Original subtitles

Move out, there!

Keep to that wagon, ma'am!

Move it now! Take it all through.

Hurry up! Move it out!

Come on! Move it!

Keep to that wagon, ma'am!

Move it now! Take it all through!

Hurry up!

Move it out.

Come on! Move it through there!

Come on.

- Take this table out. - Come on. Move it out!

Come on. Move that crew.

Hurry up. Come on. Bring that.

What are you all, a bunch of windup toys?

Is that all you can say is hurry up and move on?

- Come on, Mom! - Sorry, ma'am.

- Sorry, ma'am. - Why?!

Ain't there no answers for folk?

Trooper's only doing his job, ma'am.

Then maybe you could tell me.

I always sorta figured the government

was set up to help out folks,

not kick them out of the houses they were born in

and the towns they were raised in.

The only thing we can tell you, ma'am,

is that it'd be dangerous to stay on

in Tonka Flats, that's all.

Okay. That's the last of 'em. Let's go.

Bonnie.

Where's my little girl?

She was right here, Ma!

Artie, take care of the mother.

- I will. - Hah! Hah!

The gray one!

It's all right. He'll get her.

Bonnie.

Bonnie?

Bonnie.

Hiya, Bonnie.

Let's take your duck.

We'll go play someplace else, huh?

Come on. Attagirl.

Colonel.

General, meet Mr. West, Mr. Gordon.

- How do you do, sir? - How do?

General Lassiter, Chief of United States Ordnance.

How do you do, General? Won't you sit down, sir?

Thank you.

Well, gentlemen, I've just come

from the Tonka Flats crater,

and I still don't believe what I saw.

One shell did all that? You're positive?

Absolutely, sir, just one shell.

All right.

Well, I want that cannon, wherever it is.

Colonel, I'm going to deploy enough men,

a brigade, if necessary,

to comb all that ground until I get it.

No, sir, I wouldn't do that if I were you.

You may find a cannon and lose a city.

Last week, the State Department

received a letter in the mail, signed "The Falcon,"

demanding $1 million as a down payment,

or else the city of Denver

quite simply would cease to exist.

Well, go on.

The next day, the Department

received a follow-up note from The Falcon,

announcing that at precisely 12:00,

by some meaningful demonstration,

the town of Tonka Flats would be obliterated.

All right, so now we know where we are.

Somewhere, there's a cannon that can spell the difference

between heaven or hell for the entire country.

How do you propose to get it?

Well, I have no idea, General,

but I'm sure that, uh, Mr. West, Mr. Gordon will find a way.

Hyah!

Jim? Think I found some very interesting developments

on those shell fragm--

You're not Jim, are you?

Alas, no, señor.

But do not let that stop you.

Tell me about these, uh, interesting developments.

Oh, now, I wouldn't think of boring you, señor.

Oh--[ laughs ] Please.

Bore me, señor.

Well, how can I resist a request

made in such a charming manner?

Uh, to begin with, señor,

this is what is known as a shell fragment, you see.

No, señor. Neither of us

can afford the luxury of wasting precious time.

Let me put into words what we both know.

We have received from The Falcon

an invitation to witness an extraordinary demonstration.

Are we agreed?

Well, it was rather interesting, yes.

And we will be asked to pay through the nose

for his product. Agreed again?

It would be childish to think otherwise.

So we come to the heart of my proposal.

I have observed you carrying souvenirs away from the crater,

and it is my conclusion

that you have discovered The Falcon's secret.

And I want to share it with you.

I see.

Well, uh, what would you think if I were to tell you

that I'm completely baffled?

Oh.

You know, in Cadiz once,

a very careless fellow made the mistake of jostling me,

and my friend here took off both his ears

before he even knew what had happened.

Now, you were saying?

Uh, in order for me

to demonstrate what I've discovered, it--

it will be necessary for me to turn up that burner.

Uh, if I may?

It will be my pleasure to do it for you.

Please.

Do you notice the telltale greenish glow of that metal

when exposed to the flame?

Need I say more?

So exactly what does that mean?

Well, that's the classic Blender-Dietch reaction.

It indicates the presence of framus bodies

in the molecular structure.

Well, you know what that means, don't you?

Well, no. I--

You tell me, señor, and do not delay.

I would be delighted to.

Actually, it's quite simple.

You see, the framus bodies are constantly interreacting

with the pyrite formations in the metal,

resulting in a greater polarization of the hypotenuse,

which the square of, as everybody knows,

is equal to the sum of the--

Señor!

My friend thinks

that perhaps you are enjoying yourself at our expense.

Perhaps if you were to lose an ear,

you might hear better, and--

I-I'd like you to meet my friend now, señor.

Uh, Jim, this is, uh...

Isn't that funny?

You never got around to giving me your name.

Oh, it was an oversight.

Please forgive me.

Felice Muñez at your service.

And please note, I speak for the Barcelona syndicate.

Ah, of course.

Uh, Señor Muñez is also here

at the invitation of The Falcon, Jim,

or so he says.

How do we know you're who you say you are?

Oh, you're testing me, eh, señores?

Very well.

Ah, now, one month ago, my syndicate received a note

from a man who calls himself The Falcon.

As you'll know, he claims to have perfected

the most powerful weapon in history,

and, uh, it is for sale.

So, to paraphrase the immortal Caesar,

I came to Tonka Flats,

I saw the demonstration, I was conquered.

Where were you supposed to meet The Falcon?

Well, the instructions were

that we were to be contacted

by an agent who was per--

Well, scratch one Spanish gentleman

from the wrong side of the tracks.

And one would-be assassin.

Good things seem to run in pairs.

We--We were the ones that he was after.

You realize that, of course?

No, not him?

Mm-mm.

It'd be interesting to know why.

Señor Muñez here seemed to think

that I had found out the secret of the Tonka Flats cannon shell.

Did you?

No, I didn't.

All I found was the presence of a couple of chemicals

that had no business being in an artillery shell, that's all.

Beyond that, I can't ima--

Hey, wait a minute.

What is it?

It's a prescription, believe it or not.

Asafetida and hot dandelion wine.

Yeah, it's an old-fashioned country remedy for colds.

That's odd. He didn't seem to have a cold, Artie.

No, he didn't.

Wait a minute.

Here's something else that's odd.

Come on.

Yeah, that's just as I thought.

Look. There's Sinful, Colorado,

right smack in the middle of an arc

that collects Salidas, Rome Plateau, and Tonka Flats.

This could be the source of something we're looking for.

Right. You wanna try this on for size, Jim?

That's not just a prescription.

That's an invitation from a Falcon.

Isn't that extraordinary?

To think that your destination,

like mine, is the town of Sinful. Ha ha!

Tell me, might a gentleman enquire,

for why so a--a linda--

so, so lovely a señorita

is going to such a town for?

Why shouldn't I be going to Sinful?

It's my hometown.

- Ah! - Señor, uh...

Muñez, Felice Muñez.

How do you do? I'm Lana Benson.

Encantado, señorita.

Señor, isn't that extraordinary,

eh, about the señorita and me?

Not really.

I, for instance, am also traveling to Sinful.

No!

That is extraordinary, señor, uh...

Alex Heindorf, from Düsseldorf.

I'm a commercial traveler in heavy castings.

Ah, and I, I am touring this glorious West.

You know, I read about this town

with the charming name of Sinful,

and call it a whim, if you will.

I had to see it for myself.

We're coming to a town.

Will we be stopping?

We'll probably take on some passengers.

Whoa!

Bit of a furnace, isn't it?

Anyone got the foggiest

how much farther it is to Sinful?

No. Are you--

Are you going--

is that your destination, señores?

That is extraordinary!

My name is Muñez.

This is Señorita Benson,

and that is Señor Heindorf,

and we are all going to Sinful, too.

I am Silvio Balya from Constantinople.

Ah.

Fine linens, flaxen goods,

third generation, family-owned firm.

Uh-huh.

Oh, charmed, I'm sure.

Clive Marchmount here, out of Manchester.

Been a little peaky, you know.

Traveling for me health, you might say.

Patience, patience out there.

What are you selling, young man?

Nothing. I'm here in need of medical attention.

Well, that's better. Just come on in.

Thank you, Doctor.

Sit--Sit right over there.

Thank you.

People always wasting my time

with sicknesses that hadn't even been invented yet.

Let's hope there's nothing fancy wrong with you.

Oh, nothing fancy, Doctor, just a--just a cold.

Really?

Tongue out.

Tongue in.

Absolutely no sign of a cold.

I'm sure there's something you can prescribe for me.

Prescribe? A prescription?

Well, you just go on home and put another blanket on your bed

and drink a good, hot rum toddy, and good evening to you.

But don't you usually prescribe,

uh, asafetida and hot dandelion wine?

Who told you that?

Oh, I don't know.

Someone who had a cold once, I guess.

Well, where you staying?

Nowhere. I just got in town.

I'm looking for a hotel room.

Well, good. Uh...

well, you ask for room 28.

It's free from drafts, has a good, sunny view.

It's perfect for someone in your condition.

Uh, your name, sir?

- James West. - Very well, Mr. West.

I'll send a prescription over later on.

Well, thank you, Doctor. Bye.

Well, goodbye, gentlemen.

I hope you enjoy your stay here in Sinful.

Thank you very much, Señorita,

and may I venture to hazard the hope

that it will be my good fortune to meet with you again?

¿Quién sabe, señor?

Oh, thank you.

Colorful group that just walked in.

They're all here for The Falcon's merchandise.

Yeah, it figures there'd be

a lot of takers for that commodity.

- See Humphries yet? - Mm-hmm.

He has two different prescriptions for a cold.

He could be The Falcon's contact man.

Hmm. I'll have an attack of sinus.

May I suggest the renowned Dr. Humphries?

He gives immediate relief.

Thank you, señor.

Señorita Benson.

Ah, what a fortunate night this is for me

to see you again and get a doctor's prescription filled

all at the same time.

You're not in pain, are you?

Oh, as soon as I get my mixture

of asafetida and dandelion wine,

I will get instantaneous results,

complete relief from pain and discomfort.

I think I'm gonna have another sinus attack.

My nurse tells me

that you would like my prescription, Señor Muñez.

You'll be happy to know I found a new way to administer it.

I know you're not going to believe this,

but I was completely happy with the old way.

Now, when you wake up, you'll be with The Falcon,

only you won't know where you are

or how you got there, you see?

And now, señor,

may you have pleasant dreams

about a successful end to the negotiations.

As you can now realize, the drug I administered

is not only free from any unpleasant aftereffects,

it is also remarkably precise and predictable

in its length of action.

Wait.

I haven't come here

to have dealings with a country doctor.

I insist on dealing directly with The Falcon.

Well, I'm sure The Falcon will give you

more than your share of attention, Herr Heindorf.

Am I to understand that these others

are to participate in our business?

Yes, my dear Heindorf, and I can assure you

they all have as impeccable a pedigree as yourself.

For instance, Señor Muñez,

head of the admirable syndicate that controls every penny worth

of violent crime and major vice in Barcelona.

Please, señor, you will turn my head.

And Silvio Balya, whose organization

so masterfully controls and promotes

the use of all opium and cocaine in the region of the Bosporus.

Third-generation family-owned firm.

Mr. Marchmount,

who has parlayed a small blackmail business

into the largest extortion operation in the British Isles.

Just a knack, that's all.

And of course you yourself, my dear Heindorf,

whose splendid old firm has taken murder and arson

out of the hands of the amateurs.

Beside the point!

I was told that I wouldn't have anyone bidding against me.

I'm absolutely outraged.

Señor Heindorf, you outrage a little bit too easily, eh?

After all, competition

is the lifeblood of business, is it not?

Right! Heh. Improves the breed,

puts the other man on his toes, and that sort of thing.

Hold!

I have called this meeting to order.

This way, please, gentlemen.

I've seen some beautiful women in my day. Oh, but this--

Now one can really understand

the beauty of the Tonka Flats, I fear.

Einfach fantastisch.

I must have it.

Quack!

That's far enough.

Ah, something here I should not see, perhaps, eh?

Maybe, but you'll know that when The Falcon wants you to.

Look!

Welcome to The Falcon's lair, gentlemen.

So the mild-mannered country doctor

becomes The Falcon.

A bird of a different feather, wouldn't you say, Heindorf?

Forgive me. My little charade was troublesome,

but absolutely essential.

You there. You know you're not supposed to be

in the supply room.

I'm sorry.

Aah!

- How much? How much for it? - Name your price.

I will pay you the amount you want.

There are two Falcon cannons.

Now, one, I shall keep.

The other, I shall give away to one of you absolutely free.

There's a catch, of course.

Yes, Heindorf, as you say, there is a catch.

You see, the cannon

is only a very small part of the overall weapon.

Its lifeblood, so to speak,

is the gunpowder, the catalytic agent.

It is that which makes the cannon what it is.

Whichever of you is fortunate enough to be given a cannon

will rule all of Europe,

and with the other, I will rule America.

But the cannon only will need my gunpowder,

and for this, you will pay, and pay very, very dearly.

Ah, this is all kinderspiele.

Now, how much do you want for the cannon,

the gunpowder, and the formula?

- Not for sale! Not for sale! - Name your price!

Then I want nothing further to do with any negotiations!

I think that if anyone tries to stop me,

he will live just long enough to regret it.

This is no ordinary gun, meine herren.

It fires the very strongest, most destructive dumdum bullet.

When it strikes,

it does--Aah!

And now, gentlemen, if there are no further objections,

may I suggest we conclude our transaction?

Gentlemen, make yourselves comfortable.

Eh, señor, since the cannon is to be presented to me free--

I mean, to one of us free, I think that it may be possible

to cut this conference very short, eh?

If you'd be good enough to name your price, I will pay it,

and this meeting is over. Simple.

I lodge a protest.

It is I who will pay the price in gold.

Oh, not so ruddy fast, the pair of you.

You're not running your shoddy, little, back-alley operations

in Barcelona and Constantinople now, you know.

Heh heh. I'll match any reasonable offer

in British pounds sterling.

Gentlemen, I never intended to name a price for my gunpowder.

Instead, the best offer that comes my way.

So, an auction.

¡Bueno!

In that case, I will start to roll the ball for everybody

with a nice, round figure, eh?

$5 million.

You begin at five million?

Maybe you'd better go back

to selling Turkish delights to tourists, Balya.

Aye, and the price of blackmail's

gonna have to go up a couple of notches.

I'll make it seven million.

7,500,000 in gold.

Gentlemen, gentlemen, this is preposterous.

I have--I have partners to consult in this matter.

- Then consult. - They're in Damascus,

Constantinople. Heh!

I represent a group whose interests

blanket every city in the Near East.

I thought I made it clear that the syndicates

were to send emissaries with decision-making powers!

Oh, I can make a decision.

It is only a matter of the decision itself,

you understand.

My colleagues, if they did not have faith

in my full judgment... poof.

Then what's your decision now?

All right, all right,

my decision now is...

$8 million.

Señores, I think it is time

that we separated the bulls from the calves, eh?

So I, for one,

am prepared to make a nice, round offer, eh?

Señor, what happened to your good, round offer?

It would, uh, seem that it has rolled away and eluded me, eh?

Oh. Sorry.

But, uh, let me get this straight, señor.

Through that door and down the corridor to the left,

in its own cannon room,

stands the greatest weapon ever invented in all of history,

and it's not 150 yards from this room, correct?

Precisely.

My point, gentlemen,

is that I shall start high,

$10 million.

Well, that's a good offer, Spaniard, but not good enough.

12 million,

on deposit right now in the Bank of England.

Gentlemen, gentlemen, please,

there is a limit to the markup on opium.

All right.

I will make my last, my final offer...

$12,500,000 in gold.

$15 million worth in British pounds sterling.

Now top that.

Now listen, Englishman, I can top that,

and then you would have to top that,

and I would have to top that, and so on and so on.

So what are you getting at?

Ah, here's what I am getting at.

Instead of you and me fighting one another,

why don't we combine forces, eh?

We form a syndicate, we can top easily $20 million.

Would that be an attractive figure to you, señor?

At that figure,

I would consider closing the bidding, gentlemen.

Mm?

Uh, gentlemen, please, uh, what about me?

I am sorry for you. Then it's settled, eh?

We divide Europe between the two of us.

- Where's the line to be drawn? - Uh, please--

Ah, that is a detail that can be settled later.

We are talking about taking over nations...

- G-Gentlemen, uh, please... - and all of Europe,

- the Near East-- - No, no, no, no, no.

- We must have Turkey. - Turkey?

Well, Constantinople's the clearinghouse

of the blackmailing business.

Uh, would you consider then

that we have a governing committee that--

So, you plan to cut me out of your syndicate, eh?

I am desolate, Balya, but there are only so many ways

that one can cut a pie, you understand.

I will show you something about cutting a pie!

- What's going on? - Of course he...

West has gotten out of the cell.

Well, what are you standing there for?!

The alarm in the cannon room.

At least we know where he is.

Get every available man.

Don't move, West!

Let it never be said

that The Falcon doesn't appreciate ingenuity.

Therefore, I'm going to allow you to witness a shot

that will be heard quite literally around the world.

Your government had been told if there was any interference,

one of the West's largest cities would be destroyed.

This cannon is loaded

for the total obliteration of Denver!

Felton, let him watch the firing.

Then kill him.

Adjust the sights.

Three degrees right.

Three degrees right, mark.

72 degrees elevation.

72 degrees elevation, mark.

No good, West! It's too late to stop me!

The timing sequence has started.

It cannot be stopped!

Don't you understand? It's too late!

Denver will be blown to bits!

Ohh!

I only hope we can blow this up before it goes off!

Don't leave me, please!

That shell had Denver written all over it.

You think you managed to divert it?

Yes, Heindorf, Balya,

Marchmount, Humphries, Felton,

all the rest of them, all dead.

A dream of kings, and it dies on some lonely mountaintop.

Never thought it would end that way, did you?

No. And what about me?

I wasn't that deeply involved.

Oh, of course not.

I helped The Falcon. I'll admit that.

But who knows, besides the two of you?

And why should we turn in a practically innocent girl?

Well, I could go somewhere,

start over again, even change my name.

I'd be more appreciative than I could ever tell you.

Oh, I knew you would be.

From the first, you impressed me as an appreciative girl.

Yes,

all you really wanted was a chance to prove yourself.

Is this proof enough?

Oh, that's proof, all right.

Now if you both stay right there,

as a reward for saving my life, I won't shoot you.

Well, she does have a sense of what's fair, Jim.

Don't do anything foolish.

I never do,

which means I wouldn't leave a loaded gun around.

No!

She's all yours, Marshal. Take good care of her.

Where she's going, she'll get the best of care

for a long time to come.

You know, for a minute there, she had me a little worried.

I mean, until you told me the gun wasn't loaded, I...