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1
00:00:05,422 --> 00:00:09,009
- Hey, how do I look?
- Incredible.
2
00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:13,347
All men want to be you,
all women want to be with you.
3
00:00:14,264 --> 00:00:16,558
Could you at least look at me
before you answer?
4
00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:20,270
I stand corrected.
5
00:00:21,813 --> 00:00:23,482
All men want to be with you...
6
00:00:23,649 --> 00:00:26,902
Charlie, come on.
I'm really nervous here.
7
00:00:27,069 --> 00:00:29,905
This is my first real date since college.
8
00:00:32,115 --> 00:00:34,660
- What the hell is this?
- Bourbon.
9
00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:39,873
- You drink bourbon while you work out?
- Gin makes me sweat.
10
00:00:41,416 --> 00:00:44,336
Look, don't turn this into a bigger deal
than it needs to be.
11
00:00:44,503 --> 00:00:47,839
- You met a woman, you asked her out...
- Technically, she asked me out.
12
00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:51,259
See, I was in the market, and she
needed advice on picking out corn.
13
00:00:51,426 --> 00:00:53,720
There were no employees around.
There never are.
14
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:56,848
Even if they are, they're not
knowledgeable about produce.
15
00:00:57,015 --> 00:01:01,103
- Thank God you were there.
- Tell me about it.
16
00:01:01,269 --> 00:01:03,605
I explained that you have to
husk a few ears...
17
00:01:03,772 --> 00:01:06,024
...to check the firmness
of the kernels.
18
00:01:06,191 --> 00:01:08,026
Next thing you know,
she asked me out.
19
00:01:08,193 --> 00:01:12,489
Well, I guess that's why they say no one
gets more action than a greengrocer.
20
00:01:12,656 --> 00:01:14,992
- They say that?
- No.
21
00:01:16,618 --> 00:01:18,537
The point is, it's just dinner.
22
00:01:18,704 --> 00:01:21,915
You'll go, you'll bore her to death,
you'll come home.
23
00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:24,835
Yeah, I know, but I wanna look good
while I'm doing it.
24
00:01:25,002 --> 00:01:27,170
You look fine. Just relax. Be yourself.
25
00:01:27,671 --> 00:01:29,297
Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
26
00:01:29,464 --> 00:01:33,468
- You think I should bring some condoms?
- Why?
27
00:01:33,635 --> 00:01:36,304
Well, I see the
public service commercials...
28
00:01:36,471 --> 00:01:38,306
Yeah, you're right. See you later.
29
00:01:43,145 --> 00:01:45,105
Feel the burn.
30
00:02:13,717 --> 00:02:15,051
I think it's going well.
31
00:02:28,714 --> 00:02:33,552
My God, Alan. You're like a machine.
32
00:02:33,719 --> 00:02:39,141
I'm a love shark, baby.
If I stop making love, I drown.
33
00:02:40,517 --> 00:02:43,061
Okay, okay, okay.
Wait a sec, wait a sec:
34
00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:47,608
Sharks don't growl.
35
00:02:47,774 --> 00:02:52,070
All right, I'm a love bear.
36
00:02:52,237 --> 00:02:55,908
If I stop making love,
I prevent forest fires.
37
00:02:56,909 --> 00:02:58,327
Jeez.
38
00:02:58,493 --> 00:03:01,079
- Alan.
- Put that out.
39
00:03:08,795 --> 00:03:11,381
- Morning.
- Morning.
40
00:03:13,508 --> 00:03:15,928
I see you've been working out again.
41
00:03:17,471 --> 00:03:19,848
Yeah, well, it's good for my heart.
42
00:03:20,015 --> 00:03:23,018
I figure the liver damage
makes it kind of a push.
43
00:03:23,185 --> 00:03:24,770
Morning, all.
44
00:03:24,936 --> 00:03:27,022
- Morning.
- Morning.
45
00:03:46,416 --> 00:03:48,293
Thirsty.
46
00:03:49,753 --> 00:03:51,588
Alan.
47
00:03:54,174 --> 00:03:59,012
Well, gadzooks,
Zippy's getting his freak on.
48
00:04:01,223 --> 00:04:04,226
Yeah, it seems we're living
in an age of miracles.
49
00:04:04,393 --> 00:04:06,520
I guess if they can put
a man on the moon...
50
00:04:06,687 --> 00:04:08,563
...they can put a woman
on your brother.
51
00:04:10,732 --> 00:04:12,943
- Who's the girl?
- I don't know.
52
00:04:13,110 --> 00:04:16,571
He met her at the supermarket.
Helped her pick out corn.
53
00:04:16,738 --> 00:04:19,157
Corn?
54
00:04:19,825 --> 00:04:23,954
Well, I'm not in any position to judge.
I once did a guy for a tank of gas.
55
00:04:47,561 --> 00:04:51,273
- Hey, Alan? Alan?
- Yeah?
56
00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:53,358
- What you got there?
- Basting brush...
57
00:04:53,525 --> 00:04:58,780
...chocolate sauce, rubber gloves. You
know what we're gonna use them for?
58
00:04:59,281 --> 00:05:02,659
- No.
- Neither do I.
59
00:05:03,452 --> 00:05:07,497
Charlie, I have never had sex
like this before in my life.
60
00:05:07,664 --> 00:05:12,294
In fact, I don't think anything I've had
prior to this can even be called sex.
61
00:05:12,460 --> 00:05:16,256
Because if you call that sex,
we need a new name for this.
62
00:05:16,423 --> 00:05:21,094
My suggestion would be
"hootenanny yum-yum."
63
00:05:22,012 --> 00:05:24,306
I'm happy for you.
64
00:05:24,472 --> 00:05:28,143
Me too. Oh, do we have a step stool?
65
00:05:28,310 --> 00:05:31,188
- Hallway closet.
- Thank you.
66
00:05:31,980 --> 00:05:35,358
- You might wanna pace yourself.
- Yeah, right.
67
00:05:43,158 --> 00:05:44,826
Oh, boy.
68
00:05:44,993 --> 00:05:49,080
- What?
- Oh, boy.
69
00:05:49,247 --> 00:05:50,582
Can I watch TV?
70
00:05:50,749 --> 00:05:53,501
I don't see why not.
You got eyes and a butt.
71
00:05:55,545 --> 00:05:57,213
Where's Alan?
72
00:05:57,881 --> 00:06:00,842
- He's here.
- Well, may I speak with him?
73
00:06:05,597 --> 00:06:07,015
Sure, why not.
74
00:06:10,602 --> 00:06:12,437
Okay, okay. Wait a sec.
75
00:06:12,854 --> 00:06:16,358
- Ta-da!
- Yes!
76
00:06:22,489 --> 00:06:24,449
Not a good time, Charlie.
77
00:06:24,616 --> 00:06:28,328
Well, I thought you might like to know
that your ex-wife and son are here.
78
00:06:28,495 --> 00:06:30,538
She's supposed to bring him on Friday.
79
00:06:30,705 --> 00:06:32,540
It is Friday.
80
00:06:33,625 --> 00:06:35,251
But not until 5.
81
00:06:35,418 --> 00:06:37,587
It is 5.
82
00:06:37,754 --> 00:06:39,756
Okay, cover for me. I'll be right out.
83
00:06:39,923 --> 00:06:41,341
- Alan.
- Yeah?
84
00:06:41,508 --> 00:06:44,135
You might wanna take off
the rubber glove first.
85
00:06:44,302 --> 00:06:46,096
Good thinking.
86
00:06:50,475 --> 00:06:53,144
- He'll be right out.
- Thank you.
87
00:06:53,311 --> 00:06:55,146
So...
88
00:06:59,401 --> 00:07:00,735
...how are you?
89
00:07:00,902 --> 00:07:02,821
What's going on in there?
90
00:07:02,987 --> 00:07:08,952
Alan's moving furniture around,
because he's constantly redecorating.
91
00:07:09,119 --> 00:07:11,913
Sorry, I was taking a nap.
92
00:07:14,374 --> 00:07:15,667
So... So, what's up?
93
00:07:15,834 --> 00:07:19,754
I wanted to remind you that Jake has his
karate tournament tomorrow morning.
94
00:07:19,921 --> 00:07:23,258
- Okay.
- What's that on your face?
95
00:07:24,259 --> 00:07:28,930
- Just a little chocolate sauce.
- Thank you.
96
00:07:29,097 --> 00:07:31,599
Got it, karate tournament,
tomorrow morning.
97
00:07:32,267 --> 00:07:33,601
Alan, what's going on?
98
00:07:34,602 --> 00:07:39,607
What's... What's going on
is I was lying in bed...
99
00:07:39,774 --> 00:07:41,651
...eating a sundae.
100
00:07:43,820 --> 00:07:46,239
- After moving furniture.
- After moving furniture.
101
00:07:46,406 --> 00:07:50,452
And I fell asleep
in some chocolate sauce.
102
00:07:52,537 --> 00:07:54,789
Goodbye, Alan.
103
00:07:58,209 --> 00:08:00,628
- I think she bought it.
- You think?
104
00:08:00,795 --> 00:08:02,338
No.
105
00:08:04,048 --> 00:08:06,050
Why didn't you tell her
you've got a woman?
106
00:08:06,217 --> 00:08:08,511
I don't know. It just seems wrong.
107
00:08:08,678 --> 00:08:11,473
You're divorced.
You have nothing to feel guilty about.
108
00:08:11,639 --> 00:08:14,767
It's not guilt. It's more shame.
109
00:08:14,934 --> 00:08:18,480
- What are you ashamed of?
- Charlie, I spent 12 years with Judith.
110
00:08:18,646 --> 00:08:21,691
We went through a lot together.
You can't just erase all that...
111
00:08:21,858 --> 00:08:24,819
...by lapping chocolate sauce
out of another woman's navel.
112
00:08:26,112 --> 00:08:29,782
Okay, my fault for asking. Now,
what do you wanna do about Jake?
113
00:08:29,949 --> 00:08:33,870
Oh, my God, Jake's here.
I don't want him to know I'm dating.
114
00:08:34,037 --> 00:08:38,208
This is not dating, Alan.
This is rubber gloves and step stools.
115
00:08:39,334 --> 00:08:40,877
All right, all right.
116
00:08:41,044 --> 00:08:44,005
You distract him, and I'll
sneak Nancy out and drive her home.
117
00:08:44,172 --> 00:08:46,382
- Fine.
- Okay.
118
00:08:47,508 --> 00:08:52,388
Wrong. This is just wrong, so wrong.
119
00:08:52,555 --> 00:08:55,058
Hey, Jake, wanna go
shoot some hoops?
120
00:08:55,225 --> 00:08:57,018
In a minute.
121
00:09:08,196 --> 00:09:09,697
He's oblivious. Just go.
122
00:09:11,324 --> 00:09:12,992
In a minute.
123
00:09:24,128 --> 00:09:27,924
No, he's still watching TV.
Hold on, I'll check.
124
00:09:29,509 --> 00:09:31,928
- You hungry?
- What are we having?
125
00:09:32,095 --> 00:09:36,140
- I don't know. Tell me if you're hungry.
- That depends on what we're having.
126
00:09:36,307 --> 00:09:38,559
- Okay, what do you want?
- What do you got?
127
00:09:40,228 --> 00:09:42,230
He's not hungry.
128
00:09:44,023 --> 00:09:47,652
So I thought you were taking her home
and coming right back.
129
00:09:47,819 --> 00:09:50,405
You checked into a hotel?
130
00:09:51,114 --> 00:09:54,283
No, you're right,
driving that way is dangerous.
131
00:09:55,785 --> 00:09:58,413
One pothole
can change your life forever.
132
00:10:01,082 --> 00:10:06,337
When's the last time you ate something?
Quit giggling, you know what I mean.
133
00:10:09,340 --> 00:10:14,512
Okay. Okay, look in the honor bar
for some Gatorade or something.
134
00:10:14,679 --> 00:10:17,932
Dehydration is the enemy.
135
00:10:18,099 --> 00:10:21,060
All right, have fun. See you later.
136
00:10:21,227 --> 00:10:23,271
I am hungry. What's for dinner?
137
00:10:24,439 --> 00:10:26,816
- What do you want?
- What do you got?
138
00:10:28,484 --> 00:10:30,862
I think there's a couple of steaks
in the freezer.
139
00:10:31,028 --> 00:10:32,363
I want chicken.
140
00:10:34,115 --> 00:10:35,450
It's just wrong.
141
00:10:37,618 --> 00:10:40,413
So very, very wrong.
142
00:10:45,501 --> 00:10:47,670
- You full?
- Yeah.
143
00:10:47,837 --> 00:10:52,133
- Good.
- Why, what else we got?
144
00:10:52,717 --> 00:10:54,594
- You said you were full.
- I am.
145
00:10:54,761 --> 00:10:56,179
Good.
146
00:10:58,097 --> 00:11:00,183
But what else we got?
147
00:11:02,310 --> 00:11:06,355
Sorry, I'm late.
I had to go to the office...
148
00:11:06,522 --> 00:11:10,318
...for an emergency,
and I got a flat tire.
149
00:11:10,485 --> 00:11:14,071
And so I had to wait for the auto club
to come and change it.
150
00:11:14,238 --> 00:11:15,573
And I didn't have my card.
151
00:11:15,740 --> 00:11:17,992
And the guy had to check me
on the computer...
152
00:11:18,159 --> 00:11:20,786
...even though I've been a member
since 1989.
153
00:11:20,953 --> 00:11:26,334
And that's why it took until now
for me to get back.
154
00:11:29,045 --> 00:11:30,880
Thought you were here.
155
00:11:32,423 --> 00:11:34,008
I missed you, Alan.
156
00:11:34,175 --> 00:11:37,762
Thank you. Can I speak with you
for a minute?
157
00:11:37,929 --> 00:11:41,641
- Hey, Uncle Charlie, what's for dessert?
- You said were full.
158
00:11:42,141 --> 00:11:43,851
Not for dessert.
159
00:11:44,477 --> 00:11:47,355
- Okay, what do you want?
- What do you got?
160
00:11:48,064 --> 00:11:50,024
How do you not kill him?
161
00:11:52,777 --> 00:11:55,029
Charlie, I feel horrible
about what I'm doing.
162
00:11:55,655 --> 00:11:57,949
Then you're doing it wrong.
163
00:11:58,115 --> 00:12:01,202
No, I feel like
I'm abandoning my child.
164
00:12:01,369 --> 00:12:04,205
Weren't you listening?
He didn't even notice you were gone.
165
00:12:04,372 --> 00:12:05,706
That's not the point.
166
00:12:05,873 --> 00:12:09,794
What kind of man chooses sex
with an insatiably hot stranger...
167
00:12:09,961 --> 00:12:12,255
...over quality time with his little boy?
168
00:12:12,421 --> 00:12:17,718
I don't know, a man who was married
for 12 years and had sex 12 times.
169
00:12:19,053 --> 00:12:21,347
You're right, I deserve this.
170
00:12:21,514 --> 00:12:24,433
Exactly, so go enjoy yourself.
171
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:26,519
Well, I do have the room
the whole night.
172
00:12:26,686 --> 00:12:29,522
Yeah, most of your better hotels
prefer you do it that way.
173
00:12:29,689 --> 00:12:33,067
Just make sure Jake goes to bed early.
He's got karate in the morning.
174
00:12:33,234 --> 00:12:36,153
- Which, of course, you'll be back for.
- Charlie, trust me.
175
00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:40,241
You, I trust.
It's him I'm worried about.
176
00:12:50,710 --> 00:12:52,545
What?
177
00:12:53,546 --> 00:12:59,051
Oh, you've gotta be kidding me.
I have to take him to karate?
178
00:12:59,218 --> 00:13:01,929
Alan, it's 6:30 in the morning.
179
00:13:02,096 --> 00:13:04,807
What kind of maniac broad
did you hook up with?
180
00:13:04,974 --> 00:13:08,728
She's incredible, Charlie.
I've never met anyone like her.
181
00:13:13,315 --> 00:13:15,192
Gotta go.
182
00:13:21,615 --> 00:13:23,451
Jake, wake up.
183
00:13:26,078 --> 00:13:27,413
Well, I tried.
184
00:13:38,974 --> 00:13:42,352
- Anybody home?
- Right here.
185
00:13:43,728 --> 00:13:45,522
Where's Jake?
186
00:13:45,689 --> 00:13:48,483
I don't know.
Didn't he have a karate tournament?
187
00:13:50,110 --> 00:13:53,154
Yes. You were supposed to take him
three hours ago.
188
00:13:53,321 --> 00:13:57,033
- Why didn't you take him?
- He wouldn't get up.
189
00:13:57,200 --> 00:13:59,703
I tried everything.
190
00:14:00,537 --> 00:14:01,871
What time did he go to bed?
191
00:14:02,038 --> 00:14:05,542
I don't know. I crashed around 2
and he was still going strong.
192
00:14:06,876 --> 00:14:08,920
He was up past 2?
193
00:14:09,087 --> 00:14:12,841
He said he's had coffee before,
but that was a lie, right?
194
00:14:13,842 --> 00:14:18,054
Okay, okay, all right, it's not important.
The karate was his mother's idea. Listen.
195
00:14:18,221 --> 00:14:20,724
I need to ask you for another favor.
196
00:14:20,890 --> 00:14:25,353
Oh, come on, put it in the holster,
Wild Bill.
197
00:14:27,147 --> 00:14:30,608
No, no, no. This isn't about sex.
198
00:14:30,775 --> 00:14:33,403
I need you to watch Jake
for the rest of the weekend...
199
00:14:33,570 --> 00:14:37,073
...so that Nancy and I can go to Vegas
and get married.
200
00:14:38,241 --> 00:14:42,454
Oh, God, Alan. There's no need
to marry the woman.
201
00:14:42,620 --> 00:14:45,540
If you don't wanna have sex anymore,
just tell her.
202
00:14:45,707 --> 00:14:48,710
No, no, you don't understand.
203
00:14:48,877 --> 00:14:50,545
This is beyond sex.
204
00:14:50,712 --> 00:14:52,213
We're in love.
205
00:14:55,008 --> 00:14:56,384
Alan, come here.
206
00:15:01,598 --> 00:15:04,225
You are not in love, you're besotted.
207
00:15:04,392 --> 00:15:08,146
No, no, no, I have never felt like this
about a woman before.
208
00:15:08,313 --> 00:15:10,815
We have a bond
that transcends the physical.
209
00:15:10,982 --> 00:15:12,317
- Really?
- Yeah.
210
00:15:12,484 --> 00:15:14,736
- Kind of a spiritual thing?
- Yes.
211
00:15:14,903 --> 00:15:18,031
Okay. I can understand that.
So where's she from?
212
00:15:18,198 --> 00:15:20,283
She's from around here.
213
00:15:20,992 --> 00:15:24,412
- Where?
- Supermarket.
214
00:15:27,582 --> 00:15:28,958
Charlie, stop that.
215
00:15:29,125 --> 00:15:34,714
I have thought this through and I am
really and truly in love with...
216
00:15:34,881 --> 00:15:37,592
- Nancy.
- I knew that. I knew that.
217
00:15:37,759 --> 00:15:40,720
I was looking for the proper adjective
to describe her.
218
00:15:40,887 --> 00:15:44,390
Nuts? Easy? Limber?
219
00:15:44,557 --> 00:15:48,895
Charlie. Charlie, you started off
on the wrong foot with my first wife.
220
00:15:49,062 --> 00:15:51,481
Do not make the same mistake with...
221
00:15:52,190 --> 00:15:53,817
...wonderful Nancy.
222
00:15:55,068 --> 00:15:58,196
Okay, you're right. This is not about her.
Come here. Sit down.
223
00:15:58,363 --> 00:16:01,908
- You gonna hit me?
- Well, let's see how it goes.
224
00:16:05,829 --> 00:16:09,040
Okay, look, I've never been
much of a big brother to you.
225
00:16:09,207 --> 00:16:12,252
I didn't protect you. I wasn't
around when you started dating...
226
00:16:12,418 --> 00:16:14,838
...when you got married and had Jake.
You know why?
227
00:16:15,588 --> 00:16:18,258
- Why?
- I was busy getting laid.
228
00:16:19,926 --> 00:16:23,096
Which makes me the perfect big brother
to help you now.
229
00:16:23,263 --> 00:16:26,641
I've been through this. I know
what it means to confuse sex with love.
230
00:16:26,808 --> 00:16:28,852
That's not what I'm doing, Charlie.
231
00:16:29,018 --> 00:16:32,647
We're talking about me, and I've
been down this road many times.
232
00:16:33,565 --> 00:16:35,149
I remember this one girl.
233
00:16:35,316 --> 00:16:37,652
We had this unbelievably
hot weekend together.
234
00:16:37,819 --> 00:16:41,072
It was like nothing I'd ever
experienced before, and I proposed.
235
00:16:41,239 --> 00:16:44,701
- I begged her to marry me.
- Wow, where did you meet?
236
00:16:44,868 --> 00:16:46,661
Detention.
237
00:16:47,871 --> 00:16:50,707
- This was in high school?
- Eighth grade.
238
00:16:50,874 --> 00:16:54,419
And then years later, it happened again
with a different woman.
239
00:16:54,586 --> 00:16:56,713
Instant chemistry.
The sex was unbelievable.
240
00:16:56,879 --> 00:16:59,799
I was convinced we were soul mates,
so I threw myself at her.
241
00:16:59,966 --> 00:17:01,884
I did everything
to get her to marry me.
242
00:17:02,051 --> 00:17:04,095
And you know what?
If she'd said yes...
243
00:17:04,262 --> 00:17:08,349
...I'd now have a 67-year-old ex-wife
on a belly dancer's pension.
244
00:17:10,518 --> 00:17:12,228
So, what I'm trying to say...
245
00:17:12,395 --> 00:17:15,607
...is you're not the first guy
to mistake passion for true love...
246
00:17:15,773 --> 00:17:17,191
...and you won't be the last.
247
00:17:17,358 --> 00:17:19,777
If someone had told me
what I'm telling you...
248
00:17:19,944 --> 00:17:22,822
...I could have saved myself
a lot of heartache.
249
00:17:23,990 --> 00:17:27,410
Okay. I hear you. Thank you.
250
00:17:27,577 --> 00:17:29,203
You're welcome.
251
00:17:29,370 --> 00:17:33,708
So make sure Jake doesn't fill up on junk
food, and I'll call you from Circus Circus.
252
00:17:36,628 --> 00:17:37,962
Circus Circus?
253
00:17:38,129 --> 00:17:42,342
You're right, money should be no object.
What's the hotel with the pirate show?
254
00:17:43,259 --> 00:17:45,803
I'm sorry, Alan,
but I'm gonna have to knock you out.
255
00:17:45,970 --> 00:17:48,723
- Hello?
- Mom, thank God you're here.
256
00:17:48,890 --> 00:17:51,392
Oh, I don't need
your sarcasm, Charlie.
257
00:17:51,559 --> 00:17:53,978
No, I mean it. I need you.
Alan needs you.
258
00:17:54,145 --> 00:17:55,480
What's going on?
259
00:17:55,646 --> 00:17:57,899
Alan, tell Mom your plans
for the weekend.
260
00:17:58,691 --> 00:18:00,735
- No.
- Why? Embarrassed?
261
00:18:00,902 --> 00:18:02,570
- No. No.
- Ashamed?
262
00:18:02,737 --> 00:18:04,739
- Scared?
- Yes.
263
00:18:05,448 --> 00:18:08,368
Sweetheart, I'm your mother.
You can tell me anything.
264
00:18:09,369 --> 00:18:14,749
Okay. I met a wonderful woman
in the supermarket a few days ago...
265
00:18:14,916 --> 00:18:17,710
...and we're getting married.
266
00:18:18,336 --> 00:18:20,254
I see.
267
00:18:22,590 --> 00:18:28,554
For God's sake, if you're that horny,
find a nice call girl, put her on retainer.
268
00:18:30,264 --> 00:18:32,058
This is not about sex.
269
00:18:32,225 --> 00:18:34,018
Oh, please. What else could it be?
270
00:18:34,185 --> 00:18:37,855
- Well, it could be love.
- Yeah. Sure.
271
00:18:38,022 --> 00:18:40,942
Who is this woman?
What does she do?
272
00:18:41,943 --> 00:18:43,986
She does Alan.
273
00:18:46,739 --> 00:18:49,075
Okay, okay, that...
That is how it started...
274
00:18:49,242 --> 00:18:52,787
...but in the last day and a half
it has blossomed into so much more.
275
00:18:52,954 --> 00:18:57,333
Oh, my randy little nincompoop.
276
00:18:57,500 --> 00:18:59,585
Listen, if I had gotten married...
277
00:18:59,752 --> 00:19:03,840
...after every weekend of hot, sweaty
debauchery with a virtual stranger...
278
00:19:04,006 --> 00:19:09,178
...you'd have, well, many more
stepfathers than you already have.
279
00:19:09,345 --> 00:19:12,098
She knows what
she's talking about, Alan.
280
00:19:12,265 --> 00:19:16,477
Mom's been on more hotel pillows
than a chocolate mint.
281
00:19:22,483 --> 00:19:24,318
Don't help me, Charlie.
282
00:19:24,485 --> 00:19:28,739
Now... Now, listen, sweetheart.
Sweetheart, no offense...
283
00:19:28,906 --> 00:19:31,951
...but since you're dirt-poor
and living with your brother...
284
00:19:32,118 --> 00:19:36,581
...one must ask, what kind of woman
would agree to marry you?
285
00:19:36,747 --> 00:19:40,751
Unless she's a little slow,
or looking for a green card.
286
00:19:42,837 --> 00:19:44,922
Listen to your mommy, Alan.
287
00:19:45,089 --> 00:19:48,009
No. No, I am gonna listen to my heart.
288
00:19:48,175 --> 00:19:50,678
For your information,
she hasn't agreed to marry me.
289
00:19:50,845 --> 00:19:53,639
- I haven't even asked her yet.
- But you're planning to?
290
00:19:53,806 --> 00:19:56,976
- Yes.
- I'm not going to hit you, darling.
291
00:19:57,143 --> 00:19:58,603
Charlie.
292
00:20:01,981 --> 00:20:05,610
Okay, look, I will thank you both
to let me live my own life.
293
00:20:05,776 --> 00:20:07,403
I love Nancy, and Nancy loves me.
294
00:20:07,570 --> 00:20:10,323
And if this is a mistake,
then it will be my mistake.
295
00:20:10,781 --> 00:20:15,286
Hello? Nancy. You miss me?
I miss you.
296
00:20:15,453 --> 00:20:18,914
Listen, there's something I wanna
ask you, but I wanna do it in person.
297
00:20:19,874 --> 00:20:21,626
Oh, oh, okay, okay. I understand.
298
00:20:21,792 --> 00:20:24,795
Yeah, sure. Sure. Bye.
299
00:20:25,713 --> 00:20:27,840
Her husband came back a day early.
300
00:20:30,885 --> 00:20:32,345
Okay, my mistake.
301
00:20:43,321 --> 00:20:46,783
- You hungry?
- What do we got?
302
00:20:47,951 --> 00:20:50,120
What do you want?
303
00:20:51,788 --> 00:20:54,666
I don't know. What are my choices?
304
00:20:55,500 --> 00:20:59,045
You can cook something,
or go live on the street.
305
00:21:00,881 --> 00:21:02,799
I'm not hungry.
306
00:21:27,908 --> 00:21:29,993
Subtitles by
SDI Media Group
307
00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:32,245
[ENGLISH]
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