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1
00:00:03,709 --> 00:00:05,710
Living in an old househas its challenges.
2
00:00:05,728 --> 00:00:07,378
Like how the waterwon't run
3
00:00:07,396 --> 00:00:09,597
while the washing machineis on its rinse cycle.
4
00:00:11,884 --> 00:00:13,718
Spin cycle!
5
00:00:15,638 --> 00:00:17,822
And the air conditionerwon't kick on
6
00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:20,542
unless the thermostatinks it's 125 degrees.
7
00:00:20,593 --> 00:00:21,993
Ow, it's burning
my thumb.
8
00:00:22,011 --> 00:00:23,494
Just power
through it.
9
00:00:23,512 --> 00:00:24,929
Or having to learnthe combination
10
00:00:24,964 --> 00:00:26,664
to open the front doorthat sticks.
11
00:00:26,682 --> 00:00:27,665
Hurry.
12
00:00:27,683 --> 00:00:29,184
I'm trying.
13
00:00:29,218 --> 00:00:30,719
It's push, twist left,
pull, twist right,
14
00:00:30,770 --> 00:00:32,520
lift and open, right?
15
00:00:32,555 --> 00:00:34,389
No, no, no,
that's the back door!
16
00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:36,975
The front door is twist left,
pull, twist right, lift, stomp.
17
00:00:40,112 --> 00:00:42,947
But that's just partof living in an old house.
18
00:00:42,982 --> 00:00:44,515
And the longeryou live there,
19
00:00:44,533 --> 00:00:46,951
the more it alljust becomes normal.
20
00:00:48,404 --> 00:00:51,222
I'm waiting
for the spin cycle.
21
00:00:51,256 --> 00:00:53,308
I think this
is the first time
22
00:00:53,359 --> 00:00:56,094
I've ever seen
your meat whistle, Burt.
23
00:00:56,112 --> 00:00:57,729
I believe
that's true.
24
00:00:57,763 --> 00:00:59,814
Not a fan.
25
00:01:04,269 --> 00:01:05,820
♪ Whoo! ♪
26
00:01:05,871 --> 00:01:09,457
♪ Here we go, oh, oh, oh,
27
00:01:09,492 --> 00:01:11,292
♪ Daddy-o, oh, oh, oh ♪
28
00:01:11,327 --> 00:01:15,964
♪ Birth control, no, no, no ♪
29
00:01:15,998 --> 00:01:18,583
♪ Let it roll, oh, oh, oh ♪
30
00:01:18,617 --> 00:01:21,336
♪ Oh ♪
31
00:01:21,387 --> 00:01:22,587
♪ Oh... ♪
32
00:01:22,621 --> 00:01:25,090
♪ Whoo! ♪
33
00:01:25,124 --> 00:01:27,142
♪ Here we go, oh, oh, oh ♪
34
00:01:27,176 --> 00:01:29,878
♪ Whoa, oh, oh! ♪
35
00:01:30,656 --> 00:01:34,156
Raising Hope
S03 Ep01 - Not Indecent, but Not Quite...
36
00:01:35,132 --> 00:01:39,332
Sync, corrections by dr.jackson
for www.addic7ed.com
37
00:01:40,573 --> 00:01:43,024
Hey...
38
00:01:43,075 --> 00:01:48,446
We are so, so, very, very,
very sorry for your loss.
39
00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:50,481
Thanks for using
your funeral voice,
40
00:01:50,499 --> 00:01:52,617
but nobody really cared
for my grandmother.
41
00:01:52,651 --> 00:01:55,703
Well, we wanted
to be here for you.
42
00:01:55,755 --> 00:01:57,172
And Jimmy said
there might be shrimp?
43
00:01:57,206 --> 00:01:58,339
Help yourself.
44
00:01:58,374 --> 00:01:59,674
Oh, hey.
45
00:01:59,708 --> 00:02:00,875
Hey.
46
00:02:00,926 --> 00:02:01,793
Oh, you brought Maw Maw.
47
00:02:01,827 --> 00:02:02,961
Where's the body?
48
00:02:02,995 --> 00:02:04,829
Oh, it's
in the kitchen.
49
00:02:04,847 --> 00:02:06,664
She was worried people wouldn't
pay their respects up-close,
50
00:02:06,682 --> 00:02:08,516
so she surrounded herself
with the buffet.
51
00:02:10,502 --> 00:02:12,303
Good idea.
52
00:02:12,337 --> 00:02:13,948
You, at my funeral,
53
00:02:13,974 --> 00:02:17,508
fill my bellybutton
with ranch dressing,
54
00:02:17,526 --> 00:02:19,310
so people will have to dip
their carrot sticks in there.
55
00:02:19,344 --> 00:02:20,845
I'm gonna write
that down.
56
00:02:20,863 --> 00:02:22,147
Okay.
57
00:02:22,181 --> 00:02:23,347
Is your mother here yet?
58
00:02:23,365 --> 00:02:24,816
She's around here somewhere.
59
00:02:24,850 --> 00:02:26,484
Give me something
to talk to her about.
60
00:02:26,518 --> 00:02:28,203
Talk about her.
She's a big fan.
61
00:02:28,237 --> 00:02:30,071
She went to India
and she picked up yoga.
62
00:02:30,122 --> 00:02:32,157
Yoga? I don't know
anything about yoga.
63
00:02:32,191 --> 00:02:33,524
Did she pick up
anything else in India?
64
00:02:33,542 --> 00:02:34,459
Diarrhea.
65
00:02:35,861 --> 00:02:37,879
Okay. Good.
66
00:02:37,913 --> 00:02:39,864
I've got a strong five
minutes on diarrhea.
67
00:02:44,720 --> 00:02:47,889
Make sure you bury me
in a dress like this.
68
00:02:47,923 --> 00:02:49,373
It looks custom-made.
69
00:02:49,391 --> 00:02:51,009
I'll try to find you
one kinda like it.
70
00:02:51,043 --> 00:02:53,061
Not kinda like it.
Just like it.
71
00:02:53,095 --> 00:02:54,762
And don't forget to wrap
my head in tin foil
72
00:02:54,814 --> 00:02:56,347
so worms don't get in.
73
00:02:56,381 --> 00:02:57,932
Yeah, I already told you
I'm not doing that.
74
00:02:57,983 --> 00:02:59,601
It's weird and it's
a waste of foil.
75
00:02:59,652 --> 00:03:01,686
I'm not taping one
of your eyes open either.
76
00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:03,938
Oh, come on,
that'll be hilarious.
77
00:03:14,066 --> 00:03:15,283
Mm...
78
00:03:15,334 --> 00:03:17,919
Mom, this is
my boyfriend Jimmy.
79
00:03:17,953 --> 00:03:20,955
Jimmy, this is my mother,
who is so self-involved that,
80
00:03:21,006 --> 00:03:22,790
though I have now
said your name twice,
81
00:03:22,842 --> 00:03:24,792
I bet she has no
idea what it is.
82
00:03:24,844 --> 00:03:26,427
Jimmy.
83
00:03:26,462 --> 00:03:27,545
Still doesn't.
84
00:03:27,579 --> 00:03:29,580
Let's not do this.
Not today.
85
00:03:29,598 --> 00:03:31,749
Your grandmother is dead.
86
00:03:31,767 --> 00:03:32,967
We should be celebrating.
87
00:03:33,018 --> 00:03:36,087
I may not have been
the perfect mother,
88
00:03:36,105 --> 00:03:39,390
but I was a hell of a lot better
to you than Nana was to me.
89
00:03:39,424 --> 00:03:41,943
That woman once
elbowed me in the nose
90
00:03:41,977 --> 00:03:44,562
because I was talking
during Wimbledon.
91
00:03:44,596 --> 00:03:45,947
When you were 12,
92
00:03:45,981 --> 00:03:47,615
did Nana leave you
alone for a weekend
93
00:03:47,650 --> 00:03:49,784
so she could fly to Vegas
with her boyfriend?
94
00:03:49,818 --> 00:03:52,487
Hey, you don't
know Richard Dawson
95
00:03:52,538 --> 00:03:56,241
because he's dead now,
but he used to be a big deal.
96
00:03:56,275 --> 00:04:00,078
So, India.
97
00:04:00,112 --> 00:04:03,665
I hear that place can be
a real bummer on the tummy.
98
00:04:03,716 --> 00:04:06,818
Is my daughter dating
you to hurt me?
99
00:04:06,852 --> 00:04:08,419
I hope not.
100
00:04:08,453 --> 00:04:10,288
Right before I die,
I want to be frozen
101
00:04:10,306 --> 00:04:12,090
so they can bring me back
102
00:04:12,124 --> 00:04:14,008
after they discover the cure
for whatever disease I had.
103
00:04:14,059 --> 00:04:16,761
And, of course, the cure
for being frozen to death.
104
00:04:16,795 --> 00:04:18,429
Frozen, huh?
What do they call that?
105
00:04:18,463 --> 00:04:20,265
Cryogenics.
106
00:04:20,299 --> 00:04:22,100
I thought cryogenics
was a religion.
107
00:04:22,134 --> 00:04:24,769
No, no, no, you're
thinking of Science-ology.
108
00:04:24,803 --> 00:04:26,688
It's that religion
that writer started.
109
00:04:26,739 --> 00:04:28,973
L... more Leonard.
110
00:04:28,991 --> 00:04:31,109
And they use their
science to freeze you
111
00:04:31,143 --> 00:04:32,777
and bring you
back to life, huh?
112
00:04:32,811 --> 00:04:34,312
We should look into that.
113
00:04:34,330 --> 00:04:35,313
Guys, I think the
conversation may have taken
114
00:04:35,331 --> 00:04:36,698
a wrong turn somewhere.
115
00:04:36,749 --> 00:04:38,700
If everybody could come
to the living room,
116
00:04:38,751 --> 00:04:41,152
my grandmother had a video
she made before she died,
117
00:04:41,170 --> 00:04:42,320
she wanted everyone to watch.
118
00:04:44,373 --> 00:04:46,174
Yeah, she didn't think
anybody was gonna want
119
00:04:46,208 --> 00:04:48,710
to do that either, so she put a
chocolate fountain in there.
120
00:04:48,761 --> 00:04:50,011
Hmm, chocolate fountain.
121
00:04:50,045 --> 00:04:50,995
That's a great idea.
122
00:04:51,013 --> 00:04:52,013
Come on.
123
00:04:52,047 --> 00:04:53,548
Hm!
124
00:04:58,354 --> 00:04:59,787
Hello, everyone.
125
00:04:59,822 --> 00:05:02,506
In case you're shedding
any tears for me,
126
00:05:02,524 --> 00:05:04,225
please don't.
127
00:05:04,276 --> 00:05:07,478
By the time you see this,
I'm going to be in Heaven
128
00:05:07,512 --> 00:05:09,397
getting plowed
by my dead husband.
129
00:05:09,448 --> 00:05:12,483
When he sees me wearing
his favorite dress,
130
00:05:12,517 --> 00:05:16,237
I'm going to knock his halo off.
131
00:05:16,288 --> 00:05:18,423
I guess some of you
are curious as to what
132
00:05:18,457 --> 00:05:20,008
I'm going to do with my money.
133
00:05:20,042 --> 00:05:23,711
Hello, Tamara.
134
00:05:23,746 --> 00:05:25,179
Now, how would I know that
135
00:05:25,214 --> 00:05:27,832
you would be in the most
comfortable chair?
136
00:05:27,866 --> 00:05:29,667
Because I know you
like the back of my hand.
137
00:05:29,701 --> 00:05:31,002
You're a spoiled brat.
138
00:05:31,036 --> 00:05:33,871
You have no respect
for marriage or money
139
00:05:33,889 --> 00:05:35,723
and because of tt,
140
00:05:35,758 --> 00:05:37,342
you get nothing.
141
00:05:37,376 --> 00:05:39,861
I hate you.
I hate you, too.
142
00:05:39,895 --> 00:05:42,397
All of the cash
I have will be donated
143
00:05:42,431 --> 00:05:44,349
to a non-profit organization
144
00:05:44,383 --> 00:05:49,404
dedicated to getting rid
of non-profit organizations.
145
00:05:49,438 --> 00:05:51,756
The only thing left
is this house.
146
00:05:51,790 --> 00:05:54,558
And I've decided to give it
to the only relative
147
00:05:54,576 --> 00:05:56,778
who hasn't broken my heart
by getting a divorce:
148
00:05:56,829 --> 00:05:58,913
Sabrina.
149
00:06:00,282 --> 00:06:01,532
As soon as
you get married,
150
00:06:01,566 --> 00:06:04,669
you can move in
and start a family.
151
00:06:13,345 --> 00:06:15,213
Rest in peace, sweetheart.
152
00:06:15,247 --> 00:06:16,848
See you
on the other side.
153
00:06:17,848 --> 00:06:19,748
I don't know why
we can't talk about this!
154
00:06:19,778 --> 00:06:20,745
Just stop it!
155
00:06:20,779 --> 00:06:22,613
Jimmy, you saw that house.
156
00:06:22,631 --> 00:06:24,782
The sooner you two are married,
the sooner we can all move in.
157
00:06:25,842 --> 00:06:27,175
That sounded a little like
158
00:06:27,210 --> 00:06:28,176
you think you're
gonna live there, too.
159
00:06:28,211 --> 00:06:29,444
Uh, yeah.
160
00:06:29,479 --> 00:06:30,445
Jimmy lived here
for 25 years.
161
00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:32,114
He owes us.
162
00:06:32,148 --> 00:06:33,431
This isn't your house.
It's Maw Maw's.
163
00:06:33,449 --> 00:06:34,950
Shh!
164
00:06:34,984 --> 00:06:36,101
And I would like
to live in it alone
165
00:06:36,119 --> 00:06:37,536
just once, before I die.
166
00:06:37,570 --> 00:06:39,988
So hurry up and ask that
long-haired pretty boy
167
00:06:40,039 --> 00:06:42,040
to marry you before the
Republicans get back in office
168
00:06:42,075 --> 00:06:44,209
and make it a sin.
169
00:06:44,243 --> 00:06:46,828
Maw Maw, I'm not telling you
this again: I'm a woman.
170
00:06:46,879 --> 00:06:48,997
And I'm not telling
you this again:
171
00:06:49,048 --> 00:06:50,949
Show me your vagina
and I'll believe you.
172
00:06:50,967 --> 00:06:52,718
No!
Burt showed me his.
173
00:06:54,687 --> 00:06:57,022
I know that sounded like
I have a vagina.
174
00:06:57,056 --> 00:06:58,006
I don't.
175
00:06:58,057 --> 00:06:59,057
She's referring to...
176
00:06:59,092 --> 00:07:01,343
I was peeing the other day...
177
00:07:01,394 --> 00:07:02,995
I'll explain later.
178
00:07:03,029 --> 00:07:05,330
Now, look, since
they brought it up,
179
00:07:05,364 --> 00:07:07,382
it is a nice house,
180
00:07:07,417 --> 00:07:10,035
and I mean, it's not like
we never talked about...
181
00:07:10,053 --> 00:07:11,169
No, no, no, no, Jimmy.
182
00:07:11,203 --> 00:07:13,005
No.
183
00:07:13,039 --> 00:07:15,757
Listen, my whole life
I've had to worry about people
184
00:07:15,808 --> 00:07:18,176
liking me for my
family's money.
185
00:07:18,210 --> 00:07:20,178
Look, you fell in love with me
for who I really am.
186
00:07:20,212 --> 00:07:24,266
I don't some stupid house
to be the reason we got engaged.
187
00:07:24,317 --> 00:07:26,401
Then it won't be the reason.
188
00:07:26,436 --> 00:07:28,020
You guys are
being selfish.
189
00:07:28,054 --> 00:07:29,438
What about Hope?
190
00:07:29,489 --> 00:07:31,222
She'd be in a better
school district.
191
00:07:31,240 --> 00:07:33,058
You really want her going to
the same schools Jimmy went to?
192
00:07:33,076 --> 00:07:35,110
Mom, my schools
weren't not that bad.
193
00:07:35,161 --> 00:07:37,245
Name four consonants.
194
00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:39,448
America, Europe, Mexico,
and the North Pole.
195
00:07:39,499 --> 00:07:39,999
Is that right?
196
00:07:40,025 --> 00:07:41,533
I don't know. I went
to the same schools.
197
00:07:41,567 --> 00:07:43,952
Mom, just drop it, okay?
198
00:07:44,003 --> 00:07:46,254
I didn't even think
about the schools.
199
00:07:46,289 --> 00:07:47,956
I mean, it's good.
200
00:07:48,007 --> 00:07:49,875
It's where I went.
201
00:07:49,909 --> 00:07:52,744
It's not like I never thought
about us getting married.
202
00:07:52,762 --> 00:07:55,247
So...
203
00:07:55,281 --> 00:07:57,215
I guess we should
get married?
204
00:07:57,249 --> 00:08:00,418
It seems to make sense.
205
00:08:00,436 --> 00:08:01,586
Did we just get engaged?
206
00:08:01,604 --> 00:08:03,105
I think we did, yeah.
207
00:08:03,139 --> 00:08:05,223
Burt, go get the champagne
I was saving for when Oprah
208
00:08:05,257 --> 00:08:08,226
comes crawling
back to network TV.
209
00:08:08,260 --> 00:08:09,478
I mean, you want
to do this, right?
210
00:08:09,529 --> 00:08:12,147
Oh, yeah, yeah,
totally I do.
211
00:08:12,198 --> 00:08:15,100
Um, I think there's just...
212
00:08:15,118 --> 00:08:16,434
I guess when I dreamt about
213
00:08:16,452 --> 00:08:19,287
the man that I loved
proposing to me,
214
00:08:19,322 --> 00:08:22,157
I think I might have thought
I would feel something
215
00:08:22,208 --> 00:08:24,943
that I'd never felt
before, but you know,
216
00:08:24,961 --> 00:08:26,845
it's just the house
and I-I don't know...
217
00:08:26,879 --> 00:08:28,997
At least you're getting
married for a house.
218
00:08:29,048 --> 00:08:31,449
When she got married, all she
got was a ten-pound baby
219
00:08:31,467 --> 00:08:32,918
with a two-pound nose.
220
00:08:32,952 --> 00:08:34,836
Jimmy, you know what?
221
00:08:34,887 --> 00:08:36,471
All that really matters
is that I love you.
222
00:08:36,506 --> 00:08:38,123
No.
223
00:08:38,141 --> 00:08:40,458
No, I want you to feel
like you always dreamed
224
00:08:40,476 --> 00:08:41,927
you would feel
when you got engaged.
225
00:08:41,961 --> 00:08:44,129
I can do better.
I-I take back my proposal.
226
00:08:44,147 --> 00:08:45,180
No, Jimmy, really it's fine.
227
00:08:45,231 --> 00:08:47,516
Please, let me try again.
228
00:08:47,567 --> 00:08:48,817
I want to do this right.
229
00:08:48,851 --> 00:08:51,520
Okay. Fine.
230
00:08:51,571 --> 00:08:52,938
We're no longer engaged.
231
00:08:52,972 --> 00:08:54,272
Thanks.
232
00:08:54,306 --> 00:08:56,307
Whoo-hoo! Yeah!
233
00:08:56,993 --> 00:08:59,277
Oh!
234
00:08:59,311 --> 00:09:00,979
They're not
engaged anymore.
235
00:09:00,997 --> 00:09:02,697
Seriously?
236
00:09:04,316 --> 00:09:07,035
Well, help me find the cork.
237
00:09:18,648 --> 00:09:21,016
The first step was tofind out what kind of proposal
238
00:09:21,050 --> 00:09:24,136
Sabrina had alwaysdreamed up without asking her.
239
00:09:24,170 --> 00:09:25,804
Oh, and then
when we were 11,
240
00:09:25,838 --> 00:09:27,689
she wanted it to be at a
surprise party surrounded
241
00:09:27,723 --> 00:09:29,641
by friends and family.
242
00:09:29,675 --> 00:09:33,311
She also thinks a Jumbo-tron
proposal'd be cool.
243
00:09:33,345 --> 00:09:35,981
It's in her diary:
page 82.
244
00:09:36,015 --> 00:09:38,984
Oh, and then she went through a
"guy on a white horse" phase
245
00:09:39,018 --> 00:09:42,904
in high school, and that was
followed by a skywriting phase.
246
00:09:42,955 --> 00:09:45,690
Her diary never mentions
horses or skywriting.
247
00:09:45,708 --> 00:09:47,358
She does talk about
some creepy guy at work.
248
00:09:47,376 --> 00:09:50,028
I think it's Chet.
249
00:09:54,550 --> 00:09:57,335
Hey, Mom, check
out my profile page.
250
00:09:57,369 --> 00:09:59,004
I finally got my new gal pal
to stand still
251
00:09:59,038 --> 00:10:00,222
long enough for a photo.
252
00:10:06,062 --> 00:10:07,929
So, what do you think?
253
00:10:07,980 --> 00:10:09,214
I vote
for skywriting.
254
00:10:09,232 --> 00:10:10,432
White horse.
Jumbo-tron.
255
00:10:10,483 --> 00:10:12,383
What?
No way!
256
00:10:12,401 --> 00:10:13,902
I wanted it to be perfect
257
00:10:13,936 --> 00:10:16,087
but she wanted so manydifferent things,
258
00:10:16,122 --> 00:10:18,690
which was I supposed to do?
259
00:10:18,724 --> 00:10:20,609
I got it.
260
00:10:20,660 --> 00:10:21,776
Good!
261
00:10:21,828 --> 00:10:23,745
This was
beginning to bore me.
262
00:10:23,779 --> 00:10:26,448
By the way, if you're going
with the white horse,
263
00:10:26,499 --> 00:10:28,900
I think I can get
that for you.
264
00:10:28,918 --> 00:10:31,269
We're talking
about heroin, right?
265
00:10:40,027 --> 00:10:41,894
He's gonna
to ask you to marry him.
266
00:10:41,945 --> 00:10:42,895
Maw Maw!
267
00:10:42,946 --> 00:10:44,897
It's okay.
268
00:10:44,948 --> 00:10:46,649
When you asked me to go bowling
but wear my nicest dress,
269
00:10:46,683 --> 00:10:48,017
I kinda knew something was up.
270
00:10:48,035 --> 00:10:49,151
Well, act surprised.
271
00:10:49,185 --> 00:10:50,236
He's really looking
forward to this.
272
00:10:50,287 --> 00:10:53,322
Oh, crap, I lost a meatball.
273
00:10:53,356 --> 00:10:54,407
Virginia?
274
00:10:54,458 --> 00:10:56,409
I'm looking.
275
00:10:56,443 --> 00:10:59,912
This is why I told you
to go with the pork chop!
276
00:10:59,963 --> 00:11:03,499
From now on, flat food
only in the car.
277
00:11:03,533 --> 00:11:05,001
I don't know if I can
do this, Virginia.
278
00:11:05,035 --> 00:11:06,168
What do you mean?
You already said yes.
279
00:11:06,202 --> 00:11:07,720
This is just for fun.
280
00:11:07,754 --> 00:11:10,706
Yeah, I know, but he wants me
to feel something
281
00:11:10,724 --> 00:11:12,258
that I never felt
before and I just...
282
00:11:12,309 --> 00:11:13,759
I don't think
that's going to happen.
283
00:11:13,810 --> 00:11:14,760
Virginia.
284
00:11:14,811 --> 00:11:16,378
I'm looking.
285
00:11:16,396 --> 00:11:19,065
I know he that loves me
and he's not asking me
286
00:11:19,099 --> 00:11:21,050
to marry him because of a house,
but there's no doubt
287
00:11:21,068 --> 00:11:23,736
that he's asking me
right now because of a house.
288
00:11:23,770 --> 00:11:25,905
I think my grandmother's
ruined this for me.
289
00:11:27,107 --> 00:11:29,158
Well, then you gotta fake it.
290
00:11:29,726 --> 00:11:30,693
Mmm.
291
00:11:30,727 --> 00:11:31,744
- What?
- Look...
292
00:11:31,778 --> 00:11:34,530
sometimes they work
293
00:11:34,564 --> 00:11:36,282
and work and work
294
00:11:36,333 --> 00:11:39,368
and they want you to feel
something you never felt before,
295
00:11:39,402 --> 00:11:42,288
and you know there is no way
you're ever gonna get there.
296
00:11:42,339 --> 00:11:45,574
So... you fake it.
297
00:11:45,592 --> 00:11:46,742
You do that?
298
00:11:48,411 --> 00:11:50,429
I love Mike and Molly,
299
00:11:50,464 --> 00:11:52,631
but Burt broke our VCR
killing a spider,
300
00:11:52,682 --> 00:11:55,718
so if a show's getting
close and I'm not,
301
00:11:55,752 --> 00:11:59,105
I just put on a little
performance of my own.
302
00:11:59,139 --> 00:12:01,590
I faked it last night...
303
00:12:01,608 --> 00:12:03,476
and I was by myself.
304
00:12:03,527 --> 00:12:06,645
I blamed it
on the arthritis, but...
305
00:12:06,696 --> 00:12:07,563
the truth is...
306
00:12:07,597 --> 00:12:11,617
I just lost interest.
307
00:12:11,651 --> 00:12:13,435
Okay.
308
00:12:13,453 --> 00:12:14,453
Ready?
309
00:12:20,460 --> 00:12:21,927
So, what do you say?
310
00:12:21,962 --> 00:12:24,279
Will you marry me?
311
00:12:25,165 --> 00:12:26,749
Yes, yeah!
312
00:12:26,783 --> 00:12:27,750
Yeah, Jimmy!
313
00:12:27,784 --> 00:12:29,969
Oh, my God, Jimmy!
314
00:12:30,003 --> 00:12:31,253
Jimmy, I want to marry you!
315
00:12:31,287 --> 00:12:32,671
I'm gonna marry you!
316
00:12:32,722 --> 00:12:33,923
I'm gonna
marry you, yeah!
317
00:12:33,957 --> 00:12:36,509
Yes! Yes!
Yes!
318
00:12:36,560 --> 00:12:39,311
Yes, oh God, yes!
319
00:12:39,346 --> 00:12:40,646
Yeah.
320
00:12:40,680 --> 00:12:42,181
Wow...
321
00:12:42,232 --> 00:12:45,151
Jimmy just proposed
the crap out of that girl.
322
00:12:45,185 --> 00:12:47,153
I told you
I could do it.
323
00:12:52,242 --> 00:12:53,192
Pop.
324
00:12:53,243 --> 00:12:55,194
Whoo-hoo!
325
00:12:58,031 --> 00:13:01,117
After almost three yearsof being in love with Sabrina,
326
00:13:01,151 --> 00:13:03,485
I couldn't believewe were actually engaged.
327
00:13:03,503 --> 00:13:06,205
And Sabrina's mom seemedto be warming up to me.
328
00:13:06,256 --> 00:13:08,207
Kind of.
329
00:13:08,258 --> 00:13:10,209
Sabrina, Timmy...
330
00:13:10,260 --> 00:13:11,961
- Jimmy.
- Jimmy.
331
00:13:11,995 --> 00:13:14,046
In a lot of ways,
332
00:13:14,097 --> 00:13:16,215
I don't think that you're
good enough for my daughter.
333
00:13:22,055 --> 00:13:24,023
To Sabrina and Timmy.
334
00:13:24,057 --> 00:13:26,142
Jimmy.
335
00:13:26,176 --> 00:13:28,010
Most importantly, Sabrina and I
336
00:13:28,028 --> 00:13:30,012
were as happyas we've ever been.
337
00:13:33,450 --> 00:13:36,852
In lieu of words strung
together to form sentences,
338
00:13:36,870 --> 00:13:39,405
I have prepared a slide show
to celebrate the life
339
00:13:39,456 --> 00:13:41,423
of the bride and groom.
340
00:14:04,881 --> 00:14:06,265
Okay...
341
00:14:06,316 --> 00:14:09,451
those were supposed
to go by a lot faster.
342
00:14:11,488 --> 00:14:13,772
Look, it's Insane Clown Wussy.
343
00:14:16,893 --> 00:14:18,527
We all go through phases, Dad.
344
00:14:18,561 --> 00:14:20,913
Ha! Speaking of phases.
345
00:14:20,947 --> 00:14:23,232
Hey, Mom, you
remember that summer?
346
00:14:23,250 --> 00:14:25,034
I think that was the only summer
347
00:14:25,068 --> 00:14:26,452
you had your old nose
and your new boobs.
348
00:14:28,922 --> 00:14:30,539
I'm just saying,
349
00:14:30,573 --> 00:14:33,459
I can't believe you got a
boob job before a nose job.
350
00:14:35,795 --> 00:14:38,464
Your grandmother
did this to my nose.
351
00:14:38,515 --> 00:14:42,551
I wanted her to see that it
did not affect my self-esteem.
352
00:14:42,585 --> 00:14:46,755
But, in order for that to work,
I needed much bigger boobs.
353
00:14:46,773 --> 00:14:49,725
Just stop coming on the boat
with me and my friends, okay?
354
00:14:49,759 --> 00:14:51,393
No matter how big
your new boobs are,
355
00:14:51,427 --> 00:14:53,262
the boys aren't going
to hook up with you.
356
00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:54,563
You're old.
357
00:14:54,597 --> 00:14:56,565
If the boat tips over,
358
00:14:56,599 --> 00:15:00,402
those boys are gonna be
clinging to me for dear life.
359
00:15:00,436 --> 00:15:02,121
And I am not old.
360
00:15:02,155 --> 00:15:05,324
I can name every single
character on Laguna Beach.
361
00:15:08,295 --> 00:15:09,795
Come on, man.
362
00:15:09,829 --> 00:15:11,080
You're in my math class.
363
00:15:11,114 --> 00:15:12,414
No, I'm not.
364
00:15:12,448 --> 00:15:15,000
I'm that guy's father,
Burt Chance.
365
00:15:15,051 --> 00:15:16,919
Go ahead,
ask me anything.
366
00:15:16,953 --> 00:15:19,755
I memorized it all.
367
00:15:19,789 --> 00:15:21,507
I'll take that beer.
368
00:15:21,558 --> 00:15:23,509
But I hate
to drink alone.
369
00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:25,511
Unless you think
I'm too old.
370
00:15:35,305 --> 00:15:37,856
What are you wearing?
371
00:15:37,907 --> 00:15:39,158
I'm not sure.
372
00:15:39,192 --> 00:15:41,277
I got most of this
at a yard sale.
373
00:15:41,311 --> 00:15:44,196
I think it's like
a cool Goth back brace.
374
00:15:44,247 --> 00:15:45,781
It's a corset.
375
00:15:45,815 --> 00:15:47,166
Seriously?
376
00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:49,535
Like, one of those
old-timey bras they wore
377
00:15:49,586 --> 00:15:50,869
back when you were my age?
378
00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:53,255
Get the hell out of my car!
379
00:16:04,889 --> 00:16:07,206
♪ Hana loka mu's
the word for bride ♪
380
00:16:07,224 --> 00:16:09,392
♪ Noka Nu is how
you say groom ♪
381
00:16:09,426 --> 00:16:13,263
♪ And when the Hana loka mu
meets the little Noka Nu ♪
382
00:16:13,314 --> 00:16:16,266
♪ They have
a Takaniki honeymoon ♪
383
00:16:16,317 --> 00:16:18,050
♪ I don't actually know
any Hawaiian ♪
384
00:16:18,068 --> 00:16:20,904
♪ And I just made up
all those words ♪
385
00:16:20,938 --> 00:16:22,906
♪ But let's a raise
a glass of booze ♪
386
00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:25,942
♪ For the upcoming nuptials
and wish you ♪
387
00:16:25,993 --> 00:16:28,394
♪ A Nakiliki Mekaliki Maki
Hoki Poo! ♪
388
00:16:42,956 --> 00:16:44,190
What are you doing?
389
00:16:44,224 --> 00:16:47,710
Uh, your father
wanted to take a bath
390
00:16:47,728 --> 00:16:50,630
and I lost
an earring in the...
391
00:16:50,664 --> 00:16:52,214
Grown-up stuff.
We're doing grown-up stuff.
392
00:16:52,232 --> 00:16:53,433
Well...
393
00:16:53,484 --> 00:16:54,984
don't get used
to this house
394
00:16:55,018 --> 00:16:56,552
'cause I think just
blew it for all of us.
395
00:16:56,570 --> 00:16:58,220
I made out
with Sabrina's mom.
396
00:16:58,238 --> 00:17:00,773
Jimmy, do you know how
inappropriate that is?
397
00:17:00,824 --> 00:17:02,742
The...
398
00:17:02,776 --> 00:17:04,327
What is going
on in here?
399
00:17:04,361 --> 00:17:06,162
Look...
400
00:17:06,196 --> 00:17:08,247
you have got to get back
out there and act normal.
401
00:17:08,282 --> 00:17:09,282
Act normal?
402
00:17:09,333 --> 00:17:11,100
Are you kidding me?
403
00:17:11,134 --> 00:17:13,770
You're gonna be my mother-in-law
and seven years ago,
404
00:17:13,804 --> 00:17:16,355
we were making out
in the back of a car.
405
00:17:16,407 --> 00:17:18,991
Just get it together.
406
00:17:19,026 --> 00:17:21,611
I am trying to have a better
relationship with my daughter
407
00:17:21,645 --> 00:17:24,831
and that is never gonna happen
if she finds out about this.
408
00:17:24,865 --> 00:17:27,316
So, if anyone asks
what we were doing in here,
409
00:17:27,334 --> 00:17:30,336
let's all just say cocaine.
410
00:17:33,540 --> 00:17:37,009
My husband wasn't my first
choice, but back then
411
00:17:37,044 --> 00:17:38,878
there was no way my parents
were going to let me marry
412
00:17:38,929 --> 00:17:41,997
a Jewish guy or a black guy
or a... or an Asian guy.
413
00:17:42,015 --> 00:17:45,551
I often wondered
what happened to Wang.
414
00:17:45,602 --> 00:17:46,886
That was the black guy.
415
00:17:46,937 --> 00:17:50,223
His nickname was Wang.
416
00:17:53,009 --> 00:17:54,227
I don't know what to do.
417
00:17:54,278 --> 00:17:57,146
I can't lie to Sabrina.
418
00:17:57,180 --> 00:17:58,681
Don't be an idiot.
419
00:17:58,699 --> 00:18:01,317
You didn't know it was Sabrina's
mother when it happened.
420
00:18:01,351 --> 00:18:03,202
It's seven years.
421
00:18:03,237 --> 00:18:05,571
You probably don't even remember
what her fake boobs felt like.
422
00:18:05,622 --> 00:18:07,540
- Do ya?
- Burt.
423
00:18:07,574 --> 00:18:10,376
Oh, come on.
I got married at 17.
424
00:18:10,410 --> 00:18:12,411
The closest I ever got
to a fake boob
425
00:18:12,463 --> 00:18:14,380
was going up Kathy Conklin's
shirt and coming out
426
00:18:14,414 --> 00:18:16,549
with a plastic baggy
full of mashed potatoes.
427
00:18:16,583 --> 00:18:18,050
I have to assume
they've gotten better.
428
00:18:18,085 --> 00:18:20,536
Jimmy, you would only
be telling Sabrina
429
00:18:20,554 --> 00:18:22,054
what happened to make
yourself feel better.
430
00:18:22,089 --> 00:18:23,372
Think about Sabrina.
431
00:18:23,390 --> 00:18:25,057
How is she going to ever
kiss you again
432
00:18:25,092 --> 00:18:27,226
knowing you made out
with her mother? It's gross.
433
00:18:27,261 --> 00:18:28,895
So I'm
supposed to go out there
434
00:18:28,929 --> 00:18:30,563
and act normal for
the rest of the night?
435
00:18:30,597 --> 00:18:31,597
For the rest of my life?
436
00:18:31,648 --> 00:18:33,099
Yeah, fake it.
437
00:18:33,150 --> 00:18:35,067
The way Sabrina totally
faked how happy she was
438
00:18:35,102 --> 00:18:36,352
when you proposed tonight.
439
00:18:36,386 --> 00:18:38,070
What?
She wasn't faking it.
440
00:18:38,105 --> 00:18:40,723
Come on, she said your
name a bunch of times,
441
00:18:40,741 --> 00:18:42,525
threw in a few "Oh Gods,"
442
00:18:42,559 --> 00:18:44,277
did all your mother's
Monday night moves.
443
00:18:44,328 --> 00:18:45,695
Wha...? I didn't...
444
00:18:45,729 --> 00:18:47,914
Can't believe
she was faking it.
445
00:18:47,948 --> 00:18:49,398
She seemed so excited.
446
00:18:49,416 --> 00:18:51,400
She only faked it
because she loves you.
447
00:18:51,418 --> 00:18:52,919
And that's why you need
to fake it with her.
448
00:18:52,953 --> 00:18:55,404
So get out there and act
like nothing's wrong.
449
00:18:58,342 --> 00:19:00,376
If you knew I fake
it on Monday nights,
450
00:19:00,410 --> 00:19:01,911
why haven't you
ever said anything?
451
00:19:01,929 --> 00:19:03,379
'Cause you put
on a great show
452
00:19:03,413 --> 00:19:06,299
and then I get
to watch Mike and Molly.
453
00:19:09,419 --> 00:19:12,271
And even though it started out
with what they would call today
454
00:19:12,306 --> 00:19:16,609
a date rape, our marriage
lasted 67 years.
455
00:19:16,643 --> 00:19:21,931
And, uh, since I suddenly
can't remember where I am
456
00:19:21,949 --> 00:19:25,401
or who any of you people is,
457
00:19:25,435 --> 00:19:26,652
well, I'll just say
"Happy New Year's."
458
00:19:28,104 --> 00:19:29,071
Happy New Year.
459
00:19:30,824 --> 00:19:32,491
Seven years ago,
I made out with your mother
460
00:19:32,543 --> 00:19:33,492
in the back of a car.
461
00:19:34,995 --> 00:19:36,612
And I fiddled with her
knockers a little.
462
00:19:38,215 --> 00:19:41,167
I am so sorry,
all right?
463
00:19:41,218 --> 00:19:42,501
I just... I didn't
want you to kiss me
464
00:19:42,553 --> 00:19:44,303
because I thought you might
not want to kiss the guy
465
00:19:44,338 --> 00:19:45,504
who made out
with your mother.
466
00:19:45,556 --> 00:19:47,139
Although, I mean,
you have kissed the guy
467
00:19:47,174 --> 00:19:48,507
who made out
with your mother,
468
00:19:48,559 --> 00:19:49,926
you just, you just
didn't know it.
469
00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:50,977
Look, I didn't know it.
470
00:19:51,011 --> 00:19:52,261
I just found out
when I watched the video
471
00:19:52,295 --> 00:19:53,479
that I'd made out
with your mother.
472
00:19:53,513 --> 00:19:55,081
Is it just me or is
he saying the words
473
00:19:55,115 --> 00:19:57,083
"I made out with your mother"
way more than he needs to?
474
00:19:57,117 --> 00:19:58,768
Yeah, I don't know
why he's doing that.
475
00:19:58,802 --> 00:20:01,604
You know, I'm sure that he has
brushed his teeth a whole bunch
476
00:20:01,638 --> 00:20:02,855
since then, sweetheart.
477
00:20:02,906 --> 00:20:04,357
And, also, the boobs
that he grabbed,
478
00:20:04,408 --> 00:20:06,108
they're not even mine anymore.
479
00:20:06,142 --> 00:20:08,277
After the recall,
your Uncle Andy turned them
480
00:20:08,311 --> 00:20:09,695
into an art piece for Nana.
481
00:20:13,834 --> 00:20:15,368
Go ahead.
482
00:20:15,419 --> 00:20:16,953
I'm sorry.
483
00:20:16,987 --> 00:20:18,454
I just love you so much
484
00:20:18,488 --> 00:20:20,122
that I didn't want to spend
485
00:20:20,156 --> 00:20:23,342
the rest of my life keeping
any secrets from you.
486
00:20:23,377 --> 00:20:27,513
So, if you don't want to
marry me, you don't have to.
487
00:20:27,547 --> 00:20:29,048
But I want to marry you.
488
00:20:29,099 --> 00:20:31,050
Really badly.
489
00:20:31,101 --> 00:20:35,521
So... I'm gonna
ask you again.
490
00:20:35,555 --> 00:20:38,024
Will you marry me?
491
00:20:39,559 --> 00:20:43,529
Yes.
492
00:20:48,735 --> 00:20:49,902
By being willingto lose everything,
493
00:20:49,953 --> 00:20:51,704
I was able to show Sabrina
494
00:20:51,738 --> 00:20:53,406
I loved her 100%for who she was
495
00:20:53,457 --> 00:20:55,591
and give her the feeling
496
00:20:55,626 --> 00:20:57,860
she's been waitingfor her whole life.
497
00:20:57,878 --> 00:21:00,913
And she didn't have to fake it.
498
00:21:05,469 --> 00:21:07,336
And we weren't the onlyones who weren't going
499
00:21:07,370 --> 00:21:08,804
to fake it anymore.
500
00:21:14,544 --> 00:21:17,880
All right, we are recording
Mike and Molly,
501
00:21:18,498 --> 00:21:20,431
so you can take
as much time as you need.
502
00:21:20,644 --> 00:21:22,211
But try to not take
too much time,
503
00:21:22,237 --> 00:21:24,653
I'm recording over some of
my favorite karate movies.
504
00:21:25,566 --> 00:21:30,566
Sync, corrections by dr.jackson
for www.addic7ed.com
36573
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