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1
00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:27,418
How was the journey, Dad?
Marvellous.
2
00:00:27,458 --> 00:00:31,176
We took the coastal road, then came in
on the bypass to avoid the traffic.
3
00:00:31,216 --> 00:00:34,976
Did it in record time.
Phwoar! Three days, door to door!
4
00:00:35,015 --> 00:00:38,894
Oh, I'm so excited to finally see
where you live.
5
00:00:42,452 --> 00:00:46,652
Well, it's certainly got character.
I did ask Grumio to tidy up.
6
00:00:46,691 --> 00:00:49,891
I didn't want to spoil the character.
I'll do it. I brought my pinny.
7
00:00:49,931 --> 00:00:53,009
And give me any dirty undies to
wash. Oh, Mum, please.
8
00:00:53,049 --> 00:00:55,929
How much do you pay for this place?
Not much. 250 a month.
9
00:00:55,969 --> 00:00:59,327
250? You could rent a whole village
for that.
10
00:00:59,367 --> 00:01:02,287
Now, then! Pressie time.
Ooh!
11
00:01:02,326 --> 00:01:07,524
I've got tunics for everyone
and I've got a cardy for Stylax.
12
00:01:07,565 --> 00:01:09,963
Hat for Grumio.
Are all the presents knitted?
13
00:01:10,003 --> 00:01:13,043
There's damp here, look. You should
speak to your landlord. Yeah.
14
00:01:13,082 --> 00:01:18,642
And a briefcase for you, Marcus. Yow!
This is wicked, Sylvia. Thank you.
15
00:01:18,681 --> 00:01:21,360
Ah! There. That's cosy, isn't it?
16
00:01:21,401 --> 00:01:23,519
Ooh! Right, I'll get started
on the kitchen.
17
00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:25,639
Oh, no, you don't do...
Are these clean or...?
18
00:01:27,158 --> 00:01:28,838
No.
19
00:01:49,152 --> 00:01:51,790
This is some sort of big Roman
palaver.
20
00:01:51,831 --> 00:01:55,069
Oh, how exciting. Tell me everything
you know.
21
00:01:55,109 --> 00:01:56,829
That's about it, actually.
22
00:01:56,869 --> 00:01:58,708
It's the parade of the Vestal
virgins.
23
00:01:58,749 --> 00:02:01,347
Not too late for you to join, eh,
Marcus?
24
00:02:01,388 --> 00:02:03,152
Hilarious, Dad.
Oh, stop it.
25
00:02:03,351 --> 00:02:06,945
I bet the girls are queuing up for him,
right, Marcus?
26
00:02:06,985 --> 00:02:08,824
Well, yeah, not exactly.
27
00:02:08,865 --> 00:02:10,705
So have you got a girlfriend, then?
28
00:02:10,745 --> 00:02:12,103
Er, well...
29
00:02:12,144 --> 00:02:15,423
He's got one. Lepidus, look - he's
got one.
30
00:02:15,463 --> 00:02:17,303
So who is she? When can we meet her?
31
00:02:18,302 --> 00:02:20,700
No, I don't... I don't have a
girlfriend. Sorry.
32
00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:23,340
Oh. You will one day, soldier.
33
00:02:23,380 --> 00:02:27,338
Another honey sandwich, Grumio?
Yeah. Keep them coming, Sylv.
34
00:02:27,378 --> 00:02:30,377
Eh, why didn't you tell her about
your girlfriend? Why do you think?
35
00:02:30,418 --> 00:02:34,897
I can't expose Delphine to that shit
storm. What? Your parents are wicked.
36
00:02:34,936 --> 00:02:38,815
No. Mum would smother her with wool
and Delphine's so bloody fiery
37
00:02:38,856 --> 00:02:41,135
there'd be some terrible knitwear
inferno.
38
00:02:41,175 --> 00:02:43,693
Oh! Here come the virgins.
39
00:02:43,734 --> 00:02:45,853
Salve, ladies.
40
00:02:46,733 --> 00:02:48,412
What are you doing?
My sexy face.
41
00:02:48,452 --> 00:02:51,013
Not sure your sexy face
will work on this lot.
42
00:02:51,214 --> 00:02:53,090
My sexy face works on every lot.
43
00:02:53,131 --> 00:02:54,649
Hello! Hi.
44
00:03:01,327 --> 00:03:03,727
As if. It was probably just a
twitch.
45
00:03:03,766 --> 00:03:07,286
Uh-uh. It was a cheeky little
wink from a smoking hot Vestal.
46
00:03:07,325 --> 00:03:11,644
She's not going to wink at shrub-haired
wally boy in his granddad's cardy.
47
00:03:11,685 --> 00:03:13,404
I know when I've been winked at,
mate.
48
00:03:13,444 --> 00:03:16,682
Now I just need to work out how to
get my winky into that winker.
49
00:03:16,723 --> 00:03:19,201
You keep your winky away from her.
She's a Vestal Virgin.
50
00:03:19,241 --> 00:03:21,122
Maybe I'm up for a bit of
vestiality.
51
00:03:21,162 --> 00:03:24,920
Oh, well, that's disgusting
and illegal. Vestiality - with a V.
52
00:03:24,961 --> 00:03:28,439
Yes, that's illegal too. There are
half a million women in this city
53
00:03:28,478 --> 00:03:31,834
and only six of them with whom sexual
relations are specifically forbidden.
54
00:03:32,035 --> 00:03:33,077
Please just forget it.
55
00:03:33,118 --> 00:03:36,597
Nobody winks at Stylax Urastaques
and gets away with it.
56
00:03:36,636 --> 00:03:37,956
Nobody.
57
00:03:39,315 --> 00:03:43,913
20 sesterces for an apple? An apple?
58
00:03:43,954 --> 00:03:47,032
This city's out of control.
I don't know how you manage.
59
00:03:47,072 --> 00:03:49,553
Something usually turns up if you
know where to look.
60
00:03:49,593 --> 00:03:53,111
Grumio, I found a lump of cheese
under your bed.
61
00:03:53,151 --> 00:03:55,991
There you go.
It was wrapped in a soggy towel.
62
00:03:56,029 --> 00:03:58,710
Eh, eh, eh. What are you doing?
63
00:03:58,749 --> 00:04:01,389
I'm throwing it out. It's covered in
mould. Look.
64
00:04:01,429 --> 00:04:05,547
I'll have it. It's just a bit blue.
At least cut the blue bit off, then.
65
00:04:14,584 --> 00:04:17,423
Oh, dear. Oh.
66
00:04:19,462 --> 00:04:21,502
Oh! Hang about.
67
00:04:26,780 --> 00:04:29,820
Marcus!
Delphine! Hey.
68
00:04:30,978 --> 00:04:35,457
Wow! You finally got a nice tunic.
It looks good on you.
69
00:04:35,498 --> 00:04:41,095
Oh. Yeah, it's... Erm... An original
piece by a rural artisan friend.
70
00:04:41,136 --> 00:04:44,214
Mm. What are you doing here?
I came into town for a haircut.
71
00:04:44,255 --> 00:04:47,054
I thought we could have dinner.
Oh, yeah. It looks great.
72
00:04:47,093 --> 00:04:49,892
I've not had it yet, dickhead.
I meant afterwards.
73
00:04:49,933 --> 00:04:51,493
Sure, yes, sorry.
74
00:04:51,531 --> 00:04:55,730
Erm, I would love to but I'm really
not feeling well.
75
00:04:55,770 --> 00:04:57,729
Really? You look fine.
76
00:04:57,769 --> 00:05:02,528
I know. You'd have to feel my other
end. It's chock full of germs.
77
00:05:02,569 --> 00:05:03,809
OK. I'm not doing that.
78
00:05:03,847 --> 00:05:07,526
But I can tuck you in later on
if you want. No, best not.
79
00:05:07,567 --> 00:05:12,205
The germs in question are all over
the flat and very contagious.
80
00:05:12,246 --> 00:05:14,285
I'll come to yours as soon as
they're gone,
81
00:05:14,324 --> 00:05:16,804
probably around eight o'clock
tomorrow night?
82
00:05:16,843 --> 00:05:21,123
That's very precise.
Well, I know my body.
83
00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:29,120
The blessings of Vesta.
84
00:05:31,919 --> 00:05:34,078
The blessings of Vesta.
85
00:05:36,398 --> 00:05:38,196
The blessings of Vesta.
86
00:05:40,636 --> 00:05:42,396
The blessings of... Oh, hi.
87
00:05:42,435 --> 00:05:46,395
Erm, I'm usually served by the young
sultry one,
88
00:05:46,434 --> 00:05:48,313
with the cheekbones and the...
89
00:05:48,354 --> 00:05:51,072
Ursula is busy now.
Oh, that's fine. I can wait.
90
00:05:51,113 --> 00:05:53,951
And it doesn't matter who serves you.
You get the same fire.
91
00:05:53,991 --> 00:05:55,831
Yeah, I know, I... I just prefer her
fire.
92
00:05:55,871 --> 00:05:58,271
It feels a bit hotter.
93
00:05:58,310 --> 00:06:00,629
Well... Thank you.
94
00:06:08,946 --> 00:06:11,825
Hi. Ursula, is it? I'm Stylax.
95
00:06:11,865 --> 00:06:14,824
You might remember me from this
morning in the crowd. You winked.
96
00:06:16,105 --> 00:06:17,983
I think. Or blinked.
97
00:06:18,024 --> 00:06:20,664
Or... It was a twitch, wasn't it?
98
00:06:20,704 --> 00:06:23,182
Oh, I'm sorry. I just...
99
00:06:23,223 --> 00:06:26,782
Come back this evening.
I'll be guarding the flame.
100
00:06:26,821 --> 00:06:28,701
Alone.
101
00:06:30,101 --> 00:06:32,140
Mind your fingers, by the way.
102
00:06:39,496 --> 00:06:42,695
You bought this
here? Yeah. And now it's all mouldy.
103
00:06:42,735 --> 00:06:46,494
I don't do refunds. I'm sorry.
No, I'm not complaining.
104
00:06:46,535 --> 00:06:49,454
The mould tastes bloody lovely.
Try it.
105
00:06:49,493 --> 00:06:51,654
It's surprisingly delicious, I
assure you.
106
00:06:58,451 --> 00:07:00,610
Oh, sh... Stay with it.
107
00:07:00,651 --> 00:07:02,609
Stay with it.
108
00:07:04,529 --> 00:07:07,168
Right, you see?
Ah! I love it.
109
00:07:07,208 --> 00:07:09,688
How did you make this?
Trade secret, I'm afraid.
110
00:07:09,727 --> 00:07:12,207
If you supply the cheese,
he can make plenty more -
111
00:07:12,247 --> 00:07:14,566
split the profits - what do you say?
112
00:07:14,605 --> 00:07:18,205
And how do we call it?
I'm calling it blue.
113
00:07:18,245 --> 00:07:20,884
Nah. I think we should call it bleu.
114
00:07:20,923 --> 00:07:24,003
Personally, I prefer blue.
I much prefer bleu.
115
00:07:24,042 --> 00:07:26,202
Mm. Blue.
116
00:07:26,242 --> 00:07:28,041
Ah. Bleu.
117
00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:33,200
Bleurgh it is, then.
118
00:07:36,199 --> 00:07:37,427
Have a nice evening, guys.
119
00:07:37,627 --> 00:07:40,558
Are you not coming for dinner?
I'd love to but I've made plans.
120
00:07:40,597 --> 00:07:42,877
I'm going to the temple.
Temple? Really?
121
00:07:42,916 --> 00:07:45,876
I didn't know you'd found religion,
Stylax. Neither did I.
122
00:07:45,915 --> 00:07:49,474
Well, that parade got me all fired up.
I think I'm going to check it out.
123
00:07:49,515 --> 00:07:52,074
Well, I'm very impressed.
124
00:07:52,114 --> 00:07:56,872
Oh, don't forget your cardy. Oh, yeah.
Wouldn't want to catch a cold.
125
00:07:58,512 --> 00:08:04,510
Oh. And to think that's the boy who
used to stick raisins up his willy.
126
00:08:04,550 --> 00:08:08,947
So, Ursula, what's it like,
being a Vestal Virgin?
127
00:08:08,988 --> 00:08:12,346
Total sack of shit, mate.
Every day the same.
128
00:08:12,386 --> 00:08:15,106
You get up, you watch the flame,
you tend the flame,
129
00:08:15,145 --> 00:08:16,465
you take the flame for a walk.
130
00:08:16,506 --> 00:08:19,425
Yeah, but you're really famous.
I mean, that must be wicked.
131
00:08:19,464 --> 00:08:23,583
Is it fuck? No? People think being
in the V's is all glamour, right?
132
00:08:23,624 --> 00:08:28,062
But it's like a prison. I've never
left Rome. I've never climbed a tree,
133
00:08:28,102 --> 00:08:29,701
never been out for a greasy kebab.
134
00:08:29,742 --> 00:08:31,861
No - you would regret a greasy
kebab.
135
00:08:31,900 --> 00:08:33,700
I would love to regret a greasy
kebab.
136
00:08:33,740 --> 00:08:35,860
So why did you join, then?
Same as everyone.
137
00:08:35,899 --> 00:08:38,219
I was eight years old. I liked the
hats.
138
00:08:38,258 --> 00:08:40,698
They are nice hats.
139
00:08:41,578 --> 00:08:44,896
So, you want to shag me in the
cloister or what?
140
00:08:44,937 --> 00:08:48,576
Er, I'm happy to do it in the
vagina, like normal.
141
00:08:48,975 --> 00:08:51,935
That room there. Oh, right!
142
00:08:52,773 --> 00:08:54,053
Yes, please.
143
00:08:54,893 --> 00:08:57,853
Well, erm, I don't think we need
a starter.
144
00:08:57,892 --> 00:08:59,314
Shall we go straight to the mains?
145
00:08:59,514 --> 00:09:01,770
Let them have a starter if
they want one. We do, yeah.
146
00:09:01,811 --> 00:09:03,571
Can we have a table for two, please?
147
00:09:03,611 --> 00:09:07,689
Actually, I can't eat anything here.
Maybe let's go somewhere else.
148
00:09:07,729 --> 00:09:10,808
What? Yeah. Somewhere a bit cheaper.
Eh, Dad? Oh, yes, all right.
149
00:09:10,848 --> 00:09:13,807
No, there's plenty you can eat.
You like chicken, you like lamb,
150
00:09:13,847 --> 00:09:16,447
fish if I take out the bones. You
might like lobster.
151
00:09:16,487 --> 00:09:20,085
He might not. He might prefer
the soup or the omelette or...
152
00:09:20,124 --> 00:09:22,044
Marcus what are you doing down
there?
153
00:09:22,085 --> 00:09:24,444
All right, Delphine?
No! Grumio!
154
00:09:24,484 --> 00:09:28,203
Hi, Grumio. Is that Marcus under
there by any chance?
155
00:09:28,242 --> 00:09:30,641
Er, found it.
156
00:09:30,682 --> 00:09:32,721
Found that pea I was looking for.
157
00:09:33,961 --> 00:09:36,639
Oh! Hi, Delphine.
158
00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:38,200
Fancy seeing you here.
159
00:09:38,238 --> 00:09:40,998
Feeling better, then? Er, yes,
thanks.
160
00:09:41,038 --> 00:09:43,958
Er, turns out I don't know my body
after all. Hmm.
161
00:09:43,997 --> 00:09:46,236
So do you two know each other, then?
162
00:09:48,476 --> 00:09:51,795
Yes. Erm... Delphine's my
163
00:09:51,835 --> 00:09:54,633
girlfriend. What? You didn't have one
this morning.
164
00:09:54,674 --> 00:10:00,072
Busy afternoon. Er, no. We've actually
been together for a while.
165
00:10:00,111 --> 00:10:04,951
So why didn't you say anything?
And is this man involved?
166
00:10:04,990 --> 00:10:07,790
No. I... I don't know who that is.
167
00:10:07,830 --> 00:10:10,549
Oscar. Hi. Hi.
168
00:10:10,589 --> 00:10:12,347
Oscar is my hairdresser.
169
00:10:12,387 --> 00:10:15,427
Seeing as you were ill, I was at a
loose end.
170
00:10:15,467 --> 00:10:18,067
Right. Your hair looks great, by the
way. Oh! Thanks.
171
00:10:18,106 --> 00:10:21,665
Well, why don't you join us? We'll
push the two tables together.
172
00:10:21,705 --> 00:10:26,503
Thank you but I think Marcus prefers
to keep things separate.
173
00:10:39,619 --> 00:10:42,779
Are you sure you're a virgin? Cos you
seem to know what you're doing. Sh!
174
00:10:47,457 --> 00:10:50,615
What was that? Oh, nothing. The
flame just went out.
175
00:10:50,656 --> 00:10:52,176
What?
176
00:10:52,215 --> 00:10:55,894
The sacred flame went out.
Mm. Is that going to be a problem?
177
00:10:55,934 --> 00:10:59,533
The flame's gone out!
The sacred flame's gone out!
178
00:10:59,573 --> 00:11:01,772
The flame's gone out!
179
00:11:01,812 --> 00:11:03,412
The sacred flame's gone out!
180
00:11:03,452 --> 00:11:06,411
Er... What do we do now?
181
00:11:06,451 --> 00:11:08,050
The window. Quickly.
182
00:11:09,650 --> 00:11:12,529
Oh, shit - my cardy. Leave it!
It was a present.
183
00:11:12,569 --> 00:11:14,648
Leave the fucking cardy! OK.
184
00:11:21,245 --> 00:11:23,204
This way, centurion.
185
00:11:36,220 --> 00:11:38,819
Have you just got back?
Oh, hey.
186
00:11:38,859 --> 00:11:42,458
Er, what are you doing in here?
I gave my parents my bed.
187
00:11:42,498 --> 00:11:45,378
So how was temple? Yeah, good.
188
00:11:45,418 --> 00:11:47,298
Yeah. How was dinner? Hideous.
189
00:11:47,337 --> 00:11:50,736
Delphine was eating in the same
bloody restaurant. Phoof!
190
00:11:52,016 --> 00:11:55,094
My bedroom's just over there.
Er, where's the toilet? Here.
191
00:11:56,775 --> 00:11:59,453
Shit! So Delphine must have been
pretty angry, right?
192
00:11:59,493 --> 00:12:02,413
Is...? Who was that? That's
Ursula, yeah. The Vestal Virgin?
193
00:12:02,452 --> 00:12:04,652
Well, she's technically just a
Vestal now.
194
00:12:04,691 --> 00:12:06,570
Ah! And why is she in our flat?
195
00:12:06,610 --> 00:12:09,527
Well, there was a kerfuffle with
some wine and the flame going out,
196
00:12:09,728 --> 00:12:11,010
which apparently is a no-no.
197
00:12:11,050 --> 00:12:14,169
You put out the sacred flame
and brought a Vestal to our flat?
198
00:12:14,208 --> 00:12:17,288
And lost the cardigan your mum gave
me. Bit of a triple whammy.
199
00:12:17,327 --> 00:12:19,927
Well, go back and get it, then,
before they trace it to us.
200
00:12:19,966 --> 00:12:22,926
What's all the shouting about?
Stylax humped a Vestal Virgin.
201
00:12:22,965 --> 00:12:24,724
She's technically just a Vestal now.
202
00:12:24,765 --> 00:12:26,765
Oh. Boom. Yeah.
203
00:12:26,804 --> 00:12:29,644
No - not boom. Not boom at all.
204
00:12:29,683 --> 00:12:33,283
Your toilet's full of cheese.
Yeah, I know. Just work around it.
205
00:12:35,122 --> 00:12:38,041
Why is the toilet full of cheese?
I'm harvesting blue.
206
00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:41,479
What? Sorry. I should say,
I'm harvesting bleu.
207
00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:45,078
That's no clearer, Grumio. I'm making
mouldy cheese to sell down the market.
208
00:12:45,119 --> 00:12:47,222
Oh, good! So you're hiding
a runaway nun
209
00:12:47,422 --> 00:12:50,877
and you're cultivating putrid
cheese while my parents are here.
210
00:12:50,917 --> 00:12:52,712
Yeah. Anything else
you want to throw in?
211
00:12:52,911 --> 00:12:55,516
Smear the wall with faeces?
Fill the kitchen with snakes?
212
00:12:58,314 --> 00:13:02,393
Toast's done. I cut it into corners,
just how you like it.
213
00:13:02,432 --> 00:13:05,711
Old school. I'm sure I've seen you
somewhere before, Ursula.
214
00:13:05,752 --> 00:13:07,831
Do you work in arable farming, by
any chance?
215
00:13:07,872 --> 00:13:11,870
Er, no, I'm in between jobs at the
moment.
216
00:13:11,910 --> 00:13:15,349
And where did you two meet?
Actually, we met at the temple.
217
00:13:15,389 --> 00:13:18,187
Oh, lovely! Have you been together
long? No, not long.
218
00:13:18,228 --> 00:13:22,466
And you still introduce us and we're
not even your parents.
219
00:13:22,507 --> 00:13:25,785
Marcus doesn't even... I said I was
sorry. It was so embarrassing.
220
00:13:25,825 --> 00:13:29,464
Honestly, that poor girl.
I know, Mum. I'm going to apologise.
221
00:13:29,504 --> 00:13:32,662
Good. Do you want me to come?
No! Of course not.
222
00:13:32,702 --> 00:13:35,422
I'm a grown-up man. I can deal with
it. Yes!
223
00:13:35,462 --> 00:13:37,382
Oh, you've got jam face.
224
00:13:41,540 --> 00:13:45,339
I'm sorry. It's not you, it's my
parents, honestly.
225
00:13:45,379 --> 00:13:49,858
Boff. No, not boff. I was just
worried you wouldn't get on.
226
00:13:49,898 --> 00:13:52,176
Why wouldn't we get on?
Because they're annoying
227
00:13:52,217 --> 00:13:54,736
and you can be, well, quite...
Quite what?
228
00:13:54,775 --> 00:13:57,975
Quite fucking what?
Well, yeah, like this. Aggro.
229
00:13:58,015 --> 00:14:01,173
I thought you were apologising.
No, I am. I'm sorry.
230
00:14:01,214 --> 00:14:07,372
Look - I got you this. It's a hand-made
handbag from my artisan friend.
231
00:14:09,252 --> 00:14:12,011
Thank you. It's really nice.
232
00:14:13,649 --> 00:14:16,528
Oh, you wrote me a note.
Oh! Erm...
233
00:14:16,568 --> 00:14:18,848
"For my little soldier."
234
00:14:18,888 --> 00:14:22,327
Yeah. That's my nickname for you.
No, it isn't.
235
00:14:22,367 --> 00:14:24,566
Just trying it out.
236
00:14:24,607 --> 00:14:27,285
"Love from Mum."
237
00:14:27,966 --> 00:14:31,923
Your nickname for me?
You're a cheap bastard, Marcus.
238
00:14:31,964 --> 00:14:34,004
Oh, no. I'm sorry. Look...
239
00:14:34,043 --> 00:14:37,042
I come from a long line of cheap
bastards.
240
00:14:47,359 --> 00:14:49,479
You all right, Landlady? What's
going on here?
241
00:14:49,518 --> 00:14:51,397
I'm just enjoying the show.
242
00:14:51,437 --> 00:14:56,236
Some Vestal slag was having a shag
and let the flame go out. Whorr!
243
00:14:56,275 --> 00:14:58,875
Yeah, I love all this celebrity sex
stuff, me.
244
00:14:58,914 --> 00:15:01,595
Do they who it was yet?
No, not yet, no.
245
00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:04,793
They're just getting the bricks
ready to wall 'em in with. What?
246
00:15:04,834 --> 00:15:08,832
Wall them in? What does that mean? Well,
it's what it sounds like, numb-nuts.
247
00:15:08,872 --> 00:15:13,910
The pair of them, the perverts, gets
bricked up inside a wall until they die
248
00:15:13,951 --> 00:15:16,230
of hunger or thirst or both.
249
00:15:16,269 --> 00:15:17,508
Fucking brilliant.
250
00:15:17,548 --> 00:15:20,588
I've found his cardigan!
Ooh!
251
00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:23,468
She's found his cardy.
252
00:15:23,507 --> 00:15:27,106
Here - wall 'em in.
Wall 'em in!
253
00:15:27,145 --> 00:15:28,706
Wall 'em in.
254
00:15:28,745 --> 00:15:30,945
Wall 'em in!
Wall 'em in!
255
00:15:30,985 --> 00:15:33,783
Wall 'em in! Wall 'em in!
256
00:15:38,223 --> 00:15:40,021
Bingo.
257
00:15:46,539 --> 00:15:48,699
What's the matter,
my little soldier?
258
00:15:48,738 --> 00:15:52,178
You look ever so glum.
Oh, it's nothing.
259
00:15:52,218 --> 00:15:55,736
It's just that bloody bleu -
it's making me wince.
260
00:15:55,776 --> 00:15:58,775
Mm. It's more than just the bleu,
though, isn't it?
261
00:15:58,816 --> 00:16:01,374
There's something else.
Er...
262
00:16:01,414 --> 00:16:04,334
I think I've really pissed off
Delphine. Now, swearing.
263
00:16:04,373 --> 00:16:06,892
You can win her round
if you like her.
264
00:16:06,933 --> 00:16:10,052
Do you like her?
Well... I think...
265
00:16:10,092 --> 00:16:12,332
I think I might love her.
266
00:16:12,371 --> 00:16:15,051
But I've really fucked up.
Well, then - swearing again -
267
00:16:15,091 --> 00:16:16,570
what are we going to do about it?
268
00:16:16,609 --> 00:16:18,930
I don't know.
269
00:16:18,970 --> 00:16:20,449
What do you mean, "we"?
270
00:16:20,488 --> 00:16:23,127
Mum, please. This is not a good idea.
271
00:16:23,168 --> 00:16:26,567
Oh, because you're doing such a
marvellous job on your own? Fair point.
272
00:16:29,926 --> 00:16:33,404
Is this where she lives?
This isn't a normal house.
273
00:16:33,445 --> 00:16:35,564
Yeah, it's a sort of squat.
274
00:16:35,603 --> 00:16:40,043
Delphine, hello!
What a lovely squat.
275
00:16:40,083 --> 00:16:43,322
It's got such character.
Hello, Mrs Gallow.
276
00:16:43,361 --> 00:16:46,681
Call me Sylvia, please.
What do you want, Marcus?
277
00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:49,599
Now, it's not for me to meddle
but I want you to know
278
00:16:49,639 --> 00:16:54,038
that however badly he's behaved, he's
a good boy at heart and he means well.
279
00:16:54,078 --> 00:16:56,756
Mum. Well, you are. I want her to
know that.
280
00:16:56,797 --> 00:17:00,515
And do you know this good boy tried
to give me the bag you made him?
281
00:17:00,556 --> 00:17:04,194
What, the briefcase? Yeah, well,
it's more of a ladies' handbag, Mum.
282
00:17:04,235 --> 00:17:07,034
If you didn't like it, you should
have said. Yeah, I'm sorry.
283
00:17:07,074 --> 00:17:10,152
It took me days to knit that. It's a
very complicated pattern.
284
00:17:12,272 --> 00:17:16,110
That aside, I still think you should
give him another chance, Delphine.
285
00:17:16,150 --> 00:17:18,949
To be honest, the only reason he's
being such an idiot
286
00:17:18,990 --> 00:17:21,428
is because he thinks he might love
you. Oh, Mum!
287
00:17:21,469 --> 00:17:23,788
What are you doing? Well, you do. You
said you did.
288
00:17:23,828 --> 00:17:25,468
Well... Did you?
289
00:17:25,508 --> 00:17:29,547
Er... Go on - say it to her face.
Yeah, well, not now.
290
00:17:29,586 --> 00:17:31,385
Not with my mother here telling me
to.
291
00:17:31,425 --> 00:17:34,785
Oh, he's gone all shy. Look!
292
00:17:34,825 --> 00:17:37,744
You should probably take him home.
Yeah.
293
00:17:37,784 --> 00:17:39,582
Very nice to meet you all.
294
00:17:39,622 --> 00:17:41,902
Briefly.
295
00:17:41,942 --> 00:17:43,581
Come on.
296
00:17:47,741 --> 00:17:49,820
And...
297
00:17:50,540 --> 00:17:54,418
I don't know how to tell you this but
if they catch us, they're going to...
298
00:17:54,459 --> 00:17:56,698
wall us in.
Yeah, I know.
299
00:17:56,738 --> 00:17:59,537
You know? Why didn't you tell me?
300
00:17:59,576 --> 00:18:01,016
It didn't really come up, did it?
301
00:18:01,056 --> 00:18:02,402
You shouldn't sleep with a girl
302
00:18:02,603 --> 00:18:04,775
unless you're ready to deal
with the consequences.
303
00:18:04,815 --> 00:18:07,373
Oh, these are some spicy
consequences.
304
00:18:07,413 --> 00:18:10,213
Only because you put the flame out.
It's never happened before.
305
00:18:10,253 --> 00:18:12,773
What do you mean, before?
Ah! So you weren't a virgin.
306
00:18:12,813 --> 00:18:15,492
Did I seem like a virgin? No. Not
really.
307
00:18:15,532 --> 00:18:17,811
Your title was a bit misleading.
Yeah, well.
308
00:18:17,850 --> 00:18:20,250
What shall we do? Well, we need
to come up with a plan.
309
00:18:23,088 --> 00:18:24,349
Shall we have sex again?
310
00:18:24,549 --> 00:18:27,647
Er, not the sort of plan I was
thinking but, yeah, why not?
311
00:18:27,688 --> 00:18:30,846
The damage has been done. Yeah.
You can't get walled in twice, eh?
312
00:18:32,966 --> 00:18:34,924
Good boy. This way.
313
00:18:37,084 --> 00:18:40,603
So, how's it going with the bleu?
Oh, magnifique.
314
00:18:40,643 --> 00:18:43,082
It is maybe the best cheese
I've ever tasted.
315
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:46,042
Well, I do my best. But no-one will
buy it.
316
00:18:46,081 --> 00:18:49,241
What? Why not?
They say, "What is this bleu?
317
00:18:49,281 --> 00:18:52,319
I don't want to buy this stinky
cheese that's covered in mould."
318
00:18:52,359 --> 00:18:55,638
What about when they taste it?
They won't. They are too scared.
319
00:18:55,679 --> 00:18:58,478
So we're not going to make a packet?
Eh, Grumio,
320
00:18:58,518 --> 00:19:02,356
you cannot win the beauty contest
if no-one will look at your face.
321
00:19:02,396 --> 00:19:04,555
I'm not sure I'd win it, anyway.
322
00:19:04,595 --> 00:19:07,755
Now take it away, please. The smell
has been making me dizzy.
323
00:19:16,831 --> 00:19:19,191
Salve, Marcus.
All right, Landlord.
324
00:19:19,231 --> 00:19:23,909
Oh, you're the landlord? Lovely.
Sylvia Gallow, Marcus's mum.
325
00:19:23,950 --> 00:19:26,429
We're just visiting for the weekend.
Oh, are you, now?
326
00:19:26,469 --> 00:19:30,227
Staying here, are you? Yes. Actually, my
husband wanted to talk to you about rent.
327
00:19:30,267 --> 00:19:31,989
Well, exactly, cos guests is extra.
328
00:19:32,190 --> 00:19:34,946
I think he was after a discount.
I'll put it on the tab.
329
00:19:34,986 --> 00:19:38,824
Right! Let the hunt commence.
330
00:19:38,864 --> 00:19:43,423
What? What hunt? There's a reward for
this missing Vestal and her fella.
331
00:19:43,463 --> 00:19:46,782
I've rounded up a bit of a posse.
A Vestal's gone missing?
332
00:19:46,821 --> 00:19:49,181
Oh! But we saw them only yesterday.
333
00:19:49,221 --> 00:19:51,580
Popped her cherry then popped off,
apparently.
334
00:19:51,620 --> 00:19:54,500
Still, couldn't have gone far.
They're very eye-catching.
335
00:19:54,539 --> 00:19:56,898
Oh, well, good luck, then.
What do they look like?
336
00:19:56,939 --> 00:20:01,056
Well, she's a bit of a stunner
and he's an old gipper,
337
00:20:01,096 --> 00:20:03,457
judging by his dodgy cardigan that
he left behind.
338
00:20:03,497 --> 00:20:07,374
Ooh. Erm...
Yes, between extra rent and this reward,
339
00:20:07,415 --> 00:20:10,175
I think it's going to be a bumper
weekend for me.
340
00:20:10,215 --> 00:20:13,333
Come on, lads.
341
00:20:16,972 --> 00:20:21,330
I'm disappointed in you, Stylax. A
Vestal Virgin? I thought you'd grown up?
342
00:20:21,370 --> 00:20:23,889
And a bloody manhunt, Sylvia.
Don't forget the manhunt.
343
00:20:23,930 --> 00:20:26,689
This is very naughty, Stylax, even
for you.
344
00:20:26,729 --> 00:20:28,968
This is the naughtiest thing I've
done, to be fair.
345
00:20:29,008 --> 00:20:31,728
Why couldn't you just forget it?
This is a total disaster.
346
00:20:31,768 --> 00:20:33,927
Well, mostly for me.
I could get walled in.
347
00:20:33,967 --> 00:20:35,805
If they find her,
we'll all get walled in.
348
00:20:35,845 --> 00:20:38,844
Surely me and your mother won't get
walled in? What have we done?
349
00:20:38,884 --> 00:20:42,204
Let's just hide out here for a few
weeks until it blows over.
350
00:20:42,244 --> 00:20:45,082
Yes, like it. Let's chill out and
work our way through the bleu.
351
00:20:45,122 --> 00:20:46,602
I think I'd rather get walled in.
352
00:20:46,643 --> 00:20:50,162
We need to get her out of here.
I can't go out there!
353
00:20:50,202 --> 00:20:52,320
There's men with sniffer dogs
looking for me.
354
00:20:52,360 --> 00:20:54,400
Oh, bloody Nora.
Right, everybody, think.
355
00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:57,118
Lepidus, are you thinking?
I'm trying, dear. I'm trying.
356
00:21:02,997 --> 00:21:06,436
Fine. I forgive you.
Oh, great. Thank you. Do come in.
357
00:21:06,476 --> 00:21:11,594
But only because I like your mother.
Oh, well, I like you, too, Delphine.
358
00:21:11,635 --> 00:21:15,512
Ooh-lah-lah! What is that smell?
359
00:21:15,552 --> 00:21:18,192
It's bleu. You get used to it after
a couple of days.
360
00:21:18,232 --> 00:21:22,030
Ah. These are for you, Sylvia,
to say thank you for the bag.
361
00:21:22,070 --> 00:21:24,070
How lovely!
362
00:21:24,110 --> 00:21:27,429
Not that you'd be able to smell
anything with that cheese around.
363
00:21:27,469 --> 00:21:30,628
Oh! Amazing! I love you.
364
00:21:31,908 --> 00:21:33,826
Oh! I've had an idea.
365
00:21:33,866 --> 00:21:36,706
Mum, Dad, I need to ask a bit of a
favour.
366
00:21:36,746 --> 00:21:39,025
Yes, anything, we'll do it.
How much will it cost?
367
00:21:43,583 --> 00:21:46,383
Er, sorry about this.
368
00:21:46,423 --> 00:21:48,302
Ach, it's better than being
walled in.
369
00:21:48,342 --> 00:21:50,382
Yeah, I guess you're sort of
cheesed in.
370
00:21:51,662 --> 00:21:54,741
So what are you going to do?
Dunno. Maybe do a bit of travelling.
371
00:21:54,780 --> 00:21:57,099
Finally eat that greasy kebab.
Oh!
372
00:21:58,140 --> 00:22:00,498
Shall I come with you? No, it's all
right, babe.
373
00:22:00,538 --> 00:22:02,658
Once I'm out of the city, you're in
the clear.
374
00:22:02,698 --> 00:22:05,457
Oh, no, I meant more for sexy
reasons. Oh.
375
00:22:05,496 --> 00:22:07,736
For a virgin, it was one hell of a
ride.
376
00:22:13,654 --> 00:22:16,093
Yeah, I can't breathe.
It's too cheesy.
377
00:22:18,292 --> 00:22:21,811
Well, it was so good to meet you,
Delphine - eventually.
378
00:22:21,851 --> 00:22:25,371
And do let me know your address,
sizes and favourite colour of wool.
379
00:22:33,047 --> 00:22:35,687
Hold it there, please. Just going to
check your cargo.
380
00:22:35,727 --> 00:22:38,765
Oh, yes, OK.
Good boy. Up you get.
381
00:22:38,805 --> 00:22:41,484
Phwarr. Bloody hell. Ugh!
382
00:22:41,524 --> 00:22:44,843
All right, that's clear. On you go.
Thank you very much.
383
00:22:44,884 --> 00:22:47,283
And we're in the clear.
384
00:22:49,082 --> 00:22:51,642
Salve, boys.
All right, Landlord.
385
00:22:51,682 --> 00:22:54,760
We got them - look.
Come on, then, you perverts.
386
00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:57,999
All right? Let's get 'em walled in.
32543
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