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1
00:00:15,183 --> 00:00:17,050
Give me that thing.
2
00:00:17,101 --> 00:00:18,826
You color like a mental patient.
3
00:00:18,827 --> 00:00:19,419
Maw Maw.
4
00:00:19,470 --> 00:00:20,854
If you continue
to embarrass us,
5
00:00:20,921 --> 00:00:22,105
we're going to start
dropping you off
6
00:00:22,190 --> 00:00:23,240
at the Korean church again.
7
00:00:23,307 --> 00:00:25,058
She's a terrible drawer.
8
00:00:25,109 --> 00:00:26,560
She made Joseph all blue.
9
00:00:26,611 --> 00:00:28,928
And Mary's got
furry monkey arms.
10
00:00:28,980 --> 00:00:30,063
So what?
11
00:00:30,114 --> 00:00:31,648
Maybe she had hairy arms.
12
00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:33,567
It's probably why she
stayed a virgin.
13
00:00:33,618 --> 00:00:35,152
Good morning.
14
00:00:35,236 --> 00:00:36,620
I'd like to mention
15
00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:39,039
that one of my
Heaven's Helpers volunteers
16
00:00:39,107 --> 00:00:41,408
did a wonderful job
on beautifying
17
00:00:41,476 --> 00:00:42,542
the church's landscaping.
18
00:00:42,610 --> 00:00:43,776
Here it comes.
19
00:00:43,828 --> 00:00:45,445
Does this face
look humble?
20
00:00:45,496 --> 00:00:47,714
It's all a part of the
Spring into Spring campaign
21
00:00:47,781 --> 00:00:49,566
that I organized.
22
00:00:49,634 --> 00:00:51,751
I'd like to recognize
the parishioner
23
00:00:51,803 --> 00:00:56,173
who donated his time and talent
for this project.
24
00:00:56,257 --> 00:00:58,124
But...
25
00:00:58,176 --> 00:01:00,293
he doesn't do it
for the recognition.
26
00:01:00,344 --> 00:01:02,345
None of my volunteers here do.
27
00:01:02,430 --> 00:01:05,348
They follow the example
that I set.
28
00:01:05,433 --> 00:01:07,601
I don't do it for the glory.
29
00:01:07,652 --> 00:01:09,802
I do it for the Lordy.
30
00:01:14,358 --> 00:01:15,992
No. It's not about me,
31
00:01:16,077 --> 00:01:17,344
but thank you.
32
00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:19,979
So you'll be happy to know
33
00:01:20,031 --> 00:01:22,165
that I will run for another term
34
00:01:22,250 --> 00:01:24,584
as chairperson
of Heaven's Helpers.
35
00:01:24,652 --> 00:01:26,620
I'll formally accept
my nomination
36
00:01:26,671 --> 00:01:29,873
next Tuesday,
right after Bible hymn karaoke.
37
00:01:34,011 --> 00:01:36,346
Are those pesos?
38
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:37,714
Yeah.
39
00:01:37,798 --> 00:01:41,134
I won a bet from a gal at work.
It's all she had.
40
00:01:41,185 --> 00:01:43,386
Don't worry... if Jesus
turned water into wine,
41
00:01:43,471 --> 00:01:45,438
I'm sure he can turn
pesos into dollars.
42
00:01:48,893 --> 00:01:50,727
All right, Jimmy, come on.
43
00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:52,229
It's time to put on
your costume.
44
00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:53,513
Costume for what?
45
00:01:53,564 --> 00:01:54,981
You'll think it's weird,
46
00:01:55,032 --> 00:01:56,733
but ever since we stopped
getting the Sunday paper,
47
00:01:56,817 --> 00:01:58,685
we started making up
and acting out our own funnies.
48
00:02:00,538 --> 00:02:04,257
I don't really feel like doing
the comics this morning.
49
00:02:04,325 --> 00:02:05,692
Come on, Burt.
50
00:02:05,743 --> 00:02:07,210
You know I've been waiting
all week for this.
51
00:02:07,295 --> 00:02:08,368
Yeah, I was waiting all week
52
00:02:08,369 --> 00:02:10,630
for a little acknowledgment
for my church volunteer work.
53
00:02:10,698 --> 00:02:12,299
I was even practicing all this.
54
00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:15,085
Sarah Louise
is running for reelection.
55
00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:16,419
You should run
against her.
56
00:02:16,504 --> 00:02:17,620
Then, when you're in charge,
57
00:02:17,621 --> 00:02:19,973
you can make sure everybody
gets the credit they deserve.
58
00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:22,108
No way.
Do not cross Sarah Louise.
59
00:02:22,176 --> 00:02:23,977
You remember what happened
when Ernie Sawyer
60
00:02:24,044 --> 00:02:26,062
ran against her,
and then he fell off the wagon?
61
00:02:26,147 --> 00:02:27,347
She made him
start drinking?
62
00:02:27,398 --> 00:02:28,682
No, she scared the horses,
63
00:02:28,733 --> 00:02:30,383
and he flew off the back
of the hayride.
64
00:02:31,686 --> 00:02:32,736
He was drunk, though.
65
00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,053
But they say that's
what saved him.
66
00:02:34,105 --> 00:02:36,022
Maybe I should
run against her.
67
00:02:36,073 --> 00:02:38,057
It's time someone
stood up to Sarah Louise.
68
00:02:38,109 --> 00:02:40,493
If you run against her,
I'll be your campaign manager.
69
00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:41,639
But only if you let me go negative,
70
00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:43,580
'cause I just don't think we can
win on your accomplishments.
71
00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:44,564
You know what?
72
00:02:44,615 --> 00:02:46,777
I was going to start with
Beetle Bailey this week,
73
00:02:46,778 --> 00:02:48,901
but I think you need to learn
a very important lesson
74
00:02:48,953 --> 00:02:50,420
from some of America's
favorite kids.
75
00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:52,172
Just give me five minutes
to rewrite this week's script.
76
00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:55,292
Okay.
77
00:02:58,796 --> 00:03:01,381
- Is everybody ready?
- I really should be Marcie.
78
00:03:01,432 --> 00:03:04,184
I'm the only one with
an actual lesbian experience.
79
00:03:04,251 --> 00:03:06,019
Maw Maw, I've told you before,
watching Ellen
80
00:03:06,086 --> 00:03:08,772
isn't considered
a lesbian experience, okay?
81
00:03:08,856 --> 00:03:09,773
Ready? Go.
82
00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:11,057
Come on, Charlie Brown.
83
00:03:11,108 --> 00:03:13,276
Do it. You'd be
everyone's hero.
84
00:03:13,361 --> 00:03:15,278
Yeah, trust me, Charlie Brown.
85
00:03:15,363 --> 00:03:16,613
You guys are right.
86
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,481
I think I can do it.
87
00:03:18,566 --> 00:03:20,317
What's the worst thing
that can happen?
88
00:03:30,294 --> 00:03:31,795
This is exactly
what will happen
89
00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:34,514
if you run against Sarah Louise.
90
00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:43,840
Good grief.
91
00:03:58,406 --> 00:04:01,024
Well, I'd like to start
the meeting, but, apparently,
92
00:04:01,108 --> 00:04:03,159
Carl's sister is running late
to pick him up.
93
00:04:03,244 --> 00:04:04,160
Poor blind fellow.
94
00:04:04,245 --> 00:04:05,812
Music's all he's got.
95
00:04:05,863 --> 00:04:07,197
And he's not as good
96
00:04:07,281 --> 00:04:09,783
as most blind musicians
I've seen on TV.
97
00:04:09,834 --> 00:04:11,651
My ears work, okay?
98
00:04:11,702 --> 00:04:14,153
As does my middle finger.
99
00:04:14,205 --> 00:04:16,506
Poor thing.
100
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:19,042
He's flipping the bird
to a poster of Bethlehem.
101
00:04:19,126 --> 00:04:21,845
Thanks, Virginia.
102
00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:23,563
She's in
the crosshairs now.
103
00:04:23,631 --> 00:04:24,964
All right.
104
00:04:25,016 --> 00:04:26,516
Everybody saw it.
105
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:27,884
You can put it
down, Carl.
106
00:04:29,270 --> 00:04:30,970
Tonight's first order
of business
107
00:04:31,022 --> 00:04:33,356
will be to formally
nominate candidates
108
00:04:33,441 --> 00:04:35,942
for chairperson
of Heaven's Helpers.
109
00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:37,977
Put it down, Carl.
110
00:04:40,064 --> 00:04:43,033
Do it. Nominate me.
No. It's a suicide mission.
111
00:04:43,117 --> 00:04:45,452
Since I'm unopposed again...
112
00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:46,953
I nominate Burt Chance.
113
00:04:49,356 --> 00:04:50,457
Thank you, Carl.
114
00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:53,693
Okay.
115
00:04:53,744 --> 00:04:55,762
Good for you, Burt.
116
00:04:55,830 --> 00:04:57,697
In two weeks,
at the next meeting,
117
00:04:57,748 --> 00:05:00,667
both of us
will make brief speeches,
118
00:05:00,718 --> 00:05:02,802
and all members in attendance
will vote.
119
00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:03,970
Sorry I'm late.
120
00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:06,639
My mouthwash
gave my Breathalyzer
121
00:05:06,707 --> 00:05:09,342
a false reading,
so my car wouldn't start.
122
00:05:09,393 --> 00:05:10,209
Bye, Carl.
123
00:05:11,729 --> 00:05:13,680
He's good.
124
00:05:13,731 --> 00:05:16,516
As some of you may have heard,
125
00:05:16,567 --> 00:05:18,384
Carl's sister Gwen's
moving away.
126
00:05:18,436 --> 00:05:20,052
Rehab.
127
00:05:20,104 --> 00:05:22,439
Luckily for him, I stepped in.
128
00:05:22,523 --> 00:05:24,941
Next week, Heaven's Helpers
will present Carl
129
00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:26,793
with his very own guide animal.
130
00:05:26,861 --> 00:05:27,744
Isn't that wonderful?
131
00:05:29,113 --> 00:05:31,281
We do, however, need someone
132
00:05:31,365 --> 00:05:33,500
to care for the animal
until the presentation.
133
00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:34,918
No.
134
00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:37,403
I spend half the week
vacuuming up Maw Maw's hair.
135
00:05:37,455 --> 00:05:38,788
I'm not adding an animal.
136
00:05:38,873 --> 00:05:41,374
I would do it myself, but...
137
00:05:41,425 --> 00:05:43,793
since I'm sure Burt
would like to prove
138
00:05:43,878 --> 00:05:46,296
to everyone
that he can be in charge...
139
00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:49,466
I would really love
to help out here,
140
00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:52,769
but, uh, unfortunately,
I am allergic to dogs.
141
00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,354
Well, praise the Lord.
142
00:05:54,421 --> 00:05:56,022
Carl is, too.
143
00:05:57,308 --> 00:05:58,558
I hate that pig.
144
00:05:58,609 --> 00:05:59,976
Me, too.
145
00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:01,227
We're talking
about Sarah Louise, right?
146
00:06:01,278 --> 00:06:02,779
'Cause this one
seems pretty nice.
147
00:06:07,556 --> 00:06:09,676
I'm home!
I think.
148
00:06:09,813 --> 00:06:11,764
Mom, you should've
been on that walk.
149
00:06:11,815 --> 00:06:13,600
Hope loves
having a pet.
150
00:06:13,651 --> 00:06:15,518
Maw Maw put her
on Mr. Curly Tail's back,
151
00:06:15,603 --> 00:06:17,770
and it... it looked
just like a little rodeo.
152
00:06:17,821 --> 00:06:19,022
I mean, you know,
if cowboys
153
00:06:19,106 --> 00:06:20,823
in rodeos had
giant old ladies
154
00:06:20,908 --> 00:06:22,025
behind them
holding them on.
155
00:06:23,394 --> 00:06:24,978
You had to be there.
156
00:06:25,045 --> 00:06:27,880
Burt, this isn't going to be
as easy as you think.
157
00:06:27,932 --> 00:06:29,682
This thing is full
158
00:06:29,733 --> 00:06:31,601
of special care
instructions.
159
00:06:31,685 --> 00:06:34,070
Purified water?
160
00:06:34,154 --> 00:06:37,023
Pesticide-free fruits
and vegetables?
161
00:06:37,074 --> 00:06:39,892
You think you're better
than us, don't you?
162
00:06:39,944 --> 00:06:41,327
Guys.
163
00:06:41,395 --> 00:06:43,363
I just heard that one
of your neighbors got a pig.
164
00:06:43,414 --> 00:06:45,164
And now you're not
the trashiest people on the...
165
00:06:48,235 --> 00:06:49,402
Sorry.
166
00:06:49,453 --> 00:06:52,288
In just five days, they're
going to present that to Carl.
167
00:06:52,373 --> 00:06:53,590
We spent longer than that
168
00:06:53,674 --> 00:06:55,425
trying to win
a "hands on a Jet Ski" contest.
169
00:06:55,509 --> 00:06:57,576
And we would have won, too,
if they hadn't have let
170
00:06:57,628 --> 00:06:58,928
that jerk with
the colostomy bag enter.
171
00:06:59,013 --> 00:07:00,546
Plus, it'll give me great stuff
to brag about
172
00:07:00,598 --> 00:07:02,098
in two weeks
when I make my big speech.
173
00:07:02,182 --> 00:07:06,269
Burt, you know how ruthless
Sarah Louise is.
174
00:07:06,353 --> 00:07:09,772
And you're not the
best public speaker.
175
00:07:09,857 --> 00:07:12,392
I just don't want
to see you get hurt.
176
00:07:12,443 --> 00:07:14,593
I could... I could help you
with your speech if you want.
177
00:07:14,645 --> 00:07:16,229
I-I learned a trick
in my public speaking course.
178
00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:17,864
If it's the old classic
"picture everybody naked,"
179
00:07:17,931 --> 00:07:19,315
you can forget about it.
180
00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:20,483
Burt always pictures
everybody naked.
181
00:07:20,567 --> 00:07:21,818
We both do.
182
00:07:21,902 --> 00:07:23,653
Some people have Cinemax.
183
00:07:23,737 --> 00:07:25,872
We have our imagination.
184
00:07:25,939 --> 00:07:28,607
Living with a pig in your housemight sound crazy,
185
00:07:28,659 --> 00:07:31,377
but we all fell in lovewith Mr. Curly Tail.
186
00:07:31,445 --> 00:07:33,046
Except Mom.
187
00:07:42,890 --> 00:07:44,891
Twins.
188
00:07:51,432 --> 00:07:52,849
He was cold.
189
00:07:52,933 --> 00:07:54,684
I was afraid he'd
get the swine flu.
190
00:07:54,768 --> 00:07:56,152
What...?
191
00:07:56,236 --> 00:07:58,604
Shh.
192
00:08:05,162 --> 00:08:07,030
He never saw Babe.
193
00:08:10,367 --> 00:08:12,151
Two out of three,
Mr. Curly Tail.
194
00:08:16,540 --> 00:08:18,341
No...!
195
00:08:21,328 --> 00:08:22,795
Virginia.
196
00:08:22,846 --> 00:08:24,663
Check this out.
197
00:08:26,833 --> 00:08:29,001
Curly, newspaper.
198
00:08:29,053 --> 00:08:31,087
Burt, we don't get
the newspaper.
199
00:08:31,155 --> 00:08:33,139
I know.
He steals it from the neighbors.
200
00:08:33,190 --> 00:08:34,474
Listen, I'm going down
to the grocery store.
201
00:08:34,525 --> 00:08:37,393
Sabrina's going to help me
with my very funny speech.
202
00:08:37,478 --> 00:08:39,395
There's no Polish people
in our church, right?
203
00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:40,697
You better be taking
that pig with you.
204
00:08:40,781 --> 00:08:41,948
I don't want to be alone
with him.
205
00:08:42,015 --> 00:08:43,449
You're not alone.
Maw Maw's right here.
206
00:08:43,517 --> 00:08:45,351
Unless she's dead.
207
00:08:45,402 --> 00:08:46,569
Alive.
208
00:08:46,653 --> 00:08:47,620
Leave him if you want.
209
00:08:47,687 --> 00:08:48,988
That stupid pig is on his own.
210
00:08:49,039 --> 00:08:50,289
I'm watching
this TV show
211
00:08:50,357 --> 00:08:51,741
where they find wedding dresses
212
00:08:51,825 --> 00:08:54,026
that look good
on oddly-shaped women.
213
00:08:54,078 --> 00:08:55,962
I think today's
got conjoined twins.
214
00:08:56,029 --> 00:08:57,964
That is a lucky groom.
215
00:09:01,535 --> 00:09:03,242
Come on, you got to love this guy.
216
00:09:05,872 --> 00:09:08,641
Today, Beth tries on
gown number seven
217
00:09:08,708 --> 00:09:11,177
while her sister Tanya still
can't find a bridesmaid's dress
218
00:09:11,228 --> 00:09:12,711
that doesn't make
her hip look big.
219
00:09:12,763 --> 00:09:14,514
You hang in there, Tanya.
220
00:09:14,565 --> 00:09:16,015
Beth found her Mr. Right.
221
00:09:16,066 --> 00:09:18,050
You'll find your Mr. Left.
222
00:09:35,836 --> 00:09:37,703
Holy crap, pig.
223
00:09:37,755 --> 00:09:39,539
You saved my life.
224
00:09:41,041 --> 00:09:43,259
You saved my life, pig.
225
00:09:43,343 --> 00:09:45,128
My God.
226
00:09:45,212 --> 00:09:48,914
You're like Lassie
without all the attitude.
227
00:09:48,966 --> 00:09:52,385
Not even my own grandmother
would wake up to save me.
228
00:09:52,436 --> 00:09:53,569
I was awake.
229
00:09:53,637 --> 00:09:56,889
Thought you were trying to trick
me into giving up the good chair.
230
00:09:56,940 --> 00:09:58,924
This couch is way more
comfortable than that chair.
231
00:10:06,433 --> 00:10:09,402
In conclusion,
fellow parishioners,
232
00:10:09,453 --> 00:10:13,289
I would like to be chairperson
of Heaven's Helpers
233
00:10:13,373 --> 00:10:14,874
so that you can get
234
00:10:14,941 --> 00:10:17,210
the credit that you deserve
235
00:10:17,277 --> 00:10:19,796
without making everything
about me.
236
00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:21,714
You're still kind of doing
this thing with your hands.
237
00:10:21,781 --> 00:10:22,999
- Still?
- Burt!
238
00:10:23,083 --> 00:10:25,334
Burt, you were right
about Mr. Curly Tail.
239
00:10:25,419 --> 00:10:27,170
He is a genius.
240
00:10:27,254 --> 00:10:30,139
I was choking, and
he saved my life.
241
00:10:30,224 --> 00:10:31,624
I told you, he's a genius.
242
00:10:31,675 --> 00:10:33,092
I decided to come
and get Mr. Curly Tail
243
00:10:33,143 --> 00:10:34,460
some of those organic apples
you guys sell.
244
00:10:34,511 --> 00:10:35,845
We stopped selling
organic stuff.
245
00:10:35,929 --> 00:10:38,064
See, the produce is really
close to the restroom,
246
00:10:38,131 --> 00:10:39,398
and without pesticides,
247
00:10:39,466 --> 00:10:40,933
they just can't handle
the air fresheners.
248
00:10:40,984 --> 00:10:42,351
However,
our public restrooms
249
00:10:42,436 --> 00:10:44,136
were voted the
best-smelling in Natesville.
250
00:10:44,188 --> 00:10:46,355
Fine. Then I guess I'll
go out to that hippie farm
251
00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:47,490
and get some real
organic apples.
252
00:10:47,574 --> 00:10:48,941
How'd that, uh,
253
00:10:48,992 --> 00:10:50,159
conjoined twin's
wedding work out?
254
00:10:50,244 --> 00:10:51,828
Wild. At that part
in the wedding
255
00:10:51,912 --> 00:10:53,830
when they ask if anyone
has any objections,
256
00:10:53,914 --> 00:10:55,698
the bride's conjoined
twin admitted
257
00:10:55,782 --> 00:10:57,750
that she had slept
with the groom.
258
00:10:59,819 --> 00:11:03,289
I admit it, you were right,
and I was wrong.
259
00:11:03,340 --> 00:11:05,341
That really is one
magnificent pig.
260
00:11:05,425 --> 00:11:06,992
And you know what?
261
00:11:07,044 --> 00:11:09,011
I'm gonna let him sleep
in the bed tonight.
262
00:11:09,096 --> 00:11:11,497
Something smells good.
263
00:11:23,343 --> 00:11:25,311
Maw Maw.
264
00:11:25,362 --> 00:11:27,914
Please tell us you didn't
butcher Mr. Curly Tail.
265
00:11:27,981 --> 00:11:29,365
Of course, I did.
266
00:11:29,449 --> 00:11:31,901
And if this is going to become
a regular thing,
267
00:11:31,985 --> 00:11:34,387
we're gonna need a bigger
freezer, sharper knives,
268
00:11:34,454 --> 00:11:36,289
and a much better mop.
269
00:11:45,876 --> 00:11:47,427
I can't eat him.
270
00:11:47,494 --> 00:11:48,661
He was a friend.
271
00:11:48,729 --> 00:11:50,046
Get off it.
272
00:11:50,130 --> 00:11:52,015
I should've just told you
it ran away,
273
00:11:52,099 --> 00:11:54,017
and I bought this
at a store.
274
00:11:54,101 --> 00:11:56,219
It worked for
Jimmy's pet rabbits.
275
00:11:56,303 --> 00:11:58,671
You killed Floppy and Pom-Pom?
276
00:11:58,739 --> 00:11:59,973
And you ate 'em.
277
00:12:00,024 --> 00:12:01,474
Those rabbits were stupid
and worthless.
278
00:12:01,525 --> 00:12:03,509
This pig we're eating
was a hero.
279
00:12:03,561 --> 00:12:08,147
He saved my life,
and I couldn't save his.
280
00:12:08,199 --> 00:12:10,617
He was a damn good pig.
He makes a damn good chop.
281
00:12:10,684 --> 00:12:11,188
Burt!
282
00:12:11,189 --> 00:12:13,203
Virginia, eat him or he
would've died in vain.
283
00:12:13,287 --> 00:12:14,871
He would've wanted
it this way.
284
00:12:14,955 --> 00:12:16,472
I'm sure Maw Maw made it
quick and painless.
285
00:12:16,540 --> 00:12:19,542
No, it was a hell of a struggle.
286
00:12:19,627 --> 00:12:24,030
It isn't easy trying to cut up
a pig with a pizza cutter.
287
00:12:24,081 --> 00:12:25,915
God. Okay.
288
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:27,383
That did it for me.
289
00:12:27,468 --> 00:12:30,637
Who are you, and why are you
always in our house?
290
00:12:30,704 --> 00:12:33,223
I guess we should save some for Carl
so he gets something out of this.
291
00:12:33,307 --> 00:12:35,141
We're gonna have to change
that speech we worked on.
292
00:12:35,208 --> 00:12:36,559
That's a pretty
significant rewrite.
293
00:12:36,644 --> 00:12:37,894
A lot of our best points
294
00:12:37,978 --> 00:12:39,879
were about how you kept that
pig alive for five days.
295
00:12:39,930 --> 00:12:41,347
Maybe you can just
change it to "four days."
296
00:12:41,398 --> 00:12:42,815
Are you insane?
297
00:12:42,883 --> 00:12:44,901
There is no speech,
there is no election.
298
00:12:44,985 --> 00:12:46,853
You are going
in there tomorrow
299
00:12:46,904 --> 00:12:48,738
saying you killed
a blind man's pig.
300
00:12:48,822 --> 00:12:50,573
Well, the election's not
for a week.
301
00:12:50,658 --> 00:12:52,091
Maybe they'll just forget.
302
00:12:52,159 --> 00:12:54,611
Seriously, who are you?
303
00:12:54,695 --> 00:12:57,730
Burt, look, we screwed up.
304
00:12:57,781 --> 00:12:59,632
Okay? Forget the election.
305
00:12:59,700 --> 00:13:00,900
This is what's gonna happen:
306
00:13:00,951 --> 00:13:02,535
We're gonna go
in there tomorrow,
307
00:13:02,586 --> 00:13:05,371
say what we did, and we're gonna
suffer the scorn,
308
00:13:05,422 --> 00:13:07,040
and we're gonna
do it as a family.
309
00:13:07,091 --> 00:13:09,709
I mean, we got through
the Easter fart.
310
00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:12,345
We got through Maw Maw dry-
humping the St. Francis statue.
311
00:13:12,412 --> 00:13:13,563
He was no saint.
312
00:13:13,631 --> 00:13:15,915
Should've seen the way
he was looking at me.
313
00:13:15,966 --> 00:13:20,186
Well, if tomorrow's our judgment
day, might as well enjoy now.
314
00:13:26,259 --> 00:13:29,729
I'm only doing this so you'll
always be a part of me, okay?
315
00:13:35,035 --> 00:13:36,736
God, that is delicious.
316
00:13:40,541 --> 00:13:42,408
Sorry I'm late.
317
00:13:42,459 --> 00:13:44,377
Where's Burt?
I wish I knew.
318
00:13:44,444 --> 00:13:46,045
He left before we woke up
this morning.
319
00:13:46,113 --> 00:13:47,947
He missed a really
good breakfast.
320
00:13:47,998 --> 00:13:50,783
We had ham and eggs, bacon,
pigs in a blanket,
321
00:13:50,834 --> 00:13:52,552
and the blanket was ham.
322
00:13:52,619 --> 00:13:54,470
Burt, I don't know where the
heck you went this morning,
323
00:13:54,555 --> 00:13:56,222
but we said we were gonna
do this as a family,
324
00:13:56,289 --> 00:13:57,674
and I expect you to be here.
325
00:13:57,758 --> 00:13:59,092
Pig-ahoy.
326
00:14:01,762 --> 00:14:04,347
Burt, you found another
Mr. Curly Tail?
327
00:14:04,431 --> 00:14:06,099
Like the Good Book
probably says,
328
00:14:06,150 --> 00:14:07,934
"Have a little faith,
then ye shall find-eth."
329
00:14:07,985 --> 00:14:10,486
There you are.
330
00:14:10,571 --> 00:14:12,488
We're just about
to make the presentation.
331
00:14:12,573 --> 00:14:14,357
Give me that pig.
332
00:14:14,441 --> 00:14:16,109
Come on, let's go.
Let's... going to work.
333
00:14:16,160 --> 00:14:18,244
Yep, yep, yep,
yep, yep.
334
00:14:19,697 --> 00:14:21,280
This is amazing.
335
00:14:21,332 --> 00:14:23,482
I would've thought there's a
waiting list for a service pig.
336
00:14:23,534 --> 00:14:24,667
I'm sure there is.
337
00:14:24,752 --> 00:14:26,152
But you can get
a regular pig like that.
338
00:14:26,203 --> 00:14:30,123
So you just got some
random animal off a farm?
339
00:14:30,174 --> 00:14:32,658
Petting zoo. For $100,
the guy said I could have
340
00:14:32,710 --> 00:14:35,211
any animal I wanted, and I could
do whatever I wanted with it.
341
00:14:35,295 --> 00:14:36,979
Then he winked at me.
342
00:14:37,047 --> 00:14:40,383
We are never taking Hope
to that petting zoo.
343
00:14:42,436 --> 00:14:43,553
Just sweet, right?
344
00:14:43,637 --> 00:14:45,504
Just sweet, oh, wait a minute,
wait a minute.
345
00:14:45,556 --> 00:14:46,622
I'm not done.
346
00:14:46,690 --> 00:14:47,890
I've also thought
to provide
347
00:14:47,975 --> 00:14:50,226
this pouch of treats
that you can use to reward
348
00:14:50,310 --> 00:14:53,546
your service companion as he
adapts to your personal needs.
349
00:14:53,614 --> 00:14:54,814
Let's put this on you.
350
00:14:56,367 --> 00:14:57,784
There you go.
Thank you.
351
00:14:57,851 --> 00:14:59,786
No, it's not about me,
352
00:14:59,853 --> 00:15:02,789
or the $47.00 that I spent
on the pouch and treats.
353
00:15:03,991 --> 00:15:05,357
This is about you.
354
00:15:05,409 --> 00:15:07,860
I'm smiling and pointing
at you, Carl.
355
00:15:07,911 --> 00:15:08,995
Okay.
356
00:15:09,046 --> 00:15:10,163
It's a good thing.
357
00:15:10,214 --> 00:15:11,914
What the hell, Burt?
He's gonna get killed
358
00:15:11,999 --> 00:15:14,300
being dragged around town
by an untrained pig.
359
00:15:14,367 --> 00:15:17,203
Don't worry,
I have a plan.
360
00:15:20,424 --> 00:15:22,208
Dad did have a plan.
361
00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:30,549
But like most of his plans,it was crazy.
362
00:15:30,601 --> 00:15:33,686
Dad figured that we could keepCarl safe by being guide humans
363
00:15:33,737 --> 00:15:35,571
for the fake guide pig.
364
00:15:36,740 --> 00:15:38,408
Good job, pig.
365
00:15:45,833 --> 00:15:49,401
You smell that, pig?
Someone must have passed by
366
00:15:49,453 --> 00:15:51,587
wearing cheap perfume
and way too much of it.
367
00:15:53,674 --> 00:15:56,292
It's lingering.
368
00:15:56,376 --> 00:15:59,078
All we had to do was keepthe most popular blind man
369
00:15:59,146 --> 00:16:00,847
in town alive long enough
370
00:16:00,914 --> 00:16:02,632
for Dad to winthe Heaven's Helpers election.
371
00:16:02,716 --> 00:16:03,883
Good job, pig.
372
00:16:13,110 --> 00:16:14,694
Bless you, pig.
373
00:16:14,761 --> 00:16:16,696
And once Dad was in charge,
374
00:16:16,763 --> 00:16:18,865
he'd be able to figure outa more permanent solution.
375
00:16:22,269 --> 00:16:23,486
Good job, pig.
376
00:16:30,878 --> 00:16:33,746
That was a close call,
377
00:16:34,882 --> 00:16:36,165
Yeah, it was.
378
00:16:36,250 --> 00:16:39,051
Boy, you saved my life, pig.
379
00:16:39,119 --> 00:16:40,636
It was gonna be tough,
380
00:16:40,721 --> 00:16:43,055
but luckily, our familyis used to doing horrible jobs.
381
00:16:43,123 --> 00:16:44,223
Pig! Towel!
382
00:16:47,561 --> 00:16:50,229
♪ You're the one who erased
the pain ♪
383
00:16:50,297 --> 00:16:54,100
♪ My life will never be
the same ♪
384
00:16:54,151 --> 00:16:58,187
♪ You're the very one, the only
one that I've been waiting for ♪
385
00:16:58,272 --> 00:16:59,805
Pig! Bag!
386
00:16:59,857 --> 00:17:01,941
♪ I want to thank you... ♪
387
00:17:01,992 --> 00:17:04,410
Good job, pig.
388
00:17:09,032 --> 00:17:12,251
♪ I just want to say
thank you, baby ♪
389
00:17:12,319 --> 00:17:14,954
♪ For saving my life ♪
390
00:17:15,005 --> 00:17:17,823
♪ For picking me up ♪
391
00:17:17,875 --> 00:17:20,843
♪ Dusting me off ♪
392
00:17:20,928 --> 00:17:23,143
♪ Putting me all back
together, together ♪
393
00:17:23,144 --> 00:17:24,380
♪ Together, together ♪
394
00:17:24,464 --> 00:17:25,431
♪ Together ♪
395
00:17:27,134 --> 00:17:29,218
♪ I can live ♪
♪ I can live ♪
396
00:17:29,303 --> 00:17:32,021
♪ Since I found you, baby... ♪
397
00:17:32,105 --> 00:17:33,639
Thank you.
398
00:17:33,690 --> 00:17:38,227
What's... up, Natesville?!
399
00:17:38,312 --> 00:17:41,731
It's 58 degrees,
7:32 in the morning.
400
00:17:41,815 --> 00:17:43,366
Okay, pig, time to go.
401
00:17:46,370 --> 00:17:50,323
We're running late,
pig, come on. We gotta...
402
00:17:50,374 --> 00:17:53,409
♪ For saving my life ♪
♪ We played together ♪
403
00:17:53,493 --> 00:17:56,078
♪ For picking me up ♪
♪ I can't live ♪
404
00:17:56,163 --> 00:17:57,527
♪ I can't live without you, baby ♪
405
00:17:57,528 --> 00:17:58,530
♪ For dusting me off ♪
406
00:17:58,582 --> 00:18:00,299
♪ Didn't you, didn't you,
didn't you, didn't you? ♪
407
00:18:00,367 --> 00:18:02,051
♪ Thank you, baby ♪
408
00:18:02,135 --> 00:18:04,503
♪ For saving my life ♪
409
00:18:04,555 --> 00:18:06,055
♪ For picking me up... ♪
410
00:18:06,139 --> 00:18:09,308
What are you doing,
Virginia?
411
00:18:09,376 --> 00:18:10,643
Just getting
a closer look at this pig.
412
00:18:10,710 --> 00:18:14,230
Did you ever notice he has the
exact same eyes as David Lee Roth?
413
00:18:14,314 --> 00:18:16,182
Good evening, ladies.
414
00:18:16,233 --> 00:18:18,217
Am I on time
for the meeting?
415
00:18:18,268 --> 00:18:19,852
Right on time. Come on in.
416
00:18:24,524 --> 00:18:26,192
Hello, everyone,
and welcome to
417
00:18:26,243 --> 00:18:28,744
a very important meeting of
Heaven's Helpers.
418
00:18:28,829 --> 00:18:30,696
Tonight we will be
choosing a chairperson
419
00:18:30,747 --> 00:18:33,899
to lead our group
for the next two years.
420
00:18:33,951 --> 00:18:35,167
Normally, the nominees
421
00:18:35,235 --> 00:18:37,670
would each give a short
speech before the vote.
422
00:18:37,737 --> 00:18:40,673
Since Burt will show you
that speeches are boring
423
00:18:40,740 --> 00:18:44,377
and since actions speak louder
than words, I want you to see
424
00:18:44,428 --> 00:18:46,295
with your own eyes
how my work
425
00:18:46,380 --> 00:18:47,964
did not just
give this man a pig.
426
00:18:48,048 --> 00:18:49,915
It gave him his freedom.
427
00:18:49,967 --> 00:18:52,084
I'm going to give you
a demonstration
428
00:18:52,135 --> 00:18:55,338
on the amazing things that
this pig is trained to do.
429
00:18:55,405 --> 00:18:58,424
We are so busted.
430
00:18:58,475 --> 00:19:01,060
I'm starting to think our plan
to impersonate a guide pig
431
00:19:01,111 --> 00:19:03,446
to fool a blind man
and a church congregation
432
00:19:03,530 --> 00:19:05,281
was slightly flawed.
433
00:19:11,146 --> 00:19:13,765
Prepare to be amazed.
434
00:19:13,849 --> 00:19:16,400
This is going to be like
the Easter fart times 20.
435
00:19:16,485 --> 00:19:17,852
This is going to be
even worse than
436
00:19:17,903 --> 00:19:19,570
Jimmy's Christmas
caroling boner.
437
00:19:19,655 --> 00:19:22,723
Now, Carl, I'm going to need
you to turn around.
438
00:19:22,775 --> 00:19:23,766
Wait. This could be great.
439
00:19:23,767 --> 00:19:26,661
I mean, you guys aren't gonna get blamed
when the pig can't do it; she is.
440
00:19:26,728 --> 00:19:29,063
She's the one trying to take
all the credit. It's karma.
441
00:19:29,114 --> 00:19:31,749
Yeah, like that show
with the Mallrats guy
442
00:19:31,834 --> 00:19:33,034
you kept trying
to make me like.
443
00:19:34,336 --> 00:19:36,087
Now, tell the pig
to get your bag.
444
00:19:36,171 --> 00:19:37,338
Pig, bag.
445
00:19:43,595 --> 00:19:45,079
Yes.
446
00:19:47,850 --> 00:19:49,267
I don't believe it.
447
00:19:49,351 --> 00:19:50,518
Lucky break.
448
00:19:50,585 --> 00:19:51,803
Pig, home.
449
00:19:55,090 --> 00:19:57,141
Yes, right this way.
450
00:19:57,226 --> 00:19:59,811
Good. Yes.
451
00:20:12,205 --> 00:20:14,206
What the hell is going on here?
452
00:20:14,291 --> 00:20:16,092
I think we trained
that pig.
453
00:20:16,159 --> 00:20:18,210
My God.
We taught it how to be
454
00:20:18,295 --> 00:20:21,163
a guide pig by leading it around
and showing it what to do.
455
00:20:21,214 --> 00:20:23,215
And giving it pig treats
as positive reinforcement.
456
00:20:23,300 --> 00:20:24,934
You gave the treats
to the pig?
457
00:20:25,001 --> 00:20:26,669
Yeah. What'd you
do with them?
458
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:29,188
I gave them to the pig.
459
00:20:30,974 --> 00:20:32,858
I can't believe this.
460
00:20:32,943 --> 00:20:34,677
She's getting
all the credit again.
461
00:20:34,728 --> 00:20:36,145
And we can't even
tell anybody what we did,
462
00:20:36,196 --> 00:20:38,064
or they'll know that we ate
Mr. Curly Tail.
463
00:20:38,148 --> 00:20:39,848
Now she's definitely gonna win.
464
00:20:39,900 --> 00:20:42,201
I don't know about that,
'cause I wrote Burt a pretty great speech.
465
00:20:42,285 --> 00:20:43,869
It was basically
the speech from Braveheart,
466
00:20:43,954 --> 00:20:47,523
except at the end, it was like
"You can take our church bazaar,
467
00:20:47,574 --> 00:20:50,126
but you'll never take
our rummage sale."
468
00:20:50,193 --> 00:20:51,694
But like subtle.
469
00:20:51,745 --> 00:20:52,461
Burt?
470
00:20:52,529 --> 00:20:55,197
Burt, Burt, come on.
471
00:20:55,248 --> 00:20:56,666
You gotta focus
on your speech.
472
00:20:56,717 --> 00:20:59,001
I don't care.
She can be in charge.
473
00:20:59,052 --> 00:21:01,253
What? But then you'll
never get the credit.
474
00:21:01,338 --> 00:21:03,372
I don't need it.
475
00:21:03,423 --> 00:21:04,473
Look what we did.
476
00:21:07,811 --> 00:21:11,880
Dad realized he didn't need tobe in charge to get some glory,
477
00:21:11,932 --> 00:21:13,733
because he didn'tneed glory at all.
478
00:21:13,817 --> 00:21:15,985
Happiness is makingother people happy.
479
00:21:17,437 --> 00:21:19,572
And after that,Dad was happy to do
480
00:21:19,656 --> 00:21:21,524
his volunteer work aroundthe church simply for the good
481
00:21:21,575 --> 00:21:23,359
feeling of knowing that he hadhelped make things better.
482
00:21:23,410 --> 00:21:25,361
Looking good, Carl.
483
00:21:25,412 --> 00:21:28,080
Thanks, Burt, 'cause you know
I can't tell.
484
00:21:28,165 --> 00:21:30,616
Great hearing and funny.
485
00:21:30,701 --> 00:21:32,835
You're almost the total package.
486
00:21:32,902 --> 00:21:34,403
Nice.
487
00:21:34,454 --> 00:21:39,454
Sync and corrected by dr.jackson
for www.addic7ed.com
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