

Louise, this is Esther and Morgan. Hi.

Louise, we're from Shipton Abbott Police.

Nothing to worry about. Going to let Margot take the lead on this one.

Louise, we believe you had an older brother.

Oh.

I... You're late.

What's going on?

We're getting married.

What? Come on.

Ah.

Oh, good Lord.

You mean we're really getting married?

I told you. Yes, but I thought it a metaphor.

For? For something else.

You just don't want to get married, don't you? Yes, of course I do.

I mean, why the big secret?

Because whenever we've planned it properly, it's always gone wrong.

And so I just thought I'd sneak up on you.

Because after Rosie left, I wanted to show you that as hard as it was losing

her, it was kind of all right because I still had you.

And you're enough.

Zoe.

Shall we get married, then? Yes, please.

You'll need to change.

And I've nearly forgot.

I found your best man, too.

Crikey!

Commissioner.

Nice of you to join us, Inspector Goodman.

it you want to take over.

Dad, look over there.

It's Louise.

Can't believe you come all this way just for me.

I didn't.

Oh.

I was in the UK anyway, visiting my daughter.

This was a happy coincidence.

Even so.

Thank you, sir.

Or should I call you Selwyn?

No.

Of course.

will you love me like I do you

if I hold you in the world

We're here today to witness the marriage of Humphrey and Martha, who are not so

much starting a new life together, but confirming their commitment to each

other. Do you remember our house?

My bedroom was next to your bedroom.

That's right.

To cherish and respect each other throughout our lives together.

Humphrey, I give you this ring.

Wait a minute.

I'm sorry.

I give you this ring as a symbol of our love, trust and marriage.

I give you this ring.

As a symbol of our love, trust and marriage.

I promise to care for you above all others.

And to give you my love, friendship and support.

I promise to care for you above all others.

And to give you my love, friendship and support.

Other finger.

Other finger.

No, the ring. The other finger.

Oh, sorry,

golly.

I love it, girl.

And to respect and cherish you throughout our lives together.

And to respect and cherish you throughout our lives together.

And now, a short reading from the best man, Selwyn.

Who is to see?

what love is.

From the fluttering heart that sees a face long missed to the tearful,

breathless wrench of a love only ever found in the moment.

Or a love that speaks of blood shared.

Of a bond that can't be broken.

of a light that can never be dimmed by adversity.

Who is to say what love is?

Because love seeks no favor, nor does it seek

permission.

It seeks no title, no praise or reward.

Love simply is.

Love never blames, always forgives, and cannot be

diminished by distance or weakened by time.

Love is what is left when everything else deserts you.

Who is to say what love is?

Only you.

Because only you know.

At which point, having declared their vows to each other, and through the

exchanging of rings, I can very happily declare that Humphrey and Martha are now

husband and wife.

Archie, thank you. This is perfect.

Worth all the skullduggery?

Definitely. All those clandestine meetings was a bit like being back in

days. Stop.

I'm a married woman.

And I couldn't be happier for you.

It's such a shame he can't find someone. I mean, he's handsome, rich,

generous to a fruit.

Even makes his own wine. I mean, there should be a queue around the building.

Though I have to admit that you're a clumsy, annoying, socially awkward, yet

quite delightful beanpole. A new husband is quite a catch, too.

Yes, he is.

Oh, Inspector, we were just comparing notes.

That's mildly terrifying.

It seems you've brought all your annoying traits with you from the

But also you're brilliant.

Congratulations.

Thank you, Mum.

Commissioner?

It was my pleasure.

Thank you for being here.

And your reading was quite beautiful.

I'm not entirely sure how you managed to convince her to

marry you.

You're a very lucky man.

Yes, I am.

Oh, excuse me. Of course.

Inspector Wilson? Oh,

David and the editor. How did it go?

We found her. She agreed to meet him. They're together now. It was amazing.

So she was related to Step the Snowman? Yeah, she was his stepmom.

Congratulations, everyone. Well done. You're amazing.

Yeah, we are.

I think we should reward ourselves with another drink. Oh, yeah. Good idea.

Come on.

Everything okay, sir?

That was the new inspector. He's working on a case in St. Marie.

But there seems to be links to the UK, which you would like me to look into

while I'm here.

Sorry, Selwyn. Can I steal my husband?

Be my guest.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you.

Thank you. All right? Okay.

Any excuse?

Excuse me?

Just stand next to me.

What did you do? Pour it into a pot plant?

You wish.

Oh, really?

Yeah. One, two, two, one, two. Yeah, that's great. Maybe I do.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. We are Bellowheads.

Can't keep running away.

Mum, come on. The van's there.

Well, we finally did it.

Sorry, that one.

Yes, we did.

Happy?

Very. Actually, it doesn't matter if you are or not. There's no escape now.

You're stuck with me.

It's the only present I've ever wanted to be.

Merry Christmas, Mrs. Goodman.

Merry Christmas, Mr. Goodman.

Come on, sir.

Well done.

Step into the unknown for thrilling adventures with Celebrity Wraith Across

World on iPlayer.

While it's all round to mammies, over on BBC3 now for a feast of Christmas

specials with Mrs Brown's Boys.

back again.

I'm taking a trip on a government freight 2 ,000 miles away.

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