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1
00:00:00,883 --> 00:00:03,549
And thank you
for your order.
2
00:00:03,550 --> 00:00:06,549
Guess who just made another sale
from Mrs. O's Lasagna.
3
00:00:06,550 --> 00:00:07,882
Mom, you are a killer!
4
00:00:07,883 --> 00:00:09,924
I'm so proud to have your blood
in my veins.
5
00:00:09,925 --> 00:00:11,382
You, less so.
6
00:00:11,383 --> 00:00:12,757
Hey! Because of me,
you're gonna be tall.
7
00:00:12,758 --> 00:00:15,466
And, fun fact, your hair will
grow upwards, like a stovepipe.
8
00:00:15,467 --> 00:00:17,007
Hmm.
9
00:00:17,008 --> 00:00:19,132
So, my girlfriend's dad,
the cardboard box king...
10
00:00:19,133 --> 00:00:20,841
Mm-hmm.
...his brother
is the Jar Czar,
11
00:00:20,842 --> 00:00:22,799
and I negotiated
an amazing deal.
12
00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:24,466
I just cut our overhead
in half.
13
00:00:24,467 --> 00:00:27,549
Sorry, Anna-Kat,
but my new favorite kid is...
14
00:00:27,550 --> 00:00:28,882
Oliver.
15
00:00:28,883 --> 00:00:30,341
That's cool.
I had a good run.
16
00:00:30,342 --> 00:00:31,924
Nice to see you guys bonding
over the business,
17
00:00:31,925 --> 00:00:33,341
and, actually,
I'm kind of jealous.
18
00:00:33,342 --> 00:00:34,882
I don't have a similar thing
with any of the kids.
19
00:00:34,883 --> 00:00:36,757
We have a thing. You comb
the lice out of my hair.
20
00:00:36,758 --> 00:00:38,591
Once.
In second grade.
21
00:00:38,592 --> 00:00:39,924
Hey, I'm trying, Greg.
22
00:00:39,925 --> 00:00:40,800
Mm.
23
00:00:43,883 --> 00:00:45,466
Katie, where's the milk?
24
00:00:45,467 --> 00:00:47,007
Where's a condiment?
25
00:00:47,008 --> 00:00:49,091
Where's anything
that's not lasagna-related?
26
00:00:49,092 --> 00:00:50,799
Sorry, but starting
a home business
27
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:52,174
is a lot like
having a new baby.
28
00:00:52,175 --> 00:00:54,007
It requires
constant attention.
29
00:00:54,008 --> 00:00:55,674
But unlike a baby,
30
00:00:55,675 --> 00:00:57,632
you can't leave your
home business in an Exersaucer
31
00:00:57,633 --> 00:00:58,967
while you play "Candy Crush"
on the toilet.
32
00:01:01,883 --> 00:01:04,716
Hey, you, help me wash the pans
so I can make some more lasagna.
33
00:01:04,717 --> 00:01:06,132
These don't scrub.
34
00:01:06,133 --> 00:01:07,341
The secret
to looking rich
35
00:01:07,342 --> 00:01:09,674
is expensive shoes
and soft hands.
36
00:01:09,675 --> 00:01:11,299
Touch 'em. They're like
a dolphin's belly.
37
00:01:11,300 --> 00:01:12,424
Hmm.
38
00:01:12,425 --> 00:01:14,299
And besides,
I don't have time.
39
00:01:14,300 --> 00:01:16,174
Before they let me take calls
at Teen Help Line,
40
00:01:16,175 --> 00:01:18,632
I have to work
on my speaking voice.
41
00:01:18,633 --> 00:01:20,174
Apparently, I have
this mocking tone
42
00:01:20,175 --> 00:01:22,132
where I come across
as unsympathetic.
43
00:01:22,133 --> 00:01:23,841
Some people have
a punchable face.
44
00:01:23,842 --> 00:01:25,424
You have
a punchable voice.
45
00:01:25,425 --> 00:01:26,424
No, I don't!
46
00:01:26,425 --> 00:01:27,716
Yes, you do, sweetie.
47
00:01:27,717 --> 00:01:29,507
It goes along
with your punchable demeanor.
48
00:01:33,633 --> 00:01:35,382
How's the college
application going?
49
00:01:35,383 --> 00:01:39,257
I haven't... started.
50
00:01:39,258 --> 00:01:40,632
What?
51
00:01:40,633 --> 00:01:43,757
These essay questions
are too hard!
52
00:01:43,758 --> 00:01:46,382
"How have you positively
influenced others?"
53
00:01:46,383 --> 00:01:49,007
"What is your most significant
accomplishment?"
54
00:01:49,008 --> 00:01:50,882
I'm 18, bruh!
55
00:01:50,883 --> 00:01:52,924
My biggest accomplishment
is a papier-mâché horse
56
00:01:52,925 --> 00:01:53,925
I made in art class.
57
00:01:55,967 --> 00:01:57,382
It has no legs,
Taylor.
58
00:01:57,383 --> 00:01:58,425
It's sleeping!
59
00:02:00,425 --> 00:02:02,049
I don't care
how hard it is.
60
00:02:02,050 --> 00:02:03,007
You're not leaving
this house
61
00:02:03,008 --> 00:02:04,716
until you finish
those questions.
62
00:02:04,717 --> 00:02:06,049
Too bad
one of the questions isn't
63
00:02:06,050 --> 00:02:07,924
"Which family member
is most like Satan?"
64
00:02:07,925 --> 00:02:09,758
You compare me to Satan so much,
it means nothing.
65
00:02:13,342 --> 00:02:14,882
Oh, no.
66
00:02:16,342 --> 00:02:17,341
Mom!
67
00:02:17,342 --> 00:02:18,466
I see it!
68
00:02:20,633 --> 00:02:23,299
The weekly poker tournament just
canceled their lasagna order.
69
00:02:23,300 --> 00:02:25,591
Why are all of our clients
canceling?
70
00:02:25,592 --> 00:02:26,716
Because of these.
71
00:02:26,717 --> 00:02:29,007
We're being flooded
with bad Yelp reviews.
72
00:02:29,008 --> 00:02:31,341
"I found a fingernail
in my lasagna"?
73
00:02:31,342 --> 00:02:32,882
"My son
ate Katie's lasagna,
74
00:02:32,883 --> 00:02:34,632
and now he's been
institutionalized.
75
00:02:34,633 --> 00:02:36,132
Is there a link?"
76
00:02:36,133 --> 00:02:38,841
Caitlin Bianca Madison,
you're a damn liar!
77
00:02:38,842 --> 00:02:41,049
So is
Cathy Brenda McCormick.
78
00:02:41,050 --> 00:02:42,049
Wait.
79
00:02:42,050 --> 00:02:45,007
This one's
by Collette Blix-Masters.
80
00:02:45,008 --> 00:02:48,299
All of these are posted by women
with the initials CBM.
81
00:02:50,217 --> 00:02:54,174
Chloe Brown Mueller.
82
00:02:57,133 --> 00:03:01,132
This next review will be from
Cynthia Barbara Mendelstein.
83
00:03:01,133 --> 00:03:02,924
I'm making this one Jewish
for you.
84
00:03:02,925 --> 00:03:04,257
But I'm not--
Yes, you are.
85
00:03:04,258 --> 00:03:06,049
Fine.
86
00:03:06,050 --> 00:03:07,716
Can I have
the high holidays off?
87
00:03:07,717 --> 00:03:08,882
No.
88
00:03:19,342 --> 00:03:21,174
Hey!
89
00:03:21,175 --> 00:03:23,674
It sucks that we don't have the
same lunch schedule this year.
90
00:03:23,675 --> 00:03:26,757
{\an8}Yeah. No one else knows how
to make me laugh the way you do.
91
00:03:26,758 --> 00:03:28,924
{\an8}Plus, you know
how to open the milk carton
92
00:03:28,925 --> 00:03:29,967
{\an8}without tearing
the drinky part.
93
00:03:31,217 --> 00:03:31,883
Hey.
94
00:03:33,342 --> 00:03:35,174
{\an8}Maybe we can ask
Principal Ablin
95
00:03:35,175 --> 00:03:37,382
{\an8}if he can change our schedules
so we can eat together.
96
00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:39,007
{\an8}He'll never say yes.
97
00:03:39,008 --> 00:03:40,466
{\an8}He's had it in for me
ever since I said
98
00:03:40,467 --> 00:03:42,632
{\an8}there was no way
he was the Phillie Phanatic.
99
00:03:42,633 --> 00:03:44,175
Well, never hurts to try.
100
00:03:45,925 --> 00:03:47,632
Hey, Principal Ablin,
can we--
101
00:03:47,633 --> 00:03:49,049
No.
Mm.
102
00:03:49,050 --> 00:03:50,591
I was
the Phillie Phanatic.
103
00:03:50,592 --> 00:03:51,841
Yeah, yeah.
104
00:03:51,842 --> 00:03:53,382
Penny.
You forgot your lunch.
105
00:03:53,383 --> 00:03:54,507
Thanks, Maria.
106
00:03:54,508 --> 00:03:55,966
{\an8}You know your mother
only wants you to call me
107
00:03:55,967 --> 00:03:57,508
{\an8}"the help" or "sad face."
108
00:04:02,592 --> 00:04:03,757
Bellissima.
109
00:04:08,675 --> 00:04:10,507
Hi, Anna-Kat.
Hi, Maria.
110
00:04:10,508 --> 00:04:11,842
Principal Ablin.
111
00:04:22,008 --> 00:04:23,591
{\an8}How did that go?
Did I ask her out?
112
00:04:23,592 --> 00:04:24,841
{\an8}No, you just stood there
113
00:04:24,842 --> 00:04:26,550
{\an8}looking like someone
who needed an EpiPen.
114
00:04:28,633 --> 00:04:30,007
He really likes her.
115
00:04:30,008 --> 00:04:31,632
Maybe we can use this
to our advantage.
116
00:04:31,633 --> 00:04:33,841
Principal Ablin.
117
00:04:33,842 --> 00:04:37,049
{\an8}You know, we can help
make Maria your girlfriend.
118
00:04:37,050 --> 00:04:38,424
{\an8}I don't need your help.
119
00:04:38,425 --> 00:04:39,925
{\an8}I have mad game.
120
00:04:41,842 --> 00:04:43,424
{\an8}But just for fun,
121
00:04:43,425 --> 00:04:44,632
{\an8}why don't you tell me
what your advice would be?
122
00:04:44,633 --> 00:04:46,132
{\an8}Not so fast.
123
00:04:46,133 --> 00:04:48,007
{\an8}We're only helping
if you allow Franklin and I
124
00:04:48,008 --> 00:04:50,091
{\an8}to have
the same lunch period.
125
00:04:50,092 --> 00:04:52,049
{\an8}Deal.
Great!
126
00:04:52,050 --> 00:04:54,591
{\an8}This hunk landed me
with a little playful teasing.
127
00:04:54,592 --> 00:04:56,507
{\an8}It shows that you're funny
and comfortable with the person.
128
00:04:56,508 --> 00:04:57,966
{\an8}Oh, that makes sense.
129
00:04:57,967 --> 00:05:00,674
{\an8}This was more helpful
than my mom's romantic advice--
130
00:05:00,675 --> 00:05:03,342
{\an8}"A woman? Really?"
131
00:05:08,758 --> 00:05:10,049
{\an8}Oh.
132
00:05:10,050 --> 00:05:12,549
{\an8}These reviews
are vicious.
133
00:05:12,550 --> 00:05:14,841
{\an8}This one says
Navy SEALs found your lasagna
134
00:05:14,842 --> 00:05:16,507
{\an8}in Osama bin Laden's
compound.
135
00:05:16,508 --> 00:05:18,924
I have worked my ass off
to grow this business,
136
00:05:18,925 --> 00:05:22,299
and now Chloe is cutting it down
with a few bad Yelp reviews.
137
00:05:22,300 --> 00:05:24,549
Why is she so determined
to destroy your business?
138
00:05:24,550 --> 00:05:25,632
I don't know.
139
00:05:25,633 --> 00:05:27,382
Career Day, maybe?
140
00:05:27,383 --> 00:05:30,174
Thank you. Thank you.
141
00:05:30,175 --> 00:05:32,882
Our next speaker
is Katie Otto,
142
00:05:32,883 --> 00:05:35,924
who is going to talk about
her poison-in-a-jar business.
143
00:05:35,925 --> 00:05:38,632
It's lasagna in a jar.
144
00:05:46,133 --> 00:05:50,841
Now, kids, I started my company
from scratch,
145
00:05:50,842 --> 00:05:52,507
unlike the previous speaker,
146
00:05:52,508 --> 00:05:55,425
whose husband bought her a store
to keep her busy.
147
00:05:56,800 --> 00:06:02,049
Just like you guys bought
this hamster a wheel to run on.
148
00:06:02,050 --> 00:06:04,466
Run, Chloe Brown Hamster!
149
00:06:04,467 --> 00:06:05,716
Run!
150
00:06:09,258 --> 00:06:11,382
Okay, if you want people to
start buying your lasagna again,
151
00:06:11,383 --> 00:06:13,257
you need to ask Chloe
to take those reviews down.
152
00:06:13,258 --> 00:06:14,507
She'll never do that.
153
00:06:14,508 --> 00:06:15,716
Then your only
course of action
154
00:06:15,717 --> 00:06:17,757
is to destroy her business
in retaliation.
155
00:06:17,758 --> 00:06:18,924
That's the only course
of action?
156
00:06:18,925 --> 00:06:20,382
Shh. How?
157
00:06:20,383 --> 00:06:22,341
Steal Maria.
158
00:06:22,342 --> 00:06:24,674
You need more help, and Chloe
can't survive without her.
159
00:06:24,675 --> 00:06:26,132
Isn't that
hitting below the belt?
160
00:06:26,133 --> 00:06:28,424
What's wrong
with hitting below the belt?
161
00:06:28,425 --> 00:06:30,799
It hurts the other person
and it's super-funny.
162
00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:32,716
It's how I'm handling
my divorce with Richard.
163
00:06:32,717 --> 00:06:35,424
I'm stealing everybody that
Richard can't live without--
164
00:06:35,425 --> 00:06:38,549
his personal assistant,
his driver, his pastry chef--
165
00:06:38,550 --> 00:06:40,924
Oh. You have
a dedicated pastry chef?
166
00:06:40,925 --> 00:06:43,924
Yeah. I mean, who else is gonna
bake me fresh croissants
167
00:06:43,925 --> 00:06:46,258
that I can take one bite out of,
then throw to the swans?
168
00:06:47,508 --> 00:06:50,132
Or you could be
the bigger person
169
00:06:50,133 --> 00:06:51,842
and just let this one go,
because you always t--
170
00:06:53,425 --> 00:06:55,341
You're just waiting
for me to stop talking
171
00:06:55,342 --> 00:06:57,091
so you can do
Doris' plan.
172
00:06:57,092 --> 00:06:59,258
Ah. I'm so glad we don't have to
play this game anymore.
173
00:07:06,967 --> 00:07:08,924
Oh, hi, Katie.
One moment. I'm with a customer.
174
00:07:08,925 --> 00:07:10,341
Oh.
175
00:07:10,342 --> 00:07:12,341
So, what can I
help you with?
176
00:07:12,342 --> 00:07:13,758
"So, what can I
help you with?"
177
00:07:15,050 --> 00:07:16,549
Why are you doing that
to me?
178
00:07:16,550 --> 00:07:18,382
Because your voice is weird.
179
00:07:18,383 --> 00:07:19,925
But not as weird
as your face!
180
00:07:21,383 --> 00:07:22,882
So, you free Friday night?
181
00:07:22,883 --> 00:07:24,133
No.
182
00:07:25,258 --> 00:07:26,508
Oh.
183
00:07:28,717 --> 00:07:31,174
Ablin... what was that?
184
00:07:31,175 --> 00:07:34,174
Uh... I-I have no game.
185
00:07:35,175 --> 00:07:36,549
Hmm.
186
00:07:38,008 --> 00:07:41,882
So, Maria, are you happy
working for Chloe?
187
00:07:41,883 --> 00:07:44,132
Every day is like
an alligator attack.
188
00:07:44,133 --> 00:07:46,882
Well, I just started
my own business.
189
00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:49,841
How would you like
to come work for me?
190
00:07:49,842 --> 00:07:50,882
Really?
Mm-hmm.
191
00:07:50,883 --> 00:07:52,174
Yes.
192
00:07:52,175 --> 00:07:52,967
Maria!
193
00:07:54,592 --> 00:07:57,174
What did I tell you
about standing next to mirrors?
194
00:07:57,175 --> 00:08:00,091
One of you is bad enough.
I don't need two.
195
00:08:00,092 --> 00:08:01,382
Oh, my God.
196
00:08:01,383 --> 00:08:04,216
Katie Otto's in my store,
as well?
197
00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:07,257
All I need now is a UTI
to make this day complete.
198
00:08:07,258 --> 00:08:09,925
Maria, do you have something
you want to say to Chloe?
199
00:08:13,217 --> 00:08:15,467
I...
200
00:08:18,092 --> 00:08:19,966
...quit.
201
00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:22,007
You're supposed to say
"I quit."
202
00:08:22,008 --> 00:08:23,757
I quit.
203
00:08:23,758 --> 00:08:25,341
She quits.
204
00:08:25,342 --> 00:08:27,424
And the best part is,
she's working for me.
205
00:08:30,883 --> 00:08:32,299
Maria!
206
00:08:32,300 --> 00:08:34,007
Maria?!
207
00:08:34,008 --> 00:08:36,299
Mariaaaa!!
208
00:08:38,717 --> 00:08:41,299
Hey, Dad, um,
I know you're working,
209
00:08:41,300 --> 00:08:43,424
but do you feel like
doing a puzzle with me?
210
00:08:43,425 --> 00:08:45,466
I thought you said
you were too old for puzzles.
211
00:08:45,467 --> 00:08:47,424
I would never say
something like that.
212
00:08:47,425 --> 00:08:50,466
Eh, your exact quote was
"I'm not a little girl anymore.
213
00:08:50,467 --> 00:08:51,882
I hate puzzles.
214
00:08:51,883 --> 00:08:54,007
Stop asking
and get off my jock."
215
00:08:54,008 --> 00:08:55,674
Well, it's not
about the puzzle.
216
00:08:55,675 --> 00:08:57,216
I just want to spend time
with you.
217
00:08:57,217 --> 00:08:58,050
Really?
218
00:08:59,633 --> 00:09:02,091
Okay. Let's bond.
219
00:09:02,092 --> 00:09:03,549
Uh, well,
since we're hanging out,
220
00:09:03,550 --> 00:09:06,382
um, I have this question
I've been meaning to ask you.
221
00:09:06,383 --> 00:09:07,966
Sure. Shoot.
222
00:09:07,967 --> 00:09:11,591
What do you think is my most
significant accomplishment?
223
00:09:11,592 --> 00:09:14,091
Hmm. That's an interesting
question. I would say--
224
00:09:14,092 --> 00:09:15,966
Try to keep your answer
to 500 words or less.
225
00:09:19,008 --> 00:09:23,091
Oliver, come over here
and meet our new employee.
226
00:09:23,092 --> 00:09:23,841
Maria?
227
00:09:23,842 --> 00:09:25,091
Hey, there, boss.
228
00:09:25,092 --> 00:09:27,424
Ooh, "boss."
Goosebumps.
229
00:09:27,425 --> 00:09:30,007
Maria, you don't
have to call us "boss."
230
00:09:30,008 --> 00:09:31,717
And you can make eye contact
with us.
231
00:09:33,633 --> 00:09:35,299
Really?
232
00:09:35,300 --> 00:09:37,466
And... I don't have to tell you
how great your hair looks
233
00:09:37,467 --> 00:09:38,382
on the hour?
234
00:09:38,383 --> 00:09:40,466
Of course not.
235
00:09:40,467 --> 00:09:41,382
Maybe.
236
00:09:41,383 --> 00:09:43,424
Mom...
237
00:09:43,425 --> 00:09:44,591
why did you hire
someone?
238
00:09:44,592 --> 00:09:46,007
Our reviews still suck,
239
00:09:46,008 --> 00:09:47,549
which means
we're not making any money,
240
00:09:47,550 --> 00:09:49,382
which means it's the worst time
to hire a new employee.
241
00:09:49,383 --> 00:09:51,882
I can help with the reviews, actually.
242
00:09:51,883 --> 00:09:53,424
I know
all of Chloe's passwords,
243
00:09:53,425 --> 00:09:54,882
so I can just
log in to her accounts
244
00:09:54,883 --> 00:09:56,466
and turn them
into five stars.
245
00:09:56,467 --> 00:09:58,757
Oliver, she's pulling
her weight already.
246
00:09:58,758 --> 00:09:59,924
You're amazing.
247
00:09:59,925 --> 00:10:01,257
This job...
248
00:10:01,258 --> 00:10:03,591
it's just so different.
249
00:10:03,592 --> 00:10:05,757
It's okay, Maria.
250
00:10:05,758 --> 00:10:07,591
You're going to--
No, no.
Let me do this.
251
00:10:07,592 --> 00:10:09,674
I need to practice my soothing
voice for Teen Help Line.
252
00:10:12,050 --> 00:10:13,632
Hey, Maria?
253
00:10:13,633 --> 00:10:15,882
We're happy to have you,
and you're doing just great.
254
00:10:15,883 --> 00:10:17,342
Are you being sarcastic?
255
00:10:18,633 --> 00:10:19,841
I don't even know.
256
00:10:21,925 --> 00:10:24,091
Dessert first today?
Good idea.
257
00:10:24,092 --> 00:10:25,716
Let's see how high
my blood sugar can go.
258
00:10:25,717 --> 00:10:27,049
Oh, I've missed this.
259
00:10:27,050 --> 00:10:29,049
You two!
260
00:10:29,050 --> 00:10:31,841
Your advice was terrible!
The deal is off!
261
00:10:31,842 --> 00:10:33,757
I've changed
your schedule back.
262
00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:35,757
You're late for gym.
263
00:10:35,758 --> 00:10:37,091
Bye, Franklin.
264
00:10:37,092 --> 00:10:38,382
When will I ever
see you again?
265
00:10:38,383 --> 00:10:39,424
After gym.
266
00:10:39,425 --> 00:10:41,174
Okay.
267
00:10:41,175 --> 00:10:43,757
This is why you could've never
been the Phillie Phanatic.
268
00:10:43,758 --> 00:10:44,883
You have no heart.
269
00:10:46,550 --> 00:10:48,674
Gimme a P!
Gimme an H!
270
00:10:48,675 --> 00:10:51,841
Gimme an I, L, L, Y!
271
00:10:51,842 --> 00:10:53,341
What's that spell?
272
00:10:53,342 --> 00:10:54,424
Philly!
273
00:10:54,425 --> 00:10:57,341
That... proves... nothing.
274
00:11:04,842 --> 00:11:06,882
Oh, did someone place
a new order?
275
00:11:06,883 --> 00:11:08,924
Ever since Maria took down
the fake reviews Chloe posted...
276
00:11:08,925 --> 00:11:11,424
Our clients
started coming back.
277
00:11:11,425 --> 00:11:14,174
My baby was sick,
and we nursed it back to health.
278
00:11:14,175 --> 00:11:16,507
And that's why Maria's
our employee of the month.
279
00:11:16,508 --> 00:11:18,133
Why are you mocking me?
I'm doing the best I can.
280
00:11:19,383 --> 00:11:21,174
Dad, you have a gentle voice.
281
00:11:21,175 --> 00:11:23,007
Can you teach me
that tone you use
282
00:11:23,008 --> 00:11:25,216
to calm Mom down
when she finds someone counting
283
00:11:25,217 --> 00:11:27,966
to see if she has
10 items or less in her basket?
284
00:11:27,967 --> 00:11:30,424
Sorry, son, but that honey
timbre doesn't come overnight.
285
00:11:30,425 --> 00:11:32,257
It took years
working as a DJ
286
00:11:32,258 --> 00:11:34,341
at my college's
smooth jazz radio station.
287
00:11:34,342 --> 00:11:36,800
I know you don't think they are,
but your stories are so sad.
288
00:11:38,675 --> 00:11:41,091
Oliver, I need you to call the
guys from the poker tournament
289
00:11:41,092 --> 00:11:43,424
and explain to them
what happened with the reviews.
290
00:11:43,425 --> 00:11:44,591
You got it, Mom.
291
00:11:44,592 --> 00:11:45,716
Oliver, please!
292
00:11:45,717 --> 00:11:47,632
This is important!
293
00:11:47,633 --> 00:11:49,591
I was being sincere!
294
00:11:49,592 --> 00:11:51,507
Damn this voice!
295
00:11:51,508 --> 00:11:55,299
You know, you're not the only
one bonding with our kids.
296
00:11:55,300 --> 00:11:58,007
I hung out with Taylor
yesterday-- all day.
297
00:11:58,008 --> 00:12:00,341
Whoa! Nice job.
298
00:12:00,342 --> 00:12:03,507
First time we talked
about really deep issues.
299
00:12:03,508 --> 00:12:05,507
She hung
on my every word.
300
00:12:05,508 --> 00:12:07,924
I think at one point,
she was even taking notes.
301
00:12:07,925 --> 00:12:10,466
Quick question--
did you guys also talk about
302
00:12:10,467 --> 00:12:12,632
what Taylor has done to make
her community a better place?
303
00:12:12,633 --> 00:12:14,049
Yes.
How did you know?
304
00:12:14,050 --> 00:12:16,091
Because you're
getting played.
305
00:12:16,092 --> 00:12:19,341
All of those questions were
from her college application.
306
00:12:21,550 --> 00:12:23,591
I think I was just so happy
she wanted to hang out with me,
307
00:12:23,592 --> 00:12:24,841
I didn't notice.
308
00:12:24,842 --> 00:12:26,174
Well,
that is the last time
309
00:12:26,175 --> 00:12:27,924
we do a historical jigsaw puzzle
together.
310
00:12:27,925 --> 00:12:28,924
That'll show her.
311
00:12:28,925 --> 00:12:30,299
I don't think it will.
312
00:12:30,300 --> 00:12:31,425
Mm.
313
00:12:33,217 --> 00:12:36,299
Guess who got the lasagna order
for the poker tournament back.
314
00:12:36,300 --> 00:12:38,216
They even want to put
a rush order on it for tonight.
315
00:12:38,217 --> 00:12:40,632
Crap! That is
a lot of lasagna.
316
00:12:40,633 --> 00:12:41,967
Maria,
fire up the stove.
317
00:12:48,133 --> 00:12:49,925
Something's wrong.
It won't turn on.
318
00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:54,257
Did one of you call
the gas company?
319
00:12:59,550 --> 00:13:00,800
E-Excuse me.
320
00:13:02,925 --> 00:13:05,174
Why are you putting a lock
on our gas line?
321
00:13:05,175 --> 00:13:06,799
You were renovating
the backyard.
322
00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:08,841
You hit a line, and now
you need the gas shut off.
323
00:13:08,842 --> 00:13:10,341
That never happened.
324
00:13:10,342 --> 00:13:11,924
Who called this in, exactly?
325
00:13:11,925 --> 00:13:14,258
The homeowner.
"Carmen Bolivar Martinez"?
326
00:13:15,717 --> 00:13:17,257
CBM.
327
00:13:17,258 --> 00:13:19,841
You've got to admit,
that's the best name yet.
328
00:13:19,842 --> 00:13:21,717
I wanna punch your voice
so hard right now.
329
00:13:25,342 --> 00:13:28,132
Listen, there has been
a misunderstanding.
330
00:13:28,133 --> 00:13:31,257
I live here, and we don't need
the gas shut off.
331
00:13:31,258 --> 00:13:33,174
But the work order says--
I know what it says.
332
00:13:33,175 --> 00:13:34,466
But it's wrong.
333
00:13:34,467 --> 00:13:35,716
But the work order--
It's wrong.
334
00:13:35,717 --> 00:13:36,466
But--
Don't say it.
335
00:13:36,467 --> 00:13:37,216
...the...
Stop.
336
00:13:37,217 --> 00:13:38,257
...work order--
337
00:13:38,258 --> 00:13:39,716
I want to talk
to your supervisor.
338
00:13:39,717 --> 00:13:42,299
He's away. But you can call
first thing Monday morning.
339
00:13:42,300 --> 00:13:43,841
Sir, we can't wait
that long.
340
00:13:43,842 --> 00:13:45,424
My mom and I run
a home business,
341
00:13:45,425 --> 00:13:47,592
and we need the gas turned on,
or we'll lose a big client.
342
00:13:49,217 --> 00:13:50,757
But the work order--
Where's your offices?
343
00:13:50,758 --> 00:13:52,091
Because I'm going to
burn them to--
344
00:13:52,092 --> 00:13:53,924
This is DJ Greg,
coming at you
345
00:13:53,925 --> 00:13:55,632
to calm you down
with a kiss.
346
00:13:58,717 --> 00:14:01,632
Chloe Brown Mueller
is messing with my baby,
347
00:14:01,633 --> 00:14:03,382
and she's going down.
348
00:14:03,383 --> 00:14:05,716
Mom, your feud with Chloe
is hurting our business.
349
00:14:05,717 --> 00:14:07,132
Ugh!
What's more important?
350
00:14:07,133 --> 00:14:08,882
Hurting Chloe
or protecting your baby?
351
00:14:08,883 --> 00:14:11,007
Right now, hurting Chloe.
352
00:14:11,008 --> 00:14:13,299
Okay, I'm gonna go down
to Perfection,
353
00:14:13,300 --> 00:14:15,507
and I'm gonna take a bat
to her electrical box.
354
00:14:15,508 --> 00:14:18,049
She's gonna send one
of my utilities to the hospital?
355
00:14:18,050 --> 00:14:20,591
I send one of hers
to the morgue.
356
00:14:20,592 --> 00:14:21,882
"Untouchables" reference.
357
00:14:21,883 --> 00:14:23,549
I got it, boss.
358
00:14:23,550 --> 00:14:25,341
So funny.
359
00:14:25,342 --> 00:14:27,091
Maria, you don't have to laugh
at my jokes.
360
00:14:28,508 --> 00:14:29,632
That's not a joke.
361
00:14:31,467 --> 00:14:33,466
Oh, man.
You are damaged.
362
00:14:35,842 --> 00:14:38,216
Hey, Maria, now that
you're working here,
363
00:14:38,217 --> 00:14:40,257
maybe I should get to know you
a little bit.
364
00:14:40,258 --> 00:14:42,092
Mm.
What do you look for
in a fella?
365
00:14:43,217 --> 00:14:45,757
Anna-Kat, that is
a personal question.
366
00:14:45,758 --> 00:14:48,007
But now that it's out there,
let's spill some tea.
367
00:14:48,008 --> 00:14:49,632
What do you look for
in a man?
368
00:14:49,633 --> 00:14:51,299
I guess
I'm attracted to someone
369
00:14:51,300 --> 00:14:53,716
who isn't afraid to share
what makes them special.
370
00:14:53,717 --> 00:14:56,174
As long as your definition
of "special" is pretty flexible,
371
00:14:56,175 --> 00:14:57,217
I can work with that.
372
00:14:59,383 --> 00:15:00,966
What is she up to?
373
00:15:00,967 --> 00:15:02,799
If she were my first kid,
I'd dig into that,
374
00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:04,382
but she's number three.
375
00:15:04,383 --> 00:15:06,132
I'm just gonna sit here
and hope for the best.
376
00:15:07,633 --> 00:15:08,966
Hey, Dad!
377
00:15:08,967 --> 00:15:10,132
I thought
you could teach me
378
00:15:10,133 --> 00:15:11,882
how that old laminator
of yours works.
379
00:15:11,883 --> 00:15:13,092
Sounds like a hoot, huh?
380
00:15:14,467 --> 00:15:15,799
You know,
I was thinking,
381
00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:18,424
I'd like to revise my answer
to the question
382
00:15:18,425 --> 00:15:20,341
"What word
best describes you?"
383
00:15:20,342 --> 00:15:21,632
Okay. Shoot.
384
00:15:21,633 --> 00:15:24,174
I'd say "manipulative,"
385
00:15:24,175 --> 00:15:26,299
"deceitful,"
"self-serving."
386
00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:28,424
Wait a minute.
That's all bad stuff, right?
387
00:15:28,425 --> 00:15:29,799
I know
you only hung out with me
388
00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:32,091
so you could pump me for your
college application answers.
389
00:15:32,092 --> 00:15:34,257
I was spending quality time
with you,
390
00:15:34,258 --> 00:15:35,632
and you were using me!
391
00:15:35,633 --> 00:15:38,216
Okay, fine, I tricked you.
392
00:15:38,217 --> 00:15:39,841
But come on.
I only have one question left.
393
00:15:39,842 --> 00:15:41,382
Forget it, Taylor.
394
00:15:41,383 --> 00:15:42,882
You can't slack off
and expect me to bail you out.
395
00:15:42,883 --> 00:15:44,216
But I wasn't slacking off!
396
00:15:44,217 --> 00:15:45,674
I've been trying to answer
these stupid questions
397
00:15:45,675 --> 00:15:47,382
for the past three months,
398
00:15:47,383 --> 00:15:50,091
but I froze up because
I finally really want something.
399
00:15:50,092 --> 00:15:52,007
Carnegie Mellon
is perfect for me.
400
00:15:52,008 --> 00:15:53,632
When I'm on stage,
it's the only time
401
00:15:53,633 --> 00:15:55,716
I'm not afraid to show people
the real me.
402
00:15:55,717 --> 00:15:58,717
And I realized singing is
the thing I care about the most.
403
00:15:59,925 --> 00:16:01,757
And if you don't help me,
I'll never get in!
And why are you smiling?
404
00:16:01,758 --> 00:16:03,549
That's it.
What?
405
00:16:03,550 --> 00:16:06,216
What you just said
was the perfect answer
to the last question--
406
00:16:06,217 --> 00:16:07,717
"Why do you want to attend
Carnegie Mellon?"
407
00:16:09,092 --> 00:16:10,424
Really?
Yes!
408
00:16:10,425 --> 00:16:11,924
It's honest and true
and so much better
409
00:16:11,925 --> 00:16:13,092
than anything
I could've come up with.
410
00:16:15,883 --> 00:16:18,132
I'm gonna write this down.
411
00:16:18,133 --> 00:16:22,174
But afterwards, we could
maybe use your laminator
412
00:16:22,175 --> 00:16:23,632
and laminate things.
413
00:16:23,633 --> 00:16:25,632
I know you're only saying that
because you feel guilty,
414
00:16:25,633 --> 00:16:26,675
but...
415
00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:30,257
...let's push this baby
to the limit.
416
00:16:33,175 --> 00:16:35,841
Carmen Bolivar Martinez,
show yourself!
417
00:16:37,550 --> 00:16:38,882
Hello, Mother.
418
00:16:38,883 --> 00:16:40,091
Oliver?
419
00:16:40,092 --> 00:16:41,466
What are you
doing here?
420
00:16:41,467 --> 00:16:43,132
Your feud was
ruining our business,
421
00:16:43,133 --> 00:16:45,757
so I reached out to Chloe
to broker a truce.
422
00:16:45,758 --> 00:16:48,299
Ugh. The one child we planned
turns on me!
423
00:16:48,300 --> 00:16:49,342
Mom...
424
00:16:50,967 --> 00:16:53,049
...sit down, please.
425
00:16:53,050 --> 00:16:54,299
Chloe, you, too.
426
00:17:01,633 --> 00:17:02,757
Thank you.
427
00:17:02,758 --> 00:17:04,299
Now,
in order to end this,
428
00:17:04,300 --> 00:17:06,924
we need to get to the root
of your issues with each other.
429
00:17:06,925 --> 00:17:08,674
Why exactly
are you mad at my mom?
430
00:17:08,675 --> 00:17:10,883
Because she's the suckiest suck
that ever sucked.
431
00:17:12,050 --> 00:17:14,007
This stupid battle
is hurting your business, too.
432
00:17:14,008 --> 00:17:15,299
Okay, fine.
433
00:17:15,300 --> 00:17:17,382
Your mother went too far
on Career Day.
434
00:17:17,383 --> 00:17:20,257
You started it. You said
my lasagna was poison.
435
00:17:20,258 --> 00:17:22,049
You said my store
was a vanity project
436
00:17:22,050 --> 00:17:24,091
paid for by my husband.
437
00:17:24,092 --> 00:17:25,632
And why did that make you
so mad?
438
00:17:25,633 --> 00:17:27,674
Because it's not true!
439
00:17:27,675 --> 00:17:30,257
I easily could have asked him,
but I didn't,
440
00:17:30,258 --> 00:17:32,591
because I wanted it
to be truly mine.
441
00:17:32,592 --> 00:17:35,424
Do you know I started going
to small craft fairs,
442
00:17:35,425 --> 00:17:38,132
meeting artists
and developing relationships?
443
00:17:38,133 --> 00:17:40,549
And then I spent years
selling their work
444
00:17:40,550 --> 00:17:43,007
at a kiosk
at the Stanford Mall.
445
00:17:43,008 --> 00:17:44,632
You were
a mall kiosk lady?
446
00:17:44,633 --> 00:17:46,174
It was hell.
447
00:17:46,175 --> 00:17:48,007
But I persevered,
448
00:17:48,008 --> 00:17:49,799
and I finally saved up
enough money
449
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:52,049
to open my own place.
450
00:17:52,050 --> 00:17:54,341
Perfection
isn't a vanity store.
451
00:17:54,342 --> 00:17:56,007
It's my baby.
452
00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:57,507
I didn't know.
453
00:17:57,508 --> 00:18:00,174
Mom, is it possible
that you pre-judged Chloe
454
00:18:00,175 --> 00:18:02,091
as a typical
Westport housewife?
455
00:18:02,092 --> 00:18:03,967
I guess I did.
456
00:18:05,508 --> 00:18:07,549
So, that means...
457
00:18:07,550 --> 00:18:09,924
I was wrong.
458
00:18:09,925 --> 00:18:13,091
Chloe, I didn't mean
to mess with your baby.
459
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:15,299
I'm sorry for stealing Maria
away from you.
460
00:18:15,300 --> 00:18:18,091
Well, I'm sorry
for messing with your baby, too.
461
00:18:18,092 --> 00:18:20,674
I know how hard it is
to start a business.
462
00:18:20,675 --> 00:18:22,591
We need to be
supporting each other.
463
00:18:22,592 --> 00:18:25,174
Maybe I'll buy a jar
of your lasagna...
464
00:18:25,175 --> 00:18:27,716
and eat it
over a four-year period.
465
00:18:27,717 --> 00:18:32,257
Maybe I will buy a trinket
from your store.
466
00:18:32,258 --> 00:18:33,674
That's $800.
467
00:18:33,675 --> 00:18:36,174
You'll let me know when
you're having a "100% off" sale.
468
00:18:36,175 --> 00:18:39,300
Would you mind if Maria
came back to work for me?
469
00:18:42,175 --> 00:18:43,716
Sure.
470
00:18:43,717 --> 00:18:45,591
I'm not an object
you can barter and trade.
471
00:18:45,592 --> 00:18:47,049
I am a human being.
472
00:18:47,050 --> 00:18:49,299
Oh, my God!
What have you done to her?
473
00:18:49,300 --> 00:18:52,924
Working for Katie has taught me
that I have value.
474
00:18:52,925 --> 00:18:54,882
Ugh.
475
00:18:54,883 --> 00:18:57,424
Alright, well, what do I
have to do to get you back?
476
00:18:57,425 --> 00:18:58,967
I could...
give you a raise?
477
00:19:00,550 --> 00:19:02,591
And I don't want to give you
a piggyback ride to your car
478
00:19:02,592 --> 00:19:03,966
after pedicures.
479
00:19:03,967 --> 00:19:05,674
You don't like that?
480
00:19:05,675 --> 00:19:07,341
That was our thing!
481
00:19:07,342 --> 00:19:08,674
Mnh-mnh.
482
00:19:08,675 --> 00:19:10,507
Okay. Fine.
483
00:19:10,508 --> 00:19:11,674
You can start today.
484
00:19:11,675 --> 00:19:12,924
Tomorrow morning.
485
00:19:12,925 --> 00:19:14,257
Ugh! Okay.
486
00:19:14,258 --> 00:19:16,341
But I have to tell you
that this self-esteem
487
00:19:16,342 --> 00:19:17,966
is a very ugly color
on you.
488
00:19:17,967 --> 00:19:20,175
So, this feud
is over?
489
00:19:22,633 --> 00:19:25,133
Feud over.
490
00:19:26,675 --> 00:19:29,174
Nice job, Oliver.
491
00:19:29,175 --> 00:19:30,841
I think you found
your soothing voice.
492
00:19:30,842 --> 00:19:32,466
I guess I did.
493
00:19:32,467 --> 00:19:34,299
I think it's because
there was money on the line.
494
00:19:34,300 --> 00:19:35,924
I just have to lock in
this feeling
495
00:19:35,925 --> 00:19:38,216
and apply it to stupid stuff,
like people's problems.
496
00:19:48,425 --> 00:19:50,008
I'll get it!
497
00:19:57,758 --> 00:19:59,132
She's here.
You ready?
498
00:19:59,133 --> 00:20:00,508
I brought
what makes me special.
499
00:20:02,133 --> 00:20:05,049
Hey, guys! Look who decided
to come over and hang!
500
00:20:05,050 --> 00:20:06,632
It's my principal!
501
00:20:06,633 --> 00:20:07,674
Hey, Ottos.
502
00:20:07,675 --> 00:20:09,591
Principal Ablin.
503
00:20:09,592 --> 00:20:11,257
What are you doing here?
504
00:20:11,258 --> 00:20:14,549
I wanted to apologize to Maria
for how I acted the other day.
505
00:20:14,550 --> 00:20:16,049
Those slams
don't belong anywhere
506
00:20:16,050 --> 00:20:18,424
except the main stage
at the Apollo.
507
00:20:18,425 --> 00:20:19,758
So, I brought you
a gift.
508
00:20:25,175 --> 00:20:27,466
It's... uh...
509
00:20:27,467 --> 00:20:28,507
me.
510
00:20:28,508 --> 00:20:30,007
I made it from memory.
511
00:20:30,008 --> 00:20:31,924
I've been a woodworker
ever since I was a kid.
512
00:20:31,925 --> 00:20:33,425
It's kind of
what makes me special.
513
00:20:34,592 --> 00:20:35,591
{\an8}It's...
514
00:20:35,592 --> 00:20:37,383
{\an8}pretty cool, actually.
515
00:20:39,425 --> 00:20:41,966
{\an8}So, Maria, I was wondering
if you'd ever like to, uh,
516
00:20:41,967 --> 00:20:44,800
{\an8}you know, go on a, um...
date with me.
517
00:20:48,383 --> 00:20:50,174
{\an8}Sure.
That sounds fun.
518
00:20:50,175 --> 00:20:51,257
{\an8}Yes!
519
00:20:51,258 --> 00:20:52,757
{\an8}Huzzah!
520
00:20:52,758 --> 00:20:55,466
{\an8}This is a man who's in charge
of thousands of children.
37770
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