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1
00:00:02,167 --> 00:00:04,666
Okay. Last chance to cram
before the test tomorrow.
2
00:00:04,667 --> 00:00:07,249
What are the periodic symbols
for table salt?
3
00:00:07,250 --> 00:00:09,625
S-A...L-T.
4
00:00:10,917 --> 00:00:13,874
I'm so glad Taylor and Ellen
are still friends.
5
00:00:13,875 --> 00:00:15,291
She is a hot girl's
parents' dream.
6
00:00:15,292 --> 00:00:16,499
There is no way
7
00:00:16,500 --> 00:00:19,166
Taylor is getting pregnant
hanging out with her!
8
00:00:19,167 --> 00:00:21,041
Yeah, the only trouble Ellen
might get into is exceeding
9
00:00:21,042 --> 00:00:22,832
the number of books you can
check out from the library.
10
00:00:24,500 --> 00:00:27,457
Do you want to come over on
Saturday for a Scrabble party?
11
00:00:27,458 --> 00:00:29,082
Uh...
12
00:00:29,083 --> 00:00:30,957
You could use the dictionary
and proper nouns.
13
00:00:30,958 --> 00:00:31,999
And...?
14
00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:33,666
Dirty words.
15
00:00:33,667 --> 00:00:34,625
I'm in.
16
00:00:35,708 --> 00:00:36,916
Um...
17
00:00:36,917 --> 00:00:38,707
Mr. and Mrs. Otto,
18
00:00:38,708 --> 00:00:40,624
is this almond milk
or regular milk?
19
00:00:40,625 --> 00:00:41,832
Regular milk.
20
00:00:41,833 --> 00:00:43,582
Can I use the restroom?
21
00:00:43,583 --> 00:00:44,833
Use the one upstairs.
22
00:00:48,167 --> 00:00:50,082
So...
23
00:00:50,083 --> 00:00:51,707
game night Saturday?
24
00:00:51,708 --> 00:00:53,332
Yeah, unless something
better comes up.
25
00:00:53,333 --> 00:00:56,416
Taylor, using Ellen as
a backup isn't very nice.
26
00:00:56,417 --> 00:00:57,874
I am trying to raise
27
00:00:57,875 --> 00:01:00,124
high-quality, non-sucky
human beings.
28
00:01:00,125 --> 00:01:03,541
Mom, I desperately
need these sneakers,
29
00:01:03,542 --> 00:01:06,416
so I'm gonna offer you a unique
opportunity to buy my love.
30
00:01:06,417 --> 00:01:08,832
Golden Goose sneakers.
Comfort.
31
00:01:08,833 --> 00:01:10,499
- Style.
- Sex appeal.
32
00:01:10,500 --> 00:01:12,499
We get it.
He wants the shoes.
33
00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:14,374
His grades have been solid.
How much are they, Oliver?
34
00:01:14,375 --> 00:01:16,750
A mere $480.
35
00:01:20,375 --> 00:01:23,124
Hey, Greg! I want a yacht!
What do you want?
36
00:01:23,125 --> 00:01:24,874
- I want a Lamborghini!
- I want--
37
00:01:24,875 --> 00:01:26,832
Okay, okay. I get it.
You can stop.
38
00:01:26,833 --> 00:01:29,666
No, it's still fun.
I want a diamond tiara!
39
00:01:29,667 --> 00:01:31,499
- Ooh! I want a scepter.
- We have scepters!
40
00:01:31,500 --> 00:01:33,416
Make sure you get one
with an ivory handle.
41
00:01:33,417 --> 00:01:35,457
- The others are garbage.
- Shut up, Cooper.
42
00:01:35,458 --> 00:01:37,416
The only reason
why you want these shoes
43
00:01:37,417 --> 00:01:40,416
is to impress your stupid
friends in this stupid town.
44
00:01:40,417 --> 00:01:42,374
Here's the contact info
for my dad's scepter guy.
45
00:01:42,375 --> 00:01:44,041
I'm AirDropping it to you.
46
00:01:44,042 --> 00:01:45,541
Oliver, the only way
you're getting these shoes
47
00:01:45,542 --> 00:01:46,791
is if you earn
the money yourself.
48
00:01:46,792 --> 00:01:47,957
And even if you did,
it would be insane
49
00:01:47,958 --> 00:01:49,957
to spend--
how much again?
50
00:01:49,958 --> 00:01:51,166
You just want
to make fun of me.
51
00:01:51,167 --> 00:01:53,291
No, no, no.
I really forgot.
52
00:01:53,292 --> 00:01:55,458
$480.
53
00:01:59,375 --> 00:02:01,832
On shoes!
We could wear them
on our private jet.
54
00:02:01,833 --> 00:02:02,999
Or we could take
the helicopter.
55
00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:04,249
Helicopter?!
We have a helicop--
56
00:02:04,250 --> 00:02:05,375
Say it and die,
Cooper.
57
00:02:14,583 --> 00:02:17,374
{\an8}How did I ever let you
talk me into these sneakers?
58
00:02:17,375 --> 00:02:18,707
They were BOGO--
59
00:02:18,708 --> 00:02:20,499
buy one, get one free
at Payless.
60
00:02:20,500 --> 00:02:22,249
Twinsies!
61
00:02:22,250 --> 00:02:25,499
I can feel the therapy bills
adding up with every step.
62
00:02:27,792 --> 00:02:29,541
- Howdy!
- Hi, Ellen!
63
00:02:29,542 --> 00:02:30,999
{\an8}Hey, Tay!
64
00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:32,832
{\an8}Ah, Taylor's popular friends.
65
00:02:32,833 --> 00:02:34,374
{\an8}Westport's future housewives,
66
00:02:34,375 --> 00:02:37,374
{\an8}or, as I call them,
The Blondetourage.
67
00:02:37,375 --> 00:02:39,291
{\an8}They're too young
to just call them bitches.
68
00:02:39,292 --> 00:02:41,999
{\an8}Tay-Tay,
that jacket is gorg.
69
00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:43,916
{\an8}Those jeans
are, like, beyond.
70
00:02:43,917 --> 00:02:45,457
{\an8}Oh, my God!
Thanks so much!
71
00:02:45,458 --> 00:02:47,082
{\an8}Come on, Taylor.
Do the right thing.
72
00:02:47,083 --> 00:02:48,916
Bring Ellen into the circle.
73
00:02:48,917 --> 00:02:53,291
Oh, no! The circle's closing!
Get in there, Ellen!
74
00:02:53,292 --> 00:02:55,291
{\an8}Is she checking
the bottom of her shoe
75
00:02:55,292 --> 00:02:56,832
{\an8}like she stepped in something?
76
00:02:56,833 --> 00:02:58,832
{\an8}Oh, God!
She stepped in something!
77
00:02:58,833 --> 00:03:00,207
{\an8}Do not smell it, Ellen!
78
00:03:01,417 --> 00:03:03,000
{\an8}Ohh... Ellen.
79
00:03:04,375 --> 00:03:06,499
{\an8}We're all hanging
Saturday. You in?
80
00:03:06,500 --> 00:03:08,666
Totally!
81
00:03:08,667 --> 00:03:10,416
What?!
82
00:03:10,417 --> 00:03:13,124
{\an8}Taylor, I thought that you were
gonna hang with Ellen Saturday.
83
00:03:13,125 --> 00:03:15,166
{\an8}I got a better offer.
84
00:03:15,167 --> 00:03:16,791
{\an8}I can hang out with Ellen
another night.
85
00:03:16,792 --> 00:03:18,499
{\an8}Her calendar
is wide open.
86
00:03:18,500 --> 00:03:21,082
Taylor, not only do you
live in Sucktown, but
you're its founder,
87
00:03:21,083 --> 00:03:23,082
{\an8}and you own the diner
over on Suck Street.
88
00:03:23,083 --> 00:03:25,499
{\an8}And you know how your
food tastes? It sucks!
89
00:03:25,500 --> 00:03:26,916
Can I dye my hair
blond again?
90
00:03:26,917 --> 00:03:29,332
What conversation
are you in?
91
00:03:29,333 --> 00:03:31,582
{\an8}Okay, let me rephrase--
Do you think
92
00:03:31,583 --> 00:03:34,416
{\an8}the founder of Sucktown
would look good as a blonde?
93
00:03:34,417 --> 00:03:38,374
See? Same conversation now.
Think about it.
94
00:03:38,375 --> 00:03:40,874
This town may have
corrupted my other two,
95
00:03:40,875 --> 00:03:43,249
{\an8}but I still have my baby.
96
00:03:43,250 --> 00:03:45,499
{\an8}Sweetie, I'm sorry
I didn't walk you in.
97
00:03:45,500 --> 00:03:47,999
- That's okay.
- No, it's not.
98
00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:49,416
Ever since you read
about electrical storms,
99
00:03:49,417 --> 00:03:51,291
you're scared to walk alone
in open spaces.
100
00:03:51,292 --> 00:03:52,832
I'm your lightning rod.
101
00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:55,124
I'm taller than you, and I've
got a mouthful of fillings.
102
00:03:55,125 --> 00:03:57,541
Yeah, but walking me in
is a lot of work for you.
103
00:03:57,542 --> 00:03:58,916
I don't mind!
104
00:03:58,917 --> 00:04:00,332
Oh, God, you're not
making this easy.
105
00:04:00,333 --> 00:04:02,541
Listen.
106
00:04:02,542 --> 00:04:05,124
I don't want you walking me
into school anymore.
107
00:04:05,125 --> 00:04:07,624
It's not you; it's me.
108
00:04:07,625 --> 00:04:10,582
Of course it's you.
You can't even read a clock.
109
00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:12,833
Okay. Lashing out.
I expected that.
110
00:04:15,083 --> 00:04:17,082
See you around.
111
00:04:22,042 --> 00:04:25,124
I have seen her through
all the tough times--
112
00:04:25,125 --> 00:04:27,082
the fear of water,
the fear of the basement,
113
00:04:27,083 --> 00:04:28,416
the ham-hiding.
114
00:04:28,417 --> 00:04:30,291
So that's why your couch
smells like that?
115
00:04:30,292 --> 00:04:32,416
No. Wish it were.
116
00:04:32,417 --> 00:04:34,832
And now she's tossed me aside,
like one of those husbands
117
00:04:34,833 --> 00:04:36,666
whose wives got them
through law school,
118
00:04:36,667 --> 00:04:38,249
and as soon as they
made partner,
119
00:04:38,250 --> 00:04:39,874
left them for
someone better.
120
00:04:39,875 --> 00:04:41,541
I totally did that
to Celeste.
121
00:04:41,542 --> 00:04:44,332
Man. She did not
see it coming.
122
00:04:44,333 --> 00:04:45,374
I like that side of you.
123
00:04:45,375 --> 00:04:46,499
On top of it,
124
00:04:46,500 --> 00:04:49,166
Oliver is becoming
more materialistic,
125
00:04:49,167 --> 00:04:50,999
and Taylor cares more
about dying her hair blond
126
00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:53,082
than her friend's
feelings.
127
00:04:53,083 --> 00:04:54,832
And I ordered salad
like a dumbass!
128
00:04:54,833 --> 00:04:56,791
Angela,
we're switching.
129
00:04:56,792 --> 00:04:59,041
No, you just took--
She just took my pancakes.
130
00:04:59,042 --> 00:05:00,291
Ha ha!
131
00:05:00,292 --> 00:05:02,124
Ugh.
132
00:05:02,125 --> 00:05:04,499
On the bright side, Taylor
does look better blond.
133
00:05:04,500 --> 00:05:06,624
Ugh! I hate how people
always think little blond kids
134
00:05:06,625 --> 00:05:08,332
are so cute
when it's just the hair!
135
00:05:08,333 --> 00:05:09,916
I mean,
Brittany Thompson's kids--
136
00:05:09,917 --> 00:05:12,457
have you looked
at their faces?
137
00:05:12,458 --> 00:05:13,624
Have you?
138
00:05:13,625 --> 00:05:15,166
Guys, focus.
139
00:05:15,167 --> 00:05:17,291
This town is messing
with my family.
140
00:05:17,292 --> 00:05:19,957
- What do I do?
- Take a page from Angela's book.
141
00:05:19,958 --> 00:05:21,957
Don't worry about
other people's feelings
142
00:05:21,958 --> 00:05:23,916
and just do whatever it takes
to get the results you want.
143
00:05:23,917 --> 00:05:26,457
But learn
from my mistakes--
144
00:05:26,458 --> 00:05:28,791
if you send someone a nude photo
and then ruin their life,
145
00:05:28,792 --> 00:05:30,749
whew, that sucker's
going viral.
146
00:05:30,750 --> 00:05:34,000
Mm. This one--
totally retro.
147
00:05:51,583 --> 00:05:53,082
Why don't I just
buy them for you?
148
00:05:53,083 --> 00:05:54,749
You can't be
my sugar daddy.
149
00:05:54,750 --> 00:05:56,749
I'm already riding bitch
on your Vespa.
150
00:05:56,750 --> 00:05:59,166
True, but you got to
step your game up, esé.
151
00:05:59,167 --> 00:06:00,957
I need my wingman
looking on point.
152
00:06:00,958 --> 00:06:03,582
My dad said if I can pay
for them, I can have them.
153
00:06:03,583 --> 00:06:05,541
I just need to find a way
to make some money.
154
00:06:05,542 --> 00:06:08,791
Don't get a job at, like,
a market and embarrass me.
155
00:06:08,792 --> 00:06:09,917
No, man, I would never
do that to you.
156
00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:16,041
Mom?
157
00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:19,082
Stop looking at
those expensive shoes.
158
00:06:19,083 --> 00:06:22,166
How do you know where I am?
Are you in the bushes?
159
00:06:22,167 --> 00:06:26,041
I'm not hiding in the bushes.
I've stopped all that.
160
00:06:26,042 --> 00:06:28,749
I'm tracking you with the GPS
on your phone, dummy.
161
00:06:28,750 --> 00:06:30,166
You spy on me?
162
00:06:30,167 --> 00:06:31,457
Why do you think
I got you a cellphone?
163
00:06:31,458 --> 00:06:32,791
To be nice?
164
00:06:32,792 --> 00:06:34,582
R-i-i-ight.
That never added up.
165
00:06:34,583 --> 00:06:36,458
Mnh-mnh.
166
00:06:38,125 --> 00:06:41,249
So, Anna-Kat,
how are things?
167
00:06:41,250 --> 00:06:43,707
I'm getting the house
ready for a tornado.
168
00:06:43,708 --> 00:06:45,541
You don't have to
worry about tornadoes.
169
00:06:45,542 --> 00:06:48,249
{\an8}Oh, yeah? Well, Mark Halloran
went out in a tornado
170
00:06:48,250 --> 00:06:50,624
{\an8}and got decapitated
by his own boot.
171
00:06:50,625 --> 00:06:53,124
Katie, I thought we got rid
of all the disaster books.
172
00:06:53,125 --> 00:06:56,374
I thought so, too.
I guess we missed one.
173
00:06:56,375 --> 00:06:58,749
Anna-Kat, where did you
find this book?
174
00:06:58,750 --> 00:07:00,332
Under my pillow.
175
00:07:00,333 --> 00:07:01,874
Under your pillow?!
176
00:07:01,875 --> 00:07:03,750
That's why we couldn't find it.
It was hidden.
177
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:07,249
Honey, you don't
need to do that.
178
00:07:07,250 --> 00:07:10,042
Mama is always going to
be here to protect you.
179
00:07:12,333 --> 00:07:14,666
How did this book
get under her pillow?
180
00:07:14,667 --> 00:07:17,457
Okay. I planted it so
Anna-Kat would need me again.
181
00:07:17,458 --> 00:07:19,541
Is that bad mothering?
Probably.
182
00:07:19,542 --> 00:07:23,041
Mama, maybe we should go back
to holding hands in open areas
183
00:07:23,042 --> 00:07:24,374
so I don't fly away.
184
00:07:24,375 --> 00:07:25,874
You're right.
185
00:07:25,875 --> 00:07:28,332
If Dorothy would've just
held onto Auntie Em's hand,
186
00:07:28,333 --> 00:07:30,291
all of that mess
could've been avoided.
187
00:07:30,292 --> 00:07:32,207
And that's a fact.
188
00:07:39,750 --> 00:07:43,291
Hey, Mom. Cute outfit.
You're looking hot today!
189
00:07:43,292 --> 00:07:44,832
She's just giving you
compliments
190
00:07:44,833 --> 00:07:46,291
because she wants
something from you.
191
00:07:46,292 --> 00:07:47,874
No, I'm not!
192
00:07:47,875 --> 00:07:51,124
Totally unrelated--
can I dye my hair blond?
193
00:07:51,125 --> 00:07:53,041
Remember how awesome
I looked?
194
00:07:53,042 --> 00:07:55,124
Taylor does look good
with blond hair,
195
00:07:55,125 --> 00:07:57,416
just like those
rat-faced Thompson kids.
196
00:07:57,417 --> 00:08:00,374
But in parenting, no one
gets something for nothing.
197
00:08:00,375 --> 00:08:02,374
Okay.
198
00:08:02,375 --> 00:08:04,374
You can dye
your hair blond.
199
00:08:04,375 --> 00:08:05,916
What? Really?!
200
00:08:05,917 --> 00:08:07,332
- That worked?
- Mm-hmm.
201
00:08:07,333 --> 00:08:09,832
Mom, are you using
a new night cream?
202
00:08:09,833 --> 00:08:11,166
Because your skin
is aye-yie-yie.
203
00:08:11,167 --> 00:08:12,833
I'm not buying you
those shoes.
204
00:08:13,875 --> 00:08:15,666
You can dye your hair blond
205
00:08:15,667 --> 00:08:19,082
only if you start making
more adult decisions,
206
00:08:19,083 --> 00:08:21,916
such as being nicer
to old friends.
207
00:08:21,917 --> 00:08:23,832
Got it. When an
opportunity comes up,
208
00:08:23,833 --> 00:08:25,291
I'll be nicer
to an old friend.
209
00:08:25,292 --> 00:08:27,250
But an opportunity
has come up.
210
00:08:29,750 --> 00:08:32,416
Ahh.
Love you, old buddy!
211
00:08:32,417 --> 00:08:36,374
No, Taylor. Think.
Friends...
212
00:08:36,375 --> 00:08:38,791
Ellen... Saturday.
213
00:08:38,792 --> 00:08:40,666
Ellen...
214
00:08:40,667 --> 00:08:42,000
Saturday...
215
00:08:43,292 --> 00:08:44,958
This is something.
216
00:08:46,292 --> 00:08:48,207
Oh! Ellen.
217
00:08:48,208 --> 00:08:50,916
I was wrong to ditch her
after I made plans with her.
218
00:08:50,917 --> 00:08:52,749
So instead of hanging
219
00:08:52,750 --> 00:08:55,541
with Summit, Londyn,
and Zola tonight,
220
00:08:55,542 --> 00:08:57,042
you'll hang with...
221
00:08:58,625 --> 00:09:00,291
...ELLLL...
222
00:09:00,292 --> 00:09:01,791
I'll hang out
with Ellen.
223
00:09:01,792 --> 00:09:04,332
Because of that
un-Westport response,
224
00:09:04,333 --> 00:09:06,249
you can dye
your hair blond.
225
00:09:06,250 --> 00:09:08,000
Thank you!
226
00:09:12,625 --> 00:09:14,499
There's no way you're
blowing off that party.
227
00:09:14,500 --> 00:09:17,416
Duh. The girls and I
came up with a genius plan,
228
00:09:17,417 --> 00:09:18,707
so Mom will never know.
229
00:09:18,708 --> 00:09:21,166
The last time you came up
with a "genius plan,"
230
00:09:21,167 --> 00:09:23,457
you crushed up Cheetos
and put them in your soup.
231
00:09:23,458 --> 00:09:26,457
I say I'm hanging at Ellen's.
Zola says she's at our house.
232
00:09:26,458 --> 00:09:28,166
Summit says
she's at Zola's.
233
00:09:28,167 --> 00:09:29,624
And Londyn will say
she's at Summit's.
234
00:09:29,625 --> 00:09:31,249
It's the perfect crime.
235
00:09:31,250 --> 00:09:33,208
You're as dumb
as your friends' names.
236
00:09:34,375 --> 00:09:36,791
Mom tracks you
by the GPS on your phone,
237
00:09:36,792 --> 00:09:39,207
and there's a good chance that
your friends' moms do, too.
238
00:09:39,208 --> 00:09:41,082
But there's a way
around that,
239
00:09:41,083 --> 00:09:43,999
and all it will cost you
is 20 bucks a pop.
240
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,999
Listen.
241
00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:47,957
Let's not put a price
on this.
242
00:09:47,958 --> 00:09:49,999
We don't charge each other
for favors.
243
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:51,457
We've got
each other's backs.
244
00:09:51,458 --> 00:09:53,249
You're my brother,
245
00:09:53,250 --> 00:09:54,958
and we're gonna go through
everything together.
246
00:09:57,042 --> 00:09:59,999
Okay. After that nonsense,
I just raised the price to $30.
247
00:10:05,292 --> 00:10:08,041
Mama, the birds looked
a little nervous today.
248
00:10:08,042 --> 00:10:10,082
Maybe they know
something we don't.
249
00:10:10,083 --> 00:10:12,499
Maybe. Do you want to
sleep with me tonight?
250
00:10:12,500 --> 00:10:14,500
Just to be safe.
251
00:10:15,833 --> 00:10:18,082
Anna-Kat, could I have
a moment with Mommy?
252
00:10:18,083 --> 00:10:19,499
Sure.
I'm gonna go put
253
00:10:19,500 --> 00:10:21,917
some emergency rations
in the basement.
254
00:10:25,167 --> 00:10:28,082
Anna-Kat's tornado book
is from the library.
255
00:10:28,083 --> 00:10:31,041
It says it was checked out
yesterday at 3:15 p.m.
256
00:10:31,042 --> 00:10:33,166
Damn it!
Cops are onto me.
257
00:10:33,167 --> 00:10:36,499
So Anna-Kat went to the library.
Mystery solved!
258
00:10:36,500 --> 00:10:39,582
Didn't you go on a grocery run
about that time yesterday?
259
00:10:39,583 --> 00:10:42,124
I go on grocery runs
all the time.
260
00:10:42,125 --> 00:10:44,207
Yeah, but you insisted on
going to the far grocery store,
261
00:10:44,208 --> 00:10:46,457
which just happens to be
by the library.
262
00:10:46,458 --> 00:10:47,749
Mm-hmm.
263
00:10:47,750 --> 00:10:49,707
I had to pick up
a bunch of boxes
264
00:10:49,708 --> 00:10:52,000
of Anna-Kat's special
Fruit Roll-Ups.
265
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:54,958
- A bunch of boxes.
- Yeah.
266
00:10:58,375 --> 00:10:59,667
Where are they?
267
00:11:01,042 --> 00:11:03,041
I ate them and
threw away the boxes
268
00:11:03,042 --> 00:11:04,750
because I was ashamed
of myself.
269
00:11:06,042 --> 00:11:08,666
Thanks for making me
feel worse!
270
00:11:08,667 --> 00:11:11,457
You went to the library,
you checked out this book,
271
00:11:11,458 --> 00:11:13,541
and you put it under
our daughter's pillow.
272
00:11:13,542 --> 00:11:15,707
This is why nobody wants to
play "Clue" with you anymore.
273
00:11:15,708 --> 00:11:17,749
You get all high and mighty
with the accusations.
274
00:11:17,750 --> 00:11:19,832
I have to get that.
275
00:11:19,833 --> 00:11:22,749
This conversation
isn't over!
276
00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:25,291
Hey, Mrs. Otto!
277
00:11:25,292 --> 00:11:27,957
Sorry to disturb you, but
I brought this over for Taylor.
278
00:11:27,958 --> 00:11:29,416
It's my famous
chicken soup.
279
00:11:29,417 --> 00:11:32,416
The secret ingredient--
friendship.
280
00:11:32,417 --> 00:11:35,374
Um, thanks, Ellen, but
I thought Taylor was with you.
281
00:11:35,375 --> 00:11:38,749
Oh, she canceled. She said
she was too sick to hang out.
282
00:11:38,750 --> 00:11:41,041
Wait.
Is she not here?
283
00:11:41,042 --> 00:11:42,417
No.
284
00:11:44,292 --> 00:11:46,832
Her GPS says
she's at your house.
285
00:11:46,833 --> 00:11:48,541
- Greg?
- Text her.
286
00:11:48,542 --> 00:11:50,958
"How are things going?"
287
00:11:52,125 --> 00:11:54,832
"Great. At Ellen's.
288
00:11:54,833 --> 00:11:58,332
Just spelled 'toe' on a
double-letter score. 4 points!"
289
00:11:58,333 --> 00:12:00,207
That's weird.
She wasn't at my house.
290
00:12:00,208 --> 00:12:02,332
And she rarely uses words
that exceed two letters.
291
00:12:02,333 --> 00:12:03,916
I'm sure there's
an explanation.
292
00:12:03,917 --> 00:12:05,582
Do you mind looking after
Oliver and Anna-Kat
293
00:12:05,583 --> 00:12:06,957
while we figure this out?
294
00:12:06,958 --> 00:12:08,541
Sure, Mr. Otto,
but do you mind
295
00:12:08,542 --> 00:12:10,457
if I do some light cleaning
to take my mind off things?
296
00:12:10,458 --> 00:12:12,791
Oh, Ellen, you don't
have to do that.
297
00:12:12,792 --> 00:12:15,832
Turn on the TV
and relax.
298
00:12:22,667 --> 00:12:24,999
Oh, my God.
299
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:27,499
The GPS says she's right here
in Ellen's backyard!
300
00:12:27,500 --> 00:12:29,916
In the playhouse?
I bet she's in there
with a boy.
301
00:12:29,917 --> 00:12:32,416
Finger's crossed
it's just heavy petting.
302
00:12:32,417 --> 00:12:33,832
You're crossing
your fingers for that?
303
00:12:33,833 --> 00:12:36,125
Oh, let's just
get in there.
304
00:12:38,750 --> 00:12:40,957
Buenas noches,
Mr. and Mrs. Otto!
305
00:12:40,958 --> 00:12:43,624
What in hell are
you guys doing in here?!
306
00:12:43,625 --> 00:12:45,749
- Where's Taylor?!
- I can explain everything.
307
00:12:45,750 --> 00:12:47,207
Small businesses...
308
00:12:47,208 --> 00:12:48,707
...are the backbone of
the American economy.
309
00:12:48,708 --> 00:12:50,041
And like
any patriot--
310
00:12:50,042 --> 00:12:52,166
You, the simple one--
talk!
311
00:12:52,167 --> 00:12:55,124
Oliver came up with this
really cool business idea.
312
00:12:55,125 --> 00:12:56,082
- Dude.
- No, they're gonna love it.
313
00:12:56,083 --> 00:12:58,082
You don't know them
like I do.
314
00:12:58,083 --> 00:12:59,916
You see, kids these days
can't sneak out
315
00:12:59,917 --> 00:13:02,041
because their parents
track their cellphones.
316
00:13:02,042 --> 00:13:03,999
But for a small fee,
Oliver and I will hold
317
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:05,874
your phone in a
parent-friendly location.
318
00:13:05,875 --> 00:13:07,791
- Ellen's house.
- Exactly!
319
00:13:07,792 --> 00:13:10,167
And if a mom or dad calls,
we'll text back for you.
320
00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:14,291
Ta-da.
321
00:13:14,292 --> 00:13:15,582
The only part
I don't get
322
00:13:15,583 --> 00:13:17,707
is that your GPS says
you're at home.
323
00:13:17,708 --> 00:13:19,207
Who's covering for you?
324
00:13:23,208 --> 00:13:25,332
Ugh.
You're suffocating him.
325
00:13:29,458 --> 00:13:31,792
Got to give it up.
She really nailed my voice.
326
00:13:33,208 --> 00:13:34,874
You really thought of
everything, didn't you?
327
00:13:34,875 --> 00:13:36,957
- I see that you're angry.
- Mm-hmm.
328
00:13:36,958 --> 00:13:38,582
I feel like you're about to
squander the opportunity
329
00:13:38,583 --> 00:13:39,707
for an "I'm proud
of you, son" moment.
330
00:13:39,708 --> 00:13:40,957
You're so right.
331
00:13:40,958 --> 00:13:42,416
In exchange for leniency,
332
00:13:42,417 --> 00:13:44,666
I would like to cut a deal
by ratting out Taylor.
333
00:13:44,667 --> 00:13:46,999
Where is she?
At a concert
334
00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:49,207
in an abandoned warehouse
in North Branton.
335
00:13:49,208 --> 00:13:51,624
You-- go home,
go straight to your room,
336
00:13:51,625 --> 00:13:53,874
- and wait for me in fear.
- What should I do?
337
00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:55,832
Go home, and no scepters
for a month!
338
00:13:55,833 --> 00:13:56,792
Aw, man!
339
00:14:03,625 --> 00:14:05,374
Taylor's somewhere inside,
but look at this line.
340
00:14:05,375 --> 00:14:07,041
How are we
gonna get in?
341
00:14:07,042 --> 00:14:08,207
I have a thought.
342
00:14:08,208 --> 00:14:09,916
You're not flashing
the bouncer.
343
00:14:09,917 --> 00:14:11,166
Then, I don't know!
344
00:14:11,167 --> 00:14:13,457
Maybe a tornado will
conveniently show up
345
00:14:13,458 --> 00:14:14,749
and scare everyone off.
346
00:14:14,750 --> 00:14:17,417
I don't like what you're
implying, Officer.
347
00:14:18,375 --> 00:14:20,749
Wait! I got an idea!
348
00:14:20,750 --> 00:14:22,874
This is an illegal
warehouse concert.
349
00:14:22,875 --> 00:14:26,042
All we have to do to get to the
front of the line is this.
350
00:14:28,500 --> 00:14:29,749
Cop!
351
00:14:29,750 --> 00:14:31,082
Cop?
Cops where?
Where?
352
00:14:31,083 --> 00:14:32,499
I'm not a cop.
353
00:14:32,500 --> 00:14:34,541
You know who always says,
"I'm not a cop"? Cops!
354
00:14:34,542 --> 00:14:36,207
- Cops!
- Cops!
355
00:14:46,583 --> 00:14:49,666
Taylor, I let you be blond so
you could fit in, and you have.
356
00:14:49,667 --> 00:14:52,791
You're now the Mayor
of Sucktown, and you
won in a landslide!
357
00:14:52,792 --> 00:14:55,416
- Oh, congratulations!
- Here are your phones.
358
00:14:55,417 --> 00:14:56,874
I've already called
all your parents.
359
00:14:56,875 --> 00:14:58,249
Mom, I can't believe
you did that!
360
00:14:58,250 --> 00:14:59,999
- Mitzy's gonna [bleep].
- Mitzy should!
361
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,249
And you want to know why?
362
00:15:01,250 --> 00:15:03,832
Because it's
extremely dangerous!
363
00:15:03,833 --> 00:15:05,916
You're 16-year-old
girls!
364
00:15:05,917 --> 00:15:08,207
You guys can't just go
anywhere you want without
telling your parents.
365
00:15:08,208 --> 00:15:09,957
You could've been roofied!
366
00:15:09,958 --> 00:15:11,874
Katie, maybe we shouldn't be
yelling at somebody else's kids.
367
00:15:11,875 --> 00:15:13,041
That's what's wrong
with this country.
368
00:15:13,042 --> 00:15:15,332
People don't yell at
other people's kids enough.
369
00:15:15,333 --> 00:15:17,582
You could've been kidnapped,
shipped to Singapore,
370
00:15:17,583 --> 00:15:20,250
forcibly addicted to heroin,
and made to work in a brothel!
371
00:15:21,417 --> 00:15:22,500
That happens!
372
00:15:23,917 --> 00:15:26,124
What my wife
is trying to say is
373
00:15:26,125 --> 00:15:27,832
the world is generally
a safe place,
374
00:15:27,833 --> 00:15:29,457
but it's good to be
aware of dangers.
375
00:15:29,458 --> 00:15:31,041
Have you all seen "Room"?
376
00:15:31,042 --> 00:15:32,999
- No.
- It seems sad.
377
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:35,582
Of course it's sad!
But that's your future, ladies.
378
00:15:35,583 --> 00:15:37,249
If you keep acting up,
some old guy
379
00:15:37,250 --> 00:15:39,457
is gonna lock you up
in a shed somewhere,
380
00:15:39,458 --> 00:15:41,708
and your only friends are gonna
be Lamp and Bed and Wall!
381
00:15:43,375 --> 00:15:45,166
What my wife
is trying to say is
382
00:15:45,167 --> 00:15:47,041
despite the depressing
subject matter,
383
00:15:47,042 --> 00:15:48,166
"Room" is
a fantastic film.
384
00:15:48,167 --> 00:15:50,625
Brie Larson is
a tour de force.
385
00:15:52,875 --> 00:15:55,999
Taylor, you are grounded
for the next month.
386
00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:57,999
Wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
W-What if we cut a deal?
387
00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:00,624
- Oliver already sold you out.
- Damn it!
388
00:16:00,625 --> 00:16:02,832
Ellen was your
first friend in Westport,
389
00:16:02,833 --> 00:16:04,416
the only one who would
give you the time of day,
390
00:16:04,417 --> 00:16:06,999
and you ditched her
for a better offer.
391
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:09,207
Lying to us--
that's a teenage thing.
392
00:16:09,208 --> 00:16:11,957
Ditching Ellen--
that's a character thing.
393
00:16:11,958 --> 00:16:14,791
When I was in high school,
I was popular--
394
00:16:14,792 --> 00:16:17,041
like, so popular--
395
00:16:17,042 --> 00:16:19,624
but I was still nice
to everyone.
396
00:16:19,625 --> 00:16:21,916
Even the band nerds
and the drama losers.
397
00:16:21,917 --> 00:16:24,332
In fact, if I was
too cool for dweebs,
398
00:16:24,333 --> 00:16:25,957
you would've
never been born.
399
00:16:25,958 --> 00:16:27,207
That's right.
400
00:16:27,208 --> 00:16:30,750
Now, go on.
Apologize to your friend.
401
00:16:34,208 --> 00:16:35,999
Hey, Ellen.
402
00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:38,499
Hey.
403
00:16:38,500 --> 00:16:40,957
Look. I'm sorry
I ditched you.
404
00:16:40,958 --> 00:16:42,666
You've been nothing
but nice to me,
405
00:16:42,667 --> 00:16:44,666
and lately I haven't
been a good friend.
406
00:16:44,667 --> 00:16:47,499
But if you're ever willing to
play Scrabble with me again,
407
00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:48,875
I'd like that.
408
00:16:50,083 --> 00:16:51,207
Too bad, Taylor.
409
00:16:51,208 --> 00:16:53,957
I have a little thing
called self-respect.
410
00:16:53,958 --> 00:16:56,500
And I've pretended "cray"
is a word for the last time.
411
00:16:59,542 --> 00:17:02,375
Enjoy your new friends
and your new hair.
412
00:17:05,333 --> 00:17:07,457
I'm sorry, Mrs. Otto.
413
00:17:07,458 --> 00:17:09,332
I took a toothbrush
and some hydrogen peroxide
414
00:17:09,333 --> 00:17:10,832
to the grout
on the countertops,
415
00:17:10,833 --> 00:17:12,457
but I didn't have time
to do the island.
416
00:17:12,458 --> 00:17:14,124
It's okay, Ellen.
417
00:17:14,125 --> 00:17:16,667
You can come back
Thursday.
418
00:17:19,750 --> 00:17:22,291
Upstairs, bedroom.
For the next four weeks,
419
00:17:22,292 --> 00:17:24,916
your only friends are gonna be
Lamp, Bed, and Wall.
420
00:17:28,625 --> 00:17:32,416
The disgraced Mayor of Sucktown
has been forced to step down.
421
00:17:32,417 --> 00:17:34,791
Now let's go talk to the
Governor of Suckachusetts.
422
00:17:34,792 --> 00:17:36,332
I like that.
423
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:42,207
As punishment
for lying to us--
424
00:17:42,208 --> 00:17:44,374
Now, wait a second.
I didn't lie to you guys.
425
00:17:44,375 --> 00:17:45,791
Taylor lied.
426
00:17:45,792 --> 00:17:47,499
As punishment for
helping Taylor lie--
427
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:50,041
Now, Dad, again,
I'm sorry to interrupt,
428
00:17:50,042 --> 00:17:51,749
but I didn't "help"
Taylor lie.
429
00:17:51,750 --> 00:17:53,249
She paid me.
430
00:17:53,250 --> 00:17:55,957
Does a baker "help" someone
who buys his bread?
431
00:17:55,958 --> 00:17:58,332
Does the butcher "help" someone
who buys his meat?
432
00:17:58,333 --> 00:18:00,832
Uh-huh. Does the father
"help" restrain somebody
433
00:18:00,833 --> 00:18:03,166
from strangling you
in two seconds?
434
00:18:03,167 --> 00:18:05,041
We don't want you to be
a materialistic jerk.
435
00:18:05,042 --> 00:18:06,666
And as punishment,
we're taking the money
436
00:18:06,667 --> 00:18:08,249
that you made from
your phone scheme.
437
00:18:08,250 --> 00:18:10,624
I thought we had a deal
for me ratting out Taylor!
438
00:18:10,625 --> 00:18:12,624
We did. I was going to
take your money and leave you
439
00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:14,749
on the side of the road where
you would end up kidnapped--
440
00:18:14,750 --> 00:18:17,374
And shipped off to Singapore
to work in a brothel.
441
00:18:17,375 --> 00:18:19,416
I think it's time you came up
with a new worst-case scenario.
442
00:18:19,417 --> 00:18:21,375
It happens!
443
00:18:23,417 --> 00:18:25,832
So, Katie, I think it's time
we had a tornado discussion.
444
00:18:25,833 --> 00:18:27,792
You're looking good.
445
00:18:28,833 --> 00:18:31,832
- No.
- Okay.
446
00:18:31,833 --> 00:18:34,374
I know I messed up
with Anna-Kat
447
00:18:34,375 --> 00:18:36,207
by giving her
the tornado book.
448
00:18:36,208 --> 00:18:37,791
Yeah.
Why would you do that?
449
00:18:37,792 --> 00:18:40,582
Anna-Kat doesn't
need me anymore,
450
00:18:40,583 --> 00:18:43,666
and I was trying to figure out
a way to make her need me again.
451
00:18:43,667 --> 00:18:46,417
And what I did was wrong.
452
00:18:48,167 --> 00:18:50,874
Maybe next time you're
feeling that way,
453
00:18:50,875 --> 00:18:52,666
you'll come to me, and
we'll figure out something
454
00:18:52,667 --> 00:18:54,667
slightly less
completely cuckoo-pants.
455
00:18:56,250 --> 00:18:59,833
Besides, she'll always need you,
just in a different way.
456
00:19:01,042 --> 00:19:05,207
You're right.
I'll go talk to her.
457
00:19:05,208 --> 00:19:08,332
And you should probably
return this to the library.
458
00:19:08,333 --> 00:19:12,291
"Death is Around Every Corner:
101 Household Killers."
459
00:19:12,292 --> 00:19:13,499
I know.
460
00:19:22,292 --> 00:19:24,082
Does that book talk about
461
00:19:24,083 --> 00:19:26,541
something called
"Tornado Alley"?
462
00:19:26,542 --> 00:19:28,374
Nope. What's that?
463
00:19:28,375 --> 00:19:29,791
It's the part
of the country
464
00:19:29,792 --> 00:19:31,499
where almost
all tornadoes happen.
465
00:19:31,500 --> 00:19:34,374
Here. Take a look.
466
00:19:34,375 --> 00:19:38,416
And we're right here,
all the way over to the right.
467
00:19:38,417 --> 00:19:41,624
Huh. So it doesn't make sense
to be afraid of tornadoes?
468
00:19:41,625 --> 00:19:43,082
No, it doesn't.
469
00:19:43,083 --> 00:19:45,957
And I have to say,
I am so proud of you.
470
00:19:45,958 --> 00:19:49,082
You are growing up and
showing some independence.
471
00:19:49,083 --> 00:19:50,416
And if you don't want me
472
00:19:50,417 --> 00:19:53,916
to walk you into school anymore,
that's okay, too.
473
00:19:53,917 --> 00:19:56,291
Thanks for
understanding, Mama.
474
00:19:56,292 --> 00:19:58,917
You're the best.
475
00:20:03,417 --> 00:20:05,292
- Mama?
- Yes, sweetie?
476
00:20:06,708 --> 00:20:07,957
Boundaries.
477
00:20:07,958 --> 00:20:09,750
Of course.
478
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:14,374
It's awkward now.
479
00:20:14,375 --> 00:20:16,833
I know. Just try
to push through it.
480
00:20:21,292 --> 00:20:22,999
Wait!
481
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:25,666
Before you dye my hair back,
can I do one last hair flip?
482
00:20:25,667 --> 00:20:27,291
Sure.
483
00:20:27,292 --> 00:20:28,582
Okay.
484
00:20:30,208 --> 00:20:33,082
Swish. Swish.
485
00:20:33,083 --> 00:20:34,792
Okay. I'm ready.
486
00:20:38,708 --> 00:20:42,082
You know what? You can
keep your blond hair.
487
00:20:42,083 --> 00:20:44,416
What?! Oh, my God!
Thank you so much!
488
00:20:44,417 --> 00:20:46,624
{\an8}- With the following conditions.
- I'm listening.
489
00:20:46,625 --> 00:20:49,666
{\an8}- One, no tattoos, ever.
- Okay.
490
00:20:49,667 --> 00:20:52,082
{\an8}And, two, you will let me have
bagpipes at your wedding.
491
00:20:52,083 --> 00:20:53,707
{\an8}Done! What's three?
492
00:20:53,708 --> 00:20:55,374
{\an8}Ohh. I didn't have a three.
493
00:20:55,375 --> 00:20:57,457
{\an8}Quick, Katie!
Think of something else!
494
00:20:57,458 --> 00:20:59,416
{\an8}I get to dig through that bag
of Halloween candy
495
00:20:59,417 --> 00:21:02,416
{\an8}in your closet
and take whatever I like.
496
00:21:02,417 --> 00:21:04,082
{\an8}Sure!
You do that, anyway!
497
00:21:04,083 --> 00:21:06,583
{\an8}Ohh! Wasted it!
37618
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