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[■■]
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[EVANY] SO, TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY
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AND THE GANG'S TAKING ME TO
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KARAOKE. I'M SUPER EXCITED.
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[ANDREW] YEAH, WE'RE NOT COMING,
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EV.
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[EVANY] HE'S JOKING.
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UH, Y'ALL SAID YOU'D COME.
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[KYLE] YEAH, I KNOW.
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WE CHANGED OUR MINDS BECAUSE
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KARAOKE IS STUPID.
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WE'RE GOING TO DO THIS PUZZLE
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INSTEAD.
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[EVANY] A PUZZLE?
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[KYLE] HEY, EV, WHAT SONG ARE
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YOU GONNA DO AT KARAOKE?
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[EVANY] I DON'T KNOW, KYLE.
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[KYLE] ARE YOU GONNA DO
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"KARAOKE'S STUPID - THE SONG"?
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[EVANY] THAT'S NOT A SONG.
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[KYLE] ...BY ARTIST?
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[EVANY] WHAT'S WRONG WITH
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KARAOKE?
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[CHERYL] NOTHING, IT'S FINE.
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[EVANY] RIGHT?
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[CHERYL] IT'S YOU. YOU JUST HAVE
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A FEW REALLY ANNOYING QUALITIES.
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[EVANY] WHA-- I-- LIKE WHAT?
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[CHERYL] YOU CALL PEPSI,
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"BROWN POP".
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[EVANY] IT IS BROWN POP!
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[SCOTT] YOU'RE AFRAID OF
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EVERYTHING, EV.
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[SCOTT] I'M NOT AFRAID OF
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EVERYTHING.
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LOW FLYING PLANES,
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TREE-SIZE TEST PLANTS,
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BANGS. YOUR OWN BANGS.
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[EVANY] I'M NOT AFRAID OF MY
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OWN--
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[SCOTT] TOUCH THEM. GO AHEAD.
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[EVANY] I DON'T WANT TO TOUCH
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[SCOTT] BLEH!
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[EVANY] (SCREAM)
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[ANDREW] IT'S MOSTLY YOUR
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ACCENT.
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[EVANY] WHAT? WHAT?
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[ANDREW] HERE, THERE IS IT.
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RIGHT THERE.
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[EVANY] WHAT ACCENT?
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[ANDREW] THERE. YOUR ACCENT.
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PEOPLE JUST FIND IT KIND OF
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GRATING.
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[EVANY] I DON'T HAVE AN ACCENT.
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[SCOTT] "I DON'T HAVE AC-CENT".
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[ANDREW] EXACTLY.
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[BILL] I THINK YOUR WORST TRAIT
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IS THE FACT THAT YOU BURP
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AND SAY "EXCUSE ME",
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AND BLEND THE TWO THINGS
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TOGETHER.
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LIKE: (BURPS) "EXCUSE ME".
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THAT'S GROSS.
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[EVANY] I DON'T HAVE A FAT FACE!
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[SCOTT] NOBODY LIKES YOU.
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[EVANY] WELL, I GUESS THAT'S MY
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BIRTHDAY.
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THAT'S IT.
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[CHERYL] I'LL GO TO KARAOKE.
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[EVANY] YOU WILL?
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[CHERYL] YES.
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[CHERYL] BUT ONLY BECAUSE YOUR
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LIFE MAKES ME REALLY SAD.
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[EVANY] I WILL TAKE IT.
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[■■]
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[CHILDREN] MAGIC! MAGIC! MAGIC!
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MAGIC! MAGIC! MAGIC! MAGIC!
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(EERIE MUSIC)
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(CLAPPING)
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[BRIAN] THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY
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SENSE.
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(EERIE MUSIC)
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[BRIAN] IT MAKES NO SENSE AT
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[■■]
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[SCOTT] MY NAME IS "SCOTT",
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BUT I'M THINKING ABOUT CHANGING
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IT FROM "SCOTT"
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TO "SCOTT DOT-DOT-DOT,
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DOT-DOT-DOT,
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DOT-DOT-DOT,
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EXCLAMATION MARK",
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SO THAT WHEN I INTRODUCE MYSELF
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[■■]
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NIGHTMARE. THAT AIRPORT THEY
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HAVE THERE IS JUST THE PITS. I
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SPENT, LIKE, 90 MINUTES WAITING
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FOR MY BAG. THERE WAS A DELAY ON
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THE FLIGHT BETWEEN THERE AND
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HOUSTON, AND IT WAS JUST LIKE...
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ARE YOU ALRIGHT?
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[DIANE] WHEN I WAS IN HIGH
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SCHOOL, UH, I HAD A FRIEND PETE.
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AND HE AND I MADE THIS SILLY
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LITTLE PACT THAT IF, UH, WE BOTH
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TURNED 30 AND WE WEREN'T
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MARRIED, WE WOULD MARRY EACH
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OTHER.
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[JOHN] OKAY.
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[DIANE] UM, I TURNED 30 WHILE
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YOU WERE IN DENVER.
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[PETE] DIANE?
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[DIANE] IN HERE, PETE.
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[DIANE] YOU SHOUD--
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YOU SHOULD MEET HIM.
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[PETE] OH, HEY HONEY.
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OOH! HOW YOU DOIN'?
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[DIANE] I'M GOOD.
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HOW ARE YOU?
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(SMOOCH)
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[PETE] HOW WAS YOUR DAY?
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[DIANE] IT WAS-- IT WAS GOOD.
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UM, PETE, THIS IS JOHN.
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[PETE] (SCREAM)
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SORRY, JOHN.
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FOR A SECOND THERE I THOUGHT
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YOUR MUSTACHE WAS AN EYEBROW
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AND YOUR MOUTH WAS YOUR EYE.
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[PETE] OH, HONEY...
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[DIANE] YEAH?
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[PETE] I FOUND YOU SOMETHING.
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JUST WAIT. YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT.
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[DIANE] I CAN'T WAIT.
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MAN, DIANE?
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[DIANE] YEAH, I DID. IT'S NOT
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LIKE YOU ASKED ME TO MARRY YOU.
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[JOHN] I DIDN'T REALIZE I WAS ON
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THE CLOCK AGAINST A CRAZY HOBO!
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[DIANE] HE'S NOT A CRAZY HOBO.
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HIS LIFE TOOK SOME WEIRD TURNS
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AFTER HIGH SCHOOL, BUT I MADE A
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PROMISE.
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[JOHN] NOBODY KEEPS THE PROMISES
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THEY MAKE IN HIGH SCHOOL DIANE!
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IF I DID THAT I'D BE LIVING IN
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AMSTERDAM RIGHT NOW WITH
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BODIE AND JAY-JAY!
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BODIE AND JAY-JAY?
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[JOHN] YOU WOULDN'T KNOW THEM.
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[PETE] ARE THEY BIRDS?
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YEAH, BODIE AND JAY-JAY
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I KNOW ARE BIRDS.
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YOU'D LIKE BODIE, JOHN.
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OH YEAH.
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YOU GUYS WOULD GET ALONG REAL
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WELL.
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DIANE, HERE IS IT HONEY.
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[DIANE] IS THIS HALF A SHIRT?
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[PETE] MMM HMM. TRY IT ON.
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YEAH, A GUY WAS RUNNING BY ME
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WITH IT ON TODAY,
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SO I FOUND IT OFF HIM.
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[DIANE/PETE] (CHUCKLE)
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[PETE] GIVE THAT A LITTLE TRY.
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OH NO.
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OH, I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND,
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I STRAPPED THUMPY ON.
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[DIANE] NO PROBLEM.
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(DOG PANTING)
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[JOHN] HE'S STRAPPED YOUR DOG
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THUMPY... TO HIS BACK.
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[DIANE] THUMPY IS PETER'S GHOST
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ALARM.
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[PETE] YEAH, HE'S A GOOD GHOST
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ALARM. HE LETS ME KNOW IF GHOSTS
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ARE SNEAKING UP ON ME.
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[JOHN] YOU MARRIED A CRAZY
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PERSON!
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[PETE] NO, IT'S OKAY, IT'S OKAY.
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I'VE BEEN CALLED WORSE.
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ASK ME "BY WHO".
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[JOHN] WHO-- WHO HAS CALLED YOU
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WORSE?
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[PETE] PRESIDENT ROBERT F.
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KENNEDY.
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[JOHN] THERE'S NO WAY THIS MAN
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KNOWS ANY OF THE KENNEDY'S.
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[PETE] OH, I KNOW ALL OF THE
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KENNEDY'S.
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JOHN.
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BOBBY.
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O'TOOLE.
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BARRY.
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SUSAN.
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SUSAN F. KENNEDY.
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[JOHN] SUSAN F. KENNEDY.
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[PETE] SHE WAS A QUEEN.
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[RALPH] HEY PETE.
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[PETE] OH HEY, RALPH.
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[RALPH] DIANE. HOW'RE THINGS?
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[PETE] OH, UH, DIANE, IS IT OKAY
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IF RALPH AND I WATCH THE GAME
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HERE TONIGHT?
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[DIANE] UH, SURE. YOU KNOW THAT
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TV DOESN'T WORK.
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[PETE] THAT'S OKAY. WE'LL FIGURE
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SOMETHING OUT.
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[RALPH] (GIGGLES)
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[DIANE] 'KAY...
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[PETE] 'KAY...
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(GROANING)
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OKAY, THEY LINE UP AT CENTER
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ICE AND THE REFEREE DROPS
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THE PUCK, AND WE ARE UNDERWAY.
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[JOHN] CAN I SEE YOU FOR
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2 MINUTES, PLEASE?
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[PETE] OH, THERE THEY GO.
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THEY'RE PASSING IT THROUGH THE
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NEUTRAL ZONE. HE PASSES IT...
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[JOHN] DIANE, I LOVE YOU. IF
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THIS IS ABOUT MARRIAGE, LET'S
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JUST GET MARRIED! IS THIS REALLY
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THE LIFE YOU WANT?
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[PETE] TAKES A SHOT...
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OH, THAT'S A NICE SAVE.
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OH, NICE SAVE!
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[DIANE] MAYBE IT IS.
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[PETE] WHAT A SAVE! (GIGGLES)
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[DIANE] MAYBE ALL I'VE EVER
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WANTED IS TO WITNESS LIFE
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THROUGH THE FILTER OF AN ODDLY,
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CHILDLIKE, HOBO, NAMED "PETE".
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(DOG BARKING)
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[RALPH] OH! GHOSTS!
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(DOG BARKING)
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[RALPH] GHOSTS!
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(DOG BARKING)
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[PETE] THERE'S ONE!
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[■■]
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[JEFF] (SINGING)
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SOMETIMES WHEN I'M BY MYSELF,
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I THINK OF YOU.
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[CHERYL] THIS PLACE IS LAME.
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[JEFF] (SINGING)
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AND ALL THE FUN TIMES WE HAD.
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[EVANY] DOES EVERYONE HATE ME?
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[CHERYL] WHAT?
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WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT?
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[EVANY] SCOTT SAID IT, LIKE,
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RIGHT INTO MY FACE.
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[CHERYL] YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD
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CHEER YOU UP?
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[EVANY] WHAT?
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[CHERYL] A DUET OF YOUR
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FAVOURITE PUBLIC DOMAIN SONG.
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[EVANY] YOU DIDN'T.
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[CHERYL] I DID.
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(EERIE MUSIC)
258
00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:46,618
[KARAOKE HOST] EVANY AND CHERYL.
259
00:07:47,244 --> 00:07:49,663
YOUR TIME HAS COME.
260
00:07:55,252 --> 00:07:57,004
(EERIE MUSIC)
261
00:07:57,796 --> 00:07:58,213
[CHERYL] WELL, I GUESS OUR
262
00:07:59,006 --> 00:08:00,966
TIME FOR SINGING HAS COME.
263
00:08:03,885 --> 00:08:07,598
(EERIE MUSIC)
264
00:08:10,475 --> 00:08:19,484
(CANADIAN NATIONAL ANTHEM)
265
00:08:20,277 --> 00:08:23,655
[EVANY/CHERYL] O CANADA,
266
00:08:24,364 --> 00:08:28,952
OUR HOME AND NATIVE LAND,
267
00:08:29,661 --> 00:08:34,082
TRUE PATRIOT LOVE...
268
00:08:34,875 --> 00:08:39,546
...IN ALL THY SONS COMMAND.
269
00:08:40,213 --> 00:08:42,382
WITH GLOWING HEARTS
270
00:08:43,008 --> 00:08:46,637
WE SEE THEE RISE...
271
00:08:47,346 --> 00:08:48,555
THE TRUE NORTH
272
00:08:49,139 --> 00:08:50,015
STRONG AND FREE...
273
00:08:50,641 --> 00:08:58,732
(CREEPY LAUGHTER)
274
00:08:59,441 --> 00:08:59,691
[ANDREW] (DEMONIC VOICE)
275
00:09:03,111 --> 00:09:53,537
[■■]
276
00:09:56,123 --> 00:10:03,964
(CANADIAN NATIONAL ANTHEM)
277
00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:08,552
[CHERYL] WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?
278
00:10:09,219 --> 00:10:10,470
WHERE'S THE OTHER DJ?
279
00:10:11,304 --> 00:10:11,346
[KARAOKE HOST] EVANY AND CHERYL,
280
00:10:11,805 --> 00:10:13,432
EVERYBODY. EVANY AND CHERYL.
281
00:10:14,057 --> 00:10:14,433
[AUDIENCE] (CLAPPING)
282
00:10:15,308 --> 00:10:15,350
[CHERYL] LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
283
00:10:15,892 --> 00:10:16,143
[EVANY] OKAY.
284
00:10:17,018 --> 00:10:17,519
[KARAOKE HOST] ALRIGHT, COMING
285
00:10:18,145 --> 00:10:19,730
UP NEXT IS JEFF.
286
00:10:20,564 --> 00:10:22,190
IS, UH, JEFF ANYWHERE?
287
00:10:28,488 --> 00:10:45,088
(SWELLING MUSIC)
288
00:10:45,756 --> 00:11:00,687
[CHILDREN] (CHEERING)
289
00:11:01,438 --> 00:11:01,480
[BRIAN] I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE
290
00:11:08,570 --> 00:11:11,823
[MARK] YES!
291
00:11:12,574 --> 00:11:18,288
(MIMICS PLAYING FLUTE)
292
00:11:18,747 --> 00:11:19,790
YEAH!
293
00:11:20,582 --> 00:11:22,000
[KYLE] WHA-- WHAT WAS THAT?
294
00:11:22,667 --> 00:11:23,794
[MARK] IT'S "AIR FLUTE".
295
00:11:24,503 --> 00:11:25,212
[KYLE] AIR FLUTE?
296
00:11:25,712 --> 00:11:25,796
[MARK] YEAH.
297
00:11:26,630 --> 00:11:26,797
[KYLE] THERE'S NO AIR FLUTE,
298
00:11:27,547 --> 00:11:28,298
MAN. IT'S "AIR GUITAR".
299
00:11:29,174 --> 00:11:30,801
(MIMICS PLAYING ELECTRIC GUITAR)
300
00:11:31,510 --> 00:11:32,636
[MARK] UH...
301
00:11:33,136 --> 00:11:34,054
ALRIGHT.
302
00:11:36,890 --> 00:11:40,227
[MARK] (FLUTE)
303
00:11:52,030 --> 00:11:53,657
[■■]
304
00:11:54,074 --> 00:11:54,241
■HEY YO,
305
00:11:54,950 --> 00:11:54,991
I'M MAN'S BEST FRIEND■
306
00:11:55,617 --> 00:11:56,117
■AND I'M HERE TO SAY
307
00:11:56,827 --> 00:11:57,077
YOU'RE ALL INVITED TO
308
00:11:57,619 --> 00:11:58,453
A D-O-G PARTAY■
309
00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:00,831
■IT'S A DOG P-A-R-T-Y
310
00:12:01,414 --> 00:12:03,041
DOG P-A-R-T-Y■
311
00:12:03,750 --> 00:12:04,334
■SO BRING YOUR CHIPS
312
00:12:05,001 --> 00:12:05,585
AND BRING YOUR DIP■
313
00:12:21,768 --> 00:12:28,233
[■■]
314
00:12:29,067 --> 00:12:29,150
[MOM] DON'T YOU BREAK ANY HEARTS
315
00:12:29,943 --> 00:12:30,861
AT THAT DANCE SCHOOL OF YOURS.
316
00:12:31,403 --> 00:12:33,405
[SON] MOM!
317
00:12:34,239 --> 00:12:34,364
[BILL] HE'S THE BEST WE'VE EVER
318
00:12:34,781 --> 00:12:35,699
SEEN.
319
00:12:36,491 --> 00:12:36,867
[BRIAN] HE'S THE BEST ANYONE'S
320
00:12:39,077 --> 00:12:42,664
[■■]
321
00:12:43,498 --> 00:12:45,000
>>I'M VERY SORRY MRS. NEWMAN,
322
00:12:45,876 --> 00:12:46,001
BUT YOUR SON HAS BEEN IN A CAR
323
00:12:46,501 --> 00:12:46,877
ACCIDENT.
324
00:12:47,294 --> 00:12:47,460
(CRASH)
325
00:12:48,044 --> 00:12:49,337
(POLICE SIRENS)
326
00:12:50,005 --> 00:12:50,630
>>HE'S PARALYZED...
327
00:12:51,256 --> 00:12:52,257
[MOM] (STIFLED CRY)
328
00:12:52,924 --> 00:12:54,050
>>...FROM THE WAIST UP.
329
00:12:57,053 --> 00:12:59,097
[■■]
330
00:12:59,973 --> 00:13:00,223
[EVANY] DOES YOUR FRIEND DANCE?
331
00:13:00,891 --> 00:13:03,393
[SCOTT] HE USED TO.
332
00:13:04,269 --> 00:13:05,812
[KYLE] CAN YOU DANCE, CRIPPLE?
333
00:13:06,646 --> 00:13:07,355
HE CAN'T EVEN MOVE HIS UPPER
334
00:13:07,898 --> 00:13:12,903
BODY! HA HA!
335
00:13:13,695 --> 00:13:13,904
[KYLE] WHAT YOU GOT REVERSE
336
00:13:14,529 --> 00:13:15,906
PARAPLEGIC?
337
00:13:24,456 --> 00:13:35,425
[■■]
338
00:13:36,176 --> 00:13:36,217
[SCOTT] HERE COMES THE
339
00:13:38,261 --> 00:13:46,311
[■■]
340
00:13:47,145 --> 00:13:48,939
[SCOTT] BORN TO TILT-A-TWIRL!
341
00:13:50,565 --> 00:13:51,107
[■■]
342
00:13:51,608 --> 00:13:53,068
(SIRENS)
343
00:13:53,944 --> 00:13:54,444
>>I'M VERY SORRY, MRS. NEWMAN.
344
00:13:55,153 --> 00:13:56,154
BUT YOUR SON HAS BEEN IN
345
00:13:56,821 --> 00:13:56,988
ANOTHER CAR ACCIDENT.
346
00:13:57,405 --> 00:13:58,949
[MOM] NO!
347
00:13:59,783 --> 00:14:01,660
>>HE'S PARALYZED...
348
00:14:02,410 --> 00:14:02,953
...FROM THE ANKLES UP.
349
00:14:17,217 --> 00:14:27,978
[■■]
350
00:14:28,687 --> 00:14:30,647
[CHILDREN] (CLAPPING)
351
00:14:31,398 --> 00:14:32,983
[BRIAN] WHERE DID IT GO?
352
00:14:33,775 --> 00:14:34,818
IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.
353
00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:39,322
WAS IT YOU?
354
00:14:39,823 --> 00:14:44,494
DID YOU--
355
00:14:45,203 --> 00:14:45,996
[CHILDREN] (CHEERING)
356
00:14:46,538 --> 00:14:49,624
(CLAPPING)
357
00:14:50,333 --> 00:14:50,792
[BRIAN] HOW DID YOU--
358
00:14:51,501 --> 00:14:52,585
HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?
359
00:14:53,211 --> 00:14:53,795
DID YOU DO THIS?
360
00:14:54,546 --> 00:14:57,215
[CHILD] (SLO MO LAUGHING)
361
00:14:57,841 --> 00:15:00,218
[BRIAN] (SOBBING)
362
00:15:00,635 --> 00:15:03,388
WHY?
363
00:15:03,805 --> 00:15:05,015
WHY!?
364
00:15:06,891 --> 00:15:12,522
[■■]
365
00:15:13,398 --> 00:15:13,440
[SCOTT] IF YOU HAVE AN INFINITE
366
00:15:13,940 --> 00:15:14,274
NUMBER OF MONKEYS, TYPING AT AN
367
00:15:15,108 --> 00:15:16,026
INFINITE NUMBER OF TYPEWRITERS,
368
00:15:16,901 --> 00:15:17,277
ONE OF THOSE MONKEYS WILL WRITE
369
00:15:18,069 --> 00:15:18,945
THE PERFECT NOVEL. THAT'S A
370
00:15:19,738 --> 00:15:20,530
MATHEMATICAL FACT. BUT IF WE
371
00:15:21,322 --> 00:15:22,282
ACCEPT THAT, THEN WE MUST ALSO
372
00:15:23,158 --> 00:15:23,533
ACCEPT THAT ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE
373
00:15:24,409 --> 00:15:24,909
MONKEYS WILL WRITE THE PERFECT
374
00:15:25,744 --> 00:15:27,454
NOVEL, BUT THE LAST LINE WILL BE
375
00:15:28,288 --> 00:15:29,039
"OPRAH AND ALBERT FINNEY RING
376
00:15:29,956 --> 00:15:31,041
CROTCH BELLS, MIDNIGHT IBM,
377
00:15:35,587 --> 00:15:41,801
[■■]
378
00:15:42,635 --> 00:15:43,636
>>YOU PULL UP TO A RED LIGHT
379
00:15:44,429 --> 00:15:45,638
IN YOUR MINI-VAN AND SIGH, THE
380
00:15:46,431 --> 00:15:46,639
WEIGHT OF THE WORLD ON YOUR
381
00:15:47,098 --> 00:15:47,474
SHOULDERS.
382
00:15:47,932 --> 00:15:48,641
(GROAN)
383
00:15:49,434 --> 00:15:50,060
A MINI-VAN? HOW DID YOU END
384
00:15:50,769 --> 00:15:52,353
UP IN A MINI-VAN?
385
00:15:53,146 --> 00:15:53,188
YOU GLANCE OVER AND SEE A
386
00:15:53,980 --> 00:15:55,190
GUY IN A NEW PORSCHE. HE LOOKS
387
00:15:55,982 --> 00:15:57,317
CONFIDENT, COOL. HE'S WEARING
388
00:15:58,151 --> 00:15:59,110
SUNGLASSES. YOU LOOK DOWN AT
389
00:15:59,903 --> 00:16:00,612
WHAT YOU'RE WEARING: LITTLE
390
00:16:01,446 --> 00:16:03,073
OVERALLS, A WHITE-KNITTED CAP.
391
00:16:03,907 --> 00:16:03,948
HECK, YOU'VE GOT TO SIT ON A
392
00:16:04,783 --> 00:16:05,617
STACK OF PHONE BOOKS JUST TO SEE
393
00:16:06,367 --> 00:16:07,285
OVER THE STEERING WHEEL.
394
00:16:08,078 --> 00:16:08,119
YOU CATCH A GLIMPSE OF YOUR
395
00:16:09,079 --> 00:16:10,580
FACE IN THE MIRROR. YUP. THAT'S
396
00:16:11,247 --> 00:16:12,082
THE FACE OF A BABY.
397
00:16:12,916 --> 00:16:13,249
YOU START TO THINK ABOUT ALL
398
00:16:14,125 --> 00:16:14,375
THE DECISIONS THAT LED TO THIS
399
00:16:14,834 --> 00:16:15,543
MOMENT:
400
00:16:16,294 --> 00:16:17,087
GETTING MARRIED EARLY,
401
00:16:17,754 --> 00:16:18,379
MOVING TO THE SUBURBS,
402
00:16:19,089 --> 00:16:19,714
BUYING THE MINI-VAN,
403
00:16:20,465 --> 00:16:20,715
RUNNING OVER THAT GYPSY'S
404
00:16:21,174 --> 00:16:21,716
DAUGHTER,
405
00:16:22,509 --> 00:16:22,884
GETTING CURSED TO INHABIT
406
00:16:23,635 --> 00:16:24,761
THE BODY OF A BABY FOREVER.
407
00:16:25,512 --> 00:16:25,720
YOU LOOK UP AND SEE THE
408
00:16:26,596 --> 00:16:27,680
PORSCHE DRIVER STARING AT YOU,
409
00:16:28,473 --> 00:16:29,432
TALKING ON HIS PHONE. HE'S
410
00:16:30,225 --> 00:16:30,850
PROBABLY CALLING THE COPS
411
00:16:31,684 --> 00:16:32,102
BECAUSE HE THINKS A BABY TOOK
412
00:16:32,936 --> 00:16:34,104
OFF IN HIS PARENTS' MINI-VAN.
413
00:16:35,021 --> 00:16:35,396
YOU PICTURE THE NEXT FOUR HOURS
414
00:16:36,231 --> 00:16:37,107
OF YOUR LIFE SPENT EXPLAINING TO
415
00:16:38,066 --> 00:16:38,858
THE COPS THAT, YES, YOU'RE THAT
416
00:16:39,734 --> 00:16:40,568
BABY. THE ONE WHO WAS IN ALL THE
417
00:16:41,361 --> 00:16:42,487
NEWSPAPERS. THE ONE WHO WAS
418
00:16:43,196 --> 00:16:44,114
CURSED BY THE GYPSY.
419
00:16:44,989 --> 00:16:45,865
AND AS YOU THINK ABOUT THIS,
420
00:16:46,741 --> 00:16:47,117
THE LIGHT TURNS GREEN, AND YOU
421
00:16:47,992 --> 00:16:49,369
WATCH THE PORSCHE DRIVE AWAY.
422
00:16:58,586 --> 00:17:03,299
[■■]
423
00:17:04,092 --> 00:17:04,217
[CHERYL] THANK YOU SO MUCH.
424
00:17:05,009 --> 00:17:06,719
THE KIDS HAD A GREAT TIME.
425
00:17:07,554 --> 00:17:07,720
DO YOU HAVE A BUSINESS CARD?
426
00:17:08,429 --> 00:17:09,264
[BRIAN] NO, I DON'T.
427
00:17:09,889 --> 00:17:10,974
[CHERYL] (GIGGLE)
428
00:17:11,432 --> 00:17:12,225
THANKS.
429
00:17:12,934 --> 00:17:14,310
HOW DID YOU DO THAT?
430
00:17:14,853 --> 00:17:15,728
[BRIAN] HELP ME.
431
00:17:16,312 --> 00:17:18,064
[CHERYL] I'M SORRY?
432
00:17:18,690 --> 00:17:18,982
[BRIAN] I JUST...
433
00:17:19,566 --> 00:17:23,945
I'M GONNA GO.
434
00:17:24,487 --> 00:17:27,490
(CLANGING)
435
00:17:28,116 --> 00:17:29,159
[CHERYL] YOU JUST...
436
00:17:29,742 --> 00:17:32,912
LIFT AND PULL.
437
00:17:33,413 --> 00:17:33,454
TAH-DAH!
438
00:17:33,788 --> 00:17:35,456
(LAUGH)
439
00:17:35,999 --> 00:17:38,168
IT'S MAGIC.
440
00:17:38,793 --> 00:17:45,216
OKAY, THANK YOU.
441
00:17:47,010 --> 00:17:51,472
[■■]
442
00:17:52,599 --> 00:17:53,183
"CALM DOWN"?!
443
00:17:54,142 --> 00:17:54,184
OKAY, HOW COULD I CALM DOWN
444
00:17:55,476 --> 00:17:55,518
[CHERYL] OKAY, LOOK, EVANY, IT'S
445
00:17:56,144 --> 00:17:57,103
PROBABLY JUST A PRANK VIDEO.
446
00:17:57,854 --> 00:17:58,563
[EVANY] A PRANK VIDEO?!
447
00:17:59,105 --> 00:17:59,314
WE WERE IN IT!
448
00:18:00,190 --> 00:18:00,231
[CHERYL] YEAH, WELL, YOU CAN DO
449
00:18:01,024 --> 00:18:01,149
ANYTHING WITH DIGITAL EDITING
450
00:18:01,858 --> 00:18:02,192
THESE DAYS, YOU KNOW?
451
00:18:02,984 --> 00:18:03,193
[EVANY] WAS THIS ALL SOME PLOY?
452
00:18:03,693 --> 00:18:03,776
[CHERYL] WHAT?
453
00:18:04,652 --> 00:18:05,403
[EVANY] WHERE YOU PRETEND TO BE
454
00:18:06,279 --> 00:18:08,531
MY FRIEND, AND THEN YOU STAB ME?
455
00:18:09,073 --> 00:18:10,116
[CHERYL] WHAT?
456
00:18:10,783 --> 00:18:11,201
[EVANY] I DON'T KNOW.
457
00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:12,202
[CHERYL] OKAY, EVANY, IF I WAS
458
00:18:12,744 --> 00:18:13,203
GOING TO STAB YOU,
459
00:18:13,870 --> 00:18:14,287
WHICH I'M NOT.
460
00:18:14,787 --> 00:18:14,913
[EVANY] OKAY.
461
00:18:15,663 --> 00:18:16,915
[CHERYL] OKAY? SO COOL IT.
462
00:18:17,749 --> 00:18:18,208
A) WHY WOULD I TELL YOU ABOUT
463
00:18:19,042 --> 00:18:19,876
IT IN A VIDEO THAT BACKED OUR
464
00:18:20,376 --> 00:18:21,211
KARAOKE DUET?
465
00:18:22,170 --> 00:18:22,420
AND B) WHY WOULD I PUT ALL
466
00:18:23,171 --> 00:18:23,713
THAT WEIRD SHIT IN THERE?
467
00:18:24,464 --> 00:18:25,632
I MEAN, BRIAN WAS A BIRD,
468
00:18:26,257 --> 00:18:27,342
AND ANDY WAS A...
469
00:18:27,759 --> 00:18:28,384
CHEF?
470
00:18:29,010 --> 00:18:29,052
[EVANY] I DON'T--
471
00:18:29,469 --> 00:18:29,677
YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
472
00:18:30,511 --> 00:18:31,012
I KNOW. IT'S JUST, IT'S BEEN
473
00:18:31,638 --> 00:18:31,846
SUCH A WEIRD DAY.
474
00:18:32,430 --> 00:18:32,472
[CHERYL] YEAH.
475
00:18:33,014 --> 00:18:33,056
[EVANY] EVERYONE CALLING ME
476
00:18:33,306 --> 00:18:33,348
"FAT".
477
00:18:34,140 --> 00:18:34,307
[CHERYL] WELL, YOU'RE NOT FAT,
478
00:18:34,766 --> 00:18:34,891
OKAY?
479
00:18:35,558 --> 00:18:35,600
[EVANY] THANK YOU.
480
00:18:36,226 --> 00:18:36,267
[CHERYL] AND IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY,
481
00:18:36,768 --> 00:18:37,060
SO JUST BE HAPPY.
482
00:18:37,852 --> 00:18:39,562
[EVANY] YIPPEE. CAN'T WAIT.
483
00:18:40,063 --> 00:18:40,772
WHOOPEE.
484
00:18:41,606 --> 00:18:41,648
[EVANY] IT'S JUST LIKE NOBODY
485
00:18:42,148 --> 00:18:43,483
DID ANYTHING.
486
00:18:43,942 --> 00:18:44,234
(GASP)
487
00:18:44,859 --> 00:18:47,237
[THE BOYS] SURPRISE!
488
00:18:48,154 --> 00:18:48,988
[EVANY] THANK YOU GUYS, SO MUCH.
489
00:18:53,076 --> 00:18:58,539
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
490
00:18:59,249 --> 00:18:59,791
[KYLE] (SLO MO) WE KNOW HOW
491
00:19:00,500 --> 00:19:02,919
MUCH YOU LIKE BIRDS,
492
00:19:03,753 --> 00:19:06,714
SO WE THREW YOU A BIRD THEMED
493
00:19:07,131 --> 00:19:09,509
PARTY.
494
00:19:10,260 --> 00:19:11,386
[BILL] (SLO MO) GET IT?
495
00:19:11,928 --> 00:19:14,138
"BIRD-DAY".
496
00:19:14,806 --> 00:19:17,267
IT'S YOUR BIRD-DAY!
497
00:19:17,976 --> 00:19:24,023
[BRIAN] (SQUAWKING)
498
00:19:24,899 --> 00:19:27,568
[MARK] (SLO MO) IT'S THE BEST.
499
00:19:28,736 --> 00:19:32,282
[EVANY] (SCREAM)
500
00:19:33,241 --> 00:19:33,825
[ANDREW] (SLO MO) YOUR GOOSE IS
501
00:19:34,284 --> 00:19:39,372
COOKED!
502
00:19:40,081 --> 00:19:40,123
[CHERYL] EVANY, I KNOW WHAT
503
00:19:40,790 --> 00:19:41,165
THIS LOOKS LIKE, BUT IT'S JUST A
504
00:19:41,833 --> 00:19:42,083
COINCIDENCE, OKAY?
505
00:19:42,875 --> 00:19:47,005
I'M NOT GOING TO STAB YOU.
506
00:19:47,755 --> 00:19:47,797
[EVANY] I CAN'T TAKE THAT
507
00:19:50,008 --> 00:20:02,228
[■■]
508
00:20:02,937 --> 00:20:02,979
[ANDREW] (SLO MO) HAPPY
509
00:20:03,479 --> 00:20:15,658
BIRTHDAY!
510
00:20:16,034 --> 00:20:20,580
GOOSE!
511
00:20:21,205 --> 00:20:21,622
[CHERLY] (GASPS)
512
00:20:22,332 --> 00:20:23,333
[EVANY] HEY, BIG GUY.
513
00:20:23,875 --> 00:20:24,709
OW!
514
00:20:25,543 --> 00:20:26,169
[CHERYL] ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
515
00:20:26,753 --> 00:20:27,879
YOU STABBED ME.
516
00:20:28,588 --> 00:20:28,629
OKAY, YOU CAN'T ASK WHY
517
00:20:29,505 --> 00:20:30,673
NO ONE LIKES YOU, AND THEN STAB
518
00:20:31,174 --> 00:20:32,216
A PERSON.
519
00:20:32,842 --> 00:20:33,509
[EVANY] I'M SORRY.
520
00:20:34,260 --> 00:20:35,136
[MARK] EV'S THE WORST.
521
00:20:35,678 --> 00:20:35,803
[EVANY] I--
522
00:20:36,554 --> 00:20:38,348
[BILL] NOBODY LIKES YOU.
523
00:20:39,015 --> 00:20:40,350
[SCOTT] DOCTOR?
524
00:20:41,017 --> 00:20:41,976
HOW'S BRIAN DOING?
525
00:20:42,852 --> 00:20:42,935
[DOCTOR] YOUR FRIEND SEEMS TO BE
526
00:20:43,561 --> 00:20:51,444
STUCK IN SLOW MOTION.
527
00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:55,323
[BRIAN] (SLO MO) THIS IS AWFUL.
528
00:20:55,782 --> 00:20:58,618
THIS SUCKS!
529
00:20:59,035 --> 00:21:01,871
LOOK!
530
00:21:02,538 --> 00:21:08,920
TAKES FOREVER TO PEE.
531
00:21:09,796 --> 00:21:09,837
[CHERYL] DID YOU GUYS AT LEAST
532
00:21:10,213 --> 00:21:10,838
FINISH THE PUZZLE?
533
00:21:11,422 --> 00:21:12,298
[MARK] ALMOST.
534
00:21:13,132 --> 00:21:13,257
BUT WE COULDN'T FIND THE LAST
535
00:21:16,469 --> 00:21:19,806
(HEART MONITOR BEEPING)
536
00:21:20,306 --> 00:21:25,520
(FLATLINING)
537
00:21:26,187 --> 00:21:26,229
[EVANY] CHERYL, NO!
538
00:21:26,938 --> 00:21:27,271
WHA-- WHAT'S HAPPENING?!
539
00:21:27,897 --> 00:21:27,939
[BILL] OH MY GOD!
540
00:21:28,523 --> 00:22:19,740
[ALL] (SCREAMING)
32865
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