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1
00:00:03,917 --> 00:00:05,332
Hey, Katie!
2
00:00:05,333 --> 00:00:06,999
Viv?
3
00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:07,999
How'd you get in?
4
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:09,332
Oh!
5
00:00:09,333 --> 00:00:10,541
I broke in
while you guys were away,
6
00:00:10,542 --> 00:00:11,999
called a locksmith,
pretended I was you,
7
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:13,291
and had a key made.
8
00:00:13,292 --> 00:00:14,332
It's not important.
9
00:00:14,333 --> 00:00:15,707
Mm.
Whatcha workin' on?
10
00:00:15,708 --> 00:00:17,041
Deciding on the best way
to keep you out--
11
00:00:17,042 --> 00:00:19,291
a guard dog or dig a moat
and fill it with carbs.
12
00:00:19,292 --> 00:00:21,457
You!
Mm-hmm-hmm.
13
00:00:21,458 --> 00:00:23,916
Ooh. Cursive.
What's this?
14
00:00:23,917 --> 00:00:26,666
These are the sample invitations
for the Spring Gala.
15
00:00:26,667 --> 00:00:29,166
I'm so sorry, but I cannot go
to your little Gala.
16
00:00:29,167 --> 00:00:30,791
I don't have any money
because of the divorce,
17
00:00:30,792 --> 00:00:32,499
and my new boyfriend
is a pig trainer,
18
00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:35,416
which is not
as lucrative as it sounds.
19
00:00:35,417 --> 00:00:36,874
You don't have to apologize.
You're not invited.
20
00:00:36,875 --> 00:00:38,957
It's a school function,
and you don't have kids.
21
00:00:38,958 --> 00:00:40,250
Well,
I might someday soon.
22
00:00:41,583 --> 00:00:42,582
What now?
23
00:00:42,583 --> 00:00:45,457
Things with Dirk
are amazing.
24
00:00:45,458 --> 00:00:46,749
Mm-hmm.
25
00:00:46,750 --> 00:00:49,041
Physically,
it's so gooood.
26
00:00:49,042 --> 00:00:50,249
Extra O's.
27
00:00:50,250 --> 00:00:51,874
Remember the over-share
conversation?
28
00:00:51,875 --> 00:00:53,041
This falls into that.
29
00:00:53,042 --> 00:00:54,416
Oh, right.
Mm-hmm.
30
00:00:54,417 --> 00:00:57,749
And so that's why I was thinking
about having a baby.
31
00:00:57,750 --> 00:00:59,417
Do you think
I'd be a good mom?
32
00:01:01,625 --> 00:01:03,666
You'd be... a mom.
33
00:01:03,667 --> 00:01:04,916
Right?
Mm-hmm.
34
00:01:04,917 --> 00:01:06,332
Mom!
I need you!
35
00:01:06,333 --> 00:01:08,082
I don't feel good!
36
00:01:08,083 --> 00:01:09,291
Viv raising a kid?
37
00:01:09,292 --> 00:01:10,749
I'm not sure
I could picture that.
38
00:01:10,750 --> 00:01:12,541
Why don't you just tell Oliver
your best friend's over
39
00:01:12,542 --> 00:01:15,166
and to shut up
and grow a pair?!
40
00:01:15,167 --> 00:01:17,874
Now I can picture it,
and it's not gooood.
41
00:01:17,875 --> 00:01:19,292
Extra O's.
42
00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:27,332
{\an8}What's wrong, honey?
43
00:01:27,333 --> 00:01:30,791
I'm achy and I'm freezing
and sweating.
44
00:01:30,792 --> 00:01:32,249
Can you get
the thermometer?
45
00:01:32,250 --> 00:01:34,457
{\an8}I have been a mother
for over 16 years.
46
00:01:34,458 --> 00:01:35,917
{\an8}I don't need
a thermometer.
47
00:01:37,449 --> 00:01:39,490
{\an8}Yep.
You got a fever.
48
00:01:39,491 --> 00:01:41,615
{\an8}Viv couldn't do that
with a kid.
49
00:01:41,616 --> 00:01:42,990
{\an8}Her face has probably
lost all feeling
50
00:01:42,991 --> 00:01:44,031
{\an8}from the cheek fillers.
51
00:01:44,032 --> 00:01:47,115
{\an8}Mama, my science project
is done.
52
00:01:47,116 --> 00:01:48,781
{\an8}You said not to wait
until the last minute,
53
00:01:48,782 --> 00:01:50,323
{\an8}but I did wait.
54
00:01:50,324 --> 00:01:51,865
{\an8}Looks like
you were wrong.
55
00:01:51,866 --> 00:01:53,781
It's finished?
Both sides?
56
00:01:53,782 --> 00:01:55,365
Oh, crap.
There's another side?
57
00:01:55,366 --> 00:01:56,990
Mm-hmm.
58
00:01:56,991 --> 00:01:59,782
I have to build a 3-D model
of a cell by tomorrow?
59
00:02:00,991 --> 00:02:02,448
I'm ruined!
60
00:02:02,449 --> 00:02:04,240
Mom, where's
my volleyball jersey?
61
00:02:04,241 --> 00:02:06,073
{\an8}First game's tomorrow,
and if I don't have it,
62
00:02:06,074 --> 00:02:07,990
{\an8}Mandy Ward
is taking my spot.
63
00:02:07,991 --> 00:02:09,323
She's already filling up
a C cup.
64
00:02:09,324 --> 00:02:11,031
She doesn't need anything else
to go her way.
65
00:02:11,032 --> 00:02:12,907
{\an8}Did you hang it up
like I told you to?
66
00:02:14,907 --> 00:02:16,990
{\an8}This is a disaster!
67
00:02:16,991 --> 00:02:18,240
It looks like
68
00:02:18,241 --> 00:02:20,198
{\an8}the dressing room attendant
at Ross up and quit.
69
00:02:20,199 --> 00:02:21,906
{\an8}Can you look for my jersey
while you yell at me?
70
00:02:21,907 --> 00:02:23,531
{\an8}I know your time
is valuable.
71
00:02:23,532 --> 00:02:26,406
The three of you have no one
to blame but yourselves.
72
00:02:26,407 --> 00:02:28,281
{\an8}Let me remind you that,
two Saturdays ago,
73
00:02:28,282 --> 00:02:31,365
{\an8}I tried to stop this very moment
from happening.
74
00:02:34,366 --> 00:02:36,240
Anna-Kat, you really need
to get a head start
75
00:02:36,241 --> 00:02:37,323
on this science project.
76
00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:39,948
Relax, nerd.
It's not due for two weeks.
77
00:02:41,116 --> 00:02:42,156
{\an8}I'm going to Cooper's.
78
00:02:42,157 --> 00:02:43,948
{\an8}You need to put
a jacket on.
79
00:02:43,949 --> 00:02:45,573
{\an8}You don't want
to get sick.
Oh, yeah?
80
00:02:45,574 --> 00:02:47,366
Did they cover that in your
fourth year of medical school?
81
00:02:49,366 --> 00:02:51,323
Ugh.
82
00:02:51,324 --> 00:02:52,531
You need to clean
your room.
83
00:02:52,532 --> 00:02:53,990
And hang up your jersey
so you don't lose it.
84
00:02:53,991 --> 00:02:55,990
Mom, if my messy room
bothers you,
85
00:02:55,991 --> 00:02:58,115
here's a solution--
don't go in it.
86
00:02:58,116 --> 00:02:59,990
Problem solver!
87
00:03:02,324 --> 00:03:04,740
You should have listened to me
in the first place,
88
00:03:04,741 --> 00:03:06,406
and the 10 more times
I told you after that.
89
00:03:06,407 --> 00:03:07,698
Greg?
90
00:03:07,699 --> 00:03:08,698
Your mother's right.
91
00:03:08,699 --> 00:03:09,948
When she tells you
to do something,
92
00:03:09,949 --> 00:03:10,990
you should do it
immediately.
93
00:03:10,991 --> 00:03:12,573
Thank you.
94
00:03:12,574 --> 00:03:14,490
By the way, I'm done
with my sample invitations.
95
00:03:14,491 --> 00:03:15,823
I assume
you've set up the printer?
96
00:03:15,824 --> 00:03:17,698
No, but--
Seriously, Greg?
97
00:03:17,699 --> 00:03:19,323
You've had two years
to set it up.
98
00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:20,865
I'm going to set it up.
You don't have to nag.
99
00:03:20,866 --> 00:03:22,032
I don't nag.
100
00:03:23,949 --> 00:03:25,281
Stop making
those dumb faces.
101
00:03:25,282 --> 00:03:27,781
If I were a nag--
which I'm not--
102
00:03:27,782 --> 00:03:30,448
it'd only be because
you all make me one.
103
00:03:30,449 --> 00:03:32,115
If you did what I told you,
104
00:03:32,116 --> 00:03:34,531
I would just be a sweet woman
offering gentle reminders.
105
00:03:34,532 --> 00:03:37,448
I want it on record
that we did not exchange looks,
106
00:03:37,449 --> 00:03:39,073
even though
you called yourself "sweet"
107
00:03:39,074 --> 00:03:40,531
and said your reminders
were "gentle."
108
00:03:42,324 --> 00:03:43,615
Laugh it up,
but the only reason
109
00:03:43,616 --> 00:03:45,156
why you're calling
for mommy right now
110
00:03:45,157 --> 00:03:46,531
is because none of you
ever listen to me.
111
00:03:46,532 --> 00:03:47,698
That's not true.
112
00:03:47,699 --> 00:03:49,199
Anna-Kat,
what did I just say?
113
00:03:50,907 --> 00:03:51,990
Greg!
114
00:03:51,991 --> 00:03:54,490
No, it's like this.
Greg!
115
00:03:54,491 --> 00:03:55,656
Okay, you know what?
116
00:03:55,657 --> 00:03:57,490
I'm tired of you people.
117
00:03:57,491 --> 00:03:59,615
I have given you my life,
my body,
118
00:03:59,616 --> 00:04:00,948
and my pottery studio.
119
00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:02,240
That's right.
120
00:04:02,241 --> 00:04:04,490
Your bedroom was going to be
my pottery studio.
121
00:04:04,491 --> 00:04:06,615
You're on your own.
I'm turning off the mom switch.
122
00:04:06,616 --> 00:04:07,781
But I need my jersey!
123
00:04:07,782 --> 00:04:08,948
What do I do
about my model?
124
00:04:08,949 --> 00:04:10,448
But my cold sweats--
Mom!
125
00:04:10,449 --> 00:04:12,115
No Mom here.
126
00:04:12,116 --> 00:04:14,281
Just a childless woman
without a printer
127
00:04:14,282 --> 00:04:17,615
or a place to glaze
my whimsical pinch-pots.
128
00:04:17,616 --> 00:04:18,656
Where are you going?
129
00:04:18,657 --> 00:04:20,073
Out.
130
00:04:20,074 --> 00:04:22,573
And by the time I get back,
that printer better be working.
131
00:04:22,574 --> 00:04:23,865
Well, I can't deal with the kids
132
00:04:23,866 --> 00:04:25,365
and set up the printer
at the same time.
133
00:04:25,366 --> 00:04:27,365
Every day,
I figure out
134
00:04:27,366 --> 00:04:29,281
how to make breakfast,
pack lunches,
135
00:04:29,282 --> 00:04:30,781
clean the house,
do the laundry,
136
00:04:30,782 --> 00:04:32,073
grocery shop, make dinner,
137
00:04:32,074 --> 00:04:34,031
and vote for Team Blake
on "The Voice"
138
00:04:34,032 --> 00:04:35,615
while taking care
of our children.
139
00:04:35,616 --> 00:04:38,073
I have complete confidence
that you can manage
140
00:04:38,074 --> 00:04:41,740
the kids and the printer
at the same time.
141
00:04:41,741 --> 00:04:43,281
I fold the laundry sometimes.
142
00:04:43,282 --> 00:04:45,281
Not well!
143
00:04:50,532 --> 00:04:52,948
Look at you guys,
so happy
144
00:04:52,949 --> 00:04:54,573
despite not knowing
your best angles.
145
00:04:54,574 --> 00:04:58,948
I see this and know,
if you can do it, I totally can.
146
00:04:58,949 --> 00:05:00,656
Mm.
Being a mom is hard.
147
00:05:00,657 --> 00:05:01,615
I just make it look easy.
148
00:05:01,616 --> 00:05:02,906
No, you don't.
149
00:05:02,907 --> 00:05:04,323
It obviously takes
a lot of effort.
150
00:05:04,324 --> 00:05:06,406
That's why you're always
in your yard-work clothes.
151
00:05:06,407 --> 00:05:08,823
But I really think
I'm ready.
152
00:05:08,824 --> 00:05:11,240
Ignore the slam, and you could
kill two birds with one stone.
153
00:05:11,241 --> 00:05:12,281
Let's see.
154
00:05:12,282 --> 00:05:14,031
Why don't you get
some hands-on practice
155
00:05:14,032 --> 00:05:16,198
by watching my precious,
little angels while I'm out?
156
00:05:16,199 --> 00:05:18,323
Oh, my God.
I would love to.
157
00:05:18,324 --> 00:05:19,906
How often do I have to let them
outside to pee?
158
00:05:19,907 --> 00:05:21,615
They can pee on their own.
159
00:05:21,616 --> 00:05:23,115
If anything
should come up
160
00:05:23,116 --> 00:05:24,948
or you feel like
you need to call me, don't.
161
00:05:24,949 --> 00:05:26,406
Where are you going?
162
00:05:26,407 --> 00:05:28,031
My happy place.
163
00:05:28,032 --> 00:05:30,115
Orlando?
164
00:05:30,116 --> 00:05:32,074
Aww.
People like you love it there.
165
00:05:39,324 --> 00:05:42,490
Welcome to Hideaway.
Can I help you find anything?
166
00:05:43,741 --> 00:05:46,074
Just the spark of life
I used to have.
167
00:05:49,532 --> 00:05:51,073
Have a sample.
Don't be shy.
168
00:05:51,074 --> 00:05:53,656
Oh.
You must be new.
169
00:05:53,657 --> 00:05:55,240
Uh...
170
00:06:02,699 --> 00:06:04,573
The mom switch is off.
171
00:06:04,574 --> 00:06:06,490
My phone ringer is off.
172
00:06:06,491 --> 00:06:08,573
What else should be off?
173
00:06:10,574 --> 00:06:12,116
There ya go.
174
00:06:17,991 --> 00:06:20,573
Excuse me.
That's my seat.
175
00:06:20,574 --> 00:06:22,241
I don't see
your name on it.
176
00:06:23,866 --> 00:06:27,448
Hitting other
people's children is wrong.
177
00:06:27,449 --> 00:06:28,781
Hey!
You two.
178
00:06:28,782 --> 00:06:30,156
Get out of here, or I'm gonna
tell your parents
179
00:06:30,157 --> 00:06:31,615
I caught you touching
the mannequins
180
00:06:31,616 --> 00:06:33,156
in their
bathing-suit area.
181
00:06:35,116 --> 00:06:37,240
Ah! Adam, thank God
you're working today.
182
00:06:37,241 --> 00:06:39,865
I wouldn't normally be,
but I'm filling in for Heather.
183
00:06:39,866 --> 00:06:41,656
Her grandmother's
in the hospital again.
184
00:06:41,657 --> 00:06:43,448
Either live or die, lady.
Make a decision.
185
00:06:43,449 --> 00:06:44,948
Ohh.
Heather's the worst.
186
00:06:44,949 --> 00:06:46,198
She always gives me a look
187
00:06:46,199 --> 00:06:47,990
when I don't donate
to charity at checkout.
188
00:06:47,991 --> 00:06:49,407
Ugh.
Stupid Heather.
189
00:06:49,941 --> 00:06:52,815
So, what can I do
to make your life better today?
190
00:06:52,816 --> 00:06:56,190
Oh, Adam, you're my perfect
Hideaway husband.
191
00:06:56,191 --> 00:06:57,940
I have
some sample invitations
192
00:06:57,941 --> 00:06:59,773
that I need to print out
for the Spring Gala.
193
00:06:59,774 --> 00:07:01,398
I'm the Gala Chairwoman.
194
00:07:01,399 --> 00:07:02,773
Whoa.
Hm.
195
00:07:02,774 --> 00:07:05,065
I heard the woman
who chaired the Gala last year
196
00:07:05,066 --> 00:07:06,690
got so overwhelmed
by the work and the pressure
197
00:07:06,691 --> 00:07:07,940
that she stripped naked
198
00:07:07,941 --> 00:07:09,981
and started pelting people
with cans of tuna.
199
00:07:09,982 --> 00:07:12,106
No, she just yelled
at a shrimp tower.
200
00:07:12,107 --> 00:07:14,523
Oh, well,
that's less fun.
Mm-hmm.
201
00:07:14,524 --> 00:07:15,856
Well, I can't have you
going crazy,
202
00:07:15,857 --> 00:07:17,606
so let me help you
with your invitations.
203
00:07:17,607 --> 00:07:19,106
What's the theme?
Bollywood.
204
00:07:19,107 --> 00:07:20,648
The drama!
205
00:07:20,649 --> 00:07:21,981
The romance!
The dance numbers!
206
00:07:21,982 --> 00:07:23,565
Mm-hmm.
It's perfect.
207
00:07:23,566 --> 00:07:24,731
Oh, you know
what would be amazing?
208
00:07:24,732 --> 00:07:26,481
Nathan Fillion riding around
on an elephant?
209
00:07:26,482 --> 00:07:28,023
Shut up!
210
00:07:28,024 --> 00:07:29,148
That's exactly
what I was going to say!
211
00:07:33,607 --> 00:07:35,481
Okay, so tell me where
the printer's product key is
212
00:07:35,482 --> 00:07:37,023
and I'll read it back.
213
00:07:37,024 --> 00:07:38,940
Stop telling me
it's in the instruction book.
214
00:07:38,941 --> 00:07:40,565
I just told you
I lost the instruction book!
215
00:07:40,566 --> 00:07:42,191
Hello?
Hello?
216
00:07:43,441 --> 00:07:44,898
Gimme those invites.
217
00:07:44,899 --> 00:07:47,190
Okay,
they're all on... this.
218
00:07:50,149 --> 00:07:52,190
Hey!
That's it.
219
00:07:52,191 --> 00:07:53,315
I'm telling your parents,
220
00:07:53,316 --> 00:07:55,273
who, by the way,
are getting a divorce.
221
00:07:55,274 --> 00:07:58,023
And they're gonna say it's not
because of you, but it is.
222
00:07:58,024 --> 00:07:59,356
Let's go.
223
00:07:59,357 --> 00:08:01,065
I don't know
who their parents are.
224
00:08:05,566 --> 00:08:07,731
So many kinds of Cheerios.
225
00:08:07,732 --> 00:08:10,065
Normally, I'd text home
to see who wants what,
226
00:08:10,066 --> 00:08:12,856
but I'm gonna decide
what flavor I want,
227
00:08:12,857 --> 00:08:15,315
and I want... Very Berry.
228
00:08:15,316 --> 00:08:16,981
Can I eat this entire box
229
00:08:16,982 --> 00:08:18,273
and throw it out
before I get to a checkout?
230
00:08:18,274 --> 00:08:19,606
Let's try it.
231
00:08:19,607 --> 00:08:22,065
Oh, There you are.
Here's the update.
232
00:08:22,066 --> 00:08:24,606
Ugly people are breeding
at alarming rates,
233
00:08:24,607 --> 00:08:26,273
and they're all printing up
their baby announcements here.
234
00:08:26,274 --> 00:08:27,856
Ugh.
Oh.
235
00:08:27,857 --> 00:08:30,190
And Heather's grandma
pulled through.
236
00:08:30,191 --> 00:08:31,856
So annoying.
Yeah.
237
00:08:31,857 --> 00:08:33,981
Anyway, I bumped
a few orders down the list,
238
00:08:33,982 --> 00:08:35,065
and your invites will be ready
in 20 minutes.
239
00:08:35,066 --> 00:08:36,315
Can you wait?
240
00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:37,731
Yeah,
I think I can manage.
241
00:08:37,732 --> 00:08:39,731
Not in a rush to get home?
Not today.
242
00:08:39,732 --> 00:08:40,981
My kids
are driving me crazy.
243
00:08:40,982 --> 00:08:42,398
The boy is sick.
244
00:08:42,399 --> 00:08:45,481
And when he gets sick,
he gets really, really needy.
245
00:08:45,482 --> 00:08:48,191
I brought you some soup.
246
00:08:50,399 --> 00:08:52,273
This has carrots.
247
00:08:52,274 --> 00:08:53,690
I don't like carrots.
248
00:08:53,691 --> 00:08:55,065
My mom always
scoops them out.
249
00:08:55,066 --> 00:08:57,523
Well, then I can
scoop them out.
250
00:08:57,524 --> 00:09:00,690
Also, she puts VapoRub
on my feet.
251
00:09:00,691 --> 00:09:02,524
Uh-huh.
I can scoop out the carrots.
252
00:09:04,441 --> 00:09:07,690
And Anna-Kat has to make a model
of a cell for science class.
253
00:09:07,691 --> 00:09:10,566
And stress brings out
her mean streak.
254
00:09:13,024 --> 00:09:15,231
How about a cell
made out of papier-mâché?
255
00:09:15,232 --> 00:09:16,981
That's actually
not a terrible idea.
256
00:09:16,982 --> 00:09:18,690
Look at me,
solving problems.
257
00:09:18,691 --> 00:09:21,190
Mom of the year!
Now get to it.
258
00:09:21,191 --> 00:09:22,940
I don't know
how to papier-mâché.
259
00:09:22,941 --> 00:09:24,856
Well, I certainly don't.
260
00:09:24,857 --> 00:09:26,732
It's no wonder
your husband left you.
261
00:09:28,274 --> 00:09:31,190
And Taylor lost
her volleyball jersey.
262
00:09:31,191 --> 00:09:33,731
And when she gets under the gun,
she gets overwhelmed.
263
00:09:33,732 --> 00:09:36,273
I can't play
without my jersey,
264
00:09:36,274 --> 00:09:38,106
and-- and if I don't play,
we'll lose.
265
00:09:38,107 --> 00:09:39,981
This game sets the tone
for the entire season,
266
00:09:39,982 --> 00:09:41,565
and we won't win
a game all year,
267
00:09:41,566 --> 00:09:42,898
and it'll all
be my fault!
268
00:09:42,899 --> 00:09:44,565
It's gonna be okay.
No, it won't!
269
00:09:44,566 --> 00:09:47,065
Everyone will hate me!
Like, really hate me!
270
00:09:47,066 --> 00:09:49,065
And I'll lose
all my friends!
271
00:09:49,066 --> 00:09:50,648
Blonde to blonde,
you're failing me right now!
272
00:09:50,649 --> 00:09:52,273
I am doing
the best I can!
273
00:09:52,274 --> 00:09:53,440
Why are you yelling
at me?!
274
00:09:53,441 --> 00:09:55,106
I'm just matching
your energy!
275
00:09:55,107 --> 00:09:57,565
Well, at least you have
a husband to take care of them.
276
00:09:57,566 --> 00:10:00,023
Oh, Adam.
He can't even set up a printer.
277
00:10:00,024 --> 00:10:02,856
For two years, it has sat
in his office untouched.
278
00:10:02,857 --> 00:10:04,440
It's not a NordicTrack.
279
00:10:04,441 --> 00:10:06,023
It's a printer!
Set it up!
280
00:10:06,024 --> 00:10:07,065
Katie, come back to me.
281
00:10:07,066 --> 00:10:08,606
Oh, sorry.
Sorry.
282
00:10:08,607 --> 00:10:09,981
Today's about me.
283
00:10:09,982 --> 00:10:12,231
The mom switch
is turned off.
284
00:10:12,232 --> 00:10:14,023
And you left the flawless-skin
switch turned on.
285
00:10:14,024 --> 00:10:16,273
Oh, Adam,
I have loved you
286
00:10:16,274 --> 00:10:17,648
ever since the moment
I found out
287
00:10:17,649 --> 00:10:19,898
you weighed 300 pounds
in high school.
288
00:10:19,899 --> 00:10:21,898
Have I ever shown you
my excess skin?
289
00:10:21,899 --> 00:10:23,481
No.
290
00:10:23,482 --> 00:10:26,981
Greg, when were you and Katie
planning on telling me
291
00:10:26,982 --> 00:10:28,316
your kids
were completely horrible?
292
00:10:29,691 --> 00:10:31,940
Okay, you're about the 12th
person I've talked to.
293
00:10:31,941 --> 00:10:33,481
Do not transfer me.
294
00:10:33,482 --> 00:10:35,148
I've done all the steps--
295
00:10:35,149 --> 00:10:36,648
unplugged, replugged,
factory reset.
296
00:10:36,649 --> 00:10:39,148
I'm still getting
a J5 error.
297
00:10:39,149 --> 00:10:41,190
Well, I appreciate
that you're sorry to hear that,
298
00:10:41,191 --> 00:10:43,231
but I know the "I'm about
to transfer you" voice
299
00:10:43,232 --> 00:10:45,106
when I hear it,
so don't you--
300
00:10:45,107 --> 00:10:46,398
Main menu!
301
00:10:46,399 --> 00:10:49,315
Aah! Aah!
302
00:10:49,316 --> 00:10:50,774
Aah!
303
00:10:52,024 --> 00:10:54,856
You're gonna have
a J5 error in hell!
304
00:10:54,857 --> 00:10:56,440
It's so funny!
305
00:10:56,441 --> 00:10:58,648
Everyone says Katie
is the dangerous parent.
306
00:10:58,649 --> 00:11:00,481
Viv, I'm gonna go get
a new printer.
307
00:11:00,482 --> 00:11:01,648
You've got the kids.
308
00:11:01,649 --> 00:11:04,148
Wha-- I...
309
00:11:04,149 --> 00:11:04,898
Aaaah!
310
00:11:04,899 --> 00:11:05,981
Aah!
311
00:11:11,566 --> 00:11:13,566
Phew!
312
00:11:19,857 --> 00:11:21,648
It's Katie.
Leave a message.
313
00:11:21,649 --> 00:11:24,898
Katie, your kids are killing me
and your husband's gone crazy
314
00:11:24,899 --> 00:11:27,273
and there's no hired help
to yell at, so...
315
00:11:27,274 --> 00:11:29,148
can you call me back?
316
00:11:29,149 --> 00:11:30,482
Where are you?
317
00:11:32,566 --> 00:11:34,440
I don't see
why kids love this so much.
318
00:11:34,441 --> 00:11:37,481
If we are in Jurassic times,
where are all the dinosaurs?
319
00:11:37,482 --> 00:11:39,066
Katie, behind you.
320
00:11:40,316 --> 00:11:42,023
Aah!
Aah!
321
00:11:42,024 --> 00:11:43,273
Run!
322
00:11:45,066 --> 00:11:47,523
Oh, hey, Anna-Kat.
How's it going?
323
00:11:47,524 --> 00:11:48,940
Not good.
324
00:11:48,941 --> 00:11:51,231
Let me explain
how school projects work.
325
00:11:51,232 --> 00:11:52,273
Okay.
326
00:11:52,274 --> 00:11:54,190
I do a quarter of it.
327
00:11:54,191 --> 00:11:57,898
A parent gets fed up and does
the other three quarters.
328
00:11:57,899 --> 00:12:01,523
Okay.
Um...
329
00:12:01,524 --> 00:12:03,481
Mitochondria.
330
00:12:04,732 --> 00:12:07,023
Oh, I think I had that
in college once.
331
00:12:07,024 --> 00:12:08,940
Y-You drink cranberry juice
to get rid of it.
332
00:12:08,941 --> 00:12:11,398
I want Jell-O
with banana medallions.
333
00:12:11,399 --> 00:12:13,065
Okay.
Okay.
334
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:15,398
Um...
335
00:12:15,399 --> 00:12:17,315
I don't see any Jell-O.
336
00:12:17,316 --> 00:12:18,941
That's because
you have to make it.
337
00:12:20,524 --> 00:12:22,023
I can scoop out
the carrots.
338
00:12:22,024 --> 00:12:23,440
Ooh.
339
00:12:23,441 --> 00:12:25,316
That was your fault, Viv.
340
00:12:27,191 --> 00:12:28,981
Oh, my God.
Are you okay?
341
00:12:28,982 --> 00:12:30,773
This is what happens
when I get anxious.
342
00:12:30,774 --> 00:12:32,231
If you could just find
my jersey,
343
00:12:32,232 --> 00:12:33,231
everything would be fine!
344
00:12:33,232 --> 00:12:35,023
No, no,
you need paper towels.
345
00:12:35,024 --> 00:12:37,398
Just because you look
like a Chihuahua
346
00:12:37,399 --> 00:12:39,981
doesn't mean you have to have
the attention span of one.
347
00:12:39,982 --> 00:12:41,731
Now start helping me.
348
00:12:41,732 --> 00:12:42,815
Aah! God!
349
00:12:42,816 --> 00:12:44,523
That's so gross.
That's so gross!
350
00:12:44,524 --> 00:12:46,523
That's it!
That's it!
351
00:12:46,524 --> 00:12:48,773
That's it!
We're going back to your mother.
352
00:12:48,774 --> 00:12:50,731
Let's go.
Get in the car!
353
00:12:50,732 --> 00:12:52,231
Oh!
Oh, my God.
354
00:12:52,232 --> 00:12:55,356
I can't shield you!
I'm too pretty for this!
355
00:12:55,357 --> 00:12:57,731
I really am!
I'm too pretty for this!
356
00:12:59,691 --> 00:13:02,190
Oh, look, a mini WD-40.
357
00:13:02,191 --> 00:13:04,565
This is going to solve
so many of our problems.
358
00:13:10,899 --> 00:13:11,898
Ugh.
359
00:13:11,899 --> 00:13:13,606
I love it here.
360
00:13:13,607 --> 00:13:15,065
You can stroll around for hours
361
00:13:15,066 --> 00:13:16,774
while both helping
and neglecting your family.
362
00:13:17,816 --> 00:13:19,191
She gets it.
363
00:13:20,191 --> 00:13:21,648
Oh, I'm sorry.
364
00:13:21,649 --> 00:13:23,106
Katie?
365
00:13:23,107 --> 00:13:25,356
What are you doing
in my house of worship?
366
00:13:25,357 --> 00:13:26,981
Are you buying
a new printer?
367
00:13:26,982 --> 00:13:29,273
What is wrong
with our old new printer?
368
00:13:29,274 --> 00:13:31,148
I tried setting it up,
but the latest software update
369
00:13:31,149 --> 00:13:33,231
basically made it
incompatible with our computer.
370
00:13:33,232 --> 00:13:35,023
So we wasted 150 bucks
371
00:13:35,024 --> 00:13:37,148
because you didn't set up
a printer for two years?!
372
00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:39,148
- Is this guy bothering you?
- She's fine.
373
00:13:39,149 --> 00:13:40,190
I'm not talking
to you.
374
00:13:40,191 --> 00:13:41,815
Adam, this is Greg.
375
00:13:41,816 --> 00:13:43,731
Oh,
as in "husband Greg"?
376
00:13:43,732 --> 00:13:46,773
Mm-hmm.
He's buying a new printer.
377
00:13:46,774 --> 00:13:48,356
He couldn't get
the old one set up?
378
00:13:48,357 --> 00:13:49,815
Mnh-mnh.
Who is this?
379
00:13:49,816 --> 00:13:51,856
You had two years!
380
00:13:51,857 --> 00:13:53,981
That printer was in the box
for two years.
381
00:13:53,982 --> 00:13:55,648
She even couldn't print out
a single recipe.
382
00:13:55,649 --> 00:13:57,231
What's happening right now?
383
00:13:57,232 --> 00:14:00,148
Everything she does for you,
and you call her a "nag"?!
384
00:14:00,149 --> 00:14:01,940
I never called her a nag.
I said she was nagging.
385
00:14:01,941 --> 00:14:03,190
Oh, semantics!
386
00:14:03,191 --> 00:14:04,606
You are a saint.
387
00:14:04,607 --> 00:14:06,315
This woman is a saint!
388
00:14:06,316 --> 00:14:07,690
I got it from here.
389
00:14:07,691 --> 00:14:09,440
Oh, I printed out
your sample invitations,
390
00:14:09,441 --> 00:14:11,898
and I used a font
called "Samosas."
391
00:14:11,899 --> 00:14:13,106
Look at that, Greg.
392
00:14:13,107 --> 00:14:16,815
He was gone just a little less
than two years.
393
00:14:16,816 --> 00:14:18,356
Can we speak someplace
a little more private?
394
00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:20,481
Fine.
Thank you, Adam.
395
00:14:20,482 --> 00:14:21,523
A saint!
396
00:14:24,274 --> 00:14:27,898
You shared every detail of our
lives with the Hideaway guy?
397
00:14:27,899 --> 00:14:30,273
He has a name!
Adam.
398
00:14:30,274 --> 00:14:31,690
Adam something.
399
00:14:31,691 --> 00:14:34,606
Do you know
how infuriating this is?
400
00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:35,690
What are you doing?
401
00:14:35,691 --> 00:14:37,273
I don't know.
402
00:14:37,274 --> 00:14:38,690
We're fighting
in front of a bed.
It just felt right.
403
00:14:38,691 --> 00:14:39,940
Anna-Kat: Mama!
404
00:14:39,941 --> 00:14:41,273
Oh, Katie.
Thank God.
405
00:14:41,274 --> 00:14:42,606
How did you find me?
406
00:14:42,607 --> 00:14:44,231
Oh, it was easy.
407
00:14:44,232 --> 00:14:45,981
I called the cellphone people,
pretended I was you,
408
00:14:45,982 --> 00:14:47,148
got your password,
signed into your account,
409
00:14:47,149 --> 00:14:48,481
and searched for your phone,
and boom.
410
00:14:48,482 --> 00:14:50,315
But that's not important.
411
00:14:50,316 --> 00:14:53,440
Your kids need a mom,
and it is not me.
412
00:14:53,441 --> 00:14:55,523
Any chance you found
my volleyball jersey?
413
00:14:55,524 --> 00:14:57,565
Yeah, it's crumpled up
on the floor over there
414
00:14:57,566 --> 00:14:59,523
with my happiness
and any semblance
415
00:14:59,524 --> 00:15:01,356
of me having a life
outside you people.
416
00:15:01,357 --> 00:15:03,440
Ah. Oh, cool.
417
00:15:09,024 --> 00:15:11,190
Mom, did you accidentally get me
the drowsy stuff?
418
00:15:11,191 --> 00:15:13,356
No way.
I drugged you on purpose.
419
00:15:13,357 --> 00:15:16,606
Now close your eyes and let
the medicine work its magic.
420
00:15:16,607 --> 00:15:18,690
I need toothpicks
for Anna-Kat's project.
421
00:15:18,691 --> 00:15:20,065
Where are they?
Aisle J5.
422
00:15:20,066 --> 00:15:21,565
J5.
Mm-hmm.
423
00:15:21,566 --> 00:15:23,981
Now the world
is just messing with me.
424
00:15:23,982 --> 00:15:25,648
Now, relax.
425
00:15:25,649 --> 00:15:28,565
Your jersey
was on your desk chair.
426
00:15:28,566 --> 00:15:30,940
Then where did it go?
427
00:15:30,941 --> 00:15:32,856
It was on my chair...
Mm-hmm.
428
00:15:32,857 --> 00:15:35,106
...and then my chair
fell...
Mm.
429
00:15:35,107 --> 00:15:37,731
...and it knocked over
a Frappuccino,
430
00:15:37,732 --> 00:15:39,606
so I had to use my jersey
to mop it up.
431
00:15:39,607 --> 00:15:42,398
Where?
On the carpet?
432
00:15:42,399 --> 00:15:43,648
Did it stain?
433
00:15:43,649 --> 00:15:45,481
I knew you'd be mad...
Mm-hmm.
434
00:15:45,482 --> 00:15:48,440
...so I shoved my jersey
underneath my mattress
435
00:15:48,441 --> 00:15:49,565
to hide the evidence.
436
00:15:49,566 --> 00:15:50,856
It's underneath
my mattress!
437
00:15:50,857 --> 00:15:52,065
You did it, Mom!
438
00:15:52,066 --> 00:15:55,356
How is someone so cute
so disgusting?
439
00:16:04,066 --> 00:16:06,731
Parenting is not easy.
440
00:16:06,732 --> 00:16:08,273
Don't beat yourself up.
441
00:16:08,274 --> 00:16:09,565
You did your best.
442
00:16:09,566 --> 00:16:11,231
It's a tough gig.
443
00:16:11,232 --> 00:16:12,856
Well, not for you.
444
00:16:12,857 --> 00:16:15,023
Within five minutes,
you knew how to deal
445
00:16:15,024 --> 00:16:16,856
with every single one
of their problems.
446
00:16:16,857 --> 00:16:19,815
Sure, only because
I'm incredible.
447
00:16:19,816 --> 00:16:21,815
But not everyone can do it.
448
00:16:21,816 --> 00:16:23,356
And that is a good thing.
449
00:16:23,357 --> 00:16:25,106
You tried it,
it doesn't suit you,
450
00:16:25,107 --> 00:16:26,690
so now you know
you're one of those people
451
00:16:26,691 --> 00:16:28,690
that's just not meant
to be a mom.
452
00:16:28,691 --> 00:16:30,649
I think I'm pregnant.
453
00:16:31,941 --> 00:16:32,981
What?
454
00:16:32,982 --> 00:16:34,315
I'm two weeks late.
455
00:16:34,316 --> 00:16:35,940
Could it be perimenopau--
456
00:16:35,941 --> 00:16:37,482
Shut your whole mouth!
457
00:16:38,732 --> 00:16:39,815
What did the test say?
458
00:16:39,816 --> 00:16:41,773
I haven't taken one.
I'm freaking out, Katie.
459
00:16:41,774 --> 00:16:43,357
I'm freaking out.
460
00:16:44,607 --> 00:16:46,440
I need you to go get
a pregnancy test
461
00:16:46,441 --> 00:16:47,440
and meet us
over at the bathrooms.
462
00:16:47,441 --> 00:16:48,648
Really?
463
00:16:48,649 --> 00:16:50,565
Not for me.
For Viv.
464
00:16:50,566 --> 00:16:51,898
Oh.
Really?
465
00:16:51,899 --> 00:16:53,065
Mm-hmm.
466
00:16:53,066 --> 00:16:55,107
Oh, God.
467
00:16:56,774 --> 00:16:59,481
Aah!
Well...
468
00:16:59,482 --> 00:17:01,065
I'm not pregnant.
469
00:17:01,066 --> 00:17:02,190
Oh!
I knew it.
470
00:17:02,191 --> 00:17:03,731
You dodged
a huge bullet.
471
00:17:03,732 --> 00:17:05,440
Thank God.
472
00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:06,690
Viv...
473
00:17:06,691 --> 00:17:07,981
there's a "plus."
474
00:17:07,982 --> 00:17:10,106
Yeah, plus.
Good news.
475
00:17:10,107 --> 00:17:12,773
Mnh-mnh.
It doesn't go by your mood.
476
00:17:12,774 --> 00:17:15,690
Positive means pregnant.
477
00:17:18,149 --> 00:17:19,148
I'm pregnant?
478
00:17:19,149 --> 00:17:20,482
Mm-hmm.
479
00:17:25,357 --> 00:17:27,981
Sorry.
It says "press me."
480
00:17:31,149 --> 00:17:32,606
Today made me realize
481
00:17:32,607 --> 00:17:35,606
that I have no idea what to do
with a kid, and I never will.
482
00:17:35,607 --> 00:17:38,690
Just so you know, Viv,
before Taylor was born,
483
00:17:38,691 --> 00:17:41,481
I was exactly
where you are right now.
484
00:17:41,482 --> 00:17:43,523
Skinny
and super attractive?
485
00:17:43,524 --> 00:17:45,607
Well, yeah,
but I mean emotionally.
486
00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:50,106
I never thought
that I was mom material.
487
00:17:50,107 --> 00:17:51,440
That's right.
488
00:17:51,441 --> 00:17:52,898
When Katie
was 9 months pregnant,
489
00:17:52,899 --> 00:17:53,856
she looked
me dead in the eye and said,
490
00:17:53,857 --> 00:17:54,981
"I can't do this.
491
00:17:54,982 --> 00:17:56,606
It's all yours.
492
00:17:56,607 --> 00:17:58,773
Raise it.
Good luck.
493
00:17:58,774 --> 00:18:00,481
Call me if she becomes
a famous athlete
494
00:18:00,482 --> 00:18:02,940
so I can get in on
that endorsement money."
495
00:18:02,941 --> 00:18:04,773
But the minute
she held Taylor in her arms,
496
00:18:04,774 --> 00:18:06,065
that mom switch turned on.
497
00:18:06,066 --> 00:18:07,315
Knot.
498
00:18:07,316 --> 00:18:09,148
And today is a reminder
499
00:18:09,149 --> 00:18:12,648
that once your mom switch
is turned on...
500
00:18:12,649 --> 00:18:14,148
it's always on.
501
00:18:14,149 --> 00:18:16,106
Even when you're hiding out
from your family
502
00:18:16,107 --> 00:18:17,773
at your favorite
big-box retailer.
503
00:18:17,774 --> 00:18:20,399
But what if I don't
have a mom switch at all?
504
00:18:23,482 --> 00:18:25,441
I just--
I need a minute.
505
00:18:29,982 --> 00:18:31,648
"Press me."
506
00:18:41,232 --> 00:18:42,565
How are you doing?
507
00:18:42,566 --> 00:18:44,774
I've never been
more scared in my life.
508
00:18:47,316 --> 00:18:48,856
Can you help me find
my mommy?
509
00:18:48,857 --> 00:18:51,065
Oh. Um...
510
00:18:51,066 --> 00:18:52,898
Well, there's a security guard
over there.
511
00:18:52,899 --> 00:18:54,565
I'm sure
he can probably help you.
512
00:18:54,566 --> 00:18:57,190
No, the family rule is
if you ever get lost,
513
00:18:57,191 --> 00:18:59,273
go ask another mommy
for help.
514
00:18:59,274 --> 00:19:01,691
You think I'm a mommy?
515
00:19:03,191 --> 00:19:05,565
She thinks I'm a mommy!
516
00:19:05,566 --> 00:19:09,106
Yes, of course,
I can help you.
517
00:19:09,107 --> 00:19:10,981
You're so pretty!
518
00:19:10,982 --> 00:19:12,899
Do you think I'm pretty?
519
00:19:15,441 --> 00:19:19,106
I think we just saw Viv's
mom switch get turned on.
520
00:19:19,107 --> 00:19:20,315
How do you think
she'll do?
521
00:19:20,316 --> 00:19:21,565
Ugh.
522
00:19:21,566 --> 00:19:22,731
If that horrible troll
Heather
523
00:19:22,732 --> 00:19:23,690
can have four of them,
anyone can.
524
00:19:23,691 --> 00:19:24,691
Who's Heather?
525
00:19:25,899 --> 00:19:27,481
Oh, sorry.
526
00:19:27,482 --> 00:19:28,649
Wrong husband.
527
00:19:36,691 --> 00:19:39,815
So, you just let Greg
buy another printer
528
00:19:39,816 --> 00:19:41,356
that he's never
gonna set up?
529
00:19:41,357 --> 00:19:43,148
Don't you take
that tone with her.
530
00:19:43,149 --> 00:19:45,148
It was her only move.
The woman needs to print.
531
00:19:45,149 --> 00:19:46,565
We know.
532
00:19:46,566 --> 00:19:48,440
We've had to hear about Greg's
technical incompetence
533
00:19:48,441 --> 00:19:50,815
for the last two years.
534
00:19:50,816 --> 00:19:53,565
You've known about this
for two years?
535
00:19:53,566 --> 00:19:55,106
What kind of friends are you
536
00:19:55,107 --> 00:19:56,606
that you didn't step in
and do something?
537
00:19:56,607 --> 00:19:58,273
This woman is a saint!
538
00:19:58,274 --> 00:20:00,231
{\an8}Adam, it's okay.
They're the good guys.
539
00:20:00,232 --> 00:20:01,982
{\an8}Well, they should start
acting like it!
540
00:20:02,899 --> 00:20:04,606
{\an8}Wait.
541
00:20:04,607 --> 00:20:06,273
{\an8}You ordered the pancakes,
not the waffles.
Mm-hmm.
542
00:20:06,274 --> 00:20:08,231
{\an8}Where's that waiter?
543
00:20:08,232 --> 00:20:10,981
{\an8}Hey!
You!
544
00:20:10,982 --> 00:20:12,773
{\an8}This is not gonna be
a regular thing.
545
00:20:12,774 --> 00:20:14,440
{\an8}Yep. Yep.
Understood.
546
00:20:14,441 --> 00:20:16,106
{\an8}You need to apologize
right now.
547
00:20:16,107 --> 00:20:17,606
{\an8}She ordered
blueberry pancakes
548
00:20:17,607 --> 00:20:19,148
{\an8}with a dusting
of powdered sugar.
549
00:20:19,149 --> 00:20:20,566
{\an8}A dusting!
38994
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