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1
00:00:06,643 --> 00:00:07,698
What are you guys doing?
2
00:00:07,818 --> 00:00:09,294
I thought you were
taking Hope to the park.
3
00:00:09,414 --> 00:00:11,314
It's too hot.
4
00:00:11,365 --> 00:00:13,649
I can't believe you guys are so lazy.
5
00:00:13,700 --> 00:00:15,985
We're not lazy; we just...
6
00:00:16,036 --> 00:00:18,788
I don't have the energy
to argue with you.
7
00:00:18,822 --> 00:00:20,656
She's having fun.
We did this kind of stuff
8
00:00:20,707 --> 00:00:22,041
with you, and you loved it.
9
00:00:22,075 --> 00:00:24,410
It's smart parenting.
10
00:00:24,444 --> 00:00:26,462
Like, why would you drag a tentout to the forest
11
00:00:26,497 --> 00:00:27,713
when you can build one with blankets
12
00:00:27,748 --> 00:00:28,965
in your own living room?
13
00:00:28,999 --> 00:00:30,583
Can I come out now?
14
00:00:30,617 --> 00:00:32,585
Not yet, buddy.
15
00:00:32,619 --> 00:00:34,587
Daddy's still fighting the bear.
16
00:00:36,890 --> 00:00:38,508
And why spend all day
17
00:00:38,559 --> 00:00:40,810
standing in lines at the museumwhen we've got
18
00:00:40,844 --> 00:00:42,762
plenty of old stuffright here in the house?
19
00:00:42,796 --> 00:00:44,263
And this is what ladies
20
00:00:44,297 --> 00:00:46,098
used to wear in the '40s and '50s.
21
00:00:46,132 --> 00:00:49,101
They had no sense of style
like we do today.
22
00:00:50,470 --> 00:00:52,104
Or when you wanted to take karate,
23
00:00:52,138 --> 00:00:53,656
but it would've been a hassle to drive
24
00:00:53,690 --> 00:00:55,324
two towns over to wherethey held the classes.
25
00:00:55,359 --> 00:00:57,693
Okay, grasshopper.
26
00:00:57,744 --> 00:00:59,612
Time for your kung fu lesson.
27
00:00:59,646 --> 00:01:02,081
Whatever that guy
in the black pajamas does,
28
00:01:02,115 --> 00:01:04,116
you do the same, all right?
29
00:01:05,652 --> 00:01:08,754
You want to fight, fight me.
30
00:01:09,923 --> 00:01:11,624
You want to fight?
31
00:01:12,826 --> 00:01:14,677
Fight me.
32
00:01:14,711 --> 00:01:16,963
Look, if you want to call that
"smart parenting"
33
00:01:16,997 --> 00:01:19,382
to make yourselves feel better,
that's fine,
34
00:01:19,433 --> 00:01:21,434
but Hope is not going
to grow up that way.
35
00:01:21,468 --> 00:01:23,769
I am taking her to a park
36
00:01:23,804 --> 00:01:27,172
so she can have an actual
outdoor experience in nature.
37
00:01:32,229 --> 00:01:33,479
Hot out there, huh?
38
00:01:33,513 --> 00:01:34,864
And muggy.
39
00:01:34,898 --> 00:01:37,149
I wasn't expecting the muggy.
40
00:01:38,485 --> 00:01:44,755
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
41
00:01:44,858 --> 00:01:46,709
Are you sure you can do this?
42
00:01:46,743 --> 00:01:48,878
Piece of cake. Don't move.
43
00:01:48,912 --> 00:01:50,963
Don't hit my face.
Don't move.
44
00:01:50,998 --> 00:01:53,165
Don't hit my face.
45
00:01:53,199 --> 00:01:54,550
I don't know what you guys are doing,
46
00:01:54,585 --> 00:01:55,801
but Hope wants to go on the swing.
47
00:01:55,836 --> 00:01:57,220
Oh, hold on.
48
00:01:57,254 --> 00:01:58,721
I'm dying to know if I can do this.
49
00:01:58,755 --> 00:01:59,889
Don't hit my face.
50
00:01:59,923 --> 00:02:01,140
All right.
51
00:02:01,174 --> 00:02:02,592
Coming at you.
52
00:02:09,483 --> 00:02:10,650
It's okay, sweetie.
53
00:02:10,684 --> 00:02:12,018
Burt, go grab a dustpan, would you?
54
00:02:12,052 --> 00:02:14,520
Just a picture of your dad
when he was a baby.
55
00:02:14,554 --> 00:02:16,522
I'm sure we can find another one
around here somewhere.
56
00:02:16,556 --> 00:02:18,407
Here, have a seat.
57
00:02:18,442 --> 00:02:21,110
I really was cute as a baby.
58
00:02:22,613 --> 00:02:24,530
Oh, look at you.
59
00:02:24,564 --> 00:02:26,198
So cute and happy and thinking
60
00:02:26,232 --> 00:02:27,700
life's going to turn out great.
61
00:02:27,734 --> 00:02:29,118
Good for you.
62
00:02:29,169 --> 00:02:32,371
Hey, it's... it's folded.
63
00:02:32,405 --> 00:02:34,707
There's more picture.
64
00:02:34,741 --> 00:02:37,543
Who are these people?
I have no idea.
65
00:02:37,577 --> 00:02:39,428
Uh, that picture came with the frame.
66
00:02:39,463 --> 00:02:41,380
But how did I get in the picture
that comes with the frame?
67
00:02:41,414 --> 00:02:44,600
Okay, we were never
going to tell you this,
68
00:02:44,635 --> 00:02:46,936
but, uh, when you were little,
69
00:02:46,970 --> 00:02:49,522
I took you to a baby modeling tryout
70
00:02:49,556 --> 00:02:51,641
and you got the job
to be in that picture.
71
00:02:51,692 --> 00:02:53,893
But then I saw a special on TV
72
00:02:53,927 --> 00:02:56,279
about Danny Bonaduce,
and it scared me,
73
00:02:56,313 --> 00:02:57,947
so I never took you back.
74
00:02:57,981 --> 00:02:59,398
But you love Danny Bonaduce.
75
00:02:59,432 --> 00:03:01,117
The actor, not the person.
76
00:03:01,151 --> 00:03:03,402
Don't turn around or say anything.
77
00:03:03,436 --> 00:03:05,321
Dad, who are the people
in this picture?
78
00:03:05,372 --> 00:03:07,573
That is me and your mother.
79
00:03:07,607 --> 00:03:08,584
Really?
80
00:03:08,783 --> 00:03:10,417
We were never going to tell you this,
81
00:03:10,451 --> 00:03:12,452
but, uh, your mom and I
used to be spies.
82
00:03:12,486 --> 00:03:14,037
That's what we used to look like
83
00:03:14,088 --> 00:03:15,505
before we retired and the government
84
00:03:15,539 --> 00:03:16,608
gave us new faces.
85
00:03:16,728 --> 00:03:19,793
That, uh, older boy is a robot--
ran on "C" batteries.
86
00:03:19,827 --> 00:03:21,378
He's not buying it, Burt.
87
00:03:21,429 --> 00:03:22,587
Ah, damn.
88
00:03:22,707 --> 00:03:24,514
I told you we should have thrown
that picture away.
89
00:03:24,548 --> 00:03:26,099
But Jimmy looked so adorable,
90
00:03:26,133 --> 00:03:27,634
and we couldn't afford
a little sailor suit.
91
00:03:27,668 --> 00:03:29,185
So, who are these people?
92
00:03:29,220 --> 00:03:31,388
Besides, you were supposed
to cut the other people
93
00:03:31,439 --> 00:03:34,307
out of the picture,
not fold them behind.
94
00:03:34,341 --> 00:03:36,693
Cutting a picture is bad luck.
Says who?
95
00:03:36,727 --> 00:03:38,561
I don't know. People.
Isn't that a thing?
96
00:03:38,612 --> 00:03:40,113
Why am I in this picture?
97
00:03:40,147 --> 00:03:41,364
No, that's not a thing.
98
00:03:41,399 --> 00:03:42,699
You know what's bad luck?
99
00:03:42,733 --> 00:03:44,200
Folding a picture
100
00:03:44,235 --> 00:03:46,536
instead of cutting it,
and then 25 years later,
101
00:03:46,570 --> 00:03:48,788
having to explain to your son
that he's adopted.
102
00:03:48,823 --> 00:03:50,323
What?
103
00:03:50,357 --> 00:03:51,875
You have a good point.
104
00:03:51,909 --> 00:03:53,576
I guess folding is worse.
105
00:03:53,627 --> 00:03:55,245
Live and learn.
106
00:03:58,354 --> 00:04:00,054
I'm adopted?
Before you get mad,
107
00:04:00,088 --> 00:04:02,724
just give us a chance to explain.
108
00:04:06,255 --> 00:04:08,523
You're not that kind of adopted.
109
00:04:08,558 --> 00:04:11,226
We are your biodegradable parents.
110
00:04:11,260 --> 00:04:12,978
Well, but then who are these people?
111
00:04:13,029 --> 00:04:14,229
They're Bill and Denise Jenkins,
112
00:04:14,263 --> 00:04:16,531
and they adopted you from us.
113
00:04:16,566 --> 00:04:18,683
When you were born,we weren't really prepared
114
00:04:18,718 --> 00:04:21,870
for the impact it was goingto have on our leisure time.
115
00:04:31,280 --> 00:04:32,631
It was a nightmare.
116
00:04:32,665 --> 00:04:34,466
You were a nightmare child.
117
00:04:34,500 --> 00:04:36,168
You know that movie The Exorcist?
118
00:04:36,219 --> 00:04:38,637
You cried the whole way through it.
119
00:04:38,671 --> 00:04:40,305
That's the thing about babies, Jimmy.
120
00:04:40,339 --> 00:04:42,924
They don't come with
an instruction manual.
121
00:04:42,958 --> 00:04:44,176
Someone really should write a book
122
00:04:44,227 --> 00:04:45,427
about how to care for a baby.
123
00:04:45,461 --> 00:04:46,678
So we did what we thought
124
00:04:46,729 --> 00:04:48,230
was the responsible thing to do
125
00:04:48,264 --> 00:04:51,433
and had an adoption agency
find you a better home.
126
00:04:51,467 --> 00:04:53,902
But after a few weeks, we kind
of missed having you around.
127
00:04:53,936 --> 00:04:55,854
Plus, with you gone,
we lost our little excuse
128
00:04:55,905 --> 00:04:57,105
for not doing our homework.
129
00:04:57,139 --> 00:04:58,440
So we got you back.
130
00:05:00,309 --> 00:05:05,413
Are you maybe a little mad
that we kind of...
131
00:05:05,448 --> 00:05:08,834
sort of tried to pretend
you never happened?
132
00:05:08,868 --> 00:05:11,586
No, I'm not.
133
00:05:11,621 --> 00:05:13,588
I mean, I get it.
134
00:05:13,623 --> 00:05:15,373
I had the same thought
when I first had Hope.
135
00:05:15,424 --> 00:05:17,008
I was just a little bit older,
136
00:05:17,043 --> 00:05:19,461
and I was lucky 'cause I
had you guys to help me.
137
00:05:19,495 --> 00:05:21,046
I just can't stop wondering
138
00:05:21,097 --> 00:05:24,132
what it would have been like
to not be an only child.
139
00:05:24,166 --> 00:05:26,134
I always wanted a brother.
140
00:05:26,168 --> 00:05:28,803
So I invented one: Johnny.
141
00:05:28,838 --> 00:05:31,306
Want to do some math problems
while we wait?
142
00:05:31,340 --> 00:05:32,357
Okay.
143
00:05:32,391 --> 00:05:34,376
Three plus four.
Nine.
144
00:05:34,410 --> 00:05:36,144
Right. Six plus eight.
145
00:05:36,178 --> 00:05:37,896
200.
Correct.
146
00:05:37,947 --> 00:05:39,481
You're a genius, Jimmy.
147
00:05:39,515 --> 00:05:40,982
Thanks, Johnny.
148
00:05:41,016 --> 00:05:44,069
And all this time,
I did have a big brother.
149
00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:45,620
Almost.
150
00:05:45,655 --> 00:05:48,990
I was Chad, and he was Brad.
151
00:05:49,024 --> 00:05:50,825
Brad.
152
00:05:50,859 --> 00:05:53,828
I'm going to go under my bed
and tell Johnny about this.
153
00:06:05,508 --> 00:06:07,559
He took that really well.
154
00:06:07,593 --> 00:06:09,394
Should we tell him
some of the bigger stuff?
155
00:06:09,428 --> 00:06:11,680
You mean like when I realized
I'd never have a daughter,
156
00:06:11,714 --> 00:06:13,815
so I dressed him
like a girl for a month?
157
00:06:13,849 --> 00:06:15,684
I miss Jamie.
158
00:06:15,718 --> 00:06:17,736
Or when he ate a whole pack
of your cigarettes
159
00:06:17,770 --> 00:06:19,487
and his heart stopped for a while?
160
00:06:22,158 --> 00:06:24,776
Nah, let's not tell him.
161
00:06:24,827 --> 00:06:26,778
There's usually
a couple good laughs when he
162
00:06:26,829 --> 00:06:28,546
figures these things out on his own.
163
00:06:31,867 --> 00:06:34,202
Brad? Brad?
164
00:06:34,236 --> 00:06:35,470
Hey, Jimmy.
165
00:06:35,488 --> 00:06:37,022
Oh, you can stop doing that.
166
00:06:37,073 --> 00:06:38,806
I found your almost-brother
on the Internet.
167
00:06:38,824 --> 00:06:40,358
Seriously?
Mm-hmm.
168
00:06:40,409 --> 00:06:41,660
That's him?
169
00:06:41,694 --> 00:06:43,445
I've seen his picture on bus benches.
170
00:06:43,479 --> 00:06:44,696
Oh, my God.
171
00:06:44,747 --> 00:06:46,147
My almost-brother is famous.
172
00:06:49,819 --> 00:06:51,386
If you're looking for a house
173
00:06:51,420 --> 00:06:53,121
in Natesville,
Natesville-adjacent
174
00:06:53,155 --> 00:06:55,874
or just outside Natesville,
then come see me.
175
00:06:55,908 --> 00:06:58,660
I'm Brad Jenkins,
Real Estate Agent with the Hat.
176
00:06:58,694 --> 00:07:00,562
Not...
177
00:07:00,596 --> 00:07:02,881
the Real Estate Agent with the Bat.
178
00:07:04,383 --> 00:07:07,052
Not the Real Estate Agent
with the Rat.
179
00:07:08,170 --> 00:07:09,454
And certainly not
180
00:07:09,488 --> 00:07:11,957
the Real Estate Agent with the Flat.
181
00:07:23,869 --> 00:07:26,154
No, I'm Brad Jenkins,
182
00:07:26,188 --> 00:07:28,073
Real Estate Agent with the Hat.
183
00:07:28,124 --> 00:07:31,242
And I'm going to find you
your dream house
184
00:07:31,293 --> 00:07:34,028
because the only difference
between realty
185
00:07:34,046 --> 00:07:36,665
and reality is the "I."
186
00:07:36,699 --> 00:07:41,069
So, if you can find
a better deal on a home,
187
00:07:41,103 --> 00:07:43,838
I will eat my hat.
188
00:07:43,872 --> 00:07:45,256
That's him?
189
00:07:45,291 --> 00:07:46,992
I've seen his ad at the bus stop.
190
00:07:47,026 --> 00:07:48,426
He looks a lot better
191
00:07:48,461 --> 00:07:50,328
without the blacked-out teeth
and the devil horns.
192
00:07:50,363 --> 00:07:51,997
I made an appointment
with him for tomorrow.
193
00:07:52,031 --> 00:07:53,431
We're going to pretend
that we're selling
194
00:07:53,482 --> 00:07:55,617
Sabrina's grandmother's house.
Why?
195
00:07:55,651 --> 00:07:57,385
He was my brother for over
three weeks. I want to meet him.
196
00:07:57,420 --> 00:07:58,720
So just tell him who you are
197
00:07:58,754 --> 00:08:00,021
and meet up for a beer one night.
198
00:08:00,055 --> 00:08:01,556
Are you kidding?
199
00:08:01,574 --> 00:08:03,024
He's the Real Estate Agent
with the Hat.
200
00:08:03,058 --> 00:08:04,559
I bet someone's coming up
to him claiming
201
00:08:04,577 --> 00:08:06,394
to be his long-lost brother
like once a week.
202
00:08:06,412 --> 00:08:07,895
I just want to hang out with him,
203
00:08:07,913 --> 00:08:09,631
see what he's like.
204
00:08:10,966 --> 00:08:12,734
The Real Estate Agent with the Hat.
205
00:08:12,752 --> 00:08:14,853
Who would have guessed?
206
00:08:14,887 --> 00:08:17,122
That's what I need:
a gimmick.
207
00:08:17,173 --> 00:08:21,576
Burt Chance, Landscaper with...
208
00:08:21,594 --> 00:08:24,713
Two... Watches.
209
00:08:24,747 --> 00:08:26,598
"I'll work double-time for you."
210
00:08:26,632 --> 00:08:29,134
I like it. Which one of
these buttons do you push
211
00:08:29,185 --> 00:08:30,935
to get one of those Web sites?
212
00:08:30,970 --> 00:08:33,605
Try one of those on the top
with the little "F"s on them.
213
00:08:33,639 --> 00:08:36,257
They seem like they
do the tricky stuff.
214
00:08:40,446 --> 00:08:42,313
I was thinking, just for fun,
215
00:08:42,364 --> 00:08:44,649
we should spice up our
cover story about who we are.
216
00:08:44,700 --> 00:08:47,118
Like, instead of being
a surgical laser salesman,
217
00:08:47,153 --> 00:08:50,321
you could be a NASCAR driver
and I could be a Southern belle.
218
00:08:50,372 --> 00:08:51,939
Uh, you know, I haven't...
I haven't, uh,
219
00:08:51,957 --> 00:08:53,408
traveled that much, so I don't know
220
00:08:53,442 --> 00:08:54,659
if your accents are
any good, and I really
221
00:08:54,710 --> 00:08:55,960
want to make a great first impression.
222
00:08:55,995 --> 00:08:57,962
So, just showing off
the fact that you eat
223
00:08:57,997 --> 00:08:59,297
your own eyebrows when you're nervous
224
00:08:59,331 --> 00:09:00,749
is going to make a perfect icebreaker.
225
00:09:04,053 --> 00:09:07,138
Oh, my God, it's really him.
226
00:09:07,173 --> 00:09:08,840
And he's wearing a hat.
227
00:09:08,891 --> 00:09:10,425
You must be Jimmy.
228
00:09:10,459 --> 00:09:12,143
Yes, I am.
229
00:09:12,178 --> 00:09:13,845
And, uh, this is my fiancée...
230
00:09:13,896 --> 00:09:16,181
Bridget.
Pleasure to meet you, love.
231
00:09:16,232 --> 00:09:18,850
Hey, give us a holler
if you fancy a cup of tea
232
00:09:18,901 --> 00:09:20,518
or a crumpet or perhaps a heap
233
00:09:20,569 --> 00:09:21,986
of fish and chips wrapped in
234
00:09:22,021 --> 00:09:23,304
last Saturday's Evening Post, eh?
235
00:09:23,322 --> 00:09:25,156
Well, okay.
236
00:09:28,477 --> 00:09:30,545
Dynamite house.
237
00:09:30,579 --> 00:09:33,181
Man, if this place had
a hat on its roof,
238
00:09:33,215 --> 00:09:34,849
it would sell itself.
239
00:09:34,884 --> 00:09:37,268
I'm just going to take a look around
240
00:09:37,303 --> 00:09:39,053
and let you know what we can...
241
00:09:39,087 --> 00:09:40,772
cap our listing at.
242
00:09:40,806 --> 00:09:43,308
Man, you really work "hat"
into everything.
243
00:09:43,359 --> 00:09:44,943
It's what I do.
244
00:09:44,977 --> 00:09:49,314
Hey, what say me, you
and your fedorable fiancée
245
00:09:49,365 --> 00:09:52,901
take my chapeau on a tour
of your château?
246
00:09:52,935 --> 00:09:54,152
Ha!
247
00:09:54,203 --> 00:09:56,704
"Chapeau" means hat, right?
248
00:09:56,739 --> 00:09:57,956
Yeah.
249
00:09:57,990 --> 00:09:59,824
I love him.
250
00:10:01,660 --> 00:10:03,161
You think, if we left Jimmy
251
00:10:03,212 --> 00:10:05,213
with that other family,
he would have been better off?
252
00:10:05,247 --> 00:10:07,065
Maybe he would have
his picture on that bench?
253
00:10:09,451 --> 00:10:11,136
Nah, Jimmy looks horrible in hats.
254
00:10:11,170 --> 00:10:12,971
That's true.
255
00:10:13,005 --> 00:10:15,089
But there are lots of good jobs
where you don't need a hat.
256
00:10:16,509 --> 00:10:17,926
Can't think of any right now.
257
00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:20,228
Fireman, cowboy, football player.
258
00:10:20,262 --> 00:10:22,931
I'm telling you,
all the good jobs have hats.
259
00:10:22,965 --> 00:10:24,599
I just hope it's not our fault
260
00:10:24,633 --> 00:10:27,101
that Jimmy turned out to be so...
261
00:10:27,135 --> 00:10:29,070
Jimmy.
262
00:10:29,104 --> 00:10:30,605
Let's not think about this too hard.
263
00:10:30,639 --> 00:10:32,323
It's a beautiful day.
264
00:10:32,358 --> 00:10:33,808
I don't like where this is going.
265
00:10:35,077 --> 00:10:36,828
Okay, honey.
266
00:10:36,862 --> 00:10:39,280
Water park's closed for the day.
267
00:10:39,314 --> 00:10:40,615
How about we take her down
to the pet store,
268
00:10:40,649 --> 00:10:42,333
tell her it's a zoo?
269
00:10:42,368 --> 00:10:43,785
The Chinese restaurant
has a lobster tank.
270
00:10:43,819 --> 00:10:45,152
It's only half a block away.
271
00:10:46,255 --> 00:10:48,590
Aquarium it is.
272
00:10:53,212 --> 00:10:55,930
I can't believe
how much space you got in here.
273
00:10:55,965 --> 00:10:58,766
Yeah, it's big enough
in here to... go long.
274
00:10:58,801 --> 00:11:02,554
Our plan to get Bradin the houseworked perfectly.
275
00:11:02,605 --> 00:11:05,023
Now I needed to squeeze a lifetime
276
00:11:05,057 --> 00:11:07,725
of brotherly memories into two hours.
277
00:11:07,776 --> 00:11:09,644
I'm playing catch
with my almost-brother.
278
00:11:09,678 --> 00:11:12,297
I think the house might show better
279
00:11:12,348 --> 00:11:13,765
with the couch over there.
280
00:11:13,799 --> 00:11:15,466
Wow. How much
do you bench?
281
00:11:15,517 --> 00:11:19,220
I don't know, about 225, 230.
282
00:11:19,254 --> 00:11:21,422
Might help if you grab the other side.
283
00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:24,225
Of the couch.
284
00:11:24,259 --> 00:11:26,260
Ten feet, four inches.
285
00:11:26,278 --> 00:11:27,478
Tally-ho, wankers!
286
00:11:27,529 --> 00:11:29,113
Found this lift in the garage.
287
00:11:29,148 --> 00:11:31,900
We're good!
288
00:11:31,934 --> 00:11:35,153
Yeah, I guess if it came down to it,
289
00:11:35,204 --> 00:11:37,789
I could beat up every other
real estate agent in town.
290
00:11:37,823 --> 00:11:40,107
Probably helps that most of them
are middle-aged women.
291
00:11:40,125 --> 00:11:41,159
You're awesome.
292
00:11:41,210 --> 00:11:42,460
This house is awesome!
293
00:11:43,545 --> 00:11:44,913
When this thing sells,
294
00:11:44,947 --> 00:11:46,581
you got to come over
to my neighborhood
295
00:11:46,615 --> 00:11:48,132
in Pleasant Valley Estates.
296
00:11:48,167 --> 00:11:51,953
There is a beautiful Tudor
Revival for sale on my block.
297
00:11:51,971 --> 00:11:53,838
We could be block brothers.
298
00:11:53,889 --> 00:11:55,506
Well, that sounds quite posh!
299
00:11:55,557 --> 00:11:57,809
Might be a little bit
out of our price range, yeah?
300
00:11:57,843 --> 00:11:59,928
It's not that pricey.
301
00:11:59,962 --> 00:12:04,131
Course, you'd have to join the
Pleasant Valley Country Club.
302
00:12:04,149 --> 00:12:07,518
There's a, uh, open house
this weekend.
303
00:12:07,553 --> 00:12:09,687
My parents are on
the new member committee.
304
00:12:09,738 --> 00:12:10,688
Mom and Dad?
305
00:12:10,739 --> 00:12:11,973
I mean, your mom and dad.
306
00:12:11,991 --> 00:12:13,191
That would be great.
307
00:12:13,242 --> 00:12:14,475
I would love to meet them.
308
00:12:14,493 --> 00:12:15,877
Listen, I'll just take a couple
309
00:12:15,911 --> 00:12:17,495
of more pictures here
for the Web site,
310
00:12:17,529 --> 00:12:18,980
and I'll be out of your hair.
311
00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:22,951
What are you doing?
312
00:12:22,985 --> 00:12:24,502
Didn't you see what happened here?
313
00:12:24,536 --> 00:12:27,005
I mean, we played catch,
he gave me a shoulder ride,
314
00:12:27,039 --> 00:12:29,173
he told me four times
that he didn't want to wrestle.
315
00:12:29,208 --> 00:12:31,376
I mean, I finally have a big brother.
316
00:12:31,427 --> 00:12:33,878
And I'm gonna meet
my almost-parents.
317
00:12:33,929 --> 00:12:35,880
Okay, but what are you gonna do
when he finds out
318
00:12:35,931 --> 00:12:37,331
that you're not a wealthy
surgical laser salesman
319
00:12:37,349 --> 00:12:38,466
who is selling a house?
320
00:12:38,500 --> 00:12:39,968
In a few weeks, I'll tell him
321
00:12:40,002 --> 00:12:41,669
we're keeping the house
because I got fired,
322
00:12:41,687 --> 00:12:43,187
which he'll believe
because I couldn't answer
323
00:12:43,222 --> 00:12:45,006
any of his questions
about surgery or lasers.
324
00:12:46,025 --> 00:12:47,191
He's amazing.
325
00:12:47,226 --> 00:12:48,559
He is amazing.
326
00:12:48,610 --> 00:12:49,644
Who?
327
00:12:49,678 --> 00:12:50,728
Oh, my almost-brother.
328
00:12:50,779 --> 00:12:52,346
And I hope you're not mad,
329
00:12:52,364 --> 00:12:54,348
but he invited me to
Pleasant Valley Country Club
330
00:12:54,366 --> 00:12:55,900
to meet with my almost-parents.
331
00:12:55,934 --> 00:12:57,351
Pleasant Valley Country Club?
332
00:12:57,369 --> 00:12:59,537
That place is crazy expensive.
333
00:12:59,571 --> 00:13:01,072
Now it all makes sense.
334
00:13:01,123 --> 00:13:03,324
Of course the Real Estate Agent
with the Hat
335
00:13:03,358 --> 00:13:04,742
turned out better than Jimmy.
336
00:13:04,793 --> 00:13:06,878
His parents were rich!
337
00:13:06,912 --> 00:13:08,713
What do you mean?
Your mom was starting to think
338
00:13:08,747 --> 00:13:10,915
that you're being a failure
was our fault.
339
00:13:10,966 --> 00:13:14,052
Oh, my God, you're right.
340
00:13:14,086 --> 00:13:16,203
I could've been as successful as him.
341
00:13:16,221 --> 00:13:18,873
And it's all your fault.
342
00:13:18,891 --> 00:13:20,925
Why didn't I realize that earlier?
343
00:13:20,976 --> 00:13:22,543
Oh, that's probably your fault, too.
344
00:13:22,561 --> 00:13:23,761
No, no.
345
00:13:23,812 --> 00:13:25,063
It has nothing to do with parenting.
346
00:13:25,097 --> 00:13:26,514
They had money.
347
00:13:26,548 --> 00:13:27,732
Okay, but the Jenkins aren't rich.
348
00:13:27,766 --> 00:13:29,884
I mean, he's got a little
349
00:13:29,902 --> 00:13:31,269
plumbing business
and she's a school lunch lady.
350
00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:32,687
That's impossible, Jimmy.
351
00:13:32,721 --> 00:13:34,522
Everyone who goes to
that country club is rich.
352
00:13:34,556 --> 00:13:36,357
I bet they all own swans.
353
00:13:36,391 --> 00:13:38,359
No, Brad got them their membership.
354
00:13:38,393 --> 00:13:40,745
And he's the one who's rich
because his parents gave him
355
00:13:40,779 --> 00:13:43,364
confidence, education
and self-esteem!
356
00:13:43,398 --> 00:13:45,783
Well, we don't have
any of those things, Jimmy,
357
00:13:45,834 --> 00:13:48,419
so how are we supposed
to give them to you?
358
00:14:06,153 --> 00:14:08,271
Excuse me, señor.
Coat check?
359
00:14:08,289 --> 00:14:09,539
Oh. Um...
360
00:14:12,660 --> 00:14:14,494
Good to go.
361
00:14:16,547 --> 00:14:18,465
Hey, Jimbo!
362
00:14:18,499 --> 00:14:20,616
Hey!
363
00:14:20,634 --> 00:14:22,302
Where's the fiancée?
Oh, uh, sick.
364
00:14:22,336 --> 00:14:24,120
Just terrible sore throat.
365
00:14:24,138 --> 00:14:26,622
The doctor says she might even
lose her accent.
366
00:14:26,640 --> 00:14:27,640
That's crazy.
367
00:14:27,675 --> 00:14:28,925
I know.
368
00:14:28,959 --> 00:14:31,428
The body-- she's a mystery, huh?
369
00:14:31,462 --> 00:14:32,846
Yeah.
370
00:14:32,897 --> 00:14:34,647
Well, how about we get
you an application, huh?
371
00:14:34,682 --> 00:14:36,799
Uh, we might have to hold off.
372
00:14:36,817 --> 00:14:39,635
There have been some cutbacks
at the laser surgery factory.
373
00:14:39,653 --> 00:14:41,688
I mean, who knows,
a month from now, I could be
374
00:14:41,739 --> 00:14:43,323
bagging groceries for a living.
375
00:14:43,357 --> 00:14:44,691
We'd still be friends, right?
376
00:14:44,742 --> 00:14:46,776
Playing hard to get, huh?
377
00:14:46,811 --> 00:14:49,979
Well, there's a reason why
"Sheila with the Scarf"
378
00:14:49,997 --> 00:14:52,615
isn't the number one home
broker in Natesville anymore.
379
00:14:52,649 --> 00:14:54,534
Because I never give up on a sale.
380
00:14:54,585 --> 00:14:58,037
Hey, come on, I want
you to meet my parents.
381
00:14:58,089 --> 00:15:02,292
Mom and Dad, I want you to
meet my new friend, Jimmy.
382
00:15:02,326 --> 00:15:03,877
Well, hello, Jimmy.
383
00:15:03,928 --> 00:15:05,345
We've heard a lot about you.
384
00:15:05,379 --> 00:15:06,662
And these are the Bergers.
385
00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:08,214
They're thinking of joining, too.
386
00:15:08,265 --> 00:15:09,999
Hello, my good man.
Ronald Berger.
387
00:15:10,017 --> 00:15:11,367
I own a rock and roll
388
00:15:11,402 --> 00:15:13,303
equipment manufacturing company.
389
00:15:13,337 --> 00:15:14,670
This is my wife, Wendy.
390
00:15:14,688 --> 00:15:16,506
She's a nurse.
391
00:15:16,524 --> 00:15:17,840
And a lawyer.
392
00:15:17,858 --> 00:15:20,176
And I'm also a private detective.
393
00:15:20,194 --> 00:15:22,562
Okay, well, you guys
get to know each other.
394
00:15:22,613 --> 00:15:25,348
We'll go put your applications
in the office.
395
00:15:25,366 --> 00:15:27,400
Brad, why don't you go get us a table.
396
00:15:27,451 --> 00:15:29,018
On it, Mommy.
397
00:15:32,456 --> 00:15:33,873
What are you guys doing here?
398
00:15:33,908 --> 00:15:36,159
We had to see these Jenkins
for ourselves.
399
00:15:36,193 --> 00:15:38,711
There is no way they raised
a kid like Brad without having
400
00:15:38,746 --> 00:15:40,413
some kind of advantages we didn't.
401
00:15:40,464 --> 00:15:43,416
Did you ever think that
maybe they just weren't lazy?
402
00:15:43,467 --> 00:15:44,417
Oh, please.
403
00:15:44,468 --> 00:15:45,752
All parents are lazy.
404
00:15:45,803 --> 00:15:47,220
Kids are exhausting.
405
00:15:47,254 --> 00:15:48,888
They're God's punishment
for having sex.
406
00:15:48,923 --> 00:15:50,706
They're cheating somehow.
We're gonna find out how.
407
00:15:50,724 --> 00:15:52,842
You're gonna blow this for me.
I am bonding with
408
00:15:52,876 --> 00:15:53,876
my almost-parents.
You ripped me
409
00:15:53,894 --> 00:15:55,061
out of their lives once,
410
00:15:55,095 --> 00:15:56,262
just don't do it again.
411
00:15:56,313 --> 00:15:57,514
Oh, stop doing that.
412
00:15:57,548 --> 00:15:59,048
It's so gross!
413
00:15:59,066 --> 00:16:00,433
It's a nervous habit!
I probably picked it up
414
00:16:00,484 --> 00:16:01,684
'cause of something you guys did.
415
00:16:01,718 --> 00:16:03,052
No way.
You had that creepy habit
416
00:16:03,070 --> 00:16:04,771
since before you were born.
417
00:16:04,822 --> 00:16:06,689
I got ultrasound pictures
of you nibbling on my kidney.
418
00:16:06,723 --> 00:16:09,609
Okay, guys, table's ready.
419
00:16:09,660 --> 00:16:11,444
Okay, Sabrina warned me
about a couple things.
420
00:16:11,495 --> 00:16:13,396
Sometimes the water has bubbles.
421
00:16:13,414 --> 00:16:16,416
And there are way more forks
than you will ever need.
422
00:16:18,435 --> 00:16:24,040
I met Ronald while I was nursing him
423
00:16:24,074 --> 00:16:27,577
after an accident at the rock
and roll manufacturing plant.
424
00:16:27,595 --> 00:16:32,048
We sued the factory,
and now he owns it.
425
00:16:32,082 --> 00:16:34,250
And I'm a private detective.
426
00:16:36,487 --> 00:16:38,922
Anyway, that's our boring story.
427
00:16:38,956 --> 00:16:42,559
So, Denise, Bill, you are not wealthy.
428
00:16:42,593 --> 00:16:45,061
What advantages did you have
in raising your child?
429
00:16:45,095 --> 00:16:46,980
Excuse me?
430
00:16:47,031 --> 00:16:49,232
I'm sure the gentleman
is just wondering
431
00:16:49,266 --> 00:16:51,401
how you managed to raise
such a successful son.
432
00:16:51,435 --> 00:16:53,319
I'm guessing that
433
00:16:53,370 --> 00:16:55,771
it was just doing the normal things,
434
00:16:55,789 --> 00:16:59,275
like camping outdoors,
actual karate lessons,
435
00:16:59,293 --> 00:17:01,611
going to the park even if it's hot.
436
00:17:01,629 --> 00:17:03,496
Well, yeah. Of course.
437
00:17:04,798 --> 00:17:06,466
But he's a huge, successful
438
00:17:06,500 --> 00:17:08,084
real estate mongrel.
439
00:17:08,118 --> 00:17:10,253
You don't get that
from karate lessons.
440
00:17:10,287 --> 00:17:12,338
Jackie Chan couldn't sell me a house.
441
00:17:12,389 --> 00:17:14,290
I can't understand a word he says.
442
00:17:14,308 --> 00:17:17,810
Actually, I developed a love for
real estate when my mom took me
443
00:17:17,845 --> 00:17:20,096
to a Frank Lloyd Wright exhibit
at the museum.
444
00:17:20,130 --> 00:17:21,814
You took him to real museums?
445
00:17:21,849 --> 00:17:23,466
Good for you.
446
00:17:23,484 --> 00:17:26,302
But weren't there
really long lines at the museum?
447
00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:28,471
We've heard museums usually have
really long lines.
448
00:17:28,505 --> 00:17:29,989
Well, sometimes.
449
00:17:30,024 --> 00:17:33,809
But I always carried
little games and puzzles
450
00:17:33,827 --> 00:17:35,528
in my purse just in case.
451
00:17:35,579 --> 00:17:37,030
Games and puzzles in your purse.
452
00:17:37,081 --> 00:17:39,148
I guess you can do that
if it's not stuffed
453
00:17:39,166 --> 00:17:40,283
with cigarettes and licorice.
454
00:17:40,317 --> 00:17:41,534
I shared the licorice with you,
455
00:17:41,585 --> 00:17:43,753
but you cried and said
it tasted like cigarettes.
456
00:17:45,506 --> 00:17:48,875
Do you... know each other?
457
00:17:48,926 --> 00:17:50,326
No.
458
00:17:50,344 --> 00:17:54,180
I'm sorry, um, what did you--
459
00:17:54,214 --> 00:17:56,349
Did you say something about...
460
00:17:56,383 --> 00:17:58,184
licorice?
461
00:17:58,218 --> 00:17:59,602
Chad?
462
00:18:08,362 --> 00:18:11,297
Did he just eat his eyebrow?
463
00:18:11,332 --> 00:18:12,448
Oh.
464
00:18:13,734 --> 00:18:14,917
Chad?
465
00:18:14,952 --> 00:18:16,219
Is it you?
466
00:18:16,253 --> 00:18:18,304
It is. It's me.
467
00:18:19,356 --> 00:18:20,490
Thank heavens.
468
00:18:20,524 --> 00:18:22,158
Our Chad's come back!
469
00:18:32,820 --> 00:18:35,521
I'm just so relieved
that you turned out to be
470
00:18:35,555 --> 00:18:37,389
a successful businessman
471
00:18:37,408 --> 00:18:38,775
who's going to join our country club.
472
00:18:38,826 --> 00:18:40,193
Me, too.
473
00:18:40,227 --> 00:18:42,528
I did not think
those two idiot teenagers
474
00:18:42,562 --> 00:18:44,563
had what it took to
raise a successful kid.
475
00:18:44,581 --> 00:18:45,898
They didn't.
476
00:18:45,916 --> 00:18:47,700
They did a horrible job.
477
00:18:47,734 --> 00:18:51,454
I barely got my GED,
I knocked up a serial killer,
478
00:18:51,488 --> 00:18:54,707
and now I'm a single dad working
as a bagger at a grocery store.
479
00:18:54,741 --> 00:18:56,125
Plus, I still say "pasghetti,"
480
00:18:56,176 --> 00:18:58,911
and I don't know why or how to fix it.
481
00:18:58,946 --> 00:19:00,213
It's true.
482
00:19:00,247 --> 00:19:01,464
We're the worst parents ever.
483
00:19:01,498 --> 00:19:02,748
I knew this day would come.
484
00:19:02,766 --> 00:19:04,050
We've run out of excuses.
485
00:19:04,084 --> 00:19:05,218
No kidding.
486
00:19:05,252 --> 00:19:06,919
When we get home, there's some
487
00:19:06,937 --> 00:19:09,889
"World's Greatest" mugs
I'm gonna need to get rid of.
488
00:19:09,923 --> 00:19:12,041
Wait, you're the idiot teenagers?
489
00:19:12,075 --> 00:19:13,609
Sorry, Jimmy.
490
00:19:13,644 --> 00:19:14,927
We feel horrible.
491
00:19:14,945 --> 00:19:17,380
You are who you are because of us.
492
00:19:17,414 --> 00:19:19,482
If we hadn't been so selfish
and stolen you back,
493
00:19:19,533 --> 00:19:21,617
you might have ended up like Brad.
494
00:19:21,652 --> 00:19:23,903
I hope this doesn't affect
our chances for membership.
495
00:19:23,937 --> 00:19:25,488
I've never tasted meat like this.
496
00:19:25,539 --> 00:19:27,406
I can't believe you people.
497
00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:31,160
You are the worst,
laziest parents ever.
498
00:19:31,211 --> 00:19:33,946
And you're no better--
with an illegitimate child
499
00:19:33,964 --> 00:19:36,415
from a serial killer?
500
00:19:36,449 --> 00:19:39,451
And all of you lie
about your identities.
501
00:19:39,470 --> 00:19:41,554
You're as bad as the Mexicans!
502
00:19:42,706 --> 00:19:44,841
Excuse me.
503
00:19:44,892 --> 00:19:47,593
I happen to work with
quite a few Mexicans.
504
00:19:47,627 --> 00:19:48,845
Oh, there's a shocker.
505
00:19:48,896 --> 00:19:49,846
Judging by
your grammar,
506
00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:51,848
I'm guessing you're chummy
507
00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:53,766
with the blacks, as well.
508
00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:56,486
Oh!
509
00:19:56,520 --> 00:20:00,806
I can't believe I let you
sit on my shoulders.
510
00:20:05,979 --> 00:20:08,831
Oh, my God.
511
00:20:08,866 --> 00:20:10,533
If you hadn't taken me back,
512
00:20:10,584 --> 00:20:12,484
I would've ended up just like them.
513
00:20:13,921 --> 00:20:15,204
Thank you.
514
00:20:15,255 --> 00:20:16,989
Let's go home.
515
00:20:17,007 --> 00:20:18,674
You know, before we go,
516
00:20:18,709 --> 00:20:21,844
I have been dying to try
Bill's fancy macaroni.
517
00:20:21,879 --> 00:20:23,045
Excuse me, sir.
518
00:20:23,096 --> 00:20:24,496
I cannot let you eat
519
00:20:24,515 --> 00:20:27,499
Mr. Jenkins' pasta
in special Alfredo sauce.
520
00:20:27,518 --> 00:20:28,500
Why not?
521
00:20:28,519 --> 00:20:30,386
Because I am Alfredo.
522
00:20:33,524 --> 00:20:35,725
I'm not gonna lie,we were pretty lucky
523
00:20:35,776 --> 00:20:38,311
those folks turned out to bemassive racists.
524
00:20:38,345 --> 00:20:40,179
Because it made me realizethat even though
525
00:20:40,197 --> 00:20:42,698
my parents were kind of lazy,I was better off
526
00:20:42,733 --> 00:20:45,451
having been raised by good people.
527
00:20:47,454 --> 00:20:50,072
It also made us realizethat we had to work on
528
00:20:50,123 --> 00:20:51,991
not being so lazy with Hope.
529
00:20:52,025 --> 00:20:54,410
Like going camping outdoors,so we could roast marshmallows
530
00:20:54,461 --> 00:20:55,995
over a campfire instead of
531
00:20:56,029 --> 00:20:57,880
pressing them up against the radiator.
532
00:20:57,915 --> 00:21:00,699
Even if we only made it tothe backyard, it was a start.
533
00:21:00,717 --> 00:21:03,085
Or finding a clever way to survive
534
00:21:03,136 --> 00:21:07,373
a 15-minute waitat an actual museum.
535
00:21:07,391 --> 00:21:09,559
Or going to an actual park,
536
00:21:09,593 --> 00:21:12,228
no matter how hot it was outside.
537
00:21:12,262 --> 00:21:14,680
Wow, she is really into that rock.
538
00:21:14,715 --> 00:21:16,549
Maybe she's gonna be a geologist.
539
00:21:20,705 --> 00:21:22,290
Ooh. Or an extreme eater.
540
00:21:22,410 --> 00:21:24,126
That's a thing, right?
541
00:21:24,455 --> 00:21:26,311
I've heard people say it.
542
00:21:27,540 --> 00:21:34,556
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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