All language subtitles for Very Important People s03e02 Boris Tarshkokan.eng

(chair creaks)

- Hello, I'm Jeremy, and I
hope they make me pretty.

(lively music)

- Ah, here we go!

- [Vic] Today, we're giving this comedian

a total transformation.

- Oh, hello, I didn't see you there.

Make me hot, please, make me hot.

- [Vic] They have no idea

who or what they're about to become.

- Hell, yeah.

- [Vic] Once they see
themselves in the mirror,

they'll have to make up
a character on the spot,

and then sit down with me
for an improvised interview.

- That's the craziest
thing I've ever heard.

- [Vic] This is Very Important People.

(lively music)

- Okay.
(artist laughs)

I feel like I'm gonna throw up.

(curtains swooshing)
(lively music)

(shrieks) Oh my fucking God!

Oh, I'm hideous, oh my!

I do not look hot! (laughs)

Holy shit. (laughs)

These eyebrows.

(lively music)

You want to go to prom? (laughs)

Oh, yeah, this guy's a
fucking creep, for sure, mm.

I'm going to the
bathhouses later. (laughs)

Yeah, look at this.

Ah, I don't like up
close. (gasps and laughs)

This is demonic.

(Transylvania accent) I
vant to suck your blood, oh.

(lips-and-tongue trill)
(lively music)

My hat.

(lively music)

Is this your card?

Uh-huh, welcome to my
circus for fucking freaks.

Oh, maybe I'm a bad boy, ah.

- This is a beautiful place
to pick out your coffin.

God, absolutely hideous.

You did not make me pretty. (laughs)

(lively music)

(lively music continues)

- Okay, you know what,
let's try something else.

Let's try to tear some
of these walls down.

I'm gonna count down from three.

Three, two, one.

And then I just want you to yell out

the first word that pops
into your head, okay?

- What if it's more than one word?

- You can use more than
one word if you want.

- Okay.
- Okay, three, two, one.

- You can use more than
one word if you want.

Let's tear down some walls.

I'm gonna count down from three,

and you're gonna shout out the first word.

Can I use multiple words?

Yeah, you can use multiple words.

- I think that's our time.
- What do you mean?

So we can pick this-
- You said-

- Up tomorrow.
- Say the first thing that was

in my head, that was the first
thing that was in my head.

- Well, you know, we're outta time,

and I do have other patients, okay?

- Who?

- [Therapist] So I'm just gonna go.

- What are their names?
- [Therapist] I'm not gonna

tell you their names.
- Where do they live?

- I'm not gonna tell you their names.

- All right, yeah, no, love you.

(Therapist sighs)

- (clears throat) We all
have a story to tell,

and sometimes those
stories need to be shared

with the world.

Good evening, I'm Vic Michaelis,
back with another edition

of "Very Important-"

(thunder crashes)

Okay.

(lighthearted music)

Everybody, remain calm, deep breath,

and focus on making sure

that we got those lighting
cues tightened up.

Okay, oh, hi. (laughs)

Hello, I'm so sorry, I didn't
know you were on set yet.

Please take a seat, and
please, oh, and to you also.

Oh, and so, well, that's kind of fun.

(vaguely Eastern European accent)
- And now we are engaged for love.

- What? What do you mean?

- You did the love dance.

- Oh, well, then I, and
then, so, wa-wa. (laughs)

Wa-wa. (laughs)

- Oh.

- [Vic] Okay, so why
don't we take a seat here?

(thunder crashes)

Are you here for a minute, okay?

- Thank you.
- So I don't know how that's-

- Sorry.
- [Vic] how we're doing that.

Please, introduce yourself.

- Hello, I'm Boris
Tarshkokan, I'm from Lafufu.

(intense music)

- The United States and
Lafufu have recently entered

into a friendship treaty,

and you are an ambassador here to sort

of consecrate that friendship.

- Yes, consecrate that friendship.

- Why are you saying it like that?

- Lightning?
- No, no.

Well, I could do that also.

So, ready?

Lightning.

Lightning.

Sorry, say it one more time.

- Lightning.
(thunder crashes)

- So it's an accent thing, I think.

Lightning.
- [Boris] What accent?

I do not have one.

- Well, I guess it's sort
of a frame of mind, right?

- No, I have American accent.

- Oh, you think you have an American-

(without changing accent)
- I am John Wayne.

Ah, ah, I gotta shoot a gun.

- What about that accent feels different

than what you were doing previously?

- I have trained my voice to
sound immediately American.

You want to hear my American
accent one more time?

- I would love to.

(still in same accent)
- I am Iron Man.

Oh, whoa, Tony Stark cannot do that.

- I'm sorry, you're Iron Man,

saying Tony Stark we can't- (laughs)

(Jeremy giggles)

(lighthearted music and TV test tone)

I don't know if in Lafufu,
there's a different comic

in the United States, Iron Man

and Tony Stark are the same person.

- What?

No, in Lafufu, Iron Man

and Tony Stark are diff-
it's Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

- Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
are also the same person.

- No, it's different.

- They're the same person,
it's during the day-

- I don't know.
- Okay.

Well, you know, we'll
say, we'll say potato...

- Mr. Stark, you cannot do that.

I am Iron Man.
(Vic laughs)

- The Board of Tourism sent you.

Why do you think they
sent you specifically?

- It's because I am bachelor.

They want to send the best face they have

in all the country.

- It's like in most countries,
how there's beauty pageants,

and then those people
become representatives

for the country like
a, you know, Miss USA,

Miss Philippines, Miss Italy,

and it's sort of a similar situation here.

- Yes, I would say similar situation

with a little twist.

They want me to find love and
bring them home to Lafufu.

- So you're looking for a partner?

Why are you looking at me like that?

I'm not dating right now, so I'm sort of,

I'm sort of playing it casual.

- Oh, you are not dating.
- I recently got divorced

and so I'm sort of-
- You don't even want

to give it a try?

- With who?

- Lightning.
(thunder crashes)

- That, okay, so-

- Now watch this.
- Who are you pointing at?

- Sexy lightning.
(thunder crashes)

- Okay.

- It's a little longer.
- [Vic] And what's the difference

do you think?
(everybody laughs)

(lively music)

Nothing is sexier than a long lightning.

- I would say long doesn't
necessarily mean better.

No, no. Cut that part. No.

Okay, well, you're looking for
love, you're looking to date,

even though I am not looking to date.

So it definitely won't be
me, and I'm not interested.

I can't-
- You're not interesting

in dating?
- Well, I'll be interested-

in date-
- Next!

- What?
- Next!

I have had so much fun on this date.

You don't get your $17 though, sorry.
- [Vic] No.

No, so that's not how this works.

I think you're referencing
the television program "Next"

from the mid-2000s right now.

- Yes, I've seen all the-
- [Vic] You can't call next.

- Episodes.
- If anything, I would call next,

and then a new guest would come in.

- No, I don't like this. Next!

- No, you can't call next.

- Well, I am not going to
be happy to see your room.

- What?
- You've probably got

a messy room, and I'm gonna be like,

"I cannot date this person.

Their boxers are everywhere."
- Huh?

That is the Show "Room
Raiders" that I thought-

- That's a different show, completely.

- Different, I've seen them all.

- [Vic] Say you're on the
television show "Next,"

and they sort of have three
facts about themselves.

What are your three facts?

- Fact one, I am a singer.

- Well, let's hear a little bit.

? All my life ?

You can't sing that.

You can't sing that here.
- [Boris] Huh?

You can't sing that.
- Really?

I dunno if copyright
works different in Lafufu.

- My hat.
- [Vic] That's okay, I got it.

And sort of-
- [Boris] No, no, no, please.

- Oh, I got it, I got it, don't worry.

- No, I got it.

(flirtatious growl)

- [Vic] Okay. (laughs)

(flirtatiously growls again)
Okay. So... (laughs)

Okay, so we're not going to do that.

- Wow, you are so strong.

- I am very strong, I can do a pushup.

I've actually been working on
it, and I can do three pushups

where I go all the way to the ground

and all the way back up.
- You have to show me

this talent of yours.

- So the first one would kind of look,

I haven't done them in a
little bit, I should say.

- [Boris] Okay.
- [Vic] So I don't know

if this is still true.

You don't need to wink at me.

- Okay, sorry.
- [Vic] Okay, so here we go.

One. (laughs)
- [Boris] One.

- And I haven't done... (laughs)

- (snorts) That felt very honest.

- I'm just realizing now I
haven't done 'em in a little bit.

And so, well, you know, let's-
- Next.

- You can't say next, this is my show.

- Next.
- How does it feel?

Next.

- Please, do not say that to me.

? Oh, all my life ?

- Okay, you can't sing that.

It means that we have to
pay a lot of money in order

to use that on the show.
- Oh? Okay? Eh?

No, we don't have the money
to pay for that to use

the show.
- Okay? You have the money?

- No, we don't have the money.

- ? All my ?
- [Vic] No, no, keep quiet.

Quiet.
- I will sing an original

for you.
- Okay, well,

that would be fantastic if
you're singer, let's hear it.

Let's hear an original composition.

- Okay, all right.

(Vic claps)

? I am a cowboy ?

? On a steel horse I ride ?
- Okay, nope, nope,

? I'm wanted ?
nope, nope, nope, nope.

We're not gonna, no-
(Boris vocalizing)

We can't sing this, and we
can't sing it, no, we can't.

Okay, quiet, so quiet.
- Huh?

- We can't sing that,
okay, you're a singer.

That's your first fun fact.
- So I wrote that song.

- You did not write that song.

- So I wrote that song.

- I think (hisses) Big
& Rich wrote that song,

- "Ssbig & Rich?" That sounds
disgusting, whatever that is.

- [Vic] Who wrote that song?
Who wrote that song? (chuckles)

- That is, I believe-

- [Vic] We'll fix it in-
- Me.

- No, I don't think you did.

- Number two.
- Second fact.

- I am also a stand-up comedian

and a very funny comedian online.

- I've heard you do some
front-facing character videos.

- I do a lot of front-facing
character videos.

- Well, we got a couple of those,

why don't we go ahead and
see some of your impressions?

- Hey, no walking here.

What, get off my lawn.

You guys.

(Boris laughs)

- I don't get.

- It is so funny if you got it. In Lafufu,

oh, this is so funny. (laughs)

- Okay, this one's titled

"The Difference Between
the Country and the City."

Let's take a look at that.

- Country people are always
like, "Ugh, where's my goat?"

But city people is always like,
"Oh, what, I'm biking here."

Follow for more. (laughs)

- I can sort of tell by the
inflection that there's a joke.

I just feel like I don't understand it.

- It is top-of-intelligence funny.

- Well, what about this one?
It's got your catchphrase here.

- You know what time it is?

Let's get the boys.

Where are my boys at?

Comment down below if you are a boy.

It always makes me cry.

- Your catchphrase makes you cry?

- You say it at death.

- You have so many videos with it.

- A lot of people die in my country.

- You're looking for love.

- In all honesty,

I am huge bachelor, sleeping
and sucking around right

and fucking and sucking

through every town I go through. (laughs)

(Vic laughs)
(beep)

- For some reason,

and I'm sorry if this offends you.

- Yeah.
- You don't give that vibe.

- Mm.
- [Vic] No.

- What about me does not give a vibe?

- To me, you sort of look
like a divorced magician.

- Some people like that.

- Maybe that's a thing
in Lafufu, and I don't-

- Watch, maybe I can show
you my moves a little bit.

- Okay.
- So you understand

what it is like to be
promiscuou-ied by me.

- Why don't we put that on
ice, and I'm gonna ask you

a couple of rapid-fire questions.

- Ooh.

(calm music)

- What was your favorite
subject in school?

- Ooh, knife fights.

- Knife fights was your
favorite subject in school?

- Yes, it's such an
interesting subject matter

to fight the knife.

- ? Knife fight, knife fight ?

? Fight the knife, fight the knife ?

? Knife fight, knife
fight, fight the knife ?

? Fight the knife, the knife is alive ?

? and it's coming for you ?

? The knife is alive,
and it's coming for you ?

- [Vic] Okay, so...
? I'm wanted, wanted ?

? Dead or alive ?

- No, that's not different
enough from "Dead or Alive."

And I think you knew that.

- I wrote that song.

- You know what, we're gonna,
we'll sort of take that.

- Okay.

- Okay. What is your least favorite color?

- I would say my least
favorite color is the color

When the sun goes down.

- When the sun's gone?
- When a flower stops

to bloom.
- There could be

so many different colors.
- When a child kisses

mother goodbye, when a vase falls.

(makes smashing noise) - Well, it
depends on the color of the vase,

and I guess the color of
the floor that it fell on.

- When the bird hunts the animal,

that is my least favorite color.

- Blood?
- It is the color of pain.

- Is it red?
- It is red.

- Okay.

All right, what is your worst fear?

- Marriage.

- [Vic] Really?
- Commitment.

- Despite the fact that
you are desperately looking

for a spouse.
- Mm-hmm.

- Why are you making that face?

- I'm so scared, maybe I
need someone to hold me.

- Well, maybe somebody here
is interested in holding you.

- I've already slept with everyone here.

- Everyone on set?
- Everyone here.

- Even Devi?
- Even Devi.

- Devi's the hottest person on the set.

- Easily the hottest person on set.

- Every single morning,
I try and make small talk

with Devi, and I'm like,
"Hey, what's going on?

How was your weekend?"

- No, no, you have to go big talk.

- What do you mean?
- I cannot explain it.

If I knew why I was so hot,

you'd think I would capture it

in a bottle and sell it?
- [Vic] Can I ask you because

I am sort of like when I meet people,

like out and about, you know,

say we're at a coffee shop
or something like that.

Here's how I sort of approach it.

- Okay, no, we'll play it out.

I'll be person with coffee.

- Okay, me too.

- (hisses) Ooh, dark latte, I love this.

- Oh, what are you drinking?

- I'm drinking a dark latte.

I just said it out loud.
- What is a dark latte?

'Cause latte has milk in it,

and it makes the drink lighter.

- Yeah, so it does not have milk in it.

- So it's just a coffee.

Okay, I feel like this
role play isn't working.

- You put me off, man.

- No, no, I was weird here-
- It went from midnight

to six.
- Mm, let's just say at a bar.

Maybe that's a place
that people go to meet.

Okay, I'll stand also.

I'll take two drinks, please.

I'll take a Sprite, um,
and I'll take a white wine.

- I would go to war for you.

- What?

- [Boris] I would take up arms

and fight whatever
enemy you said to fight.

- What kinda war?
- The war of love.

(Vic chuckles)

The war of people.
- [Vic] Uh-huh.

- The war in space.

- A space war?
- A space war, if it happens.

- Are you an astronaut?
- I could be for you.

- Well there's a lot of
training to become an astronaut.

- I would do whatever it takes to make you

for me.

- That worked on Devi.
- Hello, Devi.

- [Vic] Don't wave.

- What is your problem?

- What do you mean, what is my problem?

- All I did was wanted to love you.

All I did was

out of everyone

I could've chosen.

- It seems like you did choose everyone.

You said you slept with
everyone on this set.

- It's always the one that gets away.

- Okay, listen, I just thought
we were gonna have sort

of a nice conversation

about friendship.
- Okay.

- We can learn a little
bit about your country.

And you know, maybe we're gonna find out

about like, if you had tried a hot dog

or something like that,
and that was gonna be-

- Oh, what is hot dog?

- You want some American snacks?

- I would love American snacks.

(calm music)

- Yum, oh, okay.
- Oh.

- [Vic] Really good selection here.

Oh, you're gonna love this.

- What is this?
- This is a cheese snack.

- [Boris] Okay.

- [Vic] So, go ahead, and
you put them in your mouth.

- Ah, it's hot.
- It's not hot.

No.
- It's hot. It's hot.

- I just was touching it with my hands.

It's not hot.
(Boris moans)

This isn't hot.

Here, ready?

No.

So now you can eat it off of there.

(Boris munching)

(Vic munching)
(cheese crunching)

That's a cheese snack!

- What is that?
- You don't like that?

- Mm-mm-mm.
- No, it's delicious.

It's powdered cheese.
- No, that is inhuman.

You should not be putting
that in your body.

- And you know what, actually,
I think you probably right.

- What is that covering it?

- Cheese, it's, well, it's not cheese.

It's sort of like powdered flavoring.

- What is cheese?
- What is cheese?

- What is cheese?
- Cheese is so,

you know, cows?

- No.
- You don't know cows?

You were talking about a goat earlier.

- Yeah, I know goat.

I know horse.
- [Vic] Right.

- What is cow?
- So, mix the two.

The milk of a goat, but
the size of a horse.

- Oh, bongels.

- And they sort of have patches on them.

- The patches and the udders that you-

- In Lafufu, horse is
horse, and goat is goat.

But cow is bongel?

- Love is love.

- No.
- Cow is bongel, same thing.

- I don't think that's the same thing.

Love is sort of like here,
they were trying to pass a lot

of bills so that way gay
folks couldn't get married.

- Wait, gay people are not allowed

to marry in this country?

- But they are now, for now.

- Thank God.

Rainbow.

(magical wind chimes and thunder crashing)

- Okay, so you sort of got a
bunch of lighting cues here.

I'm seeing, it's so crazy

because when I said, "Can
we move sort of the light

to be a little softer on my face?"

They said, "Absolutely not.

We didn't have the budget for it."

- What an amazing thing to
celebrate in this country.

Finally, catching up to our country.

- You have gay marriage?
- We have gay marriage plus.

- What is gay marriage plus?
- [Boris] It is amazing.

Imagine a marriage plus
everything you want

a marriage to be.

- So marriage.
- No, no, no, gay man.

Gay man married.

- Sure.
- Straight man,

gay woman marry.
(both laughing)

Gay man, straight woman,
marry, all the same time.

And then they play flip-flop, open.

- It's polyamory, I think.

- No, it's called bongel-down.

- No. (laughs)

- Cow down.
(Vic laughs)

Cow down, am I saying it right?

Cow.
- No, we're gonna try

another snack.
- Yes, we move on.

- Okay, and so this is a peachy ring.

Yeah, then you sort of...

You just take a bite.

- Oh, it's like candy, oh.

- It's not like candy, it is candy.

- I would love to show
you candy in Lafufu.

It is so similar and so delicious.

- Did you bring some with you?
- I brought a Lafufu candy.

- Okay, let's fly, let's-
- Tatiana!

- So this is Tatiana.
- Oh, this is the PA.

- So this is candy in Lafufu.

- Do you mind if I just tell
you what I'm seeing here?

- Wow.
- Baked beans.

- It is so sweet and tender,
oh, I wish I could have it.

It is the best candy after
big feast, bongel feast,

you kill the bongel, you cut his ass off,

you put it on a fire, you watch it

until it's brown and pink.

You take it off, you
cut it up, you serve it

to all the kids in the school,

and you serve it to all
the kids in the village,

and you serve it to all, then the adults.

And then they finish with the candy.

- So the order is: kids in the school.

- Yes.
- Then you go to the villages.

More kids.
- Yes.

- Not in school?
- They cannot go to school.

- Why?
- What, you're gonna send

every kid to school?

- You have gay marriage,
but not all kids in-

(everybody laughs)

- We have gay marriage plus.

(Vic laughs)
(beep)

- So I'm gonna try this,

and it is gonna taste just like

that.
- This.

- You promise?

- Hand over my heart.

Heart over my hand.

- And did you want a spoonful also?

- You go.
(both laughing)

- Here's to trying new things

and friendship between our two nations.

(fork clattering)
(Vic munching)

That's baked beans.

- Pranked. (laughs)

You fucking idiot.

That's baked beans, obviously.

This is classic prank I will
be putting on my TikTok,

which you can follow later.

- You'll not be, you have
to censor my face for that.

- I'm going to do a
front-facing comedy impression

of your face, let's cut to it.

- You can't say that.

I sort of point to it, you don't...

(Boris laughs)

No, no, in order to do that-

- Funny lightning.

- No, no, funny lightning. Okay.

(thunder crashes)
(silly song plays)

So, I sort of see maybe
we had relations with some

of the crew, and now all of a
sudden, people are listening

to you a little bit more
than they're listening to me.

But we have something deeper
than physical intimacy.

We have emotional intimacy.

- I have emotional
intimacy with them, too.

- What do you mean?
- The lightning guy,

we sucked each other down and
then talked about our parents.

(both laughing)

(lighthearted music)
(beep)

- What are you looking for
in a relationship then?

You're here, you keep saying,

"I wanna partner, I wanna find people."

And it sounds like you're
finding people left,

right, and center.
- Yeah.

- You're talking about your feelings.

What are you missing?

- I want someone that loves me for me.

Not my beautiful facade.

Not my whimsical ways.

Not my ability to run a D&D game well.

I want someone who sees me for me,

and says, "Boris, you are enough.

Let us get gay married plus."

- That I related to.

And that was really beautiful.

When you...

Don't do this. What are you doing?

Don't, and sort of I, okay,

in camera sort of, and okay,
here's what I'm thinking.

We can sort of help each
other out a little bit.

- Mm-hmm.
- We're gonna play

the "Newly Friendship" game.

(lighthearted music)

We're both gonna write
our answers on here-

- And see if they line up.

- So, the first question,

what does a perfect
date look like for you?

- Wow, this is such a good question.

- [Vic] Okay.

(lighthearted music)

(pens scribbling)

I'll go first.
- [Boris] Go ahead.

- A walk six feet apart
to ensure that neither

of us get sick for work the next day.

A brief handshake and bed by eight.

- That is so similar.

- Okay, well let's see what you wrote.

- I said-
- [Vic] Perfect date.

- Cannon, mocktail, rabbit,

hook up, no questions.

- Cannon what, like cannonball or cannon?

- Yeah, go to the park,

and launch the kid out of the cannon ball.

- Is the kid okay?
- No, never.

- [Vic] Okay-
- But these are the kids

who do not go to school,
so it is all right.

- Okay, mocktail, you don't drink?

- I do not drink, I'm sober for 45 years.

- How old are you?

- I am one hundred-(mumbling)

- The 100 part that's quite
a bit older than people

in United States-
- It's not important, my age.

- Okay, rabbit.
- Rabbit is obvious.

- A bunny rabbit?
- Yes, okay, then hook up-

- [Both] No questions.

- So this is a fun game I play.

We say, "Hook up, no questions."

- So, you speak in statements?

- Yes, I am going down on you.

You are going down on me.

I am sucking dick.

- Okay, next question.

Name three traits in an ideal partner.

- I love this game.

(pen scribbling)
(lighthearted music)

- Okay, so I will go first.

I want somebody that's
quiet, around 59 years old,

and likes going to In-N-Out once a month.

- That is so fun for you.

- [Vic] Why'd you say that?
- I did not say

the same thing.

- That's all right.
- I said geeveen,

wrong eyes,

and rock and roll.

- Sorry, what is that first word?

- Geeveen.
- What does that mean?

- You would say, "Oh, dang, she's geeveen.

- Like giving what?

- Geeveen, geeveen, geeveen,
geeveen, geeveen, geeveen.

- What is the next one, wrong eyes?

- Wrong eyes.
- How do you have wrong eyes?

- When you look at 'em, and
you go, "Dang, that's wrong."

- And this is what you're
looking for in a partner?

- This is partner.
- Not like somebody

that you're sort of like having
a casual one-night fantasy

with or something of that nature?

- You have wrong eyes.

- What do you mean?
- You have something

behind the eyes that
scream, "I'm not all right,

I'm all wrong."
- And I'm gonna agree

to disagree with you there.

- Okay?
- Okay, rock and roll.

? Every morning, girl, hey ?

- Nope, on no, no, and you
can't sing that, and that's-

- This is my song. This is my song.

- That's not rock and roll
either, I don't think-

? Four-Post bed ?

Santa...

- Santana?
(Vic laughs)

That is my song. (laughs)

And it is not Santana.

I can guarantee you that's not Santana.

- Okay, last question.

Do you want kids?
- [Boris] Oh, this is

a great question.
- [Vic] Okay.

(pen scribbling)
(lighthearted music)

Okay, ready? What I wrote
was, "No, break, step kids."

- No stepkids?
- No, no, no,

No-
- No stepkids.

- No, no, no.
- So just regular kids?

- No, no, no: "no, stepkids."

- There would be a comma or something.

- No. Stepkids.
- This is so good,

you do not want stepkids.

Stepkids are the evilest
thing a person could have.

- Well, you know I was married to her dad,

and so that's Bianca right there, my-

- Oh, we hooked up.
- You hooked up with Bianca?

- She is wild in the town.

- I don't wanna know.

Is she? Okay?

Well, you know, we'll
sort of, and no, don't.

And don't wink at my husband's,
my ex-husband's little girl.

So, she's an adult,

and she sort of makes her own choices.

- Little girl?

Ay, caramba!
- No, and don't spike

the camera for that.
- Ay, caramba lightning.

(rhythm music)
(thunder crashes)

- No, there's so many different
lighting cues on this.

- It is green like Bart Simpson.

- Did you program these
before the interview?

- While we were kissing, we programmed.

- While you were kissing, you programmed,

- Sorry, you have never
kissed and programmed?

You are not living.
- Okay, well, maybe later,

we'll kiss and program.

Maybe, we sort of, we'll
do, we'll chat, we'll talk-

- This is bad.
- Between the two of us.

So what did you say?

- I said, "Have them."
- You have kids?

- Oh, so many kids.
- How many kids?

- Richard, Gregory, Dmitrich,

Lavender, Thief.

- Did you say thief? (laughs)

- His name was Martin, but he is a thief.

- Is that a thing in Lafufu?
- What a thief?

- [Vic] No-
- Yes, a thief is a thing

in Lafufu.

- [Vic] No, no, like-
- This person, oh-

- [Vic] I understand.
- Lafufu is so stupid.

- [Vic] The concept of thief, I'm
just saying. - We are so silly.

If you commit some sort
of a crime, then you have

to change your name to the crime.

Or this is just like a nickname
that you gave your son?

- I call him Thief.

- Okay, well, that
doesn't sound very kind.

- There is Gabriel, Gabriela,

Donatella, Thief II,

Broken Man.

- If your son is a broken man, I think

that says a little bit more
about you than your son.

- I have tried to help him,

but he just keeps singing
and singing, singing.

- Singing?
- [Boris] Yeah, he go...

? I hurt myself ?
- No, no.

- ? today ?
- No-

- He write this beautiful songs.

- [Vic] He didn't write that, that was-

? To see if I still feel ?

- That's an Elton John song.

You didn't, Elton John-
- That is not Elton-

(both laughing)
You are 043.

That is my son, Broken Man's song.

- I listen to podcasts mostly.

So I'm sorry if I don't
know where they come from,

but I do know that they're songs.

- Oh, let me guess, "The Daily?"

(groans) Ay, caramba.

- You know that-
- Ay, caramba!

- [Vic] No, no!

(rhythm music)
(thunder crashes)

And I'm taking these from you.

You're not allowed, and
that's your punishment is

no more paper for you.

I'm gonna ask you a question that I ask

each and every one of my guests just-

- So, are we in love?

- What do you think?

- I think we got a (hisses) future.

- You think we got what?
- A future.

- That's not the way you said it.

- What did I say?
- You said,

I think we have a... (hisses)

No, no, it's, I'm not-

- So you agree?
- [Vic] I don't- No, okay.

And so I'm gonna ask you
a question that I ask

each and every one of my guests.

What is the meaning of life?

- Ugh, that is such a good question.

- Thank you.
- [Boris] I would say,

and this is my words that I came up with.

- Okay.
- That today.

- [Vic] Okay.

- Is going to be the day

that they are going to
throw me back to you.

? And by now ?

? you should've somehow
realize what you gotta do ?

- It's what you came to do. Okay.

? I don't believe that ?

(continues singing "Wonderwall" badly)

- I really wanna say that this is
Kelly Clarkson. ? Gonna say to you ?

- Kelly Clarkson?

Lord, have mercy.

It is me.
- [Vic] No. (laughs)

? Cause maybe, woo ?

- Okay, you cannot sing this.

Do you have the real meaning of life?

You're not gonna take this seriously.

- Fine, I do.
- Okay.

- Talk less.

? Smile more ?

? Don't let them know what you are for ?

? And what you are against ?

- That's wrong, and that's "Hamilton."

That one I know.
- That was Hamilton!

My favorite musical!

- [Vic] I'm Vic Michaelis-
- Oh, it just hit Lafufu.

- Okay, I'm Vic Michaelis, reminding you

to be true to yourself.

Unless you'd rather be
somebody else. Goodnight.

- Goodnight. (seductive growl)
(lighthearted music)

- So, lightning. (sighs)

Okay.
- That is not how that works.

- [Vic] Okay, what are
you doing after this?

- [Boris] I'm grabbing a drink
with 14 people from the crew.

You want to come?

They didn't invite you?

- [Vic] I didn't realize that we were sort

of doing something afterwards.

I didn't realize it was a group thing.

- [Boris] Oh, you got to come.

(star chimes)

So, yeah, that was a great date.

I would like to go again.

Psych.

Next! I have nexted them.

Bring on the next person
for me to see what I date.

And if they last 17 minutes, they get $17.

But maybe I can also

Room their raider.

Fun lightning.
(thunder crashes)

The camera guy is giving me the signal

that he wants to fuck me.

It is time to go.

(star chimes)

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