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1
00:00:00,058 --> 00:00:02,016
Trip and I are going
to the movies tonight.
2
00:00:02,017 --> 00:00:03,516
Cooper and I
are going, too.
3
00:00:03,517 --> 00:00:04,932
Oh, cool! I like movies.
Maybe I'll tag along.
4
00:00:04,933 --> 00:00:06,974
Sorry, I misspoke.
I meant mini-golf.
Yeah, me, too.
5
00:00:06,975 --> 00:00:08,599
Oh, I like mini-golf.
6
00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:09,891
What do you not like, Dad?
Because we're doing that.
7
00:00:09,892 --> 00:00:11,141
Yeah, me, too.
8
00:00:11,142 --> 00:00:13,266
All right, you go.
Have fun.
9
00:00:13,267 --> 00:00:14,599
Anna-Kat, hurry up.
You're gonna be late.
10
00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:16,224
Where's your backpack?
Upstairs.
11
00:00:16,225 --> 00:00:17,391
I'll get it.
12
00:00:17,392 --> 00:00:19,307
Quick, finish your breakfast.
Bigger bites.
13
00:00:19,308 --> 00:00:21,136
Put it down like a snake.
14
00:00:31,972 --> 00:00:32,930
Where's your sweatshirt?
15
00:00:32,931 --> 00:00:34,846
Next to my backpack.
16
00:00:46,639 --> 00:00:49,222
Anna-Kat, you're only wearing
one sneaker.
17
00:00:50,764 --> 00:00:51,805
Oh, yeah.
18
00:01:08,681 --> 00:01:09,222
Catch!
19
00:01:13,722 --> 00:01:15,388
Are you okay?
20
00:01:16,556 --> 00:01:19,513
I know I am this close
to turning 40,
21
00:01:19,514 --> 00:01:21,471
but I don't think
that I can blame age
22
00:01:21,472 --> 00:01:23,763
for getting tired
halfway up the stairs.
23
00:01:23,764 --> 00:01:25,388
Blame me.
I'm a very easy target.
24
00:01:25,389 --> 00:01:28,263
I just don't love how I feel
in my body right now.
25
00:01:28,264 --> 00:01:30,263
I don't feel attractive.
26
00:01:30,264 --> 00:01:32,596
I might need
to change some things up.
27
00:01:32,597 --> 00:01:34,555
I like how you are
right now.
28
00:01:34,556 --> 00:01:36,138
But if you feel like
you should change,
29
00:01:36,139 --> 00:01:37,930
then you should go ahead
and make that change.
30
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:39,305
And I'm sure
that if you make the change
31
00:01:39,306 --> 00:01:40,430
that I'd like
the new you
32
00:01:40,431 --> 00:01:41,721
as much as I like
the current you,
33
00:01:41,722 --> 00:01:42,888
as you are.
34
00:01:42,889 --> 00:01:44,056
Currently.
35
00:01:45,389 --> 00:01:47,471
I wasn't fishing
for a nervous compliment, Greg.
36
00:01:47,472 --> 00:01:49,221
I'm just
making a statement.
37
00:01:49,222 --> 00:01:51,221
Oh.
38
00:01:51,222 --> 00:01:53,055
Do you think you could
take the kids to school?
39
00:01:53,056 --> 00:01:54,680
I'm just gonna stay here.
40
00:01:54,681 --> 00:01:56,305
I know
it's only 8:00 a.m.,
41
00:01:56,306 --> 00:01:58,556
but I feel like
I've done enough.
42
00:02:07,931 --> 00:02:10,305
{\an8}Doris' husband, Richard,
is here to see you.
43
00:02:10,306 --> 00:02:11,638
{\an8}That's weird.
44
00:02:11,639 --> 00:02:12,764
Send him in, I guess.
45
00:02:14,056 --> 00:02:15,888
Hey, Angela.
Hey.
46
00:02:15,889 --> 00:02:17,763
Sorry to just
pop in like this,
47
00:02:17,764 --> 00:02:20,638
but I'm wondering if I can...
talk to you about a situation.
48
00:02:20,639 --> 00:02:21,930
{\an8}Ah.
49
00:02:21,931 --> 00:02:23,930
{\an8}Okay, Richard,
let's hear it.
50
00:02:23,931 --> 00:02:25,930
{\an8}I don't know why,
but because I'm a lesbian,
51
00:02:25,931 --> 00:02:28,513
{\an8}everyone wants to tell me
their one gay experience, so...
52
00:02:28,514 --> 00:02:29,638
{\an8}come on.
53
00:02:29,639 --> 00:02:30,430
{\an8}No.
54
00:02:30,431 --> 00:02:31,888
{\an8}I'm going to
divorce Doris,
55
00:02:31,889 --> 00:02:33,930
{\an8}and I'd like to hire you
as my lawyer.
56
00:02:33,931 --> 00:02:35,471
{\an8}What?
Oh!
57
00:02:35,472 --> 00:02:36,888
{\an8}Hell no!
58
00:02:36,889 --> 00:02:39,263
{\an8}I am not representing you if
you're divorcing my best friend.
59
00:02:39,264 --> 00:02:40,263
{\an8}I figured as much.
60
00:02:40,264 --> 00:02:41,596
{\an8}But now that
I've talked to you,
61
00:02:41,597 --> 00:02:43,846
{\an8}legally, you can't
represent her against me.
62
00:02:43,847 --> 00:02:45,055
{\an8}Thanks so much
for your help.
63
00:02:50,972 --> 00:02:53,096
Is this a real emergency,
64
00:02:53,097 --> 00:02:54,680
or do you just throw "911"
on a text
65
00:02:54,681 --> 00:02:56,346
{\an8}like when my kids
run out
66
00:02:56,347 --> 00:02:58,180
{\an8}of those little
Trader Joe's ice cream cones?
67
00:02:58,181 --> 00:03:00,221
Richard is
divorcing Doris.
68
00:03:00,222 --> 00:03:01,513
What?
69
00:03:01,514 --> 00:03:03,263
{\an8}He came to my office today
to talk to me
70
00:03:03,264 --> 00:03:04,680
{\an8}so that Doris couldn't
hire me as her lawyer.
71
00:03:05,931 --> 00:03:07,138
Meryl Streep's lawyer
72
00:03:07,139 --> 00:03:09,180
told her to do that
on "Big Little Lies"!
73
00:03:09,181 --> 00:03:10,638
I know. What'd you think
of her teeth?
74
00:03:10,639 --> 00:03:11,888
I found them distracting.
75
00:03:11,889 --> 00:03:13,180
See, I thought
they made her character.
76
00:03:13,181 --> 00:03:14,555
We're getting off track.
Right.
77
00:03:14,556 --> 00:03:15,846
{\an8}Listen,
we need to figure out
78
00:03:15,847 --> 00:03:17,471
{\an8}how we're gonna play this
when Doris tells us
79
00:03:17,472 --> 00:03:19,180
{\an8}because she's probably
gonna be a total mess.
80
00:03:19,181 --> 00:03:20,805
{\an8}Hey!
What's up, bitches?
81
00:03:20,806 --> 00:03:22,263
{\an8}Oh!
There she is!
82
00:03:22,264 --> 00:03:23,471
Hey, girl.
83
00:03:23,472 --> 00:03:25,180
So, what are we
talking about?
84
00:03:25,181 --> 00:03:27,555
{\an8}Oh, you know, the usual.
85
00:03:27,556 --> 00:03:30,721
{\an8}Greg, blah, blah, blah,
my kids, nyeh, nyeh, nyeh.
86
00:03:30,722 --> 00:03:33,388
I'm gay.
87
00:03:33,389 --> 00:03:34,888
You guys are being weird.
Why are you being weird?
88
00:03:34,889 --> 00:03:35,971
Who's acting weird?
89
00:03:35,972 --> 00:03:37,138
I am gay.
90
00:03:39,597 --> 00:03:43,138
{\an8}So, Doris...
anything new?
91
00:03:43,139 --> 00:03:44,721
{\an8}Oh!
92
00:03:44,722 --> 00:03:46,513
{\an8}I think I might be done brushing
my teeth in the morning.
93
00:03:46,514 --> 00:03:48,014
{\an8}Now I just chew gum
and go like this.
94
00:03:48,972 --> 00:03:50,596
{\an8}That's neat.
95
00:03:50,597 --> 00:03:52,680
{\an8}I'm gonna step out real quick
to use the bathroom.
96
00:04:02,389 --> 00:04:03,471
{\an8}I gotta poop.
97
00:04:08,847 --> 00:04:10,680
She doesn't know.
98
00:04:10,681 --> 00:04:12,096
Well,
we have to tell her.
99
00:04:12,097 --> 00:04:13,430
Richard told you.
You tell her.
100
00:04:13,431 --> 00:04:15,096
{\an8}No!
I sit next to her.
101
00:04:15,097 --> 00:04:17,013
{\an8}I am within
fork-stabbing distance.
102
00:04:17,014 --> 00:04:19,471
And you know Doris does not
react well to bad news.
103
00:04:22,056 --> 00:04:22,805
Sorry about that.
104
00:04:22,806 --> 00:04:24,138
Everything good?
105
00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:25,555
So good.
106
00:04:25,556 --> 00:04:27,930
Angela, did you have
any interesting visitors
107
00:04:27,931 --> 00:04:29,846
at the office
this morning?
108
00:04:29,847 --> 00:04:32,596
Oh, Katie,
work is so boring.
109
00:04:32,597 --> 00:04:34,096
Let's talk about gossip.
110
00:04:34,097 --> 00:04:36,721
Have you heard anything gossipy
this morning?
111
00:04:40,389 --> 00:04:43,138
Would you excuse me
one more time?
112
00:04:48,681 --> 00:04:49,971
Part two.
113
00:04:52,681 --> 00:04:54,764
You need to cool it
on that flaxseed.
114
00:04:56,472 --> 00:04:58,346
I thought
you were gonna tell her.
I thought you were!
115
00:04:58,347 --> 00:05:00,221
Well, you've known her
longer and--
116
00:05:00,222 --> 00:05:01,389
One, two, three,
not it!
117
00:05:03,264 --> 00:05:04,680
What the hell
is going on?
118
00:05:04,681 --> 00:05:07,096
Are you guys doing
bathroom drugs without me?
119
00:05:07,097 --> 00:05:08,680
Because that would be
so mean!
120
00:05:08,681 --> 00:05:11,847
Doris... I think
you should sit down.
121
00:05:13,347 --> 00:05:14,264
Come on.
122
00:05:18,389 --> 00:05:21,056
There's no easy way
to say this.
123
00:05:23,181 --> 00:05:24,680
Richard is
leaving you.
124
00:05:26,264 --> 00:05:29,263
Yeah, right.
I wish!
125
00:05:29,264 --> 00:05:30,888
No.
No, we're serious.
126
00:05:30,889 --> 00:05:33,055
He came to see me
at the office today
127
00:05:33,056 --> 00:05:34,681
so that
I couldn't represent you.
128
00:05:36,139 --> 00:05:37,555
Like in "Big Little Lies."
129
00:05:37,556 --> 00:05:39,680
We're so sorry, honey.
130
00:05:46,222 --> 00:05:47,596
Doris. Doris!
131
00:05:47,597 --> 00:05:48,721
Sorry.
132
00:05:48,722 --> 00:05:49,638
Doris!
133
00:05:51,514 --> 00:05:53,596
You keep chasing her!
134
00:05:53,597 --> 00:05:55,847
I'll wait here
in case she circles back.
135
00:06:00,347 --> 00:06:02,180
10 years ago,
the kids and I
136
00:06:02,181 --> 00:06:04,680
were making a surprise cake
for Katie's 30th birthday.
137
00:06:04,681 --> 00:06:06,596
Katie came home early,
caught us in the act,
138
00:06:06,597 --> 00:06:08,263
and took this photo.
139
00:06:08,264 --> 00:06:10,055
It's amazing
what you guys can pull off
140
00:06:10,056 --> 00:06:12,138
without a pastry chef
and staff photographer.
141
00:06:12,139 --> 00:06:13,846
It's Katie's
favorite picture.
142
00:06:13,847 --> 00:06:16,138
So I thought for her
40th birthday in a few months,
143
00:06:16,139 --> 00:06:17,888
it'd be fun
to re-create this photo.
144
00:06:17,889 --> 00:06:20,430
A nice homemade gift to
remind her how much we love her.
145
00:06:20,431 --> 00:06:21,763
I'm in.
146
00:06:21,764 --> 00:06:23,555
Trip, you... weren't
in the original picture.
147
00:06:23,556 --> 00:06:25,513
Yeah,
but I'm really photogenic.
148
00:06:25,514 --> 00:06:27,013
Check it.
149
00:06:27,014 --> 00:06:28,430
I'm checking it.
150
00:06:28,431 --> 00:06:30,472
When I'm 32,
you'll be 41.
151
00:06:33,264 --> 00:06:35,055
I got all the props.
152
00:06:35,056 --> 00:06:38,346
And I made a Babybjorn
out of a backpack
153
00:06:38,347 --> 00:06:39,931
and two seatbelts
for Anna-Kat.
154
00:06:41,389 --> 00:06:43,138
There's no way
that thing will hold Anna-Kat.
155
00:06:43,139 --> 00:06:44,221
Don't be so negative.
156
00:06:44,222 --> 00:06:45,764
Then who am I?
157
00:06:47,264 --> 00:06:49,305
We just have to pick a
night when Mom's not home
so we can take the picture.
158
00:06:49,306 --> 00:06:50,555
But she's always home.
159
00:06:50,556 --> 00:06:52,680
She's like that B.O. smell
in Oliver's room.
160
00:06:52,681 --> 00:06:53,763
She refuses to leave.
161
00:06:53,764 --> 00:06:55,971
Fake news.
162
00:06:55,972 --> 00:06:58,181
Oliver, you're wrong.
This'll totally hold her.
163
00:07:05,181 --> 00:07:07,555
So, they're
getting divorced?
164
00:07:07,556 --> 00:07:09,721
What did Doris do
that finally made him leave her?
165
00:07:09,722 --> 00:07:12,096
Why do you assume
it was Doris?
166
00:07:12,097 --> 00:07:13,305
For the same reason
if we get divorced,
167
00:07:13,306 --> 00:07:14,346
people will assume
it was you.
168
00:07:14,347 --> 00:07:16,181
That's fair.
169
00:07:18,639 --> 00:07:19,930
W-What are you doing?
170
00:07:19,931 --> 00:07:20,930
I'm exercising.
171
00:07:20,931 --> 00:07:22,096
Oh.
172
00:07:22,097 --> 00:07:24,471
Thanks for trying
to make me laugh.
173
00:07:24,472 --> 00:07:27,096
Well, you were right.
174
00:07:27,097 --> 00:07:28,513
Richard's leaving me.
175
00:07:28,514 --> 00:07:30,055
I found papers
on the kitchen table.
176
00:07:30,056 --> 00:07:31,638
I'm sorry, Doris.
177
00:07:31,639 --> 00:07:33,513
You know, I-I can't believe
this is happening.
178
00:07:33,514 --> 00:07:35,013
I always joked
about me leaving Richard,
179
00:07:35,014 --> 00:07:36,471
but I never thought
in a million years
180
00:07:36,472 --> 00:07:37,888
that he'd be the one
leaving me.
181
00:07:37,889 --> 00:07:40,513
Honey,
I know it's so hard.
182
00:07:40,514 --> 00:07:42,305
I know
he's sleeping with someone.
183
00:07:42,306 --> 00:07:43,930
But it can't be
one of the nannies.
184
00:07:43,931 --> 00:07:46,263
No. I'm no dummy,
I went old and ugly.
185
00:07:46,264 --> 00:07:47,763
Well, you never know.
186
00:07:47,764 --> 00:07:50,596
Oprah says it's not about
how the other woman looks.
187
00:07:50,597 --> 00:07:52,681
It's about
how she makes your man feel.
188
00:07:54,514 --> 00:07:55,639
What are you doing?
189
00:07:56,972 --> 00:07:58,971
If he's sleeping with someone,
so will I.
190
00:07:58,972 --> 00:08:00,555
We're going out tonight.
191
00:08:00,556 --> 00:08:02,305
You and Angela are gonna be
my wing women.
192
00:08:03,306 --> 00:08:04,931
I've got to find
a dude to bone.
193
00:08:07,264 --> 00:08:08,721
No.
194
00:08:17,181 --> 00:08:18,847
Wow!
You look fantastic.
195
00:08:21,306 --> 00:08:22,430
I'm gonna call Doris
and lie
196
00:08:22,431 --> 00:08:24,263
and tell her
one of our idiot kids got lice
197
00:08:24,264 --> 00:08:26,138
and now we all have it.
198
00:08:26,139 --> 00:08:28,680
Actually, that's not a lie.
We probably all do.
199
00:08:28,681 --> 00:08:30,305
I know you don't feel so great
about yourself right now,
200
00:08:30,306 --> 00:08:32,346
but trust me,
you're a catch.
201
00:08:32,347 --> 00:08:34,805
I bet if you didn't have
that ring on, guys would
hit on you all night long.
202
00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:36,013
You're just saying that.
203
00:08:36,014 --> 00:08:37,889
Well... let's find out.
204
00:08:39,597 --> 00:08:42,763
Katie Otto, will you un-marry me
for one night?
205
00:08:42,764 --> 00:08:44,389
Aww.
206
00:08:47,347 --> 00:08:49,721
Just to be clear,
does this actually mean I can--
207
00:08:49,722 --> 00:08:50,763
No!
208
00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:52,721
Good thing I checked.
Mm-hmm.
209
00:08:57,389 --> 00:08:59,430
Okay, Mom's gone!
210
00:08:59,431 --> 00:09:00,805
Oliver!
Get down here!
211
00:09:00,806 --> 00:09:02,763
Taylor, Mom's finally
out of the house.
212
00:09:02,764 --> 00:09:04,763
Get out the mixing bowls
and start making the batter.
213
00:09:04,764 --> 00:09:07,055
We need everything to
look exactly like it did
in the original picture.
214
00:09:07,056 --> 00:09:08,430
Go throw on
your ducky pajamas.
215
00:09:08,431 --> 00:09:09,846
Dad, we told you.
Cooper and I have plans.
216
00:09:09,847 --> 00:09:11,305
So do me and Trip.
217
00:09:11,306 --> 00:09:12,846
Well, you're gonna
have to cancel.
218
00:09:12,847 --> 00:09:14,305
We might not get
another chance.
219
00:09:14,306 --> 00:09:15,638
We can't cancel.
220
00:09:15,639 --> 00:09:17,721
It's opening night
of the new "Terminator" movie.
221
00:09:17,722 --> 00:09:19,763
If we don't go,
people will ruin it for us.
222
00:09:19,764 --> 00:09:21,638
But if we do go,
we can ruin it for other people.
223
00:09:21,639 --> 00:09:23,388
Besides,
you signed off on it.
224
00:09:23,389 --> 00:09:24,721
You're always prattling on
225
00:09:24,722 --> 00:09:26,930
about how important it is
to be a man of your word.
226
00:09:26,931 --> 00:09:29,721
Should we just ignore everything
else you've taught us?
227
00:09:29,722 --> 00:09:32,222
Yeah. So should I chat
with strangers on the Internet?
228
00:09:37,264 --> 00:09:39,305
You just got outsmarted
by Taylor.
229
00:09:39,306 --> 00:09:40,763
That can't feel good.
230
00:09:40,764 --> 00:09:42,721
Not necessarily.
231
00:09:42,722 --> 00:09:44,471
Taylor and Oliver are gonna be
grounded for the night.
232
00:09:44,472 --> 00:09:46,013
I just
have to figure out why.
233
00:09:46,014 --> 00:09:47,805
Ooh, shady parenting.
234
00:09:47,806 --> 00:09:49,888
This is usually
Mom's department.
235
00:09:49,889 --> 00:09:51,181
You just got interesting.
236
00:09:56,306 --> 00:09:58,346
Oh, this is amazing!
237
00:09:58,347 --> 00:10:00,263
Why didn't I do this
a long time ago?!
238
00:10:00,264 --> 00:10:01,888
Because you were married!
239
00:10:12,014 --> 00:10:13,430
Hi, ladies.
240
00:10:13,431 --> 00:10:16,930
My friend just found out
she's getting divorced,
241
00:10:16,931 --> 00:10:18,846
and this is kind of
her big night out.
242
00:10:18,847 --> 00:10:23,388
So our group are the ones
who need to have the most fun.
243
00:10:23,389 --> 00:10:25,305
Yeah, so we're gonna have to
ask you to leave.
244
00:10:25,306 --> 00:10:26,097
Mm-hmm.
245
00:10:27,222 --> 00:10:28,346
No.
246
00:10:30,431 --> 00:10:32,555
I'll give you 500 bucks.
247
00:10:32,556 --> 00:10:34,638
And an extra 50
for those boas and the tiaras.
248
00:10:37,097 --> 00:10:38,306
Here we go!
249
00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:41,805
Whoo!
Oh, yeah!
250
00:10:41,806 --> 00:10:44,013
All right,
who wants to make out?!
251
00:10:44,014 --> 00:10:45,346
Ow, ow, ow,
ow, ow, ow.
252
00:10:49,681 --> 00:10:51,596
Taylor, close the fridge door, please.
253
00:10:51,597 --> 00:10:53,556
I'll close it in a sec.
I got my hands full.
254
00:10:55,472 --> 00:10:56,888
When you leave
the door open,
255
00:10:56,889 --> 00:10:59,055
the fridge thinks it needs
to cool the entire house.
256
00:10:59,056 --> 00:11:01,846
I'm just doing my part
to counteract global warming.
257
00:11:01,847 --> 00:11:02,930
Was that attitude?
258
00:11:02,931 --> 00:11:04,096
Total attitude.
259
00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:05,680
No, no. I--
260
00:11:05,681 --> 00:11:07,055
For the first time, I think
I was actually being clever.
261
00:11:07,056 --> 00:11:08,180
You're grounded.
262
00:11:08,181 --> 00:11:10,471
No movie for you tonight.
What?!
263
00:11:10,472 --> 00:11:11,680
And since you're grounded
for the night,
264
00:11:11,681 --> 00:11:13,555
now you'll be able
to take that picture after all.
265
00:11:13,556 --> 00:11:15,389
You've got to be kidding me.
266
00:11:18,597 --> 00:11:19,721
If you'll excuse us,
267
00:11:19,722 --> 00:11:21,471
Cooper and I are gonna
go up to my room
268
00:11:21,472 --> 00:11:23,138
and sit silently
with our hands folded
269
00:11:23,139 --> 00:11:24,472
until the movie starts.
270
00:11:28,056 --> 00:11:29,346
He's onto us.
271
00:11:29,347 --> 00:11:30,430
I know.
272
00:11:30,431 --> 00:11:31,721
We have Taylor,
273
00:11:31,722 --> 00:11:33,846
but if we don't have Oliver,
we don't have a picture.
274
00:11:33,847 --> 00:11:34,721
What's the plan?
275
00:11:34,722 --> 00:11:36,138
I'm gonna
bust into his room,
276
00:11:36,139 --> 00:11:37,846
see if I can find
a groundable offense.
277
00:11:37,847 --> 00:11:40,221
Top-left desk drawer.
Check his journal.
278
00:11:40,222 --> 00:11:41,721
Some pretty meaty stuff
in there.
279
00:11:41,722 --> 00:11:43,805
Hmm.
280
00:11:55,347 --> 00:11:58,346
So, uh...
you the bride-to-be?
281
00:11:58,347 --> 00:11:59,181
Sorry?
282
00:12:00,514 --> 00:12:01,805
Oh.
283
00:12:01,806 --> 00:12:03,346
This? No.
284
00:12:03,347 --> 00:12:04,930
My friend
is getting a divorce,
285
00:12:04,931 --> 00:12:06,930
and so we're trying
to help her find someone
286
00:12:06,931 --> 00:12:08,596
to have
a revenge hook-up with.
287
00:12:08,597 --> 00:12:10,680
Ohh.
That is so sweet.
288
00:12:11,722 --> 00:12:12,763
How about you?
289
00:12:12,764 --> 00:12:14,430
What?
290
00:12:14,431 --> 00:12:17,638
You looking for anybody
to have a revenge hook-up with?
291
00:12:21,514 --> 00:12:23,138
Wait a minute.
292
00:12:23,139 --> 00:12:24,888
You're Malcolm Smith.
293
00:12:24,889 --> 00:12:26,680
You recognize me?
294
00:12:26,681 --> 00:12:28,305
Of course!
295
00:12:28,306 --> 00:12:30,971
I saw you score, like, 30 points
in that all-star game.
296
00:12:30,972 --> 00:12:32,805
Well, I'm only hoping
to score once tonight.
297
00:12:35,847 --> 00:12:37,846
Malcolm Smith.
298
00:12:37,847 --> 00:12:38,763
Are you hitting on me?
299
00:12:38,764 --> 00:12:40,305
Yes.
300
00:12:40,306 --> 00:12:41,181
Yes, I am.
301
00:12:42,597 --> 00:12:43,888
Why?
302
00:12:43,889 --> 00:12:45,305
What do you mean, "Why?"
303
00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:48,680
You're hot,
you know sports,
304
00:12:48,681 --> 00:12:52,306
and I don't see a wedding ring,
so I'm assuming single.
305
00:12:53,597 --> 00:12:55,930
Look... at... this.
306
00:12:57,222 --> 00:12:58,596
Unfortunately, I'm married.
307
00:12:58,597 --> 00:13:00,430
I mean,
it's not unfortunate.
308
00:13:00,431 --> 00:13:02,597
I love my husband
very much.
309
00:13:03,847 --> 00:13:05,388
Sometimes it's unfortunate.
310
00:13:08,097 --> 00:13:09,888
Well, uh...
311
00:13:09,889 --> 00:13:11,055
if you...
312
00:13:12,597 --> 00:13:15,846
...if you ever change your mind,
I would love to...
313
00:13:15,847 --> 00:13:18,346
just give you
a little piggyback ride.
314
00:13:18,347 --> 00:13:20,181
It's quite the view.
315
00:13:21,139 --> 00:13:23,555
So is this.
316
00:13:29,889 --> 00:13:32,055
Hello, Father.
To what do we owe the pleasure?
317
00:13:32,056 --> 00:13:34,930
I was just...
popping in to say hello.
318
00:13:34,931 --> 00:13:36,221
Making sure
everything is...
319
00:13:36,222 --> 00:13:37,306
in order!
320
00:13:39,056 --> 00:13:41,930
Hospital corners.
Very nice.
321
00:13:41,931 --> 00:13:43,138
Just like you taught me.
322
00:13:43,139 --> 00:13:44,596
One of the many
priceless lessons
323
00:13:44,597 --> 00:13:46,388
I will carry with me
out into this world.
324
00:13:46,389 --> 00:13:48,805
We figured
with Oliver's room so clean
325
00:13:48,806 --> 00:13:50,721
and all of his many chores
completed,
326
00:13:50,722 --> 00:13:52,846
it'd be a nice time to start
reading your book aloud.
327
00:13:52,847 --> 00:13:54,263
How wonderful.
328
00:13:54,264 --> 00:13:55,346
You boys
enjoy your reading.
329
00:13:55,347 --> 00:13:56,430
We sure will.
330
00:13:56,431 --> 00:13:58,055
My only critique
of the book--
331
00:13:58,056 --> 00:13:59,638
it's not long enough.
332
00:13:59,639 --> 00:14:00,638
Yeah, yeah.
333
00:14:11,722 --> 00:14:12,930
What about that guy?
334
00:14:14,639 --> 00:14:17,430
He's in a three-piece suit
and looks constipated.
335
00:14:17,431 --> 00:14:18,805
He's like
a white Richard.
336
00:14:20,264 --> 00:14:21,346
Okay.
337
00:14:23,181 --> 00:14:24,721
How about that one?
338
00:14:24,722 --> 00:14:26,388
Oh! He is pretty.
339
00:14:26,389 --> 00:14:27,263
Mm-hmm.
340
00:14:27,264 --> 00:14:29,221
I like pretty.
341
00:14:29,222 --> 00:14:31,263
Time to go in
for the kill.
342
00:14:31,264 --> 00:14:33,055
Okay.
Right. Come here.
343
00:14:33,056 --> 00:14:34,888
Take this off.
344
00:14:34,889 --> 00:14:36,430
Go do it.
You got 'im.
345
00:14:43,056 --> 00:14:44,638
"Go in for the kill"?
346
00:14:44,639 --> 00:14:46,930
What is happening
with my life?
347
00:14:46,931 --> 00:14:48,221
You know, three nights ago,
348
00:14:48,222 --> 00:14:49,596
I was lying in bed
next to my husband
349
00:14:49,597 --> 00:14:51,806
watching TV shows
on separate computers.
350
00:14:53,139 --> 00:14:54,930
What am I even doing here?
351
00:14:54,931 --> 00:14:57,805
Getting back at Richard
for cheating.
352
00:14:57,806 --> 00:14:59,680
Richard's not cheating, okay?
353
00:14:59,681 --> 00:15:01,513
I confronted him
before I left the house.
354
00:15:01,514 --> 00:15:03,055
There's--
There's no one else.
355
00:15:03,056 --> 00:15:05,513
Oh, he's lying to cover his ass
for the divorce.
356
00:15:05,514 --> 00:15:07,555
No, that's not it.
357
00:15:09,639 --> 00:15:11,930
He said he doesn't
enjoy my company anymore.
358
00:15:11,931 --> 00:15:12,638
What?
359
00:15:12,639 --> 00:15:15,013
Yeah.
360
00:15:15,014 --> 00:15:17,556
He said he'd rather be all alone
than be with me.
361
00:15:19,097 --> 00:15:20,971
Am I really that awful?
362
00:15:23,597 --> 00:15:25,513
I knew it.
I am that awful.
363
00:15:26,806 --> 00:15:28,305
Why didn't you
say something?
Why didn't you?
364
00:15:28,306 --> 00:15:29,763
And lie to our friend?
365
00:15:29,764 --> 00:15:31,264
That's all you do!
Oh, God!
366
00:15:34,472 --> 00:15:37,805
Doris, obviously,
we don't think you're awful.
367
00:15:37,806 --> 00:15:38,971
Are you difficult?
368
00:15:38,972 --> 00:15:40,388
Yeah.
Yeah.
369
00:15:40,389 --> 00:15:42,721
But you're
an amazing person, too.
370
00:15:42,722 --> 00:15:45,221
You know this whole situation
is really more about Richard.
371
00:15:45,222 --> 00:15:46,888
If he doesn't love
everything about you,
372
00:15:46,889 --> 00:15:48,721
then you're probably
better off without him.
373
00:15:48,722 --> 00:15:50,430
Yeah.
To hell with Richard!
374
00:15:50,431 --> 00:15:52,680
Let's throw all the suits
in his Aston Martin
375
00:15:52,681 --> 00:15:53,805
and set it on fire!
376
00:15:55,264 --> 00:15:56,638
Thank you, guys.
Oh, honey.
377
00:15:56,639 --> 00:15:58,097
Mm.
378
00:15:59,639 --> 00:16:03,888
You know, I've been with Richard
for so long,
379
00:16:03,889 --> 00:16:05,930
I've forgotten what it's like
to be alone.
380
00:16:05,931 --> 00:16:07,013
Oh, it's awesome.
381
00:16:07,014 --> 00:16:08,680
You get to sleep diagonally
in bed,
382
00:16:08,681 --> 00:16:10,346
you don't have to have sex
with the same person
383
00:16:10,347 --> 00:16:11,721
over and over
and over again,
384
00:16:11,722 --> 00:16:13,930
and you only get your kids
half the time.
385
00:16:13,931 --> 00:16:14,930
Ugh.
386
00:16:14,931 --> 00:16:17,555
Being in a good marriage
is so unfair.
387
00:16:17,556 --> 00:16:19,846
I can't take a piggyback ride
on Malcolm Smith,
388
00:16:19,847 --> 00:16:22,096
and I have my kids
the whole stupid time!
389
00:16:22,097 --> 00:16:23,346
Oh, you poor thing.
Aww.
390
00:16:23,347 --> 00:16:24,930
We're here for you.
Yeah.
391
00:16:30,472 --> 00:16:31,638
We're off to the movies.
392
00:16:31,639 --> 00:16:33,055
But it doesn't start
for another hour.
393
00:16:33,056 --> 00:16:34,305
Oh,
we're heading out early
394
00:16:34,306 --> 00:16:35,763
so we can drive
well under the speed limit.
395
00:16:35,764 --> 00:16:36,763
Safety first.
396
00:16:36,764 --> 00:16:38,513
I'm transporting
precious cargo here.
397
00:16:38,514 --> 00:16:40,680
Have a great night, everybody.
398
00:16:41,847 --> 00:16:43,263
I love you, Dad.
399
00:16:43,264 --> 00:16:44,346
Hold on.
400
00:16:44,347 --> 00:16:46,431
I love you, too, son.
401
00:16:47,972 --> 00:16:49,722
What's thi-- What?
402
00:16:50,889 --> 00:16:52,138
Well, well, well.
403
00:16:52,139 --> 00:16:54,388
What do we have here?
404
00:16:54,389 --> 00:16:56,555
Oliver,
is this marijuana?
405
00:16:56,556 --> 00:16:58,305
Oh, my.
406
00:16:58,306 --> 00:16:59,388
You're grounded.
407
00:16:59,389 --> 00:17:00,430
I'm being framed.
408
00:17:00,431 --> 00:17:02,263
We both know
you planted this on me.
409
00:17:02,264 --> 00:17:04,221
I mean, this jacket
doesn't even have pockets!
410
00:17:04,222 --> 00:17:05,721
No movie for you tonight.
411
00:17:05,722 --> 00:17:07,388
No way!
That's so messed up!
412
00:17:07,389 --> 00:17:08,513
We're still going.
413
00:17:08,514 --> 00:17:09,930
Okay, Oliver, wait.
414
00:17:09,931 --> 00:17:12,388
This is clearly important
to Dad.
415
00:17:12,389 --> 00:17:13,805
And after everything
he's done for us,
416
00:17:13,806 --> 00:17:15,305
I think
we owe it to him
417
00:17:15,306 --> 00:17:17,471
to stop thinking
about ourselves for once
418
00:17:17,472 --> 00:17:20,097
and just stay home
and take the picture.
419
00:17:21,472 --> 00:17:22,306
Fine.
420
00:17:26,097 --> 00:17:28,013
Who gave this to you?
I'll kill them.
421
00:17:28,014 --> 00:17:29,805
It's Italian seasoning.
422
00:17:29,806 --> 00:17:31,596
Oh, is that what
they're calling it these days?
423
00:17:31,597 --> 00:17:33,096
Hmm?
424
00:17:37,181 --> 00:17:38,596
Okay, Taylor,
425
00:17:38,597 --> 00:17:41,221
just a smidge more batter
on your forehead.
426
00:17:41,222 --> 00:17:42,596
How's it looking?
427
00:17:42,597 --> 00:17:43,389
All set.
428
00:17:44,681 --> 00:17:45,721
This is awesome.
429
00:17:45,722 --> 00:17:47,055
When I get married,
430
00:17:47,056 --> 00:17:49,513
I'm making you walk me
down the aisle like this.
431
00:17:49,514 --> 00:17:50,722
Oliver, you ready?
432
00:17:52,472 --> 00:17:54,930
Aww! Look who's up
past his bedtime.
433
00:17:54,931 --> 00:17:56,930
I appreciate you guys
making this happen.
434
00:17:56,931 --> 00:17:59,430
It means a lot to me, and it's
gonna mean a lot to your mom.
435
00:17:59,431 --> 00:18:01,096
Come on, guys!
Have some fun with it.
436
00:18:04,514 --> 00:18:06,096
Oh!
437
00:18:06,097 --> 00:18:07,389
Uh, Taylor,
tongue out.
438
00:18:08,597 --> 00:18:10,139
Oliver, uh,
lick the frosting.
439
00:18:11,139 --> 00:18:12,389
Mr. Otto, um,
act surprised.
440
00:18:13,514 --> 00:18:15,764
Three, two, one.
441
00:18:16,764 --> 00:18:18,763
Perfect.
442
00:18:18,764 --> 00:18:20,930
I wish life was this fun
when I got grounded.
443
00:18:20,931 --> 00:18:22,971
I wish I had parents around
to ground me at all.
444
00:18:22,972 --> 00:18:24,721
Hey, why don't you guys
jump in here?
445
00:18:24,722 --> 00:18:27,055
Then in 10 years,
we'll re-create this one, too.
446
00:18:27,056 --> 00:18:28,430
Really?
Yeah.
447
00:18:28,431 --> 00:18:30,430
You guys are gonna be around
a long time. Come on.
448
00:18:33,681 --> 00:18:35,721
Setting the timer.
449
00:18:35,722 --> 00:18:37,638
Three...
450
00:18:37,639 --> 00:18:39,055
two, one!
451
00:18:42,056 --> 00:18:45,221
Wait. Can we take another one?
Because I want a copy.
452
00:18:45,222 --> 00:18:47,263
Trip,
you know you can just--
453
00:18:47,264 --> 00:18:48,638
Let's take another one
for Trip.
454
00:18:58,181 --> 00:19:00,138
So...
did you meet anyone?
455
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:01,638
Oh, I don't know.
456
00:19:01,639 --> 00:19:05,263
Does the name Malcolm Smith
mean anything to you?
457
00:19:05,264 --> 00:19:06,971
Does the name
Gerard Manley Hopkins
458
00:19:06,972 --> 00:19:08,305
mean anything to you?
459
00:19:08,306 --> 00:19:10,346
See how it feels
when you ask someone
460
00:19:10,347 --> 00:19:12,430
if they know someone
you know they don't know?
461
00:19:12,431 --> 00:19:14,305
He's a pro
basketball player.
462
00:19:14,306 --> 00:19:15,930
And he thought
I was hot.
463
00:19:15,931 --> 00:19:17,513
Ohh!
Tell me all about it.
464
00:19:17,514 --> 00:19:21,055
Well, he came up to me
at the bar,
465
00:19:21,056 --> 00:19:22,763
and we talked a bit,
466
00:19:22,764 --> 00:19:25,888
and then he said
he'd like to, you know...
467
00:19:25,889 --> 00:19:28,096
♪ Bow-chicki-bow-bowww ♪
468
00:19:28,097 --> 00:19:30,638
♪ Mama-na-nanananananana ♪
469
00:19:30,639 --> 00:19:31,763
Ah! Nice!
470
00:19:31,764 --> 00:19:33,513
Suck it,
motherhood and time!
471
00:19:33,514 --> 00:19:35,513
Sweet.
472
00:19:35,514 --> 00:19:37,513
Thanks for making me
get back out there.
473
00:19:37,514 --> 00:19:39,513
I may not
be feeling my best,
474
00:19:39,514 --> 00:19:43,221
but it's nice to know
I still got it.
475
00:19:43,222 --> 00:19:45,097
As far as I'm concerned,
you've always had it.
476
00:19:48,389 --> 00:19:50,138
You still enjoy my company, right?
477
00:19:50,139 --> 00:19:52,430
Of course. Always.
478
00:19:52,431 --> 00:19:53,513
Just checking.
479
00:19:58,764 --> 00:20:00,346
Is that the basketball
player's number?
480
00:20:00,347 --> 00:20:01,139
Yep.
Mm.
481
00:20:22,306 --> 00:20:24,138
So, you just swipe through
until you find someone you like.
482
00:20:24,139 --> 00:20:25,513
Ooh!
Look at all these choices.
483
00:20:25,514 --> 00:20:27,055
All sorts of shapes, sizes.
484
00:20:27,056 --> 00:20:28,388
It's like
online shopping!
485
00:20:28,389 --> 00:20:30,221
What's the return policy?
486
00:20:30,222 --> 00:20:31,846
Oh, my God.
Principal Ablin!
487
00:20:32,847 --> 00:20:35,513
God,
let's see his pictures.
488
00:20:35,514 --> 00:20:37,430
Holy crap,
he's on a horse!
489
00:20:37,431 --> 00:20:39,763
He is windsurfing
in a shirt and tie!
490
00:20:39,764 --> 00:20:41,263
That is weird!
491
00:20:41,264 --> 00:20:42,721
Let me see
some more.
492
00:20:44,306 --> 00:20:46,305
{\an8}No! Oh, my God,
you just swiped right.
493
00:20:46,306 --> 00:20:48,221
{\an8}Is that bad?
What does that
even mean?
494
00:20:48,222 --> 00:20:49,638
{\an8}It means you're into him.
495
00:20:50,806 --> 00:20:52,013
{\an8}Katie, I hate you!
496
00:20:53,097 --> 00:20:54,680
{\an8}Oh, my God,
you matched!
497
00:20:54,681 --> 00:20:56,263
{\an8}Unmatch! Unmatch!
498
00:20:56,264 --> 00:20:58,346
{\an8}You can't.
499
00:21:01,847 --> 00:21:04,846
{\an8}Hellooo, Doris.
35099
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