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1
00:00:01,689 --> 00:00:05,951
Virginia? Virginia? Virginia?
2
00:00:05,952 --> 00:00:08,286
Guess how I got this.
3
00:00:08,321 --> 00:00:09,921
Ooh, I love this game!
4
00:00:09,956 --> 00:00:14,559
"Guess how I got this" was a game
my parents had been playing for years.
5
00:00:16,938 --> 00:00:19,306
Guess how I got this.
6
00:00:20,333 --> 00:00:21,866
Guess how I got this.
7
00:00:25,538 --> 00:00:28,173
Guess how I got this.
8
00:00:31,813 --> 00:00:35,880
- Guess how I got this.
- Mm, mm.
9
00:00:35,915 --> 00:00:39,951
I don't want to brag, but I was
sort of the inspiration for this game.
10
00:00:39,986 --> 00:00:41,753
Guess how I got this.
11
00:00:44,857 --> 00:00:47,726
I'm gonna guess that Sarah
McLachlan freed all the lobsters
12
00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:49,160
from the seafood
shack again.
13
00:00:49,195 --> 00:00:50,495
Nope.
14
00:00:50,529 --> 00:00:52,297
You won a bet
with the governor of Maine.
15
00:00:52,331 --> 00:00:53,732
Sabrina, Main Street
doesn't have a governor.
16
00:00:53,766 --> 00:00:55,166
You got to think
before you guess.
17
00:00:55,201 --> 00:00:57,202
You know, you guys
are ruining this game.
18
00:00:57,236 --> 00:00:58,470
Where'd you get
the lobster, Burt?
19
00:00:58,504 --> 00:01:01,373
Tyler couldn't pay me for mowing his
lawn, so he gave me this little fella.
20
00:01:01,407 --> 00:01:04,643
Wow, Burt, I think you got
the better end of that deal.
21
00:01:04,677 --> 00:01:06,511
We could never afford
lobsters at the store.
22
00:01:06,545 --> 00:01:09,121
I know! Tyler says
supermarkets have to overcharge
23
00:01:09,122 --> 00:01:11,333
because of all the middlemen
they have to pay.
24
00:01:11,342 --> 00:01:14,724
The delivery guy, the ice guy,
those useless baggers and checkers.
25
00:01:14,725 --> 00:01:17,405
- Oh, I hate those guys.
- Jimmy, we are those guys.
26
00:01:17,406 --> 00:01:18,906
You should make this
a regular thing with Tyler.
27
00:01:18,941 --> 00:01:22,751
I'm gonna. But I was thinking,
why stop with lobster?
28
00:01:22,752 --> 00:01:24,119
This could be huge.
29
00:01:24,129 --> 00:01:26,143
Think of the other things
I could trade for.
30
00:01:26,144 --> 00:01:28,153
Crabs, shrimp, mollusks.
31
00:01:28,154 --> 00:01:30,189
No. Think bigger.
32
00:01:30,190 --> 00:01:33,594
I don't know. Oysters.
Um, uh... pelicans!
33
00:01:33,595 --> 00:01:35,396
Even bigger.
34
00:01:35,431 --> 00:01:37,965
We could both trade
services for stuff.
35
00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:40,238
We'd be doing
the same amount of work,
36
00:01:40,239 --> 00:01:42,982
but enjoying a much bigger
return on the cool stuff.
37
00:01:43,008 --> 00:01:44,172
That sounds great!
38
00:01:44,173 --> 00:01:46,769
You guys should find some
tradable skills and join us.
39
00:01:46,770 --> 00:01:48,309
Must be something
you're good at.
40
00:01:48,343 --> 00:01:51,282
I've gotten really good at
avoiding ridiculous ideas,
41
00:01:51,283 --> 00:01:52,577
which is why we're
gonna bow out.
42
00:01:52,578 --> 00:01:54,081
Plus, we have Barney's
first aid class tomorrow.
43
00:01:54,116 --> 00:01:56,292
First aid class?
What do you need that for?
44
00:01:56,293 --> 00:01:59,823
Yeah, first aid is just a scam dreamed
up by the gauze and bandage people.
45
00:01:59,824 --> 00:02:01,355
Or a proven life saver.
46
00:02:01,356 --> 00:02:03,219
Yeah, and since Hope spends
so much time here,
47
00:02:03,220 --> 00:02:05,927
we think you guys ought to check out
the class, too, for Hope's sake.
48
00:02:05,961 --> 00:02:09,311
Jimmy, kids get hurt...
They scrape their elbows,
49
00:02:09,312 --> 00:02:12,266
they cut their finger, they fall through
a hole in the bottom of your car.
50
00:02:12,301 --> 00:02:13,434
Nothing you can do
to avoid it.
51
00:02:13,469 --> 00:02:16,736
Besides, we got a perfectly
good first aid kit right here.
52
00:02:17,105 --> 00:02:21,008
See? LA-LA!
53
00:02:21,043 --> 00:02:24,879
"Shoot flare, eat sandwich,
wait for help."
54
00:02:24,913 --> 00:02:26,547
I don't know.
Maybe they're right.
55
00:02:26,582 --> 00:02:28,634
Maybe we should just
skip the class and...
56
00:02:28,635 --> 00:02:30,069
Jimmy.
57
00:02:31,191 --> 00:02:32,391
Oh, my.
58
00:02:40,295 --> 00:02:43,631
Oh, the years have not been kind
to this turkey salad sandwich.
59
00:02:43,829 --> 00:02:47,049
Season 4, Episode 2
"Burt Bucks"
60
00:02:47,617 --> 00:02:50,617
Synced by Reef
www.addic7ed.com
61
00:02:51,429 --> 00:02:54,510
The next day, my parents
put their bartering plan into action,
62
00:02:54,511 --> 00:02:55,933
and it actually worked.
63
00:02:55,967 --> 00:02:57,401
They got thingsthey needed.
64
00:02:57,435 --> 00:03:00,270
They got thingsthey didn't need.
65
00:03:00,305 --> 00:03:03,007
And they got thingsthat were long overdue.
66
00:03:03,204 --> 00:03:04,771
Rinse.
67
00:03:08,046 --> 00:03:11,246
Most importantly, they got
things they had always dreamt about.
68
00:03:13,752 --> 00:03:16,253
Oh, if we have maple syrup
this incredible here,
69
00:03:16,287 --> 00:03:18,455
why do we even
talk to Canada?
70
00:03:18,490 --> 00:03:20,791
Oh, man.
71
00:03:20,825 --> 00:03:22,926
Barb, what you're doing
right now is actually
72
00:03:22,961 --> 00:03:25,295
making me look forward
to cleaning your drain hair.
73
00:03:26,898 --> 00:03:31,101
Hey, Virginia, check
out my new lid.
74
00:03:31,136 --> 00:03:33,404
Old lady Stevens made this for me
for cleaning out her pool.
75
00:03:33,438 --> 00:03:35,639
This bartering thing...
it's the greatest thing ever.
76
00:03:35,674 --> 00:03:39,376
I know. Massages,
lobsters, crocheted hats.
77
00:03:39,411 --> 00:03:41,045
It's like we're barter-aires!
78
00:03:41,079 --> 00:03:42,254
I was thinking.
79
00:03:42,255 --> 00:03:45,834
What if the people who are trading
with us started trading with each other?
80
00:03:45,835 --> 00:03:48,603
Yeah. Natesville would become
a place where the good things in life
81
00:03:48,604 --> 00:03:50,839
actually trickle up to
the people who do all the work.
82
00:03:50,853 --> 00:03:54,458
A trickle-up economy.
I think that's a thing.
83
00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:58,162
No. I'm thinking
tickle me Elmo.
84
00:03:59,527 --> 00:04:02,283
You all may wonder why
I'm qualified to teach this class.
85
00:04:02,284 --> 00:04:05,757
Well, I learned a thing or two
from the trusty scouts.
86
00:04:05,766 --> 00:04:09,970
They would often administer first aid
after they beat the tarnation out of me.
87
00:04:10,004 --> 00:04:12,239
I suppose I was
an easy target.
88
00:04:12,273 --> 00:04:15,909
Overweight, asthmatic, anemic
and wildly color blind.
89
00:04:15,943 --> 00:04:17,644
You're late.
Is everything all right?
90
00:04:17,678 --> 00:04:20,914
I just got this
postcard from my mother.
91
00:04:20,948 --> 00:04:22,916
"Ecuador. Wish you were here."
92
00:04:22,950 --> 00:04:25,652
Oh, she's being nice this time.
Yeah. Turn it over.
93
00:04:25,686 --> 00:04:28,154
"Because
forehead reduction surgery
94
00:04:28,189 --> 00:04:30,257
"is super cheap in Ecuador.
Love, Tams."
95
00:04:30,291 --> 00:04:33,760
- Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie.
- Yeah. Really, I should be flattered.
96
00:04:33,794 --> 00:04:38,031
I mean, even in tropical paradise,
she's thinking about my flaws.
97
00:04:38,065 --> 00:04:40,534
Unfortunately,
I took six brutal beatings
98
00:04:40,568 --> 00:04:43,236
before I learned there was
no merit badge for cruelty,
99
00:04:43,271 --> 00:04:46,673
and I'd been letting the scouts
pummel me for no real reason.
100
00:04:46,707 --> 00:04:48,441
Hey, everybody.
101
00:04:48,476 --> 00:04:51,511
Check out my big cans.
102
00:04:53,948 --> 00:04:56,585
You all remember Josh.
He's back after a couple years away.
103
00:04:56,617 --> 00:04:58,351
Seal Team Six.
104
00:04:58,386 --> 00:05:00,420
Josh is amazing
with grocery humor.
105
00:05:00,454 --> 00:05:03,790
He does a similar joke
with jugs.
106
00:05:03,824 --> 00:05:06,486
Once my parents had gathered
all of Natesville's skilled workers,
107
00:05:06,487 --> 00:05:08,312
they attempted
to lay out the plan.
108
00:05:08,313 --> 00:05:11,247
It took a while for someof them to understand.
109
00:05:11,248 --> 00:05:13,767
Hi. My name's Phil,
and I'm an alcoholic.
110
00:05:13,768 --> 00:05:15,268
Hi, Phil.
111
00:05:15,303 --> 00:05:18,556
Phil, for the second time,
that's not why we're here.
112
00:05:18,557 --> 00:05:19,972
Oh. For the
past few days,
113
00:05:19,973 --> 00:05:22,876
Virginia and I have
enjoyed a lifestyle
114
00:05:22,910 --> 00:05:26,841
that previously
was beyond our reach.
115
00:05:26,842 --> 00:05:28,982
How did we do it, Burt?
116
00:05:29,016 --> 00:05:31,151
- Through barter.
- Oh...
117
00:05:31,185 --> 00:05:33,369
In fact, after only
a few hours of lawn work,
118
00:05:33,377 --> 00:05:36,890
I was able to trade for
something that was heretofore
119
00:05:36,924 --> 00:05:40,226
only available
to tycoons and walruses.
120
00:05:40,261 --> 00:05:42,329
- Oh...
- What is it?
121
00:05:42,732 --> 00:05:45,867
Well, look under your chairs
and find out!
122
00:05:47,804 --> 00:05:49,705
Is that a lobster?
123
00:05:49,739 --> 00:05:52,379
That's right.
You get a lobster!
124
00:05:52,380 --> 00:05:53,814
You get a lobster!
125
00:05:53,815 --> 00:05:55,449
You get a lobster!
126
00:05:59,015 --> 00:06:00,716
No!
127
00:06:02,585 --> 00:06:04,353
Make it stop!
128
00:06:04,387 --> 00:06:06,621
Sorry about the
paper towel.
129
00:06:06,656 --> 00:06:08,523
I don't believe in gauze.
130
00:06:08,558 --> 00:06:10,959
The thing
we're trying to say is,
131
00:06:10,994 --> 00:06:12,728
I was able to trade
for all these lobsters
132
00:06:12,762 --> 00:06:14,329
because we cut out
the middleman.
133
00:06:14,364 --> 00:06:16,510
I didn't have to pay
the delivery guy,
134
00:06:16,511 --> 00:06:18,890
or the claw-rubber banderer guy.
135
00:06:19,215 --> 00:06:20,838
Sorry again, Barb.
136
00:06:20,872 --> 00:06:24,572
And we're inviting you
to do the same thing,
137
00:06:24,573 --> 00:06:27,422
and not just with us,
but with each other.
138
00:06:27,423 --> 00:06:30,259
Because the more people that are
involved, the more people benefit.
139
00:06:30,260 --> 00:06:32,414
And again, this is not
a pyramid scheme.
140
00:06:32,415 --> 00:06:35,461
Although if you make pyramids,
you're welcome to join our scheme.
141
00:06:35,495 --> 00:06:36,729
Uh, I mean, system.
142
00:06:36,763 --> 00:06:38,130
So, are you saying
143
00:06:38,164 --> 00:06:40,232
I can trade
old lady Stevens lobsters
144
00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:42,831
for a crocheted suit
in a 42 slim?
145
00:06:43,148 --> 00:06:44,715
Oh, honey, that's
not gonna work.
146
00:06:44,716 --> 00:06:47,072
I'm allergic
to crustaceans.
147
00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:49,397
That's easy.
148
00:06:49,398 --> 00:06:51,833
I mow your lawn,
149
00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:55,648
you give Tyler the suit,
150
00:06:55,682 --> 00:06:57,726
Tyler gives me the lobsters.
151
00:07:00,687 --> 00:07:02,054
Again,
152
00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:03,589
I can't stress enough,
153
00:07:03,623 --> 00:07:05,591
this is not a pyramid scheme.
154
00:07:07,098 --> 00:07:10,908
And Clara Barton said,
"You know what? I will."
155
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:16,669
And that, I think,
covers the origins of first aid.
156
00:07:16,703 --> 00:07:19,301
Oh, I can't believe that took
an hour and 45 minutes.
157
00:07:19,302 --> 00:07:21,270
Oh, well, let's move
quickly to choking.
158
00:07:21,271 --> 00:07:24,073
Now, here are the most common
choking hazards.
159
00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:27,788
Finally, some food.
I'm starving.
160
00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:32,685
Jimmy? Jimmy? Jimmy?
161
00:07:32,719 --> 00:07:35,921
I think James is really choking!
Okay, nobody panic.
162
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:40,693
Has anyone here ever
actually done the Heimlich?
163
00:07:40,727 --> 00:07:43,529
- Yes. - I've only ever done it
with my special body pillow.
164
00:07:45,086 --> 00:07:46,853
Oh, it's no use.
My hands are slipping!
165
00:07:46,887 --> 00:07:48,569
Damn my vain compulsion
to moisturize!
166
00:07:48,589 --> 00:07:50,290
My hands are beautiful,
but useless!
167
00:07:56,297 --> 00:07:58,833
Oh, my God.
168
00:07:58,834 --> 00:08:01,935
Jimmy's wife
just saved his life.
169
00:08:01,969 --> 00:08:05,071
What a wuss!
Hey, Jimmy, what's next?
170
00:08:05,106 --> 00:08:07,574
Are you gonna start
peeing sitting down?
171
00:08:09,243 --> 00:08:11,411
Okay, you know what?
Can you just cut it out, Josh?
172
00:08:11,445 --> 00:08:13,813
Okay, okay, calm down.
173
00:08:13,848 --> 00:08:16,916
They're not gonna kill him.
They're jokes, not grapes.
174
00:08:25,311 --> 00:08:27,255
I apologize, Jimmy.
175
00:08:27,256 --> 00:08:30,930
If I don't laugh along with his jokes,
he'll start making fun of me again.
176
00:08:30,965 --> 00:08:34,634
As you know, I'm a veritable
minefield of mockable traits.
177
00:08:34,668 --> 00:08:36,136
It's all right, Frank.
178
00:08:36,170 --> 00:08:38,271
Yo, Frank, you coming?
179
00:08:38,305 --> 00:08:42,742
Yeah. I was just pointing Jimmy
towards the sanitary napkins.
180
00:08:44,478 --> 00:08:46,679
I'm so sorry.
181
00:08:50,317 --> 00:08:52,519
Hey, are you okay?
182
00:08:52,553 --> 00:08:54,687
Hey, you know, I'm not a baby,
Sabrina, all right?
183
00:08:54,722 --> 00:08:57,157
I-I can take care of myself.
184
00:09:00,828 --> 00:09:02,428
What was that all about?
185
00:09:02,463 --> 00:09:03,963
I'm afraid you saved his life,
186
00:09:03,998 --> 00:09:05,632
but in the process,
you may have killed his manhood.
187
00:09:05,666 --> 00:09:08,868
Well, he was choking.
What was I supposed to do?
188
00:09:08,903 --> 00:09:10,703
Well, you could have waited for
the professionals to show up.
189
00:09:10,738 --> 00:09:13,540
It's not like a few less brain cells
is gonna cost him a Pulitzer.
190
00:09:13,574 --> 00:09:16,009
Oh, okay, so,
I should just wait for him
191
00:09:16,043 --> 00:09:18,044
to choke in public again,
and then not save him?
192
00:09:18,078 --> 00:09:21,114
Oh, that could take days, and
I don't think he's got that kind of time.
193
00:09:21,148 --> 00:09:22,715
You've got to help him get
his masculinity back.
194
00:09:22,750 --> 00:09:25,518
- How am I supposed to do that?
- Why are you asking me?
195
00:09:25,553 --> 00:09:27,320
I have two mothers, no wife,
196
00:09:27,354 --> 00:09:30,957
and those scouts who used
to beat me up... were girls.
197
00:09:35,396 --> 00:09:37,397
We've got
a problem, Burt.
198
00:09:37,431 --> 00:09:40,613
I gave Barb a lobster, but she only
massaged the left side of my body.
199
00:09:40,614 --> 00:09:43,203
It only took me one to realize
I don't really like lobster.
200
00:09:43,237 --> 00:09:45,382
Turns out, I just really like
melted butter.
201
00:09:45,383 --> 00:09:48,808
But now my left side is relaxed,
and my right side is tense as hell.
202
00:09:48,843 --> 00:09:50,743
Okay, we can figure this out.
203
00:09:50,778 --> 00:09:55,348
Burt, look at this.
I totally get it.
204
00:09:55,382 --> 00:09:57,317
You're a mechanic
with a spare tire.
205
00:09:57,351 --> 00:10:01,020
Apparently, an oil change
is only worth half a sweater now.
206
00:10:01,055 --> 00:10:03,489
Knitting a sweater
takes a long time.
207
00:10:03,524 --> 00:10:06,159
Just be happy
it covers your man boobs.
208
00:10:06,193 --> 00:10:09,495
At least they're not bouncing off
my knees, you useless bag of wrinkles.
209
00:10:11,232 --> 00:10:12,599
We can work this out.
210
00:10:12,633 --> 00:10:15,835
First, Phil,
apologize to your mother.
211
00:10:15,870 --> 00:10:18,280
Unfortunately, there
were more than a few people
212
00:10:18,305 --> 00:10:20,106
that had a problemwith mom and dad's plan.
213
00:10:20,140 --> 00:10:23,070
So they brought everyone together
and tried to figure things out.
214
00:10:23,071 --> 00:10:27,680
Okay, so if Tyler gives
two lobsters to Barb,
215
00:10:27,681 --> 00:10:32,185
and Barb gives a third
of a massage to Dr. Conway,
216
00:10:32,219 --> 00:10:34,621
and Dr. Conway cleans four
217
00:10:34,655 --> 00:10:36,723
of Pam, the fortune teller's
teeth...
218
00:10:36,757 --> 00:10:40,832
Right, and she gives half of next
week's lottery numbers to Phil,
219
00:10:40,833 --> 00:10:43,129
Phil fixes syrup
Sam's truck
220
00:10:43,163 --> 00:10:46,432
in exchange for six pancakes worth
of syrup to old lady Stevens.
221
00:10:46,467 --> 00:10:48,768
Who makes a crocheted
hat for...
222
00:10:48,802 --> 00:10:52,672
Wait. Who needs
a crocheted hat?
223
00:10:55,843 --> 00:10:59,812
Our micro economic group may be
experiencing a hat bubble.
224
00:10:59,847 --> 00:11:03,816
Maybe we don't have to trade
one particular service for another?
225
00:11:03,851 --> 00:11:06,032
Maybe there's something
we can create
226
00:11:06,033 --> 00:11:08,321
that represents
the value of services rendered.
227
00:11:08,355 --> 00:11:10,456
Like colored beads
or a piece of paper.
228
00:11:10,491 --> 00:11:12,825
- Paper's a good idea.
- That's pretty cool.
229
00:11:12,860 --> 00:11:15,128
But to make it
even more official...
230
00:11:15,162 --> 00:11:17,130
We should put
someone's face on it!
231
00:11:19,166 --> 00:11:22,568
Now, who could that be?
232
00:11:27,709 --> 00:11:30,112
To bring their barter systemto the next level,
233
00:11:30,113 --> 00:11:31,747
my parents went downto Lee's copy shop
234
00:11:31,782 --> 00:11:34,250
and had him print uphundreds of Burt bucks.
235
00:11:40,257 --> 00:11:41,757
There's plenty
to go around.
236
00:11:41,792 --> 00:11:44,214
Trust me, this'll make
everything easier.
237
00:11:44,215 --> 00:11:47,951
They come in threes, sevens and 11's.
Those are Burt's lucky numbers.
238
00:11:47,976 --> 00:11:50,933
___
239
00:11:50,934 --> 00:11:52,234
No...
240
00:11:52,269 --> 00:11:54,069
You are.
241
00:11:54,104 --> 00:11:56,005
Oh, that's good.
242
00:11:56,039 --> 00:11:59,912
Jimmy!
Jimmy, help!
243
00:12:02,212 --> 00:12:04,947
Oh! I'll get you!
244
00:12:06,650 --> 00:12:08,584
Oh, my God!
245
00:12:10,620 --> 00:12:12,388
Hey, Frank! Stop!
246
00:12:13,323 --> 00:12:14,924
Frank! Stop!
247
00:12:26,002 --> 00:12:27,636
Oh, my God.
248
00:12:29,072 --> 00:12:30,706
Ha! Classic!
249
00:12:31,019 --> 00:12:32,420
Congratulations, Jimmy.
250
00:12:32,421 --> 00:12:35,790
You're about to go from being
the biggest idiot in the store
251
00:12:35,825 --> 00:12:37,859
to the biggest
on the Internet.
252
00:12:37,893 --> 00:12:39,761
No, you are!
253
00:12:40,672 --> 00:12:42,864
Well done, James.
You're a hero.
254
00:12:42,898 --> 00:12:44,399
If you hadn't caught
the dangling Sabrina,
255
00:12:44,433 --> 00:12:47,502
she may have... broken a log.
256
00:12:47,536 --> 00:12:49,771
Wait, that doesn't
make any sense.
257
00:12:49,772 --> 00:12:51,339
Oh. A leg.
258
00:12:51,373 --> 00:12:54,409
Or... Cut off her head?
259
00:12:54,443 --> 00:12:55,710
Wait a minute.
260
00:12:55,745 --> 00:12:57,479
You guys faked this?
261
00:12:57,513 --> 00:13:00,315
Bet that's not the only thing
she has to fake.
262
00:13:02,718 --> 00:13:05,687
Sorry, I thought Josh
was still here.
263
00:13:06,856 --> 00:13:09,765
Well, I'm off to my mani-pedi.
264
00:13:09,773 --> 00:13:11,493
Can you spot me
a few Burt bucks?
265
00:13:11,527 --> 00:13:14,273
No. I spent my last ones
on a crochet lesson
266
00:13:14,274 --> 00:13:16,899
from old lady Stevens,
so I can make this toilet seat cozy.
267
00:13:16,900 --> 00:13:20,087
Ooh, that's gonna be great in winter,
but if you're out of Burt bucks
268
00:13:20,088 --> 00:13:22,270
and I'm out of Burt bucks,
then we got a problem.
269
00:13:22,271 --> 00:13:23,938
I guess you're just gonna have
to mow more lawns
270
00:13:23,973 --> 00:13:25,373
and I'm gonna have
to clean more houses.
271
00:13:25,407 --> 00:13:27,609
But my mani-pedi's today.
272
00:13:27,643 --> 00:13:30,712
I've got so many paper cuts from
handling all those Burt bucks,
273
00:13:30,746 --> 00:13:32,580
I'm getting a hot
paraffin wax dip.
274
00:13:32,615 --> 00:13:34,783
I can't miss that,
Virginia, I just can't.
275
00:13:34,817 --> 00:13:36,684
Doesn't seem fair.
276
00:13:36,719 --> 00:13:39,721
If there's anyone who should never
run out of Burt bucks, it's Burt.
277
00:13:39,755 --> 00:13:43,358
There's got to be a way
we can bail ourselves out of this.
278
00:13:43,392 --> 00:13:46,127
What if we just print ourselves
some extra Burt bucks?
279
00:13:46,162 --> 00:13:49,898
I mean, that's good for everyone,
because the more we spend,
280
00:13:49,932 --> 00:13:52,100
the more everyone else
will have to spend.
281
00:13:52,134 --> 00:13:54,302
I'm no Warren "Buffet,"
282
00:13:54,336 --> 00:13:57,639
but I bet that's just the thing
to stimulate our bartering economy.
283
00:13:57,673 --> 00:13:59,707
Reading those money magazines
while you're on the can
284
00:13:59,742 --> 00:14:02,110
in the fancy houses you clean
is really paying off.
285
00:14:07,349 --> 00:14:09,217
♪ I've got the brains
286
00:14:09,251 --> 00:14:11,786
♪ and you've got the looks
287
00:14:11,821 --> 00:14:15,423
♪ let's make lots of money
288
00:14:15,457 --> 00:14:17,292
♪ you've got the brawn
289
00:14:17,326 --> 00:14:19,828
♪ I've got the brains
290
00:14:19,862 --> 00:14:22,296
♪ let's make lots of
291
00:14:23,432 --> 00:14:25,400
♪ I've had enough of scheming
292
00:14:25,434 --> 00:14:27,435
♪ and messing around
with jerks ♪
293
00:14:27,469 --> 00:14:29,404
♪ my car is parked outside
294
00:14:29,438 --> 00:14:31,472
♪ I'm afraid it doesn't work
295
00:14:31,507 --> 00:14:33,608
♪ I'm looking for a partner
296
00:14:33,642 --> 00:14:35,844
♪ someone who
gets things fixed ♪
297
00:14:35,878 --> 00:14:37,645
♪ ask yourself this question
298
00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:39,681
♪ do you want to be rich?
299
00:14:41,784 --> 00:14:43,952
♪ Let's... ♪
♪ I've got the brains
300
00:14:43,986 --> 00:14:45,954
♪ Make... ♪
♪ You got the looks
301
00:14:45,988 --> 00:14:47,856
♪ let's make lots of money
302
00:14:47,890 --> 00:14:49,757
♪ oh, yeah ♪
303
00:14:49,792 --> 00:14:51,960
♪ Let's ♪
♪ You've got the brawn
304
00:14:51,994 --> 00:14:54,128
♪ Make... ♪
♪ I've got the brawn
305
00:14:54,163 --> 00:14:58,132
♪ let's make lots of money...
306
00:14:59,168 --> 00:15:01,507
Oil change is done.
307
00:15:02,137 --> 00:15:04,105
Change it again!
308
00:15:07,409 --> 00:15:09,143
That was amazing.
309
00:15:09,178 --> 00:15:12,180
Yeah. Now that we've made
sweet love on paper money,
310
00:15:12,214 --> 00:15:14,994
it's gonna be really hard
to go back to coins.
311
00:15:18,587 --> 00:15:20,221
I can't believe this.
312
00:15:20,256 --> 00:15:22,523
I'm all over the Internet.
I've got 58 views,
313
00:15:22,558 --> 00:15:24,893
and every time I check it,
it gets higher.
314
00:15:24,927 --> 00:15:26,461
Look at this! 59!
315
00:15:26,495 --> 00:15:28,062
How many times have
you checked it?
316
00:15:28,097 --> 00:15:30,598
I don't know, 50, 55.
317
00:15:32,401 --> 00:15:35,716
I don't want to be dramatic,
about this, but...
318
00:15:35,763 --> 00:15:38,673
Sometimes I wish you had just let
me die in that first aid class.
319
00:15:39,875 --> 00:15:41,242
Jimmy, look...
320
00:15:41,277 --> 00:15:42,744
What was that?
321
00:15:42,778 --> 00:15:44,646
I think there's
somebody in the garage.
322
00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:49,083
Really? Your little stunt in
the grocery store wasn't enough?
323
00:15:53,856 --> 00:15:55,890
- Oh, come on.
- No.
324
00:15:55,925 --> 00:15:58,654
A masked burglar? I mean, what...
What is this, Scooby-doo?
325
00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:00,035
Jimmy, I...
326
00:16:00,494 --> 00:16:01,829
Josh?
327
00:16:01,864 --> 00:16:04,722
How could you hire the guy
who makes the most fun of me
328
00:16:04,723 --> 00:16:07,291
to make me feel even worse
about myself?
329
00:16:07,292 --> 00:16:10,327
I did not hire him. I think
he's actually trying to rob us.
330
00:16:10,328 --> 00:16:13,982
Oh, yeah, like I'm supposed
to believe that this is real.
331
00:16:14,777 --> 00:16:15,977
Jimmy!
332
00:16:28,924 --> 00:16:31,359
Why does this
keep happening?
333
00:16:37,745 --> 00:16:40,146
You... should be ashamed.
334
00:16:40,181 --> 00:16:43,491
What would your brothers at Seal Team Six
have to say about this?
335
00:16:43,492 --> 00:16:45,193
Probably, "Who's Josh?"
336
00:16:45,194 --> 00:16:48,397
Because I was obviously
lying about that.
337
00:16:48,487 --> 00:16:50,488
I was in prison, you idiots.
338
00:16:50,522 --> 00:16:54,158
So you just got out of prison and
you're already trying to rob us?
339
00:16:54,193 --> 00:16:56,527
Big house, tiny wife,
wimpy husband...
340
00:16:56,562 --> 00:16:58,329
It's what every
home invader dreams of.
341
00:16:58,364 --> 00:17:01,354
Oh, great. Now the police
and everyone in town
342
00:17:01,355 --> 00:17:04,002
are gonna know that
you saved me one more time.
343
00:17:04,036 --> 00:17:05,703
I'm never gonna be able
to live this down.
344
00:17:05,738 --> 00:17:07,205
Jimmy, we could
just tell everybody
345
00:17:07,239 --> 00:17:09,374
that you saved me, okay?
Who's gonna know?
346
00:17:09,408 --> 00:17:11,190
- I'll know.
- I'll know, too.
347
00:17:11,854 --> 00:17:16,134
You know what? Maybe a little
duct tape is gonna shut you up...
348
00:17:16,173 --> 00:17:18,141
In about...
349
00:17:31,056 --> 00:17:33,992
Jimmy, wha...
What is this?
350
00:17:33,993 --> 00:17:36,027
Oh, those?
Uh... that's...
351
00:17:36,028 --> 00:17:37,768
That's nothing. I'll-I'll get those.
352
00:17:37,769 --> 00:17:40,004
Wait, but these are all addressed
to me... why haven't I seen them?
353
00:17:40,105 --> 00:17:42,407
Maybe Hope put them in here...
you know that she likes
354
00:17:42,441 --> 00:17:44,309
to play mailman and hoarder.
355
00:17:44,343 --> 00:17:46,711
It's more of those postcards
from my mom.
356
00:17:46,745 --> 00:17:48,546
What are they doing out here?
357
00:17:48,580 --> 00:17:51,983
I always, um, hide them in here
before you see them,
358
00:17:52,017 --> 00:17:54,452
because I know
how much they upset you.
359
00:17:56,088 --> 00:17:57,288
I'm sorry.
360
00:18:02,628 --> 00:18:03,728
What was that for?
361
00:18:03,762 --> 00:18:07,532
Because you committed a federal crime
to protect my feelings.
362
00:18:08,811 --> 00:18:11,246
Oh, Jimmy, don't you see?
363
00:18:11,570 --> 00:18:14,739
I may have saved you
a couple times, but...
364
00:18:14,773 --> 00:18:17,442
You save me every day.
365
00:18:21,146 --> 00:18:23,848
I miss my prison husband.
366
00:18:23,882 --> 00:18:26,050
- What?
- Nothin'.
367
00:18:27,786 --> 00:18:30,188
Burt, we've done it!
368
00:18:30,222 --> 00:18:32,523
We are livin' the good life.
369
00:18:32,558 --> 00:18:34,625
And even though I haven't eaten
anything but lobster, butter
370
00:18:34,660 --> 00:18:37,261
and maple syrup for the last three
days, I have never felt better.
371
00:18:37,296 --> 00:18:39,430
You know, I was thinking,
372
00:18:39,465 --> 00:18:41,632
while lobster
is pretty damn good,
373
00:18:41,667 --> 00:18:43,968
what does Tracetown have
that Natesville doesn't?
374
00:18:44,002 --> 00:18:46,270
Reading level
of a third grade country.
375
00:18:46,305 --> 00:18:49,607
No, something we don't have.
Delicious ribs.
376
00:18:49,641 --> 00:18:52,958
It's time to expand our system,
bring other towns in.
377
00:18:52,959 --> 00:18:54,912
Which would mean more
goods and services.
378
00:18:54,947 --> 00:18:56,313
And not just ribs.
379
00:18:56,314 --> 00:18:58,177
We could get pies.
380
00:18:58,354 --> 00:19:00,322
Or a dermatologist.
381
00:19:01,082 --> 00:19:03,942
A guy who makes keys.
382
00:19:04,356 --> 00:19:05,723
Hey, Chances.
383
00:19:05,758 --> 00:19:08,426
Hey, Tyler.
Lookin' sharp!
384
00:19:08,460 --> 00:19:10,128
Pour yourself a glass
of maple syrup.
385
00:19:10,162 --> 00:19:12,096
Oh, I'm good.
Uh, let me ask you,
386
00:19:12,131 --> 00:19:14,939
you didn't print up
any extra Burt bucks, did you?
387
00:19:16,127 --> 00:19:18,002
We're not saying we did,
388
00:19:18,036 --> 00:19:21,472
but if we did...
Why would that be a problem?
389
00:19:21,507 --> 00:19:24,242
I had a feeling.
You flooded the market.
390
00:19:24,276 --> 00:19:25,510
You're welcome.
391
00:19:25,544 --> 00:19:29,242
It's not good. I sold my last
lobster for 4,000 Burt bucks.
392
00:19:29,243 --> 00:19:32,650
Didn't you learn anything from
the hyper-inflation fiasco in Zimbabwe?
393
00:19:32,684 --> 00:19:35,653
We didn't do it the Zim-Bob-way,
we did it our way.
394
00:19:35,687 --> 00:19:37,855
I'm sorry, guys,
395
00:19:37,890 --> 00:19:41,312
Burt bucks are worthless;
I can't accept them anymore.
396
00:19:41,894 --> 00:19:43,895
See you around.
397
00:19:44,997 --> 00:19:46,531
Well, that's
just one guy.
398
00:19:46,565 --> 00:19:50,368
It shouldn't matter. System's too big...
It can't fail.
399
00:19:50,402 --> 00:19:52,777
But it wasn't just one guy,
400
00:19:52,778 --> 00:19:56,007
and it only took a couple hoursfor the entire system to fail.
401
00:19:56,041 --> 00:19:58,142
Once lobster was out,big syrup fell,
402
00:19:58,177 --> 00:20:00,812
and then the entirecrochet industry unraveled.
403
00:20:00,846 --> 00:20:04,215
Pretty soon, my parentswere left holding the bag...
404
00:20:04,249 --> 00:20:08,553
Or, in this case, several wheelbarrows
filled with worthless paper.
405
00:20:14,326 --> 00:20:17,295
I guess if you think about this
purely in terms of wheelbarrows,
406
00:20:17,328 --> 00:20:18,839
we came out way ahead.
407
00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:21,966
- And... nobody really got hurt.
- True.
408
00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:24,569
Hello?
Oh, hello!
409
00:20:24,603 --> 00:20:26,537
Mr. Lee? What are
you doing here?
410
00:20:26,572 --> 00:20:28,372
Well, I need to get paid
for the printing.
411
00:20:28,407 --> 00:20:30,408
No problem.
Can I pay you in Burt bucks?
412
00:20:30,442 --> 00:20:33,010
That's very funny!
413
00:20:33,045 --> 00:20:35,246
What can I do
with all the play money?
414
00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:37,048
I can't pay rent,
I can't buy ink,
415
00:20:37,082 --> 00:20:40,040
and it's far too rough
for toilet paper.
416
00:20:40,041 --> 00:20:43,855
- You need to take care of this.
- Okay.
417
00:20:47,711 --> 00:20:50,359
Interesting. Mm-hmm.
418
00:20:52,397 --> 00:20:54,365
Let me ask you this.
419
00:20:54,399 --> 00:20:56,567
Do you take wheelbarrows?
420
00:20:56,602 --> 00:20:59,403
Mom and dad's bartering systemfinally worked...
421
00:20:59,438 --> 00:21:01,405
Just not how they planned.
422
00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:03,674
They lived the high lifefor one week,
423
00:21:03,709 --> 00:21:06,544
but it cost them 50,000 hoursof landscaping and cleaning.
424
00:21:06,578 --> 00:21:09,725
Burt, when you're done, there are
more hedges behind the building.
425
00:21:09,726 --> 00:21:11,327
Nice!
426
00:21:12,584 --> 00:21:17,261
Well, on the bright side,
this won't be our problem forever.
427
00:21:17,277 --> 00:21:19,524
After we're gone, our children
and our children's children
428
00:21:19,558 --> 00:21:21,893
will be paying off our debts
to the Chinese printer.
429
00:21:21,927 --> 00:21:25,969
Well, it's a good thing people smarter
than us are running the real government.
430
00:21:29,528 --> 00:21:32,528
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