All language subtitles for Austin s02e04.eng

-Er, so, have you got ideas?
-I don't need ideas.

I'm the showrunner.
I'm the director of creativity.

They need to bring their ideas
to me, honey.

Deepest, deepest respect,
but you're in Australia now.

This is their turf. You've got
to bring something to the table,

or, you know,
they'll look down on you.

You know
what Australians are like.

What, tall?

-Yeah, and sneaky.
-I like Australians.

I think they're nice.

I think they're a magical
porridge pot of positivity.

Somebody called me a legend

just for holding
the door open the other day.

Well, that's a trap, isn't it?

They butter you up
with "legend" and "mate"

while secretly judging you
for not being able to surf.

Anyway, I've got some
jumping off points for you...

Out, out, out, out, out, out!

Julian, we have had
this conversation.

I don't need them.
You're my plus one.

Why don't you just, you know,
chillax? Explore Canberra.

Go and see the museum.
Or the other museum.

-Enjoy the sight.
-In time, yeah? Check this out.

Big Bear goes into the jungle,
finds a stash of honey,

takes it home,
but there's a twist.

The honey... belongs to Rabbit.

Oh, so Big Bear's a thief now?

Not exactly. Big Bear challenges
Rabbit to prove it's his honey.

They have a struggle and, erm,

yeah, you know, they
end up deciding to split it.

You know, so it sort of teaches
the kids about sharing.

Except it's not Big Bear's
or Rabbit's honey, is it?

It's the bee's. So it's not
a story about sharing.

It's a story that introduces
the under-fives to colonialism.

Er, well, I've got other ideas.
Erm, Big Bear Breaks A Chair.

Is that because he's big?

Because that is sizeist
and not allowed.

[Greta] Come on, Austin. Focus.

Before we continue, Greta,
I'd like to check one thing.

There's no romantic
future for us, is there?

Oh, this jet lag is brutal.

I think our future
is friends and work colleagues.

-Right.
-Yep.

Which means I can now
answer these questions

without distraction.

That doesn't mean
I don't think you're special.

I followed you to Australia
because you're my star client.

And not just because you want
free Tim Tams at the launch.

No, you can get them in Britain
now. So, favourite singer?

Frank Sinatra.

Austin, if you're under 40
and you want to sell books,

it's better to say Taylor Swift.

But she's not
my favourite singer.

She is now.

I don't know anything about her.

All you need to say is
she's the ultimate storyteller.

But Doctor Who
is the ultimate storyteller.

He travels
through space and time.

Can Taylor Swift
travel through time and space?

Austin, no Time Lords,
no blue police boxes.

Just say Tay Tay is untouchable

and watch your books
fly off the shelves.

Favourite TV show?

That's an easy one -
The Goodies.

No. You love Euphoria.

Isn't that just beautiful people
crying in slow motion?

Exactly!
Be the guy who's deeply moved

by beautiful people crying
in slow motion.

But I'm deeply moved by three
misfits on a "trandom" bike

and a giant kid knocking over
the post office tower.

I don't know
what you're talking about,

but the aim is to make you
sound like you're under 70.

It's sad what's happened
to entertainment.

Or Halloween special.

Big Bear
spends the entire episode

terrified of his own shadow,

only to discover
that it's actually part of him.

So, Big Bear's having
an existential crisis?

-Thank you.
-Yeah, exactly.

Do you think that you're maybe
projecting your problems

onto Big Bear?

Yes, I do,
because that's what I always do.

Yeah, and your writing
is brilliant, my love,

but you do have to remember
two things.

Firstly, that 36 territories
don't want your ideas right now.

And secondly, I am in charge.
I'm in charge.

Would you please drive me
to the office?

Because the big Australian
trucks are very scary.

Yes, Madam.

Can you take my stuff?

Cos it's not heavy,
it's just really awkward.

Erm, can I ask you a question?

Is it odd that,
as a married couple,

we have a barrier
down the middle of our bed?

Well, obviously, anybody looking
at it would think it was weird.

Deeply, deeply weird.

But I sense that we are,

neither of us, quite ready
to take it down,

and I need to meet
Rodger Corser soon.

Rodger Corser?

Hi, just wondering
what the situation is

with the plus ones
for the book launch.

How many would you like,
Ms Hogan?

Just one.

Mum, am I getting a new dad?

Austin... would you at least
consider going with my choices?

If you'd consider
watching Fawlty Towers.

It'll change your life
for the better.

OK,
I'll add it to my media digest.

And I'll learn your cool kid
cheat sheet off by heart.

Deal.

Right.
Practise until you believe it.

We'll meet at the venue at four

and shadowbox
through the rundown.

-How's the speech?
-Rather mediocre.

-I need Dad's help with zingers.
-Good luck with that.

OK, everyone,
favourite Rodger Corser shows.

I'm going first. Rush.
Prime-time crime. Wonderful.

Just sort of washes over you,
you know, like whale music.

I just can't choose.
He's so great in everything.

Mm-hm.

Yeah.
"Arrest me, Senior Sergeant."

"Examine me,
Doctor, Doctor, Doctor."

Don't fancy him.

-Who is Rodger Chaucer?
-Are you kidding me? Corser!

-Australian national hero.
-You know, you know the one.

He's-He's that...
He's sort of generic attractive.

Think Sam Neill,

circa Jurassic Park,
only emotionally available.

Now, can we focus on my speech?
I need a funny opener.

Good idea. Everyone
think of something funny.

Oh, look, there.
There, there, there.

No idea who that is.

Oh, look at that!

Er, shouldn't that be
"co-creator"?

They probably ran out of room
on the sign.

-Hi!
-Hi, Ingrid.

-Welcome.
-Thank you.

I've got your
double shot extra foam latte

with just a hint of turmeric.

-Oh, my God. How did you know?
-I researched you.

-Oh, wow!
-I'm Haley. I'm your assistant.

Oh, Haley,
I'm so looking forward

to being assisted.

Julian, can you get my stuff
out of the boot?

Yeah, I've never had
an assistant before,

so apologies in advance
if I'm kind of Lady Hitler.

Oh!

How does it, how does it,
how does it work?

Well, just think of me
as like a human Siri,

if Siri could sense
when you need chocolate.

Or vodka. Hope Siri... Whoops!

Hope Siri can sense
when I need vodka.

You want vodka now?

What? No, no,
it's ten in the morning.

-No, that's... that was a joke.
-Oh, yeah.

That's just my husband,
just dropping me off.

And that's Austin,
my husband's son.

Hi.

He's just
dropping me off as well.

Sign in at the front there.
Yeah.

I assume your favourite Doctor
was David Tennant?

You assume right.
I assume yours was Matt Smith.

-I would say he is.
-Mm.

But there's no doubt

the best and greatest
Doctor Who companion is...

[both] Billie Piper.

I say that all the time.

Finally, a David Tennant fan
with great taste.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, yeah, I just remembered.
I don't like Doctor Who.

Oh...

If Paul Mescal played
Doctor Who, I'd be into it.

But he isn't, so I'm not.

-Sorry, who?
-Paul Mescal.

He was in Normal People
and Gladiator II.

Right. You want to sign in?

I'm more into kind of
vintage entertainment.

Is, er, Rodger in yet?

Um, Ingrid, your office
is straight through there.

[whispers] Oh, wow!

Oh, yeah. That...
That is your ergonomic chair

which arrived from Finland
last night.

Wow! It's like sitting
in a marshmallow,

but a marshmallow that
really cares about your lumbar.

Great. OK, I'm gonna leave you
to get settled in,

and I am going to go
and do a pastry run.

Do you need assistance
with the "pains or chocolate"?

Um, yeah, that'd be great.

It's called pain au chocolat.

Don't embarrass me
in front of Haley, Dad.

I don't know why you care,

seeing as you have such wildly
different cultural tastes.

God, so is all this yours?
Oh, very good.

-Ingrid?
-Agatha!

Julian! Oh, wow! So nice of you
to drop by briefly.

Ah, this is Rodger,
our magnificent Big Bear.

-Yay!
-Hello.

-Hi!
-Wow.

Oh, what can I say?

Rodger, oh, is...
our Daniel Craig.

Oh!

If you were to mix in the smarts
of... Eddie Redmayne.

Yes.

I'm probably more Daniel Craig
with the smarts of Damian Lewis

and the heart of
Andrew Garfield.

But I'm not here to argue.

Well, you know, it's just

such an honour
to meet you in the flesh.

Beyond exciting.

Fun fact, your books
probably got me

through the second divorce.

Big Bear put such a smile
on my face,

I even
let the ex take the yacht.

Huge compliment.

-Is that good?
-Think so.

Ingrid... the latest sketches
for Big Bear,

they're literally mind-blowing.
Mm.

Beatrix Potter
would be so proud.

I'm terrified of Beatrix Potter,
but I'm still truly touched.

So here's a quick idea.

So, I was in the Red Lion
the other day

whipping down to Bunnings.

-Commodore.
-Car.

Fun fact, my Red Lion,
once owned by Brocky.

-He'd be James Hunt.
-Oh, wow!

Still got the original V8
under the hood.

Oh, it's a sweet, sweet ride.

A V8, er, it's like
an eight-cylinder engine.

You know, so, most cars
have four cylinders, so...

this is eight, which is, like,
twice as many cylinders.

So I'm in the car park,

and I catch myself
in the rear vision mirror.

I say to myself, "Dodge, why
are we covering up this mug?"

-You following?
-Actually, I really don't.

What I'm pitching is Big Bear,
as you brilliantly created,

but instead
of that whole headpiece thing,

it'd be my face coming through.

A little bit like
Dame Judy in Cats.

-A lot to love in that film.
-Yeah.

So, erm, a bear,

but also somehow not a bear?

Kids will love it, and there's
something for the mums as well.

Yeah, I mean, I am loving
that you're creatively engaged,

but the thing about Big Bear

is that he really does
have to be a bear.

And so, I mean,
if we can see your face,

then it just looks like...
he's eaten you

and you're trying to crawl out.

Of course, I'm going to draw

on the little black nose
and the whiskers.

People are gonna totally
buy me as the bear.

Do you think?

Or do you think
we're going to have to do

a safety announcement?

"If swallowed by a bear, you
cannot escape through its face."

Well, I think that if kids
believe in talking trains,

they can believe in a bear
with a face.

[awkward laughter]

But it's... it's your show.

Yeah.

You know,
as one of the co-creators,

and I think we should
possibly look at the title

on that parking spot,

I think seeing your face
is a really interesting idea.

It's amazing
that you're still here.

Not interfering, just offering.

Anyway, I'll leave it with you.

Such a pleasure to meet both
of you, especially this guy.

-Hey?
-Ah!

Love some of his ideas.
Really great.

Hey, come check out the V8
when you've got a mo, yeah?

-Try and stop me.
-He's got a lot of mos!

Love you.

Wow! I feel like I've been
rubbed all over

in testosterone gel.

What are you still doing
in my office?

I'm leaving, OK?

But do not forget
to mention my story ideas.

I am going to forget to mention
your story ideas

because I can't even remember
what they are now.

Oh, my God.

Oh!

Husbands are so tricky.

-Yeah.
-Mine's dead.

Oh, lucky you. I mean, sorry.

Oh, I can tell
I'm gonna love working with you.

I'm gonna love working with you.

To take your question seriously
for a moment,

I mean, where do ideas
come from, you know?

I mean, with Big Bear,

part of me thinks, yeah,
I'd like to claim it.

And part of me says...

-That I did it.
-Ooh.

-I'm Ingrid. I'm the creator.
-Co-creator.

Could I have the tiniest
of words with you?

Yes. Yes, of course. Yeah.
Keep up the good work, guys.

Thank you so much for that.

-I mean, brilliant work.
-What?

Rodger! Scattering half-arsed
opinions all over the place.

I didn't scatter anything.
I lobbed a whole-arsed opinion,

which you're welcome
to take or leave.

Now you've given me a star who
thinks he can redesign the show.

And even if you were involved,

which, polite reminder,
you are not,

the visual side of Big Bear is
and always has been my thing.

I am the illustrator.

I don't go around rewriting your
precious "zlaps" and "kapows"...

OK, OK.

-..and "blips" and "blops".
-Ingrid!

Big Bear
has to look like a bear.

He cannot look like a detective
at a furries convention.

-Ooh!
-[both] Hi.

OK. Fine,
I'll ask him to cover his face.

You will, will you?
How are you going to do that?

What, are you going to take him

on a drumming
weekend in the outback?

Or are you going to smear him

with more
of your special man gel?

I'll talk to him about V8s.

And he who chatteth V8s
endeth up mates.

Don't pat me.

For the record, I don't
just write "blip" and "blop".

Oh, no, you also write
"whiz", and "splash",

and "plop", and "floosh"!

Sorry, that was a bit harsh.

He is actually
a really good writer.

He's just, erm...
he's just not on this show.

Hey, Austin.
Time to make a move.

Get ready for your book launch.

I'm not going to be getting
one of my own anytime soon,

so I am living through yours
pretty vicariously,

I can tell you.

Copy that.
I'm just helping Haley

take these to the writers.

Um, Austin, that one there
is for Sandra Anderson.

You mean Landers Sanderson?

Oh. Yes. Sorry,
that's what I meant.

-Haley seems nice.
-She's like me.

Neurodiverse?

Technically, Dad, that one
person cannot be diverse,

only a group can be diverse.

-I think she's dyslexic.
-How can you tell?

She mixed up her Sanderson
with her Anderson.

Well, that's as good
as a clinical diagnosis!

Riddle me this. If you like her,

why did you tell her that
you're not a fan of Doctor Who?

Greta says I need to change
how I present to the world

in order to sell books.

Telling Haley's not gonna...

-But Greta says... But, Dad...
-Rodger. Rodger.

-Rodger, Rodger, Rodger, Rodger.
-J-Train.

Would now be a convenient moment
to take a look at your Red Lion?

-The High Beastess?
-Grrr!

The Beast from the Middle East.

-Yeah.
-Probably not that last one.

-Sure. You are gonna love her.
-OK.

Cold air intake,
tricked-up exhaust system...

Dad?

-[Tyres screech]
-[screaming]

You don't get that kinda power
with a four-cylinder, no siree!

They don't have the torque.

The towing capacity
on this thing's unbelievable.

I could tow literally any boat.
Any.

I'm really enjoying this,
Rodger,

and I'm not experiencing
any fear or nausea,

despite my expressions!

-[phone chimes]
-Hang on a sec.

-Just got Hemsy on the text.
-Hemsy?

-Chris.
-Who?

-Hemsworth.
-Right.

He's in Prague shooting
the new Die Hard reboot.

Do you know he can speak
fluent dolphin?

Amazing. Some of those noises
are really hard to make.

-Oh, dude is next level.
-Yeah.

I just want to reiterate,
it's just wonderful

having someone of your stature
play Big Bear, Rodger.

Well, J-Train, when I
do something, it's always 110%.

Yeah, I wonder, though,
was I a little hasty

in seconding your idea
of showing your face

in the bear suit?

But if you don't show the face,

-they don't know it's you.
-Right.

It's just when I was
a Hollywood producer,

looking to cast
the next action hero,

I might think twice before
going for the guy

who sung Wizzy, Washy,
Flushy, Wipey in a bear suit.

Don't you want
what's best for the show?

I do. I do, but I also want
what's best for you, Rodger.

And you are 50,

and just entering
that action star sweet spot.

-Really?
-Yeah, think about it.

You know, I mean,
Keanu Reeves is 60,

er, Statham's 57, Cruise is 62.

-Stallone is 78.
-Got it all ahead of you, Dodge.

Let's say we, er,
axe the doughnuts, OK?

Amazing.

Let's go straight
for the figure eights.

Ooh, great. Yeah, great!

-[engine revs]
-[tyres screech]

[Julian shouts]

-This is gonna be fun.
-Yeah, love a book launch.

It's my favourite way to drink
boxed wine with nowhere to sit.

So, Rodger Codger was definitely
fine with not showing his face?

Completely, absolutely,
gave every impression

he was good with it.

-Yeah.
-That's not a definitive yes.

Well, I said
exactly what we discussed, so...

Because Agatha hasn't been able

to get him on the phone
all afternoon.

Yeah, well, he's probably doing
one-armed press ups, isn't he,

or texting Hemsy.

That's what me and Rodger
call Chris Hemsworth.

OK, I'm just going to check.

You didn't spend
the afternoon banging on

about how Ocean Colour Scene
were criminally underrated

or lament the demise
of modern journalism?

Ingrid, I'm not the monster
you've created in your head.

No, but you do say one thing
and do another.

For example,
despite having promised not to,

you have left a folder
on Agatha's desk marked

"Big Bear Story Ideas
by Julian".

In case
you had a story shortage.

We have a room full of writers!

Yeah, but they're
Australian writers, aren't they?

I mean, come on, you can't
develop a rich inner life

at a bloody barbecue.

I mean, have you been
to one of their bookshops?

It's half crime,
half blank notebooks.

You are a brilliant writer,
but please back...

..off.

-Thank you for not swearing.
-Thank you for noticing.

So, the music will go off, then
we have a special guest saying,

"Welcome to Austin Hogan's
book launch,"

then you will do your speech.

And you remember everything
we said, don't you?

-I do.
-OK.

But before that,

I've lined up an exclusive
with The Canberra Times.

Say that Zendaya is amazing,

you're emotionally exhausted
from binging Euphoria,

and you're obsessed
with Beyonce.

Zendaya, Beyonce, Euphoria.
I got it.

Look at you.
Getting better all the time.

It's a trade-off.

While I miss my old self,
I am enjoying kombucha.

Great! You wait here,
and I'll get him.

You're making me feel
underdressed there, Bill.

Oh, it's Ricky Stuart's
travelling suit

from the 1990
Kangaroos tour of England.

There was a Cliffy Lyons suit
there as well,

but Ricky's fits me better.

Think I can smell a bit of Ricky
on it too, Dad.

-The scent of greatness.
-[she chuckles]

It's the best 750 bucks
I've ever spent.

It's not often
your grandson writes a book.

And there was a time
when we weren't entirely sure

whether he'd crack writing
his own name.

Thank you, Dad,
for always being there for us.

Yeah, well,
you always did the running.

I just stood around
and looked amazing,

like Andrew Ettingshausen
in a Tina Turner ad.

[Bill chuckles]

-[man] Sir, a quick photo.
-Oh, yeah.

Oh, that suit is, er,
simply the best.

You look amazing.

I think the hair's doing
most of the heavy lifting.

-Ah, hey, quick one.
-Mm.

I just received
an intel briefing that, er...

it's time you changed
your washing machine.

The one you've got now
has got a sensitive spin cycle.

You're right.

It beeps all night. I have
to turn it off at the wall.

It also has
a horribly low energy rating.

That's why I think Glen Powell
is the greatest living actor.

He's reinvented
what it means to be a movie star

at a time when movie star
reinvention was needed.

You got enough?

Yeah, but...
I'm just slightly confused.

The Austin in your book
seems to be completely different

to the person standing
in front of me now.

Different how?

Well,
what I liked about your book

was that you had
an unusual perspective.

You know, when you described
your cultural influences,

you didn't fawn over
the usual suspects,

like Taylor Swift, Timothee
Chalamet and... Glen Powell.

Mr Hogan is a mercurial talent.

He disrupts expectations.

Some can handle that,
some can't.

Actually,
put that in your piece.

It's not my job
to take dictation.

Austin Hogan didn't push back
when asked the hard questions.

He didn't have to.
He's somehow above all that.

Just in case you change
your stance on taking dictation.

Right, that's all
we've got time for.

When Austin told me
my first thought was panic.

Who wants literary competition
from their own child?

My second thought was, "At least
I get to correct his grammar."

[laughter]

Austin has written
an annoyingly hilarious book,

part travelogue,
part heartfelt manifesto,

part scathing critique
of British public transport.

Austin,
thank you for teaching me

that seeing the world
differently isn't just an asset.

In the right hands,
it is a superpower.

Ladies and gentlemen,
without further ado,

and with great pleasure,
I give you the one, the only,

Mr Austin Hogan!

[cheering]

Go, Austin!

[Austin clears his throat]

Thanks, Dad.

Here's to being grammar-shamed
in front of everyone.

On a more serious note,

someone asked me today
if I was trying to be cool

by saying I love Taylor Swift,
Harry Styles and Euphoria.

-The truth is, I'm not cool.
-Oh.

But I can like The Stones
and Harry Styles

because
there'd be no Harry Styles

without The Stones.

[man] Hear, hear!

There'd be no Taylor Swift
without Dolly Parton.

That's what I'm talking about.

There'd be no Beyonce
without Aretha Franklin.

[whooping]

And there'd certainly be
no Euphoria without Doctor Who

and its canonical spin-offs.

[Haley] Whoo! Yes!

Because Doctor Who
is an exploration

of identity and transformation.

Austin, wrap it up. Cut it.

Anyway,
thanks for supporting my book,

and have a great evening.

-Enjoy it.
-So excited.

Thank you. I'm such a big fan...

Erm, quick debrief -

good speech, slight wobble
mentioning Doctor Who.

I can't help it,
it's deep inside me,

like the squidgy bit of a Dalek.

I don't know what you just said,
but somehow, you pulled it off.

You held the crowd.
You're actually quite magnetic.

Look, I know you've got
a press conference

for your Australian launch
in the morning,

but maybe you and me
could slope off somewhere else.

There's a place across town,
Enigma.

-Why is it called Enigma?
-Exactly.

-As friends and work colleagues?
-Well, that's under review.

We've worked hard enough
for one day, Austin.

We've earned some fun.

Thanks for the invite,

but it would be negligent of me

to leave
until I've talked to everyone.

Right, if I don't see you again,
we're meeting at 8am sharp.

Hey! I'm gonna have to get you
to sign my book.

So, now you know I'm a Whovian
as well.

I, um, I already knew
you were a Whovian.

What gave it away?

The mini sonic screwdriver
on your key chain.

Yeah. But also, you sort of...

wear this, like,
permanent expression of,

"I've just seen something
from another dimension,

"but I can't quite
talk about it."

I'm afraid Doctor Who
is just one of those things

I've been advised
not to talk about.

Er, Haley, would you be against
transferring our discussion

regarding the things
I can't talk about

to a high-end dining situation?

My shout.

Oh, I'd love to, Austin,
but I...

Thank you.
This is my boyfriend, Marnus.

Marnus, Austin. Austin, Marnus.
He's a Star Trek guy.

Oh. Well, Trek
is objectively better than Who.

It explores themes
of hope and morality

with, er, greater depth.

I don't know.

Why would I want to watch people
in pyjamas talk about science?

Well, at least it's not
a children's show.

Doctor Who's about big ideas,
Marnus.

Time travel, parallel worlds
and moral dilemmas.

Nothing else
ever comes close to it.

And with that,
I shall take my leave.

-Good day, Haley. Marnus.
-Bye, Austin.

Greta,
I would like to go to Enigma.

Ooh, and you shall.
Stick with me, Austin.

This is just the beginning.

-Sardines?
-Ooh!

Maybe there's not enough salt.

Do you have
any more salt, or...?

-We're just joking.
-Just kidding.

It doesn't matter. Sorry.

-It's fine.
-Sorry. Whoops.

[she sighs]

Oh, I had a text
from Rodger Todger.

-Mm.
-Yeah. He says,

"You do it any way you want,
boss."

Told you. All fine.

Yeah. I quite like
being called "boss".

I call you "boss" all the time.

Yeah, but only when I've
asked you to take the bins out

and you're being sarcastic.

This is like,
this is professional.

You know, I get the feeling
he actually thinks I'm the boss.

Well, boss,
maybe it's time I did the same.

Listen, I know this is
really hard for you, and, erm...

I appreciate it.

-Ah, there you are!
-Agatha, you came!

Oh, my God, you look amazing!

Yes. He's gone.

Who has?

Rodger has pulled out
of the show.

Mm. Julian.

When you spoke to him
this morning, did you...

did you say that
if you were a Hollywood producer

looking for an action hero,

you may be dissuaded
from casting him

if you saw him singing
Wizzy, Wipey, Flushy,

Washy in a bear suit?

That is a ridiculously...
accurate account of what I said.

-Oh! Julian.
-Oh, Julian!

I was only,
as per Ingrid's instructions,

trying to talk him
out of showing his face.

Oh, well, congratulations. Yay!

Won't be showing his face
or even be in the show.

Oh, and, yay, the network
have frozen the budget

until we find a replacement
that they like.

Agatha, I'm really sorry.
If there's anything we can do...

Oh, yes, yes.
Stop making trouble.

Just stop. OK.

Mendo. Yeah, it's me.

I guess
the sheet barrier's staying up

for a little while longer?

Remember the Berlin Wall?

Yeah, I'm-I'm gonna rebuild that
between us with my bare hands.

OK, good. Good to have a hobby.

It's not funny, Julian.
It's really not funny.

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