Original subtitles

[Black Revel theme]

[ominous tone]

[indistinct chatter]

[crow calls]

[intense mood]

[footsteps]

What's your name?

Um... Ana.

What's yours?

Mia.

[lighter scratch]

Yes.

I don't,

I'm homeschooled,

but my parents made me come here.

They want to make sure I have a good Christian group

to socialize with.

Your parents still married?

No, I live with my mom.

She religious?

Not really.

She said she just wanted to make sure

I got a decent education.

Well, my parents are big time fanatics.

They let you dress how you want?

Oh, they hate how I dress.

But they said once

I turn 16 I can wear whatever

I want as long as I do my Bible studies

and don't date any boys until I turn 18

and you know, it

can't be like Satanic symbols and stuff

and can't dye my hair black like I wanted to.

But like, in general.

[steps]

Hey girls!

I noticed neither of you

has come over to the buffet table.

Why don't you help yourselves?

Um, no. That's okay.

Are you sure?

Can I get you something?

No, we're not hungry.

Okay.

We're about to start the relay races,

so... yay!

[sigh] God, how annoying.

What a bunch of cunts.

I seriously hate everyone here.

Me too.

[distant tv]

[door closes]

OS: How was the picnic?

Good.

Do you make any friends?

Yes. One.

Well. That's great.

What's her name?

Nic... ole.

Well, I'm glad

Told you not to bring that book.

Dinner'll be ready in a bit.

Okay.

[shuffling]

OS: Where are you going?

We're about to head to the park.

Um, out.

Yah, I can see that.

Where?

I'm not sure.

The library?

The... the library.

Okay.

What for?

I heard about this book

that just came out, and I think they have it.

What book?

Um... art?

Huh. What kind of art?

Uh, Classic?

Classic.

Okay.

What is the title of the book?

I don't remember exactly.

Art of ancient Greece or something.

And it JUST came out.

Yep!

Wait, did you even finish your lunch?!

[door slam]

It's like a quarter mile in.

[footsteps]

You're really skinny.

I know.

No, I mean it like a compliment.

Oh, everyone thinks I'm too thin.

No, it's good.

People think I'm anorexic.

I wish people thought I was anorexic.

You're skinny too.

You're not fat.

I know, but I want to be a model.

And you can't just be kind of skinny,

you have to be really skinny.

You want to be a model?

Yeah.

Oh.

Why?

No, no, no.

I just didn't think you were the type.

I don't mean the stupid kind.

Like. Hi!

Let me tell you about this brand new toilet.

Believe me, you won't get a better deal on a toilet

than this.

And the flush!

Give your family the very best

flush for all their shits.

I mean, for, like,

performance art and high

end photographers and good designers,

things like that.

[thud]

[jump]

[steps]

I actually like to draw also.

I love art.

I want to model or design

or maybe do a live performance,

maybe even theatrical...

It's cool.

It really is.

But I feel like modeling

is just really one of my main goals.

I could design...

[dreamy atmosphere]

[shadowy mood]

How do you keep your parents from knowing?

[rustling pages]

I don't do it a lot.

Just once in a while.

Then I tell them I walked by people

that are smoking or someone

passed me with a cigarette.

And they believe that?

They're strict, but they're dumb.

You draw a lot of skulls.

I know.

I love skulls.

A: Isn't it cool how skulls

always look like they're smiling?

M: Well, I guess technically they are.

I wish I could dye my hair

black and wear black nail polish.

It's not like my hair is, like blond.

It's mostly brown, so

I don't see what the big deal is.

But my parents are always

afraid it's some goth thing

Man they are so behind the times.

[sketching sounds]

At least crosses are cool.

I have a lot of those.

My parents got me a gold one,

but I think the gold ones are fuuugly.

Why don't you tell them about the Puritans?

You know, the Salem witch trials?

Didn't they teach you about it?

They mostly go off of this program

they got and they skip around stuff and

add their own stuff to it.

Well,

the Puritans were really strict Christians

and they wore black all the time.

Really?

Mhm.

Huh.

Cool.

Maybe I'll try that.

[droning recitation]

[book closes, door opens]

[whispers, chatter]

[door opens]

The Lord be with you.

And also with you.

Today I have a special treat for you girls.

We're taking a break

from our Bible study and catechism.

Instead, we'll be reading a short story

by Nathaniel Hawthorne.

I think it is very important.

Girls,

to not only learn what

our religion teaches us,

but to be well read.

And above all,

to love God.

And to love God, one

must be able to love it

all in the first place.

There so many

wonderful things in this one.

Although I cannot agree

with Hawthorne's every idea yet,

he is what is called a romanticist.

I think you will find that

he wrote with passion,

fire!

Rebecca

pass these out to the girls.

Please.

[chair noise]

Pair up.

[steps, books]

Please open your books.

First page of The Minister's Black Veil.

[steps]

You look good.

Thanks.

Bangs too.

My mom made me do them to even it out.

Cool.

And, check it out.

Wow. When did you do that?

In the bathroom with a big safety pin.

Did it hurt?

A little, but

really, it was just tickling and

I almost sneezed.

What are you working on?

I have to do a collage.

About what?

Anything.

Anything? Like you can do

one on farming tools?

That's boring. Yep.

We can even do a word collage if we want.

That's so stupid.

Yeah, we have art classes,

but it's not like at a normal school.

This is their idea of artistic instruction.

Lame.

Yeah.

It's just to keep us busy and say

they gave us a well-rounded education.

All right, well,

then let's do a really cool one.

Okay.

They say you can do anything,

but you know you can't.

Yeah, right.

What kind of magazines did you get?

I just got a bunch of random

ones from the library.

They were 10 cents each.

Okay, well,

then why don't we do one on fashion design?

They're not going to go for that.

It needs to be more scientific

or historical. How?

We can do the

history of clothing design, maybe,

or clothing around the world

in different cultures

or something like

female standards of beauty throughout time.

Like in the 80s?

No, it's just that back in the day,

what people would consider

beautiful was radically different.

I personally thought it had to do

with wealth and status, but

even just cultural differences.

So we can do one where we show the evolution

from ancient times all the way to now.

Whoa!

Come on.

We can use some of these,

but we'll have to go back to the library

to get more pictures and make copies.

We can use their printer, too.

That's where I tell my mom I am.

[packing up]

[quiet flipping]

Ugly.

Ew, her hand's a weird shape.

Damn, that looks so good.

Oh, my God, she's so fat.

Why's she even in here?

I think she's plus size.

What a fucking joke.

You shouldn't change things

just cause people can't stop eating

cheeseburgers.

You know, you're right.

My mom is out of shape.

All she does when she gets home from work

is watch TV and eat.

But even she always talks

about which actress got fat.

And then she tells me I'm too skinny.

Fucking hypocrites.

And every time she -

[shush]

Every time she sees someone,

that's the first thing

she notices and comments on.

She says, oh,

you look like you've lost weight.

And then her cow of a friend is happy that she lost

2 pounds.

Look at that.

Look at that.

What?

[sneeze]

Bless you.

Thank you.

This doesn't even match.

Look so

I really want that.

That's a stupid.

What's that

hat?

What's that hair color too?

Oh, she looks so cool.

Yeah, she does.

[mysterious zoom]

[door closes]

[backpack]

When.

In a couple of hours.

Either way, I have to go back in an hour.

Here, let me draw you.

You want to draw me?

[zipper] Yeah.

You're skinny enough to be a model.

Really?

Yeah.

And, you don't have to be pretty to be a model.

You can look weird,

or you can look like a man.

Or you can look really ugly.

Doesn't matter as long as you're really,

really skinny.

I mean, you you you are pretty.

I just meant that you didn't have to be.

Yeah.

It's okay.

I understood what you meant.

Anyways, lie on the bed on your side.

Take your clothes off.

Are you not comfortable

taking your clothes off?

No. It's just

I've never done it in

front of anyone else, that's all.

Well, you don't have to take everything off.

You can leave your bra and underwear on.

No. It's fine.

I don't mind.

Don't smile.

The models

like the really good high class ones

don't smile.

They have this serious

or sad expression on their face.

You can't be happy.

[laugh]

I'm serious.

You have to have this bored

or tired expression on your face.

Oh, I see, like you're about to die

because the world is so stupid.

Exactly.

Perfect.

Romanticism.

Romantic?

No. Romanticism.

Like the exaggeration of something.

The opposite of realism.

Oh, okay.

I love drawing people.

They're

my favorite things to draw.

They're more interesting than things.

What about the skulls?

Well, skulls are kind of like people.

You know?

You can be more than pretty.

You can actually be beautiful.

Really?

Let me see.

What's your best body part?

I don't know.

My arms?

I'd say more like your shoulders.

I actually heard some lady say on TV that

the clavicle is the new cleavage.

What?

It's basically saying that

they don't want women

to have boobs and stuff.

They want them to be like a stick.

I thought men liked breasts.

Aren't women always getting implants?

Well, yeah,

but that's for, like, Playboy and porn.

I'm talking about fashion.

Fashion is where ladies buy stuff

and all the designers are gay.

So in order to impress them,

you can't be just curvy.

They actually like it when a girl has a flat chest.

So different people

want you to be different things?

Yeah, and you have to look really young, too.

I don't know what I'll do

if I can't be in fashion before I'm 20.

Used to be 30, but now it's 20.

That's it.

It's over.

So they prefer flat

chested teenagers?

I dunno.

Maybe because of all the pedos.

[rising drone]

My best part is my legs.

But definitely not my stomach.

I don't know why you keep saying

I can be a model.

You can be one, too.

It's your dream.

Yeah, I know.

I just.

I need to be skinnier, that's all.

How do you stay so skinny?

I don't.

I mean, I don't do anything.

I just am.

I don't like eating.

How do you not like eating?!

I mean, I like some food,

but it just doesn't interest me.

Man I can't stop eating.

I mean, if I can't have chocolate,

I am going to die.

That stuff

makes you fat and fucks up your skin.

I like chocolate, all right,

but I just don't like it

when they pressure me.

They're always saying eat, eat.

I eat.

I just don't eat slabs of food

like everyone else.

They fill up a whole plate,

and if you don't,

they think something's wrong with you.

Well, eating is the only fun thing

my family does.

They do it all the time, too.

And if you don't eat,

they ask questions like, what's wrong?

And they get all worried.

Why don't you throw it up?

I tried that, but that's gross.

You could take laxatives.

I would,

but my mom's always searching my stuff.

Plus, that's gross too.

So? If you really want to be a model,

just until you look the way you want,

then you can go back to normal.

Make it come out one way or another.

Right.

Yeah I know I should, I just.

I stopped caring about it after a while.

I remember one time

when I was about ten,

my mother said I had to finish my dinner

and if I didn't

I'd have to stay there until I did.

So how long did it take you to finish?

I didn't.

I stayed there until about midnight,

and by then my mom was so tired.

She just said, fine, go to bed.

Wow!

So she caved?

Completely.

[cutlery, chomping]

You finished?

Yep.

You're not hungry?

Not really.

Okay, then.

[scraping, chewing]

[water running]

[knocking]

What are you doing in there?

Nothing.

You've been in there for half an hour!

Eliza needs to get ready for bed.

Okay.

[flushing]

[door latch]

God. No one can take a decent dump

in this place.

[steps]

[upbeat techno]

Can I help you with something?

Uh... no... thank you.

[jangle]

[rustle]

Thanks again.

My parents are so stingy.

It's fine.

My mom thinks it's good

for me to have an allowance.

So I can learn how to manage money.

She wants me to be independent.

She wants to make sure

I can just take care of myself.

So she can sit on her fat ass

when she gets home from work.

Hey, that's cool though.

My parents count every penny they give me

and they never leave me alone.

Oh. You're welcome.

I don't have anything to spend it on anyway.

Except books.

I never thought about chewing tobacco. Duh.

It actually has more

nicotine than cigarettes.

I never even thought about

how tobacco makes you lose weight.

Well, it's actually the nicotine,

not the tobacco.

And the coolest part is,

my parents can't see this stuff.

Yeah, the only thing is, it can give

you cancer of the mouth and make your teeth

fall out.

What?

But you can always switch over

to nicotine gum.

[sigh]

This.

Hmm.

Too wet.

Yeah.

[steps]

What's this?

Wow.

That's pretty.

Very.

What about that?

It's a little small.

We wouldn't be able to sit inside.

Hmm. Yeah.

Okay.

But we could build it up.

We could,

like, add a little wall on this side,

or, like, tie a sheet or something on that

side to one of those trees.

Yeah.

[dragging]

Like, right there.

Okay.

Oh, whoops.

That work?

Yeah.

Well.

Uhh. Okay.

[brush]

Have you ever done it?

No. Have you?

There was a guy that lived on our block.

We made out a couple times,

and one time he grabbed me under my skirt.

Really?

What did it feel like?

Didn't really feel like anything.

It happened so fast.

Didn't even have time to enjoy it.

What do you mean?

Like he just grabbed me, and it was so fast.

I just

couldn't really feel it.

I thought about it, though.

Afterwards.

I still think about it, even to this day.

Oh, I see.

[forest ambience]

So I assume you haven't even gotten close.

Well, it's only girls at school,

but my mom's okay with me going out.

I just never have anywhere to go out to,

so I never meet any boys.

That sucks.

Well, there was

this one time at one of my mom's

friend's houses.

She had a son around my age.

He was nice.

I liked him.

So what happened?

Nothing, really.

We never talked.

Uhh!

[thump]

But I do have a crush on someone now.

Who?!

Father Ryan.

What? Who is he?

He's our theology teacher.

What?

Sounds boring.

No, actually, he's sort of young.

I was surprised

he's not old like most of the other teachers.

And he's really intense.

What do you mean?

Well, he takes things really seriously.

And he's only in his late 20s

or at most early 30s.

And he knows his stuff, like history.

He's not ignorant like the other idiots

that teach us.

He's very well read.

So what does he look like?

He looks nice.

Dark hair, dark eyes.

He keeps his hair very short

and he's very trim.

He looks really nice in his cassock.

What's a kozak?

A CAS-sock.

Whatever. What is it?

It's a uniform that priests wear. Oh.

Oh, well,

you should totally sleep with him!

I don't think so.

I mean, I like him, but it's not like that.

Exactly.

I just like him.

I don't know how to explain it.

I wish my parents would let me go

to Saint Catherine's.

I would totally flirt with him.

I'd fill him with temptation like the devil.

And I wouldn't stop until we had sex

in, like, the confessional booth or something.

How hot would that be?

I don't think he would do that

because he's very traditional.

You know how nuns are married to Christ?

Yeah.

He told us he's married to the church.

[laughing]

[haunting tone]

Married to the church?

Oh, how stupid.

I thought they only believed in marriage

with a man and a woman!

So I guess objects don't count.

I mean, we might as well get married.

What do you say?

Yeah, I think we should.

Okay.

But not for, like, real or anything.

Because I'm not a lesbo.

Yeah, I know.

[bleak atmosphere]

You'll never guess what he said today.

Oh, my God,

he finally said something to you!

No. Ugh!

I just mean

he told our class about something.

Well, listen, it's still amazing.

You're like this, okay?

Basically, he told us about this woman.

This nun starved herself to death.

Why?

For God.

He told us she was a saint.

Wow. Isn't that wonderful?

Yeah.

What's stupid

is that if anyone tried

that at our school today,

they'd send them to the counselor.

Have a talk with them.

Tell them to take care of themselves.

Take care of themselves?

For what?

For their stupid lives.

And everything has to be

how they want it to be.

Adults are so boring.

Look at children.

They're actually interesting.

They don't care anything about eating.

They just run around all day.

Adults are the ones obsessed with food.

Yeah, and then they wonder why they're fat.

They post up

food porn as if it's interesting.

Look what I had today.

A cupcake like, ooh, let me subscribe!

I want to be updated on what

you eat every single day.

Thing is, food is a treat.

Remember, in elementary.

No. Oh, right.

But, like, I still get what you're saying.

My parents used to give us treats for good behavior, too.

Well, there you go.

What are we, rats?

They try to train you with food.

Like giving out little dog treats.

Sit up.

Roll over.

Play dead.

You're right.

And they use food to celebrate, too.

Can't be anything else.

It has to be food.

Every holiday is about stuffing your face.

Well, honey, that was a great meal.

I need to rest now

so I can get up tomorrow and eat some more.

Ew, stuff it in, push it out!

Let's plan

what to eat tomorrow and the next day.

And the next.

I'll get a job

so we can keep up our food habit.

Maybe whore myself out.

I have no idea how to have

an actual conversation with you.

So let's go out for ice cream.

Ugh fucking pigs!

All of life is merely existing

for the next moment I can shove something down my throat.

Fucking disgusting pigs.

I'm not going to live like that.

Their lives are so empty,

they have to fill them with food.

We're going to live full lives.

Exceptional lives.

Ashes to ashes.

Dust to dust.

Ashes to ashes.

Dust to dust.

[strange hum]

[crickets, dark tone]

Do you promise to be my friend?

Always.

Always.

Do you promise to be my friend?

Always.

Always.

Do you promise to never let anyone stop you

from your dreams, no matter what the cost?

I do.

Do you promise to do

great things with your life

never let anyone hold you back?

I do.

Do you promise to be beautiful?

And remember how much power

you have over your body?

I do.

Do you promise to know you're beautiful,

rare and unique?

I do.

[dark tone, crescendo]

[dreamy music]

Jesus heals a man born blind.

As he passed by,

he saw a man blind from birth.

And his disciples asked him.

Rabbi, who sinned?

This man or his parents,

that he was born blind?

[dreamy music intensifies]

I don't want to be anything.

I don't care about a career.

I just.

What?

I don't know, I can't explain it.

I just want to do something for someone.

What do you mean?

I guess

I like what Father Ryan said.

So you want to die for God like that lady?

No, that's not it.

This is so hard to talk about.

Look, I'm your best friend.

You can tell me anything.

You're my only friend.

But yes, I know, I can tell you.

Just.

It'll sound stupid if I say it out loud.

Ana, we got married.

We made promises to each other.

Tell me.

Okay.

I think Father Ryan loves me.

Really? What did he say?

He never said anything.

He just looks at me and I can tell.

You know.

All the other girls in

the class are so stupid.

They're like children.

All they talk about are boys

clothes and gossip.

And he's so serious.

You know.

He knows that I love to read.

And how serious I am too.

And once he told me

I was an “intelligent young woman”.

What?

That's so cool.

Oh my gosh!

And every time he teaches our class,

he looks at me.

I know

you know that look

where a man looks right into your soul?

And he can't really show it.

Because the other girls might see him.

He might get fired or dismissed.

But he snatches looks at me all that he can.

That's so amazing!

I know,

but there's a huge problem.

As much as we like one another,

we can never, ever be together.

Oh, that sucks.

Yeah,

but I'd rather have

a perfect, beautiful love.

Even if we can't be together,

than just a regular boyfriend.

You know?

Totally.

So that's what I want.

I want to keep myself for him

and devote myself to our love.

It's all I want out of life now.

Wow.

[creepy music]

[door opens, clack of rings]

[water runs]

[lid opens]

[retching]

[flush]

[door]

[music intensifies]

[kicking]

[crash]

[rapid breathing]

[music descends]

Don't be mad at me.

Why?

My parents took us out

to a restaurant last night.

Did you eat anything?

Yeah.

What did do you?

I had to.

My parents never take us out.

They say it's a waste of money.

What did you eat?

I had some fettuccine.

It was actually pretty good.

It was a fancy place.

Did you get rid of it?

Well, it was really late when we got home,

and I was too tired, so.

So it's still with you?

Well, when I woke up this morning, I just.

I felt like I was on an empty stomach,

and I couldn't.

But I'll do it when I eat something else.

And, you know.

Look, I'm sorry.

I'm doing this for you!

You know that?

You're the one that wants to be a model.

I know.

If you keep eating, you'll just end up a fat,

homeschooled loser with a sketchpad.

I'll make it up to you.

Fine.

Let's go.

[intense music]

[whicking noises, gasps]

You can put your clothes back on now.

Are you still mad at me?

Of course not.

I wasn't mad at you.

I was mad that you were ruining your dream.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Promise to do the same

if I don't follow mine.

That's part of our oath.

I will.

I promise.

[whispering, giggling]

[dark, magical atmosphere]

OS: Can I help you two?

Mia: What are you like still in high school?

I'm a senior.

Look, do you two need help or not?

Umm, levitation.

Levitation?

Yes.

We want you to check for any books

involving the word levitation

and make it snappy.

I don't think so.

Look, any book containing the word levitation

would be in the occult section,

which, from the looks of it,

I'm gonna guess you've already gone through.

Yes, but we want you to be thorough.

Can you do a check for us on your computer?

Let me get this straight.

You want me to go in the back

and search for any book containing the word

levitation? Yes.

Ana: Uh-huh. Completely.

Ana: Definitely. Absolutely.

[sigh] [giggles]

[laughing] Levitation!

I told you, most of that stuff is trash.

It's just a trend.

People want to feel powerful.

And these publishers want to make money off

that desire.

I know, but this girl Claudia told me

she learned some spells, and they actually worked.

She goes to public school.

Claudia sounds like an idiot.

You think if there really was such a thing

as a secret power,

they'd sell it at Book Enders?

I guess not.

So you don't think there's really such a thing

as witchcraft?

Maybe there is, but I think if there was,

it would be a real ancient secret

that small groups of traditional societies kept.

Not something

anyone can pick up in paperback for $10.95.

A 13 year old from Little Rock asks,

how do I know if I was born a witch?

A 17 year old from Syracuse asks

if I'm a natural witch, will another witch

find me, teach me and guide me?

What losers!

This is all just pathetic wishful thinking.

These people want to feel special

and powerful.

The only magic is the fantasy

their minds are creating.

Look, it's good for a laugh.

But don't take this pedestrian shit

seriously.

Hmm.

[powerful drone]

There is such a thing as power, though.

Really?

Yes, but it's something inside.

Something you make for yourself.

Well, at least you didn't pay for it.

Thank God!

[laugh]

Done?

Just about.

Let me see.

[rustling]

I like those pants.

Yeah. They're good.

I like the skirt the most.

That's really good.

I like the asymmetry of the hemline.

You think of a name yet?

Not yet. You?

Well, I was thinking

maybe transparent.

Maybe -

I think that might connote transgender.

Hmm. What about you?

You said you had some Gothic names.

What do you think about witch hazel?

What is that?

I knew you liked witchcraft

and it sounds like a girl's name,

so I thought it'd be perfect for your line.

But it's actually a plant

that helps with skin problems.

Oh that's cool.

It's funny

because you would think it

has something to do with witchcraft,

but the etymology of it has nothing to do

with that.

Etymology?

Like bugs?

No. That's entomology. Oh.

Etymology is the origin of words.

Oh, okay.

So, how are you?

[clatter]

All right. I just wish I was doing better.

You can't let yourself be weak.

I know it's hard

when I'm fighting against myself.

You want to know this

really cool thing that we learned?

[zip]

What?

It's a Bible verse.

Uhh! How come I have to read the Bible every day?

And all the parts that I read

are really boring.

But then the stuff you guys read

is really cool.

Well, it's the same book,

so it's not a matter of what part you read.

Yeah, but all the parts I read are boring!

Well, that's

because your parents are going off of this.

Feel good, all stories,

never give you any details -thing.

Well, details are boring too.

And I can't understand all the words.

Like I'm not smart like you.

Well, I'm above average for my age,

so don't feel bad about yourself.

Most of the girls in my class are morons.

I doubt they understand much.

But it's not just that

Father Ryan is really good

at explaining stuff

and he makes it really interesting

and exciting to learn.

So what Bible verse did you learn?

Let me read it to you.

“And if thy right eye offend me,

cut it off and cast it from thee.

For it is more profitable for thee

that one of thy members should perish,

and not thy whole body

should be cast into Gehanna.”

So if one of the members of your church

says something offensive.

Cast them out?

And what's Jehen?

Gehenna is a word for hell. Oh.

And member in this case is a limb.

Of your body.

Ohhh! [Giggles]

Is that why a guy's thing is

called his member?!

I don't know,

but what it means is that

if a part of your body

isn't doing something right.

Get rid of it.

Woah.

Yeah, woah.

So no more excuses.

If you want to be the best underground

cult designer and model of your own line,

you have to fight against anything

and everything in your way.

Even your own damned body.

You have to show it who's boss.

You have to be absolutely vicious

about what you want.

[threatening tone]

[dark, trippy music]

Say it.

If thy right eye offend thee.

Pluck it out.

Chanting in unison: If thy right

eye offend thee..

Pluck it out.

If thy right eye offend

thee... pluck it out! [increasingly layered]

[cell phones:]

A: I don't know,

I usually can't handle much spice.

M: No, I'm telling you, it's so good.

And you don't get diarrhea or anything?

At first I thought I might,

but for some reason I never did.

And anyway,

even if I did, so much the better, right?

Makes sense.

Not bad actually.

Isn't it so delicious?

Pretty good.

I started with the cayenne,

then I just started

putting hot sauce on everything.

And now I'm addicted.

I put buffalo sauce on celery.

Just anything to put it on.

Otherwise

I probably would have drunk it

straight from the bottle.

Then I started

saving all that red hot powder.

They put on everything.

Man, it's like cocaine!

No!

Wait for the burn.

What I've been doing

is chewing ice. Why?

You can have water.

Why slow it down?

Not for that reason, it's

become like a craving now.

I wish I only craved ice!

It's crazy you only eat that now.

I like coffee too,

but about the ice...

I think I know why.

I mean,

water's supposed to be tasteless, right?

But it's not.

So it's not just ice from any place.

It has to be from my freezer, I put the tray

where the cloud of antifreeze

fumes comes out.

I love that chemical taste.

I want to get

slightly melted and you start to chew it.

Slowly.

It starts to crack and crunch into melting snow.

It's like a toxic blue fairy dream.

Oh, we got to try that next!

[dark tone starts to pulse]

Doesn't it feel good?

Yeah.

[cross-cut audio] My mouth starts watering now.

From what?

From the Nothing.

Oh. [rustling]

Well, I almost feel like I'm high.

I've never actually tried.

I tried pot once, but it only made me sleepy.

But this is like you're numb

and tingly at the same time.

Yeah, I stopped eating meat.

What?

So you're vegetarian now? No.

Vegan? No.

Then what?

I'm not a vegetarian.

As in, I would love to eat animals,

but I refrain because

I don't want to hurt them or

I don't care about animals.

I just don't want to eat meat anymore.

Why?? I love meat.

I just feel

light and

airy.

And I want to stay pure for him.

Meat is just too heavy,

it weighs me down.

Fresh, right.

Green.

Pure.

[animalistic strain]

[lid slam]

[dawning creepy horror]

[terrible itching]

[shudder]

[”Hell and Back Again, Remix” by Skatenigs]

[door slams]

OS: What are you doing?

Nothing.

Mia, what is going on?

Nothing.

I thought you were going to be

at Aunt Helen's until ten.

She wanted to borrow a food processor, but

what are you doing with yourself?

You beg me to stay home

while the rest of your family goes and has dinner.

And this is what you're doing with yourself?

What am I doing?

What is so wrong?

I'm listening to some music.

Kids my age do that.

I know they do.

But they don't do it with their clothes off.

Are you waiting for a boy to come over?

No, mom.

I can take my clothes off without a boy coming over.

Okay?

I don't need a boy to come

over to take my clothes off!

Well.

Honey, you look

horrible. Mia?

Are you making yourself throw up? No.

Do not lie to me.

I'm not.

Okay, it.

Just get dressed.

You're coming back with me.

I obviously can't trust you.

You don't trust me!

You never have.

Just come on.

I'm going to go get the processor.

No, I'm not going to go.

I am not going!

Fine Mia.

You just sit there

and I'll figure something out, all right?

Just hurry, because I got to get back.

There's nothing to figure out.

You spent all that time in the bathroom and

I hear things.

I thought you were just sick.

So what?

You have to take care of yourself.

It is my body.

I can do what I want with it.

You have to love your body, not destroy it.

Your father and I

work very hard

to provide a good life for you.

And there are people in the world

that don't have a roof over their head.

They don't have food to eat,

and you are just worried about yourself

and how you look.

You are navel gazing.

You don't even know what a navel gazer is.

You and dad are ignorant

and you keep me ignorant too.

I know that it means selfish

and all about yourself.

This is all I have.

You're just mad

because this is the one thing about me

that you can't control.

Mia, this isn't even about me.

God gave you that body.

It's your duty to take care of it.

Well, what if I told you I don't

even believe in God!

Okay.

It's too much.

I'm just going to

talk to you when I get back, okay?

[keys jingle]

Hey, tell Aunt Helen Happy Thanksgiving!

Ana!

[door closes] Ana.

What?

I have to study.

I wanted to talk to you.

About what.

I haven't

I haven't talked to you in weeks.

You always just walk right up to your room

and you hardly ever come out.

You never sit with me at dinner anymore.

Don't touch me! Ana!

Ana, please look at me.

You look terrible.

I'm fine.

What's wrong?

Nothing's wrong.

Everything's fine.

Ana, please tell me what is wrong.

Like you care.

Of course I care!

You don't care if I live or die.

Ana how can you say that?

You just want to relax.

And you want me to be out of the way.

But you don't know anything about me. Ana.

Ana, I've worked very hard for you

so that you can have a good life.

Who asked you to do that?

What do you know about a good life?

Why don't you go watch TV and stuff

your face like you always do?!

You're pathetic,

you know that?

[dark tone]

[dark tone]

[shovels digging]

Async audio: Did you leave the letter under your mattress?

Yes. Did you? Yes.

Did you make sure to leave it

in the very center? Yes.

Good.

That way, if we can't be together

when it happens... we'll

be together eventually. Yes.

Forever.

Forever.

[gagging sounds]

[flush]

[door]

[water]

Are you okay?

Yeah.

I'm fine.

[outdoor ambience, steps]

Sorry.

My mom's watching

even more than she usually does.

I can barely do it.

Damn it.

They can't stop me from going to the bathroom.

I did in the gas station last week.

Now she started looking up all the shit.

Pretty soon she might start weighing me

or sending me to a program.

They'll program you, all right.

Like, what is the big fucking deal?

My mom watches this reality trash.

People losing weight,

getting their houses remodeled.

Everyone always talks about how it's

what's on the inside that matters.

But it's not like there's such a thing

as an inner beauty makeover.

Like they give a shit about people

improving their character.

And have you ever seen

the ones with plastic surgery?

So people get actual surgery

to change their body,

but they just can't eat less?!

It's just whatever is okay with them,

no matter how stupid

or immoral, as long as everyone does it.

And then there's the stupid bitches

who are always keeping an eye on everyone, making sure

no one skips a meal or is being unhealthy.

And don't forget

you're not allowed to fat shame anyone.

Just leave them alone.

What the fuck?

So they can tell you to eat,

but you can't tell them not to eat.

They're just jealous.

They want to hold everyone back!

[dark tone to light then back again]

[psh]

[mystical music wolves howling]

Hollow voices: I haven't touched myself in weeks.

Me too.

I feel like I'm transcending my body.

How's that?

I feel as if I'm leaving

my physical self behind.

Yeah,

I feel really good inside.

Like calm.

Yeah.

And when I drink water now,

I feel so cool.

I can actually feel it flowing its way

down my pipes into the rest of my body.

Me too.

Sometimes it's all I put in.

Even my waste smells good.

Me too.

I hardly ever even go anymore.

And when I do, it smells like coffee.

Doesn't smell bad.

When my baby sister was nursing,

her diapers weren't so bad.

But when she switched to solids,

that's when they started stinking.

People's food nowadays is so artificial.

They eat shit, and so their waste ends

up smelling like shit too.

[giddy laughter]

[food wrappers]

[OS, muffled:] Mia, eat your food.

I'm not playing this game. Mia.

Mia?

[rustle]

Mia, eat your food.

Now. Mia.

Mia!

I need to go to the bathroom.

[door]

[Distant] Mia! Yah?

What are you doing?

I thought you weren't hungry.

[tense tone]

Just getting a snack!

[thud]

[tension builds babble of voices]

She. Is she alive?

What is she?

What is she saying?

I think

she's faking it.

There's no way.

Ana! Wake up.

I think she's sick.

Can you tell? She's freezing?

I don't think that's

Ana.

Wake up fast.

Wake up and ...I have to take her to the nurse.

She's having

a... hold her,

hold her head.

She's faking! Ana, wake up!

[chair scrape]

[warm, dreamy tone]

[steps]

Are you feeling better now?

Yes. I'm fine, Father.

Thank you.

Shall I get you something else?

Some more water maybe or something to eat?

That won't be necessary.

It's enough that you've carried

me here and laid me to rest.

[mystical, dreamy music]

[Echoey voices] Did you apply?

Yeah.

How long until you hear?

Should be this week.

I'm confident you'll get it.

[rustle]

Your work is very good.

Yes, I'm sure of it.

[harsh disruption, creepy strings]

What about Father Ryan?

Things are good with us.

He understands everything now.

That's good.

I'm so happy for you.

[maniacal laughter]

[final echo]

[credits medley]