All language subtitles for Austin s02e08.eng

"Worst shirt ever."

I concur. [he sighs]

"Check out the ego on this one."

You may have a point,
anonymous poster.

"I hate this guy.
I'm so glad he'll die alone."

"I'm so glad he'll die alone"?

[he sighs]

[Ingrid] Agatha?

I can see you, Agatha.

Oh, Ingrid! Oh, gosh, I was
really hoping to chat to you.

Did you know that it was Julian
inside the Big Bear suit?

No, no, I thought you signed off
on the casting process.

No, but we both know
that you signed off

-on the casting process.
-Oh!

OK, ah, so neither of us knew.
OK, OK.

Cost-cutting measure, hmm?

A bold reimagining
of the casting process, yes?

-Agatha.
-Ah.

Ingrid is not happy.
You might need to talk her down.

Ah...

Uh... Ah. Oh.

You know, that might be a bit
of an understatement, Julian.

Oh.

Do you know, I think my time
at Twee TV is done.

-Oh, no.
-Agatha.

-Ingrid. Ingrid.
-It's been...

-So wonderful.
-..weird.

Won...

Oh.

[whispers] I'll talk to her.

Ingrid. Ingrid!

You do not get
to "Ingrid" me any more.

-You said you needed a Big Bear.
-You have corrupted him.

I can't look at Big Bear
without seeing you,

rotting, at his core.

OK, yeah. Guilty as charged.
I elevated my own material.

-Dare I say it...
-Don't you dare say it.

..that is the mark
of a great actor.

Yes, you are.

You are a great actor.

Excuse me.

Oh, good luck with the show.

Ingrid...

Maybe there's no way back
for me and Ingrid.

Maybe I've killed Big Bear and
my marriage in one fell swoop.

I'm sorry, Julian.
It's gonna feel pretty rough.

Perhaps there's a world
where I, you know,

settle here in Canberra
with my new family.

Well, if you do that, you're
gonna wanna get your own place

as soon as possible, yeah?

Yeah, in time.
Oh, er, sorry, do me a favour.

Erm...

[he sniffs]

Yeah,
put these out of their misery.

Oh, sure.

-Excited, Julian?
-Absolutely.

-Sorry, what for, sorry?
-Oh, it's Thunder Thursday.

So it is.
Also, what's Thunder Thursday?

Well, it's only the greatest day

in the history
of Canberra sports.

There's a humungous
cricket match,

Matildas playing
in the afternoon, plus golf,

and I don't even
need to tell you

about the footy final later.

-Oh!
-So... you want to join me?

I'll dip in and out, Bill, yeah.

Dip in and out? No, no, no.

Thunder Thursday is
an all-day commitment.

What's that for?

Oh, necessary relief.

We won't be moving
from our seats for ten hours.

But don't worry,
I'll find you a pitcher.

One here somewhere.

Getting ready
for Thunder Thursday, Grandad?

Yeah.

Just don't
give Dad my Dr Doom bottle.

Yeah, I will not be requiring
an empty bottle, Bill,

Marvel-themed or otherwise.

The transport groups
have been warning

about this day for months.

All the sports fans,
coupled with major roadworks -

it's a recipe
for public transport bedlam.

There you go.
Three litres of good times.

Just so you all know,
I'm having a terrible morning.

Really, sweetheart?
What happened?

I can't stop thinking about
the comments under my videos.

Oh, love,
you never read the comments.

It's taught me a lesson.

I've been unpleasant
and arrogant.

That's why I blew it with Haley.

Greta made you like that, love.

Greta's gone. She's banished
from the Austin realm.

And from now on,
I strive to be a better person.

Well, it is a long road to
enlightenment, or so I'm told.

I don't like to waste time, Dad.

I'd prefer to get it all done
by about mid-afternoon.

Can you help?

He can't do that, Austin, lad.
It's Thunder Thursday.

I've brought
all these beers and...

I'll dip in and out, Bill.

-Come on, Austin, let's go.
-Yes!

-Excuse me.
-Oh...

Agatha? This is my home.
How did you get in?

Back gate was unlocked.
Very unsafe.

-You... are luminous.
-We're doing this, are we?

-Oh, Agatha, you look radiant.
-Do I?

It's almost as if you've been
feasting on the blood

of a younger, weaker producer.

Have you come to try
and get me to change my mind?

Cos it's a complete
waste of time.

No. God, no. Never. No.

Is that a lie?

No,
I deeply respect your decision.

Do you actually?

Yes, the sheer courage
it must have taken

to walk away from something
so wildly profitable...

It's inspiring.

Do you mean that?

-You're a monk.
-What?

You're like a monk who's shed
all their earthly possessions

and just wanders off
into the mist,

leaving the rest
of the monastery unemployed.

It's very monkish.

Agatha, are we telling
the truth now?

Yes.

Then in that case,
cards on the table,

I do feel hideously guilty
about putting you out of a job.

And Haley and all the
other people in the office

whose names
I never quite learned.

-And I'm truly sorry.
-Oh, no, it's OK.

Oh, gosh, I almost forgot.

We got a letter this morning.
Um...

Mm. Oh, OK.

Yeah, it's from some little kid.

Mm-hm.

-Actually, it doesn't matter.
-What?

It's from a kid, it does matter.

You know how hard it is
for those guys to write?

-Yes.
-Yeah.

Ah, OK.

"Hi, my name is Sammy,

and I'm seven years old,
and I live in a hospital.

"Mum and Dad say I...
I'll get better,

"but I see their faces after
they've spoken to the doctor."

Are you sure
you wanna hear this?

"But I heard
that my favourite book

is going to be a TV series.

"I just had to say thank you
for making Big Bear real.

"I can't..."

Good God, what have I done?

"I can't wait to watch
Big Bear's Adventures,

"as will other
key demographics..."

Is that what it says?

-Yes. "I'm so happy..."
-Let me see it.

-"..that the network is so..."
-Network?

"Key partners
in the streaming...?"

Oh, my God. It's just...

"Enhanced brand story
that I'm helming... helming..."

-Beautiful. It's beautiful.
-Agatha!

No child writes like this.
You've written this!

-There's smart...
-You've made up...

-..and sick children...
-You've lied about a sick child.

-..everywhere.
-Agatha, you need help.

I have help.

You need a lot more help
than you are getting.

Listen, I'm not just leaving
the show,

I'm leaving Australia right now.

[Erin] Minister?

You need to sign off on this
by the end of today.

What? Yes, absolutely.

Which, uh... Which bit?

The Trans-Pacific Subcommittee
Steering Group.

I've mentioned it five times.

I am 200% focused.

Remind me which bit
we're talking about again.

Remind me which bit
you're 200% focused on.

Oh, well, all of it, obviously.

The... The subcommittee,
the Pacific, the steering.

Minister, you have to forget
about that woman.

She has a name, Erin, OK?
It's Mel.

And she's just one
of 26 million Australians,

all of whom would really love it

if you could please
just stop staring out the window

like a widowed sea captain

and just approve the wording
of Paragraph 5E.

Yes, yes.
The job always comes first.

Doesn't it, though?

"The party shall,
on request of a party,

"review the operation
of this interim agreement

"so as to consider any amendment
to the previous agreement..."

-Do you think I should text her?
-Sure.

I'll let the Treasury know.

[Julian] OK, I'm gonna do this
professionally, all right?

So I'm not gonna say "one",

I'm just gonna go
"three, two..."

And then you start, all right?
All set?

I think so.

Would you like to critique
my outfit? Greta used to.

Oh, I don't know, mate. You're
wearing, you know, some clothes.

-Er... Shall we?
-Yeah.

OK, three, two...

[mouthing]
I'm not gonna say one.

Who put that dingbat
on the team? Pack of clowns!

-Bill!
-What?

You're gonna have
to keep it down

cos I'm just trying
to video Austin.

I have to show the world

that I'm sorry
and I'm doing the work.

It's Thunder Thursday.
Emotions take hold.

I have an idea.

If something exciting happens
in the next few minutes,

write down
what you would have said,

then after we're done,
you can shout it out.

Yeah, that could work.

Three, two...

[mouthing]
I'm not gonna say one.

Hello, my name is Austin.
I'm an author.

Well, I used to be one.

I've been rude to some of you
recently, and I'm very sorry.

If I didn't sign your book
when I was meant to,

I'll come to you to sign it,
anywhere in the world.

[he mouths]

Anywhere in the Australian
Capital Territory.

And if I wronged you
in some other way,

I will do one of the following:

walk your dog,
lend you a paperback

from my extensive collection
of science fiction,

or give you a foot rub.

[he mouths]

Not give you a foot rub.
Thank you.

Please like me.

Fantastic. Absolutely perfect
in every way.

We should edit out
"please like me".

Yeah, 100%. Oh, one thing.

Oh, yeah, you said
you "used to be" an author.

I no longer wish to suckle
from fame's teat.

You can shout now, Grandad.

"You beauties!

"You idiots! You blind?"

Something else,
but I can't read my own writing.

I've made the video,

and I've just done
a direct debit to charity.

I declare myself redeemed.
Now to win over Haley.

That may take
a teensy bit longer.

Wrong answer.

I don't like to waste time.

I know just
where we need to go now.

Ah, Julian,
my bottle's nearly full already.

I may have to go into your one.

I'll...
I'll leave space for you.

Hang on, Austin,
I'm coming with you.

I love you so much.
I miss you so much.

I don't want to do
a single other day without you.

And you're totally sure
about this, Mum?

Florence, whatever is flying
to the UK tonight,

I'm gonna be on it.
I don't care how much it...

Holy shit, how much?
OK, maybe tomorrow.

Well, I can't wait to see you,
Mum.

And, erm, yeah,

any damage at home isn't because
I've been renting out rooms, OK?

Hey, Flo...

Your mummy is a dummy.
I'm so stupid.

You remember I said
that I'd street cast

the perfect Big Bear?

Well, guess who it was?
Your dad!

Well, Dad's DNA is in that bear.

Yeah, well, it is now.

Suit's full of his sweat.

And this is a man who sweats
to excess in Stockholm.

When he gets to Australia,

it's like he sweats like
a cheap chicken.

I'm like, "Julian, can you
stop that? It's disgusting!"

You're angry, aren't you, Mum?

Am I angry?

Yes, I am angry, Florence.
You're very perceptive.

Do you ever think that maybe
it's not Dad you're angry at?

Oh, don't say that. Remember,
you only got a C in Psychology,

and that was after a lot of
very expensive private tuition.

Maybe the person
you're really angry at is you.

And you said it.

That is gobsmacking.
I am gobsmacked.

You say you want nothing more
to do with Dad,

but you still talk about him
all the time.

That's cos
he won't leave me alone.

Or because you don't want
to admit to yourself

that you still have
deep feelings for him.

Mum,
it's you against your pride.

I shouldn't talk to you
about your father.

It's terrible parenting.
I'm booking this flight.

What? It's gone up
while I was talking to you.

Even the airline app
thinks I'm a fool.

[text alert]

It's Ingrid. She wants
to meet this afternoon.

No "love". No "kiss, kiss".

This is the beginning
of the formal process.

Or maybe it's good news.

I know that's highly unlikely,

but I'm being upbeat
for your sake.

Oh, I think it's obvious.

You know,
we're gonna get the big D.

-I don't think so.
-You don't?

You last
ate from the same kitchen

more than 24 hours ago,

and for both of you to get it
would be a freakish coincidence.

Ah, I see. Yeah. The, er...

The big D I'm talking about
is, um... It's not diarrhoea.

Oh, right! Divorce.

I'm sorry, Dad.

Can I take your mind off it
by talking about myself?

Yeah, do you know what?
That'll actually help.

I'm thinking about a grand
gesture to win over Haley.

OK, well, don't hide
a diamond ring in food.

No-one wants to get engaged
via a choking hazard.

-It's fine, Dad.
-And don't learn the ukulele.

Don't stand outside her flat
in the pouring rain,

holding a speaker playing
her favourite song,

because, statistically speaking,

her favourite song
is not what you think it is.

Dad...

No monologues, no orchestras.
Do not learn the ukulele.

You've already told me that.

Yeah,
that's cos it's really critical.

It's OK, Dad. I've already
got something else in mind.

Excuse me, sir -

whose name badge
informs me it's James.

I've got cash and a plan.

Come on!

Grandad, which of these shirts

would be better for me
to meet Haley in?

This one or this one?

Uh... That one.

You didn't even
turn around to look.

Thunder Thursday's approaching
its peak, Austin.

Cricket, golf and soccer
all underway

and footy about to start soon.

My...
My body's nearly 80% Twisties.

[doorbell rings]

I hope you're satisfied.

-Erin, are you... are you drunk?
-No. Are you?

-Here we go.
-[Erin groans]

-That'll make you feel better.
-Thank you.

This was all part of your plan,
wasn't it?

What plan?

The Minister is resigning
from public office today.

Why?

Cos you didn't wanna be
a politician's partner.

What?
He's leaving his job for me?

Well, that's true love, that is.

Of course, such a big sacrifice

is gonna poison the whole
relationship in the end,

and everything will collapse.

Mum, why did you really split up
with Minister Keeds?

I'd like to hear the truth
this time.

I thought that if he gets
to the top, which he might,

bad people would scrape
our entire lives

looking for anything
to use against him.

And I didn't want anybody
doing that to you, Austin.

I've already been trolled, Mum,
and it doesn't scare me now.

I'm big enough
to look after myself.

I've been trying
to tell you that the whole time.

I guess you are.

Look, we can't let the Minister
quit his job. That's just crazy.

This really wasn't part
of your plan?

No. We have to stop him.

OK, um, he's called
a press conference for 3pm.

-I can't get through.
-Nor me.

We need to get to the conference
before he does something stupid.

You want to get across town?
On Thunder Thursday? No chance.

It's the worst day for traffic
in the history of Canberra.

-I'll never get there.
-Yes, you will, Mum.

You have a son that's armed
with in-depth knowledge

of Canberra's
public transport system.

And I assure you that I will get
you there by any means possible.

I believe you, Austin.

Slight caveat -
we can't leave immediately

because there's something
I have to do first.

-Oh, hey, Austin.
-Haley, may I be honest?

Yeah, I'd prefer it.

I spent a large chunk
of my book earnings

organising a romantic gesture
in this cafe.

-For me?
-Yes.

Those three baristas,

plus all the customers in here,
are not real.

On my coded signal,
they were going to launch

into a carefully choreographed
pastiche with props.

I knew it was weird that the
baristas weren't making coffee.

Correct.

When the pastiche started, I was
going to look confused at first,

then feign surprise,

and then punctuate
the end with a flourish.

And at that point,

you would have realised
that I wasn't just

a stunned bystander,

but the mastermind
behind the whole thing.

Mm. Pastiches are tricky
to pull off.

I can see that now.

But, anyway, I have more
pressing matters to attend to.

I need to get my mother
to central Canberra by 3pm

via mass transit only.

Not just her happiness,

but the entire course
of Australian history

depends on this very outcome.
Farewell.

How will you make it
when the 57B's on diversion

and the T1 tram's
on a skeleton service?

I had no idea that you knew
so much about public transport.

-Never asked.
-Well, I'm asking you now.

Haley, will you help me, please?

That wasn't the signal!

Hurry up, Mum!

It leaves the stop
in seven seconds.

Six, five, four,
three, two, one.

Thank God
for car-free bus lanes.

That's crucial
civic infrastructure.

We're...
We're going the wrong way.

Most routes around
the parliamentary

triangle are in gridlock.

We'll have
to travel outward first

to circumvent
that particular issue.

I mean, I'd suggest therapy,

but I'm not sure your Big Blue
arse would fit in the chair.

OK. I mean, I deceived you
by being both a man and a bear,

but if you think about it,
you know,

if you really analyse the data,

I mean, you were two-timing me.

I mean, with me.

Julian, I just can't think
through the ethics of it.

It just makes me feel dizzy.

I just feel like I'm trapped in
one of those salad spinner rides

at the fairground, you know,

and I'm pasted to the side,
and I can't move,

and it's been going on
for about four years,

and I think I'm gonna be sick.

You, Big Blue, lied to me.

OK,
maybe it wasn't my best idea.

What, maybe?

It definitely
wasn't my best idea.

And the thing is that,
in spite of the ridiculousness,

it does actually...

It does actually really hurt.

I do feel completely humiliated.
And...

I think that's maybe partly
to do with the fact

that I'm the last person
to know, yet again.

I was trying to help.
You do know that, don't you?

But after
I had begged you not to.

That... Since Austin,
that's what it's felt like.

I think I wanna get off.

OK.

Well, yeah, maybe it's time we,
you know,

picked up a stick of candy floss
and...

A balloon?

A balloon, yeah,

and we take our big,
blue teddy bear that we've won

and walk
out the fairground forever.

Take a moment.

we head straight
Sointo town on the, um...ge,

-47B.
-About time.

Wait a minute.
We're running 23 seconds late.

Oh,
but if we miss that connection,

there won't be another one
for another 20 minutes.

No, that's too late.

Hey, Austin.

Are you and Ingrid anywhere near
the transit interchange?

Yeah. Yeah, I can see it
from here. Why?

[they pant]

Sorry! I know you wanted
to get to the match, but, erm...

We just need to, er,
hold the bus here for a minute.

Ah, it is an emergency.

Yeah, because some things are
more important than football,

am I right, ladies?

Erm... I don't think
we're winning them over.

Er... Thunder Thursday! Yay!

[they cheer]

-We're here, Ingrid!
-Oh, come in!

Come on, come on, come on. Yeah!

We're here!

-Go, go, go, go, go!
-God save the King.

So... you went to all
that trouble at the cafe,

just to drop it all
to help your mum?

I had to.

That's good of you, Austin.

See, that's the guy I thought
I saw when we first met.

Oh, I saw your video.
Why would you stop writing?

-You're so good at it.
-Fame is not good for me.

Austin, you're not real famous.

You're travel memoir famous.

Hey, excuse me! Does anyone know
who this guy is?

-[all] No. Nah.
-Point taken.

Still, it's a shame
that you never got

to see my romantic gesture.

It's OK. I would
much rather be doing this.

Thank you, everyone.

It has been
the greatest privilege

of my life to serve this nation

in public office
these last seven years.

Ah...

Uh... Uh...

And I am grateful for the many
opportunities I have had

to represent our country
on the world stage.

And that is
why I am going to, um...

..continue in the role,
as normal.

What?

That's the announcement.
Thank you very much.

[Haley clapping]

That's it?
We were promised a scoop.

-You cut that fine.
-I like to live dangerously.

Oh, we did it, Austin!

-Ah, young love, eh?
-Yep.

Pizza's up!

Haley,
how are your parents doing

on that farm
in the Hunter Valley?

They dug that well
they got permission for?

Yeah, they did, thank you.
How does he know that?

It's what he does.

We have some great times ahead
of us, don't we, Mum?

I'm really pleased you'll get

to have full intercourse
with Minister Keeds in Paris.

I really wouldn't have put it
that way, Austin, but thank you.

I'm happy you've fixed things
with Haley.

We have a lot in common.
She may even be the one.

Wow. One step at a time, though.

-I may ask her to marry me.
-Definitely too soon for that.

You're right.

But neither of us like
to waste time,

so we've decided
to move in together.

When are you thinking
of doing that?

Today.

I'm going in.

-[Haley chuckles]
-[Austin clears throat]

Ooh! Cheers. [Haley chuckles]

[Ingrid] Agatha! Great news!
Big Bear is back on.

We'll sort it out, we'll sort i
all out when I get back

from visiting my daughter
in England.

It's going to be great, Agatha!
Agatha?

That's great. Can't wait
to get the band back together.

[she laughs weakly]

Oh, sh...

Haley! Oh... Fire! Oh.

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