Original subtitles

IS SHERIFF QUAIL AROUND HERE?

THAT'S ME. YOU WEST AND GORDON?

RIGHT DOWN THAT THERE AISLE THERE.

KNOW HIM?

WE'VE BEEN KNOWN TO MEET FROM TIME TO TIME.

DR. MIGUELITO QUIXOTE LOVELESS, R.I.P.

HIM AND THREE OTHER FELLOWS

BUSTED THE STOCKMAN'S BANK.

THE OTHER VARMINTS GOT AWAY, BUT THIS ONE I PERFORATED.

CONSIDERING THE SIZE OF THE TARGET,

THAT WAS FANCY PERFORATION.

NO BREATH AT ALL.

HE'S DEAD ALL RIGHT, YOUNG FELLER.

HE'S AS DEAD AS A SLICED, BARBECUED CATFISH.

OH! OH, NO!

THAT IS A MIRACULOUS RECOVERY FROM GRIEF, ARTIE.

IMAGINE THAT LITTLE KEY SHE JUST SNITCHED

MIGHT HAVE TO DO WITH HER PEACE OF MIND?

SHUT UP, YOU TWO.

IF ANYONE IS STUPID ENOUGH

TO MAKE ANY SUDDEN MOVE--

HIS BOTTLE PROBABLY WASN'T EVEN LOADED.

WHERE YOU'RE GOING, SUGAR,

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE USING THAT KEY.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST GIVE IT TO PAPA?

THANK YOU.

DEUCE!

TRISTE, WHY DON'T YOU INFORM THESE GENTLEMEN

I CAN SOLVE ALL THE ARGUMENTS,

AND I'LL TAKE THE KEY.

IT'S TRUE, BOYS!

SOME HERO SAVED US THE TROUBLE

OF LIQUIDATING THE LITTLE MAN.

THE KEY, MISTER.

AND THE LADY'S SPECIAL. I KNOW--

ALL RIGHT, MEN, LET'S GO!

WHERE DID THE GIRL GO?

SHE WENT OUT THE FRONT DOOR.

WHAT ABOUT THE SHERIFF?

LET'S GET HIM.

MORNING.

TRISTE AND DEUCE.

I BEG YOUR PARDON?

HUH? OH, MORNING, JIM. I'M SORRY.

I WAS JUST TRYING TO ADD UP A COUPLE THINGS.

HERE WE HAVE A KEY

TAKEN FROM THE WRIST OF DR. LOVELESS, DECEASED.

ANYTHING ON THAT KEY FROM THE DATA BUREAU?

NOT A SYLLABLE YET. PLEASE, PAY ATTENTION.

HERE'S A KEY WITH A BUILT-IN PUZZLE--

WHAT ATTRACTION DOES THIS HAVE FOR SWEET TRISTE

AND SMILING, LOVEABLE DEUCE?

YOUR GUESS IS AS GOOD AS MINE.

WHAT WAS THAT KEY YOU PALMED OFF ON DEUCE?

THE ONE FROM THE MEN'S ROOM OF THE SACRAMENTO HOTEL

WE WERE AT LAST MONTH.

HEY, ARABELLA! THERE YOU ARE, DEAR.

DID YOU HAVE A NICE FLIGHT, HUH?

EVERYTHING GO WELL?

IT MUST BE WORD FROM THE BUREAU

YOU WERE ASKING FOR.

EVERYTHING WELL WITH YOU, GIRL?

DON'T TALK TO HAWKS.

HERE IT IS, ARTIE.

THE SERIAL NUMBER OF THE KEY CHECKS OUT

TO THE SAFETY-DEPOSIT BOX

LOCATED AT THE PIONEER BANK IN MENDOZA

TAKEN OUT UNDER THE NAME "GIDEON BLODGETT."

JAMES, MY BOY, HAVEN'T YOU ALWAYS FELT

THAT THE THING WE NEEDED TO ROUND OUT OUR TRAVELS

IS A TRIP TO MENDOZA?

HOWDY.

HOW DO YOU DO?

THANK YOU.

I NEVER SAW SUCH A WHOOP-DE-DOO

ABOUT POOR MR. BLODGETT'S SAFETY-DEPOSIT BOX.

YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE HOW FIRM I'VE HAD TO BE

WITH TWO PEOPLE WHO INSISTED

ON BEING ALLOWED ACCESS TO IT.

ONE OF THEM A VERY ATTRACTIVE YOUNG LADY?

YES, THAT'S RIGHT!

AND THE OTHER ONE A NOT-SO-ATTRACTIVE,

POWERFUL MAN WHO SMILED A LOT?

THE KEY DIDN'T FIT THE LOCK, RIGHT?

HOW DID YOU KNOW?

JUST A WILD GUESS.

THAT WILL BE FINE, MR. WELLS.

WE'LL MANAGE FROM HERE.

WELL, SING OUT WHEN YOU'RE READY, GENTLEMEN.

I'LL COMMUTE YOUR SENTENCE.

HERE IT IS, ARTIE.

HIT THE GROUND!

"OPEN."

"229." YOU WANT TO GO THROUGH THAT--

NO. NO THANKS, ARTIE. YOU CAN HAVE THE HONOR.

A TYPICAL LOVELESS PRANK.

"NO MORE LOUD NOISES, MR. WEST,

"JUST THE NAME OF A GENTLEMAN

IT WILL PAY YOU TO LOOK UP-- MR. ARTHUR TICKLE."

YOU KNOW, WHAT GETS ME IS HE'S DEAD,

AND WE'RE STILL JUMPING.

HOW DID HE KNOW THAT WE WEREN'T GOING TO BE

BLOWN UP BY THAT FIRST EXPLOSION?

HE COULDN'T POSSIBLY.

THAT'S JUST LOVELESS' STILL WARPED SENSE OF HUMOR.

GOOD HEAVENS, WHAT HAPPENED?

WE MIGHT ALL HAVE BEEN KILLED!

EXCUSE ME, MR. WELLS.

DO YOU KNOW A MAN NAMED "ARTHUR TICKLE"?

"TICKLE"? NEVER HEARD OF HIM.

ABOUT THE EXPLOSION, THOUGH--

WHILE YOU'RE TRACKING DOWN THIS "TICKLE" FELLOW,

WHY DON'T I GET BACK TO THE CAR

AND MAKE PREPARATIONS FOR MY DATE WITH TRISTE?

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD ONE.

I'M NOT SURE I DO, BUT I HAVE A HUNCH

IF I GET BACK THERE, I WILL.

SEE YOU LATER.

EXCUSE ME, I COULDN'T HELP OVERHEARING.

ARE YOU LOOKING FOR ARTHUR TICKLE?

YES. DO YOU KNOW WHERE I CAN FIND HIM?

IT'S BEGINNING TO GET DARK.

I JUST SO HAPPEN TO BE GOING PAST HIS HOUSE.

I'LL BE GLAD TO SHOW YOU THE WAY.

THANK YOU.

OH!

OOH! THAT SMARTS!

WELCOME TO MY HUMBLE ABODE, DEAR TRISTE.

I ADORE PROMPTNESS IN A LADY.

WON'T YOU JOIN ME?

OH, MY! FOR ME? AND ANOTHER LITTLE GIFT.

TRISTE, TRISTE, YOU'RE ALWAYS THINKING OF ME.

IT'S ONE OF YOUR NICER TRAITS.

BUT THEN, I'VE BEEN THINKING OF YOU, TOO.

YOU WERE EXPECTING ME?

NATURALLY.

ISN'T IT OBVIOUS?

WHERE ELSE WOULD YOU EXPECT TO FIND A BOTTLE

OF PROPERLY CHILLED CHATEAU MARANIE?

OR A STROGANOFF DONE TO SO EXQUISITE A BRANDY TURN?

OR SUCH FASCINATING CONVERSATION

ABOUT A KEY TO A CERTAIN SAFE-DEPOSIT BOX?

WON'T YOU JOIN ME?

YOU'LL NEVER SEE IT FROM THE ROAD

IN A MILLION YEARS.

THE TICKLE HOUSE IS JUST BEYOND

THAT STAND OF COTTONWOODS.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

GIDDYAP!

HELLO?

ANYBODY HOME?

HELLO!

WHAT'S YOUR PLEASURE? WHAT'S YOUR PLEASURE?

WHAT'S YOUR PLEASURE? WHAT'S YOUR PLEASURE?

CONGRATULATIONS!

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU OUTLASTED ME, WEST.

I ONLY WISH IT HAD BEEN THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

THE OTHER WAY-- THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

ONCE OR TWICE, YOU MUST ADMIT,

IT LOOKED LIKE IT MIGHT ACTUALLY WORK OUT THAT WAY.

IN LIFE, MR. WEST, I BENT EVERY EFFORT

TO BE YOUR EXECUTIONER.

IN DEATH, I ASK YOU TO BE MY EXECUTOR

OF MY ESTATE.

ONLY IN THIS WAY,

CAN I FEEL ASSURED THAT THE INTERESTS OF MY NEXT OF KIN

WILL BE ADEQUATELY PROTECTED.

MY LAWYER WILL FILL IN THE DETAILS,

BUT IN RETURN FOR THE SMALL FAVOR I ASK,

I OFFER YOU SOMETHING YOUR DEPARTMENT MAY FIND USEFUL.

COUNSELOR TICKLE, I PRESUME.

YES. WOULD YOU, UM...

IF YOU DON'T MIND.

I'LL BE FRANK, MR. WEST.

AS DR. LOVELESS' ATTORNEY,

I HAD TO GO ALONG WITH MANY EXOTIC MANEUVERS

THAT I DIDN'T QUITE APPROVE OF.

THAT WAS THE STORY OF MY ASSOCIATION, TOO.

THE BUSINESS ABOUT GETTING YOU HERE

WITHOUT REVEALING MY IDENTITY,

GETTING THE BIRD TO MEMORIZE

THE DOCTOR'S OWN READING OF HIS WILL,

ALL THAT WAS HIGHLY IRREGULAR, OF COURSE,

BUT NOW THAT THAT'S ALL OVER,

DO YOU ACCEPT MY CLIENT'S PROPOSITION?

WHAT'S AT THE OTHER END OF THIS COMBINATION?

THE FILES.

WHEN I ASKED ABOUT THAT, DR. LOVELESS JUST LAUGHED.

HE HAD NO DOUBT YOU'D MANAGE TO FIND OUT WHERE IT WAS.

THAT SOUNDS LIKE THE LOVELESS I KNEW.

LOVELESS' KIN THAT HE WAS SO CONCERNED ABOUT,

WAS THAT MAN, WOMAN, OR CHILD?

PLEASE, HERR WEST.

I'VE BEEN TOLD THAT THE FAMILY RESEMBLANCE

IS TRULY REMARKABLE,

BUT MY NEPHEW, MIGUELITO, IS DEAD.

THIS IS THE LATE DR. LOVELESS'

NEXT OF KIN AND SOLE HEIR.

DR. WERNER OTTO LEIBKNICHT, OF THE UNIVERSITY OF ZURICH.

MR. JAMES WEST OF THE UNITED STATES SECRET SERVICE.

DR. LEIBKNICHT IS THE CELEBRATED SWISS NEUROLOGIST,

AS YOU UNDOUBTEDLY KNOW.

HE AND THE LATE DR. LOVELESS HAD COMPLETED PLANS

TO JOIN IN THE OPERATION OF A NEW SANITORIUM

WHEN THE UNFORTUNATE ACCIDENT OCCURRED.

PLEASE, I'M SURE HERR WEST

IS NOT INTERESTED IN THAT AT ALL.

IN FACT, WHAT I THINK HE SHOULD BE INTERESTED IN

IS THE SACRED PLAN THAT I HAVE IN MIND.

AND THAT IS?

YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE A WICKED PERSON, HERR WEST.

THANK YOU, DOCTOR.

BUT IT HAS BEEN DEMONSTRATED TO ME

THAT YOU ARE A WICKED PERSON, AND FOR THAT YOU MUST DIE.

WHAT IS IT ABOUT ME THAT'S SO WICKED?

DO YOU THINK MY NEPHEW, MIGUELITO, HAS NOT TOLD ME

HOW YOU HAVE CONTINUALLY HOUNDED HIM?

YOU PERSECUTED HIM.

YOU ALLOWED HIM NOT A MOMENT'S PEACE!

HIT THE GROUND!

WHAT IS IT?! WHO'S SHOOTING?

DEUCE AND HIS MERRY MEN.

DEUCE? WHO'S THAT? WHAT DOES HE WANT?

JAMES WEST, I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU

JUST ONE MINUTE TO COME OUT WITH THAT KEY!

OTHERWISE, I'LL REALLY OPEN UP!

DEUCE IS A FORMER ASSOCIATE OF YOUR LATE NEPHEW.

I THINK HE WANTS A KEY.

TO BE PRECISE, HE WANTS THE COMBINATION

TO THE LOCK THAT HOLDS THE FILES.

GIVE IT TO HIM!

NO-- FOR TWO REASONS.

ONE IS, ACCORDING TO THAT WILL,

IT'S PROPERTY OF THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT.

REASON NUMBER TWO?

REASON NUMBER TWO IS I'M SURE HE WANTS OUR BLOOD.

OHH, TRISTE, TRISTE, TRISTE.

I'VE SERVED YOU A SUPERB STROGANOFF,

I'VE PLIED YOU WITH VINTAGE CHAMPAGNE,

PROVIDED YOU WITH SOFT, ROMANTIC CANDLELIGHT,

AND STILL YOU PERSIST IN REFUSING

TO OPEN YOUR GIRLISH HEART TO ME.

OH, THERE'S SO MUCH ABOUT YOU I WANT TO KNOW.

YOU KNOW ALL THE ANSWERS, HAWKSHAW.

YOU AND YOUR PARTNER FOUND THE SAFETY-DEPOSIT BOXES.

YES, BUT THERE'S SO MUCH MORE ABOUT YOU

I WANT TO KNOW THAN THAT.

FOR INSTANCE, WHO YOU'RE WORKING FOR,

OR HOW YOUR FRIEND, DEUCE, FITS INTO THE PICTURE,

OR WHAT MIRACULOUS POT OF GOLD THERE IS

AT THE END OF THE RAINBOW THAT ALL OF YOU

ARE SO WILLING TO KILL SO MANY PEOPLE FOR?

DON'T HANG BY YOUR THUMBS WAITING FOR ME TO TELL YOU.

YOU'RE VERY BEAUTIFUL.

SO THEY TELL ME.

I'M...JUST SITTING HERE WONDERING...

A LITTLE SADLY, ACTUALLY,

HOW LONG THAT BEAUTY WILL LAST...

ONCE YOU'RE BEHIND BARS.

YOU'RE ALSO BEING TERRIBLY OBVIOUS, AREN'T YOU?

I DON'T THINK SO. I JUST THINK YOU DON'T KNOW.

HAVE YOU EVER WORKED IN A JUTE MILL, TRISTE?

BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU'LL BE DOING

ONCE YOU'RE IN PRISON.

THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT DAILY CONTACT

WITH JUTE FIBERS THAT TURNS

EVEN A PEACHES-AND-CREAM COMPLEXION LIKE YOURS,

OVER THE LONG YEARS, INTO WHAT LOOKS LIKE

MOTTLED, BADLY TANNED LEATHER.

MAYBE AFTER THOSE LONG CENTURIES PASS,

YOU REALLY WON'T MIND TOO MUCH

BECAUSE YOU WILL HAVE BEEN DEPRIVED

OF THE COMPANY OF ANYONE MALE.

NOTHING BUT EMBITTERED, HATEFUL FEMALES,

ALL OF THEM DRYING OUT LIKE YOURSELF,

WAITING FOR DEATH.

AND BY THEN, YOU'LL BE A GARGOYLE,

SOMETHING DISTORTED...

THAT IN NO WAY RESEMBLES

THE BEAUTIFUL, YOUNG GIRL YOU ARE NOW.

LOOK, I, UH...

CAN TELL YOU SOMETHING YOU SHOULD KNOW.

IF YOU'LL PROMISE--

NO PROMISES, NO DEALS. YOU JUST TALK.

AFTER THAT, I'LL SEE WHAT KIND OF A BREAK

I CAN GET YOU.

ALL RIGHT.

THERE'S A MAN NAMED "TICKLE,"

AND DEUCE WOULD GIVE ANYTHING TO FIND HIM.

HE'S PROBABLY TAILING YOUR PARTNER RIGHT NOW,

FIGURING THAT HE'LL FIND TICKLE.

DO YOU KNOW WHERE I CAN FIND THIS TICKLE CHARACTER?

WELL...I COULD TAKE YOU TO HIM.

BUT JUST REMEMBER THAT YOU PROMISED

TO GIVE ME A BREAK.

ALL RIGHT. COME ON.

HEY, HEROES!

YOU, WITH THAT OVERWORKED ARTILLERY IN THERE!

WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND, DEUCE?

I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU A LAST CHANCE.

THROW DOWN YOUR GUNS, AND WE'LL TALK IT OVER.

I THINK THE MAN'S SINCERE.

I VOTE WE DO AS HE SAYS.

DO YOU? WHAT DO YOU VOTE, DOCTOR?

I SHALL CAST MY LOT WITH YOU, HERR WEST.

DEUCE!

OH, WE'RE ON FIRE!

IT IS GAS.

ONE OF THE CHLORIDE GROUP, I BELIEVE, PHOSGENE.

THAT'S POISON GAS.

THAT HORSE AND BUGGY OF YOURS. WHERE IS IT?

IN THE BARN.

I THINK IT'S TIME FOR A BUGGY RIDE.

I CAN'T STAND IT! I'M GIVING MYSELF UP!

COME BACK HERE!

DON'T!!!

DON'T SHOOT!

I ACCEPT YOUR--

WE GOT TO FIND ANOTHER WAY OUT OF HERE.

ARE YOU GAME, DOCTOR?

MR. WEST, I KNOW I'M NOT SO TALL AS YOU,

BUT IF YOU QUESTION MY COURAGE BECAUSE OF--

IT NEVER ENTERED MY MIND.

EXECUTIONER, MR. WEST...

I'D BETTER GET YOUR LATE NEPHEW'S

LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT OUT IN THE FRESH AIR.

...OF MY ESTATE.

IF YOU'VE EVER HELD ON BEFORE, HOLD ON NOW!

WUNDERBAR! MASTERFUL MANEUVER.

OH, NOT REALLY, AS ONE FOX TO ANOTHER,

THAT JUST BOUGHT US A FEW EXTRA MOMENTS.

THE HOUNDS WILL SOON BE BACK ON OUR TRAIL.

THAT SANITORIUM YOU AND DR. LOVELESS ORGANIZED,

WHERE IS IT?

BANNER POINT ON THE COAST. WHY?

THAT'S A GOOD EIGHT MILES.

THAT'S AS GOOD AS ANY PLACE

TO START LOOKING FOR THOSE FILES.

I TAKE IT, IN LIFE, THAT WAS MR. TICKLE.

WELL, THINGS ARE CERTAINLY NICE AND QUIET IN HERE.

LET'S TAKE A LOOK--

SEA GULLS.

NOW, WHAT WOULD A LONE MYNA BIRD

BE OUT TALKING TO ITSELF ON A NIGHT LIKE THIS FOR?

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA, TRISTE?

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, MR. GORDON?

I NEVER FELT BETTER IN MY LIFE. THANK YOU.

BOYS, PICK UP THE LADY'S TRAIL.

YES, SIR.

EVERYTHING'S GOING ACCORDING TO YOUR PLAN.

FINE.

YOU KNOW, LAYDEN...

JUST AS AN EDUCATED GUESS,

I'D SAY THIS BIRD LIVES SOMEWHERE NEAR THE SEASHORE,

KEPT SOME VERY STRANGE COMPANY.

IN ANY CASE, IT WILL BE INTERESTING TO SEE

WHERE THE FOX LEADS US, HUH?

COME ON, LAYDEN.

DR. LEIBKNICHT'S SANITORIUM

FOR THE TREATMENT OF NERVOUS DISEASES.

NOTHING LIKE HAVING A CASTLE WITH A VIEW OF THE SEA.

THE IMPORTANT THING IS WE HAVE FINALLY ARRIVED.

THERE MUST BE SOME STAIRS AROUND HERE.

STAIRS? MY DEAR HERR WEST,

MIGUELITO WOULD HAVE LAUGHED AT SUCH THINGS.

LONG BEFORE HE EVEN BUILT THIS SANITORIUM--

YOU HAVE DISPLAYED REMARKABLE INGENUITY, HERR WEST,

BUT NOW, AS IT MUST TO ALL MEN--

HOLD THIS.

WHAT IS IT?

AN EXPLOSIVE. HOLD THIS.

DON'T PUT THEM TOGETHER UNTIL I TELL YOU TO.

NOW!

THEY'RE BLOCKED OFF NOW.

SO MUCH FOR DEUCE AND HIS MEN.

WE'RE ASCENDING, I TAKE IT.

SEE FOR YOURSELF.

MAY I OFFER YOU A DRINK?

ANOTHER ONE OF DR. LOVELESS' TOYS.

SOMEHOW, YOU MAKE THAT SOUND CONTEMPTIBLE, HERR WEST.

I DON'T MEAN TO.

YOUR NEPHEW WAS QUITE REMARKABLE.

HE WAS TOO FAR AHEAD OF HIS TIME.

IS THAT WHY YOU HAVE SPENT YOUR YOUNG LIFE

PERSECUTING HIM?

DOCTOR, YOUR NEPHEW AND I--

HERR WEST, PLEASE.

WE SHOULD LET THE DEAD REST IN PEACE.

DR. LOVELESS' OFFICE.

HIS PLAYTHINGS-- THE WORLD.

WHO ELSE WOULD HAVE BEEN SO OBSESSED

WITH TOYING WITH IT,

SHAKING IT FROM TIME TO TIME,

TO MAKE A DIFFERENT, MORE IMPROVED WORLD?

YOU HAVE A POINT TO MAKE, HERR WEST?

I MADE AN AGREEMENT WITH YOUR LATE NEPHEW

TO GUARANTEE YOUR SAFETY.

I THINK YOU HAVE DONE THIS ADMIRABLY.

AND HE, IN TURN, SAID THAT MY DEPARTMENT

WOULD INHERIT HIS FILES.

I'M HERE FOR THOSE FILES, DOCTOR.

SINCE THIS SEEMS TO HAVE BEEN MIGUELITO'S WISH...

HAVE YOU CONSIDERED THAT THIS COMBINATION

YOU INHERITED COULD BE A FRAUD?

NOT A CHANCE, DOCTOR.

OR THAT THE CONTENTS, ONCE YOU OPEN IT,

COULD BE JUST BLANK NEWSPAPERS,

UH...BLANK PAPER?

I KNEW LOVELESS

AND HIS "DARK OF THE MOON" KIND OF CODE.

HE WAS A STRANGELY HONORABLE MAN.

THIS IS THE COMBINATION THAT WILL OPEN THE SAFE.

AND THE CONTENTS-- WILL THEY BE WORTH

ALL THE TROUBLE YOU'VE BEEN PUT THROUGH?

NO WONDER DEUCE WANTED THESE FILES SO BADLY.

LOVELESS FIGURED OUT A FOOLPROOF ASSAULT

ON THE UNITED STATES MINT.

ARE YOU NOT AFRAID THAT I MIGHT

TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO KILL YOU, HERR WEST?

NO, DOCTOR, I DON'T THINK YOU COULD KILL ANYTHING.

WHAT ABOUT DR. LOVELESS, MR. WEST?

YOU KNOW, LOVELESS, IT'S ALWAYS A MISTAKE

JUMPING TO THE CONCLUSION THAT YOU'RE DEAD.

BUT I CAN BE PARDONED FOR BEING FOOLED

AFTER THE TEST ARTIE RAN ON YOUR CORPSE.

HE DID NOT TAKE INTO CONSIDERATION

THE ART OF YOGA--

THE SEVENTH STAGE, "TURIA."

AN EXPERIENCED PRACTITIONER, SUCH AS MYSELF,

CAN ENTER THE STAGE OF "SAMADHI,"

WHERE BREATHING, HEARTBEATS, CAN BE SUSPENDED.

WHY ALL THE HANKY-PANKY WITH THAT PATHETIC SHERIFF,

HAVING HIM PRETEND YOU WERE DEAD?

OH, MR. WEST, WHAT DOES A LITTLE MAN,

BORN INTO A WORLD OF GIANTS,

DO WHEN ONE OF THE GIANTS SETS OUT TO KILL HIM?

HE PITS A GIANT LIKE ME

AGAINST THE OTHER GIANT TO DISPOSE OF HIM.

PRECISELY.

DEUCE WAS BECOMING TROUBLESOME.

HE HAD TO BE ELIMINATED, AND YOU OBLIGED.

IS SOMETHING THE MATTER, MR. WEST?

COULD IT BE THAT JET OF ANESTHETIC THAT'S BEEN

PLAYING OVER YOU EVER SINCE YOU OPENED THE SAFE?

LOVELESS--

DR. LANGELY, DR. CROW.

TAKE THE GENTLEMEN DOWN THE CORRIDOR.

FOLLOW ME, GENTLEMEN.

PACKAGE.

YOUR NAME, DOCTOR?

THAT'S PERFECTLY ALL RIGHT, YOUNG MAN.

I JUST GAVE IT TO THE GENTLEMAN AT THE DOOR.

WELL, YOU GIVE IT TO ME, TOO.

GIVE IT TO YOU, TOO? I WISH I COULD.

WOULD YOU BELIEVE THAT I WAS DR. LIPPENSTOTT?

OH-HO, I THINK IF YOU TOLD ME THAT,

YOU'D HAVE A LOT OF EXPLAINING TO DO.

I SUPPOSE YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME

YOU'RE DR. RAMONE DE LAPELETIER FROM THE SORBONNE.

HE SEEMS TO BE THE ONLY ONE STILL MISSING.

I HAVE DISCOVERED,

IN THE MIDST OF SOME VERY SERIOUS RESEARCH,

I HAPPEN TO BE HE.

JUST TO BE ON THE SAFE SIDE,

I THINK I'LL CHECK MY LISTS OVER HERE.

JUST A MOMENT.

YES?

SAY THAT AGAIN. WOULD YOU MIND?

I SAID, "JUST TO BE ON THE SAFE SIDE"--

SAFE SIDE?

"SAFE SIDE, I THINK"--

THAT ALTERS EVERYTHING.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU HAD AMBIVALENATIS PERDITIS?

AMBI...AM...

THERE I GO.

NO, I SHOULD REALLY STICK TO MY RESEARCH,

AND NOT MIX IN THINGS THAT CONCERN ONLY YOU

AND YOUR OWN SELF.

NO, NO, PLEASE.

YOU GO AHEAD AND CHECK YOUR LIST, WON'T YOU?

TSK-TSK-TSK!

DOCTOR, THIS, UH... AMBIVALINICUS--

AMBIVALENATIS PERDITIS.

YES, UH...IS THAT SERIOUS?

OF COURSE, NONE OF US CAN LIVE FOREVER, YOUNG MAN.

IF YOUR CURRENT TREATMENT

IS MAKING YOU FEEL MORE COMFORTABLE,

THAT'S AS MUCH AS ONE CAN ASK.

DOCTOR, I'M NOT TAKING ANY TREATMENT.

YOU'RE NOT? GREAT SCOTT, MAN, DON'T MOVE!

HOW COULD YOU LET THIS MUCH TIME GO BY?

HERE, TELL ME SOMETHING. SIT RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE.

DO YOU FIND IN THE MORNING THAT YOU'RE FEELING

A LITTLE BIT TIRED AND STILL SLEEPY?

YES, SIR.

WHEN YOU HAVE A HEAVY MEAL,

DO YOU FIND YOUR STOMACH FEELS DISTENDED?

YES, SIR.

THAT'S WHAT I FIGURED.

DON'T TRY TO TALK. HERE. JUST ONE MOMENT.

THERE WE GO.

IT'S RIDICULOUS FOR YOU TO HAVE WAITED THIS LONG.

OPEN YOUR MOUTH. THERE WE ARE.

GIVE ME YOUR PULSE.

MAKE CERTAIN EVERYTHING IS FINE HERE.

NO YOUNG MAN SHOULD BE PERMITTED TO GO THROUGH LIFE

CARRYING THAT MUCH IN THE WAY OF DIFFICULTY.

YOU ALWAYS WORK.

DR. RAMONE DE LAPELETIER.

HOIST THE MAINSAIL! FACE THE JIB!

WE'LL HAVE A QUIET NIGHT AND A CALM SEA.

DELIGHTED TO SEE YOU UP AGAIN, MR. WEST.

THANK YOU. WHAT'S THE PROGRAM, DOCTOR?

GENTLEMEN, DISTINGUISHED COLLEAGUES--

I'M HONORED THAT YOU HAVE SEEN FIT

TO ACCEPT MY INVITATION TO THIS SURGICAL DEMONSTRATION.

YOU BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND NOW, WEST?

AS YOU KNOW FROM THE CLINICAL

THE PATIENT IS YOUNG, IN EXCELLENT PHYSICAL CONDITION,

BUT WITH A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE AND IRRATIONALITY

EXTENDING OVER MANY YEARS.

THE PATIENT'S HALLUCINATIONS ARE A CASE IN POINT,

AS WE SHALL SEE.

WHAT IS YOUR NAME, YOUNG MAN,

AND YOUR OCCUPATION?

PATIENT IS IN HIS UNCOMMUNICATIVE PHASE,

BUT HE WOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING SUCH AS,

"AGENT OF THE UNITED STATES SECRET SERVICE,"

OR SOME SUCH.

AT ANY RATE, THE OPERATION YOU WILL SEE

IS A SIMPLE DESTRUCTION OF THE FRONTAL NERVES.

THIS EFFECTIVELY TRANSFORMS THE PATIENT'S PERSONALITY.

NON!

Attends, attends!

DOCTOR, IF YOU PLEASE.

ALLOW ME.

MONSIEUR LE DOCTOR RAMONE DE LAPELETIER,

OF THE SORBONNE,

AND LET ME BE THE FIRST

TO ASSURE YOU, MONSIEUR LE DOCTOR,

THAT I STAND SECOND TO NONE AMONG MY COLLEAGUES

IN MY GRAND ADMIRATION

FOR YOUR CONTRIBUTION TO le science médical.

THANK YOU, DOCTOR, BUT--

BUT I CANNOT REMAIN SILENT!

IF THIS opération IS TO HAVE ANY MEANING FOR US,

IT IS IMPORTANT THAT IT NOT ONLY BE BRILLIANT,

BUT THAT WE HAVE ALL THE DATA.

FOR EXAMPLE,

THE BLOOD PRESSURE OF THE PATIENT,

THE RETIN--

HERE, PERMIT ME, IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE.

FOLLOW THAT.

THE RETINAL STATUS IS PERFECT.

THE RESPIRATION... IS NORMAL.

THE SPLEEN... PERFECTLY IN PLACE.

THE PULSE--

GET HIM OUT OF HERE!

NO! NO! NO!

THAT DOOR ISN'T GOING TO HOLD MUCH LONGER, JIM.

THAT SHOULD MUCK IT.

ARTIE, LET'S CREATE A LITTLE DIVERSION--

RELEASE THE INMATES.

GOOD IDEA. HERE.

IT'S CUTE, HUH?

ALL THAT NOISE AND FURY

AND NOT ONE, SINGLE, BLESSED INMATE.

I'LL SHOW YOU SOMETHING ELSE THAT'S CUTE.

ARTIE, LOVELESS HAS SOME FILES

I THINK YOU'LL BE INTERESTED IN SEEING.

KEEP AN EYE ON HIM.

A PLEASURE.

DO YOU TWO HAVE ANY IDEA

OF THE TROUBLE YOU'VE PUT ME TO?

GETTING ALL THESE PANICKY DOCTORS OUT TO SAFETY

IS TAXING MY FACILITIES TO THE UTMOST.

DELIGHTED TO LEARN THAT YOUR COLLEAGUES

ARE SO WELL TAKEN CARE OF.

EVERYTHING HAS BECOME SO MESSY,

DISORDERED, CHAOTIC, THANKS TO YOU TWO!

I HELPED YOU WITH DEUCE AND HIS BOYS.

YES, YOU DID, DIDN'T YOU?

I WOULD HAVE PERFORMED A BRILLIANT OPERATION ON YOU,

HAD NOT MR. GORDON INTERFERED.

OF COURSE.

COME ON, LOVELESS, GET ON YOUR FEET.

IT'S TIME TO GO.

JUST LIKE THAT, HUH? OFF TO JAIL.

Adieu, DEAR TRISTE.

I'M SORRY TO LEAVE YOU SO ABRUPTLY,

BUT I SHALL RETURN FOR YOU LATER.

THIS WHOLE PLACE IS RIGGED FOR SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION.

LET'S TAKE THE ELEVATOR!

IF YOU WANT TO KEEP

THAT PEACHES-AND-CREAM COMPLEXION,

YOU BETTER OPEN THAT ELEVATOR.

WHAT ARE YOU CRYING FOR?

MIGUELITO. HE'S IN THERE.

IS HE? YOU WANT TO BET ON THAT?

...AT WHICH POINT, THIS DEPUTY SHERIFF GETS UP

AND DUSTS HIMSELF OFF AND SAYS,

"JUST FOR THAT, YOU'RE ALL UNDER ARREST!"

WELL! HERE YOU ARE, JAMES.

"TO JAMES WEST AND ARTEMUS GORDON."

SOMEBODY SENT US A GIFT.

YEAH, NO RETURN ADDRESS. IT'S PROBABLY A BOMB.

LADIES...

UH, NO NAME OF A SENDER?

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