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1
00:00:01,468 --> 00:00:03,834
Ray's still out of town covering the Yankees.
2
00:00:03,903 --> 00:00:08,533
Yeah, I know. He's been gone for four days,
and he's 16 minutes late.
3
00:00:10,944 --> 00:00:12,878
-Daddy!
-Hey.
4
00:00:12,946 --> 00:00:14,971
-Grab that, Ray.
-All right.
5
00:00:16,549 --> 00:00:20,747
-Where's my present?
-Get off there. Get down. Come on.
6
00:00:20,820 --> 00:00:22,845
-More.
-Matthew wants more.
7
00:00:23,590 --> 00:00:25,421
Now we got to clean up Aisle 2.
8
00:00:25,492 --> 00:00:26,686
Here you go.
9
00:00:27,494 --> 00:00:28,722
I'll get it.
10
00:00:31,531 --> 00:00:32,896
Gregory's done.
11
00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:35,761
And Matthew's done.
12
00:00:36,136 --> 00:00:37,660
And Ally's done.
13
00:00:43,643 --> 00:00:47,977
Cookie, cookie, and cookie.
14
00:00:54,687 --> 00:00:56,848
-Hi, honey.
-Hi.
15
00:01:02,595 --> 00:01:05,120
Hi, I'm Ray. I live here in Long Island...
16
00:01:05,331 --> 00:01:07,162
with my wife, Debra...
17
00:01:07,700 --> 00:01:11,727
my five-year-old daughter,
and twin almost two-year-old boys.
18
00:01:11,938 --> 00:01:14,133
My parents live across the street.
19
00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:15,969
That's right.
20
00:01:16,042 --> 00:01:18,636
The truth is, I'd do anything for my family.
21
00:01:21,948 --> 00:01:23,415
And done.
22
00:01:24,818 --> 00:01:26,251
Oh, no.
23
00:01:28,955 --> 00:01:30,115
Debra!
24
00:01:30,557 --> 00:01:31,990
Honey!
25
00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:36,954
Somebody call my father!
I'm hyperventilating!
26
00:01:42,902 --> 00:01:45,302
I don't know
how I survived four days by myself.
27
00:01:45,371 --> 00:01:47,236
I know.
28
00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:50,136
Nobody hates going on the road
more than me.
29
00:01:50,210 --> 00:01:52,405
-It's miserable for me out there.
-Yeah.
30
00:01:52,479 --> 00:01:55,380
Look at this. Cal Ripken signed my hat.
31
00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:58,747
That's great. Look at this.
Gregory spit up on my shirt.
32
00:02:00,487 --> 00:02:02,318
-I'm not trading.
-Okay.
33
00:02:03,256 --> 00:02:05,986
Be happy you're home for my birthday.
That's all I can say.
34
00:02:06,059 --> 00:02:08,459
What? Of course I'm home for your birthday.
35
00:02:08,528 --> 00:02:12,020
Are you kidding? Your birthday is Sunday.
That's right.
36
00:02:12,332 --> 00:02:14,766
-Big party.
-And how old am I gonna be?
37
00:02:15,301 --> 00:02:18,532
-I know that.
-Ray, how old?
38
00:02:18,705 --> 00:02:21,572
All right. I just have to backtrack.
39
00:02:22,408 --> 00:02:25,400
Let's see. When I proposed, you were 23.
40
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,807
-You said no.
-Right.
41
00:02:28,648 --> 00:02:30,946
Then I proposed, you were 24.
42
00:02:31,284 --> 00:02:33,912
No again. Right.
43
00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:36,315
-Then I took a year off to regroup.
-Yeah.
44
00:02:36,389 --> 00:02:39,950
Then I came back with a job. Boom. Married.
45
00:02:41,294 --> 00:02:42,921
That would make you...
46
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:46,488
32-ish.
47
00:02:46,566 --> 00:02:50,593
-All right, I'll accept that.
-Good, 'cause.... Big party.
48
00:02:50,703 --> 00:02:52,330
You know what? I don't want the party.
49
00:02:52,405 --> 00:02:56,034
I just want a nice day at home
with my favorite husband and my kids.
50
00:02:56,109 --> 00:02:57,406
-Okay?
-Okay.
51
00:02:57,477 --> 00:03:00,708
And I guess my parents
and my brother, too, right?
52
00:03:02,315 --> 00:03:04,112
My parents and my brother?
53
00:03:04,951 --> 00:03:06,009
What?
54
00:03:06,452 --> 00:03:08,283
Ray, it's just that....
55
00:03:08,655 --> 00:03:12,022
Look, you know I love them.
They're my family, too.
56
00:03:12,458 --> 00:03:17,088
But I was wondering if, perhaps,
we wouldn't have them over on Sunday.
57
00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:18,990
Why not?
58
00:03:19,065 --> 00:03:23,365
It's just, honey, every day that
you were gone, they dropped by.
59
00:03:23,436 --> 00:03:25,529
And your dad
is always waking up the kids...
60
00:03:25,605 --> 00:03:27,300
and now they don't even call first.
61
00:03:27,373 --> 00:03:29,568
They live across the street.
Why should they call?
62
00:03:29,642 --> 00:03:32,475
-It's quicker just to come by.
-I know.
63
00:03:33,446 --> 00:03:35,209
-It's like we're on the way.
-No.
64
00:03:35,281 --> 00:03:38,341
We are the way. We are where they're going.
65
00:03:38,418 --> 00:03:40,909
You see, now you're exaggerating a little.
66
00:03:40,987 --> 00:03:42,215
You're home!
67
00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:45,021
-Hi, Mom.
-Hi.
68
00:03:45,091 --> 00:03:48,322
I saw your car pull up before.
You didn't call.
69
00:03:50,196 --> 00:03:53,597
Hi, Debra. I brought you some baking soda
for your fridge.
70
00:03:53,666 --> 00:03:55,793
I smelled something questionable.
71
00:03:56,836 --> 00:03:58,167
From across the street?
72
00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:01,503
No, when I was here yesterday.
73
00:04:05,211 --> 00:04:06,974
-It's worse.
-Come on.
74
00:04:07,046 --> 00:04:08,877
Okay. All right.
75
00:04:09,115 --> 00:04:11,276
Ma, listen, we can buy our own baking soda.
76
00:04:11,351 --> 00:04:13,546
I know, sweetie. But you don't.
77
00:04:14,654 --> 00:04:18,522
What have we here?
I'll get you some club soda for that, too.
78
00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:20,718
No, Ma, we have club soda.
79
00:04:20,793 --> 00:04:23,956
No. You're father finished it.
I'll see you later.
80
00:04:28,201 --> 00:04:30,192
It comes from love.
81
00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:36,541
If you want,
maybe I'll talk to my father about it.
82
00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:40,735
While you're talking to him, would you mind
mentioning the answering machine?
83
00:04:40,813 --> 00:04:44,271
Is he playing back the messages again?
I changed the code.
84
00:04:44,350 --> 00:04:45,840
He cracked it.
85
00:04:46,519 --> 00:04:49,977
Hope everyone's doing good,
Debra, you ought to call Linda back,
86
00:04:50,056 --> 00:04:53,514
She sounds like she's had
a very interesting visit to the gyno,
87
00:04:55,428 --> 00:04:56,895
That's funny.
88
00:04:58,398 --> 00:05:00,764
You know, it's not for everybody, okay?
89
00:05:02,402 --> 00:05:04,529
He's fooling around. That's what he does.
90
00:05:04,604 --> 00:05:07,869
He's like one of those guys.
What do you call them?
91
00:05:07,940 --> 00:05:09,202
An idiot.
92
00:05:10,243 --> 00:05:12,677
But do they have to bring
your brother over?
93
00:05:12,745 --> 00:05:15,839
My brother lives with them.
He doesn't like staying alone.
94
00:05:15,915 --> 00:05:17,746
He's 40, Ray.
95
00:05:18,084 --> 00:05:20,314
Come on. He loves the kids.
96
00:05:21,020 --> 00:05:23,989
It's just like....
The way Robert eats, you know?
97
00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:27,993
The way he has to touch every bite
to his chin before he puts it in his mouth.
98
00:05:28,061 --> 00:05:29,187
That's weird.
99
00:05:29,262 --> 00:05:31,287
What? That's an idiosyncrasy.
100
00:05:31,364 --> 00:05:35,425
It's like when he's counting and
he gets to 12, he has to take his shoes off.
101
00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:37,564
Everybody has those.
102
00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:40,198
How did he ever become a police sergeant?
103
00:05:40,273 --> 00:05:43,709
Because he's a good cop,
and they didn't make him count.
104
00:05:44,444 --> 00:05:45,638
Or eat.
105
00:05:46,412 --> 00:05:49,939
I don't know, Ray.
It's just that it's every day.
106
00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:53,452
And between them and the kids, I just feel....
107
00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:54,812
Lucky?
108
00:05:57,156 --> 00:05:59,351
I'm home now. Maybe you need a break.
109
00:05:59,425 --> 00:06:01,393
Why don't you go out with Linda tomorrow?
110
00:06:01,461 --> 00:06:04,828
-And leave the kids with your parents?
-No. I'll do the kids.
111
00:06:06,466 --> 00:06:07,933
I can't do that.
112
00:06:08,334 --> 00:06:11,826
How about the time you went to your aunt's
for three days?
113
00:06:11,904 --> 00:06:14,998
-I took the kids with me.
-Yeah. But I fed myself.
114
00:06:17,577 --> 00:06:20,341
-All right, which one's Gregory?
-That one.
115
00:06:20,413 --> 00:06:22,142
Yeah? This one's Matthew?
116
00:06:22,949 --> 00:06:24,576
You're sure about that?
117
00:06:25,017 --> 00:06:27,850
All right. Now we shuffle them.
118
00:06:28,788 --> 00:06:30,119
Come over here.
119
00:06:30,690 --> 00:06:32,783
Let's turn him like this.
120
00:06:33,459 --> 00:06:35,859
Give him a flippety-floo.
121
00:06:36,863 --> 00:06:38,057
Over here.
122
00:06:38,865 --> 00:06:40,560
He comes back over here.
123
00:06:41,467 --> 00:06:43,435
Keeping your eye on them?
124
00:06:43,936 --> 00:06:46,097
Okay. Where is Gregory?
125
00:06:49,375 --> 00:06:51,002
Come on. It's easy.
126
00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:53,674
Which one's Gregory?
127
00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:57,481
Don't tell your mother about this.
128
00:07:00,219 --> 00:07:01,914
Leo!
129
00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:03,077
Come on.
130
00:07:07,693 --> 00:07:10,321
Hey, sport, how are you doing?
131
00:07:10,963 --> 00:07:12,658
Ray, welcome back, man.
132
00:07:12,732 --> 00:07:16,168
What's going on? Look at this.
I've been working on this.
133
00:07:16,235 --> 00:07:20,672
I found a way where I can exercise
and watch these guys at the same time.
134
00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:22,764
These are twin flies.
135
00:07:29,248 --> 00:07:33,708
You know what's great about this?
Every week their weight naturally increases.
136
00:07:37,990 --> 00:07:40,220
Come on. Keep it down, Leo.
137
00:07:40,426 --> 00:07:42,485
-I just got them to sleep.
-I'm sorry.
138
00:07:42,562 --> 00:07:44,496
Want to go to Nemo's, get a slice?
139
00:07:44,564 --> 00:07:46,589
Leo, my kids aren't fish.
140
00:07:50,102 --> 00:07:53,560
You can't just sprinkle food over their crib
and leave.
141
00:07:55,241 --> 00:07:56,606
Call your mother.
142
00:07:57,210 --> 00:08:00,611
I can't. Debra's got this thing
about them coming over too much lately.
143
00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:02,375
I got the club soda.
144
00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:05,579
Hi, Leo.
145
00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:08,312
-Hey, Mrs. B.
-How are you doing?
146
00:08:10,189 --> 00:08:14,319
Would you mind sitting with the kids while
Ray and I went out and got some pizza?
147
00:08:14,393 --> 00:08:16,691
Not at all. But where's Debra?
148
00:08:17,196 --> 00:08:19,255
She went to the movies with Linda.
149
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:21,027
-The movies?
-Yes.
150
00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:23,034
Some people get to live it up.
151
00:08:23,903 --> 00:08:27,395
You guys go ahead. Go.
Get your pizza. You deserve it.
152
00:08:27,473 --> 00:08:29,065
You rock, Mrs. B.
153
00:08:29,842 --> 00:08:31,241
Come on, let's go.
154
00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:36,747
No. Debra doesn't want me
to leave them with...
155
00:08:37,617 --> 00:08:38,845
out me.
156
00:08:39,285 --> 00:08:43,051
You're leaving them with me.
They're sleeping. Go with your friend.
157
00:08:43,122 --> 00:08:44,680
I want to, but I can't.
158
00:08:44,757 --> 00:08:48,523
You're worried, you're concerned.
We're all crying buckets here. Let's go.
159
00:08:48,594 --> 00:08:50,721
It's 8:30. We'll be gone one hour.
160
00:08:50,796 --> 00:08:53,492
Would you go?
Come on. You're insulting me.
161
00:08:53,566 --> 00:08:57,024
-I raised you, didn't I?
-Oh, God, you raised me.
162
00:09:12,885 --> 00:09:16,082
Oh, Frank, Robbie! You scared me!
163
00:09:16,422 --> 00:09:19,949
You don't leave a note, you just leave.
We're looking all over for you.
164
00:09:20,026 --> 00:09:22,893
-Where'd you look?
-We thought we'd start here.
165
00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:30,091
-Where are the kids?
-Oh, no. They're sleeping.
166
00:09:30,169 --> 00:09:32,433
I just want to see them. Come on, it's early.
167
00:09:32,505 --> 00:09:35,201
I just want to see the kids.
They can sleep when we go.
168
00:09:35,274 --> 00:09:37,936
No. You want to see something?
169
00:09:38,010 --> 00:09:41,377
A $120 receipt from Victoria's Secret.
170
00:09:43,215 --> 00:09:44,580
Holy crap!
171
00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:48,453
What the hell's a bustier?
172
00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:55,784
When did he get this?
173
00:09:56,662 --> 00:10:00,120
That's an award your brother got
for his sports column.
174
00:10:00,733 --> 00:10:02,360
Never ends for Raymond.
175
00:10:03,202 --> 00:10:04,499
Poor Robbie.
176
00:10:04,570 --> 00:10:06,538
Everybody loves Raymond.
177
00:10:08,407 --> 00:10:10,773
I go to work, people shoot at me.
178
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,912
Ray goes to work, people do the wave.
179
00:10:14,647 --> 00:10:18,139
Then he sits down, has a hot dog,
doodles on a piece of paper...
180
00:10:18,217 --> 00:10:20,151
they give him a trophy.
181
00:10:22,888 --> 00:10:27,086
To tell you the truth, I think that
Raymond is wasting his life writing sports.
182
00:10:27,159 --> 00:10:30,856
I mean, writers should be writing
short stories and poetry.
183
00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:34,099
You think I'm wasting my life?
184
00:10:39,438 --> 00:10:41,599
It's different with you, dear.
185
00:10:43,509 --> 00:10:45,739
Look who's up!
186
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,286
Oh, no!
187
00:11:02,561 --> 00:11:04,586
Ray, you want to watch the game?
188
00:11:04,764 --> 00:11:07,995
What are you doing, everybody?
Debra's gonna be....
189
00:11:08,100 --> 00:11:11,831
Okay. I'm gonna ask you to quickly
and quietly move to your nearest exits!
190
00:11:11,904 --> 00:11:15,465
-It's the fourth quarter.
-Dad, please. Buckle up and go!
191
00:11:19,812 --> 00:11:23,714
When somebody does you a favor,
you're supposed to say, "Thank you."
192
00:11:23,783 --> 00:11:25,410
Thank you, Mom and Dad.
193
00:11:25,484 --> 00:11:28,920
You're wonderful grandparents.
You're not evil at all.
194
00:11:29,121 --> 00:11:32,887
-Let me just smell their heads once more.
-Dad, please.
195
00:11:32,958 --> 00:11:36,951
It's the fountain of youth.
I'm sucking in that youth.
196
00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:41,989
I'm begging you, Dad, let go of their heads.
I'll give you money. You want the money?
197
00:11:42,068 --> 00:11:46,164
Save your money. You're gonna need it.
Victoria's not a secret anymore.
198
00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:51,635
-We'll see you Sunday at Debra's party.
-Okay. Thanks again, Ma.
199
00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:54,744
Nice trophy.
200
00:12:02,121 --> 00:12:05,284
-I was just checking the kids.
-Great.
201
00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:07,518
Still sleeping like logs.
202
00:12:09,795 --> 00:12:12,525
Oh, my gosh! Look at this place.
203
00:12:12,598 --> 00:12:15,931
-What?
-It's spotless!
204
00:12:16,202 --> 00:12:20,161
-You cleaned up for me.
-Well, you're not the maid.
205
00:12:22,141 --> 00:12:24,234
You are so wonderful.
206
00:12:24,343 --> 00:12:27,801
Listen, I'm just gonna
look at the kids real quick, okay?
207
00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:36,015
I think I'm having sex.
208
00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:43,985
Good old sex.
209
00:12:46,799 --> 00:12:49,461
I'm gonna do new stuff.
210
00:12:52,671 --> 00:12:54,002
Hi, honey.
211
00:12:57,543 --> 00:12:58,601
What?
212
00:12:58,677 --> 00:13:01,976
Why do the boys' heads
smell like Old Spice?
213
00:13:03,816 --> 00:13:04,874
What?
214
00:13:06,285 --> 00:13:10,244
Your father was here,
sucking the youth out of their heads again.
215
00:13:11,724 --> 00:13:14,056
And your brother was here, too.
216
00:13:14,827 --> 00:13:17,819
Just found this Fruit Loop
on Matthew's chin.
217
00:13:19,265 --> 00:13:22,860
Are you gonna tell me what happened here,
or do I have to call your parents?
218
00:13:22,935 --> 00:13:26,530
No! Please don't call the parents.
219
00:13:29,175 --> 00:13:33,339
I put them to sleep, and my mother
came over, and then I went out with Leo.
220
00:13:33,412 --> 00:13:36,404
What? You left the kids with your mom?
221
00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:39,315
-No, my father and brother were here, too.
-What?
222
00:13:39,385 --> 00:13:42,286
I got rid of them,
and then I did some cleaning.
223
00:13:42,354 --> 00:13:44,515
You notice the cleaning down there.
224
00:13:45,090 --> 00:13:46,682
Why did they have to be here?
225
00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:49,819
What was so important
that you had to go out for?
226
00:13:50,462 --> 00:13:51,554
Pizza.
227
00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:56,730
Did you see the mess? You should have
seen it. They woke the kids up.
228
00:13:56,802 --> 00:13:58,099
What?
229
00:13:59,238 --> 00:14:01,433
The pizza wasn't even good.
230
00:14:02,775 --> 00:14:05,767
You told me that you were going to stay
and watch the kids.
231
00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:07,403
I know, but--
232
00:14:07,479 --> 00:14:10,312
-But what, Ray?
-I don't know.
233
00:14:10,382 --> 00:14:13,818
I'll tell you one thing,
your folks are not coming over on Sunday.
234
00:14:13,886 --> 00:14:17,879
That is my birthday, and I should be allowed
one day of peace without them.
235
00:14:17,957 --> 00:14:21,393
You know what? I want you to call
and tell them that that's what we want.
236
00:14:21,460 --> 00:14:24,122
They need to get the message
that we have our own lives...
237
00:14:24,196 --> 00:14:25,891
and we're entitled to a little privacy!
238
00:14:25,965 --> 00:14:28,559
You're right. You're absolutely right.
239
00:14:28,634 --> 00:14:31,603
-So you'll tell them?
-I can't do that.
240
00:14:32,471 --> 00:14:35,668
What is this hold they have on you?
241
00:14:35,808 --> 00:14:39,869
I'm just asking you for me.
Please, can we celebrate my birthday alone?
242
00:14:42,414 --> 00:14:44,245
I can't uninvite them.
243
00:14:44,483 --> 00:14:45,780
You can't?
244
00:14:48,187 --> 00:14:50,553
Then maybe I won't be there.
245
00:14:50,623 --> 00:14:54,889
No, stop it. Don't sleep on the couch!
246
00:14:55,928 --> 00:14:58,089
I just cleaned down there.
247
00:15:09,675 --> 00:15:12,109
-Raymond, come in, honey.
-Hi, Mom.
248
00:15:12,344 --> 00:15:13,777
Your brother's working...
249
00:15:13,846 --> 00:15:17,077
and your father's out
buying one of those bowls for your toilet.
250
00:15:17,149 --> 00:15:19,481
So I got the whole house to myself.
251
00:15:19,551 --> 00:15:22,247
-Is that my large fork?
-Yeah, it is.
252
00:15:22,321 --> 00:15:24,812
That's why I came by here.
I wanted to return this.
253
00:15:24,890 --> 00:15:28,826
I didn't want to say anything,
but that happens to be a very good fork.
254
00:15:29,495 --> 00:15:32,862
I know. That's why it took so long. I love it.
255
00:15:35,701 --> 00:15:38,966
Listen, Ma, I wanted to talk to you
about Debra's birthday.
256
00:15:39,438 --> 00:15:41,338
My God, talk about birthdays.
257
00:15:41,407 --> 00:15:44,205
Your birthday gift to me
finally came this morning.
258
00:15:44,276 --> 00:15:47,109
-Did you know you sent me a box of pears?
-Yeah.
259
00:15:47,179 --> 00:15:50,546
-From a place called Fruit-of-the-Month?
-That's right. How are they?
260
00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:54,450
They're very nice pears.
But there are so many of them.
261
00:15:55,454 --> 00:15:57,649
There are over a dozen pears.
262
00:15:57,957 --> 00:16:00,391
What am I supposed to do
with all those pears?
263
00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:03,292
-I think you're supposed to eat them.
-Myself?
264
00:16:03,362 --> 00:16:05,091
You and Dad and Robert.
265
00:16:05,197 --> 00:16:07,995
How many pears can Robert eat?
266
00:16:08,067 --> 00:16:12,697
I appreciate the thought, but please,
don't ever send us any more fruit again.
267
00:16:12,771 --> 00:16:14,204
Thanks.
268
00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:16,840
Another box is coming next month.
269
00:16:16,909 --> 00:16:18,774
What? More pears?
270
00:16:18,944 --> 00:16:22,641
No. It's a different fruit every month.
271
00:16:22,715 --> 00:16:23,909
Every month?
272
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:26,850
Yes. That's why they call it
Fruit-of-the-Month Club.
273
00:16:26,919 --> 00:16:30,286
It's a club? Oh, my God!
What do I do with all this fruit?
274
00:16:30,356 --> 00:16:34,190
Most people like it, Ma!
You share it with all your friends.
275
00:16:34,259 --> 00:16:36,625
-Which friends?
-I don't know. Lee and Stan.
276
00:16:36,695 --> 00:16:38,788
Lee and Stan buy their own fruit.
277
00:16:39,264 --> 00:16:41,164
-Give it to--
-Why did you do this to me?
278
00:16:41,233 --> 00:16:42,700
My God!
279
00:16:42,868 --> 00:16:45,860
I can't talk.
There's too much fruit in the house!
280
00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:49,105
What is happening?
281
00:16:50,209 --> 00:16:53,201
-I'm sorry, Ma.
-Hey, Marie.
282
00:16:55,447 --> 00:16:58,905
Do you know that the fruit keeps coming
month after month?
283
00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:01,619
He's got us in some kind of a cult.
284
00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:04,451
It's not a cult, it's a club.
285
00:17:05,324 --> 00:17:08,782
What do you mean, month after month?
For how long?
286
00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:13,824
A year.
287
00:17:13,899 --> 00:17:16,060
My God, are you out of your mind?
288
00:17:16,135 --> 00:17:19,127
Sorry. I'm so sorry, Dad.
289
00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:23,903
What do you think we are? Invalids?
We can't go out and get our own fruit?
290
00:17:24,376 --> 00:17:25,570
I tried to tell him.
291
00:17:25,644 --> 00:17:28,306
All right, I'm canceling the fruit club!
292
00:17:28,380 --> 00:17:32,214
Oh, good. Thank you, Raymond.
And don't do that again.
293
00:17:32,384 --> 00:17:34,614
Like we don't have enough problems!
294
00:17:35,254 --> 00:17:37,347
Listen, I got to talk about the party.
295
00:17:37,423 --> 00:17:40,790
-The party.
-Yes. I was thinking....
296
00:17:43,662 --> 00:17:45,857
-There isn't gonna be a party.
-Who's dead?
297
00:17:45,931 --> 00:17:48,764
Nobody's dead, Dad.
We're not gonna have a party.
298
00:17:48,834 --> 00:17:51,962
You got to have a party. I baked.
I've never heard of such a thing.
299
00:17:52,037 --> 00:17:55,473
We're not having a party
because I'm surprising Debra.
300
00:17:55,541 --> 00:17:57,441
I'm taking her to...
301
00:17:58,610 --> 00:18:00,407
Bear Mountain.
302
00:18:01,246 --> 00:18:02,838
-Bear Mountain?
-That's right.
303
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:04,644
I want to do something special for her.
304
00:18:04,716 --> 00:18:07,344
This is a surprise,
so you can't go telling her anything.
305
00:18:07,419 --> 00:18:09,353
Thank you very much. I'm going to go.
306
00:18:09,421 --> 00:18:11,446
Wait. Just one minute now. Here.
307
00:18:12,624 --> 00:18:16,287
-It's a long trip to Bear Mountain. Take fruit.
-Okay, thanks.
308
00:18:21,266 --> 00:18:23,427
Raymond gets the pears, too?
309
00:18:27,439 --> 00:18:29,873
They all went down for a nap.
310
00:18:29,975 --> 00:18:32,808
This is over the top.
It's the best birthday I have ever had.
311
00:18:32,878 --> 00:18:35,108
-What are you doing?
-Letting in the light.
312
00:18:35,180 --> 00:18:39,480
It's still your birthday, though.
We want to have a nice cozy birthday.
313
00:18:40,886 --> 00:18:42,319
Isn't that cozy?
314
00:18:43,355 --> 00:18:45,289
I know what you're up to.
315
00:18:45,424 --> 00:18:47,483
-You do?
-Yeah. Come here.
316
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:50,288
Yeah, this is what I'm up to.
317
00:18:53,465 --> 00:18:56,161
I thought this only happened
on my birthday.
318
00:18:58,203 --> 00:19:01,104
Ray, I'm so glad
you set your parents straight.
319
00:19:01,173 --> 00:19:03,141
Doesn't it feel good to be honest with them?
320
00:19:03,208 --> 00:19:06,200
It does feel good.
Not as good as this, though.
321
00:19:07,045 --> 00:19:10,276
You were 100% right.
I don't know what I was afraid of.
322
00:19:15,087 --> 00:19:17,612
-What are you doing here?
-What are you doing here?
323
00:19:17,689 --> 00:19:18,815
We live here.
324
00:19:18,891 --> 00:19:20,825
We thought you were in Bear Mountain.
325
00:19:20,893 --> 00:19:22,952
Bear Mountain? Who told you that?
326
00:19:23,028 --> 00:19:24,256
Raymond.
327
00:19:27,332 --> 00:19:29,527
You want to holster the weapon, Rob?
328
00:19:38,310 --> 00:19:41,837
Okay, I lied. I lied to everybody.
329
00:19:42,381 --> 00:19:45,350
-I was trying to make everybody happy.
-Nice job.
330
00:19:46,885 --> 00:19:49,445
I should have known better. Why did....
331
00:19:49,521 --> 00:19:54,254
Especially with my parents, the only people
who treat a box of fruit like it's plutonium.
332
00:19:56,061 --> 00:19:58,655
I chickened out. I made a mistake.
333
00:19:59,598 --> 00:20:01,122
All right, look.
334
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:04,330
The truth is
Debra wanted us to have a day to ourselves.
335
00:20:04,403 --> 00:20:07,804
And me, too. But Debra's the one.
336
00:20:11,176 --> 00:20:14,976
She's got it very hard around here,
though she's never said that to me.
337
00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:16,446
I've noticed it.
338
00:20:19,484 --> 00:20:23,113
Like Dad. I know you try to be funny, but....
339
00:20:24,089 --> 00:20:26,922
Like with the twins.
Maybe you shouldn't say:
340
00:20:27,659 --> 00:20:31,060
"I think little Matthew
has homosexual tendencies."
341
00:20:34,199 --> 00:20:36,394
And, Ma, you can't be so critical.
342
00:20:36,468 --> 00:20:39,869
If you're going to be critical,
could you please call before you come...
343
00:20:39,938 --> 00:20:41,496
so we could be ready for it?
344
00:20:41,573 --> 00:20:44,508
Both of you. Could you both call?
We have to prepare.
345
00:20:44,576 --> 00:20:48,376
There's bills and receipts we hide,
and then we chant a little.
346
00:20:51,717 --> 00:20:56,416
Now listen, we love you both,
but this is our house and Debra's my wife.
347
00:20:56,555 --> 00:20:59,251
And if you can't accept
what I'm telling you...
348
00:21:01,493 --> 00:21:04,087
then you can't come over here anymore.
349
00:21:04,496 --> 00:21:06,225
Unless you call first.
350
00:21:10,802 --> 00:21:14,863
-That's it. I think I did it all.
-What? This has nothing to do with me.
351
00:21:18,810 --> 00:21:21,836
Robert, could you
try not to eat near the kids?
352
00:21:29,321 --> 00:21:33,553
If you just wanted a day to yourself,
all you had to do is say so.
353
00:21:33,625 --> 00:21:35,092
We'd understand.
354
00:21:35,227 --> 00:21:39,027
Of course we'd understand.
What's not to understand?
355
00:21:39,097 --> 00:21:41,964
-When did he get so sensitive?
-He's a writer.
356
00:21:44,269 --> 00:21:45,759
Happy birthday.
357
00:21:55,414 --> 00:21:59,407
-I'm shaking.
-Honey, you were just great.
358
00:21:59,851 --> 00:22:02,046
Come here.
359
00:22:02,988 --> 00:22:05,513
Maybe you should put on that bustier.
360
00:22:07,893 --> 00:22:09,451
What are you doing?
361
00:22:11,563 --> 00:22:13,690
We'll try again on my birthday.
362
00:22:20,072 --> 00:22:23,269
-Look at our boys. Pretty cute, huh?
-Yeah, they are.
363
00:22:23,442 --> 00:22:26,036
But, you know, I hope they stay cute.
364
00:22:26,945 --> 00:22:28,071
What?
365
00:22:28,914 --> 00:22:31,747
I've been thinking,
that's the danger of identical twins.
366
00:22:31,817 --> 00:22:35,810
They're cute now because they're babies,
but when they become adults...
367
00:22:35,887 --> 00:22:40,324
even if they're slightly ugly,
that's gonna be magnified.
368
00:22:43,328 --> 00:22:48,231
'Cause if you see one slightly ugly man
walk across the room, that's no big deal...
369
00:22:48,300 --> 00:22:52,566
if you see the same ugliness
right behind him, yeah.
370
00:22:52,671 --> 00:22:54,866
That you're gonna notice. You're gonna go:
371
00:22:54,940 --> 00:22:58,569
"Hey, I didn't think he was that ugly
until I saw it again."29072
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