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1
00:00:01,592 --> 00:00:03,341
The weekend is dragging.
2
00:00:03,342 --> 00:00:04,966
When is it gonna
be Monday already?
3
00:00:04,967 --> 00:00:06,632
Jury duty's the best.
4
00:00:06,633 --> 00:00:08,591
Grape-Nuts
are delicious.
5
00:00:08,592 --> 00:00:11,174
What? Aren't we saying things
no one has ever said before?
6
00:00:11,175 --> 00:00:12,799
Oh, I have one.
7
00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:14,299
"Hey, Mom, Dad,
I got an 'A.'"
8
00:00:16,467 --> 00:00:17,549
Monday is the start
9
00:00:17,550 --> 00:00:18,966
of my first official week
of tenure.
10
00:00:18,967 --> 00:00:21,507
Oh, that's right!
Congratulations!
11
00:00:21,508 --> 00:00:22,966
Best part--
I get all these perks,
12
00:00:22,967 --> 00:00:24,716
like a corner office,
an assistant,
13
00:00:24,717 --> 00:00:26,257
and a key
to the executive bathroom.
14
00:00:26,258 --> 00:00:27,466
No more waiting
to get home to poop!
15
00:00:27,467 --> 00:00:29,507
I'm so happy for you.
16
00:00:29,508 --> 00:00:30,382
Whatcha looking at?
17
00:00:30,383 --> 00:00:31,882
I need a new outfit
18
00:00:31,883 --> 00:00:33,757
because Ashley Clark
is coming through town,
19
00:00:33,758 --> 00:00:35,216
and I'm having breakfast
with her on Monday.
20
00:00:35,217 --> 00:00:36,424
Who's Ashley Clark?
21
00:00:36,425 --> 00:00:38,966
She used to be my assistant
at my old job.
22
00:00:38,967 --> 00:00:40,841
But after I had you,
I got so busy,
23
00:00:40,842 --> 00:00:43,257
she was promoted,
and we became co-workers.
24
00:00:43,258 --> 00:00:45,507
And then, after I had Oliver,
I went down to part-time,
25
00:00:45,508 --> 00:00:47,174
and she became my boss.
26
00:00:47,175 --> 00:00:49,382
And then, because of
your father's latex allergy,
27
00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:51,591
we had Anna-Kat,
and--
28
00:00:51,592 --> 00:00:52,799
Your mom
stopped working.
29
00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:53,924
You're still working.
30
00:00:53,925 --> 00:00:55,882
Being a mom is
the hardest job of all.
31
00:00:55,883 --> 00:00:56,882
Attaboy!
32
00:00:56,883 --> 00:00:58,341
What's Ashley up to
these days?
33
00:00:58,342 --> 00:01:01,174
She's still at the company,
and past that, I don't know.
34
00:01:01,175 --> 00:01:03,257
But I do know I need
to look better than this.
35
00:01:03,258 --> 00:01:06,466
Taylor, fishing for
a compliment over here.
36
00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:08,091
Would a "you go, girl"
work?
37
00:01:08,092 --> 00:01:10,175
- Sure.
- You go, girl!
38
00:01:11,842 --> 00:01:13,591
Okay, it's between
the pink sweater
39
00:01:13,592 --> 00:01:15,091
and the blue sweater.
40
00:01:15,092 --> 00:01:17,924
Which one says "I decided
to have three kids,
41
00:01:17,925 --> 00:01:19,716
and you got the career
I always wanted,
42
00:01:19,717 --> 00:01:21,507
but I'm happy
with my choice"?
43
00:01:21,508 --> 00:01:22,216
Are you regretting
your choice?
44
00:01:22,217 --> 00:01:23,299
No. Maybe.
45
00:01:23,300 --> 00:01:25,132
Depends on the day.
46
00:01:25,133 --> 00:01:27,299
Just help me pick out
the right sweater.
47
00:01:27,300 --> 00:01:28,341
You never know.
48
00:01:28,342 --> 00:01:29,716
It might make
all the difference.
49
00:01:29,717 --> 00:01:32,799
Okay, the pink one.
50
00:01:42,508 --> 00:01:44,174
Crap!
51
00:01:44,175 --> 00:01:45,716
Do I look like
a bottle of Pepto-Bismol?
52
00:01:45,717 --> 00:01:46,882
You don't look
like Pepto-Bismol.
53
00:01:46,883 --> 00:01:48,341
Whoa, can you hear me?
54
00:01:48,342 --> 00:01:50,216
If you can read my thoughts,
55
00:01:50,217 --> 00:01:52,049
sorry about all that dirty
stuff with Chris Hemsworth.
56
00:01:52,050 --> 00:01:53,382
Don't worry.
You look great.
57
00:01:53,383 --> 00:01:56,049
My imaginary affair with Thor
continues.
58
00:02:07,092 --> 00:02:08,632
Just help me pick out
the right sweater.
59
00:02:08,633 --> 00:02:09,674
You never know.
60
00:02:09,675 --> 00:02:11,174
It might make
all the difference.
61
00:02:11,175 --> 00:02:15,591
Okay, then,
the blue one.
62
00:02:25,675 --> 00:02:27,091
Stop worrying.
You look great.
63
00:02:32,467 --> 00:02:35,007
Ohh...
64
00:02:35,008 --> 00:02:37,507
Damn it!
65
00:02:37,508 --> 00:02:40,966
This day
is gonna be great!
66
00:02:40,967 --> 00:02:42,966
This day's
gonna be crap!
67
00:02:49,300 --> 00:02:52,257
Anna-Kat: Mama!
68
00:02:52,258 --> 00:02:54,007
What is it, baby?
69
00:02:54,008 --> 00:02:55,466
Aww!
70
00:02:55,467 --> 00:02:58,216
You made a train out of Legos
71
00:02:58,217 --> 00:02:59,966
and derailed it.
72
00:02:59,967 --> 00:03:03,382
Yup, the 417 to Fresno.
No survivors.
73
00:03:03,383 --> 00:03:05,257
{\an8}Can you help me
with my shoe?
74
00:03:05,258 --> 00:03:06,799
{\an8}The lace is all knotted.
75
00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:08,882
{\an8}Anna-Kat, how many times
have I told you,
76
00:03:08,883 --> 00:03:11,007
{\an8}you need to take better care
of your clothes?
77
00:03:11,008 --> 00:03:11,966
{\an8}I don't know.
78
00:03:11,967 --> 00:03:13,966
{\an8}5 times?
500 times?
79
00:03:13,967 --> 00:03:15,966
{\an8}It all kind of runs together
when you speak.
80
00:03:17,092 --> 00:03:18,674
{\an8}You caught me
on a good day,
81
00:03:18,675 --> 00:03:20,799
{\an8}so I am going
to show you
82
00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:23,299
{\an8}how to use an envelope
as a shoehorn.
83
00:03:23,300 --> 00:03:24,841
{\an8}Is this a life-hack?
84
00:03:24,842 --> 00:03:26,841
{\an8}Because I love life-hacks.
85
00:03:26,842 --> 00:03:28,799
{\an8}The video where the guy uses
his sunglasses...
86
00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:30,049
{\an8}Mm-hmm.
...as a phone stand
87
00:03:30,050 --> 00:03:31,424
{\an8}blew my mind.
88
00:03:31,425 --> 00:03:33,924
{\an8}Take the envelope,
stick it in the shoe,
89
00:03:33,925 --> 00:03:37,424
{\an8}and then put your foot
on the envelope, and...
90
00:03:39,383 --> 00:03:41,549
{\an8}Not that I ever think you guys
are getting divorced...
91
00:03:41,550 --> 00:03:43,591
{\an8}Mm-hmm.
...but if you do,
92
00:03:43,592 --> 00:03:45,132
{\an8}I want to move in
with you.
93
00:03:45,133 --> 00:03:47,091
Aww!
94
00:03:47,092 --> 00:03:49,757
{\an8}Realistically,
I can't have her full-time.
95
00:03:49,758 --> 00:03:53,174
Mama!
96
00:03:53,175 --> 00:03:54,757
Ow!
97
00:03:54,758 --> 00:03:56,049
Anna-Kat!
98
00:03:56,050 --> 00:03:58,466
Don't leave your stupid Legos
on the stupid floor!
99
00:03:58,467 --> 00:04:01,007
I can't put on my shoe because
the laces are knotted.
100
00:04:01,008 --> 00:04:02,466
I need help.
I'm not in the mood
for this.
101
00:04:02,467 --> 00:04:04,299
What about
my shoelaces?
102
00:04:04,300 --> 00:04:06,257
What about my life,
Anna-Kat?!
103
00:04:06,258 --> 00:04:10,257
What about my life?!
104
00:04:10,258 --> 00:04:12,757
Not that I think you guys
are ever getting divorced,
105
00:04:12,758 --> 00:04:14,841
but if you do,
I want to live with Dad!
106
00:04:14,842 --> 00:04:17,716
Good!
107
00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:29,424
Say one word, and you're
spending the night in a closet.
108
00:04:31,925 --> 00:04:33,799
Are you guys ready?
I have to drop you off
109
00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:35,049
and meet my friend
for breakfast.
110
00:04:35,050 --> 00:04:37,174
I'd be ready, but she's been
hogging the bathroom!
111
00:04:37,175 --> 00:04:39,257
You're the one hogging the
bathroom with your long showers!
112
00:04:39,258 --> 00:04:40,757
I don't take
long showers!
113
00:04:40,758 --> 00:04:43,049
For skin this smooth,
it takes as long as it takes.
114
00:04:43,050 --> 00:04:45,341
Okay, guys,
let's take a breath.
115
00:04:45,342 --> 00:04:47,882
Oliver, your showers
are quite long.
116
00:04:47,883 --> 00:04:49,882
I mean, there's just not
that much to clean.
117
00:04:49,883 --> 00:04:51,841
Let's pivot to another topic,
shall we?
118
00:04:51,842 --> 00:04:53,007
Fine.
119
00:04:53,008 --> 00:04:53,966
I am in a good mood,
120
00:04:53,967 --> 00:04:55,549
so I'm gonna
make you a deal.
121
00:04:55,550 --> 00:04:58,424
If you two stop fighting
for the rest of the day,
122
00:04:58,425 --> 00:05:00,508
I'll give you each
40 bucks.
123
00:05:02,050 --> 00:05:04,257
I love and cherish
these moments we have together.
124
00:05:04,258 --> 00:05:07,216
I am blessed to have you
as my sibling.
125
00:05:07,217 --> 00:05:09,257
Did you medicate the kids
without clearing it with me?
126
00:05:09,258 --> 00:05:11,257
Actually, don't answer.
I don't want to know.
127
00:05:11,258 --> 00:05:14,257
I need
the room.
128
00:05:15,508 --> 00:05:16,632
Why aren't
you guys ready?!
129
00:05:16,633 --> 00:05:17,716
You're gonna
make me late!
130
00:05:17,717 --> 00:05:19,466
I have to meet my friend
for breakfast!
131
00:05:19,467 --> 00:05:21,549
I'd be ready, but she's been
hogging the bathroom!
132
00:05:21,550 --> 00:05:23,007
You're the one
hogging the bathroom
133
00:05:23,008 --> 00:05:25,882
with your long showers.
134
00:05:25,883 --> 00:05:27,466
Mom didn't say anything.
She just left.
135
00:05:27,467 --> 00:05:28,924
Maybe she's
finally leaving us
136
00:05:28,925 --> 00:05:30,716
to go to Mexico
to become a surf instructor,
137
00:05:30,717 --> 00:05:31,966
like she always
threatens.
138
00:05:31,967 --> 00:05:34,757
You two picked the wrong day
for this crap!
139
00:05:34,758 --> 00:05:37,507
I am forcing you
to get along.
140
00:05:37,508 --> 00:05:40,174
The rest of the morning,
you are attached at the wrist.
141
00:05:40,175 --> 00:05:41,882
I don't want him
in my selfies!
142
00:05:41,883 --> 00:05:44,049
Yeah, and why do you have
handcuffs in your bedroom?
143
00:05:44,050 --> 00:05:45,757
It's from a costume party.
Don't worry about it.
144
00:05:45,758 --> 00:05:47,882
Hey, guys,
what's going on?
145
00:05:47,883 --> 00:05:49,674
Why are the kids
wearing our handcuffs?
146
00:05:49,675 --> 00:05:50,966
I mean handcuffs.
147
00:05:50,967 --> 00:05:53,466
Dad, I think
they're called ham-cuffs.
148
00:05:53,467 --> 00:05:55,841
Yeah, ham-cuffs.
Hand-cuffs.
149
00:05:55,842 --> 00:05:57,716
Right. Ham-cuffs.
Ugh!
150
00:06:02,383 --> 00:06:04,591
It's Teacher Planning Day
again?
151
00:06:04,592 --> 00:06:06,841
Why didn't any of you
say something?
152
00:06:06,842 --> 00:06:09,049
Guys, are we
raising ourselves?
153
00:06:09,050 --> 00:06:09,966
Nope!
154
00:06:09,967 --> 00:06:12,007
It's because
you're the mom.
155
00:06:12,008 --> 00:06:15,882
Ugh! An unscheduled day
alone with my kids?
156
00:06:15,883 --> 00:06:18,091
You know what?
I'm gonna make the best of it.
157
00:06:18,092 --> 00:06:20,257
I'm gonna turn this pee
into lemonade.
158
00:06:20,258 --> 00:06:21,216
I think that's the saying.
159
00:06:26,842 --> 00:06:28,507
Why are you
doing this to me?!
160
00:06:28,508 --> 00:06:29,757
I have
an important breakfast!
161
00:06:29,758 --> 00:06:31,716
I can't be stuck
with my kids today!
162
00:06:31,717 --> 00:06:32,550
Ugh!
163
00:06:35,342 --> 00:06:36,841
Please don't tell me
the handcuff key
164
00:06:36,842 --> 00:06:38,216
was on that key chain.
165
00:06:38,217 --> 00:06:40,341
Oh, it was.
166
00:06:40,342 --> 00:06:41,507
You're happy
about that?
167
00:06:41,508 --> 00:06:44,675
Yes! At least now
we're all miserable!
168
00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:49,966
Hey, honey.
School's canceled because of
169
00:06:49,967 --> 00:06:51,674
stupid, made-up
"Teacher Planning Day."
170
00:06:51,675 --> 00:06:53,382
Way to knock down
public-school teachers.
171
00:06:53,383 --> 00:06:55,216
Those folks have been
riding high too long.
172
00:06:55,217 --> 00:06:56,966
Teacher Planning Day
is the worst, Greg.
173
00:06:56,967 --> 00:06:58,507
But I'm making
the best of it.
174
00:06:58,508 --> 00:07:00,716
I'm bringing the kids with me
to meet Ashley.
175
00:07:00,717 --> 00:07:02,466
How is your first day
of tenure going?
176
00:07:02,467 --> 00:07:04,549
Well, since you asked,
177
00:07:04,550 --> 00:07:06,424
my new corner office
isn't quite what I pictured.
178
00:07:06,425 --> 00:07:07,757
What's wrong with it?
179
00:07:07,758 --> 00:07:09,591
It's small,
and three different janitors
180
00:07:09,592 --> 00:07:11,466
have come in
looking for plungers.
181
00:07:11,467 --> 00:07:13,841
I'm pretty sure, 48 hours ago,
this was a supply closet.
182
00:07:13,842 --> 00:07:15,341
Can't you just ask
for a new office?
183
00:07:15,342 --> 00:07:16,632
It doesn't work
that way.
184
00:07:16,633 --> 00:07:17,924
Office space
goes by seniority,
185
00:07:17,925 --> 00:07:19,591
so I have to wait
till somebody dies,
186
00:07:19,592 --> 00:07:20,757
which could
take a while.
187
00:07:20,758 --> 00:07:22,674
Professor Bailey is 76,
but last year,
188
00:07:22,675 --> 00:07:24,674
he competed
on "American Ninja Warrior."
189
00:07:24,675 --> 00:07:25,841
He made it up the warped wall
and everything.
190
00:07:25,842 --> 00:07:27,757
What about
your new assistant?
191
00:07:27,758 --> 00:07:29,466
Bossing someone around
must be fun.
192
00:07:29,467 --> 00:07:30,591
Mm...
193
00:07:30,592 --> 00:07:31,966
I know
I'm your assistant,
194
00:07:31,967 --> 00:07:34,091
but I feel a solid
bromance brewing.
195
00:07:34,092 --> 00:07:36,674
You know what, the litter box
should go in that corner.
196
00:07:36,675 --> 00:07:39,257
We're getting a cat!
197
00:07:39,258 --> 00:07:41,257
I feel like I've already failed
to establish boundaries.
198
00:07:41,258 --> 00:07:42,966
In a relationship,
199
00:07:42,967 --> 00:07:45,257
only one of you is allowed
to have a bad day.
200
00:07:45,258 --> 00:07:47,966
The one that's having less
of a bad day has to step up.
201
00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:49,216
Okay, honey,
calm down.
202
00:07:49,217 --> 00:07:51,257
The kids and I will swing by
to cheer you up
203
00:07:51,258 --> 00:07:52,675
after my breakfast
with Ashley.
204
00:07:54,008 --> 00:07:55,632
This is now
a professor's office.
205
00:07:55,633 --> 00:07:57,424
Yeah.
206
00:07:57,425 --> 00:07:59,466
Greg,
I'm having the worst day.
207
00:07:59,467 --> 00:08:01,841
How can I make Ashley
think things are awesome
208
00:08:01,842 --> 00:08:04,007
if I'm dragging around
these three life-killers?
209
00:08:04,008 --> 00:08:05,507
Also, I lost my keys.
210
00:08:05,508 --> 00:08:06,841
And to top it all off,
211
00:08:06,842 --> 00:08:08,507
our cabbie is stopping
at yellow lights
212
00:08:08,508 --> 00:08:10,341
like a total wuss!
213
00:08:10,342 --> 00:08:12,674
You thought you could stay quiet
and keep out of this tornado?
214
00:08:12,675 --> 00:08:14,466
Well, you were wrong.
215
00:08:14,467 --> 00:08:16,174
How's your first day
of tenure going?
216
00:08:16,175 --> 00:08:17,175
Uh...
217
00:08:20,133 --> 00:08:22,049
A couple of little hiccups
over here,
218
00:08:22,050 --> 00:08:23,549
but your stuff
is worse,
219
00:08:23,550 --> 00:08:24,591
so don't worry
about me.
220
00:08:24,592 --> 00:08:26,132
I'll come home early
and cheer you up.
221
00:08:26,133 --> 00:08:28,966
They give you a horn
for a reason!
222
00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:31,549
Hey, Prius, get in the bike
lane, where you belong!
223
00:08:34,342 --> 00:08:35,299
Sugar
for your coffee?
224
00:08:35,300 --> 00:08:36,632
Thanks, bro.
225
00:08:36,633 --> 00:08:39,257
Our bond will truly
last a lifetime.
226
00:08:39,258 --> 00:08:41,216
How much?
227
00:08:41,217 --> 00:08:42,632
40 bucks apiece.
228
00:08:42,633 --> 00:08:44,216
Don't judge me.
229
00:08:44,217 --> 00:08:47,092
Mama.
I got my juice.
230
00:08:49,175 --> 00:08:52,049
Katie Otto?
231
00:08:52,050 --> 00:08:54,591
Ashley Clark!
232
00:08:54,592 --> 00:08:56,924
It has been
way too long!
233
00:08:56,925 --> 00:08:58,841
Ohh!
234
00:08:58,842 --> 00:09:00,591
You look amazing!
235
00:09:00,592 --> 00:09:02,091
Tell me everything.
236
00:09:02,092 --> 00:09:04,174
Honestly, Ash,
life is great.
237
00:09:05,508 --> 00:09:08,424
These are
my little angels--
238
00:09:08,425 --> 00:09:10,882
Taylor, Oliver,
and Anna-Kat.
239
00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:11,757
Morning.
240
00:09:11,758 --> 00:09:13,966
- Pleased to meet you.
- Madame.
241
00:09:13,967 --> 00:09:17,716
Katie, you have a beautiful
family, and so polite.
242
00:09:17,717 --> 00:09:18,716
What's your secret?
243
00:09:18,717 --> 00:09:21,716
Lots of love.
Not money.
244
00:09:21,717 --> 00:09:23,341
Mama, I can't
get this open.
245
00:09:23,342 --> 00:09:24,467
No problem, honey.
246
00:09:29,050 --> 00:09:30,800
Now try.
247
00:09:33,258 --> 00:09:36,091
The rubber band
helps you grip.
248
00:09:36,092 --> 00:09:38,507
Another life-hack!
Mm-hmm.
249
00:09:38,508 --> 00:09:40,091
This lady.
250
00:09:40,092 --> 00:09:41,757
Oh, my God.
251
00:09:41,758 --> 00:09:44,132
She's so cute, she just
made my IUD fall out.
252
00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:46,882
Do you have kids?
253
00:09:46,883 --> 00:09:48,716
No, no,
I never settled down.
254
00:09:48,717 --> 00:09:50,007
I'm always
traveling for work.
255
00:09:50,008 --> 00:09:50,882
Mm.
256
00:09:50,883 --> 00:09:52,841
It's all your fault,
you know.
257
00:09:52,842 --> 00:09:54,799
When you left
the company,
258
00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:56,299
I started climbing the ladder,
and I never stopped.
259
00:09:57,675 --> 00:09:59,257
I have a boat
that I never go out on.
260
00:09:59,258 --> 00:10:00,799
Pier fees
are killing me.
261
00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:02,341
And-- Ohh!
262
00:10:02,342 --> 00:10:03,966
Oh, come on!
263
00:10:03,967 --> 00:10:06,007
I just bought
this suit!
264
00:10:06,008 --> 00:10:07,882
Gah!
265
00:10:07,883 --> 00:10:10,132
That was so sad.
266
00:10:10,133 --> 00:10:12,257
Totally.
267
00:10:12,258 --> 00:10:15,174
Pier fees are getting
out of control.
268
00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:19,216
Stop it!
No, you stop it!
269
00:10:19,217 --> 00:10:20,632
Why would you agree to meet her
on Teacher Planning Day
270
00:10:20,633 --> 00:10:22,716
wearing
a shredded sweater?
271
00:10:22,717 --> 00:10:25,591
Angela, so help me, I
will smash this tiny jam
jar on your forehead.
272
00:10:25,592 --> 00:10:27,716
Jam her!
Jam her! Jam her!
273
00:10:27,717 --> 00:10:30,466
Mom, tell Oliver
to stop it.
274
00:10:30,467 --> 00:10:32,132
What are you
fighting about now?
275
00:10:32,133 --> 00:10:34,632
I want to drink my coffee,
but Oliver won't budge.
276
00:10:34,633 --> 00:10:38,049
Taylor,
use your other hand.
277
00:10:38,050 --> 00:10:40,049
Oh!
278
00:10:40,050 --> 00:10:43,341
Why didn't you
tell me that?
279
00:10:43,342 --> 00:10:44,716
Cut it out!
280
00:10:44,717 --> 00:10:46,882
Okay, fine.
You can have it.
281
00:10:46,883 --> 00:10:48,425
I promise I won't
jerk my hand this time.
282
00:10:51,133 --> 00:10:51,924
Bitch.
283
00:10:51,925 --> 00:10:54,924
Mama,
I got my juice.
284
00:10:54,925 --> 00:10:55,757
Whoa!
285
00:10:56,592 --> 00:10:59,841
What the hell,
Anna-Kat?!
286
00:10:59,842 --> 00:11:02,091
I tripped on my shoelace
because you wouldn't help me!
287
00:11:02,092 --> 00:11:03,382
You ruined my sweater!
288
00:11:03,383 --> 00:11:05,424
And you ruined
my first-grade diorama.
289
00:11:05,425 --> 00:11:06,883
That's right.
I forget nothing.
290
00:11:09,133 --> 00:11:10,507
Katie Otto?
291
00:11:10,508 --> 00:11:12,424
Hide the handcuffs
or die.
292
00:11:12,425 --> 00:11:14,841
Ashley Clark!
293
00:11:14,842 --> 00:11:15,966
Keep an eye on things.
294
00:11:15,967 --> 00:11:18,216
If it goes bad,
get me out of here.
295
00:11:20,217 --> 00:11:22,049
It has been
way too long!
296
00:11:22,050 --> 00:11:24,132
Look at you.
297
00:11:24,133 --> 00:11:26,841
Oh, I would totally hug,
but this is a new suit, so...
298
00:11:26,842 --> 00:11:27,924
Oh.
299
00:11:27,925 --> 00:11:29,341
So, Katie.
Mm-hmm?
300
00:11:29,342 --> 00:11:30,757
Tell me everything.
301
00:11:30,758 --> 00:11:32,841
Well...
302
00:11:32,842 --> 00:11:35,882
Honestly, Ash,
life is great.
303
00:11:35,883 --> 00:11:38,841
But earlier, you said you hate
your horrible, stupid life.
304
00:11:38,842 --> 00:11:40,132
She's playing opposite day
right now.
305
00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:41,299
No, I'm not.
306
00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:42,591
The girl's consistent.
307
00:11:42,592 --> 00:11:43,924
So, are those
your other two?
308
00:11:43,925 --> 00:11:46,299
I have to go
to the bathroom.
309
00:11:46,300 --> 00:11:47,549
Hey!
310
00:11:47,550 --> 00:11:49,007
I'm not
watching you pee!
311
00:11:49,008 --> 00:11:50,591
It's either pee in there
or pee out here.
312
00:11:50,592 --> 00:11:52,549
Your choice!
313
00:11:52,550 --> 00:11:53,841
Ohh!
314
00:11:55,425 --> 00:11:58,799
No. The other two are
out feeding the homeless.
Ah.
315
00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:00,174
Mom, he's trying to make me
watch him pee!
316
00:12:00,175 --> 00:12:01,507
Oh!
317
00:12:01,508 --> 00:12:03,341
There they are.
318
00:12:03,342 --> 00:12:05,632
Are they...
handcuffed together?
319
00:12:05,633 --> 00:12:08,799
So, what about you?
Oh.
320
00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:10,841
Are you married?
Do you have kids?
321
00:12:10,842 --> 00:12:12,591
No, I have a boat
and lovers.
322
00:12:12,592 --> 00:12:15,549
I have a minivan and Greg.
323
00:12:15,550 --> 00:12:17,382
So, how long
are you in town for?
324
00:12:17,383 --> 00:12:18,966
Well, I'm in Westport
till Wednesday
325
00:12:18,967 --> 00:12:20,299
to pitch
to Martha Stewart.
326
00:12:20,300 --> 00:12:23,382
And then I go to New York
to do a TED Talk.
327
00:12:23,383 --> 00:12:25,007
That sounds amazing.
328
00:12:25,008 --> 00:12:27,132
To be honest, Katie,
I owe it all to you.
329
00:12:27,133 --> 00:12:28,882
How so?
330
00:12:28,883 --> 00:12:31,216
You were the one in line
for all those promotions.
331
00:12:31,217 --> 00:12:32,216
I mean, just think,
332
00:12:32,217 --> 00:12:33,799
if you didn't have
these three...
333
00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:35,132
Mm-hmm.
...you'd be me.
334
00:12:37,217 --> 00:12:38,424
Can you imagine?
335
00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:40,174
That is so funny!
336
00:12:41,467 --> 00:12:43,007
Uh, should we jump in?
337
00:12:43,008 --> 00:12:44,674
No. I think we already
missed our moment.
338
00:12:44,675 --> 00:12:46,216
We should
probably leave.
339
00:12:46,217 --> 00:12:47,841
Yeah, but then Katie will be
stuck with the check.
340
00:12:47,842 --> 00:12:49,799
So? She's already
gonna be pissed at us.
341
00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:51,841
Good point.
Let's bounce.
Yeah.
342
00:12:53,925 --> 00:12:56,091
I knew you were in a bad mood,
so I brought you
343
00:12:56,092 --> 00:12:57,757
People Magazine's
Crossword Puzzle Book.
344
00:12:57,758 --> 00:12:58,966
It always helps
your self-esteem.
345
00:12:58,967 --> 00:13:00,716
Damn right it does.
I could do it in ink.
346
00:13:00,717 --> 00:13:03,007
What happened here?
Can't.
347
00:13:03,008 --> 00:13:04,132
You've got the kids.
348
00:13:04,133 --> 00:13:05,382
I'm going upstairs
349
00:13:05,383 --> 00:13:08,924
to imagine our children
are a 27-foot catamaran.
350
00:13:21,842 --> 00:13:24,132
I think I'm having
a mid-life crisis.
351
00:13:24,133 --> 00:13:25,424
Ohh.
352
00:13:25,425 --> 00:13:27,466
My life is awesome!
353
00:13:27,467 --> 00:13:28,467
My life sucks!
354
00:13:36,717 --> 00:13:38,216
Did your breakfast date
really go that badly?
355
00:13:38,217 --> 00:13:40,924
It was a disaster.
356
00:13:40,925 --> 00:13:44,549
Ashley is a big CEO
who travels the world.
357
00:13:44,550 --> 00:13:46,549
She's a success,
358
00:13:46,550 --> 00:13:50,466
and I missed my opportunity
to become a success, too.
359
00:13:50,467 --> 00:13:51,841
Katie,
you are a success.
360
00:13:51,842 --> 00:13:53,632
Your opinion
doesn't matter.
361
00:13:53,633 --> 00:13:55,424
You think I'm sexy after
I eat a Bloomin' Onion.
362
00:13:55,425 --> 00:13:57,049
Well, I love you.
363
00:13:57,050 --> 00:13:59,174
And the way you look in that
Outback Steakhouse lighting,
364
00:13:59,175 --> 00:14:00,341
come on, I'm only human.
365
00:14:03,175 --> 00:14:06,174
I'm trying to feel sorry
for myself.
366
00:14:06,175 --> 00:14:08,549
So if you can't get onboard
with the pity party, get out.
367
00:14:08,550 --> 00:14:10,591
How can I help?
368
00:14:10,592 --> 00:14:13,758
Build a time machine
and a tolerance to latex.
369
00:14:19,342 --> 00:14:20,882
It seems only fair
that the person
370
00:14:20,883 --> 00:14:22,424
who has the handcuff
on their right hand
371
00:14:22,425 --> 00:14:23,424
loses their thumb.
372
00:14:23,425 --> 00:14:24,966
Anna-Kat, chop-chop.
On it.
373
00:14:24,967 --> 00:14:27,091
No one's losing their thumb,
Anna-Kat.
374
00:14:27,092 --> 00:14:29,382
Okay, Mom's having a bad day,
and so am I.
375
00:14:29,383 --> 00:14:30,674
But I'm not allowed
to have my bad day
376
00:14:30,675 --> 00:14:32,132
until I first fix
her bad day.
377
00:14:32,133 --> 00:14:33,382
And you're
gonna help me.
378
00:14:33,383 --> 00:14:35,424
How are we supposed to do that
with these things on?
379
00:14:35,425 --> 00:14:37,466
Anna-Kat, I need to borrow
a bobby pin.
380
00:14:37,467 --> 00:14:39,257
Yeah-- Hey!
381
00:14:39,258 --> 00:14:41,924
That's it.
There we go.
382
00:14:41,925 --> 00:14:44,757
Wow, Dad.
Where'd you learn to do that?
383
00:14:44,758 --> 00:14:47,007
I figured it out one night
when your mom and I...
384
00:14:47,008 --> 00:14:48,966
YouTube.
385
00:14:52,092 --> 00:14:52,882
Hi!
386
00:14:52,883 --> 00:14:54,841
We have guests!
387
00:14:54,842 --> 00:14:56,757
I knew you were
in a bad mood,
388
00:14:56,758 --> 00:14:59,424
so we brought you
some unsalted nuts.
389
00:14:59,425 --> 00:15:01,007
Because they're
your favorite,
390
00:15:01,008 --> 00:15:02,674
and your happiness
is important to us.
Anna-Kat: Mm-hmm.
391
00:15:02,675 --> 00:15:03,716
How much
are you paying them?
392
00:15:03,717 --> 00:15:06,341
- We're up to $60.
- What is he doing?
393
00:15:06,342 --> 00:15:08,174
He's in a highly competitive
charades league.
394
00:15:08,175 --> 00:15:09,674
He likes to practice
in his free time.
395
00:15:10,842 --> 00:15:12,757
"Jurassic Park"!
Nailed it!
396
00:15:12,758 --> 00:15:14,507
You know,
I used to be lonely.
397
00:15:14,508 --> 00:15:16,716
Now I have all of you.
My new family.
398
00:15:16,717 --> 00:15:18,007
Now I have a place
to go for Christmas!
399
00:15:18,008 --> 00:15:19,049
Mm!
400
00:15:20,633 --> 00:15:22,383
I need some air.
401
00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:27,591
So your office is
a little claustrophobic.
402
00:15:27,592 --> 00:15:29,299
You always love
getting MRIs.
403
00:15:29,300 --> 00:15:31,299
I worked so hard for tenure,
and now that I have it,
404
00:15:31,300 --> 00:15:33,924
I feel like I'm starting
at the bottom all over again.
405
00:15:33,925 --> 00:15:36,799
And I built up the executive
washroom in my head too much.
406
00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:38,841
Like, it's fine.
Mm-hmm.
407
00:15:38,842 --> 00:15:41,507
There are these fancy soaps
that are not candy.
408
00:15:41,508 --> 00:15:42,675
Right.
409
00:15:43,842 --> 00:15:46,132
I'm gonna take a walk.
410
00:15:51,092 --> 00:15:53,341
"Precious: Based on the Novel
'Push' by Sapphire."
411
00:15:53,342 --> 00:15:54,966
Yes! I'm so good!
412
00:15:54,967 --> 00:15:58,216
We need to find a way
to lift your dad's spirits.
413
00:15:58,217 --> 00:15:59,507
I'm in.
414
00:15:59,508 --> 00:16:00,757
Taylor?
Oliver?
415
00:16:00,758 --> 00:16:02,632
- How much?
- How much?
416
00:16:02,633 --> 00:16:04,341
You want to get paid
to help your father?
417
00:16:04,342 --> 00:16:06,841
He's the greatest man
I have ever known.
418
00:16:06,842 --> 00:16:08,299
When you get a chance
to help him,
419
00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:09,757
you seize
the opportunity.
420
00:16:09,758 --> 00:16:12,757
I had a chance like that once,
and I let it slip away.
421
00:16:12,758 --> 00:16:15,632
Oakland.
Summer of '98.
422
00:16:15,633 --> 00:16:18,632
Black smoke fills
my childhood bedroom.
423
00:16:18,633 --> 00:16:20,841
And where
there's smoke...
424
00:16:20,842 --> 00:16:22,299
there's fire.
425
00:16:22,300 --> 00:16:23,841
"Grant!
426
00:16:23,842 --> 00:16:26,882
Your stepfather's
trapped upstairs!"
427
00:16:26,883 --> 00:16:28,549
"I'm on it!"
428
00:16:28,550 --> 00:16:31,049
But the flames.
There's flames everywhere.
429
00:16:31,050 --> 00:16:34,049
"Mama, I can't!
The flames are in the way!
430
00:16:34,050 --> 00:16:36,174
Mama, the flames
are stopping me!"
431
00:16:36,175 --> 00:16:38,216
Inspirational story,
Grant,
432
00:16:38,217 --> 00:16:40,716
but I got this.
433
00:16:40,717 --> 00:16:44,424
Taylor, Oliver, I should have
never gone easy on you two.
434
00:16:44,425 --> 00:16:48,132
You are gonna stop being selfish
and help me cheer him up.
435
00:16:48,133 --> 00:16:49,132
Come on.
436
00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:52,549
Let's go.
437
00:16:53,842 --> 00:16:55,382
You got to tell me
how that story ends.
438
00:16:55,383 --> 00:16:56,632
Yadda, yadda, yadda,
439
00:16:56,633 --> 00:16:59,257
now Daddy gets jumpy
at barbecues.
440
00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:03,549
"Honey, I 'Blanked' the Kids."
441
00:17:03,550 --> 00:17:06,507
Sold? Abandoned?
Misplaced?
442
00:17:06,508 --> 00:17:07,549
Katie.
443
00:17:07,550 --> 00:17:08,632
I'll come back to it.
444
00:17:08,633 --> 00:17:10,507
Go away.
I'm wallowing.
445
00:17:10,508 --> 00:17:11,632
Ashley Clark's life
is a fraud!
446
00:17:11,633 --> 00:17:13,132
At Stewart
and Kingston's,
447
00:17:13,133 --> 00:17:16,007
Ashley kept bragging
how awesome her life was.
448
00:17:16,008 --> 00:17:17,716
So much so,
it seemed suspicious.
449
00:17:17,717 --> 00:17:19,382
So we took a deep dive
into her social media
450
00:17:19,383 --> 00:17:21,216
and found this.
451
00:17:21,217 --> 00:17:23,632
You come in here just to show me
her perfect fruit salad?
452
00:17:23,633 --> 00:17:25,257
It's all berries
and mango.
453
00:17:25,258 --> 00:17:26,674
None of that
honeydew garbage.
454
00:17:26,675 --> 00:17:29,174
No. Look across
from Ashley Clark's food.
455
00:17:29,175 --> 00:17:30,507
There's no other
place setting.
456
00:17:30,508 --> 00:17:32,549
There's hundreds of pics
just like this.
457
00:17:32,550 --> 00:17:34,341
In all of them,
she's eating alone.
458
00:17:34,342 --> 00:17:36,424
She is?
Let me see that.
459
00:17:36,425 --> 00:17:38,174
And she's on four
different dating sites.
460
00:17:38,175 --> 00:17:39,924
- All active.
- No.
461
00:17:39,925 --> 00:17:41,674
Are you sure?
462
00:17:41,675 --> 00:17:43,799
We went on one of those
background-check sites
463
00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:45,424
and found
more good news.
464
00:17:45,425 --> 00:17:48,549
She was arrested for
public intoxication in '08.
465
00:17:48,550 --> 00:17:50,591
So, doesn't the fact that
Ashley regrets her life choices
466
00:17:50,592 --> 00:17:51,591
make you
feel better?
467
00:17:51,592 --> 00:17:52,882
A little.
468
00:17:52,883 --> 00:17:54,757
But not as much
as the fact
469
00:17:54,758 --> 00:17:57,549
that you guys rallied
to cheer me up.
470
00:17:57,550 --> 00:17:59,049
So, you're
in a better mood?
471
00:17:59,050 --> 00:18:01,216
Yes.
472
00:18:01,217 --> 00:18:03,549
Great.
Now I can wallow.
473
00:18:04,883 --> 00:18:06,632
This bed is bigger
than my office.
474
00:18:11,008 --> 00:18:14,132
What are you doing
out here?
475
00:18:14,133 --> 00:18:16,466
Go on in.
476
00:18:16,467 --> 00:18:18,633
Ca-caw!
Ca-caw!
477
00:18:26,425 --> 00:18:29,757
Wow, it looks
so much better in here.
478
00:18:29,758 --> 00:18:31,549
I printed some
family pictures online
479
00:18:31,550 --> 00:18:32,966
and made a collage.
480
00:18:32,967 --> 00:18:34,466
I convinced Grant to put
his desk in the hallway.
481
00:18:34,467 --> 00:18:35,591
Ca-caw!
482
00:18:35,592 --> 00:18:36,924
He's already in here!
483
00:18:36,925 --> 00:18:38,799
And I lit
a vanilla candle
484
00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:40,632
to offset that pukey,
moppy smell.
485
00:18:40,633 --> 00:18:43,966
So, what do you think?
486
00:18:43,967 --> 00:18:45,424
I love it.
487
00:18:45,425 --> 00:18:47,757
But I'm not sure this small
office can fit so much joy.
488
00:18:47,758 --> 00:18:48,924
I hear a lot of love
in there!
489
00:18:48,925 --> 00:18:51,716
And Grant helped, too.
490
00:18:51,717 --> 00:18:53,591
Would it be a huge mistake
to invite him for dinner?
491
00:18:53,592 --> 00:18:54,591
Yes, definitely.
492
00:18:54,592 --> 00:18:56,924
Guys, my ears
are burning!
493
00:18:56,925 --> 00:19:00,174
Ha! Oh, my God,
I sound just like my dad!
494
00:19:00,175 --> 00:19:01,424
Mm-hmm.
495
00:19:04,592 --> 00:19:07,007
Oh, thanks for inviting me over.
496
00:19:07,008 --> 00:19:09,674
When you're part of the family,
everyone's in it together.
497
00:19:09,675 --> 00:19:11,591
When someone else
is having a bad day,
498
00:19:11,592 --> 00:19:14,257
it's your job
to lift their spirits.
499
00:19:16,217 --> 00:19:19,341
Thank you so much
for inviting me!
500
00:19:19,342 --> 00:19:21,424
And when you're
having a bad day,
501
00:19:21,425 --> 00:19:24,049
you can rely on your family
to lift you up.
502
00:19:24,050 --> 00:19:25,591
Having people
who care about you
503
00:19:25,592 --> 00:19:28,841
is way more important than
being the CEO of some company.
504
00:19:28,842 --> 00:19:30,466
Why are you still
wearing that sweater?
505
00:19:30,467 --> 00:19:31,966
I paid
for overnight shipping.
506
00:19:31,967 --> 00:19:33,216
I'm gonna be buried
in this thing.
507
00:19:40,133 --> 00:19:41,216
Just help me pick out
the right sweater.
508
00:19:41,217 --> 00:19:42,424
You never know.
509
00:19:42,425 --> 00:19:43,674
It might make
all the difference.
510
00:19:43,675 --> 00:19:44,757
Okay, then...
511
00:19:44,758 --> 00:19:46,091
Uh, forget
the sweaters.
512
00:19:46,092 --> 00:19:48,424
I like
the green jacket.
513
00:19:56,717 --> 00:19:58,966
{\an8}Ohh. You look good.
514
00:19:58,967 --> 00:20:00,091
{\an8}Thank you!
515
00:20:00,092 --> 00:20:02,257
{\an8}Tell you what.
Instead of meeting Ashley...
516
00:20:04,092 --> 00:20:07,174
{\an8}I've got a better idea.
517
00:20:07,175 --> 00:20:08,674
{\an8}I'll cancel my breakfast.
518
00:20:15,883 --> 00:20:17,507
{\an8}I never should have gone
519
00:20:17,508 --> 00:20:18,757
{\an8}with the green jacket.
520
00:20:18,758 --> 00:20:19,924
{\an8}Hmm.
521
00:20:24,592 --> 00:20:25,966
{\an8}You never know.
522
00:20:25,967 --> 00:20:27,549
{\an8}It might make
all the difference.
523
00:20:30,342 --> 00:20:32,800
{\an8}Uh, I'll just find something
on the floor of my closet.
37272
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