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1
00:00:01,892 --> 00:00:03,599
I just got an e-mail
from the school.
2
00:00:03,600 --> 00:00:06,849
Crossing Guard Sandy
is having a "hip replacement."
3
00:00:06,850 --> 00:00:09,849
Mama, I know this
means rehab.
4
00:00:09,850 --> 00:00:12,349
Aww. My little girl
is growing up.
5
00:00:12,350 --> 00:00:13,891
Principal Ablin needs
6
00:00:13,892 --> 00:00:15,766
parent volunteers
to fill in for her.
7
00:00:15,767 --> 00:00:17,141
Oh, my God, Mom.
Please don't.
8
00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:18,474
Don't you know
your own mother?
9
00:00:18,475 --> 00:00:20,307
For me, "volunteering"
is in the same category
10
00:00:20,308 --> 00:00:22,391
as cardio and quinoa.
11
00:00:22,392 --> 00:00:24,516
But you did volunteer to run
the Spring Gala.
12
00:00:24,517 --> 00:00:27,641
Only to endear myself to
all those idiot moms I hate.
13
00:00:27,642 --> 00:00:29,141
Have you nailed down
a venue yet?
14
00:00:29,142 --> 00:00:33,391
So far, my only options
are the YMCA and...
15
00:00:33,392 --> 00:00:34,807
that's it.
16
00:00:34,808 --> 00:00:36,724
I was hoping something was going
to come to me in that pause,
17
00:00:36,725 --> 00:00:38,224
but nothing showed up.
18
00:00:38,225 --> 00:00:40,266
I'm really starting to worry
about finding a venue.
19
00:00:40,267 --> 00:00:42,891
I know my archenemies are
just waiting for me to fail.
20
00:00:42,892 --> 00:00:44,266
Okay, Batman.
21
00:00:44,267 --> 00:00:46,141
How many archenemies
are you up to?
22
00:00:46,142 --> 00:00:48,391
Eight archenemies,
three nemesises--
23
00:00:48,392 --> 00:00:52,557
Nemeses.
24
00:00:52,558 --> 00:00:54,766
And one more mom that
just started to turn on me.
25
00:00:54,767 --> 00:00:56,474
She told me her daughter's name
was Poet.
26
00:00:56,475 --> 00:00:58,099
What am I supposed to do?
Not laugh?
27
00:00:58,100 --> 00:01:00,057
Know your audience,
Poet's mom!
28
00:01:00,058 --> 00:01:02,682
You know, you should really
look at the Carson House.
29
00:01:02,683 --> 00:01:05,391
It's a huge estate--
gardens, room for dancing,
30
00:01:05,392 --> 00:01:07,349
and, on a historical note,
the outhouse is still there
31
00:01:07,350 --> 00:01:10,516
where Paul Revere took a rush
number two on his midnight ride.
32
00:01:10,517 --> 00:01:12,141
There's a plaque.
Hmm.
33
00:01:12,142 --> 00:01:13,349
The Carson House is
under the domain
34
00:01:13,350 --> 00:01:14,391
of the Historical Guild.
35
00:01:14,392 --> 00:01:15,974
And as Guild
recording secretary,
36
00:01:15,975 --> 00:01:18,474
Stan was in charge of all
rental inquiries.
Hmm.
37
00:01:18,475 --> 00:01:20,807
I thought Stan moved to Nepal
to "find himself."
38
00:01:20,808 --> 00:01:22,474
Oh, rehab!
39
00:01:22,475 --> 00:01:23,641
If I do air quotes twice,
40
00:01:23,642 --> 00:01:25,307
it means
"flee from bad marriage."
41
00:01:25,308 --> 00:01:27,724
Yes, but his seat was
taken over by his wife,
42
00:01:27,725 --> 00:01:29,266
so that means
you're gonna need
43
00:01:29,267 --> 00:01:30,724
to get Chloe Brown Mueller
to sign off on it.
44
00:01:30,725 --> 00:01:32,266
Ugh!
Chloe Brown Mueller?
45
00:01:32,267 --> 00:01:33,807
She is never gonna
say yes to me.
46
00:01:33,808 --> 00:01:35,474
She's like
my number-one archenemy.
47
00:01:35,475 --> 00:01:37,724
The Joker doesn't rent
Arkham Asylum out to Batman
48
00:01:37,725 --> 00:01:38,766
for his bat-parties.
49
00:01:38,767 --> 00:01:40,224
No, he does not.
50
00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:41,724
I need to find someone
irresistible
51
00:01:41,725 --> 00:01:43,724
to do my bidding.
52
00:01:43,725 --> 00:01:45,807
Aren't you adorable?
53
00:01:45,808 --> 00:01:47,016
Thank you.
54
00:01:47,017 --> 00:01:48,932
Can I speak to
Chloe Brown Mueller?
55
00:01:48,933 --> 00:01:50,474
She's eating her lunch
right now,
56
00:01:50,475 --> 00:01:51,891
and she doesn't like to be--
Maria, who is that?!
57
00:01:51,892 --> 00:01:53,682
I told you to never
reveal details
58
00:01:53,683 --> 00:01:54,891
about my private life.
59
00:01:54,892 --> 00:01:56,766
Ugh, I forgot
after I haven't
60
00:01:56,767 --> 00:01:57,891
seen you in a while
how rough you look.
61
00:01:57,892 --> 00:01:59,016
Get out of here.
62
00:01:59,017 --> 00:02:01,266
Oh, hi, Anna-Kat.
How can I help you?
63
00:02:01,267 --> 00:02:03,724
Okay, first,
64
00:02:03,725 --> 00:02:06,182
you need
to compliment the store.
65
00:02:06,183 --> 00:02:08,391
What beautiful wares
you have here.
66
00:02:08,392 --> 00:02:10,099
Finally,
67
00:02:10,100 --> 00:02:13,099
someone with a good eye
for wares.
68
00:02:15,433 --> 00:02:19,016
Then you need to say something
nice about Chloe's looks.
69
00:02:19,017 --> 00:02:21,057
I love that haircut.
70
00:02:21,058 --> 00:02:22,724
It frames your face
perfectly.
71
00:02:22,725 --> 00:02:25,557
And makes my cheekbones look
like Keith Urban's.
72
00:02:25,558 --> 00:02:28,474
It does.
73
00:02:28,475 --> 00:02:31,474
Then take a random shot
at Maria.
74
00:02:31,475 --> 00:02:34,682
Maria, there is such a thing
as teeth-whitening strips.
75
00:02:34,683 --> 00:02:36,682
Good one, Anna-Kat!
76
00:02:36,683 --> 00:02:38,224
Up top.
77
00:02:39,975 --> 00:02:42,641
Once the table's set...
78
00:02:42,642 --> 00:02:45,432
then you make the ask.
79
00:02:45,433 --> 00:02:47,099
Oh, I was wondering.
80
00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:48,557
Can my mom please use
the Carson House
81
00:02:48,558 --> 00:02:50,016
for the Spring Gala?
82
00:02:50,017 --> 00:02:52,891
Aww. You tell your mama
that I hate her guts
83
00:02:52,892 --> 00:02:54,307
and then laugh at her
like this.
84
00:02:55,933 --> 00:02:57,474
She hates your guts.
85
00:03:07,808 --> 00:03:11,224
{\an8}I need that venue.
86
00:03:11,225 --> 00:03:13,932
{\an8}Of all people, it had to be
Chloe Brown Mueller.
87
00:03:13,933 --> 00:03:15,432
{\an8}Well, you got to come up
with something.
88
00:03:15,433 --> 00:03:16,641
{\an8}The Gala's just
two months away.
89
00:03:16,642 --> 00:03:17,766
Can you stop
screaming at me?
90
00:03:17,767 --> 00:03:18,932
I'm not screaming
at you.
91
00:03:18,933 --> 00:03:20,349
You're totally screaming.
Doris?
92
00:03:20,350 --> 00:03:21,724
Yeah, you're making
a scene.
Mm-hmm.
93
00:03:21,725 --> 00:03:23,057
{\an8}Ugh, I hate it
when you guys do that
94
00:03:23,058 --> 00:03:24,641
{\an8}"You're screaming" thing
when I'm not screaming.
95
00:03:24,642 --> 00:03:25,849
It drives me crazy!
96
00:03:25,850 --> 00:03:27,266
{\an8}Okay.
Now you're screaming.
97
00:03:27,267 --> 00:03:29,974
{\an8}You sent in a child
to do an assassin's work.
98
00:03:29,975 --> 00:03:33,016
{\an8}Why not have Angela go
full-on lawyer on Chloe's ass?
99
00:03:33,017 --> 00:03:34,307
{\an8}Rough her up a bit.
100
00:03:34,308 --> 00:03:35,932
{\an8}I have her threaten people
all the time.
101
00:03:35,933 --> 00:03:37,724
{\an8}What's that word you use
to intimidate people?
102
00:03:37,725 --> 00:03:39,432
{\an8}It sounds dirty?
Penal code?
103
00:03:39,433 --> 00:03:40,516
{\an8}That's the one.
Yeah.
104
00:03:40,517 --> 00:03:42,016
{\an8}Do you really think
105
00:03:42,017 --> 00:03:44,099
{\an8}that you can intimidate
Chloe Brown Mueller?
106
00:03:44,100 --> 00:03:46,849
{\an8}I could do it in my sleep.
107
00:03:46,850 --> 00:03:49,599
{\an8}I checked
the deed on your shop
108
00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:50,891
{\an8}and there are some issues.
109
00:03:50,892 --> 00:03:52,349
{\an8}You have an easement running
through your property.
110
00:03:52,350 --> 00:03:54,724
{\an8}Also, a problem with
your grantor-grantee index.
111
00:03:54,725 --> 00:03:56,099
{\an8}And no permit
for the add-on
112
00:03:56,100 --> 00:03:57,516
that encroaches
on city property.
113
00:03:57,517 --> 00:03:59,724
That's bad.
114
00:03:59,725 --> 00:04:01,266
{\an8}Wow!
115
00:04:01,267 --> 00:04:03,391
{\an8}Could you intimidate
the guy at Yogurtland?
116
00:04:03,392 --> 00:04:05,849
{\an8}He keeps calling me out
for putting on extra toppings
117
00:04:05,850 --> 00:04:07,849
{\an8}after he's already
weighed it.
118
00:04:11,475 --> 00:04:13,641
Right this way.
There we go.
119
00:04:13,642 --> 00:04:16,641
Oh, my God.
My dad is filling in for Sandy.
120
00:04:16,642 --> 00:04:18,182
Go ahead.
121
00:04:18,183 --> 00:04:20,057
Are you upset because
he's the crossing guard
122
00:04:20,058 --> 00:04:22,182
or because he's wearing
a lady's vest?
123
00:04:22,183 --> 00:04:23,724
Remember last year
when we did
124
00:04:23,725 --> 00:04:25,891
the count-to-three rule
before you speak?
125
00:04:25,892 --> 00:04:27,432
It's back.
Safety first.
126
00:04:27,433 --> 00:04:28,766
Oh, no.
127
00:04:28,767 --> 00:04:30,224
No, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.
128
00:04:30,225 --> 00:04:32,516
Okay. Come on.
129
00:04:32,517 --> 00:04:34,349
Hello, everybody.
Hi.
130
00:04:34,350 --> 00:04:35,849
Why is he doing this
to us?!
131
00:04:35,850 --> 00:04:37,391
What?
It's not that bad.
132
00:04:37,392 --> 00:04:39,225
Imagine if it was your dad
out there.
133
00:04:42,392 --> 00:04:44,849
Why did you make me
do that?
134
00:04:44,850 --> 00:04:46,474
Has your dad ever been
a crossing guard before?
135
00:04:46,475 --> 00:04:47,474
Never.
136
00:04:47,475 --> 00:04:49,057
He's a natural.
137
00:04:49,058 --> 00:04:51,474
In all my years as an educator,
I've never seen his equal.
138
00:04:51,475 --> 00:04:53,016
Here we go.
139
00:04:53,017 --> 00:04:54,600
My lord,
he ZZ Top'd it.
140
00:04:56,350 --> 00:04:57,892
We have to put an end
to this.
141
00:05:00,267 --> 00:05:01,599
Hey.
142
00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:02,724
What do you think
you're doing?
143
00:05:02,725 --> 00:05:04,182
Chipping in,
giving back to the community.
144
00:05:04,183 --> 00:05:06,057
Well, knock it off.
Yeah, you're embarrassing us.
145
00:05:06,058 --> 00:05:07,766
Hey, the school needed
someone to help out,
146
00:05:07,767 --> 00:05:09,849
my work schedule allowed for it,
so I stepped up.
147
00:05:09,850 --> 00:05:11,266
Besides,
it's good for you
148
00:05:11,267 --> 00:05:12,599
to be embarrassed
every once in a while.
149
00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:13,516
Builds character.
150
00:05:13,517 --> 00:05:14,891
Just gimme the sign,
Greg.
151
00:05:20,058 --> 00:05:21,932
Is the baby sleeping
through the night yet?
152
00:05:21,933 --> 00:05:24,099
You'd have
to ask the night nurse.
153
00:05:24,100 --> 00:05:26,182
I put on a sleep mask,
pop two Ambien,
154
00:05:26,183 --> 00:05:28,349
and, just to be safe,
I crash in the pool house.
155
00:05:28,350 --> 00:05:31,307
Sometimes, I don't wake up
until it's time to come here.
156
00:05:31,308 --> 00:05:33,682
Hey.
157
00:05:33,683 --> 00:05:36,266
So, did you get
Chloe Brown Mueller
to bend to your will?
158
00:05:36,267 --> 00:05:37,724
I went over to her shop
to talk to her,
159
00:05:37,725 --> 00:05:38,849
you know,
play hardball?
160
00:05:38,850 --> 00:05:40,641
The thing is, she played
hardball right back.
161
00:05:40,642 --> 00:05:42,099
But you know what?
I don't give in.
162
00:05:42,100 --> 00:05:43,432
And she didn't, either,
163
00:05:43,433 --> 00:05:46,141
and, well, one thing led
to another.
164
00:05:46,142 --> 00:05:47,224
What thing led
to what other thing?
165
00:06:02,225 --> 00:06:05,141
Maria, you're not on break!
Clean it up!
166
00:06:09,975 --> 00:06:12,182
Are you being
serious right now?
167
00:06:12,183 --> 00:06:14,432
You hooked up
with Chloe Brown Mueller?
168
00:06:14,433 --> 00:06:16,016
In front of Maria?
169
00:06:16,017 --> 00:06:18,307
No, we just pre-gamed
at the shop.
170
00:06:18,308 --> 00:06:20,141
We ended back up
at my place.
171
00:06:20,142 --> 00:06:21,141
You know how
you're always telling us
172
00:06:21,142 --> 00:06:22,932
how selfish she is?
173
00:06:22,933 --> 00:06:25,391
That was not
my experience.
174
00:06:25,392 --> 00:06:27,057
Oh, my God.
175
00:06:27,058 --> 00:06:28,182
I want to know nothing
176
00:06:28,183 --> 00:06:29,557
and everything
at the same time.
177
00:06:29,558 --> 00:06:31,016
I can't believe
178
00:06:31,017 --> 00:06:33,266
you hooked up
with Chloe Brown Mueller.
179
00:06:33,267 --> 00:06:34,141
How does that
even happen?!
180
00:06:34,142 --> 00:06:35,557
Easy.
181
00:06:35,558 --> 00:06:37,474
She's a lonely Westport
housewife in crisis.
182
00:06:37,475 --> 00:06:38,641
It's kind of
my bread and butter.
183
00:06:38,642 --> 00:06:39,932
I'm glad you got
your bread buttered,
184
00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:41,391
but did you get
the contract signed?
185
00:06:41,392 --> 00:06:42,974
Oh, yeah.
That's why I was there.
186
00:06:42,975 --> 00:06:44,016
I forgot that part.
187
00:06:51,183 --> 00:06:53,349
Angela, I sent you
to rough her up
188
00:06:53,350 --> 00:06:55,016
and get
the contract signed.
189
00:06:55,017 --> 00:06:56,766
Well, I did
the first part.
Ugh.
190
00:06:56,767 --> 00:06:58,766
So, are you guys gonna be,
like, an item now?
191
00:06:58,767 --> 00:07:00,599
No.
Chloe and I both know
192
00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:02,182
it was
a one-and-done thing.
193
00:07:02,183 --> 00:07:04,099
I'm only asking because
here she comes.
194
00:07:04,100 --> 00:07:05,641
Hi!
Oh, my God.
195
00:07:05,642 --> 00:07:07,474
She stole my Tegan and Sara
sweatshirt.
196
00:07:07,475 --> 00:07:09,557
I feel like something magical
is about to happen.
197
00:07:09,558 --> 00:07:12,849
I thought you might be here
with your little breakfast club.
198
00:07:12,850 --> 00:07:14,932
Oh, please!
You have to sit here!
199
00:07:14,933 --> 00:07:16,682
Oh, thank you so much.
200
00:07:16,683 --> 00:07:19,974
I've worked up quite
an appetite.
Oh.
201
00:07:19,975 --> 00:07:21,974
So, did you tell them
about us?
202
00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:24,099
Oh, she told us
everything.
203
00:07:24,100 --> 00:07:26,766
And I just want to say,
you both look so good together.
204
00:07:26,767 --> 00:07:28,724
Seriously.
You both are glowing.
205
00:07:28,725 --> 00:07:30,099
Aren't they glowing,
Katie?
206
00:07:30,100 --> 00:07:32,307
It's hideous...
yet I can't look away.
207
00:07:32,308 --> 00:07:34,599
- Listen, Chloe.
- Yes, Angie?
208
00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:36,974
Angers? Angela!
209
00:07:36,975 --> 00:07:38,599
I'm just trying out
a few nicknames...
210
00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:39,724
Uh-huh.
...and I'll find it.
211
00:07:39,725 --> 00:07:41,057
Just like you found it...
212
00:07:41,058 --> 00:07:42,266
Mm.
...last night.
213
00:07:42,267 --> 00:07:43,349
Okay, well, listen.
214
00:07:43,350 --> 00:07:44,641
Can you sign
this contract
215
00:07:44,642 --> 00:07:46,391
saying that Katie can use
the Carson House
216
00:07:46,392 --> 00:07:47,682
for the Spring Gala?
217
00:07:47,683 --> 00:07:49,516
You know, normally,
218
00:07:49,517 --> 00:07:52,182
I would tell Katie
how much I deeply hate her
219
00:07:52,183 --> 00:07:54,724
and then I'd make some quip
about how her house
220
00:07:54,725 --> 00:07:56,474
could be brought to school
as a diorama
221
00:07:56,475 --> 00:07:57,974
because it's a shoe box.
222
00:07:57,975 --> 00:07:59,974
But this morning--
I don't know--
223
00:07:59,975 --> 00:08:01,766
I'm feeling good.
224
00:08:01,767 --> 00:08:03,891
Might have something
to do with...
225
00:08:03,892 --> 00:08:05,766
how you made me
feel good last night.
226
00:08:05,767 --> 00:08:07,057
Okay. Yeah, we know.
227
00:08:07,058 --> 00:08:09,016
You two are so cute!
228
00:08:09,017 --> 00:08:11,516
But the thing is,
229
00:08:11,517 --> 00:08:14,599
I have to scan the contract
and e-mail it for Stan to sign.
230
00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:16,099
Wait, you can't sign it?
231
00:08:16,100 --> 00:08:18,099
No, but I'll hear from him
as soon as he wanders
232
00:08:18,100 --> 00:08:20,099
into one of those
Internet cafes.
233
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:21,391
How long will that take?
234
00:08:21,392 --> 00:08:22,474
Could be weeks.
235
00:08:22,475 --> 00:08:23,766
You know what?
236
00:08:23,767 --> 00:08:25,307
I'm gonna go buy
something sweet...
237
00:08:25,308 --> 00:08:27,141
for my sweet.
Mm.
238
00:08:27,142 --> 00:08:28,599
Okay-- Oh.
That happened.
239
00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:29,516
Don't miss me too much.
240
00:08:29,517 --> 00:08:31,516
All right.
241
00:08:31,517 --> 00:08:34,141
Katie, I cannot deal with
a stage-five hetero clinger.
242
00:08:34,142 --> 00:08:35,932
I'm out.
What? No!
243
00:08:35,933 --> 00:08:37,516
Angela, you have
to stay with her
244
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:39,016
until Chloe gets
the contract signed.
245
00:08:39,017 --> 00:08:40,432
I really need this venue.
246
00:08:40,433 --> 00:08:41,766
And I'm having fun!
247
00:08:41,767 --> 00:08:43,599
She said it could
be weeks.
Suck it up.
248
00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:46,099
I have to sleep with Richard
until I'm 50.
249
00:08:46,100 --> 00:08:47,766
Why 50?
It was in the prenup.
250
00:08:47,767 --> 00:08:49,432
Also I'm only allowed
to gain 15 pounds.
251
00:08:49,433 --> 00:08:52,182
Angela, please.
I really need this venue.
252
00:08:52,183 --> 00:08:53,516
Fine.
253
00:08:53,517 --> 00:08:56,182
Oh, God.
Thank you.
254
00:08:56,183 --> 00:08:59,224
A chocolate angel
for my chocolate angel.
255
00:08:59,225 --> 00:09:00,432
Ooh.
256
00:09:00,433 --> 00:09:02,599
I am so glad
I woke up for this.
257
00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:04,266
Mm-hmm.
258
00:09:11,183 --> 00:09:12,725
Oh, my God.
He bought a whistle.
259
00:09:13,975 --> 00:09:16,350
Not all heroes
wear capes.
260
00:09:18,225 --> 00:09:20,099
Oh, Harriet.
261
00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:22,016
Let me help you with
that backpack.
262
00:09:22,017 --> 00:09:23,849
Whoa, is this a crosswalk
or a catwalk?
263
00:09:23,850 --> 00:09:25,807
Those are some great-fitting
jeans there, Steve.
264
00:09:25,808 --> 00:09:28,307
Gayle, what do you got?
265
00:09:28,308 --> 00:09:31,057
Ow!
266
00:09:31,058 --> 00:09:33,016
Franklin!
267
00:09:34,808 --> 00:09:36,432
Kid, are you okay?
268
00:09:36,433 --> 00:09:37,682
I think so.
269
00:09:37,683 --> 00:09:39,724
I wish there was somebody there
to stop me.
270
00:09:39,725 --> 00:09:42,224
Oh, my God. Franklin,
you have to be more careful.
271
00:09:42,225 --> 00:09:44,557
You need to stop
victim-shaming me, Mr. Otto.
272
00:09:44,558 --> 00:09:45,641
We'll take him to
the nurse, Dad.
273
00:09:45,642 --> 00:09:47,349
I think he'll be fine.
Okay.
274
00:09:47,350 --> 00:09:48,933
Anna-Kat: Here.
275
00:09:51,683 --> 00:09:53,224
Good acting,
Franklin.
276
00:09:53,225 --> 00:09:54,724
Thanks.
277
00:09:54,725 --> 00:09:57,057
I've been hit by cars
multiple times.
278
00:09:57,058 --> 00:09:58,683
I'm gonna need
your vest, Otto.
279
00:10:04,558 --> 00:10:06,307
And your gun.
280
00:10:06,308 --> 00:10:07,891
You didn't give me a gun.
281
00:10:07,892 --> 00:10:09,766
Oh, good.
That's good.
282
00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:19,557
Chloe?
Hi, guys.
283
00:10:19,558 --> 00:10:21,766
Welcome to Angela's.
Come on in.
284
00:10:21,767 --> 00:10:22,807
Shoes off!
285
00:10:22,808 --> 00:10:24,224
I'm gonna go grab
some wine.
286
00:10:24,225 --> 00:10:25,891
Okay.
287
00:10:25,892 --> 00:10:28,391
Why did you invite us over here
if she's here?
288
00:10:28,392 --> 00:10:30,599
Oh, I invited you here
because she's here.
289
00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:32,099
You two are my buffers.
290
00:10:32,100 --> 00:10:34,557
Hey, honey.
Where's the corkscrew?
291
00:10:34,558 --> 00:10:36,016
It's in the drawer
by the stove.
292
00:10:36,017 --> 00:10:37,807
Oh,
we are changing that.
293
00:10:37,808 --> 00:10:39,516
I can't be around her
by myself.
294
00:10:39,517 --> 00:10:41,099
What makes you think
she wants to be around me?
295
00:10:41,100 --> 00:10:42,057
She hates me.
296
00:10:42,058 --> 00:10:43,099
Then if you want
that venue,
297
00:10:43,100 --> 00:10:44,599
you need to find a way
to change that.
298
00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:45,891
Make nice with her.
299
00:10:45,892 --> 00:10:47,974
Ooh, Katie kissing up
to Chloe Brown Mueller!
300
00:10:47,975 --> 00:10:49,599
That sounds like
a fun show, too.
301
00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:51,057
I'm back!
302
00:10:51,058 --> 00:10:52,599
Oh. Great.
303
00:10:54,183 --> 00:10:57,057
Did you miss me?
'Cause I missed you.
304
00:10:57,058 --> 00:10:58,391
Um...
I did.
305
00:10:58,392 --> 00:10:59,307
Shut up, Katie.
306
00:10:59,308 --> 00:11:01,891
Chloe, listen.
307
00:11:01,892 --> 00:11:05,266
You make my best friend
very happy.
Aww.
308
00:11:05,267 --> 00:11:07,724
And I was thinking that
it would be for the best
309
00:11:07,725 --> 00:11:10,516
if you and I
mended our fences.
310
00:11:10,517 --> 00:11:13,307
I couldn't agree more.
311
00:11:13,308 --> 00:11:16,099
I've hated you
for so long...
Mm-hmm.
312
00:11:16,100 --> 00:11:17,641
...and I started
thinking about it.
313
00:11:17,642 --> 00:11:19,766
Why do I hate you
so much?
314
00:11:19,767 --> 00:11:21,141
Is it because
you're poor,
315
00:11:21,142 --> 00:11:23,432
because you're
tragically sloppy,
316
00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:25,974
or maybe it's those
wide hobbit feet?
317
00:11:25,975 --> 00:11:27,724
Mm-hmm.
And the answer is yes.
318
00:11:27,725 --> 00:11:30,057
It's all those things.
319
00:11:30,058 --> 00:11:32,182
And you act like
you hate me,
320
00:11:32,183 --> 00:11:35,974
but what's really going on
is you hate yourself.
321
00:11:35,975 --> 00:11:38,307
Yeah, it's just
my general appearance
322
00:11:38,308 --> 00:11:40,432
that has been
a real barrier between us.
323
00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:42,891
But if we're gonna
spend time together,
324
00:11:42,892 --> 00:11:44,432
I'm gonna introduce you
to something called
325
00:11:44,433 --> 00:11:46,016
a "drink coaster."
326
00:11:46,017 --> 00:11:48,224
'Cause I can't have those foam
beer sleeves
327
00:11:48,225 --> 00:11:50,141
just laying around
my house.
328
00:11:50,142 --> 00:11:51,307
All right, I'm gonna
grab some dessert.
329
00:11:51,308 --> 00:11:53,474
Yeah, you do that.
Okay.
330
00:11:53,475 --> 00:11:55,307
I'm clay! Mold me.
331
00:11:55,308 --> 00:11:56,474
All right!
332
00:11:56,475 --> 00:11:58,682
I can't do this.
Screw the Carson House.
333
00:11:58,683 --> 00:12:00,057
I'll just do it
at the YMCA
334
00:12:00,058 --> 00:12:01,724
and tell the intramural
basketball league
335
00:12:01,725 --> 00:12:03,682
that they can only have half
the court that night.
336
00:12:03,683 --> 00:12:05,307
Who's ready
for some dessert?
337
00:12:05,308 --> 00:12:06,891
Oh.
338
00:12:06,892 --> 00:12:08,724
Thank you.
339
00:12:08,725 --> 00:12:10,766
Oh, give me two scoops of that.
340
00:12:10,767 --> 00:12:12,682
Okay.
341
00:12:12,683 --> 00:12:14,766
I never want
this day to end.
342
00:12:14,767 --> 00:12:17,349
Here you go.
Now, this isn't for you.
343
00:12:17,350 --> 00:12:19,266
This is to teach you
some willpower.
344
00:12:19,267 --> 00:12:21,141
Okay, Chloe--
Oh, you know what?
345
00:12:21,142 --> 00:12:22,182
While I was
in the kitchen,
346
00:12:22,183 --> 00:12:24,474
Stan e-mailed me back
the contract.
347
00:12:24,475 --> 00:12:25,599
He signed it.
348
00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:26,932
Where is it?
349
00:12:26,933 --> 00:12:28,307
Oh, I just have to
print it out.
350
00:12:28,308 --> 00:12:29,932
I don't want to waste
another precious moment
351
00:12:29,933 --> 00:12:31,266
of your alone time
with Angela.
352
00:12:31,267 --> 00:12:32,557
E-mail it to me,
and I'll print it at home.
353
00:12:32,558 --> 00:12:34,016
No problem.
354
00:12:34,017 --> 00:12:35,849
You and Chocolate Angel
have a nice night!
355
00:12:35,850 --> 00:12:37,182
I'm coming with!
356
00:12:37,183 --> 00:12:39,099
Okay.
Ooh, yeah.
357
00:12:39,100 --> 00:12:40,641
Don't leave me.
358
00:12:40,642 --> 00:12:41,891
I can't take another moment
with her.
359
00:12:41,892 --> 00:12:43,557
Mnh.
Ha ha.
360
00:12:45,475 --> 00:12:48,349
So, should we retire
to the bedroom?
361
00:12:49,767 --> 00:12:50,891
Might as well.
362
00:12:55,058 --> 00:12:57,724
I've got the signed document
from Stan.
363
00:12:57,725 --> 00:12:59,974
The Carson House
is officially mine.
364
00:12:59,975 --> 00:13:01,349
Congratulations.
365
00:13:01,350 --> 00:13:02,849
At least you can show your face
at school.
366
00:13:02,850 --> 00:13:04,307
No one got mowed down
on your watch.
367
00:13:04,308 --> 00:13:05,641
Try to think
of all the kids
368
00:13:05,642 --> 00:13:07,724
who didn't get mowed down
on your watch.
369
00:13:07,725 --> 00:13:09,099
You don't get it.
370
00:13:09,100 --> 00:13:10,557
You've never been
a man of the vest.
371
00:13:11,558 --> 00:13:12,767
I should've been better.
372
00:13:14,475 --> 00:13:15,891
Wow.
373
00:13:15,892 --> 00:13:17,307
Dad is really
taking this hard.
374
00:13:17,308 --> 00:13:19,807
Did we do
the right thing?
375
00:13:19,808 --> 00:13:21,891
Hey, you two.
We did this for a reason.
376
00:13:21,892 --> 00:13:24,224
You want Dad out there
in that sash
377
00:13:24,225 --> 00:13:26,349
representing this family?
378
00:13:26,350 --> 00:13:27,599
Smarten up.
379
00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:28,807
Anna-Kat, we were--
380
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:29,766
- Smarten up.
- But we--
381
00:13:29,767 --> 00:13:31,016
Smarten up!
382
00:13:37,100 --> 00:13:40,224
I got the venue,
and Chloe's out of my life.
383
00:13:40,225 --> 00:13:42,516
Now all I need to do is
run away to Mexico
384
00:13:42,517 --> 00:13:45,266
and everything will be perfect.
385
00:13:45,267 --> 00:13:47,432
Gotta really throw this away.
386
00:13:47,433 --> 00:13:50,599
Nah.
I'll save it just in case.
387
00:13:55,308 --> 00:13:56,974
Chloe?
388
00:13:56,975 --> 00:13:58,807
What are you doing here?
389
00:13:58,808 --> 00:14:00,224
And crying?
390
00:14:00,225 --> 00:14:02,183
Angela broke up
with me!
391
00:14:03,892 --> 00:14:07,516
Oh, my God.
392
00:14:07,517 --> 00:14:09,682
Cradle me like
a baby bird.
393
00:14:09,683 --> 00:14:11,266
No.
394
00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:13,099
My wing is broken.
395
00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:15,432
Oh, God!
Your earrings are ugly!
396
00:14:15,433 --> 00:14:17,225
Ugh.
397
00:14:21,892 --> 00:14:24,099
I don't
understand what I did wrong.
398
00:14:24,100 --> 00:14:25,682
I mean, you know her better
than anybody.
399
00:14:25,683 --> 00:14:27,682
Did she say anything
to you?
400
00:14:27,683 --> 00:14:30,516
The connection we had
was so powerful.
401
00:14:30,517 --> 00:14:32,266
Why are you here?
402
00:14:32,267 --> 00:14:34,349
You must have plenty of friends
to talk to.
403
00:14:34,350 --> 00:14:35,641
I don't.
404
00:14:35,642 --> 00:14:37,307
I mean, I have my...
405
00:14:37,308 --> 00:14:39,932
hundreds of thousands
of Instagram followers,
406
00:14:39,933 --> 00:14:41,599
but they aren't
really friends.
407
00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:43,057
And then there's Maria,
408
00:14:43,058 --> 00:14:44,807
but she keeps changing
her phone number.
409
00:14:44,808 --> 00:14:47,599
She said that the phone company
has to do that every month,
410
00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:49,391
but that doesn't
make sense.
411
00:14:49,392 --> 00:14:52,849
Well, that is so sad.
412
00:14:52,850 --> 00:14:54,682
You know the best thing
for that is?
413
00:14:54,683 --> 00:14:55,807
A warm hug?
414
00:14:55,808 --> 00:14:57,307
No.
415
00:14:57,308 --> 00:14:58,891
Drinking by yourself
416
00:14:58,892 --> 00:15:01,391
at your own home.
417
00:15:01,392 --> 00:15:02,516
I'm so alone.
418
00:15:02,517 --> 00:15:03,516
No, you're not.
419
00:15:03,517 --> 00:15:05,349
I'm here for you...
420
00:15:05,350 --> 00:15:07,016
in spirit.
Wait, I--
421
00:15:16,808 --> 00:15:18,474
Greg, honey.
422
00:15:18,475 --> 00:15:20,557
I know you're upset
about the incident,
423
00:15:20,558 --> 00:15:23,349
but you are
a great parent.
424
00:15:23,350 --> 00:15:24,932
Our kids are lucky
to have you.
425
00:15:24,933 --> 00:15:27,099
That school is lucky
to have you.
426
00:15:27,100 --> 00:15:29,849
And besides, even if you
had hurt that boy,
427
00:15:29,850 --> 00:15:31,766
it's Franklin.
Thanks, honey.
428
00:15:31,767 --> 00:15:33,891
I'm gonna go watch videos
of three-legged dogs.
429
00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:36,057
Their can-do spirit
really cheers me up.
430
00:15:36,058 --> 00:15:37,391
But first,
I'll play myself out.
431
00:15:41,683 --> 00:15:43,516
Mom?
Mm-hmm?
432
00:15:43,517 --> 00:15:45,599
We might have had
something to do
433
00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:47,725
with Dad losing his position
as a crossing guard.
434
00:15:49,100 --> 00:15:50,557
They made me
go along with it.
435
00:15:50,558 --> 00:15:51,891
It was your idea!
436
00:15:51,892 --> 00:15:52,974
And it was
a damn good one.
437
00:15:52,975 --> 00:15:55,224
Guys, I am so disappointed
in you.
438
00:15:55,225 --> 00:15:57,516
I know that you didn't like Dad
filling in as crossing guard,
439
00:15:57,517 --> 00:16:00,141
but sometimes, even though
it's not good for you,
440
00:16:00,142 --> 00:16:02,642
you have to do what's good
for someone else.
441
00:16:04,183 --> 00:16:05,432
Damn.
442
00:16:05,433 --> 00:16:07,557
I just said something
that applies to me.
443
00:16:07,558 --> 00:16:08,974
You guys are going
to have to find a way
444
00:16:08,975 --> 00:16:11,391
to make this up
to your father.
445
00:16:11,392 --> 00:16:13,599
And I've got to go to
Chloe Brown Mueller's house.
446
00:16:15,392 --> 00:16:16,683
I don't know how
to play the piano.
447
00:16:24,642 --> 00:16:26,599
Why?!
448
00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:28,057
Chloe?
449
00:16:28,058 --> 00:16:31,016
Oh. Oh, hey.
450
00:16:31,017 --> 00:16:33,557
Okay. Talk to me.
451
00:16:33,558 --> 00:16:36,099
I'm here... for you.
452
00:16:36,100 --> 00:16:37,974
I don't know what I was doing
with Angela.
453
00:16:37,975 --> 00:16:39,974
My life used
to be perfect,
454
00:16:39,975 --> 00:16:42,182
and now everything's
upside down.
455
00:16:42,183 --> 00:16:44,224
Within months, I'm single.
Mm-hmm.
456
00:16:44,225 --> 00:16:45,599
I'm dating women.
Mm-hmm.
457
00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:48,391
And now, here I am,
with no one else to turn to,
458
00:16:48,392 --> 00:16:50,682
except you, my nemesis.
459
00:16:50,683 --> 00:16:52,474
Nemeses.
That's plural.
460
00:16:52,475 --> 00:16:53,599
Oh, I thought I had it.
461
00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:54,932
Look, Chloe.
462
00:16:54,933 --> 00:16:56,766
You've just hit
a rough patch,
463
00:16:56,767 --> 00:16:58,182
but you have so much--
464
00:16:58,183 --> 00:17:00,974
a house, a kid,
your shop.
465
00:17:00,975 --> 00:17:04,932
And a sexual future that is,
frankly, uncharted.
466
00:17:04,933 --> 00:17:06,599
You just doubled
your dating pool!
467
00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:08,474
No, but nobody wants me.
468
00:17:08,475 --> 00:17:12,016
My husband left.
I screwed things up with Angela.
469
00:17:12,017 --> 00:17:13,849
I mean, the only relationship
I haven't failed at
470
00:17:13,850 --> 00:17:15,307
is with
my cosmetic dentist.
471
00:17:15,308 --> 00:17:17,891
See?
472
00:17:17,892 --> 00:17:19,932
You didn't screw things up
with Angela.
473
00:17:19,933 --> 00:17:22,141
She was really into you
the first night.
474
00:17:22,142 --> 00:17:24,057
That's just what she does--
She's a one-and-done.
475
00:17:24,058 --> 00:17:26,391
Well, not with me.
We were 19-and-done.
476
00:17:26,392 --> 00:17:27,557
That's my fault.
477
00:17:27,558 --> 00:17:29,432
I wanted you
to sign the papers,
478
00:17:29,433 --> 00:17:30,849
so I forced Angela
to stay with you.
479
00:17:30,850 --> 00:17:32,349
The last 18 were on me.
480
00:17:32,350 --> 00:17:35,057
Wait.
So it wasn't my fault?
481
00:17:35,058 --> 00:17:38,057
It was her fault
and yours.
482
00:17:38,058 --> 00:17:39,849
Yes.
483
00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:42,599
That actually makes me feel
a little better.
484
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:44,224
If you think about it,
485
00:17:44,225 --> 00:17:46,807
I just did you a favor
by telling you.
486
00:17:46,808 --> 00:17:49,182
So... maybe you could
do me a favor
487
00:17:49,183 --> 00:17:51,182
and let me keep the Carson House
for the Gala.
488
00:17:51,183 --> 00:17:52,849
I could.
489
00:17:52,850 --> 00:17:55,599
But instead,
I'll just do this.
490
00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:00,516
Ya poor.
491
00:18:00,517 --> 00:18:02,807
Whoo!
She's back, everybody!
492
00:18:02,808 --> 00:18:05,266
Hey!
Your Gala's gonna suck!
493
00:18:14,892 --> 00:18:17,099
Okay, time's up.
494
00:18:17,100 --> 00:18:19,516
I gave you guys two days
to figure out a way
495
00:18:19,517 --> 00:18:21,516
to make it up
to your father.
496
00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:24,182
We figured out something
that Dad can do at school.
497
00:18:24,183 --> 00:18:25,641
It will make him happy
and, at least,
498
00:18:25,642 --> 00:18:27,308
he's not in view,
so we won't be embarrassed.
499
00:18:34,517 --> 00:18:36,349
As a friendly reminder,
500
00:18:36,350 --> 00:18:38,724
please do not leave
fish-based sandwiches
501
00:18:38,725 --> 00:18:40,807
in your lockers overnight.
502
00:18:40,808 --> 00:18:43,266
This has been
the morning announcements.
503
00:18:43,267 --> 00:18:46,557
Before I go, I'd like
to take a minute to tell
504
00:18:46,558 --> 00:18:49,891
my three favorite minutemen
to have a great day.
505
00:18:49,892 --> 00:18:51,474
Don't say our names.
506
00:18:51,475 --> 00:18:53,682
My main man, Oliver Otto.
507
00:18:53,683 --> 00:18:55,641
Oh, no.
My mom must have told him.
508
00:18:55,642 --> 00:18:57,224
He's getting revenge.
509
00:18:57,225 --> 00:18:58,974
Your voice changing is
just the beginning
510
00:18:58,975 --> 00:19:01,349
of your journey into manhood.
511
00:19:01,350 --> 00:19:03,224
You got too much heat
on you, man.
512
00:19:03,225 --> 00:19:05,724
I've gotta vámonos.
513
00:19:05,725 --> 00:19:08,224
My big girl, Taylor Otto,
514
00:19:08,225 --> 00:19:10,974
who still won't let me
give away her Barbies.
515
00:19:10,975 --> 00:19:13,017
Not cool, Mr. A.
He can't hear you.
516
00:19:14,475 --> 00:19:16,641
Not cool, Mr. A!
517
00:19:16,642 --> 00:19:18,849
And last but not least...
518
00:19:18,850 --> 00:19:19,891
Don't do it, Greg.
519
00:19:19,892 --> 00:19:22,849
...my baby girl,
Anna-Kat Otto.
520
00:19:22,850 --> 00:19:25,516
If anybody wants to see a slide
show of her baby pictures,
521
00:19:25,517 --> 00:19:27,474
it will be up all day
in the gymnasium.
522
00:19:27,475 --> 00:19:29,807
In all my baby pictures,
I'm wearing a helmet.
523
00:19:35,267 --> 00:19:37,557
Anna-Kat, you have
a huge knot under here.
524
00:19:37,558 --> 00:19:39,224
You can't just brush
the top of your hair.
525
00:19:39,225 --> 00:19:40,182
Yeah, yeah.
526
00:19:44,767 --> 00:19:45,932
Oh, my God.
527
00:19:45,933 --> 00:19:47,016
Chloe Brown Mueller says
528
00:19:47,017 --> 00:19:48,974
I can use the Carson House
after all.
529
00:19:48,975 --> 00:19:50,432
That's great, Mama.
530
00:19:50,433 --> 00:19:52,391
Why in the world
would she do that?
531
00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:54,142
She hates me.
532
00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:58,308
What did you do?
533
00:19:59,975 --> 00:20:01,891
Ow.
His ankle!
534
00:20:01,892 --> 00:20:03,932
Oh, what happened?
535
00:20:03,933 --> 00:20:05,557
He tripped over
your rug.
536
00:20:05,558 --> 00:20:07,057
It wasn't
properly secured.
537
00:20:07,058 --> 00:20:08,266
Of course it was.
538
00:20:08,267 --> 00:20:10,516
Maria! Tell them the rug
was properly secured!
539
00:20:10,517 --> 00:20:12,974
I don't
own this place.
540
00:20:12,975 --> 00:20:16,391
His father is a judge.
This is not good for you.
541
00:20:16,392 --> 00:20:20,307
How are we going
to make this go away?
542
00:20:20,308 --> 00:20:22,682
You little...
543
00:20:22,683 --> 00:20:25,182
She hates me.
544
00:20:25,183 --> 00:20:27,766
I'm raising myself,
and I love it.
545
00:20:34,725 --> 00:20:36,849
{\an8}Daddy's having
"Daddy time."
546
00:20:36,850 --> 00:20:38,266
{\an8}Bowel issues.
547
00:20:38,267 --> 00:20:39,349
{\an8}Correct.
548
00:20:39,350 --> 00:20:41,766
{\an8}Mama's gotta
"run a quick errand."
549
00:20:41,767 --> 00:20:42,724
{\an8}You're napping
in your car.
550
00:20:42,725 --> 00:20:43,849
{\an8}Yes.
551
00:20:43,850 --> 00:20:45,599
{\an8}Taylor has a "situation."
552
00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:47,141
{\an8}Tampon mishap.
553
00:20:47,142 --> 00:20:49,682
{\an8}Good job, sweetie.
I'm proud of you.
554
00:20:49,683 --> 00:20:52,057
{\an8}Fake praise masking
"real concern."
555
00:20:52,058 --> 00:20:54,016
{\an8}Okay, we're done.
556
00:20:54,017 --> 00:20:55,057
{\an8}You're cutting this
off short
557
00:20:55,058 --> 00:20:57,246
{\an8}because you think I
"know too much."
39518
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