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1
00:00:11,092 --> 00:00:12,757
I know it's Christmas,
Mom,
2
00:00:12,758 --> 00:00:14,841
but I think you have to
stay home with Dad.
3
00:00:14,842 --> 00:00:18,507
He needs you
to take care of him right now.
4
00:00:18,508 --> 00:00:19,717
I'm sad, too.
5
00:00:21,050 --> 00:00:22,799
Bye, Mom.
6
00:00:25,050 --> 00:00:26,674
What's with
the happy dance?
7
00:00:26,675 --> 00:00:28,424
Remember how
my dad's foot surgery
8
00:00:28,425 --> 00:00:29,841
was supposed to be healed
by now?
9
00:00:29,842 --> 00:00:31,049
It did, but great news.
10
00:00:31,050 --> 00:00:33,049
The bone set wrong,
and they had to rebreak it.
11
00:00:33,050 --> 00:00:34,257
How lucky is that?
12
00:00:34,258 --> 00:00:35,591
You're a regular
Clara Barton.
13
00:00:35,592 --> 00:00:37,841
It's not an insult if I don't
know who you're talking about.
14
00:00:37,842 --> 00:00:38,632
True.
15
00:00:38,633 --> 00:00:40,049
I'm gonna miss my dad,
16
00:00:40,050 --> 00:00:42,132
but with my mother
not being here,
17
00:00:42,133 --> 00:00:43,716
I will finally be able
to make
18
00:00:43,717 --> 00:00:46,216
my Nana's Bavarian Meat Tree
with Taylor.
19
00:00:46,217 --> 00:00:47,757
What are you
signing me up for?
20
00:00:47,758 --> 00:00:49,757
It's this tradition
I always did with her.
21
00:00:49,758 --> 00:00:51,382
It's a mini Christmas tree
22
00:00:51,383 --> 00:00:54,091
made of sausage,
lunch meats, and meatballs.
23
00:00:54,092 --> 00:00:56,591
For Christmas this year,
I want to not do that.
24
00:00:56,592 --> 00:00:58,841
You're gonna love it
so much!
25
00:00:58,842 --> 00:01:00,757
If it's so great,
then why'd you stop doing it?
26
00:01:00,758 --> 00:01:02,799
After Nana died,
my mother banned it.
27
00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:05,007
With your parents not coming
and my parents not coming,
28
00:01:05,008 --> 00:01:07,216
it's just gonna be us.
Mm.
29
00:01:07,217 --> 00:01:09,341
You still haven't talked
to Grandpa? It's been two years.
30
00:01:09,342 --> 00:01:11,799
Well, since he told me he had
a second family in England
31
00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:13,549
and I have a brother
that I've never met--
32
00:01:13,550 --> 00:01:14,841
also named Greg--
33
00:01:14,842 --> 00:01:16,216
Are we allowed
to laugh at that yet?
34
00:01:16,217 --> 00:01:17,757
No!
35
00:01:17,758 --> 00:01:19,716
Anyway, I haven't really
been in the mood
36
00:01:19,717 --> 00:01:21,924
to call up my parents
and see what's shakin'.
37
00:01:21,925 --> 00:01:24,216
I'm sorry, Dad.
38
00:01:24,217 --> 00:01:25,882
It's a little weird
that it's Christmas
39
00:01:25,883 --> 00:01:27,674
and there's
no other family coming.
40
00:01:27,675 --> 00:01:29,091
It's kind of depressing, actually.
41
00:01:29,092 --> 00:01:31,841
All I know is,
less relatives means less gifts.
42
00:01:31,842 --> 00:01:34,257
You mean "fewer" relatives
means "fewer" gifts.
43
00:01:34,258 --> 00:01:36,882
Hey, Dad?
Literally no one cares.
44
00:01:36,883 --> 00:01:38,966
Speaking of gifts,
I got you
45
00:01:38,967 --> 00:01:40,757
the perfect Greg Otto gift
this year.
46
00:01:40,758 --> 00:01:42,632
I put a lot of thought
into it.
47
00:01:42,633 --> 00:01:44,424
I didn't just give you
the Starbucks gift card
48
00:01:44,425 --> 00:01:46,007
that I forgot to give
Anna-Kat's teacher.
49
00:01:46,008 --> 00:01:47,049
I can't wait.
50
00:01:47,050 --> 00:01:48,424
Maybe this won't be so bad.
51
00:01:48,425 --> 00:01:49,882
Maybe less family
means less drama.
52
00:01:49,883 --> 00:01:52,841
Don't you mean "fewer" family
means "fewer" drama?
53
00:01:52,842 --> 00:01:55,716
Anna-Kat:
Oliver, no! I made that!
Get out of my face!
54
00:01:55,717 --> 00:01:57,841
Oliver,
what did you do?
55
00:01:57,842 --> 00:02:00,049
He broke the chimney
off my gingerbread house.
56
00:02:00,050 --> 00:02:01,549
It's food!
57
00:02:01,550 --> 00:02:03,216
I built that with Dad!
58
00:02:03,217 --> 00:02:04,799
You wrecked
the whole ventilation system.
59
00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:06,216
There's
a vanilla wafer furnace!
60
00:02:06,217 --> 00:02:08,091
Stop ruining
our drama-free Christmas!
61
00:02:08,092 --> 00:02:10,174
Now, go upstairs
and do something together.
62
00:02:10,175 --> 00:02:12,924
Without fighting,
or Christmas is canceled!
63
00:02:12,925 --> 00:02:14,757
Remember what we said
about making threats
64
00:02:14,758 --> 00:02:15,924
we can't
follow through on?
65
00:02:15,925 --> 00:02:16,966
Who are you to talk?
66
00:02:16,967 --> 00:02:18,341
You potty-trained
all three of them
67
00:02:18,342 --> 00:02:20,091
by threatening if they
didn't stop using diapers,
68
00:02:20,092 --> 00:02:21,382
Elmo would quit
show business.
69
00:02:29,717 --> 00:02:30,882
{\an8}Hey, Mom.
70
00:02:30,883 --> 00:02:33,882
{\an8}One sec. I'm tracking
Dad's surprise Christmas gift.
71
00:02:33,883 --> 00:02:35,924
It's exactly
what he needs this year.
72
00:02:35,925 --> 00:02:37,924
Don't ask what it is, because
I'm not going to tell you.
73
00:02:37,925 --> 00:02:39,799
I won't, because I have
zero interest.
74
00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:40,924
I'll tell you
if you guess.
75
00:02:40,925 --> 00:02:41,716
Fine.
76
00:02:41,717 --> 00:02:42,882
Uh... surfboard?
77
00:02:42,883 --> 00:02:43,966
{\an8}That was
a terrible guess.
78
00:02:43,967 --> 00:02:45,549
{\an8}It was better
when you didn't even care.
79
00:02:45,550 --> 00:02:47,382
Ehh.
80
00:02:47,383 --> 00:02:48,716
This is so much meat!
81
00:02:48,717 --> 00:02:52,382
{\an8}I know! I'm handing down
the family meat-tree tradition.
82
00:02:52,383 --> 00:02:54,507
{\an8}I can't believe
this is what I inherit.
83
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,549
{\an8}Don't you have
any jewelry?
84
00:02:56,550 --> 00:02:58,007
No, you get a meat tree.
85
00:03:00,342 --> 00:03:03,342
{\an8}I'm sorry I ate your chimney,
so let me make it up to you.
86
00:03:06,342 --> 00:03:10,049
{\an8}Wait. This is where Mom and Dad
hide all our presents?
87
00:03:10,050 --> 00:03:12,882
{\an8}In their closet?
Not smart.
88
00:03:12,883 --> 00:03:16,133
{\an8}Nope. We are fighting
an uphill battle genetically.
89
00:03:17,883 --> 00:03:19,882
{\an8}Mine.
90
00:03:19,883 --> 00:03:21,007
{\an8}Taylor's.
91
00:03:21,008 --> 00:03:21,967
Yours.
92
00:03:24,425 --> 00:03:27,299
{\an8}Feels like another
junior-executive pencil set.
93
00:03:27,300 --> 00:03:28,757
What part of
"I'll just take the cash"
94
00:03:28,758 --> 00:03:30,342
do they not understand?
95
00:03:32,133 --> 00:03:34,216
Oh, this unwrapped one
has no card.
96
00:03:34,217 --> 00:03:35,924
It's probably for me.
97
00:03:35,925 --> 00:03:37,216
Says who?
98
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:38,132
I do!
99
00:03:40,758 --> 00:03:43,216
Oh, no! We broke
Mom's serving platter.
100
00:03:43,217 --> 00:03:45,049
Mom uses it
every Christmas.
101
00:03:45,050 --> 00:03:46,257
We're so dead.
102
00:03:46,258 --> 00:03:48,382
{\an8}No one has to know.
I can fix this.
103
00:03:48,383 --> 00:03:50,216
How?
It's completely broken.
104
00:03:50,217 --> 00:03:52,382
{\an8}Do you know how many things
I've broken in this house
105
00:03:52,383 --> 00:03:54,549
{\an8}and glued back together
with no one noticing?
106
00:04:02,133 --> 00:04:04,132
I can fix this thing.
No problem.
107
00:04:04,133 --> 00:04:06,507
{\an8}I don't think I could handle
seeing the disappointed look
108
00:04:06,508 --> 00:04:08,716
{\an8}on Mom's face
if she found out we broke it.
109
00:04:08,717 --> 00:04:09,757
{\an8}That would kill me.
110
00:04:09,758 --> 00:04:11,591
{\an8}That's the beauty--
there's no guilt.
111
00:04:11,592 --> 00:04:13,632
{\an8}Because I do such a great job
at fixing things,
112
00:04:13,633 --> 00:04:15,257
{\an8}there are never
any consequences.
113
00:04:15,258 --> 00:04:18,132
{\an8}Have you ever broken anything
of mine and not told me?
114
00:04:18,133 --> 00:04:18,924
Never.
115
00:04:25,675 --> 00:04:26,924
I don't believe you.
116
00:04:26,925 --> 00:04:28,424
Clever girl.
117
00:04:31,425 --> 00:04:33,424
Ugh.
This is so nasty.
118
00:04:33,425 --> 00:04:35,132
I can't get the meat rolls
to stick.
119
00:04:35,133 --> 00:04:37,757
I know. My grandmother
made it look easy.
120
00:04:37,758 --> 00:04:39,299
But we're making memories.
121
00:04:39,300 --> 00:04:40,299
Not good ones.
122
00:04:41,425 --> 00:04:43,049
Nobody get the door
except Dad!
123
00:04:43,050 --> 00:04:45,258
Greg!
Your present's here!
124
00:04:46,467 --> 00:04:48,757
Maybe it's Amazon
with the "Big Book of
Shakespearean Insults"
125
00:04:48,758 --> 00:04:49,799
I asked for.
126
00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:51,299
"Methink'st thou art
a general offense
127
00:04:51,300 --> 00:04:53,049
and every man
should beat thee"!
128
00:04:54,675 --> 00:04:55,633
Okay.
129
00:04:58,508 --> 00:05:00,091
Hello.
Are you Greg Otto?
130
00:05:00,092 --> 00:05:01,257
Yeah.
131
00:05:01,258 --> 00:05:02,757
I'm Greg Otto, too.
132
00:05:02,758 --> 00:05:03,757
What's that, now?
133
00:05:03,758 --> 00:05:06,466
Greg, this is Greg,
134
00:05:06,467 --> 00:05:08,924
your half-brother
from your father's secret family
135
00:05:08,925 --> 00:05:10,466
all the way from England.
136
00:05:10,467 --> 00:05:14,049
I told you I got you
the perfect Greg Otto gift!
137
00:05:14,050 --> 00:05:15,716
You're my half-brother.
138
00:05:15,717 --> 00:05:17,424
But I'm going to give you
a full hug.
139
00:05:18,967 --> 00:05:20,966
I said
I wanted the Shakespeare book.
140
00:05:20,967 --> 00:05:21,966
Shakespeare!
141
00:05:23,008 --> 00:05:23,925
Brother!
142
00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:31,632
So, I bet you're wondering
how all of this happened, Greg.
143
00:05:31,633 --> 00:05:34,091
No, it's pretty clear
how this happened.
144
00:05:34,092 --> 00:05:36,132
I met a cute girl
when I was a TA,
145
00:05:36,133 --> 00:05:37,382
and now I'm here.
146
00:05:37,383 --> 00:05:40,424
A few weeks back,
I found out from Father
147
00:05:40,425 --> 00:05:43,216
that I have a long-lost brother
in the Colonies.
148
00:05:43,217 --> 00:05:44,882
That means America.
149
00:05:44,883 --> 00:05:46,216
Everyone knows that.
150
00:05:46,217 --> 00:05:47,632
Well, that's
where you're wrong, Oliver,
151
00:05:47,633 --> 00:05:48,674
because I don't know that.
152
00:05:48,675 --> 00:05:50,467
Look at you,
making me feel stupid.
153
00:05:51,550 --> 00:05:53,549
Well, as luck would have it,
when I tracked you down,
154
00:05:53,550 --> 00:05:55,799
your lovely wife
happened to answer the phone.
155
00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:57,257
That was lucky.
156
00:05:57,258 --> 00:05:58,674
I'm a lucky guy.
157
00:05:58,675 --> 00:06:01,882
While we spoke, I mentioned
I was coming to lecture at Yale.
158
00:06:01,883 --> 00:06:03,507
And I said,
"Let's keep this a secret
159
00:06:03,508 --> 00:06:06,591
and have you come over as
a surprise gift for Christmas."
160
00:06:06,592 --> 00:06:08,882
British Gregs are flying
off the shelves this year.
161
00:06:11,925 --> 00:06:14,049
It's so cool
we have a British uncle.
162
00:06:14,050 --> 00:06:15,924
Here.
What's this called?
163
00:06:15,925 --> 00:06:17,216
A biscuit.
164
00:06:17,217 --> 00:06:19,507
Aw, man, that is not
what we call it here at all.
165
00:06:20,633 --> 00:06:22,632
Chiseled face,
charming accent.
166
00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:24,299
Would it be okay
if I called you "Dad"?
167
00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:25,257
Oliver!
168
00:06:25,258 --> 00:06:26,924
Shh, Greg.
I'm talking to my dad.
169
00:06:26,925 --> 00:06:28,841
So, uh...
170
00:06:28,842 --> 00:06:31,882
how did it come up with Father
that you have a brother?
171
00:06:31,883 --> 00:06:33,424
He told me
while he was in London
172
00:06:33,425 --> 00:06:35,507
for the Charles Dickens
Holiday Festival.
173
00:06:35,508 --> 00:06:37,507
We've gone together every year
since I was a boy.
174
00:06:37,508 --> 00:06:38,674
How nice.
175
00:06:38,675 --> 00:06:40,716
The only place he ever took me
was the travel agent
176
00:06:40,717 --> 00:06:42,466
so that he could buy
his plane tickets--
177
00:06:44,383 --> 00:06:46,049
...to England.
178
00:06:46,050 --> 00:06:47,175
Ah.
179
00:06:49,050 --> 00:06:50,799
Interesting tidbit--
180
00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:53,049
not only are you
both professors,
181
00:06:53,050 --> 00:06:55,174
but you're both authors, too.
182
00:06:55,175 --> 00:06:58,549
That's right. Greg, I
read your John Stuart Mill
book on the plane.
183
00:06:58,550 --> 00:06:59,716
I absolutely loved it.
184
00:06:59,717 --> 00:07:00,842
Thank you.
185
00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:07,882
You need to say
something to him right now.
186
00:07:07,883 --> 00:07:09,633
Talk to him.
Say something!
187
00:07:11,592 --> 00:07:13,132
What's your book about?
188
00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:14,424
Books, technically.
189
00:07:14,425 --> 00:07:17,008
It's a series of novels
about the Norman Conquest.
190
00:07:18,133 --> 00:07:19,257
A series? Wow.
191
00:07:19,258 --> 00:07:22,049
I mean, don't feel obligated
to read it.
192
00:07:22,050 --> 00:07:23,174
It's a lot.
193
00:07:23,175 --> 00:07:25,007
Uh, just wait for it
to come out in theaters.
194
00:07:25,008 --> 00:07:26,382
Unless you don't like
George Clooney.
195
00:07:26,383 --> 00:07:27,674
Then just skip it.
196
00:07:27,675 --> 00:07:28,966
Dad, this is crazy.
197
00:07:28,967 --> 00:07:30,507
Uncle Greg
is exactly like you,
198
00:07:30,508 --> 00:07:32,091
only the way-better
version.
199
00:07:32,092 --> 00:07:34,382
What an astute
observation, son.
200
00:07:34,383 --> 00:07:35,549
No, seriously.
201
00:07:35,550 --> 00:07:36,882
He's Restoration Hardware,
202
00:07:36,883 --> 00:07:39,050
and you're whatever
discount brand this couch is.
203
00:07:40,133 --> 00:07:43,132
Katie, could you help me change
the toner on the printer?
204
00:07:43,133 --> 00:07:44,341
Why don't you ask
Oliver--
205
00:07:44,342 --> 00:07:45,967
It needs to be you,
and it needs to be now.
206
00:07:49,592 --> 00:07:50,966
Is...?
207
00:07:50,967 --> 00:07:53,841
So, if you're looking for
the bathroom, what do you say?
208
00:07:53,842 --> 00:07:55,091
"Which way to the loo?"
209
00:07:55,092 --> 00:07:56,299
Amazing.
210
00:07:56,300 --> 00:07:58,049
Clear your Monday.
I'm taking you to show-and-tell.
211
00:07:58,050 --> 00:07:59,050
Ah, okay.
212
00:08:01,050 --> 00:08:03,257
Just wondering out loud,
but what made you think
213
00:08:03,258 --> 00:08:05,049
for the holidays,
I would want a visit
214
00:08:05,050 --> 00:08:06,966
from my father's
illegitimate love child?
215
00:08:06,967 --> 00:08:08,382
Well, I asked
Doris and Angela,
216
00:08:08,383 --> 00:08:10,174
and they said
I definitely should.
217
00:08:10,175 --> 00:08:12,716
Definitely don't do that.
That is the worst idea
I've ever heard.
218
00:08:12,717 --> 00:08:15,216
Mm... you know what?
I'm gonna do it.
219
00:08:15,217 --> 00:08:16,674
I just thought
it would be nice for you
220
00:08:16,675 --> 00:08:17,882
to have more family
in your life
221
00:08:17,883 --> 00:08:19,424
since you stopped talking
to your parents.
222
00:08:19,425 --> 00:08:20,882
I don't need more family
in my life,
223
00:08:20,883 --> 00:08:22,882
and I don't need you
meddling in my business.
224
00:08:22,883 --> 00:08:25,216
That's a wife's job.
I'm mucking around in your pond.
225
00:08:25,217 --> 00:08:27,716
What?
Your pond.
Your emotional pond.
226
00:08:27,717 --> 00:08:30,924
What does that mean?
On the surface, a pond
is still and tranquil.
227
00:08:30,925 --> 00:08:32,091
You got to get down
to the bottom
228
00:08:32,092 --> 00:08:33,424
and bring
all the bad stuff up.
229
00:08:33,425 --> 00:08:34,549
Why would you
want to do that?!
230
00:08:34,550 --> 00:08:35,924
To heal?
I don't know.
231
00:08:35,925 --> 00:08:38,174
I don't write the Lifetime
movies, Greg. I just watch them.
232
00:08:38,175 --> 00:08:41,841
Now, listen-- I love you,
and I'm trying to help you.
233
00:08:41,842 --> 00:08:44,216
So go out there
and appreciate it.
234
00:08:44,217 --> 00:08:45,383
Fine.
235
00:08:47,550 --> 00:08:48,674
But for the record,
236
00:08:48,675 --> 00:08:50,716
are we really sure
he is who he says he is?
237
00:08:50,717 --> 00:08:51,882
He could be grifting us.
238
00:08:51,883 --> 00:08:53,132
I'll be sure to lock up
239
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:54,883
our collection
of ketchup packets.
240
00:08:59,883 --> 00:09:02,507
Look! Uncle Greg figured out how
to make the meat rolls stick.
241
00:09:02,508 --> 00:09:04,132
I spent a little time
in Bavaria.
242
00:09:04,133 --> 00:09:05,966
I know my way
around a meat tree.
243
00:09:05,967 --> 00:09:07,132
What were you
doing there?
244
00:09:07,133 --> 00:09:09,383
I guess just being handsome
and younger than me.
245
00:09:27,883 --> 00:09:29,549
Looks good.
246
00:09:29,550 --> 00:09:30,549
Fan me.
247
00:09:34,550 --> 00:09:35,632
What do we do now?
248
00:09:35,633 --> 00:09:37,216
We'll wait for it to dry.
249
00:09:37,217 --> 00:09:39,716
In the meantime, we'll go
downstairs and act natural.
250
00:09:39,717 --> 00:09:41,466
I don't like
lying to Mom.
251
00:09:41,467 --> 00:09:43,382
It's not a lie.
It's a cover-up.
252
00:09:43,383 --> 00:09:45,382
Like how the moon landing
was filmed on a soundstage
253
00:09:45,383 --> 00:09:46,550
in Arizona?
254
00:09:47,758 --> 00:09:49,424
The Internet
is not good for you.
255
00:09:49,425 --> 00:09:51,174
I'm just grabbing
Nana's platter.
256
00:09:51,175 --> 00:09:53,257
Then I'm coming right back
to meat tree it up!
257
00:09:53,258 --> 00:09:55,467
She's coming up for the platter.
We're so busted!
258
00:09:56,508 --> 00:09:57,799
Relax.
259
00:09:57,800 --> 00:09:59,591
We'll do that thing
where we fight in front of her
260
00:09:59,592 --> 00:10:00,882
and she gets annoyed
and then forgets
261
00:10:00,883 --> 00:10:03,716
what she was gonna do
in the first place.
262
00:10:07,967 --> 00:10:09,425
Follow me.
263
00:10:12,675 --> 00:10:14,799
Mom, Oliver ate
all the M&M's
264
00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:16,757
out of my giant
Christmas candy cane.
265
00:10:16,758 --> 00:10:18,091
I didn't see
your name on it!
266
00:10:18,092 --> 00:10:19,757
My name is literally
written on it
267
00:10:19,758 --> 00:10:22,216
in huge, green,
sparkly letters!
268
00:10:22,217 --> 00:10:24,341
Well, maybe if you--
Hey, can you guys
please stop?
269
00:10:24,342 --> 00:10:26,799
All I want for Christmas
is for you two to get along.
270
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,216
Is that too much to ask?
271
00:10:28,217 --> 00:10:29,466
No.
No.
272
00:10:29,467 --> 00:10:30,466
Thank you.
273
00:10:30,467 --> 00:10:32,382
Wait. Why did I
come up here?
274
00:10:32,383 --> 00:10:35,924
To ask us to come downstairs
and visit more with Uncle Greg?
275
00:10:35,925 --> 00:10:37,424
Oh, right!
276
00:10:37,425 --> 00:10:39,549
Don't take long.
277
00:10:39,550 --> 00:10:40,716
Whoa.
278
00:10:40,717 --> 00:10:42,382
You just controlled
her mind.
279
00:10:42,383 --> 00:10:44,799
You're like that fungus
that gets into an ant's brain,
280
00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:46,716
then makes the ant climb
to the top of a tree
281
00:10:46,717 --> 00:10:48,174
and then blows up
the ant's head
282
00:10:48,175 --> 00:10:50,883
so the fungal spores
go all over the forest.
283
00:10:52,133 --> 00:10:54,049
Yeah, I guess I am.
284
00:10:56,883 --> 00:10:58,466
Oh. Hey.
285
00:10:58,467 --> 00:10:59,549
Hope you don't mind.
286
00:10:59,550 --> 00:11:01,591
Just snooping around
your office a bit.
287
00:11:01,592 --> 00:11:04,549
Ah, these photos of your family
are lovely.
288
00:11:04,550 --> 00:11:06,632
All I have on my walls
are degrees and awards.
289
00:11:07,717 --> 00:11:09,382
Yeah.
We all get it.
290
00:11:09,383 --> 00:11:11,382
You're the more successful
brother. Congrats.
291
00:11:11,383 --> 00:11:12,341
What?
292
00:11:12,342 --> 00:11:14,007
Oh, no,
you've got it all wrong.
293
00:11:14,008 --> 00:11:17,049
You've got the lovely wife
and the three amazing kids.
294
00:11:17,050 --> 00:11:18,882
I'm all alone.
295
00:11:18,883 --> 00:11:20,966
No, you're
the more successful brother.
296
00:11:20,967 --> 00:11:22,716
I am?
297
00:11:22,717 --> 00:11:24,466
That's why I came to America
so quickly
298
00:11:24,467 --> 00:11:27,174
when I found out
I had a sibling.
299
00:11:27,175 --> 00:11:29,924
I mean, the one thing
I've always wanted is a family.
300
00:11:29,925 --> 00:11:31,216
You never married?
301
00:11:31,217 --> 00:11:33,716
No, just a series
of vapid models,
302
00:11:33,717 --> 00:11:37,216
bouncing around from
nimble woman to nimble woman,
303
00:11:37,217 --> 00:11:38,299
most of them half my age.
304
00:11:38,300 --> 00:11:40,591
Let's move on
from your sad love life.
305
00:11:40,592 --> 00:11:42,966
But you understand
the importance of family.
306
00:11:42,967 --> 00:11:44,924
That's why I'm sure
you would've tracked me down
307
00:11:44,925 --> 00:11:46,382
as soon as you found out
about me,
308
00:11:46,383 --> 00:11:49,382
but Katie cooked up
this little surprise instead.
309
00:11:49,383 --> 00:11:52,299
Yeah. O-Of course.
I-I would've come running.
310
00:11:52,300 --> 00:11:54,966
Greg!
Can you come in here, please?
311
00:11:54,967 --> 00:11:56,091
Coming.
Coming.
312
00:11:56,092 --> 00:11:58,592
Oh, that's...
probably you.
313
00:12:00,050 --> 00:12:01,924
Look who's here, Greg--
my mother.
314
00:12:01,925 --> 00:12:03,174
What a surprise.
315
00:12:03,175 --> 00:12:06,049
Yeah, well, uh,
Greg called me and said
316
00:12:06,050 --> 00:12:08,341
how much you missed me,
so I just stuffed your father
317
00:12:08,342 --> 00:12:10,341
with the loose pills I found
at the bottom of my purse
318
00:12:10,342 --> 00:12:11,424
and came right over.
319
00:12:11,425 --> 00:12:12,799
Oh, that is
so sweet of him.
320
00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:14,549
Greg, can you come
in the office
321
00:12:14,550 --> 00:12:16,299
and help me check
on the printer toner again?
322
00:12:16,300 --> 00:12:18,049
Katie, I can--
We're low on magenta,
Greg.
323
00:12:18,050 --> 00:12:19,258
We're low.
324
00:12:23,092 --> 00:12:24,299
Happy Christmas.
325
00:12:24,300 --> 00:12:25,716
I have no idea
who you are,
326
00:12:25,717 --> 00:12:28,382
but I have a feeling you know
how to make a rum hot toddy.
327
00:12:28,383 --> 00:12:29,382
That, I do.
328
00:12:29,383 --> 00:12:31,507
Alright, then.
329
00:12:31,508 --> 00:12:33,466
Oh, my God.
330
00:12:33,467 --> 00:12:35,341
A meat tree?
331
00:12:35,342 --> 00:12:37,592
I thought I buried
that tradition with my mother.
332
00:12:39,383 --> 00:12:41,591
Um, what the hell, Greg?
333
00:12:41,592 --> 00:12:42,841
Let me explain.
334
00:12:42,842 --> 00:12:45,382
When I invited your mom,
it was in retaliation
335
00:12:45,383 --> 00:12:47,882
to you inviting my brother
without asking me.
336
00:12:47,883 --> 00:12:50,716
But in the meantime--
and here's the funny twist--
337
00:12:50,717 --> 00:12:52,882
my brother and I had
a really nice moment,
338
00:12:52,883 --> 00:12:54,716
and I realized
you were right.
339
00:12:54,717 --> 00:12:56,382
I am super mad at you.
340
00:12:56,383 --> 00:12:58,007
But real quick--
what am I right about?
341
00:12:58,008 --> 00:13:00,507
I do regret not calling
my brother for two years.
342
00:13:00,508 --> 00:13:03,757
My pond
needed to be mucked.
343
00:13:03,758 --> 00:13:05,132
Maybe yours does, too.
344
00:13:05,133 --> 00:13:08,299
Maybe me
revenge-inviting your mom
345
00:13:08,300 --> 00:13:09,466
was a good thing.
346
00:13:09,467 --> 00:13:11,424
I just wanted to bond
with Taylor,
347
00:13:11,425 --> 00:13:14,132
and now my mother
is going to ruin it.
348
00:13:14,133 --> 00:13:16,632
In the future, leave the mucking
to the professionals.
349
00:13:17,967 --> 00:13:21,257
♪ You better watch out,
you better not cry ♪
350
00:13:21,258 --> 00:13:24,757
♪ You better not pout,
I'm tellin' you why ♪
351
00:13:24,758 --> 00:13:25,841
♪ Santa Claus... ♪
352
00:13:25,842 --> 00:13:28,341
Wow.
He plays the piano, too.
353
00:13:28,342 --> 00:13:30,507
He has a very sad,
lonely life.
354
00:13:30,508 --> 00:13:33,216
♪ Santa Claus is comin' ♪
355
00:13:33,217 --> 00:13:38,299
♪ To toooooooooooown ♪
356
00:13:39,425 --> 00:13:41,424
What a nice Christmas
this is turning out to be.
357
00:13:41,425 --> 00:13:43,424
I'm just thrilled to be
with family this year.
358
00:13:43,425 --> 00:13:46,007
Oh, Greg,
your brother is fabulous.
359
00:13:46,008 --> 00:13:48,299
Why did it take you two years
to get in touch with him?
360
00:13:48,300 --> 00:13:50,049
Pardon?
361
00:13:50,050 --> 00:13:52,382
Yeah, yeah,
two years ago Thanksgiving,
362
00:13:52,383 --> 00:13:53,924
Greg's mother let it slip
363
00:13:53,925 --> 00:13:56,132
that his dad
had a second family.
364
00:13:56,133 --> 00:13:58,716
Ugh.
It was so uncomfortable.
365
00:13:58,717 --> 00:14:00,674
And everybody
was miserable.
366
00:14:00,675 --> 00:14:02,133
I loved it.
367
00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:05,257
You knew about me
two years ago
368
00:14:05,258 --> 00:14:06,716
and never thought to call?
369
00:14:06,717 --> 00:14:07,716
It's complicated, Greg.
370
00:14:07,717 --> 00:14:10,007
You lied to me, Greg.
371
00:14:10,008 --> 00:14:12,341
That makes you
no better than Dad.
372
00:14:12,342 --> 00:14:13,675
Uh, I need some air.
373
00:14:15,467 --> 00:14:16,799
Ooh.
374
00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:18,299
This could give
that Thanksgiving
375
00:14:18,300 --> 00:14:20,007
a run for its money.
376
00:14:20,008 --> 00:14:22,716
Now I see why you didn't want
your mother here for Christmas.
377
00:14:22,717 --> 00:14:25,049
Wait, w-- You--
You didn't want me here?
378
00:14:25,050 --> 00:14:27,132
Then why did he call me
and say that you did?
379
00:14:27,133 --> 00:14:28,799
He invited you here
to get back at me
380
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:31,966
for inviting his brother
without asking him.
381
00:14:31,967 --> 00:14:34,674
Oh, so this was
a spite invite?
382
00:14:34,675 --> 00:14:37,799
Just for that,
I am staying for two weeks.
383
00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:40,091
I didn't know you didn't
want to see your brother,
384
00:14:40,092 --> 00:14:42,216
but you knew I didn't
want to see my mother.
385
00:14:42,217 --> 00:14:44,091
I'm staying three weeks,
386
00:14:44,092 --> 00:14:45,507
and I'm wearing
the shorty robe.
387
00:14:57,217 --> 00:14:59,424
There goes the drama-free
Christmas we wanted.
388
00:14:59,425 --> 00:15:01,007
Worst part is,
it's all our fault.
389
00:15:01,008 --> 00:15:04,424
Should've just gotten
you the flashlight
I saw on Facebook.
390
00:15:04,425 --> 00:15:06,382
It also can break a windshield
if you drive into a lake.
391
00:15:06,383 --> 00:15:07,466
Smart.
392
00:15:07,467 --> 00:15:10,882
I'm gonna go out front
and wait for my brother.
393
00:15:10,883 --> 00:15:12,299
You go deal with your mom.
394
00:15:12,300 --> 00:15:14,591
Why are the holidays
about family?
395
00:15:14,592 --> 00:15:16,716
Why can't it just be
about Chinese food
396
00:15:16,717 --> 00:15:18,341
and going to the movies?
397
00:15:18,342 --> 00:15:19,591
Should we become Jewish?
398
00:15:19,592 --> 00:15:20,799
I don't know. Maybe.
399
00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:21,925
Ehh.
400
00:15:30,592 --> 00:15:31,591
Hi, Mom.
401
00:15:31,592 --> 00:15:33,632
I get it.
You hate me.
402
00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:36,007
Is it because I missed
most of your birthday parties?
403
00:15:36,008 --> 00:15:38,299
Or because I made out with
your boyfriend in high school?
404
00:15:38,300 --> 00:15:40,049
Because I told you--
Mom, I know.
405
00:15:40,050 --> 00:15:42,091
He kissed you, and you were
just being polite.
406
00:15:42,092 --> 00:15:43,216
Exactly.
407
00:15:43,217 --> 00:15:44,716
You're making this
very hard for me
408
00:15:44,717 --> 00:15:46,507
to say I'm sorry
about all this.
409
00:15:46,508 --> 00:15:49,049
Well, why didn't you want me
to come to Christmas Eve dinner?
410
00:15:49,050 --> 00:15:50,257
I knew you would
get in the way
411
00:15:50,258 --> 00:15:52,091
of me doing my thing
with Taylor.
412
00:15:52,092 --> 00:15:54,049
You tend to be
somewhat judgmental.
413
00:15:54,050 --> 00:15:55,341
Oh, stop it.
I--
414
00:15:56,675 --> 00:15:58,716
Oh. Where'd you get this wine?
The car wash?
415
00:16:00,383 --> 00:16:02,007
I see.
416
00:16:02,008 --> 00:16:03,549
Building this with Taylor
this year
417
00:16:03,550 --> 00:16:05,841
was just too important
for you to mess up.
418
00:16:05,842 --> 00:16:07,341
Well, why is this year
so important?
419
00:16:07,342 --> 00:16:09,966
Because next year,
she's going off to college,
420
00:16:09,967 --> 00:16:12,382
and this is
her last Christmas at home.
421
00:16:12,383 --> 00:16:13,716
So? She'll be back.
422
00:16:13,717 --> 00:16:15,674
I told you I'd come back,
and I never did.
423
00:16:15,675 --> 00:16:17,132
Yeah, but why would you
come back?
424
00:16:17,133 --> 00:16:19,591
I mean, I was a terrible mother.
You're not.
425
00:16:19,592 --> 00:16:21,799
You take an interest
in Taylor's life.
426
00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:24,175
She'll be back.
427
00:16:27,550 --> 00:16:28,674
You think?
428
00:16:28,675 --> 00:16:29,967
Trust me.
429
00:16:31,175 --> 00:16:35,341
Uh... my Spam angel
isn't exactly turning out.
430
00:16:35,342 --> 00:16:37,091
Don't worry about it.
431
00:16:37,092 --> 00:16:39,007
Meat tree is off.
432
00:16:39,008 --> 00:16:40,091
Yes!
433
00:16:40,092 --> 00:16:41,382
You're the best mom.
434
00:16:41,383 --> 00:16:44,257
How about we start a new
tradition that's not nauseating?
435
00:16:44,258 --> 00:16:46,924
Something that the three of us
can do together.
436
00:16:46,925 --> 00:16:47,924
Really?
Mm-hmm.
437
00:16:47,925 --> 00:16:49,257
We could build
a snowman.
438
00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:50,674
I don't think
Grandma wants to stand
439
00:16:50,675 --> 00:16:51,966
out in the freezing cold, honey.
440
00:16:51,967 --> 00:16:54,299
Actually, Grandma has
her own holiday tradition
441
00:16:54,300 --> 00:16:55,716
that keeps her
very warm.
442
00:16:56,758 --> 00:16:58,049
Mm.
443
00:16:58,050 --> 00:16:59,757
What are we gonna do
with this?
444
00:17:04,883 --> 00:17:08,216
Even he thinks
it's gross.
445
00:17:08,217 --> 00:17:11,049
It's not Christmas
without Nana's platter, Mom.
446
00:17:11,050 --> 00:17:12,466
That's what
I went upstairs for.
447
00:17:12,467 --> 00:17:13,550
Thank you, sweetie.
448
00:17:24,175 --> 00:17:25,549
What the hell?
449
00:17:25,550 --> 00:17:28,632
That platter survived
two world wars
450
00:17:28,633 --> 00:17:31,591
and Lee Majors'
Christmas Bacchanalia.
451
00:17:33,717 --> 00:17:36,550
I can't believe
I did this.
452
00:17:41,342 --> 00:17:43,507
Mom,
it wasn't your fault.
453
00:17:43,508 --> 00:17:45,341
You didn't break the platter.
We did.
454
00:17:45,342 --> 00:17:47,132
Anna-Kat:
We glued it back together,
455
00:17:47,133 --> 00:17:49,049
but we didn't let it dry
long enough.
456
00:17:49,050 --> 00:17:51,674
I can't believe
the two of you did this.
457
00:17:51,675 --> 00:17:54,549
Anna-Kat was there, but I
convinced her to cover it up.
458
00:17:54,550 --> 00:17:56,882
Oliver, you are in
so much troub--
459
00:17:56,883 --> 00:17:59,216
To be fair, Mom,
all you wanted for Christmas
460
00:17:59,217 --> 00:18:02,257
was for us to get along,
and...
461
00:18:02,258 --> 00:18:04,507
look at us.
462
00:18:04,508 --> 00:18:07,341
So you're saying you worked
together to deceive me,
463
00:18:07,342 --> 00:18:08,757
and that's how
you got along?
464
00:18:08,758 --> 00:18:10,924
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
465
00:18:10,925 --> 00:18:12,799
Okay.
466
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:16,841
But because of this,
you two are going to repair it
467
00:18:16,842 --> 00:18:18,799
so that Taylor
can inherit it.
468
00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:21,382
You seriously don't have
one piece of jewelry to give me?
469
00:18:21,383 --> 00:18:23,132
Mnh-mnh.
470
00:18:30,883 --> 00:18:32,507
It's pretty cold out here
for a walk.
471
00:18:32,508 --> 00:18:34,091
You've been gone
a while.
472
00:18:34,092 --> 00:18:35,882
"Blow, blow,
thou winter wind,
473
00:18:35,883 --> 00:18:39,549
thou art not so unkind
as man's ingratitude."
474
00:18:39,550 --> 00:18:40,924
I deserve that.
475
00:18:40,925 --> 00:18:43,592
Nothing stings quite as much
as a good Shakespearean burn.
476
00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:46,424
I'm sorry I didn't try
and find you
477
00:18:46,425 --> 00:18:48,549
as soon as Dad told me
I had a brother.
478
00:18:48,550 --> 00:18:50,716
I think I was still
angry with him,
479
00:18:50,717 --> 00:18:53,132
and I took it out
on you.
480
00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:54,882
Yeah, I can see that.
481
00:18:54,883 --> 00:18:56,299
Now that I've met you,
I understand
482
00:18:56,300 --> 00:18:57,882
why he never approved
of anything I did.
483
00:18:57,883 --> 00:19:01,216
He had another son
he approved of-- you.
484
00:19:01,217 --> 00:19:03,007
That's not really
the truth, Greg.
485
00:19:03,008 --> 00:19:05,216
I was sent away to
boarding school when I was 7.
486
00:19:05,217 --> 00:19:07,716
Dad saw me
two weeks a year.
487
00:19:07,717 --> 00:19:09,674
I now realize
that's 'cause he was here
488
00:19:09,675 --> 00:19:11,341
the rest of the year--
with you.
489
00:19:11,342 --> 00:19:14,549
He was, but he took
absolutely no interest in me.
490
00:19:14,550 --> 00:19:15,716
Ah.
491
00:19:15,717 --> 00:19:17,382
So I guess
we were both neglected,
492
00:19:17,383 --> 00:19:19,716
just in different ways.
493
00:19:19,717 --> 00:19:21,341
It's funny--
you're the only other person
494
00:19:21,342 --> 00:19:23,007
who knows what it's like
to have our father.
495
00:19:23,008 --> 00:19:25,716
And who knows the crazy sound
he makes after he sneezes.
496
00:19:25,717 --> 00:19:27,299
Achoo-floo-floo!
497
00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:29,091
What is that?
I don't know.
498
00:19:30,092 --> 00:19:32,216
So... brothers?
499
00:19:32,217 --> 00:19:33,966
Ah, brothers.
500
00:19:36,342 --> 00:19:38,007
I think it's time
we show these kids
501
00:19:38,008 --> 00:19:39,549
how to have
a real snowball fight!
502
00:19:39,550 --> 00:19:41,133
Come on, American Greg!
503
00:19:43,967 --> 00:19:45,549
So, Dad never taught you
to throw a ball, either?
504
00:19:45,550 --> 00:19:47,174
No, he did not.
Mm.
505
00:19:47,175 --> 00:19:48,549
Let's get 'em!
506
00:19:57,883 --> 00:19:58,882
It is?
Mm-hmm.
507
00:19:58,883 --> 00:20:00,132
Thank you.
508
00:20:05,883 --> 00:20:07,424
You want
to cock it back...
509
00:20:07,425 --> 00:20:10,091
Okay.
...step, throw.
510
00:20:18,133 --> 00:20:20,883
When everyone's asleep,
let's add our gifts to Santa's.
511
00:20:21,883 --> 00:20:23,091
Now that I have
a brother,
512
00:20:23,092 --> 00:20:25,049
we have so much brother stuff
to catch up on.
513
00:20:25,050 --> 00:20:29,257
I'm glad that you're excited
that you have a brother.
514
00:20:29,258 --> 00:20:30,382
I am.
515
00:20:30,383 --> 00:20:32,091
I'm glad
you mucked in my pond.
516
00:20:32,092 --> 00:20:33,216
Thank you, honey.
517
00:20:33,217 --> 00:20:34,549
Uh, quick question.
518
00:20:34,550 --> 00:20:37,632
I know that Taylor is,
but is Oliver of drinking age?
519
00:20:37,633 --> 00:20:39,466
None of the kids
are old enough to drink.
520
00:20:39,467 --> 00:20:41,132
Right.
521
00:20:41,133 --> 00:20:42,882
I knew that.
522
00:20:42,883 --> 00:20:44,424
Kids, bad news!
523
00:20:44,425 --> 00:20:45,549
Ugh.
524
00:20:45,550 --> 00:20:48,092
Next time, Greg,
just drown me in the pond.
525
00:20:51,967 --> 00:20:54,132
♪ Hark! The herald angels sing ♪
526
00:20:54,133 --> 00:20:57,091
♪ "Glory to the newborn King ♪
527
00:20:57,092 --> 00:20:59,757
♪ Peace on Earth
and mercy mild ♪
528
00:20:59,758 --> 00:21:02,757
{\an8}♪ God and sinners reconciled" ♪
529
00:21:02,758 --> 00:21:05,757
{\an8}♪ Joyful, all ye nations rise ♪
530
00:21:05,758 --> 00:21:09,007
{\an8}♪ Join the triumph
of the skies ♪
531
00:21:09,008 --> 00:21:11,757
{\an8}♪ With angelic hosts proclaim ♪
532
00:21:11,758 --> 00:21:14,716
{\an8}♪ "Christ is born
in Bethlehem" ♪
533
00:21:14,717 --> 00:21:17,050
{\an8}♪ Hark! The herald a-- ♪
534
00:21:18,717 --> 00:21:19,716
{\an8}Oliver.
39081
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