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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,892 --> 00:00:05,849 Mom, you made another lasagna? 2 00:00:05,850 --> 00:00:07,432 I'm just staying busy. 3 00:00:07,433 --> 00:00:09,391 Oh, because you've been unemployed for three months 4 00:00:09,392 --> 00:00:10,682 and the kids are gone all day at school, 5 00:00:10,683 --> 00:00:11,849 so you're feeling purposeless? 6 00:00:11,850 --> 00:00:14,141 Where the hell are you getting that? 7 00:00:14,142 --> 00:00:16,266 Ladies' Home Journal. 8 00:00:16,267 --> 00:00:18,224 I was killing time waiting for my dentist appointment. 9 00:00:18,225 --> 00:00:20,267 Ooh, also, I learned how to make a "she shed." 10 00:00:21,558 --> 00:00:23,307 We need to do something about my clothes. 11 00:00:23,308 --> 00:00:25,016 See? 12 00:00:25,017 --> 00:00:26,557 I have a purpose. 13 00:00:26,558 --> 00:00:27,891 What do you need, honey? 14 00:00:27,892 --> 00:00:29,141 Now that I'm out of special ed, 15 00:00:29,142 --> 00:00:30,891 I have to start dressing like someone 16 00:00:30,892 --> 00:00:32,974 who doesn't have her mittens sewn into her jacket. 17 00:00:32,975 --> 00:00:34,891 Mommy stands ready to help. 18 00:00:34,892 --> 00:00:37,141 Actually, I don't need your help. 19 00:00:37,142 --> 00:00:39,182 In fact, you're part of the problem. 20 00:00:39,183 --> 00:00:42,391 Every piece of clothing I own has fruit on it. 21 00:00:42,392 --> 00:00:44,391 This skirt is covered in bananas. 22 00:00:44,392 --> 00:00:46,057 Tell me-- what were you thinking? 23 00:00:46,058 --> 00:00:47,307 Well, maybe she was just-- 24 00:00:47,308 --> 00:00:48,807 Don't defend her. 25 00:00:48,808 --> 00:00:50,599 I want Taylor to take me. 26 00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:52,057 Fine. 27 00:00:52,058 --> 00:00:54,016 Taylor, take Anna-Kat shopping tomorrow. 28 00:00:54,017 --> 00:00:55,391 I've got things going on! 29 00:00:55,392 --> 00:00:57,016 Unlike you, I have a life. 30 00:00:57,017 --> 00:01:00,682 Learning to take responsibility is also on your list of things 31 00:01:00,683 --> 00:01:03,099 you need to accomplish before you go to college. 32 00:01:03,100 --> 00:01:04,932 Come on, there's so many other ways 33 00:01:04,933 --> 00:01:06,182 I could take responsibility. 34 00:01:06,183 --> 00:01:07,475 Such as? 35 00:01:09,183 --> 00:01:11,224 I was hoping there wasn't gonna be a follow-up. 36 00:01:11,225 --> 00:01:13,182 I mean, what if she only wants to dress like Eleven 37 00:01:13,183 --> 00:01:14,516 from "Stranger Things"? 38 00:01:14,517 --> 00:01:16,182 And not cute, season 3 Eleven. 39 00:01:16,183 --> 00:01:18,099 Dirty pink dress, season 1 Eleven. 40 00:01:18,100 --> 00:01:20,224 Just use your best judgment. 41 00:01:20,225 --> 00:01:22,557 Best judgment? Do I have that? 42 00:01:22,558 --> 00:01:24,474 Katie? In the kitchen! 43 00:01:24,475 --> 00:01:26,474 What?! I thought we discussed 44 00:01:26,475 --> 00:01:28,599 we weren't gonna have conversations in different rooms! 45 00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:30,516 What?! I'm coming! 46 00:01:30,517 --> 00:01:32,182 This is 90% of marriage. 47 00:01:32,183 --> 00:01:34,432 What's the other 10%? 48 00:01:34,433 --> 00:01:37,058 Wondering what life would be like if we didn't have... 49 00:01:38,267 --> 00:01:39,474 ...pets. 50 00:01:43,933 --> 00:01:46,307 Despite the nonstop tenement-style hollering 51 00:01:46,308 --> 00:01:48,807 in this house, I finished my Teen Help Line application. 52 00:01:48,808 --> 00:01:49,974 That's great, honey! 53 00:01:49,975 --> 00:01:51,766 Next step, rock this interview. 54 00:01:51,767 --> 00:01:54,141 I think you could really benefit by helping those in need. 55 00:01:54,142 --> 00:01:55,891 I know I can benefit. 56 00:01:55,892 --> 00:01:58,682 This is exactly the sappy, humanitarian garbage 57 00:01:58,683 --> 00:01:59,641 Harvard is looking for. 58 00:01:59,642 --> 00:02:01,349 Katie! 59 00:02:01,350 --> 00:02:03,599 I'm gonna go drop this off at the Teen Help Line offices now. 60 00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:05,016 Good luck. 61 00:02:05,017 --> 00:02:06,016 You too. 62 00:02:06,017 --> 00:02:07,182 With what? 63 00:02:08,558 --> 00:02:10,516 The fact that you don't know makes me even sadder. 64 00:02:10,517 --> 00:02:12,307 Oh. 65 00:02:12,308 --> 00:02:13,891 What?! 66 00:02:13,892 --> 00:02:15,224 Why are you calling me? 67 00:02:15,225 --> 00:02:16,766 Is there another moth? 68 00:02:16,767 --> 00:02:19,349 Crazy news. I just got off the phone with Stan. 69 00:02:19,350 --> 00:02:20,807 He and Chloe are back together. 70 00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:22,432 How is that possible? 71 00:02:22,433 --> 00:02:25,391 Stan left Chloe and married that woman half his age. 72 00:02:25,392 --> 00:02:26,474 Chloe hates him. 73 00:02:26,475 --> 00:02:27,557 "Hated." 74 00:02:27,558 --> 00:02:29,974 On his honeymoon, Stan had a stroke. 75 00:02:29,975 --> 00:02:31,974 Oh, my God! 76 00:02:31,975 --> 00:02:33,266 He's okay, but his new wife 77 00:02:33,267 --> 00:02:35,307 annulled the marriage and left him. 78 00:02:35,308 --> 00:02:36,682 I was thinking of inviting some of the guys 79 00:02:36,683 --> 00:02:38,307 from the Historical Guild over to welcome him home. 80 00:02:38,308 --> 00:02:40,141 Ugh. Do you know what that means? 81 00:02:40,142 --> 00:02:41,807 Now that Stan is back in your life, 82 00:02:41,808 --> 00:02:43,182 Chloe is back in mine. 83 00:02:43,183 --> 00:02:44,516 Honey, if you would just-- 84 00:02:44,517 --> 00:02:45,558 If I would just what? 85 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:49,932 Let's end it here. I don't feel safe. 86 00:02:58,767 --> 00:03:01,682 There are a lot of jobs out there for women your age. 87 00:03:01,683 --> 00:03:04,266 {\an8}The dean's wife started selling this organic makeup line. 88 00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:05,432 {\an8}She has this cool trunk, 89 00:03:05,433 --> 00:03:07,474 {\an8}and she takes it to her friends' houses, 90 00:03:07,475 --> 00:03:10,517 {\an8}and they drink wine and put their faces on together. 91 00:03:11,892 --> 00:03:13,392 How stupid is that? 92 00:03:14,767 --> 00:03:16,141 {\an8}I have every faith you're gonna find something 93 00:03:16,142 --> 00:03:17,141 {\an8}that's perfect for you. 94 00:03:17,142 --> 00:03:18,557 {\an8}Thank you. 95 00:03:18,558 --> 00:03:20,599 {\an8}So, what's the plan for tonight? 96 00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:21,599 {\an8}Oh, glad you asked. 97 00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:23,391 {\an8}When a wounded soldier returns home, 98 00:03:23,392 --> 00:03:25,266 we celebrate him with a meal and a song. 99 00:03:25,267 --> 00:03:26,891 ♪ Come join-- ♪ Heard enough. 100 00:03:28,433 --> 00:03:30,141 {\an8}Hey, Oliver. Is everything okay? 101 00:03:30,142 --> 00:03:31,807 No, everything is not okay. 102 00:03:31,808 --> 00:03:34,307 {\an8}When I dropped off my Teen Help Line application, 103 00:03:34,308 --> 00:03:36,016 {\an8}I talked with all these other kids 104 00:03:36,017 --> 00:03:37,557 {\an8}who are a lock to get accepted. 105 00:03:37,558 --> 00:03:40,724 {\an8}One was an orphan, one was a refugee, 106 00:03:40,725 --> 00:03:43,182 {\an8}one had just come from donating a kidney to a complete stranger. 107 00:03:43,183 --> 00:03:45,182 Just to screw with your life. 108 00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:46,182 {\an8}I know! 109 00:03:46,183 --> 00:03:47,641 {\an8}There's no way I'm getting in. 110 00:03:47,642 --> 00:03:49,516 {\an8}I haven't suffered enough. 111 00:03:49,517 --> 00:03:50,974 {\an8}I mean 112 00:03:50,975 --> 00:03:53,307 I suffer... 113 00:03:53,308 --> 00:03:55,307 {\an8}but this isn't the kind of suffering 114 00:03:55,308 --> 00:03:57,266 {\an8}that impresses professional do-gooders. 115 00:03:57,267 --> 00:03:58,766 I don't have an angle. 116 00:03:58,767 --> 00:03:59,807 {\an8}I wouldn't worry about it. 117 00:03:59,808 --> 00:04:01,099 {\an8}If you don't get into this program, 118 00:04:01,100 --> 00:04:02,391 {\an8}you'll find something else that'll make you stand out. 119 00:04:02,392 --> 00:04:05,516 {\an8}Dad, Teen Help Line is incredibly prestigious. 120 00:04:05,517 --> 00:04:08,224 If I don't get in, I can kiss Harvard goodbye. 121 00:04:08,225 --> 00:04:10,724 {\an8}Can we do 23andMe? Find out I'm Inuit? 122 00:04:10,725 --> 00:04:11,974 Navajo? 123 00:04:11,975 --> 00:04:13,516 {\an8}I won't do genetic testing. 124 00:04:13,517 --> 00:04:15,599 {\an8}I don't want the relatives I have now. 125 00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:17,474 Why would I go digging up more? 126 00:04:18,892 --> 00:04:20,974 {\an8}Be always at war with your vices 127 00:04:20,975 --> 00:04:22,349 and at peace with your neighbors. 128 00:04:22,350 --> 00:04:23,600 Hear! Hear! 129 00:04:25,725 --> 00:04:26,767 We're here. 130 00:04:27,642 --> 00:04:28,766 Hey, Stan! 131 00:04:28,767 --> 00:04:30,057 Look who's back! 132 00:04:30,058 --> 00:04:31,557 {\an8}Jinx! You owe me a mead! 133 00:04:33,267 --> 00:04:35,099 Good to see you, buddy. Come on in. 134 00:04:35,100 --> 00:04:37,266 Katie. Chloe. 135 00:04:37,267 --> 00:04:40,724 {\an8}I have to say, I was surprised to hear that you took Stan back. 136 00:04:40,725 --> 00:04:42,099 It was very big of you. 137 00:04:42,100 --> 00:04:44,057 Listen, just because last year, 138 00:04:44,058 --> 00:04:46,599 we had one fleeting moment of not hating each other 139 00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:48,307 doesn't mean we're throwing on the jammies 140 00:04:48,308 --> 00:04:49,849 and braiding each other's hair. 141 00:04:49,850 --> 00:04:52,307 I mean, with our wildly different sizes, 142 00:04:52,308 --> 00:04:54,641 we could make a great comedy duo, but friends? 143 00:04:54,642 --> 00:04:55,974 Get real. 144 00:04:55,975 --> 00:04:57,349 So relieved. 145 00:04:57,350 --> 00:04:59,974 Hating you is the greatest joy of my life. 146 00:04:59,975 --> 00:05:01,474 Besides my kids. Yeah. 147 00:05:01,475 --> 00:05:03,766 Actually, it goes Anna-Kat, Taylor, hating you, Oliver. 148 00:05:03,767 --> 00:05:05,474 Mm-hmm. 149 00:05:05,475 --> 00:05:07,432 But I'm telling you, waterfall ice climbing 150 00:05:07,433 --> 00:05:09,266 has nothing on para-hawking. 151 00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:11,057 The rush you get flying next to raptors-- 152 00:05:11,058 --> 00:05:12,682 ooh, it is quite exhilarating. 153 00:05:12,683 --> 00:05:13,891 Let me tell you, sir. 154 00:05:13,892 --> 00:05:15,474 Is it? 155 00:05:15,475 --> 00:05:17,724 But, of course, now I'm on my greatest adventure of all-- 156 00:05:17,725 --> 00:05:19,266 being back with my darling Chloe. 157 00:05:19,267 --> 00:05:20,349 Ohh. Mm. 158 00:05:20,350 --> 00:05:21,849 That's enough. 159 00:05:21,850 --> 00:05:24,057 Game night, huh, gentlemen? 160 00:05:24,058 --> 00:05:25,599 Yeah, we're playing Truth or Dare, 161 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:27,349 George Washington-style-- all truths. 162 00:05:27,350 --> 00:05:28,807 Oh. 163 00:05:28,808 --> 00:05:31,182 Well, you better watch this guy, 'cause he loves to cheat! 164 00:05:31,183 --> 00:05:33,182 One truth for Chloe! 165 00:05:33,183 --> 00:05:34,932 No more ale for you, Ross! 166 00:05:34,933 --> 00:05:36,891 Here it is, boys. 167 00:05:36,892 --> 00:05:39,307 The lasagna Paul Revere served 168 00:05:39,308 --> 00:05:41,682 at the Battle of You Guys Are Nerds. 169 00:05:41,683 --> 00:05:43,599 Lasagna? 170 00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:45,224 Mm. Not surprised. 171 00:05:45,225 --> 00:05:46,849 It's the sweatpants of food. 172 00:05:46,850 --> 00:05:48,891 And you are the adult underpants of people. 173 00:05:48,892 --> 00:05:49,891 Ooh, good one. 174 00:05:49,892 --> 00:05:51,474 Hey, I heard you were fired. 175 00:05:51,475 --> 00:05:52,641 Figures. 176 00:05:52,642 --> 00:05:54,266 Not everybody can run a company 177 00:05:54,267 --> 00:05:56,141 and manage a family, like I do. 178 00:05:56,142 --> 00:05:58,266 I wasn't fired. I quit. 179 00:05:58,267 --> 00:05:59,599 Po-tay-to, po-tah-to. 180 00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:01,682 Neither of which I eat-- obviously. 181 00:06:01,683 --> 00:06:03,724 You know, the sad thing for you is, 182 00:06:03,725 --> 00:06:07,016 you're too poor to even enjoy all the free time you have now. 183 00:06:07,017 --> 00:06:09,141 I mean, what on Earth are you doing with yourself? 184 00:06:09,142 --> 00:06:13,557 I am exploring many, many avenues. 185 00:06:14,933 --> 00:06:16,974 That's code for "I have nothing." 186 00:06:16,975 --> 00:06:20,016 No purpose, no options, no water feature in your yard. 187 00:06:20,017 --> 00:06:21,057 Sad. 188 00:06:21,058 --> 00:06:22,682 You don't know anything. 189 00:06:22,683 --> 00:06:24,682 She knows everything! 190 00:06:24,683 --> 00:06:27,099 I have no plan, no purpose, and no koi pond. 191 00:06:27,100 --> 00:06:28,807 Quick, change the subject. 192 00:06:28,808 --> 00:06:31,266 The "Cats" movie looks insane, right? 193 00:06:31,267 --> 00:06:33,682 I know, but, like, kind of sexy. Huh? 194 00:06:33,683 --> 00:06:36,099 I mean, maybe it's just me, but rrrr! 195 00:06:36,100 --> 00:06:37,725 Ew! Gross! It is just you. 196 00:06:38,892 --> 00:06:41,058 Nice job, Katie! You're back on top. 197 00:06:44,267 --> 00:06:47,141 Even Chloe Brown Mueller figured it out. 198 00:06:47,142 --> 00:06:49,974 I'm turning 40 soon. I'm adrift. 199 00:06:49,975 --> 00:06:52,016 I have no direction in life. 200 00:06:52,017 --> 00:06:53,724 You're a mom. It's not like you do nothing. 201 00:06:53,725 --> 00:06:55,391 I'm a mom. I do nothing. 202 00:06:55,392 --> 00:06:58,099 I can't use my kids as an excuse anymore. 203 00:06:58,100 --> 00:07:00,307 Anna-Kat wants Taylor to help her with everything, 204 00:07:00,308 --> 00:07:02,724 and Oliver is ironing his own shirts 205 00:07:02,725 --> 00:07:05,099 because I don't go slowly enough around the buttons. 206 00:07:05,100 --> 00:07:07,307 They're putting me out of a job! 207 00:07:07,308 --> 00:07:09,182 You just have to find something that's right for you. 208 00:07:09,183 --> 00:07:12,391 Or, hear me out, you could put this whole problem behind you 209 00:07:12,392 --> 00:07:14,683 for nine more years by having another baby. 210 00:07:21,767 --> 00:07:23,807 Oh, I needed that. 211 00:07:23,808 --> 00:07:25,599 Greg suggests that I start selling 212 00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:28,099 that organic makeup that comes in the big trunk. 213 00:07:28,100 --> 00:07:30,474 You are never Yeah, never. doing that. 214 00:07:30,475 --> 00:07:31,974 Isn't Suzanne Sutton a career counselor now? 215 00:07:31,975 --> 00:07:33,182 You should go talk to her. 216 00:07:33,183 --> 00:07:35,974 Oh! Is Suzanne your type? 217 00:07:35,975 --> 00:07:37,016 Knock it off, Doris. 218 00:07:37,017 --> 00:07:38,474 What is going on with you two? 219 00:07:38,475 --> 00:07:40,724 Well, apparently, I don't "do it" for Angela. 220 00:07:40,725 --> 00:07:41,766 I didn't say that. 221 00:07:41,767 --> 00:07:43,266 I said I think you're attractive. 222 00:07:43,267 --> 00:07:44,932 I'm just not attracted to you. 223 00:07:44,933 --> 00:07:46,224 I think you are. 224 00:07:46,225 --> 00:07:48,349 If you weren't, you wouldn't be so defensive about it. 225 00:07:48,350 --> 00:07:49,641 Look at this. Hmm. 226 00:07:53,142 --> 00:07:56,099 Oopsie-daisy. I got all dirty. 227 00:07:56,100 --> 00:07:57,307 Ahh! 228 00:07:57,308 --> 00:07:59,474 Hey, Katie. I heard I could find you here. 229 00:07:59,475 --> 00:08:02,307 Doris, Angela, you know Stan. 230 00:08:02,308 --> 00:08:03,641 Hey, Stan. 231 00:08:03,642 --> 00:08:05,350 Hey, buddy. Gotta go. 232 00:08:07,517 --> 00:08:09,599 You know, ever since the stroke, people react in one of two ways-- 233 00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:10,849 they either run away or they just stare. 234 00:08:10,850 --> 00:08:11,892 Like this. 235 00:08:13,975 --> 00:08:15,516 I thought I was a better person. 236 00:08:15,517 --> 00:08:17,807 Katie, may I speak to you in private for one moment? 237 00:08:17,808 --> 00:08:20,057 Of course. 238 00:08:20,058 --> 00:08:22,849 Now, I hope I'm not imposing, but I was wondering if you had 239 00:08:22,850 --> 00:08:25,474 any of that wonderful lasagna left over from last night. 240 00:08:25,475 --> 00:08:27,766 Sure. I'll bring it by your house. 241 00:08:27,767 --> 00:08:29,224 No. No, no, no. I'll come to you. 242 00:08:29,225 --> 00:08:30,849 Chloe cannot find out about this. 243 00:08:30,850 --> 00:08:32,849 If there's two things she hates more than me right now, 244 00:08:32,850 --> 00:08:34,016 it's you and carbs. 245 00:08:34,017 --> 00:08:35,641 Thank you, Stan. 246 00:08:35,642 --> 00:08:38,474 I know she hates me, but it's really nice to hear sometimes. 247 00:08:38,475 --> 00:08:39,641 I mean, she really hates you. 248 00:08:39,642 --> 00:08:40,516 Mm-hmm. I know. 249 00:08:42,475 --> 00:08:45,432 We got fruit-free clothes, a backpack, 250 00:08:45,433 --> 00:08:47,557 a new dangly thing hanging off your backpack. 251 00:08:47,558 --> 00:08:49,016 If you were in my fifth-grade class, 252 00:08:49,017 --> 00:08:50,141 I'd let you sit next to me. 253 00:08:50,142 --> 00:08:51,849 Wait. There's something else I need. 254 00:08:51,850 --> 00:08:53,724 Mom would never sign off on that. 255 00:08:53,725 --> 00:08:55,016 Mom put you in charge. 256 00:08:55,017 --> 00:08:57,266 This is your chance to think on your own. 257 00:08:57,267 --> 00:08:58,558 Am I old enough to get my ears pierced? 258 00:08:59,642 --> 00:09:00,974 Yes. 259 00:09:00,975 --> 00:09:02,724 Yes, you are. 260 00:09:04,725 --> 00:09:05,807 It wasn't me. 261 00:09:08,058 --> 00:09:11,183 My greatest achievement is raising three fantastic kids. 262 00:09:12,433 --> 00:09:15,349 Also, in college, my alcohol tolerance was very high. 263 00:09:15,350 --> 00:09:17,349 It's not anymore, but it used to be. 264 00:09:17,350 --> 00:09:18,391 Type that in. 265 00:09:18,392 --> 00:09:20,182 Mm. 266 00:09:20,183 --> 00:09:22,266 And why did you leave your last job? 267 00:09:22,267 --> 00:09:23,516 My boss was a 268 00:09:23,517 --> 00:09:24,933 and my clients were also [bleep]. 269 00:09:28,225 --> 00:09:30,182 That word's not in the drop-down menu, 270 00:09:30,183 --> 00:09:32,682 so we'll just click "creative differences." 271 00:09:37,017 --> 00:09:39,307 Wait. What if it hurts? 272 00:09:39,308 --> 00:09:41,349 What if they accidentally give me those ear disks, 273 00:09:41,350 --> 00:09:43,016 like the guy at the supermarket? 274 00:09:43,017 --> 00:09:44,682 Some days, he forgets to put them in, 275 00:09:44,683 --> 00:09:46,474 and they're just big, floppy holes. 276 00:09:46,475 --> 00:09:48,266 If you're really scared, you don't have to do it. 277 00:09:48,267 --> 00:09:50,016 But all the other girls in my new class 278 00:09:50,017 --> 00:09:51,724 have their ears pierced. 279 00:09:51,725 --> 00:09:53,516 Well, what if I go first and show you it's not a big deal? 280 00:09:53,517 --> 00:09:54,724 You'd do that for me? 281 00:09:54,725 --> 00:09:56,599 Of course. I owe you. 282 00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:58,641 You stopped me from trying to pet that angry dog. 283 00:09:58,642 --> 00:09:59,682 Coyote. 284 00:09:59,683 --> 00:10:01,058 Whatever his name was, he was mean. 285 00:10:05,642 --> 00:10:07,141 Well, the results are in. 286 00:10:07,142 --> 00:10:09,516 So, as far as a career goes, 287 00:10:09,517 --> 00:10:13,266 you would make an excellent long-haul truck driver! 288 00:10:13,267 --> 00:10:15,641 Aah! Congratulations! 289 00:10:15,642 --> 00:10:17,016 Truck driver? 290 00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:18,641 Well, the algorithm determined 291 00:10:18,642 --> 00:10:20,641 that you shouldn't manage people... 292 00:10:20,642 --> 00:10:23,182 or be managed by people... 293 00:10:23,183 --> 00:10:25,391 or interact with the public in any way. 294 00:10:25,392 --> 00:10:26,974 So, what do we do now? 295 00:10:26,975 --> 00:10:30,724 Um, it says here I'm supposed to call the police. 296 00:10:36,683 --> 00:10:38,224 Good news. 297 00:10:38,225 --> 00:10:40,349 I figured out what can set me apart for the interview tomorrow. 298 00:10:40,350 --> 00:10:42,307 I'm glad someone has their life figured out, 299 00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:45,016 because I have never felt more lost. 300 00:10:45,017 --> 00:10:46,891 I just came from a career counselor-- 301 00:10:46,892 --> 00:10:48,432 Let me just head this off. 302 00:10:48,433 --> 00:10:50,724 Parents don't come to their kids with problems. 303 00:10:50,725 --> 00:10:52,474 We don't see you as real people. 304 00:10:52,475 --> 00:10:53,641 Who needs a job 305 00:10:53,642 --> 00:10:55,974 when being a mother is so rewarding? 306 00:10:55,975 --> 00:10:57,682 Uh-huh. Back to me. 307 00:10:57,683 --> 00:11:01,057 It would help with my interview if I came from a troubled home. 308 00:11:01,058 --> 00:11:04,182 Do you mind if I put you under a 72-hour psychiatric hold? 309 00:11:04,183 --> 00:11:06,849 Yes, I mind! 310 00:11:06,850 --> 00:11:09,432 Oliver, you don't need all these tricks. 311 00:11:09,433 --> 00:11:11,724 You are a smart, driven kid, 312 00:11:11,725 --> 00:11:13,349 and I have no doubt 313 00:11:13,350 --> 00:11:15,391 that you're going to get in on your own merits. 314 00:11:15,392 --> 00:11:17,057 Okay, Greg. 315 00:11:20,100 --> 00:11:22,516 Taylor, I just want to say, you're my hero. 316 00:11:22,517 --> 00:11:23,849 Thank you! 317 00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,141 I mean, when Mom sees 318 00:11:25,142 --> 00:11:26,891 that you let me get my ears pierced against her wishes, 319 00:11:26,892 --> 00:11:28,516 she's gonna go crazy 320 00:11:28,517 --> 00:11:30,516 and add another 500 things to that list of yours. 321 00:11:30,517 --> 00:11:31,891 You think? 322 00:11:31,892 --> 00:11:33,182 Definitely. 323 00:11:33,183 --> 00:11:34,266 But you don't care. 324 00:11:34,267 --> 00:11:35,807 I don't? No. 325 00:11:35,808 --> 00:11:37,641 And she's gonna ground you forever. 326 00:11:37,642 --> 00:11:39,599 But I have that party I'm going to with Trip on Saturday. 327 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:40,392 Not anymore. 328 00:11:41,933 --> 00:11:43,974 Okay, new plan-- we're going to hide your ears. 329 00:11:43,975 --> 00:11:45,807 For how long? 330 00:11:45,808 --> 00:11:46,974 Until I go to college. 331 00:11:46,975 --> 00:11:48,516 That could easily be never! 332 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:00,516 Hey! 333 00:12:00,517 --> 00:12:01,807 Here you go. 334 00:12:01,808 --> 00:12:02,932 Thank you so much. 335 00:12:02,933 --> 00:12:04,932 And again, please don't tell Chloe about this. 336 00:12:04,933 --> 00:12:07,017 Also, could you ask Greg to get me a clean cup of urine? 337 00:12:08,058 --> 00:12:09,266 She tests my sugar levels. 338 00:12:09,267 --> 00:12:11,099 Sure. Thanks. 339 00:12:11,100 --> 00:12:13,516 Most people would be annoyed, 340 00:12:13,517 --> 00:12:16,682 but feeding Stan is actually giving my life a purpose 341 00:12:16,683 --> 00:12:18,724 because it combines two of my favorite things-- 342 00:12:18,725 --> 00:12:19,807 cooking... 343 00:12:19,808 --> 00:12:21,641 Who's the best? You are! 344 00:12:21,642 --> 00:12:24,016 ...and messing with Chloe behind her back. 345 00:12:24,017 --> 00:12:26,891 Oh, I feel a swagger walk coming on. 346 00:12:32,767 --> 00:12:35,016 I thought you were supposed to get a cool-kid makeover. 347 00:12:35,017 --> 00:12:36,724 What's with the dumb hat? 348 00:12:36,725 --> 00:12:38,516 The lady who bought the banana skirt 349 00:12:38,517 --> 00:12:40,557 should really stay out of these conversations. 350 00:12:42,892 --> 00:12:44,182 Hey, you. 351 00:12:44,183 --> 00:12:45,599 Here you go. 352 00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:46,974 Thank you. 353 00:12:46,975 --> 00:12:48,682 Hopefully one day, I'll be able to eat this 354 00:12:48,683 --> 00:12:50,391 when I'm not cowering in the garage next to the water heater. 355 00:12:50,392 --> 00:12:51,516 Ugh. 356 00:12:54,225 --> 00:12:55,891 Stan! Why aren't you picking up?! 357 00:12:55,892 --> 00:12:56,933 Ugh! 358 00:12:59,225 --> 00:13:00,433 Maria! 359 00:13:02,225 --> 00:13:04,182 He's going over to Katie's again. 360 00:13:04,183 --> 00:13:06,182 Once a cheater, always a cheater. 361 00:13:06,183 --> 00:13:08,224 Maybe Stan is just hanging out with Greg. 362 00:13:08,225 --> 00:13:10,266 Greg works, Maria. Unlike you. 363 00:13:10,267 --> 00:13:11,766 But I am working. 364 00:13:11,767 --> 00:13:13,016 Working to make me angry! 365 00:13:13,017 --> 00:13:14,100 Now move! 366 00:13:17,142 --> 00:13:18,891 Look at you, nibbling on those crackers 367 00:13:18,892 --> 00:13:20,182 like a little rat. 368 00:13:20,183 --> 00:13:21,557 Hmm. 369 00:13:22,892 --> 00:13:25,391 I'm surprised at how clean you keep this car. 370 00:13:25,392 --> 00:13:26,474 Thank you. 371 00:13:26,475 --> 00:13:28,516 It's like you have pride in it or something. 372 00:13:28,517 --> 00:13:29,391 Hmm. 373 00:13:33,767 --> 00:13:35,766 Twice in a day, Maria? 374 00:13:35,767 --> 00:13:37,807 I haven't done it twice in a day with him 375 00:13:37,808 --> 00:13:39,807 since Fathers' Day fell on his birthday. 376 00:13:39,808 --> 00:13:41,057 Oh, God. 377 00:13:41,058 --> 00:13:43,349 I will not be disrespected like this. 378 00:13:43,350 --> 00:13:45,141 Two can play at this game. 379 00:13:45,142 --> 00:13:46,016 They're both gonna be sorry! 380 00:13:47,183 --> 00:13:49,307 God, look at you. Maria, you're a mess! 381 00:13:49,308 --> 00:13:50,349 Come on, now. 382 00:13:50,350 --> 00:13:52,141 Also, you need a bra with more support. 383 00:13:52,142 --> 00:13:54,182 I think we need an HR department. 384 00:13:54,183 --> 00:13:55,642 I think you need a boob job. 385 00:14:03,642 --> 00:14:05,391 Hello, Greg. 386 00:14:05,392 --> 00:14:06,932 I came as soon as I got your message. Where's Stan? 387 00:14:06,933 --> 00:14:08,349 What about Stan? 388 00:14:08,350 --> 00:14:10,057 Well, you said he tripped and hit his head. 389 00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:11,641 I made that up. 390 00:14:11,642 --> 00:14:13,224 I don't care about Stan. 391 00:14:13,225 --> 00:14:14,100 I care about you. 392 00:14:15,142 --> 00:14:16,891 The store is closed... 393 00:14:16,892 --> 00:14:18,766 but I'm wide open. 394 00:14:18,767 --> 00:14:20,224 Uh... 395 00:14:20,225 --> 00:14:21,641 Chloe, what are y-you doing? 396 00:14:21,642 --> 00:14:23,016 Hush, child. Don't fight it. 397 00:14:23,017 --> 00:14:24,724 Fight what? Oh, it's okay. 398 00:14:24,725 --> 00:14:26,224 I see the way you look at me. 399 00:14:26,225 --> 00:14:28,724 It's probably because my left eye is extra round, 400 00:14:28,725 --> 00:14:30,474 so I have some problems with depth perception. 401 00:14:30,475 --> 00:14:33,724 Mmm. Tell me more about your physical defects. 402 00:14:33,725 --> 00:14:34,974 Chloe, stop. Oh! 403 00:14:34,975 --> 00:14:36,641 Turn the camera off, Maria! 404 00:14:36,642 --> 00:14:37,849 That's a cut. 405 00:14:37,850 --> 00:14:39,641 What's this... all about? 406 00:14:39,642 --> 00:14:41,307 Revenge, ya big lug. 407 00:14:41,308 --> 00:14:42,974 Stan and Katie are doing it. 408 00:14:42,975 --> 00:14:44,266 That's ridiculous. 409 00:14:44,267 --> 00:14:46,182 Oh, really? Maria, show him. 410 00:14:46,183 --> 00:14:48,350 Look. He's on his way over there right now. 411 00:14:50,933 --> 00:14:52,224 There's nothing going on. 412 00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:53,599 Katie's just feeding him lasagna. 413 00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:54,974 What?! 414 00:14:54,975 --> 00:14:56,391 He's going over there to eat lasagna?! 415 00:14:56,392 --> 00:14:57,516 Yeah. 416 00:14:57,517 --> 00:14:59,266 Oh, I'll give him lasagna. 417 00:14:59,267 --> 00:15:01,224 Dirt, coffin floor, Stan, 418 00:15:01,225 --> 00:15:03,891 coffin lid, dirt, neglected grave! 419 00:15:03,892 --> 00:15:05,599 O...kay. 420 00:15:07,058 --> 00:15:08,849 And after my meeting with Suzanne, 421 00:15:08,850 --> 00:15:10,974 I realized it's true-- 422 00:15:10,975 --> 00:15:12,516 I don't work well with others. 423 00:15:12,517 --> 00:15:13,474 Mm. 424 00:15:13,475 --> 00:15:15,349 I don't know what to do. 425 00:15:15,350 --> 00:15:17,307 Katie, I'd be more than happy to set up a consultation for you 426 00:15:17,308 --> 00:15:19,057 with my guru in Nepal. 427 00:15:19,058 --> 00:15:21,641 Sounds like a lot of hiking, to be honest. 428 00:15:22,683 --> 00:15:24,432 Chloe. 429 00:15:24,433 --> 00:15:27,016 You're eating the lasagna of my sworn enemy?! 430 00:15:27,017 --> 00:15:28,099 How could you? 431 00:15:28,100 --> 00:15:29,391 He's starving. 432 00:15:29,392 --> 00:15:30,724 How'd you know I was here? 433 00:15:30,725 --> 00:15:32,932 I was tracking you on my phone, dummy! 434 00:15:32,933 --> 00:15:35,224 I thought you were cheating on me again. 435 00:15:35,225 --> 00:15:38,016 Sweetheart, you have every reason not to trust me. 436 00:15:38,017 --> 00:15:39,432 I messed up. 437 00:15:39,433 --> 00:15:41,142 But I promise I will never betray you again. 438 00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:43,849 Really? 439 00:15:43,850 --> 00:15:45,349 The one good thing to come out of all this 440 00:15:45,350 --> 00:15:46,682 is it helped me realize how much happier I am 441 00:15:46,683 --> 00:15:47,724 with you in my life. 442 00:15:47,725 --> 00:15:49,474 Ohh! 443 00:15:49,475 --> 00:15:51,974 But, honey, I really need more than 500 calories a day. 444 00:15:51,975 --> 00:15:53,141 Fine. 445 00:15:53,142 --> 00:15:55,349 I'll bump you up to 800 calories a day. 446 00:15:55,350 --> 00:15:56,557 But no carbs. 447 00:15:56,558 --> 00:15:57,724 Ugh. Really? 448 00:15:57,725 --> 00:15:58,682 Yes. I love you. 449 00:15:58,683 --> 00:15:59,724 I love you, too. 450 00:15:59,725 --> 00:16:01,224 Mmm. 451 00:16:01,225 --> 00:16:03,267 This one loves me, too. She just won't admit it. 452 00:16:04,517 --> 00:16:06,433 The other Katies are talking. Let's get out of here. 453 00:16:10,933 --> 00:16:13,182 Okay, so, you're not up for the psychiatric ward. 454 00:16:13,183 --> 00:16:14,557 But how would you feel 455 00:16:14,558 --> 00:16:16,182 about admitting to being the Zodiac Killer? 456 00:16:16,183 --> 00:16:17,516 No, Oliver! 457 00:16:17,517 --> 00:16:18,932 The dates don't even line up. 458 00:16:18,933 --> 00:16:20,183 No one's doing the math! 459 00:16:23,183 --> 00:16:24,641 What is wrong with him? 460 00:16:24,642 --> 00:16:26,516 He's got a big interview later, but he thinks 461 00:16:26,517 --> 00:16:28,474 he's not going to get in because he hasn't had 462 00:16:28,475 --> 00:16:31,849 any discrimination or adversity to overcome. 463 00:16:31,850 --> 00:16:34,391 Well, what about all of this? 464 00:16:36,017 --> 00:16:37,682 He already made that same joke. 465 00:16:37,683 --> 00:16:40,224 That selfish dope really needs to get some perspective. 466 00:16:40,225 --> 00:16:41,599 He doesn't know it, 467 00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:44,974 but this program could be the best thing for him. 468 00:16:44,975 --> 00:16:46,642 He just needs to stand out a little. 469 00:16:49,308 --> 00:16:51,224 Why are you looking at us like that? 470 00:16:51,225 --> 00:16:54,891 Oh. She's picking up on our sexual tension. 471 00:16:54,892 --> 00:16:56,349 Okay. Okay, Dor. 472 00:16:56,350 --> 00:16:57,683 I-- You know what? 473 00:17:00,100 --> 00:17:02,766 Great. Thank you so much. Bye. 474 00:17:02,767 --> 00:17:05,557 Hi. I'm Oliver Otto. 475 00:17:05,558 --> 00:17:07,599 I just wanted to say I'm so excited by the prospect 476 00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:09,724 of being part of such an important organization. 477 00:17:09,725 --> 00:17:10,932 Hi. I'm Oliver's Mom. 478 00:17:10,933 --> 00:17:13,057 Hello! Oliver! 479 00:17:13,058 --> 00:17:14,724 Oh. Well, one of my moms. 480 00:17:14,725 --> 00:17:16,682 Hi! Oh! 481 00:17:16,683 --> 00:17:18,016 Very nice to meet you. 482 00:17:18,017 --> 00:17:19,099 Nice to meet you, too! 483 00:17:19,100 --> 00:17:20,225 Hi. Hey. 484 00:17:20,975 --> 00:17:22,766 What? No kiss for your wife? 485 00:17:22,767 --> 00:17:24,599 Oliver, tell your mother to kiss me. 486 00:17:31,100 --> 00:17:32,349 Okay. 487 00:17:32,350 --> 00:17:33,682 See? Pretty great, right? 488 00:17:33,683 --> 00:17:34,682 Not really. 489 00:17:34,683 --> 00:17:35,891 I'm out of here. 490 00:17:35,892 --> 00:17:37,099 Bye. 491 00:17:37,100 --> 00:17:39,225 Angela, you know I can't quit you! 492 00:17:40,725 --> 00:17:42,267 It's from "Brokeback Mountain" 'cause... we're gay. 493 00:17:43,433 --> 00:17:44,516 Hey!! 494 00:17:44,517 --> 00:17:46,516 You are a terrible wife! 495 00:17:46,517 --> 00:17:48,892 I come from a troubled, biracial, lesbian home. 496 00:17:49,933 --> 00:17:51,724 But I've developed emotional tools 497 00:17:51,725 --> 00:17:52,766 to help me deal with it. 498 00:17:55,058 --> 00:17:56,974 It was fun cooking for Stan. 499 00:17:56,975 --> 00:17:58,557 Took my mind off the fact 500 00:17:58,558 --> 00:18:00,807 that I can't find something to do with my life. 501 00:18:00,808 --> 00:18:02,432 Oh, honey, you can-- 502 00:18:02,433 --> 00:18:03,724 Moth! 503 00:18:03,725 --> 00:18:05,057 I got it. I got it! 504 00:18:05,058 --> 00:18:06,682 Get it! 505 00:18:09,517 --> 00:18:11,099 Oh, hey, Trip. Hey, Mr. A. 506 00:18:11,100 --> 00:18:12,682 I'm here to pick up Taylor for the party. 507 00:18:12,683 --> 00:18:14,058 Taylor, Trip's here! 508 00:18:18,517 --> 00:18:20,016 Daisy earrings? 509 00:18:20,017 --> 00:18:21,807 What is the occasion? 510 00:18:21,808 --> 00:18:23,432 Oh, I got my ears pierced with Anna-Kat 511 00:18:23,433 --> 00:18:24,724 to show her it was no big deal. 512 00:18:26,183 --> 00:18:27,849 I'm gonna let the holes close up, 513 00:18:27,850 --> 00:18:30,058 but I just wanted to feel pretty for a little while. 514 00:18:31,808 --> 00:18:34,849 What... did you do? 515 00:18:37,975 --> 00:18:39,599 Taylor! What the hell?! 516 00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:40,849 It's not a big deal! 517 00:18:40,850 --> 00:18:41,849 It is a big deal! 518 00:18:41,850 --> 00:18:43,266 Your job was to get her new clothes, 519 00:18:43,267 --> 00:18:45,391 not poke holes in her head! 520 00:18:45,392 --> 00:18:46,641 Trip, Taylor is not going anywhere tonight. 521 00:18:46,642 --> 00:18:47,557 Wait a second. 522 00:18:47,558 --> 00:18:49,224 You said to use my best judgment, 523 00:18:49,225 --> 00:18:50,891 and that's exactly what I did. 524 00:18:50,892 --> 00:18:52,766 Remember when you wouldn't let me dye my hair blond 525 00:18:52,767 --> 00:18:53,891 but I did it anyway? 526 00:18:53,892 --> 00:18:55,516 Guess what-- not only did I fit in better, 527 00:18:55,517 --> 00:18:56,974 but it made me way more confident. 528 00:18:56,975 --> 00:18:58,224 It's not the same! 529 00:18:58,225 --> 00:19:00,057 It's almost exactly the same! 530 00:19:00,058 --> 00:19:01,349 Now Anna-Kat has something in common 531 00:19:01,350 --> 00:19:02,849 with all the girls in her new class! 532 00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:05,391 Plus, I'm not afraid of needles anymore, 533 00:19:05,392 --> 00:19:07,433 so you don't have to strap me down at the doctor. 534 00:19:10,017 --> 00:19:12,224 Do you like my earrings? 535 00:19:12,225 --> 00:19:13,600 They're ladybugs. 536 00:19:17,392 --> 00:19:19,100 They're really pretty, Anna-Kat. 537 00:19:20,683 --> 00:19:23,932 It might not have been what I would have done, 538 00:19:23,933 --> 00:19:25,433 but you used your best judgment. 539 00:19:27,058 --> 00:19:28,933 You can cross it off your list. 540 00:19:29,975 --> 00:19:31,933 So, I can go to the party? 541 00:19:34,100 --> 00:19:35,182 Have fun. 542 00:19:35,183 --> 00:19:36,558 Thanks, Mom. 543 00:19:38,642 --> 00:19:40,891 Hey, Trip, before you go, you want to go upstairs 544 00:19:40,892 --> 00:19:43,391 and play "Who wore it best" with these ladybug earrings? 545 00:19:43,392 --> 00:19:44,933 Oh, yeah. You're goin' down. 546 00:19:52,933 --> 00:19:55,349 Hey, Katie. We had a great time the other night. 547 00:19:55,350 --> 00:19:56,474 Just ask her. 548 00:19:56,475 --> 00:19:57,766 Be cool! 549 00:19:57,767 --> 00:20:00,266 Um, Stan said you might have some leftover lasagna? 550 00:20:00,267 --> 00:20:02,266 I've honestly never tasted anything so good. 551 00:20:02,267 --> 00:20:03,974 It was like being back in my grandmother's kitchen, 552 00:20:03,975 --> 00:20:06,474 except you're not ranting about how you miss Mussolini. 553 00:20:06,475 --> 00:20:08,891 You guys! I'm flattered. 554 00:20:08,892 --> 00:20:11,182 Unfortunately, I'm all out. 555 00:20:11,183 --> 00:20:12,641 Stan had the last of it today. 556 00:20:12,642 --> 00:20:13,974 We'll pay you to make another one. 557 00:20:13,975 --> 00:20:14,932 How much? 30 bucks? 558 00:20:14,933 --> 00:20:16,182 50. Deal. 559 00:20:16,183 --> 00:20:18,849 Okay. Come back in three hours. 560 00:20:18,850 --> 00:20:20,141 What do you want to do? 561 00:20:20,142 --> 00:20:21,599 Donuts in my ex-wife's cul-de-sac? 562 00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:22,767 Fun. Yeah. 563 00:20:24,350 --> 00:20:26,016 Hang on. 564 00:20:26,017 --> 00:20:27,974 Am I about to get paid for my lasagna? 565 00:20:27,975 --> 00:20:29,016 It looks like it. 566 00:20:29,017 --> 00:20:30,807 Is this a crazy idea? 567 00:20:30,808 --> 00:20:32,516 Could I make this a home business? 568 00:20:32,517 --> 00:20:34,224 You absolutely could. You love cooking. 569 00:20:34,225 --> 00:20:36,016 I'd be my own boss. 570 00:20:36,017 --> 00:20:37,391 I could make my own hours. 571 00:20:37,392 --> 00:20:39,599 I wouldn't have to manage or be managed by others. 572 00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:41,266 You could wear pajamas at work. 573 00:20:41,267 --> 00:20:43,057 That's always been my dream. 574 00:20:51,975 --> 00:20:53,182 Well, hey. How'd it go today? 575 00:20:53,183 --> 00:20:54,182 I got accepted. 576 00:20:54,183 --> 00:20:55,391 Oh! 577 00:20:55,392 --> 00:20:57,725 That's great! That's amazing, honey! 578 00:20:58,558 --> 00:21:00,057 {\an8}Who knew two diverse-- 579 00:21:00,058 --> 00:21:01,182 {\an8}Ah, ch-ch-ch! 580 00:21:01,183 --> 00:21:02,557 {\an8}...bickering lesbian moms-- 581 00:21:02,558 --> 00:21:03,807 {\an8}Ch-ch-ch! 582 00:21:03,808 --> 00:21:04,767 {\an8}...was my ticket in? 583 00:21:06,392 --> 00:21:07,974 {\an8}Katie, what did you do? 584 00:21:09,725 --> 00:21:12,349 {\an8}I did something wrong... 585 00:21:12,350 --> 00:21:14,266 {\an8}for the right reasons. 586 00:21:14,267 --> 00:21:15,891 {\an8}Well, I guess that's an improvement. 587 00:21:15,892 --> 00:21:17,392 {\an8}Usually, you do the wrong thing for the wrong reasons. 588 00:21:18,808 --> 00:21:20,516 {\an8}I'm growing. Mm. 41792

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